/marital/ What's Bugging Anon E. Mouse?


                                            >You thought that living alone was the worst thing imaginable

                                            >No matter what, you couldn't deal with...

                                            >The silence

                                            >The utterly muted and hushed minutes, hours, days that made you feel like you were two seconds away from an abyss swallowing you whole

                                            "Applejack, please, we gotta-"

                                            >"I'm sorry sugarcube but Twilight needs me! We ain't never beaten a big bad before without all of us present, and she's sure as shoot gonna need my hooves!"

                                            >To cap off her hurried preparing, she leans back onto her hind hooves, tilts her head up as much as she can, and plants a peck on your chin

                                            >You do your best to kneel but it just feels to weird to sit on the ground

                                            >The size difference is pretty favorable at times but it makes having harder conversations that much more difficult

                                            >You think she knows the topic you're wanting to bring up

                                            >"Now don't you worry none, as soon as I come back we're gonna talk until the cows come home! 'till then, I gotta go stomp some bugs. Help Big Macintosh a little, will ya? Don't tell him so but I think you've outlifted him all week."

                                            >As much as you would like to hold her back, you know that she and her friends are some sort of globetrotting force for good

                                            >You try not to bring up those things since they often sound like horror stories

                                            "...yeah. Alright. Be safe, ok? I need to see you come back."

                                            >With a growing blush and a big grin, AJ gives you another peck

                                            >"Oh don't you worry Anon, you get me goin' hard enough that I could buck a thousand trees."

                                            >With that, she pulls herself away from you and whips herself about face

                                            >With how heavy her saddlebags are, you half expect her hunt to take a month

                                            >You give her a wave as she stampedes off, going from taking a knee to standing so you can watch her for longer

                                            >Even after she's out of sight, you find yourself waving for far... far too long

                                            >"I think she's gone by now."

                                            "Yup..."

                                            >You didn't know when Big Mac popped up but he sounds minorly amused

                                            >"I wouldn't worry about it. She's nowhere near as big as me... and certainly not you. But she's got more fight in her than both of us. And then some."

                                            "I know, I..."

                                            >You sigh

                                            "I'm gonna feel like crap for asking, but is it alright if I take off for the day? I'm gonna go fishing."

                                            >Big Mac chuckles

                                            >"Eeyup. You don't work here, you certainly don't need to stay if she isn't around. Not until after you show off that fancy ring, anyway."

                                            "W-wait, what?!"

                                            >You finally turn to face him but he's already sauntering off with a smile

                                            >He knew?

                                            >...

                                            >Of course he knew

                                            >All of Ponyville must know at this point

                                            >Doesn't help that you've been asking questions about customs and ceremony

                                            "...ah crap."

                                            >So much for a surprise

                                            >At least you didn't lie to Big Mac


                                            >For as long as you've been around town, you often go out to the Everfree Forest to go fishing

                                            >You rarely catch anything that could be classified as a fish but it's fun

                                            >The sounds of nature keep you calm as well

                                            >Best of all?

                                            >It's an untouched spot because of the surrounding field of Poison Joke

                                            >You were warned about it dozens of times but the only side-effect you've ever gotten...

                                            >Well

                                            >You can't say you mind it

                                            >Sitting on a fallen log that has only been disrupted by your butt, you whip out your line and set the pole down

                                            >You don't expect to catch anything

                                            >But that's ok

                                            >You didn't come here just to look at a rippling pond

                                            >"Anonymous, it's you!"

                                            >You can't help but grin but you pretend you don't hear her

                                            >"Don't you act deaf now, I can tell you're happier than a snail on a rainy Sunday!"

                                            >Resist, Anon

                                            >The voice, now close, whispers at your side

                                            >"Ya catch anythin' yet?"

                                            >You see her at the edge of your vision

                                            >Given how nutty the world is, you haven't thought too deeply into your own Poison Joke affliction

                                            >You've created what is basically an imaginary marefriend

                                            "Nah, AJ... not yet. Actually, hold on..."

                                            >You duck down and squint into the water

                                            >You see her head duck down too

                                            "I got something in my sights..."

                                            >"Reel 'er in, sugarcube...!"

                                            >With the vision of a chameleon and the speed of a frightened Fluttershy, you whip to your side, grab her by her flank, and flip her onto your lap

                                            >You've practiced enough that you don't even clonk her head against the log now

                                            >Either she's an imaginary marefriend or that Poison Joke really made some sort of temporary clone

                                            >Either way it's a win for you

                                            >Applejack looks up at you, amazed by the flippening

                                            >"W...woah nelly. You sure got 'er alright."

                                            "Yeah I did."

                                            >You lean down to give her a kiss

                                            >It's far more of a kiss than the meager pecks you've been receiving

                                            >Only on rare occasions did you manage such a world igniting sign of adoration

                                            >You know that this has to be some sort of hazy moment of mental clarity because you can feel her return the fervor

                                            >Just as you always wished she would

                                            >When you finally pull back, you're both audibly out of breath

                                            "That... is because you went and left me alone again."

                                            >"Again?! Well dang, what in tarnation would I give you up for?!"

                                            >She sounds almost frustrated

                                            >You wish she would be frustrated at herself for how often she's been skipping out on things when topics get more serious

                                            "Ahh... it's something important."

                                            >And now it begins

                                            "I mean, I get it. You're all big and powerful, and your friends too. And the world needs saving sometimes."

                                            >You wouldn't ever admit it, but talking to the Poison Jack feels therapeutic at times

                                            >Your imagination or some plant-based construct would never tell on you

                                            "But I wish that I could at least help. Or do something to make it easier, you know?"

                                            >"Save the world? Heh! And why would I leave to save the world when he's already in front of me?"


                                            >That comment is met with another extended kiss

                                            >With some extra exploration with a hand

                                            >You can never do this with her on the farm

                                            >Big Mac has a way about sneaking up on you, and Applebloom is the opposite and is always laughing whenever she sees even the hint of compromising position

                                            >But out here?

                                            >You can practice

                                            >You can imagine exactly what you would do if only you had the time

                                            >By the time she finished, you had almost forgotten that you had the pole set

                                            >A quick reel of it shows that the bait-a piece of cheese-wasn't even nibbled on

                                            >"Heh... whew... you can multitask, partner."

                                            >You grin and chuckle to yourself

                                            "Yeah well, when you're motivated enough things just fall in...to..."

                                            >When you readjust your attention to Poison Jack you see an unusually long tongue loll out

                                            >For just a second, her eyes look almost serpentine

                                            >Not almost

                                            >Fully

                                            >You think?

                                            >As soon as you recognize those, they're gone

                                            "...?"

                                            >Poison Jack returns your leer with a raised eyebrow

                                            >"You alright, Anon? Kinda funny if you're acting like I'm the one with the magic touch!"

                                            >She gives an embarrassed smile and averts her eyes

                                            "No, not that. I... I don't know. I guess it's nothing. Maybe the Poison Joke is getting to me."

                                            >"O-oh, yeah! It probably is. Heh, remember when you first saw me? You were all cryin' and panickin' an'-"

                                            "W-was not! I was worried you'd end up spackled with tree bark or... or turn into bologna! I don't know how this weird nature stuff works out."

                                            >"Heh... you were worried. All over little ol' me."

                                            >The way she sighs, you get the feeling that she's not happy

                                            "Hey."

                                            >You wrap an arm around her and pull her close

                                            >You have both practiced enough that she doesn't seem to mind your damp hand

                                            "You mean a lot to me. Even if this is all inside my head and I'm just tripping balls, I'm pretty proud that I still think of you so much."

                                            >"You really mean that, don't you."

                                            >That

                                            >...?

                                            >That isn't how Applejack sounds

                                            "...huh?"

                                            >Is the bad trip starting now?

                                            >If you see a spider tap dancing toward you with a fork and dinner knife, you're going to shit out your skeleton

                                            "Y-yeah. Of course I do, Applejack. I mean, I'll admit, I haven't seen that many mares since I got here. But the way you talk and act, the way you can handle things but still value my help... value me. I really don't think I've ever felt like I've belonged so well before."

                                            >You and Poison Jack sit still and enjoy the scent of, among other things, the pond and the wild flowers growing

                                            >"...say, what did I say to you before I left today? I kinda forgot. Some danged man went and scrambled my eggs."

                                            "And your brain apparently."

                                            >"H-hey now!"

                                            "Heh heh..."

                                            >At least in your imagination, Applejack is a little more raunchy

                                            "You said that you "gotta go stomp some bugs". And that Twilight needed you. And you know how that one is, if she's calling everyone then it must be important."

                                            >You never felt comfortable around Twilight

                                            >You get the vibe she would sooner vivisect than talk to you

                                            >Or worse


                                            >"...oh... is that right, huh..."

                                            >The joy leaves Poison Jack's voice

                                            "Yeah... I don't get it either. She told me about the parasprite stuff but that surely doesn't require all of them together. Does it?"

                                            >"Parasprites...?"

                                            >She giggles

                                            >"Oh naw. Parasprites ain't nothin'. But you know..."

                                            >Poison Jack looks up at you

                                            >She has a lusciously dark expression, paired with a half-starved smile

                                            >"Parasprites sure are hungry little critters... and Anon?"

                                            >As much as this is starting to make the back of your hairs stand on end from some genuine sense of a threat

                                            >You can not

                                            >And will not

                                            >Argue with how powerful your erection is

                                            "Y...yeah?"

                                            >"This little parasprite is going to eat you all up."

                                            >Deep down inside

                                            >You know that this Poison Joke stuff is probably just giving you hallucinations

                                            >Or you're stuck in a euphoric daze, full of unrequited affection and amorous intent

                                            >But for the rest of the evening

                                            >You completely believe that you are with the mare you are going to make your wife