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Anon's Royal Photoshoot (AiE)

By Beans4U
Created: 2023-02-13 02:29:29
Updated: 2024-06-09 01:27:45
Expiry: Never
anonprincess celestia2nd personfunnyaiewtfanonymousinequestriaphoto finish

  1. Okay, last green I posted had surprisingly good responses despite my crippling dread, so I've been working on this in the meantime. I've basically rewritten and revised this thing over three times, so I don't know if it's that good, but I just hope it's satisfactory enough.
  2.  
  3. >Be Anonymous.
  4. >Be day “LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH” in Equestria.
  5. >In fact, be a strange day overall.
  6. >You are currently in Canterlot with none other than Princess Celestia herself.
  7. >You walk in-tow behind her royal highness’s royal hindquarters, following it through the palace halls for the last ten minutes.
  8. >To wherelies your destination and for what purpose she takes you there is uncertain; only now do you find it convenient to ask (you haven’t been here for long now, you see).
  9. >As such, you promptly do so…
  10. “So, uh, what’s the big deal, Sunbutt?” you ask the sun horse. “I mean, not that I don’t love having the chance to visit you and all, but I was kind of in the middle of something before you zapped me here.”
  11. >Not once slowing down her pace, Princess Celestia’s eyes keep dead-ahead.
  12. >“I need you to meet a certain somepony,” she tells you. “As a matter of fact, I’ve actually *needed* you to meet her for quite a while. The only reason I haven’t is due to her schedule. It’s likely even more demanding than my own.”
  13. >She does, however, glance back at you, flashing a brief smile.
  14. >“Sounds almost hard to believe, wouldn’t you say, my dear hoo-man?”
  15. >You chuckle at this— but only because it really, really isn’t hard to believe that in the slightest.
  16. >In fact, you know a pony who’s schedule is *much* crazier than her’s.
  17. >yfw tomorrow’s Spike’s penis inspection day
  18. >lmao.jpg
  19. “Ok, then,” you say, still looking for a *real* answer, “but just who exactly is she then? What’m I gonna do when I meet her and stuff, ya know?”
  20. >“You’re overthinking things again,” she tells you. “Relax. All will be well.”
  21. >You pout at the pony princess.
  22. >Not that she sees it; bitch is looking back front again.
  23. “Oh yeah? Well, golly-gee, Sun-Fuck! Maybe, just maaaaybe I’d be relaxed if you ould just tell me instead of being so vague.”
  24. >“You smell nice, by the way.”
  25. “Don’t change the — I mean, yeah, thank you for that, but don’t you change the fuckin’ subject on me, wench! I’ll have you know I’m still quite butthurt from earlier! So you better believe I’m a bit zesty right now! Now gimme some answers!”
  26. >Princess Celestia stops in her hoofsteps, and you do so as well.
  27. >There, standing before a stained glass window in the hallway, you both stay.
  28. >Princess Celestia sighs.
  29. >Turns around to face you...
  30.  
  31. >“Anonymous,” she says, the tone of a mother broaching in her voice, “your butt is not hurting anymore, I assure you. I know my magic did the trick. Besides” — she pinches the cheeks on your face with her magic — “you’re too pwecious to leave with all dose mean ol’ ouchie-wouchies! Especially if they're on your poor widdle bum-bum! Coochy coo, coochy coo!”
  32. “Nyaaah! Stop it! Nyah, stop!”
  33. >You shake away from her magic’s grasp, huffing and puffing all the while.
  34. “I’ve been here for at least half an hour now! I deserve answers, dammit!”
  35. >“Ah, and for twenty of those thirty minutes I’ve brought you here,” says Celestia, “I was pulling out needles from your cute little buttocks...even though you referred to me by some most unscrupulous names, if I recall correctly.”
  36. >Much to your annoyance, she cranes her neck around your waist to look at your butt.
  37. >She smiles at it, seeing how it is hugged by your pants, and gently bites her lower lip.
  38. >“You made such cute little noises, you sweet thing, you,” she says, giggling.
  39. >You push her away again.
  40. “Staa-haaawp! You’re so weird...!”
  41. >“Oh-ho, you have no idea.”
  42. >She once more turns around and continues onwards.
  43. >Alas, you continue at her side...
  44. >You wish you could tell her to fuck off.
  45. >Wish you could tell her to fuck off and then fuck off yourself and return to your cabin in Ponyville.
  46. >You were there just thirty minutes ago, not here in Canterlot.
  47. >Shit, you were in the middle of toiling away in your kitchen making a most wonderful meal.
  48. >It was going to be awesome: you had set the table, the candles, the barf bags, and all that good shit.
  49. >Then, finally, you were ready to introduce your good friend Rainbow Dash to the meal of a lifetime, that ever-so-beloved human delicacy of the angels known only as… “Guy Fieri™’s BBQ T®ash Can Na©ho™ Kit.*”
  50. >Alas, you nor Rainbow Dash were taken to Flavortown.
  51. >Shiddd, you didn’t even get to show Guy Fieri™’s BBQ T®ash Can Na©ho™ Kit to her in the first place, let alone bring it over to the table!
  52. >No, no, no; instead, you just *had* to be royally teleported by the royal one herself, Princess Celestia, appearing at her royal gardens at about roughly twenty royal meters above it in the air.
  53. >Oh, but don’t worry!
  54. >You landed on the royal cactus pile directly below you (an honest-to-goodness “royal” mistake, Princess Celestia had assured you)!
  55. >And sure she had plucked out all the needles from your bum-bum for ten or fifteen minutes…but yo jimmies, son!
  56. >Yo jimmies still rustled!
  57. >And the worst part?
  58. >The absolutely most frustrating, most BULLSHITTERRIFIC thing about this buncha horse crap?
  59. >It’s not even the first time Celestia has done this.
  60. >She does it all the time!
  61. >It’s even in the law, even as far back as since you first met with Princess Celestia shortly after your doscovery in Equestria.
  62.  
  63. >She basically offered you two choices: 1) either receive citizenship in exchange for being studied by the brightest in Equestria, be it whenever (and *how*ever) they want you, or… 2) have no rights.
  64. >Like, literally just no rights at all.
  65. >Not even hyperbole.
  66. >No rights, *period*.
  67. >Y’know, as in nothing?
  68. >None, nada, zilch— zero!
  69. >Zero rights for the alien!
  70. >Now, naturally, it was a *very* difficult choice for you to make.
  71. >However, when Princess Celestia offered you a free root-beer sucker to go along with your citizenship, you wasted no time in making the right decision.
  72. >Thus was how you, monkey-man Nonny-Poopoo, accepted having *some* rights and a root-beer sucker over *no* rights whatsoever.
  73. >It was a very eventful two minutes, the whole thing…
  74. >What you wish you’d known at the time, however, is exactly what Princess Celestia meant by the “brightest” in Equestria to study you.
  75. >You assumed she meant somepony like Twilight Sparkle and maybe some other egg-heads, but clearly this was not the case.
  76. >Turns out she meant by “brightest” in Equestria wasn't just regarding the smartest in the country— but those who were "bright" in a literal sense as well...
  77. >At least, uh, that's her excuse.
  78. >Because honestly, who else but she, a solar-princess and founder of the school for gifted unicorns, was in both senses “bright” enough to study you?
  79. >Yep.
  80. >That’s right.
  81. >It was an excuse to give herself the task.
  82. >She's the scientist studying you.
  83. >She has picked up many titles and degrees from over the ages, no doubt one of the many boons of being an imortal by having many side interests consisting of the sciences; she's aparently a doctor in twelve different subjects.
  84. >Technically, she's over-qualified on-paper.
  85. >But in practice, how does she manage being both a head researcher *and* Equestria's leader?
  86. >Easily.
  87. >The only interference between her new obligation (that being You) comes through her duties as princess, a role in which, for the first time in a millennia or so, she could once again share many a task with thanks her newly returned sister, Luna.
  88. >So….yeah.
  89. >You are Celestia’s bitch, kinda.
  90. >Mainly for her to do research on.
  91. >And study you.
  92. >You know, for science and stuff.
  93. >Still tho, what a B I H
  94. >But not all is so awful.
  95. >At least you’ve received two root-beer suckers from her already, so at this rate, you'll be bleeding the country dry of them!
  96. > :’)
  97. >Not long after your little talk with her by the stained-glass windows, Princess Celestia leads you into another hallway, this one occupied by ornately designed doors.
  98. >She walks up to the second on the right, and lays her hoof upon the handle to open it.
  99. >Lo, before she does: “This is it, Anonymous! I hope you’re ready for an interesting time.”
  100. “I’d kill for a non-interesting one,” you tell her.
  101. >Her smile fails to light one upon your glowering visage.
  102. >“Oh, why are you so mopey today?”
  103.  
  104. "Oh, gee, I dunno. Maybe it's because you won't tell me what I'm doing, and that means it's totally gonna suck?"
  105. >She shrugs, shaking her head, then proceeds to open the door.
  106. >Through it, you enter with her into an enormous ballroom.
  107. >The doors and windows which lead to the outdoor patio from inside it are all open, and so the air within is rather refreshing, blown in by winds which have passed through the royal gardens where your ass got needled.
  108. >Likewise, the unhindered rays of natural sunlight which spill in makes the entire space positively radiant.
  109. >It'd be great were it not for the fold-up wall blocking off a quarter of the entire ballroom.
  110. >It resembles the wall of an office cubical, albeit much, much taller.
  111. >You reckon the one here to be about forty feet!
  112. >Behind it, you hear a series of screams from an idividual that sound like bloody murder.
  113. >Accompanying these wretched cries of anguish are repeated falshes of lights.
  114. >But shit, boy, that's not the only weird thing.
  115. >You haven't even gotten into the turtle-neck ponies!
  116. >They all walk to and from the same space behind the wall, carrying comically large-sized props, dorpping them off behind the wall, and then walking past to place the prop in a used-prop pile (the peak of which is higher than even the wall itself!).
  117. >While some of these ponies are mares and some of these ponies are stallions, whether pegasi or earth-pony or unicorn, they all walk in single-file in their black turtlenecks, one after another, a conveyor belt of assistants.
  118. >They are ants, and this ballroom is their picnic table.
  119. >An behind that wall?
  120. >The wall they bring their props to?
  121. >Their ant-hill back there?
  122. >You are sure their queen lurks behind it...
  123. >You look to Princess Celestia.
  124. “I’m guessing this is the part where you finally tell me what I’m in for.”
  125. >“It’s a photoshoot,” she says. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
  126. “Not only is this clearly a lot more, but I'd go as far to say this is a lot more with a side-order of 'extra'.”
  127. >“Well, our PR people at the palace wanted to make a big deal out of her visiting us, and her people agreed, so...”
  128. “So it's for publicity, too?”
  129. >“For her. Not for you. The press outside the palace don't even know why I've asked her to come today. The nature of our little photoshoot for you is just between us."
  130. “See, that's the thing, though! What the fuck do you need a photoshoot of me done for?”
  131. >Celestia laughs at the question.
  132. >“Oh, Anonymous, what *don’t* I need them for!? You’re such a unique specimen, after all! Why, oh, perhaps I could have hired a life-drawing session. You know, one with plenty of capable artists to sketch out every detail of your observable morphology— to be frank, I may still regardless! But photographs of the genuine article are much more informative, no? Not to mention longer-lasting. It makes for better documentation.”
  133.  
  134. >Before you counter with anything, a final cry of agony shrieks from behind the wall.
  135. >It is, by far, the loudest one yet.
  136. >Once it ends, the flashing behind the wall stops with it.
  137. >Half a second later, and you see two turtleneck ponies carrying a male model out from the walled area as he lay on a stretcher.
  138. >When you see his unblinking gaze, the shock and terror frozen on his face, you go pale.
  139. >“Ach, NEXT!” a shrill mare’s voice calls out in an austrian accent.
  140. >You cringe at the sharp sound of it, but not Princess Celestia.
  141. >As a matter of fact, she perks up hearing it.
  142. >“Oh! That’s us! Come, now, Anonymous! We don’t want to waste the nice photographer’s precious time, do we?”
  143. >You’re still looking back at the male model pony who was on the stretcher.
  144. >Key-word being 'was'.
  145. >It looks like they had to lay him down on the floor to give him CPR.
  146. >Oh, wait, now they're using defibulators.
  147. >And it’s not going well.
  148. >You take it like a man and address Celestia about your misgivings.
  149. “What the fuck is this? Oh, god, oh, man, am I going to die? S h i t I a m s o f u c k e d r i g h t n o w o h g o d j e s u s p l e a s e h e l p me—”
  150. >“Anonymous! Please, get a hold of yourself! It’s just a photoshoot, dear! It’s going to be no more difficult than smiling for picture day! You’ll be perfectly fine. I promise!”
  151. >You point to the male model.
  152. >Or, rather, his corpse.
  153. “LIKE THAT GUY? DAT DUDE’S DEAD DOE!”
  154. >Princess Celestia just laughs, giving you a nuggie.
  155. >“Oh, you! Such an imagination!”
  156. >YOu're about to run for it, but find your feet are no longer touching the floor.
  157. >She’s levitating you!
  158. >She's levitating you against your will!
  159. >Oh, if you had just a few more legal rights, she'd be in for it, that rascally Princess!
  160. >You flip and scurry around in her telekinetic hold, trying to doggy-paddle in the air away from her— and to no avail, of course.
  161. >Cuz, duh.
  162. >Soon, all you can do is whimper, whining like a dog without any #rizz in his chalice of #swag.
  163. “C-can’t we talk about this, Princess Celestia? Puh-puh-pleeease? Pretty please? Pretty please with love on top?”
  164. >She shakes her, walking you over to the wall.
  165. >“I don’t believe so, Anonymous. There’s not much to discuss.”
  166. “Fuck, ok, then what about bribery? Can I bribe you at least?”
  167. >She shrugs.
  168. >“Not likely, no.”
  169. “Well then, h-how about I—”
  170. >“Anonymous, there is no chance I’ll let you worm your way out of this one, young man. You are going to be photographed, and every inch of you will be revealed for scientific documentation. Now behave yourself! Don't think I'll not give you a spanking, mister!”
  171. “FUCK YOU, I'M AN ADULT!”
  172. “If you behave, I'll give you another root-beer sucker~!”
  173. >...a root-beer sucker?
  174.  
  175. >...hm.
  176. >Ok, now, see...you're not exactly what some would call an 'addict', per se.
  177. >In fact, you can stop anything anytime you want.
  178. >So, you imediately give in and cease all forms or resistance and noncompliance despite having to do whatever she wants you to do against your will.
  179. >GottaHaveDatSucka.succ
  180. >Seeing you go slack in her magical bubble, levitating you like a balloon, she smiles.
  181. >“Good boy. Now let's go see the nice camera lady, hm?”
  182. >She takes you behind the walled corner of the ballroom, and there you take in the sight.
  183. >It appears to be a pretty plane one, save for the pile of props that looks like a hazard if it falls over...but really, there’s not much here other than the mare you guess will be your photographer.
  184. >As she paces, her blunt bangs move with the brusque fall of her hoofsteps, and so too does the fabric of her fashionable mod-inspired dress swaying at her ankles.
  185. >With her, a male earth pony in a bow-tie and bowl cut sneers down at what’s on his clipboard.
  186. >“Ms. Photo Finish,” he says to your photographer-to-be, “this is our final shoot today! The big one! The princess and her, eh, hoo-man thing should be here any minute! Afterwards, it’s off to the press outside where you’ll be interviewed on how *fortunate* enough you were to have this *wonderful* opportunity and—”
  187. >“Vhere are zay!?” blurts out the photographer (or, 'Photo Finish', as it seems).
  188. >“Eh, the what now?” asks the bowl cut.
  189. “Zee brincess und her bet monkey,” says Photo Finish again, her pacing picking up in speed. “I haf bin vaiting for zem ull day.”
  190. >Although her eyes are behind her bug-eyed sunglasses, the lens tinted with a deep purple lens, you wouldn’t say they’re hiding behind them.
  191. >You can still feel their intensity— *her* intensity — from her gaze.
  192. >And she’s not looking at anyone!
  193. >Doesn’t even notice you’re there with her fucking GOD for fuck's sake!
  194. >Signalling her presence, Princess Celestia clears her throat at them.
  195. >They both turn their heads and see you two, but respond vry differently from each other.
  196. >“A-ah! Princess Celestia!” cries the bowl cut.
  197. >He rushes over to Celestia and drops into a bow, throwing his clipboard aside to grovel like an insect.
  198. >“Why, it is such a pleasure to meet you, your majesty! We are so grateful you’ve allowed us lowly ponies to be here today! Oh, why thank you, thank you, thank you!”
  199. >Celestia smiles awkwardly at him.
  200. >“Er, now, now; you needn’t put yourself so beneath me,” says she, “we’re just like any other ordinary client of yours.”
  201. “Except for me,” you say. “I’m from another universe.”
  202. >Now, if the assistant was overly excited seeing Celestia, Photo Finish is the opposite.
  203. >She steps over to circle around you like prey, eying you up, nodding to herself.
  204. >“Ah… Vu are fery bardicular inteed. Yez, yez… I zee zomezing in you. I zee...I zee...zee magicks!”
  205.  
  206. >You glance over to Celestia with a worried laugh.
  207. “This is what you’re putting me through? Oh, you bitch. Oh, you fucking bitch, I hate you.”
  208. >“What? But she’s the best fashion photographer in Equestria!” says Celestia, pulling away her from the assistant with a bowl cut, kissing it as he grovels. “She’s very good, very fashionable!”
  209. “But...but why a fashion photographer? I thought this was for research!”
  210. “It is!” smiles Celestia. “It'll be fun!”
  211. >For some reason, this fills you with dread. You’re about to make your discomfort known before you’re cut off by…
  212. >“Yez. I take zee peek-churz! Iz fun. Look et schmile on mein face.”
  213. >You're about to look at Photo Finsh to see for yourself, but--
  214. >SNAP!
  215. “Gah!”
  216. >You don't see her face.
  217. >Just the flash of her camera.
  218. >Itbegins.jpg
  219. >You reach for your eyes to cover them, taken by surprise, stumbling where you stand.
  220. “Aw, jeezus! What the fuck, lady!? What the hell!?”
  221. >“Oh, are we starting?” beams Celestia. “Oh, take more! Take more!”
  222. >Photo Finish takes them right away.
  223. >SNAP SNAP SNAP
  224. >“Yez. Kood. Yez.”
  225. ““Ah! That's bright, you cunt! At least warn me!”
  226. >SNAP!
  227. >“Marffelous.”
  228. “Agh, not so clo—!”
  229. >SNAP!
  230. “FUCK!”
  231. >“Yez, alzo kood.”
  232. >SNAP SNAP SNAP!
  233. “No, really, STOP!”
  234. >“Now bretend vu are tigair!”
  235. “What? Lady, what the hell’s wrong with y—”
  236. >SNAP! SNAP!
  237. “Ah! Jesus, fuckin hell!”
  238. >“Ja, ja; zat ist it. Schnell, lit-tell tigair! Schnell!”
  239. >SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP!
  240. “Stop it!” you scream. “StopitstopitstopitSTOPPP!”
  241. >“Ooh! Yez! Roar for za kamra!”
  242. >SNAP
  243. >SNAP SNAP
  244. “Ugh, my eyes!”
  245. >“Bery goot. Und schving yur lit-tell kittay-kat tail.”
  246. “My wha—?”
  247. >SNAP SNAP
  248. “--AGH, FUCK YOU!”
  249. >“Naow schwibe yur berfect claws at us. Vu are schtill a ferocious tiger!”
  250. >SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP
  251. “My head… I- I think I’m getting a migraine…”
  252. >SNAP SNAP
  253. >“Berfect.”
  254. “Oooh, I’m…I-I’m gonna be sick…”
  255. >SNAP
  256. >“Extraordinary.”
  257. “Ughh…”
  258. >SNAP.
  259. >“Schtunning.”
  260. “ULP…”
  261. >“Goot.”
  262. >SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP
  263. “BLEEEUGUEGUGUUGEUGUH...”
  264. >SNAP SNAP SNAP
  265. >“Extraordinary.”
  266. >SNAP.
  267. “Uwough, plz, help me, Gawd…”
  268. >SNAP
  269. >SNAP
  270. >SNAP
  271. >And then, at last—
  272. >“ENUFF!” yells your tormenter.
  273. >The flashes cease their rampage upon your visual cortex.
  274. >She stays slent for a dramatic pause, remaining motionless and still, before following with: "...I go now.”
  275. >And then, it’s over.
  276. >The photo shoot is complete.
  277. >Thank God…
  278. >You blink away the spots in your eyes and make out what you think is Photo Finish exiting the ballroom with her assistant through the patio area.
  279. >Then, looking down below, you see that, apparently, you now stand before a jungle-themed backdrop surrounded by false foliage…
  280. >...In nothing but an orange banana hammock.
  281. >With tiger-stripes.
  282. >dafuq?
  283.  
  284. >You suppose that explains why you’re suddenly cold, but you’d expect the light-stands to give off at least *some* heat on you.
  285. >And no, those weren’t there before either.
  286. >Exhausted, head-achey, and overwhelmed, you sit down on the jungle set floor hugging both your knees, rocking back and forth.
  287. “Was…was I just raped?” you ask, merely thinking aloud to yourself.
  288. >A few feet away, however, Celestia chuckles with an answer.
  289. >“Exploited? Yes. Violated? Perhaps. But raped?”
  290. >She shakes her head at you.
  291. >“No, no, Anonymous. I’m afraid not.”
  292. >You squint at her from your fetal position on the floor.
  293. >“You’re *afraid* not? Whaddya mean?”
  294. >She chuckles again.
  295. >Slides up beside you and sits down.
  296. >“Mmm, good point. In fact, I guess I’m not afraid at all.”
  297. “Eh, wut now?”
  298. >She proceeds to wrap a leg across your shoulders, practically purring as she rubs up against you.
  299. >“But as for you, my dear Anonymous? You…should be *very* afraid.”
  300. >Oh.
  301. >...OH.
  302. >Ok, hol’ up now.
  303. >You try to tell her how you’re not afraid.
  304. >You know, cause you’re a big boy and all.
  305. >Problem is, your goosebumps already speak for themselves, and the new sheen of sweat along your forehead all but screams they’re not from feeling cold without your previous clothes…
  306. >And just as your body speaks for itself, so too does the weight of Princess Celestia’s mirthful gaze.
  307. >You swallow the lump in your throat, barely able to murmur out your next words.
  308. “I want my mommy.”
  309. >The Sun Goddess grins.
  310. >She leans in close.
  311. >Licks her tongue all the way up your cheek, moaning.
  312. >She follows it by giving your cheek a big, wet, greedy kiss.
  313. >“Mmm, don’t you worry my dear, little Anonymous,” she says into your ear. “I’ll be your new mommy from now on.”
  314. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH—ulpff”
  315. >She sticks a sucker in your mouth.
  316. >Ooh, root-beer!
  317.  
  318.  
  319. DA END
  320.  
  321.  
  322. Thanks for reading. Maybe this is bad, maybe it's good. Either way, practice makes perfect and I really want to get back into te swing of things. I hope you enjoyed reading this. And if not, guess you're a sucker. Ha.

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