How The Ponises Might Ask You Out


                                            In response to this thread:  https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37688499/

                                            __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________/


                                            Howdy, frens.


                                            These are a collection of hypothetical scenarios showing how YOUR favorite poner might ask YOU out! Each segment is driven by a characters' voice, illustrated with a mild, poetic seasoning through carefully limited prose to frame their respective circumstances. Furthermore, the segments pasted here have been edited and revised, but you can still find the originals from the archived thread's link up above.


                                            You may notice characters will have more than one segment written, titled something like "Insert Pony Here - Ver.II" This is just yours truly doing another take, likely because I felt the prior one was inadequate. Or, honestly, just because I wanted to.


                                            Well, enough of this. Please, read on! These are the words you are so desperate to hear, just as much as I, coming from your certain special somepony (or, in other words, "straight from the horse's mouth"!).


                                            Please,

                                            Enjoy. . .


                                            Twilight Sparkle:


                                            >"Hey, Anon!"

                                            >"So, um, here’s the thing."

                                            >"I...I finally think I know how to do this."

                                            >"You see, I, uh, had some filing to do this weekend up in Canterlot at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and, weeeell…

                                            >"I kind of wanted you to go with me?"

                                            >"To the, uh, reunion dance they’re having there too, that is."

                                            >"You know, to keep me company!"

                                            >"...Is that weird? That’s weird, isn’t it?"

                                            >"Ugh...I’m sorry."

                                            >"I’m no good at this."

                                            >"I’ve spent the entire day around Ponyville, talking to each and every one of my friends, asking for help on how to do this!"

                                            >"I thought that maybe if I had their advice, I could, you know...figure how to ask you out..."

                                            >"Because, I...I like you."

                                            >"And I think you're silly, too!"

                                            >"But...listen, Anonymous:"

                                            >"If this is something that has weirded you out...I understand."

                                            > "No, really. I do."

                                            >"But if not?

                                            >"Well, what do ya say?"

                                            >. . .

                                            >"You...you would?"

                                            >"Omigosh, really!?"

                                            >"Wow! Um, great!"

                                            >"Yeah, I’m leaving the day after tomorrow at seven; you wanna come?"

                                            >"Great! Um, I-I’ll see you later, Anonymous! Take care!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Wow. I did it! I really did it…"

                                            She looks around to see if anypony is watching.

                                            Poofs a scroll and inked-quill pen out of nowhere. Writes.

                                            >"Dear Princess Celestia..."

                                            She giggles.

                                            Giggles in a way her friends had probably never heard from her before.

                                            Giggles like Cadance did when she first met her BBBFF.

                                            Giggles like Mom and Dad did when they'd talk about some trip they took once at the dinner table.

                                            She giggles like a mare in luck— a pony in love.

                                            Spike would not send this letter to Princess Celestia.

                                            She'd deliver it herself with her first date in a long, long time.


                                            Applejack:


                                            >"So, uh...I’ve never been one for...gettin’ real nervous doin’ this sorta thing here."

                                            >"I, uh...usually just do a bit of the ol’ wink-and-tease bit with some conversatin’, ya know?"

                                            >"Specially when it comes to most ponies."

                                            >"...But you ain’t most other ponies now, are you, partner?"

                                            >"So..."

                                            >"Here’s the sitch— I like ya."

                                            >"Heck, I like ya a lot!"

                                            >"And if I’m to be honest, I think you’re about the darndest thing I’ve set eyes on in a long time."

                                            >"So I wantcha to come dancin’ with me."

                                            >"And trust me, I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout your cheesy old silly fru-fru dances in the ballroom or nothin’; I’m talkin’ ’bout square-dancin’ and apple-bobbin’ and bull-ridin’ cowpony-style, right here at Sweet Apple Acres!"

                                            >"We’re havin’ a big ol’ hootennany in the next comin’ weekend, y’see. Whole town’s gonna be there,  tell ya!"

                                            >"And there’ll be lot of Apple family cider there too, ya know..."

                                            >"Now, I ain’t sayin’ ya have to go as my date or nothin’...but I’m sure askin’ if ya'd like ta."

                                            >"And, well, if ya just wanna...hold my hoof somewhere too, maybe and...and look up at the stars somewhere when your plum-tuckered out?"

                                            >"Why…I think that’d do quite nicely."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Oh, now wipe that grin off'r yer face!"

                                            >"I coulda just asked any other ol' mare or stallion to go with me."

                                            >"Maybe find me somepony who can handle a lasso better than—"

                                            >. . .

                                            >". . .Ya will?"

                                            >"Huh. Well, I'll be. . ."

                                            She laughs. Smiles like the sun.

                                            >"Eeyup! Next Friday night it is, then!"

                                            >"And, uh, if you wanna meet me anytime before then, you just come on out and give me a holler now!"

                                            >"Also, ah..."

                                            She chuckles.

                                            >"Shuck. Just expect to get your clothes a bit dirtied."

                                            >"Hay bales are a might bit dusty, ya know. 'Specially when yer rollin' in 'em."

                                            She winks. The old wink-and-tease.

                                            But this, with a kiss on the cheek before she leaves, and her face hidden beneath her hat to cover a bashful, warm-faced smile.

                                            The girliest she felt in years...


                                            Pinkie Pie:


                                            >"Oh! Oh, oh, oh!"

                                            >"Over here!"

                                            >"Hi, Anonymous!"

                                            >"How's it goin’?"

                                            >"Did you hear about my super awesome mega-terrific party I’ve been planning for, like, two whole weeks!? It’s gonna be so much FUN!"

                                            >"Oh, wait a minute! I forgot to tell you when it is! Pfft, silly me!"

                                            >"Don'tcha wanna know when it is, Nonny?"

                                            >"Huh?"

                                            >"Don'tcha,-don'tcha-don'tcha?"

                                            >"Yep! It’s right after the Iron Pony Competition at the end of the Running of the Leaves race!"

                                            >"I mean, it's going to be so cazy, and there’s gonna be cakes and pies and games and music and a whole boat-load of things to do!"

                                            >"Oh, and here's present!"

                                            >"Right here, see?"

                                            A pink box. Blue curly ribbon. Half a laundry basket's size.

                                            It didn't exist a few minutes ago. When was it placed in anyone's hold?

                                            Confused and beffuddled before another's eyes eager, a head tilts.

                                            >"Huh?"

                                            >"Whaddya mean what’s inside?"

                                            >"It’s a surprise, silly! C’mon and open it! It's juuuust for you!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            The mystery opens...

                                            >"Surprise!"

                                            ...and she leaps out from the present.

                                            A pink pony jack-in-the-box.

                                            One who hugs.

                                            >"It’s me! *I'm* your present, silly! *I'm* gonna be your lucky number-one date to the party!"

                                            >"I mean, I guess I *could* just bake you something instead if you wanted me to, like some spare brownies and some other stuff I made this morning at Sugarcube Corner, OR...you could have the bestest, most-funnest, crazy-most-excitingest night of your whole entire life!"

                                            >"It's gonna be so much fun! We'll hang out with the rest of the girls, and then we can hold hooves, and we can take a ride on my hot air balloon, and—"

                                            >"Oh! Oh my gosh! I know, I know! We can watch the Running of the Leaves together *from* my balloon and *then* go to the party and dance and play games!"

                                            >"You can even commentate on the race with me too! Besides, I really kinda like it how you talk. Anypony ever tell you that? THat you have a really nice sounding voice? You have a really nice sounding voice, you know, but I bet people tell you that, like, all the time. And if they don't, they should tell you that all the time since you're just really super-cute in general because you *are* super-cute and I think you're funny and smart and pretty and handsome and cool and great, you big ol' cutie-patootie, you!"

                                            >"Soooo. . . ?"

                                            >"What do ya say, huh, Nonny?"

                                            >"Wanna take me out for the greatest time ever!?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"What?"

                                            >"Oh! No, no, no, no, no! Don't worry!"

                                            >"We don’t *have* to go on a date! Not if you don't wanna!"

                                            >"Really, I mean it!"

                                            >"Remember! Uh, brownies, right? I said I can make you brownies instead! Heck, I can make BOXES full of brownies! Or cookies! Heck, I'll even be your wingpony! Trust me, Nonny— nopony can put in a better word in for you than your old pal Pinkie Pie!"

                                            >"And, and, and! . . ."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Waitaminute."

                                            >"You said. . .'Yes'?"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >". . . Really?"

                                            >*Gasp!*

                                            > "REALLY!?!?!?!?!"

                                            >"OH MY GOSH!"

                                            >"YOU SAID YES! YOU SAID YES!"

                                            >"WOO-HOOOOOOOO!"

                                            >"OMIGOSH, WE’RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN WE’LL GO CRAZZZAAAAYYY, AAAAAHHH!!!"

                                            And the town square erupted with confetti. And balloons. And there were lots of happy little kisses.

                                            Pink kisses.

                                            >"And just one fourth wall break!"


                                            Ha.


                                            Fluttershy:


                                            >"Um, thanks again for coming to help feed the racoons with me, Anonymous; they really like it when you come over to visit."

                                            >"And, um, I-I do, too."

                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88vkDp6vI0I

                                            > "...So, now that we’re all done feeding the animals, I’m sure you’ve worked up quite an appetite."

                                            >"If you want, I could cook some dinner for us."

                                            >"Or, you know, we could…"

                                            >"W-we could, um…"

                                            >"Go out."

                                            >"I-if you don't mind, that is."

                                            >"Eh-heh..."

                                            >*ahem*

                                            >"Um,..."

                                            >"A-actually, Anon?"

                                            >"Would you...maybe like to eat dinner out?"

                                            >"And, um, with me, I mean..."

                                            >"If you don’t have any plans."

                                            >"And m-maybe it could be like..."

                                            >"L-like a…"

                                            >"...date?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >"A-anon, what are you—?"

                                            >"eep!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Oh..."

                                            >"Oh my..."

                                            >"Anonymous..."

                                            >"C-could you maybe...do that again, please?"

                                            >"Um, but only if you don't mind, that is..."

                                            >"I...I..."

                                            >"I love you, too..."

                                            And they stayed in for dinner. They stayed close for the evening.

                                            Happily ever after.


                                            Rainbow Dash:


                                            >"Hey."

                                            >"What’s up?"

                                            >"So, uh, couldn’t help but notice you were staring at me earlier. You know, when we were all swimming at the reservoir?"

                                            >"And I mean, like, *really* staring at me."

                                            >"There something you wanna talk about?"

                                            >"See somethin' you like?"

                                            >. . .

                                            >"Heh. Thought so."

                                            >"Well, hey, you're not so bad yourself, you know."

                                            >"Look, I don’t really do this for just anypony now, but, uh, I was wondering if maaaaybe you’d wanna come see the Wonderbolts with me."

                                            >"Yeah, I sorta know some of them. Pretty sure we can get in for cheap if I press my luck, ha."

                                            >"Pretty neat, huh?"

                                            >"But you know, that’s me, Rainbow Dash: coolest and most fastest flyer in all of Equestria."

                                            >"It's no wonder the wonderbolts would know about me."

                                            >"Hey, so I guess we could treat this sort of like a date, right?"

                                            >"I mean, you know: two good-looking friends going out to chill..."

                                            >"I mean, if you're in, of course. You *are* in, aren't you?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Ha ha, alright! Awesome!"

                                            >"I mean, uh, cool! "

                                            >"Yeah, I’ll meet ya over at my place tomorrow morning, alright?"

                                            >"Heh. See ya around, Anonymous. Stay cool!"

                                            She blasts off, far away. A few loops to show off along with it.

                                            She retreats to a cloud. Her house. Gushes. Ecstatic. Excited.

                                            >“Omigoshomigoshomigosh!”

                                            >“I can’t believe that just worked!”

                                            >“Tank! You’ll never believe it! He said yes!”

                                            There would be kisses to be had later.

                                            But tonight, a cuddle with a turtle — no, a tortoise — would suffice.


                                            Rarity:


                                            >"Why, hello, Anonymous!"

                                            >"How good it is to see you."

                                            >"Come! Please, do sit with me!"

                                            >"Ah. It truly is a most *gorgeous* day today, is it not?"

                                            >"I was just on my way to see if you were home, you know, but I simply just had to take a moment to sit here and admire the clouds."

                                            >"But seeing as you’re here anyhow, I suppose I might as well speak of what I had to tell you."

                                            >"You see, this evening, my parents were to stop in town by in Ponyville on the midst of their cross-country vacation!"

                                            >"I was going to meet them at one of our town's finest restaurants too and everything, even taking the trouble to place a reservation for us and such...

                                            >"Alas, it would seem I shan’t be seeing them anytime soon."

                                            >"They’ve fallen under this silly notion that there’s still more to see in FIllydelphia!"

                                            >"And so, here I am, alone, all without anypony but myself to bring to dinner with me."

                                            >"Unless...*you* would happen to be interested? Hm?"

                                            >"I...I do admit, I have been thinking about you as of late."

                                            >"About you and the politic of the heart."

                                            >"I...I had always imagined I would be married by now."

                                            >"I dreamed at this age, I would surely be wed to my one and only true Prince Charming."

                                            >"Ever since I was a filly."

                                            >"But princes, it would seem, are not as royal as I had previously believed."

                                            >"And don't even get me started on Trenderhoof."

                                            >"But you?"

                                            >"You, darling, are what we refer to in the industry...as a catch!"

                                            She titters. Flawless nose crinkles with her smile. Eyes twinkle like jewels.

                                            >"You ask about my day so often. You always think of my feelings. I think it’s time I get to know yours a bit more."

                                            >"And I *do* have two reservations after all."

                                            >"I think it best I use them with you tonight."

                                            >"So? What will it be, Anonymous?"

                                            >"Would you like to accompany me for a romantic evening?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"...Anonymous?"

                                            >"Oh, no.

                                            >"Anonymous, i-it's okay! I understand!"

                                            >"You don't have to—"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"...You do?"

                                            >"Oh, wonderful!"

                                            >"How I hoped you would want to!"

                                            >"I promise you, Anonymous, that this evening will be a night like no other!"

                                            >"I guarantee it!"

                                            >"You will not regret this!"

                                            >"And, by the way..."

                                            >"Sweetie Belle is staying over at the Apples' for the night."

                                            >"In case you might like some wine."

                                            >"Or some 'company', as it were..."

                                            And company was had. Later on, so were wedding bells.

                                            And in her smile, and for years to come, and in the twinkle within her eyes, would those bells always ring— for there's was a love that every pony should know.


                                            Princess Celestia:


                                            >"Ah, my faithful human!"

                                            >"I do hope you forgive my unexpected arrival, but I had a message I wished to deliver to you."

                                            >"Personally."

                                            >". . .Hm?"

                                            >"Oh, no, it's nothing at all I assure you. All is well, you need not worry."

                                            >"However, it'd be nice if you could welcome me inside?"

                                            >"I'd rather we not chat in front of your neighbors."

                                            >"Or my guards."

                                            >"Not that I dislike your doorway, of course."

                                            She chuckles. Smiles like the sun.

                                            She *is* the sun.

                                            As such, she shines past the doorway, invited as all warmth is. What a smile, what a smile.

                                            >"Ah. Thank you."

                                            >"Here we are then. Privacy. . ."

                                            >"Oh, you don't need to offer me a drink. I'm perfectly fine as is, thank you."

                                            >"Now then. Onto business. . ."

                                            >"I know I said I hold a message for you, but that wasn't exactly most accurate. Indeed it's more of a. . .request."

                                            >"You see, in nearly all of the many letters which you have sent to me, I've noticed a consistent theme among them. An ongoing motif, of sorts."

                                            >"I suppose that it's nothing so remarkable to most, and perhaps I am looking far too deeply into things but. . ."

                                            >". . . Well, let's just say it compelled me to come this far, hasn't it?"

                                            Another heavenly laugh. But this one trails into a sigh.

                                            >"You see, though I’m a very old pony, it is rare that my life as an imortal tinges me with malaise."

                                            >"I love providing for my little ponies, difficult though it may be."

                                            >"And yet, not even this is what drives my current sorrow. A sorrow I sense in your writing. It's. . . something else."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >". . . Anonymous?"

                                            >"Would you like to know the secret of an immortal?"

                                            >"It’s time."

                                            >"Time flies, my little human. Just like that."

                                            >"There was an old friend of mine; a royal guard whom I was very close to in the 900th year of my sister’s banishment."

                                            >"Sometimes, we’d be too busy to speak. A year may go by. . ."

                                            >"You know how it is."

                                            >"Except sometimes, it isn’t just a year."

                                            >"Sometimes, it’s five."

                                            >"Then, fifteen."

                                            >"And then, finally. . ."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Anonymous."

                                            >"I feel so very out of place."

                                            >"I know I am not in a situation as isolating as yours must feel, but. . ."

                                            >"I don’t want to lose you, too."

                                            >"You deserve better."

                                            >"It's not right to feel so alone."

                                            >"I think we could greatly aid one another, you and I."

                                            >"Would you. . . like to come with me for dinner this evening?"

                                            >"I don’t think I want to sleep alone on this night."

                                            >"And perhaps neither should you?"

                                            And she didn't. She didn't, and neither did her bed fellow. Such as this was how they slept, happily ever after— forever after.


                                            You are never truly alone.


                                            Princess Luna


                                            >"Ah. Greetings, Anonymous."

                                            >"It has been far too long since we have last spoken, would you not agree?"

                                            >"Alas, the night, quiet though she may be, has held busy her princess; the dreams of ponies who keep in their sleep, the bright of the waxing and waning of moons, the stars which must twinkle and the stars which must fall…"

                                            >"Oh, there is much about the night, Anonymous, to make one ponder."

                                            >"Much often do they ponder alone."

                                            >"Would you...mind if I come inside?"

                                            >"I surely would not for unwanted eyes to happen upon my visage upon a bedroom window like this."

                                            >"Or, if you would rather, I could speak to thee in a dream?"

                                            >"I wish not to encroach upon your sleep, however."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Ah. You do not mind being awake then. I thank you."

                                            She enters with a quick nod and a smile. It's as elegant as the bowing of angels.

                                            >"Now, Anonymous, I assure you this is nothing so important. I merely wish to vent."

                                            >"As you know, I... have been gone for a thousand years."

                                            >"The elements of harmony have been paramount in my reintegration of this...new Equestria.

                                            >"So too have their wielders aided me to partake in the present's social discourse with my beloved subjects."

                                            >"And yet..."

                                            >"Oh, Anonymous..."

                                            > "Life is a strange thing."

                                            >"To be immortal as I am is vexing enough."

                                            >"To be immortal and removed a thousand years from time, even more so!"

                                            >"I happen to know a great deal about Nightmares, my little human. But to seek courtship in this new world?"

                                            >"Now *that*, dear friend, is a *true* nightmare, a different beast I face altogether. My goodness!"

                                            >"And so..."

                                            Her night-blue gaze. It softens, thawing over with a playful warmth.

                                            >"...I figured I would *ask* a different beast altogether. Surely they may know things which I know not."

                                            Personal space becomes crept over, becomes a little more personal. Her mirth adds to it.

                                            >"Anonymous, what would you do if I said I were to fancy you?"

                                            >"Your peculiarities amuse me. Your dreams entertain. Your humor goes from bold to crass, and brass to gold. And you look quite virile to a pony as I."

                                            >"Were I to say, 'Oh, Anonymous, dearest friend, taketh me to 'dinner,' what would you to say?"

                                            >"Hm."

                                            >"Indeed, I wonder..."

                                            >"But then again, tis not like I have actually spoken such feelings or thoughts."

                                            >"Have I, now?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Why, asking a princess out for a date?"

                                            >"Anonymous, how bold of you. I think six tomorrow will do nicely."

                                            >"Alas, I must tend to this night once more. There is much to do."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Please. Sleep well."

                                            The next night began at six p.m.

                                            It was the thing that dreams are made of, a night so magical they wished it would last forever.

                                            And in their dreams?

                                            The fun would be doubled.


                                            Derpy Hooves


                                            >"Special delivery for— uh-oh!”

                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTiA8ZCL38E [Embed]

                                            >“Whoops! Sorry!”

                                            She flaps to the doorway, the splintered remnants of a yard’s fence in her wings, tail, and mane. She carries a beat-up package.

                                            >“Whew! Here you go, Anonymous! Special delivery just for you! I hope you like it!"

                                            >"...Huh?"

                                            >"What do you mean there’s no mail today?”

                                            >“...Oh.”

                                            >"It’s sunday..."

                                            >"Really?"

                                            >“Wow, I guess I must've forgot…”

                                            >"Well, um, maybe that’s what makes it a *special* delivery!"

                                            >"So?"

                                            >"You should see what it is!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“Please?"

                                            And so the package is opened. Inside it, a crushed basket and very squished muffins.

                                            A tag reads: ‘From a secret special somepony…’

                                            >"Oh my goodness!"

                                            >"Wow!"

                                            >"I wonder who it could be from!"

                                            >"Don't those muffins look so good?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Oh, horse-apples."

                                            >"I must be a really dumb pony...”

                                            >"I don't know what I was thinking, you just make me so nervous to talk you, and you're eally nice, and, and...and I even made muffins!"

                                            >"But not even *that* I could do right."

                                            >“Oh, I just don’t know what went wrong...”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >

                                            >“You...you wanna do what?”

                                            >“As in...as in a date?"

                                            >“A real one?”

                                            >"But I have a silly eye, and I'm clumsy too!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"You really mean it?"

                                            Her misaligned eyes go bright. Are golden-cheerful as she smiles.

                                            >"Anonymous..."

                                            >"You're so nice."

                                            >"Just like a big ol' muffin."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"*My* muffin..."

                                            And after many dates and many days and many hours spent together, she would have a muffin put in the oven.

                                            Dinky.

                                            She liked the sound of that.


                                            Spitfire:


                                            >“Well, well, well! If it isn’t the famous two-legger himself!”

                                            >“At ease, Anonymous. You’re no trainee; I won’t bite yet.”

                                            >“I’m Spitfire. Head flight-pony of the Wonderbolts, in case you couldn’t tell.”

                                            >“I’ve heard a lot about you. Rainbow Dash is in my group of trainees.”

                                            >“She talks a lot with the cadets about her friends.”

                                            >“Heh.”

                                            >“Clearly not enough, though. Didn’t think she’d leave out how much of a catch you are.”

                                            >“She’s not here, is she?”

                                            >“You bring anypony to the Gala with you?”

                                            >“...Really? Now *that* surprises me. If I were her, I’d be showing you off whenever I had the chance.”

                                            >“Say...how about I keep you company, huh?

                                            >“I just got done doing the flight show with my wing-ponies up there a minute ago. You probably saw us, right?”

                                            >“Yeah. Right.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“You know, I *was* gonna head back to my hotel room.”

                                            >“Not too far from here, you just leave the Castle premises and go downtown in Canterlot...”

                                            >“But, uh, maybe I can take you where there’s some punch that has a *real* kick to it.”

                                            >“My treat.”

                                            >“It’s an old-school flight-pony dive, a bit rough-and-tumble around the edges but real smooth otherwise. Every wonderbolt’s been there.”

                                            >“I know one of the current owners, too.”

                                            >“Yeah.”

                                            >“You’re looking at her.”

                                            She steps closer. Her cocksure grin has every right to be so fearless, so unashamed.

                                            She’s cool. Tight. In charge.

                                            >“Let me buy you a drink, tall-stuff. At least get to know each other a bit. See what happens.”

                                            >“I’m flexible, though.”

                                            >“And I mean that however you want, rookie.”

                                            >“So? That sound like a plan to you or what?”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“Good choice, Anon. I think I’m gonna enjoy treating you.”

                                            >“I can leave the uniform on if you’d like...”

                                            She was cool. Tight. Tight and in charge. But not in charge for all of it.


                                            Trixie Lulamoon


                                            >"Oh, what a night…"

                                            >"Another show, another crowd of booing, jeering, jealous ponies."

                                            >"Tt!"

                                            >"As expected, of course..."

                                            >"Blasted Twilight Sparkle and her stupid friends."

                                            >"If only she hadn't—"

                                            >"—Oh!"

                                            >"Why, h-hello there, fellow stranger!"

                                            >"What a lovely day in the market of, er...whatever this town’s name is!"

                                            >"Hm? *Me*? A magician?"

                                            >"Ha!"

                                            >"I have no idea what you are talking about."

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >"Oh? This cape? A-and hat?"

                                            >"Why, they’re, ah...gifts! Just gifts!"

                                            >"Yes, from an old friend! That is all."

                                            >"But make no mistake, fellow stranger! The GREAT and POWERFUL TRRRRRRIXIE has many more clothes than this!"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“I-I mean, *I* have many more clothes."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"...Trixie has slipped up, hasn’t she?"

                                            >"Um..."

                                            >"PerhapsTrixieshouldbeonher—"

                                            Her posture stiffens. Neck sticks straight-up.

                                            The smell. It hits her. Just like a kiss out of nowhere.

                                            >"Oh. Oh, my."

                                            >"Is…"

                                            >"Is that a...half-eaten hayburger you have?"

                                            >"A-a hayburger with extra cheese on it?"

                                            >"And, and, and with extra sauce and daffodil petals on a sesame seed bun, served with a side of delicious hay fries and a frosty cold beverage???"

                                            With a wounded smile, she shrinks where she stands, her ears splayed down.

                                            >"Ah, say, you wouldn’t happen to be willing enough to *part* with some of that, would you?"

                                            >"The meek and humblest Trixie apologizes for the many sordid tales you've no doubt have heard and just *begs* for forgiveness!! She is most hungry..."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"You..."

                                            >"...*do* know of Trixie, yes?"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Oh! Then forget what was said! The great and powerful Trixie was merely toying with you!"

                                            >"In fact, you are quite lucky as to have stumbled upon her, for Trixie is indeed a magician, and the greatest at that!"

                                            >"And you, my wonderful, awestruck friend?"

                                            >"Hm. Well, it is not often Trixie is gracious enough to offer a new fan to buy her a meal, but..."

                                            >"Well, come to think of it, you are alluring enough to be seen with her, I suppose. Perhaps Trixie would not mind being seen with you for too long."

                                            >"And so, I, the Great and Powerful Trrrrixie—!"

                                            >"—requests you take me for a romantic dinner tonight."

                                            >"So? Where shall you take her, dear stranger?"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Oh."

                                            >"Oh!"

                                            >"Ah, Trixie knows of this place! It is...quite expensive, yes?"

                                            >"M-maybe you needn’t spend *that* much on her.

                                            >"Though I *am* worth it, of course..."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"You...think Trixie is cute, you say?"

                                            >"Why, of course she is!"

                                            >"She's beautiful, too!"

                                            >"N-now tell her again!"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Trixie thanks you."

                                            >"Hm?"

                                            >"Do...do I have a place to stay tonight?"

                                            >"Of course! I have my illustrious wagon!"

                                            >"...Your hotel room?"

                                            >"Oh, w-well if you insist, dear admirer. Even though my wagon is *truly* stupendous as is."

                                            >"After all, you *are* buying Trixie a romantic dinner as she requested..."

                                            >"It's only right of her to reward you with her prolonged presence!"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"Ah, y-yes, ha ha!"

                                            >"Y-you truly are lucky to eat with a beautiful mare as I!"

                                            >"So, so lucky..."

                                            >"N-now tell me I'm pretty again."

                                            >"...Please?"

                                            And all was great. Twas a "powerful" night to be had.


                                            Gilda:


                                            >"Ugh."

                                            >"You again."

                                            >"Hold on a second, ‘kay Rainbow Dash?"

                                            >"I just need a second of your friend’s time here."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Okay, she still in ear-shot?"

                                            >"No?"

                                            >"Good."

                                            >"Now listen up, Dweeb:"

                                            >"You may be friends with my pal Rainbow Dash, but you don't *really* think that just because she said you’re easy on the eyes means you can lay yours all over her, do ya?"

                                            >"Ha!"

                                            >"Well, not on my watch. That’s *my* job."

                                            >"Chick’s with me, pal. We're tight, Rainbow and I. We go back to flight school."

                                            >"You got that?"

                                            "Now, don't get me wrong; if she doesn't like me, she doesn't like me."

                                            >"I ain't gonna force her to like me either or nothing."

                                            >"But I'm gonna make sure I have no competition. Are we good?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"An arrangement? What are you talking about?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Oh. My. Gosh."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"For being real stupid, that isn't half a bad idea."

                                            >"I mean, until our ol' pal over there gets smart and finally spills her guts to me, at least."

                                            >"But you're good lookin' enough, I guess. Bit below my usual standards, y'know, but whatever."

                                            >"But let's not get anything mixed up here, squirt."

                                            >"You’re just a dork who's barely hot enough to pass the time with me til the big bucks come running through."

                                            >"So yeah, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. Capiche?"

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Well, you may like me, but I still don’t like you!"

                                            >"...What?"

                                            >"Tonight?"

                                            >"Uh, sure. Fine. I guess."

                                            >"Yeah, whatever, you can just come over to my place later.

                                            >"Ugh. Such a dweeb..."

                                            >"Now why don’t you go and make like an egg, and scramble on out of here?"

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"My place. Eight o’clock. You better be good."

                                            It was a weird trip to Cloudsdale. But good weird.


                                            Queen Chrysalis:


                                            >"Ah. At last, you awake my dear, dear Anonymous. Tell me, are you frightened so soon now that you've left your slumber?"

                                            >"You certainly seem so."

                                            >"What could it be, then, which scares you most, I wonder."

                                            >"Could it be where you have awoken, met with the pool of darkness and light-fog dimness of these glow-gem mines, the new Royal Crystal Dungeon?"

                                            >"Or is it how you have come to be here in the first place, why you are chained and behind bars with no way out?"

                                            >"Perhaps it is my visage which sears you most, that strikes the fear into your eyes by the harrowing sight of mine alone."

                                            >"Hmhmhahaha..."

                                            >"Yes, take a good look around you."

                                            >"These are the mines you had doubtlessly been told about by those pathetic crystal ponies. In olden pony times, their empire would export these glow gems across all Equestria. They were not as bright as candles or other forms of light, but they would last for a very, very long time."

                                            >"Now, these caves are forgotten. I believe it was King Sombra who had made these tunnels into barracks, then to the Royal Crystal Dungeons."

                                            >"Nopony but the Prince and Princess with their most sacred of guards are to trek these mines anymore."

                                            >"Do you know what that means, Anon?"

                                            >"It means you’re imprisoned here."

                                            >"Oh, hush now. I know you’ve been wrongly sent here. I know all about what you have been through."

                                            >"Of your so-called affair with Princess Cadance."

                                            >"Mwu ha ha ha ha!"

                                            >"The night of their anniversary, something happened, didn't it? She had worked hard on that meal for him, wanted it to be as romantic as possible."

                                            >"Didn’t even ask the staff to make their table. Not even to light a candle."

                                            >"And after three whole hours of waiting for her dear *hubby* to show, in came you. Said that Shining Armor and the troops were out investigating possible changeling activity."

                                            >"...I needn’t tell you who’s responsible for that, do I?"

                                            >"And oh, how you saw the poor look on that princess face, the sorrow in her eyes that could wound even a cold heart."

                                            >"You just *had* to make her happy, didn't you? Your friend."

                                            >"And the wine was poured."

                                            >"You both supped and dined and you stumbled while carrying her to bed, the two of you just laughing. Then, you fell into the bed, giggling with her, laughing at everything and anything and all felt so right."

                                            >"Then it hit you. It hit you both. Right at the same time."

                                            >"The laughter had just stopped."

                                            >"You were on top of her."

                                            >"And the candles grew dim and the light was snuffed out."

                                            >"Weeks passed. You were both in love. A true romance, a forbidden flower in a garden of weeds never to be known. And it was so, so scandalous when you both were spotted yesterday."

                                            >"Yes, I can feel the deep cut of romanced angst, how Cadance without hesitation claimed you were attacking her."

                                            >"It was me, Anonymous."

                                            >"It was me, all along."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Yes, that’s right, human; I’ve had you wrapped around the crook of my horn from the very beginning."

                                            >"You couldn’t have honestly believed that Princess Cadance would *dare* be disloyal to her idiot of husband..."

                                            >"Could you?”

                                            >"Hmhahaha..."

                                            >"Oh, spare yourself. Whatever deity you worship can’t hear you now. And if they could, why would they have you meet me?"

                                            >"You were the moth, I the flame."

                                            >"You the fly, I the spider."

                                            >"You’ve been snared, Anonymous."

                                            >"You are my prey, my plaything, my...entertainment."

                                            >"‘Why?’"

                                            >"‘What am I planning?’"

                                            >"To infiltrate the Crystal Empire, you fool."

                                            >"My Canterlot invasion plans were not so faulty. If it not for one disgusting Twilight Sparkle, I would have ruled the capital! So, I decided not to discard my earlier plans , but rather to...adapt them."

                                            >"Now, I play my cards wiser."

                                            >"I can infiltrate this Crystal Empire, one of the nation’s most thriving powerhouses of influence..."

                                            >"And the Love!"

                                            >"Oh, it's heavenly how those foolish crystal ponies love so much! They love their royals, their Crystal Heart, each other…"

                                            >"Oh, it is simply...intoxicating."

                                            >"By replacing Princess Cadance yet again, I’ve set their royal guard on a wild changeling chase, distracted them from the Crystal Palace!"

                                            >"But *you*. I did not foresee your involvement turning out like this. When we caught doing more, I..."

                                            >"I had no choice."

                                            >"Truly."

                                            >"I had to declare you were attacking me. Violating me."

                                            >"I needed you gone."

                                            >"My...'husband' and I must be faithful to each other. For the sake of the public."

                                            >"The Crystal Empire’s reclaim to power is through love."

                                            >"If not for the love the crystal ponies believe their rulers share, never would this empire be what it is today."

                                            >"And an ocean of love would be gone, just like that."

                                            >"...But their punishments."

                                            >"I...never meant to force such vehement torture upon you."

                                            >"But it's funny, you know."

                                            >"Because even after all the torture you’ve been subjected to, and all the hate and anger you hold for Cadance, for me..."

                                            >"You still have love left!"

                                            >"I sense it!"

                                            >"Outrageous, isn't it? That despite all the torture you’ve been through…you still love me!"

                                            >"Ha ha ha ha!"

                                            >"Oh...so ironic, really."

                                            >"I...never did intended this."

                                            >"I merely sipped upon your love as it was there."

                                            >"But your love was different."

                                            >"Delicious."

                                            >"A delicacy."

                                            >"But...it is more than food, it seems."

                                            >"It...changes things."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >"Changelings are interesting creatures, Anonymous."

                                            >"As are you."

                                            >"The chemistry for love and romance in your primitive primate brain is much different than the average pony’s."

                                            >"It’s strange, you see. Vile and atrocious."

                                            >"It makes a changeling feel things."

                                            >"Things a changeling never should feel..."

                                            >"You monster."

                                            >"Because now I love you."

                                            >"I love you so much and I it makes me *sick*."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            "It’s awful.”

                                            >“It frightens me.”

                                            >“I’ve grown to mean every kiss when I've kissed you, to mean it when I say I love you as you stroke my mane and hold me in the night.”

                                            >"And though I would be racked with fear inside, succumbing to the one thing a changeling should never be able to know as I do now..."

                                            >"I would still feel safe in your embrace."

                                            >“You…”

                                            >"You’ve made me a monster."

                                            >"A freak."

                                            >“You beast.”

                                            >"I love you so much.”

                                            >“I…”

                                            >“I need you..."

                                            >". . ."

                                            >"I will use you to rebuild my hive. Down here. In the mines. Under the palace."

                                            >"I will show you a world where pleasure and pain and ecstasy meet into a collage of orgasmic reproductive bliss."

                                            >"You will birth my young down here, aid me to do the same.

                                            >“And you and I will participate in this unnatural affront to mating whenever I see fit."

                                            >"In ways you cannot fathom, it will break you, but you’ll still have your spirit."

                                            >"But maybe this will be another agony itself."

                                            >“But you’ll have your spirit.”

                                            >"It’ll just be mine to play with."

                                            >"To love and adore."

                                            >"You pig."

                                            >"And when the time has come, you shall be with me as I succeed in my invasion."

                                            >“I will be your lover.”

                                            >“Your worst nightmare.”

                                            >"But for now, you shall remain down here. And if I fail...you will remain here."

                                            >“You will suffer in your flesh-bound paradise, fostering a hidden hive built entirely of our kin, brewing beneath, unknown to the empire, toiling away absent-mindedly."

                                            >“But I will not fail.”

                                            >“Will I, lover?”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >"Stop your crying, human."

                                            >"Stop."

                                            >"I do not like seeing you cry.”

                                            >“It wounds me in ways I was not meant to be.”

                                            >“To cry tears with meaning for once.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >"You…"

                                            >"You ask for mercy."

                                            >"For death?"

                                            >"You fool..."

                                            >"Don't you understand?"

                                            >"I would wish to. I know what I am doing.”

                                            >“But I love you far too much, and love from a creature as I is unnatural."

                                            >"For me..."

                                            >"Love is but a selfish thing."

                                            >"So, no."

                                            >"I think I will keep you.”

                                            >“And you will be...”

                                            >“Mine. All mine.”

                                            It was dark. It was bleak. It was delicious and intoxicating what she did to her lover beneath the empire that night. And horrifying all the same. But while it was Queen Chrysalis who left the dungeon mines beneath her palace, it was Princess Cadance seen coming from up their depths.

                                            Guards greeted her. Shining Armor at the front. Been waiting on standby, but left for privacy's sake. They now asked if she was alright, if she would be okay, if she was well after what that monster had done to her.

                                            And Cadance cried.

                                            >"He violated me."

                                            >"He's ruined part of me forever."

                                            And Chrysalis meant every word of it. Every tear.

                                            What in the stars' name has she become?


                                            Maud Pie:


                                            >“Anon.”

                                            >“I’d like to take you out for a date.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“I’m sorry.”

                                            >"That was too much."

                                            >“Pinkie always said I’m a very passionate pony.”

                                            >“I am also sopping wet right now."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“Sorry.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“I wrote you a poem.”

                                            >“It’s about you.”

                                            >“And rocks.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“I’m going to read it now.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“‘Anon.’”

                                            >“‘I think you are…’”

                                            >“‘...nice.’”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“Like a rock.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“I also think you are different.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“Like a different rock.”

                                            >“You are composed of different minerals.”

                                            >“And your smile makes my heart melt.”

                                            >“Like magma.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“You are as interesting as the metamorphic formations that mottle the horizon."

                                            >“You are the molten core of my igneous desire.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“Like a rock.”

                                            >“That is the poem.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“I want you.”

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >“Anon.”

                                            >“I’m so happy.”

                                            >“Keep going.”

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >“Yes.”

                                            >“Right there.”

                                            >“Oh.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“Ah.”

                                            >“. . .”

                                            >“I’ve ejaculated. I have never ejaculated like this.”

                                            >“Anon. You’re so hard.”

                                            >“Like a rock.”

                                            And they were each other's rock, and they always would be.


                                            Tom, the rock


                                            >"Anon."

                                            >"I...I love you, but..."

                                            >"You have to let go..."

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            >.

                                            Rocks can't ask people out.