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Tired

By Slowanon
Created: 2021-03-27 16:42:01
Expiry: Never
anon/emo/miss eriemo

  1. >You stare at the long yellowed ceiling tiles and idly wonder about, well...
  2. >Nothing in particular.
  3. >Not a single thought lies in your head.
  4. >You just lie deathly still on a pretty much flat who-knows-how-old bean bag and kinda... exist.
  5. >It's nice.
  6. >The quiet in your head and stillness of your thoughts?
  7. >Perfect.
  8. >Never mind the slight ache in your back from the stupid thing.
  9. >You could be something almost approaching comfortable if it weren't for just one thing.
  10. >The scritch-a-scritching of Anon's pencil on biology homework claws its way through the silence and into your skull.
  11. >Each stroke of graphite on paper sends a spike of something into you that reminds you of your own homework that sits threateningly inside your own saddlebags not even five or so hooves from you.
  12. >A something that you can't recognize through a haze of absolute fatigue that binds you to your current position with hooves splayed on either side of you.
  13. >You recognize that if it were about week ago, this new feeling filling your chest like hot water would instead be the anxiety of flunking out the year because you didn't turn in yet another assignment.
  14. >Scritch-scratch
  15. >But you don't feel anxious.
  16. >Besides whatever this other feeling is, you just feel tired.
  17. >More and more often you've just felt tired instead of... anything really.
  18. >Ponies talking shit on you because somepony jacked your notebook and slipped copies of the poetry within into everypony's lockers left didn't embarrass you as much as you thought it would.
  19. >Scratcha-scritch
  20. >Or at all.
  21. >The mystery goo that got funneled into your locker ruining everything within didn't leave you furious.
  22. >Just tired.
  23. >Scratch
  24. >Just tired and tired and tired and tired.
  25. >You are so fucking sick of being tired.
  26. >Scritch
  27. >That damn pencil scratching continues making the feeling in your chest churn and writhe hotly like a monster made an of acid of the worst sort.
  28. >All the while that monster burns away your cool and destroys the silence in your head replacing it outright.
  29. >Not with thought.
  30. >But noise.
  31. >Pure noise that gives you the lovely sensation of little clawing creatures trying to dig their way out of your head where your mind used to be.
  32. >Little clawing creatures trying to dig their way out of the place in your chest where the heart ponies killed used to be.
  33. >All of it filling your veins with a sudden energy burning through your lethargy enough to make you bolt upright suddenly, but not enough to put a stop to the never ending exhaustion that is being you day in and day out.
  34. >As you sit, on your haunches now, you breath and try to relax looking down.
  35. >You mind is clear of the of the incessant scratching but not the energy and you see Anon staring at you startled.
  36. >"Are you... okay?"
  37. >You...
  38. >You want to punch him in his flat fucking muzzle
  39. >What a stupid fucking question.
  40. >He goes to the same school as you and knows what has been going on.
  41. >He isn't clueless.
  42. >He knows there is only one answer to THAT question and it is and always will be,
  43. "Yeah. I'm fine."
  44. >You flop back down on the beanbag, staring once again at the ceiling.
  45. >Or at least, you wanted to.
  46. >You really fucking wanted to but that same exhaustion has you rooted to where you are.
  47. >You are still sitting up, staring at Anon like a fucking idiot, that toxic feeling in your chest fit to burst like a parasprite in a microwave.
  48. >Anon is looking just as stupid staring right back at you.
  49. >Words tumble and drip from your lips of their own accord, disjointed and quiet.
  50. "You ever just, like... I dunno, wanna go to sleep and never wake up?"
  51. >Anon suddenly looks nervous.
  52. >You stop breathing.
  53. >What the fuck did you just say?!
  54. >Hello anxiety, old friend.
  55. >Welcome to whatever the fuck this is.
  56. >The silence stretches on for a minute.
  57. >The sensation in your chest begins to hurt.
  58. >Then two.
  59. >Your eyes begin to sting and your lungs start to burn.
  60. "Yeah... haha, me neither..."

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