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/bootleg/ - Dim Sum (Spike) (Unfinished) by Anonymous

By BlueGem
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-14 23:37:03
Expiry: Never
anon/bootleg/spikeartist unknowndim sumthun

  1. 1.
    >This isn’t what you expected.
  2. 2.
    >Special price! Own your own dragon assistant! Only $200!
  3. 3.
    >You saw the picture of Spike and got excited. Your own dragon bro, Spike? Yes please!
  4. 4.
    >That’s the last time you trust any product from Bethesda studios.
  5. 5.
    >”蛋卷?”
  6. 6.
    >A plate with a steaming egg roll is shoved into your face from below.
  7. 7.
    “No dim-sum! I’m not hungry!”
  8. 8.
    >The little dragon stands there for a moment looking down at the greasy snack.
  9. 9.
    >”你想要一个口交”
  10. 10.
    >You groan.
  11. 11.
    “I don’t want fried rice either! Stupid no refund policy...”
  12. 12.
    >She tugs your pant leg.
  13. 13.
    >”我做肛门!我爱你很久的水手男孩”
  14. 14.
    “I’ll have a fortune cookie later.”
  15. 15.
    >Until then, time to go post about this on reddit
  16. 16.
     
  17. 17.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  18. 18.
     
  19. 19.
    >You and other people who bought these shoddy bootleg dragon assistants raised all kinds of hell about how Bethesda lies to you about their products.
  20. 20.
    >You’re looking at YouTube videos of the coverage, when your arm is tapped.
  21. 21.
    >It’s Dim-Sum.
  22. 22.
    “What is it Dim-Sum? I’m busy.”
  23. 23.
    >She plays with her claws, shuffling in place.
  24. 24.
    “我只想说一声谢谢。因为我不是真正的文章,其他人把我打发或称我为假,但你带我进去,并照顾我。“
  25. 25.
    >You stare at her in silence, as she goes on.
  26. 26.
    “我爱你!现在说它可能还为时过早,但我真的活在你身边!我希望我们能够永远在一起,直到时间结束”
  27. 27.
    >She blushes, covering her face.
  28. 28.
    “....”
  29. 29.
    >You sigh.
  30. 30.
    “I thought I said I don’t want chow mein right now! Is all you know Chinese Food?”
  31. 31.
    >Dim lowers her eyes, annoyed, before walking away into another room.
  32. 32.
    >Goddamn Bethesda
  33. 33.
     
  34. 34.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  35. 35.
     
  36. 36.
    "HO YEAH! THAT'S THE GOOD SHIT!"
  37. 37.
    >Today is a great day.
  38. 38.
    >Thanks to all the customers uniting together, and complaining(and the class-action lawsuit threat) Bethesda saw the error of their ways, and begin sending out the proper Dragon assistants they promised to those who bought the $200 special edition Spike the Dragon™ personal helpers.
  39. 39.
    >Can you believe they offered to give you Five bits as compensation at first?
  40. 40.
    >You can't even buy "Princess Thun" with that!
  41. 41.
    >All you have to do is enter in all your information on the websites ticket support page, and presto! You're getting a Spike!
  42. 42.
    >Dim-Sum watches from nearby in an that says: "我喜欢Anon". The only part you recognizer is the last bit of it.
  43. 43.
    >It probably says, "die" or Kung-fu" knowing her.
  44. 44.
    >You gleefully enter in your information, as she messes with the apron, concern spread on her blue face.
  45. 45.
    >You turn to her in your office chair.
  46. 46.
    "Good news Dim! You're going home!"
  47. 47.
    >"这是我的家。"
  48. 48.
    "That's right! Bethesda is gonna take you back so, you won't be miserable here anymore!"
  49. 49.
    >She gasps.
  50. 50.
    >"如果你送我回来他们会杀了我。他们不需要缺陷!"
  51. 51.
    "I know! You'll get to see all your friends!"
  52. 52.
    >You continue to fill it out.
  53. 53.
    >"我不是对你有意义吗?你是我的灵魂伴侣!请!不要把我送走!"
  54. 54.
    "Almost done."
  55. 55.
    >She runs to you, grabbing your shirt, and shaking you.
  56. 56.
    >"如果你完成了,你就签署了我的死亡令!我不想离开你!我不想死!我爱你!请!你不想要我吗?"
  57. 57.
    >Someone is excited to leave... or she's asking if you like egg foo yung.
  58. 58.
    "Stop Dim-Sum! I like Shrimp lo mein more, okay? geez..."
  59. 59.
    >Tears start to fill Dim's eyes.
  60. 60.
    >The little dragoness releases your shirt, slowly backing off with low hanging fins.
  61. 61.
    >She leaves the room with little sobs.
  62. 62.
    "Wow. Guess she's a wanton soup type of girl.
  63. 63.
     
  64. 64.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
  65. 65.
     
  66. 66.
    >NOK NOK
  67. 67.
    "It's here!"
  68. 68.
    >You open the door, to a smiling mailman, holding an egg.
  69. 69.
    >"Are you Anon?"
  70. 70.
    "I am! Is that my Spike™ Personal helper?"
  71. 71.
    >"Yup. Fresh out of Bethesda's shipping!"
  72. 72.
    "Excellent!"
  73. 73.
    >The take the egg, rubbing it against your face affectionately, as if you squeezed it out of your own birthhole.
  74. 74.
    >Dim-Sum stands in the doorway of the kitchen with scared eyes.
  75. 75.
    "Ah! Dim-Sum! Come here. It's time to go with the nice man."
  76. 76.
    >Dim takes a step back, slowly shaking her head.
  77. 77.
    "Dim. Get over here!"
  78. 78.
    >"不...不!"
  79. 79.
    >She waddles off into the kitchen, where you can hear pots, and pans rattling around.
  80. 80.
    >You, and the mail man watch on.
  81. 81.
    "I'm sorry about this. Just give me a moment..."
  82. 82.
    >You sit the egg down, and head into the kitchen after Dim, who's hiding in your lower cupboards.
  83. 83.
    "Floor! Come out here!"
  84. 84.
    >"不!"
  85. 85.
    "I don't know why you're talking about Chinese food right now, but I need you to come out here!"
  86. 86.
    >She stays quiet this time. Guess you have to go in, and get her.
  87. 87.
    >You open the cabinet door, reaching in for her soft scaly hide.
  88. 88.
    >Something dull, and pointy runs over your hand.
  89. 89.
    "You know you can't bite me Dim. Your fangs aren't shape like the actual thing."
  90. 90.
    >You grab her stubby leg, and yank her out.
  91. 91.
    >"请!不要这样做!请让我留下来!"
  92. 92.
    "Mhm. Pu-pu platter to you too."
  93. 93.
    >Tossing the struggling dragon over your shoulder, you head back to the waiting Mail man.
  94. 94.
    >"你是我的唯一!请不要把我送走!我不想没有你!我不能没有你!"
  95. 95.
    "Yep. There'll be tons of rice to eat!"
  96. 96.
    >She starts to beat on your back with her little fists.
  97. 97.
    "Here you go sir. Go ahead and take her back."
  98. 98.
    >The Mail man holds his hands outward.
  99. 99.
    >Dim gasps, trying to keep out of his grasp.
  100. 100.
    >"N-Noooooooo! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
  101. 101.
    >You stop in shock.
  102. 102.
    "Dim, did you just speak english?"
  103. 103.
    >"No no no no!"
  104. 104.
    >You tilt your head.
  105. 105.
    "Are you saying you want to stay here?"
  106. 106.
    >"Noooo!"
  107. 107.
    "Okay then!"
  108. 108.
    >You hand her over to the postal worker, as he leaves with a screaming Dim-sum.
  109. 109.
     
  110. 110.
    >NOK NOK
  111. 111.
    "It's here!"
  112. 112.
    >You open the door, to a smiling mailman, holding an egg.
  113. 113.
    >"Are you Anon?"
  114. 114.
    "I am! Is that my Spike™ Personal helper?"
  115. 115.
    >"Yup. Fresh out of Bethesda's shipping!"
  116. 116.
    "Excellent!"
  117. 117.
    >The take the egg, rubbing it against your face affectionately, as if you squeezed it out of your own birthhole.
  118. 118.
    >Dim-Sum stands in the doorway of the kitchen with scared eyes.
  119. 119.
    "Ah! Dim-Sum! Come here. It's time to go with the nice man."
  120. 120.
    >Dim takes a step back, slowly shaking her head.
  121. 121.
    "Dim. Get over here!"
  122. 122.
    >"不...不!"
  123. 123.
    >She waddles off into the kitchen, where you can hear pots, and pans rattling around.
  124. 124.
    >You, and the mail man watch on.
  125. 125.
    "I'm sorry about this. Just give me a moment..."
  126. 126.
    >You sit the egg down, and head into the kitchen after Dim, who's hiding in your lower cupboards.
  127. 127.
    "Floor! Come out here!"
  128. 128.
    >"不!"
  129. 129.
    "I don't know why you're talking about Chinese food right now, but I need you to come out here!"
  130. 130.
    >She stays quiet this time. Guess you have to go in, and get her.
  131. 131.
    >You open the cabinet door, reaching in for her soft scaly hide.
  132. 132.
    >Something dull, and pointy runs over your hand.
  133. 133.
    "You know you can't bite me Dim. Your fangs aren't shape like the actual thing."
  134. 134.
    >You grab her stubby leg, and yank her out.
  135. 135.
    >"请!不要这样做!请让我留下来!"
  136. 136.
    "Mhm. Pu-pu platter to you too."
  137. 137.
    >Tossing the struggling dragon over your shoulder, you head back to the waiting Mail man.
  138. 138.
    >"你是我的唯一!请不要把我送走!我不想没有你!我不能没有你!"
  139. 139.
    "Yep. There'll be tons of rice to eat!"
  140. 140.
    >She starts to beat on your back with her little fists.
  141. 141.
    "Here you go sir. Go ahead and take her back."
  142. 142.
    >The Mail man holds his hands outward.
  143. 143.
    >Dim gasps, trying to keep out of his grasp.
  144. 144.
    >"N-Noooooooo! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
  145. 145.
    >You stop in shock.
  146. 146.
    "Dim, did you just speak english?"
  147. 147.
    >"No no no no!"
  148. 148.
    >You tilt your head.
  149. 149.
    "Are you saying you want to stay here?"
  150. 150.
    >"Noooo!"
  151. 151.
    "Okay then!"
  152. 152.
    >You hand her over to the postal worker, as he leaves with a screaming Dim-sum.
  153. 153.
     
  154. 154.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
  155. 155.
     
  156. 156.
    [Author unconfirmed]
  157. 157.
     
  158. 158.
    >”主!我给你带来了一些吃的东西!”
  159. 159.
    >You lay back on the sofa, as Dim-Sum places a tray of dumplings in front of you.
  160. 160.
    >It was a harrowing tale getting her back...
  161. 161.
    >Explosions, graphic sexual content and violence, and the sacrifice of a whiny dragon.
  162. 162.
    >You won’t go into the boring details.
  163. 163.
    >Dim starts playing with her apron strings.
  164. 164.
    >”谢谢你救我师父。在你现在所做的一切事情中,我能感受到你对我的爱.”
  165. 165.
    “You silly little bootleg dragon.”
  166. 166.
    >You pat the chinosium dragon on the head.
  167. 167.
    >”主!我正在排卵”
  168. 168.
    “I think egg rolls are great too.
  169. 169.
    >That’s your dragon-
  170. 170.
    >NOK NOK
  171. 171.
    >You both look at the door, then each other.
  172. 172.
    >Dim shrugs.
  173. 173.
    >Better see who it is.
  174. 174.
    >You get up and answer the door, only finding a box.
  175. 175.
    “Wait a second...”
  176. 176.
    >It can’t be.
  177. 177.
    “I thought he shut the site down! This is my Souljapony™ Brand Celestia!”
  178. 178.
    >Dim watches closely from behind.
  179. 179.
    >You start opening the bo-
  180. 180.
    >”THUN!”
  181. 181.
    >Something pops out head butting you in the face.
  182. 182.
    >”哦没有高手!你需要心肺复苏吗?我会用我的阴道!”
  183. 183.
     
  184. 184.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
  185. 185.
     
  186. 186.
    "Scrubs! Fuck them, and these COCK-SUCKING mechanics!"
  187. 187.
    >You slam the controller after getting those hands in Dead or Alive 6 by some Scrublord named "ShutterFly0x".
  188. 188.
    >"主!想要一些点心吗?"
  189. 189.
    >Dim-Sum walks up next to you in a little Bikini, and poses.
  190. 190.
    "I don't want a massage right now Dim-Sum! I'm fucking pissed!"
  191. 191.
    >You sit back in your gaming chair, attempting to settle your nerves, only to catch Thun staring at the sun outside the window.
  192. 192.
    "H-hey Thun. Don't do that. You'll go blind!"
  193. 193.
    >"Pretty Thuuuuuun~"
  194. 194.
    >She looks at you with greyed pupils. Uh-oh.
  195. 195.
    >"愚蠢的马!她看起来很笨,她的肛门充满了屎!"
  196. 196.
    "Yeah, I wish I had some sushi too."
  197. 197.
    >Between these two, and the game, you're gonna have a coronary.
  198. 198.
    *NOK NOK*
  199. 199.
    "That's right! That should be my Black Friday special Waifu!"
  200. 200.
    >You excitedly get up, happy to finally get a break from Dim-Sum, and goddamn Thun, who for the record, ate all the asbestos in your attic. don't know why. She just did.
  201. 201.
    >Like "sharp cotton candy" she said.
  202. 202.
    >You open the door, with Dim-Sum clinging to your pant leg, and Thun relieving herself on your Wii U pad, only to be greeted by...a woman...?
  203. 203.
    >Her blank expression puzzles you.
  204. 204.
    >She looks like the "Purple Tsundere" you ordered, but her eyes were...uhhhm.
  205. 205.
    >She raises a hand.
  206. 206.
    >"Greetings. This is the best."
  207. 207.
    "What?"
  208. 208.
    >Her voice sounds like a distorted Maud Pie talking through a blown out speaker.
  209. 209.
    >"主!这是一个阻碍!杀死它!"
  210. 210.
    "I don't think she's hungry Dim."
  211. 211.
    >Dim-Sum facepalms.
  212. 212.
    >"Are you Anohan?"
  213. 213.
    >Okay, what the actual fuck.
  214. 214.
    >"I'm Aroa. The purple Sundance."
  215. 215.
    "Don't you mean Tsundere?"
  216. 216.
    >She stares at you blankly, like she's processing your words.
  217. 217.
    >"I am here to pleasure you Anohan, and give you the full girlfriend experience. Now let us collide genitals."
  218. 218.
    >You should seriously get your money back.
  219. 219.
    >On that note,Thun runs into your TV head first cracking the screen.
  220. 220.
    >"母亲,让我通过嗅你的球来缓解你的愤怒!"

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