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Princess Luna and the Ferret King (WIP)

By Hawkeye
Created: 2021-03-07 17:04:11
Expiry: Never
lunalewdwipferretnonsense

  1. >You are Princess Luna.
  2. >Guardian of the Night, Diarch of Equestria.
  3. >A month ago, strange portals swallowed up a dozen or so of your subjects in Ponyville.
  4. >While you advised caution, your sister sent in the Elements of Harmony.
  5. >That was two weeks ago.
  6. >They have not returned, and now you find yourself following your sister into a portal her faithful student stabilized in her basement.
  7. >You have voiced your opinion that rushing in is a foolish idea.
  8. >That the portal needs to be studied further.
  9. >That you have no idea what is on the other side.
  10. >Probably Lava.
  11. >Anyways.
  12. >The arrival of Cadence threw any hope of reason out the window.
  13. >She insisted that her sister-in-law must be rescued immediately.
  14. >So here you are, following those two through a portal.
  15.  
  16. >So you've spent all day wandering through an impossible forest.
  17. >Impossible in that the trees are the size of Canterlots tallest towers.
  18. >The gloom at ground level is occasionally punctuated by fantastic fluorescent fungi.
  19. >Ahead is some sort of massive palace, woven from the twisted roots of the tallest of the tall trees.
  20. >You have no idea what's inside, and they very well might not like ponies.
  21. >But Celestia never liked camping, so onward you plod.
  22.  
  23. >Arriving at the structure, a gnarled portcullis bars the way, though you can see two massive wooden doors lie beyond.
  24. >Cadence and Celestia are attempting to call to the guards that surely are stationed here.
  25. >You can hear voices inside.
  26. >Happy voices.
  27. >In many languages.
  28. >You can sometimes catch a word or two of Equestrian.
  29. >The music stops and the voices die down, you can hear one in particular saying something.
  30. >Addressing the crowd, maybe?
  31. >A few minutes pass in silence.
  32. >"Should we fly up to a window?" Cadence asks.
  33. "That might be considered rude. I say we continue waiting patiently." You suggest.
  34. >"It's incredibly rude to keep visiting royalty waiting." Celestia huffs.
  35. "It's also rude to show up, unannounced and uninvited, to someone's party."
  36. >"Stupid Luna and her stupid logic..." Cadence grumbles.
  37. >Before you can remind her of your military training, the inner doors open and the gate is lifted.
  38. >"Well done, Luna! You were correct!" Celestia beams, striding forward with confidence.
  39. >Cadence swiftly follows.
  40. "Wait! What if this is a trap?"
  41.  
  42. >It was totally a trap.
  43. >A dozen guards clad in armor flew down from the ramparts on metal wings, surrounding you in the courtyard.
  44. >After subduing you all, they discussed what to do with you.
  45. >One of them had referenced the other ponies that recently arrived.
  46. >When Celestia said you were royalty, they laughed.
  47. >The Ferret King, they said, wasn't expecting any visiting royalty.
  48. >When you asked who the Ferret King was, they accused you of being spies.
  49. >When Cadence denied that, they rebutted with "That's what a spy would say!"
  50. >So now you occupied one of three cells at the end of a hallway.
  51. >Looking through the tiny, grated window, you can see the cell across the hall where Cadence resides.
  52. >To your right is the cell at the end of the hall, where they took Celestia.
  53. >But about half an hour ago, the guards took her to meet with this "Ferret King."
  54. "Cadence, I think I might be able t-"
  55. >"Don't try to escape! You're the reason they think we're spies in the first place!"
  56. "I'm not going to just sit here-"
  57. >"Yes you are! Stop trying to weasel out of your cell, and start thinking up an apology like a lady."
  58. >Well, that conversation didn't go swimmingly.
  59. >It's not really your fault.
  60. >You just asked a question.
  61. >Before you can dwell too long upon what just happened, two things occur.
  62. >First, you succeed in picking the lock on your door.
  63. >Second, Celestia is brought back.
  64.  
  65. >After the guards have returned Celestia to her cell, they depart once more.
  66. >"Auntie, how did it go?"
  67. >"I learned many things."
  68. >"Is Twilight here?"
  69. >"Yes, they're all here. Twilight, the Elements and the other missing ponies."
  70. "What is to happen to us?"
  71. >"He said he needed to think about it. He was hoping we came to pay for the holes our ponies made in his roof." Celestia sighs. "Apparently it's very hard to get a contractor to come out here."
  72. "I can't imagine why."
  73. >"So let's just offer to go get the bits needed from the treasury." Cadence suggests.
  74. >"That's what I said. He didn't think we'd come back."
  75. "Well, maybe he'll be in a better mood tomorrow. We did interrupt his party, after all."
  76. >"Siding with him, Luna? How can you say that about someone who imprisoned our ponies!"
  77. "I think I'm going to go talk to him."
  78. >"What?"
  79. >"What!?"
  80. "I shall return." you say, swinging your door open and leaving.
  81.  
  82. >It takes about ten minutes to find your way to the outskirts of the party.
  83. >Of course, the party seems to be occurring everywhere all at once.
  84. >After accidentally walking in on several couples mid-copulation, you find one amenable to offering some directions.
  85. >A tall gangly creature not unlike an ape pauses, his member buried inside a blissfully bound griffoness.
  86. >"Yeah, you're not far. Keep going down this hall, then turn right at the buffet. If you find yourself in the foam party, you've missed it."
  87. "Many thanks."
  88. >Heading down the hall, you wonder how any creature could miss the enormous spread of food.
  89. >Though you wonder what exactly a foam party is.
  90. >A new type of fun? This may turn into a lucrative trade mission if all goes well.
  91. >Perusing the many options, you hear a sheep and stallion discussing the 'peerogee bar' with some enthusiasm.
  92. >No sense negotiating on an empty stomach.
  93. >Pierogi, as it turns out, are little dumplings stuffed with, well, anything.
  94. >There must be a hundred kinds.
  95. >Many are flavors you've never heard of, and there are a plethora of meat options.
  96. >What in Tartarus is a fluffy pony?
  97. >And how does one fit one in a pierogi?
  98. >Anyways.
  99. >Your appetite sated, you grab a bottle of Zywiec from a passing server.
  100. >Not bad.
  101. >Maybe the Ferret King would be interested in importing some cider?
  102. >Something to keep in mind.
  103.  
  104. >It's not hard to find him.
  105. >Past the buffet spread the hallway emerges into a massive central chamber.
  106. >This must be the center of the palace, under the core of the trees trunk.
  107. >The chamber must be four stories high, with rings of balconies at each floor.
  108. >Across from where you stand is a dais with a throne, upon which sits a fabulously bedecked ferret.
  109. >While it is hard to estimate across the room like this, he is probably as tall as you, maybe taller.
  110. >You can see several of the guards from before, only this time they're mounted.
  111. >Hopefully those aren't any of your ponies.
  112. >In the center of the room, a massive DJ setup is manned by a skeleton in a top hat.
  113. >Several cages hang from the balconies, and you can vaguely see writhing forms dancing inside them.
  114. >You're thousands of years old, but still see something new once in a while.
  115. >Whatever those beings choose to do for fun, it's none of your business.
  116. >The floor, and the balconies, are filled with ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and beings you've never seen before.
  117. >At the edges of the room, you even spy games being played.
  118. >Games!
  119. >This place can't be all that bad.
  120. >Walking through the sea of party goers, it comes to your attention that two of the missing ponies are currently wrestling in a pool of mud while onlookers place bets.
  121. >You need to speak to them.
  122.  
  123. >Sauntering over, you watch as the two mares tumble and roll in the filth.
  124. >Originally you had though them to be the dentist, Colgate you believe her name was, and the confectioner, Bonbon, but it is hard to tell at this point.
  125. >Ah, it seems the match is ended, one of them is pinned.
  126. >The crowd is chanting now, as some sort of belt is brought to the winner.
  127. >"So-do-mize! So-do-mize!"
  128. >Strange customs the residents here have, you muse, as the winner puts on the belt.
  129. >Turning away, you ask a nearby griffon how to speak to one of the contenders.
  130. >"Looking for a little action, eh?" the eagle smirks. "If you want a li'l one-on-one time with one of 'em, you can ask the King for permission to wrestle them. If he gives the okay, you pick who you want and get to keep 'em for the night if you win."
  131. "And if I lose?"
  132. >"Depends on the collateral. You gotta take that up with th' King though."
  133. "I see. Thank you." you bow out, and resume your rounds over the squealing coming from the ring behind you.
  134. >The fight must have moved from wrestling to tickling.
  135. >How fiendish.
  136.  
  137. >Finally, you make your way over to the throne.
  138. >The guards work to steady their mounts as you approach, which draws the Ferret King's attention to you.
  139. >Offering a deep bow, you introduce yourself.
  140. "Hail, Ferret King. I am Princess Luna of Equestria, but recently arrived in this realm. I am looking to discover the cost of repairs for your roof, and to make trade for the ponies held here."
  141. >"You will pay for the roof? Excellent! Fifty! Fifty? Oh where is he?"
  142. >One of those gangly apes appears at the Kings side, wearing a robe of dozens of shades of yellow.
  143. >"Yes, my liege?"
  144. >"Go get the bill for the roofer. This pony princess is here to pay for it, probably to get the big whiny princess out of the dungeon!"
  145. "Er, yes. Celestia. That would be good. And Cadence as well."
  146. >"One princess at a time!" he says, waggling a clawed finger from under his robes. "You wanted the others too? You'll have to trade me for those! They're good fun!"
  147. "Of course. I'd like to speak to one of the wrestlers, may I challenge one in the ring?"
  148. >"You? Princess Luna, wants to mudwrestle?"
  149. "I was watching them earlier-"
  150. >"Of course you can!" he crows. "This princess knows how to party! I tell you what, I like you so much, you can keep whatever pony you wrestle if you win. Not just tonight, she's yours."
  151. "Oh, well that is most generous of you!"
  152. >"But what do you have to offer as collateral?"
  153. >You pause to consider this.
  154. >You could offer yourself, remaining in the ring until you win a match...
  155. >or...
  156. "If I lose, Princess Celestia -the white pony princess- will wrestle until I win a match."
  157. >Lifting a paw, he scratches his furry chin, before baring his wicked sharp teeth in a grin.
  158. >"Choose your mare, let the match begin!"
  159.  
  160. >Having perused the list of ponies in the wrestling circuit, you decide that Nurse Redheart would be a helpful and intelligent pony to have by your side.
  161. >Outside the ring, you step out of your silver shoes, and doff your royal regalia.
  162. >Tying your mane back, you carefully step into the mud.
  163. >To your surprise, it appears the ring is heated.
  164. >It's nice of the king to watch out for his subjects.
  165. >Wouldn't want them to catch a cold.
  166. >Redheart enters the ring with some trepidation, and freezes in shock when she sees you.
  167. >"Oh no, not the princess too!"
  168. "Come now, let us have a good romp. I've challenged you, and if I win I shall take you away with me!"
  169. >This earns some cheering from the crowd, but seems to worry Redheart even more.
  170. >You didn't think she could get more white, but somehow she has.
  171. >The referee rings a little bell, and you leap into action.
  172. >According to the referee, Redheart was the second best wrestler among the ponies.
  173. >While by no means overweight, the nurse had a little padding that added needed weight.
  174. >But against an alicorn, and one that had led Equestria's Armies against the Diamond Dogs in the Hundred Months War, she stood no chance.
  175. >But knowing that this was meant to be a good match, you toyed with her a bit.
  176. >Played it up.
  177. >After all, how often were you allowed this kind of fun?
  178. >Celestia would have a stroke if she saw you right now.
  179. >On your back, toned legs wrapped around a spread Redheart as the referee counts her out.
  180. >Maybe you should ask about challenging Celestia in the ring.
  181. >Celly eats a lot of cake though, she's got plenty of pounds on you.
  182. >But you've always maintained that you have the better stamina of the two of you...
  183. >No time for distractions!
  184. >Rolling on top of Redheart, you smash her into the mud and hold her there for the pin.
  185. >Success!
  186. >Just one more now.
  187. >You make a show of tumbling about with the mare.
  188. >Eventually she gets on your back, and hearing the excitement of the crowd, you let her pin you for a moment...
  189. >...before bucking her off, and onto the ropes.
  190. >As she lunges back across the ring, you rear up and come down on her, splaying her out in the mud.
  191. >You place two hooves on her back to hold her there as the ref counts her out.
  192. >Stepping off of the defeated nurse, you move back to your corner, where a griffoness hands you a water bottle and the victors belt.
  193. >Downing the water, you look at the belt.
  194. >It's more like a harness.
  195. >What exactly is this wiggly rod part for?
  196. >You ask the griffoness, who laughs and then explains what she calls 'the final round'.
  197. >It seems you have made a grave error in judgement.
  198. >You should absolutely not challenge Celly like this.
  199. >Hopefully Redheart will forgive you.
  200.  
  201. >After a rather embarrassing episode that you hope will never be spoken of again, you and Redheart are allowed to withdraw to a private room.
  202. >"S-so what now, Princess? Shall I lick you hooves, or simply bend-"
  203. "Redheart please, quiet thyself. The entirety of the situation was not explained to me, I simply saw it as an opportunity to speak with you."
  204. >"Well that's a fine way to start." she huffs.
  205. "The good news is you've been released to me. Permanently."
  206. >"Permanently?"
  207. "Yes. The Ferret King allowed your release in exchange for seeing me in the ring." you explain. "I now understand why that seemed such an exciting prospect."
  208. >"Well, don't think I've forgiven you! I had already paid part of my debts, I would have made it out on my winnings eventually!"
  209. >You are skeptical of that.
  210. >But Redheart seems a little sore still.
  211. >Best not to bring it up.
  212. "Anyways, I need information if I'm going to free everypony. Once I pay off the roof repairs, I shall be able to free Celestia. I am not sure what he desires in exchange for niece Cadence."
  213. >"Aw, what? No pillow talk? Straight to business? You're a real princess."
  214. >You sigh.
  215. >This is going to be a long night.
  216.  
  217. >Allowing your companion to sleep in, you take some time to sneak down to the dungeons.
  218. >It seems that the party continues.
  219. >You wonder when it will end.
  220. >The trip down into the sublevels is quiet, and you pass two guards without incident.
  221. >Clearly you are now considered a guest, a major improvement.
  222. >Avoiding your companions, who will surely make a fuss and be all around irritating, you do find the jailers storage.
  223. >Grabbing the keys to the cells, you also take your original goal: the saddlebags.
  224. >All three sets of bags in tow, you retreat to the room you had claimed as your own.
  225. >Time left to do some morning reading while Redheart slumbers.
  226. >After sleeping and eating, Redheart is in a better mood.
  227. >The fact that she hasn't been returned to her chambers beneath the ring certainly lifted her spirits.
  228. >Eyeing you across the small table, she slowly chews her prench toast.
  229. >Swallowing, she takes a swig of coffee.
  230. >"Okay Princess, what do you need to know?"
  231. "I need to know as much as you do. How this happened, which ponies are here, where they are or what they're doing here, anything you know, really."
  232. >"Well, I have no idea how this happened." she says, taking another bite of breakfast. "But I know that it's me, Bonbon, Colgate, Derpy and Lily in the mud ring."
  233. >She pauses to chew.
  234. >"I've caught glimpses of Vinyl and Lyra in the dancing cages. Might be more ponies from town out there, but I've been limited to my little corner of Tartarus over here."
  235. "I am sorry about your suffering." you offer.
  236. >"You seemed to be enjoying yourself yesterday."
  237. "W-wha-? No, you misunderstand, I-"
  238. >"It wasn't that bad. You were gentle." she shrugs. "Not like Bonbon. Of course, you still stuck y-"
  239. "I recall what happened!" you cut her off, you muzzle burning with embarassment.
  240. >"Treasure it, princess." she says, downing some coffee. "It isn't going to happen again."
  241. "ANYWAYS." you cough. "Anyways, have you seen Princess Sparkle or her companions?"
  242. >"You haven't noticed?"
  243. "Apparently not."
  244. >"The King used to have two guards at his side. Now he has six. And they have armored pony mounts."
  245. "You cannot mean-"
  246. >"Like I've said, I mostly stuck to mud wrestling to save my tail and earn bits towards my debt. All I know, is Princess Twilight and her friends came busting in here and tried to rainbow blast the Ferret King. Needless to say, he was unimpressed."
  247.  
  248. >A knocking interrupts you before you can press her for more information.
  249. "Come in!" you call, and the odd creature in the shades of yellow enters.
  250. >"The Ferret King bid me find you and deliver this, the bill for the roof."
  251. "Ah, yes. To release dear sister. May I ask you to linger a moment?"
  252. >"How may I be of service?"
  253. "I need a minute..." you say, looking at the bill.
  254. >One hundred thousand rape dollars.
  255. "I don't have any, er, dollars. Do you know the conversion to bits?"
  256. >"I am unfamiliar with 'bits' ma'am."
  257. >Using your magic, you lift a sack of bits from your bags on to the table.
  258. >The being opens the sack, and considers the coins.
  259. >Biting one, it gives just a little. He compares its color to one of the many colors on his outfit, it matches.
  260. >"Solid gold, eh? Don't see many coins like these any more. I'll agree to accept them though. Call it five thousand of these 'bits' and we'll square your debt."
  261. "Seems reasonable." you consider.
  262. >Metallurgy is beyond you, you'll have to accept the offer.
  263. >It's not like the treasury can't spare a few thousand bits to ransom Princess Celestia, of all ponies.
  264. >Rummaging through the other sets of bags, you procure their bit sacks as well.
  265. "This should be about one thousand. I shall go retrieve the rest today."
  266. >"I'm afraid the King has forbidden you, or any of the ponies to leave until the roof debt is paid."
  267. >Furrowing your brow at how little sense that makes, you take breath and exhale.
  268. "Very well."
  269. >Summoning some parchment and quill, you write a note to Shining Armor to send payment via guards, but your magic fails to send it.
  270. "The stars themselves are against us." you sigh, as Redheart and the Yellow One look on.
  271. >Carefully attaching a runic seal below your personal seal, you turn to the tall ape.
  272. "I have attached a sending rune to this letter, which asks for the remaining four thousand bits to be delivered to the palace by two Canterlot Guards. If you could send one of the Kings couriers to toss this through the portal we came through, it should send on its own when it reaches the other side."
  273. >"Very Well, Princess Luna. I believe that will work." the messenger says, taking the scroll and bowing out of the room.
  274. >This whole misadventure is going to take years off of your infinite life.
  275.  
  276. >After bathing, eating, and generally bracing yourself for a long day, you and Redheart venture forth.
  277. >Making your way to the King's throne once more, you bow before His Fuzziness.
  278. >"Aha! Welcome back, Princess Luna! I heard great things about your match yesterday! My subjects were most impressed." he beams toothily.
  279. "Ah, yes, heheh. It was most exhilarating." you answer. "I trust you have heard that payment for the roof is being arranged?"
  280. >"I have, I have! Very good! But none of you leave until all of the gold is counted and locked in my vault!" he nods happily. "I hope you understand, I have to pay the bills somehow!"
  281. "Yes, understandable." you say, forcing a smile. "While we await the bits from Canterlot, may we discuss the other ponies?"
  282. >"Mmmm, yes. I believe you and I can deal together, Princess. How can the Feral Palace accomodate you today?"
  283. "Can you tell me how many ponies are imprisoned here?"
  284. >"I don't know. And Fifty is out delivering your letter. I suppose you'll just have to look around until he gets back!"
  285. >Of course.
  286. >Rubbing your face with a hoof, you look up to the King again.
  287. >Amusement and curiosity gleam in his beady black eyes.
  288. >You think for a moment, before a thought hits you.
  289. >Redheart mentioned two ponies in the cages over the dance floor...
  290. >...they've probably seen all of the other ponies by now!
  291. "Redheart, who were the ponies you mentioned in the cages?"
  292. >"Lyra and Vinyl."
  293. "My good King, what may I do to procure the release of Lyra and Vinyl?"
  294. >"One pony at a time, Princess. One at a time!" he cackles. "Well, since those two aren't princesses, I suppose we can work out some sort of deal."
  295. >He calls for the two ponies to be brought before him, and also for a massive scale.
  296. >"There is a mushroom I am quite fond of, Princess Luna. It grows plentifully in the cyprus groves east of here, about a day's journey. I will let you have one of these ponies you seek, if you bring back their weight in mushrooms."
  297. >That is ridiculous.
  298. >Mushrooms? He wants you to go collect some tartarus forsaken mushrooms!?"
  299. >"Here is one for you to take, as an example." he says, producing a dinner-plate sized mushroom, which he takes a bite out of.
  300. >Chewing, he clarifies "That one doesn't count towards your total."
  301. "Very well. We shall complete this task." you say, struggling not to roll your eyes.
  302. >"Excellent! I'll have those ponies brought forth for you to choose from. And don't think of trying to escape, I've sent guards to watch the portal back to ponyland!"
  303. >Drat.
  304. >So much for the silver lining of this escapade.
  305. >The two mares are escorted between you then, and both look pleadingly up at you.
  306. >A giant scale in brought forth.
  307. >Sizing up the two mares, you quickly reach a decision.
  308. "Put Vinyl on the scale. Redheart and I shall return with your mushrooms in a few days."
  309. >"What? Why am I going on this?"
  310. "Because you weren't given your freedom, Redheart. You were given to me. And I shall need all the help I can get."
  311. >"Stupid Princesses." she grumbles, as you lead the way towards the castle gates.
  312.  
  313. >After securing all of your belongings in a chest and magically locking it, you take your saddlebags and some provisions, then set out.
  314. >It does indeed take all day for you to reach what is undoubtedly the swamp the Ferret King mentioned.
  315. >The spongy loam underhoof is pungent and earthy, giving way to slimy mud around the murky pools.
  316. >Cypress trees tower hundreds of feet over you, tendrils of moss swaying in the occasional breeze.
  317. >It begins to rain.
  318. >"What a romantic honeymoon destination."
  319. "Hush." you chide. "Let's find some shelter. We'll begin collecting tomorrow."
  320. >"As you wish, princess."
  321. >Making your way to the root mass of a nearby tree, you find a space large enough for both of you and your bags.
  322. >There is sign that something once lived here, but the nest has been long since abandoned.
  323. >Tossing the mildewing grass of the nest outside, you fly up and collect as much hanging moss as you can.
  324. >A quick burst of magic dries it, and you cover about half of the space with it.
  325. >Plenty of room for both of you.
  326. >Quite pleased with your lingering survival skills, you lie down.
  327. >Redheart passes you a few biscuits procured from the breakfast line.
  328. >The two of you eat in silence.
  329. >Finishing well ahead of the nurse, you lay your head down and close your eyes.
  330. >As you drift towards sleep, you feel something warm press up against you.
  331. >"At least you're warm." you hear Redheart grumble as sleep overtakes you.
  332.  
  333. >"You know, we studied hypothermia in school, but I never imagined I'd have the pleasure of practical field training."
  334. >The two of you are currently collecting mushrooms.
  335. >It appears that the biggest ones -the ones you'll need to accomplish this task in a decent amount of time- are all on trees out in the pools.
  336. >So you are barrel deep in the muck, which is unfortunately withers deep on Redheart.
  337. >It isn't terribly cold out, per se.
  338. >But you have been in and out of the water for several hours now.
  339. >Deciding it is time for lunch, you wade ashore and collect as much wood and dead moss as you can find.
  340. >By the time Redheart makes her way over, you have a nice fire going.
  341. >while she warms herself, you take the time to gather some materials.
  342. >Weaving some moss into a sort of rope as you eat (biscuits again), you set to work after lunch.
  343. >It doesn't take long for you to have a crude scale put together.
  344. >"A teeter-totter? What are we, fillies?"
  345. "A scale, Redheart." you groan, lifting an empty saddlebag onto one side.
  346. >Dumping your total haul into it, the log tips that way.
  347. >Lifiting Redheart onto the other side, it tips quickly back the other way.
  348. >Hmmm.
  349. >Using rocks, the mushrooms, and a grumpy Redheart, you manage to determine that you're a little over halfway done.
  350. >Excellent.
  351. "Progress, Red! Back into the swamp!"
  352. >"And here I thought I was done with mud."
  353.  
  354. >Two days later, you and your bedraggled companion return to the palace.
  355. >Your massive haul of mushrooms draws many comments.
  356. >As does your filthy appearance.
  357. >Why in Equestria is it so funny that you're a dirty pony?
  358. >Ugh, plebians.
  359. >Ignoring them, you press on, straight to the throne.
  360. >"OHoho! She returns! And look what she's brought! Zupa Grzybowa on the buffet tonight!"
  361. >The scales are brought forth, as is Vinyl.
  362. >You ended up bringing back more than you needed.
  363. >"You really must want this pony back!" the Ferret King laughs.
  364. "Odd, I used Redheart here as a base for my measurements..."
  365. >"Alright, freedom!" Vinyl says, eagerly leaving her cage. "Aw, don't look down Red. I get guys tellin' me all the time I've got a scrawny flank! You've just got more cushion for the pushin'!"
  366. >If Redheart had been a little self-conscious before, she was now straight up hiding her face under her hat.
  367. >A very stained hat.
  368. >Hmmm.
  369. "My King, has the payment arrived from Canterlot?"
  370. >"Nope nope. But you did get a letter!"
  371. "I see. I shall address it right away. Will I be spending a long time here, bartering for the release of my subjects?"
  372. >"At this rate, probably!" he says, nodding furiously. "I can feel it in my tail!"
  373. "May I trouble you for some real accommodations, if that is the case?"
  374. >"Sure! I like having you around! Fifty? Ohhhh Fifty?"
  375. >"Yesss?"
  376. >"Get the princess put up in the Visitors wing. Expect her to have a loooot of company."
  377. >"Of course."
  378.  
  379. >You are now sitting in the second most luxurious room you've ever had the pleasure of calling yours.
  380. >Not quite as good as Canterlot, but close.
  381. >Redheart was locked in the bathroom, trying to scrub the mud stains from her white coat.
  382. >Vinyl had immediately opened a bottle of some sort of amethyst liquor.
  383. >You were reading a scroll.
  384. >...from Shining Armor
  385. >...questioning the wisdom of paying ransoms to 'terrorists'
  386. >...you shall have him punished most-
  387. >Wait
  388. >Dipping your quill into some ink, you write a single sentence.
  389. "I shall share your decision to withhold the ransom payment with Cadence when I see her next, in two days."
  390. >That should do the trick.
  391. "Now Miss Vinyl, I acquired you for a reason. You were suspended in a cage, yes?"
  392. >"And I worked the poles, when they're brought out, yeah. Why?"
  393. "Poles?"
  394. >"You've never been to strip club, have you Princess?"
  395. "No, I cannot say that I have."
  396. >"Well they'll probably be out at some point tonight. I'm sure the mud wrestling champ will find it fascinating."
  397. "Yes, I'm sure." you mutter as the heat rises on your cheeks. "But let us not digress. I need to know exactly how many ponies are here."
  398. >"Oh, well that's easy. Yeah, I guess having a birds-eye view would help. There's me, Lyra, Trixie and Berry dancing. There's two mud wrestling rings, one for guys one for girls."
  399. "Redheart has filled me in on the female wrestlers."
  400. >"I'm sure she has." Vinyl snickers. "You sure filled her-"
  401. "Which males are here?" you interject quickly.
  402. >"Oh, there's three of 'em. Whooves, Caramel and Big Mac. You can guess who the reigning champion is there."
  403. "Do... do they also...?"
  404. >"You better believe it." Vinyl snorts. "Whooves and Caramel are changed stallions, let me tell ya."
  405. >You are sickened, but curious.
  406. >Mostly sickened.
  407. "V-very well." you say, recomposing yourself. "Any others?"
  408. >"Oh yeah, everyone's favorite superweapon currently makes up the bottom half of the King's Cavalry."
  409. "You mean the ponies under the armor-"
  410. >"Didn't you see them clamoring for attention when you first came in?"
  411. >You did.
  412. >You were hoping Redheart was mistaken.
  413. >You were hoping you were wrong.
  414. >You were not.
  415. "Er, I was rather preoccupied grasping the idea of a Ferret King."
  416. >"Yeah, he's 50% Weird 50% Party and 50% Awesome."
  417. "That does not make sense."
  418. >"Neither does he!"
  419. "This is giving me a headache." you groan.
  420. > So there are three dancers left
  421. >three male wrestlers left
  422. >four female wrestlers left
  423. >all six of the elements
  424. >As well as Cadence and your sister.
  425. >Eighteen ponies.
  426. >Truly you will spend the rest of your days here.
  427. >You're going to need a drink.
  428. "Vinyl, do you know what this 'spirytus' is?"
  429. >"Nope. Only one way to find out though!"
  430.  
  431. >You are Princess Luna.
  432. >Guardian of the Night, Diarch of Equestria.
  433. >And you cannot remember what happened last night.
  434. >However, you have awoken to find yourself in a rather interesting position.
  435. >Your head aches, your throat is parched, and you are burning up.
  436. >The first two are probably because of that paint thinner you drank last night.
  437. >The latter, however...
  438. >Currently lying on top of you are:
  439. >Vinyl Scratch, Musician and Disc Jockey
  440. >Redheart, Nurse
  441. >Fifty, ???
  442. >A sheep, ungulate
  443. >And a purple pony of some sort.
  444. >More of a pinkish-purple.
  445. >Magenta, maybe?
  446. >OH
  447. >OH STARSWIRL'S BEARD
  448. >It's all coming back!
  449.  
  450. >This Spirytus stuff is amazing.
  451. >Alcohol rarely effects you, but it only took one drink to knock Vinyl on her flank.
  452. >Lightweight.
  453. >You've just finished number two, and Vinyl is able to stand again.
  454. "C'mon, Vi." you say, rising to your hooves. "Gotta go get at least one m're today."
  455. >"Girl, what?"
  456. "I'm not gonna stay here forever." you mutter, grabbing your glasses and the bottle.
  457. >Stowing them in your saddlebags, you slowly make your way to the door.
  458. "Let's go get s'me ponies."
  459.  
  460. >It's been a great hour since you left your apartment.
  461. >You got some pierogi.
  462. >Drank more spirytus.
  463. >Helped Vinyl do a keg stand on the chocolate fountain.
  464. >You're currently in the Foam Party.
  465. >Vinyl is styling a mohawk out of foam on your head.
  466. >Suddenly, the lights focus on a corner.
  467. >It's him!
  468. >The Ferret King is at the foam party!
  469. >Holy buck.
  470. >Diving into the foam, flashes of fur trace his path as he dances, spins and tumbles his way through the cheering crowd.
  471. >Bursting forth from the bubbles, he flops backwards, only to have the many hooves, claws and appendages of his loyal subjects lift him back up.
  472. >They slowly carry him on a tide of foam and flesh to the DJ's stage.
  473. >Rolling onto his feet, he stands, the DJ handing him a microphone.
  474. "Thursday night already!?"
  475. >The crowd cheers.
  476. >You cheer.
  477. >It seems like the thing to do.
  478. >"Line up to sign up!" he says, indicating the DJ, who now brandishes a clipboard.
  479. >Seeing the line forming already, you rush towards it.
  480. >"Hurry hurry hurry! Only twenty spots in the competition!" the King crows.
  481. >You don't want to miss your chance!
  482. >Luckily you make it in time.
  483. >You're five back, and can hear that the pony at the front is number twelve.
  484. >The DJ asks her what song she wants to use?
  485. "Vinyl?" you say, craning your neck back to the DJ currently riding on your back. "What exactly is this?"
  486. >"Wait, wait, wait." she replies. "You ran over here not knowing what this is?"
  487. "It seemed like I might miss out."
  488. >"That's so awesome!" she says, nearly falling off of you laughing.
  489. "Vinyl, I'm almost next in line!" you whine.
  490. >"S'cool." she answers still chuckling. "It's a dance contest. Y'know, getting on stage and trying not to look like the drunkest unicorn in the sororor- in college."
  491. "What!?"
  492. >"Princess Luna, eh? Saw you wrestle. Just trying out everything? I like that in a mare." the DJ says, winking at you. "I'm Wu-10. Smoothest voice in the House."
  493. >He is one of those weird ape things.
  494. >Rather scruffy looking at that.
  495. >"So what song are you going to dance to?"
  496. >Vinyl is in your ear, whispering suggestions.
  497. >You agree that you had better go big.
  498. >Big but not overdone.
  499. >No Top 20 hits here.
  500. >Have to make an impression.
  501. >Even a flaming, meteoric failure is still a meteor.
  502. >Yeah.
  503. >That's a good song...nopony else is gonna do it, you're sure.
  504. >You tell Wu10 your selection, and he looks up at you.
  505. >"Sounds good. Now I just need your entry fee, fifty bucks."
  506. "I am not bucking you even once!" you say, slapping him.
  507. >"Whoa whoa whoa!" he says, raising his hands. "Not that I haven't earned that before, but I just need fifty rapedollars to enter you into the contest."
  508. >Oh.
  509. "Oh."
  510. >"Yeah. So, you got the money?"
  511. >No.
  512. "Maybe. Let me go talk to th' King."
  513. >"Okay, I'll hold your spot."
  514. >You make your way towards your eccentric host.
  515. >As soon as he spots you, his face breaks out into that same toothy grin.
  516. >Every time.
  517. >"Princess!" he says, sliding over on the foam-slick floor and proceeding to wrap his torso around yours.
  518. >You wonder if he's related to Discord.
  519. >"Princess Luna, are you going to dance for us?" he says, using his best announcer voice.
  520. "I do not have any money."
  521. >"She spent it all on the roof!" Vinyl laughs.
  522. >The King laughs.
  523. >The crowd laughs.
  524. >The chair in the corner laughs.
  525. >Guards descend upon the chair with swords.
  526. >"That's too bad, I bet you can really move it!" he sighs dramatically.
  527. "I was hoping you'd take a bet." you propose.
  528. >"I was hoping you'd offer one!"
  529. "I put up a dancer, you put up a dancer." you suggest.
  530. >"But you just got your dancer." he frowns. "Done with her already?"
  531. >You can feel two hooves wrap around your leg.
  532. >"Okay. Let me think." you say, deep in thought.
  533. >Ideas swim through the slightly hazy mess that is your mind at the moment.
  534. >You pluck one and throw it out there.
  535. "Okay, okay... hear this one out." you start. "I can probably take 5th place, right?"
  536. >"MMMMmmmmaybe."
  537. "Vinyl?"
  538. >"If I say yes, will you keep me?"
  539. "I'm keepin' you, relax. Okay, okay, so let's just use five. I think five is good." you nod, more to yourself than anyone else.
  540. "If I get fifth, we wash. Nothin' for either of us. I get better than that, I get one of th' dancers. For every place lower than that, you get a day of th' pink pony princess in one of your cages."
  541. >"What if I don't use the cages?" he asks, tapping his fingers together.
  542. "What do they usually do?"
  543. >"Work the poles."
  544. "Prob'ly not the first time Cadence has done that." you answer, taking another swig from your bottle. "I'm okay with this."
  545. >"Damn princess!" Vinyl laughs, leaning against you.
  546. >"It's a deal! The Princess will dance!"
  547. >You nod to Wu10, and head to the wings.
  548. >Time to drink a bit more.
  549.  
  550. >Rummaging through the costume wardrobe behind the stage, you find what you need.
  551. >Tight at the waist, flared at the hooves. The perfect outfit.
  552. >On your way out Vinyl adds some gaudy gold chains.
  553. >Classic.
  554. >Vinyl cues you, and you leave the half-empty bottle with her.
  555. >Striding out on stage, you shake your joints loose.
  556. >The music cues up, and you prepare to take the audience on a trip back in time.
  557. >Disco Never Dies.
  558.  
  559. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6IgSRGIScs
  560.  
  561.  
  562. >After that, you recall some celebrating.
  563. >And you've gained another pony, so you must have won the bet?
  564. >Based on the empty spirytus bottle you see across the room (and the half dozen other empty liquor bottles) it must have been quite a good time.
  565. >Redheart nuzzles against you affectionately, and you can't help but recognize the shade of periwinkle lipstick staining her neck.
  566. >Whoops.
  567. >Maybe you'll avoid spirytus for a while.
  568. >That was rather forward of you.
  569. >What would Celestia say?
  570. >After prying yourself from the pony pile, you proceed to the breakfast buffet.
  571. >As you eat, the others slowly begin to stir.
  572. >Fifty straightens his clothing, and excuses himself.
  573. >Vinyl and the purple one disappear to get food.
  574. >Redheart, catching sight of herself in the mirror, blushes fiercely and rushes for the shower.
  575. >You continue to munch on your cereal as Vinyl and what must be Berry Punch return.
  576. >Upon sitting down, Vinyl introduces you, confirming her identity.
  577. >Berry is actually fairly upbeat, much like Vinyl.
  578. >Apparently the two of them are rather fond of what turns out to be an unending party.
  579. >How they can handle such an extreme lifestyle is beyond you.
  580. >You need to get a move on.
  581. >Lots of townsponies to free, plus the Elements of Harmony.
  582. >Hopefully the ransom for Celestia will arrive soon.
  583. >Then you can find out what must be done to free your niece.
  584.  
  585. >Not sure you would be able to look Redheart in the eye, you decide to proceed without her for the morning.
  586. >Vinyl and Berry seem capable guides.
  587. >You find yourself at some sort of spa with them.
  588. "I am unsure as to how this will aid us in freeing the remaining ponies."
  589. >"It won't." Berry says, sinking into the bubbling waters beside you.
  590. >"You just need to relax." Vinyl sighs, leaning into you.
  591. "If you insist."
  592. >You have to admit, this is really relaxing.
  593. >And this ordeal has been quite stressful.
  594. "If we are to stay here, we should at least consider how to free some of the Elements of Harmony.
  595. >"You need to work less, Princess." Vinyl moans.
  596. >"She could run The Gauntlet." Berry suggests, resting a hoof on your leg.
  597. >"Think Theseus would take a bet?"
  598. >"Nah, but the King might."
  599. "What is this Gauntlet?"
  600. >"It's an obstacle course." Berry explains. "If you said you could finish it in a certain time, the King might release one of the others."
  601. >"I think she should try her hoof at pazaak."
  602. >"The only one with other ponies to gamble with is the King, and he's way too good."
  603. "Pazaak?"
  604. >"Card game, I'll teach you sometime." Vinyl says. "And if she challenged one of the guards, they could bet their mount."
  605. >"They'd never go for that, you know they aren't any fun." Berry dismisses. "She could throw down against one of them though, that might work."
  606. >"Yeah, but those guys are super tough. I bet Fifty has some stuff outside the castle that needs to be done."
  607. "Redheart and I have already retrieved those mushrooms." you remind Vinyl.
  608. >"Oh, right! So maybe if she wagered on Mushroom golf, then?" the DJ offers.
  609. >"Who would be her second?"
  610. >"Uh, duh. I filled in as the Kings second when his normal guy caught The Clap."
  611. >"Ohhh, right, right." Berry nods. "You should probably practice once or twice first."
  612. >"But for now, just try to relax." Vinyl suggests. "Last night was pretty crazy."
  613. >"Relax princess. Even if Red isn't here, we'll take care of you~" Berry says, slowly running her hoof up your leg.
  614. >Vinyl mirrors the action, and the two mares lean across you to share a kiss.
  615. >Breaking contact, they turn to you as their hooves work their way north.
  616. >This is becoming a worryingly frequent problem.
  617.  
  618. >It has been many hours since you left the spa.
  619. >You and your companions find yourselves standing before a concerning sight.
  620. >The Gauntlet is indeed something to behold.
  621. >A muscular 'human' walks up to you.
  622. >Compared to the others you have seen, he is truly a model of fitness.
  623. >"The name is Theseus, you here to have a go at it?"
  624. "Perhaps." you reply slowly.
  625. >"Welcome then! I'll walk you through it, always happy to help a newcomer!"
  626. >He certainly is a friendly soul.
  627. >The affable human guides you through the twelve miles of track and the twenty obstacles in the way.
  628. >Starswirl's Beard, this is impossible.
  629. "Has anypony ever completed the course, Theseus?" you ask.
  630. >"Oh sure, plenty have. Remember: it's not a race, it's a challenge."
  631. "So I won't be timed?"
  632. >"Only if you want to be."
  633. "Is there a way to wager on the results then?"
  634. >"Not really. Why?"
  635. "I am here trying to earn the release of my subjects."
  636. >"Ah, yes, the roof ponies." he muses thoughtfully. "One moment, please."
  637. >Going to a phone you hadn't noticed before, he dials in a number.
  638. >"Hey, Fifty? I think I found a volunteer for the real deal."
  639. >...
  640. >"Yeah, well, sounds like she needs a favor from the King, so I bet she'll do it.
  641. >...
  642. >"It is indeed Princess Luna, is his Feralness there?"
  643. >...
  644. >"Great, I'll get it set up as soon as the Princess is ready."
  645. "I am prepared to begin now." you inform him.
  646. >The human looks you over carefully.
  647. >"Are you sure? I mean, maybe give it a week or two at the gym to prepare, princess."
  648. "I haven't the luxury of such time." you sigh, knowing the wisdom behind his words. "However I am the more fit of the Equestrian Princesses. My cake-addled sister could never finish this."
  649. >"If you insist." he nods with a frown. "Yeah, Fifty? She's ready now. I'll get it set up if you can head our way."
  650. >You can help but wonder what in Tartarus you have signed up for.
  651. >"Well princess, they'll release another pony to you if you're willing to do a harder gauntlet."
  652. "Harder!?"
  653. >"It's something we humans call a "tough mudder" and it's totally doable."
  654. "Surely this is worth more than one additional pony."
  655. >"That will be between you and the King." Theseus replies. "But I have to go prep the course now."
  656. >"Did the titillating tingle of a wager tickle my earssss?" a familiar voice asks.
  657. >Spinning on your hooves, you find his Majesty and Fifty behind you.
  658. "Good King, surely this 'tough mudder' is worth two ponies, if a princess such as myself completes it?"
  659. >"Hmm... nah. But I have yet to see the other pony princesses out of their cells, and I do so want to."
  660. >All sorts of alarms are going off in your head, but so far things have worked in your favor.
  661. "What is it you had in mind?"
  662. >"I will give you two ponies back either way, but if you don't complete the course in three hours, one of the other princesses has to run the gauntlet faster than your time."
  663. "Do I get to choose the princess?"
  664. >"MMMMMyesssokay." he hums. "But she runs a full mudder like you, not just the Gauntlet."
  665. >Tch.
  666. "I will agree to your terms."
  667. >"I've never seen a pony run a real Mudder before. How exciting!" he chitters.
  668. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUwXTfWxCTM
  669.  
  670.  
  671. >The finish line is ahead of you.
  672. >One final obstacle and fifty yards is all that separates you from the end.
  673. >You are cold.
  674. >You are wet.
  675. >You are muddy.
  676. >You are tired.
  677. >But..
  678. >You are pumped.
  679. >One last obstacle.
  680. >As you canter up to it, it is a frame over yet another pit of mud, with hay bales arranged to make it impossible to run clear through.
  681. >Perhaps a hundred wires hang from the frame.
  682. >A sign tells you the humans call this "electroshock therapy".
  683. >Curious.
  684. >Steeling your resolve, you launch yourself towards the finish line.
  685. >Your progress is immediately slowed as you twitch to and fro involuntarily.
  686. >Every contact sends a shock through you, your body reflexively jerking away with each spark.
  687. >Haltingly you press on, finally making it through to the end.
  688. >Crossing the finish line, Theseus puts an orange headband on you, and offers you a beer.
  689. >Downing the delicious, cold, alcohol, you unsteadily look at Theseus.
  690. "Time?"
  691. >"Three Hours, fourteen minutes."
  692. >Horseapples.
  693. >The Ferret King is carried in on a litter held by minotaurs.
  694. >"Ah, princess, well done! Given another shot you might have even made your goal time!"
  695. "Yes, yes. I know." you concede your defeat.
  696. >"You could go double or nothing, wager both of your ponies on a chance to spare the other princesses."
  697. "No." you snort. "Cadenza often flaunts her youthfulness, it will be good to remind her which princess has the superior body."
  698. >"Err, okay then!" he smiles awkwardly. "Which one-"
  699. "The annoying pink one."
  700. >"Sounds great! Fifty, have the pink pony princess brought to Theseus. She is not allowed to leave her cell or this course until she beats Princess Luna's time!"
  701. >"Right away, my liege." Fifty yawns, walking off towards the dungeons.
  702. >"I just don't know what's gotten into him." The Ferret King sighs. "Anyways, I believe I promised you two ponies."
  703. "I'd like to choose two of the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle."
  704. >"The fancy ponies? No no no, not until the others have been freed."
  705. >You need Twilight, she's sort of a princess and you could set her free to rescue the others.
  706. >Rainbow Dash will provide the physical prowess needed to backup the pudgiest of the pony princesses.
  707. >Rubbing your face with a muddy hoof, you think.
  708. "If you release those two to me, Celestia, the white princess, will run the course once as well."
  709. >"I like the way you think." he smiles pointedly. "Theseus, get some cameras set up, I'm gonna broadcast this throughout the castle!"
  710.  
  711. >Sitting in the spa again, you find yourself sharing a hot tub with the two freshly released Elements.
  712. >The others are here as well, of course.
  713. >Vinyl and Berry are off to one side, and Redheart is beside you.
  714. >The two new arrivals stare at you, mouth agape.
  715. "So now that you've been brought up to speed, any questions?"
  716. >The duo continues to wordlessly stare at you.
  717. "I shall take that as a no." you continue. "So, from here, Rainbow Dash, you shall accompany Twilight Sparkle. As Princess of Friendship, you are authorized to make your own deals and bargains with His Feral Majesty."
  718. >This assignment breaks them from their horror.
  719. >"Me? But... But I don't know how anything works here!"
  720. "A wise pony once said 'Take Chances, Make Mistakes and Get Messy!'"
  721. >"I was afraid you were going to say that."
  722.  
  723. >Having cut Twilight and Rainbow loose, with some bits of course, you move into a massage room with Red while you send the terrible two to go help the others understand this place.
  724. >Twilight is a good pony, but in a place like this, that's a liability.
  725. >Years of playing only by day ruined Equestria's night life it would seem.
  726. >Celestia always was the golden child.
  727. >Redheart's hooves caress your aching muscles.
  728. >You would have to introduce mud races like that to Equestria when you returned.
  729. >Maybe not that extreme, but still.
  730. >It was a lot of fun pushing yourself like that.
  731.  
  732. >Another week has passed, and progress has been slow.
  733. >It took three days for Twilight to muster the courage to enter the world of the card sharks.
  734. >You have to admit, she has become quite good at that pazaak game.
  735. >But so far she has been unable to acquire anything more than bits.
  736. >And while her small fortune has its uses, it isn't getting you any closer to freeing the remaining ponies.
  737. >You had sent Redheart to coach Rainbow Dash on the art of mudwrestling, she wrestles Ditzy Doo today.
  738. >Meanwhile, Berry and Vinyl have been coaching you in how to play mushroom golf.
  739. >They've warned you that all they can do is teach you the rules and fundamentals though.
  740. >Apparently the winner of each round eats the mushroom.
  741. >They have advised you that the effects are quite potent.
  742. >No way to know how you'll handle it.
  743. >You are currently en-route to the throne, to seek a challenge worthy of earning back some ponies.
  744. >Stopping along the way to snag a snozberry pączki, you munch on the sweet treat as you make your way to the royal dais.
  745. >Savoring the treat, you mount the stairs, your 'coaches' following.
  746. >One of them will have to be your second, hmmm.
  747. >Decisions, decisions.
  748. >"Princess, what brings you here today I wonder?" a familiar voice asks.
  749. "Ah, your Majesty, I was hoping to wager against a game of Mushroom Golf."
  750. >"Oh? Well, thanks to you we certainly have enough to play. But who will you wager? Your ponies are all very busy."
  751. "Is niece Cadence still with Theseus?"
  752. >"She came up a minute short yesterday."
  753. "Pity. She deserves this. I suppose if we lose, the three of us here will square off against the three stallions in the mudwrestling ring."
  754. >"Whoa whoa whoa! I didn't sign up for this!" Vinyl objects immediately.
  755. >"I'm just a dancer, princess!" Berry adds.
  756. "My offer stands, regardless of the objections of my ponies. I won them fair and square, they are mine to gamble with." you say, reminding the others of their place.
  757. >"When this is all over, you'll have to remember to come back to visit, Princess." the Ferret King grins, baring his pointed teeth. "You really get this place."
  758. "So who shall I face on the links?"
  759. >"Fifty? Go find Disc. You two will face the Princess and her second in mushroom golf."
  760. >"At once, my liege." he says, skipping away to find this "Disc" person.
  761. >"So who will be your second?"
  762. "Who am I allowed to choose from?"
  763. >"Anyone at all, really. Though most of the guests have never played before."
  764. "What about you?"
  765. >"Me?"
  766. "You."
  767. >"No one ever picks me."
  768. "Why not?"
  769. >"I don't know."
  770. "I am picking you."
  771. >He looks at you intensely, before snapping a claw and teleporting to your side.
  772. >Wrapping his long torso around you, he rests his head on top of yours.
  773. >"Very well, Princess Luna. Take us to the course."
  774. >This is not how you imagined this going.
  775.  
  776. >Hole #4, somewhere in Zebrica.
  777. >It had started so well.
  778. >A perfectly normal first hole, and a slightly more challenging second one.
  779. >So far you had eaten two mushrooms.
  780. >But the next however many holes are through a series of portals.
  781. >Hole three you had lost.
  782. >It was in some sort of tubular structure the two humans called a "McDonalds Playplace".
  783. >They were able to easily crawl through the pipes, and the already tubular King was perfectly designed for it.
  784. >You, however, did not fit very well at all.
  785. >Here, however, you had the advantage.
  786. >None of the others could fly.
  787. >Seizing His Feralness, you had soared up into the air, and both of you had made clean throws almost all of the way to the 'hole'.
  788. >Too easy.
  789.  
  790. >Hole 13, a warehouse?
  791. >Since the arid plains of Zebrica, you have traversed many locales.
  792. >The vast frozen wastes north of the Crystal Empire.
  793. >Dense jungles (twice).
  794. >A sewer system.
  795. >Another 'playplace' (this one transparent, and hanging in the rafters over the Foam Party).
  796. >A cave.
  797. >And two sets of castle ruins.
  798. >Currently, you are trying to figure out how to make it through a maze of pallets filled with goods.
  799. >It will take dozens, if not a hundred, throws to reach the center.
  800. >You're tied six to six right now.
  801. >The possibility of facing the stallions is becoming very real to you.
  802. >Overhead cables and hanging lights rule out any chance of flying.
  803. >Resigning yourself to just working your way through the maze, you and the King slowly trudge forward towards the center beacon.
  804. >You can only hope that you're correct in assuming that is the hole.
  805. >"I know you're feeling down princess, but cheer up! This really is great fun!"
  806. "You aren't trying to rescue your captive subjects."
  807. >"Now now, what kind of attitude is that? Remember, the key to everything -life, love, and yes, the release of your subjects- is FUN!"
  808. "I haven't the faintest clue what you mean, fair king." you sigh. "But look, we've reached the hole."
  809. >"Indeed!" he smiles, tossing his mushroom into the chains. "What I'm trying to- what is that sound?"
  810. >It's a mighty crashing coming from somewhere off to your right.
  811. "Run!" you shout, fleeing to the side as the sound of tumbling boxes and some sort of engine roars towards you.
  812. >"NOOT NOOT MOTHERFUCKERS!" one of the humans shouts as he smashes through the pallets on a forklift.
  813. >His cheap sunglasses and Costco tank top tell you this is the "Disc Ward" you had heard about.
  814. >Holding onto the back of the protective cage is Fifty, sipping a juice box.
  815. >Without getting off the forklift, they both throw their mushrooms into the chains.
  816. >"That's three for me and what, two for you Disc?"
  817. >You and the King just stand there, staring.
  818. "What in Tartarus..."
  819. >"Damn! Why didn't I think of that?"
  820. >"So how many did you guys get?" Disc asks.
  821. "Eat your damn mushrooms." you scowl, stepping through the portal to the next hole.
  822. >Hole 18, a series of sandy islands in the middle of an emerald sea.
  823. >You've got this in the bag.
  824. >You're up by two holes and your flight will give you a clear advantage here.
  825. >Once again, you take to the air, His Furriness hanging from your hooves.
  826. >Your mushroom lands next to the chains, and the King scores the first hole-in-one of the game.
  827. >"HAHAHA! Mai Thais are on me!" he shouts triumphantly, as you glide over the numerous islets to land beside the chains.
  828. >You toss your mushroom the one remaining foot to the chains.
  829. "One for you, two for me. And the game is won." you sigh in relief. "I wonder where the other two are?"
  830. >"Well, it will take them much longer."
  831. "Because of the water?"
  832. >"And the mushrooms." he says, snapping his claws.
  833. >Two beach chairs appear out of nowhere, as do two pairs of sunglasses.
  834. >Taking a pair, you drop down into a chair.
  835. >Another snap and a busty minotauress appears next to a tiki bar.
  836. >"Mai Thai?" the King offers, and you nod.
  837. "But why haven't I been affected by the mushrooms? I was warned that they're very strong."
  838. >"Because they're magic mushrooms." he says, watching the waitress swing her assets as she works.
  839. "Exactly. Shouldn't they have affected me?"
  840. >"No, I mean their effects are literally magical. For those two dorks, coming from a non-magical world, it's like a deluge. But for us, it's a drop in the bucket."
  841. "So I'm cheating."
  842. >"Well, let's just say we can't do this again." he laughs. "At least, we can't as a wager. You're always welcome to come back just for fun."
  843. >The King had so much fun golfing with you that he let you choose another Element as your prize.
  844. >You took Pinkie Pie, and after a quick briefing you gave her a sack of bits and sent her out into the world.
  845. "Remember, Pinkie" you had told her "the King told me earlier, the key to everything is Fun. Even releasing your friends."
  846. >The party ponies smile threatened to crack reality as she bounded off into the crowd.
  847. >You are confident that she will find success.
  848. >The King had also sent you a second gift: the scantily clad minotauress.
  849. >She is currently kneading Rainbow Dash, who is recounting her victory in the mud ring.
  850. >Redheart is walking on your back as you listen, her hooves occasionally "slipping" here and there.
  851. >"So after I pulled out, her tongue was just lolling about and I figured 'hey, the Champion should get to cum too!' so I pushed her onto her back and dropped this hot flank on her face-"
  852. "Yes, we get the gist of the rest." you yawn. "Where is your prize?"
  853. >"Oh, Twilight is using her as wager stock."
  854. "I am not sure that is wise."
  855. >"Well, it was either leave her with Twilight, or pair Derpy up with Pinkie."
  856. "Perhaps it is for the best she is with Twilight."
  857. >"Yup! So what's next?"
  858. "Well, the bits for Celestia should have arrived, so I'll see about freeing her. Then I shall track down all the others and convene a group meeting."
  859. >"Sounds good to me. Just don't rush, these hands are sooooo much better than hooves!"
  860. >The minotauress just giggles as she rubs slow circles over Dash's cutie mark.
  861.  
  862. >Having spent the whole...afternoon?
  863. >Time has become irrelevant.
  864. >Some time later, after much searching, you assemble the group.
  865. >You have also purchased a gravy fountain.
  866. >Vinyl and Berry spent most of the last two hours bringing various foods back to best utilize said fountain.
  867. >You, on the other hand, have acquired all of the ponies except for Twilight, and Pinkie (who is supposed to be looking for Twilight).
  868. >Pinkie finally rushes in, clearly distraught.
  869. >Holding a hoof up, you finish chewing your Swedish wheatball.
  870. >Pinkie bounces in place in front of you as the others stare on, silently eating.
  871. "I take it you bring bad news regarding Twilight Sparkle?"
  872. >"She was trying to bet on Fluttershy and lost and now she's in over her head!"
  873. >"We have to go rescue her!" Celestia exclaims, but you again raise a silencing hoof.
  874. "How did she lose her entire fortune so quickly?"
  875. >"Let's just say Derpy caused a lot of damage to the Roulette Wheel-"
  876. "Nevermind. I regret asking already." you cut her off. "Where is Ditzy Doo?"
  877. >"Currently in the prison, for everyponies safety." Pinkie answers.
  878. "Good, good." you mumble.
  879. >Looking around the room, you appraise the situation.
  880. >Today Rainbow has freed Ditzy Doo.
  881. >You have secured Pinkie Pie's release, and been given Amber, the minotauress.
  882. >Vinyl and Berry won a tag team match in the mud pits to release Lily.
  883. >Twilight was able to secure Whooves and Caramel, before compromising herself.
  884. >Pinkie has freed Lyra via means unknown.
  885. >The money for the roof arrived, triggering Celestia's release.
  886. >Inhaling and slowly releasing it, you divide the group.
  887. "As the Princess in Charge, by nature of being the one who the Ferret King actually likes, here is the plan." you begin.
  888. >Team Luna will be You, Vinyl, Berry and Redheart.
  889. >Your task will be freeing the remaining Elements of Harmony.
  890. >Team Rainbow will be Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Amber and Caramel.
  891. >They will be in charge of getting the rest of the ponies back.
  892. >Celestia will take the rest back to Equestria.
  893. >She starts to object and you lean against her.
  894. >Stifling her objections with a hoof, you put your muzzle against her ear.
  895. "I suggest taking my advice, unless you think that plush...pliable...jiggling...white flank of yours would look good splattered in mud, being parted by the hard wood of the strongest branch on the Apple Family Tree?"
  896.  
  897. >Having slept for a suitable number of hours, you pursue your new morning routine.
  898. >Shit
  899. >Shower
  900. >Sit on Redheart's face
  901. >While your favorite nurse cleans up to start her own morning, you adjust the gravy fountain to "country" and find yourself some biscuits.
  902. >After maybe an hour or so, your team is gathered and mostly awake.
  903. >Sensing this may be an issue in the future, you clear your throat.
  904. "I am implementing a new rule: of the three of you, the last one to the table in the morning is bottom bitch. Starting today, which means Vinyl is bottom."
  905. >"Aw, what!? Princess Luna, please, I'm too hungover-"
  906. "I have a negotiation I need to attend to." you announce, standing. "Red, Berry, I will be back in two hours. I don't care what happens, so long as all three of you are ready to go by then."
  907. >"Yes ma'am!" Berry says, saluting.
  908. >Redheart is already dragging Vinyl away as you leave.
  909. >Your team is bonding nicely, you think.
  910. >Very nicely indeed.
  911.  
  912. >"Let me make suuuuure I understand this." the King says slowly, popping a Kopytka into his mouth. "You want me to pay off the purple pony's debt, and also release her and the angry red pony, in exchange for the two of them facing off in the mud ring?"
  913. "Yes. That is exactly what I am proposing."
  914. >"Hmmm, not bad, you're starting to really get the hang of this! But I like to keep people guessing! So how about this instead..."
  915.  
  916. >You are sitting quite comfortably on some cushions, Redheart and Berry to your right, Vinyl sleeping pressed against your left.
  917. >Your group occupies the viewing box next to the King's, overlooking a vast open-top hedgemaze.
  918. >Inside are numerous traps and obstacles meant to slow or catch a pony.
  919. >Four ponies stand in small clearings in the maze, and in the center clearing stands a red stallion, his mind addled by the powerful lust spell that has made him so ferocious in the ring.
  920. >"What exactly is going on, Princess?" Redheart asks.
  921. "The four mares are the remaining Elements of Harmony. Whoever succumbs to Macintosh Apple first will be freed along with him."
  922. >"What about the others?"
  923. "They'll remain slaves until we free them by other means."
  924. >"Wait a minute." Berry interrupts. "What if he encounters-"
  925. "Yes, it is theoretically possible we may be collecting two apples at the end of this match."
  926. >"Oh."
  927. "Oh indeed."
  928.  
  929. >A starting gun fires, and the five ponies begin to move.
  930. >Large screens across the way show the five ponies.
  931. >They also show an advertisement for The Great and Flexible Trixie, onstage at the Fillies Club, tonight at seven.
  932. >You really ought to purchase a watch.
  933. >The roar of the crowd draws your attention back to the maze, where Twilight has already managed to get tangled in a rope web.
  934. >It seems that with her wings strapped down and her magic muted, she is still the pudgy purple pony she always was.
  935. >Watching her struggle with the obstacle is amusing, but your eyes soon spot something else as silence falls on the stadium.
  936. >Macintosh and his sister are separated by a mere two feet of foliage, as they walk down adjacent paths.
  937. >Coming to a tee, Macintosh looks left, then right...
  938. >...and turns away from Honesty.
  939. >Thank the Moon.
  940. >That would have been awkward later.
  941. >Fluttershy is talking to a manticore that is probably supposed to be a hard fight.
  942. >Her talents are truly amazing.
  943. >Rarity has met Twilight, and it talking her through the rest of the rope maze.
  944. >The two then proceed down the overgrown aisles together.
  945. >Fluttershy's conversation is interrupted briefly by the appearance of Macintosh.
  946. >He has no interest in fighting the Manticore to reach her though it seems.
  947. >No point in watching her screen.
  948. >A combination of cowardice and communication shall save fair Kindness, it seems.
  949. >You're not sure how, but she has even produced a tea set for two.
  950. >Equally surprising is the Manticore obliging to have tea with a pony.
  951. >Truly these are progressive times.
  952.  
  953. >Back to the action.
  954. >Applejack is clear across the maze from her brother now, as he slowly closes in on the other two.
  955. >It seems they have encountered a section of path that has flooded.
  956. >The muddy brown water is a non-negotiable obstacle for Generosity, it seems, and they begin backtracking.
  957. >And suddenly it happens.
  958. >Across a long straight, the two mares stare into the hungry eyes of Macintosh Apple.
  959. >The stallion that widened Caramel's gait.
  960. >The memory of whom lingers behind the Thousand Yard Stare of Whooves.
  961. >The equine weapon you hope to hold the allegiance of.
  962. >He charges, and the two mares turn tail.
  963. >Quickly, they pass their only two possible escape routes.
  964. >Well, Rarity's only escape routes.
  965. >Twilight gallops full speed into the muck, quickly finding herself wading through barrel-deep water.
  966. >Rarity paws at the murky waters, but can't bring herself to put a hoof in.
  967. >Until she sees Macintosh nearly upon her.
  968. >Jumping forward, she makes a bid for escape.
  969. >Twilight spins around wielding... something.
  970. >Tossing the object, it shatters on impact with the ground and produces a force field of sorts.
  971. >As Twilight helps Rarity across, Macintosh feverishly bucks at the barrier.
  972. >"What was that, Twilight?" Rarity asks.
  973. >"I picked it up earlier. It's called an instant Safe Space."
  974.  
  975. >It has been thirty minutes since the last real action.
  976. >Fluttershy is still with her bodyguard.
  977. >Applejack is effectively following her brother's path, about five minutes behind him.
  978. >You thought the barrier might be a foe-blocker, but you were proven wrong.
  979. >Honesty could not penetrate the wall of the safe space.
  980. >Fascinating.
  981. >Suddenly, the crowd erupts in a roar.
  982. >Frantically scanning the maze, you see that Twilight and Rarity are once more running for their lives.
  983. >They split up, hoping to improve their chances.
  984. >Macintosh pursues Rarity.
  985. >Encountering some manner of swampy pool, Rarity begins leaping across giant lily pads.
  986. >Her pursuer doesn't bother, plowing into the murky water and wading after Generosity.
  987. >Seeing that she's losing ground, the once pristine pony plunges into the water, paddling furiously to the far shore.
  988. >But it is too late.
  989. >Macintosh Apple overtakes her, climbing out of the water mere seconds after she does, and promptly pinning poor Rarity.
  990. >In the silence, the microphones capture his growling.
  991. >"Ah always knew you were a dirty li'l filly, Miss Rarity."
  992. >The lights cut out, as Rarity whimpers.
  993. >To your surprise, there is an intermission.
  994. >Well, you know what happens next.
  995. >No need to stick around, you'll just leave Vinyl and Berry to pick those two up afterwards.
  996.  
  997. >Having taken a break to eat and acquire a bottle of Spirtyus, you and your faithful companion make your way to the Fillies Club.
  998. >Taking a seat at the bar, you flag down the minotaur bartender.
  999. "Do you know the time? I'm here because I saw the ads for Trixie-"
  1000. >"You're about an hour early, and you're not supposed to bring your own booze."
  1001. >Another bartender, a human, pipes up.
  1002. >"Ah shove it, Rust. This whole place is BYOB and you know it." he says, walking over.
  1003. >Rust leaves in a huff, and the human offers a hand.
  1004. >"Getmeouttahere."
  1005. "Well, I don't know, I already have a lot of ponies to rescue..."
  1006. >The human laughs.
  1007. >"I know it's a mouthful, but that's the name I've got. Or GMOH, I guess. Neither is that easy to say."
  1008. "Princess Luna." you offer, taking his hand in your hoof. "You wouldn't happen to know of any fun games that I might use to win a pony back, would you?"
  1009. >The human straightens up, and scratches his chin.
  1010. "We haven't done it in a long time, but I think we could muster enough players." he says slowly. "Ever played paintball?"
  1011. >"I have heard of it, but I have never played."
  1012. "Well, this is a slightly different take on it." he smiles broadly. "I hope your companion isn't afraid of heights."
  1013.  
  1014. >"AW yeah! Now this is what I'm talking about!" Rainbow Dash exclaims, as GMOH leads you into a vast hangar.
  1015. >"You and Miss Dash will need these." he says, handing you life jackets. "Just in case you get hit."
  1016. >He then leads the way to the vehicles.
  1017. >"So a normal airship has a single balloon divided into chambers, and made of really tough material. These balloons are made of a tough-ish material and filled with literal balloons."
  1018. >"What!?" Redheart asks in alarm.
  1019. >"That's why they're shaped like boats, miss. When enough balloons pop, they start to sink, or even drop. We play over open water to easy the sometimes rough landings."
  1020. "Vinyl, Berry, you two will be in one of these little fighters. Red, you'll be with GMOH on the Big one."
  1021. >Rainbow assigns Amber to help defend the main airship, and Caramel and Pinkie Pie to an attack fighter.
  1022. >"Alright. Masks on, load your weapons. And expect no mercy from the other team, Raritan hates me!" the human laughs as he climbs onto the yacht-sized main vessel.
  1023.  
  1024. >It doesn't take long to get airborne.
  1025. >The popping fizzle of teleportation magic draws your attention to your left.
  1026. >His Fuzziness stands beside you, a scarf around his neck, a leather helmet on his head and goggles covering his eyes.
  1027. >"It's so chilly up here, but it really is the better way to play paintball, don't you think?"
  1028. "I wouldn't know."
  1029. >"He's right." GMOH calls from the helm. "Also, if you would be so kind, your Majesty, we're ready to begin."
  1030. >With a nod, the King winds himself up, and then releases himself like a rocket powered drill across the sky.
  1031. >Stopping so far out that you can barely see him, he fires a flare from a clawed finger, and then teleports back to the deck.
  1032. >"Better get out there, Princess." he smiles.
  1033. >Rainbow Dash has already taken off.
  1034. >Straddling the main craft, the two fighters engage their engines.
  1035. >Jumping from the rail, you spread your wings and bank left.
  1036. >Rising up over the battlefield, you can see Rainbow sticking close to the fighters.
  1037. >In theory, you should join them, trying to sink the enemy airship.
  1038. >But knowing Rainbow Dash, she'll focus on the attack.
  1039. >So you'll hang back to help the defense.
  1040. >You nod to yourself, and scan the skies for the enemy.
  1041.  
  1042. >It has been a long, long time, and you still circle the main craft.
  1043. >Not wishing to wear yourself out, you return to the deck.
  1044. >"I haven't seen you out there, where have you been?" the King asks.
  1045. "Loyalty will be more than capable of handling the attack. I chose to stay back and defend." you explain.
  1046. >"Hmmm, not very exciting." he frowns. "How goes the battle, GMOH?"
  1047. >"Well, I have good news and bad news." the human replies, binoculars glued to his face.
  1048. "Go on."
  1049. >"The good news is, their fighters and the two free-flying griffons are down."
  1050. "And the bad news?"
  1051. >"So is the rest of our team."
  1052. >Horseapples.
  1053.  
  1054. >"It's been so long since the capital airships fought each other!" the King chitters excitedly as your fearless captain steers your ship in towards the enemy.
  1055. >"They aren't exactly suited to this, but we have two key advantages."
  1056. "What are they?"
  1057. >"You and me."
  1058. >"Such confidence!" His Feralness beams. "Oh, it's been too long since we last did this!"
  1059. >There's a knot in your stomach.
  1060. >You hate it when a match is so even.
  1061. >Looking around, you realize that Redheart and Amber are missing.
  1062. "Where are our defenders?"
  1063. >"Oh, I sent them downstairs to man the big guns."
  1064. >"They're too hard to aim to use against fast targets. But they really pack a punch against big slow targets!" the King explains animatedly.
  1065. "So the only person on the deck of their ship right now is the captain?"
  1066. >"Yup."
  1067. "What if he gets knocked out?"
  1068. >"Well, then one of the defenders has to steer."
  1069. "What if they're all knocked out?"
  1070. >"Then they're easy pickin'" the human laughs.
  1071. "Excellent."
  1072.  
  1073. >Leaping from the deck, you drop down to wave level.
  1074. >Your blue coat acts as camouflage.
  1075. >You're not invisible, but you'll be hard to spot.
  1076. >And harder to hit.
  1077. >Eventually you're spotted, but by then you're practically underneath them.
  1078. >It appears that only one defender is on deck.
  1079. >Which makes sense, because your friends have begun to fire the cannons.
  1080. >They aren't hitting, but they're still working out their rangefinding.
  1081. >Redheart isn't exactly a seasoned mercernary, after all.
  1082. >Finding a thermal on the far side of the ship, you begin your ascent.
  1083. >The airship moves past before you reach deck level, and that's fine by you.
  1084. >Corkscrewing upwards, you wait until you're above the enemy's balloon before leveling out.
  1085. >Swooping down, you land gracefully on top of the enemy.
  1086. >Guesstimating where the halfway point is, you put the tip of your gun against the fabric and open fire.
  1087. >Tearing a hole in the fabric this way, you stick your head in.
  1088. >Appraising the wire grid holding the oversized balloons in place, you slowly fire.
  1089. >One balloon popped, climb down another wire.
  1090. >Two more, climb a little further.
  1091. >And so it goes until you reach the fabric on the bottom.
  1092. >You can hear swearing from down below, and the loud bursting of several balloons all at once.
  1093. >Great job, Red!
  1094. >Firing through the fabric, you drop down onto the deck.
  1095. >Gathering your wits, you survey the scene.
  1096. >The gunner is knocked out, a massive paint smear indicates that his gun got hit by a cannon.
  1097. >That looks painful.
  1098. >The captain is still there, a pale fellow with a goatee and a purple vest.
  1099. >At the sound of your hooves on the deck, he swivels around, hand reaching for his gun.
  1100. >But yours is already pointed at him, and he gets plastered.
  1101. >Gasping, he falls back, the numbing agents acting already.
  1102. >"Damnit, Airships are gay."
  1103. >What would Vinyl say?
  1104. >Ah yes.
  1105. "If airships are gay, there's a reason they made you captain."
  1106.  
  1107. >After a quick peek downstairs to doubletap the remaining gunner in the back, you glide over to your ship.
  1108. >You land just in time to join the captain and the King on deck as the other ship begins to sink.
  1109. "Raritan says airships are gay." you inform GMOH.
  1110. >The human just laughs.
  1111.  
  1112. >Having retreated to the spa, you lay your head back as you soak in the hot tub.
  1113. >It was considered tradition to use this space for meetings now.
  1114. >The group now took up two whirlpools.
  1115. >You, Red, Loyalty and Amber were always in the first tub.
  1116. >Plus anyone else you needed to talk to.
  1117. >The others crowded into the other pool or kicked back on deck chairs.
  1118.  
  1119. >Berry and Vinyl had just left after filling you in on what happened in the Maze Finale.
  1120. >To your surprise, it was quite romantic.
  1121. >They had freed Macintosh Apple of his spell, and in response he had the King conjure up a scene right out of a fairy tale.
  1122. >Wine, roses, dinner by candlelight.
  1123. >And of course, slow, passionate lovemaking.
  1124. >Glancing over as the two trade out, you see Generosity snuggled up against the quiet farmer in the other tub.
  1125. >Adorable!
  1126. >Twilight Sparkle trots over and slides into the tub as you lean back, resting in Redheart's hooves.
  1127. "So Twilight, now that Ditzy Doo is back in Equestria, you up for pazaak again?"
  1128. >"I can do it! If it wasn't for Derpy I could have bought this castle by now!" she exclaims.
  1129. >"Easy now, we believe you!" Rainbow reassures her.
  1130. "We just wanted to be sure. If that's the case, you just keep winning. I'm going to rely on you to finance this party until we get the last ponies out."
  1131. >"Oh yeah, and Amber was telling me there are all sorts of other slaves and servants other than our ponies here. So if you can win any of those, we might be able to trade 'em out for our ponies!" Rainbow adds.
  1132. >Don't worry girls, I've got this!" Twilight smiles confidently. "It's just applied probability after all."
  1133. "Very good. Rainbow Dash, I want you to find out what it will take to get Applejack back, and focus on that. I will pursue Fluttershy's release."
  1134. >"Not Cadence?" the purple princess asks.
  1135. "The other princesses are rather out of favor with His Feralness. It is why I sent Celestia back to Equestria, and it is why Cadence will be the last pony I rescue."
  1136. >"Yeah, I can see that." Rainbow offers. "Well, I'm gonna grab a power nap and then go try that mudder thing. Maybe I can get AJ out of that."
  1137. "It's worth a try. Don't be afraid to rope some of the others, myself and Twilight Sparkle excluded, into the mudder as well."
  1138. >"Cool. C'mon Amber, let's hit the tables and then my room." Rainbow says, climbing out of the water.
  1139. >"I'm going to go get started on my project. How many bits do I get to start?"
  1140. "Take a bag from the lockbox. Password is Spirytus."
  1141. >"Got it, thanks."
  1142. >Leaning back, you watch the plush purple flank pass.
  1143. >Looking up at Red, you grin.
  1144. "I'm taking Vinyl back to the room. You can come if you want."
  1145. >"I'll follow my princess anywhere." she smirks back.
  1146.  
  1147. >At around six o'clock (finally bought a clock, which Berry hung from your neck on sweet gold chain) you stumble into the Fillies Club.
  1148. "Getmeouttahere!" you call to the gangly ape down the bar, waving him over.
  1149. >He finishes serving a Yak his drink, then ambles over.
  1150. >"Your majesty, how can I help you?" he asks with a friendly smile.
  1151. "Yesterday we came here looking for a pony, and ended up on an airship. So today I'm back to get the pony."
  1152. >"Ah, not here tonight. Sorry. Trixie is in one of the cages over the main floor Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays."
  1153. "Hmm, I had hoped to speak with her, but I suppose that is unnecessary."
  1154. >"You can still do that, just gotta head up to the third floor balcony and get in close."
  1155. "Thank you, I shall do that." you nod in approval. "But first, I need another bottle of Spirytus."
  1156. >"You got it."
  1157.  
  1158. >"Well this is a bust." Vinyl states as the four of you watch Trixie writhing in her hanging cage.
  1159. >Adorned in black leather, a ball gag keeps her from speaking and a blindfold means she hasn't seen anything useful tonight anyways.
  1160. >She could probably hear you, but that does you no good.
  1161. >You have to admit though, the way her tail was bound up was...exciting.
  1162. >Leading the group away, you enter the second large chamber, roughly where you had been to watch the Maze.
  1163. >Down in the arena, you can see Rainbow Dash lined up alongside Kindness, Laughter and Honesty, as well as the dentist Colgate and the confectioner Bonbon.
  1164. >Curious.
  1165. >Taking a swig from your bottle, you find it empty.
  1166. >No wonder Red has gotten so friendly...
  1167. >Flagging down a passing waitress, you place an order as your group finds a balcony-side table.
  1168. >It appears that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are having a heated conversation, and by Honesty's hoof gestures you surmise that she is upset that Kindness is involved.
  1169. >It probably wasn't Loyalty's decision.
  1170. >Knowing the would-be Wonderbolt, she likely proposed some sort of race, and His Fuzziness altered the bargain.
  1171. >But Applejack would simply never have a head for such things.
  1172. >You applaud Rainbow Dash's initiative, and willingness to do what is necessary to free her friends.
  1173. >The King himself appears in the arena, and with a snap of his fingers chalk lines appear marking out racing lanes.
  1174. >"At the end of each race, the loser will be sent to prepare for a night on a sybian at the Fillies Club or the Foam Party tonight! The overall winner goes with Miss Rainbow Dash or, if she or Pinkie Pie wins, they choose who to free!" he announces.
  1175. >The racers line up, and you start to feel uneasy at the idea of the innocent Fluttershy being part of this.
  1176. "I shall be right back." you say to the others, before teleporting down to the arena.
  1177. >"Princess Luna! Welcome! To what do I owe the pleasure?" the royal rodent asks, his beady eyes gleaming with mischief.
  1178. "I wanted to intervene on behalf of poor Fluttershy." you explain. "She will lose immediately. She simply doesn't have a competitive bone in her body, nor is she terribly athletic."
  1179. >"I see. I suppose you have a wager for me?"
  1180. "I have an alternative, yes." you nod with a small smile "I shall race in her place."
  1181. >"Are you sure? I hear the Blue one is very fast."
  1182. "I am also blue." you point out with a small smile.
  1183. >"If you were green would you...nevermind. You can take the timid one's place."
  1184. "Excellent."
  1185.  
  1186. >Several rounds have passed now.
  1187. >Colgate, Bonbon and Pinkie have all fallen.
  1188. >You have taken a leisurely pace, making sure to stay near the middle of the pack.
  1189. >Currently you are galloping along beside Honesty, Rainbow Dash having sped into an early lead as always.
  1190. >You are closer than ever to her, and you suspect that the pegasus is more of a sprinter than a marathon runner.
  1191. >No matter, as the finish line approaches you put on a burst of speed to nose past Applejack.
  1192. >Panting on the sidelines, Applejack takes a dejected seat.
  1193. >"Guess it'll be no rest fer me tonight." she sighs.
  1194. "Rest assured, Honesty, this is your last indignation. After tonight, you will be released to me and shall be returned to Equestria."
  1195. >"Well, I suppose that's something. Gonna be hard explaining th' wobble in my walk when I get there though."
  1196. "Applejack, believe me when I say that you have far less to answer for than your brother. I would not worry too much about it. Just remember that none of these beings will ever see you again, so down some cider and lean into it."
  1197. >"Heh, easy for you to say." she grumbles. "Though I s'pose you might be there with me, huh?"
  1198. "Nonsense. Watch and learn." you scoff, heading to your place.
  1199. >Rainbow Dash looks over sheepishly.
  1200. >"Sorry Princess."
  1201. "You have nothing to apologize for, but much to prepare for."
  1202.  
  1203. >As soon as you line up, you look up to meet the curious gaze of the Ferret King and give him a wink.
  1204. >He returns it with a sly smile as your horn fires up.
  1205. >Beneath your hooves, the ground takes on a subtle glow.
  1206. >As he snaps his finger with a concussive bang, you take off at a brisk run, a mere half-length behind Loyalty.
  1207. >From where the two of you are, it is impossible to tell, but you close your eyes momentarily to focus on the spell.
  1208. >From the balcony, Fluttershy and your girls watch, mouths agape, as the track spins like a treadmill, keeping Rainbow forever twenty hooves short of the end.
  1209. >To keep it sporting, yours is also moving at the same speed.
  1210. >You simply keep galloping along, sweaty but steady, just behind Rainbow Dash.
  1211. >Fifteen minutes later, you notice Rainbow slowly dropping back.
  1212. >Five minutes after that the race is nose-to-nose.
  1213. >You allow another two minutes to pass before dropping the spell, allowing yourself to comfortably canter across the finish line ahead of an exhausted Rainbow Dash.
  1214. >The blue pegasus collapses in a heap in the dirt and whines.
  1215. >"That wasn't fair!"
  1216. "No, it was not. But I felt, as Honesty did, that this was no kind of activity for Kindness."
  1217. >"I guess, but still, that was a low blow Princess!"
  1218. "It will be good to give Amber a chance to rest. I suspect you will be too sensitive to need her for a day or so. I'll be sure to send her to watch you tonight though."
  1219. >Rainbow just groans as you take flight, landing neatly beside His Feralness.
  1220. >"Princess Luna, that was a neat trick. You could have just tripped her, but you kept it fair. Not many people here would do that."
  1221. "A race isn't fun if there's no suspense." you observe. "Anyways, when her performance is finished tonight, could you please have Applejack -the orange one- delivered to my room?"
  1222. >"Of course." he says, bowing his head slightly.
  1223. >With a smile and a bow of your own, you spread your wings and land up on the balcony.
  1224. >Fluttershy had already been recollected, but the others were there.
  1225. "You were amazing." Redheart says, planting a kiss on your cheek as your tail lightly whips her flank.
  1226. >"Sure were." Berry adds. "Also, there's half a bottle of Spirytus left and the waitress also brought this."
  1227. >The purple mare slides a roll of black tape towards you.
  1228. "Ah, I had forgotten. Who was the last one awake this morning?"
  1229. >Red and Berry turn to Vinyl, who looks worriedly up at you.
  1230. "Very well. Vinyl, lift your tail."
  1231.  
  1232. >Sitting at a table in the Fillies Club, you sip the pure, clear spirits in your glass while occasionally glancing up to watch the moaning mess formerly known as Rainbow Dash on the platform behind Twilight.
  1233. >It seems that despite her excellent physical condition, Loyalty is a rather low stamina mare.
  1234. >Throaty groans behind you remind you that Applejack is also serving out her own punishment.
  1235. >You have to hand it to the Ferret King, these machines plug every hole and tease every soft spot a mare has.
  1236. >Across the table from you, Twilight Sparkle is rather flushed -be it from the alcohol or from watching Applejacks Apple-ass is hard to say.
  1237. >She's starting to really get the hang of this place.
  1238. >Every so often a high-pitched peal of hysterical laughter signals Pinkie Pie tipping over the edge once more.
  1239. >Berry returns, followed by Vinyl (tail still bound up high behind her) sliding a couple of plates of pierogi onto the table.
  1240. >"So I met with the commander of the guard today. General Supplies. I have agreed to supply him with a Hydra in exchange for the release of Trixie."
  1241. "Shall we send her back immediately?"
  1242. >Twilight looks to the side, a blush creeping across her already flushed features.
  1243. >"If...if it's alright I'd like to keep her as mine." she admits "F-for now, of course..."
  1244. "Of course." you say, placing a reassuring hoof on hers. "Remember Twilight, what happens here stays here."
  1245. >"Really?"
  1246. "Celestia's orders." you shrug "I think she wants to forget crawling through that mud run. And since everypony saw it..."
  1247. >"That's awesome! I mean-"
  1248. >You shake your head and she clams up.
  1249. >"How are you going to get a hydra?" Vinyl asks.
  1250. >Aren't they super dangerous?" Berry adds.
  1251. >"Oh that's easy. Gryffons will do anything for enough bits, and I've got a lot of bits these days..."
  1252. >"Well, as long as no ponies get hurt..." Redheart says slowly.
  1253. >"Hydras aren't /that/ dangerous if you know what you're doing." Amber offers. "My village was near a swamp and we had to drive them off every so often."
  1254. "Yes. What the minotaur said." you nod "I have a few ideas for the others. I am going to push Rainbow, after a day to recuperate of course, to enroll in this weekend's wrestling cage match."
  1255. >"Wrestling?" Redheart asks worriedly.
  1256. >"Don't worry Red, not like you used to do!" Vinyl laughs "This is that 'Waifu Wars' tournament they've been advertising the last few weeks."
  1257. >"Oh, that's better. I wouldn't want anypony else to have to do that again..."
  1258. >You gentle run a hoof along Redhearts leg to calm her.
  1259. >"If Miss Rainbow isn't up to it, I can do it." Amber volunteers. "On the condition that you take me back to Equestria with you."
  1260. "Consider it a deal. I'll sign you up, and if Loyalty is feeling up to it she can sign herself up to increase our odds of winning."
  1261. >"You said you had other ideas?"
  1262. "Oh, yes. There's a some sort of bike race tomorrow and Fifty mentioned that the Guard Commander had a task I might be able to assist with."
  1263. >"A bike race?" Vinyl asks skeptically.
  1264. >"Oh, you mean the Tour de Franzia!" Berry exclaims. "You should totally sign me and Vinyl up!"
  1265. "Very well." you say before the DJ can object. "Redheart and I will form a second team. That will increase our odds."
  1266. >"I'll ask Gen. Supplies about the job he has for us when I see him in two days." Twilight suggests.
  1267. "Sounds like we've got a good start." you conclude. "Meeting adjourned. Red, get that flank out on the dance floor, I'll be right behind you."

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