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Untitled

By Beans4U
Created: 24th November 2020 07:31:32 PM

  1. >Be Anon.
  2. >Be at the park.
  3. >11:00 a.m.
  4. >Sunbeams filter through the tree branches this Saturday.
  5. >They mottle the forest floor with sunlight and shadows that dance when the wind blows the tree limbs.
  6. >Thank God for the wind.
  7. >If not for it, your shirt would be sticking to your skin with sweat soaking the fabric.
  8. >Fortunately, the coolness of the summer breeze saves you from that world of humidity and wet heat.
  9. >Instead, today is a warm, clean, Saturday at the Whinny-Huston Ponyville Park.
  10. >The trail you walk is one less taken by most ponies.
  11. >There are more bushes on the trail path’s sides, but none tall enough to obscure the scenery around you.
  12. >You can still see all the spaces between the trees, see the little burrows dug by busy groundhogs.
  13. >It has character, this trail, hence why you take it.
  14. >Well, that and the last time you took the main trail was quite the event.
  15. >You were walking in a fur coat that day for it was Winter.
  16. >When you returned home, a picture of you in the coat at the park was in the newspaper.
  17. >That itself was alright-- you are beautiful, after all, like Mamanon said -- but it was the paper’s headline which struck you with great unease.
  18. >It read: “EVERFREE BIGFOOT MENACE *STILL* HASN’T LEARNED!! ANGRY MOB TO MEET TONIGHT!”
  19. >Quite lovely.
  20. >There was also an ad for pitchforks and torches, all 50% off, from the Apple family.
  21. >It was so fun to explain the truth to the mayor that night, standing in front of the angry mob gathered around town hall.
  22. >It was also fun having the mayor and the mob follow you home so you could show them the fur coat as proof.
  23. >And it was the most fun of all when they screamed at the coat and threw their pitchforks and torches at the gift from Rarity while you held it.
  24. >So.
  25. >Much.
  26. >Fun.
  27. >:')
  28. >But hey, at least you got a new collection of pitchforks in the front yard.
  29. >And a torch for 50% off.
  30. >Gotta watch out for dat Bigfoot menace, ya know.
  31.  
  32. >While your current chances of false identification as an elusive, bipedal ape are slim these days, you’ve grown accustomed to this trail from the original one you took.
  33. >It gives you a sense of security.
  34. >It’s quiet, peaceful, tranquil-- the good shit.
  35. >As you continue to walk along the trail path, you eventually come to spot a bench.
  36. >It faces a clearing through the bushes and greenery to your left that leaves a view open for you to admire through a small pond and the wildlife that inhabit it.
  37. >Deciding that it is a good place to ponder and reflect, you accost the bench and set your rump upon it.
  38. >It is a strong bench.
  39. >A strong, old bench with wood that is dry and pale and chipped, yet no more brittle than steel, or sturdy as a redwood tree.
  40. >It’s not too uncomfortable, either, and despite most other benches in town having a smaller stature to accommodate the needs of ponies, this one is surprisingly fitting for your size.
  41. >A good bench to rest upon, you feel.
  42. >Gosh, what a sight.
  43. >The sunlight shimmers in the pond with each small splash from each small creature while, at the shallower end, a log sticks out of the water where upon sits a line of five turtles, each one bigger than the last.
  44. >The smallest sits at the tip top of the log, no doubt the youngest, moving his head about more than his kin, looking at the world with a child's curiosity.
  45. >You lay back further into the bench with a yawn.
  46. >“Um, h-hello, Anon.
  47. “Hello, talking bench.”
  48. >“Um, are you watching the little turtle too?”
  49. >You nod your head, smirking at the small shelled reptile.
  50. >Seeing four others behind it, larger than the ones before each other, makes their placement seem almost intentional.
  51. >But nature is like that, you suppose.
  52. >After all, turtles and tortoises tend to represent--
  53. >Ahp.
  54. >Wait a minute.
  55. >Benches don't talk.
  56. >You split your legs apart where you sit, looking down at the bench's wooden seat.
  57.  
  58. “Uh, hello?” you say, a curious upward inflection in your voice. “Did you just say something?”
  59. >“Oh, um, I-I was just saying hello and wanted to know if you were watching the cute little turtles too. I didn’t mean to disturb you. S-sorry...”
  60. “Eeeh, that’s alright. You’re good.”
  61. >You look back up at the pond and--
  62. “Hey! Wait a minute! You just did it again!”
  63. >“Did what?”
  64. “Talk to me! You just fucking talked to me!”
  65. >“Oh! I’m so sorry! I-I just didn’t want to seem rude or anything... Um, would you like me to, y-you know.../not/ talk to you?”
  66. “You’re damn right I want no talkin’ bench in my park!” you say to it, but are quick to lean close to its arm-rest and whisper, “Did the Bigfeet send ya here? You their spy or prisoner or something? Look, I can get you out, you just gotta wait until I put my coat on and--”
  67. >“Um, Anon...?”
  68. “Yes?”
  69. >“I’m...I’m not a talking bench.”
  70. >Ah.
  71. >Shit.
  72. >It’s going to be one of /those/ days, isn’t it?
  73. “Ah. I see. You haven’t reached self awareness yet, have you? Okay, so, listen: technically, you’re not really alive as a bench, but that doesn’t mean--”
  74. >“Anon? Um, I’m not a bench.”
  75. “Well, you certainly might /believe/ that, but y’see, free will and sentience is, uh...It’s like...well...uh, it all starts in ancient Greece...”
  76. >Wait, shit, Greece isn’t canon in horseland.
  77. >You sigh, shoulders slumping to your side.
  78. “Ugh, God, this is why I joined that philosophy class in college. You know, dear little bench with dreams, I knew this would happen to me one day. Really, I did! But did I pay attention in class? Noooo! Cause Mom made me drop the damn thing because the school threatened to sue if I went through with the...UGH!”
  79. >“Um, Anon?” says the little gay bench. “Could you, maybe, look up from your crotch? And, um, now look next to you. No, y-your right side. Um...maybe your /other/ right side, please?”
  80.  
  81. “Oh. You.”
  82. >You scowl at the...the FIEND sitting next to you.
  83. >Fucking.
  84. >Fluttershit.
  85. >She smiles that half-wince smile she always makes, the one with her neck lowered as if she were hiding from someone throwing rotten food at her admittedly cute pony ass.
  86. >They should be throwing crucifixes.
  87. >And torches and pitchforks, now that you think about it.
  88. >A pink curtain of mane obscures half her face.
  89. >Good.
  90. >The less you see, the better.
  91. >Unfortunately, she still reeks of weakness and flowers.
  92. “When the fuck did you get here?” you ask, folding your arms with a huff.
  93. >“Um, I was already sitting here. D-didn't you see me?”
  94. >Uuuuuh......
  95. “Oh! Yes, you totally were! Of course. Yes. Totally. Hello there. Hi. Hello. So, uh, whaddya doin’ over here? Gonna kill yourself? I can help you with that.”
  96. “Oh, nothing...”
  97. >orly.jpg
  98. “Nothing you say?”
  99. >“Yes. Um, n-nothing...”
  100. “Not gonna try and kidnap me?”
  101. >“No.”
  102. “Not gonna stand up and reveal that the bench turns into a cage and take me to your basement?”
  103. >“Nuh-uh.”
  104. “Not even gonna try and knock me out? Do somethin’ weird and ask me for my fetish? Tickle my sexy boy taint?”
  105. >She shakes her head.
  106. “Huh.”
  107. >You stand up from the bench with a yawn.
  108. “Well, uh, later faggot.”
  109. >“O-oh! Um, goodbye, Anon.”
  110. >...
  111. “Fuck you.”
  112. >You kick the bench over by surprise, knocking it back with Fluttershy.
  113. >You hear the butter-colored pegasus squeak in shock (like a little biiih), then watch her scramble up onto her legs.
  114. >“R-rape me, p-please!” she screams while stammering.
  115. >You have just the answer for her.
  116.  
  117. “REEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E!!!!”
  118.  
  119. >With your dominance screech’s power, Fluttershy goes skedaddling into the bush, a warbling cry of indignity, self-pity, and worst-poniness echoing off the trees.
  120. >You snicker like a basedboi and carry on like a wayward chum.
  121. >Fucking Fluttershy.
  122. >Kek.
Flutterrape Flutterape Fluttershy Anonymous Anon Bigfoot Menace Funny AiE Anon in Equestria Anonymous in Equestria

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