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RGRE Promptbin 006

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:27:14
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >You have Princess Twilight and her friends right where you want them.
  2. >You are about to remove their cutie marks and make them equal.
  3. >Nothing can stop you now, so that means it's time to gloat.
  4. "It was foolish to think you could change things here. Now you'll see firsthoof how it feels to be-"
  5. >KNOCK KNOCK
  6. >A knocking comes from the side of the cave.
  7. >"Oooh Starlight!"
  8. >Everypony hears from the other side of the cave wall.
  9. >You freeze in place.
  10. >No, not here... Not now!
  11. >"I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway!"
  12. >With a loud crash your adoptive father breaks down the wall with that magic battering ram you made him two Hearths Warmings ago.
  13. >Why did you think that was a good present?
  14. >"I was wondering where you and your new friends went to. Hey! Nice cave you have here honey. What are you all up to?"
  15. >"She was going to steal our cutie marks like she did yo everypony else!"
  16. >"SHE WHAT!"
  17. >Fuck.
  18. >"Is this true?"
  19. "W-well you see..."
  20. >"I can't believe this! You are to return all those cutie marks this instant and then go to your room young lady."
  21. "But dad, I'm 28!"
  22. >"Did I stutter?"
  23. "No sir..."
  24. >You start to magic back all the town's cutie marks.
  25. >You were so close.
  26. >"I swear, if you had a mother worth mentioning we would wait till she got home and you would get the beating of a lifetime. Instead it's the naughty stool for 30 minutes so you can think about how it's wrong to make a communist society when we live in a monarchy."
  27.  
  28.  
  29.  
  30.  
  31.  
  32. > Anon's boxers keep getting used in Celestia and Luna's prank war
  33. > He decides to play too
  34. > He takes a large cardboard box and writes "Best Princess Only" on the side
  35. > Puts it in the throne room on the day of the Royal Conference
  36. > Celestia finds it, and ends up sitting in the box, feeling oddly satisfied
  37. > And does not leave the box, all throughout the day
  38. > When she has to move, she just levitates the entire thing and herself
  39. > When she goes to the Royal Conference, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight scrunch
  40. > They think they deserve to sit in the box, not Celestia
  41. > Cake budget talks break down even faster, and bickering increases exponentially
  42. > Meanwhile, Anon is outside the conference room, laughing at the silly ponies
  43. > Eris appears and proposes to Anon
  44. > She can't resist whimsy that potent
  45.  
  46.  
  47.  
  48.  
  49.  
  50.  
  51.  
  52. >Be Twilight Darkle
  53. >Former student of the princess
  54. >Now a dark and edgy free spirit that can't be held down
  55. >Living in literally the edgiest castle in the world
  56. >It's covered in crystals, giving it over six times the edges of the next edgiest competitor castle, Fort Deathslaughter.
  57. >You pause in your brooding as a thought comes to you
  58. >You don't have any stallions to tend to your whims
  59. >All your guardsmares are mares.
  60. >They may be the most magically potent librarians you could hoof-pick, but they don't have dicks.
  61. >This cannot stand.
  62. >You need dark concubines to do concubine things.
  63. >Like stand beside you and feed you snacks.
  64. >And other stuff, probably.
  65. >You make a mental note to research exactly what it is concubines are for later once you have some.
  66. >And you can't just have any concubines.
  67. >They have to be exotic and shit.
  68. >You go over to the town register shelves of your dread library and retrieve the latest census results.
  69. >After flipping through them you have the profiles of most exotic citizens of ponyville on the table in front of you.
  70. >Now let's see...
  71. >Greg the Changeling accountant; no, changelings have been all over the place.
  72. >Spike the Dragon minion; no, you already have him.
  73. >Anonymous the Human Human; Well this looks interesting.
  74. >The only one of his kind, from another world, wears clothes whererever he goes, that's pretty exotic.
  75. >You think you'll start with him.
  76. >You stalk out from your Library of Doom to meet this human.
  77. >Soon to be YOUR human
  78.  
  79. >Be Twilight Darkle back at home.
  80. >You need to find spike and talk to him.
  81. "Spike! I need to talk to you!"
  82. >Shouting is usually the easiest way to find your assistant.
  83. >Since he's well trained, Spike comes when called.
  84. >"Yes Twilight? What is it?"
  85. "Do you have any idea where Anonymous the Human is?"
  86. "I went to ensnare him into being my concubine but he wasn't home. There was a note saying he was at your pad."
  87. >"Anon? Sure, he's up in my room playing on the nintendo."
  88. >You and Spike go up to the alledged location of the most exotic stallion in town.
  89. >He's there.
  90. >Sitting on the couch playing Super Mario Sis's."
  91. >Now you just need to use your devilish charm to make him yours.
  92. >Here goes.
  93. "Hi I'm Twilight Sparkle. Please be my concubine."
  94. >"You're Spike's sister right?"
  95. >Well technically you're only his step sister.
  96. "Not quite, Spike was adopted because his egg was left in a charity donation bin. I hatched it so I got to keep him."
  97. >He still hasn't said no to being your dark concubine, so you're counting this as a win.
  98.  
  99.  
  100.  
  101.  
  102.  
  103.  
  104. yrw Vinyl Scratch is your cuddly, mute lead mare.
  105. >y&hrw jealous herd mate questions Vinyl's position as alpha as some pony with a handicap shouldn't be in charge.
  106. >How can a mute defend your honor, after all, if she can't even speak out against the dishonerers?
  107.  
  108.  
  109. >the reason she got into music was that, in addition to her muteness, she had a lot of trouble reading and writing when she was young
  110. >can't exactly sound out a word when you can't fucking speak
  111. >however, with music, a note will always match up with a key/string/hole
  112. >her first "words" were instead messages passed along by some short tune played on whatever she had at hoof
  113. >one cutiemark later and she's a verified musical prodigy
  114. >fast forward to her herd days, and she always makes sure to carry a number of small instruments in a pouch at all times
  115. >I mean, she COULD write out what she wants
  116. >even learned how to do all that fancy magic writing in the air
  117. >but, at the end of the day, can that even really compare to telling some puffed up mare that thinks she knows (you) better than she does to fuck herself and all her extended male relatives with a few colorful toots on a kazoo?
  118. >or could it compare to that moment when (you) and the rest of your herd realize about 80% of her songs are her telling (you)
  119. just how much she loves (you) in musical code?
  120.  
  121.  
  122. >Vinyl takes (you) and the herd out for a dinner date
  123. >middle of the road palce, not too fancy but very comfortable and has good food
  124. >enter the wild zigger dad and his 18 gorillion foals
  125. >Vinyl just knows something's gonna happen, but tries to play it cool and keep the chill atmosphere of the night
  126. >something happens, foals start screaming
  127. >then the zebra starts screaming at the staff for X reason
  128. >(you) try to make a quick exit stage right for (you)r herd, but Vinyl's had enough
  129. >out comes the kazoo, and (you) can barely believe your ears
  130. >how could she say all that in public?
  131.  
  132.  
  133.  
  134.  
  135.  
  136.  
  137. >Anon is the Green Power Ranger.
  138. >One day, while in the school shower after gym, there is a monster attack and he's called to action.
  139. >Time being of the essence, he grabs his morpher and changes right there for battle without even putting his regular clothes on.
  140. >The monster uses rifts in reality to send attacks from any and all directions, but the rangers prevail.
  141. >With its dying breath, however, it uses one last portal, catching the green ranger off guard.
  142. >Tossed through the turbulent space between realities, Anon loses consciousnesses and hold of his powers before being spit out into Equestria.
  143. >Awaking naked and surrounded by panicking little ponies, Anon is confused, but before he can figure out what is going on, he notices the swarm of black insectoid creatures attacking the city.
  144. >Always the hero, He finds his morpher and transforms right there, much to the awe of the ponies.
  145. >And blushes.
  146. >Lots of blushes.
  147. >Especially one cream colored mare with a red and purple mane and pilly sweater.
  148. >As she watches the naked male (if the dangly bits between his legs is any indication) transform before her eyes into wearing full body spandex and a helmet, she can't help but think of her anime.
  149. >Just like the Solar Senshi, here is a stallion going from modest nudity to fully lewd to fend off a monster invasion.
  150. >It's a dream come true.
  151.  
  152.  
  153.  
  154.  
  155.  
  156. >ywn live with two 30-something bachelorhood 
  157. >ywn watch them walk around on their days off wearing the RGRE equivalent of a bachelor's outfit of shorts and a wifebeater: panties and a loose tanktop
  158. >ywn watch as the two sisters momentarily forget you're there and start cracking inappropriate jokes to each other and talking about which male staff member they could make cum faster
  159. >"...that is, if either one of us could actually bag them. I swear, Lulu, my cooter's about to explode from all the cock it hasn't gotten in the last 10 years."
  160. >>"Ahem! S-sister, we have a guest of the fairer sex, remember?"
  161. >"Shit. Uh, I mean shoot!"
  162.  
  163.  
  164.  
  165. >Anon's banging the princesses
  166. >they decided that they'd rather be "normal mares," or as close as they can be, and fuck off to live with Anon on their own
  167. >still keep up their royal duties, but use temporary magical clones to do them from the comfort of their own home
  168. >when they were off, the "upload" their experiences to the real princesses, so they're not completely out of the loop
  169. >one day, a clone dissipates while the two of them were "occupied" with Anon
  170. >gives them the idea to bring clones into the bedroom
  171. >its a smashing success when they try it a few days later
  172. >when a clone's fucked out of corporeality, every bit of pleasure she felt is pushed straight into the original
  173. >by the time Anon actually gets to them, the originals tend to already be a drooling, twitching mess before he even touches them
  174. >after a few enjoyable days, the princesses feel they can make it even better
  175. >tweak the spell to make the clones a bit more resilient and make it so that, instead of a "report," they give a crystal clear "live feed" to the original
  176. >heat's rolling around by this time, so they decide to make an honest stallion out of Anon as well
  177. >might as well make it special
  178. >when Anon got home that night, he's greeted by ten-odd thirsty alicorns
  179. >thirsty alicorns that have just locked the door, and told him that none of them are leaving that room until he's impregnated every one of them
  180. >the next morning, Anon wakes up a bit sore, predictably
  181. >what wasn't so predictable was the still-extant clones littered around the bed in various stages of stickiness and wakefulness
  182. >Celestia and Luna prime wake up shortly after
  183. >at first they were confused, but then it hits
  184. >those clones were permanent now, and each and every one of them was pregnant
  185. >their faces when they realized they just saved the alicorn race for the sake of lewd
  186.  
  187.  
  188.  
  189.  
  190.  
  191. >Anon is new to Equestria and decides to give herds a try
  192. >"If I'm already going to hell for fucking a horse, I'd be a chump to stop at one."
  193. >Turns out that herds are not without their drama
  194. >Fighting over who gets cuddles
  195. >Subtle power plays involving seating arrangements at the dinner table to change who Anon serves dinner to first
  196. >Straight up yelling matches because the breadwinner doesn't feel appreciated and one of the other herd mares calls her a pussy for "whining" about it
  197. >After a few months of everyone being miserable, Anon decides to end it and breaks up with his herd
  198. >The herd (if they're being honest with themselves) are not especially shocked to hear this, but they are all suddenly provided with a reason to put aside their differences and work together
  199. >"Look, forget what I said before, I don't care if you sleep on Anon's left instead of me. If we don't get it together, our colt'll be gone forever!"
  200. >Much like a guy from Earth who refuses to acknowledge that his girl isn't his girl any more, Anon's former herd believes that they're just "on a break" and start showing up at places Anon goes to to try and convince him to come back home
  201. "I'm so tired of your shit, you three."
  202. >"Love you too, babe. C'mon, I learned how to do the most amazing thing with my tongue. I don't wanna do it in front of everypony else so, uh... come on back home, okay?"
  203.  
  204.  
  205.  
  206.  
  207.  
  208.  
  209.  
  210. >Ponies in Ponyville feel bad that Anon is the only human in Equestria
  211. >Twilight finds a way to transform them into humans for just a day
  212. >Thing is, they still don't quite understand Anon's need for clothing, and in good ol' temperate weather Ponyville, warmth doesn't become an immediately obvious reason for them to bundle up
  213. >Anon wakes up to a crowd of his closest friends all human
  214. >All naked
  215. >They still do horsey things like nuzzling him and sitting on his lap, and some of the more forward mares still try to rub their chest tufts on his face
  216. >They still like physical contact as much as they did in their pony bodies, but they like it even better now that there is skin-on-skin contact, what with all the fur being gone for the day
  217. >It was an "I got lots of tits in my face" kind of day for Anon
  218.  
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  224.  
  225. >RGREqG Jock "bullies" nerd by symmetrical docking saying she's bigger in front of anon
  226. >jock and nerd are actually best sis' 
  227. >they know anon isnt what he seems
  228. >they also know anon likes big tits and has a predisposition for defending girls like the nerd
  229. >jock is being the ultimate wingmare but also hopes anon will take her too
  230.  
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  235.  
  236. >Celestia and Luna are astounded when they hear of a human living in the Everfree.
  237. >They understand why Discord is suddenly so bug-fuck terrified.
  238. >They're near-mythical, having a reputation similar to what unicorns and pegasi are (ironically) to us.
  239. >Shy and elusive, to see even glimpse at one is a treasured sight.
  240. >Harbingers, omens, or portents of things to come, across the world, humans are all.
  241. >In their long-lives, even Celestia and Luna have only seen a human twice.
  242. >Nopony would dare harm a human, as the magic of the world itself protects them.
  243. >After all, being cursed with an eternity of crippling horrid luck would suck.
  244. >However, the legends also say that if somepony gained the favour of a human, good luck is to be found.
  245. >When a human, a male at that, is seen to be poking around Ponyville's borders and the Apples' orchard, almost curious, the Princesses quickly realize they have to enact countermeasures and damage-control.
  246. >Not just to protect the human, but also for those who desire to seek it out for their own purposes, benevolent or not.
  247.  
  248.  
  249.  
  250. >While Chrissy's scouting out the wedding, Anon and Celly's scouting out a potential additional member for their herd, [obvious bug disguise]
  251. >a member that just so happens to also be Chrysalis in disguise
  252. >aft first, bugbutt was overjoyed at her good fortune
  253. >not only does she have a semi-stable flow of affection to sustain her during her mission, but she also has what could turn into unlimited access to Celestia herself
  254. >and Anon was odd enough that she could use him as a puppet without much suspicion, too
  255. >however, as time passes and they go onto more and more "dates," and the affection becomes stronger and stronger, changes starts to overcome her
  256. >subtle things at first, like altering her plan to instead incapacitate Celestia and Anon instead of killing them
  257. >then she starts looking forward to spending time with them more than working on her plan
  258. >"to gather more energy," she tells herself
  259. >can't scheme on an empty stomach
  260. >she eventually realizes what she's doing when she passes on a MASSIVE opportunity because it would have interfered with a date with them
  261. >shakes her to her core
  262. >what is she even doing?
  263. >what kind of queen puts her own petty emotions over her people's wellbeing?
  264. >spoiler alert: all of them
  265. >this wedding could change everything for the changelings
  266. >a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity she can't afford to miss
  267. >an opportunity her PEOPLE can't afford to miss
  268. >... just like all those others opportunities from the stories, she realized
  269. >changeling "society" is rife with tales of great queens that would have been handed a great opportunity like this, only to be struck down and vanish at the last possible moment
  270. >punishment for "trying to change the Way of The Hive," or so her mother would have her believe
  271. >but now, one her kitchen floor and still in disguise, she wonders if all those great queens had been in a situation like hers
  272. >and how many decided they'd rather be happy than be a queen, as she was tempted to
  273.  
  274.  
  275.  
  276.  
  277.  
  278. > Via shenanigans, Mono, non-baby Wander, and Agro travel to Equestria
  279. > Ponies assume they are a herd
  280. > Wander works at Sweet Apple Acres, picking apples
  281. > Agro pulls wagons for a living
  282. > After work, she runs around in the countryside, often with Wander or Mono riding
  283. > Mono works at the day care
  284. > During story time, she recites legends and tales of her homeland
  285. > The three refugees aren't really in a herd, but still cling to each other in this strange land
  286. > Agro is adapting to her newfound intelligence and ability to speak
  287. > She's learning social cues from the ponies, though old habits die hard when dealing with the humans
  288.  
  289.  
  290.  
  291.  
  292.  
  293.  
  294. >Anon and mare go to the movies
  295. >at first she was happy to spend time with him
  296. >maybe she'd even get in some stealth-snuggling
  297. >just like how her moms used to with her dad!
  298. >as they sit down and the lights dim, she looks to him and realizes she's made a tactical error
  299. >Anon's torso is just to damn tall!
  300. >how is she supposed to snuggle with him if she can barely get her hoof around the small of his back, much less his shoulders?
  301. >distressedhorsenoises.painting
  302.  
  303.  
  304.  
  305.  
  306.  
  307. >Anon is a rugged outdoorsy guy
  308. >Often times ponies become attracted to the janecolt at a surface level
  309. >But eventually they find out that he can actually cook and sew
  310. "Gotta know how to cook a newly caught fish, or repair your jeans on the trail"
  311. >Nowadays a modern stallion can barely microwave a hot pocket because they're so "liberated"
  312.  
  313.  
  314. >Some mares think it's terrible that a colt is out in the woods getting all dirty when he could be starting a nice herd.
  315. >Others find the thought of a strong Amazon like stallion in the woods hot and think ponies should leave him be.
  316. >"When he's ready for a herd he'll come to town and choose the best mare for foals."
  317. >"But how will he get the mare to come with him if they don't know each other well?"
  318. >"You can't tell a Amazon colt 'no'. You're getting snu-snu mare."
  319. >Then the mares that believe he simply see's all the mares as weak and he needs a strong mare to come and show her worth like nature intended.
  320. >These three sides start to debate what should be done.
  321. >It get's to such a level that even the princesses get into it.
  322. >Celestia and Twilight simply wait for him to come claim a mare. Which -obviously- will be them.
  323. >Luna begins to work out more and tries to get stronger to prove her worth. Working on her magic, flying, and muscle.
  324. >Cadence thinks they've lost their minds for allowing a poor colt live in the woods.
  325.  
  326.  
  327.  
  328.  
  329.  
  330.  
  331.  
  332. >>"Thanks, mom! Oh! Oh, uh... I appreciate what you've done, Your Highness."
  333. >Celestia chuckles good-naturedly and leans down to nuzzle the mare in front of her.
  334. >"It was my pleasure, my little pony. I hope things work out for you."
  335. >The mare beams as she scampers out of the throne room.
  336. >"And please tell the next pony waiting in line to come in!"
  337. >You hear a faint " 'kay!" before the tall doors slam shut.
  338. >Alone in the room (save for you), the princess sags in her throne and lets out a long-suffering sigh.
  339. >"Every time, I swear."
  340. >You had remained silent just in case calling Celestia "mom" was normal here and YOU were the weirdo for questioning it, but now you feel comfortable speaking up.
  341. "Did... did that mare just call you 'mom'?"
  342. >The princess spares you a glance and nods slowly
  343. >"Yes, my subjects do see me as a maternal figure. I suppose that's my fault, though, considering how I treat them. If I knew that everypony would end up treating me this way, I would have put a stop to those pesky missionaries and their 'sun-mother' scripture 700 years ago."
  344. >You scrunch up your face, thoroughly weirded out.
  345. "Seriously? That's weird as shit, princess."
  346. >Celestia suddenly perks up and peers over at you, her once-floppy ears perking straight up.
  347. >"You... think it's weird too?"
  348. >You are confused at the faint hope you can hear in her voice.
  349. "Yeah, it's pretty weird. I mean, I can get that ponies might see you as kinda maternal, but for them to slip up and call you 'mommy' is actually a little bit creepy."
  350. >You scoff and shove your hands into your pockets, facing forward and away from Celestia.
  351. "And what, do they call Luna 'auntie', too?"
  352. >"Y-Yeah, actually, they do."
  353. >Boy howdy.
  354. "Well, fuck."
  355. >There's an uncomfortable silence, and you look over at the princess to make sure you didn't do anything wrong.
  356. >A small, but growing, smile is playing on her lips, and whatever weariness she was feeling from endless day court seems to be gone.
  357. >"You mean, you don't think of me as your warm and loving mom?"
  358. "Of course not."
  359. >Celestia's smile grows, and she titters to herself excitedly.
  360. >"And you don't consider Luna a doting, if somewhat distant, aunt figure?"
  361. "No, I don't. Seriously, Celestia, is this actually a problem you and your sister face on a regular ba-"
  362. >Anonymous, shitposter, cancels job: Interrupted by Princess Celestia
  363. >You're pulled into a tight hug around your middle, and your face is shoved into a rather soft tuft of chest fur.
  364. >"Oh, happy day!"
  365. >Celestia begins to spin you around in a circle, apparently not having any trouble balancing on her hind legs to get the job done.
  366. >"Anonymous, even the foreign diplomats treat me more as a mother figure than the ruler of a nation! Do you have any idea what this means?!"
  367. >Celestia puts you down on your feet, but you end up clinging to her to avoid falling over; vertigo is a bitch.
  368. "Wh-what does it mean?"
  369. >Celestia places her hooves on your shoulders and holds you out at arm's length, beaming at you.
  370. >"It means that I'm about to cancel day court for the day, and then you and I are going to find Luna, and THEN we're all going to get drunk and tell stories!"
  371. >You squint at Celestia, the mid-morning sun glaring right in your eyes.
  372. "I-Look-Just..."
  373. >You didn't expect any of this.
  374. "Isn't it a bit early to be dr-"
  375. >Without looking away from you, Celestia's horn glows and she swaps celestial bodies.
  376. >It is now shortly after sunset.
  377. "...drinking?"
  378. >She plasters a shit-eating grin on her face.
  379. >"Nope."
  380. >She pats you on the shoulder and then guides you out of the room and into a hallway.
  381. >"Come on, Anonymous; once we find Luna, I'll buy you all the fruity, colty drinks you want."
  382.  
  383. >"Morning, dad!"
  384. >You and Celestia stop dead in your tracks and stare at the back of the mare's head as she walks away.
  385. >As soon as she turns the corner, you stare at Celestia; she stares back, and you're sure her shocked face is a mirror of your own.
  386. "Now you've brought ME into this?"
  387. >Celestia grins sheepishly.
  388. >"Hey, it could be worse. At least they aren't calling you-"
  389.  
  390. >"Daddy! I got you something!"
  391. >A mare wearing a maid's outfit drops a bundle of cloth at your feet.
  392. >You grab it and hold it out in front of you.
  393. >It's a housecoat; purple, and complete with a pair of slippers that fell out of the bundle as you were picking the damn thing up.
  394. >"Do you like them?"
  395. >The mare is smiling happily up at you as her tail waggles back and forth.
  396. >You peer over and Celestia, who is suddenly looking very nervous and very sheepish.
  397. "I love them. I think MOMMY and I are going to put these away somewhere before I wear them."
  398. >Celestia gulps.
  399. >She knows she's going to be sleeping on the proverbial horse-couch tonight.
  400. >God, ponies are so weird.
  401.  
  402.  
  403.  
  404.  
  405.  
  406.  
  407. >Cthulu and all the other supernatural creatures are laughing at the shit scribble.
  408. >They're having a nerd off about Anon's shitty "anti-magic" circle.
  409. >The mythos and the imagery is even screwed up.
  410. >They find it funny and childish enough to grant Anon some kind random "blessing" or whatever it's pathetic human equivalent is
  411. > Anon can now unbirth and birth himself a thousand times. 
  412. > Thanks Shub-Niggurath
  413.  
  414. >"Aww, look! He thinks those scribbles he's drawing in a circle actually mean anything. What, did he find those books in his sister's room or something?"
  415. >"I mean, all he's done is write gibberish. 'is to find ocean', 'protect for sky corruption'... he's so adorable."
  416. >"Oh, he's saying the words! Gals, gather 'round, he's ACTUALLY trying to summon one of us!"
  417. >"Yeah, I know! I think he thinks he's doing it right."
  418. >"Wait for it... wait for it..."
  419. >"Oh, look at how disappointed he is. I can't say no to a face like that."
  420. >"Tell you what: I'll be back in a few years, or something. I'm gonna pop down there and humor him for a while."
  421. >"If he tries to 'bind' me to some arbitrary rules, I'll play along for the sake of a challenge."
  422. >"...and so that I can see that smile again."
  423.  
  424.  
  425. "And that, kids, is how I met your mother."
  426. >"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
  427. "Hey hey hey - none of that language under my roof."
  428. >"...sorry, dad."
  429.  
  430.  
  431.  
  432.  
  433.  
  434.  
  435.  
  436. >Anon, as a child, was found roughly the same time as Cadence was.
  437. >Because humans are considered Equestria's unicorns, the village agreed to keep him a secret.
  438. >That, and he brought them prosperity due to luck.
  439. >Both were adopted, though he was considered an oddball for being more filly-like than colt-like.
  440. >Became as thick as thieves with Cadence, who complimented each other sine she was more colty.
  441. >She ascends, and Celestia finds her.
  442. >Is astonished to not only find a new alicorn and Amore's great-great-many-greats granddaughter, but also a human.
  443.  
  444. >Stallions are too chicken-shit (Scootaloo shit?) to ask her out or proposition her because her "brother" could curse them with a hundred years' bad luck if they do something he truly finds reprehensible
  445.  
  446. >since one of the many "roles" humans have played in Equestrian legends is that of minor love-gods/spirits, many are just waiting for them to get together
  447. >after all, what better match for a princess of love than a spirit of love, and vice versa?
  448. >Cadance and Anon, for their part, are a little confused
  449. >they knew they weren't really siblings, that's readily apparent, but there is some barrier there
  450. >that is, until Cadance discovers her neighponese mangos
  451. >over the next few days, she rarely leaves her room, even for meals, and seems to be avoiding Anon
  452. >the few times they are together, he swears he can hear her muttering "how can my big brother be so cute?" before beating a hasty retreat to her next little gremlin-hole
  453.  
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458. >You're dating a mare with a baby sister.
  459. >Even with your strange looks, you roped her with some genuine love and unusually easygoing (for a male) attitude. Her sister instantly taking a shine to you helped a lot too.
  460. >Your marefriend worries about her sister, though. She's a filly and still growing up, but soon the unfairness of being a mare will rear it's ugly head.
  461. >Your mare remembers how much she had to struggle to just be noticed and doesn't wish such a fate on her beloved sister. 
  462. >So she comes to you, does some obvious buttering up, and asks you to bring her sister into your little family as a herdmate.
  463. >You relent, but add the stipulation that her sister has to wait until shes an adult before any "adult" things happen. Equestria may be more lax about such things than earth, but it's something you just cannot shake.
  464. >Needless to say, little sister is beyond thrilled. She doesn't need to worry about colts and gets a promised spot in a herd with her sister. The girls at school are going to be so jealous! 
  465. >There's still hiccups and mishaps along the way, though.
  466.  
  467. >After a less than subtle hinting at what she wants after years of whittling away at you, the younger sister finally convinces you she's mature enough for real intimacy.
  468. >Having a cutie mark and a part time job in the last few years of school already makes her an adult to most anyway.
  469. >But in a bout of teenage stupidity, she hides a tape recorder in the room as double proof for her friends. 
  470. >And after years of pent up, puberty induced sexual frustration, the younger sister has the night of her life. 
  471. >She struts into class the next day reeking of sex and with a smug grin in place. 
  472. >Just to rub it in her friend's faces, she leads them to a secluded spot and plays the tape.
  473. >It's not erotic. At all.
  474. >It's her nervously fretting for a moment, then the sound of a door opening and a deep voice telling her how proud he is that she's grown so much. Then he apologizes for thinking of her and just a filly and not a mare. 
  475. >The rest of the tape is the sound of the bed gently creaking, murmurs of 'I love you', the younger sister badly stifling her ecstasy, and the muffled sound of bare flesh meeting furred.
  476. >It's gentle lovemaking, not the incredible romp it felt like to her. 
  477. >Something an alarming number of mares won't get to have.
  478. >The look on her friends isn't jealousy, it's heartbreak.
  479.  
  480.  
  481.  
  482.  
  483.  
  484.  
  485. >Be Celestia.
  486. >"You want me to do what!?" Inkwell yelps.
  487. "Shhh!"
  488. >You scold her.
  489. "I just need you to explain the birds and the bees to Anon."
  490. >This doesn't calm her.
  491. >"Why do -I- have to teach him?" She says poking her chest before pointing at you with a hoof. "He's -your- nephew and Luna's adopted s-"
  492. >You quickly hush her before she can say anymore while you quickly look around to make sure Anon isn't nearby.
  493. "We haven't told Anon he's not Luna's real son yet!"
  494. >You whisper yell to Inkwell.
  495. >She gives you a unamused look.
  496. >"I'm sure he knows. Especially seeing as Luna doesn't and hasn't ever had a husband."
  497. "Yeah but he might not! Would -you- want to tell him?"
  498. >She rolls her eyes.
  499. >"Whatever, I'm still not teaching him about rutting. You or Luna should."
  500. >You shy away.
  501. "I would but... he so... lewd around me!"
  502. >Again she's unammused.
  503. >"Really Celestia? You see a little colt as lewd? That's kinda sick."
  504. "You don't understand! He does thing! Things that colts shouldn't do!"
  505. >Now she looks disgusted.
  506. >"Princess! Have you been using your own nephew's young ignorance to please yourself? Blood nephew or not that's sick!"
  507. >Your wings flare out and you recoil.
  508. >You don't touch Anon!
  509. >You would never hurt a innocent colt like that!
  510. "What!? No! I would never do that!"
  511. >She snorts.
  512. >"Whatever, I'll go teach Anon about sex. But when I get back we're having a long talk that may or may not lead to me telling your sister." She says walking out the door.
  513. "But I-"
  514. *Slam!*
  515. >You don't get to finish your defence as the door is slammed shut behind her.
  516. >You sigh.
  517. >You'll explain it to her later, atleast she's dealing with Anon so you don't have to.
  518.  
  519. Thirty minutes later.
  520.  
  521. >The door to your room slings open and slams shut as Inkwell darts in panting with a massive blush on her face.
  522. >She looks up at you with a look of regret and fear.
  523. >"I-I understand." She says through pants "No colt should be that lewd!"
  524.  
  525. >Be Celestia.
  526. >Be at a very important meeting with the griffons.
  527. >"-and so I think we need more la-" The griffon drones on as you begin to sound her out.
  528. >Every single time.
  529. >They -always- want more.
  530. >Filthy bast-
  531. >You're cut out of that thought as the door cracks open and a small human head peaks in to look around.
  532. >He looks around until he see's you.
  533. >His eyes lock and a smile spreads across his face.
  534. >No.
  535. >Please Luna come get your son!
  536. >Come get your lewd son before he ruins a diplomatic meeting!
  537. >He quietly comes inside and closes the door behind him.
  538. >Okay Celestia, calm down.
  539. >Maybe he'll just quietly wait for you to get done with this meeting?
  540. >Dispite how lewd he can be he is shy around new ponies.
  541. >Or he'll come straight for you!
  542. >You focus your eyes on the griffon across the table hoping that she doesn't notice him by some unknown cosmic powers.
  543. >"and I think- oh?"
  544. >Or she'll notice right away!
  545. >As Anon finally gets to you he nuzzles up to your side seemingly trying to get under your wing.
  546. >”Is… is that a human?” She ask inspecting Anon from her seat.
  547. >You keep up your regal look as Anon pokes and prods you trying to get comfortable.
  548. “Yes. This is Anon, my nephew and Luna's son, and he is in fact, a human.”
  549. >The griffon raises her eye brow.
  550. >”Mhmm.” She hums in a unbelieving way. “So, you're telling me, your sister, who as far as I know is single had a child, not only that but she had a child who also is a mythological beast of love?”
  551. >You'd tell her he wasn't a blood son but Anon is right there.
  552. “Yes.”
  553. >Is all you say as a reply hoping she won't continue to question you.
  554. >”May I ask how this occurred?”
  555. >Damn!
  556. >Think Tia think!
  557. “Alicorn biology?”
  558. >She stares at you for a bit before shrugging.
  559. >”Hmm, okay. Well as I was saying-" She goes back to talking about getting more land or something.
  560. >You are currently trying to get Anon to be comfortable next to you and stop moving around.
  561. >You lift your wing for him.
  562. >Well?
  563. >Come on, you wanted under my wing didn't you?
  564. >Wait… what are you doing?
  565. >He begins petting your wing as it's still expanded.
  566. >Well, that's nice.
  567. >You kind of feel mean for thinking he'd-
  568. “Mhnnn!”
  569. >You stifle a moan through clenched teeth as you sling your wing closed on Anon pinning him to your side.
  570. >Not hard enough to hurt him thankfully.
  571. >”Princess? Is something wrong?”
  572. >Yes, my nephew started rubbing my wing joint!
  573. “No, no, j-just giving Anon a hug. He's very c-cuddly you see.”
  574. >You have to try your best to not moan out as despite being pinned to your side he continues to rub the sensitive joint.
  575. >Thankfully she buys your story and continues on about land as you lift you your wing and use it to protect the joint from Anon's assault.
  576. >He attempts to rub it more before sighing and giving up.
  577.  
  578. >With the griffon distracted with her rant about yaks and land you ignite your horn with magic and message your sister.
  579. ‘Luna! Come get your son! He nearly just made me moan in front of a ambassador!’
  580. >You wait a bit for a reply and soon get it.
  581. >’What are you doing to Anon that would incite you moaning!?’
  582. ‘Nothing! He came in here and laid against me, he kept moving around so I lifted my wing for him to go under and he started petting it instead, then he started rubbing the joint!’
  583. >’Oh, yes he loves wing joints for some reason. Told me they were really soft when I told him not to do it. Just don't open your wing for him and you'll be fine.’
  584. ‘No, come get him now!’
  585. >’I can't!’
  586. ‘Why not?’
  587. >’Because I'm at a meeting with a yak, just ignore him for a bit and he'll get bored and mess with the guards. Sturdy Shield loves him, the mare can't get enough of playing with Anon.’
  588. ‘Fine, just if you get done before me come get him.’
  589. >’Alright.’
  590. >With that your magic cuts off and you look at Anon through the corner of your eye.
  591. >Looks like he's thinking.
  592. >Good, so long as he doesn't- and he's moving.
  593. >Before you can react he crawls between your front hoofs and rubs your stomach.
  594. >You try your best to discreetly move him but he doesn't budge.
  595. >”Boop!”
  596. “Ahh!”
  597. >Left unprepared you let out a loud moan as Anon pinches your teat causing your front hooves to give out as well.
  598. >”Prince- Oh, I see.” You look up from your laying position to see a griffon smiling at you.
  599. >Here you are, laying a top of your nephew as you moan while he plays with your teats.
  600. “No! This is a -big- misunderstanding! You see I was just-"
  601. >She shushes you.
  602. >”It's alright, I have a few ‘nephews’ of my own if you know what I mean.” She says emphasizing ‘nephews' “It's good to see a pony at your standard managed to be so lucky as to get not only a ‘nephew' but a human, and not just that, one at such a young age!”
  603. >You lay there speechless.
  604. >Does she think Anon is some sort of concubine?
  605. >”Well, I'm sure you're very busy so I'll leave you to it. I'll not tell a soul.” She says leaving the room. “Enjoy your… fun, Princess.”
  606. >With that she leaves the room and closes the door.
  607. >…
  608. >Anon crawls out from beneath you.
  609. >”Bye bye auntie! I'm going to go play with Sturdy!” He calls as he leaves.
  610. >If Luna finds out about this you're dead
  611.  
  612.  
  613.  
  614.  
  615.  
  616.  
  617. >Songs have significant importance in Equestrian culture
  618. >They can sway crowds on moral dilemmas and help ponies to develop emotionally
  619. >If two ponies sing a duet it's guaranteed that they're soul mates
  620. >Several ponies have sung songs around Anon, sometimes to bring him out of a rut other times trying to tempt him into a duet
  621. >The latter never works and the former only works because he finds singing ponies cute
  622. >But he's never sung a single song whilst he was there and some of the ponies start to worry about him
  623. >One time they hear the distant sound of instruments playing in the direction of Anon's house
  624. >Hope soon turns to worry as they begin to hear what he'd singing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWROL973r7U[Open]
  625. >Worried that a mid-life crisis is what's stopping Anon from finding a mare the girls decide to help him indulge in some fantasies
  626. >Getting shitfaced in the now Flim and Flam run Los Pegasus after hours for one
  627. >What the girls thought would be a night of getting tipsy and taking a mare for a one night stand turns into a nightmare beyond Luna's wildest imagination
  628. >He gets Twilight addicted to gambling, which she even begins spending royal funds on
  629. >Which he quickly rectifies by teaching her the concept of card counting, which, after picking up on she clears out the house
  630. >He gets Applejack to blow off some steam and forget that the Flim Flam brothers are stallions and helps her wreck their stuff with Rainbow's help
  631. >Rarity and Fluttershy get completely wasted and get tattoos
  632. >Pinkie leads ponies in a full blown riot
  633. >The next morning is met with hangovers and regrets for all
  634. >Except for Anon, who couldn't be happier
  635. >Apparently singing human music makes mares do crazy shit
  636.  
  637.  
  638.  
  639.  
  640.  
  641.  
  642. >Anon doesn't get the implications behind smelling like a mare
  643. >He just really likes how his best friend smells and knows that ponies like cuddles, so he sees no wrong in this
  644. >Meanwhile, the mare he cuddled is sweating loudly and the ponies in town keep looking in between him and her
  645.  
  646.  
  647.  
  648.  
  649.  
  650.  
  651. >School shooter Sci-Twi gets caught and arrested before she can do any real harm.
  652. >Anon accidentally almost let her do it because she was smart enough to lie to him about "not being nearly ready for it yet."
  653. >Anon still loves her, and visits her in prison every chance he gets.
  654.  
  655. >Sunset and her friends haven't met Sci-Twi yet.
  656. >They learn of this world's Twilight from the news, and from how often that nice guy Anon goes to visit her in prison.
  657. >"Such a cute and nice guy like him is wasted on a girl like her." is their general agreement.
  658.  
  659. >One day they sense Equestrian magic bullshit.
  660. >They rush to the school to find that Sci-Twi escaped from prison and plans to use Equestrian magic to go to "another world." As she"s been able to figure out that much.
  661. >They think she's just using Anon.
  662. >But she's doing this FOR Anon, she wants to run away together with him.
  663. >"Away from all those fucking trixies and beta bitches. Away from those sluts only after money and status."
  664. >"You're too good for this world Anon. I love you and you deserve to live in a place better than this."
  665.  
  666.  
  667.  
  668.  
  669.  
  670.  
  671. >After Anon cuddles Celestia's chest tuft, he wanders off, not knowing what such a thing implies
  672. >Celestia worries that Anon will be used as a political pawn now that he's apparently her husbando
  673. >Celestia worries that Anon will be angry with her if she stays out late drinking with her Royal Guard buddies
  674. >Celestia is terrified she'll cum before he does
  675. >Celestia has no idea what she'll do if one her dildos pops out of a forgotten hidden place in her bedroom and Anon learns that she's a big pervert
  676. >Hours later, Luna finds her her hiding under Luna's own moon-shaped bed, quivering and molting feathers all over the carpet
  677. >Everything has changed so quickly, and Princess "plan things out decades in advance" Celestia is having a fit about her slew of new expectations
  678. >Celestia hasn't even spoken to Anon since the chest-cuddling incident, but she's already convinced herself they'll have to marry and can't stop thinking about how shameful it would be if she woke up next to him with morning dew (the mare equivalent of morning wood)
  679.  
  680.  
  681.  
  682. >"And where do you think you're going, cutie?"
  683. >"Your girlfriend? The one I heard yelling at you before she left that store?"
  684. >"She seems kinda mean, cutie."
  685. >"The type of girl that doesn't know a good guy when one's standing right in front of her."
  686. >"Hmm? I'm not getting any closer. It must be your imagination, hot stuff."
  687. >"I've heard that you hyoo-mans can start to see things she you get really, really stressed."
  688. >"Say, how 'bout you and me go get something to eat?"
  689. >"I know this taco stand that you'd really like."
  690. >"Your girlfriend?"
  691. >"I guess she can join us when she stops being such a little boy."
  692. >"Come on."
  693. >"It'll be a good idea to let her cool off for a little bit anyway, right?"
  694. >"I'll even pay, and you can tell me all about yourself."
  695. >"You want to come? Great! Let's go then!"
  696. >"Of course I need to hold your hand, silly. We don't want you getting lost now, do we?"
  697. >"My name's Sonata by the way."
  698. >"You'll be screaming that name soon,
  699. stud~"
  700. >"One roll in the hay with me you'll never want to go back to hyoo-man women."
  701. >"You'll be a siren slut."
  702. >"My siren slut."
  703. >"And you'll never be happier~"
  704.  
  705.  
  706.  
  707. >"My good sir, would it be alright if I sit here?"
  708. >"Oh thank you very much. I've been wandering around this city for hours and I SIMPLY must let my feet rest."
  709. >"Oh. Well that was very nice of you! Usually I'm the one that pulls the seat out!"
  710. >"Forgive me, darling, but if I may seem so bold you appear to be a bit.. glum."
  711. >"Really? She left you here all by yourself?"
  712. >"Honestly, I don't know how you men deal with human females, dear."
  713. >"Even the biggest brutes I know of back home wouldn't do such a thing to a gentlemen!"
  714. >"No, it is NOT nothing!"
  715. >"I think of myself as a lady, and as a lady I shan't stand for this!"
  716. >"Bartender! Bartender! Could you please get this man something to drink? Mm as well, some scotch if you have no. No ice please."
  717. >"Now, since you were SO rudely stood up, perhaps it would be acceptable for me to join you tonight?"
  718. >"Of course I'll pay for your drinks. I've also been told that there's a very good eating establishment a few blocks from here that we might go to after we tire of this place."
  719. >"Anon? Oh what a lovely man."
  720. >"A lovely name for a lovely man."
  721. >"Oh, excuse me dear, my words seemed to have made you just a hair flustered."
  722. >"You have my word that it won't happen again."
  723. >"Though I don't see why you're so bashful. You are a very handsome individual, if you don't mind me saying."
  724. >"Ah, but where are my manners?"
  725. >"I'm Rarity, my dear. It's very nice to meet you."
  726. >"Hopefully I'll be getting to know you much better very soon~"
  727. >"You seem like a wonderful young man."
  728. >"The kind a girl could take home to her father."
  729. >"And maybe, Celestia willing, make one's boutique a little less lonely."
  730. >"Those human women really are a bit dim."
  731. >"I almost feel bad for them..."
  732. >"Almost..."
  733.  
  734.  
  735.  
  736.  
  737.  
  738.  
  739. >Sirens are far more aggressive than an Equestrian when it comes to courtship
  740. >They are known to use their singing to lure unsuspecting men away to places where they can be "secured"
  741. >If the siren is very lucky, the man will be persuaded into becoming her mate after she's done with him
  742. >If she's very lucky, her persuading will end in some siren babbies
  743. >After Equestrian contact with Earth, the whole siren population has found new "hunting grounds"
  744. >Many are surprised, amused, and even happy at how plentiful the "fish" are in this particular sea
  745. >They are also surprised at how willing so many of the fishes are to just jump into their arms
  746. >The sirens, as a whole, consider this the failing of human women, and go to great lengths to mock them for their lackadaisicalness
  747. >All the while fiercely defending their carefully handpicked mate from any threats or rivals
  748. >Sirens, as you would expect, intent to mate for life
  749.  
  750.  
  751.  
  752.  
  753.  
  754.  
  755.  
  756. >Makes the moves whenever he visits the SCC
  757. >Slides in the booth with him when she serves him, making sure that they're pressing together
  758. >Says things like "I made it special, just for you~" and blowing him a kiss
  759. >"Hey, there's my favourite customer! Is your usual seat good, or would you rather sit on my lap instead?"
  760. >Has a little notepad she has when she takes his order and uses the pen in her mouth to demonstrate how the can move her lips, all while maintaining eye contact with Anon
  761. >If Anon ever orders a milkshake, she brings it to his table balanced on her back; says "Here's your milk-shake, shake, shake..." while swinging her hips back and forth
  762. >Anon is doing his best not to bend Pinkie over the table and fuck her right there in the shop
  763.  
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767.  
  768.  
  769. >Anon arrives in Equestria.
  770. >But something fucks up, and he ends up comatose.
  771. >Twilight finds him and takes him to Canterlot for research.
  772. >Luna is guarding the dream realm as usual when she notices that the strange ape is dreaming as well.
  773. >Out of curiosity, she takes a peek.
  774. >She is hounded by a constant feeling of loneliness and longing.
  775. >This is something that is bred over the years, strengthened by neglect, forged by dismissal.
  776. >She looks for the ape, to find him in a dark room, looking at a glowing box.
  777. >He is all alone, looking at pictures of various ponies and strange text she has never seen before.
  778. >Reaching forward, he touches the glowing box, and cries.
  779. >"Why aren't you real?"
  780.  
  781.  
  782.  
  783.  
  784.  
  785.  
  786. >Anon meets a zebra
  787. >She's genuinely sweet and they hit it off
  788. >She knows the sort of reception Zecora (aka literally the only zebra in town) got, and so zebrawaifu had a bit of fun
  789. >She made a point of loudly bragging that "zebras be stealin' your husbandos"
  790. >Applejack has to be physically held back
  791. >Zebrawaifu and Anon laugh about it back home while they snuggle on the couch together
  792.  
  793.  
  794.  
  795.  
  796.  
  797.  
  798. >Poners are adorable to Anon and they're small enough for him to cuddle three at once
  799. >He's just a man
  800. >He's just a man who has been told to be tough all his life, and suddenly he's in a society that encourages the opposite
  801. >So when he realizes that males in this world are pretty much considered weird if they don't have shit like 30 plushies in their bedroom, something in Anon's mind snaps
  802. >He starts hugging ponies and he can't stop
  803. >They're tiny
  804. >He can hold several at once
  805. >They squirm and make little squeaks and shouts of adorable distress
  806. >Their chests have thick tufts of sweet-smelling fur, and their tummy-tum-tums are soft and prefect for rubbing his face into
  807. >Their noses are cushioney and perfect for booping, and even their hooves have incredibly soft pads on the bottom behind the hoof part; soft like a cat's paw is
  808. >After a week-long cuddle bender, Anon is known as a cuddle-slut throughout Ponyville
  809. >However, much to Anon's confusion, that doesn't make it difficult for him to get involved with a pony romantically
  810. >They still like kisses and they sure as hell like sex, but they only ever get cagey when he tries to cuddle with them
  811. >Some of them act normally around him with kisses and sex but start talking to him like he's a slut if the topic of cuddles ever comes up
  812. >Some of them are fine with kisses and sex but then try to come up with excuses not to cuddle with "used goods" like him
  813. >"I-I just don't want to catch cuddle-cooties, okay?!"
  814.  
  815.  
  816. Circle, circle, dot, dot. Now you have your cootie shot.
  817. >"I-is that it?"
  818. >You nod to the minty unicorn.
  819. Yep, it's that simple.
  820. >"Twilight? It can't be that simple."
  821. >"No, he's right! Cootie levels are dropping rapidly all the way down to..."
  822. >Twilight looks shocked, her horns glow fading before pulsing with light again and again.
  823. >"Twilight? Please..."
  824. >"I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't see it with my own eyes ore feel it with my own magic. Lyra Heartstrings, you are completely cootie free."
  825. >You knelt down and picked up the little mare and gave her a hug
  826. >"...it's been so long."
  827. With you guys having so much magic I figured that most, if not all, diseases would be taken care of.
  828. >"This could change everything, with time maybe even a vaccine can be developed!"
  829. >You squat down, Lyra finally returning your hug and boop Twiggles in her adorable little muzzle.
  830. Twilight, it's curative and preventative. Don't you ponies know anything about cootie shots?
  831. >"Anonymous, I have no idea how your people found this cure but cooties are still the worst of all cuddle transmitted diseases.
  832. >You have to hold back a laugh.
  833. I didn't know it was so serious, Twilight. Here.
  834. >Doing the old gestures that you remember from elementary you give Twilight the 'vaccine'
  835. Circle, circle, dot, dot. Now YOU have your cootie shot.
  836. >"Wait? But that wasn't my forehoof? Why my cheek Anonymous?
  837. It's different for every person and pony.
  838. >"How do you know, Anon?", Lyra asks finally taking her face from the crook of your neck.
  839. >So fucking cute.
  840. Well training, of course. I mastered cootie shots back when I was seven.
  841. >Their eyes went wide, and Twilight poofed in a scroll and spoke up.
  842. >"Of course! Since 'humans' aren't tied to the magic of destiny, you're free to train your children from a young age and hyper-specialize! But first things first, would you mind if I contacted the Princess? This cure will be revolutionary!"
  843.  
  844.  
  845.  
  846.  
  847.  
  848. >Anon is an advanced android built for police work from a futuristic world.
  849. >He has great strength, speed, and reaction time to aid in pursuit of targets, while also having a very organic, human-like appearance to help civilians more easily trust him.
  850. >He's solved many cases, stopped numerous criminals, and saved countless lives over his many years in service.
  851. >Even with newer, more advanced models coming out, he's still one of the best officers his city has ever seen, making up for his aging tech with hard-earned wisdom and grit.
  852. >For all of these reasons, Anon finds it infuriating that no pony will believe him when he informs them that he is a police robot and competent officer.
  853. >They're all certain that he is a sex robot stuck on 'sexy cop' setting, most likely having been pulled straight from a bacherlorette party by the mysterious vortex.
  854. >Anon has never regretted the inclusion of a penis module in his design before now
  855.  
  856.  
  857.  
  858.  
  859.  
  860. >Anon in RGRE
  861. >Gets horse-married to <insert waifu here>
  862. ><waifu> is old-fashioned and expects Anon to be a househusband for her
  863. >He takes to it like a fish to water
  864. >Doesn't have to work
  865. >Cleans and shit for maybe 2 or 3 hours
  866. >Rest of the day is just doing whatever
  867. >Spends time with his friends
  868. >Makes sure his hard-working wife has a hot dinner and lots of belly-rubs for when she gets home from work
  869. >Anon's more forward-thinking friends wonder where it all went wrong and how oppressive it must be for Anon; meanwhile, Anon finishes reading his favourite book and then decides to take a nap because he has so much free time
  870.  
  871.  
  872.  
  873.  
  874.  
  875.  
  876. >Anon needs a job to support himself
  877. >One option is a secretary but that mostly involves taking messages, bringing coffee to his horse-boss, and getting his ass slapped when she asks him to bend over and pick up the pen she just pushed off her desk; AGAIN
  878. >There are other options (strippers, etc) but Anon isn't exactly a beef cake and the last thing he wants is for a mare to laugh when he takes off his clothes
  879. >And so, Anon puts ads out into the paper: Foal-sitter for hire
  880. >He's a natural
  881. >Foals are high-energy, but lack stamina and are out like a light in no-time
  882. >Unpredictable magic is a problem, but nothing harmful has happened to Anon yet
  883. >Pegasi foals can't fly very far yet, so all Anon has to worry about is making sure one doesn't jump out a window and try to fly like mommy does
  884. >Plus, they're tiny and soft and adorable and since he's the woman of this world, nopony thinks it's weird when he cuddles other pony's children
  885. >Applejack in particular rolls her eyes and quips that she knew that "janefilly thing" was just an act
  886. >Anon charges her double his usual rate for when nopony is around to take care of Apple Bloom except for him
  887. >Ponies notice this change in their biggest and more alien friend in town
  888. >Some mares want big families too and are happy that there's a stallion out there who won't resent them for having to take care of lots of foals
  889. >Others are hesitant and worry that being involved with Anon would put a financial and emotional strain on their relationship should they ever pursue him
  890. >Anon is ignorant to all this (minus the occasional comment about his "paternal instincts" coming through) and is just happy to be earning money to play with pony babies
  891.  
  892.  
  893.  
  894.  
  895.  
  896.  
  897. >Anon run ragged having to deal with a hormonal and temperamental Cadence since Shining noped the fuck out.
  898. >Has to constantly deflect her horny attentions.
  899. >Has to satisfy her cravings for odd foods by running down to the stores at 3AM.
  900. >...Realizing he fucked up three years later when Flurry's second words are "Daddy" to him, since he was the prominent male role-model in her life.
  901. >Welp
  902.  
  903. >...what.
  904. >Oh, no.
  905. >Oh, this is bad.
  906. "N-No, sweetie," you try and correct, "That's 'Uncle Anon', okay?"
  907. >The nervous quiver in your voice is obvious to both you and Cadence, whose hooves still haven't left her mouth.
  908. "Can you say that? 'Uncle Anon'?"
  909. >Flurry claps her hooves happily, ignorant to the can of worms that had just opened.
  910. >"Daddy! Daddy!"
  911.  
  912. >Shining's kidnapped pretty much every other Tuesday.
  913. >One group of dragons in particular even wrote out a schedule for it.
  914. >He's pretty much dead inside over it by this point.
  915. >When he's told by a nervous Cadence and Anon after his latest rescue that Flurry called the human 'Daddy' he's just all 'Okay.'
  916. >Chrysalis kidnaps him that night.
  917. >She just shares a beer with him because she knows what it's like to get betrayed by your kids
  918.  
  919. >Anon has been busy keeping Cadence from falling apart and raising Flurry Heart to find a special somepony
  920. >Even by the time Flurry's grown to around teen-age, he's still herdless and basically helps out around the castle like some kind of trusted pseudo-adviser to Cadence
  921. >Flurry thinks the reason Anon gets cagey when "you're basically my dad" gets brought up is because he doesn't want to be chained down by acknowledging his status of dad or that he doesn't believe in horse-marriage or something like that
  922. >"Like, when auntie Twi's friends come visiting, half of them talk about them by calling them 'your mom and dad', so I don't get the big deal."
  923.  
  924. >Cadance knows about Flurry's taste for O&O
  925. >kind of hard to miss when she can hear her yelling about snake eyes or natural 20's in the RCV at times
  926. >while it hurts hearing almost-constant reminders that Shining would have loved to play with their daughter, she lets her have her fun
  927. >an old widow like her could put aside her discomfort if it meant her daughter could be happy
  928. >however, as she passes her daughter's room, she hears something different than the usual exposition and sounds of joy/rage
  929. >"Flurry, do you know when your mom's gonna marry your Uncle-but-Pretty-Much-Dad Anon?"
  930. >she stops, ears trained and eyes wide
  931. >the sound of ruffling papers and clattering dice fills the air
  932. >"18. I dunno, why?"
  933. >"Well, its just I heard my dad saying last night that its 'shameful for him to lead a mare on like he has' last night"
  934. >something falls to the ground with a loud clatter
  935. >"WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT MY DAD?!"
  936. >Cadence winces
  937. >it didn't sound like the table, so small mercies
  938. >"Hey-hey-hey-hey, calm down, Flurry! I don't like that he said it either, thats why I asked!"
  939. >a few grumbles she can't make out float through the open door
  940. >"I know he's real nice to all of us when we're here, but what am I supposed to do about it? He's my dad!"
  941. >she catches her daughter's voice again
  942. >"Alright alright, I get it."
  943. >a heavy sigh is heard
  944. >"I just hate hearing ponies talk about my dad like that."
  945. >the sound of hooves hitting the floor
  946. >one of Flurry's friends probably walked around the table to her
  947. >"Hey, don't you worry, Flurry, we've got your back"
  948. >a few quiet words are spoken
  949. >probably some manner of friendship lesson that'd tickle Old Aunt Celestia pink something terrible, Cadance'd wager
  950. >so, with a smile on her face, she trots off to her room
  951. >the fact ponies are thinking that Anon, bless his heart, is leading her on is worrying, but that can wait 'till tomorrow
  952. >right now, she needs some sleep
  953.  
  954. >back in Flurry's room, three thoughtful fillies glare at the table, their game forgotten
  955. >the alicorn among them looks up
  956. >"So... what do we do?"
  957. >the unicorn going by the name of Lighting Zest nods once
  958. >"I think its's obvious, Flurry."
  959. >the earth pony I-can't-be-arsed-to-name nods as well, a smile growing on her face
  960. >"We've gotta get you're mom and dad together, for realsies! That way, nopony will say mean things about them!"
  961. >Flurry is shocked for the briefest moment, before she smiles as well
  962. >as one the three rise
  963. >"Cutie Mark Crusaders, Imperial Division, ready for action!"
  964.  
  965. >Heart getting suspended from school because she blew up half the building after not-pleasant snide remarks were made about her Dad.
  966. >Though disappointed and conflicted, he hugs her better.
  967. >This only compounds the view other ponies have of their dynamic
  968.  
  969. >Young Flurry Heart tries pull a Hearts and Hooves surprise for her parents.
  970. >Ha no idea about the awkwardness she has created.
  971. >They have to go along with it, unable to bear the thought of hurting her feelings.
  972.  
  973. >Awkward romantic dinner.
  974. >Awkward couple's walk in the most romantic areas of Canterlot.
  975. >Awkward moment where she poorly hides giggling, waiting for them to kiss.
  976.  
  977. >Her partners-in-crime are Celestia and Twilight, who wants to see her family happy despite the pang in her heart
  978.  
  979. >Be Anon
  980. >It has been exactly 8 months since Flurry Heart was born
  981. >She won't get off your face
  982. >She's gripping your head like some kind of hoofed spider-monkey
  983. >But dammit if this is the only thing that will make Cadence laugh, so you're putting up with it.
  984. >"Owmnomnom~"
  985. >Even if it means Flurry Heart is chewing on your hair.
  986. >You have a secret weapon, though, if you really want her to release you.
  987. >Your mouth just so happens to be right over her belly, which means you can blow raspberries until she laughs and lets go
  988. >But you'll bide your time... at least until Cadence stops taking photos of this
  989.  
  990. >Flurry Heart begins to call Anon "daddy" at a very young age
  991. >Too young to actually realize he's not her father
  992. >Cadence apologizes to Anon, thinking that he'd feel awkward or be worried that he's going to be roped into being Shining's replacement and would, thus, leave
  993. >She's surprised when Anon pulls her into a hug, basically apologizing for the same thing
  994. >They almost have a giggle m8 about it together
  995. >Anon tries to dissuade Flurry Heart from calling him "daddy" and tries to get her into the habit of calling him "uncle Anon" instead, but the little filly just won't do it
  996. >It takes a late night where Flurry Heart is crying, calling for her daddy and won't stop until Anon is holding her that he gives up
  997. "Okay, kiddo, you win. I'm daddy. Tell you what: we'll wait until you understand language before we try this again, okay?"
  998. >"Daddy!"
  999. "...okay."
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004.  
  1005.  
  1006.  
  1007. >anon is a foal sitter
  1008. >cute little filly he looks after develops a crush on him
  1009. >her crush stops being as cute when she goes through puberty and tries to masturbate stealthily in his presence
  1010. >she doesn't know that anon can see hear and smell her getting off
  1011. >it's awkward as fuck
  1012. >anon knows what she's going through with all the hormones and stuff
  1013. >he tries to get her to stop without her finding out that he knows as to prevent any memories that would make her cringe later in life
  1014.  
  1015.  
  1016.  
  1017.  
  1018.  
  1019. >Turns out coding and magic are much more similar than you might think
  1020. >This also applies in how they are depicted in media
  1021. >So when Anon tells them he worked as a system administrator ponies think he is some type of magical colt
  1022. >Holds an almost spiritual bond with Twilight, both knowing the true horrors of spending hours on broken code only to find the the one issue 15 hours and a mental breakdown later
  1023.  
  1024. >"Okay. So for whatever reason, this section of magical runes isn't getting the input it's expecting to get."
  1025. "Right."
  1026. >And THIS section of magical runes, the ones that are sending output to that FIRST section, keep giving me and error unless I give it a very specific input spell."
  1027. "Gotcha."
  1028. >"So I dissected the entire thing, put little 'debug/status update' nodes bucking EVERYWHERE, and carefully fed each section very specific input. I did this for 5 hours."
  1029. "Sounds like my average Friday night back on Earth."
  1030. >"Turns out, when I was carving out those runes in that first section? I completely forgot to make it start counting at zero instead of one, so it kept repeating itself until it began looking for magical input that just wasn't there."
  1031. "Ouch."
  1032. >"I want to kill myself, Anon."
  1033.  
  1034.  
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038. >Proud Saiyan warrior Anon stranded in Equestria.
  1039. >He's kinda weak for a saiyan, so when he first arrived to conquer the planet, he was defeated by the combined powers of the Princesses in a long battle.
  1040. >Being kind ponies, and Anon himself a male, they of course spare him.
  1041. >And Anon, being a hot-headed idiot threatens that once the full moon comes, he will destroy them all as the mighty oozaru.
  1042. >Princess Luna subsequently thwarts this plan.
  1043. >Eventually, the ponies give the saiyan permission to work on his ship, which was damaged by a bunch of shit-head fillies while he was imprisoned, and leave the planet, him having given his word to never return.
  1044. >The first function he gets back online is the radio receiver, just in time to get the news that Planet Vegeta has been destroyed.
  1045. >His home and people gone, Anon doesn't know what to do.
  1046. >The ponies don't know either.
  1047. >How do you comfort a stallion who has just lost everything?
  1048.  
  1049.  
  1050.  
  1051.  
  1052.  
  1053. >Anon is a powerful deal making demon.
  1054. >Everypony thinks he's an incubus.
  1055. >He's stuck between being insulted, and thankful for the confusion.
  1056. >On one hand, incubus are lowly creatures that he is far above.
  1057. >On the other, he's made so many contracts for the simple and enjoyable act of sex.
  1058. >Mare's could be asking for fame or fortune, heck, they could even ask to have stallions of their own, but instead they all just want the DemonD and are willing to sell their souls for it.
  1059. >When he finally returns to Hell, he'll be stronger than the Devil, juiced up with hundred of horny pony souls as he is.
  1060.  
  1061.  
  1062.  
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065. >Be Anon
  1066. >Be really pissed off
  1067. >"Anon, are you really going out without your testicle bra? There are gonna be mares there, and they'll think you're a slut!"
  1068. >Caramel won't leave you alone ever since you laughed when he told you about testicle bras
  1069. "Nobody's going to even notice, Caramel. Look, I'm just going to the store to get some milk."
  1070. >"And don't you think ponies will notice when they see your pants jiggle or catch sight of your balls pressing against your human pants?"
  1071. "I'm wearing jeans! You can't see balls through jeans!"
  1072. >"Unicorns can with the right spell! Why do you think the bras have runes stitched into them? Aren't you worried about finding a nice herd someday?"
  1073. >These stallions are insufferable.
  1074. >"And get me some ice cream while you're out!"
  1075.  
  1076.  
  1077.  
  1078.  
  1079.  
  1080.  
  1081.  
  1082. >Anon never really thought he'd have kids in equestria, blood-related or otherwise
  1083. >so when Shining passed and he found himself taking care of a heavily pregnant Cadance, then a newborn Flurry, he found himself at a loss
  1084. >he simply wasn't parent-material, he thought
  1085. >in desperation, he started to take after the greatest man he ever knew
  1086. >Mr. Rogers
  1087. >even got himself a red sweater, too
  1088. >whenever Flurry has an accident, magical or otherwise, he stops and asks himself "what would Mr. Rogers do?"
  1089. >nine times out of ten, Mr. Rogers would make the right choice
  1090. >eventually, what started out as a decision-making aid, eventually turned into something of a way of life for Anon
  1091. >he started cutting back on his drinking, swearing, and all manner of other things
  1092. >found himself calmer and happier than ever
  1093. >and no one was more surprised than Anon himself when Cadance approached him a few years down the line with an offer to go get some coffee, just the two of them
  1094. >while they were out, some gentle probing revealed that Cadance "couldn't think of a better father for Flurry, and since he's pretty much doing the legwork already, why not give it a shot at making it 'real?'"
  1095. >as soon as the words leave her mouth, her eyes widen and she waves a hoof franticly
  1096. >"N-not that I'm trying to rope you into anything Anon! After you've helped me for so long, without asking for a thing in return, I respect you far too much to even think of trying something like that."
  1097. >she looks down at the table, looking almost ashamed
  1098. >a shocked and curious Anon waits for her to compose her thoughts
  1099. >Cadance looks back up, a curiously whimsical look in her eyes mixing wa determination Anon hasn't seen there since Shining died
  1100. >"And after getting to know you after all this time, can you really blame a mare for wanting to try?"
  1101.  
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106. >Spaghetti mare's mom used to take her out camping when she was younger, so she knows how to pitch a tent (yeah, she does)
  1107. >Nervously volunteers to go with Anon after he mentions off-hand that he thinks he wants to camp for the weekend
  1108. >nearly has a panic attack when she realizes her ovaries spoke before her brain could process what Anon said
  1109. >Triple-checks she has everything, not expecting Anon to own a tent or know anything about camping
  1110. >Makes sure she was TWO boxes of condoms just in case either A) one gets lost or B) they use up the entire first box
  1111. >Psyches herself up before knocking on Anon's door to pick him up
  1112. >"C'mon, Moonie, you can do this. All you gotta do is show him that you're a big, strong mare; maybe show off your tuft while you're chopping firewood for him, and he'll be all over you. He's always petting your ears and rubbing your tummy, so maybe he's using this trip as an excuse to be alone with you. YOU GOT THIS"
  1113. >For all her planning, she forgets (or "forgets") to bring a sleeping bag with her and has to share Anon's when they turn in for the night
  1114. >Wakes up to Anon poking her with his morning wood
  1115.  
  1116.  
  1117.  
  1118.  
  1119.  
  1120.  
  1121. >After five years of RGREquestrian life, Anon has gone native.
  1122. >Not like he goes naked or anything, but he has become the ideal husbando in the eyes of mares.
  1123. >It was a slow process, him learning how to cook because none of the mares in his herd knew how, or learning to sew to save money on his own clothing.
  1124. >Things were compounded when his first foal was born and Anon realized how reckless ponies were about it.
  1125. >Mares, at least, seemed perfectly content to let foals live and learn and crawl into manticor dens.
  1126. >By the birth of his third child, Anon was a fretting house husband and all around super dad.
  1127. >None of this was bad, of course, except for in the eyes of the second human man to show up in Equestria.
  1128. >Incognito saw Anonymous and quickly called him out on being a effeminate bitch.
  1129. >Anon denies this at first, but as Incognito continues to point out his girly actions, Anon realizes he lost his machismo to domestic life, and asks the other human to help him find it again.
  1130. >All the mares know is that some whore human has shown up and is becoming a very clear bad influence on their stallion.
  1131. >Now it's a battle between his herd and Incognito for the fate of Anon's masculinity
  1132.  
  1133. >Incognito snickers at you; what a ruffian.
  1134. "You're such a pussy, Anon."
  1135. >WHAT
  1136. "Excuse me! How dare you!"
  1137. >Words HURT, Incognito.
  1138. >They HURT.
  1139. >You have half a mind to slap him right in the face, mithter
  1140. >You feel tears well up in the corners of you eyes from the other human's rough words, and then it hits you all at once.
  1141. >You were about to cry from this.
  1142. "Oh, my god."
  1143. >He's right.
  1144. >God help you, he was RIGHT.
  1145. "I *am* a pussy."
  1146. >You look back up at Incognito, and he's peering down at you with pity in his eyes.
  1147. >You try to speak, but your words come out as a harsh, terrified whisper.
  1148. "They've broken me."
  1149. ---
  1150. >Thankfully, all it took to get back to your old self was a few weeks of being in the presence of someone NORMAL.
  1151. >You just needed a good frame of reference, and a regular guy from Earth let you get your head back on your shoulders.
  1152. >Turns out Incog is a real bro.
  1153. >You still worry about your foals and you still prefer a couple hours of house-cleaning to a shitty 9-5 job, and MAYBE you take a certain amount of pleasure from spending your afternoon with a few stallion friends where you gossip and drink margaritas, but you're no longer every sitcom mom ever.
  1154. >Nice try, Equestria.
  1155. >Nice try.
  1156. >Your favourite drink from the bar has yet to change back to beer from those fruity colty drinks, but you guess you'll just have to take the good with the bad.
  1157.  
  1158.  
  1159.  
  1160.  
  1161. >Modern stallions are pretty much seen as whores for the most part.
  1162. >Unfaithful, scheming, gold-digging and shameless, so the stereotypes go.
  1163. >A growing number of mares (MGTOW- Mares Going Their Own Way) often reminisce of a time when stallions were wholesome and family-oriented.
  1164. >Anon does not know about this yet.
  1165. >So one night while he's having a casual drink with Luna (though she's considered a major Trixie and is a Princess, she's a full-blown sunhat tipper) Anon gets a bit too loose with his talk after a few drinks and lets slip that he is actually a virgin.
  1166. >Luna's face when
  1167.  
  1168. Also, 
  1169.  
  1170. >You will never have a yandere princess determined to have a wholesome relationship with you.
  1171.  
  1172.  
  1173.  
  1174.  
  1175.  
  1176.  
  1177.  
  1178. >One day they decide to have a guys trip to Canterlot
  1179. >Shenanigans ensue with Anon running to and fro trying to keep his buddies from either killing themselves or getting themselves raped
  1180. >A visit to the castle turns sour and Celestia has to step in to help Anon wrangle in the stallions
  1181. >Both out of breath and both slightly pissed off they swallow their anger and give them a light scolding before Anon sends them off so that he can thank the princess
  1182. >As they all start to make their way to the gates they all call back "Thanks mom, thanks dad"
  1183. >They both stare at each other then at the stallions then back at each other
  1184. >After a brief awkward silence Celestia speaks up
  1185. >"Would it be alright to ask you if you wanted to get a drink or would your herd not approve"
  1186. "Oh I don't actually have a herd, taking care of those idiots is a handful as it is, so yeah a drink would be great"
  1187. >Keeping her composure Celestia leads Anon into a private bar in the castle normally only accessible to the public during the Gala
  1188. >Meanwhile she can't help but do a mental jig as she spends the night with Anon
  1189.  
  1190.  
  1191.  
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194.  
  1195. >"Anon, wait! Don't leave me, I'm so much more susceptible to predators now!"
  1196.  
  1197. >"Oh Celestia, oh Celestia, oh Celestia"
  1198. "Look, calm down. I'm just going to go into the kitchen and get an ice pack for your leg."
  1199. >"I'm going to die on this couch, aren't I?"
  1200.  
  1201. >"Anon, you've been so good to me. You've shown more patience than I expected from a stallion. I know you've done your best, but I think it's time we face the facts. My leg is broken; there's no coming back from an injury like this. How can I run if I can't even stand?"
  1202. "For christ's sake. You wear the magical cast and lay in bed for a few weeks; that's how. You act as though every Chimera in that shitty swamp is suddenly going to be aware that you're hurt and are homing in on this house as we speak."
  1203. >[scared horse noises]
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206.  
  1207.  
  1208.  
  1209.  
  1210. >tfw Sunset is your handler 
  1211. >tfw she knows from hoers Twilight that you're an interdimensional alien
  1212. >tfw she knows that you're used to different gender roles
  1213. >tfw she also knows that you're genetically hardwired to stare at a nice pair of tits
  1214. >tfw she and you both know that she has a pretty great pair herself
  1215. >tfw RGREQ girls walk around topless on the regular
  1216. >tfw she knows that you know that she knows everything
  1217. >tfw she still walks around topless
  1218. >In fact, she goes out of her way to do it, especially when it's cold so her nipples get super hard
  1219. >tfw she enjoys your spaghetti
  1220. >tfw she encourages her friends to walk around topless whenever it's appropriate
  1221. >Like all the time
  1222. >tfw you have no face but must scream
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229. >Sunset just picks someone's house at random and just... lives there for a while
  1230. >got to the point that all of her friends have set up either a dedicated "Shimmer" room, or at least have a pallet and a few sets of clothes ready whenever she decides to "visit"
  1231. >enter Anon, who Sunset has decided via horse-logic is OBVIOUSLY her soul-mate or something of that sort
  1232. >her friends take the fact she's staying with them less and less as a sign that things are going well between them
  1233. >meanwhile, Anon just wishes she'd leave and stop eating all his fucking sun/moon-chips
  1234.  
  1235.  
  1236.  
  1237.  
  1238.  
  1239.  
  1240. >You stare down at Twilight
  1241. >She stares up at you
  1242. >You narrow her eyes at her
  1243. >She puffs out her wings and narrows her.... green eyes at you.
  1244. "For fuck's sake."
  1245. >You walk up to 'Twilight' and smack her upside the head.
  1246. "How many times do I have to tell you, Chrysalis, the green eyes are a dead give-away.
  1247. >'Twilight' falls onto her rump and crosses her arms, pouting.
  1248. >"It worked back when I was imitating that one apple farmer..."
  1249. >Who; Applejack?
  1250. "Yeah, but she already HAS green eyes, genius. And while we're on the subject, AJ's eyes don't glow either."
  1251. >With a puff of green, smokeless fire, Twilight burns away and Chrysalis is left in the flame's wake.
  1252. "You weren't even close to her personality, either."
  1253. >Chrysalis jerks out of her pouty-grumpy pose and stares at you with disbelief.
  1254. >"What are you talking about?! I was dead on!"
  1255. "What do you mean, you were dead on? You thought the Princess of Friendship would tell her best friend - her MALE best friend, I might add - to fuck off after he turned down... what; TWO drunk mares at the bar last night?"
  1256. >Chrysalis scoffs and gets to her hooves, turning around and walking back into Twilight's castle.
  1257. >"I was DEAD on," she reasserts, throwing her head back haughtily, "But I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised that a member of the fairer sex would be so air-headed as not to notice the obvious."
  1258. >You can just FEEL the injured pride oozing off of this mare.
  1259. >"As it is, I think I know a little bit more than you do about disgui-"
  1260. "So, how well did you nail Cadence's personality?" you ask innocently
  1261. >The changeling queen's mouth snaps shut with an audible click.
  1262. >"Anonymous, you are VERY lucky I have a policy against striking colts," she growls quietly, "Because I thought we agreed never to speak about my attempted you-know-what in the frozen tartarus-hole of you-know-where."
  1263. >You jog a couple of steps to catch up with Chrysalis and, when you're close enough, run your fingers through her mane.
  1264. "C'mon, it's not so bad. Ultimately, the entire invasion was what convinced Twilight to nag Celestia into open diplomacy with you. She saw how your people were suffering, and so she presented you with an olive branch. Things aren't all that rough now that your subjects are no longer starving, right?"
  1265. >Chrysalis leans into your hand, nearly stumbling into you and bumping into your leg.
  1266. >"Well..."
  1267. >You go from mane-petting to ear-scritching, which elicits an audible moan of contentment from Chrysalis.
  1268. "Aaaaand," you add teasingly, stretching the word out as you give one ear a vigorous scratching, "You managed to get a coltfriend out of it, right?"
  1269. >"C-Concubine," she muttered struggling to think clearly through the pleasures of ear-scritches, "Y-You're my royal concubine."
  1270. >Chrysalis once more stumbles towards you, this time rubbing herself aggressively against your leg.
  1271. >You've been dating this bug-pone for long enough to recognize the tell-tale signs of wanting sum fuk.
  1272. "Hey, woah," you laugh, gently pushing her away, "You've still got that friendship lesson with Twilight in a few minutes, remember?"
  1273. >Chrysalis huffs and, with great effort, breaks away from you.
  1274. >"I'll have you know that I am excellent at making friends."
  1275. >You just stare at your marefriend, not even bothering to speak up at how wrong that sentence was.
  1276. >Chrysalis stares back, but retreats with a sigh and a pair of ears that flop sadly against her skull.
  1277. >"I'm not THAT bad," she mutters, lowering her head in displeasure.
  1278. >D'aww, you can't stand to see her looking so sad.
  1279. "C'mon, cuddlebug. If you get through one of Twilight's classes, I'll make your favourite dinner tonight."
  1280. >Chrysalis's ears perk up immediately.
  1281. >"Captured pony?!"
  1282. >What?
  1283. >No.
  1284. "SECOND favourite meal."
  1285. >"...Captured griffon?"
  1286. >Oh, for-
  1287. "Third fav-"
  1288. >You catch sight of a grin growing across Chrysalis's face, and realize she's been teasing you.
  1289. "Oh, just get going," you laugh with a light shove, "And I'll see you later today, okay?"
  1290. >With a wink and a rather sinister grin, considering the teeth, Chrysalis trots off to her meeting with Twilight.
  1291. >You've got a raw manticore steak to prepare for your marefriend.
  1292. >You'll never find out that your relationship with Chrysalis was what helped her progress as quickly as she did through Twilight's lessons.
  1293. >Your love is a precious thing to her.
  1294.  
  1295.  
  1296.  
  1297.  
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300. >anon was first transported to pony equestria first and eventually made friends with the mane six
  1301. >he's well liked but everypony considers him a a nuisance
  1302. >harmless but annoying
  1303. >like discord but without the PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS
  1304.  
  1305. >the story follows during sunset shimmer's theft of twilights crown
  1306. >instead of twilight going alone, anon comes with her
  1307. >albeit unwillingly
  1308. >they're both sucked in during their planning stages 
  1309. >anon and spike attempted to pull twi back into pony equestria but got pulled along with her 
  1310. >twi is tuned into a human, spike into a dog and anon...
  1311. >is turned into a small green pony
  1312.  
  1313. >despite the transformations their plan still goes forward
  1314. >and anon's penchant for mischief isnt stifled 
  1315. >only now he can get away with doing more bullshit 
  1316. >this exasperates twi and spike to no end
  1317.  
  1318. >shenanigans ensue
  1319.  
  1320.  
  1321.  
  1322.  
  1323.  
  1324.  
  1325. >Sunset feels guilty about all the extra attention her boyfriend Anon has been giving her ever since she told him she was pregnant.
  1326. >Sure it’s expected that a stallion gets a little more fussy concerning his mares when they get pregnant, and the same rings true in RGREqG, but Anon takes it to a level she’s never seen before.
  1327. >Sunset enjoys it, but also doesn’t want to feel emaresculated or feel like she’s taking advantage of her condition for extra affection
  1328.  
  1329. Sunny's trying to be stoic about the whole thing but the hormones are seriously messing her up
  1330.  
  1331.  
  1332.  
  1333.  
  1334. I'm actually kinda interested in how the issue of trying to reform a villain like Chrysalis would work in RGRE, especially if that villain has become (via shenanigans) Anon's significant other. Aside from the typical situation of mares worrying that the villain is abusing Anon in some capacity, of course. I used to see "friendship is literally magic; Anon spend his life among friends and loved ones; Anon has vast untapped magic wells" be thrown around pretty frequently a good while back (in context of RGRE changeling posts), so maybe Anon volunteered his assistance in a sort of... I don't know, stress pet for the changeling queen, like how they give cats to prisoners? Not necessarily "stress pet", because that sounds a bit demeaning, but something along the lines of that same concept: Anon has what it takes to keep Chrysalis soothed and sedated; enough for her to be in the right mindset for redemption and/or boring friendship lessons to take place and actually stick in her mind. And if we want to go deeper than that, thanks to the biased gender ratio and the reversed gender roles, finding males who aren't losing their erections via horsepants-shitting terror in her presence would be a rarity. I could see Chrysalis finding Anon to be VERY interesting. How does the former ruler of a terrifying bug empire (a ruler who, admittedly, doesn't have much experience with the fairer sex) get with Anon without ponies freaking out and assuming she's brainwashed him or something?
  1335.  
  1336. >Anon doesn't put effort into being a professional counselor
  1337. >He's just there and listens to them
  1338. >Doesn't judge
  1339. >Becomes their friend
  1340. >3/4 of the villains (and potential villains) he makes friends with mellow out considerably
  1341. >Chrysalis in particular just sorta started crashing on his couch and never left, and neither one of them ever brought the issue up
  1342. >"I saved up some bits and bought a bed, 'cause that couch of yours is lumpy. Mind if I put this in your spare room?"
  1343. "No, go ahead."
  1344. >"Cool."
  1345. "Does this mean I won't find glowing green slime in between my couch cushions anymore?"
  1346. >"Shut up."
  1347.  
  1348.  
  1349.  
  1350.  
  1351.  
  1352. >When a married mare dies, especially if she was her stallion's only partner, or if she left him some foals, it was traditional for her unmarried sister(s) (or other close relation or godmother to the foals) to either marry him (especially if he didn't have any other mares) or at least move in and help (in a herd situation).
  1353.  
  1354. >Ponies are prone to overreactions, and so when waifu gets injured/ill, panic ensues.
  1355. >It's not terminal, but that doesn't stop her sister (or other relation) from moving in immediately.
  1356. "If you wanted to get your sister in on this, all you had to do was ask."
  1357. >"I just wanted to make sure you're taken care of."
  1358. "You're not dying. A few weeks, two months at the most, and you'll be back on your hooves."
  1359. >Her poor Anon, deluding himself into thinking she's fine.
  1360. >She really is fine
  1361.  
  1362.  
  1363.  
  1364.  
  1365.  
  1366. >Ponies and the concept of personal space generally have a strained relationship
  1367. >A fact which Anon used and abused to satisfy his cuddleslut ways.
  1368. >His best bro Rainbow was shamelessly taking advantage of this for snuggles whenever she visited.
  1369. >Except by shamelessly, I mean she refused to breathe a word of it to anyone else.
  1370. >She's got a rep to maintain.
  1371.  
  1372. >At first she hadn't even really considered him as a potential romantic partner.
  1373. >They were bros, and that was something she understood.
  1374. >Now she's caught feelings, but worries that her 'unmarely' cuddly ways, and her bro status, have ruined her chances.
  1375. >And trying to say or do anything to escalate their relationship seems liable (to her) to backfire and mean no coltfriend AND no more couch cuddles
  1376.  
  1377.  
  1378.  
  1379.  
  1380.  
  1381. >Anon ends up in RGRE fifteen years before the start of canon as a teenager.
  1382. >ends up becoming best friends, business partners, and brothers in all but blood with Filthy Rich
  1383. >is named Diamond Tiara’s godfather when she’s born
  1384. >tragedy strikes when a business trip goes south.
  1385. >Filthy and Spoiled’s carriage gets attacked by diamond dogs
  1386. >Anon never liked Spoiled, but is deeply wounded by Filthy’s death.
  1387. >being Diamond Tiara’s godfather, he gained custody of the infant when her parents died.
  1388. >at the same time, Anon’s wife gives birth to their own daughter, who they name Silver Spoon.
  1389. >Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are raised as sisters until Anon decides the former is ready to learn the truth
  1390.  
  1391.  
  1392.  
  1393.  
  1394.  
  1395. >Ponies are worried about Anon
  1396. >As their newest, biggest, and strangest stallion, ponies tend to notice him sempai more than they would a normal stallion
  1397. >And, given his status of one-of-his-kind alien creature, he tends to be on their mind more often than not
  1398. And that's my excuse for why the prompt has every pony ever exhibiting borderline-obsessed behaviour with Anon.
  1399. >Ponies can't help but dread that he's going to get himself injured if he keeps doing dangerous things like wandering the roads at night, chopping his own firewood with an axe that sharp, and going down to the market WITHOUT A MARE ESCORT TO PROTECT HIM
  1400. >What if a shop owner rapes him?!
  1401. >What if Applejack decides she can't put up with his sexy clothing and the way his bulge is at nose-height and decides to take his precious horse-virginity then and there?
  1402. >That little slut is practically asking for it!
  1403. >...
  1404. On a related note that is separate from this prompt: a prompt made from the perspective of a mare would be hilarious. ">One day that bit whore Anon was walking to market WITHOUT AN ESCORT, like he was just ASKING for a group of mares to try and rape him!"
  1405. >Anyway, the bottom line is that ponies are worried about him and his well-being, often in light-hearted and comedically exaggerated ways.
  1406. >Nothing they can do will convince Anon to think about starting up a herd (maybe full of a couple of mares who care enough about his well-being that they'd confront him about his safety, hint hint ANON)
  1407. >Not because Anon is a huge badass, but because poners are tiny and adorable and they can't even SWEAR properly, let alone make four-times-their-size-and-three-times-their-weight Anon do anything he doesn't consent to
  1408. >But how can they convince him that he needs either safety in numbers or to stay in the kitchen where he belongs?
  1409. >Cue a convenient roving band of travelers entering Ponyville.
  1410. >Anon's friends/hopeful potential herdmares (idk... Twilight & co.) talk to the visitors and convince them with money to dress up like bandits and harmlessly harass Anon for a bit
  1411. >"If he realizes he isn't safe, then he'll even maybe snuggle me and my friends and we'll be happy forever together and there'll be horse-hugs and marriage and f-foals..."
  1412. >The travelers politely wait for Twilight to regain her composure
  1413. >"Anyway. Either he'll become convinced that he needs a herd for his protection for his big dumb adventures (like walking to market), or he'll learn that his place is in the kitchen, where he'll be safe."
  1414. >The travelers harass Anon as he goes out for a walk one night, dressed up in scary costumes and, much like an employee at a haunted house, doing their best to scare him without actually touching him because THAT is exactly how you get sued for rape
  1415. >Anon just finds these harmless little cuties adorable and picks them up, trying not to have a heart attack as they squeal and squirm ineffectively in his arms, bapping his chest with their soft widdle hoofsies and glaring at him with their big, bright eyes
  1416. >He brings them home, takes them out of their costumes, and they socialize over a round or two of hot chocolate
  1417. >Much to Twilight and her friend's disappointment, Anon DOES settle down with a herd; a herd full of adorable former travelers and drifters who now warm his bed with their tiny furry bodies
  1418. >Applejack starts charging Anon her actual usual rate rather than the "I'm so lonely please rut me" discount she gave him up until now
  1419.  
  1420.  
  1421.  
  1422.  
  1423. >"Blep."
  1424. >you are Anon
  1425. >"Blep."
  1426. >and this has got to be the weirdest week of your life, before AND after you came to horseland
  1427. >"Blep."
  1428. >you were a little confused when your rainbro decided to visit after she told you she (along with most of the mares in town, you realize) wouldn't be available for the next week, but it was all good
  1429. >"Blep."
  1430. >but then she started doing a bunch of weird shit, culminating in rubbing your head and blepping at you
  1431. >"Blep."
  1432. >and she wasn't even using her hoof or wing or anything that would've made sense
  1433. >"Blep."
  1434. >instead, she was rubbing your head with hers
  1435. >"Blep."
  1436. >at first you thought it was a nuzzle of some sort, but she always seemed to make sure she was rubbing top of your head with the bottom of her chin
  1437. >"Blep."
  1438. >man, cut as they are, ponies can be weird as hell sometimes
  1439. >"Blep."
  1440.  
  1441.  
  1442.  
  1443.  
  1444.  
  1445. >Be Anon.
  1446. >Of course.
  1447. >You wake up and go to put your robe on, only it isn't hanging where you left it.
  1448. >Neither is your hoodie, for that matter.
  1449. >Your pants also appear to be missing in action.
  1450. >You wander from your bedroom towards the kitchen, wondering if it's time to do laundry.
  1451. >A snoring sound from your couch attracts your attention.
  1452. /Oh, there are my clothes, in a pile on the couch./
  1453. /Wait a minute, I don't own anything that shade of blue./
  1454. >A closer inspection reveals a rainbow mane and tail, nestled comfortably in a pile of your clothing on the couch.
  1455. "Rainbow."
  1456. >She continues to snore.
  1457. "Rainbow. Dash."
  1458. >"Sknggkxx... fivemoreminutes."
  1459. "Wake up!'
  1460. >"Huh? What? I'm awake... oh, it's you! Good morning lover!"
  1461. >Wat...
  1462. "Don't just decide such things all by yourself."
  1463. >"I didn't," she says, sitting up in the pile of your clothes and stretching her wings, "you helped."
  1464. >Double wat...
  1465. "And when did this alleged help occur?"
  1466. >The blue pegasus leans over to you, wrapping one wing around you and nuzzling your bare chest.
  1467. >"Let night, at the bar, lover. You liked my dancing."
  1468. "And you construed that as an invitation to move in?"
  1469. >"Of course! It was a mating dance! C'mon, Anon, how thick can you be?"
  1470. >She tilts up her head and gives you a sleepy kiss.
  1471. >"Why don't you go make us some breakfast, huh? I got Zs to catch."
  1472. "What are you doing with my clothes?"
  1473. >"Nesting. I would have come into your room, but I couldn't work the door."
  1474. >A security measure against Fluttershy.
  1475. "Rainbow, I said you had nice moves, not come to my house and build a nest."
  1476. >"That's what a mating dance is for, friend. Go make us some breakfast, already. We're going to need our energy later."
  1477. >You dread the answer, but you ask the question anyhow.
  1478. "What for?"
  1479. >"For the mating part," she responds, nestling down into her pile again.
  1480. "Right."
  1481. >And off you stomp.
  1482. >You're going to need a hose, a broom, and some protective clothing.
  1483. >Whatever this is, you're putting an end to it.
  1484. >When you walk back into your living room, broom and spray bottle in hand (water mixed with a bit of lemon juice), you freeze
  1485. >Rainbow Dash is waiting for you, laying on her back and spreading her legs.
  1486. >She's got the most l-lewd expression on her face you've ever seen
  1487. >You slowly begin to lower the broom, but stop yourself.
  1488. >Be strong, Anon.
  1489. >Be strong for moth-
  1490. >*chirp*
  1491. >*chirp chirp purrr*
  1492. >And with that Rainbow flops down her ears and starts making soft bird noises.
  1493. >This combination of sexy and cute is making your kokoro go doki doki.
  1494. >...maaaaybe you can chase her out with the broom AFTER you get sum fuk.
  1495. ---
  1496. >You slam the picture book shut and smile down at your foals, running your fingers through your wife's mane as she rests her head on your lap.
  1497. "And that, kids, is how you were conceived."
  1498. >"Ew! Why did you tel-"
  1499. "All of you."
  1500.  
  1501.  
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505.  
  1506. >some speculate that the Saddle Arabians are an offshoot of this elusive tribe
  1507. >of course, not while any saddle arabians are in the room, of course
  1508. >linking their proud nation to such barbarous raiders would be a grave insult
  1509. >nevermind how similar the average Saddle Arabian looks compared to your average Bandit-Pony
  1510. >in body shape and musculature, if not in cleanliness or dress
  1511. >though, some of the largest Bandit-Pony attacks have been first noticed coming from the same direction as the Equestrian-S.A border
  1512. >complete coincidence, as any Saddle Arabian would assure you
  1513.  
  1514. >back in the tribe proper
  1515. >whenever a filly wishes to claim a stallion/place in a herd and become a mare, she must ride out with her sisters on a raid with her sisters
  1516. >there she shall either win fortune and glory to support her chosen groom and tribe with, or she shall die for the tribe
  1517. >both are acceptable
  1518. >they will have no need for the weak when they finally manage to drive out the Equesrian infidels from their ancestral lands
  1519. >even if it means they must ally with their cowardly "cousins" that forsook the tribe and their dream to go play in the sand like foals
  1520.  
  1521.  
  1522.  
  1523.  
  1524.  
  1525. >You are Celestia, and you're out shopping with your sister
  1526. >Neither of you likes shopping, let alone CLOTHES shopping, and doing your chores at the same time is the only way to get them done at all.
  1527. >You've been putting of shopping for bras for a few years, and you're running so short on usable bras that you've started taking dirty ones and flipping them inside-out before you wear them.
  1528. >Unfortunately, your chest has grown a lot since last you shopped, and wearing a too-small bra around a bunch of young men was what you got in trouble with a bunch of angry fathers LAST time.
  1529. >ONE misunderstanding-fueled rape accusation was enough to last a lifetime, thank you very much.
  1530. >There's a reason you (or any other female teacher) don't substitute for gym any more when Miss Spitfire is sick.
  1531. >What reaction is your body SUPPOSED to have when you're surrounded by a bunch of boys wearing gym clothes?!
  1532. >It's not YOUR fault their shorts were so tight!
  1533. >Now, after a long search, you've finally found a bra that fits.
  1534. >Unlike most men's underwear, the pile of bras are all mostly plain in design and are neutral colours.
  1535. >"What?!"
  1536. >You hold the bra at arm's length and stare down at the price tag in shock.
  1537. >"$45?! I'm not paying for THIS crap!"
  1538. >Fuck it. You'll just go without; you can wear a thick jacket over your shirt at work to hide your nips if you have to.
  1539. >But that jacket won't help your aching back...
  1540. >As proud as you are of your bust, your big fat tits are KILLER on your back.
  1541. >Not that you'd ever admit that, though
  1542. >Female ego, and all
  1543. >You know what? You might as well go whole-hog while you're ditching your bras.
  1544. >You've got that orphan kid living with you and your sister - Anonymous - who claims to be from the same world that Sunset Shimmer chick was from.
  1545. >You're sure you can probably bribe him into giving you a backrub.
  1546. >You'll... give him candy?
  1547. >What do teenage boys like these days?
  1548. >Maybe you can convince him to massage your tits too, while you're at it.
  1549.  
  1550. >Celestia's a lewd drunk
  1551. >every time she drinks, she wakes up in bed with kinda-but-not-really-legal ward Anon
  1552. >sure, the first time scared the shit out of her and made her swear to never touch a drop of liquor again after making sure Anon didn't tell anyone what happened
  1553. >but fucking hell is working in a school stressful
  1554. >she only lasted a month before the urge to drink overcame her
  1555. >once more she was scared shitless that IT had happened AGAIN
  1556. >lasted a little longer this time
  1557. >but by the third time, she just decided to stop questioning it and accepted that having sex with one of her students was just part of her life now
  1558. >the fact he wasn't exactly a poor lay didn't really help, either
  1559. >she should have known it would never be simple again after the Sunset Incident
  1560. >Celestia thought it was her own behavior that led to her waking up with him, but it was Anon's own doing each time!
  1561. >he always did have a thing for MILFs
  1562.  
  1563.  
  1564.  
  1565.  
  1566.  
  1567.  
  1568. >Nerdalis targeted Shiny, not because he was powerful, and not because his fiance was an alicorn and a princess.
  1569. >All of that was just icing on the cake.
  1570. >The real reason was because Shiny was an unashamedly huge nerd himself.
  1571. >She'd been harboring a massive crush on him from the moment she first saw him (while in her NEET mare disguise) at the FLGS in Canterlot.
  1572.  
  1573. >Occasionally, he'd drop comments about his marefriend (often when another autistic NEET started spilling her spaghetti on him).
  1574. >Without fail it would drive her crazy to know that somebody else got to him before she did.
  1575. >When she heard about the imminent wedding, she just snapped.
  1576. >Came up with a shitty plan on the spot, and didn't have time to work out the kinks before she just went for it.
  1577.  
  1578.  
  1579.  
  1580.  
  1581.  
  1582.  
  1583. >Anon wants a child.
  1584. >No creature in Equestria can breed with him.
  1585. >Down in the dumps, he spends a while drinking and scheming
  1586. >There's always adoption...
  1587. >He goes to the orphanage to see about his options.
  1588. >Eventually, he manages to file for an adoption.
  1589. >No one told him that one of the rules is that he needs a "domestic partner" or the adoption is null.
  1590. >But the stallion at the orphanage was nice.
  1591. >Anon was able to bring his new "daughter" home.
  1592. >Now he has to find a domestic partner within a month 
  1593. >Days go by and Anon is not having any luck with the mares of Ponyville.
  1594. >Instead of being easy, like he thought they would be when he first got here-
  1595. >The mares in town don't find him particularly attractive in a romantic or sexual way.
  1596. >Seducing a mare is kind of in the back of his mind though.
  1597. >Anon is more focused on spending time with his new daughter.
  1598. >Things are going great with them.
  1599. >The filly is happy to have a home.
  1600. >Anon is happy to finally have the daughter he always wanted.
  1601. >Can he find a proper "mother" for his adopted daughter within a month?
  1602. >Keeping that in mind, Anon wakes up one day to the sound of his daughter screaming his name in a panicked voice
  1603.  
  1604. >"Anon! Dad! Wake up, dad!"
  1605. "Mff... Wha? What is it?"
  1606. >"Dad, it's horrible!"
  1607. "What is, Celestia's immigration policy? I know. She needs to listen to Luna and build a wal-"
  1608. >"No, dad! Read the first letter of every line in the last post and you will see!"
  1609.  
  1610.  
  1611.  
  1612.  
  1613.  
  1614. >ponies are little
  1615. >anon is frustrated because he is rarely able to properly look them in the face
  1616. >one day he decides to just pick them up like toddlers so he could actually talk to them at eye level
  1617. >mares are emaresculated
  1618. >some of them gain strange fetishes
  1619.  
  1620. >Celestia likes it so much that she literally pays Anon to hold her
  1621. >he's fucking set for life, and all he has to do is hold the little pretty pony princess 
  1622. >sure, it was a bit difficult holding what was basically a large dog for a few hours
  1623. >but with time and pain cam gainz 
  1624. >and a little bonus when Celestia realized she liked that, too
  1625.  
  1626.  
  1627.  
  1628. >Anon is going out with Trixie.
  1629. >An ACTUAL Trixie
  1630. >The sunhat tipping mares are triggered by this.
  1631. >They're about to experience another trigger like never before.
  1632. >Trixie knows Anon eats meat sometimes.
  1633. >She isn't bothered by it.
  1634. >She knew what she was getting into when she saw his somewhat sharp teeth.
  1635. >The whole "predator/prey" thing they do during their heavy petting sessions is pretty hot too.
  1636. >Actually, she's grown rather curious about Anon's meals he prepares for himself.
  1637. >One day, she actually asks him to try a bit.
  1638. >"It's not bad at all, this bacon stuff!"
  1639. >She eats more, but is cut off by Anon.
  1640. >"Wait, your body isn't used to this shit!"
  1641. >No kidding.
  1642. >Trxie spends the whole night on the toilet, her bowels in agony.
  1643. >But she's not one to give up.
  1644. >She wants to start incorporating meat slowly into her diet occasionally. 
  1645. >It would be nice to actually share meals with her man.
  1646. >Ponies in Ponyville don't know how to feel about this.
  1647. >"Fucking Trixie."
  1648.  
  1649.  
  1650.  
  1651.  
  1652. >anon teaches friendship from a human perspective.
  1653. >basically turns the classroom into /mlp/
  1654. >says they are disrespecting human culture when they try to stop him.
  1655. >changeling passes his class with flying colours
  1656.  
  1657.  
  1658.  
  1659.  
  1660.  
  1661. "What do you mean, she's 16?"
  1662. >Twilight gives you a strange look.
  1663. >"What do you mean, what do I mean she's 16?"
  1664. >She must have noticed your panicked look (and considering the bowel-voiding terror you're feeling right now, you'd HOPE she'd notice an expression that obvious) because Twilight moved in to pat your hand with a hoof.
  1665. >"You don't have anything to worry about, Anon. You won't get in trouble."
  1666. >Bullshit.
  1667. "How won't I get in trouble? I just stuck my ding-dong into a mare who is still in horse-high school!"
  1668. >You grab your head in horror.
  1669. "I've been DATING her for three months! How the hell did age never come up in casual conversation?! Do you have ANY idea how improbable that is?!"
  1670. >To your mounting frustration, Twilight just shrugged casually.
  1671. >"If anypony's getting in trouble, it's going to be her. Besides..."
  1672. >She shoots you a sly (and slightly jealous) look.
  1673. >"It's every filly's dream to catch the attention of an older stallion."
  1674. >You give Twilight the most deadpan look you can muster.
  1675. "Twilight, I'm 23."
  1676. >"Yeah, which is older than 16. If you had asked her what age she considered 'old' just a few years ago, she'd probably reply with a number around 30."
  1677. >She turns from you and looks back at her book.
  1678. >"So just relax, sweet cheeks. It's not like this is that big of a-"
  1679. "She invited me to meet her parents and I said 'yes'."
  1680. >Twilight says nothing.
  1681. >You say nothing.
  1682. >Twilight peeks over the top of her book, and the expression on her face is one you can't quite decipher.
  1683. >Stupid enormously-expressive pony faces that range from 'perfect clarity' to 'what fucking emotion are you trying to express'.
  1684. >"Well, Anon," she says at last, "You're about to make a certain 16-year-old's mother VERY proud"
  1685.  
  1686.  
  1687.  
  1688.  
  1689.  
  1690. >Be Big Mac.
  1691. >The one that nobody pays any mind to.
  1692. >That's mostly because you're a big guy.
  1693. >Applejack told you that you scare mares away.
  1694. >And you not talking much doesn't help much.
  1695. >Ponies look at you weird.
  1696. >Mares are really polite to you, but avoid eye contact when they talk to you.
  1697. >The only time you thought a mare liked you and she was drugged by your little sister.
  1698. >But you don't think too much about it.
  1699. >If you're going to be a bachelor, then so be it.
  1700. >At least you have the farm
  1701.  
  1702.  
  1703.  
  1704.  
  1705. I don't even know where to begin with the kinda shit they would come up with for herd shenanigans in rom coms and drama movies (and soap operas).
  1706.  
  1707. There'd be even more wish fulfillment than we have already in the thread, more twisted love dodecahedrons than you could count, and enough miscommunication and jumped conclusions to have freed discord from his stone prison ten times over in a single year if it was actually real.
  1708.  
  1709. >Rarity is utterly obsessed with at least one such popular show.
  1710. >Can barely contain herself when she gets the opportunity to work on the show, making costumes/dresses/clothes
  1711.  
  1712.  
  1713.  
  1714.  
  1715.  
  1716.  
  1717. Soarin, who has to work his way up the military into the Wonderbolts, while some braindead, fanfilly mare is admitted because she "has talent" and is a "national hero".
  1718. Initially, he's influenced by his colt "friends" that say she's only there because she's a mare, that her recruitment is evidence of injustice within the maretriarchy.
  1719. Blinded by jealousy, he saw the letter incident as an opportunity to get rid of her, but comes to recognize rainbow's dedication.
  1720. He later opens up to her a little, and tells her of his past as a recruit.
  1721. Thus a friendship blossoms.
  1722. ------------------------
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725.  
  1726.  
  1727.  
  1728. A look at the life of a female guard that has to cover for an incompetent male guard, hired only because of Celestia's 'quotas'.
  1729. One day, they're tasked with investigating a domestic abuse case.
  1730. This allows the writer to detail how families work and answer questions like
  1731. "How do 'proper' herds work?"
  1732. "What do dysfunctional herds look like?"
  1733. For example:
  1734. >The guardsmare is sickened by what she uncovers, and the nightmares start coming back.
  1735. >They get worse every time.
  1736. >Turns out, the guardsmare comes from a dysfunctional herd.
  1737. >The stallion took favorites, and her mother destroyed her own life by turning to drink.
  1738. >Sometimes she would come home, and the guardsmare would say something wrong.
  1739. >Then she would be shouted at.
  1740. >Sometimes even-
  1741. >Powerful as Luna is, she isn't capable of guarding everyone at once.
  1742. >Sometimes even the Goddess of dreams arrives too late
  1743.  
  1744.  
  1745.  
  1746.  
  1747. >Anon is homeless.
  1748. >He was homeless before he came to Equestria.
  1749. >Not one of those scruffy, stinky bums
  1750. >He actually chose this lifestyle.
  1751. >He prefers to live frugally in a tent with a camp fire.
  1752. >The mares of Ponyville don't sit well with this.
  1753. >A male living near the edge of the woods by himself?
  1754. >What if something bad happens to him?
  1755. >There are a lot of sketchy mares out there, Anon could get molested- or worse: raped.
  1756. >Mares and stallions come every day to his camp site to convince him to move into a proper home.
  1757. >He has to stubbornly refuse them constantly.
  1758. >Trixie doesn't think it's too big an issue and comes to camp out with him sometimes.
  1759. >She won't admit she's partially looking out for him.
  1760.  
  1761.  
  1762.  
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. >"He walked into my office, looking like nothing but trouble."
  1766. >"Standing on two legs longer than I had ever seen, I had to admit: whatever trouble he brings might just be worth it."
  1767. >"It had been years since I had bothered with the fairer sex, ever since poor Caramel got involved with one of my cases."
  1768. >"I told him that detective work was a mare's game, but he was too damn stubborn and to do anything but spit fire and tail me like a bad smell."
  1769. >"That stallion didn't deserve what he got."
  1770. >"Maybe THIS one will have the sense to listen."
  1771. >"It's been slow lately, so I asked him who he was and what in Tartarus did he think he was doing in my office."
  1772. >"He told me his name was 'Anonymous', and that a friend of his had gone missing; nothing out of the ordinary there, but my bank account was nearly in the red and the suits at my bank are starting to send threatening letters, so I took the job."
  1773. >"Like most of the 'llions I deal with, this one insisted on following me to try and help, and I learned long ago you can't talk sense into a colt; no matter what you say, it's like talking to an emotional and particularly fickle brick wall."
  1774. >"As long as he stays out of my way, this lil' darlin' can do whatever his little heart desires."
  1775. >"It's going to be a long night."
  1776.  
  1777.  
  1778.  
  1779.  
  1780.  
  1781.  
  1782. >"Hello, I'm going door-to-door to sell-"
  1783. >>"Go away!"
  1784. >"Woah! Okay, jeez, I'm just trying to sell strawberries!"
  1785. >>"We don't want any of your strawberries! Buck off before I MAKE you buck off!"
  1786. >The front door slams and Rainbow Dash trots back into the room, ears flopping against her skull and looking annoyed.
  1787. >She speeds up a little bit as she spots you and curls up in your lap as soon as she's able.
  1788. >Without thinking about it, you start giving her ear-scratches with your uninjured arm.
  1789. >>"Don't worry about her, Anon," she purrs happily, "I chased her off. You're safe now."
  1790. >You fucking love these ponies
  1791.  
  1792.  
  1793.  
  1794.  
  1795.  
  1796. >Sirens decide to settle down now that they’re not immortal anymore.
  1797. >Make gay displays to attract males.
  1798. >They’re surprised, but not complaining when Anon wants to stay around after knocking them up.
  1799. >Male sirens would be considered total sluts by pony standards, simply impregnating whatever willing females are nearby and rarely bothering to raise the resulting offspring.
  1800. >As a result most sirens are raised in family units consisting of their mother and two or more ‘aunts’.
  1801. >A siren male who sticks around is considered a great boon because that means next mating season the females don’t have to start the process of attracting a new male all over again with more lesbian displays
  1802.  
  1803.  
  1804.  
  1805.  
  1806.  
  1807. >High School is one of the most dangerous times for a male
  1808. >Girls are beginning to experience their hormones to their fullest
  1809. >Unlike their Equestrian counterparts, these girls feel a low level arousal nearly year around
  1810. >This, coupled with their natural aggressiveness, makes for a very dangerous combination 
  1811. >Despite teaching staff's best efforts, it is best not to walk the halls alone for men
  1812. >Though they're usually bigger than their female counterparts, the girls rarely "hunt" alone
  1813. >Most roam in packs of 3 to 20, trying to find someone to exhaust themselves with
  1814. >A guy might fight a female off, only to realize that he had been lured into a trap
  1815. >Such things are rarely caught by teaching staff
  1816. >Even if they are, there's a good chance that the teachers--many of which are just as lonely as the high school girls-- might lose themselves to their baser instincts
  1817. >When a group of girls has "claimed" a male, they will fight fiercely against other groups to keep him
  1818. >Some particularly large and prosperous groups can claim two or three guys
  1819.  
  1820.  
  1821.  
  1822.  
  1823.  
  1824.  
  1825. >Anon lives in Ponyville.
  1826. >One day, his friend Roseluck takes him to meet Zecora, the zebra that makes Rose's favorite perfume.
  1827. >Zecora is quite taken with Anon and asks him bluntly for a date.
  1828. >Anon forgets he's not on /pol/ and says he will "never date a nigger"
  1829. >Oh shit.
  1830. >Zecora is confused.
  1831. >"This is not a familiar word, I admit. 'Nigger', would you explain this a bit?"
  1832. >Anon fumbles around for a bit and tells her it's just a term humans use for zebras on earth.
  1833. >Zecora is fond of the sound of this new term.
  1834. >When she goes back to her homeland, she happily uses it in conversation, explaining what it means to every zebra she talks to.
  1835. >It catches on.
  1836. >All of the zebras now call each other nigger.
  1837. >Roseluck can't figure out why Anon laughs every time he sees a zebra now.
  1838. >"I don't get what's so funny, Anon."
  1839. "The cycle is complete!"
  1840.  
  1841.  
  1842.  
  1843.  
  1844.  
  1845. >Celestia weighs a solid pony-ton
  1846. >hasn't been held since she was a filly
  1847. >at one point she just accepted that, if there was any holding left in her life, she'd be the one doing it, as befits a marely mare
  1848. >completely freezes up when Anon picks her up like its nothing
  1849. >even if it wasn't RGRE, she still wouldn't have a fucking clue what to do
  1850. >sunbutt suffers an integer overflow error when he starts tossing her up and catching her
  1851. >rolls back to zero and just starts giggling like a foal
  1852. >bystanders are simply struck stupid by the sheer oddity of what they're seeing
  1853. >but not even the most jaded of them can deny that Celestia's laugh has never sounded quite so free and joyful before
  1854.  
  1855.  
  1856.  
  1857. >mare breaks her leg and predictably starts panicking
  1858. >horsepital staff have trouble keeping her in her room because she tries to escape every other hour
  1859. >anon hears his friend is freaking out and goes to see wtf is going on
  1860. >Nurses explain to him whats going on
  1861. >he decides to stay in with his friend until she heals
  1862. >good thing these ponies are so smale he can just hold on to her and just cradle here until she snaps out of her hysteria
  1863. >eventually he becomes a special physical therapist to calm down ponies with the 'broken leg madness'
  1864.  
  1865. >Anon calms mare down
  1866. >mare is still afraid, but its a conscious fear unlike the instinctive, inescapable Fear
  1867. >horsepital staff amazed
  1868. >they think that somehow that Anon's overwhelmingly fatherly presence beat the Fear back
  1869. >seen as the psycho-medical discovery of the century
  1870. >gets offered the position of nurse-cuddle-monkey on the spot
  1871. >meanwhile other hospitals across the nation experiment with hiring minotaurs and the rare packless diamond dog and training them to follow Anon's example
  1872. >some even try to "automate" it by making special giant plushies, treated with all manner of spells and scents
  1873.  
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876.  
  1877.  
  1878. The problem with low gravity, even assuming other problems like the atmosphere were taken care of, is that those heavyworlder muscles (and not just the LIFTAN ones) are gonna atrophy into the local norm before long
  1879. So, you end up going the Goku/Rock Lee method by wearing really, really heavy weights under your clothing. Woe unto the dumbass villain who tries to steal you away
  1880. >Anon dresses just like Piccolo
  1881. >hfw the bandits attack and he gets to throw his clothes at them.
  1882. >tfw they think it's a striptease
  1883.  
  1884.  
  1885.  
  1886.  
  1887.  
  1888. >Giant Anon in Tinyquestria
  1889. >Anon makes a business carrying around ponies
  1890. >Charges more for longer distances
  1891. >Like a taxi, only cuddlier and Anon isn't a spic
  1892. >Goes so far as to get a tiny magical communications device that ponies can contact him with
  1893. >"Oh, shoot, I'm too drunk to fly home. Better see if Anon isn't busy."
  1894. >The Princesses in particular are delighted at the novelty of being picked up and carried around
  1895. >Becomes the Ponyville school house's unofficial school bus, carrying all the foals to school in various pockets
  1896.  
  1897.  
  1898.  
  1899.  
  1900.  
  1901. >domestic abuse in RGRE isn’t just a simple flip of what it’s like on Earth
  1902. >because ponies are typically polygamous instead of monogamous, domestic abuse is often cut off before it can really get going
  1903. >if one mare in the herd starts abusing one of the herd’s kids or the stallion, she usually gets kicked out by the other mares.
  1904. >that’s why monogamous couples are often thought of as abusive
  1905. >in a herd, if one mare tries to abuse the stallion there are usually two or more other mares there to throw her out on her butt.
  1906. >but in monogamous couples there’s no such defense.
  1907. >the stallion and foals are at the mercy of an abusive mare.
  1908. >this isn’t an issue for couples like the Cakes or Applejack’s parents, because there is another adult mare in the home (Pinkie Pie and Granny Smith), even if she’s not a part of the herd, capable of intervening in such a scenario.
  1909. >so when Anon gets married to a supposedly reformed Chrysalis and expresses no interest in adding more mares, both his male and female friends alike are concerned
  1910.  
  1911.  
  1912. >They immediately assume the worst, and their belief that monogamous relationships are inherently toxic biases all their observations of Anon and Chrysalis
  1913. >"That poor colt probably doesn't even realize he's being abused."
  1914. >They start seeing sinister implications that simply aren't there in every-day actions and events
  1915. >Playful slap to the shoulder; it's Chrysalis reminding Anon that she could hit him a lot harder
  1916. >Possessive behaviour around other mares; it's Chrysalis making sure Anon knows he "belongs" to her and her alone
  1917. >Anon doing an errand for Chrysalis; it's Chrysalis working the poor colt to the bone while she lazes around the house
  1918. >Anon and Chrysalis are oblivious to this all
  1919. >Pic related; it's what Anon and Chrysalis are doing while Twilight shares her worries with her friends
  1920.  
  1921.  
  1922.  
  1923.  
  1924.  
  1925.  
  1926. >You are Anon and for reasons beyond you, you had found yourself in equestria not but a few months ago.
  1927. >For the most part it was great though it did not come without consequences.
  1928. >Equestria's gravity is, according to your rather crude "testing" ie: throwing heavy shit much farther than you use to be able to, about a fifth of Earth's.
  1929. >The good news is that the lesser weight of everything plus the fact that pony creations are meant for creatures half you size means that you lift a less handsome Hercules and jump like the Hulk.
  1930. >The bad news is that you are constantly toting lead weights all over your body to counteract the musculature atrophy and if not for Nurse Tough Hide's pills your bones and heart would have degenerated long ago.
  1931. >Your not sure what the hell those pills are made of but last time you ran out you could feel your heart slowing and your bones weaking after only a day.
  1932. >It still feels like the pros outway the cons in that regard.
  1933. >You can still take off the weights periodically but it's best not to do so for long.
  1934. >It didn't take long for you to understand that this strength and speed could be put to good use in the guard.
  1935. >You had expected the rigerous training and should have expected the odd boring posting.
  1936. >What you didn't realize was that male guards are basically eye candy for nobles and are largely not expected to be an effective fighting force, or even peacekeeping force.
  1937. >So now you are Anon, scantily clad Paul Blart mall cop.
  1938.  
  1939.  
  1940.  
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943. >Eldritch abomination pone waifu
  1944. >Foreign to Equestria, possibly even to this universe, but still manages to come off as sexist
  1945.  
  1946. >"I see the great unknowable dark and all the secrets it holds, Anon."
  1947. "That's... great, Ellie."
  1948. >The small mare hoists her bum up into the air and wriggles it (for speed), and then jumps up onto your lap.
  1949. >You don't don't feel her weight in your lap so much as you feel her presence bearing down on your soul.
  1950. >She smiles at you, and your arms jitter slightly as the edges of your sanity try to dance away from you.
  1951. >After a moment, Ellie's form seems to solidify, and yet she didn't even appear comparatively non-corporeal i the past until just now.
  1952. >Come to think of it, you don't even notice a physical difference, but your arms have stopped shaking and your mind is clearing.
  1953. >Did she change something, or did she just alter the way you perceive her to keep you sane?
  1954. >Your marefriend is so sweet.
  1955. >"I know your gender is not very robust, my treasure," she purrs, staring at you with her bright red eyes, "You lack the qualities that would equate you to me. So fragile; my presence alone could shatter you. As my duty to protect my mate, I have solidified this presence in my world."
  1956. >HER world?
  1957. >From what you understand, she came from a whole other dimension.
  1958. >Surely you misinterpreted the madness-speech she so helpfully made you fluent in when she first gazed into your eyes.
  1959. "Don't you mean, MY world?"
  1960. >She laughs, and you can just barely hear distant screaming on the wind.
  1961. >" 'Your world'," she giggles, covering her mouth with one of her uncountable (and yet, somehow only four) hooves, "What a novel concept, Anon. That would imply that I have not always been here."
  1962. >She leans in close; The edges of your vision begin to darken, and hints of Ellie's true form (or as true as you can perceive it) phase in and out of the shadows.
  1963. >"Always."
  1964.  
  1965.  
  1966.  
  1967.  
  1968.  
  1969.  
  1970. >"Anon!"
  1971. >"Anon, where are you?!"
  1972. >"Anon, you said you were only going to the market for cookies!"
  1973. >"That was 20 minutes ago, Anon!"
  1974. >"Are you okay?!"
  1975. >"DO YOU NEED HELP!?"
  1976. >"IS A MARE TOUCHING YOU INAPPROPRIATELY, ANON?!"
  1977. >"I KNEW IT WAS TOO DANGEROUS FOR A STALLION TO GO ALL BY HIMSELF!"
  1978. >"ANOOOOOHHN!"
  1979. >NEEEIIIIIIGH
  1980.  
  1981. >Ponies and just about every thing on Equus rely on magic to tell were eachother are.
  1982. >Anon having no magic makes it hard to tell were he is unless they hear or see him.
  1983. >It only makes it worse that he's a stallion.
  1984. >If he were coltnapped they'd never find him!
  1985. >Or Celestia knows a mare could forcefully hold his hand.
  1986.  
  1987.  
  1988.  
  1989.  
  1990.  
  1991. >Go to RGREquestria
  1992. >Find ponies who care about your well-being on principal
  1993. >Make friends who become concerned about you if you start acting distant
  1994. >Realize that each and every hug you get from them is meaningful
  1995. >Feel oddly touched when Applejack doesn't want you to work on her farm; not because she thinks you're incapable, but because she can't stand the idea of seeing you injured because you tried to help her
  1996. >"Ah just can't stand the sight of an injured stallion, 'Non. Maybe you can help Mac out with his numbers?"
  1997.  
  1998.  
  1999.  
  2000.  
  2001.  
  2002.  
  2003.  
  2004. >Anon arrives in RGREquestria and is quickly disgusted in the state of its stallions.
  2005. >Picky, prudish, and entitled.
  2006. >Just like human women.
  2007. >They only sleep with the most beautiful, fit, and successful mares, leaving the less-than-perfect ones to live life as sexless virgins.
  2008. >He will not let this stand!
  2009. >All horse pussy should be worshiped!
  2010. >Anon sets out to take the virginity of every poor mare who stallions ignore.
  2011. >Mares like Moondancer finally punch their v-cards, and in so doing gain +3 confidence and self worth.
  2012. >Anon also befriends and helps these mares better themselves.
  2013. >Some, like Princess Twilight (who had everything going for her once she finally stopped sperging out and could talk to stallions properly thanks to Anon) move on to find other stallions.
  2014. >Other's are contend to spend the occasional night with Anon in a psuedo herd.
  2015. >All of them, however, are much happier.
  2016. >Anon has done his job.
  2017.  
  2018.  
  2019.  
  2020.  
  2021.  
  2022. >you are in canterlot
  2023. >You walk down the street
  2024. >Suddenly your attention is pulled to a mare
  2025. >You don't know why
  2026. >you don't know how
  2027. >But you know
  2028. >You know this mare is your counterpart
  2029. >You ask around
  2030. >Her name is floorboard
  2031. >God the universe is weird
  2032.  
  2033. >Oh god, dont look
  2034. >Dont look
  2035. >Its huge
  2036. >Its weird
  2037. >Its turning you on
  2038. >Its looking at you
  2039. >Buck dont let it know you looked at it
  2040. >Why is this thing attracting all your atention
  2041. >Why celestia
  2042. >Why
  2043. >He is talking to other mares
  2044. >Buck they look at you
  2045. >BUCK BUCK BUCK BUCK
  2046. >"Hello, so you are floorboard?"
  2047. >HOW THE BUCK DID HE MOVE SO FAST AND SILELENTLY
  2048. >You just look up at him
  2049. >CELESTIA DAMMIT YOU ARE DEVELOPING A NEW FETISH AT A TIME LIKE THIS
  2050. >He laughs
  2051. >"Yea, I assume I would be acting the same way in your position, Mind if I have a seat?"
  2052. [fainting horse noises]
  2053.  
  2054.  
  2055.  
  2056.  
  2057.  
  2058. >Anon and Rainbow are best friends
  2059. >Both of them suspect that the other is gay; Rainbow doesn't think that Anon doesn't act like a stallion, and Anon thinks Rainbow is a butch lesbian
  2060. >Both of them are incredibly surprised when, after a night of heavy drinking, they wake up in bed together
  2061. or
  2062. >Rainbow has the perfect plan to get close to Anon
  2063. >Just pretend to be gay
  2064. >"No, you don't you gals get it? It wouldn't be weird for Anon to get naked and change in front of me if he thinks I don't like stallions! I might even be able to convince him that he should practice kissing with me 'cuz I "don't" like stallions that way!"
  2065. >tl;dr: they fuck
  2066.  
  2067.  
  2068.  
  2069.  
  2070.  
  2071.  
  2072. >male swimsuits in RGREqG are designed to show off a man’s package without giving away too much
  2073. >even the most modest male swimsuits tend to be tight around the crotch area
  2074. >Anon’s female friends all expect to see something hot when they go to the beach.
  2075. >unluckily for them, Anon managed to hold onto his swimming trunks from home.
  2076. >they don’t even get to see the outline of his junk through them.
  2077. >meanwhile Anon is wondering why his friends suddenly looked so disappointed when he showed up for their day in the sun.
  2078.  
  2079.  
  2080.  
  2081.  
  2082.  
  2083. >ponies knew that Anon's alien nature affected magic
  2084. >telekinesis gets wobbly
  2085. >spells sputter out or overcharge
  2086. >even some the particularly sensitive among them reported both headaches and a curious numbness around him
  2087. >they knew this
  2088. >on an academic level, at least
  2089. >but it didn't quite prepare them, or Anon himself, for the day that his place in a song that the schoolfoals were singing suddenly mutated into scooping Cheerilee up into his arms and singing about how he just knew that she'd be the perfect teacher for their foals one day
  2090. >tests were run, and it was discovered that the event was once again an example of how magic just seemed to "change" around him
  2091. >the knowledge that it was somehow NORMAL didn't do much to dissipate the tense, embarrassed air around the two of them in the following days
  2092. >however, embarrassment turned to a confused jealousy when, just next week, it happened again the following week to ANOTHER MARE
  2093. >apologies were made and tests were run, and it just seemed like this was going to be another part of Anon's life and Ponyville's... unique atmosphere
  2094. >and just what is Anon to do when, one day, a mare starts to sing back?
  2095.  
  2096.  
  2097.  
  2098.  
  2099.  
  2100.  
  2101. >Ponies see Anon's confusion and inability to effectively communicate as endearing, especially when he resorts to pantomiming in order to get his point across
  2102. >They're generally happy to help him in day-to-day life while he struggles to learn their horse-words
  2103. >A couple of ponies have noticed the difference in his behaviour (which is a difficult thing to notice, considering that they only have actions to look upon and not words), but the lack of communication means they just write it off as coltish whimsy
  2104. >One or two mares realize that since Anon can't speak their language, he can't say "no" or go to the ponice if they snuggle him without his consent
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107. >"But Twilight!"
  2108. >Twilight folds her forelegs and glares at Pinkie Pie.
  2109. >>"Pinkie Pie, absolutely not. You can't just take advantage of the poor lost colt like that. For Celestia's sake, he doesn't even speak Equish."
  2110. >Pinkie shakes her head fervently.
  2111. >"Yeah, he does!"
  2112. >She turns to you; you, who have remained largely ignorant of what these two horses have been saying.
  2113. >"Say it, Nonny!"
  2114. >She nods encouragingly, which is a signal you recognize when she wants you to say the words she taught you.
  2115. "I waahhnt... P-P-Pinkie cudd-els...?"
  2116. >The pink horse grins widely and turns to the purple one, who doesn't look impressed.
  2117. >...or maybe she does.
  2118. >You have no idea what their expressions mean.
  2119. >>"Pinkie..."
  2120. >What did you even say just now?
  2121. >Did you just consent to fucking one of these horses?
  2122. >They're clearly intelligent, so maybe it's not illegal this time, and you won't get in trouble with the law for fucking a horse.
  2123. >...again
  2124.  
  2125.  
  2126.  
  2127.  
  2128.  
  2129. >Celestia makes monthly trips to Canterlot's stallion prison to "check up" on the bad colts.
  2130. >Instead of shankings they have surprise pillow fights.
  2131. >They are sexually harassed by the guard mares.
  2132. >Bootleg toilet "Rut On The Beach" is a delicacy here.
  2133. >Celestia makes the guard mares lead her for tours.
  2134. >She sees two stallions laying around in their cell.
  2135. >One is braiding his mane.
  2136. "Those two, make them kiss."
  2137. >"Princess... We can't-"
  2138. "Make them kiss."
  2139. >The nervous guard mare goes and slides her rubber veiny "baton" across the bars.
  2140. >"Hey, you two! S-Start kissing!"
  2141. >The two stallions look at Celestia's primal grin.
  2142. >They look at each other, shrug, then start kissing.
  2143. "Nice..."
  2144. >Celestia and the guard mare watch without blinking.
  2145. "It's good to be queen."
  2146. >"Princess?"
  2147. "Ahem... So, where is the warden?"
  2148. >"Anonymous is in cell block D, reading the well behaved stallions a bedtime story."
  2149. "Good. Let's go there next."
  2150. >The guard mare slaps the bars again.
  2151. >"Alright, you boys can stop that!"
  2152. >They don't.
  2153.  
  2154.  
  2155.  
  2156.  
  2157.  
  2158.  
  2159. >Applejack has been holding back her lust for Anon ever since he started working on her farm
  2160. >"Think 'bout what Ma and Pa would say if you forced yourself on an unsuspecting colt, Applejack."
  2161. >This lasts for maybe a few months as spring turns to summer and Anon's clothing starts to change into something tighter
  2162. >It's not infrequent for Applejack to catch Anon taking a quick trip to the outdoor waterpump thing so that he can soak himself in cool water before going back to work
  2163. >"Walkin' around my farm, wearin' those clothes of his... glistenin' with sweat an' water at the end of the day... teasin' me with his muscles and his beautiful laugh! He... he's askin' for it.... he knows what he's doin'!"
  2164. >Applejack pulls Anon behind the barn after work one day and starts yanking the clothes off of him, ranting about how she's about to give him what he wants
  2165. >To AJ's surprise, Anon starts to reciprocate
  2166. >Applejack learned that you can't rape the willing
  2167.  
  2168.  
  2169.  
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173. >Anon is a heterosexual male, who enjoys the company of feminine females.
  2174. >So when he meets Rartiy, and she doesn't belch or scratch her crotch like most of his friends he finds himself quickly attracted to the unicorn.
  2175. >Rarity shocked to have male attention from anyone that isn't underaged or bucktoothed and hideous quickly tries to lend a hoof to her friends who've also had no luck wooing stallions.
  2176. >Rather than being grossed out or turned off by Fluttershy being a huge neet, he finds it adorable.
  2177. >He even reads some of her Neighponese manga with her
  2178. >Rarity quickly puts out the word to her friends.
  2179. >Most don't believe her citing that it is too good to be true, but Coco is desperately lonely enough to try.
  2180. >Queue long trip to Ponyville, to find that Anonymous can't get enough of her.
  2181. >Coco who has never even been touched by a stallion besides her father finds herself subjected to headpats, ear scrichies, and hoof holding far beyond her imagining.
  2182. >After a while the rest of the elements notice that Anon is spending a great deal at Rarity's and Fluttershy's.
  2183. >Believing that Anon must be hilariously easy to fall for the least feminine mares in all of Equestria they try one by one to seduce him so he'll let them in the herd.
  2184. >Shenanigans, plot, green
  2185.  
  2186.  
  2187.  
  2188.  
  2189.  
  2190.  
  2191.  
  2192. >Anon gets teleported to Rgre Eqg
  2193. >Has to go to high school because he gets put back in his teenage body
  2194. >Little did anon know there were similarities between this world and his old world.
  2195. Highschool soundcloud rappers
  2196. >Dozens of them
  2197. >All girls mumbling about getting dick and money, and popping Xans over a distorted beat. 
  2198. Enter Lil Da$h
  2199. >Rainbow trying to be on top of the cool ladder decides to buy into the soundcloud rap game. And surprisingly she becomes pretty well known. 
  2200. >She can have any guy she wants and knows it
  2201. Enters Anon
  2202. >Doesn't like the lol pop pills culture and tells Da$h to go overdose. 
  2203. (Enter rgre dash pining after Anon here).
  2204.  
  2205. >Wigger Dash trying and failing to be taken seriously. She tries to show Anon her totally-not-fake gold chain and get him to listen to her mixtape.
  2206. >”It’s fire! Come on, you’ll love it!”
  2207. >She tries to drag the rest of her friends into her rapping shenanigans.
  2208. >The boys and nufemales REEEEEing about ‘cultural appropriation’.
  2209. >The inevitable rap battles.
  2210. >The only actual ethnic minority in Canterlot High, Zecora the chemistry teacher, just shaking her head at all this ridiculousness
  2211.  
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215.  
  2216.  
  2217. >>even the douchiest frat-mare (sorori-mare?) will never want to hear another cunt joke in her life after a few days around Rainbow Dash
  2218.  
  2219. >There is one gigantic exception.
  2220. >The Military
  2221. >Shining Armor, like every Guard, sees cunts (and dicks) in everything.
  2222. >So does Spitifre, and all the Wonderbolts.
  2223. >And when they get bored, they draw them on things.
  2224. >Spitfire is mildly surprised if a day goes by where she doesn't see recruits making dick clouds, cunt clouds, and sometimes even making clouds fuck.
  2225.  
  2226. >Rainbow dash was somewhat normal, until she joined the Wonderbolts, whereupon she got much much worse
  2227.  
  2228.  
  2229.  
  2230. >Gloriosa Daisy is secretly the worst kind of Trixie
  2231. >She makes a game out of seeing how many boys she seduce when high school students come to the camp. Once she sleeps with a guy, she tosses him aside and moves onto the next target.
  2232. >Because of this Camp Everfree has something of a negative reputation, so it’s no surprise when people stop coming and it’s on the verge of bankruptcy 
  2233. >Filthy Rich only wants to buy the camp so he can kick her out and replace her with someone who won’t molest teenage boys. He went to the camp as a young man himself before Gloriosa was in charge, and wants it to be a place of fun for future generations like it was for him
  2234.  
  2235.  
  2236.  
  2237. >while appul grew up being told that a colt is the one who cooks for his herd, and she has some long-treasured memories of her dad's cooking, she hasn't really experienced a colt's home cooking in a long while
  2238. >Mac can't cook for shit, and while Granny's wonderful in the kitchen in the way only age can make someone, she just doesn't do it much anymore
  2239. >thus it fell to her, more often than not
  2240. >so, when she invited that cute little thang Anonymous over for a dinner and maybe even share a few ciders with him, she was fully prepared to whip up something better than usual for the occasion
  2241. >she didn't expect him to turn up with his OWN apple pie as a gift
  2242. >as she certainly didn't expect it to smell so damn good, either
  2243. >as the night progresses, she finds her manners and civility as a mare tested more and more by the sweet, appel-y siren-song of the pie
  2244. >she needs it
  2245. >she WANTS IT
  2246.  
  2247.  
  2248.  
  2249.  
  2250. >You are Anon, and you just accidentally bumped into someone's shoulder.
  2251. >You turn to do that traditional, use-your-opposite-arm-to-wave-over-your-shoulder-at-the-person-you-bumped-and-make-a-muttered-noise-with-your-mouth-that-doesn't-have-to-be-a-word-but-will-still-fulfill-the-role-of-an-apology social expectation.
  2252. >You even go the extra mile and actually use your words to apologize.
  2253. >With the social grace you have, you're just swimming in pussokay you can't even think that in your head with a straight face.
  2254. "Hey, sorry 'bout tha-"
  2255. >The girl whose shoulder you bumped is now standing there, shirt in tatters and strips of cloth still clenched in her hands, as she aggressively flashes you.
  2256. >"Sorry for bumping into you. Are you alright?"
  2257. "...huh."
  2258. >So, is this how girls apologize in this world?
  2259. >Brazen nudity?
  2260. >Because if so, the next time you see horse-Twilight, you're going to give her virgin ass the biggest and sloppiest kiss as thanks for sending you here after your brief stint in Equestria.
  2261. >You later learned that only sirens are this quick to initiate lewdness
  2262. >Considering you were in an unfamiliar bed with a naked body draped over yours, you aren't all that disappointed that the world did not conform to a fantasy that you would have expected to have come from your 14-year-old self.
  2263. >The next morning, you bump into another girl; one of the roommates that lives with the girl you slept with.
  2264. >You try and suppress a grin when you hear fabric tearing.
  2265. >"Whoops, sorry about that."
  2266.  
  2267.  
  2268.  
  2269.  
  2270.  
  2271. >Anon has to deal with 'taurs claiming that their milking equipment is broken and asking if he's willing to step in and use his lips as a temporary replacement
  2272. >Co-workers taking advantage of Anon's status of maid/cook by just dumping their garbage on the ground and leaving piles of laundry for him without a word
  2273. >Anon being given a nice bottle of surprisingly delicious milk a week by a grateful 'taur who used the "my pump is broken" excuse and was actually telling the truth, and Anon discretely stepped in to help out
  2274. >Something to do with being teased because he's lacking a nose-ring like cows have
  2275. >At least one drunk 'taur giving Anon a big hug (and trapping his face in tit-prison) waxing sadly about how cruel it was that "a bull" like Anon very allegedly had his horns damaged to the point where they had to be removed
  2276. >Casual toplessness because minotaurs like to show off how capable they are at producing milk
  2277. >Lots of questions about how minotaurs can balance on their hind legs despite having hooves instead of feet (with toes that can be used to push against the ground and adjust one's center of gravity)
  2278. >Anon getting drunk on a day off and waking up in an unfamiliar bed, and his bedmate(s) uncharacteristically freaking out because they think they took advantage of him while he was drunk (albeit WAY less drunk than they were)
  2279. >Anon finally getting good at cooking because he cooks breakfast whenever a minotaur stays in his quarters overnight and he uses it as an opportunity to experiment with recipes on a small scale (without having to worry that he's about to ruin 8 dozen eggs by adding a few spices)
  2280. >Cow puns
  2281. >Inevitable confrontation with ponies (Mister Cake, Applejack, or other) where Anon either shrugs off the foal-eating rumours, or gets into some kind of scuffle (one he does not initiate) and his 'taurs come in to protect him
  2282. >At least one minotaur with a really nice ass
  2283.  
  2284.  
  2285.  
  2286.  
  2287.  
  2288. >Anime is for real in Equestria
  2289. >Ponies constantly expect Anon to act like a variety of character archetypes from my ching-chong mangos
  2290. >For example, Anon is in a hot tub at some point and a mare accidentally trips and stumbles into it.
  2291. >Instead of covering his crotch, blushing, and yelling at her to get out (while calling her "b-baka"), Anon briefly panics as he tries to fish her out of the water and make sure she doesn't drown
  2292. >Other times, they expect him to blush and hand one of them a note asking if they want to go out some time/study together/try to become the president(s) of the student council, but instead he just talks about whatever's on his mind at the time and then eventually leaves
  2293. >Twilight in particular is confused and wonders why Anon isn't calling her "sempai" or some other honorific title; to say nothing of the time there was a pregnancy scare and Twilight expected him to declare that she has to "take responsibility" and take care of him and the foal
  2294. >Anon just wonders what he did in life to deserve a hell full entirely of weebs
  2295.  
  2296.  
  2297.  
  2298.  
  2299.  
  2300.  
  2301. >Fluttershy is a beautiful mare.
  2302. >Every pony, stallion and mare alike, knows this.
  2303. >But there's a reason that she's never gotten anywhere with stallions.
  2304.  
  2305. >She's a tiny bit crazy.
  2306. >She's barely managed to get a few first dates, but she's never gotten a second.
  2307. >The primary problem is that she is deeply insecure.
  2308. >Most mares have feelings of insecurity, but poor Fluttershy has it worse than most.
  2309. >Anon might even describe her as having some mild yandere tendencies.
  2310.  
  2311. >And lately, she's set her sights on Anon
  2312.  
  2313. >Fluttershy gets jealous
  2314. >Mostly because if 'her' stallion shows any affection to another mare, it makes her afraid that he doesn't actually love her
  2315. >That he doesn't need her
  2316.  
  2317. >This is a significant problem in a world where herds are the norm
  2318. >Especially when she doesn't consider herself a mono, and would like to be in a happy little herd
  2319.  
  2320.  
  2321.  
  2322.  
  2323.  
  2324. > Anon and his twin show up in Equestria
  2325. >Chrysalis thinks they were part of a hive of humans and feels bad for them as they were ripped away from what could only be described as a close family.
  2326. >Even if some would rather look like a pack of dykes.
  2327. >Celestia and Luna make a claim between each other which one they want.
  2328. >Twilight wants to research them but thoughts of her neighponies mangas keep popping into her head.
  2329. >The spa twins are planning a way to hire them so they can get more mares to come in.
  2330. >Fluttershy thinks humans are born in litters like puppies or something
  2331.  
  2332.  
  2333.  
  2334.  
  2335.  
  2336. >You are Fluttershy, and you are trying to teach your newest, tallest friend how to pronounce your name
  2337. >You are helping the newest addition to Ponyville acclimatize to his new surroundings, and step one is teaching the poor dear how to speak Equish.
  2338. >You are currently sitting in your living room, which (for once) is bare of any of your animal friends; you politely asked them to vacate the room for a few hours after you saw how badly Mister Bear had frightened your bipedal guest.
  2339. "Fluttershy."
  2340. >The creature in front of you stares at you blankly with his adorable tiny, foal-life eyes.
  2341. "Flut-ter-shy," you repeat, slowing your words and making sure to enunciate them properly.
  2342. >The only response from him is when he tilts his head in confusion, which nearly prompts you to make some VERY unmarely noises of glee
  2343. >"Schlim frot?" he returns in his deep, smooth voice
  2344. >He plays with the hem of his torso-cloth, which you find endearing
  2345. "Flut."
  2346. >"F-Floot."
  2347. "Ter."
  2348. >He bites his lip in concentration.
  2349. >"Teyer."
  2350. "Shy."
  2351. >"Pshie?"
  2352. >You nod encouragingly; it's important to reward him for trying.
  2353. "Fluttershy."
  2354. >He furrows his brow in concentration and silently moves his lips in the same pattern over and over.
  2355. >"Flooteyerpshie... Floot-er-shee... Floot-eyer-shy..."
  2356. >He babbles for a few moments longer, staring over your shoulder, seemingly struggling to grasp the pronunciation of your name.
  2357. >And then, he stares you in the eye.
  2358. >"Flut-tehr-shy?"
  2359. >He did it!
  2360. >Well, almost, but that's the best so far and it's recognizable as your name!
  2361. >You clop your hooves together and nod your head, smiling happily.
  2362. >"Very good!"
  2363. >Your new friend looks pleased with himself, evidently recognizing a "you did a thing" reaction when he sees one
  2364. >Now, how can you reward him for this?
  2365. >It must be terrifying for the poor colt to be lost and far away from home.
  2366. >Twilight said she caught him trying to pet a group of ponies when she found him in town, so maybe crawling into his lap wouldn't be out of the question.
  2367. >The next few seconds are a blur.
  2368. >Before you know it, you're on your back and his hoof-spiders are gliding up and down your belly.
  2369. >Your wings twitch and you cross your hind legs when he buries those wriggling things into your above-average chest-tuft and scritches at your chest.
  2370. >Who knew males of... whatever species he is could be so l-lewd?
  2371. >You hope nopony finds out about this
  2372.  
  2373.  
  2374.  
  2375.  
  2376.  
  2377. >some mares try to force their way into herds with all the subtly of a wrecking ball when drunk
  2378. >its seen as rude and embarrassing as all hell for the drunk mare, but slightly more acceptable than trying to drunkenly seduce a stallion for a night, since its also seen as indicative of some kind of caring for the herd in question
  2379. >pinka ponk is a particularly bad case of this since she's friends with everyone
  2380. >ponies start to think there might be a pattern after the fourth consecutive time she's been found drunkenly hanging off Anon and [insert pone here]'s shoulders, crowing about how their herd's wedding party will be absolute LEGEND
  2381. >especially since no else seems to be "targeted" anymore
  2382.  
  2383.  
  2384.  
  2385.  
  2386.  
  2387. >stallions the world over descend into a minor panic when Luna's return is announced
  2388. >terrified speculation abounds as to just what a thousand-year out of date princess would do
  2389. >it all comes to a head when Luna explains that, while she does keep the Old Ways near and dear to her heart, it was always to protect the stallions of Equestria
  2390. >said stallions aren't quite sure how to react to having a true, if uncompromising, gentlemare at the helm
  2391. >nor are they sure how to react that, compared to Luna's conservativeness, Celestia's actually a bit of a trixie
  2392.  
  2393.  
  2394.  
  2395.  
  2396.  
  2397. >Twilight Sparkle attempts a spell that would allow her to peer into another world.
  2398. >In another world, Dusk Shine does the exact same thing.
  2399. >When the smoke finally clears from the pair of resulting explosions, the two nerdy ponies find themselves in each others worlds.
  2400. >Discovering that genders are apparently switched is quite the shock.
  2401. >Finding out gender roles are switched is an even bigger shock.
  2402. >Now virgin Twilight Sparkle is stuck in a world full of horny stallions while virgin Dusk Shine suffers the same fate with a world horny mares.
  2403. >Suddenly finding themselves desirable to the opposite sex in ways they've only fantasized, can the pair of magic prodigies switch back places while slipping on their own spaghetti?
  2404. >Who knows, but one thing is for sure; if they do manage it, it probably won't be with their v-cards intact.
  2405. >After all, the Elements of both worlds find the idea of a gender swapped version of their good friend and psuedo leader strangely sexy
  2406.  
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409.  
  2410.  
  2411. >Aria will never try to be confident and forward, because that's what she heard guys like
  2412. >She will also never enter your apartment and refuse to leave, mixing up confidence with stubbornness
  2413.  
  2414. >"This is the blowjob couch, Anon. It's where you're going to fill my mouth with your delicious cum."
  2415. "It looks just like my regular couch."
  2416. >"And therein lies the genius. You could be sitting on the blowjob couch and I'll pounce on you, unsuspecting. And do you know what will happen next?"
  2417. "Vaginal sex?"
  2418. >"...C'mon, Anonymous; clue's in the name."
  2419. "...so are you gonna-?"
  2420. >"Gimme a sec, Anon, I only just now realized that you own one of those black, leather PORNO couches. Sit right in the middle while I take a picture, alright? I'm going to frame it and then mount it in the bedroom."
  2421. "I can mount YOU in the bedroom."
  2422. >"Later. Now drop the pants and prepare to get sucked."
  2423.  
  2424.  
  2425.  
  2426. >Anon has to deal with Celetsia's eterna-teenage angst
  2427. >constantly tempered by her own almost-but-never-will-be maturity
  2428. >she always reigns it in, apologizes, and feels embarrassed about it in the end, but its still there
  2429. >Anon sticks with her not only because of how much he loves her and she him, but also the knowledge in the back of his head that a good number of "mares" out there would be perfectly happy to spend an afternoon sucking on their hoof in the corner
  2430. >the "smart" ones would only occasionally wish that they had something more dick-like to suck on instead
  2431. >he'd seen that exact scenario play out to the clever (or so he thought) unicorn that had pointed the way up to Canterlot for him
  2432. >it still haunts his dreams
  2433.  
  2434.  
  2435.  
  2436.  
  2437.  
  2438. >Desperately lonely Limestone growing up on an isolated farm becomes fixated on Anon
  2439. >"Look at the way he lifts that bag of flour. He's totally shoving his flanks into my face on purpose!"
  2440. >"Pinkie Pie! Pinkie, did you see the way Anonymous touched my hoof just a minute ago? That means he wants me to t-touch his penis, right?"
  2441. >"HE BAKED A PIE. I'LL MAKE HIM STARE INTO THE EYE OF *MY* PIE"
  2442. >She mellows out after she and Anon actually fuck; Anon thought it was a one-time thing, but living on that old-fashioned farm taught Limestone a few things on how you're supposed to treat a stallion.
  2443. >"What? No, I'm not leaving; I live here now, Anonymous. I took your virginity-"
  2444. "Not actually a virgin."
  2445. >"...so I took your virginity, and now as a mare I have to take responsibility. It is my duty to get a job in town and take care of you."
  2446. >Old-fashioned sexist shenanigans ensue
  2447.  
  2448.  
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451. >Eris and Anon finally decide to have a kid
  2452. >After a mighty struggle with her eldritch uterus his sperm finally gets her pregnant
  2453. >She gets bored of the extra weight quickly and tries snapping her claws to age up the kid to be healthy and get it out
  2454. >But it doesn't work
  2455. >The baby inherits her chaos magic so she can't use her get out everything free card on it
  2456. >Panicking ensues
  2457. "Eris just calm down, it'll be fine"
  2458. >"FINE!? Are you seriously that dumb? I grew up on my magic"
  2459. "Well it can't be that bad, you should be able to adapt pretty quickly without it"
  2460. >"Anon, honey, babe, you're being stupid again, and not in the cute way that made me fall for you."
  2461. "But-"
  2462. >"The most exercise I've gotten in my entire life is when I had to walk through Chrysalis's hive"
  2463. "Oh"
  2464. >"Yeah! Oh! Oh shit, what if it stops my other magic, what if I can't teleport? What if I can't warp reality? How am I supposed to get into places?"
  2465. "Maybe you could use a door?"
  2466. >"What you mean that thing that peasants use?"
  2467. >God damn it some days you love your wife and some days you hate her
  2468. >You're not sure which it is today
  2469.  
  2470.  
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474. >Celestia will never defend you from competition
  2475. >...even if that competition is just an inflatable floaty swan that her instincts nevertheless identify as "other alicorn that can take my man"
  2476. >One the inflatable swan is defeated (read: punctured), she will never trot back to you, head held high and chest tuft puffed out, looking prouder than you've ever seen her
  2477. >She will never expect head scratches and tuft-nuzzles for keeping you safe
  2478.  
  2479.  
  2480.  
  2481.  
  2482.  
  2483. >Just about every male villain in the history of Equestria has been some combination of bluebeaning, frigid, prude, stallionist, homo horse, or all of the above.
  2484. >Even Discord, who couldn't give less of a shit about ponies stuffy attitudes regarding sex, enjoyed bluebeaning mares just for the lulz.
  2485. >Not very conducive to attracting minion mares and making them want to stay around.
  2486.  
  2487. >Anon, by comparison, spends more time tending to his herd of minions than actually causing much villainy himself.
  2488. >The mares do most of troublemaking for him.
  2489. >Some of them get a little overzealous, and he has to get them to take it down a notch
  2490.  
  2491.  
  2492. > Minion herd
  2493. > Dead Lift, the brute of an earth pony mare
  2494. > Very calm and helps others without a second thought
  2495. > Depends on others for the deeper moral dilemmas, such as issues of ownership, or property damage
  2496. > Won't hit a stallion or foal, but will gently and firmly push them out of the way
  2497.  
  2498. > Double Blind, the mad magician unicorn mare
  2499. > Always trying out new spells, seeking after the true nature of things
  2500. > Provides a decent amount of the enchantments Anon's group uses
  2501. > Tends to perform experiments that summon monsters, disrupt the flow of time, and/or induce prolonged antigravity
  2502. > Likes to "correct" magic textbooks
  2503.  
  2504. > Sky Diving, the thrill-seeking pegasus mare
  2505. > Not the fastest flier, but skilled at flying through densly packed obstacles
  2506. > After speed and trick flying got old, she turned to a life of crime to provide the adrenaline rush she craves
  2507. > Pickpocketing, heists, etc.
  2508.  
  2509. > Barsilla, the taciturn minotaur bodyguard
  2510. > Fiercely protective, skilled at hand to hoof combat
  2511. > Used to work for the Goudamother, now assigned to Anon's operation to repay favors he's done for the Family
  2512. > The most normal person in the group, so she feels a bit out of place
  2513.  
  2514. > Char, Anon's greedy, right hand lady dragon
  2515. > Probably the most powerful of the group, but she tends to follow Anon's plans
  2516. > Also the accountant of the group
  2517. > Considers the group to be part of her hoard
  2518.  
  2519.  
  2520.  
  2521.  
  2522.  
  2523. >Anon is a human turned stallion.
  2524. >He's also in a mental asylum because non of these stupid ponies beleive him.
  2525. >They think he's a crazy stallion most likely trying to escape from some previous abuse and into a fantasy world.
  2526. >It doesn't exactly help that his life on Earth wasn't exactly all sunshine and rainbows, but he handles it well enough, he thinks.
  2527. >As for life on the inside, he's become a sort of psuedo big brother (sister in rgre) to a lot of the crazy ponies, and some of the staff are afraid he's going to form a herd with the weirdoes.
  2528. >He treats Screw Ball more like a pet dog than a girlfriend, but whatever, ponies don't listen to him, anyway.
  2529. >His only non-patient friend is one of the nurses, who is actually starting to fall for him and he'll admit to taking a fancy to her somewhat, as well.
  2530. >Which would be lovey except for he's a patient, suspected abuse victim, and diagnoses insane, so if any of the other staff catches wind, she'll be fired
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533.  
  2534.  
  2535.  
  2536. >It wasn't clear at first; neither mare gave much thought to the younger sister's de-aged state when Luna returned and was freed from the Nightmare.
  2537. >The alicorn sisters were simply glad to have each other again.
  2538. >No, it wasn't until that spring that the two realized what had happened.
  2539. >Luna went into heat for the first time in thousands of years.
  2540. >It was impossible.
  2541. >She had hit menopause millennia ago.
  2542. >And yet here she was, an almost forgotten itch burning at her loans.
  2543. >A quick trip to the medical wing confirmed it, and some more in-depth examinations revealed the surprising 'why'.
  2544. >When Luna had first been banished to the moon, it wasn't as her physical self.
  2545. >No, the Elements had quite literally converted her body into pure magic and bound it within the space rock.
  2546. >That is why the Mare in the Moon appeared cratered across the lunar surface.
  2547. >And when Nightmare Moon returned, her body was reconstituted.
  2548. >Not exactly as it was, however, for if a body is being reconstructed from pure magic, why would it maintain the damage and wear of its predecessor?
  2549. >By all rights, Luna's body was new; a copy of what she once was, but lacking all the scars and imperfections garnered over a lifetime.
  2550. >And with ovaries restocked with healthy ovum.
  2551. >It was nothing short of a miracle, and one Celestia was guiltily envious of.
  2552. >Her sister was never the maternal sort, preferring to watch over the foal of others in the dreamscape rather than birth her own.
  2553. >A complete opposite of her sister, who, before hitting menopause all those years ago, had foaled nine little ones of her own.
  2554. >Still, there was nothing to be done about it, and Celestia was willing to let her sister squander her gift if that is what she so desired.
  2555. >... Until Anon came along, that is, and asked for a foal of his own from the solar monarch.
  2556. >Now Celestia is begging, pleading with her sister to bare a foal for her beloved, for if she cannot provide one of her own, than her sister was the next best option
  2557.  
  2558.  
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562.  the set up to a shoujo manga.
  2563.  
  2564. >Anon is the new kid at Canterlot High.
  2565. >Through a series of unlikely circumstances, he finds himself a target of five of the school’s worst delinquents’ affections.
  2566. >Gilda, the rowdy jock who gets into fights all the time and resells cigarettes on campus that she gets from paying hobos to buy them for her.
  2567. >Sunset Shimmer, the two-faced ‘queen’ of the school and the biggest bully you’ve ever seen.
  2568. >The Dazzlings: A mysterious trio of sisters who showed up out of nowhere and get their kicks by exacerbating social conflicts. Rumor has it they’re searching for something, but no one has any idea what it is.
  2569. >None of these girls are interested in sharing. Will Anon, and more importantly the school, survive their tug of war over his affection?
  2570.  
  2571.  
  2572. >Pony Twilight finally goes to RGREqG after Sunset steals the Element of Magic.
  2573. >She didn’t know what she expected when crossing over into an alternate universe, but she certainly didn’t expect Sunset, three sirens, alternate versions of her friends and Gilda all fighting over a boy.
  2574. >It’s like those Neighponese mangas that Shining used to read.
  2575. >Sunset wants the Crown to take over both worlds and have Anon rule alongside her as King.
  2576. >The Sirens basically want the same thing, except with more singing.
  2577. >Gilda doesn’t know why they want the crown, but wants to get it so she can break it out of spite for the others.
  2578. >Rather than helping her, the Humane Five all put their hats in the running for Fall Formal Princess.
  2579. >The only one who’s halfway sane is Anon, who’s trying to keep them all from murdering each other
  2580.  
  2581.  
  2582.  
  2583.  
  2584.  
  2585.  
  2586. >Twilight is concerned because her husbando Anon won't wear a ball bra in public
  2587. >She tries to convince him to wear one, but completely refuses, saying there is no reason for him to wear if
  2588. >Twilight takes this as a challenge and decides to do an extensive research project on the benefits of ball bras
  2589. >A month later, an exhausted Twilight returns and unceremoniously gives Anon a medal of honor on behalf of Equestria.
  2590. >It turns out ball bra have several negative health consequences that are now being attributed to the declining birth rates
  2591. >It has also been discovered that wearing them has caused pain which increased their moodiness and killed their sex drive
  2592. >Birth rates are expected to go up as well as an expectance of more male births
  2593. >The only one not happy about this is Twilight, who only wanted to see her husbando in sexy underwear
  2594.  
  2595.  
  2596.  
  2597.  
  2598.  
  2599. >Celestia and Luna aren't just being horndogs (hornbuns? bunbitches?) when they try to none-too-subtly muscle their way into Anon and Cadence's relationship and try to form a royal herd
  2600. >rather, long forgotten instincts are flaring up, driving them to protect the (possible) father of their foals
  2601. >whether he wants them to or not
  2602. >thus their paranoia gets turned up from "be very careful with the literally unique alien male" to a solid "there are assassins/predators/rivals everywhere, why are you outside and why am I not pregnant yet?"
  2603. >checking his food for poisions even after the routine screening
  2604. >checking his visitors to make sure none of them are dirty stallion-stealing changelings in disguise
  2605. >checking his clothes to make sure no one's managed to embroider a teleportation rune into his shirt in the last five minutes without anyone noticing
  2606. >even checking his baths for sirens
  2607. >more often than not they don't even notice when they do all this
  2608.  
  2609. >of the two, Celestia is at least tactful
  2610. >or rather, she tries to be
  2611. >Luna makes no such efforts
  2612. >she just decided that she'd be sleeping with "her new herd" one day, and started to appear in bed with them the next
  2613. >if it were any other pony or situation, there would be some serious concerns raised about the security in the castle and just how the guards could miss someone sneaking into the Royal Chambers
  2614. >as it stands however, there's not much they can do
  2615. >especially considering how much of a liking Cadance and Anon's foal seems to have taken toward Luna, and how eager she is to play "Herd Mother" when the foal starts to cry at night
  2616.  
  2617. >You are Anon, and you are getting double-nuzzled in bed right now.
  2618. >You hum in appreciation as your wife, Princess Cadence, sleepily buries her muzzle into your neck.
  2619. >Behind you, someone else rubs their nose against the back of your head, and you can hear them taking deep breaths.
  2620. >What a relaxing night.
  2621. >...
  2622. >Aaaaaand your brain just caught up with the situation.
  2623. >What follows is a brief panicked tussle wherein your wife shoves you behind her so that she can protect you with her alicorn magic, and you both discover a rather disheaveled Princess Luna looking at you happily.
  2624. >"A-Aunt Luna?!"
  2625. "Princess Luna?!"
  2626. >>"Hello, herd-mates!" she chirps happily, "We live here now!"
  2627.  
  2628.  
  2629.  
  2630.  
  2631.  
  2632. >Anon is clumsy, a bit dense, but always good natured.
  2633. >Mare's love and wish to protect him, with only a few wanting to pervert something so pure.
  2634. >One day, a little filly, upon noticing this, asks why mares like him.
  2635. >He's basically just the stallion version of Derpy, right?
  2636. >Mares go to reprimand her, then freeze, her words registering.
  2637. >Fuck, she's right.
  2638. >Herd of mares end up in bar, rethinking their life choices over some shots
  2639.  
  2640.  
  2641. >The mares decide that there is only one right thing to do and work to get Derpy and Anon together since they're quite clearly soulmates.
  2642. >It's not hard, and the resulting cataclysm goes down in Ponyville history as D-A-Day.
  2643. >Half of of the town is destroyed by the clumsy duo in a Rube Goldberg-esque series of unfortunate events.
  2644. >When the two dunces later have a foal together, the whole of Equestria is put in danger
  2645.  
  2646.  
  2647.  
  2648.  
  2649. >Two unicorns trying to out-romance each other for Anon's hand in horse-marriage
  2650. >One is a fashionista who has read enough cheap romance novels (the ones that have mares with long, flowing manes on the front and opened shirts) to romance her way into the heart of any stallion
  2651. >One has traveled the roads for years and has a desperate loneliness that has fueled her desire to find a perfect mate, and thus has a drive that Rarity lacks, even if Trixie herself has too little experience with stallions to properly romance them
  2652. >Who will win?
  2653. >Both. Both will win and it will be very comfy.
  2654.  
  2655.  
  2656.  
  2657.  
  2658. >speculation about the so called "calidum simia" female runs wild. everything from muscled up super women to psychic dominatrices.
  2659. >with more and more anons poping into Equestria every day, the princesses become worried its only a matter of time before this new threat emerges.
  2660. >Luna suggests a full frontal offensive under a multi race coalition, but Celestia argues a campain of appeasement would leave their options flexible, and bedsides, someone has to marry all the humans, goodness knows they all seem far to silly and willful for your average mare to handle. 
  2661. >enter femanon, 82 year old grandma of 9 who was just getting ready to bake some cookies when she gets droped into ponyvile.
  2662. >having seriously inured herself most anons in town band together to help the sweet old lady recover. 
  2663. >unfortunately the pony's perceive this as a kind of herding behavior.
  2664. >Que the princesses freaking out, human females must be sexually spellbinding! easily praying on any poor unsuspecting male. After all, if this old one could score that many males, imagian how she was in her prime!
  2665.  
  2666. >She and granysmith hit it off like nothing
  2667. >The two are chilling on the porch when grant mentions that femanon can really knock them back
  2668. >Fem is confused till she realizes that the cider she and grany drink is technically alcoholic
  2669. >The next day femanon brings over a bottle of her home made hooch so granysmith can have a really drink
  2670. >Granysmith wakes up the next day in a cheep hotel room, surounded by poker chips and no less than 3 monkeys, all of whome are smoking.
  2671. >she mutters under her breath "not agian"
  2672.  
  2673. >Ponies observe Grandma Femanon teaching Anon how to bake
  2674. >"The quickest way to the heart of anyone, man or woman, is through their stomach, dearie. Your grandfather gave me a pie on our first date, and a few dates later I gave him MY pi-"
  2675. "Oh my god, Grandma!"
  2676. >"Hmph! Kids these days are such prudes."
  2677. >Ponies are initially confused about this
  2678. >If the kitchen is typically a stallion's domain and this old woman has as much power over her boys as she appears to, then why does she know how to bake so well?
  2679. >Doesn't she have any stallions to cook for her?
  2680. >Some mares speculate that she only learned so that she's adept at teaching the other male humans how to cook food, should their fathers be unavailable to do the job themselves.
  2681. >But then it hits them
  2682. >She's mastered so many skills as a matriarch that she's gotten bored and has begun to practice arts outside of her usual domain
  2683. >A cold sweat rolls over the ponies when they realize that they're dealing with great power
  2684. >Meanwhile, Grandma Femanon just finished handing out a plateful of cookies to a pony because they helped her with her grocery shopping
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689. Has anyone written a green where Fluttershy can only flirt with animal facts? She's too shy to actually ask a stallion on a date, so she talks about the mating habits of animals, hoping they will catch on.
  2690.  
  2691. >"Certain types of birds attract mates through singing. I could show you a few, if you'd like."
  2692. >"When penguins mate, they stay together forever. They act like a married couple, with the poppa looking after the eggs and the momma provides food."
  2693. >"You know, bunnies can have up to a dozen babies at a time. I'm not sure if a pony could do that, but it would fun to find out
  2694.  
  2695.  
  2696.  
  2697.  
  2698.  
  2699. >"Aww, but come on! Look at him! He so small and cute!"
  2700. >Celestia says as she lifts the little Anon into Luna's face.
  2701. >Luna looks at Anon and finds he has been dressed in a little suit and has fake bunny ears on his head.
  2702. >He looks rather unamused by the bunny ears and whatever else Celestia has done to him.
  2703. >"I swear if you make me deal with her on a daily basis I'll hump you while you sleep and cum in your hair."
  2704. "We shall take him for a week and see if he holds to his promises of good times."
  2705.  
  2706.  
  2707.  
  2708.  
  2709. Anon didn't think living in RGREquestria would be too bad.
  2710. >But he is also not a lazy bitch with no more ambitions than finding a girl to settle down with and becoming a house husband.
  2711. >This is a problem when males are treated like 1920 women back on Earth.
  2712. >After exhausting all options in the first town he settled in, ending with him jobless, he strikes out to start over.
  2713. >Thus he ends up in Ponyville with a new strategy.
  2714. >Having grown his hair out to shoulder length and shaved his face, Anon tells every pony he meets that he is a girl.
  2715. >Desperate, but effective as ponies aren't aware of the specifics of human sexual dimorphism and thus just assumes human woman must generally be burly and rugged, much like minotaur cows.
  2716. >He quickly gets a job in construction and impresses his boss with his work ethic, being promoted to foremare.
  2717. >His rough and tough attitude and aptitude make him the source of both envy and jealousy.
  2718. >Stallions want him.
  2719. >Mares want to be him.
  2720. >He even has a reputation as a stallion-slayer as he always smells of masculine musk, no doubt the result of fugging so many stallions.
  2721. >It's really just him working up a sweat, but they don't need to know that.
  2722. >How long can Anon keep up the farce?
  2723. >What will happen when it fails?
  2724.  
  2725. >An actual minotaur cow shows up and quickly calls Anon her sister.
  2726. >They're roughly the same height and build except the cow has some nice tits.
  2727. >They go out drinking and Anon is pleased to finally have someone who can keep up with him.
  2728. >She likes everything he likes and the two form a strong friendship.
  2729. >Anon starts feeling desires for the muscly female, which he's now learning is his type apparently.
  2730. >One night while being plastered, he tries to kiss her.
  2731. >"Wow there, sis, I think you've had one too many."
  2732. "But, Tina... I think I love you," he slurs, getting a concerned look from the minoaur.
  2733. >"Wow, uh, okay then. Um, listen Anon, you're great and all, and any bull, or cow even, would be lucky to have you... but I'm not gay. I'm sorry."
  2734. >Anon gives a few uneven blinks, mouth hanging slightly open.
  2735. >Well shit.
  2736. >Now what's he suppose to do?
  2737.  
  2738.  
  2739.  
  2740.  
  2741. > Nightmare Moon gets bored and horny on the moon
  2742. > Arranges the shadows to look like a well hung stallion presenting himself
  2743. > Suddenly a lot of mares love the night
  2744. > The exile spell weakens, and Nightmare Moon can feel it
  2745. > Years pass as the exiled princess makes pornographic shadows on the moon
  2746. > After a mere 100 years, Nightmare Moon is released
  2747. > However, things have changed
  2748. > Instead of Nightmare Night, there is Delightmare Night
  2749. > Ponies welcome the porn princess without fear
  2750. > Luna retains some of her nightmare form, and enjoys granting deserving ponies wet dreams
  2751. > Night court consists of important, lewd decisions
  2752. > Certain fetishes are condemned, though ponies who suffer from shit taste are granted dream bubbles to express and contain their cancerous desires
  2753.  
  2754.  
  2755.  
  2756.  
  2757.  
  2758. >Anon starts dating one of the Sirens.
  2759. >Sunset and her friends start white-knighting him hard.
  2760. >They'd be sorta okay with it being Sonata.
  2761. >But if it's Adagio or Aria even Fluttershy would consider decking them.
  2762. >Problem is no one really knows which one, and the Sirens are keeping quiet out of pure spite.
  2763. >So they try and figure out which one, Sherlock Holmes style.
  2764. >Plot twist, it's actually not all of them at once as the RGREqG cliché goes, but they're close enough friends thanks to the one he is dating
  2765. >Sherlock Sunset gets mixed signals and comes to explicitly wrong conclusions at first
  2766.  
  2767.  
  2768.  
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771.  
  2772. >anon cant do magic
  2773. >nor can magic really effect him
  2774. >after some time he starts to realize that he is able to influence the magic around him
  2775. >even to a small degree
  2776. >he can push around magic the same way we push water 
  2777. >or when he rubs his hand real fast he set the magic on fire
  2778. >it only happens when he is consciously attempting to "push" magic
  2779. >currently he cant do jack shit because his spindly bony ass can barely lift 5 kilos
  2780. >he trains and lifts so he can handle the stresses of he new found ability
  2781.  
  2782.  
  2783.  
  2784.  
  2785.  
  2786. >Kid Anon is scared when he first arrives in Equestria, for obvious reasons, then eventually settles into confusion when he isn't eaten or dissected by these ponies like in sci-fi horror movies.
  2787. >Later comes curiosity as he explores there world, which quickly turns to frustration when he realizes he has been, and will be treated like a little girl for the foreseeable future.
  2788. >The boys, colts, they're- he's called, are all annoying wimps who don't like anything fun, and the girl-fillies won't let him join in on the actual cool stuff like stick fighting, spitting, and general roughhousing.
  2789. >Then there's the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who get up to the coolest stuff imaginable, like launching themselves from a catapult, who are actually willing, even eager, to let him join in, but their over bearing sisters always cut the fun short.
  2790. >Applejack and Rarity realize their sisters have a little colt following them around, and can't be more proud.
  2791. >So of course they want to make sure the girls don't mess things up and feed them a continues stream of advice on how to properly treat and handle an interested stallion
  2792.  
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795.  
  2796.  
  2797. >It’s lunch period in Canterlot High
  2798. >The Humane Five are just watching with a mix of amazement and concern as Sunset and Anon chat at a separate table, the two of them seemingly in their own world.
  2799. >They’re chatting about the differences between Anon’s world, Equestria, and their world.
  2800. >Sunset has this genuine smile on her face, not the usual smirks or sneers when she was Queen Bitch, or the nervous fake grins she wears all the time now since the Fall Formal, but an honest to god smile.
  2801. >It’s obvious to them, she’s got it BAD for the strange new male student. Anon doesn’t even seem to notice his effect on her. That’s the only reason they’re sure she’s not taking advantage of him when they go back to their shared apartment.
  2802. >They’re torn between the memories of all the shit Sunset put the entire school through and the promise they made to Twilight to teach her about friendship.
  2803. >So they just watch, ready to step in if needed but hopefully they aren’t.
  2804.  
  2805.  
  2806.  
  2807.  
  2808. >You look at all the sculputers in front of you
  2809. >You see one that is magically vibrateing if just enough to hum
  2810. >"Yes, well I called you all in today to discuss anons 'projects'"
  2811. >You look at everything there
  2812. >"Um, miss... cheerilee was it? Im not sure I follow what you want?"
  2813. >Your herdmates just look at them
  2814. >All the sculptures
  2815. >"Well, as you know anon, is a bit... different"
  2816. >You all nod to that
  2817. >You knew you were getting into something weird when you all accepted to jointly adopt anon
  2818. >you just sigh
  2819. "So what do you want us to do about it?"
  2820. >Lets just cut to the chase
  2821. >cheerilee hoofs you over some drawings
  2822. >You look at the.... my GOD ANON WHAT DID YOU DO
  2823. >You pass them and the other mothers are sweating bullets
  2824. >"Yes, well, here is the most recent ones"
  2825. >What fresh hell is awaiting you now
  2826. >You look at them and its anon, the teacher, and you? 
  2827. >The teacher and some of the other mothers
  2828. >The teacher and anon
  2829. >Wow... anon has an eye for the details doesn't he
  2830. "Ok... um..."
  2831. >She looks at you
  2832. >"So let's not beat around the bush, if what anon is drawing is part of home life, I don't care, none of you are biologically related to him, and while he is a bit young, skill wise he would already be an adult with a cutie mark in several fields."
  2833. >Ok going a different way then you thought
  2834. "Where are you going with this miss cheerilee?"
  2835. >"To be frank, I want in"
  2836. >All of you tense up
  2837. >"He looks at me, he makes the jokes with innuendo and knows it, he puts himself in positions that most mares would snap after dealing with it so long. If I cant get in now and this isnt home life, we can drop it and I can wait till he is no longer my student if he still is attracted to me then..."
  2838. >You look to the other mothers
  2839. >You all share a nod
  2840. "Come by at 5, we can have dinner and discuss it further then"
  2841.  
  2842. (Anon made dildos and drew porn of his moms and teacher)
  2843.  
  2844.  
  2845.  
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848. >Kid Anon gets sucked into Equestria and transformed.
  2849. >Not into a pony or other creature, however.
  2850. >No, instead, he arrives as a fully grown man.
  2851. >He decides to keep this fact a secret so he can experience the awesome life of an adult, even if it is in Ponyland.
  2852. >Anon quickly makes a bunch of cool grown up friends, and even gets a job.
  2853. >His coworker, Miss Harshwhinny, thinks he's a silly colt who needs to get his head out of the clouds and focus on his work.
  2854. >Anon thinks Harshwhinny has to learn to have some fun, and he intends to teach her how.
  2855. >Over time, Anon helps the bitter mare find her inner filly and enjoy life like she used to in her carefree youth.
  2856. >As for Miss Harshwhinny, she never thought she'd meet a stallion like this; so vibrant and carefree.
  2857. >She never thought she'd fall in love.
  2858. >Anon is oblivious to this and thinks of her as a best friend.
  2859. >He even contemplates sharing with her his deepest secret.
  2860. >And what better time to do that than on their night of fun out on the town Miss Harshwhinny offered to take him on.
  2861. >She's going to take him to get food, and then to see a movie, and then they're going to go back to her place to have a sleepover.
  2862. >What a cool best friend he's made, setting up such an awesome playdate
  2863.  
  2864.  
  2865.  
  2866.  
  2867.  
  2868.  
  2869. >Anon is ambitious.
  2870. >But Equestria is a maretriarchy.
  2871. >He could possibly overcome being human instead of a pony. By magical transformative or illusionary means if he had to.
  2872. >But he's unwilling to even consider giving up his manhood. Because tg is a shit fetish.
  2873. >And despite what the stallionists believe, as long as that is true, he'll never be able to gather power alone.
  2874. >He needs a mare.
  2875.  
  2876. >He considered wooing a Princess.
  2877. >But eventually rejected the idea for many reasons.
  2878. >Primary among them, the power imbalance.
  2879. >They would always be the senior partner in a relationship.
  2880. >Celestia's word was law, had been for a millennia.
  2881. >However grudgingly is may or may not be, Luna deferred to her.
  2882. >And Twilight idolized her, even when her own magical potency outstripped her teacher's.
  2883. >Which meant real power at their level required influence with Celestia.
  2884. >And she had been playing the game a long looong time.
  2885. >Ponies may be naive compared to humanity, politically. But unlike modern ponies, their ruler had been forged in times of strife.
  2886. >Even if he dared to try, he feared she'd sniff out his motivations and reject him. Such a stain on his image could sunder his ambitions permanently.
  2887. >He wasn't a gold digger. He wanted power true, but money was merely a means to an end, and he did have a craving for love as well.
  2888. >But Celestia could have anyone she wanted, and it worried him that a mare in that position was single, and had been since before any could remember.
  2889. >Going the royal route was fraught with danger.
  2890.  
  2891. >The nobility was an option, but their influence had been waning.
  2892. >The Canterlot nobility had been too inwardly focused on their own petty interests and feuds for too long.
  2893. >Celestia had been systematically reducing their power over time. Slow and gradual enough to avoid backlash and tantrums. She was immortal, and could afford to be patient.
  2894. >It was the politicians and bureaucrats and courts that had been gaining more power
  2895. >Despite its small population, Ponyville had become almost the most important place in the world.
  2896. >Only Canterlot and the Crystal Empire could claim to rival it.
  2897. >Almost everything of importance that had happened since Luna's return had involved Ponyville or it's local heroes in some way.
  2898. >Yet very few seemed to realize it.
  2899. >So much the better for him.
  2900. >This was the town of opportunity.
  2901. >And right now, opportunity wore a dyed grey mane.
  2902. >Twilight may be the ultimate authority in the region, since she had ascended.
  2903. >But she had little interest in the political aspects of her authority.
  2904. >Which meant that whenever there wasn't something trying to destroy the town, Mayor Mare was the one in charge.
  2905. >And not only was she single, she seemed to have a great deal of difficulty in correcting that.
  2906. >He couldn't imagine why.
  2907. >She was beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and had power backed by the support of the populace.
  2908. >And she was younger than she tried to appear, as the slight hint of pink roots revealed.
  2909. >All things a 'stallion' was supposed to find attractive.
  2910. >Well it was their loss and his gain.
  2911.  
  2912.  
  2913.  
  2914.  
  2915.  
  2916.  
  2917. >Ponies don't know much about humans
  2918. >Mostly because Anon is the only human in Equestria, and at best that means they have a single data point to graph human behaviour
  2919. >However, once Anon got over his shyness around a whole new sapient species (one that is more tactile than humans), he discovered that he loves cuddling ponies and ponies have no qualms about cuddling him right back
  2920. >This is partly because Anon was never the most social of butterflies back on Earth, and he was somewhat starved for physical attention
  2921. >Ponies notice how much happier Anon is when he's holding/carrying/cuddling with a mare, and they conclude that the happiness of humans as a species is dependent on whether or not they are cuddling a pony
  2922. >Twilight lets it be known to Ponyville that a cuddled human is a happy human, and Celestia herself would fly down to Ponyville and twist Twilight's teats if the young purple unicorn made the newest and most exotic alien creature sad because of her negligence
  2923. >To Anon's delight, the population of Ponyville seems happy to jump up onto his lap whenever he sits down
  2924. >Or (in the case of pegasi) flutter over and settle down on his shoulders and keep him warm with their wings
  2925. >Or even to just stretch their bodies out and lay against him when he takes a break from his job and lays down under the shade of a tree
  2926.  
  2927.  
  2928.  
  2929.  
  2930.  
  2931.  
  2932. >Anon arrives in Equestria and he soon realizes something even more distressing.
  2933. >He can see spirits.
  2934. >There aren't that many of them, most ponies, 
  2935. gryphons, etc., don't stay in this mortal coil for various reasons.
  2936. >But there are enough to be seen wherever he goes.
  2937. >He tried to keep it to himself, he didn't want the ponies to think he was a crazy dangerous creature.
  2938. >But that failed when the spirits around Canterlot realized the weird minotaur-thing could see and hear them.
  2939. >But he keeps ignoring them.
  2940. >So they set about trying to get him to respond to them.
  2941. >Especially when he's in public, they have things they want to convey to the living
  2942.  
  2943.  
  2944.  
  2945.  
  2946.  
  2947. >Anon was a powerful necromancer before arriving in Equestria, having turned to the dark arts in response to a loss of his family and extreme loneliness.
  2948. >After resurrecting the husks of his family, however, he was not left to live in false happiness, many a paladin and righteous warrior coming to take his life.
  2949. >Anon was caught up in the fight for survival, and subsequently became the monster people accused him of being.
  2950. >It was a miracle when he arrived in Equestria and was granted a clean slate, and he made sure to hide his nature as a necromancer.
  2951. >It was even more amazing that he found love in a simple mare.
  2952. >But years later, when his wife passes, Anon falls into the same despair, and subsequent string of events.
  2953. >In his grief, he revives his wife as a husk, and the ripple of dark magic in such a pure world is felt like a tidal wave.
  2954. >Anon is revealed as a necromancer, and soon has ponies searching him out.
  2955. >Celestia would have killed him as she had done so many other foul necromancers, but can't bring herself to harm a mourning stallion, no matter their species or past.
  2956. >She gets Luna to agree to using the elements, and Anon is turned into a weeping statue.
  2957. >More than a thousand years later, after the reformation of Discord, Celestia has hope.
  2958. >If a Spirit of Chaos can turn to good, then surely this necromancer can, as well.
  2959. >She just has to decide which pony to send him to for reformation.
  2960. >Fluttershy, perhaps?
  2961. >She's proven herself once, already.
  2962. >Or maybe Twilight?
  2963. >That might be a problem if the magic addict ends up learning necromancy herself from the human.
  2964. >Hmm...
  2965. >Decisions, decisions
  2966.  
  2967.  
  2968.  
  2969.  
  2970. >Sunset and Anon are pretty serious
  2971. >Sunset wants Anon to meet Princess Celestia and her parents and enjoy all sorts of horsey stuff that she's been telling him about for the better part of two or three years
  2972. >Sunset tries to enter the portal
  2973. >Walks through
  2974. >Flash of light
  2975. >Is (gently) spat back out, still human
  2976. >Anon, typical to his nature, reacts with mock-awe
  2977. >"Oh my god, you're a horse now! Goodness, look at those hooves and the mane!"
  2978. >Sunset tells him to shove it and fishes around her backpack for the book she has which is connected to Twilight's back in Equestria
  2979. >Theories get spat back and forth for a few weeks until Sunset realizes she's pregnant with Anon's child
  2980. >Her fifteen paragraph long explanation/rant/confession of fears that Sunset will be a bad mother are met with a single sentence from Twilight
  2981. >"Well, that would do it."
  2982. >Magical transformation is dangerous while pregnant, and the portal won't let Sunset return to Equestria for another 9 months
  2983. >This doesn't stop Celestia and Sunset's family and friends from coming through to congratulate her and Anon on the pregnancy
  2984. >Twilight maybe might have brought a sack full of bits with her
  2985. >Those bits might be solid gold
  2986. >They might be worth a hell of a lot more than their face value, ensuring that Anon and Sunset don't have to worry about things that 18-year-old parents with high school educations have to worry about, like working 3 jobs each 30 hours a day
  2987.  
  2988.  
  2989.  
  2990.  
  2991.  
  2992.  
  2993. >Babs Seed is actually a colt.
  2994. >Every pony just mistakes him as a filly because of his looks and attitude.
  2995. >He lets them as life's easier when fillies aren't drooling after him constantly.
  2996. >That is until he gets his mark in hairdressing and is bombarded by teasing remarks about how he's colt for having such a masculine skill.
  2997. >One day, while being pestered by some bullies, he grinds his teeth, fuse rapidly shortening.
  2998. >"Wow, I heard you were working here, but I can't believe it's actually true," one filly says, looking around the salon and all of the stallion hairdressers before letting her eyes settle on Babs.
  2999. >"Yeah, she's probably just here so she can eye all the stallions. You fellas should make sure to keep your tails down or else Babs will take a peek," comments the other.
  3000. >While the stallions all share confused looks, Babs breathes through his nose and turns around.
  3001. "Listen yous twos, I don't care if ya go sayin' stupid stuff like that on the playground, but I got work to do here, so unless you need a mane cut, hows 'bout ya just scram?"
  3002. >"Pfft, yeah, like we'd let a perv like you anywhere near us with a pair of scissors. You'd probably be to busy looking at your 'coworker' to give a decent mane cut."
  3003. >"Hey now!" a stallion interrupts. "I don't know what you girls are trying to get at, but Babs here is a fine stylist, not some airhead off the street."
  3004. >The other filly quickly tries to placate the stallion.
  3005. >"But, sir, we're just trying to keep you safe! Babs Seed is only here to take advantage of you!"
  3006. >"And what ever would give you that idea?"
  3007. >"Because why else would a filly work in a salon?"
  3008. >"Wait, filly? What are you talking about?"
  3009. >"What do you mean what are we talking about? We're talking about the filly right there."
  3010. >"You... you two think Babs here is a filly?"
  3011. >"Uh, yeah, what are we suppose to think? That she's a colt? Why would we think that?"
  3012. "Because I am a colt, you idiots!" Babs explodes.
  3013.  
  3014.  
  3015.  
  3016.  
  3017.  
  3018.  
  3019. >Magic is some funny shit. It's all powerful but limited at the same time, constantly breaking it's own rules. 
  3020. >One day, Twilight was experimenting with time spells and accidentally opened a rift to another timeline.
  3021. >A timeline several thousand years back. 
  3022. >And out pops a younger, harsher, and more arrogant Celestia. 
  3023. >The rift promptly closes and can't be reopened. 
  3024. >It's quickly decided it's best if the younger Celestia stays in Canterlot Castle ("Hmph. I would not dare stay in such a filthy, common hamlet.")
  3025. >Naturally, you also live in the Castle since just being an alien makes you immensely important on principal. 
  3026. >This is where problems arise. 
  3027. >Ponies are generally too meek to try and force you into their gender roles or just write off your behavior as alien culture. 
  3028. >The few times someone has tried to force you, you resisted so violently that it put off any one else who might try.
  3029. >But young Celestia is from an age where males of all sorts were little more than property to be used by mares and we're expected to behave in certain ways. She's very loud and assertive in her opinions. 
  3030. >And you and her are going to be living near each other.
  3031.  
  3032. >Young Celestia is disgusted with how soft Older Celestia has become. Especially around the flanks, where should be tons of muscle.
  3033. >Until she gets a taste of cake
  3034.  
  3035. >Anon just finds her cute.
  3036. >Whenever she begins scolding him for acting out he just laughs it off.
  3037. >Begins just picking her up and struggle snuggling her.
  3038. >Young Celestia despises being marehandled by a colt but can do nothing to stop it.
  3039. >She calls for the guards but they only laugh at her anger as they know her threats and orders mean nothing as present Celestia told them so.
  3040. >This only makes the shame worse.
  3041. >She starts hiding from Anon to avoid being demeaned by his hugs.
  3042. >What scares her the most is she's starting to enjoy it.
  3043. >Ponies start finding her hiding in dark areas ears on the swivel for Anon while she eats cake to calm her nerves.
  3044. >"I mustn't let the creature turn me into his snuggle slave!"
  3045.  
  3046.  
  3047. >Big Celestia is a massive cuddle-fiend
  3048. >Small Celestia is horrified and affronted that any counterpart of hers could sink to such degeneracy
  3049. >swears that she will never be like her
  3050. >tries to stay away from her as much as possible to keep from contracting the older mare's degeneracy
  3051. >even swears off hounding Anon for being such an unrepentant janefilly, since he spends so much time with Big Celestia
  3052. >however, it was only a matter of time until her resolve wavered, and she ended up snuggling with the two, well into what should have been the morning
  3053. >that same day, it was discovered that if two diurnally-inclined alicorns decide that morning hasn't come yet, then morning will not be coming just yet
  3054. >no matter what any other ponies, alicorns included, have to say about it
  3055.  
  3056. >Young Celestia decides enough is enough after a few bottles of royal wine and that if Anon want act like a filthy whorse she treat him like one.
  3057. >Anon is eating a bowl of nightly Pony Ohs when a very drunk young Celestia comes stumbling in saying "'bout to teach you a l-lesson monkey boy!" Before stumbles over and grabs his shirt sleeve with her teeth trying to drag him away with her.
  3058. >Anon not wanting the drunk pony to tear his shirt quickly finishes his cereal and follows her back to her room.
  3059. >"G- *hic*-et on tha b-bed slut!" She demands "I-Imma teach you to tease a... a, to tease a..."
  3060. "A princess?"
  3061. >"A princess!"
  3062. >Anon obviously knowing she's not all there at the moment passes up letting the drunk pony make a mistake she'd regret later picks her up and carries her to the bed.
  3063. >"No! I'm in control! Lemme go!" She yells as Anon lays down with his drunk pony cuddle pillow.
  3064. >"L-Lemme... Lemme... *Snoring princess noises*"
  3065. >The next morning Anon wakes up to a panicking princess.
  3066. >As much as she wanted Anon to respect her she doesn't want that respect to be through fear and would never force a colt to cuddle with her normally.
  3067. >Anon now has to calm a young Celestia down and stop her from turning herself in and 'taking responsibility' when she gets out.
  3068.  
  3069. >first it was young Celestia trying to "make things right"
  3070. >then it was old Celestia trying to keep an eye on her counterpart and making sure she didn't mess things up or hurt Anon too badly
  3071. >then it was Luna trying to stay near her sister and trying to get some quality time with her
  3072. >the one thing that united them all though was that they were all a bunch of spergs sensing a chance to finally get some dick in there lives, even if they didn't admit it
  3073. >especially since they wouldn't admit it
  3074.  
  3075.  
  3076.  
  3077.  
  3078.  
  3079.  
  3080.  
  3081. >Anon finds work at Applejack's farm, hauling baskets around without hurting his back like a pony would, thanks to his superior human spine being in line with his legs
  3082. >Frequently visits the on-site old-fashioned water pump to cool himself down on those sweltering summer days full of physical labour
  3083. >Applejack initially hired him because he looks good without a shirt on, but kept him around because he was actually pretty useful to have around during a busy day
  3084. >Applejack doesn't exactly keep her behaviour subtle, and Granny picks up on her lusting pretty quickly
  3085. >Granny is old-fashioned even by the Apple family's already old-fashioned standards, and Applejack's heart skips a beat when she realizes she's about to get her hide tanned for even CONSIDERING having relations with a stallion (even a human stallion) out of wedlock
  3086. >Makes up a story on the spot about how she's courting Anonymous in a desperate attempt to save her hay-bacon; Granny is juuuuust senile enough to buy it
  3087. >Applejack waits for Granny to leave before hauling ass to wherever Anon is and begging him to play along with her story in front of Granny in exchange for unlimited pies and days off whenever he wants them
  3088. >"Y'all can go to the spa with yer colt friends, or spend the day out on the town an' buy yerself somethin' pretty... just please pretend for Granny that we're courting! She'll burn my fritters if'fin she finds out that we ain't!"
  3089. >Much like any story with a plot right out of a cheap romcom, Anon and Applejack fall for each other after spending so much time trying to uphold the lie
  3090. >Turns out that Granny wasn't even fooled because Applejack is god-awful at lying, but she let them sweat it out as punishment for lying to her
  3091.  
  3092.  
  3093.  
  3094.  
  3095.  
  3096.  
  3097. >Anon doesn't arrive alone when he plot-devices into Equestria
  3098. >His girlfriend comes with him
  3099. >They're fine at first, but the stress that comes from their circumstances stretches their relationship to the breaking point
  3100. >Ponies witness their very public break-up
  3101. >Lots of yelling, lots of dirty laundry being aired, and ending with a firm slap against Anon's cheek
  3102. >With that last act, Anon's (now ex) girlfriend has suddenly and unknowingly made herself VERY unpopular in Ponyville
  3103. >Meanwhile, white knights are already forming impromptu tactical squads and are moving in to comfort Anon in the hopes of getting some belly rubs and ear scritches in return
  3104.  
  3105.  
  3106.  
  3107.  
  3108.  
  3109.  
  3110. >Celestia and Luna vet every mare who even attempts to talk to their father.
  3111. >Anon is confused why he needs a platoon of stallion guards, but his daughter's assure him of the necessity.
  3112. >The art of magic has come a long ways; hundreds of new spell books with thousands of new spells having been released since his absence.
  3113. >Needless to say, unicorn mares are far more dangerous today than they used to be so long ago.
  3114. >Plus he's the father of two powerful political figures now, making him a target to both foreign agents and shallow mares alike.
  3115. >They don't tell him all of this, but they eventually do get him to accept the guards.
  3116. >They were not risking losing him again.
  3117. >Anon at least enjoys the company of the stallions; the little herd of gossipers keeping him up to date on all the latest happenings of the castle and city.
  3118. >He'd appreciate if they stopped trying to get him out of his tunic, though.
  3119. >He didn't care how much frills were 'in', he was not wearing those lacy abominations they kept bringing him.
  3120. >And what the fuck are testicle bras?
  3121. >What idjit came up with that?
  3122.  
  3123. >Anon is even more socially unaware than Luna
  3124. >Goes full Thor when he went to Earth for the first time
  3125. >Smashes cups and dinnerware as an expression of joy
  3126. >Kicks in doors laughing like a madman, weapon in hand and blood all over him shouting "TIA, LULU, COME LOOK WHAT I JUST KILLED, I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A FINE CARPET FOR THE THRONE ROOM"
  3127. >Whilst many ponies are concerned and downright terrified of him they also strangely feel safe around him which just makes them even more confused
  3128. >Meanwhile Celestia and Luna are embarrassed by their father treating them as if they're still foals
  3129. >Much of their complaining and the suggestions of the ponies to try and settle down are met with hearty laughter and headpats
  3130. >This confuses the ponies further
  3131.  
  3132.  
  3133.  
  3134.  
  3135.  
  3136. You know, I'm picturing Celestia and Luna getting excited over Anon being in their castle the same way a small child gets excited when their parents visit their school for the first time. Like, nobles are waiting patiently to be heard in court while Celestia babbles happily to Anon about her duties.
  3137.  
  3138. >"And this is my throne, where I sit to hear the problems of all my little ponies."
  3139. "That's nice, Celestia."
  3140. >"Oh! And that's what I call them! I call the citizens of Equestria 'my little ponies' because I'm so much bigger than they are!"
  3141. "Oh, yeah?"
  3142. >"Uh-huh! Do you wanna take a seat on it? It's really comfy! Traditionally, thrones are meant to be uncomfortable because it's supposed to be some sort of metaphor, but I didn't like sitting on a stone chair the entire day so I charmed my throne so that it would be like sitting on a pillow!"
  3143. "That's really neat, sweetheart!"
  3144.  
  3145. >Anon falls for a dragon because, besides his daughters, she's the only one he's met that remembers the old days of yore.
  3146. >The bad days.
  3147. >The all or nothing days.
  3148. >The blood and guts days and by the gallons.
  3149. >In truth, though Anon pastes on a smile for his daughters, he feels out of place all over again.
  3150. >It was hard enough to adjust the first time he arrived in Equestria, but at least then there had still been need for warrior.
  3151. >For killers.
  3152. >Now, the world was peaceful and it's inhabitants tame.
  3153. >Except for her.
  3154. >The dragoness who grinned, nostrils flaring whenever he brought her a fresh kill.
  3155. >The one who's teeth only showed more as he regaled her with the tale of his hunts where ponies would only look on in horror.
  3156. >His daughter's don't approve of their relationship, but in truth, she's the only one keeping him sane in a world he no longer belongs
  3157.  
  3158. > Papa Anon fits dragon gender roles
  3159. > He acquires and prepares food while the dragoness is off collecting tribute for the hoard
  3160. > Anon is incredibly good at managing the diamond dog miners, and they are incredibly eager to please him
  3161. > He decorates the lair with furs and adorable little furniture, like his cute throne that he carved out of a 6ft diameter oak tree trunk
  3162. > He's begun brewing mead and other alcohols, and the dragoness has a good feeling about how it will turn out
  3163.  
  3164. >Anon is incredibly good at managing the diamond dog miners, and they are incredibly eager to please him.
  3165.  
  3166. >enter cave
  3167. >immediately swarmed by D-dogs looking for earscritches and any new bones he brought
  3168. >instead of whips or anything like that to "motivate" the workers, Anon just asks them one question
  3169. >"Who's a good girl?"
  3170. >they're off like a shot, trying to prove that THEY are the good girl, not any of those other beta bitches
  3171.  
  3172. >One day, while reminiscing about an old battle with a fierce teenage dragon, Anon comes to a realization.
  3173. "Ay, She was a toogh one, 'at dragon, scales loch iron an' muscles ay steel."
  3174. >"Oh" the dragoness comments, laying on her side and face propped up in one claw while she listens to the human sat back against her massive chest.
  3175. >She smiles as he nods.
  3176. "Mhmm, She'd bin comin' intae toon tae ned awa' uir sheep, th' devil. we hud made deals wi' those sheep in exchange fur thaur wool, an' haur thes lass was, treatin' th' flock loch 'er personal buffet!"
  3177. >"Well, young dragons do need meat to grow. Wouldn't want to end up stunted like Dragon Lord Ember's little purple friend."
  3178. "Ay, Ah can kin understan 'at, but Ah gart a tryst eh'd nae suin turn mah back oan, regardless ay hoo delicioos mutton is. th' dragon hud tae be stopped."
  3179. >"Of course," the dragoness agreed, resisting laughter. "And how'd the battle go?"
  3180. "It was fierce!" boomed the comparatively small human, voice bouncing off the walls. "Mah ax cooldnae pierce 'er scales, but it hurt! efter puckle guid wallaps, she tried tae brin' it tae th' grin, th' rockit."
  3181. >The dragoness frowns.
  3182. "Ah hud 'er pinned in nae time, squirmin' an' beggin' fer mercy."
  3183. >"As I seem to remember, the fight went on for nearly ten minutes, and you suffered far more injuries. If it weren't for an inappropriately plunged finger, you'd have never gotten that pin," the dragoness states accusingly.
  3184. >Anon blushes.
  3185. "'At was a perfectly fair move in a battle tae th' death," he said, then looked up. "An' hoo woods ye ken whit happened... 'at... day..."
  3186. >"Mmm, I'll admit, as furious as I was at the time, I did end up thinking of you often, and where else those fingers could go..."
  3187. >Anon is slack-jawed, looking over the green scales, the same shade as way back then, and those violet eyes, less angry, but just as intense.
  3188. "It's you..." he breathes.
  3189. >She reaches down and taps a massive claw to the tip of his nose.
  3190. >"About time you realize"
  3191.  
  3192.  
  3193.  
  3194. >Horse-dad Anon in Equestria
  3195. >Specifically the dad of the two cutest little mutants you ever did see, Celestia and Luna
  3196. >Also be single because I don't fucking know, Luna disembowled the mother on her way out or something
  3197. >Do your best to raise them well enough, even though you doubt medieval village is the best place to be a single father
  3198. >Think you did well enough, especially with the neighbors' help
  3199. >Seems like there is some to that whole "it takes a village" thing
  3200. >Both your girls are old enough now to stay home on their own for a few hours and not set whole village alight, so you put yourself back into the Game that you just lost
  3201. >Took a little while, but you eventually find a nice mare
  3202. >Hit it off fairly well, you think
  3203. >Go on a few dates
  3204. >Tonight's date went particularly well, if you say so yourself
  3205. >Why, if you didn't have a pair of little fillies (hopefully) snoozing away in your home, you might have even been tempted to invite your marefriend inside!
  3206. >But alas, the responsibilities of fatherhood are many, and it just wouldn't do to wake up your little angels with the sounds of such debauchery
  3207. >So you bid her goodnight, and slip into your humble abode...
  3208. >Only to see your eldest snoozing on your... well, its not quite a couch, but its the best you could manage in this horse-world, so you call it a couch
  3209. >Seems someone was waiting for you
  3210. >Despite the fact she should have been asleep in her bed a few hours ago, you feel yourself smiling
  3211. >Well, that's quickly remedied at least
  3212. >You scoop up your little alabaster angel as gently as you can, but still only manage a few steps before her magenta eyes eyes flicker open
  3213. >"Daddy...? Did your date go okay?"
  3214. >Aww, look at her, being concerned for your happiness
  3215. >Your heart fills with paternal love
  3216. "Yes, it did, Celly."
  3217. >Your daughter gives a sleepy little nod
  3218. >"That's good..."
  3219. >She looks up at you, a tired, yet determined look in her eye
  3220. >"Did you bring back any cake, daddy?"
  3221. >You huff a little laugh as you start up the stairs
  3222. >What is with this filly and cake?
  3223. >Neither you or her mother had much of a sweet tooth, and certainly not for cake
  3224. "No sweetie, I didn't."
  3225. >Her cute little muzzle scrunches
  3226. >"Poo..."
  3227.  
  3228.  
  3229.  
  3230.  
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233. >Anon lives alone, but has many friends
  3234. >Stallions and mares alike, they all help teach him how to better survive on his own, and they respect his wishes to not rely on a mare to take care of him
  3235. >His stallion friends take him to cooking classes; Mister Cake gives some good pointers
  3236. >The Spa Sisters take him on to work, giving him a source of income and giving him some practical skills
  3237. >Pinkie shows him the art of hosting a party (even a low-grade non-Pinkie party) and Anon learns how to entertain guests and how to treat ponies
  3238. >A bout of slow business means that Anon rents out his basement to a few mares to supplement his income
  3239. >It isn't until he's making breakfast for the mares, giving them massages after their long days at work, and seeing them off to work in the morning that he's realized Equestria has stealthily taught him how to become a house-husband.
  3240. >"Son of a bitch."
  3241.  
  3242.  
  3243.  
  3244.  
  3245.  
  3246.  
  3247. >Anon the stallion in Equestria.
  3248. >And no, that is not an allusion to his sexual prowess.
  3249. >Nor is it because he has been turned into a pony.
  3250. >Anon is literally a purebred Clydesdale that somehow found his way into Equestria.
  3251. >Not that he realizes this.
  3252. >He just knows there are a lot of little horses scurrying around his hooves and making sounds like the people do.
  3253. >They aren't hurting him, though, and bring him food, so he doesn't mind.
  3254. >Meanwhile, ponies marvel at this literal giant that has wondered into town.
  3255. >They also blush as your average mare's height doesn't even reach the stallion's shoulders.
  3256. >It's hard to miss such an... impressive display when it's hovering just over your head.
  3257. >They also worry at the clear signs that something is terribly wrong with the stallion.
  3258. >He doesn't talk, is skittish around loud noises, yet doesn't shy away from touches, no matter if they're from mares or even in... inappropriate places.
  3259. >It's almost as if this poor stallion has been trained to not fight the touches.
  3260. >To simply stand there and accept them.
  3261. >And the training was none too gentle if the brand is any indication.
  3262. >Who was this gentle giant, and who hurt him?
  3263. >The mares didn't know, but the Princesses have taken a vested interest in finding out.
  3264. >For purely royal reasons, of course, like tracking down an obvious stallion-beater within their kingdon and certainly not to learn more about the alicorn+ sized stallion in their midst.
  3265.  
  3266. >Celestia laid in the garden next to Anon, sighing as she leaned her head against his broad neck.
  3267. >Perhaps it was a bit forward- even wrong- to do such with stallion who couldn't spurn the gesture, but it calmed her nonetheless.
  3268. "We've still no leads on whoever has made you this way," she tells the stallion as he stares off into the distance, ears occasionally flicking towards the sounds of nature around them. "I know it must worry you to know that they are still out there, but do not fear, we- I- will not allow them to harm anymore stallions."
  3269. >Anon leans down, pulling a tuft of grass from the ground and chewing absently.
  3270. >Celestia smiles lightly, looking around before doing the same, albeit more daintily.
  3271. >It had been millennia since she had grazed for fear of judgement.
  3272. >this stallion was different, however; he lived life as she once did, free and natural before the needs of others forced her to become a eader.
  3273. "Mmm, I'll have to give my compliments to the gardener," she mused, chuckling to herself.
  3274. >It was imagination derived from hope, but Celestia swore she saw amusement flash behind Anon's dark eyes.
  3275. "How I wish you would speak," the alicorn whispered, nuzzling up under the stallion's chin. "Not only so that you could help us find the one who dared brand you, but also so that I could get to know you."
  3276. >The giant's tail flicks and Celestia feels it intertwining wish her own ethereal one, bringing a blush to her cheeks.
  3277. "I've no doubt of the inner beauty that'd be revealed by your words."
  3278. >It would surpass that of his outward appearance, the princess was sure, as hard as such a thing was to imagine.
  3279. >Celestia felt the impatient nudging of the moon against her sun and frowned.
  3280. >It would seem Luna was eager for her dominion to fall over the land, and an hour early, no less.
  3281. >Though agitated, Celestia could understand; the giant often slept through the night, and Luna wished to spent as much time as she could with the stallion before he began to rest
  3282.  
  3283.  
  3284.  
  3285.  
  3286.  
  3287.  
  3288. >>Anon ends up in this world.
  3289. >>Notable because he doesnt have a dæmon, or is a dæmon without a pony.
  3290. >Either way would have interesting dynamics.
  3291.  
  3292. >Anon poofs innaquestria
  3293. >problems happen
  3294. >problems in the form of ponies genuinely thinking he isn't a person because he doesn't have a ghost doggo or something like that
  3295. >thankfully, tests of intelligence, spirituality and whole slew of other things were performed, and Anon is a 100% certified Sapient Being
  3296. >even makes sure to keep the papers proving that on him at all times
  3297. >but while ponies are more or less forced to treat him like a person, they are, unintentionally or otherwise, even harsher with the whole "gender role" thing with him because of his aforementioned lack of a spectral canine
  3298.  
  3299.  
  3300.  
  3301.  
  3302.  
  3303. >Boy goes off with Stygian and gets accidentally shoved into the void / realm between during a fit of DARKNESS.
  3304. >Kratos arrives late to the party and doesn't know what the fuck happened to his son or the Pillars.
  3305. >Roams equestria for 1000-ish years looking for clues and general monster slaying, pats Pony-Death on the head everytime she nervously asks if he wants to die yet.
  3306. >Fucked at least one mare who birthed Cadence because God of war being the sire of the Princess of Love is the type of ironic that Equestria runs on.
  3307. >Due to time fuckery between realms, Boy pops out of the same portal that the pillars banish the pony of shadows into
  3308.  
  3309. >Pony Death stops trying to get him to crossover and just latches on to him in his adventures every once and a while
  3310. >she still does her job regardless, considering who she's with
  3311. >becomes best buds with pinkie and atreus
  3312.  
  3313.  
  3314.  
  3315.  
  3316.  
  3317. Each spirit pet is symbolic of a trait of their owners.
  3318. >Angel is Fluttershy's desire to be confrontational
  3319. >Opal is Rarity's desire to be pampered and spoiled by others
  3320. >Winona is Apple Jack's desire to spend more time relaxing and playing around
  3321. >Tank is Rainbow's desire to slow down and take things easy
  3322. >Gummy is Pinkie's desire to not have to keep up with facts about everypony and just zone out every once in a while
  3323. >Owlowiscious is Twilight's desire to just spend the nights studying like she used to.
  3324. Anon's choice of pet will be steered by his soul, but his lack of desire for one throws everyone off.
  3325. Until he sees a poor, lonely, emaciated tomcat in an alley while Fluttershy is away with Treehugger, and takes pity on it.
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328.  
  3329.  
  3330.  
  3331.  
  3332. >Anon in RGREqG
  3333. >Inexperienced in his previous life, Anon is easy bait for the teenaged girls desperate to get something long and hard stuffed inside of them
  3334. >One girl sees Anon's husbando potential and races against the clock to get to him before some background humans get their claws into his easily-tricked ass
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337.  
  3338.  
  3339.  
  3340. >Sunset was the first one to figure out Anon comes from a world with normal gender roles, and how to take advantage of that to get into his pants.
  3341. >They’re both adults trapped in teenage bodies. They’re both strangers from other worlds.
  3342. >That gives them enough in common that Sunset is able to become Anon’s friend.
  3343. >From there she is able to subtly groom him into husband material without him even realizing what’s going on

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm