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Out Woop-Woop [Billabong] [PiE] [PART 1]

By punki
Created: 2022-10-01 15:44:20
Expiry: Never
piebillabongaustraliabush pony

  1. >Finally, some peace.
  2. >It’s been a hard day of fixing everything fucked on the ute, and you’re about ready for a drink and a stare off into the sunset to wrap up your day.
  3. >It’s been a few hours since Billi set off on her last mail-round of the day, and you’re expecting the mad bastard to get back soon enough, after all, flying when the sun goes down in these parts can be a death sentence without runway lights, and you’re sure as shit not waving glowsticks in the air for her again.
  4. >Not after the last time when she roared past you overhead, causing you to hit the deck to avoid being decapitated.
  5. >”Ah, you’re right mate, not a scratch on you.”
  6. >Like fuck you’re doing that again.
  7. >Grabbing your bottle of VB out of the fridge, you make your way out of the workshop and flop down onto the plastic lawn chair out the front of the shop and pop it open with a satisfying *TUNK*.
  8. CrKrKrkTcHhcrk
  9. >Looking to the radio next to you, you see the small screen glowing dimly before it happens again.
  10. CrRkrkrkkr
  11. >”Anon. Come in Anon. Bird down, bird down. She’s in a sandbank. Over.”
  12. >Oh for fuck sake, not again.
  13. *click*
  14. “Come in dipshit, reading you loud and clear, what the fuck happened this time?”
  15. >”My massive balls of steel were weighing it down again, over.”
  16. “Dickhead.”
  17. >”You didn’t say over.. Over”
  18. “I’ll over you, you cunt. Where are you? What happened? What am I bringing?”
  19. >”*snicker* Uhh.. Just a bird strike, out North about 75 miles from you, look for red smoke. Shouldn’t need anything too major. Bring the fuel truck, a cooler bottle, rag and a shovel should do it.”
  20. “You flying back if we get it dug out?”
  21. >”Should be good for take-off, yeah. Will take her easy on the way back though, should fire up A-OK. Over and out Anon, gotta get digging. See you soon.”
  22. >Looking at the bottle in your hand, you can’t help but feel like you should have saw this coming a mile away.
  23. >Maybe next time, old friend.
  24. >Leaving your ice cold beverage on the windowsill, you make your way around the side of the hangar and fire up the ol’ fueller and get ready to begin the drive into the outback in search of your retarded friend.
  25. >What did you do to deserve this?
  26. >Oh yeah, you moved into the middle of butt-fuck nowhere to live with the desert people.. Or ponies, in this case. That’s right.
  27. >Pulling out of the shop, you pick up speed across the dust-bowl and tear-ass towards the highway.
  28. >You swear to God, you’re going to kill her when you get there.
  29.  
  30. --- EARLIER THAT NIGHT ---
  31.  
  32. >Final few rounds of the day done and you’ll get back home in time for tea, beauty.
  33. >You are Billabong, the bush-pony, and you’re currently cruising along in your good ol’ 1974-built Champion Scout.
  34. >She ain’t half bad considering she’s built out of the less terrible bits of 6 other planes!
  35. >What a bloody day though, about time you actually scored a half decent contract for once, and from Auspost no-less.
  36. >You could have sworn they had you blacklisted, you haven’t heard a peep from the bastards until they had no other option but to give you a crack at it.
  37. >Ever since old Nev dropped his glasses and managed to “emergency land” straight through that emergency supplies outpost, they’ve been shit out of luck with everyone moving to the cities.
  38. >Poor old bugger, his loss is your gain though, and you’re not willing to leave this place behind, so this could be a job for life if you play your cards right.
  39. >Most beautiful place on Earth.. Not that you’ve been anywhere else, but damn. Surely nothing can beat this.
  40. >Burnt orange landscapes with scattered patches of bushland around the ranges, wildlife is amazing, gorgeous sunsets, people are salt of the e… Ehh… Well the at least the sunsets are still nice.
  41. >Breaking your train of thought, a blinking light startles you on your panel.
  42. >Shit! SUPER low fuel. Better find somewhere safe to land so you can radio Anon to come out here and fill the bloody thing up.
  43. >He’s gonna be pissed, this is totally on you too, he did tell you to top up before you left.
  44. >Not that you’re going to tell him that though.
  45. >Banking hard back around, you circle a little while looking down for somewhere you can maybe put this thing down, if you fly any further towards your strip you’re going to end up over the top of the town, or even worse: The bush.
  46. >Not exactly where you want to be when your plane is low on fuel.
  47. >You’ve heard some horror stories about those before you who’ve managed to plough through the gumtrees in a fireball and all kinds of mad shit.
  48. >Going to be giving that one a miss, you reckon.
  49. >Flying above the vast nothingness, you see a spot that looks just about right. Not too far from the highway, nice clear flat.. enough.. ground.. no rocks.. Yeah, we’re going for it.
  50. >Beginning your descent, you start rummaging through your survival box for a flare so mr angry can find you when he eventually manages to get out to you.
  51. >May as well fire up the radio too.
  52. >Clicking your in-cockpit radio on, you turn on your mic with one hoof as you steady the plane.
  53. >Flying a bit too low to go no-hooves with this one.
  54. >Damn, you picked a bloody good spot. Someone should really build a more permanent strip out here.
  55. >Time to ease off a little as we come down, line her up.. Right, we’re on the right track..
  56. >Just gotta bring her down now and we’re good.
  57. >You feel your gut rise as the plane first touches down and raises back into the air slightly.
  58. >Nearly..
  59. >Better give Anon a quick bell to let him know you’re just about on the ground.
  60. >*Crcktsch*
  61. “Anon, come in An-”
  62. >What the fuck is that in the distance..?
  63. >It’s getting closer..
  64. >Huh?
  65. >IT’S GETTING CLOSER!
  66. >OH FUCK, EMU’S.
  67. >You go to yank up on your controls, but it’s too late, you’re already too low, and that’s when you hear the ungodly sound.
  68. >Going full tilt, you [spoiler]rip and tear[/spoiler] your way through a massive group of Emu’s as they scatter from the landing strip, causing you to completely lose control of the plane as it slams down hard onto the ground.
  69. >Fighting to regain control, you see no other option, you can’t pull up now, you’ll roll it.
  70. >Planting the plane down and slamming on your breaks, you skid all over the strip, bouncing off of rocks, bushes, and all manners of bullshit before losing it and spinning the plane into a deep sand-bank, abruptly putting an end to the chaos as you hear the roar of your engine die down to a sputter.
  71. >You sit there for a good 30 seconds in pure shock as to what the fuck just happened before it sinks in.
  72. “FUCKING EMUS!”
  73. >Throwing your headset off and kicking the door open, you get out of the plane and look at the scene that has just unfolded.
  74. >Bloody strewth, you didn’t realise they had that much meat on em.
  75. >Anon is going to fucking kill you when he sees this, you better get your shit together before you call for help or he’s going to know something’s up.
  76. “Oh yeah, hey Anon, I just turned about 10 Emu’s into mincemeat and nearly died in a plane crash, please help”
  77. >That’s sure as shit not going to go down well, he’ll probably make you sleep out here for your sins.
  78. >He knows you have water and won’t die.
  79. >FUCK.
  80. >Sitting down on the side of your plane, you take a few deep breaths.
  81. >You’re alive.
  82. >Can’t say the same about the Emu’s, like.. But whatever. You’re alive.
  83. >Time to assess the damage and see how bad this situation really is, though.
  84. >Barring the new red paint and feathers look your bird is donning, it looks mostly alright.. That leg’s gotta go from across your wing though.
  85. >Walking around, you check all of the vitals and it looks airworthy enough to get you back home in one piece, but fuck. Too close for comfort.
  86. >You’ve had your bangs and knocks, but this is a first even for you.
  87. >The fact that the plane is mostly alright is a good sign, as fixing this thing out here as night falls is the last thing you need.
  88. >Ugh… Just one thing left to do then.
  89. >Clearing your throat and walking back over to the cockpit, you swing open the door and pick up your headset..
  90. >***crckckckckckk***
  91. “Anon.. Come in Anon..”
  92.  
  93. ---BACK TO THE PRESENT---
  94.  
  95. >You are Anon, and you’re currently speeding through the desert towards your destination. Shouldn’t be too far off now.
  96. >On the way up here, you kept your eyes to the sky in search of her flare and smoke signals and happened upon em a few miles back so you’ve began a beeline across the desert, giving up on strictly keeping to the highway a while ago now.
  97. >Fucking bushes, get the fuck out of the way so I can go home and get back to my drink before the ants drown themselves in it.
  98. >Swerving across the dust-bowl and back onto the road, you look up at the sky again.. Probably another hour or so before it gets super dark out here.
  99. >You’re going to have to break out the glowsticks for her landing again, you can see it coming.
  100. >Sigh, such is life.
  101. >Pulling back off the highway again, you think you’ve arrived at your destination.
  102. >Smoke is getting super thick now, annnnnd… There it is, you can make out the plane in the dist…
  103. >Oh no.
  104. >What the actual fuck is this.
  105. >Winding your window down, you slow down and look out of your window as you drive closer to the plane.
  106. >There’s blood.. And chunks of.. Something fucking EVERYWHERE.
  107. >What in the name of fucking God happened, is she okay?
  108. >Did something happen after she landed?
  109. >Time to get the gun out of the dash.
  110. *WHISTLES*
  111. “Billi!”
  112. >Yep, getting the gun. This is some Wolf Creak shit.
  113. >Silence.
  114. *WHISTLES*
  115. “Billi! You out here!”
  116. >As if lifting a car off of your chest, you see her step out from behind the plane and pull up beside her.
  117. >Thank God for that.
  118. >Slamming the dashboard cubby shut, you sigh a breath of relief.
  119. >Wait a minute, why are you happy to see her? Fuck her. She ruined your night.
  120. >”G’day Anon! Took you long enough!”
  121. “Took me long enough?! What the fuck do you call this, mate?!”
  122. >”Told you on the radio, didn’I! Bird strike, happens to every pilot now and again. Bit rarer when coming in for a landing, though.”
  123. “BIRD STRIKE?! What kind of fucking bird was it?! A pterodactyl?!”
  124. >”Emu are birds.”
  125. “How the fuck do you hit emu’s in a plane!? They can’t even fucking fly!”
  126. >”Oh, settle down. Someone’s time of the month is it?”
  127. “Fuck you, Billi.”
  128. >”Love you too, Kitten.”
  129. >Rolling your eyes and taking a deep breath to settle down, you just grit your teeth and don’t give her the satisfaction.
  130. >Killing the engine, you grab your shovel and hop out of the truck and start your walk around of the plane.
  131. >Fuck, it looks horrendous.
  132. >Walking around, you see an entire emu leg laying across the top of the wing, the entire front of the plane is covered in feathers, blood, and God knows what else.
  133. >”Reckon we should probably dig the prop out first and then the wheels. You have the chain too, right?”
  134. “Yeah, yeah.. I have it.. Fucking Hell man, how did you manage this?”
  135. >Using your shovel to shove the leg off of the wing, it smacks down to the ground with a thud.
  136. >Fucking gross.
  137. >”They came outta nowhere, just a massive group. Was them or me, if I pulled up I’d have put it vertical and took the wing off. As soon as I clipped one of em, I was going down either on my wheels or on my roof. I picked wheels.”
  138. >Christ, she looks a bit shaky all of a sudden.
  139. “Blimey, you alright? Looking a bit under the weather there.”
  140. >”Yeah, I’m right, just fucking angry about my plane. Bastards fucking tore the door off and cracked the windshield.”
  141. >There she is.
  142. “Thought as much. Let’s get this bitch out and get the fuck out of here.”
  143. >[…]
  144. >After what felt like an eternity of digging, you’ve managed to knock the majority of the shit off of the propeller and even managed to loosen the grip on the wheels somewhat, but you’re now feeling absolutely fucked.
  145. >Throwing your shovel into the dirt-mound, you lean against it with a groan.
  146. >What you’d give for the sweet release of death right now.
  147. >”Hey Anon.”
  148. “What? I’m having a break.”
  149. >”Thanks for coming out.”
  150. “That ain’t gonna make me dig any quicker, you know.”
  151. >”Nah, seriously. Did me a solid, I’d have been screwed if you didn’t answer the radio. There’s no town for miles out here. I think we’re almost outta here anyway.”
  152. >Huh, she actually sounds sincere for once.
  153. “Ahh, uh, don’t worry about it. What’re mates for anyway?”
  154. >”Saving you from dying out woop-woop and being eaten by dingos apparently.”
  155. “Bit grim, but if it works, it works.”
  156. >With a shrug, she heaves the last of the dirt off of the prop and gives it a turn to loosen everything else off.
  157. >”Think she’s about ready to go! If you can get us pulled out of this ditch we’ll give it a rinse and see if she cranks up.”
  158. >About bloody time.
  159. “Right.”
  160. >After a quick stretch, you make your way back to the truck and grab the ratchet straps and get the tail of the plane secured up.
  161. >Gotta do this carefully, you don’t feel like getting your head kicked in for tearing the back off of her plane.
  162. >This is gonna be a barrel of fun..

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