/bootleg/ Twilit Starsky 2: Farmer's Boogaloo


                                            >"Alright, Mr. A. We got water?"

                                            "Check."

                                            >"Got grub?"

                                            "Check. And aren't we going to get grub?"

                                            >"Yeah but... cooked grub is better. Got gas?"

                                            "Yup, full tank."

                                            >"Haa... Mr. A's got gas."

                                            >You cap off the checklist with a mocking laugh

                                            >Today's the day

                                            >Finally

                                            >Starsky's leading you to that farm she mentioned a while back

                                            >For all the talk of gift baskets and helping out, it has amounted to her and you spending weeks just watching TV and "totally vegging out"

                                            >Her goofy vibes have been rubbing off on you

                                            >Enough that spending time in the living room no longer feels like a violation

                                            >You still default to the basement

                                            >But if she's in the living room, you'll stick to there

                                            >She is...

                                            >Better

                                            >You think

                                            >When it comes to random talking time, she has a thousand stories to tell about her good ol' days with Lizzy

                                            >A lot of them are at least retold through fond tones and smiles, even if most of the stories have a bittersweet element to them

                                            >She's very articulate when she wants to be

                                            >You didn't give her a lot of credit before but she...

                                            >She really is pretty keen

                                            >You couldn't really help it

                                            >She still acts like she's just a leaf on the wind but you know she has a pretty big rudder

                                            "Alright, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. You sure she won't mind us stopping by? It'll be late lunch time if we get there on schedule."

                                            >Starsky shakes her head

                                            >Now that she's gotten used to her shorter mane, she uses every occasion to whip it around

                                            >In effect, it has given her a sort of supermodel vibe at times

                                            >Her tail is still far too long, and still drags on the ground

                                            >She still has some sort of complex about you cutting it so instead you just set it up in a bun

                                            >For the most part, you don't get distracted by her motions or words anymore

                                            >For the most part

                                            >"Naaah, it's fine. Ms. H and I shoot each other emails like every day now. I think she would be pretty happy to see you."

                                            "That sounds promising."

                                            >With the address punched in, you set off on the first leg of your road trip

                                            >To be honest, you could use an outdoor trip

                                            >You've been hopping from job to job since you moved back home

                                            >It has all been a blur not worth remembering

                                            >"Mr. A, you're scowling. Not a fan of crows?"

                                            "Eh?"

                                            >You have no clue what she meant by that

                                            "No, uh. I just hope that I'll make an alright impression. You sure she's ok with just giving stuff away?"

                                            >The way Starsky is side-sitting in the chair, you can't escape her easy eyes

                                            >"Ha, that's funny. Did I ever tell you about my FFA days?"

                                            "Not beyond you were a show pony."

                                            >"Not true, dude! Lizz tried to make me a show pony."

                                            "Oh, right. Silly me."

                                            >"Totally, sill you. Anyway, so Ms. H actually had a farm. Or rather, she was part of a family that had a farm. And they're legit too, not just a few garden pots full of cherry tomatoes and thyme. You wanna know the first rule of farming, Mr. A?"

                                            "Iiiiiiii... don't know. Don't plant where you sleep?"


                                            >"Nah, man, learn to share! Whether it's tools or stuff, sometimes you have too much for yourself. So you share and make friends that way."

                                            "You lost me. You can have too many tools?"

                                            >"Well, you can have backup tools. Like, do you have just enough spoons for yourself or could you afford to let someone else use one?"

                                            >As unusual as her example is, you're learning to roll with her logic

                                            "Sure. But if I don't know you well, I won't give you a spoon?"

                                            >"Yeah, you get it! And how do you get to know me better so you'll give me a spoon?"

                                            "I... ask for a fork?"

                                            >Starsky lets out a mock gasp

                                            >"Mr. A! Asking for a fork from a girl you barely know... you're a fast mover."

                                            >You can't help but feel a little embarrassed

                                            "I... I didn't mean it like that. I'm talking cutlery."

                                            >Her chuckling lets you know that she's at least three steps ahead of you

                                            >"I am too."

                                            >You're lucky you have to keep your eyes on the road or you'd...

                                            >She ignores your underbreath grumbling

                                            >"But really, yeah. It's like that. You build up a neat network through stuff like that. And when it comes to big, strong tools and assisted forking..."

                                            >She lingers on the last syllables

                                            >Your lips widen into a grimace

                                            >You aren't taking the bait

                                            >"Remember Mr. A, pitchforks are essential tools."

                                            >Not taking it

                                            >"Thick poles on those forks too."

                                            >Nope

                                            >"Sometimes they require more than just two hands."

                                            >Oh how you wish you could give her just a single brake check and watch her fly out your windshield

                                            >"And you know hooves don't grab so well..."

                                            "The point, man!"

                                            >Your outburst reeks of desperation

                                            >You can't handle this sort of teasing

                                            >"Ha... my point is pretty obvious, dude. If you have a farm, there's totally no way you'll ever be able to eat everything you make. So you share and trade the excess for other things. Next thing you know, you got a whole lot of stuff going for you. And it means that you can give someone the most important thing, next to air and water. The cool thing? They got trees and bushes too so, like, they aren't even just normal vegetable farmers. They got fruits too."

                                            "...oh. Well I guess that is obvious."

                                            >"Seriously. Sometimes I wonder just how you tie your shoes."

                                            "Well we're going out and it isn't in town so I am wearing my boots. Those don't have laces."

                                            >"See! It's a completely legit thing to wonder."

                                            "Oh whatever, man."

                                            >This mare scrambles your head with such ease you're not sure how you deal with it

                                            >But she does make you smile

                                            >She actually makes you smile a lot

                                            >That sort of weaponized disarming silliness is formidable

                                            "So what's in the care package, anyway?"

                                            >"That's a secret. So much a secret that she didn't tell me anything about it either. But she said to bring back the basket once we're done. So get ready for more trips."

                                            "Not twice a week, I hope. We're burning almost a full tank on this round trip."


                                            >"Nahh, that would be weird. But like, once a month hopefully?"

                                            >Drive to a farm once a month for things?

                                            >Depending on how big the basket is, you could probably spread it out longer than that

                                            >As if she is picking up on your thoughts, she interjects

                                            >"I mean, I wanna see her at least once a month if that's ok with you?"

                                            "Huh? Oh, well..."

                                            >Let's be honest

                                            >You don't do anything but work anyway

                                            >You could stand to get some sun

                                            >And it would make her happy

                                            "Yeah. I'm not complaining, just keeping logistics in mind."

                                            >"Awesome! You're the best, Mr. A."

                                            "Yeah... nah... nah."

                                            >You shrug away the attempted compliment

                                            >You tend to feel the happiest when you aren't thinking

                                            >You've thought that lately, anyway, which can be a bit of a paradox

                                            >"I mean it. And hey, they might even be able to spare you some gas too! They got, like, a gas station only five miles away. Really convenient for getting stuff. Not so much when you gotta hoof it yourself."

                                            >That draws your attention

                                            "You've had to walk five miles for gas?"

                                            >"Me? Nah. But Ms. H did once. So I went with her to help out. They had a spare set of saddlebags so I ended up carrying a few gallons too. It was nice though."

                                            >Sounds to you like she had to walk five miles for gas

                                            >But you'll keep that to yourself

                                            >"It sounds like it's a long distance. Because it's like... five miles, twice. But it's not ten. Because you have the break between and then when you're loaded up that second five feels like ten. You know?"

                                            >You begin to nod

                                            "I have absolutely no clue."

                                            >"It's fun. We should do that one of these days."

                                            "Why not just drive the car to the gas station?"

                                            >"Because it's the journey, man, not the destination. That's the fun thing."

                                            >If she says so

                                            >After the first half hour, you're out of town proper

                                            >Industrial plants and fields take up most of the horizon

                                            >As well as the ever-expansive two-lane road

                                            >It looks pretty nice

                                            >For some reason the sparse number of cars sharing your direction makes you feel like you're in a convoy

                                            >Farmers probably have convoys

                                            >Hell, they probably have a really strong sense of community too

                                            >They probably know everyone in a twenty mile radius, at least on a surface level

                                            >Meanwhile you don't even recognize your own neighbors

                                            >They aren't the people you grew up with

                                            >You certainly haven't been social either

                                            >Only Starsky made an attempt to be around

                                            >And the reasoning for that...

                                            >"Mr. A, did I ever tell you that I kinda wished that I could be a farmer?"

                                            "I don't think so. Aren't you too tech-savvy to work out in the fields and all that?"

                                            >"Nah man, not like... a hard working farmer. But the sort who just has like... a greenhouse. Because if you wanna do food, just have like a barrel or two and grow potatoes."

                                            "You can grow potatoes in a barrel?"

                                            >"Bro, potato barrels are like the coolest things. But I don't mean those."

                                            "Alright, so what do you want to grow in a greenhouse?"

                                            >"Like... garden variety stuff."


                                            >One of these days this mare is going to give you mental whiplash so hard you'll see her point

                                            "O...k. Name a few things."

                                            >"Like spearmint, normal mint, lemongrass, ginger, garlic. Not... the important stuff. But the little things. Ever had a steak before with fresh herbs on it?"

                                            "I haven't. Not outside of that dry rub stuff and other mixes you've had."

                                            >"See? That's why I would do those. Those things smell nice too, you know? They're little things, but they matter. They're like... the details to the big picture. The happy little bushes that bring out the best in the mountain."

                                            "In the mountain or around the mountain?"

                                            >"Well in this case, they're bushes that the mountain eats."

                                            "But if the bushes are the herbs and the steak is the main course... then don't we eat the mountain?"

                                            >"That's silly, Mr. A. Mountains don't eat bushes."

                                            >This repeated  moon logic makes you smirk

                                            "Alright wise guy, what do mountains eat then?"

                                            >"Cave explorers that get lost. Obviously, right?"

                                            >She never doesn't sound amused

                                            "Right... that's rather morbid, isn't it?"

                                            >"Well I mean it's not like it's plucking them out of their homes."

                                            "Yeah because that would be weird."

                                            >"Totally. And you know that weird is weird."

                                            "S'yeah... like, totally."

                                            >You start to adopt her inflections

                                            "Like... shut up, do you ever think of... like the trees that eat the nutrients from the mountain too?"

                                            >Starsky giggles

                                            >"Bro, I TOTALLY think that! And it's true, too! Because-and dig this-the minerals get eaten up by the trees... but then they die and the mountain claims it back. And then other trees slurp them back up. They're like... farmers. But without farmers."

                                            "Woooaaahhh... you like... blew my mind."

                                            >"Legit, Mr. A. It's kinda spooky to think of how well nature gets along without us."

                                            >You let out a loud, long sigh

                                            "Ahhhh Starsky. You're weird. Grab me a bag of those sausage sticks."

                                            >"The bag you drowned in red pepper flakes?"

                                            "You know it."

                                            >"Sure, lemme get them. And... uh. Head's up, they're all yours."

                                            >She crouches down and bites down onto one of the four bags of snack meats you grabbed

                                            >Maybe you got too much variety

                                            >But it was a good excuse to spend nearly twenty bucks per bag

                                            >She lifts up her head, corner of the bag hanging from her lips

                                            >You swipe it and finagle the ziplock seal until you get a stick pushed out and ready for chomping

                                            "Not a fan of hot stuff?"

                                            >"Nah, Mr. A. It ain't like that at all. I can handle some peppering."

                                            "What is it like then?"

                                            >The first stick goes by too fast, so you go for a second

                                            >"I just don't want you to see me panting and drooling before dinnertime."

                                            >You nearly choke on your chunk of flaky beef

                                            >That, in turn, leads to you swerving hard into the oncoming lane

                                            >Thankfully the only other person on the road is a half mile in front of you

                                            >You won't dare say it for fear of smart remark, but maybe you should muzzle her


                                            >The vast majority of the time spent driving takes place on lonesome roads

                                            >You know you were in the country when it got to the point that there's maybe a mailbox every other mile

                                            >"Alright, we're getting pretty close. That tractor over there? The dude who owns it got super miffed one day because he broke a cheap wrench and a bit got stuck. So he said "consarn it rusty varmint!" and let it sit to rust."

                                            >She adopts a heavy southern twang for just those four words

                                            >You slow down enough for her to get up and point to it

                                            >Sure enough it looks like it has been sitting outside for decades

                                            >If not centuries

                                            "Why didn't he sell it?"

                                            >"Iunno. Wrench guys are kinda funny like that."

                                            "I guess so... how much further?"

                                            >"Like, another five minutes? Or miles. You'll recognize it because Ms. H got the barn painted purple."

                                            "That's... an odd color. Why purple?"

                                            >"Because you can see purple pretty easily if everything is covered in white snow."

                                            >Your first response is a heavy sigh

                                            "Alright, so why did she paint it purple instead of the normal color of red?"

                                            >"Oh!"

                                            >Starsky giggles and nods

                                            >"Because... like, I'm purple too."

                                            "See, that I get."

                                            >With that in mind, you creep back up to your normal speed

                                            >Purple barn...

                                            >This Ms. H figure must be a pretty valuable friend

                                            >More valuable than a druggie

                                            >Starsky hasn't been asking if you've seen her

                                            >You're sure she goes out for a walk at least once or twice a day

                                            >And if she saw her, she'd probably tell you

                                            >She seems the sort that's too open to hold secrets like that

                                            >Not that you were counting, but after five minutes of music, you see a purple building on the horizon

                                            >"Dude, check it out! Awesome!"

                                            >Starsky stands up and leans against the dashboard

                                            >"See, I told you! Aw, it looks even better now. Come on, Mr. A, pedal to the metal!"

                                            "Riiight... you got it."

                                            >You increase your speed from sixty to... sixty two

                                            >Cruise control is a glorious thing to have

                                            >Rather than a rocky path, you turn into a neatly flattened dirt... parking lot?

                                            >It doesn't look like a proper entryway to the farm but more the entrance to an orchard

                                            >"$15 per basket, visit the store to pay!"

                                            >So says an old wooden sign

                                            >The colors are vibrant but you can tell that they're starting to wear from the repeated years

                                            >"Aw sweet, the sign is still there too! Come on, Mr. A, let's check it out!"

                                            >You open the door just in time for Starsky to hop on your thighs and bounce off onto the dirt

                                            >And just like that the meticulously made bun of her tail comes undone

                                            >Oh well, at least her mane is managed

                                            >You get out and you can't help but notice that she's making a straight gallop over to a...

                                            >Shed?

                                            >It's too small to be a cabin

                                            >But too big to be a tool shed

                                            >The old style door and windows help keep to you vaguely confused about the purpose of the...

                                            >Let's call it a shack

                                            >"Aw man, I remember when I spent a fall helping out here! We were selling the apples, bags of pre-picked apples, apple butter, apple muffins, jams, jellies."

                                            >Starsky runs around the entire perimeter of the shabby structure

                                            >It looks like it could at least contain around a dozen people

                                            >You peek in through one of the windows and see a little counter area set up with a good dozen shelves

                                            >Definitely a basic storefront but the rustic appearance must be pretty neat for customers

                                            >And cheap to maintain


                                            "It looks pretty clean, outside the windows."

                                            >You can see a ceramic cup on one of the counters

                                            >It isn't covered in spider webs quite yet so it can't have been left there for too long

                                            >Starsky stops behind you, bouncing with every step

                                            >"Totally! I was even around to help clean it. Right before we open it to everyone, we scrub it from top to bottom. Brush, mop, wipe, lacquer, the works!"

                                            "Sounds like you really loved it here."

                                            >You wait for Starsky to make another circuit around the shack before she stops in front of you

                                            >Her tail has already caught a random twig in it

                                            >It's gonna take a while to get that clean again

                                            >"I really like it here, Mr. A."

                                            >That plain, uncomplicated statement says a lot

                                            "Yeah, I bet. Ready to see your friend?"

                                            >"Nah."

                                            >She maintains a lukewarm smile while answering

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >Her smile isn't different

                                            >But her eyes

                                            >Something in her eyes are off

                                            "Why not?"

                                            >You certainly have no intention of going back empty-handed

                                            >That doesn't sound right

                                            >It's more... you're not going back without her getting to see her friend again

                                            >You don't have a huge interest in seeing how to ration out a bushel of greens

                                            >"Anon, I'm kinda spooked."

                                            >Her lack of usual inflection takes you off guard

                                            "What? Why?"

                                            >Rather than directly answer, she turns to where you see where she was injured

                                            >"Be honest, man... can you tell they were there?"

                                            >Your first gut reaction is that you can

                                            >The slashes around her ribs

                                            >The one that went up to her neck

                                            >If that one had gone deeper...

                                            >They are no longer visible but her coat is very cleanly affected by the scarring

                                            >It's been only what, maybe two months since then?

                                            >Has it really been that long?

                                            >"That bad, huh."

                                            "Wha-"

                                            >Crap, you were on a timer

                                            >You were caught up  in your own head

                                            "No. I mean... I... I guess I botched it. But they were pretty big marks."

                                            >Cuts

                                            >They were cuts, Anon

                                            >And no matter your thoughts, you can only presume that they weren't supposed to simply harm

                                            >"Nah... you didn't botch it at all. I kinda lied about having the bleeding stopped. You can only lick wounds so much until the taste makes you sick."

                                            >Her static smile twitches into a smirk

                                            >Enough of her cheek raises to show it is an attempt at a smirk at least

                                            >"...just kidding.  My neck was too stiff."

                                            >You are at a loss

                                            "They're... I can tell that they're there. But they aren't really bad. And to be fair, I saw them when they were fresh. I guess I can't really separate that."

                                            >In such a short time, the entire vibe of this changed

                                            "I mean. You told her what happened, right?"

                                            >"...basically. I kinda left out some details."

                                            >She left out most details with you too

                                            >Not that you necessarily asked for them

                                            "Well... we're here. Why don't we just roll with it? If she asks..."

                                            >Be honest?

                                            >Tell a lie?

                                            >Deflect it with humor?

                                            >"When she does, will you be able to help me?"

                                            >Help her?

                                            >How?

                                            "You got it."

                                            >Her expression finally melts into more genuine relief

                                            >"Thank you. I don't know if I can do it alone."

                                            >The both of you stand there for an uncomfortable amount of time

                                            >It hasn't escaped you that you've temporarily lost your status of "Mr."

                                            "So are you ready to show this city slicker a good time? I'd love to see your grapes."

                                            >Your comment causes Starsky to recoil

                                            >You can tell that she didn't expect that from you

                                            >She lets out a soft exhale of a "haaaaa"

                                            >"Dude, you're a rowdy one. They don't have grapes here, but I can give you some juice when we get back."

                                            "To be honest, I'm more a jelly sort of guy."

                                            >"Then we'll split the different and just jam?"

                                            "Heh."

                                            >That seems to deflate the tension


                                            "Let's just see what happens, alright? Worst case scenario, we weird them out because you're stuck to me like white on rice."

                                            >"Don't worry, that dynamic isn't so weird out here."

                                            >You want to pry more on that... but this is certainly not the time or the place

                                            "So you're good?"

                                            >Starsky takes a few deep inhales

                                            >"We've dressed to impress, let's go make a mess."


                                            >With renewed confidence, you make way for the purple barn

                                            >You weren't sure what to expect at first

                                            >Now that you know what is on the line and on her mind...

                                            >Well you don't want to lie

                                            >But you don't want to not help her more

                                            >You frown

                                            >Was that a proper thought or was it a Starskyism?

                                            >"Woo! Heeeeeey, Star! Starrr!"

                                            >The sudden call snaps you back to reality

                                            >Starsky's ears perk up

                                            >"Dude! Ms. H!"

                                            >Your head tracks the sudden diversion the pony takes

                                            >She drops into.. a brisk trot toward a mellow green pony with a golden brown mane

                                            >The pony does the same

                                            >Maybe it's just you but she seems a little big around the belly

                                            >You adjust course and follow behind to the inevitable scene of the friendly crash

                                            >Despite the energy in their voices, they visibly hesitate when they get closer as if they're taking in their mutual conditions

                                            >If you can tell that Starsky got hurt, there's no doubt that one of her supposed friends can tell too

                                            >"Bro... you weren't kidding. You look like you're gonna pop any minute now."

                                            >"Ohh I am noooot! I got, like, another three months? But given how dad is, who knows? And you look..."

                                            >You reattach yourself like a free-floating magnet to her side

                                            >That pony is absolutely pregnant

                                            >"I mean, you look great! Let your coat grow a little and it'll be fine."

                                            >Between the two, you have no clue what is genuine

                                            >The appropriately-titled Ms. H has the voice of more of an active valley girl

                                            >What seems odd to you is that it feels a little off

                                            >"Haa... yeah, I don't know about that. Mr. A seems to like it more when I'm more mushy than bushy. Ain't that right?"

                                            "W-what?"

                                            >The two of them look up at you, snickering

                                            "I. I cut her mane. I think it looks better shorter."

                                            >Ms. H grins and squints

                                            >Like she found a key tactic

                                            >"'Lit Star trades her locks for loooove, huh? I didn't think he'd make that his introduction..."

                                            >Ms. H's tongue flickers out at the "duction"

                                            >Starsky leers up at you with a similar face

                                            >Dear God no

                                            >"Believe it or not, but Mr. A's a big ol' softie... when he's soft."

                                            >"Ooooh... you telling me that he's got a bit of a hard streak in him?"

                                            >You can feel the menacing aura come from these two creatures of predatory intent

                                            >You fight with every fiber to maintain a poker face

                                            "...it's nice to meet you, Ms. H. I'm Anon. I'm Starsky's..."

                                            >The moment you trail off, they both grin into something downright sinister

                                            >You glance at Starsky for a cue

                                            >There is a cue, isn't there?

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >She's seriously leaving you hanging

                                            >The dopy mean girls cackle at your painful awkwardness

                                            >Ms. H politely bows, only after stifling herself to a gentle giggle

                                            >"I am very pleased'ta meet'cha, Anon. Star has told me a lot about you, I'm sure most of it's true too."

                                            >The valley girl is still there

                                            >But it sounds tempered with some sort of... mature sense

                                            >"My name's Autumn Barley. But you can call me Harley."


                                            >Harley?

                                            "Oh! So that's where the "H" comes from. Nice to meet you."

                                            >Harley's low giggle tells all

                                            >"Good thing he's cute, huh Star."

                                            >Starsky's answer is a soft sigh

                                            >"It sure is... it's fun to see him get all confused."

                                            >Now this is just minor bullying

                                            >And you...

                                            >Don't know if you're going to take it

                                            >Ah, screw it

                                            "I wasn't sure how you'd be but now that I see you two at it, I can't imagine you'd be any different."

                                            >There's just a tiny speck of aggression in your voice

                                            >It's enough for both of them to start laughing again

                                            >"Oh, most-defs, man. I mean, she and Lizzy may have been a dream team but when we were together it was all cream in between."

                                            >Harley's mention of the human woman causes a flicker of Star's ear

                                            >"And-sorry I didn't reply to your last email-but... she hasn't come here either. Before, she was never not welcome but... well. You know how we kinda started to run with different crowds since prom."

                                            >Starsky's body is rigid

                                            >You can tell because of the way her legs are locked

                                            >Towering over them has advantages

                                            >"N-no, that's alright Ms. H. I mean, it's not like I'd want her to come out here and bug you any. I guess I..."

                                            >She trails off

                                            >"It's been years since prom, hasn't it?"

                                            >Harley nods

                                            >Compared to Starsky's solemn one, Harley's reaction seems comfortable

                                            >"It sure has. You were always the smart one, Star. Like the "The More You Know" sign. C'mon, let's go introduce you two to dad."

                                            >Dad?

                                            >You shouldn't feel so proud of your insight but she probably means the guy who

                                            >...

                                            >Wait

                                            >It wouldn't be a guy, right?

                                            >Not a human guy

                                            >"Heeeey, Cartman! Can you stop with the baling and come say "hey"?!"

                                            >From around the corner of the barn you hear a shrill whine

                                            >"But Meeeeeeeeeeeeeem, I'm almost done with the baling so they can get shipped ooooooooooout!"

                                            >Starsky giggles at the spot-on Cartman impersonation

                                            >You're amused but also confused

                                            >"No "but"s, mister! Out here, now!"

                                            >The two voices are moving closer

                                            >You hold your breath and expect-

                                            >A human beats Harley to coming around the corner

                                            >A man who sure looks older than you, wearing a pair of overalls with rubber boots so high they go to his shins

                                            >"But MeeeeeeeeeHHHHHHHHHHH!"

                                            >His rising whine matches Harley's own ear-piercing tangent that has no end in sight

                                            >They both go silent the moment he drops to one knee

                                            >Given the stain on his overall, he favors his right

                                            >"Woah... Carter, it is you! You've gotten all sorts of buff, haven't you?"

                                            >He's not that buff

                                            >It isn't jealousy that caused that thought but the man does look like he's more lean than you

                                            >"Wow, Harley wasn't kidding! Hey hey, Star. It's been a while since the FFA days."

                                            >"Totally! You were such a dork back then."

                                            >"Hey, that's my man you're talking about! I'll have you know he's still a dork now too."

                                            >"Woah now, this dork is expanding his land in three years. I'm a successful dork now."

                                            >"Yeah, that's not the only thing you're expanding these days, huh?"

                                            >The mares erupt into laughter


                                            >Without an ounce of awareness, you state what can't possibly be the obvious

                                            "Wait, you impregnated Harley?"

                                            >The laughing stops when all three of them look at you

                                            >It then begins again, with renewed energy

                                            >Carter scratches the back of his head, embarrassed

                                            >But the smile says he's proud

                                            >"I reckon so. This'll be our first. I don't know why it took so long bu-"

                                            >"Oh shush, you know exactly why it took so long."

                                            >Harley pokes an accusatory hoof at the man

                                            >"Anxiety?"

                                            >From the tone, Starsky's setting Harley up to knock another one out of the park

                                            >"Heck no, he's never gotten so excited over anything else! It's... you know."

                                            >Harley crosses her eyes, rears up on her back legs and gives a little screech while her front legs flail

                                            >"I-it wasn't that!"

                                            >"Oh it totally was, Mr. Farmer! Harley told me alllllllll about it."

                                            >"You what?!"

                                            >"Even Mr. A knows, don't you?"

                                            >The high speed ping pong ball of momentum slaps the side of your head

                                            >This is all so alien you can only react by instinct

                                            "You can do that?"

                                            >The momentum dies with your genuine question

                                            >"...Well yeah, it ain't rocket science."

                                            >Carter is a little less than friendly with his comment

                                            >Starsky takes a step back, nudging your side with her head

                                            >"Hey, you gotta go easy on the guy sometimes. He's, like... pure."

                                            >Pure what?

                                            >This situation is so uncomfortable

                                            >It isn't her friend that seems like a natural foil

                                            >It isn't her friend's man who is decidedly the father of their...

                                            >Child?

                                            >Foal?

                                            >It feels weird because you're such an outsider

                                            "...so what are the logistics?"

                                            >Carter and Harley look at each other after you ask

                                            >Harley speaks up for the both of them

                                            >"...like... the... mechanics?"

                                            >You aren't sure if she's about to laugh or is just that taken aback

                                            "N-no. Not that. I mean..."

                                            >You shrug off what embarrassment you can

                                            "I mean, are you two married already? Is it official?"

                                            >The couple look at each other again

                                            >Their lack of immediate answer is not promising

                                            >"Hey Star, why don't we go get some baskets so we can start picking stuff? We got some early stuff that's grown. Think two bushels will be enough?"

                                            >Starsky looks up

                                            >Wasn't the plan to not be separated?

                                            >"You won't get lost without me leading you around, right Mr. A?"

                                            >Your hands are tied

                                            "Nah, I'll be fine. Worst case scenario, I start screaming."

                                            >That gives her some form of relief

                                            >"Yeah, let's go grab 'em! You better have my favorite one in mint condition."

                                            >"The one you got a splinter from? Oh, you know it."

                                            >"Haa, nice. I'll have you know, I'm a lot stronger now."

                                            >"Tell me about it! It had to take a lot of willpower to let him chop your mop like that."

                                            >The two stroll off, bantering like a pair of pros

                                            >It leaves you with Carter

                                            >Or rather, they left him... with you


                                            >He stands up, not too impressed

                                            >"So, city boy. Wanna walk and talk? Harley'll find us soon enough."

                                            "Sure. Where are we going?"

                                            >"Trees. Got apples, pears, and I wanna see how our plums are doing. Might be good enough time for you to grab some for yourselves."

                                            >You follow behind, getting the vibe that he's not so friendly

                                            "You know, I'm not talking anything bad about your kid."

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            "Yeah. I... well, I've seen a few ponies but I've never really been around one up until recently."

                                            >"You saying you and Starsky aren't "old friends"?"

                                            >Was that part of her story?

                                            "I..."

                                            >You know what?

                                            >Fuck it

                                            "Listen man, my father died recently enough where I still expect to see him stop by and act like he owns the place. I'm still not sure if I'll ever see Lizzy pop up like some maniac, and I already feel like I'm a third wheel. Do me a favor and ease up off my nuts, huh?"

                                            >Carter stops and turns to you

                                            >You're not sure if you're going to cry just a tiny bit or start swinging hands around but by God do you need some sort of pressure relief

                                            >He holds out his hand

                                            >"...yup. You got a point. Sorry for your loss."

                                            >You reach and shake

                                            "Thanks."

                                            >"Let me..."

                                            >He inhales and visibly deflates with a sigh

                                            >"Let's restart, without those two clowns. Name's Carter Fredrickson. I suppose it's a bit of a legal grey area but yeah, Harley's basically my wife. We're... starting fresh, as it were. Lot of empty bedrooms home. But it's been a bit. Not all are gone, some just left."

                                            >You don't recall if you were told this detail or not

                                            "Anon. Anon Papadopoulos. I came back home not too long ago and it still doesn't feel real."

                                            >"I knocked up a pony after years of fighting on whether or not I should find a human woman. I'm half-concerned you're a figment of my imagination."

                                            >He smirks

                                            >You chuckle and give one last shake before letting go

                                            "Yeah. That's..."

                                            >You shake your head in disbelief

                                            "I mean, it's great, right? I just didn't know you could."

                                            >"Well, supposedly, it wasn't always the case. Or if it was, we didn't know about it."

                                            >Carter begins walking again

                                            >But at a slower pace to where you're now side-by-side

                                            >"Highschool was nice, before that was just... you didn't think about it. But apparently it is a thing, it just isn't brought up a lot."

                                            "Know why?"

                                            >"Well it's one of those... topics you just don't bring up all that much, you know? You either get a human or not, then there are other weird questions people have and..."

                                            >He huffs

                                            >"Gonna be honest, chief, but it's embarrassing at times. A place a few hours from here has the same thing; ponies involved in the family. Started as a labor thing. Next thing you know, turns out the oldest son was caught with a mare. Couldn't disown him, couldn't believe it, and before you know it-"

                                            >He makes a popping noise with his lips

                                            >"She gives birth to twins. Two humans, just like that. And, I mean, I ain't heard otherwise and I've seen them and... they're just normal. Don't make too much sense."

                                            "...but how?"


                                            >"That's the question, man. And no one has an answer yet. They'd rather ask the "why" first. Which..."

                                            "Is understandable."

                                            >"Yup. And the answer..."

                                            "...is understandable."

                                            >Carter lets out an awkward laugh

                                            >You join in until it's no longer awkward

                                            >It's a laugh of relief

                                            >"Damn straight, brother. I'm not gonna say I'm the most straight edge sort of man but it just sorta... happens."

                                            >You think back to some of the...

                                            >Situations

                                            >With Starsky

                                            >Thank God it isn't only you

                                            "So, real talk for a bit. Do you know Starsky well?"

                                            >"Well enough, I would think."

                                            >Now back in the orchard, you feel far more at ease

                                            >Not only do you see your car, but you don't see the girls

                                            "So... she kinda popped up out of nowhere."

                                            >"So I heard."

                                            "And she seems to really like me."

                                            >"Sure seems that way."

                                            "...I'm not saying anything, but Lizzy was a complete wreck. I'm not sure if I'll need cops or my dad's gun if I see her again."

                                            >"One, then the other."

                                            "She... isn't like that, I've noticed."

                                            >"No, she really isn't."

                                            >His quick answers make you wonder if he's just eager to talk to another human

                                            "What's she like? Really? As you've known her."

                                            >Carter doesn't answer until he stops in front of an apple tree

                                            >He plucks one after doing a quick scan of the branches and holds it out to you

                                            "Nah, not yet."

                                            >He shrugs and chomps into it

                                            >It must feel nice to have such free access to something like that

                                            >He eats more of the apple in silence

                                            >You would feel insulted but his face says that he's in a deep sense of thought

                                            >He ends up eating most of it before tossing the core away, eat bite becoming more vicious than the last

                                            >"Sorry, had to... think a second."

                                            >More like near two minutes but alright

                                            >"I'll say that I've known only a few ponies. Most of them girls. And they..."

                                            >His eyes meet yours

                                            >"They never make bonds casually. If you're a friend, they see you as a true blue companion. And if..."

                                            "Things escalate?"

                                            >"Yup."

                                            >That sounds like it would be too easy to abuse

                                            >"Starsky. From what I've seen, and what Harley has told me over the years. She found a way to fit in. Lizzy was always bad, but not terrible. Starsky and she were thick as thieves, but there was that disconnect."

                                            >This feels like it's getting to be a little too personal

                                            "...nevermind that stuff. But. I mean, what was she like in general?"

                                            >"In general, huh? Quiet, I guess. Big bookworm."

                                            "Her?"

                                            >Carter nods

                                            >"Better believe it. Ponies are freaks, man. They figure out what they're good at and they try to live it as hard as they can. You can try to stop them, emphasis on "try", but they still find a way. Harley, for example, smaller plants. Our greenhouse has turned into a mansion at this point."

                                            >He looks behind him, checking if she were around

                                            >"Don't say anything but she's going a little seed crazy. Trying to make a hybrids all the time."

                                            >You chuckle and speak without thinking

                                            "Gee, can't imagine what caused that."


                                            >"Right? It's a mystery. All I did was sow the seeds."

                                            >He plucks off another apple and throws it to you

                                            >Screw it, you're hungry enough

                                            >You start to eat while his tongue goes over the front of her teeth

                                            >"Starsky's weird. She just liked reading things. Philosophy books, joke books, cook books. Don't know how her family managed to get her but they really didn't have the means to do a lot. So she just read a lot. 'course, back then she also wasn't so confident in herself so she'd explain her... thing, every now and again. I think she did more homework than Lizzy."

                                            "I'm glad she's around."

                                            >"I bet."

                                            >Chomp

                                            >Remember to swallow too, Anon

                                            "I guess I'm just worried. She wouldn't pull a fast one, would she?"

                                            >Carter frowns at you

                                            >"Her? No. I would be surprised anyway, why?"

                                            "I..."

                                            >Chomp

                                            >Everything tastes fine and fresh but you hope the meme about worms in apples are just memes

                                            "I just worry. She popped up out of nowhere for some food. Next thing I know, I'm hooked on her being around me and it..."

                                            >You finish the apple

                                            >Your apparent hunger matches Carter's

                                            >You now understand why he was so ravenous

                                            >Talking about this

                                            >Being so open about it

                                            >It's uncomfortable

                                            "It's like having a stray cat come by. And before you know it, she's home and it feels like home to you."

                                            >Now that you've said it, you feel a weight come off your shoulder

                                            "And... she's hot. I'm not gonna lie, and I think I've stopped pretending."

                                            >You stare at the core

                                            >There's no more for you to eat

                                            >You glance up to the farmer and he just shrugs

                                            >You shrug and throw it over your shoulder

                                            "I don't know. It feels too smooth. Too easy. Too quick and solid."

                                            >"You expect her to go back on it? Or for it to be some sort of trick."

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >Carter shakes his head

                                            >"Nope... it may seem like it. I think it's a pony thing. Or a pony chick thing."

                                            >He chuckles

                                            >"Shit, I don't know. But once, Harley told me that when we first... did stuff. You know."

                                            "Sure."

                                            >"She said that ponies were "one and done". That it's some sort of... instinct. And I believe it."

                                            >The obvious is poking the back of your neck like a splinter

                                            "So what happens if you're one, and then not done?"

                                            >He gives you a suspicious look but it melts after a few seconds

                                            >"Like a Lizzy situation?"

                                            "Like that."

                                            >"I don't know. Harley doesn't either. And we had a sit down and really put our heads together."

                                            >He looks behind himself again

                                            >Or tries to

                                            "We're still good."

                                            >He shrugs and relaxes

                                            >"My only guess is that it's going to take a while. Their friendships never fade, you know. Starsky hasn't been here in years but every year we have to paint that God damned barn the same shade."

                                            >He caps off his complaint with a "ha"

                                            >"Who else does that?"

                                            >That explains a lot

                                            >But that also brings up a concern

                                            "So does that mean that she may forgive Lizzy? I don't mean to be rude but-"

                                            >"Yeah, I see the marks. I hope she doesn't. Again, cops or gun. Preferably one after the other."

                                            "...but would she forgive me though, in that situation?"