/bootleg/ - Rarity buys bootleg Anon by Captain Conundrum


                                            By Captain Conundrum


                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~


                                            >you are anon

                                            >and you're at the bar your best buds, david d. davidson, incognito, and mysterious question mark face man

                                            >drinking challenges, pool, just shooting the shit, the works

                                            >really a great time all in all

                                            >the night rolls by all too quickly due to the merriment and comraderie

                                            >the four of you decide call it a night at around 3 am

                                            >so you pile up in the shitty minivan belonging to the designated drunk driver, david so he can drop the lot of you off

                                            >and you'll be damned if you didn't call shotgun

                                            >nobody said driving drunk was a good idea, but that was what you guys did anyway. david could handle it.

                                            >and it went pretty well, no cops or anything

                                            >right up until it stopped going well

                                            >a horse had jumped its fence and was just idly standing in the road

                                            >time seemed like it slowed down as david deftly dodged the dullard of an equine

                                            >but he overcorrected and ended up spinning the tail end of the minivan to the point of being perpendicular to how it should be in the lane

                                            nice one da-

                                            >your compliment about avoiding that thing is stopped in your throat as a bright light floods your vision

                                            >you barely have time to turn your head to see that it's a semi truck that just came over a hill

                                            >barreling right at you

                                            >you grit your teeth and prepa-

                                            >blackness

                                            >you suddenly wake up, panic gripping your body

                                            >it starts to fade as you realize it was just a dream

                                            >it felt so real, though....

                                            >wait

                                            >this isn't where you normally wake up

                                            >is it?

                                            >you don't think it is

                                            >this looks like the inside of a cardboard box

                                            >you don't remember falling asleep in a cardboard box

                                            >but maybe you do sleep in a box...

                                            >normally you don't sleep standing up either

                                            >which you realize is how you woke up.

                                            >something poking at the small of your back breaks you out of your inner ramblings of confusion

                                            >you lazily shoo it away with your left hand, then turn around to see wh-

                                            >a small brightly colored horse thing is retracting its hoof

                                            >pony?

                                            >pony is definitely the right word

                                            >she looks like she might be a little...disappointed?

                                            >a small window pops up in the corner of your vision

                                            >that's....normal?

                                            >yes. that's normal. that's supposed to happen.

                                            >'new owner recognized. introduce to remove window.'

                                            >might as well do what it says

                                            hey! i'm anenmuss, nice to meet you.

                                            >the window in your vision disappears

                                            >the disappointment wasn't exactly evident earlier, just kind of looked maybe disappointed ish

                                            >but now she really looks disappointed

                                            >you return her frown

                                            >but not for the same reason

                                            anenmuss?

                                            >something feels off about your name, but you can't quite pin it

                                            >the drinking last night must have really thrown you for a loop.

                                            >that's definitely it

                                            >you nod

                                            >and hear an odd click in your neck that you promptly ignore

                                            >your elbow stings like fuck as you hold out a hand towards her looking for a hand...hoof...shake thing

                                            >something isn't quite right with your hand either

                                            >but you'll check those out after the introduction is done

                                            what's your name?

                                            >the white unicorn with a weirdly squiggly purple mane extends her hoof and puts it in your hand

                                            >"i am rarity. it is a pleasure to meet you as well, darling.

                                            >that look of disappointment in her face is definitely in her voice as well

                                            >even if she tried to mask it you can still hear it

                                            >despite this you smile and give a firm but not agressive shake

                                            >with a grimace at the pain in your elbow you pull back your right hand to examine it

                                            >the grimace earns look of concern from rarity which you see out of the periphery of your vision

                                            >looking at what is wrong with your hand is more of a pressing matter than her concern though

                                            >you can cheer her up after you're done looking

                                            >and what you see disturbs you to your core

                                            >your thumb is completely missing

                                            >an empty socket where it should be is full of mechanical things like gears, wires, and sockets

                                            >where your middle finger should be is a metal rod that extends to where your first knuckle should be

                                            that's...not supposed to be like that.

                                            >you gingerly poke at the rod with your other hand

                                            >and grit your teeth with a hiss

                                            >yep, that hurts

                                            >gingerly you put your right arm by your side, trying not to wince

                                            rarity, do you know what happened to my fingers? they're.....not where they're supposed to be.

                                            >she frowns as you look her in the eye

                                            >"maybe they fell off while you were being shipped, ano-anenmuss. they could still be in the box.

                                            a fine place to start the search. and so begins the tale of anonymous and the mysterious case of the missing filanges. with the help of rarity will they find the dastardly culprit of anenmuss's missing fingers? or will they find themselves at an impassible block? only time will tell. tune in next episode to find out!

                                            >you flash rarity a cheeky smirk

                                            >which illicits a giggle form the little mare

                                            >she still looks a bit disappointed after she's done though

                                            >no matter

                                            >you start whistling that tune you know from that video game you played

                                            >the one about that lawer guy

                                            >can't quite remember the name though

                                            >you try to kneel down to start looking at the bottom of the box

                                            >but you find that you're unable to

                                            OH WHAT NOW?

                                            >the outburst startles rarity but she regains composure quickly

                                            >you try to bend your left knee

                                            >it won't move at all

                                            >reaching down with your left hand you try to make it bend

                                            >but it won't budge even a little

                                            HARK! ANOTHER OBSTICAL IN OUR TRIBULATION, RARITY!

                                            >"what's wrong darling?"

                                            my knee won't work. can you...uh....

                                            >you look around, then spot a couch

                                            could you just help me over to the couch please? i just need a few moments to...think.

                                            >"you mean the chase lounge, darling. and of course i can, anen. you don't mind if i call you that, do you?"

                                            only friends can call me that. so i don't mind at all if you do.

                                            >you shoot her a small smile, which she returns

                                            >you place your left hand on her back and hobble over to the cou- chase lounge

                                            >intentionally collapsing onto it face first, you notice something rather peculiar about it

                                            >and proceed to speak your findings directly to the sofa thing itself

                                            >sofa things deserve compliments too

                                            mmm. comfy.

                                            >"what was that, anen?"

                                            >you pull yourself up onto the lounge and pull your bum leg up onto it

                                            i said it was comfy, my alabaster equine companion.

                                            >"well, i do only purchase the most fabulous of furniture!"

                                            >she strikes a rather dramatic pose

                                            and your impeccable taste in leisure furniture is not lost on me.

                                            >you give her another smile

                                            >which she returns warmly

                                            >oh man, she doesn't have that disappointed look anymore

                                            >progress!

                                            >at least for now. whatever is bothering her is probably gonna come back

                                            >why are you acting so friendly with this mare?

                                            >you don't know anything about her beyond her name

                                            >it's almost as if you can't even help it

                                            >she seems nice though

                                            >you recall the nightmare that woke you up earlier as you look down at your hand once more

                                            maybe....last night did happen

                                            >"hmm? whatever do you mean?"

                                            would explain why i'm i'm all fucked up....

                                            >"anen?"

                                            maybe it gave me some sort of partial amnesia?....

                                            >she puts a hoof on your leg

                                            >you turn your head to look her in the eyes

                                            >she has a look of confusion and concern on her face

                                            please, pay it no mind rarity. perhaps later i'll tell you. it's not really an issue at the moment. could you...uhh...do me a favor and look in the box?

                                            >an unnerving thought strikes you

                                            and then bring me a mirror please, if you wouldn't mind.

                                            >"yes, of course, darling. you take all the time you need to think."

                                            >if your fingers are missing and you're full of robot parts you shudder to think what the rest of you looks like

                                            >but you have to see

                                            >you need to know

                                            >rarity comes out of the large box

                                            >her horn is glowing, which is pretty neat

                                            >and things are floating around her!

                                            are you doing that? you point to the floating objects near her head with the hand that won't cause your elbow to hurt if you move it

                                            oh, this? of course i am, you silly sta-..hmm...yes, right. i forgot there isn't magic in your world. yes, anen. i'm doing this.

                                            >wut

                                            that raises so many questions. but i have enough on my plate to process as it is, so i won't ask about it for now. what did you find in the box?

                                            >"well, i found part of your finger, and your owners manual. unfortunately there wasn't anything else in the box. but fret not!

                                            >she strikes another dramatic pose

                                            >you may be a robot, but you're still my friend! as the element of generosity i will help you as much as i can!"

                                            owners manual?....

                                            >"yes, darling. was right there in the box you came in."

                                            >the finger part floats over to you, and you gingerly grab it out of the air

                                            >it looks like the cover to the section of your middle finger that's still present

                                            i guess i am a robot. it's still unnerving to hold one of your own body parts.

                                            >the covering of the finger section slides on effortlessly, albiet painfully, then clicks and locks in place

                                            >"oh, right. a mirror. i'll be right back, anen."

                                            >you spend the rather small amount of time rarity is fetching the mirror staring into the mechanical void where your thumb should be

                                            >attempting to move the missing digit results in some relays in there clicking and a couple gears turning

                                            >it's rather fascinating to watch despite the unnerving fact that a part of you that's been there for your whole life is absent

                                            >your friend rarity comes back with a handmirror rather quickly

                                            >you take it and steel your nerves before looking into it

                                            >at first glance you look like you should

                                            >but upon closer inspection you find all sorts of small things that aren't quite right

                                            >your eyes are a bit too big

                                            >the irises within them look like apertures rather than irises

                                            >your hair looks like a big mass of hair from a brushable doll

                                            >at least it's the right color

                                            >you'd probably find more things wrong, but the uncannyness of looking at your reflection is too much

                                            >you hold the mirror out to the little white pony

                                            take it, please. i'm done looking.

                                            >you feel a tug at the mirror and let it go as it becomes surrounded by a sparkling aura thing

                                            >"let's take a look at the manual, shall we?"

                                            >you give her a warm smile

                                            sounds like a great idea

                                            >you pat the chase lounge with your good arm as an invitation for rarity to sit next to you

                                            >she accepts the invitation and climbs up onto the furniture to take a seat while retaining a close but reasonable proximity to you

                                            >the manual in rarity's magical grasp opens and the two of you peer at the contents held within

                                            HARK! THE CONTENTS WITHIN THAT TABLE SHALL DIVULGE THE INFORMATION WE REQUIRE!

                                            >rarity giggles

                                            >"hmm...let's see...basic information....skin and outer shell....mechanics....mystic circuitry...i think what we're looking for is in mechanics"

                                            mystic circuitry? like...magical computer chips?

                                            >"i suppose so?"

                                            we'll look at that later. let's see if we can find how to fix my knee and elbow first.

                                            >the more time you spend thinking about it, the heavier it weighs upon your mind

                                            >you're a robo thingy

                                            >the pony that bought you is disappointed

                                            >you're not what she expected

                                            >you've always been a robot

                                            >but you're not entirely sure about that

                                            >you try thinking back further to confirm or deny you've always been a rob-

                                            >"anen?"

                                            >rarity is poking your leg with a forehoof

                                            >which snaps you out of your thoughts

                                            yes, rarity? sorry about that. i was thinking again.

                                            >she gives you a rather odd look before responding

                                            >"it says right here how to get into your leg and arm to take a look at them. i'm no mechanic pony, but i can still take a look to see if anything is broken or jammed."

                                            that would be great! leg fir-

                                            >"it does say it's highly reccomended to shut down your companion prior to doing this since they can feel pain. this is...blah blah blah...avoid damage or exacerbating already damaged parts."

                                            exacerbate? what does that mean?

                                            >"uhm...to make it worse i believe. something like that."

                                            oh. well, i'm not sure i like the sound of being shut down. pain doesn't sound too good an option either. yeah, i guess shut me down. just please don't take too long.

                                            >"i'll try to be as quick as i can, darling."

                                            >she puts a hoof against your temple

                                            thanks ra-

                                            >blackness


                                            >"anon!"

                                            you blink a few times and look to your side

                                            >mysterious question mark face man is looking at you

                                            i.....sorry, i was...zoning out for a little bit there. what's up?

                                            >"it's your shot"

                                            >you look down at the pool table in front of you

                                            >when did you get here?

                                            >you could have sworn you were just somewhere else

                                            >probably were just zoning out too hard

                                            >that's gotta be it

                                            >glancing over to your side you see david and incognito just chatting and drinking

                                            >right. you're out with your friends, having a good time

                                            >you line up the shot and hit the cue ball

                                            >and sink the two striped balls left on the table

                                            nice.

                                            >mysterious question mark face man grunts

                                            >can't be too happy about how hard he's about to lose by

                                            >line up the shot to sink the 8 ball

                                            >boom

                                            >game over

                                            better luck next time, mq.

                                            >"yeah, right. i've never beaten you at pool. don't know why i even play against you."

                                            for fun?

                                            >"fair enough"

                                            >you look over the table, then at all your friends

                                            >an overwhelming sense of deja vu comes over you

                                            >strong enough to put your guts in a knot

                                            >you try to shrug it off but the feeling stays

                                            >doesn't really matter anyway, you've got fun to have.

                                            >and you do just that

                                            >all the friendship and comradarie you share with your friends doesn't quite shake the feeling

                                            >even so it doesn't put too much of a damper on the night

                                            >despite the discomfort of constantly feeling deja vu, the night flies by

                                            >the four of you decide to call it a night, and pack up into davids van so he can get all of you guys home

                                            >you're all just shooting the shit, making jokes, and just enjoying each others company

                                            >up until you and david see a horse in the road

                                            >he does a good job of avoiding it

                                            nice one da-

                                            >oh no

                                            >no no please god NO

                                            >you turn your head in time to be blinded by a pair of bright lights


                                            >you jolt out of your sitting position in an overwhelming panic and nearly fall off the cou-...chase lounge

                                            >the sudden lurch causes rarity to yelp and jump back

                                            wait...what the fuck...i was just...i was just in the van...

                                            >you slowly bring your hands up to your forehead

                                            >or at least one of them. your right elbow hurts way too much when you try to move it.

                                            >you rest your head in your left hand to at least try to help you relax and process what just happened

                                            >"anen? are you alright?"

                                            >you look over at your best friend, rarity

                                            sorry rarity, i just....i had a nightmare

                                            >an expression that looks like a mixture of confusion and concern appears upon your friends face

                                            >no, you don't like that

                                            >you don't like when your best friend is unhappy

                                            don't worry about it, rarity. it was just a dream

                                            >you reach up with your good arm and scratch behind her ear

                                            >that seems to ease her concern. she doesn't offer any opposition to the scratching either. good to know.

                                            >wait

                                            >pudding

                                            >best friend?

                                            >aren't your best friends david, incognito, and mq?

                                            >no, no. it's rarity. rarity is your very best friend.

                                            >you will do anything to make and keep rarity happy.

                                            >yes.

                                            >she politely pushes your hand off her head

                                            >"i looked at your knee and your elbow. there's a gear in there that's split clean in half. i tried to move it but it's terribly jammed in there. as for your elbow, i looked but i couldn't see anything wrong. as i said, i'm not too good with mechanics, so i probably just couldn't see what's wrong there."

                                            >she mumbles something

                                            >you just barely hear some words like "broken" and "scam"

                                            >ouch

                                            w-well, at least you tried, right? i'll just deal with it, there's no need for you to worry about it.

                                            >"mmm...yes, i suppose i did. i'm sorry that you have to deal with it for now. i'll try to find someone who's capable in mechanics than i to try to fix it tomorrow if i can find some time. as for now, i apolgize, but it's rather late and i must get some sleep. i have an important order to fill within a few days. you can...oh dear...i hadn't thought about your sleeping arangements. do you even need to sleep?"

                                            i'm not sure. if i do need to, i can just sleep here on this comfy couch thing. i'm not tired at the moment, though.

                                            >she smirks at you

                                            >"chase lounge darling"

                                            >you stick your tongue out at her a tiny bit

                                            >which illicits a giggle

                                            >"if you're alright with that, then it would be ok. i'll get better sleeping arrangements for you as soon as possible if you do actually need to sleep. i do hope these are enough for you to be comfortable."

                                            >an aura surrounds her horn, and a closet at the other side of the room opens up.

                                            >spoopy

                                            >a rather fluffy blanket and a poofy pillow float towards you, then are set upon the side of you opposite of rarity

                                            >she gets up and starts to head towards the stairs

                                            >"good night, anen."

                                            good night, rarity. sleep well, and may your dreams be pleasant.

                                            >she smiles at you and heads upstairs

                                            >and leaves you alone with your thoughts

                                            >which is fine by you, because you have way too much to think about right now


                                            >so from what you've gathered, you're a robotic companion

                                            >one that your friend rarity bought to keep her company presumably

                                            >doubtful it was for any other purpose

                                            >and she's not too pleased with her purchase despite putting on a friendly face

                                            >it's understandable considering how...defective you are.

                                            >you don't quite look right

                                            >you don't quite function right

                                            >and you're missing parts.

                                            >if you were her you'd be pretty upset about it too.

                                            >the thing that's really bothering you isn't what you look like or how you're functioning

                                            >it's the memories you have

                                            >being a robot thing from a factory you shouldn't have any

                                            >at least not beyond generic ones, right?

                                            >but you remember last night vividly

                                            >and that's not a memory you can think of any good reason for someone to put into you

                                            >you've got foggy memories of times before that too, but they're too vague to recall in any sort of acceptable detail.

                                            >were you a robot in those memories?

                                            >it seemed like you weren'-

                                            >you were

                                            >you've always been a robot

                                            >right

                                            >enough of that train of thought

                                            >how can you get rarity to like you despite your flaws

                                            but i'm not done figuring out what the hell is going on with me

                                            >NO

                                            >you're done

                                            >you know exactly what is going on with you

                                            >making rarity happy with you is much more important

                                            >get rarity to like you so she doesn't deactivate or return you

                                            >good plan

                                            >wait

                                            >that's not how your inner monologues usually play out

                                            >that thought was intrusive and insistant

                                            >pretty weird

                                            >no, you've always thought that way

                                            >oh, right. yeah.

                                            >duh

                                            >you brush aside the nagging feeling of something being wrong

                                            >and put your thoughts towards getting rarity to like you

                                            hmmm

                                            >and so you begin to think about how to accomplish that

                                            hmmm...i'm sure she'd like breakfast.

                                            one of the best way to get friends to cheer up and be happy is make them food.

                                            >you nod sagely to yourself

                                            >getting up is a bit of a struggle due to your locked knee

                                            >but you manage and put a little bit of weight on it

                                            >doesn't hurt at all but it refuses to bend even slightly

                                            >putting more weight on it reveals that it will support you fully

                                            eh. that works well enough.

                                            >with an odd gait you start exploring

                                            >mostly looking for the kitchen but you're also getting a feel for the place

                                            >it's nicely decorated

                                            >lots of mirrors and clothes hangers with clothes hanging around

                                            >seems your friend rarity runs a clothes store

                                            >anen, master slueth

                                            >eventually you oh so gracefully stagger into the kitchen

                                            pretty big for a kitchen

                                            >your eyes scan the room, taking note of where everything is

                                            >they fall upon a cat that's staring directly at you

                                            oh, hello. you're a pretty kitty, aren't you?

                                            >the cat jumps off the counter and saunters over to you

                                            >the kitty starts rubbing up against your leg

                                            >you reach down and pet the cat for a few moments before getting back to the mission at hand.

                                            >limping over to the fridge you open it up and start sifting through the contents

                                            >a window pops up in the right side of your vision

                                            this again? what the f-

                                            >you try to swat it away with your left hand, taking care to not move your right one

                                            >your hand seems to pass in front of it

                                            >oh right. it's in my eye.

                                            >that's normal

                                            that's definitely not normal and wasn't normal the first time either

                                            >no, it's normal.

                                            ugh. fine.

                                            >getting back to what you were doing prior, trying to ignore the window

                                            eggs....milk...hay bacon? the fuck is hay bacon?

                                            >the window is impossible to ignore

                                            >it seems the window is taking list of the items you're looking at and compiling them into breakfast recipes

                                            >each time you find a new item the list is expanded as are the list of recipes.

                                            oh hey. that's neat.

                                            >shutting the fridge, you turn and walk towards the cabinets to look for dry ingredients

                                            >you start opening cabinets both above and below the counter

                                            flour....flour.....

                                            >each cabinet you open has plates or cups and the like

                                            >there's a tapping noise across the kitchen

                                            >glancing over your shoulder to look at the source you notice the cat staring at you and tapping a cabinet with its paw while staring at you

                                            >you stare at each other for a few moments before you get back to looking through the cabinets again

                                            >as soon as you look away the cat grumbles loudly and taps the cabinet harder

                                            >you ignore it for a little while but the cat is being insistent with its grumbling and tapping

                                            >after a sigh you turn and stagger towards the cabinet

                                            >opening it you find flour

                                            >taken aback, you look between the flour and the cat

                                            >the aforementioned cat stares at you with a stoic and apathatic looking expression

                                            >as cats do

                                            you can....understand me?

                                            >there's no reaction

                                            >you squat down with one leg, splaying the locked one out and reach slowly for the collar to get its name

                                            >again, no reaction from it

                                            opalescense....thank you opalescense. it would have taken a while for me to find it.

                                            >she- she? seems like a female cats name.

                                            >anyway, she casually walks over to your legs as you stand back up and rubs herself agianst you

                                            >back to the makings of the breakfast

                                            >you look through the list of things as you bend over and pull the flour out and place it onto the counter

                                            pastries.....scones....pancakes.....

                                            >yes

                                            pancakes it is. with whatever hay bacon is.

                                            >you look down at opalesence

                                            that sound good to you?

                                            >apathetic looking stare

                                            hmmm. you're right, you pretty little kitty. scrambled eggs too.

                                            >you glance out the window at the position of the moon

                                            probably a bit too early to start cooking though. don't want the food to be cold by the time my best friend rarity wakes up.

                                            >deciding to wait for a while before starting, you hobble over to the table and take a seat

                                            >opalescense hops up onto your lap shortly after you sit

                                            >you absentmindedly stroke her with your good arm as your mind wanders

                                            >you mostly think about that dream you had along with that insessant nagging feeling that something is wrong

                                            >your mind tries to sweep those thoughts about the nagging feeling aside

                                            >it doesn't do anything to help the feeling though

                                            >you know who you are

                                            >you can vaguely recall memories of being somewhere other than here

                                            >every memory you recall strengthens the nagging feeling

                                            >your mind reels with discomfort and denial at everything you struggle to recall

                                            >that time you went fishing with most of the gang, minus incognito, who couldn't make it?

                                            >no, that never happened you're making things up

                                            >that week long camping trip with them?

                                            >just your imagination

                                            no....these things happened. i remember them vividly...

                                            >no. they never happened. you have only been here with your best friend rarity.

                                            >opalescense nudges your arm with her head

                                            >looking down at her, she acknowledges that you're looking at her then proceeds to look out the window

                                            >you didn't realize how much time you spent inside your own head, as the moon was much lower in the sky

                                            thanks opalescense. didn't realize how long i was thinking.

                                            >picking up opalescense and placing her on the ground, you get up and start walking towards the fridge

                                            >take out the ingredients with your one good arm and start getting to work

                                            commence planning for operation white pone approval