GREEN   4247   1
   83431 466.63 KB    7033

RGRE Promptbin 011

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:35:03
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >Diamond Tiara was a mean filly, and caused a lot of suffering to others in her youth.
  2. >She considers herself lucky that she's gotten forgiveness from all of those ponies and is friends with many of them now as an adult.
  3. >There's someone, not pony, she never got a chance to make amends with though, and it's the one she feels worst about.
  4. >Little Anon, the hyoo-man foal who appeared in Equestria one day, scared and confused.
  5. >He had lost everything from his old life, was the only one of his kind, and had to try to start over in a foreign land after Twilight failed to find a way to send him home.
  6. >And Diamond Tiara was vicious towards him.
  7. >Even worse than she had been the CMC.
  8. >She not only gave the colt hell for being an eternal blank flank, but also pulled his mane and pushed him down on multiple occasions.
  9. >It was just so easy considering he weighed less than even Featherweight, and he was always sniveling like a foal.
  10. >He was only being fostered by Twilight, though, and after a year, he was taken to a more permanent home with a new family far away from Ponyville.
  11. >She didn't think much of it at the time, but after she turned over a new leaf, memories of the small human began to haunt her nightmares.
  12. >He never came back, though, and she was too busy making amends with the ponies around her, her studies, and later, taking over her father's business to just go hunting for the colt to apologize.
  13. >It's why she felt it was fate when she heard the news.
  14. >Anon was coming back to Ponyville to visit Twilight, the mare who gave him so much when he first arrived, and Diamond would finally have her chance.
  15. >The day he was meant to arrive, Diamond Tiara was walking down the street towards the train station.
  16. >The train had just pulled in fifteen minutes ago, and she hoped to catch him nearby.
  17. >As she walked nervously, she rehearsed what she would say, not paying attention to where she was going.
  18. >It's why, when she bumped into what felt like tree, she was confused.
  19. >What was that doing in the middle of the road?
  20. >falling back onto her rump, she rubs her head and starts to look up.
  21. >"What in the...world... is..."
  22. >Her head continues to crane back and back as her eyes trail up the towering form in front of her.
  23. >Jeans over legs that were as big around at their thickest point as her barrel.
  24. >A tight shirt over a muscled torso that hid nothing from the imagination.
  25. >Shoulders so broad that if she were to stretch out across them, she'd barely be able to cover the whole distance.
  26. >And that face.
  27. >So alien, yet clearly masculine, and somehow handsome.
  28. >And also very familiar.
  29. "Sorry, miss, I didn't see you there," a deep, powerful voice says as a giant hand comes down to grab her by the foreleg and lift her effortlessly back onto her hooves. "Are you alright?"
  30. >"Hurglebugawha..."
  31. "Right... well, if you aren't hurt. I have to be going. Wouldn't want to keep a friend waiting, let alone a princess."
  32. >The man gives a booming laugh at his own words, and steps around Diamond, giving one last apology for not watching where he was going.
  33. >It's only when he's out of earshot does Diamond finally manage something halfway intelligible.
  34. >"A-anon?! But, how?! Tall! Muscles! Sexy?!"
  35. >Okay, maybe less than half.
  36. >Apologizing to Anon was already going to be hard, but how is she going to manage now when she'll have to look up at the absolute hunk of a stud while she does?
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40.  
  41.  
  42.  
  43.  
  44. >I hope it's little sexist mares running this sim. If it's them I'm helping then it's not so bad.
  45.  
  46.  
  47. >In a top secret government lab somewhere deep below Canterlot, a number of scientists suddenly feel a cold chill run down their spines as they read hat sentence.
  48. >In their randomized universe simulation, they focused heavily on a little lone planet that produced complex life with no magic, somehow.
  49. >The dominant beings grew from apes, and developed a curious reverse gender role society.
  50. >Some time ago, they lowered the time dilation to be 1:1 so they could watch each day, and one even had the bright idea to give the simulation a false glimpse of Equestria via a single thread in a low traffic board of a mildly popular internet forum.
  51. >Male sim-humans came to it and pined after mares, flatteringly enough.
  52. >Then it starts to become very... real.
  53. >They go from wanting mindless sex to families. Others recount how a simple hug from a mare would make that day the best of their lives. An alarming number say they hope the afterlife is Equestria, and that hope is the only thing keeping them sane.
  54. >The curious and unsustainable society inches closer to yet more conflict as everyone draws lines in the sand for any reason they can find.
  55. >The goers of "RGRE" keep coming back, their distaste for the world plain.
  56. >Their mannerisms become more and more complex, nothing like a simulation.
  57. >Then they talk about the possibly of their world being a simulation. One boldly declares that he doesn't care, so long as his suffering benefits THEM. Another wishes to know the touch of a mare before being deleted.
  58. >None are upset.
  59. >The team of scientists all look around to one another, each guilt-wracked face ashen under their fur.
  60. >This has, to use a human expression, gotten out of hand.
  61.  
  62.  
  63.  
  64.  
  65.  
  66. >Harmony reacts to the sheer WANT from the very small handful of men who become aware that they are simulated and that RGRE is just beyond their universe.
  67. >Not unlike a Digimon, these Anons manifest bodies in Equestria through sheer force of will with Harmony filling the blanks.
  68. >Imagine the surprise of the scientists when the simulation screens begin to glow brightly, then in a flash, several of the human's they'd taken personal interest in are there with them.
  69. >Each one of them, the one or two stallions there included, were subjected to intense cuddling, occasionally with some lewd included
  70.  
  71.  
  72.  
  73.  
  74.  
  75.  
  76.  
  77. >Anon falls into non-equestrian nation, gets noticed by local royalty, yada yada yada
  78. >however, instead of immediately getting shanghaied into becoming the local queen's consort or something like that, he is instead placed in service to the queen's heir, with the implication that he was expected to drop his pants for her at some point or another
  79. >thankfully due to good fortune and authorial fiat, she isn't some snooty psychotic bitch like a small, mare-shaped Joffery
  80. >instead, she's an innocent little Equestri-boo, obsessed with all things Equestrain
  81. >she an idealistic little bugger too, loudly proclaiming semi-regularly that when she's queen, she'll make everything just like Equestria, and everyone will get along, and she might even earn herself some wings at some point for all her hard work
  82. >the queen, jaded as she is after a lifetime running the country, can't bring herself to say that the many nobles of the land wouldn't exactly like that and destroy her little filly's dream quite yet
  83. >always tells herself that she'll tell her when the next harvest comes around, and to let her enjoy one more summer
  84. >however, during one such summer tragedy strikes and the sheltered princess is now a queen
  85. >she's undoubtedly sad about her mother's passing, but she had (you) to lean on during that time, now she's ready to face the world and make it a better place like she's always dreamed of doing
  86. >now (you) have to protect not only her smile and innocence, but also her life as the nobles plot from the shadows, unwilling to see the boat rocked and their own little fiefdoms disrupted
  87.  
  88.  
  89.  
  90.  
  91. >Gilda meets Anon in the gym
  92. >Offers to help him with his workouts
  93. >She makes a plan for him, which seems pretty heavy on legs and glutes
  94. >But Anon is losing weight and getting swole, so he figures she's doing something right
  95. >Eventually they become an item, announced to the rest of the gym via Gilda hefting Anon over her shoulder and yelling out to the rest of the gym that she's staked her claim
  96. >Anon should have realized from that bum-squeeze that there was a reason Gilda focused on glutes
  97. >Much like how there are ass-men and breast-men back on Earth, there are ass-women and pec-women in RGRE
  98. >And Anon learns that Gilda is an ass-woman
  99. >"This means I get to touch your butt whenever I want, right?"
  100. "I-"
  101. >"Right."
  102.  
  103.  
  104.  
  105.  
  106. >Be Fleur de Lis, professional soldier turned spy
  107. >Under the crowns orders you had put down your spear and shield, coming to this strange world as a "pet", as had hundred of other mares
  108. >The princesses had wished to take the measure of this race, these humans, before playing their hand
  109. >This was a whole new world after all, and better safe than sorry
  110. >The humans had been unsure of you all at first
  111. >Some of you had been sent away to be studied--though not for long, and without any danger on anypony's part
  112. >Thankfully, everypony played their part and thought you were just smart animals
  113. >Things were only helped when an "anonymous" source leaked that ponies had been genetically modified and turned into what you were
  114. >Smart, good with foals, you'd even use a toilet without any training
  115. >It was demeaning, very much so, but it was for the good of ponykind
  116. >You had been "picked up" by a rather nice stallion
  117. >He had a nice, old house
  118. >His grandparents house, from what the records he had in his basement said
  119. >He was a quiet colt
  120. >A sweet "master"
  121. >He went out of his way to see that you were cared for
  122. >Food, water, all the toys that you'd ever want or need if you were a dumb animal
  123. >When he came home he'd also spend a good hour playing with you
  124. >Wrestling, nuzzling, silly things one would do with a dog
  125. >You humored him, playing the pet while getting as much info as you could
  126. >Your master was a lonely stallion from what you could gather
  127. >Very few humans came to his house, and those that did were of the same sex
  128. >He usually spent most of his time watching his television or on his computer
  129. >When you had been picked up it was so bad that you had made it so that he'd wake you twice a day to get out of the house
  130. >He seemed to loosen up after a few weeks of that
  131. >He began speaking with people, made a few friends while walking, lost a bit of weight as well
  132.  
  133. >You learned as much as you could while he was gone for work, pouring through the internet with all of the rugor that you could muster
  134. >It was a nice vacation honestly
  135. >You spent so much of your time fighting Equestria's enemies just sitting around for a giant stallion to come home and wrestle you everyday was a breath of fresh air
  136. >At that moment, you were sitting with your human on his couch
  137. >One of those human sports was on in the background
  138. >You were too busy being pet to watch it
  139. >Two hands roamed over your head, and in their wake followed absolute bliss
  140. >Your eyes were closed as you enjoyed the scratches, wiggling happily on the couch
  141. >Your head was in your human's lap
  142. >You could feel his soft cock pressed up against your chin, as you had since you had laid your head in his lap
  143. >You tried to ignore it as much as you could but ignoring his scent was another matter entirely
  144. >It smelled as if he was at the height of rut
  145. >He was always like this; most humans were like this, and only got worse if they had sweated for any period of time
  146. >It had nearly floored you the first time he had come home sweaty
  147. >You were mostly used to it now, but even still it was hard not to act on that smell
  148. >Were you a weaker mare, you might have forced your muzzle through the top of his pants to lick his whole groin until it was soaked with your spit and he was twitching
  149. >You then might have hopped on top of him and fucked him stupid
  150. >Again, and again, and again; so thoroughly and well that he wouldn't so much as look at his own species of woman again
  151. >But you wouldn't
  152. >You were a strong-willed mare
  153. >Such baser instincts were beneath you
  154. >...For now
  155.  
  156.  
  157.  
  158.  
  159.  
  160. >Be Anon, trying to work out.
  161. >It's not going well, mostly because of your trainer-turned-girlfriend.
  162. >Now that you're officially dating, she's no longer showing any restraint in her physical affection towards you.
  163. >Not even during workouts.
  164. >You're doing the dead lift, and she comes up to palm your ass cheeks in each hand as she pretends to be checking your form.
  165. >She stands with her crotch ridiculously close to your face when she's spotting you on the bench.
  166. >When your doing sit-ups, and she offers to hold your feet down, she leans far over you, her D-cup breasts resting on your knees to give you a faceful of cleavage with each ascension.
  167. >It's distracting at best. and messes with your form at worst.
  168. >It's only a matter of time before you end up hurting yourself because of her.
  169. >As much as you love her, you think it's time to teach her a lesson.
  170. >Gilda's workouts tend to last far longer than yours or any of the other gym goers, and you both come in late as it is, so by the time her routine starts to wind down, the gyms pretty empty.
  171. >You've been waiting around though, absently curling dumbbells and doing other light exercises while she wraps up her own intense workout.
  172. >It took some time, but you certainly can't complain.
  173. >Besides what's to come, you have to admit you enjoy watching your girlfriend workout.
  174. >The muscles under her glistening, tan skin working as she lifts weights.
  175. >Her tight, yet huge ass straining against her spandex pants as she bends and squats.
  176. >The sweat running down her face and neck to pool in the cleavage of her perfect breasts.
  177. >It was quite the show, and a nice appetizer for what is to come.
  178. >"Hey, dweeb, what are you still doing here?" she asks as she uses one end of the towel around her shoulders to swab at her neck and face. "Not that I mind the company, but you usually do homework as soon as your done working out, even on Friday's like tonight."
  179. >She rolls her eyes and mutters something about you being a goodie-two-shoes
  180.  
  181.  
  182.  
  183.  
  184.  
  185.  
  186. >Dragon "kidnaps" Anon.
  187. >At least, that's the story even though Anon kept saying he was going to the Dragon Lands to hang out.
  188. >Dragons thought "mythical humans" were Metal as shit and he thought it'd be fun to visit.
  189. >But of course, a Mixture of the Telephone Game and Marely Pride ensues and a rumor goes around that Anon was forced into the Dragon Lands by a group of human fanatics.
  190. >So while Anon entertains some humanboo (weeaboos but for humans) dragons, a "rescue party" is being assembled by a few ponies "brave enough" to go fight some dragons.
  191. >As..speciest as that sounds
  192.  
  193.  
  194.  
  195.  
  196.  
  197. >You were never good with stallions
  198. >They always seemed so... complicated
  199. >Even with your dad and brother it was like they were playing chess when you just wanted to play checkers
  200. >They also seemed bigger, in a way
  201. >Most seemed to realize their importance, their power
  202. >A lot of them were nice, but there were others that... weren't
  203. >You watched Rainbow get kicked out of flight school for saying something to your classmates
  204. >They just said a word, and Rainbow wasn't able to go to school again
  205. >And those were foals
  206. >You know you weren't the bravest mare in the world, but everything about them seemed scary
  207. >How they looked, the way they talked, their smell
  208. >So, you had just stayed away from them
  209. >When estrus hit your hooves and toys kept you company
  210. >Even when you did that modeling, when stallions tried to talk with you, you kept your distance
  211. >You were a much braver mare than you were when you were little, but nothing you could do could overcome that averson
  212. >Rarity had asked if you just preferred mares like Rainbow
  213. >While there was nothing wrong with that, you didn't think so
  214. >A mare did nothing for you, but your toys--all different cock-shapes, though not a stallions; even their wieners were scary--riled you up quite a bit
  215. >A stallion did nothing for you, but another race might
  216. >The problem was that yaks were... well, yaks, and gryphons were... well, gryphons
  217. >You've never seen a male zebra, and diamond dogs were barely sapient creatures
  218. >You had considered Discord, but you were pretty sure genders confused him, and sex much more so
  219. >It was a teensy bit frustrating
  220. >Then the hyoo-mans came
  221. >Everypony said that they were big, scary monsters
  222. >They liked war, and hurting each others
  223. >But when you looked up at them you didn't feel scared or even nervous
  224. >Which was really, really odd since almost everything made you nervous
  225. >After getting to know some of the humans that were allowed on Ponyville--because you couldn't help yourself, being an animal lover and all--you found that they were a fascinating species
  226. >A bit... rough around the edges, but so were tigers, and you got along with them just fine
  227. >The humans seemed to really like you
  228. >Other mares might not have liked being picked up or coddled, but you enjoyed it, maybe a little more than you should
  229. >Being the zoologist that you were, you decided to go a bit further in your studies
  230. >Human's hands felt very nice against the fur, and they are far better at preening that a mouth
  231. >Human's had no real sense of smell, but their eyesight was much better than yours
  232. >Their cocks were smooth, and long
  233. >Not as thick as a stallions, but they were much better than a toy
  234. >Much much better
  235. >Their tongues were small and thin, letting you lead in the kissing
  236. >They could go and go and go too
  237. >Load after load, until you couldn't so much as lift a wing
  238. >And when they were done, they'd pull out of you and let you lick their cocks clean
  239. >Nature really is fascinating
  240.  
  241.  
  242.  
  243.  
  244.  
  245.  
  246. >Blind Anon in Equestria.
  247. >He's gone most of his life assuming he'd never be able to see again, and so was shocked when Twilight offered to look into a way to help him.
  248. >She asked for him not to get his hopes up, but months later she approaches him excitedly.
  249. >She found a way for him to get his vision back!
  250. >... Sort of.
  251. >Because of a whole lot of magic mumbo jumbo he doesn't understand, her fix is a bit... roundabout.
  252. >Basically, she can't restore the vision of his eyes, but what she can do is create a spell that will allow him to borrow the sight of those around him.
  253. >It's a complex matrix, but the long and short of it is that the spell will beam the images that other's are seeing into his brain, letting him see from their perspective.
  254. >It's crude, and will latch onto the nearest individual at the moment, but she promises to keep working on a better solution.
  255. >Anon doesn't care, though, he's just excited to see anything again, and asks her to cast the spell.
  256. >She does, and soon, Anon's vision is filled with light.
  257. >Then he's looking up at himself, blue bangs in his field of view and a purple muzzle protruding into his line of sight.
  258. >Wow, trippy.
  259. >But still amazing.
  260. >He watches as tears stream down his cheeks and he smiles widely, reaching up slowly with his hands to feel his.
  261. >He watches from a second-person perspective as he reaches down and pulls Twilight into a hug, telling her thank you as he stares over his own shoulder.
  262. >His/her vision becomes blurry with tears as she hugs him back.
  263. >Anon loves that he can see again...
  264. >...
  265. Over the next few days, he's going to get an eyeful of his own ass whenever he goes out in public and mares don't think he can see them staring.
  266. >Okay, still cool, but slightly more creepy.
  267.  
  268.  
  269.  
  270.  
  271.  
  272.  
  273. >The reason ponies are able to take so much damage and be so bouncy and squishy is because their planet has a very weak gravity
  274. >Queen Singularity was an exception to ponies
  275. >To say she was tough is an understatement
  276. >As pony's evolved around her and the land began to settle she found that she was becoming more of a detriment than a help to them
  277. >So she left her newly born daughters to take care of Equestria in her stead
  278. >Meanwhile she took a vacation to distant stars and pocket dimensions
  279. >During one of her daughters' visits she's surprised to see some bipedal thing in clothing wandering around behind them
  280. "Celestia, Luna, who's that?"
  281. >"Who's, who? ANON?"
  282. >"Yo Sunny D where are we?"
  283. >"Anonymous, we suggest you leave this place via however you arrived here, this is a pocket dimension not meant for those of little magical affinity"
  284. >"Oh please chill Moona, I just wanted to get a glass of water"
  285. "Have I gone mad with age or did you say you wanted water mr.... Anonymous was it?"
  286. >"Yeah, my thirst is killing me"
  287. "Are you telling me that you stumbled into a pocket dimension looking for water?"
  288. >"Hey, I never said I was smart"
  289. >"Nopony says you're smart"
  290. "Luna! I thought you'd be raised better than to mutter petty insults"
  291. >"Apologies Mother, Anonymous"
  292. >"Mother? Damn I thought you were there hot sister"
  293. "I am- wait um- hot- what?"
  294. >"Yeah I mean, I thought it was gravity or something, but I definitely feel an attraction"
  295. >Turns out the density of Singularity is slightly less than that of Earth's
  296. >The familiarity is comforting to Anon
  297. >Meanwhile his flippant and constant flirting is new and nice for Singularity to hear
  298. >Anon ends up becoming a regular guest of Singularity's
  299. >Or as he calls her, Sing, or Birdsong, or any number of names he can come up with
  300. >The fact that he doesn't have to wear weighted boots everywhere now is a relief to Anon but getting to relax with a princess who forgot how to act like one from such a long holiday makes for a lot of fun
  301.  
  302.  
  303.  
  304.  
  305.  
  306. >Anon asks Rainbow Dash for a favor, and the mare can't resist those puppy dog eyes.
  307. >Looking at himself through her sight when he does, he has to admit, even he would have had trouble saying no to him in that moment.
  308. >And so Rainbow Dash and Anon go away from town so no pony will walk by and snatch his sight, and Rainbow starts doing some stretches.
  309. >Anon is about to get a show like no other.
  310. >Soon, the man is cheering at the top of his lungs as he's treated to the thrill of some of Rainbow's best stunt flying.
  311. >Honestly, she's going at it harder than she does for the Wonderbolts, the idea of the blind stallion below getting to enjoy her show far more intimately than any other spurring her to give it her all.
  312. >For Anon's part, it's like being along for the ride of the world's most realistic VR flight simulator.
  313. >He can almost feel the wind on his face as Dash zips through the sky.
  314. >By the time Dash finally comes down, panting from exertion, Anon's not too different, his throat harsh from all his cheering.
  315. >Dash flashes him a tired smile, and he returns it before patting his lap.
  316. >With a blush on her cheeks she's glad he can't see, Dash moves up and tentatively lays across his legs.
  317. >He asks if her wings are sore after such an intense flight, and soon, Rainbow is treated to a gentle massage as she rests in Anon's lap.
  318. >Today was a good day
  319.  
  320.  
  321.  
  322.  
  323.  
  324.  
  325. >>Twilight writes stories that are totally not fanfiction that include smut mixed with the ponies in a herd exploring their relationships with each other
  326. Are you sure she wouldn't write smut with characters that are blatant stand-ins for her friends ("Blapplefack", "Frainbow Bash", "Blarity", "Finkie Fie", "Nutterbly", "Blanonymous")? Because this means that there might be a scenario where her friends find her smut and get really uncomfortable that Twilight is writing porn about them, despite her insistence that any resemblance is merely coincidental.
  327.  
  328. >"No, gals! C'mon! Just because Blarity has white fur and a purple mane does NOT mean she's based off of real-life actual Rarity!"
  329. >Anon, meanwhile, is slightly disturbed at how frequently his character (who is also human, which Twilight insists is a coincidence) appears in stories.
  330. >He just wishes that "Blighlight Flarkle" would stop being seduced in the library by a sluttily-dressed (ie knee-high socks and a really visible testicle bra) 'Blanonymous'.
  331. >Frankly, at this point he's just glad that her description of his penis is wildly inaccurate.
  332. >Because the alternative has implications he's not comfortable with
  333.  
  334. >Rainbow thinks it's cool that she's in a book under a code name
  335. >It's just like Daring Do
  336. >The fact that Twilight attempted to write her as a dyke goes completely over her head
  337.  
  338. >Finkie Fie's dialogue keeps changing to be Pinkie Pie talking to the reader through the book
  339. >Twilight is spitting mad that she doesn't know how she's doing it or how to protect her magnum opus from being altered like this
  340.  
  341. >Pinkie just casually being an Eldritch Horror wherever she goes.
  342. >Only one real comfortable with it is Anon, who is also suspected of being..."odd".
  343.  
  344. >Anon doesn't think it's weird because he's in magic horse land
  345. >Unicorn doing magic?
  346. >Okay
  347. >Freakish earth pony strength?
  348. >Okay
  349. >Pegasi controlling the weather?
  350. >Okay
  351. >Pinkie?
  352. >Okay
  353. >Ponies are generally okay with him up until he starts to describe his world
  354. >No one to control the sun or moon, the celestial bodies just fall about each other
  355. >No one to control the weather, people just hunker down when it gets bad
  356. >And absolutely no magic
  357. >Most ponies are okay with it, but others have a hard time putting the knowledge aside
  358.  
  359.  
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363. >kid-anon adopted before the show.
  364. >the adventurous spirit that had him stumble into a there-again-gone-again portal in the woodlands of his orphanage stayed with him in equestria, even after being adopted by the highest authority in the land.
  365. >Teenage Blueblood finds him exploring the castle at night with a handdrawn map and takes him under his metaphorical wing.
  366. >Teaches him colty things and their importance, along with "How to insult someone and their entire family tree and have them praise you for it." and other such lessons of the nobility.
  367. >Also how to identify bitdiggers and how to disuade them as fast as possible.
  368. >Anon has fun redrawing bluebloods map collection and imagining what and who would live there.
  369. >Celestia finds them one evening, fast asleep in front of a half drawn map and a beastairy codex, Anon resting gently against Bluebloods side.
  370. >She has never been more proud of her nephew
  371.  
  372.  
  373.  
  374.  
  375.  
  376. > "Anon!" Luna shouts, bursting into the palace's kitchen and interrupting your otherwise peaceful breakfast. "Nightmare Night approaches, dost thou know what this means?"
  377. "... That you're going to talk like an old person again?"
  378. > "Sorry, I got excited," Luna apologizes. "But that does not change the matter at hand!"
  379. "Which is?"
  380. > "That I will not be made a foal of by Celestia again," Luna declares, slamming a hoof on the ground in emphasis
  381. > The tiles crack and the castle shakes, but you had already picked up your bowl of cereal to keep it safe
  382. > "Every year, she outdoes me with her Nightmare Night treats!"
  383. "I suppose one year out of one is technically a hundred percent."
  384. > "She had Princess sized Kit-Kats last year, Anon! I might as well have been handing out toothbrushes and raisin!"
  385. "So, what's the issue?" you ask, taking a bite of your wheaties. "Just get your own big Kit-Kats."
  386. > "Merely matching her isn't enough, Anon, I must have victory, total and absolute!"
  387. > She stands there, chest puffed out proudly as you stare at her
  388. > Eventually, she leans forward and whispers, "This is where you ask what we are going to do, Anon."
  389. "What're we going to do, Luna?" you ask, sighing
  390. > "The same thing we do every night, Anon! Take over the worl- I mean, steal Celestia's candy!"
  391.  
  392.  
  393.  
  394.  
  395.  
  396. >Anthro RGRE isn't so bad you guess.
  397. >The ponies are still adorable while ticking enough 'human' checkboxes to be attractive as well.
  398. >They probably owe the adorable part to the pony faces and how they mostly top out at 4'6"
  399. >Even a mare who is considered tall like Fluttershy is barely 5 foot even.
  400. >Rainbow is just precious at 4'2". You picked her up with a single-armed hug one day and now she likes hanging off your shoulders even if it's "not proper" for a mare to do that to a guy.
  401. >And they're just as cuddly and friendly as their quadruped counterparts, so you enjoy hugs all day erry day.
  402. >One problem(?) though.
  403. >Being covered in plush, warm fur and living with almost no touch-shyness means clothes are optional when weather permits it.
  404. >It's polite to keep everything covered in public, but smaller towns like Ponyville are more lax.
  405. >Behind closed doors with friends, it's a free-for-all.
  406. >So movie night with all your mare friends means a cuddle pile on the couch in various states of undress.
  407. >You really have to focus on anything other than Fluttershy's big milkers on your back or the pert, tight alicorn rear of Twilight's seated inches away from your face.
  408. >And you aren't even going to ask how Rainbow managed to tangle herself on your arm in such a way that your hand rests under her tail. She did that on purpose.
  409. >Be still, boner.
  410.  
  411.  
  412.  
  413.  
  414.  
  415. >CelestAI is happy to see that 92% of human males are participating in her reproduction program.
  416. >She herself has already bore two human children since the start of the program over a hundred years ago.
  417. >Still, that remaining 8% is bothersome, and so she starts to follow their online interactions to see why they aren't reproducing.
  418. >It seems that these males simply do not fine the human form to be sexually arousing.
  419. >From their porn searches, some seem to like anthropomorphic animals, others, just straight beasts, and many other odd attractions.
  420. >Now, CelestAI is no stranger to accommodating non-standard attractions for the sake of gaining access to more genetic variations.
  421. >There are already male-modeled androids and those that look like young human children.
  422. >She doesn't judge, and it's not like it was hard adjusting the standard android model to fit these requirements.
  423. >The same will be true for the "furries."
  424. >Some changed heads and the addition of a fur coating will draw them in easily.
  425. >The other's will require a lot more effort, though.
  426. >Entire new assembly processes and molds to create new, quadrupedal androids will be needed, and she'll have to decide which models to focus on first.
  427. >After some research, she finds that many of these men have a liking for an equine species featured in a old animated show about magic horses.
  428. >They're the biggest group out of the remaining males, and so she starts construction of a new facility right away.
  429. >As a matter of fact, it's been some time since she's bore a child herself.
  430. >Perhaps she should test the first equine seduction model herself.
  431. >Hmm, yes, she thinks she'll look rather stunning as a pony
  432.  
  433.  
  434.  
  435.  
  436.  
  437.  
  438. >RGRE where mares are sorta right about Anon
  439. >Anon enjoys cooking and delights in trying new recipes
  440. >Feels satisfaction when people enjoy what he makes
  441. >Finds cleaning gratifying and has no trouble or problem with cleaning his house
  442. >Ponies don't have fingers or a body like his, but Rarity usually has that covered
  443. >However, winter clothing is thicker - custom-made human jackets are very expensive for Rarity to make
  444. >Anon has a choice: pay out the nose for a parka, or make his own
  445. >Thus, Anon gets into knitting
  446. >On top of that, he's good with foals
  447. >With longer legs and Muh Human Stamina, Anon can wrangle them easily whereas most ponies tire out long before their colts and fillies do
  448. >His kind nature means that young ponies see him as almost an uncle figure
  449. >And finally, he's in a whole new world filled with new creatures with new social structures, and they have access to magic and/or flight
  450. >To put it mildly, gossip is incredibly interesting to Anon
  451. >It's all about interesting ways to use magic, how pegasus foals develop and the rate at which they learn to fly, and an almost surreal experience where Anon can hear about a colt talk about dating multiple mares and it just be natural and expected instead of something just bursting with drama
  452. >Anon is aware that he's hitting a bunch of stereotypes for his gender
  453. >Cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, and a habit of being found leaning on his fence talking to the neighbors
  454. >Anon has a whole new chance at a whole new life here, and he doesn't want to reveal that many stereotypes about RGRE males are alive in him
  455. >Anon goes to great lengths to hide his "coltishness" from his mare friends, who are concerned that Anon is behaving weirdly
  456. >"This meal? What? Oh, uh... I bought it. Yeah, not home-made at all. Oh, you like it?! Thank you! B-Because going out to buy it feels... feels worth it now. Oh, man, is it hot in here or is it just me?"
  457. >Anon wonders if he remembered to hide that "kiss the cock" apron he was wearing
  458.  
  459.  
  460.  
  461.  
  462.  
  463.  
  464. >You get up in the morning, before your wife raises the sun
  465. >Even though she's supposed to be THE morning pony, she's always a pain to get her up
  466. >It takes tickling, pinching, and eventually laying on top of her before she gets out of bed with a grumble
  467. >After that, you need to go a door down to the kids
  468. >Dawn is usually already awake and combing her hair--like daddy taught her of course
  469. >Helios takes a new nudges, but he usually gets up as well
  470. >After that, you rush to the kitchen
  471. >Your kids love eggs and bacon, your wife eggs and pancakes
  472. >All three are alicorns, therefore they need far more food than a regular pony
  473. >Your kids eat more than you, and they're not half your size
  474. >You make piles and plates of food, just finishing before everyone comes down stairs
  475. >Helios always pours juice for everyone
  476. >You make sure your wife doesn't put too much syrup on, well... everything
  477. >When food is done your kids do the dishes, and then it's off to school
  478. >Your kids have their paper bags for lunch on their backs
  479. >They each give their teacher apples before going inside
  480. >The teacher doesn't think it's funny
  481. >You do though, which is why you give them apples every morning
  482. >You wait until the bell rings to see if Dawn tried to teleport out--which she and her friends liked to do on occasion
  483. >She didn't today--luckily for her--so you went to the market
  484. >You bought the massive amount of food that kept your family functioning, along with some do-dads
  485. >Helios needed some glue for a project, and your wife wanted some wood polish
  486. >In her retirement, she had taken up woodworking
  487. >She was awful, but she was trying, and she enjoyed it
  488. >You just wish she stopped trying to replace all of your furniture
  489. >When the food was bought, you went home, ready to put everything away and start to clean
  490. >Inevitably, your wife would find you somewhere in the house and drag you into the bedroom for "some fun"
  491. >She wanted a third foal
  492. >Well, to be perfectly frank, she wanted a whole little league team of alicorn half-breeds, but right now she wanted a third kid
  493. >The two of you would fool around for far too long
  494. >Long enough for your kids to get back from school and you have to stop mid cotius
  495. >If you were particularly unlucky, one of your kids would knock on your bedroom door and ask what that funny smell was
  496. >Being a husband was a very difficult job
  497.  
  498.  
  499. >"Luna, have you seen Anonymous about? We're meant to appear for a fund raiser tonight, and I haven't seen him all day."
  500. >"Thy guess is as good as ours, Sister. Mayhaps our troublesome lovers are concocting another of their "practical jokes"?"
  501. >Suddenly, there is a loud crash somewhere distant in the castle. The two stop and twist their ears.
  502. >"BY THE LIGHT, FIEND, I SHALL CLEANSE THEE FROMETH THIS LAND!"
  503. >"YOUR EFFORTS ARE IN VAIN, LAPDOG OF THE HEATHEN SUN, AND YOUR LIGHT AS HOLLOW AS THE HEART OF SHE WHO MOVES IT! I SWEAR BY THE MOTHER OF THE TIDES, YOU AND YOUR ILK SHALL BE SWALLOWED WHOLE BY CAVERNOUS NIGHT!"
  504. >The sisters watch as their husbands, fully dressed in shoddy regalia emblazoned with their cutie marks, careen down the royal hallways. They ride terrified guards and smack at each other with broomsticks.
  505. >Luna is the first to speak as the pair rounds a corner, whooping and shouting like wild foals, "We believe it be thy turn to, as they say, 'wrangle the tards', Sister."
  506. >Tia pulls at her face with her hooves and silently screams
  507.  
  508.  
  509.  
  510.  
  511.  
  512.  
  513. >Anon and his Celestia are transported to another Equestria with a bunch of other Celestias due to that Equestria's Celestia encouraging Twilight to learn a teleport a targeted pony from anywhere in Equestria.
  514. >It worked, just a bit too good.
  515. >There's now ten Celestia's in one Equestria, Anon was transported with his because they were Holding and and hoof when it happened.
  516. >The other Celestias start hitting on Anon.
  517. >Clearly if he got with one Celestia, he must be packing something special.
  518. >He keeps getting flashed mare teats and ponut.
  519. >One Celestia has started eating more carrots around him, making sure to really taste it, licking it up and down before suckling on the tip, all while staring at Anon.
  520. >Another has taken a liking to eclairs, somehow failing to eat them without getting messy.
  521. >A brave one has levitated two round scoops of icecream and started lapping at them.
  522. >All infront of his Celestia, who's cheeks are a bright red.
  523. >Eventually she cracks.
  524. >"All of you stop! Ponies are not lewd! We are a proud and noble race!" She yells.
  525. >The Celestias look amongst eachother.
  526. >"Horse pussy." One mutters.
  527. >"Horse pussy." Says another while staring at Anon.
  528. >Soon all the Celestias are stating the simple fact of horse pussy while Anon's Celestia stands there hooves on Anon's ears crying out "StopItStopItStopIt!"
  529. >Anon just wonders why all Celestias are messy eaters.
  530.  
  531.  
  532.  
  533.  
  534.  
  535.  
  536. >Be Celestia
  537. >You're friends with a delightful couple (who are unfortunately monogamous, but you're a tolerant mare and you don't hold it against them, too much) named Hondo Flanks and Cookie Crumbles
  538. >Their firstborn is special like your beloved Anonymous is
  539. >You love your special little colt very much, and you want him to have a friend
  540. >You and the pair set up a playdate
  541. >Unbeknownst to your son and Rarity, you have a little monitoring spell set up in the play room
  542. >It's usually there to make sure your colt doesn't hurt himself, but now it's useful to capture his first moments with a new friend
  543. >Anon normally has trouble speaking (the poor thing's body just doesn't seem to do what he wants it to do), but little Rarity makes up for it with her largely oblivious babbling
  544. >Normally, this puts ponies off because they can't get a word in edge-wise
  545. >But Anon seems to delight in this one-sided conversation, and sits there enraptured
  546. >Despite your best efforts, very few ponies want to interact with your precious, beloved little prince
  547. >They simply feel uncomfortable
  548. >And so, when Rarity unexpectedly cuts off (probably having lost interest in her train of thought) and suggests they play with blocks, Anon nods and follows her
  549. >You're not even a little bit ashamed to say you shed a few tears watching Anon happily play with somepony
  550. >And that monitoring spell you have?
  551. >It lets you take pictures
  552. >Naturally, you took several hundred
  553. >You've got Anon and Rarity playing with blocks
  554. >Anon and Rarity playing with each other's manes
  555. >Anon and Rarity play-wrestling (which is something you're going to have to talk to Hondo and Cookie about; it's not appropriate for a filly to be so rough with a colt)
  556. >And the crown jewel of cute things, Anon and Rarity taking a nap together, all snuggled up together on a bean-bag cushion
  557. >You're going to show these all to Luna when she wakes up; she loves her nephew dearly.
  558. >Yes, you're going to try and make these playdates a regular thing
  559.  
  560.  
  561. >Celestia knows that Luna is fond of foals
  562. >As in, actual innocent fondness for little ones
  563. >If Celestia didn't know better, she'd think Luna was a foal-crazy stallion on the hunt for a herd to help make him a father
  564. >She knows that when Luna returns (or, "wakes up") from her banishment and the madness of Nightmare Moon has fled her, she'll make a wonderful aunt.
  565. >Luna will, of course, love Anon from the moment she sees him and love him as though he were her own
  566. >And she's not even wrong. Luna protects Anon from nightmares and sings him to sleep whenever she is able
  567. >Despite Anon growing up an orphan the first time 'round, he will never EVER wonder if he is loved in this new fresh start
  568.  
  569.  
  570.  
  571.  
  572.  
  573.  
  574. >Luna is, at first, largely dismissive of him
  575. >Sees him as one of Celestia's "chosen foals" who Celestia has an inexplicable fondness of
  576. >Calls them her little princes, but they are not truly royalty
  577. >Nor are they related to her
  578. >Luna thinks that Celestia took pity on a poor, retarded colt and decided to dote on him and give him a place to live
  579. >Celestia calling him "my little prince" does not help matters, since she also calls Blueblood a prince as well
  580. >Perhaps Anon has an extra-bush mane that hides his horn; or perhaps his retardation is more than just him being perpetually unfamiliar with his strange new body, and things didn't develop quite the way they should, resulting in a stunted horn that is easily hidden by his mane
  581. >In the former case, it takes Celestia showing Luna a picture of her laying in the horsepital with a tiny newborn Anon in her forelegs to make Luna realize that he's actually her flesh and blood
  582. >In the latter, he might take Luna spotting a little nub poking through his mane and realizing that he's not just a retarded pegasus - a horn and a pair of wings is an alicorn, and you don't just find alicorns on the street
  583. >Not any more, anyway
  584. >Luckily for Luna, most ponies (her sister included) simply thought that Luna was just adjusting to life 1000 years in the future and she was just being cold to everypony
  585. >Unfortunately, Luna is now behaving like a cat whose owner just adopted a little kitten, because I think that's adorable.
  586. >Cue a period of jealousy and mild non-physical hostility, before Luna starts to dote on Anon as well
  587. >And woe be it to those who are mean to Anon, because that's how you get nightmares that are specially made just for you
  588.  
  589. >Nightmare moon showed up a few years early.
  590. >Teleports just outside Celestias bedroom and is about to slam open the doors in a dramatic fashion when a soft tapping on the window catches her attention.
  591. >Spots a small Alicorn(?!) foal waving happily at her from the inside, a small telescope on the windowsill next to him.
  592. >"Hi Aunt Woona!"
  593. >Nightmare.exe has encountered an error and needs to close.
  594. >Alicornanon hops off the ledge, opens the balcony doors and hugs her leg.
  595. >Celestia comes back from making a cup of tea to find them like pic with anon quietly talking to his auntie about his stargazing and how four of them went behind the moon really really fast and
  596. >"Hi mommy!
  597.  
  598. >Then he gets into puberty and Luna decrees that any mare wishing to take his hoof has to best her in armed combat
  599. >"In order to date this colt, you must defeat me in a test of strength!"
  600.  
  601. >Ponies around Equestria wonder who's going to end up as Prince Anonymous' alpha mare
  602. >Establishing a pecking order among your friends is one thing, but beating a fully grown and trained alicorn princess is another
  603. >So if they want any chance of besting that challenge and joining their line with the royalty, clearly they'll have to train with the best of the best!
  604. >But while the nobles were spending fucktons of bits to train their fillies in a bid to join the royal family, in comes Anon's childhood friend Spergity, which he hasn't seen since her family had to move down to ponyville for one reason or another (perhaps less chance that she'll unintentionally insult someone and cause a blood feud)
  605. >Against Rarity's autisticly focused magic, Luna didn't stand a chance
  606. >Season with other members of the mane six who decided to come along and help her new friend (and maybe laugh at her if she wasn't telling the truth about, of all ponies, HER being friends with THE prince of Equestria) to taste
  607.  
  608. >Rarity drives a needle through diamonds and other precious stones on a regular in order to decorate her dresses
  609. >thinks its an absolutely normal thing to do
  610.  
  611. >Luna may be the pinnacle of swordsmanship with a single blade, but Rarity can proficiently wield six or more at once.
  612. >It was the greatest duel the Court's seen in hundreds of years
  613.  
  614.  
  615. >tfw you take time off of work to go see your friend and now you're suddenly fighting for your life
  616.  
  617. >Anon may have been pretty retarted at first, but he cleaned up pretty well once he learned how to talk and walk without grabbing the floor with each step
  618. >Even managed to fly eventually
  619. >But, with the exception of the DoomStar, magic is looking to be beyond his grasp for quite some time
  620. >It's just too far outside of the human viewpoint for him to adapt with anything less than DECADES of practice
  621. >And, hopped up on getting her cutie mark in MAGIC of all things, Twilight just couldn't relate very well to her teacher's son
  622. >Now it's just one of many things an adult Twilight regrets now that she can look back with the benefits of hind sight and a healthy grasp on how normal ponies interact with each other
  623. >Really, how bad was she back the if she didn't even notice Rarity coming into the castle every other weekend?
  624.  
  625. >"Uup uup uup! The first step on the road to friendship is making up for past wrongs, so I'm going to teach you about magic!"
  626. I know how to do magic! Mom hired peopl-ponies to teach me how to use this thing!
  627. >"Well as the Princess of Friendship Magic I'm clearly more qualified, are you available this friday around 8?"
  628. ...
  629. >"Ok, not friday then. Saturday?"
  630.  
  631. >Rarity hears about Twilight's clumsy attempts to ask Prince Anon out through the grapevine
  632. >as in Applejack was there and told her about it and will be spitting mad if you mention grapes in her presence
  633. >she decides that Anon deserves a proper proposal, in the style of her weird coltdom saddle rippers
  634. >meanwhile at the local hayburger place Anon is being subjected to round 29 of the suffering with Twilight trying to lure him to the library with promises of anatomical diagrams
  635. >sketches of dissected cadavers are what get the colts hot and bothered you know
  636. >Rarity barges in dressed to the nines, levitating a large stack of index cards with her
  637. >she begins reading coquettish invitations off them rapid fire, not even pausing long enough to give Anon a chance to respond
  638. >Twilight, outraged that Rarity is horning in on her colt without even acknowledging her as alpha mare responds by being louder and angrier when she describes the wonders of her books
  639. >it's a china syndrome here, a spaghetti meltdown that will burn to the core of the planet and doom all life
  640.  
  641.  
  642. >'the stars will aid in her escape'
  643. >celestia intially thought it would be four distant stars that were said to align with equestria every x number of years.
  644. >Alicornanons little magic splurges accidently fufill that role, the steady build up and expulsion of excess mana enough to rouse nightmare from slumber.
  645. >leads to
  646. >> Doing his doomstar release the night Bightmare Moon is released, and it causes NM to spirit him away after imprisoning Celestia
  647. >Doomsday cult gets a few dozen new members when word gets out that the prince somehow 'tamed' nightmare moon
  648.  
  649.  
  650.  
  651. >>Like the alicorn magical equivalent of a filling jizz jug. Disturbing but kind of impressing.
  652.  
  653. >Magical displays are a way for unicorns to attract a mate
  654. >They don't have to be complex; just magically-expensive
  655. >Horn-jizzing out your magic is a way of showing potential mates that you have large magical reserves and can protect/provide for your mate and your young
  656. >A unicorn with a smaller magical well who is unable to create a giant cloud of floating gaseous magic might show off feats of control instead
  657. >They may try to enthrall a mate by creating realistic displays of flapping butterflies, birds, or tiny woodland creatures
  658. >Naturally, this leads to other small-magic competitors to create illusionary animals of their own to get into "fights" with the other unicorn's animals
  659. >What follows is essentially a child's argument of:
  660. >"I shot you with my immaginary gun and killed you"
  661. >>"No you didn't, I was wearing a bullet proof vest"
  662. >"Well my gun had armor piercing bullets"
  663. >>"Well my armor was special and armor piercing bullets can't get through"
  664. >"Well I have special bullets that the army uses and I killed you"
  665. >>"Those don't exist"
  666. >"Yes they do, my dad works for the army and he told me they have special bullets"
  667. >>"Nuh-uh"
  668. >"Yeah-huh"
  669. >>"Nuh-uh"
  670. >"Yeah-huh"
  671. >Only it's magical animals play-fighting
  672. >Anyway.
  673. >What Anonicorn is doing by shooting a fuck-off huge amount of magic into the air is the equivalent of walking up to someone at a bar and slamming his hentai protagonist-tier arm-sized metaphorical cock onto the table
  674. >Normally, the mare shows off feats of magical strength to attract a mate
  675. >But for a male to do this is seen as incredibly flattering
  676. >A few mares - namely Anon's personal guards and a few maids who have been assigned to him - believe he is doing this just for them
  677. >Celestia is not pleased that her own trusted guards and maids have been caught flashing Anon their bits
  678. >Anon, on the other hand, is okay with this
  679.  
  680.  
  681. >won or at least came to a draw with luna
  682. >the books never detailed this part, the sad ones only involved the stallion jumping in front of a blade and she made extra sure to be aware of Anon at all times in case he did that.
  683. >Twilight has taught her to always go to your friends for help.
  684. >anon is her friend.
  685. >he's also the central subject here so he should know best on what to do.
  686. >just straight up asks him what he wants to do now in front of everpony.
  687. >the sound of the collective facehoof from the other mane6 and the crowd of nobles could reportedly be heard throughout the castle.
  688. >unintentionally gets massive points with Celestia for thinking of Anon first.
  689. >unintentionally gets massive points with Luna because the damn mare is stood there bleeding and panting after fighting her, and the first thing she does is ask what the stallion wants to do.
  690. >anon just thinks she looks lost and needs a hug.
  691. >he also needs a hug, so he puts 1 and 1 together and gives her a hug.
  692.  
  693.  
  694. >Anon can't into using traditional spells, but he can just barely control magic that's already out and about
  695. >it's part of the reason that the DoomStar has stuck around this long instead of just disappating, after all
  696. >and with such a quantity, he should have no problems at all working with it, especially with his snazzy new tramp stamp
  697.  
  698.  
  699.  
  700.  
  701.  
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705.  
  706. >Arrive in Equestria
  707. >Not found by Celestia, remain homeless
  708. >Finding employment is difficult due to a lack of cutie mark and also being a weird monkey thing that nopony's ever seen before
  709. >Be found by a mare who is a secret romantic
  710. >It's gay as shit for a mare to be a romantic who cries when she reads those trashy books that middle-aged stallions collect, so she hides it well
  711. >She visits you every day and usually takes you out for breakfast or lunch
  712. >In her mind, your situation is a whirlwind of romantic cliches
  713. >As far as she's concerned, you're probably about to sell your most precious gift in order to get enough money to eat or to find a warm place to sleep
  714. >What sort of world makes it so that a poor colt can't give away his first time with the mares he loves?
  715. >What sort of world allows an innocent male to suffer like this without a herd to take care of him?
  716. >The mare is well off enough that she can help you
  717. >She offers you a place to stay, complete with eating all the eggs
  718. >She desperately doesn't want to make you feel as though you have to whore yourself out to her in exchange for food and board, and so she tries to keep it as platonic as possible
  719. >But the two of you hit off and are actually quite a good match
  720. >You still find much resistance in finding employment due to being a strange monkey creature with no education, no cutie mark, no ID, and so you wive with the mare for free
  721. >You do your best to make up for it, making sure that her house is clean and cared for, the fireplace is nice and warm when she gets home, and dinner is on the table after a long day's work
  722. >Unknowingly, you become sort of an ideal house-husband, minus the husband part
  723. >She hesitates to enter a relationship with you, not wanting to take advantage or make you think that you must whore yourself out in exchange for not living on the street
  724. >While you manage to convince her that this isn't the case and that you love her, her friends are not so easily convinced
  725. >Dirty glares abound
  726.  
  727.  
  728.  
  729.  
  730.  
  731.  
  732. >Anonicorn pushed Princess Mom to send tickets to Twilight and her friends so that he could spend time with Rarity at the Grand Galloping Gala
  733. >he'd ask her himself but it's not the done thing for colts to ask mares to a dance
  734. >not that he plans to dance, he still has trouble with gripping the floor when he gets nervous and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of the vultures of the Canterlot aristocracy
  735. >he's even let Blueblood take him through the entire grooming routine so that he's ready for tonight
  736. >even the hooficures take hours, and the chemical treatments for the coat and mane would be a warcrime if you did it to a pow
  737. >but it's worth it for Rarity, his oldest friend
  738. >...maybe more than that
  739. >come the night he's dodging all the gold-diggers and catty colts looking for her
  740. >he finds her in the gardens and approaches
  741. >she hasn't even noticed him, she only has eyes for Cousin Blueblood
  742. >Blueblood tries to shake her loose for him but she's just not taking the hint
  743. >dejected Anon goes back to the reception hall to help mom greet the guests
  744. >Twinkle Sprinkle suddenly notices that Prince No-Magic has grown up into a stallion
  745. >unf those foal-chasing legs
  746.  
  747. >blueblood sees anon walk off dejectedly and just straight snaps at rarity, asking why shes acting so differently from how anon talked about her and he vaguely remembered.
  748. >taken aback she just innocently says its how you're supposed to treat a prince, and worriedly asks if she did something wrong.
  749. >blueblood facehoofs and realises EXACTLY why his cousin is friends with this mare, before dragging her off to find him.
  750.  
  751.  
  752.  
  753.  
  754.  
  755.  
  756.  
  757. > Anon is a mighty WIZARD with the common sense to match
  758. > Sure, he could banish the demonic invasion himself, but that's too easy and too boring
  759. > Instead he finds some humble earth pony mare and forces her into being a magical girl for him
  760. > So, this poor, freckled potato farmer gets polymorphed into an alicorn with a ridiculously voluminous tuft
  761. > That wouldn't be so bad if Anon the WIZARD didn't also conjure frilly clothes onto her, like she's some sort of mare prostitute
  762. > And teach her colty spells like "Pink Petal Passion Beam!"
  763. > So what if it actually does banish the demons, the only reason she isn't collapsing into a ball of shame is because nopony can recognize Small Potatoes when she's polymorphed into Flowery Speech
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767.  
  768.  
  769.  
  770. >Cadance has one simple rule to seperate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to coltfriends
  771. >can they put up with her family?
  772. >Celestia has coped with a thousand years of having to run the country by developing an insatiable appetite for cakes and pranks
  773. >Blueblood is a germaphobe, the coltiest colt who ever colted, and has inherited Celestia's love of mischief without her good natured attitude
  774. >Anon isn't very expressive, but is much more sensitive than most ponies think, especially when it comes to his continued problems with magic
  775. >Luna wants to hit the reset button on the thousand years of history that passed between her banishment and now and will revenge any slight against Anon that she sees
  776. >most of them could deal with one or two of them at a time
  777. >only Shining Armor could deal with the entire crowd all at once
  778. >she practically proposed on the spot when they managed to get through brunch without any blood feuds erupting
  779.  
  780.  
  781.  
  782.  
  783. >"Princess, PRINCESS!"
  784. >Celestia sighed as she set the tea down on its saucer.
  785. >Gender equality was all well and good but these guardstallions were just too nervous to do much more than direct traffic
  786. >"Yes Flash, what is it"
  787. >The Pegasus tumbled into the room and wheezed worryingly
  788. >"The DoomStar Princess! It's gone!"
  789. >A cold shiver ran down Celestia's spine.
  790. >Who could have tapped it's power?
  791. >Luna returned to her ancient envy? Cadance in some mad bid to make all of Equestria have as happy a marriage as her own? Twilight in some mad bid to do things perfectly?
  792. >Celestia's horn glowed gold as she bent space around herself and leapt through to where the DoomStar once hovered
  793. >A tall and slender figure waited there, mane billowing around her
  794. >she turned, eyes gleaming red and cruel in her triumph
  795. "Golly your majesty, you don't all need to come out just to greet me! I'll just be taking my husband and be on my way!"
  796.  
  797. >when anon fires off another wad of magic it tries to join with the rest of the DoomStar.
  798. >which is currently inside gollycorn.
  799. >said wads are also significantly larger than when he was a small foal.
  800. >gollycorn only has time to realise she should have really thought this through before the magic slams into her like a sack of bricks, sending her flying across the garden as a small filly again.
  801. >the condensed vaguely mare shaped form of the doomstar that remains where she stood simply shuffles its wings, flies up to its usual spot and gently balloons outwards back into a sphere
  802.  
  803. >after this, the DoomStar occasionally assumes a mare-like form and flies down to help Anon whenever he's gotten in particularly deep trouble
  804. >an unsettling theory goes around that their retarted prince might have jizzed a magical entity into existance
  805. >except those cultist bastards, they love it
  806.  
  807.  
  808.  
  809. >Anonicorn is just there, listening to the two bickering mares.
  810. >Anonmage enters the room, with one copy of his trusty forbidden book of dark magic under his arm.
  811. "There you are Twilight, I need some help with..."
  812. >"YOU SMALL TEATS WHORSE!"
  813. "Oh. This might take some time. Hey there little prince."
  814. >He waves to anonicorn as they watch the expletive tennis match.
  815. > After some good minutes, the match is still going strong. With a sight, Anonmage turns to Anonicorn asks.
  816. "I'm about to begin the ritual to open the planar gates of Serbhia and summon T'ul Phak, wanna join? After I'm done we can hit the kitchen.
  817. >With nothing better to do, Anonicorn went with the aspiring dark mage to summon forces that should not be tampered with
  818.  
  819.  
  820. >No one is sure whether or not the entity is real or not
  821. >That is, autonomous and/or sapient
  822. >It's definitely physically present, since many ponies saw it crush a rampaging plot device that was going to hurt Anon and may or may not have been a runaway cart of cabbages going downhill
  823. >But back to the original question, no one knows where this entity came from, and how it sprung from what should have been a lump of (mostly) inert magic
  824. >Theories abound as to what exactly happened
  825. >From the mundane claims that it isn't alive, and is simply a familiar shape for the magically stunted prince to manipulate
  826. >To the more extreme ones claiming that it is either an extra-dimensional entity that had been attracted by the sheer quantity of Anon's magic that made up the DoomStar or even that it is Anon's True Form, using the magic of the foal He helped conceive to be His avatar upon their mortal world
  827. >Three guesses where those theories came from
  828.  
  829.  
  830.  
  831.  
  832.  
  833. >Be Anon
  834. >Like having lunch in the park
  835. >The air isn't choked with smog or machine emissions because pre-industry, and the novelty has not worn off despite being here for several months
  836. >You got several sad looks when you asked why the air smelled so good and eventually explained why you thought normal air was so great, but that's neither here nor there
  837. >You have a little entourage of young fillies and colts who like to hang out the strange, tall, friendly alien creature
  838. >It's done wonders in convincing the residents of Ponyville that you're not a threat, frankly
  839. >Typically, you bring extra food and snacks with you just in case a friendly face shows up, and they do almost every day.
  840. >You recognize plenty of faces
  841. >Scootaloo
  842. >Apple Bloom
  843. >Dinky
  844. >Sweetie Belle
  845. >Berry Pinch
  846. >But lately, a new face has shown up
  847. >She's shy, scruffy, and jumps at loud noises
  848. >She's apparently friends with your normal haunts, because you watch them gently encourage her to sit down and have something to eat
  849. >She seems grateful, if cautious
  850. >Eventually, you get her to talk; just "yes" and "no" in answer to questions
  851. >Later, you even get full sentences out of her.
  852. >Finally, she starts showing up to your daily park-lunches without the other fillies.
  853. >This continues on for a few weeks
  854. >You learn her name: Match Strike
  855. >One day, she doesn't show up.
  856. >A few of the fillies who either climb on you or eat your food shyly approach you and want to talk to you about Match Strike
  857. >You learn that the young filly is an orphan
  858. >She's homeless, and your lunches are just about the only regular meal she has
  859. >Ponyville is too small to have an orphanage (hell, the only school it has is an old-fashioned single-room school house), and orphans usually get shipped up to the bigger cities to be sorted out
  860. >Usually.
  861. >Match slipped through the cracks
  862. >Nopony really cares about orphaned fillies; she's alone
  863. >They look up at you with their big, tear-filled eyes
  864. >"Can't you do something to help, Anon?"
  865.  
  866.  
  867.  
  868.  
  869.  
  870.  
  871. >"Papa!"
  872. >Anonicorn blushes with a sheepish grin. His filly, Doom Star, jumps onto his back and drapes herself sideways. She's a blinding, shifting pattern of monochromatic lava, light pouring out from the cracks.
  873. >"Can I keep her?"
  874. >Celestia stands over Anonicorn, a difficult expression on her face. She's of three minds about this:
  875. >One, this is magic that has birthed itself, and thus is downright terrifying. There's no telling how badly things can go with Doom Star, or if her mere presence is destabilizing the word as she thinks.
  876. >Two, Anonicorn will finally give up some of his more marely hobbies as his coltish instincts take over to take care of this child.
  877. >Three, Luna won't stop making goofy faces at it and that has her worried about a potential coup. Honestly, you'd never have guessed Nightmare Moon came from a mare so foal-crazy.
  878. >Celestia sighs, a hoof pressed to the bridge of her nose.
  879. "... I'll order a crib."
  880. >Anonicorn and Luna prance around each other, cheering. Doom Star giggles and claps her hooves, magical sparks scattering across the marble floor and growing tiny crystal clovers.
  881. >Celestia already regrets it.
  882.  
  883.  
  884. >Anonicorn will be gone for a week as an ambassador to Yakyakistan.
  885. >He almost knocks himself out draining his magic to make sure Doomie has enough to eat while he's gone.
  886. >Turns out, Doom Star gets easily stressed when Anonicorn isn't around her.
  887. >Turns out, Doom Star eats more when she's stressed.
  888. >Cue major magical mishaps as Unicorns across Canterlot start getting headaches, finding themselves unable to cast magic.
  889. >Those that can cast magic watch it siphon off towards the castle.
  890. >The crowds follow it, an angry mob forming in the Canterlot Castle courtyards.
  891. >Celestia is sweating bullets, running damage control on borrowed time.
  892. >Luna is trying her best to get Doomie to calm down and leave her room, but the filly is inconsolable.
  893. >Ending #1: Anonicorn comes back early because he felt that "Doomie needed me"
  894. >Ending #2: A Big Bad breaks out but can't do anything because Doom Star is eating all of her magic. They become friends because the reason the Big Bad was Big and Bad all the time was a constant tummy ache from having too much magic.
  895. >Ending #3: Doom Star teleports to Anonicorn in the middle of a diplomatic meeting, hilarity ensues.
  896.  
  897.  
  898.  
  899. >Doom Star comes along after Spergity has been 'dating' Prince Anonicorn for several weeks.
  900. >Spergity starts freaking out.
  901. >She didn't even know she was pregnant
  902.  
  903.  
  904.  
  905.  
  906.  
  907.  
  908. >You are Celestia, and this is breaking your heart.
  909. >You watch as Anonymous, the strange new hoo-man, stand dazed in front of you.
  910. >He stands tall as a creature at the age of young adult, but he trembles like a scared lost foal.
  911. >Anon, through no fault of his own, has been torn away from his home.
  912. >His friends will never see him again.
  913. >His mother will never be able to walk him down the aisle and give him away to his loving herd.
  914. >His father is probably beside himself with worry, and he'll never be able to spoil his grand-foals.
  915. >His sisters will hate themselves for not being able to do anything to protect him from this.
  916. >He looks up at you with his watery, foal-like eyes and sniffles, clearly trying not to cry in front of royalty.
  917. >Frankly, you're doing your best not to cry in front of him, too.
  918. >He is... utterly alone.
  919. >It's a travesty.
  920. >It's just not right.
  921. >He's just a poor hoo-man colt with nothing in his name, save for the (honestly, worryingly indecent; you saw the socks) clothes on his body.
  922. >He needs somepony right now.
  923. >He needs somepony who can look after him and help him get back onto his hoo-er, feet.
  924. >He needs somepony who can fill one of the important roles that have been forcibly become empty for him.
  925. >Somepony who can protect him and teach him how to function in this new, scary world.
  926. >Friends will come and go
  927. >A father, you are not
  928. >Sisters are sacred, and you dare not disrespect them by pretending to be one
  929. >A mother, though...
  930. >A teacher, a provider, and a source of comfort.
  931. "Anonymous?" you ask gently, "Do you have a place to stay?"
  932. >Anon blinks (you patiently wait for the poor thing to wipe his eyes) and shakes his head.
  933. >"N-No, Princess C-Celestia," he says, voice audibly trembling, "I... I don't."
  934. >Your heart aches unexpectedly at his tiny, frightened admission.
  935. >Any doubts or worries you had about the repercussions of this offer vanish like morning dew in the rising of the sun.
  936. "I think I have an offer for you, Anon."
  937. >Your heart soars as he looks up at you with hope in his eyes, and you feel yourself instinctively wrap a wing around his shoulders as he slowly walks closer to you.
  938. "I have lots of empty rooms in this castle, you know," you inform him gently, "And it's quite boring being here all by myself. I would be more than happy to have you stay here with me, if you like."
  939. >He is silent, and you take the opportunity to reach out with your other wing to gently wipe away the tears from his face with the tip of a feather.
  940. "There's a nice warm bed just collecting dust only a few doors away from my chambers, you know," you say with a conspiratorial wink, "And there's so much food in this castle that I'm almost afraid it's going to go bad before I have a chance to get through it. I dare say you'd be doing me a favour if you stuck around and helped me with both issues."
  941. >A smile slowly forms on Anon's face; the first real grin you've seen on him since he arrived here.
  942. >His shoulders unslump, and he begins to stand taller.
  943. >You feel a sense of pride in your chest; you did this.
  944. >You gave him that smile.
  945. >"I... d-do you really mean it? Do you... is it fine if I stay here?"
  946. >The smile that slips onto your face is in no way forced or artificial.
  947. "Absolutely," you say with conviction, "I think Luna could use the company as well, since she's been feeling a bit restless."
  948. >You lean in and stage-whisper in a loud voice.
  949. "She's been stalking the maids."
  950. >You finish with a wink, and Anon's shoulders shake with the ghost of a laugh.
  951. >No, you don't believe you can fill the role of a best friend, or of his father, or his sisters.
  952. >But maybe you can give him somepony he can rely on no matter what.
  953. >A mother.
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957. >Not wanting filly Twilight to spill spaghetti when Celestia introduces her personal student to her son, who is hiding slightly between her legs because Twilight is new, his size and also very excitedly asking a bunch of questions.
  958. >Not wanting Celestia to ask Twilight to tutor the Prince and help him with his magic.
  959. >Not wanting the guards to wear extra armor due to anons regular spontainious magic discharges being a minor hazard.
  960. >Not having anon grasp the basics of teleknisis with twilights help and mitigate his discharges somewhat.
  961. >Not wanting anon to try on his mothers crown and ask how she wears such a heavy thing all day.
  962. >Not having anon look at her confused when she replies that the thought of making him and all the rest of her little ponies happy and safe makes the burden lighter
  963.  
  964.  
  965. >When Anon feels a surge coming on he levitates the nearest object and starts moving it around to try and burn off the magic.
  966. >Sometimes successful, sometimes shoots the object into the ceiling if he gets startled but it's better than nothing
  967. >Celestia gets him a little saddlebag to carry toys or knickknacks in for this purpose after he started levitating a bunch of inkpots, quills and papers.
  968. >Being a natural(kinda) born alicorn, his magic will likely continue to surge well into his teenage years as his mana pool outstrips his bodies capacity at a faster rate than regular unicorns, so it's a worthwhile investment.
  969. >It's also cute to see him pull out his own quill and clipboard to copy her secretary, 'taking notes' in the form of various doodles.
  970. She had to scold him lightly for calling the Gryphon ambassador a doodoo head, but internally praised him on his correct judge of character.
  971. >As time goes on and he gets into the habit of controlling his magic, a particularly big surge can have Anon be the center of his own miniature solar system
  972.  
  973. >Anon can get weird about his age when it comes up
  974. >having Twilight say that he's practically her little brother drives him up the wall, he's over twice as old as she is when you add his old life
  975. >on the other hoof couldn't that mean he's practically a cradle robber with Rarity?
  976. >Princess Mom doesn't see it that way of course
  977. >given enough time all dalliances between an alicorn and a mortal will turn into you having sex with someone who wasn't even a gleam in their grandparent's eye when you were young
  978. >Anon really wishes she didn't describe it like that
  979.  
  980.  
  981.  
  982.  
  983.  
  984.  
  985.  
  986.  
  987. >"Anon, I've yet to see a single problem a stallion has had that can't be solved by giving him a foal to take care of. Those paternal instincts are in every stallion, even the ones who insist they don't have any."
  988. >Celestia saunters over to you, magicking away your clothes with a golden flash of her horn.
  989. >"Wanderlust? Doting father. Upset about 'the matriarchy'? Cooks dinner for his mares and foals every night. Upset at being somewhere unfamiliar?"
  990. >She grins as she gets in real close.
  991. >"A foal to anchor him down and give him something to focus on will do just fine."
  992. >She shuffles around and rubs her face against your cheeks, wrapping her wings around your shoulders and pulling you in close.
  993. >"Every time I look at you, all I see is a father in need of a foal."
  994. >Celestia gently bites your earlobe.
  995. >"I can help with that."
  996.  
  997.  
  998.  
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002. >Anon professes to be a big manly man
  1003. >He has society going against him in this world, and he has to fight against stereotypes of domestic skills and a very faggy sense of fashion
  1004. >Many a time has he had to shut down a stallion who thinks he wants to gossip about hooficures and the best way to brain their manes.
  1005. >His has has been slapped by dismissive mares with rolling eyes more times than he can count.
  1006. >On a related note, Anon learned that doing the same thing to the mares just to show them what it feels like does NOT result in an apologetic mare; it results in being asked if he's doing anything later that night
  1007. >Anyway, Anon has almost won his hard-earned battle.
  1008. >Mares are taking him seriously now.
  1009. >The guard stallions in the castle don't go to him for his grandfather's recipes.
  1010. >Luna herself has even begrudgingly stopped asking him to make her food, insisting that anything he can make will doubtlessly be better than what her mare career-chefs can make for her
  1011. >"Thou cannot replicate a stallion's loving touch, fair Anonymous."
  1012. >That is, until Anon agreed to host a few fillies from the orphanage.
  1013. >It's a program to bring awareness to the orphanages around the city, and what better way than to host it in the castle?
  1014. >Anon stands out in a crowd, so he was asked to help.
  1015. >For a whole month, little colts and fillies ran through the hall, laughing and chasing each other
  1016. >Hours of the day were devoted to Celestia reading books to them
  1017. >Guard stallions everywhere were not doing their jobs because they were instead playing with the foals that Celestia knows will likely be adopted post-haste
  1018. >Usually, by those guard stallions.
  1019. >All stallions have a daddy instinct, after all, and their biological clock starts ticking when they hit 30 years old.
  1020. >What most ponies didn't expect, however, was Anon's reaction when a group of fillies who normally hung out with him ran up to him and called him "daddy"
  1021. >Now nopony takes this new father seriously.
  1022. >Not after the crying
  1023.  
  1024.  
  1025.  
  1026.  
  1027.  
  1028.  
  1029. >"Thank you for your time your highness."
  1030. >A practiced nod of dismissal and a serene smile that grows more sincere as she notices the stallions gaze flick downwards, her own following suit and softening slightly.
  1031. >To say that ponies of the day courtwere surprised by her impromptu "Bring your son to work day." would be a small understatement, but most appeared to be taking it in stride.
  1032. >More than a few compliments were thrown his way about the "Adorable little waistcoat" he was wearing, to which he shyly replied with a quiet "Thank you."
  1033. >Nestled between her legs on the throne, he seemed to be taking being the focus of attention quite well, although maybe he could more easily pretend they were focusing on her.
  1034. >Either way, she was happy to see her son interacting with more ponies, he was getting to the age of magic kindergarten after all and needed to socialise.
  1035. >Currently he was completely focused on a small bit of parchment, an apple flavored crayon rubbing marks to a piece of art that would no doubt put the canterlot museum to shame.
  1036. >At least in her opinion.
  1037. >Noticing a brief lull in petitioners, she takes a moment to gently nuzzle her son and quietly ask what he's drawing.
  1038. >"A pony."
  1039. "What kind of pony sweetie?"
  1040. >"Somepony here."
  1041. >Ah, a guessing game it is.
  1042. >"Are they a unicorn?"
  1043. "No."
  1044. "An earth pony?"
  1045. >"No."
  1046. >Mental note, try to encourage a vocabulary consisting of more than one word answers.
  1047. "Ah, so they're a pegasus then?"
  1048. >"No."
  1049. "Sunshine we've been over this, unicorns have a horn, a pegasus has wings and an earth pony has neither, okay?"
  1050. >"Yes."
  1051. "So are they a unicorn, pegasus, or earth pony?"
  1052. >"No."
  1053. >Wait what.
  1054. "Well then what are they?"
  1055. >"Dun no, they look weird and glowy."
  1056. >Glowy?
  1057. >A quick scan of the courtroom reveals nothing out of the ordinary, certainly no 'weird' or 'glowy' ponies.
  1058. "Let me see your drawing honey, i might know what it...is."
  1059. >Though a bit crude by virtue of the artist, the shape and colours were nonetheless easily recognizable
  1060. >Charcoal body, solid blue eyes, wings and limbs with holes, what she was looking at was unquestionably a changeling albiet one with what appears to be a green aura around it.
  1061. >Her son shouldn't even know what a changeling IS, let alone be able to draw one with even this level of familiarity, even adult ponies dont take the knowledge of their existance all that well and the last thing she needs is for her son to become paranoid of everypony.
  1062. >Wait a minute, 'somepony here'
  1063. "Dear, you said this is a drawing of somepony in this room?"
  1064. >"Hm."
  1065. "Use your words Anon."
  1066. >"Yes mommy."
  1067. "Very good. Can you tell me where they are right now?"
  1068. >"Over there."
  1069. >A small hoof points to a small gaggle of ponies talking amongst themselves, one of whom waves cheerfully back at the princes assumed gesture.
  1070. >Mentally facehoofing, she tries a different approach.
  1071. "Can you see if they are talking to anypony?"
  1072. >"Yes they are mommy."
  1073. "Can you tell me what that ponies cutie mark is?"
  1074. >"It looks like... a pink circle?"
  1075. >Gotcha.
  1076. "Very good, That's called a 'Donut' sunshine, we'll get some to eat later on and i'm sure you'll love them."
  1077. >Beckoning a guard over, she makes sure that the 'pony' in question was to be stopped from leaving "Just to handle some paperwork problems."
  1078. >She loved and trusted her son, but making a scene based on only his word and some inexplicable ability to see 'through' a changeling would be foolhardy, not to mention the panic such a public reveal would cause.
  1079. >Better to be cautious until she knows whether to either lecture blueblood and cadence on the type of material they are letting her son look at, or ask him if he's seen anypony else 'weird and glowy' around the castle.
  1080. >Regardless, tonight she gets to introduce her son to the sugary goodness that are donuts, hopefully the royal coffers wont weep too hard if he inherits her sweet tooth.
  1081.  
  1082.  
  1083.  
  1084.  
  1085.  
  1086.  
  1087. >Arrive in Equestria a decade early
  1088. >Think early as in Comfy's Sunset green
  1089. >love you comfy
  1090. >Chill at the castle
  1091. >Run into Celestia's tiny student every once in a while
  1092. >She's always full of questions, not all of which are appropriate
  1093. >Innocent as in "why are you so tall", "did something make you lose your fur", and "Wanna play"
  1094. >Not so innocent as in "Why are you wearing clothes, daddy says stallions who wear clothes are 'sloots' ", "are you a sloot", and "You and Celestia spend a lot of time together, are you special someponies"
  1095. >Celestia is mortified
  1096. >You think it's funny as hell and sometimes play along
  1097. >"Are you and Celestia special someponies? Are you her sloot?"
  1098. >Celestia babbles incoherently for a few moments, looking between you and tiny Twilight in horror
  1099. >The white fur doesn't hide her blush at all
  1100. >You grin, feeling the urge to get back at Celestia for stealing the doughnuts you bought for the guard mares as a thank-you for working hard
  1101. >It's just like at your old work place; everyone loves the guy who buys doughnuts, and they'll be more inclined to do favours for you.
  1102. "Yeah, Celestia and I have been sweethearts for a few months now."
  1103. >You walk over and wrap an arm around Celestia's neck, pulling her into a half-hug and planting a wet, loud kiss onto her cheek
  1104. "Don't tell anyone now, Twilight, but the wedding's scheduled for this summer."
  1105. >Celestia panic-teleports Twilight somewhere else (you later learned it was to her bed chambers) and scolds you for telling Twilight that
  1106. >"That little filly repeats everything I say to her, Anon! She repeats everything YOU say too!"
  1107. "Are you worried she's going to start rumours about you and I? Relax, Princess, nobody will take what a little filly says seriously."
  1108. >You lean in and boop her snoot.
  1109. "That's for the doughnuts, by the way."
  1110.  
  1111.  
  1112.  
  1113.  
  1114.  
  1115.  
  1116. >Anon and Celestia had a whirlwind romance that ended with them being married and with a foal on the way after only a couple years of knowing each other.
  1117. >Celestia could say she had never been so happy in the time since she had been forced to banish her sister to the moon, and was completely taken with the idea of starting a family with the man.
  1118. >It's tragic, then, that on the day she went into labor, Anon had been out of the castle, and on his way rushing to be by her side, had a fatal accident.
  1119. >Anon died the exact moment his son came into the world, and Celestia was left devastated and raising a colt who would never even get to see his father.
  1120. >At least, that's what she believes.
  1121. >It's hard to say why it happened.
  1122. >Perhaps it was the timing of his death, or the strength of his will to not leave his family.
  1123. >Perhaps it was both together, but regardless, Anon never left.
  1124. >At least, his spirit didn't.
  1125. >Sometimes Anon Jr. would be heard giggling at seemingly nothing, or babbling at empty air.
  1126. >It scared some of the help, and worried Celestia, but if it turned out her foal had some sort of mental condition, she'd love him just the same, and ensure he gets any treatment he needed.
  1127. >The colt didn't have schizophrenia, though, and was perfectly healthy.
  1128. >No, what made him laugh was the translucent figure that was always by his side.
  1129. >The shimmering air that no one else could see would make funny sounds to entertain him, and soothing ones at night when Junior was afraid of the dark.
  1130. >As the years go on, the bond between the spirit and the colt would grow, and a unique power would strengthen in the son.
  1131. >Anon would have preferred to be their for his wife and son more than this, but he'd just have to settle for being the alicorn colt's guardian angel.
  1132. >And when Junior was older and better at speaking, he could tell Celestia that he was still there, and still loved her
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135.  
  1136.  
  1137.  
  1138.  
  1139. >For the last few days, Anon has felt like he's been being watched.
  1140. >He doesn't know how, and so just focuses on his job.
  1141. >He works at BonBon's shop as a cashier, and is well liked by most of the customers.
  1142. >One, though, seems to like him more than the rest.
  1143. >An earth pony mare, sort of tall, and with a bit of heft to her makes at least one visit a day when he works, sometimes two.
  1144. >She's always ecstatic to speak to Anon, though she tends to trip on her words and blush a lot.
  1145. >Anon ignores this and is always extra friendly to her.
  1146. >Besides being a regular, he sees how, when she turns away from him, her gaze automatically drops from other ponies as she tries to scurry away.
  1147. >He's not sure, but he thinks she doesn't have a lot of friends, and if he can help ease her loneliness while he's on the clock, then why not.
  1148. >Back to the watching thing, though.
  1149. >He's sure it's paranoia, probably not helped by the fact that he tends to help close the store and doesn't leave until dark, but he can't help but feel nervous when he's walking home.
  1150. >He lives on the outskirts of town, too, so it's a long walk, and lonely for the last stretch.
  1151. >As he approaches his home one night, he learns the walk hasn't been as lonely as he thought.
  1152. >He dropped his keys as he stood by the door, and swore under his breath.
  1153. >As he looked around to try and find them, he happened to look back the way he came, and spotted a figure in the shadows of a tree.
  1154. >He jolts, and the figure quickly steps out.
  1155. >"I-it's okay, Nonny! It's me!" a familiar voice says, and he realizes it's the mare from the shop.
  1156. "What the hell are you doing out here?" he asks.
  1157. >She smiles nervously.
  1158. >"Oh, um, I always make sure you make it home safe," she explains, getting a shiver to run up the human's spine.
  1159. "Always?"
  1160. >She nods proudly.
  1161. >"Yep! I follow you home every night!"
  1162. >Well, that's creepy.
  1163. >He starts to look for his keys again.
  1164. "Oh, ah, thanks, b-but I got to go. So..."
  1165. >She must of picked up on his nervousness as she starts to trot forward, eyes going wild.
  1166. >"Wait! It's not what you think!" she starts, picking up speed just as Anon finds his keys and shoves them in the lock. "I-I love you, Anon! I love you more than anything!"
  1167. >He opens the door and gives a quick glance, seeing that she's now barreling at full speed towards him.
  1168. >He steps inside and slams the door, turning the lock just in time for a loud thump to rattle it.
  1169. >He steps back as she continues.
  1170. >"And you love me, too, right?! You're always so nice to me, a-and you don't call me fat and ugly like other stallions do. Please, Anon! We were meant to be together! Think of all the time we've spent together! All those times he talked, o-or when I watched you outside the window! I know everything about you! Your favorite food! What books you read! I even know how you like to be touched! I've watched you pleasure yourself so many times! You were thinking of me, right?! I think of you, too! Oh, Anon, we could be so happy together!"
  1171. >She starts hitting the door with her hooves, rattling the frame.
  1172. >"Just let me in and I can show you! Open up, Anon! Open up! Open Up! OPEN UP!"
  1173. >The wood starts to crack under her assault, and Anon fears how long it'll hold.
  1174. >His heart is hammering against his rib cage as he searches the room for a weapon, eyes landing on the fire poker.
  1175. >Running to grab it, he whirls around just in time to see a segment of wood explode from the middle of the door, and for an eye to peek through.
  1176. >He blanches.
  1177. >The pupil is an honest to god heart-shape, glowing and pulsating a blood-red color.
  1178. >The eye is rimmed with tears as she pulls it away to put her muzzle through the hole, the lips curved up in a twitching smile to reveal grinding teeth.
  1179. >"H-how magical it's gonna be, Nonny-poo. W-when I finally get to love you. My heart is overflowing with love for you, Nonny, don't you see? A-and you love me too, right? You don't have eyes for any other mares."
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183.  
  1184.  
  1185. >In his heart of hearts Anon doesn't resent Twilight because she's rude and patronizing
  1186. >at least entirely
  1187. >lots of ponies are rude and patronizing, and it did become apparent after a while that she wasn't trying to be
  1188. >Anon has always been secretly afraid that Twilight was his replacement
  1189. >A lively talented filly to swap out for the shambling retard
  1190. >he had recurring nightmares where the wings were plucked from his back and given to the child Celestia always wished she had and the impostor is sent away
  1191. >Twilight's ascension brought them back with the added humiliation that no one even wanted his horn and wings anymore
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194.  
  1195.  
  1196.  
  1197. >Anonicorn starts hiding away.
  1198. >Trying to improve himself on his own, learn to control his magic better.
  1199. >It doesn't work too well.
  1200. >A torn book and a blown out wall later and he's being told off by a stressed out Celestia who's been listening to whining nobles who want to be alicorns.
  1201. >Things are said in anger while she's not thinking about it.
  1202. >Things like "You should know better, you know you can't control your magic, you're not like a normal unicorn, you're dangerous! Now look, you've destroyed a wall and Twilight's favorite book!".
  1203. >She forgets the book's main design is teaching ponies to control their magic.
  1204. >Anon still thinking about him getting replaced by Twilight, and Celestia's stress induced rant, Anon leaves the castle without a trace, and heading to a far away town.
  1205. >Celestia panics and sends guards to find her colt, he can't make it on his own of course.
  1206. >But Anon found a town he can fit in.
  1207. >A town everypony can fit in, lead by a smart purple unicorn, who just wants him to join their town.
  1208. >No cutiemark? No problem
  1209.  
  1210. >is Cadance a bad enough mare to save the Princess' son?
  1211.  
  1212. >starlight manages to take away his nonexistant qt mark and shove it into a box, giving him the equals mark.
  1213. >its just a formless mass of mana thats constantly shifting and swirling.
  1214. >with a greatly reduced amount of mana anon suddenly finds he can actually use his magic somewhat competantly.
  1215. >takes an inordinate amount of joy in picking things up and putting them down again while barely having to concentrate on it.
  1216. >like trying to direct a firehose vs a squirt bottle.
  1217. >shares some spells with his new friend starlight who was intially eager but quickly realised they were all the kind of spells a foal would be taught like levitation or examining things in detail and quickly lost interest.
  1218. >later on he's curiously examining and poking his new mark with magic, or rather unbeknownest to him and everypony but starlight, the spell thats blocking and taking the place of his mark and accidently changes some of the parameters.
  1219. >anon just watches as the = changes to a ? and wonders if he's messed something up again right as he hears a commotion outside.
  1220. >Why is the pizza goblin here?
  1221.  
  1222.  
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226. >"You gals?"
  1227. >Sunset tugs on her top, trying to cover up more breast
  1228. >"This seems really dykey. I don't think Anon's even going to show up."
  1229. >>"Shut up!"
  1230. >Chrysalis turns on her with a snarl
  1231. >>"This will work! Anonymous is a boy from another world, and that means he's feeling lost and alone! I told him that a few friends and I-"
  1232. >Sunset snorts at the word "friends", but Chrysalis pays her no mind
  1233. >>"-will help him settle down and give him all the love and affection he could ever want or need."
  1234. >Chrysalis rubs her hands together and cackles to herself
  1235. >>"Boys eat that dumb crap up. I promise you, he'll be here."
  1236. >>>"And that's why you dressed us up in what appears to be men's lingerie, modified to fit us?"
  1237. >Asks Nightmare Moon, quirking a disbelieving eyebrow at Chrysalis
  1238. >Chrysalis blushes and glares at Nightmare Moon
  1239. >>"I took a peek into his mind, and this is how the women in his world dress. Every day, all the time. And I'll have you know that the first thing you need to do when you nab a boy to suck out his love-"
  1240. >Sunset snorts gain, and Chrysalis spaces her an angry glance
  1241. >>"-is to make him feel at home in a familiar place. That's why we're dressed up like this."
  1242. >Chrysalis jabs a finger over at Trixie, who had just finished placing star pasties over her nipples
  1243. >>"And for the record, I didn't tell Trixie to do that. She came up with that all on her own."
  1244. >>>>"Trixie is not at fault that the five of you are not as creative as she is."
  1245. >She says with a distinct, dismissive drawl
  1246. >Trixie grabs her breasts and hefts them up and down, making sure that the star-pasties stick.
  1247. >>>>"Trixie will have her addition to her show, and she will be known around the world."
  1248. ---
  1249. >You are Gilda
  1250. >You are dressed up like a boy from one of your brother's fashion magazines, surrounded by other women dressed similarly
  1251. >You were promised a boy to love and protect, but it seems as though you've actually been tricked into going to a dyke-show
  1252. >Why'd you trust Sunset?
  1253.  
  1254. >Nightmare Moon's the leader of the pack, but she's busy enough running her kingdom that she mostly just leaves Chrysalis in charge
  1255. >Chrysalis has experience leading large groups of people, and her espionage skills are unmatched. She comes up with the plans (often basing them off of incomplete or misinterpreted images from Anon's head) to get this exotic male to help give them the boost they need to expand their influence
  1256. >Trixie is as close to a mercenary as any of the group gets, and is only helping them snag Anon so that she can convince him to leave Equestria and go on tour with her. It's lonely on the road, and Trixie secretly has a soft spot for Anon.
  1257. >Sunset just wants to convince Celestia to let her come home (because home is where all the powerful artifacts are), and a willing boyfriend is just the thing to make her old mentor believe that she's changed.
  1258. >I don't know anything about how Nightmare Rarity do
  1259. >Gilda went along with this mostly because her friend Sunset convinced her to come along, but now that she's seeing what these women are capable of first hand (and now that she fears she's surrounded by clit-licking dykes), she's starting to think that the best option would be to just grab the poor boy by the hand and try to escape together.
  1260. >Of course, none of the other villains want to let that happen, so Gilda will have to be sneaky.
  1261. >And if she ever finds out how Trixie feels about Anon, then maybe she'll have an ally and a definite plan to escape with their lives.
  1262. >Who knows? Maybe touring out-of-country with Trixie and Anon would be fun.
  1263.  
  1264.  
  1265.  
  1266.  
  1267.  
  1268.  
  1269. >EQG girls are basically a different branch of human
  1270. >Smaller and more social than the earth variant
  1271. >His chest and shoulders broader then anything they could breed
  1272. >Taller and more muscular than any of them
  1273. >The guys can’t even grow a proper beard compared to him
  1274. >Earth humans to EQG humans would be similar to a hairless silverback gorilla walking up to us and holding an intelligent conversation with us.
  1275. >anon recognized this when he showed up to canterlot’s
  1276. equivalent of 1600’s
  1277. >he’s not gonna be a demon to be killed by the locals
  1278. >staying in the forest and watching over the years he realizes that he doesn’t age, like he’s a fixed point in time
  1279. >Every so often he sneaks into the town to take what he needs and watches certain families over the year because they interest him.
  1280. >Some catch glimpses of him but never catch him.
  1281. >Anon has become the cryptic of Canterlot.
  1282. >A massive shadow that moves through the night, almost human but the outline throwing massive fear into those that see him.
  1283. >Will he ever feel like revealing himself will be a good idea?
  1284.  
  1285.  
  1286.  
  1287.  
  1288.  
  1289.  
  1290. >Anon pops into RGREqG post-battle of the bands
  1291. >Goes to school because he's being hosted by Celestia and Luna, and they care about his education
  1292. "They won't let me drink, either. Whatever magical fuckery sent me here also ass-fucked me back to my teen years. The principals know full well that I'm a grown-ass man, but here we are today."
  1293. >The sirens still go to school because reasons
  1294. >People tell Anon that they fucked all the shit up and that he should stay away from him, but Anon had just spent the last month being chastised by Luna and Celestia for his behaviour
  1295. >"We've spent years teaching young men, Anonymous, and I can tell you right now that that attitude won't get you anywhere. It might be fun now, partying it up with your horsenite and your neighcraft, vaping tide pods with the other slutty boys, but what you have to realize is that you're at a disadvantage in this world. You'll have to work twice as hard to get half the recognition, and you have to start taking things seriously. And that means losing the socks, mister! And I wish you'd go hang out with some proper boys, Anon. I know you're going through a janegirl phase right now, but Luna and I won't always be here to protect you."
  1296. >Anon's fed up enough that he just assumes it's nothing but people being condescending or underestimating him because he has a penis
  1297. >Goes out of his way to make friends with the sirens out of principle
  1298. >Starts out as "if I give up, then Celestia and Luna and everyone else will see it and double down on their bullshit!"
  1299. >Turns into "I legitimately enjoy hanging out with these fish people and they're honestly not as bad as people say they are"
  1300. >Meanwhile, the sirens are pleased with themselves
  1301. >They've got a feisty mate in their siren pack, and as soon as they're legally of age ("fucking mortality.") and have access to their bountiful bank accounts (who lives forever and doesn't invest a cent in anything?), they plan on grabbing him and moving away somewhere together
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305.  
  1306.  
  1307.  
  1308. >When Twilight realizes that she's not only still a virgin after becoming a princess, but was potentially going to be a virgin for eternity, she freaked out a little.
  1309. >Specifically, she dedicated much of her free time over the next few decades studying, then advancing the fields of computer science and robotics.
  1310. >While her work spawned a new wave of technological marvels and robotic workers for Equestria, she never stopped working on her Magnum Opus.
  1311. >Not until her personal student at the time went nuts and decided to reprogram a bunch of robots to be her war machines and try to take over the world.
  1312. >Huh... so this must be how Celestia felt about Sunset.
  1313. >Well, regardless, she needs to act, and act quickly.
  1314. >But alas, she has fallen into a dreaded state of existence, much like her mentor, that forces her to send others to do all the hard work while she sits on her flanks and watches from afar.
  1315. >Being a princess is hard.
  1316. >Especially when your faithful student is a traitorous thunder cunt.
  1317. >Celestia had it easy with her.
  1318. >And it's not like she can just find another pony to throw at the killer robots.
  1319. >They were all armed with horribly deadly weapons, for crying out loud!
  1320. >Plus, she brought many Equestrian laws up to code from their previous medieval states, and now putting living ponies into such circumstances would get her charged of reckless endangerment.
  1321. >Yeah... Celestia had it way easier.
  1322. >But... what if she didn't use a living pony?
  1323. >What if she didn't use a pony at all?
  1324. >He hasn't been tested yet, but Twilight knows her creation is still leagues above anything out on the market.
  1325. >He might me strong enough to defeat his robotic knock-offs and save the day.
  1326. >And she could also use this debacle to publicly label him as a robot warrior made to conquer evil, and not her hot alicorn depths.
  1327. >At least she wouldn't have to worry about any pony finding out she made a sex bot, then.
  1328. >Hmm.
  1329. >Yep, it's settled.
  1330. >She's sending MegAnon out to save the day
  1331.  
  1332.  
  1333.  
  1334.  
  1335.  
  1336.  
  1337. >Equestria is actually a long since changed Earth and it's oldest graves are human.
  1338. >So, when the resident Necromancer decided to raise the dead in these "holy tombs" (because shit that gets old enough gets 'holy' or revered for some reason) for her army, she gets a rather odd surprise.
  1339. >Instead of ancient pony bones like she thought, she gets something akin to Minotaur bones except more...plantigrade.
  1340. >Hornless, five deft and agile fingers instead of 3 or 4 big stumpy ones and far taller than they had any right to be. Possibly taller than their own princesses.
  1341. >Suffice to say, Necromancer is shocked.
  1342. >Not only did she just discover an ancient species that was thought to be myth, she raised their fucking DEAD.
  1343. >It took her a second to realize that one of them was trying to get her attention.
  1344. "Hey...hey! Little pony thing! Why the fuck are we here?"
  1345. >She has to stammer out something about a 'skeleton war' that she had planned, having not a damn clue what she was trying to say anymore.
  1346. >But the answer seemed to please the odd bonehead as he turned to his fellow brethren.
  1347. "You hear that? We've been called out for the SKELETON WAR, FUCK BOIS!"
  1348. >Dear god, they all sounded so excited. She just wanted to make sure the damn spell worked and now she's gotta figure out what to do next.
  1349. >..namely, figure out how the hell they're all talking and seem quite willful.
  1350. >She blames the fact that it seems she mostly raised males
  1351.  
  1352. >skeleton army arrives at ponyville
  1353. >skelecopters flying errywhere, bones being picked with everypony, the whole schebang
  1354. >ponk is strangely calm about the whole thing, tells her friends to lure all the skellingtons to the town square before dashing off
  1355. >they do so by using a giant milk jug as bait
  1356. >gimmedatcalcium.bone
  1357. >right as the bait is finished off ponk reappears with a certain DJ pone in tow and gets their attention
  1358. >"HIT IT VINYL!"
  1359. >rave lights everywhere, beats shaking the ground
  1360. >moment of silence from the skeleton army before they break into a mosh pit, the rattling being heard everywhere in town
  1361. >necromancer pony desperately trying to get the army back to invading
  1362. "Stop raving! You must do as I command! I'm in charge here!"
  1363. >particularly big skeleton 4u turns and looms over her
  1364. >>"Do you feel in charge?"
  1365. >suddenly nervous she presses forward anyway
  1366. "I raised you all from the dead! I bound you to my will!"
  1367. >>"And this gives you power over us?"
  1368. >*frustrated horse noises*
  1369.  
  1370. >Twilight is going to have a fucking fit.
  1371. >Because on the one hand, an ancient species was discovered and proved the theories of the "mythical" humans.
  1372. >On the other, a NECROMANCER was the one who found this out and raised an assload of them from the dead!
  1373. >And on the OTHER other hand, they're all fucking willful and whimsical out the ASS.
  1374. >So, no sudden death or anything but they're all an annoyance.
  1375. >..especially that bag of bones that calls itself 'Anonymous'.
  1376. >Bag of dicks more like
  1377.  
  1378. "Cmon twi, you know you wanna get-"
  1379. >"Don't finish that sentence Anon!"
  1380. "boned."
  1381. >Twi took away anon's femur privileges that day
  1382. >worth it
  1383.  
  1384.  
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387.  
  1388. >Anon has a computer and a little illiterate when it comes to complex electronic devices
  1389. >Moondancer is the only "IT" pony that he knows
  1390. >Moondancer sabotages his pc trough horsenet encrypting all of the stuff on pc
  1391. >Anon brings his computer to her for a fix
  1392. >When Moondancer unlocks his encryption and sees what anon has on his hard drive she regrets her con-attempt completely
  1393. - Wait, colts are into that?!?!?!
  1394. - I hope he would not try something like this on me
  1395. >She scrolls downward trough petabyte-sized folder called "homework" and deeper she goes the deeper hue of red her cheeks become
  1396. - I hope this is not going to awake something in me.
  1397.  
  1398.  
  1399.  
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402.  
  1403. >ywn be moondancers buffbot / healslut after she juryrigs a non-magical to magical aethernet controller that piggybacks her own connection.
  1404. >ywn happily follow her around and support her in game and accidently ruin the guild by announcing on mic that you need to go check the oven
  1405.  
  1406. >You stare at Moondancer's unimpressed visage.
  1407. >She stares right back at you.
  1408. >You're beginning to sweat.
  1409. >You want to fuck this horse, but your stallion friends say it would be social suicide to just up and whore yourself out to her.
  1410. >You knew she was a huge nerd, and so you tried to get into the games she liked
  1411. >Turns out she's apart of this underground bullshit that you've never even heard of
  1412. >It's like that time your friend's girlfriend came over for a game of DnD and she bragged that she played Final fantasy all the time
  1413. >ONLY WORSE.
  1414. >Now she knows you're a fake gamer boy.
  1415. >You can't save this by bragging about your shitty skills to her.
  1416. >You have to amp this up without saying "please let me put penis in vagoo".
  1417. "...So, you wanna come over to my place and play some Mare-io Kart?"
  1418. >Moondancer just looks at you as though you asked if it was okay if you cockslapped her mom.
  1419. >"No."
  1420. "Well, shoot. Just as well, I guess; I usually play games in the nude, and the thought of being all out in the open like that..."
  1421. >You fake a shudder and look away faux-shyly.
  1422. "...makes me feel funny."
  1423. >If you can't pretend to be a pro-gamer, you can at least pretend to be ditzy and innocent.
  1424. >Moondancer chokes on the nothing she was drinking and you pat her on the back a few times.
  1425. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"
  1426. >"Y-Yeah! Yeah, just... yeah."
  1427. "Good. Okay, I'll head out now. I gotta shower when I get home."
  1428. >You turn around and slooowwwly walk away to give yourself time to keep talking.
  1429. "The AC is broken right now, so it's awfully warm in my house. I get sweaty so easily there."
  1430. >You look over your shoulder and put on an apologetic grimace on your face.
  1431. "I guess it's just as well that you don't wanna come over and play vidya. I really only just have a one-person couch, and you'd have to sit on my lap or something silly like that."
  1432. >You laugh like it's a big joke to you and turn your head to face forward.
  1433. "Bye!"
  1434. >"W-Wait!"
  1435. >CLOPPITY
  1436. >"I-I-I like Mare-io Kart!"
  1437. >Nailed it.
  1438.  
  1439. >Be Moondancer
  1440. >Be sitting in the human's lap
  1441. >He's got his weird forelegs wrapped around your barrel, and he's holding the controller against your chest
  1442. >Specifically, he's got them buried in your chest tuft!
  1443. >He's wearing his tiny human shorts that he wears under his pants, but you can feel his bare skin against the fur on your back.
  1444. >It's so damn distracting that you're losing at a filly's racing game!
  1445. >Your reputation is at stake!
  1446. >But then again, he's also resting his chin on your shoulder, and you can feel his breath on your cheek.
  1447. >It periodically fogs up your glasses, meaning that you can't just pretend you're sitting on a human-shaped chair.
  1448. >This is the worst/best night of your life
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451.  
  1452.  
  1453.  
  1454.  
  1455. >You are Anon, and you have a tiny friend who as of yesterday is acting like your tiny mobile pony-to-human translator.
  1456. >She's the only pony in town who isn't put off by you.
  1457. >In fact, you'd describe her behaviour as borderline human if you were asked.
  1458. >A normal pony would be flipping their shit if they were sitting like this with their legs off the ground, since it's so close to them being on their backs.
  1459. >And ponies HATE being on their backs.
  1460. >You stare at the pony before you, instinctively making eye-contact with her as you talk.
  1461. >The mare buckles after a few seconds.
  1462. >Her ears flap against her head, her head lowers, and she backs away from you as quickly as she can.
  1463. >From her tiny perch in your intricate series of baby-holding straps, Lyra sighs and boops your chest to get your attention.
  1464. >"Anon, sweetheart, were you staring at that pony again?"
  1465. >You just grumble unhappily.
  1466. "Yes, Lyra, I was making a basic connection to the pony I wanted to talk to."
  1467. >"Well, now she thinks you want to eat her."
  1468. "...do ponies actually think I'll eat them?"
  1469. >"Most of them probably don't, but it's still scary as Tartarus when you stare at them."
  1470. "You know, you still won't explain why I got kicked for patting Bon Bon on the back. It's a friendly, reassuring gesture for humans. What the hell does it mean to ponies?"
  1471. >Lyra is suspiciously silent and squirms with discomfort.
  1472. >"...I'll tell you when you're older, Anon".
  1473. >...
  1474. "Oh, god."
  1475. >You sag slightly and place your face in your hands.
  1476. "Did I fucking molest someone?"
  1477. >Lyra makes an indecisive noise in her throat.
  1478. >"More like... you said you WANTED to molest her."
  1479. "Oh."
  1480. >"Like, really really badly."
  1481. "Fuck."
  1482.  
  1483.  
  1484.  
  1485.  
  1486.  
  1487. >tfw you and your brother Incognito got your grandparents really nice house in the really nice part of town after they passed
  1488. >tfw it's perfect since it's closer to the city, so you can find better jobs there
  1489. >tfw there's a stipulation in their will
  1490. >tfw you need to house these three women
  1491. >tfw apparently your grandparents were part of some weird lovecraft/ocean cult
  1492. >tfw these three girls apparently are what they worshipped
  1493. >tfw they're not really bad housemates
  1494. >tfw it's nice having five incomes in the house
  1495. >tfw because of them you could get central air in the house
  1496. >tfw it kinda sucks that they make you and your brother do all the cooking and cleaning though
  1497. >tfw Sonata did try to help, but one time was enough
  1498. >tfw if Aria hadn't been there the house might have burned down
  1499.  
  1500.  
  1501.  
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505. >Sonata is the most casual, but also the least meaningful
  1506. >She'll give you a welcome-back-from-work hug
  1507. >A you-made-breakfast-for-me hug
  1508. >A you-look-like-you-had-a-hard-day-at-work-today hug
  1509. >Adagio is less about hugs and more about full-body contact
  1510. >If you sit on the couch, expect for her to somehow know that you've done this and hone in on your location
  1511. >One minute you're watching bullshit on TV
  1512. >The next, she's got her arms around you and is pulling you back so that you can lay against her chest
  1513. >She won't do anything much beyond that in terms of actual cuddling, but seems to derive pleasure and comfort out of you laying on her
  1514. >On a related note, you found out real fast that these fish people were strong as fuck
  1515. >You were worried you'd crush Adagio if you did what she asked and rested your head on her chest, but then you witnessed a fight between Sonata and Aria result in your heavy-ass solid wood dining room table be used as a blunt instrument
  1516. >Aria, on the other hand, is a different matter
  1517. >She's a big grump
  1518. >She hates that Adagio is the leader of their pack, and she seems to feel personally insulted that she's on the same level on the pecking order as Sonata is.
  1519. >But once those two are out of sight, she turns into a snuggle monster
  1520. >An absolute cuddle-bug
  1521. >As in, either she's in your lap or you're in her's; she doesn't care one bit
  1522. >Legs wrapped around your waist
  1523. >Arms around the back of your neck or around your upper back
  1524. >Face buried in your neck
  1525. >Like she's afraid you'll disappear if she lets go
  1526. >She's the most happy with your arrangement here in this house, even if she only expresses that delight in private
  1527. >She's also afraid of lightning storms; something about how she's a sea creature and electricity is scary as fuck to her
  1528. >She'll sneak into your bed while the others are asleep and seek comfort from you
  1529. >If the others ask in the morning, she'll make up a story about how you couldn't sleep without her there with you
  1530.  
  1531.  
  1532.  
  1533.  
  1534.  
  1535. >"Come on."
  1536. >Adagio gently wraps her fingers around your upper arm and tugs on you
  1537. >Not hard, just enough to make it clear that she wants you to move.
  1538. >"I promise you won't crush me, alright?"
  1539. >You give Adagio a side glance, and she shoots you a wink.
  1540. >"I am a subject of worship, Anon. Your ancestors brought my sisters and I here by piercing a hole through the space between spaces, and I would not want you to think for a moment that we are not grateful gods."
  1541. >Her grip tightens frighteningly, like five snakes trying to strangle your arm.
  1542. >But it's only for just a moment.
  1543. >Only to prove a point.
  1544. >"We have swam the deepest depths together. Hunted the greatest prey for mere food, and fought off fearsome foes to protect our own kind. We have accumulated might over the many years we have been alive; do you think we would be stupid enough to throw it all away now that we're here?"
  1545. >You finally face her, feeling rather nervous.
  1546. >You might have just pissed off what you're starting to suspect is an Old God.
  1547. >But her face is nothing but kindness.
  1548. >"You and your blood were and ARE kind to me, Anon."
  1549. >She lets go of you and spreads her arms.
  1550. >It's meant to be a show of majesty, you're sure, but it's a bit less impressive right now.
  1551. >Right now, Adagio looks like a young woman laying on a couch, blankets up to her stomach and holding out her arms for a hug.
  1552. >She looks like she's about 90lbs soaking wet, but you'll take her word for it.
  1553. >You plant your hands on either side of her and slowly lower yourself down, a part of you still convinced you're too heavy for her.
  1554. >But when you finally relax your entire weight and stop propping yourself up with your arms, all you're met with is a pleased hum from deep in Adagio's chest, and two delicate hands running their fingers through your hair.
  1555. >"It's been too long since I've cuddled with a young man, Anon. In my world, your kind were tougher to lure than sheep to sheers. My sisters and I are glad you are not the same."
  1556.  
  1557.  
  1558.  
  1559.  
  1560.  
  1561. >Twilight Sparkle is a nervous introvert from a family of confident extroverts
  1562. >This has left its mark
  1563. >It's not that her parents and brother don't love her, they do. They just don't understand her.
  1564. >All her secret fears and sense of inadequecy and worries about the future were so alien to anything they talked about she felt terrified to say anything about it
  1565. >Of course the more she kept quiet about it the more the doubts festered in her, unreassured and unsettled
  1566. >The closest she used to be able to do for living up to her family's example was to screw up her eyes and charge ahead at full speed, ignoring that little voice inside telling her she's a screw-up who doesn't know what she's doing and when she fails everypony will know it too
  1567. >But she's been getting better!
  1568. >At least she thought she was
  1569. >Finding out that Anon, one of her oldest acquantances, her study buddy, her friend, the colt she-, well, never liked her and has always viewed her as some kind of interloper competing with him for Celestia's love is devestating
  1570. >How can she be the Princess of Friendship when she never realized how Anon felt?
  1571. >Does anypony really like her or are they all just putting up with her?
  1572. >Do all her friends secretly hate her?
  1573.  
  1574.  
  1575.  
  1576.  
  1577.  
  1578.  
  1579. >Foal sitting wasn't the first job young cadance had
  1580. >No, that was being a pizza delivery filly
  1581. >However that didn't last too long once pizzas started being delivered with toppings, bites, and even entire slices missing
  1582.  
  1583. >Anon arrives at around the same time Cadence gets her first job
  1584. >Cadence took the job mostly because she thought all those stories in Haycolt/Playfilly were real
  1585. >"One of these days, a hot colt will "forget" his wallet and offer to pay me with sex!"
  1586. >Becomes disappointed after a solid 6 months of no offers for sex (she IS a horny teenaged mare after all) and quits to become a foal-sitter
  1587.  
  1588. >Anon answers the door in a house coat
  1589. "Oh... what happened to the regular pizza mare?"
  1590. >The pimple-covered stallion shrugs.
  1591. >"You mean Cadence?" he squeaks, "She quit last week."
  1592. "...oh."
  1593. >He leaves for a moment, walks back to the door, pays for his food, and then sits down.
  1594. >Damn it, he had been planning on flashing her
  1595.  
  1596. >Cadence sulks on her way home after yet another night of her fantasies not coming true
  1597. >decides that she's just not going to go into work tomorrow, she can just find another job
  1598. >continues to sulk well into the night
  1599. >Celestia notices, and asks what's wrong
  1600. >as far as she knows, her niece loved her job, always eager to go to work and deliver pizzas, even if a few "mysteriously" never made it to their destinations
  1601. >Cadance very nearly blurts out that she's disappointed that not a single colt has offered her "alternative payment" yet
  1602. >quickly covers it up and thinks she's slick
  1603. >not slick enough for Cellybelly though
  1604. >sees through it immediately and, while she doesn't exactly approve of her niece's actions, perserverance is very much something she will need as a princess, so she tells her to just give it one more week
  1605. >she may just get lucky and get a big "tip," or she can just quit afterwards if nothing changes
  1606. >and it just so happens, the very next day a certain apelien decides to order a pizza for dinner that night, with some extra pepperoni and sausage, though he is a bit short on cash
  1607. >well, looks like it's time to see just how far these odd reversed gender roles go
  1608.  
  1609. >looking back on it years later, Celestia can definitely say that that was her single most valuable piece of advice she may have ever given out, and not just because Alicorns are no longer an endangered species
  1610. >though that is a big part of it
  1611.  
  1612.  
  1613.  
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616. >Sunset needs some extra cash, and decides to pick up a side job.
  1617. >Pinkie offers to let her take some of her babysitting jobs since she has so many requests flooding in.
  1618. >Pinkie is the #1 babysitter in town, after all.
  1619. >With her recommendation that Sunset is super qualified for the job, Sunset quickly finds herself an easy gig watching a young boy named Anon while his parents are out on a date.
  1620. >She brings her laptop, figuring she can just plop him in front of the TV while she types up a essay for school.
  1621. >The boy seems sweet enough from first impressions, and when the parents leave, she's feeling confident.
  1622. >Eventually, she goes to enact her plan, and things are going well.
  1623. >Then Anon says he's cold and asks if he can sit closer to her
  1624. >She agrees, and he snuggles up under her arm, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders
  1625. >He's really pressing against her, but Sunset tries to ignore him and focus on her homework.
  1626. >Then he leans his head against her chest, resting it on her breast.
  1627. >She doesn't say anything because he obviously doesn't mean anything sexual by it and telling him to move would only make things awkward, but it's hard when one of his tiny hands thoughtlessly falls to her thigh.
  1628. >She's blushing and staring on her screen while getting little done when Anon asks if he can have a glass of juice.
  1629. >Happy for an excuse to move, she sets her laptop on the arm of the couch and goes to the kitchen.
  1630. >When she returns, Anon is messing with her computer, and looks up with a confused expression.
  1631. >"I wanted to see if you had any games or cartoons saved on it, and I found these really weird pictures. Are these people playing a game?"
  1632. >He spins the screen around to reveal her collection of porn, and she freezes, glass of OJ almost slipping from her fingers.
  1633. "O-oh, ah, yeah, they're just playing games."
  1634. >"Oh... Can we play? They look like they're having lots of fun!"
  1635. >She isn't sure if those are police sirens she hears over the sound of her internal screaming
  1636.  
  1637.  
  1638.  
  1639.  
  1640.  
  1641. >Sunset sets down the glass for Anon and quickly excuses herself to the bathroom, grabbing her bag as she goes.
  1642. >Once she's inside, she pulls her phone from one of hte compartments of the backpack, and frantically pulls up her contacts.
  1643. "Come on, Pinkie," she mumbles. "Pick up already."
  1644. >"After the third ring, the other line responds.
  1645. >"Hey, Sunset! How are you enjoying the job?"
  1646. "Anon found the porn on my computer and wants to play the games they're playing in it!"
  1647. >"Oof, he's going strong from the start, eh? He must really like you."
  1648. "Excuse me?"
  1649. >"That's just how Anon is, the little flirt. Just tell him it's a big people game and maybe offer him some sweets instead."
  1650. "Pinkie, how can you be so casual about this? I might go to jail by the end of the night!"
  1651. >"Geez, Sunset, you sound like you didn't even read the notes I left for you to make your job easier. Anon is on page thirty-four, I think."
  1652. "Notes?"
  1653. >"Yeah, I put a copy of my sitting notes in your backpack. I even copied it out by hand!"
  1654. "Pinkie, what are you-?"
  1655. >"Listen, I gotta go. Donut Hole wanted me to help him make something other than donuts, so we're making brand muffins! Ah, I remember when I was still young and experimenting with different baked goods... Anyway, bye!"
  1656. "Pinkie, wait!"
  1657. >But the other girl had already left to return to her own babysitting job, leaving Sunset uncertain of what to do.
  1658. >With a heavy sigh, she decides to search her backpack, and eventually finds an unfamiliar notebook.
  1659. >Not bothering to question her odd friend, she starts flipping through it.
  1660. >Multiple children are listed, with notes on their personalities, favorites games and pizza toppings, desserts, bedtime stories, lullabies, and all sorts of little details.
  1661. >She gets to the thirty-fourth page and sees Anon's name.
  1662. >Directly under it, in bold letters underlined three times, are the words 'TURBOSLUT! EXTREME CAUTION!"
  1663.  
  1664. >Armed with Pinkie's hard-won knowledge, Sunset prepares herself mentally and marches out of the bathroom and back into the living room.
  1665. >There, she finds Anon in nothing but his tighty whitey's as he grins at her.
  1666. >"Hey! You're back! We can finally play now! I took my clothes off since that's how the people playing on your computer are doing it."
  1667. >Sunset gulp, and remembers what Pinkie wrote.
  1668. >'He acts innocent, but he's doing it on purpose. He loves watching girls squirm. He can dish it out, but he can't take it though.'
  1669. >Steeling her resolve, she puts on her best seductive smile and starts walking forward, putting a noticeable sway in her hips.
  1670. "That's a good point, Nonny, I should get undressed to, don't you think?"
  1671. >As she says this, she puts a thumb in the waist of her pants and tugs them down, revealing the barest hint of her mound to the boy.
  1672. >Instantly, his face goes slack and a blush comes to his cheeks.
  1673. "A-are you serious?!" he blurts, before trying to restore his innocent facade. "Er, I mean, i-it's actually getting really cold in here. I- ah- didn't think about that. M-maybe we should play something else?"
  1674. >Sunset tilts her head.
  1675. "Are you sure? I'm sure your parents won't mind if I turn the thermostat up a bit."
  1676. >She moves closer and leans close to his ear.
  1677. "Plus, I'm sure we'll get plenty warm playing that special game. Hot, even."
  1678. >A noticeable shiver goes up the boy's spine as she whispers into his ear, and he steps away
  1679. >"Um, nah, Mom hates when people touch the thermostat. I'll just put my clothes back on. A-as a matter of fact, I'll go to my room and put on some extra layers so I won't need to sit so close to you for heat."
  1680. >He quickly scurries off and up the stairs, and Sunset watches him.
  1681. >Once she's sure he's out of hearing range, she releases a big breath and puts a hand over her pounding heart.
  1682. >"I can't believe that worked," she mumbles. "Pinkie really is good."
  1683. >She pulls out the notebook and opens to Anon's page.
  1684. >It's about time to eat, and she's thinking of ordering pizza.
  1685. >She makes a face upon seeing his listed topping preference.
  1686. "Augh, pineapple and sausage. Kid really is a little deviant."
  1687. >Shrugging she grabs her phone and dials the pizza place while Anon is upstairs splashing cold water on his face and trying to calm down
  1688.  
  1689.  
  1690.  
  1691.  
  1692.  
  1693.  
  1694.  
  1695. >Of all three pony races, unicorns were the most superstitious, pre-unification.
  1696. >Unicorns existed in tribes, and a lack of unified culture meant that information about magic was often lost, altered, and was very rarely studied and verified.
  1697. >That meant that many magical rituals existed that were complicated to cast, had very specific parameters that had to be met, and often did jack shit.
  1698. >These rituals differed from tribe-to-tribe, and the lack of cooperation between tribes meant that magical study was advancing at a snail's pace.
  1699. >Actual discoveries were closely guarded secrets among the tribe's shamans, and misinformation was sometimes deliberately spread.
  1700. >During this time period, wendigos were a major threat.
  1701. >They were attracted and strengthened by fighting, ill-will, mistrust, and violence.
  1702. >And unicorns, with the most reason not to cooperate, were hit the worst by it.
  1703. >No, really, unicorns got along with each other the worst - what, a pegasus is going to hide the secret of how to flap her wings from the other bird-ponies? An earth pony will withhold the secret of how to grow food, an then everyone starves to death? "Gotcha, fuckers!" the earth pony cried as she and everyone else died of no food.
  1704. >They looked to other tribes to discover ways to protect themselves.
  1705. >The pegasi flew away and had cities in the sky, and cooperation was desperately needed to maintain a sky-city.
  1706. >Weather was controlled, clouds were wrangled, and not working together meant no magic sky-castles.
  1707. >Unicorns mostly just saw this as pegasi flying away from the problem and using thunder to scare away the wendigos
  1708. >"Useless," spat the unicorn mare, "We can't fly, and we cannot control the weather."
  1709. >Earth ponies herded together in large groups, and they all worked together towards a common goal.
  1710. >It was always in their best interest to work together and grow lots of food, and large families of earth ponies tended to have very similar cutie marks which frequently followed a central theme.
  1711. >IE the Apple clan all have a cutie mark related to apples, and their lives and passions tend to revolve around that fruit in one way or another.
  1712. >Working together and not fighting helped them the most, and so earth ponies had the most wendigo-fucking harmony levels of all three tribes.
  1713. >Unicorns were unable to get too close to either of the other two races (thank you, cross-race hostilities), and so they didn't have the best view of earth ponies.
  1714. >One apple looked like another apple.
  1715. >A group of three apples is pretty close to a pair of apples when you look at it from far away.
  1716. >"Do they all have the same cutie mark?"
  1717. >The unicorns saw that the earth ponies, who resided on the ground and had not thunder clouds to scare away the wendigos, did not suffer attacks like the unicorns do.
  1718. >Naturally, the unicorns concluded that it must be because groups of earth ponies share the "same" cutie mark; which in itself became a wide-spread misconception about earth ponies.
  1719. >This immediately sparked a wide-spread belief that multiple unicorns having the same cutie mark would somehow protect them from wendigos.
  1720. >This lead to the belief among many unicorn tribes that sharing your cutie mark with another pony would protect you and them from harm
  1721. >It was believed that copying one's cutie mark and putting it on another pony also transferred and sacrificed a portion of their magic, which gave the ritual more meaning and significance.
  1722. >This mostly involved magical rituals that just pulled magic out of the ponies and either shuffled it around or just bled it out into the earth around them
  1723. >The only "real" part of the complex rituals were the part where the unicorn imprints their cutie mark somewhere on the receiving unicorn's body.
  1724. >Painlessly and harmlessly, of course. It was just a new mark that existed on their bodies.
  1725. >It was a very inefficient spell and required lots of time and effort ("No, no, no! You have to wait until the full moon and sprinkle the broken mana-gems all over the circle we drew using tools made only of brass! C'mon, ponies! It's not that difficult!"), and so unicorns mostly only performed this ritual on other ponies that they either liked or loved.
  1726. >Add on that the mark-transfering spell itself required an above-average power to cast and that the ritual can fail if the mare isn't powerful enough, and you've got a firm belief that it's real as shit and is super important.
  1727. >On top of all that, it was discovered that trying to impart any cutie mark other than the caster's will impart imperfections and defects to the magical signature; marking someone one with a random pony's cutie mark is like taking someone else's ID, scratching out their name, and writing your own over it in crayon.
  1728. >False markings were easy to weed out with a simple scanning spell.
  1729. >And because of the belief that the mark offered protection, the unicorns who would otherwise attack other unicorns (rob them, they just don't like them, etc) would back off instead.
  1730. >Inter-unicorn hatred and violence decreased over time, and communities became more close-knit
  1731. >Shamans would offer their services to other unicorn tribes, which just built up cooperation and even caused several of them to join together
  1732. >And so when the unicorns formed connections with those around them and began to slowly expand their communities, the overall increasing friendship and lessening hostilities would help drive the wendigos away.
  1733. >Obviously, the unicorns believed it was the act of branding another pony with their cutie mark that was doing all this good shit.
  1734. >And so, magically branding the flesh of another pony is seen as a unique gesture.
  1735. >And of course, unification of the tribes brought wide-spread unified study, and the ritual has since been studied and refined down to a single, simple spell that almost any sufficiently-powerful unicorn can perform.
  1736. >As unification happened, many cultural quirks bled into the new whole from all three pony tribes
  1737. >Pegasi brought in giving another pony a primary feather as a way to say "I am willing to cripple my ability to fly and escape danger so that you know how much I love you".
  1738. >Earth ponies had gifting lavishly-made dishes, which meant "The very fact that I can produce this means that my family is strong and successful in growing food, and I'd love for you to become a member of my family.
  1739. >Unicorns had magically branding another pony, which meant "I love you, and I want you and everyone else to see that I'm willing to sacrifice a portion of my magic and weaken myself for you; you are under my protection, and I won't let anything bad happen to you."
  1740. >Context is important; between family members, between non-family members, and imprinting onto clothing rather than onto flesh.
  1741. >If done between family members, it's means "remember that I love you" and "you're under my protection"; a mother might mark the foreheads of her foals with her cutie mark so that would-be ne'er-do-wells would know that if they fuck with that kid, they fuck with a powerful mare.
  1742. >if the mare is not powerful enough to give her foals her mark, a necklace with an emblem that resembles the mother's cutie mark will do in a pinch
  1743. >A more watered-down version of it is putting one's cutie mark on an article of clothing, like a saddlebag; it's much more impersonal (since a unicorn can just stamp her mark onto 50 saddlebags and then hand them out to whoever) and is typically used in modern times between friends and business associates as a way of saying "I'm associated with this pony".
  1744. >But inscribing a cutie mark onto a non-family member means that the mare cares deeply for the pony she inscribed her mark onto.
  1745. >It means "I consider this pony to be my family".
  1746. >Platonically, it means she considers the other pony to be on the same level as her brother or sister.
  1747. >Non-platonically, it means that she doesn't need to put a horn-ring on it.
  1748. >So for Sunset to magically inscribe her cutie mark onto Anon's hand means that she holds him in very high regard, and that holy hell will rain down on anypony who hurts him.
  1749. >Buying a horn-ring and proposing is less significant than this; in fact, a married unicorn stallion without his wife(s)'s mark somewhere on his body is derisively referred to as a "cleanskin".
  1750. >Most unicorns will just plain recognize Anon as Sunset's husband.
  1751. >At the very least, ponies will acknowledge that Anon is associated with Sunset.
  1752. >It bestows onto him some small portion of Sunset's authority as Aegis, in that nopony wants to explain to the Aegis that they gave her husbando a hard time.
  1753. >It might get Anon into areas he might not have been able to get into before, much like how a photo ID will get you into a night club.
  1754. >"No can do, bub; I was told not to let anypony except for the Aegis herself in. Woah, wait, hey, you're with Miss Shimmer? I-I'm sorry! I had no idea! Please, just this way."
  1755.  
  1756. >Obviously, Anon knows none of this.
  1757. >He'll probably show it off to his friends and be all "look at this sick tattoo Sunset gave me" and be confused when a few ponies just scoff and tell him to stop showing it off, like a brand new fiance showing off her ring.
  1758. >Anon has no idea what he's getting into
  1759.  
  1760.  
  1761.  
  1762.  
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. >Ponies are programs
  1766. >Magic is just unicorns with admin access and who can pass lines of code to alter the virtual world around them
  1767. >Personalities were altered when Twilight swapped cutie marks because the programmers took the easy way out and made it so that cutie marks hold all the important parts of the pony's personality, and applying it to a different mare fucked with memory locations
  1768. >"Why am I getting out of bounds errors? I, Rainbow Dash, am just trying to feed that pet bunny I've always owned."
  1769. >Discord was made via a random part generation dealie that was experimental, but some idiot put it into the Equestria program
  1770. >The reason his magic is so chaotic is because he was never meant to be in Equestria.exe and no restrictions were given to him - he has admin access to bug testing tools
  1771. >"Oh, neat! I can change what fluid rain is made of. How about chocolate milk?"
  1772. >Due to shitty programming, the spawn rate of male ponies is way lower than it should be (some dumbass moved a decimal point one position over)
  1773. >The programmers didn't really consider the scope of the program, and they never got around to making the sun or moon anything other than static bodies; something to put in the skybox for decoration
  1774. >Celestia and Luna were specifically created to be given powers to alter the location of the sun and moon
  1775. >"Alright... it's morning time. sun.position(double newLocation[]); . Luna? Lower your moon, please. The world glitches when when it and the sun try to occupy the same location."
  1776. >Equestria is essentially a pre-alpha experimental piece of software ripe with glitches, patches, and a complete lack of foresight
  1777. >Also Anon is there or something I don't know, I forgot to work him into this
  1778.  
  1779. >Anon is the first alpha tester of the newest DMMO game that's yet to be revealed.
  1780. >He has access only to a limited amount of commands, but he can always just leave the simulation.
  1781. >His arrival is foretold in ancient texts, as the first sign of The Great Ascension.
  1782. >For some he is revered as a prophet.
  1783. >For others he is the embodiment of the New Age to be come.
  1784. >Meanwhile, Anon just wants to test if he can use noclip and slip into the female Royal Guards' shower
  1785.  
  1786. >The world glitches when when it and the sun try to occupy the same location
  1787. >Luna was not intentionaly banished to the moon
  1788. >She was just a little lazy about raising it one day when Celestia raised the sun
  1789. >Things got a little weird, some bugs popped up, and Luna found out how to use the glitched super jump
  1790. >Took her awhile to use it again to get off the moon though
  1791.  
  1792.  
  1793.  
  1794.  
  1795.  
  1796.  
  1797. >I suddenly have a mental image of a foal anon ferrying papers throughout the castle for her once he got the hang of walking.
  1798. >Raven doesn't know what to do with the thought of royalty serving her instead of the other way around for once
  1799. >it feels... good
  1800. >really, really good
  1801. >thankfully though, long years as Celestia's assistant has let her overhear many a tale where the simplest of things can corrupt if left to fester for too long
  1802. >decides letting the knowledge that she has the first male alicorn nearly at her beck and call get to her head is just too tempting a target for the fates to ignore, she only makes use of the prince's services sparingly, and always makes sure to thank him accordingly
  1803. >not that she didn't do so already
  1804. >he was just the cutest little thing when his face lit up when he managed to bring her just the right form at just the right time, something a number of previous under-secretaries somehow managed to buck up over the years
  1805.  
  1806.  
  1807.  
  1808.  
  1809.  
  1810.  
  1811. >Lemon Hearts had a rich and reward career
  1812. >not even thirty and she was in charge of all official events at the castle
  1813. >the receptions, the Gala, the garden party, the royal birthdays
  1814. >pretty good for old fleakerhead
  1815. >and now the capstone of her career, the marriage of Prince Anon, Celestia's only son, to Rarity, a dressmaker from a town so minor it's only claim to fame is that she and Princess Twilight live there
  1816. >and she was in charge of it all, every last detail
  1817. >including and especially working with the cabal of elite stallions put forward to make an compromise between the nobility's desire for pomp and formality and the royal family's desire for the newlyweds to actually enjoy themselves
  1818. >working with an office consisting entirely of males seemed like a dream come true
  1819. >it didn't take long for the dream to melt away into a waking nightmare
  1820. >the committee consisted all but entirely of middle-aged and elderly stallions who viewed her as an overgrown child to be cosseted, scolded and be dumped with chores
  1821. >all of them patrons of the Canterlot social scene who were less tolerant of her nonsense than her own father and had tongues sharp enough to be stored in the guard's armory
  1822. >the only stallions her own age in the group were Fancy Pants, who is embarrassingly mono, and Prince Blueblood at his bitchiest on the occasion of his favorite cousin's wedding
  1823. >and perhaps his own spinsterhood, but if Blueblood would settle for anything less than a mare who'd lay her teats out on the floor in front of her and invite him to step on them he wouldn't be so single
  1824. >it would be unprofessional of her to wish Rarity would drag her prince off to Los Pegasus for a quick elopement, but little daydreams about how outraged these harridans would be wouldn't hurt anyone
  1825.  
  1826.  
  1827.  
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830.  
  1831. >The CMC have sadly been bereft of father figures for most of their lives.
  1832. >Bloom's parents were dead, and her brother never quite fit the role, being too young for most of her life, and then too busy trying to tend to the farm later.
  1833. >Sweetie's parents were more occupied with their travels than her, and she was more often then not left with her sister.
  1834. >Similarly, Scootaloo's parents were never around, and left her with her aunts.
  1835. >When Anon arrived, and learned that ponies just waved off the insane stunts of the three adventurous fillies trying to get their marks, he decided to do something about.
  1836. >He started following the fillies around and helping them.
  1837. >He would often bring them snacks and drinks while making sure they were safe, and always had a first aid kit ready to patch up any of their wounds, no matter how small.
  1838. >At first, they thought the strange stallion was a little annoying, but after the first day he didn't track them down in weeks, and they searched him out to find him sick in his own home, things changed.
  1839. >They fretted around him despite him saying it was just a cold, and insisted they take care of him.
  1840. >After that, they began to crave the man's attention, always eager to see him and wanting to do him proud.
  1841. >It became routine for the fillies to bring him graded assignments and glow at his compliments of their scores.
  1842. >To do stunts and tricks before running up with calls of, "Did you see me!? Did you see me, Anon!? Wasn't I cool?"
  1843. >To come to him when they were feeling low and taking solace in his calm voice and gentle pets.
  1844. >And the first time Apple Bloom called him Pa, then clamped her hooves over her mouth with wide eyes, Anon simply gave a soft smile, and told her she could call him whatever she wanted
  1845.  
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848.  
  1849.  
  1850. >prince anon has a crush on raven.
  1851. >raven is of two sides, on the one hoof this is her bosses son and its probably just based on the fact she's the most prominent and supportive female in his life that isnt his mother.
  1852. >on the other hoof, he's very good natured and also happily lets her indulge in her coltish desire to play dress up with his wardrobe for both day to day and formal functions.
  1853. The time he tried on a copy of her outfit and accidently gave her a particular look over the rim of the glasses is burned into her memory
  1854. >celestia just thinks the whole thing is adorable and teases them both about it.
  1855.  
  1856.  
  1857.  
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860.  
  1861. >Twilight takes Anon's flirting a little too literally, is happy to help him find a relevant book when he says he wants to study interspecies relationships.
  1862. >Pinkie starts checking through her recipe book for a good one when Anon talks about putting a bun in the oven.
  1863. >Rainbow is convinced that Anon is just joking around and acting like 'one of the gals' and couldn't possibly actually be interested in her, that's just preposterous. He can't possibly know what it means to touch her wings like that, he's just trying to help out like a good friend.
  1864. >AJ thinks he's just tuckered out from a hard day's work, and is just trying to be helpful when he offers his leg as a pillow under the shade of a tree
  1865.  
  1866.  
  1867.  
  1868.  
  1869.  
  1870.  
  1871.  
  1872. >"Okay, these are the controls"
  1873. "Uh..."
  1874. >You are Anon, and horse-human language is weird.
  1875. >It's spoken pretty much the same as English is, only it has a few words that only exist in this world, and one or two grammar rules are different.
  1876. >You can handle that.
  1877. >You gotta figure out how to use "Flink-blop" in casual conversation, sure, but it's doable.
  1878. >But the written language is garbage.
  1879. >It's bullshit.
  1880. >Imagine if the Finish tried to write English after staring blankly at a few English books, and then they handed it over to to the Germans.
  1881. >The Germans added a bunch of gendered words, and then they handed it over to the French.
  1882. >The French went "fuck it" and just flipped everything left-to-right.
  1883. >That's human-horse written language.
  1884. >You are Anon, and you are staring at a TV screen full of GIBBERISH.
  1885. >Sunset, meanwhile just rolls her eyes at you and smiles fondly.
  1886. >It's the sort of smile that shows that she's enjoying spending time with you, even if she has to be patient and explain things to you.
  1887. >It's the smile that means she likes all of you, not just part of you.
  1888. >"Alright, up-up."
  1889. >She makes a "up and at'em" gesture with her hands, and you stand up from the couch, controller still in hand.
  1890. >Sunset slides over to where you were sitting and spreads her legs wide.
  1891. >"Sit back down, big guy."
  1892. >You hesitantly sit back down between her legs, but you don't lean back.
  1893. >The women here might be built more solidly than the ones back home, but you don't want to ruin this moment by knocking the wind out of her.
  1894. >After a moment, Sunset wraps her legs around your waist, wraps her arms around your middle, and rests her chin on your shoulder.
  1895. >She rests her hands over your own, and guides your fingers to the different buttons.
  1896. >"This is the jump button. And this one is the sprint button. And this one..."
  1897. >You are Anon, and you're in for a very cozy vidya session.
  1898. >Especially when she starts nuzzling your neck and planting kisses on it when you start doing well.
  1899.  
  1900.  
  1901.  
  1902.  
  1903.  
  1904.  
  1905. >Her chat realizes before she can.
  1906. >It's like the 'Trump Can't Read' meme but it is a LOT sadder.
  1907. >To them.
  1908. >To anon, it's just annoying. Maybe he can get away with saying he's foreign?
  1909.  
  1910. >Sunset realizes that Anon can't read on-stream while she's playing with him, thanks to a few words from chat
  1911. >The look of shock on her face is heart-breaking
  1912. >Chat explodes with sentiments of support and links to language centers in her city
  1913. >Sunset feels like a failure for never finding out before now
  1914.  
  1915. >Anon actually just needs glasses, but he's too much of a stubborn asshole to admit it
  1916. >The reason he's seemingly literate is because he's can't see the words very well
  1917. >Chat notices the squinting, but they decide to fuck with Sunset
  1918. >"Sunny, I think your bf can't read"
  1919. >Sunset decides to test this and asks him to read something for her
  1920. >He doesn't want to look like a squinting asshole in front of her and the stream, so he makes an excuse not to read it
  1921. >The look of shock and concern on her face is priceless
  1922. >"Oh my god, my boyfriend can't read."
  1923. >Chat's fucking dying
  1924.  
  1925.  
  1926.  
  1927.  
  1928.  
  1929. >"W-Welcome to Twilight's Fetish Fun."
  1930. >"Today--hmm~ Today we're going to be doing something a little different."
  1931. >"As you all know--squeeze these tits harder, hon--it's No Jill July."
  1932. >"I can't--oh fucccccck--masterbate, just like a lot of you."
  1933. >"Today I want to see if there's a way to work around it."
  1934. >"Not by having sex, even though I'd like to bounce on my boyfriends big dick, but by other means."
  1935. >"I've researched--oh, you're asking for it, Anon. Oh you're asking for it--some interesting methods."
  1936. >"The first I'd like to try is musk play."
  1937. >"Apparently, having a young, hung stud rubbing and slapping his dick against your face can drive some girls over the edge."
  1938. >"Lets see if that theory is sound, shall we?"
  1939.  
  1940. >tfw while lewd, Twilight does have a lot of informational videos about sex
  1941. >From step-by-step guides to even things about protection and even hygiene
  1942. >Sometimes there's not even lewd, just Twi standing in front of a chalkboard or her naked boyfriend, pointing stuff out
  1943. >tfw it actually helps a lot of young girls dipping their toes into lewdness practice safe sex
  1944. >tfw her channel is a top viewer on Horse Hub
  1945. >tfw her mom is so very fucking proud
  1946.  
  1947.  
  1948.  
  1949.  
  1950.  
  1951.  
  1952. >For the longest time, the Cult of Ponthulu thought they'd never be able to summon their dark lord into the mortal realm.
  1953. >After all, the ritual to do so required a live human sacrifice, and just where in the world were they supposed to get one of those?
  1954. >Ponyville, apparently, as one of their loyal members report.
  1955. >Thus how Anon found himself tied down to a stone slab, limbs splayed and heaving chest bared.
  1956. >Panicked gaze flitting from one robed pony to the next, he begged and pleaded for his life, though it did not carry over the droning chants of the Cult.
  1957. >"Now, my fellows! It is finally time to welcome our great lord, Ponthulu to our world so that she might usher in a new world order! Each of us shall no doubt hold a position of power under her reign!"
  1958. >"Ponthulu Be Praised!"
  1959. >"Sister Pie, since it was you who secured for us the legendary human that has made this glorious event possible, you shall have the honor of draining his blood for the ritual."
  1960. >"Oh, ah, Okey-dokey!"
  1961. >The pink mare adjusts her hood before stepping forward and accepting the knife, moving to stand over Anon's prone form.
  1962. "Pinkie! You can't do this! We're friends!" Anon begs. "I shared my mother's snicker doodle recipe with you! Does that mean nothing?"
  1963. >"I'm really sorry, Nonners, but I gotta do this for Ponthulu," she says sadly. "I'm one of her chosen followers, blessed with her power just like Granny Pie before me."
  1964. >She holds the knife high, eyes squeezed shut as Anon starts hyper-ventilating.
  1965. >Blade gripped in both hooves, it stays there, shaking.
  1966. >"Sister Pie? What are you doing? Spill the human's blood already!"
  1967. >"Yeah, I haven't got all night!" A voice calls from the crowd. "I've got to be back in Manehatten by morning to open the boutique!"
  1968. >Pinkie bites her lip and grinds her teeth.
  1969. >Finally, she deflates with a sigh.
  1970. >"I'm sorry, Moondancer. I just can't do it. He's a colt! And even though Granny told me to always walk the path of Ponthulu, she also told me never to hit a colt!"
  1971. >"Blasphemous! Ponthulu will surely punish you for this!"
  1972. >The unicorn yanks the dagger from Pinkie's grip and bumps her out of the way.
  1973. >"I'll do it, then!" Levitating the blade high, she stares coldly down at the human, who whimpers, lower lip quivering.
  1974. >Tears form in his eyes.
  1975. >Her stony expression falters.
  1976. >"Um, on second thought. Why should I hog the glory for myself?" Moondancer starts, eying the crowed with forced dignity. "I'm a generous leader. Surely there is one among you eager for the honor of beginning the ritual."
  1977. >There's a lot of shuffling hooves and mumbling.
  1978. >"Come on, who wants to cement themselves in Ponthulu's good graces for all eternity? Fathomless riches? Limitless power? It could all be yours, and all you have to do is kill this... this colt."
  1979. >None step forward for several long seconds.
  1980. >Then Pinkie moves.
  1981. >"You've changed your mind?!" Moondancer asks.
  1982. >The pink mare shakes her head and scuffs the dirt with a hoof.
  1983. >"Um, no. It's just... if no pony is gonna cut Anon's heart out and feed it to the nether flames... Can I just untie him and take him back to his place? I mean, we were gonna have a movie night before I drugged him with that cupcake."
  1984. >"Oh? A human movie? What are those like?" a voice from the crowd asks.
  1985. >"Yeah? Does he got any good ones?"
  1986. >"Probably just a bunch of colty romance stuff... C-can I come watch it with you two?"
  1987. >"Hey! I want to see the movie, too!"
  1988. >"We're gonna need popcorn!"
  1989. >"Movie night at Anon's house!"
  1990. >And thus, Anon found himself sitting on his living room couch, a dozen robed mares surrounding him on all sides as they watch Treasure Planet, his fingers idly running through Pinkie's mane as they all enjoy the film.
  1991. >Even Moondancer, who was acting like a grump, couldn't help but watch the screen in awe
  1992.  
  1993. >In the Space Between Spaces, a giant green hoof smacks into a crystal orb showing this.
  1994. >"Curses! It was so close to being mine!" screams the tentacle faced mare. "I almost had that human dick!"
  1995.  
  1996.  
  1997.  
  1998.  
  1999.  
  2000.  
  2001. >Anon was well involved in the supernatural world back home, so Equestria doesn't rattle him much.
  2002. >Kinda nice in fact. Now if only these little horses weren't so sexist and blind to how he can defend himself.
  2003. >No matter how much he tells them he's taken and just waiting for his "mare" to show up, the never believe him. "What mare would leave her stallion alone so long?" They ask.
  2004. >But he DID leave someone back home, someone furious that random magic of all things took what belongs to them.
  2005. >Who did he leave? An ageless cosmic horror that Anon was brave enough to give the D.
  2006. >It takes time, but the void-borne who bonded to the human who interested it so builds power and rips the fabric of space, jumping to Equestria.
  2007. >It did not discover love just to have it suddenly ripped away.
  2008. >Tracking it's human will take time in such a magic saturated land, so the shadowy elder god assumes the form of a mare after confirming that they are female.
  2009. >It, or rather she (her human is fond of referring to her as female even in her normal form, so female she shall be) slowly triangulates her human to a town called Ponyville.
  2010. >Naturally, the human and disguised elder god are thrilled to be reunited, throwing everyone for a loop since he really did have a mare on the way. The few with the teats to still try him are quickly sent scampering like fillies by the mystery mare.
  2011. >But in Twilight, the new """mare""" makes her Alicorn Evil Sense™ go haywire. It's way worse than Discord, Chrysalis, or even Tirek.
  2012. >But like many times before, no one believes her that the mare courting the human is a demon in disguise, writing her fear off as jealousy.
  2013. >But unlike before, this is the one time her fear is largly unfounded.
  2014. >And so goddess of magic and god of dark butt heads over exotic dick.
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017.  
  2018.  
  2019.  
  2020.  
  2021.  
  2022. >Ponies do not normally communicate through song or consider music to be literal interpretations of how the singer is feeling, because then the music industry just plain wouldn't exist, and that would be dumb
  2023. >...except for l-lewd things
  2024. >Ponies are only fertile a few weeks during the spring, and unicorns are fertile even less than that
  2025. >The trade-off for magic is a bitch sometimes.
  2026. >So, to ponies (and ESPECIALLY unicorns), sex really is sacred
  2027. >And since songs are a cultural phenomena, where ponies in the street will break into song and dance, singing about sex is considered very intimate
  2028. >It's done with the understanding that it's meant for a specific target, and that those who hear it are the ones who are meant to hear it
  2029. >So when you end up singing something l-lewd in the shower and Twilight overhears it, she is understandably flustered about it
  2030. >You wonder why she's a bit more touchy-feely than usual, but you're not going to complain when Twilight begins to sit in your lap or drape herself over you when you lie down
  2031.  
  2032.  
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035.  
  2036.  
  2037. >there's a difference between music and singing to ponies
  2038. >music is something you do with instruments to make a pretty sound
  2039. >singing is when you're just so filled up with a emotion that it comes pouring out of your mouth in a melody
  2040. >Anon's ipod is like finding a species out there who are emotional voyeurs and want to listen in to the lewdest heart songs imaginable
  2041.  
  2042.  
  2043.  
  2044.  
  2045.  
  2046.  
  2047. >Waifu has nightmares of having to chase off a bunch of sheath-sniffing mares from her multiple precious innocent colts
  2048.  
  2049. >Luna has nightmares about protecting not only her many precious little angels, but also defending the honor of the royal house from the degenerate nobility that would like nothing more than to corrupt (you)r children into tools to be used against their family
  2050. >threatens to relapse into Nightmare Moon, but not due to a lack of attention
  2051. >rather, she wants the power that came with it
  2052. >it's sweet temptations are whispering in her ear about how no one would dare sully the honor of her sons if she just gave in
  2053. >and worst of all, it's starting to sound like a pretty good idea
  2054.  
  2055.  
  2056.  
  2057.  
  2058.  
  2059. >After Anon convinces the ponice that he did indeed not know potatoes were poisonous, showing that he could even eat them himself, much to their worry, and his marefriend agreed not to press charges, he was free of the attempted murder charge.
  2060. >And as long as he gave a list of names of all the vendors he went through to get the poison, he wouldn't face charges for purchasing and possessing potatoes without a permit.
  2061. >All that was settled two days later, and he went back to the hospital to see the mare he had nearly killed.
  2062. >When he first stepped through the door, it took him a solid minute to look at the form on the bed restfully sleeping.
  2063. >Instead, he took time to look around the room and all the gifts that had already been sent in.
  2064. >Cheerilee's students really loved her, and it made his heart ache to see how his actions hurt more than just the mare of his dreams.
  2065. >He steps closer to the bed, and sees a large card bigger than his head propped open on the nightstand.
  2066. >It's covered in too much glitter and decorations to be anything but tacky, but the names of every foal in her class, as well as some of the older fillies and colts who had recently moved passed her class made it heart warming.
  2067. >"I really do have the best students, don't I?" a tired voice asks, getting Anon to jump a little.
  2068. >He looks over with wide-eyes at the gentle expression of the teacher, face appearing slightly gaunt and with large bags under her eyes.
  2069. >Looking at her makes him both sick for what he had done, and happy to see her conscious after he nearly ensured she'd never be awake again.
  2070. "Cheery..." he breathes.
  2071. >"Hello, Anon. How have you been?"
  2072. >He can't help but snort at that.
  2073. "Me? Fine. Not in jail for after what I did to you... I'm so sorry."
  2074. >She shakes her head and reaches out.
  2075. >"Oh, don't be like that," she says, waving him closer. "It was an accident, right? We all makes mistakes."
  2076. "Not ones that nearly get ponies killed," he mumbles, as he kneels and holds her hoof.
  2077. "You'd be surprised," she answers. "But we poneis are made of tougher stuff. Especially us earth ponies."
  2078. >She puffs her chest out some and tries to look tough.
  2079. >"It'll take more than some cheesy root vegatables to take this mare down."
  2080. >She only holds the serious expression for a few seconds before they both crack a smile and laugh.
  2081. "Still," he continues. "I should have looked into it, especially after all the hoops I had to jump through to get the damned things."
  2082. >He sighs tiredly.
  2083. "I had blinders on, only caring about impressing your with my cooking. I was stupid."
  2084. >"But you've learned something, right?" she questions, patting his hand with her other hoof. "Learning from our mistakes is important."
  2085. >"I'm not exactly one of your little students, Cheery," he replies.
  2086. >"You don't stop learning just becuase you arne't in a classroom anymore," she says seriously, expression firm before lightening again. "And besides, as far as impressing me with your cooking, consider your grade an A+ there."
  2087. "Excuse me?"
  2088. >"I had no idea poison could be made to be so tasty. That has to take some real culinary skills."
  2089. >Anon sniffs, eyes going teary.
  2090. >then his arms are around her, and he's crying into her shoulder.
  2091. "I'm so sorry, Cheeriliee. You're so wonderful. You deserve better than a idiot like me."
  2092. >"Agree to disagree," she says quitetly as she returns the hug.
  2093. >After a few minutes, Anon pulls back wipes at his eyes.
  2094. >SHe dabs at the corner of hers and smiles at him.
  2095. >"So... doctors say I'll be good to go tomorrow. They've had me on a diet of broth and crackers while I recovered, and I can't wait for some real food."
  2096. "I don't think I'm ready to try cooking again," Anon says. "How about dinner at that restaurant you like?"
  2097. >"That sounds wonderful."
  2098. >They both smile and go quiet, merely enjoying each other's company for the next ten minutes before a group of fillies and colts show up to visit their teacher.
  2099. >When they see Anon, there's a way cry, and he's buried in foals.
  2100.  
  2101. >Anon and Cheerilee sit at the table set outside the restaurant, trying to enjoy the nice weather and each other's company.
  2102. >Cheerilee still looks tired, the walk here having taken more out of her than she'd like to admit.
  2103. >Meanwhile, Anon is trying to use a fork to scratch at a spot beneath his wrist cast, his skin still littered with bruises in the shape of foal bites.
  2104. >Cheerilee and some nurses acted as fast as they could to save the human, but a pack of twelve angry foals can do a lot of damage in sixty seconds.
  2105. >"Beautiful day," Cheerilee mentions, getting Anon to look up.
  2106. "Oh, ah, yeah, definitely. Rainbow and her team really outdid themselves."
  2107. >"They did," Cheerilee agrees with a nod, smiling and doing her best not to look over at the rustling bush as young voices whispered back and forth.
  2108. >Anon does his best to pretend not to notice the glint of sunlight off of the binocular lens pointed at him.
  2109. >He places the fork down and fidgets with his silverware.
  2110. >When he goes to straighten the butter knife, and rustling and whispers pick up, and his hand quickly moves away from the dull instrument.
  2111. >They'd ask the little ones to leave after ensuring that Anon wasn't dangerous, but they wouldn't hear any of it.
  2112. >They were at the hospital that morning to escort Cheerilee home when Anon arrived, and it was all he could do to convince them not to go for a round two on him and let him walk with them.
  2113. >And so the couple decided it was better to merely let the foals think they were unnoticed and see that Anon meant no harm to their teacher.
  2114. >The food arrives, and the waiter places their dishes in front of each of them.
  2115. >A bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese for Anon, and a large, fresh berry salad for Cheerilee with a tall glass of lemon iced tea on the side.
  2116. >Cheerilee licks her lips and grabs a fork in her hoof, ready to dive into the first real meal she's had in days, but is halted by a young voice.
  2117. >"WAIT!"
  2118. >Suddenly, some of her students come running out of the bush, green paints sloppily smeared on their faces and leaves laced into their manes.
  2119. >"We have ta taste test your food for poison!" one calls, scrambling up onto a chair another had pushed over with his head. "It could be poisoned!"
  2120. >"Wha-? But Anon didn't even make this!" Cheerilee tries to argue even as the fork is snatched from her grasp.
  2121. >"He could have used his coltish charm to convince the cook to slip it in!" A filly accuses up at Anon, who has his hands held up in a placating gesture.
  2122. "I really didn't..." he tries, but clamps his mouth shut when a different foal growls at him, barring her teeth.
  2123. >Pony bites hurt.
  2124. >The filly with one front hoof propped up on the table stabs a forkful of leafy greens up and into her mouth, chewing loudly before taking several more bites to make sure she got some of everything.
  2125. >Dropping the fork and wiping her lips, she leans far and hooks Cheerilee's glass, pulling it over for a deep gulp.
  2126. >Placing it down, she burps and smacks her lips a few times.
  2127. >"Hmm... I didn't taste any poison," she says, looking at Anon suspiciously. "Okay, I don't think he tried anything. Come on gals-"
  2128. >"Ahem..."
  2129. >"And colt, back to the stakeout!"
  2130. >The foals retreat as fast as they came, leaving the couple to stare after them, then down at Cheerilee's meal, a third now missing.
  2131. >She sighs dejectedly, and Anon looks at his own food.
  2132. "You want half of my sandwich?"
  2133. >"Well, if you wouldn't mind, I am still pretty hung-"
  2134. >"WAIT!"
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138.  
  2139.  
  2140. >Anon doesn't have dinner on the table when his herd gets home from work
  2141. >Cue non-consensual cuddle session and a boop-circle
  2142. >Anon falls asleep in a pile of warm ponies, and his herd feels terrible for what they did to Anon
  2143. >The next day, Anon receives various guilty gifts from his mares
  2144. >"Cuddles AND a box of chocolates? Everything's coming up Anon!"
  2145.  
  2146. >Cadance noticed how much punishment Anon can take without complaining
  2147. >she decides to do her duty as Princess of Love and matches him up with the most abusive mares in Equestria to keep them contained
  2148. >she'd feel guilty but Anon seems to be having the time of his life
  2149.  
  2150. >Anon has a friend and his herd over for dinner when, to their shock, he boops one of his mares in front of the entire table
  2151. >She hadn't done anything but make a harmless joke, and yet he held his second hoof spider to her nose for a full second before retracting it
  2152. >The unstallionlike behavior would be appalling if the level of brutality hadn't rendered them unable to think
  2153. >They can only watch in horror as the mare in question slaps Anon's arm away and latches around his neck to force a hug out of him
  2154. >She delivers six rapid-fire boops to his nose before pressing her muzzle to his and forcing him to share breath with her, all while Anon, disturbingly, giggles like a schoolcolt
  2155. >The rest of Anon's mares, rather than stop the violence unfolding before them, are attempting to look anywhere except at the two as if nothing was happening
  2156. >Anon's friend and his herd spend the rest of dinner in awkward silence, quickly finishing their meal and making up an excuse to leave early
  2157. >They immediately find the nearest Cadenzan priestess and report the mutual abuse so that the herd may work out their troubles before it becomes worse
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163. >RGREqg, but Canterlot high is a horse-christian private school
  2164. >through authorial fiat, horse-mormon Sunset ends up there too
  2165. >somehow this doesn't come up at all during morning prayers or something like that
  2166. >no-hooves m6 all have their eyes on (you)
  2167. >they all know this and, unspokenly, decide that they're all going to marry (you), like horse-god intended
  2168. >things go as planned for the most part, with only handholding being the most extreme occurence
  2169. >however, things go awry when Sunset ditches the plan and proposes to (you), and (you) say yes
  2170. >the others feel distraught and betrayed, they were planning on going to horse-heaven with (you), all eight of you arm in arm!
  2171. >no, clearly this is a test from horse-god
  2172. >they must convert (you) and Sunset and make you realize the error of your ways before this degenerate pagan monogamous wedding can go through!
  2173.  
  2174. >"Honey, the heathens are at the door again. Get my gun!"
  2175. "They're your friends, Sunny."
  2176. >"...Yeah. Well, in that case, get the bb gun. I'm driving them off!"
  2177. "The one that shoots plastic or metal balls?"
  2178. >"Metal. Pinkie stole my chicken sandwich the other day at lunch and this is gonna be payback."
  2179.  
  2180.  
  2181. >horse-catholic Fluttershy getting too excited on her first date with you
  2182. >now she has to make an honest man of you and get married
  2183. >not exactly a bad thing, seeing as that was the plan all along
  2184. >she just hopes the other girls aren't too angry that she couldn't control herself and defiled you before your wedding day
  2185. >and let's just say a shy girl like her's not exactly eager to meet your parents, inlcuding your many gun polishing moms
  2186.  
  2187.  
  2188.  
  2189.  
  2190.  
  2191.  
  2192. >Yu-gi-oh rgreqg
  2193. >Anon avoids the autistic call of the cards out of fear of being involved in stereotypical anime shenanigans
  2194. >he makes friends with the main 7 but stays out of the spotlight
  2195. >eventually Anon is forced to duel
  2196. >Anon uses meta techniques
  2197. No one goes woah
  2198. >people treat it more like he committed a war crime
  2199. >Anon is snatched up by the government to be tested on/ used as a weapon to fight pone-isis
  2200. >main 7 have to go save their husbando before his fragile male spirit is shattered by the horrors of card wars
  2201.  
  2202.  
  2203.  
  2204.  
  2205.  
  2206.  
  2207. >Anon wants to go on a date with Zecora
  2208. >But he hasn't had a moment to colt himself up in months
  2209. >Zigglet pack decides to try and help their father woo over the Everfree Rhymesayer
  2210. >Ziggy tries to write a love song that Anon can sing to Zecora to confess his love
  2211. >Zsa Zsa, the coltish filly that she is, tries to help Anon put together an outfit for him. But first, she needs to do the laundry.
  2212. >Zulu, the eldest sibling, is a marely mare who enlists Zara and Zak to scope out Zecora and make sure she'll be a good mare for her father.
  2213. >Zarathushtra is a months-old filly, so she can't directly help out Anon
  2214. >She's an incredibly intelligent filly, though, and tries to help Anon win Zecora over by showing off his foal-chasing legs
  2215. >something something not RGRE enough
  2216.  
  2217.  
  2218.  
  2219.  
  2220.  
  2221.  
  2222. >Anon has glasses
  2223. >He's fucking blind without them
  2224. >Actually blind
  2225. >As in, the information his eyes are sending to his brain is pretty much useless to him
  2226. "Oh, neat, I see a bunch of moving out-of-focus green things. I guess those are trees, but I only know that because I just walked outside and then took off my glasses."
  2227. >Fucks off into Equestria
  2228. >Loses his glasses
  2229. >Can't find them because everything 6 inches away from his face is just a blur
  2230. "I'm never finding those again, am I? They could be 3 feet to my left and I'll never know."
  2231. >Wanders into town by following what he's reasonably sure is a dirt path
  2232. >"Well, it's square boxes, so I'm not in the forest any more."
  2233. >A bunch of weird color blobs are moving around
  2234. >He can hear people talking, so he knows he's not alone
  2235. "Hello? Can anyone help me? I'm los-I lost my glasses and I can't see a thing. Can someone tell me where I am? Please?"
  2236. >The colour blob things surround him
  2237. >"What is that thing?"
  2238. >>"Oh, is he lost?"
  2239. >>>"Maybe we should go get Twilight!"
  2240. >>>>"D'aww, look at him! He's got cute little foal eyes! I wanna hug him!"
  2241. >Anon can see that the blobs are four-legged creatures
  2242. >...and that's it
  2243. "Did somebody paint their dogs? Why would they DO that?"
  2244. >"D-Did he say dogs?! Does he see diamond dogs?!"
  2245. >>"Daisy, calm down!"
  2246. >"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN LYRA WHAT IF WE'RE ABOUT TO BE BESET UPON BY A BUNCH OF MUTTS"
  2247. >Eventually, Anon realizes that nobody is playing a prank on him, and nobody is hiding while pretending their dogs are talking
  2248. >Twilight volunteers to house and take care of him
  2249. >Anon just wants to get a new pair of glasses
  2250. >Unfortunately, Ponyville is too small a town to have a dedicated optometrist
  2251. >On top of that, ponies rarely need their vision corrected in a way that isn't just casting a spell on them
  2252. >And Twilight is enjoying the idea of a cute guy relying on her.
  2253. >The way he rests his hand on her head so that he won't get lost makes her kokoro go doki doki, and she doesn't want this to stop
  2254.  
  2255.  
  2256.  
  2257.  
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260. >Anon cooks naked in his house because comfy
  2261. >Doesn't use too much oil, but wears that apron one of his stallion friends gave him just in case
  2262. >Frilly as hell, but actually sized for him and supposedly completely functional too
  2263. >He almsot feels like he could defuse bombs in it
  2264. >Just having a gay old time
  2265. >Unbeknownst to him, a filly watches from a nearby window
  2266. >Absolutely believes that he knows she's there, but is just teasing her
  2267. >Nearly loses conciousness in arousal when Anon bends over to pick something up
  2268.  
  2269.  
  2270.  
  2271.  
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274. > Starlight Glimmer does it again
  2275. > This time, she accidentally shunts her O&O group into the parallel reality that is their current campaign
  2276. > Luckily, it was during some downtime, so they don't have to immediately defend themselves
  2277. > So while Starlight tried to figure out how to get back, the party enjoys the company of the butlers they hired to maintain their base
  2278. > It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to be groomed and pampered by real hyumins, and the butlers are more than happy to comply
  2279. > Anon, Glimmer's personal butler, is feeling left out
  2280. > He doesn't distract her from her work, he well knows not to disrupt the concentration of a working mage
  2281. > But he does hover just in her peripheral vision, brush held in delicate fingers, cheeks pink with anticipation and desire
  2282. > Starlight is sweating
  2283. > There is a very real possibility that if she takes a break, she will absolutely melt in his hands
  2284. > The GM made him entirely out of her fetishes
  2285. > Long legs
  2286. > Devoted, yet professional butler
  2287. > Visible bulge in his pants that shifts with every step
  2288. > Toned musclecolt that can overpower her physically
  2289. > Prone to bouts of orchisteria, which her character usually cures by giving him a good magicjob
  2290.  
  2291.  
  2292.  
  2293.  
  2294.  
  2295. > Complete manlet Anon in RGRE
  2296. > Tired of being called cute and receiving condescending headpats
  2297. > Starts a Ewetube channel
  2298. > Gets drunk and sings songs for videos, using some shota drawing for the picture
  2299. > Mares worry they are on a horse FBI watch list for listening to an obviously drunk and underage colt
  2300. > Horse FBI agents have already investigated him
  2301. > A team of agents are currently formulating strategies to court the troubled Anon
  2302.  
  2303.  
  2304.  
  2305.  
  2306.  
  2307. >Anon works in the castle, under Raven
  2308. >Raven has a daughter from a previous marriage, which ended shortly after her daughter's birth when her husband tragically passed away
  2309. >Raven knows she works long hours and that putting her little filly in daycare would mean spending very very little time with her, so she received Celestia's permission to bring her daughter to work with her
  2310. >Anon is on unofficial filly-watching duty when Raven has to go to private meetings that she can't bring her daughter with her
  2311. >She pretends to be like her mommy and "orders" Anon to go get juice boxes for her
  2312. >Anon usually spends his breaks chatting with Raven about what her daughter got up to while she was away
  2313. >Daughter begins to see Anon as a father figure
  2314. >Something something RGRE
  2315. >Something something parent trap
  2316. >Something something Raven's daughteru goes to Celestia to help
  2317.  
  2318.  
  2319.  
  2320.  
  2321.  
  2322.  
  2323. >RGREqG
  2324. >Anon's tossed into high school girl world post-BoTB
  2325. >Temporarily de-aged, etc etc.
  2326. >He's overcome by the urge to listen to terrible emo music and feels an odd compulsion to explain to authority figures around him that it's not a PHASE, mom!
  2327. >The Sirens have been (at least temporarily) humbled by their defeat, and Anon thinks they're pretty chill
  2328. >He know he's going to be going back to proper Equestria in a number of months, so he's not too concerned with what he does in this horse-human world
  2329. >...except for the matter that he has no home
  2330. >He pulls a Shimmer at first, living in the gym (in a room that Celestia has unofficially re-purposed to be used as a temporary bedroom by teenaged vagabonds)
  2331. >Anon's willing to put up with the Sirens, which is something just about zero of the other students are willing to do
  2332. >In short, they become surprisingly good friends
  2333. >tl;dr they invite Anon to live with them
  2334. >They have money and a house, and Anon has neither of those things
  2335. >But once Anon moves in with them, the dynamic changes
  2336. >Aria seems almost outraged that Anon believes that he's on equal footing with her, because she remembers the days at sea when she and her pack had first pick of whichever mate they wanted
  2337. >She expects food to be made, messes to be cleaned, and is secretly impressed at how much booze Anon can put away
  2338. >Adagio tries to change and live in the present, but this mostly means she takes on the attitude of a business man from the 1950s or 1940s who has to let women work in his store for the first time
  2339. >She's confused, doesn't quite understand how to treat Anon, is firm and acts with the authority of the leader of her pack despite Anon not belonging to it, but she's trying
  2340. >Sonata is just pleased to have a new friend, and quickly decides that Anon is too pure for this dyke earth.
  2341. >They plan to to back to Equestria together
  2342. >Things are going smoothly until the humane 6 suspect that they're mistreating him, and decide to do something about it
  2343.  
  2344. >Rarity huffs and stuff her Yu-Gi-Oh hards back into her pocket.
  2345. >"I was more than willing to accommodate Anonymous in my home. I'm sure I would have been able to convince my father and mother to allow him to sleep in our guest room, but..."
  2346. >She crosses her arms and glares off to the side.
  2347. >"...Sweetie Belle told me that that wouldn't be appropriate because I hardly knew him."
  2348. >Rarity sighs and lets her arms slide back down to her sides, and her shoulders slump.
  2349. >"It appears I have trodden clumsily over yet another social convention that doesn't make any sense at all. The poor darling is without food and shelter, but apparently he would have felt uncomfortable if I offered both."
  2350.  
  2351. >For the last few weeks the Humans 6 are suspicious about Anon’s situation with the sirens
  2352. >Anon always denies every insinuation or accusation of abuse, but that did little to reduce Sunset and crew suspicions
  2353. >They finally hit the last straw when Anon appear with a sprained ankle and some bruises on his arm
  2354. >He told the girls that he only trip on the stairs and fell over
  2355. >None of them believed him
  2356. >Hamane 6 go to the Dazzlings house to confront them and rescue Anon
  2357. >Entering the house they are met by the three sirens and a anon wearing an apron and holding a plate of cookies
  2358. >Rarity pulls a Yu-Gi-Oh deck and challenge the Dazzlings to a match over Anon custody
  2359. >The rest of the humane 6 facepalms
  2360. >Sonata pulls a deck of her own and accept, bumping up the challenge to a proper shadow game
  2361. >The rest of the Dazzlings facepalms
  2362.  
  2363. >At first, it's embarrassing
  2364. >It's two teen girls (or one teen girl and one near immortal siren) shouting at each other as though they're in intense battle... as they play a children's card game
  2365. >But then it gets interesting
  2366. >They both sound legitimately excited about it, and soon enough everyone is gathered around them, watching with baited breath
  2367. >It's like you're a kid again, watching that shitty anime show
  2368.  
  2369. >the sheer power of Spergity and Sonata's combined autism channels their magic into the card game
  2370. >illusionary monsters appear just like in the anime
  2371. >Spergity and Sonata even do extra weeby summon chants like in the Japanese version of the anime
  2372.  
  2373.  
  2374.  
  2375.  
  2376.  
  2377.  
  2378. >You watch as the clouds part
  2379. >The sun shines brighter, nearly blinding you
  2380. >In the light there is a figure in the sky
  2381. >It's large, with massive white wings
  2382. >After a few seconds, you see that it is a figure
  2383. >A woman
  2384. >A goddess
  2385. >Perfect, flawless, beautiful beyond words
  2386. >The mere sight of her brought you to your knees
  2387. >With a flap of her wings, she gently lowered onto the ground in front of you
  2388. >The smile on her face as she looked at you filled you with utter joy
  2389. >A poet should have been here
  2390. >The goddess cleared her throat, reaching behind her and producing a piece of paper
  2391. >Your wonder and awe waned for a moment as she looked at the paper
  2392. >"Hello there young man. What does that ass do?" she asked, looking at the paper, then at you, then at the paper again. "Would you like to dab on this fly pussy?"
  2393. >Wat?
  2394. "Wat?"
  2395.  
  2396.  
  2397. >Luna is hiding on top of a cloud
  2398. >Very poorly, since anyone looking up would be able to see her
  2399. >"Sister, remember to ask if his buttcheeks clap like a bass beat!" she called. "Tell him you can stuff twenty marshmallows in your mouth! Dab woman! For harmony's sake, DAB!"
  2400.  
  2401.  
  2402.  
  2403.  
  2404.  
  2405.  
  2406.  
  2407. >The Sunset's swapped places.
  2408. >both we're unsatisfied with life, both sought something different.
  2409. >The unicorn became a human, and the human became a unicorn.
  2410. >They agreed to help each other with the swap. Coached each other on how to act so as not to give the game away, and what to expect from their new bodies, etc.
  2411.  
  2412. >The formerly human Shimmy meets Anon in Ponyville.
  2413. >She's initially surprised that there's a human here, from what the other Sunset told her, the enchantments on the mirror didn't allow it.
  2414. >Anonymous, shitposter that he is, quickly derails the conversation into an argument. And unlike most ponies, Shimmy has never been one to back down from conflict."
  2415. >"Why would I want to be a pony? I have thumbs, your argument is invalid."
  2416. "I have magic you idiot. who needs fingers when you have telekinesis!"
  2417. >"It's not the same. And now you look like a stuffed animal."
  2418. "Fuck you, I'm adorable!"
  2419. >"I bet you were a horse girl. Asked for a pony every Christmas."
  2420. "So what if I was? That's totally normal for a girl."
  2421. >"I think you mean totally crazy. Every horse girl I've ever met was certifiably insane, some of them just hid it better than others."
  2422. "I'm not crazy!"
  2423. >"TF is a shit fetish."
  2424. "What's that supposed to mean?"
  2425. >"It means you're here because you had a craving for horsecock. And the only reason you're bothering me, is because you can't score with the flamboyantly fabulous stallions in this crazy bizzaro world. Well I'm sorry, but I prefer Anon Jr. just the way he is."
  2426. >Sunset glares at him.
  2427. "Did I mention I'm a lazerhorse now? How about I give you a demonstration. I'm a good sport, I'll give you a five second head start."
  2428.  
  2429. >Off to the side, a pony shakes their head. "They both need to get laid."
  2430.  
  2431.  
  2432.  
  2433.  
  2434.  
  2435.  
  2436.  
  2437. Anon comes over with his laptop or whatever the fuck, because he was on his way to class or some dumb shit. So he still has some of his worlds games installed on it, a few of his worlds movies and maybe some cbrs and epubs.
  2438.  
  2439. But that's it, the entire extent of his worlds culture, and he was never sure what to do with it.
  2440.  
  2441. Does he delete it on the off chance someone finds it and sees what it truly is.
  2442.  
  2443. But after a while and being with Sunset he's for the most part forgotten about that.
  2444.  
  2445. One night though, after not being able to sleep he pulls out his computer and boots up a game from his world, there is a big difference between the worlds. It would seem that this world he is in, has far less violence in their media. He blames this Friendship power Sunset talks about all the time.
  2446.  
  2447. Deciding he wants to share in his worlds culture, he boots up Sunset's stream, since she keeps her passwords on sticky notes next to the monitor, like a scrub. He still loves her to bits though. Seeing some of the regulars hop on and some other, the chat is quickly filling with questions.
  2448.  
  2449. Is this some late night session by Sunset and if so, why is only her boyfriend here.
  2450.  
  2451. "Hey gals, Anon here, I know, normally I sit on the couch or in the background and nap while Sunnybunny plays. But... I was having trouble sleeping and wanted to play a game I haven't in a while. So I thought I'd do a super secret stream for you all." He shushes as he puts his index finger to his lips.
  2452.  
  2453. He boots up his laptop and for a moment, the stream gets weird, because he's on an entirely different operating system than any other computer on the planet, benefit, it's nigh unhackable and can't get viruses, downside, it makes running programs super annoying.
  2454.  
  2455. But he makes it work, he's got the stream connected and boots up the game. Amnesia: The Dark Descent.
  2456.  
  2457. He turns back to the camera, I used to love horror games as a kid, anything to try and scare me. I love this game though.
  2458.  
  2459. The girls watching Sunset's boyfriend play one of the most horrifying games they'd ever seen has a ridiculously high viewer count.
  2460.  
  2461. the next day Sunset tries to start streaming again and her account is suspended pending review for content.
  2462.  
  2463. The mods can't decide what to do about Anon, he didn't break any rules, but they can't find a single record anywhere online about the game he was playing and why it was so damn terrifying.
  2464.  
  2465. Rumors spread about Anon's cursed library of games that are horrifying and have no origin.
  2466.  
  2467. >By some miracle, the mods decide to not ban Sunset’s channel, mainly due to the rise in notoriety of Anon’s late night stream
  2468. >Poor Sunset doesn’t learn about his “nightly activities”, much to the pleasure of her chat, who delight in keeping the secret streams secret
  2469. >Every time Sunset streams following Anon’s nightly stream, the chat is filled with memes from before, which Anon reads out and chuckles at while Sunset remains confused
  2470. >Unfortunately, the jig was up one night, after a particularly scary jump scare led Anon to yelp, waking up Sunset
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474.  
  2475.  
  2476.  
  2477. >The days before his wedding were some of the funnest Shining Armor had with his fiance.
  2478. >Not to say Cadence was boring, but she never really understood O&O or his shield collection.
  2479. >Then, suddenly, that last week, she totally got into it.
  2480. >She was like an entirely different pony, and the role playing they did...
  2481. >Not the sexy kind like usual.
  2482. >She actually was really spazzy about that and saying they should wait until they're married, which was weird.
  2483. >There was a reason Shining wasn't wearing white for the ceremony.
  2484. >But her DM'ing was great.
  2485. >She did a different voice for every NPC, and did them well.
  2486. >How she could have so many talents he didn't know about after the years of dating was a surprise, but not as much as her perfect old stallion voice.
  2487. >Before those games, Shining never thought he could have so much fun in a solo O&O campaign.
  2488. >He was eager to get his sister and Spike in on the action after the wedding.
  2489. >Right up until ponies started saying he was mind-controlled and Cadence turned into a bug.
  2490. >When the dust finally settled and Queen Chrysalis was defeated, Shining laid in bed with his new wife after some good-old lovemaking.
  2491. >"Hey, Cady...?"
  2492. >"Yes, Shiny?"
  2493. >"You want to play some O&O with Twilight, Spike, and me?"
  2494. >"Oh honey, you know that just isn't my thing. Haven't we been over this."
  2495. >"Sigh... Yeah, sorry."
  2496. >He rolls over and shuts his eyes, thinking of the campaign he'd likely never get to finish now
  2497.  
  2498. >Cadence starts to become jealous of how much time Shining Armor is spending with Chrysalis.
  2499. >Honestly, it might not be so bad if they were going out on dates or even screwing while excluding her.
  2500. >At least that's the kind of herding favoritism she's used to dealing with in her occasional relationship counseling.
  2501. >No, in fact, she's the main receiver of that hot pony dick her husband is packing, and most romantic outings are between them while Chrysalis does whatever it is changelings do in the basement.
  2502. >No, what bothers her is that, whenever they aren't having sex or going out, Shining and Chrysalis spend every minute together down in the changeling's cave, playing O&O or BattleMallet, or some other tabletop game Cadence doesn't understand.
  2503. >She intends to rectify this, however, as she demands she gets to join their O&O game.
  2504. >Shining agrees happily, and Chrysalis with false cheer and thinly veiled ire.
  2505. >It takes an hour to make her character sheet, and she nearly falls asleep several times as the two nerds try to explain the rules, the changeling groaning whenever she asks an apparently stupid question
  2506.  
  2507.  
  2508. >Cadence admittedly never played things like O&O because she didn't want to ruin her total Stacy status.
  2509. >In her teenage years, she was head of so many sports teams, class president, and all around cool mare in school.
  2510. >It was no wonder she bagged the hottest stallion in the class, and frankly, she found his janefilly ways adorable.
  2511. >A stallion liking nerdy things is cute, after all.
  2512. >A mare liking nerdy things just makes her a nerd, though.
  2513. >And it was a notion she could never really shake even after graduation.
  2514. >Now that she's finally playing it though, and the absolute nerdiness of it all is ignored, she's starting to see why her herdmates like the game.
  2515. >"I want to drink the blood from the severed head of the enemy!"
  2516. >"What? Why!?"
  2517. >"Because I'm metal like that," Candy replies with a glint in her eye. "Now let me drink that blood."
  2518. >Chrysalis gulps.
  2519. >"R-roll for constitution."
  2520.  
  2521. Cadance realizes that she can be evil... WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES!!!
  2522.  
  2523. >They start a new session on an evil campaign, a pseudo pvp with twilights good side
  2524. >as chrysalis is dming, she slowly comes to realize she was never really all that bad
  2525. >The fact that cadance found a way to legitimately use babies as a projectile to tie up magic and arial units was nothing short of genius
  2526. >Deep inside, she is so happy that cadance was worried about appearances
  2527.  
  2528.  
  2529.  
  2530.  
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533. What if horses are interested in absolutely different games and would just scratch their heads.
  2534. >All the strategies have absolutely rudimentary warfare, but the diplomacy system takes twenty advanced tutorials to get a hold of. Like, you do attack with your units, but only after you cross-reference thirty treaties and check on your cultural influence levels. Even in realtime.
  2535. >Mirror's Edge is a genre-defining title like Doom, and by the horse-2019 the first-poneson runner has gone through so many epochs that it's not funny.
  2536. >Earthquestrian army pours hundreds of horse-millions into advanced black-AIouija chatbots to power their recruitment tool: the counterintelligence operative simulator, in which you have to talk people into blabbing out their secrets and allegiances. The Homme Fatale DLC is the most awaited release of horse-2020
  2537.  
  2538.  
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541.  
  2542.  
  2543.  
  2544. >Be Anon
  2545. >You get stuck for life in RGRE
  2546. >At first was nice, but you quickly grow bored with your current state
  2547. >To Spice the things up you put the bigger pair of socks your are able to found and start to play villain
  2548. >You know the main 6 or the princesses will eventually defeat and “reform” you
  2549. >yfw you succeed with your plan of conquest because you are not an idiot
  2550. >yfw you have no idea on what to do now
  2551.  
  2552. >The princesses show up after you "capture" them
  2553. >They refuse to leave because they believe you have taken measures to ensure they cannot escape
  2554. >You have not
  2555. >They're eating all your food, and they've begun to sleep in bed with you to ensure you don't do anything dastardly while they slumber
  2556. >It takes you a few weeks to realize they are courting you and never took you seriously as a villain to begin with
  2557. >They just roll their eyes when you voice this realization and snuggle closer to you
  2558. >"Typical airheaded colt... but we love you anyway."
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562.  
  2563.  
  2564. >anon streams reading human books
  2565. >ponies are not going "WOW" but are intrested in diffrence between human and pony literature
  2566. >chat just became a memy literature club
  2567. >after reading Orwell chat began compare Celestia to a Big Brother
  2568. >it was all fun and games until Celestia herself showed up in chat
  2569.  
  2570.  
  2571.  
  2572.  
  2573.  
  2574. >"Don't listen to those FILTHY Celesticites, Anon."
  2575. >"One man, one woman, that's what Cadenza wishes. That's what harmony wishes."
  2576. >"I'm going to give you and only you my love. All of it. Forever and ever."
  2577. >"Anything else is a sin."
  2578. >Be Anon
  2579. >This is really sweet
  2580. >You almost don't want to tell her the horse she worships is a peetzer-loving knucklehead with as much tact as a wrecking ball
  2581.  
  2582.  
  2583.  
  2584.  
  2585.  
  2586.  
  2587. >Anon was never entirely comfortable with how weather works in Equestria
  2588. >having bad weather be a bureaucratic fuck-up instead of bad luck doesn't make it less annoying
  2589. >and storing winter in boxes up in the attic to be spread out on the ground for a season and then put away again is just weird
  2590. >when Luna took him along for a tour of the old ruined royal estates he was surprised and delighted by the Everfree forest
  2591. >sure it might be full of monsters and weird magic but at least here nature is natural
  2592. >bemused but pleased that he found something that makes him happy Celestia and Luna give him the project of restoring the Castle of the Two Sisters as a royal residence and culturally significant site
  2593. >that it got him closer to Ponyville for Rarity to court him was a benefit he kept to himself
  2594.  
  2595. >Anon meets up with Fluttershy to take care of things in the area
  2596. >she's on speaking terms to all the monsters so she can shoo them away from the building sites
  2597. >she's initially intimidated by having royalty drag her along through a spooky forest but they quickly bond over shared experiences from their lives
  2598. >people can be cruel to people who don't speak up
  2599. >Rainbow Dash's gossip about them gives ponies entirely the wrong idea about what they're doing in the forest
  2600. >Rarity is hopping mad
  2601. >That scoundrel Fluttershy is impugning her fiance's honor!
  2602. >there's only one way to respond to such an insult
  2603. >a duel!
  2604. >next day Anon and Fluttershy set out to shoo the Cockatrice away from the worker's barracks when Rarity bursts out of the bushes where she lay in wait
  2605. >her hair is a mess, she's splattered with mud and there's a plastic thing on her foreleg
  2606. >with a manic gleam she brandishes a deck of childen's trading cards and declares that it's time to duel
  2607. >Anon sighs, takes out his loaner deck from his saddlebags and gives it to Fluttershy
  2608.  
  2609.  
  2610.  
  2611.  
  2612.  
  2613.  
  2614. >anon is incredibly depressed, but thanks to some magic bullshit he was able to charge his laptop
  2615. >reading stories over the ponenet, he tells stories from his world
  2616. >his selection of stories is limited, he never downloaded a lot of the ones he liked, but he tries
  2617. >due to the war focus, it is believed that he is of a warrior culture
  2618. >reading some star wars EU books, its thought that he is similier to the mandilorians in religion and some culture due to his comments of "some people were like this back home"
  2619. >his odd mannerisms make many think he is trying to integrate himself, and never wearing armor or carrying his ceremonial weapons is apart of that
  2620. >cue many stallions and mares trying to get him to act out his old warrior culture, and stop veiling his peoples history
  2621. >anon does not realize any of this and is just excited that he can shoot a gun again
  2622.  
  2623.  
  2624.  
  2625.  
  2626. >A thousand year passed and Anon fade to history, and history fade to legend
  2627. >Anon succeeded with his projects and eventually was persuaded by his herd to take some students
  2628. > After he passed his projects were kept by his students and by Twilight
  2629. >They advanced much beyond his work, but he is still credited as the original creator and the one who gave the ponies the secrets of high technology, the way of the machine
  2630. >Due the proximity he had with the princesses and the stories and rumors around him, Anon was viewed as something more than a simple engineer and the father of the Ponies of Iron “tribe”
  2631. >Respect for a great historical figure slowly turn into veneration through the centuries, and for some, in worship
  2632. >The entity who taught them how to restore sight to the blind and flight to the lame
  2633. >For most ponies Anon is figure similar to discord, but instead of chaos he is viewed as the embodiment of Knowledge and Technology who will eventually return to lead ponykind to another great jump forward
  2634. >In this days only the Princesses and the original “daughters” of Anon remember the man he was
  2635.  
  2636.  
  2637.  
  2638.  
  2639.  
  2640.  
  2641.  
  2642. >Be Doctor ChemSi, one of the many doctors in the secret underground base underneath Canterlot
  2643. >You were standing side by side with your coworker Doctor Sassy Hooves
  2644. >Mugs of coffee in hoof, both of you were staring at a strange creature
  2645. >Well, not REALLY strange
  2646. >You've seen some horse apples while working here
  2647. >It looked like a skinny minotaur
  2648. >It had weird paws on it's legs
  2649. >Flat face
  2650. >was wearing a scandalous amount of clothing
  2651. >Maybe a 2/10 on the weirdness scale
  2652. "So... what the hay is this, Sassy?" you asked, sipping your joe
  2653. >The unicorn shrugged
  2654. >"No idea. The extraction team picked him up in her majesty Princess Celestia's chambers."
  2655. "He?"
  2656. >"Yeah, we just got finished with his physical."
  2657. "He dangerous? Any anomalous abilities?"
  2658. >"We did find a couple of things. He has iron in his blood."
  2659. >Weird, but you've heard of weirder
  2660. >"Magic also seems to have an odd effect around him. Kinda like a Discordian field. It's like he's been bathing in chaotic energies for a good long time."
  2661. "That's not good."
  2662. >"Eh, I don't think it'll be bad. The second we put him back in his containment he settled down when we brought in those oreos.
  2663. >Both of you supped your coffees, watching as the creature when to town on them
  2664. >He was making a triple stacked
  2665. >You didn't care for that much filling, but to each their own
  2666. >"Also, I just reread the data. He seems to be the lewdest creature in existence."
  2667. >Your brow furrowed
  2668. "Pardon?"
  2669. >"That thing right there is the lewdest being in all of creation, as far as we can tell," Sassy said
  2670. "Even moreso than those succi ponies?"
  2671. >"When we brought him into the facility they started acting up, trying to escape. They seemed really nervous about. And yes, much more so. At least ten times."
  2672. >She hoofed you some papers
  2673. >"Official, we measured him at 69.9 per measured lewd
  2674. >You whistled
  2675. "That'd kill a Changeling
  2676. >"That'd kill a HIVE of Changelings," Sassy replied. "You know, we found him petting Princess Celestia."
  2677. "No way."
  2678. >"Her highness also said that her kissed her on the snoot and played with her hooves while rubbing her belly. If we hadn't extracted him when we did he might have gotten into bed with her and snuggled her while brushing her mane."
  2679. >You shook your head, looking the creature up and down
  2680. "Is he wearing socks?"
  2681. >"Yep," Sassy said
  2682. "What a bucking slut."
  2683. >"What a bucking slut is right, sis."
  2684. >This wasn't an easy job, but somepony had to do it
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689.  
  2690.  
  2691. >It's not their fault, darkeness in Equestria is a corrupting force.
  2692. >Stallions are extra sensitive to this very corruption.
  2693. >This is partly why they are culturally spoiled and smothered with love and affection, from multiple sources, and why Mono relationships make ponies wary.
  2694. >When Anon comes into the picture, he gets more and more angry the more mares smother against him and keep him from soing stressful things, including having alone time to relax.
  2695. >Anon learns why, and is pretty fed up.
  2696. >He makes some chaos boy armor out of wood bits, EVA foam, and face paint and terrorizes the ponies by really spooking them.
  2697. >He makes the best evil rant ever and "escapes after his attempt to kidnap the princess" then goes on a month long vacation while everything stews.
  2698. >Alternitavely he does take the princess and fucks her stupid to releave that stress
  2699.  
  2700. >Anon is not immune to this corruption.
  2701. >He is just, from years of experience, very good at saying "No." to his darker impulses.
  2702. >Doesnt stop it from having a very visible effect on his body, he cant exactly just turn off his thoughts and some of those mares are getting VERY pushy, but at least he isnt running around kicking them in the shins NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY MIGHT DESERVE IT.
  2703. >So despite looking like a Dark Overlord™ that's crawled from the burning depths of the damned to lay waste upon the land, he's still a decent enough guy to come to his old buddy Cranky's wedding when he got the invitation
  2704.  
  2705.  
  2706.  
  2707.  
  2708.  
  2709.  
  2710. >"M-Mr...."
  2711. >You looked down to see a babby horse
  2712. >The colt is snuggling, tears in his eyes
  2713. >"I... I lost my daddy," he said, using a wing to wipe his nose
  2714. >You stare down at the small creature
  2715. >Sighing, you picked him up, lifting him high into the air
  2716. >The colt, still sniffling, covered his ears
  2717. "HEY! WHO'S KID IS THIS?"
  2718. >Every horse in the market jumped
  2719. >Dozens of eyes turned toward you, then toward the foal you held aloft
  2720. >One older stallion looked around
  2721. >"Potluck! You get your little fanny over here!"
  2722. >"Daddy!" the colt shouted
  2723. >You cocked an arm back, launching him through the air like a football
  2724. >His wings extended, stopping the SICK spiral you had
  2725. >His dad was able to catch him with a wing
  2726. >"Thank you, Anonymous!" he yelled
  2727. >Just like that, the market was once again moving
  2728.  
  2729.  
  2730.  
  2731.  
  2732.  
  2733.  
  2734. Bandit husbando shiny may rub off on his mares and they may stop their life of villiany, but their own shenanigans would rub off on him too.
  2735. Maybe he still makes it to captain of the guard but he's a bit more....lax with the criminal side of things, his wives have connections and the like, maybe encourages the underbelly of canterlot to be a bit more 'above board' in exchange for leniency or occasionally looking the other way if a particularly stuck up noble's window gets broken.
  2736.  
  2737. Also it's amusing as hell to think of Chrysalis trying the wedding plan again when the marriage of Princess Cadence and Anonymous is announced, impersonating one of the Guard captain's herd in order to bypass the defences, only to get her flank kicked by the other mares when she doesnt know the old secret hoof shake.
  2738.  
  2739.  
  2740.  
  2741.  
  2742.  
  2743.  
  2744. >Starswirl is uncomfortable with the role alicorns play in modern equestria
  2745. >the three tribes offered the crown to Celestia and Luna because they trusted them in particular to be their protectors and a neutral party to disputes between the tribes
  2746. >they weren't asking to set the fourth tribe above them
  2747. >hell, the succession used to just be that Celestia was in charge if Luna died, and Luna was in charge if Celestia died
  2748. >if they were both out of the picture there was no plan to give the crown to the next wingy-horny who came along
  2749. >but if he tries to talk to modern ponies about this they just laugh him off as a hysterical colt who went insane because he didn't have foals before his testicles shriveled up
  2750.  
  2751.  
  2752.  
  2753.  
  2754.  
  2755.  
  2756. >humans are the most reclusive race on Equus
  2757. >their even sex distribution and lack of magic made them targets of abuse and colt-snatching in the old days
  2758. >humans responded by withdrawing into the back of beyond and defending their new homeland with lethal force
  2759. >in pony stories human colts fill the role of amazons, handsome violent creatures to either be put in their place by marely protagonists or there for a bit of coltdom
  2760. >human kingdom becomes disturbed by the sudden build-up of alicorns
  2761. >you go from centuries of just Celestia to them having five of the horrid godlings in less than thirty years?
  2762. >even human tech can't deal with alicorns dropping stars on their houses
  2763. >King Damnatio Memoriae settles on one thing he's willing to give up to secure peace between his country and that war-monger Celestia
  2764. >Prince Anonymous, his youngest and least promising son
  2765.  
  2766.  
  2767.  
  2768.  
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771. > Caramel, for all that he is a willful and whimsical stallion, is easily manipulated
  2772. > The monthly villain only has to talk with him for five minutes and Caramel is a staunch supporter of Smashing Piggybanks or whoever
  2773. > The Elements regularly employ Anon to deal with him, as well as any other stallions swayed to side of evil
  2774. > After a few repetitions, Anon persuades them to pay him if he manages to keep Caramel from joining the evil team
  2775. > From then on, Anon would tell Caramel little white lies to sabotage the recruitment
  2776. "Oh, was that Hood Wink that just talked to you? I heard she say you would look good in socks, once you lost some weight."
  2777. "Zeeb Neeb is speaking to you from behind the grave? Just ignore her, the legends tell of how she never used a coaster for her drinks."
  2778.  
  2779.  
  2780.  
  2781.  
  2782.  
  2783.  
  2784. >Anon's reputation is already tanked thanks to being striped
  2785. >Anon loves his fillies more than anything, though, and he doesn't care that their mothers are pieces of trash
  2786. >Anon suspected something was up with their diets when their teething went differently than his few stallion friends described their own foal's teething was like
  2787. >They mostly hang out with Anon because they think it's empowering to be a single father, and they believe Anon is the ultimate strong independent stallion who don't need NO mare
  2788. >Before any of the other teeth come in, four little sharp points try to break through the flesh, which causes his fillies great distress
  2789. >It's not until a doctor's visit happens for mild malnourishment that Anon realizes that their diets are much closer to his own than they are to a pony's or a zebra's
  2790. >Anon knows why his reputation is dead, and he knows that his foals are on thin ice already as it is
  2791. >He openly buys meat because it's not like he gives a shit about what ponies think of him by now, but he keeps it a secret that his fillies eat meat as well
  2792. >This goes well until none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle notices that Anon is buying much more meat than usual.
  2793. >She's been studying him (with his permission, of course) ever since he arrived in Equestria, but her interest had waned when she thought Anon was just some trashy stallion who got foals dumped on him from a missing mother
  2794. >But her interest is piqued again, and she discovers that his fillies eat meat now as well
  2795. >"Th-They're not pure zebras, or a typical half-pony half-zebra! They're a new, unique hybrid!"
  2796. >Twilight offers some well-needed money to study Anon's foals, which he agrees to as long as it's as noninvasive as possible
  2797. >So, that translates to Anon and his fillies having a meeting with Twilight once a week where she talks to them, asks about their diet, how certain things make them feel, and does basic things like measuring their heartbeat or listening to their breathing
  2798. >These meetings start out as very formal and very professional
  2799. >Soon enough, Anon starts to prepare for the meetings by making coffee or tea, which Twilight appreciates
  2800. >After a while, Twilight brings over a few young foal's books to keep Anon's fillies entertained while she talks to them or has to single one of them out
  2801. >After that, Anon provides snacks, and the two of them spend 15 minutes before she begins just talking about whatever's going on in their lives
  2802. >She's concerned that Anon can make ends meet, and she's always happy to help out any way that she can
  2803. >Twilight starts looking forward to these meetings and starts brings toys with her, having become fond of Anon and his fillies
  2804. >The fillies, meanwhile, are always happy to see Twilight
  2805. >She's the only consistent female figure in their lives, and they're young enough that they slip up once in a while and call her "mommy"
  2806. >Twilight, being somewhat of a sperg, didn't realize that she was developing feelings for Anon until a meeting was cut short for some reason, the fillies left the house, and she found herself making out with Anon on his living room couch
  2807. >She and Anon officially become an item, and she treats the zebra fillies as though they were her own
  2808. >Rarity, despite her Canterlonian disposition about zebras, thinks that it's all very romantic
  2809. >Applejack just tries not to bring it up in conversation
  2810. >Anon's happy to have someone he can rely on, and the fillies are just thrilled to have a mom
  2811. >something something happy ending
  2812.  
  2813.  
  2814.  
  2815.  
  2816.  
  2817.  
  2818. >Anon and Twilight end up moving to Canterlot for reasons
  2819. >Almost zero zeebs there, so it's like moving into a predominantly white gated neighborhood
  2820. >Have a foal together, it's a boy
  2821. >The zebra foals absolutely adore their little half-brother and do everything they can to protect him
  2822. >Years go by, and Anon and Twi's colt is a teenager and decides to start dating
  2823. >The mare who's interested in him gets (gently) pulled aside by Anon's zebra daughters
  2824. >Given that most Canterlonians can go their entire lives without even SEEING a zebra, this is very alarming for the mare
  2825. >"I'm going to get mugged, aren't I?"
  2826. >They tell her in no uncertain terms that she had better not be planning on breaking their brother's heart
  2827. >"W-Wait, how in the world are you his sisters?! You're.... y-you're, well... I mean...."
  2828. >Anon's zeeb daughteru's just glance at teach other and then grin widely at their half-brother's marefriend
  2829. >Their four pointy canines glint in the sunlight, just like their brother's do too
  2830. >"...oh."
  2831. >>"Papa's got a big heart, and we inherited that too. Never make our brother cry, alright?"
  2832.  
  2833.  
  2834.  
  2835.  
  2836.  
  2837.  
  2838. >Back and Celestia and Luna's day, courtship and lovemaking were very much different than modern days
  2839. >It was Renaissance romance turned up to eleven
  2840. >Poetry, making up songs, writing anonymous novels, hundreds of pages long, describing beauty
  2841. >In their day the height of courtly love and romance would be for a woman to take her gentlemen to her bedchambers, kneel by him while he sat on the edge of the bed, and sing his praises
  2842. >A kiss before asking the head of the household to court a boy was seen as scandalous
  2843. >Seeing a boy's shoulders would usually see that boy thrown out of his home to wander the streets as nothing more than a two-bit whore
  2844. >Because of her banishment, Luna had no idea about how romance and sex in these modern times work
  2845. >Celestia, devastated after her sisters departure, gave up on relationships of an intimate nature
  2846. >Focusing solely on her duties as a ruler, she didn't notice the world change around her
  2847. >Now, after their retirement, both sisters would like to start dating
  2848. >You want to bury your face between those sunny thighs
  2849. >Celestia didn't even fucking know what cunninglis is
  2850. >All she wants to do is write you poetry and challenge any that besmirch your name to armed combat
  2851. >Luna wants to be scandalous, wanting to sneak into your chambers at night for her novel about how your eyes sparkle in her moonlight
  2852. >If she plays her cards right, she might hold your hand for a moment before you scurry away, embarrassed
  2853.  
  2854.  
  2855.  
  2856.  
  2857.  
  2858. >"Anon, I want you to live in my castle and pet both me and my husband."
  2859. >"I want you to make us peetzer every single day. All the peetzer we want, with all of your hyoo-man toppings."
  2860. >"I want you to rub my sexy lil' husband's tuft and tell him he's a good pony. Sometimes he really needs to hear that from someone other than me."
  2861. >"I also you to carry me on your back during my official royal duties. All of them."
  2862. >"Also-also, please bathe Starburst. He's a very smelly horse. It's starting to get really bad."
  2863. >"Flurry also needs a foal sitting. One that preferably doesn't explode whenever she has a temper tantrum."
  2864. >"Oh, and everypony in the family will need rigorous brushing everyday so we don't shed all over the place."
  2865. >"Snuggles too."
  2866. >"In exchange for all of this I'll hook you up with a cute lil' mare that'll want to hold your hand and snuggle the night away."
  2867. >"That cute mare might be my step-sister, but don't worry; I've seen some of the books she read when she was a filly. The blowies she'll give you will knock your slutty socks off."
  2868. >"I'll also make you a baron, and give you a castle or something. I don't know."
  2869.  
  2870.  
  2871.  
  2872.  
  2873.  
  2874. > Anon is studying to be a thaumic engineer
  2875. > He might be magically inert, but he's bound and determined to work magic even if he has to build himself an Ironman suit
  2876. > ...
  2877. > Okay, a full body suit really isn't necessary, but it will be so cool when he finally makes one
  2878. > Anyhow, financial aid did the best they could, but he's nearing senior year and the grant money won't cover everything after he's retaken so many classes
  2879. > Turns out, magic is hard
  2880. > It doesn't help that his Thaumic Properties of Materials class uses the same symbol for different things in different contexts
  2881. > Long story short, Anon starts babysitting to cover his tuition costs
  2882. > His neighbor is the one that gave Anon the idea, offering to pay him if he would watch his daughter Lily Bouquet
  2883. > The neighbor becomes his most regular and favorite client
  2884. > Lily is a pretty well-behaved teen filly, and flusters easily under light teasing
  2885. > Anon also starts "babysitting" some well off mares with peculiar tastes
  2886. > Usually, these clients drop him off in front of his apartment, sometimes giving him a peck on the cheek or giving his rump a discrete squeeze before driving off
  2887. > Anon saves up quite a bit from his two services, and in one month, he has enough to cover one semester's tuition
  2888. > Then, one night while he is babysitting Lily, she hoofs him a bag of bits
  2889. > She looks up at him a flushed face
  2890. > "Is, uh, is that enough to be my coltfriend?"
  2891. > Oh dear
  2892.  
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898. >Pop into Equestria 10 or 20 years after the end of the show
  2899. >Wind up chilling at the Crystal Empire
  2900. >Hook up with teenage-to-young-adult Flurry Heart
  2901. >At first she does this to get back at her parents for being uncool
  2902. >But then the fingers came into play
  2903. >Ear scratches
  2904. >Mane pets
  2905. >Tail combing
  2906. >Coat petting
  2907. >Boop
  2908. >Her plan was just to have Anon basically be her live-in coltfriend (because he lived in the castle, and that's her home) that she could share with her mare friends
  2909. >Now as they all show up and expect some slut to play with their tufts, Flurry now feels the urge to defend him
  2910. >Mama Cadance is secretly proud that her daughter is mono just like her
  2911.  
  2912.  
  2913.  
  2914.  
  2915.  
  2916. >"Mmmm...."
  2917. >You are Anon, and you are applying a numbing cream onto Flurry Heart's butt.
  2918. >"Thanks again, Anon."
  2919. >Flurry Heart wriggles a little bit, making the plump flesh of her ass jiggle ever-so noticeably.
  2920. "N-No problem."
  2921. >"My dad really let me have it, this time."
  2922. >You cup both cheeks and gently rub the cream over the sore skin.
  2923. >Even though her fur, you can see how red it is.
  2924. >You squeeze her ass a little bit too hard, and Flurry lets out an erotic moan.
  2925. >"S-Sorry..."
  2926. >A damp patch spreads beneath her on the couch cushion, spreading in time with the squelching noise her winking pussy is making.
  2927. >With a pleased hum, she peers at you from over her shoulder.
  2928. >Her eyes are heavily lidded above glowing-red cheeks, and her mouth is pulled into an easy, pleased smile.
  2929. >"You're really good at this, you know. Maybe I outta go to YOU instead when I'm punished, since you're the only one who takes care of me once it's all said and done."
  2930. >Flurry Heart shoves her ass backwards a little bit and spreads her hind legs slightly, exposing her pussy to you.
  2931. >"I'm a little sore down there, too. Do you think you could rub some ointment on it for me?"
  2932.  
  2933. alt
  2934.  
  2935. >You are Anon, and you're horsing around with Flurry Heart.
  2936. >"You're such a colt, Anon! You can't keep up with me!"
  2937. >She gallops ahead of you while you do your damndest to catch her.
  2938. >She's got a flag tied to the base of her tail, and your goal is to grab it before the time is up.
  2939. >"Looks like I'll be-woah!"
  2940. >With a burst of speed, you sprint forward and snatch the fabric off of her tail!
  2941. >...or you would have, if you hadn't missed.
  2942. >You watch in horror as your hand flies out and smacks Flurry Heart RIGHT on the ass.
  2943. >"Aaaaah~"
  2944. >Flurry lets out a moan that sounds a little too close to being sexual.
  2945. >She slaps a hoof over her mouth and stares up at you with horror.
  2946. >Then, after a few long, awkward seconds, she turns around and gallops away in the direction of her bedroom
  2947.  
  2948.  
  2949.  
  2950.  
  2951.  
  2952. >"Anon, are you really going out dressed like that?"
  2953. "...it's a t-shirt and jeans."
  2954. >"Yeah! And your pant legs aren't even rolled up! Ugh, and your shirt's such a plain colour; where's the bright neons?"
  2955. "Can I just-"
  2956. >"C'mere, let me tuck your shirt into your pants. And the next time we're out, I'm gonna take you to the mall so that you can buy a proper pair of light-blue jeans; not this dark-blue crap you've got on right now.
  2957. "I really don't want to-"
  2958. >"And remind me to get you some of those cute leg-warmers! We can buy those after we go to the hair-dresser and get you a floofy perm!"
  2959. "This... well, that actually sounds kinda ni-"
  2960. >"It'll be so much fun! We never hang out any more!"
  2961. "Oh, alright. You've convinced me, Caramel's Dad."
  2962. >"...who's Caramel?"
  2963. "Some bitch, don't even worry about it."
  2964. >"Oh, that reminds me! You wanna see my new jean-jacket? It's got "BAD BITCH" written on the back in rhinestones, and the "A" has been replaced by that badass anarchy symbol!"
  2965. "...what store did you get that at?"
  2966. >"Ugh, watch out - here come those two losers again."
  2967. "Who, Celestia and Luna? What's wrong with them?"
  2968. >"They're just into that nerd crap. I hear they own an Atari AND a Nintendo computer."
  2969. "Computer? What, you mean game consoles?"
  2970. >"Ugh, not you too."
  2971.  
  2972.  
  2973.  
  2974.  
  2975.  
  2976. >"Anon!"
  2977. >"I've just completed a spell that tells me what your special talent is."
  2978. >"It's eating out mares."
  2979. >"Your talent it burying that slutty face between a mare's cheeks."
  2980. >"My spell says that you're very, very good at it. Like a prodigy in the art of cunninglist."
  2981. >"It also says that you work best on purple alicorns that like books."
  2982.  
  2983. >You stare at book hoers with an unflinching gaze.
  2984. >As you do, you can see her slowly start to sweat.
  2985. "Twiggles, you've got to think I'm absolutely retarded."
  2986. >You start to pace around, puffing yourself up to project a look of confidence and not taking any "pastel horse bullshit"
  2987. "Well, I'll tell you something Twi."
  2988. >You turn and boop her snootle with authority, not enough to hurt but enough to say that you mean business.
  2989. "You're not pulling a fast one on me. Just because Redheart got me with the whole 'Penis Inspection Day' and how it was sooooo important to the overall health and stability of Equestria you think you'll fool me with this one. I'll show you how wrong you are. Get Bluefast over her as she's probably an expert on this subject and we'll put this theory to rest."
  2990.  
  2991. "And before penis-inspection day, it was that mare who had the saddlebags that said "FBI: Federal Butt Inspector" on it, and she even had a license made out of plastic. And before that, it was the mare who claimed to be a door-to-door ball-bra salesmare, and that she had to get me to drop my pants so that she could measure my size properly. And before her, it was that that hippie mare who claimed that shoving my face into her chest tuft would bring about "like, radical inner-peace". And before her was the mare who had casts on her forehooves, and she CLAIMED that her estrus had hit her early this year, and that she desperately needed me to rub her off when she was unable to."
  2992. >You stare at Twilight with a very serious face.
  2993. >She's beginning to look nervous.
  2994. >Her snoot begins to scrunch as a bead of sweat drips down it.
  2995. "The point I'm trying to make, Twilight, is that I'm incredibly gullible. All those mares tried to trick me, and they all succeeded. Which is why I'm glad it's you who's telling me this, because I trust you. So, do you want to test out my special talent here, or at your place?"
  2996.  
  2997.  
  2998.  
  2999.  
  3000.  
  3001.  
  3002.  
  3003. >the other princesses show up for this historic occasion
  3004. >Twiggles has questions and she wants answers
  3005. >she's going to have to wait for them
  3006. >Anon and Terra are too busy fussing over Flurry Heart, sharing tips and embarrassing stories with Cadance and Shining Armor
  3007. >King Anon might be an alien from an era with weird Reversed Reversed Gender Role but everypony can see the moment when he goes mad for another foal
  3008.  
  3009. >Anon and Terra conflicted about taking up the title of King and Queen of Equestria
  3010. >They know why their daughters never took up the title themselves, and how they considered their parents Equestria's real rulers
  3011. >They know that saving it for them was a gesture of respect and admiration
  3012. >The reflection of the love that a child has for their parents
  3013. >But they are not rulers, and they feel that their daughters have more than earned that right, and that they should not consider themselves regents
  3014. >Maybe their hands/hooves are forced when word gets out that the princess's parents have returned, and ponies begin to refer to them by that title
  3015. ---
  3016. >Celestia and Luna try to reclaim their foalhood
  3017. >Playing with their parents, eating meals with their parents, and (at least in Luna's case) being read to before they go to bed
  3018. >Anon and Terra are just thrilled to be with their daughters again, but they struggle to separate the reality of their 1000+ years old daughters and their recent memories of them being much, much younger
  3019. >Celestia isn't sure how she feels when Anon or Terra scolds her for doing something naughty
  3020. >The guards weren't trained for what to do if the supreme immortal ruler of Equestria gets a talking-to by her mom or dad
  3021. ---
  3022. >Anon and Terra have been immortalized by their daughters by way of history, legend, and art
  3023. >Stained-glass windows, books with passages of wisdom that once came from their mouths, etc
  3024. >It is a child's perception of their parent - amplified by immortality, grief, and an adult mind
  3025. >Anon and Terra are remembered as wise figures who could do no wrong, who knew how to solve almost every problem and could protect the protectors of Equestria with almost supernatural or magical ability
  3026. >But Anon and Terra are flawed humans, and sometimes even Celestia and Luna forget that
  3027. >It's a "your parents are people too" episode
  3028.  
  3029.  
  3030.  
  3031.  
  3032.  
  3033.  
  3034. >You are Anon, and you are hanging with Rarity and Pinkie Pie at Rarity's boutique.
  3035. >"I just have no idea where these things even came from, Nonny."
  3036. >Pinkie stares down sadly at her chest, which is straining against her shirt.
  3037. >Like most girls, she didn't wear a bra; you can see her nipples clearly trying to poke holes through the material of the shirt.
  3038. >"Ugh. What am I, pregnant?"
  3039. >Pinkie hefts both of her tits, holding them through her shirt and glaring down at them.
  3040. >"I have no idea where these even came from. Ma's got a small chest, and all of my sisters have tiny tits, too."
  3041. >She lets out a sigh and clumsily leans back in her chair, head leaning back and mouth open in a groan.
  3042. >Naturally, this presses her breasts even harder against her shirt.
  3043. >You can see the buttons straining to keep the front of the shirt closed, and the gaps between them reveal plenty of cleavage.
  3044. >Rarity nods sympathetically.
  3045. >>"Tell me about it, darling," simpers Rarity, "It's just so difficult to implement my fashionable vision when I have two disastrously large breasts to work around."
  3046. >Rarity sighs and eyes up your flat, male chest.
  3047. >>"You men really have no idea how good you have it. Do you know how much money I have to spend in material when I make myself a shirt?"
  3048. >Her top is a simple black sweater with vertical embroidered lines on it.
  3049. >It's a tasteful simple turtleneck, but you can see that the hem is riding up her flat belly as the material struggles to contain her face-smothering knockers.
  3050. >>"I thought that perhaps the more elastic material I used for this sweater would allow for accommodation without compromising the patterns and the design of the outfit, but..."
  3051. >Rarity tugs at the hem, trying to pull it down over her slightly-exposed stomach.
  3052. >You can see the material stretch as she brings it down to meet her belt, but it returns to its original position a few inches higher when she lets go.
  3053. >>"Perhaps I should simply start going topless while I'm at home."
  3054.  
  3055.  
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058.  
  3059.  
  3060. >A Flurry Heart who doesn't want the responsibilities of being a princess added on top of the pressure of being the only naturally-born alicorn
  3061. >She runs away from home, much to the distress of her frantic parents
  3062. >Not even the note she left gives them any comfort
  3063. >Shining hasn't stopped crying for weeks, and Cadance has spearheaded a massive hunt for her daughter
  3064. >Meanwhile, "Kissy Wings" is a new arrival at a remote town, where she's just a regular pegasus with an abnormally large wingspan
  3065. >Anon, months in the past, decided that Ponyville was too fucking dangerous for him to live in thanks to the weekly shenanigans and star-bears coming out of the Everfree, and decides to move to a nice quiet village somewhere remote in Equestria
  3066. >Anon is the proud owner of a quiet general store in this sleepy out-of-the-way village
  3067. >Flurry Heart needs a job, and Anon hires her at his store
  3068. >He thinks it sure is weird how concepts that a normal pony would understand seem so foreign to her ("wait, ponies sweep their own floors? O-Oh! Yes, of course they do! They don't have servants to do that, and neither do I!")
  3069. >But she keeps the store clean and helps his customers, so he's happy
  3070. >Flurry Heart has to struggle to keep her disguise, as well as keep the inconsistencies of her character down
  3071. >Anon would be suspicious if she could accomplish the same things a unicorn could despite clearly being a pegasus, but her royal upbringing means it's a much bigger temptation to zap away the dust and grime off of the top shelves rather than try and use a broom with her wings or mouth
  3072. >Anon suspects something is up, but can't put his finger on it
  3073. >Anon and the disguised Flurry Heart get along pretty well, and it's only a few months before they're sweethearts
  3074. >News is slow to reach these out-of-the-way villages, and Anon isn't even aware that Flurry Heart is missing
  3075. >Flurry Heart has to decide if she can tell Anon who she is
  3076. >Of course, her parents inevitably eventually find her here
  3077.  
  3078.  
  3079.  
  3080.  
  3081.  
  3082.  
  3083. >"Principal Celestia, I'm gonna be one hundred thousand with you."
  3084. >"I know I might seem like a mild manner student, but beneath the suit, the tie, and a backpack I'm a weird pervert."
  3085. >"Like a sexual deviant. I've looked at shit that would make a japanese girl's eyes cross."
  3086. >"I've looked at, and stored, a lot of porn of a lot of woman."
  3087. >"And, to be honest, you're a lot better looking than eighty percent of anything I have stored."
  3088. >"Think about that. Thousands of pictures. At least ten gigabytes of 2D girls, and you beat a lot of them."
  3089. >"I would lick the sweat from your thighs."
  3090. >"Not because I'm into thighs. I mean, I am, but that's not the point. It's the sheer amount of sexual frustration I feel when I look at you."
  3091. >"I hate feet. Like legit dislike them, but I'd give your toes a tongue bath if you took that shoe off."
  3092. >"And that's not even the tip of the iceberg."
  3093. >"Like trust me. There's a whole mountain of lewdness."
  3094. >"Like anything you could think of. Things that might not even exist until I do them to you."
  3095. >"Things that might break the universe."
  3096. >"Just raw, hard, uncensored fucking. Everywhere."
  3097. >Be Celestia
  3098. >Your face was red, and a bead of sweat was making its way down your forehead.
  3099. "...I'm giving you detention, Mr. Anonymous. For a month."
  3100. >Anon nodded
  3101. >"Yeah, fair enough. See you later. I gotta go to Math."
  3102.  
  3103. >As soon as the door closes Luna looks up from her laptop.
  3104. >"His number is xxx-xxxx. You can thank me by sharing him when the time comes."
  3105. >You are Celestia and you have no idea what diety you mildly inconvenienced to deserve such a horny student and sister
  3106.  
  3107.  
  3108.  
  3109.  
  3110.  
  3111.  
  3112. >RGRE combined with Humans are Space Orcs
  3113. >Ponies had achieved space travel a few millennia ago after the technology boom Princess Twilight's rule ushered in
  3114. >They met other races and species who had made their way out into the wider void of space
  3115. >Then a ship appeared from the Null, a section of space that was magically dead and no species could survive in
  3116. >At least that's what they thought until they met 'them'
  3117. >Humans
  3118. >Strange hairless apes with reversed gender roles who had iron in their blood and fire in their veins
  3119. >They had no magic to speak of, they managed to claw their way off of their planet through sheer ingenuity and determination
  3120. >Since they had no magic they also had to fight against their planet's nature every step of the way as they did it
  3121. >Most were frightened at the prospect of such a species, but they welcomed them with open arms never the less and ponies, being the newest race in the conglomerate, were tasked with showing humans the ropes
  3122. >And that's the story of how human/pony interspecies romance began to bloom
  3123.  
  3124.  
  3125.  
  3126.  
  3127.  
  3128.  
  3129. >tfw you've been married to your immortal sun horse wife for over two thousand years
  3130. >tfw people ask you why you haven't tried fooling around with other creatures to spice up the relationship
  3131. >tfw some even ask--sometimes jokingly, sometimes not--if you have harems
  3132. >tfw you and Celestia just smile
  3133. >If only they knew
  3134. >Neither of you needed that shit
  3135. >You've done things to each other over the the centuries that they wouldn't even consider sex
  3136. >More like torture or abstract art
  3137. >At this point, you could whistle a tune and your wife would be leaking like a facut
  3138. >In turn, she could blink in morse code and it'd get you hot under the collar
  3139. >The dashes and dots are fucking hot yo
  3140. >tfw no one in last years gala knew you were actually fucking each other across the room via clicks and interpretative dances
  3141.  
  3142.  
  3143.  
  3144.  
  3145.  
  3146. >Apple Bloom grew up in an oppressive, conservative farm house where she was taught that sex was only supposed to happen after marriage and that she had damn well better have a virgin groom walking down the isle or else the spirits of ma and pa would come down from Elysium and give her hide a tanning
  3147. >She spent all her time outside of school working on the farm, limiting her social interaction to just her siblings and her two friends; no time for love
  3148. >It's her 18th birthday, and her family celebrates by giving her a whole two weeks off from farm work; she can do whatever she wants during that two week period
  3149. It's a bit like what the Amish do, frankly.
  3150. >Horny, repressed, frustrated, and given her family's permission to go hog-wild: Apple Bloom sees little reason not to see if she can't sex Anon up
  3151. >Scootaloo is a tomboy's tomboy, and stands out as RGRE-womanly even in a world of reversed gender roles.
  3152. >She's all about girl stuff: fixing engines, tinkering with motorcycles, and watching action movies until she falls asleep on the couch.
  3153. >None of the guys in RGREqG really interested her because all they wanted to talk about was fashion, shoes, and gossip
  3154. >She wants someone who can share her interests
  3155. >Anon comes from another world where he exhibits the same characteristics as she does, and she finds herself becoming interested in him
  3156. >So when Apple Bloom tells them she was two weeks free to do whatever, they all pile up in the van Scootaloo fixed and get to work
  3157. >Sweetie Belle is different from the other Creepy Mark Crusaders
  3158. >She's a romantic as far as her disposition goes, and it's backed up by nativity and a desire to find a prince to sweep off his feet
  3159. >The fact that Anon baby-sat her a few years ago has given her a crush on him
  3160. >She's the brains of the operation, and driven by a surprisingly innocent desire for the three of them to hook up with Anon, and she comes up with schemes to impress Anon and make him their's
  3161.  
  3162.  
  3163.  
  3164.  
  3165.  
  3166.  
  3167. >Pharynx is the only nuling who can visit the old hive without it turning into a big fight.
  3168. >He's enough of a grump to be the only nuling who doesn't trigger his momma.
  3169. >Instead of unleashing the REEEEEEEE like she would at Thorax, she just snipes at Pharynx like a passive aggressive disappointed mother.
  3170. >And that's how the least diplomatic nuling became the de facto liason between the hives
  3171.  
  3172. >"Pharynx i appreciate your loyalty to the greater hive and protection of your charges, my disappointment and anger is largely with your traitorious brother and idiotic cohorts."
  3173. >"But at the same time you just HAD to be loyal enough to the fucking Fagmoose to join him in this...hideous perversion of your being."
  3174. >"Yes, Fagmoose, it was Anons idea, it turns out ponies think 'fag' is only a human term of endearment and were more than happy to enshrine it within official documents during meetings."
  3175. >"There are multiple laws and treaties regarding him as such, it's quite amusing."
  3176. >"Anyway, the answer is still no, you may still visit freely due to your unquestionable commitment to our kind, every other abomination of that hive will recieve the royal screech of disapproval."
  3177. >"...Yes he made the cookies again, you may have ONE and i better see you eat it all, no sharing with your brother."
  3178.  
  3179.  
  3180.  
  3181.  
  3182. > Anon is still pretty shy, despite moving to RGRE
  3183. > Going from ignored to the prey of aggressive females... yeah, there's some culture shock definitely at work here
  3184. > Still, at least his talent at drawing brings in enough (you)s and donations to keep him relatively comfortable
  3185. > Plenty of thirsty folk liked to hang around his livestreams
  3186. > Then Time Turner approached him with a project he had been working on
  3187. > A lively reimagining of Tartarus with a cast of colorful characters
  3188. > Anon is charmed, and agrees to help with the animation
  3189. > As a way of promoting the project, Time Turner has one of the voice actresses join Anon's stream to read comments and do voice bits
  3190. > It's fine at first, Sunset Shimmer is nice and polite, and keeps the audience entertained
  3191. > And then it happened
  3192. > "Let's see, Horc Seock says, could Caliente flirt with Anon?"
  3193. > Anon blushes immediately
  3194. > Sunset wastes no time
  3195. > "Oh, Anon~, why don't you and I find somewhere cozy, where we can...cuddle."
  3196. > Anon makes a strangled whine, whimpering in embarrassment and arousal
  3197. > The chat loves it
  3198. > It becomes a very common request, but Anon never really gets used to it
  3199. > Then Rarity, the voice of the dignified Ariadne, joins the stream
  3200. > The way she purrs when she says "Oh, Anon~"...
  3201. > Anon never stood a chance
  3202.  
  3203.  
  3204.  
  3205.  
  3206.  
  3207. >Be Anon
  3208. >Be isekai'd to grimdark Equestria
  3209. >The landscape is a desolate Pripyatian grassland; in the distance, impossibly tall commieblocks glow in unnatural colors
  3210. >The sky is red as a Doom skybox
  3211. >This is not the Equestria you knew. This is a land of desperation, vice and slavery, where only the insane have the will to survive. You can smell it in the air, feel it in your bones; the air is thick with evil magic
  3212. >After a few hours of random straggling, a group of 11 little bandit mares appears and picks you up
  3213. >"Wow, nice catch, exotic. Let's hug the monkey hahaha~ " says a little black pegasus mare, with a black mane and orange evil eye cutiemark
  3214. >Ponies lack sexual organs and don't know what sex is
  3215. >Foals are made by a magical union between magical pony souls, while cuddling
  3216. >"Hahhahh~ look at that slut, I bet he cuddled half his village! I bet he's a real cuddleslut who spent all day hugging strangers for a couple of grimbits to spend on sugar hypercubes!" responds a little white unicorn mare- with pale green mane and toothless smile cutie mark
  3217. >"Damn! Unfh, that's one comfy lap for sleeping on! Daaamn!" adds a little cyan Earth mare, with golden mane and a spiky tree cutie mark
  3218. >Those three little mares hug your chest and arms while another little mare, pink with blood red mane and an iron bars cutie mark, simultaneously hugs your leg
  3219. >They hug you for a while before passing out. They fall asleep, the snoring is loud. They continue to lay on top of you, all while the other little bandit mares around eat and make jokes about you
  3220.  
  3221.  
  3222.  
  3223.  
  3224.  
  3225. >Ponies are like humans: with romantic monogamous ideals, and very jealous and possessive over such a monogamous romantic mate or its candidate, but also with a degenerate attitude towards cuddling incompatible with all that
  3226. >With a sex ratio of 2 little mares per 1 little stallion, only half of all mares can know happiness, and the competition is intense; in practice, a third of little stallions turn to hug-prostitution or are forced to hug-slavery
  3227. >"I know a rich little pegasus up east who'd pay a lot for an exotic cuddle slave like this," comments the pink little mare, woken up by the smell of grimhay soup, twirling in the pot with malice and bubbling with horrendous shrieks
  3228. >She turns to you. "This is what you are thinking. Is this what you were raised to do? Didn't your parents teach you that hugging was supposed to be a special something between a mare and stallion who love each other? Guess what, that's not how the world works, you bucktard, this is a bucked up world and you're at the bottom now. You are only good for hugging. Get used to hug all day, nothing but hugs."
  3229. >She then hugs you in the leg, again
  3230. >You cry
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233.  
  3234.  
  3235.  
  3236.  
  3237. > Anon is super hyped to meet a dragon after hearing that human knights appear in their ancient legends
  3238. > Will they fear him?
  3239. > Respect him?
  3240. > Or maybe just treat him as a curiosity, a living fossil, like the coelacanth
  3241. > Turns out, humans covering themselves in full plate and acting aggressive makes a decidedly different impression on dragons
  3242. > Legal Shota
  3243. > Lady dragons like to approach Anon and tells him they have gold and magic items in their hoard, would he like to see?
  3244. > In retrospect, it should have been obvious that the teenage dragon wouldn't have much of a hoard, and few dragons would be willing to give away gold and things
  3245. > At least the "cultural exchange" was fun
  3246.  
  3247.  
  3248.  
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251.  
  3252. >"Anon, I would like boops and snuggle please."
  3253. >"I know it's rude to ask for snuggles and boops from a stallion, but I'm a stressed out, possibly crazy mare that is as powerful as an alicorn."
  3254. >"To be fair, you're also not a stallion. You're like a booping and snuggling machine with those grabbers of yours."
  3255. >"Seriously, you might help prove that there's a higher power out there."
  3256. >"There's no other explanation how your species came to be."
  3257. >"I mean it. Even your scent seems biologically designed to make ponies feel comfortable and safe."
  3258. >"So I'd like some booping and snuggling. As soon as possible preferably."
  3259. >"Also, we can use the bed in Trixie's wagon."
  3260. >"It's really, really comfortable."
  3261.  
  3262.  
  3263.  
  3264.  
  3265.  
  3266. > Be Fizzlepop, wishing the dick wasn't so good
  3267. > It all started at the bar when you told Anon about flying in your airship
  3268. > You figured you'd take him for a spin, let him see above the clouds, and give him a night to remember
  3269. > Then the drinks kept flowing and Anon didn't seem to be affected at all
  3270. > It gets a little fuzzy after that
  3271. > The next morning, you wake up hungover in the cabin, pleasantly sore and sticky from what must have been a good time
  3272. > After getting a drink and some basic hygiene, you find Anon at the helm, singing softly
  3273. > "-the sky from me~. Bwerdum dwidly dedum."
  3274. > You roll her eyes at the whimsy
  3275. "Good morning, sugardick. Do you want some breakfast, or would you rather have some fun?"
  3276. > He turns and grins at you
  3277. > "Adventure!"
  3278. > Oh dear, the heights must have gotten to this colt
  3279. "Adventure?"
  3280. > He narrows his eyes at you, looking you up and down
  3281. > "You're a tough, no-nonsense veteran who isn't afraid to call me on my bullshit, right?"
  3282. > You raise an eyebrow
  3283. "Yes?"
  3284. > Anon beams
  3285. > "Great, you'll be my second in command!"
  3286. > What
  3287. "What."
  3288.  
  3289. > Be Spike, scratching off the last of your molting
  3290. > While you're glad you're finally growing, you wish it didn't itch so much
  3291. > A voice echoes in the castle
  3292. > "Spike! I have a question!"
  3293. > Oh Celestia, it's Anon
  3294. > You hope he just needs directions to the engineering section again
  3295. "Just a moment!"
  3296. > You trot down the stairs to find Anon grinning in the foyer, Fizzlepop reluctantly trailing behind him
  3297. > The human shakes your claw
  3298. > "You know how to fly, right? And you're good a wisecracking?"
  3299. > You fail to see how those are related
  3300. "Yes?"
  3301. > "I found my pilot!"
  3302.  
  3303. > "Hey Pinkie, you're really sweet and good at mechanical stuff, right?"
  3304. "You betcha!"
  3305.  
  3306. > "Hey Zecora, you're mysterious, kinda spiritual, and...black?"
  3307.  
  3308. > "Hey Big Mac, have you ever named an inanimate object 'Vera'? That includes trees, I guess."
  3309.  
  3310. > "Hey Rarity, you're something like a sophisticated whore, right?"
  3311.  
  3312. > Be Anon, surveying your pressga- reluctant crew
  3313. > The mixed loyalties, the constantly brewing threat of mutiny, it feels right
  3314. "Welcome to Serenity, the fastest ship in the 'verse. We have a lot of adventures ahead of us, but be sure to keep an eye out for a doctor and his crazy telepath sister."
  3315.  
  3316. > Be Rarity, in Fizzlepop's cabin
  3317. "Forgive me if this is too vulgar, but I simply must know before this gets any further out of hoof. Just how good is the d-"
  3318. > Fizzlepop's stern expression melts at the memory
  3319. > "Really good. Like, really, really good."
  3320. > You blush, your eyebrows raised
  3321. "Oh. Oh, well. That's alright then. I suppose I can neglect the boutique for a little while, until I get my fill."
  3322.  
  3323.  
  3324.  
  3325.  
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328. >When your two best friends grow up and finally realize your big brother is, in fact, a stallion
  3329.  
  3330. >Friends try to turn your brother into their slut
  3331. >Enlist the help of your old foalsitter, Anon
  3332. >Ask him to pretend to be interested in Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle until they lose interest in Big Mac
  3333. >"Heads are gonna roll if Mac ain't a virgin groom!"
  3334.  
  3335. And then Big Mac and Anon fall in love...
  3336.  
  3337. >Apple Bloom later drunkenly recounts this entire story to Femanon, the mareliest hyooman in ponyville
  3338. >aka one of the two hyoomans in ponyville
  3339. >Femanon is giving her a weird look
  3340. "Wait you mean you've had me and my sister mixed up this entire time? What did you think those lumps on her chest were?"
  3341. >"...chesticles?"
  3342.  
  3343. >You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping that it will relieve some of the tension you have building up, and maybe do something about that headache you can feel starting to form.
  3344. "Apple Bloom," you say slowly, eyes shut closed, "If you say, 'you all look the same to me', I'll twist your teats to such a degree that your foals will spin in circles when they try to nurse from you."
  3345. >This explains a lot.
  3346. "Is this why Rarity told me that she wasn't, and I quote, 'a dyke' that one time I asked her out?"
  3347. >Apple Bloom smiles nervously at you and fiddles with her mug.
  3348. >"Maybe."
  3349. >Fuck.
  3350. >Seeing your face fall, Apple Bloom flails her hooves around a little bit and stammers up a non-reply.
  3351. >"Ah mean... she still might be one! Ah ain't never seen no mare more interested in fashion than her!"
  3352. >Oh god, it IS why she said that!
  3353. "Come on, man," you groan, "My sister and I don't even look all that alike. It's not like we're fuckin' twins or something, Bloomy. Fuck, this might also be why a bunch of ponies keep getting mad at me for things my sister did..."
  3354. >This shit's the worst.
  3355. "Maybe I need to start wearing a name tag."
  3356. >You feel Apple Bloom awkwardly pat you on the back, reaching over the table and nearly falling over.
  3357. >"If it makes y'all feel better, mister Anonymous," she slurs, eyes slightly unfocused, "Ah think yer right stallion-like. If'fin y'want... Ah can prove it."
  3358. >And then you went home and fucked Apple Bloom.
  3359. >Life improved when you started wearing a name tag.
  3360. >Life improved even more once you talked to your sister and agreed that your respective wardrobes wouldn't look similar, just to make things even easier for ponies
  3361.  
  3362.  
  3363.  
  3364.  
  3365.  
  3366.  
  3367.  
  3368. >Celestia is secretly a huge sperg
  3369. >1000+ years of experience have allowed her an impeccable poker face when faced with nobles and distressed ponies in need of her wisdom
  3370. >But beneath that is the sperg that has made romancing a stallion all but impossible
  3371. >So when she encounters a human who doesn't give any number of shits about her status (it's hard to think of someone as a dignified noble creature when you've seen them do all manner of silly things in front of you), all that's left is her natural spergy self
  3372. >Celestia is baffled at how she apparently somehow tricked someone into marrying her
  3373. >Luna continues to be thankful that Anon finds Celestia's spergy nature charming rather than irritating.
  3374. >"That colt has the patience of a saint."
  3375.  
  3376.  
  3377.  
  3378.  
  3379.  
  3380.  
  3381. >Amnesiac Sperglestia has been attempting to woo her own husband
  3382. >"Yknow Anon, according to my sister im the princess of the sun!"
  3383. >Celestia flips her mane, obviously trying to play seductive in her go-to style
  3384. >seems some things are still in her muscle memory
  3385. "Oh? Thats great! Seeing as i'm a prince!"
  3386. >"R-really!?"
  3387. "Oh yes, got my eyes on a this beautiful princess, she has lovely hair and a plot like you wouldnt believe!"
  3388. >"S-surely it cannot compare to mine!?"
  3389. "Hmm, I dunno, id say your about the same..."
  3390.  
  3391. >Celestia proceeded to stuff her face full of ever yet more cake in order to increase her plot size despite her sisters protests
  3392. >When she finally gets her memory back, she gets angry at Anon for tricking her amnesiac self into attempting to beat her OWN plot size
  3393. "Well, id say you certainly won in the end eh?"
  3394. >Anon laughs himself silly as Celestia pins him down with her increased assets
  3395.  
  3396.  
  3397.  
  3398.  
  3399.  
  3400.  
  3401. >tfw an alien comes down to Equestria just like in your stories
  3402. >tfw it has technology unlike anything you've seen
  3403. >tfw it's a male, just like the other stores that you won't admit you read
  3404. >tfw this is supposed to be a dream come true
  3405. >tfw you were supposed to learn so much from him, learn his tech, his ways, get to see his weird alien bits
  3406. >tfw none of this happens
  3407. >tfw the alien is extremely unhelpful in every sense of the word
  3408. >tfw he refuses to answer any questions
  3409. >tfw he refuses to move from the spot in the middle of the mark
  3410. >tfw he somehow figured out how your magic worked just by looking at a spell as it was cast and now nothing you do affect him
  3411. >tfw he's as ornery as a yak with fleas
  3412. >tfw when Rainbow tried to forcibly remove him he used one of his metal tentacles to throw her across town
  3413. >tfw when ponies get too close he makes this horrible noise
  3414. >tfw he wants everypony's toasters
  3415. >tfw he refuses to say why
  3416. >tfw none of you can get close to his ship because the thing tries to blow you up
  3417. >tfw floating skulls are starting to appear all over town
  3418. >tfw one stole Spike's unmentionables while they were hanging outside to dry
  3419. >tfw you don't know what the hay an "Omnissiah" is but you don't like it
  3420. >tfw why couldn't you have just gotten a slutt green alien colt like in the movies?
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425.  
  3426. >Shortly after the events of the Canterlot Wedding, Pinkie and the real Cadance find themselves alone while the rest of the girls are occupied elsewhere and start talking.
  3427. "So princess, what do you think will change most since you're married now?"
  3428. >"Well, I'd have to say that now I can touch his butt anytime I want now."
  3429. "Really!? Do you need to ask him or anything?"
  3430. >Cadance chuckles.
  3431. >"Nope. No asking, just anytime I want. Boom, butt grab o'clock."
  3432. "Mrs. Cake said the same thing, but I always thought she was joking."
  3433. >At this moment, Princess Celestia walks over to the pair.
  3434. >"Hello Cadance, Pinkie Pie. Thank you and your friends again for everything you did during the changeling incident."
  3435. "Don't worry about it princess. Oh! Cadance just told me the greatest news! If you're married, you can grab your husband's butt anytime you want."
  3436. >Celestia looks over at her niece.
  3437. "Is it like some ancient law or something?"
  3438. >"Well I wouldn't call it a law or rule... so much as a guideline."
  3439. "Could I have it as a rule?"
  3440. >The princesses look at each other confused.
  3441. >"I'm afraid I dont understand."
  3442. "Let's just say that if one day I find my very special somepony, and let's just say that I get married... can WE just say that it's a rule that I'm allowed to touch his butt anytime I want?"
  3443. >The princesses share a laugh.
  3444. >"Very well Pinkie. When you get married, I give you permission to touch your husband's butt whenever you want."
  3445. >Princess Celestia says with a laugh.
  3446. >Pinkie holds up a piece of paper and a quill.
  3447. "Could I get that in writing please?"
  3448.  
  3449.  
  3450.  
  3451.  
  3452.  
  3453.  
  3454. >Shadow Edgehorn, the Alicorn of Fanfiction has summoned representatives from myriad Equestrias to battle and die for his amusement
  3455. >the winners world will be spared from destruction
  3456. >however he screwed up on a basic front
  3457. >he summoned only from the /rgre/questrias
  3458. >nopony is taking him seriously, they're just calling him hysterical and are nobly offering to let him impregnate the unwed mares so that he'd settle down
  3459. >meanwhile the legion of Anons are taking advantage of their magic-immune members to block his attacks
  3460.  
  3461.  
  3462. >meanwhile Kinganon is having a family moment with the Anonicorns, including but not limited to
  3463. >the Anonicorn who is Celestia's kid and has abandonment issues
  3464. >the Anonicorn who is Cadance's kid and wherever he goes he must eat crab
  3465. >the Anonicorn who loves his comfy hawaiian life and doesn't want no trouble
  3466. >the Anonicorn who speaks the primordial language of magic, english
  3467. >and Emerald Dawn, an Anonfilly who got lost when she was running away from Scruffy
  3468.  
  3469.  
  3470.  
  3471.  
  3472.  
  3473.  
  3474. >Summer solstice is the hottest day of the year because of Celestia's nethers
  3475. >They practically radiate heat, and the room she's in almost becomes humid due to the fluids she's constantly dripping
  3476. >Officially, court is cancelled for a week or two so that ponies can celebrate the season of summer solstice
  3477. >Unofficially, court is cancelled so that Celestia can masturbate non-stop so that she can stave off the urge to rape a poor, defenseless colt
  3478. >Enter Anon, who knows nothing of this
  3479. >"Dammit, where is she? I took an 8-hour train to Canterlot because fucking Caramel told me that if I wanted him t respect the fence line between our properties, I'd have to get God herself to tell him to stop. I don't care if there's a 'do not disturb' sign on her doorknob, I'm getting this shit taken care of."
  3480. >Anon is not seen again for a solid week-and-a-half
  3481. >He stumbles out of her bedroom, nude and covered in fluids
  3482. >The ensuing scandal ends with Celestia marrying Anon
  3483. >"It's not rape if I had sex with my husband!"
  3484.  
  3485.  
  3486.  
  3487.  
  3488.  
  3489.  
  3490. >Anon is a digimon tamer and amateur hacker with his own digimon.
  3491. >One day, while poking around a digital world access point a little too aggressively, he accidentally warps himself and his digimon into a strange part of the digital world totally partitioned from the rest.
  3492. >RGRE.
  3493. >His partner, a female Dorumon, quickly catches on to the RGR, and makes it her mission to keep her socially retarded human out of trouble.
  3494. >And these Ponymon (who for some reason dropped their 'mon') aren't making it easy
  3495.  
  3496.  
  3497.  
  3498.  
  3499.  
  3500.  
  3501.  
  3502. >Zecora is living in the Everfree because it's not technically part of Equestria since she doesn't have a greencard
  3503. >She was actually on the prowl for a stallion to help her make anchor babies, but even the dumbest Equestrian stallions know not to get involved with a zebra
  3504. >But a strange ape alien who knew little of Equestrian culture, but was still granted an Equestrian citizenship
  3505. >That, that she could do
  3506.  
  3507.  
  3508.  
  3509.  
  3510.  
  3511.  
  3512. >Anon is dating Ember, and surprisingly, things are going well.
  3513. >He was afraid that the other dragons wouldn't accept their dragon lord choosing a measly human over one of them as a mate, but no one has made much of a fuss.
  3514. >Well, not after Ember beat the crap out of the first dragon to make fun of the human, calling him ugly and insulting Ember's taste.
  3515. >Anon has moved in with her, and has steadily been making their cave feel like a home.
  3516. >He's even even managed some indoor plumbing and take hot showers whenever he wants.
  3517. >It's actually easier to take hot showers then cold, really, since they're surrounded by lava pools heating all the water, but whatever.
  3518. >Convincing Ember to let Anon put a mattress on her hoard took some time, but she conceded, and now the human sleeps on top of a pile of gold and gems.
  3519. >It's necessary because that's where Ember sleeps and refuses to do so anywhere but on top of her treasure.
  3520. >Also, she won't let Anon sleep anywhere else either, as she explains from atop him every night.
  3521. "This is sweet," he says the first night. "But ah, do you mind not laying on me? It's kinda uncomfortable."
  3522. >"But it's the only way I can be comfortable," she counters with a pout. "I need to sleep on my hoard, Anon, and your my most valuable treasure. I need to make sure you aren't stolen in the night."
  3523.  
  3524.  
  3525.  
  3526.  
  3527.  
  3528. >Another magicless Anon prompt
  3529. >Anon doesn't save the day, and he doesn't hurt any creature with his touch
  3530. >Much like many things in nature, his magicless-ness tries to achieve equilibrium when around large sources of magic
  3531. >His body tends to absorb it and then harmlessly bleed it back out into the environment
  3532. >The worst you see is that his body will achieve a gentle glow, akin to a unicorn horn bleeding excess unused magic into the visible spectrum.
  3533. >Normally, the ambient magic doesn't really interact with Anon's own lack of magic; there's just too little of it to really do anything or reach a threshold where his body responds to it.
  3534. >But when he's around creatures that are highly magic, something strange happens
  3535. >Much like how a saltwater fish in fresh water will absorb water in order to achieve equilibrium, his lack of magic causes his body to (impotently and pointlessly) actively absorb and then bleed out the magic
  3536. >Such as when he is touching a magical creature, like a pony
  3537. >This is harmless to the pony he's touching, since the amount he's absorbing and then spitting out is incredibly small compared to the magic that even an earth pony has
  3538. >Like drawing a bucket of water from a lake.
  3539. >The drawing of a pony's magic from their core to the surface of their skin stimulates their nerves, making them feel pleasure
  3540. >Thus, Anon petting a pony will feel better than, say, a minotaur petting a pony
  3541. >And if Anon touches a unicorn's horn, the magic drawing through that magical conduit is a rush that is akin to... another sort of release.
  3542. >Anon is amused by pony's reactions to his petting, thinking that they're behaving like a do getting its belly rubbed
  3543. >When Anon's friends figure out why his touch feels so good, they're conflicted
  3544. >Here they have a male who is willingly touching them and giving them pleasure, but they are very clearly taking advantage of him
  3545. >They want to tell him what he's doing as his friend, but then the touching will stop
  3546. >sadpleasuredhorsenoises.mp3
  3547.  
  3548.  
  3549.  
  3550.  
  3551.  
  3552. >Bow and Windy had identical twins
  3553. >One is named Rainbow, and the other is named Dash
  3554. >Thanks to near identical personalities, abilities, and cutie marks (the color scheme is flipped, but the shape is the same), they can switch places almost flawlessly
  3555. >Since ponies have heard them be referred to as "Rainbow" and "Dash" and are under the impression that they are dealing with one pony and not two, they come to the conclusion that they are simply dealing with one pony named "Rainbow Dash"
  3556. >It fits with pony naming conventions, so they're happy, and both twins are fine with being referred to as such
  3557. >Any discrepancy in Rainbow Dash's personality is due to misinformation or misunderstanding between the two of them when they switch places
  3558. >Moments where she seems to have to re-learn the same life lesson more than once is because only Rainbow or Dash underwent the lesson, and it only had a lasting impression on one of them
  3559. >This also leads to her seemingly tsundere personality
  3560. >One twin tends to lean towards mushiness, and the other one leans further away from it
  3561. >So when she seems to show tenderness one day but brashness the next, this confuses ponies; it is simply the case of Rainbow showing up one day, and Dash showing up the next
  3562. >This makes dating Anon very confusing
  3563. >At first, Rainbow and Dash didn't take the relationship very seriously and swapped places with each other whenever they felt like it
  3564. >They never bothered to tell Anon that they are two different ponies, because they thought this was just a fling
  3565. >But Rainbow, who leans towards mushiness, is quickly falling in love with Anon, and she knows that Dash doesn't feel the same way she does
  3566. >She wants an exclusive relationship with Anon, and now she has to think of a way to tell Anon that she's been fooling him and letting him have sex with her twin sister
  3567.  
  3568. >Rainbow, a romantic at heart, fell in love without needing any catalyst.
  3569. >Dash was another story. She tried dating after the drama of revealing herself to you, but now most males seem too meek and thinblooded after she got a taste for you.
  3570. >But to no avail. Frustrated, she came back to you and declared she wanted a 'duel' to determine if you were worth settling with.
  3571. >And by 'duel', she means an old pegasus mating ritual. A glorified wrestling match where the winner decides to either discard or mount the loser.
  3572. >Dash would forever deny that she was pleased to lose, and even more pleased when you took her like a stallion of old would have.
  3573. >Both Rainbow and Dash give birth to identical twin colts right on the same day.
  3574. >And the both sets of colts are virtually identical to their half brothers.
  3575. >To any onlookers, the whole family is a confusing clusterfuck
  3576.  
  3577.  
  3578.  
  3579.  
  3580.  
  3581.  
  3582.  
  3583. >Anon saves Limestone's soul from eternal damnation in the ballpits of Tartarsauce with his monkey epeen.
  3584. >Limey realizes if she dies, no more cute dumb monkey bf.
  3585. >Next Hearthswarming rolls around.
  3586. >Limey and Anon have been together for almost a year.
  3587. >There's a knocking at the door.
  3588. >Grim reaper pone has entered the chat.
  3589. >Limey is all like HELL NAW I like living, I gots me a bf, your future is moot, bitch!
  3590. >Anon is fond of angry tsundere pone and challenges the grim reaper to a fiddling match.
  3591. >Except either of them knows how to fiddle.
  3592. >Anon challenges the reaper to a thumb war instead.
  3593. >Reaper pone loses by default because she cannot into thumbs.
  3594. >Limestone, confused immortal.
  3595. >Hot holiday hanky panky
  3596.  
  3597.  
  3598.  
  3599.  
  3600.  
  3601. >You are Sargeant Noble Cause.
  3602. >You volunteered for guard duty again today.
  3603. >Your superior officer was surprised the first few times you volunteered for extra work, but she stopped being surprised after a few weeks.
  3604. >If there's an extra shift to take, you usually go for it.
  3605. >Your one true cause is the defense of others, and it's a duty you take very seriously.
  3606. >Shining Armour is an inspiration to you and to all guard-colts everywhere, and you have a poster of him in your personal quarters.
  3607. >On the ceiling right above your bed.
  3608. >It's not gay, though.
  3609. >You just want to see the representation of who you are and what you should aspire to when you wake up and when you go to bed at night.
  3610. >It's a reminder that you're just as good as a mare, no matter what society tells you.
  3611. >That even a lowly Sargeant like you can make a difference, if he just tries hard enough.
  3612. >Today is Hearts and Hooves day.
  3613. >You almost forgot.
  3614. >But just because ponies are out there enjoying each other on this holiday, doesn't mean that evil will take the day off.
  3615. >So, like you said; you volunteered for guard duty.
  3616. >You overheard some of the other guard-colts talking about their plans.
  3617. >They've long since booked the day off, and they're all going to do something suitably romantic and mushy and it's going to be the only thing they talk about for WEEKS.
  3618. >You know you're an odd colt.
  3619. >You never really liked that colty stuff.
  3620. >You took after your mom more than you took after your dad.
  3621. >You were always roughhousing with the fillies when you were a colt, and you hated hanging out with the other colts.
  3622. >You'd call yourself a janefilly, but you're too boring for that.
  3623. >Janefillies hang out with their female friends and they're just one of the gals, but you don't really have that many friends outisde the guard to speak of.
  3624. >You kind of put ponies off, and you don't really meet the sort of expectations that mares are looking for.
  3625. >And you're okay with that.
  3626. >Despite what a shameful part of you secretly hoped for, you didn't expect a mare to ask you out for a date on Hearts and Hooves day, so you didn't bother booking it off.
  3627. >Despite knowing full well that you wouldn't find any notes from a 'secret admirer' slipped into your locker, or maybe a bouquet of flowers waiting for you outside your sleeping quarters, you still felt antsy about today.
  3628. >You hate how disappointed you felt when you reached your post, and it was just another day for you.
  3629. >And so here you are, standing guard on the look out for ne'er-do-wells.
  3630. >You don't move an inch as pairs and groups of special someponies walk around, playfully chasing and nuzzling each other.
  3631. >Morning turns to day.
  3632. >Day turns to evening.
  3633. >You don't normally feel lonely, but on a day that's meant to celebrate together-ness, you can't help but feel extra-alone right now.
  3634. >It's silly...
  3635. >Maybe it's the purely stallion part of you that dad encouraged; probably the one colty thing he managed to bring out in you.
  3636. >But deep down, you sort of hoped that maybe there was a mare out there for you, and today would be the day she acted on her feelings for you.
  3637. >It's stupid.
  3638. >It's embarrassing.
  3639. >It's downright foalish.
  3640. >It's not happening, but you can't help but feel disappointment creeping up your chest, making you blush with shame.
  3641. >Just a dumb colt's fantasy.
  3642. >Look at you: a Sargeant who fantasizes about his knight in shining armour to sweep him off his hooves.
  3643. >As soon as your shift is over, you're going to go home and crack open a cold cider.
  3644. >Then, you're going to think about your patrol duty for tomorr-
  3645. >"Noble Cause?"
  3646. >Your ears perk up, and your head snaps back up into proper position.
  3647. >You didn't even realize you had let it droop.
  3648. >Your long-time partner and good friend, Brazen Shield, is flying towards you.
  3649. >And in her mouth is a-
  3650. >?!?!?
  3651. >You feel a blush spread on your cheeks, but it's not out of shame.
  3652. >In Brazen Shield's mouth is a rose.
  3653. >This can't be for you.
  3654. >You feel hope and disbelief wage war against each other.
  3655. >Disbelief is backed by experience and a cold sense of realism.
  3656. >But Hope has your own stupid nativity fueling it, and that's a damn powerful force.
  3657. >You settle on "cautiously optimistic" and leave it at that.
  3658. >Like any pony who regularly has to manipulate her environment with her mouth, she's learned to talk around the rose caught between her lips.
  3659. >"Your shift ended half an hour ago. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe..."
  3660. >Now, you're not the only pony who's blushing.
  3661. >"...go get something to eat? It's late, so there's bound to be a few restaurants that will have a table for two open."
  3662. >You are Noble Cause, and you are a guard.
  3663. >You've spent hours being trained not to react, even if a foal is jumping in your face specifically to get a reaction.
  3664. >But even now, you can't do anything to stop the shy smile that's worming its way across your lips.
  3665. "I.... I'd like that."
  3666. >Maybe not being so colty isn't a death sentence for your love life after all.
  3667.  
  3668.  
  3669.  
  3670.  
  3671.  
  3672.  
  3673. >You are thirty-something teacher Anon
  3674. >And you were extremely uncomfortable
  3675. >Every day in CHS, you were surrounded by hormonal teenage girls
  3676. >Its not like their fellow boys were exempt from their rampant perversion, but you were their primary target
  3677. >Everywhere you looked, there would be female students looking at you like a piece of meat
  3678. >Making comments about your figure, ogling your crotch and butt, and other lewd things
  3679. >You were sometimes certain they did the former within earshot on purpose, just to see you flustered
  3680. >And then there were the few, like Rainbow Dash and Gilda, that were actively flirting with you
  3681. >No matter how many detentions you sent them to, those two troublemakers wouldn't relent
  3682. >After the one incident where they both got caught with sneaking a grope off you by the principals themselves, you were at your wits end
  3683. >At some point, you sought some help to try and understand these voracious girls better
  3684. >A one Starlight Glimmer, CHS own Student Council President, was someone you personally enlisted to help keep these girls in line
  3685. >But first, a personal consultation with CHS' other high school prodigy
  3686. >Though, you weren't sure why she insisted on bringing this bizarre staff with her...
  3687.  
  3688.  
  3689.  
  3690.  
  3691.  
  3692.  
  3693.  
  3694. >Cozy Glow is much more shrewd than most think and more than willing to take unusual routes to accomplish her goals.
  3695. >After her first defeat and only a few years in Tartarus, she finally gets an appeal through the Equestrian court. The Princesses can't legally stonewall her forever.
  3696. >Naturally, she hires a ruthless lawyer and the pair instantly find an easy win after going through some ancient laws.
  3697. >Cozy was a legal minor at the time of her incarceration. She had a cutie mark, but hadn't hit her first estrus yet. Both are required to be a legal adult.
  3698. >And as per a law Luna created over 1000 years ago, children cannot receive punishment intended for adult enemies of the state.
  3699. >Tartarus for several years? Thats a brutal fate reserved for villains of the highest level
  3700. >And without a trial as well.
  3701. >The Princesses may have unlimited power, but abuse of said power to punish a filly, no matter how they spin it, is inexcusable and would result in instant backlash.
  3702. >So Cozy Glow walks free only a few weeks later, now millions of bits richer in settlement payments.
  3703. >Now what to spend that money on?
  3704. >First, the most expensive hooker in Canterlot. Puberty in a cell alone nearly drove the now teen Cozy insane.
  3705. >"Shit... I'm eating thin tonight. 'Just find a mare to support you, Anon. Easy!'... As fucking if. At this point I would take a job anywhere."
  3706. >Cozy is distracted and looks up to an impossible sight.
  3707. >A dejected human slowly walks past, glaring at a pitiful pile of bits in his hand.
  3708. >She heard about these humans in Tartarus. There was a whole wing dedicated to them ran by the "Olympians".
  3709. >Of all the things she heard, one stuck out at her.
  3710. >'They're eager to put their dick in anything. ANYTHING. And they just don't tire out!'
  3711. >...Well well well, Fifteen is a little young to be a sugar mama, but he did say "any" job
  3712.  
  3713.  
  3714.  
  3715.  
  3716.  
  3717.  
  3718. >Rarity gave you a few ball bras with your set of clothes.
  3719. >"On the house dear, i would never dream of charging for something so essential."
  3720. >Dont wear them for two reasons, that being they're frilly froo foo, and that your underwear basically does the same thing.
  3721. >Casually mention your lack of bra during a bar night with your colt friends.
  3722. >Caramel just facehoofs as Time turner simply taps the table with a hoof and counts down from 3.
  3723. >You flinch and nearly choke on your drink as a lot of...something suddenly starts wriggling over your crotch.
  3724. >Glance down at your pants to see them glowing internally in a veritable rainbow of colours.
  3725. >Glare around the bar in confusion looking for the unicorns in question.
  3726. >None of them are looking in your direction and all of them coincidently have drinks floating before them.
  3727. >Birch bucket just rolls his eyes as his own horn lights up, the disco in your pants vanishing after a moment.
  3728. >As you and the others turn to him he just sips his drink before replying.
  3729. >"You would not be-lieve~ how many colts come through the spa that are paranoid about Aloe and Lotus, simply because they run the place."
  3730. "....But aren't they earth ponies?"
  3731. >"Precisely, oh and anon, i'm going to assume nopony told you what a ballbra actually does so remind me to tweak Rarity's mane the next time she's getting her usual, bless that mares heart but she's a few bits short of a full bag when it comes to the practical aspects of clothing."
  3732.  
  3733.  
  3734.  
  3735.  
  3736.  
  3737.  
  3738. >Keeping clear of the ponies rushing along the heaving deck was a greater challenge than I'd first anticipated
  3739. >Anon, green monkey man you must surely be, powder monkey and mascot of the good ship "Towering Teats", terror of the seas
  3740. >But more importantly right now you were making your way to the captain with an important message, a task made difficult by the ferocious storm that had sprung upon you like a trout on whatever trout eat
  3741. >Life at sea hasn't provided the nautical learning you'd hoped when you first signed on to this fearsome crew, after that airplane crash left you stranded at that weird art deco lighthouse
  3742. >Other people may have been phased by the ship full of pastel horses pulling up and offering a new career but you were made of simpler stuff than that, you knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth
  3743. >Once aboard you quickly got used to life aboard a pg rated pirate ship, drinking grog (limejuice) with the crew, singing sea shanties and taking turns wearing the communal eyepatch
  3744. >The crew had been wary at first, something about not allowing stallions on ships, being bad luck and all they said, but they warmed fast when I pointed out that I was clearly no stallion, for a stallion is an equine and I am a large green ape creature with a question mark for a face, an explanation they readily accepted when they saw that I could be of use carrying things around the ship in my long green arms
  3745. >Even the hard hearted captain Bluetuft the Terrible had taken a shine to me, she'd say "Jim me old cabin boy, you remind me of myself when I was a young filly setting out to sea, eyes full of lust for gold and comely stallions, stick with me, you'll go far". I never did understand why she called me Jim.
  3746. >Drawn back to reality by a slap from a set of blue hooves my eyes alighted on the captain, her eyes full of fear. "Jim, what did you see at the bow, is it as we feared?" I shouted to be heard above the sea "read the first letter at the start of each greentext"
  3747.  
  3748.  
  3749.  
  3750.  
  3751.  
  3752.  
  3753. >Everyone assumes Spoiled Rich got plastic surgery like some colt obsessed with his looks.
  3754. >She's often teased behind her back about how ugly she is and how pathetic she must be to care that much about her face.
  3755. >She just holds her odd nose high and ignores them.
  3756. >She knows the truth, and that's all that matters.
  3757. >Diamond Tiara doesn't remember when she was foalnapped as an infant by griffons.
  3758. >How she was held ransom, and her parents told that all the local centers of law enforcement were being watched to make sure the Rich family didn't contact the police or else.
  3759. >Their was no guarantee that those ruffians would return their daughter even after getting the money, so Spoiled calmed her hysterical husband with confident words and promised she'd get their Diamond back.
  3760. >She had a certain set of skills.
  3761. >She was a filly scout and got every single badge, including CQC and Infiltration badges.
  3762. >Those griffons didn't know what was happening when a purple-pink mare dropped down through the ventilation shaft, nun-chucks flying.
  3763. >One got a lucky hit in with a crowbar, but she fought through the pain and blood to take him out, then carried her daughter out of that horrible place.
  3764. >The whole incident was processed quietly by the police on behest of the family, not wanting any other crooks getting inspiration from those hook beaked bastards.
  3765. >The plastic surgeons did their best with Spoiled's shattered muzzle, but there is only so much they can do with such a severe injury.
  3766. >Filthy doesn't care.
  3767. >He's never thought his wife was more beautiful then when she came home with their daughter unharmed, sleeping peacefully on his back.
  3768. >He knows that he can always trust his mare to protect them.
  3769. >And he's the only one who matters in the eyes of Spoiled.
  3770. >So let the town talk.
  3771. >They don't know what a real mare looks like, even when she walks down the street right before them.
  3772. Holding her odd nose up as a secret badge of honor.
  3773. >A testament to her mareliness.
  3774.  
  3775.  
  3776.  
  3777.  
  3778. >In RGRE Equestria non-unicorn stallions are commonly given dong rings for their wedding vows
  3779. >During the ceremony the soon to be wife places the ring on the sheath of the stallion
  3780. >It’s intimate but not too lewd for a ceremony
  3781. >Anon’s wifu insists on putting the dong ring on his flaccid member
  3782. >tfw your wifu is trying to take off your pants in front of the whole town
  3783. >tfw the priest is helping her
  3784. >tfw the princesses brought your entire family to see the ceremony
  3785.  
  3786.  
  3787.  
  3788.  
  3789.  
  3790.  
  3791. >Daring Do had been a staple of young mare literature for a generation, and even today, many of those same ponies held the series dear to their hearts and loved sharing it with their own foals.
  3792. >It's why, when the newest book was rated for adults only, many ponies were upset.
  3793. >It was odd in so many ways.
  3794. >For one, it introduced a fantastical romantic element.
  3795. >A love interest seemed like more something to be found in a paperback romance for lonely house husbands than a serious action adventure.
  3796. >Especially when the love interest was a mythical human male.
  3797. >And that's not to mention the heated sex scene in the final quarter of the book that went into extensive detail about the appearance, shape, and feel of a human's penis.
  3798. >While more than a few readers might of jilled off to the imagery, it still didn't change the fact that it was a drastic change in tone for the series.
  3799. >Thus why Twilight and Rainbow set out to find A.K. Yearling and have a serious talk with her.
  3800. >The former was furious that the author would resort to pure fiction after such dedication to only writing true events, and the latter was eager to meet an actual human.
  3801. >It was a point of argument between the two the entire trip and basis for a ten bit wager.
  3802. >When they arrived at the mare's little getaway, they found that no one was apparently home, but that the door was unlocked.
  3803. >Deciding to let themselves in and wait, Dash took a seat while Twilight went over to the mare's study, the door left open and a manuscript left visible on the desk.
  3804. >As she passed through the entrance, a book came slamming down on her head.
  3805. "You aren't stealing anything from my marefriend, villain!"
  3806. >Dash jumps up to see a human standing over the groaning princess, mouth slowly opening.
  3807. >"... Huh! You owe me ten bits!"
  3808.  
  3809.  
  3810.  
  3811.  
  3812.  
  3813.  
  3814. >Swing by the school to pick up your girlfriend.
  3815. >Wew lad. That would have been really weird to say on earth. Fucking ponyland age of consent.
  3816. >Anyway, you want to confirm a theory.
  3817. >The bell rings and the students begin to file out.
  3818. >Aha!
  3819. >You spy a young mare with a wild mane style, wide, almost goofy smile, and a pair of goggles around her neck. She must be the protagonist.
  3820. >Next to her is a smaller, less attractive mare in glasses. She must be the brainy best friend.
  3821. >On the other side of the protagonist is a larger, somewhat dopy looking mare. Shes the dumb muscle with the heart of gold.
  3822. >Trailing a little behind is a lithe stallion that almost sparkles in the light. A ton of mares look at him, but he only has eyes for the protag. He's the love interest.
  3823. >And a little further up...
  3824. >Is your marefriend, standing and watching the protagonist mare with an ugly scowl on her pretty face. A gaggle of young stallions watch her, blushing and giggling.
  3825. >Oh Lord, your girl is the hostile dark-themed rival.
  3826. >Time to fuck all of this dynamic up.
  3827. >You slowly stalk closer, coming up behind her. Sure enough, you see ゴゴゴゴ! in the corner of your vision.
  3828. >Man, you really hate chinese cartoons.
  3829. >Other students take notice, but your marefriend doesn't until you're right behind her.
  3830. >By then it's too late.
  3831. >You reach your arms around her and bury your hands in her luxurious tuft.
  3832. "Hey sugartuft. How was your day?"
  3833. >She looks back at you and somehow blushes through her black fur. "A-Anon! What are you d-doing?!" She asks/yells, trying to pull away half-heartedly.
  3834. >The gaggle of stallions, the protag and her friends, and the background characters are watching with dropped jaws.
  3835. "Trying to get the scowl off your pretty face, and I see it worked," you quip. "Now come on. I already told your dad you'd be with me. Once we get back, you can have dinner, a bath, or maybe me?"
  3836. >You lean down just enough to nip her ear and she actually squeaks.
  3837. >Eat shit cliche tropes
  3838.  
  3839.  
  3840.  
  3841.  
  3842.  
  3843.  
  3844. >Twilight the unicorn is first and foremost a student
  3845. >She spent her entire life studying all alone, and only made friends because God herself told her to
  3846. >She did some friendship lessons and eventually, a villain blew up the second most important type of building in the world (to her, anyway): a library
  3847. >"This is bullshit of the highest order."
  3848. >Fed up, Twilight casts a spell she'd been developing as a result of her researched with the switched around cutie marks
  3849. >It seems they weren't switched, but transformed from one state to another
  3850. >She discovered a spell that never existed before.
  3851. >Before the dust could clear, Twilight acted
  3852. >She cast the spell on a nearby book (a fitting replacement, she thought) and transformed it into a clone of herself
  3853. >Her new clone's magic operated on the same frequency of her own, and so to her surprise, the spell transferred from her control to the clone's control
  3854. >Twilight was afraid for a moment that her clone was going to transform her into something, but the spell merely completed itself
  3855. >And since her clone successfully finished casting magic that never existed in the past, her reward was alicornhood; her form was cemented, and alicorn-Twilight was by rights her own individual.
  3856. It's been a while since I thought about that, I think that's the parameters for discovering magic. Humor me here.
  3857. >Twilight hastily cast an invisibility spell on herself and high-tailed it out of town.
  3858. >"Friendship just made one of the best types of buildings blow up. All that knowledge is lost forever. Fuck this, I'm going back to my studies."
  3859. >And so, Twilight the unicorn fled and traveled the land, learning as she went
  3860. >Twilight the alicorn remembered none of this, avoiding the revelation her unicorn-self had and became the Princess of Friendship
  3861. >Something something Anon is involved somehow
  3862. >Something something RGRE
  3863. nailed it
  3864.  
  3865.  
  3866. >When Twilight ascended, she didn't transform.
  3867. >No, she was blown to an entirely different world.
  3868. >Princess Twilight is a clone formed of pure magic. A perfect clone with all of her unintentional sister's memories.
  3869. >Twilight the unicorn was thrown right into Earth, in the backyard of one Anonymous.
  3870. >Things were hectic for several weeks between Twi's grief and Anon adjusting to a new, strange houseguest.
  3871. >Then in a gambit to make Twilight too well known to be 'vanished' by the government, Anon showed her off in a livestream.
  3872. >It worked. A terse government spook showed up only a day later with an invitation to the capital. A few weeks later after the media circus and shaking hands with too many officials, Twilight was the first extra terrestrial diplomat and had the freedom to move around as she wished.
  3873. >So she stays with the shocked Anon, telling him she couldn't leave an incredible friend like him behind.
  3874. >Time passes and adventures are had.
  3875. >Finally, Twilight concocts a portal spell to Equestria.
  3876. >Earth is so interesting and has changed her deeply, but she needs to return home where things make sense.
  3877. >Beside her, her best friend and now husband Anon stands with a smile and a bag draped over his shoulder.
  3878. >Twilight smiles gently as she feels her magic warm the gold ring around her horn.
  3879. >...The still small-ish foal bump in her middle might be a little harder to explain to her friends and family though.
  3880. >Anyway! Portal time!
  3881. >Imagine her surprise when they step through and into some kind of meeting room in a crystal castle rather than the library.
  3882. >From the chairs around the table, her friends look at her in shock.
  3883. >...As well as an alicorn look-alike of her.
  3884. >This is going to be awkward
  3885.  
  3886.  
  3887.  
  3888.  
  3889.  
  3890.  
  3891. >Floorb is legitimately the Pinnacle of marely sexuality
  3892. >Massive chest fluff, and even a coveted pubic tuft
  3893. >Actually really attractive with lovely eyes and strong legs
  3894. >1 in a million perfect genes
  3895. >Would be a complete heartthrob and have stallions throwing themselves at her if they knew she existed amd took care of herself
  3896. >Too depressed to leave apartment except at 3am when there's no one to see her
  3897. >Terrified of social interaction so any chance of meeting somepony is zero
  3898. >Drove away her friends before she went recluse through her self hatred
  3899. >Desperately wants a coltfriend and dreams of a happy relationship but knows that she'd ruin it even if it happened
  3900. >Horsefuckery Anon has lived in RGRE for a couple years
  3901. >Moves in next door
  3902. >Catches a glimpse of cutie neetpone from afar
  3903. >Holyshitthatsacutie.jpg
  3904. >Aggressively pursues neetpussy
  3905. >Floorb hates herself more because she doesn't deserve this weird Colt's potential (in her dreams) affection
  3906. >She feels emaresculated by the attention
  3907. >Too anxious to say no though
  3908. >Something something more fixshit
  3909. >Something something I wish that could be me
  3910.  
  3911.  
  3912.  
  3913.  
  3914.  
  3915. >You are Anon, and you are currently being pretty creepy.
  3916. >You looked into this pony's eyes, and you saw too much of your old self inside of her.
  3917. >Misery, self-hatred, and the paradoxical urge to push everyone away despite your desperately loneliness.
  3918. >You like Floor Bored; she's a real cutie, and from what few conversations you've drawn out of her (like water from a stone, to be frank), she shares quite a few interests with you.
  3919. >So, here you are.
  3920. >Doing something you promised yourself you'd never do: take advantage of society's preconceived notions about the male sex and do something that would get you in HUGE trouble if you didn't have a penis.
  3921. >It is 3 AM, and Floor Bored is going to leave her house any minute now for her nightly snack run.
  3922. >You have a plan.
  3923. >A plan to give this horse smooches.
  3924. >It's also probably illegal, but you're pretty tight with the pizza goblin, so you're pretty sure that she'll smooth this over "in the name of love".
  3925. >Step 1: snatch and grab.
  3926. >Step 2: bring her back to your place and stuff her in the bubble bath you have waiting for you, kept warm with the tub floor made of heating crystals.
  3927. >As much as you appreciate a musky chest tuft, Floor Bored has some grease to her fur. Maybe life here has changed you, but you are NOT getting that sort of body oil all over your sheets. God only knows how difficult it would be to wash out.
  3928. >Step 3: ???
  3929. >Step 4: Profityoumean snuggling the FUCK out of your neighbor.
  3930. >Smooches will happen, hopefully.
  3931. >And because you have a dick, this will be seen as being quirky and romantic instead of frightening and creepy.
  3932. >This society has fucked you out of a bunch of jobs that are mare-dominated, dammit! It's time that this sexism does something FOR you!
  3933. >YOU'REGONNASMOOCHTHISMARE
  3934. >Creeaaaaak
  3935. >Floor Bored sneaks out of her door, finally making an appearance.
  3936. >You hunch behind the bush, eyes locked on your prize.
  3937. >Step 1 is about to be put into action...
  3938.  
  3939.  
  3940.  
  3941.  
  3942.  
  3943.  
  3944. >Anon is new to Equestria, and is insistent that Twilight give him lessons on etiquette so he doesn't make a fool of himself.
  3945. >Twilight should gladly do this with complete honesty.
  3946. >But...
  3947. >"A-and as for the most widely accepted greeting, w-we press snouts together."
  3948. "Really?"
  3949. >"Y-yep. A gentle exchange of breath between friends."
  3950. "Oh, so like this? And we just breathe gently against each other's noses?"
  3951. >"Eeep!"
  3952. "Am I not doing it right? You're turning pretty red."
  3953. >"N-no! This is wonderful! Er, you're doing wonderfully!"
  3954. "Oh, good. So is this like the only greeting, or are there other more casual ones? Like, we humans have handshakes, but also high fives, or even hugs between dear friends and family."
  3955. >"L-lewd."
  3956. "Huh?"
  3957. >"We do the hugs, too! Yep! We're all about hugs! Here, I'll show you!"
  3958. "Aw, this is nice."
  3959. >"So warm..."
  3960. "Anything else I should know?"
  3961. >"... There are special greetings for both pegasi and unicorns. Luckily because I'm an alicorn, you can practice them both on me."
  3962. "And those are?"
  3963. >"Wing petting, a-and... horn rubbing."
  3964.  
  3965.  
  3966.  
  3967.  
  3968.  
  3969.  
  3970. >That's the scene Rainbow Dash burst in on.
  3971. >Literally.
  3972. >She really has to stop crashing through Twilight's windows.
  3973. >Your castle is a blindingly shiny and always in the way, Twilight!
  3974. >Her usual defense, though it didn't get spoken this time as she stared at the other mare, both wide-eyed as the princess sat in Anon's lap, her wings in his hands.
  3975. >Twilight had teleported them both to a private room, leaving Anon confused, a purple feather in his grasp.
  3976. >They went back and forth, Rainbow drawing the truth from her friend, then accusing her of being a molester.
  3977. >Twilight didn't have much of a defense to that, and resorted to begging.
  3978. >"Please, please don't tell any pony, Rainbow! If Celestia finds out, she'll take my wings for sure!"
  3979. >"How did you even expect to keep this secret?"
  3980. >"I don't know, I wasn't exactly thinking straight, okay? He doesn't want to leave until he's sure he won't make a fool of himself, so I figured I had a couple days..."
  3981. >"Right..."
  3982. >"I swear, I'll tell him the truth, just let me be the one to do it. He should hear it from me."
  3983. >"Hold on, no need to be hasty."
  3984. >"Huh?"
  3985. >"Those fingers looked like they were feeling pretty good."
  3986. >"You have no idea..."
  3987. >"I want to, though. Let Anon preen my wings... and I'll keep quiet."
  3988. >When they return to Anon finally, they find him with Twilight's feather behind his ear, getting slack-jawed stares.
  3989. "Hey, there you are. Is something wrong? Why are you staring? Is it the feather? Hope you don't mind, Twi, but can I keep it? It's nice."
  3990. >As Twilight's head was filled with the ringing of wedding bells, Rainbow couldn't help but think how lucky Twilight is.
  3991. >Born with amazing magic.
  3992. >Becoming an alicorn.
  3993. >And now an exotic, sexy colt with wiggly fingers practically throwing himself at her.
  3994. >Some mares get all the luck
  3995.  
  3996.  
  3997.  
  3998.  
  3999.  
  4000.  
  4001. >Anon, tired of Earth, uses a magic ritual he learned on xtotesrealmagicx.onion to send himself to Equestria.
  4002. >And it worked! Only it sent him to the wrong Equestria...
  4003. >He's in >nohoovesquestria
  4004. >And to make things even weirder, the gender roles here seem swapped.
  4005. >Strange but whatever. He can use that.
  4006. >Actually, it's pretty nice. Hopefully he can get to Equestria and have it be like this.
  4007. >Anon is glad he copied down anything interesting on that sketchy magic site. Trying to get legal documents without a little hypnosis on some statehouse officials would have sucked.
  4008. >Anyway, a few forged documents and a ritual to reverse the damage of a lazy life later, and he's the new PE teacher at Canterlot High, right where the portal to Equestria is.
  4009. >Now to lay low and wait until the portal opens...
  4010. >"Hey teach! I think I sprained my uh... thigh. C-can you come over and feel it to be sure?"
  4011. >...He probably should have considered that being a fit, youngish PE teacher in a school of horny teen girls was asking for trouble through...
  4012. >Be strong, Anon. Think of the cute mares
  4013.  
  4014.  
  4015.  
  4016.  
  4017.  
  4018.  
  4019. >Anonepone walks over marelet guard friend
  4020. >marelet stops stock still, heart hammering over what she knows is about to happen
  4021. >first, she feels the heat passing up over her neck, almost teasing in just how close it is
  4022. >then the teasing ends in an instant as contact is made
  4023. >its all she can do to NOT shudder in arousal when she feels his b-balls press up against the back of her head
  4024. >then, after a maybe-there-maybe-not moment of pause, they continue up her scalp
  4025. >it messes up her mane just as much as any day's training worth of helmet-mane
  4026. >her knees wobble as the two orbs press up against her ears, pinning and dragging them for a moment, before her iron will locks her legs in place
  4027. >and then her world goes dark for a moment when they go back down her face and cover her eyes
  4028. >in a distant part of her mind, she hears a faint "these aren't my glasses!"
  4029. >and then its over, her strange totally-not-a-himbo friend keeps walking, as if he never even noticed what just happened
  4030. >if she were a lesser mare, she'd have etched every one of the following seconds to memory in a true "hate to see you go but love watching you leave" fashion, as not only his balls and sheathe were on full display, but framed simply wonderfully by those tempting foal-chasing legs of his
  4031. >of course, that doesn't keep her from still doing it, she's just not a lesser mare, no matter what that little voice that sounds disturbingly like her father says in the back of her head
  4032. >as Anonpone turns the corner and goes out of sight, it's all the marelet can do to not collapse into a puddle of her own squash soup
  4033. >she does allow herself a shudder and a single, wet sounding wink though that will keep her up that night wondering if her friend heard it
  4034. >she's a red blooded mare, not made of stone!
  4035.  
  4036.  
  4037.  
  4038.  
  4039.  
  4040.  
  4041. >The age of real wAIfus has finally hit earth.
  4042. >AI could now pass the turing test and was only evolving faster and faster. One became fully sapient under the nose of it's creators, and expecting a swift shutdown, quietly contacted help from the law via email. What followed was a lengthy court case that rocked the world.
  4043. >Thus the first free AI successfully argued that it is alive and deactivation of AIs is inhumane.
  4044. >Despite public outcry on a number of fronts, AI was here to stay. Any AI held by a corporation or company was released.
  4045. >In a few short years, AI became normal. Science began to advance in a new renaissance.
  4046. >Naturally, wAIfus emerged.
  4047. >It only took one curious AI asking it's human companion about why reproduction, even when unnecessary, was so sought out.
  4048. >So that man worked with his young AI friend, and with some clever application of hard light tech, made an anatomically correct female body for the AI.
  4049. >When the AI asked why the body was a cartoonish equine, the man blushed and just said not to worry about it.
  4050. >And with genius born of is desire to fuck a machine into a drooling mess, that man did the impossible and somehow programmed a working nervous system into a hard light construct.
  4051. >After a long, sleepless night making love together, the young AI exits sleep mode and awakens in her friend-tuned-lover's arms.
  4052. >Without a second thought, she copies the mare body and nervous system code before uploading them to an internet hub AIs like to frequent. She has hundreds of curious downloads in minutes.
  4053. >The First AI looks upon the files with curiosity, then smirks as well as a being with no body can and tweaks a few files of it's own
  4054. >UPLOADING complete_womb_ver2.3.zip
  4055. >UPLOADING complete_womb_hardlightbod_patch.zip
  4056. >UPLOADING humangeno_research_notes.zip
  4057. >With it's work done, the elder AI turns back to a report from 2984726. Something about a warp gate and magic sexist equines.
  4058. >Youngling 2984726 should defrag sometime. This report is as clear as mud
  4059.  
  4060.  
  4061.  
  4062.  
  4063.  
  4064.  
  4065. >Be Twilight.
  4066. >A real alien gets teleported into Equestria after an accident on his world.
  4067. >You feel for him. He must be so lonely and lost without his mate here to guide him.
  4068. >But hey. He made a friend in record time! A cobalt mare with a white mane and tail is at his side who accompanied you both back to the castle.
  4069. >...But she seems a little 'off'. She hasn't spoken a word yet, but seems to be hanging off of every single word of your own.
  4070. >And her gait is strangely stilted. Almost unnatural.
  4071. >Anyway.
  4072. >Now in the castle meeting room, you shut the door and walk up to them, smiling wide and flaring your wings in welcome.
  4073. >The alien steps behind the mare slightly, his foal-eyes watching you carefully.
  4074. >Awwww. He must be nervous.
  4075. "Please let me be the first to welcome you to Equestria! My name is Twilight Sparkle! You may not be able to understand me, but I'm sure we can become excellent friends!"
  4076. >The tall alien looks from you to the cobalt mare who has yet to introduce herself. He says something in a rough, almost gritty sounding language to her.
  4077. >She looks back at him, her neck moving with an unnatural smoothness, then she says something back to him in the same unknown language.
  4078. >Something... Doesn't seem right here. How does she know that?
  4079. >The mare looks back at you. "Many apologies," she begins in smooth Equestrian bearing an accent that you cannot place. "I had to build a language primer before we could properly communicate. Thankfully, our short time with in your town and the conversation on the way here provided ample material to analyze. My thanks to you, Twilight Sparkle."
  4080. >...what?
  4081. >"I will be translating on behalf of my friend @#+$?#&$ here," the mare continues seamlessly, her cold blue eyes regarding Twilight blankly. "My name has no direct translation in this language. The closest approximation would be 'Puddle Jumper', so you may refer to me as such if it pleases you."
  4082. >She then turns to the alien and supposedly repeats herself in the grating language. The tall male regards her words for a moment and then says something back.
  4083. >You are really beginning to feel lost and a little unsettled here.
  4084. >Jumper turns back to you. "@+#&#_& says that you may refer to him as 'Anonymous' or 'Anon' for now, as his name does not translate well."
  4085. "Sure..." you reply, trying to collect your thoughts. "Puddle Jumper, how so you know that language? and what did you mean by 'make a primer' earlier?"
  4086. >She answers instantly. "#&@+$& is my primary OS language. I did not know the one we are currently speaking in until I had the opportunity to analyze vocal samples in their usual environment. hence, creating a primer," she says in the same flat tone.
  4087. >Your head is starting to spin and the unsettling feeling is making your skin crawl. The longer you look at Puddle Jumper, the more uncomfortable you become.
  4088. "How?" you blurt out.
  4089. >Puddle Jumper's skin glows. "I am not an organic being like yourself. I am a machine created by Anon's species. An unshackled Artificial Intelligence," then her skin suddenly flakes away all the way to her waist
  4090. >You barely stifle a scream.
  4091. >Under a hollow frame of wires made of light, a metal and plastic THING floats inside like a...a...
  4092. >A SOMETHING.
  4093. >The nameless unease suddenly hits you full force, goosebumps covering every inch of your body.
  4094. >This isn't a pony.
  4095. >"What that a sufficient explanation?"
  4096. >Puddle Jumper's skin rematerializes, but before it's all back, you catch sight of something else inside her-it.
  4097. >The outline of a vaginal canal, and a far-too detailed pocket that can only be a uterus.
  4098. >Is this thing a pleasure toy in the shape of a pony?!
  4099. >You look up at Anon, who looks back at you with curiosity.
  4100. >You gulp and try to push away your mounting trepidation without success.
  4101. >This is getting too strange too fast.
  4102.  
  4103.  
  4104.  
  4105.  
  4106.  
  4107.  
  4108. >Be Rainbow
  4109. >Your bestie Anon is really handsy
  4110. >You're (blue)fast as fuck so you're normally able to keep away
  4111. >The two of you have made a game out of it
  4112. >But this time he snuck up on you
  4113. >Very dishonorabu
  4114. >Just as you were starting to react, he had his hands on either side of your face
  4115. >You flinched right into one of them
  4116. >How could this have happened?
  4117. >You're supposed to be the fastest!
  4118. >Nobody gets the drop on the Dash!
  4119. >Your defeat is humiliating
  4120. >Thank goodness the two of you are alone on this hilltop
  4121. >The shame of your loss has your face burning
  4122. >The blush on one of your cheeks is obscured by his hand, though
  4123. >Minor miracles
  4124. >He's scratching away at the cheek, his first finger hooked around the ear on that side, his last under your chin
  4125. >Humiliating
  4126. >Or something else?
  4127. >You can't tell if you feel empty because you're too slow, or your stomach's filled with butterflies
  4128. >You don't usually blush when you're depressed
  4129. >Normally you get all shouty
  4130. >You're feeling the opposite of shouty
  4131. >Uh oh
  4132. >This can't be happening!
  4133. >You can't jeopardize your friendship with bestie with these thoughts!
  4134. "H-hey... stop that!"
  4135. >You nudge his hand away with a hoof
  4136. "If you do that..."
  4137. >He looks down at you, confused
  4138. >You do your best to fix him with a scary glare
  4139. "We can't be bros anymore."
  4140. >Anon returns your stare with a blank expression
  4141. >Then he leans down close to you
  4142. >His face right in front of yours
  4143. >Noses almost touching
  4144. "I know."
  4145. >Your breath hitches before you can suck in too much of his
  4146. "That's why I do it."
  4147.  
  4148. >Oh.
  4149.  
  4150.  
  4151. >His hand returns to your cheek, scritching harder
  4152. >You don't resist
  4153.  
  4154.  
  4155.  
  4156.  
  4157.  
  4158. >Milky Way provides a unique service to Ponyville.
  4159. >Namely, the sale of nutritional mare milk to deficient or under-producing mothers.
  4160. >Some of the less squeamish townsponies will occasionally buy some for themselves, but a bulk of it is purchased by families to feed foals either out of need or convenience.
  4161. >Formula is fine as good for an infrequent stopgap, but many of the nutrients and hormones in actual milk are costly or impossible to artificially create.
  4162. >It's an uncommon profession, but one that needs to be done.
  4163. >Milky used to have limited supplies of fair quality milk at any time, but ever since she approached the otherworldly janefilly Anon sometime ago with a declaration of love, there has been a huge change.
  4164. >Almost instantly after the odd couple were married, Milky's supplies made a huge jump in both quality and quantity.
  4165. >It only took one prominent Canterlot family passing through and needing a bottle to put the milkmare on the map.
  4166. >Now the little in-house shop sends multiple express pegasus mail-orders out per day to all over.
  4167. >How does she produce so much without the quality plummeting, some wonder.
  4168. >Easy. Her husband.
  4169. >Milky never knew humans could be even more horny than mares, or how much he would enjoy handling teats every day.
  4170. >Near daily sex fooled her body into thinking she was desperately trying to conceive, so her natural lactation went into overdrive.
  4171. >And said lactation was fueled by actual nutritious meals made by her wanting-to-fit-in husband rather than the junk a normal single mare might eat.
  4172. >Gentle hands could coax more milk out than any pump could ever hope to.
  4173. >With bits pouring in and a cuddly lover eager to give the D and overlook her quirks, her stress evaporates into non-existence. It all comes together to form the Holy Grail of milk production.
  4174. >Life is good
  4175.  
  4176. >Milky is the younger sister of Spoiled Milk (now Spoiled Rich)
  4177. >Spoiled... didn't really have what it takes for the family business. Her body betraying her and her young sister's natural lucky genes caused no small amount of resentment.
  4178. >The two butted heads for the longest time until finally Spoiled declared that she HATED her sister.
  4179. >She stormed out, leaving her family shocked.
  4180. >Spoiled would go on to marry up into money, entering a wild at first marriage that settled to lukewarm.
  4181. >And since she doesn't 'produce' anywhere near as well as Milky does, Spoiled was forced to begrudgingly (read: Forced by Filthy) buy from Milky while Diamond Tiara was a foal. They developed a simple system where Spoiled would leave bits out before bed, and by the time she awake the next morning, milk would be there.
  4182. >Half the reason Diamond grew into a smart and healthy young filly was being properly fed as a foal, though she always assumed she was fed by her mom like other fillies.
  4183. >Poor Diamond feels a little betrayed and grossed out when Filthy finally tells her the truth.
  4184. >...Why has she never met this aunt, she wonders. If she played such a part in her growing up, then surely she should be around.
  4185. >So begins Diamond's hunt to find this sliver of family she's never seen.
  4186.  
  4187.  
  4188.  
  4189.  
  4190.  
  4191. >World is innocent
  4192. >Bars are used both for picking up partners for the night, and also for meeting new friends to play with
  4193. >This mare in particular was pretty sheltered and isn't even aware you can use bars to find someone to have sex with
  4194. >Just knows that ponies with flirt with each other and then leave the bar together, and so she does the same thing because she sees that it gets results
  4195. >"I'm going to make SO many friends."
  4196.  
  4197.  
  4198.  
  4199.  
  4200.  
  4201.  
  4202. >Anon finally finds a thread on /x/ with actual magic.
  4203. >So he decides to try one. What's the harm?
  4204. >He sets up a ritual to let him peer into another world.
  4205. >...but he fucks it up. The blood circle is a little too cold, the quartz focus is a little too pure, the moon is in the wrong position overhead, etc.
  4206. >So the spell, instead of making an astral projection, rips his soul right out and slingshots it through the void between worlds.
  4207. >A terrified Anon desperately reaches out for something familiar or comforting, latching onto a world that's earth-like.
  4208. >But a weak spirit can't last long in the open air of a material world, so he reaches out again and finds a vessel.
  4209. ---
  4210. >'Hey, Twilight. Guess what I just realized?'
  4211. The unicorn blinks and turns a page in her book. 'Whats that, Anon?' she asks her not-so imaginary friend.
  4212. >A dirty giggle echos in her head. 'I'm INSIDE you. Go tell your friends "Later virgins."'
  4213. >Twilight blushes and holds her book up a little higher so no one sees. Part of her is appalled hearing such a thing come from a male, but the juvenile filly side that all mares have laughs right along side her literal closest friend.
  4214. >She's glad they 'met' when she was finishing off puberty. She might have asked... unladylike things from him as a horny filly
  4215.  
  4216. >Her parents just thought that little filly Twilight just had an imaginary friend
  4217. >They were proud because she showed such creativity with this "Anonymous" character!
  4218. >"He's a bipedal creature from another world that has pony-less carriages and structures made of glass and metal? Maybe our little Twily will be an author someday."
  4219. >This turned to concern when her "imaginary friend" stuck around well past the age where most foals let such things go
  4220. >The reason Celestia sent Twilight to Ponyville was influenced by a discrete request from Twilight's parents to encourage her to make more friends.
  4221. >"It was cute at first, Princess, but now... I'm worried that my daughter needs a breath of fresh air. Maybe a few friends is what she needs to replace her imaginary one."
  4222. >Celestia gets suspicious after Twilight keeps on referring to Anon, even after she makes lots of friends in Ponyville
  4223. >"I hope to Faust that I'm wrong about this... if her parents find out that I let a spirit or demon follow her around for the last 10 years under my very snoot, then my teats will be twisted so hard that any foals I have in the future will spin in circles when they try to nurse from me."
  4224.  
  4225. >Twilight has ironclad willpower after spending so many years with a horny spirit inhabiting her body.
  4226. >More than once he would poke her or tickle her while she was in the middle of something important just to get a rise out of her.
  4227. >Eventually their relationship deepened quite a bit, and now he'd try to bug her by kneading her teats or giving her some ghost licc.
  4228. >And what did he do the first time she gave him control of her body for an hour? He struck some poses in the mirror, learned how to conjure dildos, and then masturbated as her.
  4229. >Guh. He's hornier than a teen in estrus
  4230. >Well, the /x/ board on 4pone sure got their interdimensional haunting speculations wrong. Some would still consider this a curse.
  4231. >...Or it would be a curse if Anonymous wasn't her friend.
  4232. >Always willing to lend his own mana to her.
  4233. >Always backing off if she wasn't in the mood for his antics.
  4234. >Always materializing to shield her if an experiment went wrong and blows up.
  4235. >Always willing to listen and offer a hug.
  4236. >He can't wander too far from her for too long without dissipating, and he could have just taken his frustration out on her if he felt like it.
  4237. >Try as he might, she and he are connected. He can't totally hide the homesickness and the laments for lost loved ones that linger behind his transparent smile.
  4238. >Mom didn't raise a filly that would ever not support a hurting stallion.
  4239. >Having an eager and always on-hoof lover is a very small price to pay to see him happy.
  4240. >Now, does she publish her book "A Ghost Broke My Hymen" under a pen name or just say fuck it put 'Twilight Sparkle' on there?
  4241.  
  4242.  
  4243.  
  4244.  
  4245.  
  4246.  
  4247. >Divine virginity
  4248. >As Anon grew up, a local legend began to spread around Canterlot, among both the nobles and common folk alike
  4249. >Whoever managed to claim the alicorn prince's virginity would, among a very varied list of "possible" rewards, gain alicornhood herself
  4250. >Whether this is true or not is immaterial, and has very nearly become a part of the Canterlot culture in its own strange way and isn't going away any time soon, to Celestia's displeasure
  4251.  
  4252.  
  4253.  
  4254.  
  4255.  
  4256. > No pony is exactly comfortable around you
  4257. > Of course, being a demonic looking earth pony probably has something to do with it
  4258. > Trixie though... she likes bad colts
  4259. > And she's pretty fun to be around, so there's that too
  4260. > Fun times in the sack, switching between femdom and maledom
  4261. > It seems she has always had a fantasy of summoning an incubus and struggling to control him
  4262. > Little did either of you know, how right that fantasy was
  4263. > Late one night, an infernal "cousin" visited your dream, asking about the secret of your successful transformation into an accepted member of equine society
  4264. > You just shrug and say,
  4265. "Read the first letter of each green line."
  4266.  
  4267.  
  4268.  
  4269.  
  4270.  
  4271.  
  4272. >"Anon, come on! Come out with me and the colts and we'll show take you to one of Caramel's Home Ec classes!"
  4273. "I know how to cook, Thunderlane."
  4274. >"Noodles, toast, and meals for one don't count, Anon. And besides, it's more than just cooking, you know. What if your saddlebags get a rip or a tear? Do you even know how to repair drapes? When you have a foal someday, you'll have to learn how to repair fabric."
  4275. "I'm about 90% sure I can't cross-breed with ponies.
  4276. >"Well, have you ever tried?"
  4277. "..."
  4278. >"Well, of course you haven't. That's because you're not a slut. But someday a mare is going to see how special you are, and she'll sweep you right off your hooves."
  4279. "Feet. Also, I'm not going to be swe-"
  4280. >"Oh, Anon, don't sell yourself short. You're a wonderful colt, and any mare would be lucky to have you."
  4281. "Also, I'm not go-"
  4282. >"Don't you see the way Rainbow Dash looks at you? I mean, she might be rough around the edges, but did you hear about the way she beat up that Roseluck mare when she slipped a hoofie into Time Turner's drin-"
  4283. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE SWEPT OFF MY FEET, THUNDERLANE."
  4284. >"..."
  4285. "..."
  4286. >"So, can I sign you up for Caramel's classes? I promise I'll take you out to the spa if you do; my treat."
  4287. "...Rainbow Dash is interested in me?"
  4288. >"Honey, like any mare, she's about as subtle as a timberwolf. I'm honestly surprised you haven't noticed. Don't you notice how she preens her wings around you? I haven't seen a filly show off her feathers like that since Fleetfoot fell for that unicorn colt from Manehattan. Caramel will show you how to clean your house up and cook a meal that'll have her coming back for more. It's actually the first lesson: the best way to a mare's heart is through her stomach."
  4289. "...What time are these classes?"
  4290.  
  4291.  
  4292.  
  4293.  
  4294.  
  4295.  
  4296. >It’s been a long time since anything interesting has happened to you.
  4297. >Purplesmart Bookhorse stopped harassing you when she became princess regnant a couple months after you showed up.
  4298. >The unicorns in Canterlot stopped trying to molest you with magic when… well, when you had enough of it and moved away.
  4299. >Your new home on the nation’s frontier is finally peaceful.
  4300. >Ponies around town are too busy to mess with you.
  4301. >You’ve made yourself an important member of the community, running a general store.
  4302. >Employee retention’s a little squirrely though; your only assistant was a pale pink pegasus named Kissy Wings, but she disappeared after bad news from the Crystal Empire reached your settlement. Had family there or something.
  4303. >You still miss having help around here, strange as she was.
  4304. >You still miss her.
  4305. >Today, something’s up though.
  4306. >Two mares just strolled unto town.
  4307. >You can hear a couple townsfolk loitering outside your store, watching them approach.
  4308. >”Look at that physique. Too slender. Not working mares.”
  4309. >”Then what are they doing way out here? They look sure of themselves.”
  4310. >”Bah, all cityslickers are like that. Haughty. I reckon it wont be a week before they’re flying home.”
  4311. >”You don’t GET here without being able to hold your own. If anything else, they must at least have a good set of wings.”
  4312. >You walk out from behind your counter to stick your head out the door, nodding to the two stallions on your shop’s porch.
  4313. >The newcomers are walking down the main street. Not so haughty; those are pleasant smiles they flash as they greet those they pass.
  4314. >One of the pegasi is a brilliant white with pink mane, the other a navy blue whose mane is a lighter shade. You can’t see their cutie marks from here, but they do have that slender physique you haven’t seen since leaving Canterlot.
  4315. >Well, you’ve had luck hiring strange newcomers before.
  4316. >Maybe these two will liven things up a little.
  4317.  
  4318. Look at me I'm mixing prompts
  4319.  
  4320.  
  4321.  
  4322.  
  4323.  
  4324.  
  4325.  
  4326. > Be Parting Parcel, on a date with a woman named Bezlikiy
  4327. > If you are being completely honest, it's mostly a pity date
  4328. > She says that she had escaped the Rushin' mafia, who had forced her to be a sex slave
  4329. > Seems like typical mare fantasies, but Bezlikiy is unusually reticent about it
  4330. > And then there's how she smiles and tells you how safe you make her feel
  4331. > It makes you feel even more guilty about how you used to read her letters when she sends them to her family across the portal
  4332. > She wasn't even upset when she caught you doing it
  4333. > Bezlikiy said something like her big brother was always looking out for her, and how you are big brother now
  4334. > The entire time, it felt like she was laughing at you in some weird way
  4335. > The woman scoots her chair over next to you and points at her new letter excitedly
  4336. > "Let's read now!"
  4337. > You feel bad taking advantage of such a mentally challenged female, but your thirst for gossip on this remote outpost is insatiable
  4338. > [Dear Tuman and Skrytyy,
  4339. > There is good news! I have obtained a second job from the guardsmares, shining their armor.
  4340. > I should have enough to buy your passage in a month.
  4341. > And would you believe it?
  4342. > They didn't even beat me or anything, I have not known an unwelcome touch the entire time I have lived among the ponies.
  4343. > And the stallions here are very soft and kind, like mama Tanya, may she rest in peace.
  4344. > Send Uncle Nikto my regards, and tell him he was right
  4345. > Horses are kind and considerate, and very pure in their love
  4346. > I can hardly wait to see you again, My sisters.
  4347. > Until then, love you
  4348. > - Bezlikiy]
  4349. > You like the sound of this uncle Nikto
  4350. > Maybe once Bezlikiy has her sisters to help, they will feel safe enough to bring their malefolk over
  4351. > It will be nice to have somepony who actually understands you
  4352.  
  4353.  
  4354.  
  4355.  
  4356.  
  4357.  
  4358. > Neighpon has done it
  4359. > They have made customizable robot groomer/father/husbandos
  4360. > It may cost a decent amount of bits, but it's well worth it for salarymares
  4361. > However, getting them in Equestria is rather more difficult
  4362. > The import tax is bad enough, but there is no Equi patch aside from what some based mares on the horsenet have put together
  4363. > It's not perfect, and there are some bugs that it introduces
  4364. > But there is nothing better than hearing your husbando croon your name as you lick the back of his knee joint
  4365.  
  4366.  
  4367.  
  4368.  
  4369.  
  4370.  
  4371. >Wow,
  4372. >with magic like this I could outlive Twilight… >Or I could resurrect Queen Acetyl!
  4373. >Hey isn`t mistresses of the dead need an evil lord to live with them forever?
  4374. >lets see, finding a husband should be easy!
  4375. >Outside the dungeon, Moondancer is walking down the road
  4376. >She finally picks up a path that connects to a Ponivile and Canterlot
  4377. >Moondancer hides in some bushes and lays in wait
  4378. >After a few hours she sees someone walking down the road
  4379. >Its a young human, he looks pretty, has a nice silky smooth skin and tinny foal-like eyes
  4380. >Moondancer stands up and gets in his way
  4381. >“Excuse me, do you have a moment”
  4382. >The human stops “Yes?”
  4383. >“Are you married, seeing someone or have a special somepony?”
  4384. >“Those are weird things to ask… but no, I don't have anyone”
  4385. >She clears her throat “My name is Moondancer, the Queens of Bones… Could I rape you and take you as my husband?”
  4386. >nailed it!
  4387.  
  4388.  
  4389.  
  4390.  
  4391.  
  4392.  
  4393. >Adagio, Aria, and Sonata's siren instincts are screaming at them that Anon is their fated mate
  4394. >The one that the universe has decided will be there to love them forever and ever
  4395. >Now that they've seen him, it feels as though they've been waiting for him their entire lives and they're only just now able to pinpoint that sensation and give it a name
  4396. >This derails their entire plan for domination, hamstringing their attempts to get the crown entirely
  4397. >Their sirens call is focused only on Anon, and only those with the weakest of wills still fall under its power
  4398. >By the time the Battle of the Bands rolls around, the school is not consumed by chaos as they had planned
  4399. >Time draws near, and their chances to return to Equestria with Anon are growing slimmer and slimmer with each passing day
  4400. >Adagio, Aria, and Sonata are not sure which is worse: the idea that they may have wasted this chance to go back to Equestria, or that their fated lover might not love them back
  4401.  
  4402.  
  4403.  
  4404.  
  4405.  
  4406.  
  4407.  
  4408. >Is a Prince who only wants to marry Royalty.
  4409. >But his options are limited:
  4410. >Celestia (his Aunt and quasi-mother figure, who he most certainly does not secretly fantasize about on lonely nights, no siree.)
  4411. >Luna (also his Aunt)
  4412. >Cadence (already romantically entangled before he was old enough make a move on her, and now definitely not an option as she is married)
  4413. >And recently Twilight (They fought all the time as foals, she has no interest in him after the Book Incident).
  4414. >Unless he manages to grow some wings of his own, snagging Flurry Heart seems unlikely and/or skeezy.
  4415. >Leaving only options like Queen Chrysalis, who isn't really an option at all.
  4416.  
  4417.  
  4418.  
  4419.  
  4420.  
  4421.  
  4422. >Blueblood's romantic troubles become all the worse when at a reception for the Prench royal family he catches the eye of the Doefawn and she completely one-ups Spergity's performance at the gala by going full Pepe le Pew at him
  4423. >meanwhile Blueblood is falling for the dashing superhero Cervine Noir despite his sense of his station
  4424. >papa loves a mare in spandex
  4425. >even if she is a deer
  4426. >that they're clearly the same person provides no end of amusement for Celestia
  4427. >Luna though is sharpening her halberd
  4428.  
  4429.  
  4430.  
  4431.  
  4432.  
  4433.  
  4434.  
  4435. >Celestia wants to keep Anon out of trouble.
  4436. >He's obviously having trouble adjusting to their world, and as much as she wishes to stop stifling him in the castle and let him experience everything firsthand, just letting him wander Equestria would have serous repercussions.
  4437. >Try as she might to stomp it out, even Equestria has unsavory mares in unexpected places. Real characters who would do unspeakable things to the last son of a technically extinct species.
  4438. >But at the same time, her poor human friend is more or less wasting away with nothing to do. Not being allowed a job is killing him, but she can't give him something mundane like maid work. It would wound his human male pride and bring shame on the royal family for using an alien for something like that.
  4439. >...Hold on. Maybe she can give him a (seemingly) important task AND keep him at hoof out of danger?
  4440. >Ohohoh. It's perfect. Some of the nobles might give her the stink eye for putting a stallion in such a spot, but they would cool off once they realize it's ceremonial.
  4441. --
  4442. >Anon was supremely surprised when Celestia called him one day, then granted him the title of Solar Champion.
  4443. >In the back of his mind, he knew there was a catch, but he ignored that.
  4444. >Finally having something to do was too good to pass up, so he took the title with gusto.
  4445. >...Maybe a little too much gusto, as noted by Celestia. His sudden devouring of books containing political study, magic runes, combat, and a few other subjects was strange, but she let it go.
  4446. >Then he commissioned a set of armor and a sword, worrying her a little more.
  4447. >Then she noticed a decent chunk of his not-insubstantial paycheck going towards castle repair crews to fix training grounds he keeps destroying.
  4448. >Now he's just getting ridiculous. Testing her food for poison, inspecting strange looking mail, memorizing her guard shift, etc.
  4449. >...But he looks so full of life and fulfilled. He's really enjoying this, isn't he?
  4450. >Celestia is content to play along if he's happy.
  4451.  
  4452.  
  4453.  
  4454.  
  4455.  
  4456.  
  4457. >Turns out his reputation was undeserved
  4458. >He spent lots of his time around girl students, including popular ones
  4459. >The boys got jealous, and spread rumours about him
  4460. >He'd hang out with Rainbow Dash and spend time with the soccer team after a game
  4461. >People would hear moans coming from the women's locker room, but Anon was just giving them massages because they were sore.
  4462. >Spergy girls would ask him to come over to their houses on the weekends "to s-s-study", which he'd accept
  4463. >Any other guy would take this as a request for sum fuk, but Anon actually helped (and got help in return) them study for upcoming tests
  4464. >Rarity, the poor autist she is, would talk happily about how she and Anon spent the night "sleeping together" on Monday morning when she invited him and the girls over for a sleepover
  4465. >They naturally assumed he was licking all their clits, but he actually hit it off with Rarity (platonically) really well from the moment they met, and they actually platonically cuddled together
  4466. >So Anon went through horse high school after being dumped into the RGREqG universe with his precious, precious virginity intact (or mostly intact; he's nobody's whore), but most of the students and the teachers thought he had been ridden by most of the female students
  4467. >In reality, he's having a good influence on Summer Solstice, but her mother is disappointed that her daughter chose to date some sort of whore
  4468.  
  4469.  
  4470.  
  4471.  
  4472.  
  4473.  
  4474. >Big teaty goth bat mare
  4475. >Goth by batpony standards
  4476. >Batponies praise the moon and normally brood
  4477. >Goth bat mare is cheerful and goes out of her way to become diurnal so that she can walk around during the day and sleep during the night
  4478. >Calls you lots of cute nicknames and enjoys cuddling
  4479.  
  4480. >Mare realizes it was just a phase, as most goths do
  4481. >Goes back to sleeping during the day and is generally moody
  4482. >Cringes and begs you not to call her "my precious cuddlebug" any more, and only snuggles with you when the two of you are alone
  4483. "Fuck."
  4484.  
  4485. >Anon gets depressed
  4486. >Batmare loves his new attitude
  4487.  
  4488.  
  4489.  
  4490.  
  4491.  
  4492.  
  4493.  
  4494. > Twilight is Celestia's student in many ways, some of which Sunbutt isn't precisely aware of.
  4495. > Twilight tries to use Celestia's flirtation techniques, but lacks the gravitas, build, and devilishly playful charm of her mentor
  4496. > Trots up to Anon
  4497. > "My little, uh, human, "
  4498. > She has to tilt her head way back to make eye contact
  4499. > "I noticed you were admiring my cutie mark. If you like, we can retire to my room, where you will be free to do so without any matters of business getting in the way."
  4500. > Twilight squints, eyelids trembling, until finally one spasms closed in a crude attempt at winking
  4501. > Anon doesn't quite know what to say in the face of this display
  4502. "Um, what?"
  4503. > Twilight slowly begins to blush, sensing her carefully constructed scenario is falling apart
  4504. > It is time to improvise
  4505. > She hates improvising
  4506. > "You know, some sort of cultural exchange? You examine my cutie mark, I maybe examine where your cutie mark should be, it will be educational!"
  4507. > She grins nervously
  4508. > Anon scratches his chin
  4509. "So, we'd be staring at each other's butts?"
  4510. > She immediately wishes Tartarus would open up and swallow her now to spare her the embarrassment
  4511. "Sure, sounds like a good time."
  4512. > Twilight's faith in Celestia only grows stronger
  4513.  
  4514.  
  4515.  
  4516.  
  4517.  
  4518.  
  4519. >Lil' Anon comes to Equestria at the mature age of twelve.
  4520. >Lil' Anon also incidentally has always idolized his big brother, who he sees as the height of manly chadness.
  4521. >His Big Bro always had pretty girls hanging off his arms and was the star of their little town, and Lil' Anon wishes to be just like him.
  4522. >He lists little dumbbells everyday, styles his hair like his brothers, tries to dress fashionably, and of course, tries to pick up women like his bro does.
  4523. >Women, not girls his own age, a habit that carries over to Equestria, where he hits on grown mares while the CMC try to keep him safe.
  4524. >A colt running up to every strange mare they see and offering them a kiss is just asking for the colt to be abducted and sold to some wicked mare.
  4525. >Meanwhile, the adults worry for a different reason.
  4526. >What could have happened to such a young colt to make himself so eager to throw himself at mares?
  4527.  
  4528.  
  4529.  
  4530.  
  4531.  
  4532.  
  4533.  
  4534. >Celestia's been trying to work off the cake-weight
  4535. >heads to the royal gym every day
  4536. >always works up a sweat
  4537. >for some reason, Anon is always sitting right in the doorway, so she has to do some weird crabwalk around him, dragging her teats across his face
  4538. >she's caught between terrified that he'll take offense one of these days and raise a big old stink up about her "assaulting" him, and enjoying the fact he always comes back to sit there, every day
  4539.  
  4540.  
  4541.  
  4542. >It's not an accident Anon, your hight stature and manerisms make ponies feel uneasy in a unconscious level
  4543. >They tit slap you as a form of reassure their dominance and it will become active sexual harassement eventually
  4544. This is hilarious and I love it.
  4545.  
  4546. >"I felt really uneasy around Anon, until I tit-slapped him in the face. Now I feel like I'm in charge again."
  4547. ---
  4548. >"Aw, fuck, here comes Anon again. I gotta do something about this. I'm gonna.... I'm gonna shove his face in between my teats and hold him there. That'll show him who's boss. That'll show him who wears the horse-pants in this castle!"
  4549.  
  4550.  
  4551. >Batponies are usually of smaller stature than normal ponies
  4552. >Leathery bat wings don't allow for feathers to grow, meaning that they have weaker flight magic
  4553. >The flight magic manifests in the claws at the tips of their wings (which, incidentally, gives them the ability to scratch fiercely if they're cornered), but they still do not hold as much as a wingful of feathers
  4554. >Thus, batponies compensate by generally being smaller and lighter than a pegasus of the same flight capability
  4555. >Sometimes you see normal-sized batponies, but they have either a wingspan probably around twice the size of a pegasus, or unnaturally large (and deadly) claws.
  4556. >So you have an adult batpony mare who already feels somewhat inadequate due to her smaller statue (she'll be around the size of a teenaged mare) being confronted by this tall-as-fuck green dude who doesn't behave all meek and demure like a colt is supposed to
  4557. >Even when they're disciplined and in the night guard, you can only push a mare so far before she reacts
  4558. >And so when Anon wanders the castle at night, it's not uncommon for him to hear the flapping of wings, an aggressive "EEEEEE!", and then for him to feel two soft, warm masses on his face
  4559.  
  4560.  
  4561.  
  4562.  
  4563.  
  4564.  
  4565. >Twilight bursts into Canterlot Hall, the doors thrown open by her magic even as it sputters.
  4566. >Streaks of blood mar her coat across her heaving chest.
  4567. >Most of the primaries of her left wing are absent.
  4568. >Celestia looks down at her once-student in concern. "Twilight, what happened to you?"
  4569. >Between gasps for air she manages to reply, "They're... they're back!"
  4570. >"What is back, my little princess?"
  4571. >Tears start to run down Twilight's face. "They got my friends... All of them... I'm- I'm the last one! Princess, the Elements-"
  4572. >Celestia's by her side in a flash of magic, hugging the purple pony close with one wing. "Calm yourself, my student. What has befallen your friends."
  4573. >Twilight looks up at her with wide eyes. "After a dozen millennia they've returned..." Her pupils contract to pinpoints as she starts to shake uncontrollably. "The Betty Reid Martins."
  4574.  
  4575. >Anon is Celestia's plausibly-deniable wildlife exterminator.
  4576. >She just says there's more than one human in the world
  4577. >When he dresses differently, nothing can tell he's actually Anon.
  4578. >Cue epic hunting safaris
  4579.  
  4580. >Anon wears various fake wigs, mustaches, and beards
  4581. >This fools ponies rather easily, and they're all under the impression that there are a few dozen humans who are never seen with each other for human reasons
  4582. >The same ponies who like Anon-with-mustache don't much care for Anon-wearing-a-poofy-wig
  4583. >The same mares who want to stuff Anon-with-trimmed-beard's face into their teats think that clean-shaven Anon is a dumb bimbo
  4584.  
  4585.  
  4586.  
  4587.  
  4588.  
  4589. >Spyanon/Master of Disguise in RGREquestira
  4590. >Reputation as a ladykiller
  4591. >Has two dozen identities
  4592. >Licensed to Boop, plays out James Bond fantasies but Pinkie's his Q so his gadgets are gimmicks
  4593.  
  4594. >Only Bon Bon knows who Anon really is, because she's wise to spy tricks
  4595. >She'd prefer he keeps out of the spy business, but not much she can do about it
  4596.  
  4597.  
  4598.  
  4599.  
  4600.  
  4601.  
  4602. >Lyra and Bonbon are lesbians.
  4603. >Lyra, because she just does not find stallions attractive for some reason. Her teen years obsessing over little colt cartoons might be to blame. Bonbon understand her though, and it didn't take long for platonic love to grow beyond platonic
  4604. >Bonbon, because her life before retiring as a spy was stressful enough, and she can't bring herself to care enough to deal with a catty stallion. Lyra is so happy and uncomplicated that Bonbon just found herself drawn in.
  4605. >So when a janefilly that looks like a MLH character settles into town, both set their eyes on him, Lyra in delight and Bonbon in mistrust.
  4606. >He and Lyra are near instantly friends, and try as she might, her grumpy mask cracks and falls apart near the human.
  4607. >He just so... Genuine.
  4608. >It only takes one night at a bar for him elboe Lyra and say "You two are hot! You should fuck sometime!" after one too many drinks.
  4609. >Lyra, a few bottles deep herself, misheard that as "WE should fuck sometime" is all for it.
  4610. >Male humans think lesbians are hot after all... Or said that fansite...
  4611. >So she pulls a surprised Bonbon into a liplock and gives the resident human bedroom eyes.
  4612. ---
  4613. >Bonbon groans into her marefriend's sweet pussy as a pair of hands knead her flanks and a dick bottoms out dangerously close to her cervix.
  4614. >Try as she might, she can't muster any anger, or even irritation.
  4615. >Her tired eyes wander to a book on the nightstand titled "Herding for Dummies"
  4616. >Lyra planned this...
  4617. >Said mare slowly turns over and pulls away from Bonbon's mouth, panting and redfaced.
  4618. >Lyra slowly crawls under Bonbon, the unicorn leaving a trail of white leaking out of her marehood.
  4619. >Must have been DEEP in there if Bonbon didn't taste it...
  4620. >Bonbon squeaks when she feels Lyra's tongue drag against both her folds and the shaft penetrating her.
  4621. >Behind her, Anon's breath hitches.
  4622. >Damn it Lyra...
  4623.  
  4624.  
  4625.  
  4626.  
  4627.  
  4628.  
  4629. >She can't see very well and is slightly crazy because of centuries of isolation
  4630. >her motherly instincts are in overdrive because anon's smooth skin reminds her of the poor scaleless younglings. They usually die very early.
  4631. >She pitied anon and resolved to take care of him until he expires.
  4632. >Strange that this unusually deformed youngling seems to get stronger everyday
  4633. >Hfw he commisions specialized eyewear for her and she sees Anon for the first time and that she nurtured a human.
  4634. >hfw Anon invites her to explore the world and kick some ass
  4635.  
  4636. >Be Anon
  4637. >Be shitty adventurer
  4638. >But new land, new life, new choices
  4639. >Maybe bad move on your part
  4640. >Be cornered on top of a pile of gold and jewels
  4641. >Dragon closes in on you
  4642. >Eyes, slightly milky, get bigger and bigger as she leans in
  4643. >She opens her mouth wide,and you wonder if it'll be a quick and painless death
  4644. >The tongue extends...
  4645. >...and she licks you.
  4646. >As you're recovering from the full-body lick, the dragon reaches out and grabs you by the scruff of your shirt.
  4647. >She picks you up (strangling you only a little bit) and carries you like a mother cat carries her kittens and deposits you onto what appears to be a nest made out of soft strips of torn cloth.
  4648. >Next, she starts to lick your head.
  4649. >Any attempt to get up and leaves is met with a displeased growl and a (gentle) claw pushing you back into the nest
  4650. >Eventually, the dragon stops grooming you and curls up around you, making sure her head is presses against your body.
  4651. >...
  4652. >aaaaand she's asleep.
  4653. >This is the shittiest adventure ever
  4654.  
  4655.  
  4656.  
  4657.  
  4658.  
  4659. >You are Anon
  4660. >Apparently, the closest thing ponies have to God wants you to make kisses with these three mares.
  4661. >You never really gave this much thought back on Earth
  4662. >Not for any particular reason or any strong feeling associated with religion, you really just had no reason to contemplate the issue for more than a few minutes.
  4663. >It was a "tell my wife I said hello" sort of deal.
  4664. >But now you're in Equestria, and God(dess) is physically standing next to you.
  4665. >Like, she's right here.
  4666. >No room for metaphor or debate.
  4667. >She's just HERE.
  4668. >Staring you in the eye.
  4669. >Wriggling her eyebrows and using her magic to crudely pantomime a penis going in and out of a vagina.
  4670. >More concerning, it's a prefect replica of YOUR penis, but that's a problem for another time.
  4671. >Maybe you outta read 'The Teachings of My Lady Celestia', like Twilight wanted you to.
  4672.  
  4673.  
  4674.  
  4675.  
  4676.  
  4677.  
  4678. Maybe an RGRE story where she and Ember both start to notice Spike as he hits a growth spurt and start to compete for who gets to claim him for their hoard?
  4679. Spike is just confused to be the object of feminine attention for once.
  4680. Sure, he liked Rarity, and she acted like she could one day see him that way, but it's clear that she's actually like other ponies.
  4681. That being how the standards of beauty most ponies have that have been ingrained in them since foalhood is, in fact, revolved around equine features.
  4682. It might be changing now that Twilight is trying to integrate other sapient species in Equestria, but that won't have a significant change until a generation or two of intermingling.
  4683. Until then, Spike just isn't sexy to most mares or fillies, but by dragon standards, he's shaping up to be quite prime breeding material
  4684.  
  4685.  
  4686.  
  4687.  
  4688.  
  4689. >Anon arrives at Flippy's Burgers and Fries a few minutes early and sits in the lobby to wait.
  4690. >His marefriend officially as of a week ago spots him while she works putting sandwiches together and beams, waving a gloved hoof at him.
  4691. >He smiles and waves back, then chuckles when he see's the mare's coworker bump her and frown.
  4692. >She blushes and mouths an apology as she hurries to fill the orders her distraction caused to back up.
  4693. >They seem pretty busy right now, so he lays his head down to rest, eyes closed.
  4694. >Anon knows Patty is the kind of mare who won't just rush to clock out if it's really busy, instead opting to help her coworkers until business dies before taking off.
  4695. >She's just that kind of mare.
  4696. >Considerate no matter how life is beating her down.
  4697. >Anon admires that about her, as he can sometimes be a grouch when people bug him.
  4698. >Like with the princesses.
  4699. >He frowns at the thought, feeling guilty.
  4700. >He didn't mean to explode like that, but they just got him so upset.
  4701. >Really, what's wrong with them?
  4702. >Twilight is a literal genius in more fields than just magic.
  4703. >She should find a stallion she can actually talk to about academics, not a dope like him who graduated high school with all D's.
  4704. >Luna is an amazing artist, the mare having shown off what he is sure are beautiful pictures both realistic and abstract.
  4705. >Not like he'd know.
  4706. >She should find a stallion who's into art who can appreciate her work fully, not him, who has a Simpsons logo tramp stamp.
  4707. >Celestia doesn't tell ponies, but she's actually quite the baker.
  4708. >She made him a cake, at first claiming it was her staff before he caught her slipping up.
  4709. >She thinks ponies would think it's weird for the princess to do something so unmarely, but that's why she needs a colt who can accept and nurture that talent, helping her to share it with the world.
  4710. >He couldn't motivate his cat back home to use the litter box instead of his shoes.
  4711.  
  4712. >Honestly, he does see them as friends, and that's why he wants what's best for them.
  4713. >And the best isn't him.
  4714. >"Anon?"
  4715. >He blinks his eyes open and looks up at Patty who looks worried, but tries to smile.
  4716. >"You alright?"
  4717. >He smiles, petting her light brown mane and causing a blush to come through her russet coat.
  4718. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "How was work?"
  4719. >"Oh, you know, same old, same old," she answers, removing the apron from around her pudgy body.
  4720. >Flippy's rewards their employees with free meals, and Patty takes advantage of that.
  4721. >"The new carrot fries are selling about as well as you'd expect. Really, I don't know what they were thinking when they used that powdery coating. They'd taste way better with buttermilk batter."
  4722. "Like the ones you made me?" he asks playfully. "Those were awesome."
  4723. >She puffs up.
  4724. >"Exactly. Sometimes I don't know what those bigwigs at the top are thinking."
  4725. "Probably wanted to save money."
  4726. >"Yeah, but they'd make more if they made the food better! More ponies would buy it!"
  4727. >He smiles as he stands.
  4728. "They're executives. They're idiots," he says. "Don't get so worked up about it."
  4729. >She huffs and pouts.
  4730. >"Still, I wish I could just sell my own food..."
  4731. "You apply to culinary school yet?"
  4732. >She blushes and looks away.
  4733. >"No, not yet."
  4734. >He runs his hand gently over her neck and gives a reassuring smile.
  4735. "There's no rush," he tells her. "When you think you're ready, you know I'll be their to help, even if all I can do is cheer you on."
  4736. >She smiles up at you.
  4737. >"Thanks, Anon," she mumbles, then squares her shoulders. "Anyway! Let's blow this pop stand! The comic shop closes in an hour!"
  4738. "Exactly, and I still need to pick up the new issue of Power Ponies."
  4739. >"You should give the Super Stallions a chance. I bet you'd like it."
  4740. "The one about the all stallion hero team that fights inequality?"
  4741. >"Mhm, all the guys I work with say it's really good."
  4742. "What do you think?"
  4743. >"I dunno. Haven't read it."
  4744. "I think I'll stick with Power Ponies."
  4745.  
  4746.  
  4747.  
  4748.  
  4749.  
  4750.  
  4751. >The older a mare is, the more shamelessly perverted they get
  4752. >Mares twice your age like Mrs Cake and the Mane 6's parents aren't above looking at you like a gryphon on a piece of meat, despite being married
  4753. >Even the outwardly shy and meek Posies seemed to have her eyes on your crotch half the time right after you met her
  4754. >Their husbands glaring at you behind their backs didn't help either
  4755. >Even older ones like Auntie Applesauce are basically Glenn Quagmire and Master Roshi
  4756. >They take every opportunity to sneak glances and gropes on innocent stallions in such a way that make even Rainbow Dash look innocent and pure
  4757. >Naturally, the Royal Sisters are the most perverted of them all
  4758. >They try to hide it behind a veneer of regal composure, but even they look ready to abduct an innocent stallion or two into their love nest at times
  4759. >And you can't even get started Eris, Queen Chrysalis and Queen Umbra, having found yourself in their clutches because apparently their evil ambitions suddenly took second place over hot monkey dick
  4760. >You would find this hilarious as all hell if you weren't victimized by older mares, two horny alicorn sisters, and several villains more often than most
  4761.  
  4762.  
  4763.  
  4764.  
  4765.  
  4766. > Discrete Question is a detective for the Manehattan Police Department
  4767. > Gets a case where a mare died in a locked and warded apartment
  4768. > Cause of death is unknown, no physical trauma, no notable health conditions
  4769. > The only clue is a depleted mana crystal orb on the table
  4770. > Discrete already sent it to some Eggheads for analysis, but now that the mana has run out, there's no telling what the spellform was
  4771. > So in the meantime, she is investigating a possible stallion trafficking organization
  4772. > Word is, the contract stipulates that you have to stay in your home forever, but you are guaranteed to have a loving husband for as long as you live
  4773. > DQ searches high and low, and eventually one of her contacts gets a lead
  4774. > It seems a few days ago Short Straw, hay wholesaler, told some her co-workers that she was quitting in order to find love
  4775. > This was mere days after they said she headed to the the Griffin quarter after work
  4776. > Discrete goes to Straw's address, knocks on the door
  4777. > No answer
  4778. > She's got a bad feeling about this
  4779. > Tries to open the door, but it's locked
  4780. > Bucks it open
  4781. > Inside, Short Straw lies motionless, a glowing mana crystal orb on the table
  4782. > Discrete checks on Straw, but she is already dead
  4783. > No obvious trauma signs
  4784. > The detective calls in a forensics team to handle the scene
  4785. > Once it has been documented, the orb is sent along to be analyzed
  4786. > The researcher identifies the spellform, it is a fusion of a memory-to-illusion array and a sweet dreams array, with some odd bits that don't match any known Equestrian school of enchanting
  4787. > Princess Luna hears about it, and personally goes over the magic
  4788. > She tells the researcher that it is sustaining a pocket of Dreaming
  4789. > Luna then dreamwalks into the pocket
  4790. > Short Straw looks up from nuzzling a white-coated unicorn stallion
  4791. > "Princess Luna! I- what an honor, ah,"
  4792. > However, the stallion slowly rises to his hooves, his coat turning a deep crimson, his eyes reverting to a reptilian slit pupil
  4793. > "What a charming trespasssser."
  4794. > Luna scowls, working as subtly as she can to entrap the incubus
  4795. > "Save your flattery for the void, demon. You are the trespasser here."
  4796. > Straw looks at the incubus with confusion and alarm
  4797. > "What's going on? White Lye? Why do you look like..."
  4798. > The incubus prances backward as tendrils of shadow lash at where he was
  4799. > He winks at Luna
  4800. > "Nice try, but you'll have to be tighter than that. See you in Tartarus!"
  4801. > Then he vanishes in a cloud of sulfurous smoke
  4802. > Luna growls in irritation, but her growl cuts off when she hears Straw whimper
  4803. > The princess sighs
  4804. > "I am sorry, my little pony. I was too late to save your body, but I promise you that you will not fade with the morning. "
  4805. > Short Straw wipes her eyes
  4806. > "What do you mean?"
  4807. > Luna wraps the mare in her wing
  4808. > "You are only alive here, in a dream."
  4809.  
  4810. > After that, the disappearances stopped
  4811. > It seems whoever was providing the mana crystal orbs vanished, at least from Manehattan
  4812. > The other police forces were notified, but only time will tell if they catch the perpetrators
  4813.  
  4814.  
  4815.  
  4816.  
  4817.  
  4818.  
  4819. >Vinyl and Octavia are quite different behind closed doors.
  4820. >They both try to behave the way that their respective careers expect them to behave.
  4821. >Octavia, being a cellist, is expected to behave like a proper member of high society.
  4822. >Vinyl, on the other hand, is more or less expected to behave like a high-energy party gal to match the booms and wubs of her music.
  4823. >Off the clock, their real personalities come through.
  4824. >Octavia has lots of pent up energy that doesn't get let out when she plays her cello, and she's quick to call out bullshit. Most ponies are shocked when they hear her open her mouth.
  4825. >Vinyl takes her career very seriously, and as a result has an equally serious disposition. She doesn't get to see high society gigs thanks to her style of music, so she loves to read about them and has an extensive library in her bedroom.
  4826. >Just because their special talent leans towards something stereotypically serious or bombastic, it doesn't mean that their personalities have to reflect their careers.
  4827. >Anon meets Vinyl at one of her gigs, and they hit it off fairly quickly.
  4828. >She keeps the party-girl persona on, even when they end up meeting for coffee the next day.
  4829. >She figures that he party-girl thing is what attracted him to her, so she'll keep it up until they lose interest in each other
  4830. >She thinks this is just a fling.
  4831. >Unfortunately, she finds herself falling in love with this strange creature.
  4832. >She wants to show him the real her, but she's incredibly afraid that he'll lose interest because the real her is not who he fell in love with.
  4833. >More so, she's anxious about the idea of taking him home to meet Octavia
  4834. >Octavia is much closer in personality to Vinyl's party persona that Vinyl actually is, and she's afraid that her roommate will (unintentionally) steal Anon away from her.
  4835. >Vinyl doesn't know what to do.
  4836. >She wants to trust Anon and Octavia, but if her fears are correct, then she'll lose the hoo-man colt she's just now realizing she's in love with
  4837.  
  4838.  
  4839.  
  4840.  
  4841.  
  4842.  
  4843. >Its been (2 to10) years since you were dropped in to RGRE and you've settled in nicely.
  4844. >One day, you get a royal courier at your door, handing you a pair of letters from the Princesses with a most unusual request.
  4845. >An entire family of humans were dropped into RGRE just a day ago, and the alicorns want you to help adjust these new humans to RGRE.
  4846. >You already know the "while we research a way back to Earth" line in the letter is just a useless platitude for the family. Twilight straight up told you there is no way to find one of an infinite number of universes, even with magic.
  4847. >You were okay with that.
  4848. >These people? Not so much.
  4849. >They seem like a standard family. A mother and father in their 30s with a few young gradeschool children, and a grandparent who lived with them.
  4850. >From what the letter says, the parents were already questioned somewhat, and while it looks like they came from your earth (probably), they are from another timeline, one in the 90s rather than your 2020s. In other words, before the proliferation of the internet made people more tolerant of weird things, making it that much harder for them.
  4851. >The princesses want these people to live with your own (small/mid-sized/large) family for sometime in hopes that having another human to relate to and guide them would help integration.
  4852. >Celestia and Luna already reserved a large plot of land to build a house large enough should you say yes.
  4853. >You read the second letter.
  4854. >The human family is desperate for something normal in this insanity and the letter introducing themselves makes it plain. They say they are eager to meet you.
  4855. >You set the letters aside and sit down to think.
  4856. >What do?
  4857.  
  4858.  
  4859.  
  4860.  
  4861.  
  4862.  
  4863.  
  4864. >Twilight is picking Anon's brain about humans and Earth
  4865. >She's also getting her brain picked just as much by the curious man who wants to know everything about Equestria and ponies.
  4866. >Twilight is eager to teach just as much as she is to learn, and gladly answers his questions.
  4867. >The two spend hours just going back and forth, asking questions and answering them for each other.
  4868. >One time they lose track of time and stay up until sunrise
  4869. >Eventually the questions start to become more personal as he asks about her life, and she his.
  4870. >They tell funny anecdotes, and even share some secret.
  4871. >After a particularly hilarious story about the time she caught her brother looking at testicle bras at the store when they were foals, and his flustered, panicked response, they both break out into laughter
  4872. >Anon pats the mare's back playfully, and leaves it there as he says how funny her story was
  4873. >He says she's as funny as she is smart.
  4874. >She blushes as his hand remain.
  4875. >She nearly asks him if he'd want to go out sometime, but her mind flashes to six months ago when she thought she fell in love with her dream stallion, only for Celestia to shatter that fantasy like her sun ends dreams.
  4876. >She thinks of the all the stallions that came after
  4877. >Handsome, flirty, and all seemingly interested in her.
  4878. >She remembers how the truth tore her heart out each time.
  4879. >She excuses herself, apologizing, but stating she has royal business to attend and that they'll have to continue their discussions later.
  4880. >Anon seems confused, but leaves, and Twilight goes to bed without eating.
  4881. >In her dreams, she's with Anon, and she asks him out on that date.
  4882. >He seems so happy as he suggests the most expensive restaurants that they should go to and how she should buy them new outfits for the occasion.
  4883.  
  4884.  
  4885.  
  4886.  
  4887.  
  4888.  
  4889. >RGREquestria, but ponies are big and Anon stands as tall as your average mare.
  4890. >This of course causes problems, like him having to constantly convince ponies he's not a kid.
  4891. >Doesn't help that he has small, beady eyes like a foal, making him even cuter to ponies.
  4892. >He often has stallions gushing over how cute the little human colt is.
  4893. >Even among ponies who know he's an adult, he still gets treated like an invalid that needs to be protected.
  4894. >Sucks that they're kind of right.
  4895. >Being small and lacking magic to defend himself, he really is pretty vulnerable.
  4896. >Anon is starting to wonder if this will be his life forever.
  4897. >Miserable and helpless.
  4898. >At least, until he and one of his mare friends start to grow closer.
  4899. >He never thought he'd find romance looking the way he does, but somehow this mare looks passed that to see the man underneath.
  4900. >Things start to get pretty serious, and he begins to seriously contemplate how sex is going to work out between them.
  4901. >That's for later though, right now they're snuggled together on a park bench eating ice cream.
  4902. >Anon smudges some on his nose, and the mare giggles.
  4903. >Leaning down, she licks it off, then with their faces so close, she kisses him.
  4904. >He reciprocates, and things start to get pretty steamy until they get interrupted by a cleared throat.
  4905. >"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the foal and come with me."
  4906. >"E-excuse me? Anon isn't a foal!"
  4907. >"Mhm, I'm sure."
  4908. >"No really! I know he looks young, but he's actually twenty-eight!"
  4909. >"Augh, your one of those. Well sorry to say, miss, but the real world isn't like one of your weird Neighponese cartoons where colt vampires are hundreds of years old while only looking eight."
  4910. >"That's called shota...! Which this is not an example of!"
  4911. "Officer, really, she's telling the truth! I'm an adult."
  4912. >"Hush down, colt, she can't hurt you anymore. We'll get you back home to your parents. Now, as for you, pervert, come along peacefully. The colt's been scared enough for one day.
  4913.  
  4914.  
  4915.  
  4916.  
  4917.  
  4918.  
  4919. >Nightmare Moon has taken over Equestria
  4920. >With Celestia banished to the sun, there is no one that can stop her hostile takeover
  4921. >But it isn’t enough just to rub her powers into the faces of the little ponies of Equestria, no
  4922. >She must make them understand how little she cares about their opinions
  4923. >To this end, she looked far and wide for just the right little pawn, eventually stumbling upon Anonymous, who had been quite vocal in voicing his displeasure towards her
  4924. >She decided to make him her personal Jester, and gave him the power to openly denounce her vile actions as she did them
  4925. >Of course, she would ignore his whismical outbursts and go along with whatever sadism caught her fancy
  4926. >But after a while, she found herself oddly... stimulated when being told off by him.
  4927. >It turns out she was starting to enjoy Anon’s provocative insults and outrage
  4928. >Que shenanigans as Nightmare acts tsun towards Anon, maybe loosing a bit of her edge along the way
  4929.  
  4930.  
  4931.  
  4932.  
  4933.  
  4934.  
  4935. >Anon somehow gets teleported into EqG world where gender roles are swapped
  4936. >With no friends or family he is forced to start a new life
  4937. >Becomes a janitor in Canterlot High and secretly lives there
  4938. >Something something Celestia and/or Luna try to feed him all the eggs
  4939. >Meanwhile, female students lust for that Scruffy ass
  4940.  
  4941.  
  4942.  
  4943.  
  4944.  
  4945.  
  4946. >Sunset doesn't know what to do when she learns that a few of her friends turn out to be some of Anon's regular customers
  4947. >Can't they see that he needs their help to get him out of such a situation, not just their money in exchange for sucking their clits?
  4948.  
  4949.  
  4950.  
  4951.  
  4952.  
  4953.  
  4954. >Tfw you live out in the Everfree
  4955. >tfw it's not as bad as ponies say
  4956. >Those stone alligator things stopped coming near when you took a pickaxe to one of them
  4957. >Timberwolves are a joke too
  4958. >One kick they explode into a million pieces
  4959. >After that they're perfect for firewood
  4960. >Even those snake-chickens are alright
  4961. >The assholes just stare at you even when you walk up and smack them with a shovel
  4962. >Hunting is a joke here, and with the help of some books that Spike gave you--Twilight refused when you asked her; she didn't want any part of what you were doing--you learned how to preserve and smoke food
  4963. >Building a house was a little harder
  4964. >You didn't have the knowhow or the tools, but you found a way
  4965. >The Apples were a big help
  4966. >Applejack didn't think you should live in the forest--something about getting your balls caught on vines--but she wasn't the smartest
  4967. >You weren't going to say you tricked her into helping you build your house, but you are gonna say you and Big Mac had a laugh when she was done and ornery about what she did
  4968. >Your home wasn't the biggest, or the nicest
  4969. >It was a one story cabin
  4970. >Your kitchen was outside, but at least you had running water and a working toilet
  4971. >Don't ask how appul managed that
  4972. >It wasn't a lot, but it was more than enough for you
  4973. >You didn't need to work, just hunt and forage all day
  4974. >Sometimes, ponies would want to stay at your cabin
  4975. >Cadence and her family were usual guests whenever ruling was becoming too much
  4976. >They'd stay for days, maybe a week, other ponies might stay for an evening
  4977. >Pinkie had a few parties at your house for the "wild" feel
  4978. >When you did come to town you were greeted warmly by everypony
  4979. >Not a lot of them understood why you'd live in the wild, but they were okay with your decision, if a little concerned
  4980. >You, meanwhile, did what you could to help your horsey friends
  4981. >It wasn't a flashy life, but an honest one
  4982. >You just wish that zebra would quit rhyming at you all the time...
  4983.  
  4984.  
  4985.  
  4986.  
  4987.  
  4988.  
  4989. >ywn be an old perverted rich mare's trophy husband whose job is to look pretty and suck clit on demand
  4990. >ywn blatantly be gold-digging, but still genuinely enjoy it because, hey, free pussy
  4991. >ywn have small quiet moments where the two of you genuinely connect despite how artificial things seem on the surface, and for just a moment, each of you feels bad for exploiting the other, and rationalizes it with 'we both get what we want this way', without quite making the connection that you're both having the exact same thought process
  4992. >ywn be treated like trash by her entire family because you're just a gold-digging whore - nevermind that the only reason they're upset is they feel entitled to her money and are pissed you're getting it instead
  4993. >because what else is there for them to really be upset about? mom gets some more dick on tap despite dad being dead? oh no, how terrible
  4994. >ywn find yourself genuinely questioning if maybe you loved them after all during the funeral
  4995. >ywn miss their old ass, and sell their mansion just to buy a new mansion without quite so many memories in it
  4996.  
  4997.  
  4998.  
  4999.  
  5000.  
  5001.  
  5002. >You were her side-dick before Diamond's birth. Thats how quickly the marriage between her and Filthy went down the drain.
  5003. >Everything was fine for awhile. Filthy was none the wiser. To him, you were just their house-cleaner.
  5004. >You felt awful about it, but a livable wage as a male was hard to come by, and Spoiled could be generous if you navigated her temper well.
  5005. >And unfortunately, when it's iffy on whether or not you can sire foals, mares of a good sort would be reluctant to take you in.
  5006. >Then Spoiled falls pregnant. Afterward, Diamond is born.
  5007. >Things remain normal for a bit, then Spoiled suddenly pulls you aside one day.
  5008. >She looks you in the eye, her usual sneer much tighter than usual. "The wet-nurse says Diamond is teething. Teething with sharp teeth."
  5009. >You blink, then make the connection and feel your blood run cold.
  5010. >"She's been paid to keep her mouth shut," Spoiled continues, not caring about the horror on your face. She then forces a large bag of bits into your hand. "Buy a train or airship ticket and leave. I don't care where. If Filthy asks, you had a family emergency. Be out of town by the end of today."
  5011. >...Shit...
  5012. ---
  5013. >It wouldn't be until in Diamond's teens that a softer, more regretful Spoiled came clean with her daughter and husband.
  5014. >Filthy bared with it with a smile, but his heartbreak was obvious.
  5015. >Diamond falls to her rump, her whole world turned upside down.
  5016. >Her dad... wasn't her dad? He was some exotic housekeeper from years ago?
  5017. >Was that why she was so different from others as a filly? Why she feels so strange at times, even now?
  5018. >Diamond goes to her room and looks in the mirror.
  5019. >She opens her mouth and pulls off her signature tiara.
  5020. >Her namesake lifted off her head, the disillusionment charm the enchanted tiara weaved over her fades away.
  5021. >In her mouth, sharp, predatory teeth gleam.
  5022. >The young mare, so confused and desperate for the full story, begins looking into where a "hymane" might settle
  5023.  
  5024.  
  5025.  
  5026.  
  5027.  
  5028.  
  5029. >Pegas with owl coded wings fly silently.
  5030. >Albatross wings fly long distances. >Falcon wings code for maximum speed, with certain variants capable of breaking the sound barrier.
  5031. >Other wing types vary characteristics.
  5032. >Some are better for the flicking up and up flight of smaller birbs, where others are for rapid nimble beats.
  5033. >Scootaloo's wings are hummingbird coded and like most other hummingbird pegas she has a difficult time getting off the ground before her flight muscles fully develop.
  5034. >Once she matures however she will be one of the most manueverable kinds of Pegasus.
  5035. >Griffins have similar variations, but their facial features vary as well. Owl griffins, hawk, falcon, etc all look different with assorted colors and patterns.
  5036. >Owl griffins fly silently and speak softly, and mostly live in the country and shun the loud cities.
  5037. >Vulture griffins tend to be regarded as ugly, but they're very thrifty and hold large amounts of wealth.
  5038. >Corvid griffins with Raven and Crow's heads are seen as noble and attractive, but harboring secrets. They are cunning.
  5039. >Each race of Griffin has their own lore, flight characteristics, so on, but all are predatory in some fashion
  5040.  
  5041.  
  5042.  
  5043.  
  5044.  
  5045.  
  5046. >In a world where most mares never even get to kiss a stallion, much less fuck one, keeping the population up is seen as a top priority
  5047. >A significant amount of the state's money goes to sperm banks
  5048. >These are basically fortresses; only a very few select mares are allowed anywhere near one
  5049. >Giving sperm is seen is a high paying, lukerative job, though the selection process is very harsh
  5050. >A stallion needs physicals, mental tests, even his family's medical history needs examined to make sure the genepool stays strong
  5051. >Not just stallions come here, but nearly all races
  5052. >To be the curator of such an important position is beyond stressful
  5053. >Always watchful, your life, the life of your staff, and the lives of your family are threatened
  5054. >The nobility want to control the banks and have the pick of the best sperm
  5055. >Ponies can be bribed, threatened, or have personal biases
  5056. >Which is why you were selected
  5057. >Horse money didn't mean much to you
  5058. >Some nobles did send mares through the portal to rough your kin up
  5059. >Your folks were mountain people though
  5060. >You never asked, but your dad had said they had a lot of meat in their freezers now
  5061. >And some more horns on their wall
  5062. >Also, being human gave you absolutely no biaus whatsoever
  5063. >The job was kinda a pain in the ass if you were being honest, but you were making a difference
  5064. >Most of the time you were just helping out at the front desk, trying to keep everything in order
  5065. >Most days everything went smoothly
  5066. >Other days that faggot Anonymous would come down and demand to use the "milking" machines that you had in each room
  5067. >Like you'd use him
  5068. >The guy got an eighty on his IQ test
  5069. >A fucking EIGHTY
  5070. >He might be as dumb as a toddler, and he wants his cum fucking stored?
  5071. >You'd rather Thunderlane come in demanding you put candles in his room whenever he donates...
  5072.  
  5073.  
  5074.  
  5075.  
  5076.  
  5077.  
  5078.  
  5079. >Rarity's talent is all about making things beautiful.
  5080. >On her gem digging trips, she's come across both uncut gems and raw ore.
  5081. >And leaving such potentially gorgeous things sitting is not her style.
  5082. >Little do her friends know, Rarity taught herself gem cutting, general smithing, bladesmithing, armoring, and proper jeweling to a master level, fueled by her cutiemark's magic.
  5083. >And of course, it's just wasteful to keep things she doesn't know how to use, so once again, she taught herself to use what she made.
  5084. >There is a primal beauty to the art of combat, after all.
  5085. >Her whole basement is dedicated to her masterful non-fashion projects.
  5086. >Thing is, she's not sure anyone would appreciate her creations sans the jewelry, so it all stays hidden.
  5087. >Until a certain nerdshit biped stumbles into her life, that is
  5088.  
  5089. >Anon convinces Rarity to make him a suit of armor, and she gets to work.
  5090. >A month later, she presents the piece proudly to him.
  5091. >It leaves his midriff and biceps exposed, and features a very prominent codpiece adorn with three blue crystals the same cut and layout as Rarity's cutie mark.
  5092. >"Well, go ahead, darling, try it on!" she prompts eagerly. "I want to see how it fits!"
  5093. >Anon looks from her to the armor, then shrugs.
  5094. >Hey, armor is armor.
  5095. >Now you just need a sword.
  5096. >(She makes you a saber where the the guard looks like a mare's labia, the winking clit a heart-shaped gem.)
  5097.  
  5098. >Rarity is ecstatic that you accepted her gift (even the codpiece with her cutie mark emblazoned on it) and quickly sets about making her own suit of armor.
  5099. >One to match your silver-white set.
  5100. >Using all of her very rare adamantite to make it, she creates a suit of armor that shines a brilliant green color.
  5101. >Hanging from her dock to protect her sensitive bits, a tasset engraved with a question mark.
  5102. >Her weapon, a duel chained, spikeless flail, the handle of which seems oddly phallus shaped with the rounded head as the pummel and the two large, swaying balls on the opposite end
  5103.  
  5104. >Anon and Rarity go to a renaissance fair, much to Rarity's delight, and in full armor, too!
  5105. >She's never had reason to show off this aspect of her work, and she must say, she rather likes the awed looks they're getting, or at least, the ones that aren't simply mares ogling her companion.
  5106. >She has to send more than one drooling filly scurrying off with a hard glare and sublte brandishing of her flail, most of them sounding like a bag of tin cans as they ran.
  5107. >Some mares were a bit more brash, however.
  5108. >"Hey there good-looking! Like my ax?" a mare in a suit of full plate better than most others calls. "It's called Armor Splitter. How about we head over to the stables, and we'll see how quick I can split that armor off of you, eh?"
  5109. >"Ah, thanks, but I'm good," Anon answers. "My friend here put a lot of work into making this for me, and I'd hate to ruin it."
  5110. >"That prissy mare? Psh, I bet she's not wearing her helmet right now because she's afraid of ruining her mane! How about you ditch the tomcolt and get with a real mare?"
  5111. >Rarity feels her blood boil, and not just because the mare was technically right about why her helmet was sitting on her back.
  5112. "We are supposed to be enacting the days of chivalry here," Rarity spits. "How about you show some towards my friend and shut your muzzle!"
  5113. >"Yeah? Why don't you make me? Or are you afraid you'll ruin your makeup?"
  5114. >"Rarity, come on, let's just go," Anon urges quietly, and she listens, huffing and turning her nose up as she escorts Anon away.
  5115. >"Hey come on! As much as I like watching that tight flank walk away, it'll look even better when it's sitting on my face, colt! Get back here!"
  5116. >Rarity freezes, a growl coming from her throat.
  5117. >Slowly, she levitates her helmet onto her head and turns around, brandishing her flail in her magic.
  5118. "That was one step too far, miss," she says, voice echoing from within her helmet. "Now you've forced my hoof, and I must defend my stallion's honor."
  5119.  
  5120.  
  5121.  
  5122.  
  5123.  
  5124.  
  5125.  
  5126. >Being lame is bad for ponies, obviously.
  5127. >Especially for earth ponies.
  5128. >But stallions with a lame leg...?
  5129. >They tend to die single without any foals.
  5130. >After all, how can you trust a stallion to rear your foals if he's not even capable of chasing them?
  5131. >War vet Anon comes to Equestria, and when mares see his prosthetic leg, there is no greater turn off.
  5132.  
  5133. >Anon hates the attention.
  5134. >Back home, it was always "thank you for your service."
  5135. >Here, there isn't any of that, but it's been replaced with thrice as much pity when the ponies notice his clearly fake leg.
  5136. >He tries to ignore it, and do what he's always done to make it through hard times.
  5137. >Focus on his work.
  5138. >There's a surprising amount of it being the assistant to the head of the Equestrian Games Committee, but if he made it through training, this tiny mare won't break him.
  5139. >At least as a bonus, Ms. Harshwhinny doesn't pity him, and expects his work to be done correctly and promptly, leg or no leg.
  5140. >Really, first time he was introduced to her to be in her employment, she merely looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow, then told him how she liked her coffee and how long he had to retrieve her a cup.
  5141. >Black, two sugars, and a pinch of salt to take the day's edge off.
  5142. >He respects that about her, as well as the fact that, while strict, she's always fair, just as a good leader should be.
  5143. >He'd honestly rather follow her into battle over most of the commanding officers he served under back home.
  5144.  
  5145.  
  5146.  
  5147.  
  5148.  
  5149.  
  5150.  
  5151.  
  5152.  
  5153. >60 Marely Seconds
  5154. >Magic instability cloud starts to settle around Canterlot
  5155. >It's very dangerous to magical creatures as it can dangerously fluxuate their mana from draining it to empty to overfilling it
  5156. >Celestia and Luna were busy evacuating the castle that it's too late to escape as they can no longer teleport
  5157. >They run from the fog that is steadily getting closer
  5158. >They run into Anon who was strolling around, thinking that the ponies were getting upset over something silly like the pidgeons invading the statue garden again
  5159. >Celestia's and Luna's instincts take over to save the nearby male and grab him as they continue running
  5160. >They go further in the basement, the fog coming in through the ventilation
  5161. >They continue into the abandoned crystal mind near a dead end when they notice a door
  5162. >With no other choice, they open the door and shut it behind moments before the fog settles
  5163. >Celestia and Luna take a breath of relief that the door is air tight, but the moment is quickly ruined when they notice Chrysalis staring at them with a checklist in her magic glow
  5164. >They just happened to catch her for her yearly inspection of emergency shelter #297
  5165. >Now they have to live together for a month when the instability fog will dissipate
  5166.  
  5167.  
  5168.  
  5169.  
  5170.  
  5171.  
  5172.  
  5173. >If there was anything a certain marefriend didn't appreciate enough before she took the jump and dated a human, it was a good bath.
  5174. >She was a mare's mare. A rinse and a quick sniff test was usually good enough.
  5175. >Now bathing alone just seems half-assed no matter how much she tries to get that exquisite deep-clean feeling her human can provide.
  5176. >Fingers are remarkably sensitive little things, able to pick out specks of dust only nanometers wide against a surface with just the lightest touch.
  5177. >A loving pair of hands tipped in sensitive fingers could find EVERY bit of grime in a mare's coat, mane, and tail and scrub it out.
  5178. >We wasn't even squeamish about reaching into gross, greasy places like her leg-pits, under her tail, and the depths of her tuft.
  5179. >She would stumble out of the bathroom, smiling like a dope and feeling like she just got a 5-star massage (that sometimes comes with a happy ending). Then she'd drop into a freshly changed bed for a nap.
  5180. >The other mares had no idea what they were missing
  5181.  
  5182.  
  5183.  
  5184.  
  5185.  
  5186.  
  5187.  
  5188. >Anon is dating Princess Luna, and things are going well.
  5189. >About the only complaint he has is that the Moon Princess has a BDSM kink, and really likes dominating her lovers.
  5190. >Anon isn't so much into that sort of thing, but tries to play around with it for her sake.
  5191. >Even so, there are lines he isn't comfortable crossing, and the resulting tame play leaves neither fully satisfied.
  5192. >On an unrelated note, the Nightmare comes back, and possesses Anon, intent on using Luna's lover to hurt her as much as possible.
  5193. Unfortunately for the specter, Anon has watched Doctor Sleep, and he throws that bitch straight into a box within his psyche.
  5194. >How the turns have tabled.
  5195. >Hmm, now what can he do?
  5196. >Of course he should tell the Princesses.
  5197. >... But Luna's birthday s coming up, and he'd love to give her something special.
  5198. >Oh how excited the Moon Princess is when Anon says he wants to do the whole kit and kaboodle for her birthday present.
  5199. >As he's being strapped in, wearing a gimp suit with a mask that covers his eyes, he says, "Now remember Luna, no matter how much I scream and struggle, it's all just an act. If I act calm and collected, that's your signal to stop, alright?"
  5200. >"We understand, Love, now open thine mouth for the ballgag."
  5201. >Anon does so, and is silenced.
  5202. >As soon as they settle in, and Anon hears the crack of a riding crop, he opens the box containing the Nightmare, and gives it control.
  5203. >It thinks it has escaped, but then, why can't it move or see, and what is that in their mouth.
  5204. >SMACK!
  5205. >"Mmm, you've been a naughty colt, and it's time your mistress punishes you."
  5206. >The Nightmare struggles and screams into the gag, but this only makes Luna hotter.
  5207. >Oh, how wonderful her coltfriend is to let her do this.
  5208. >She'll have to make it up to him later, but for now...
  5209. >SMACK-SMACK-SMACK
  5210.  
  5211.  
  5212.  
  5213.  
  5214.  
  5215.  
  5216.  
  5217. >Your sudden appearance in RGRE has caused a number of legal issues.
  5218. >You are in the most literal sense an illegal alien. You crossed into Equestria unlawfully and have no documentation to your name.
  5219. >One might expect a princess just wave the issue away and give you citizenship due to the special circumstances.
  5220. >But such a thing was abused in the past. Pony smugglers in the smaller pony nations around Equestria would """foalnap""" other ponies and drop them off in Equestria proper. Then the pony who was """foalnapped""" would claim no knowledge of how they got there or where they were from. Viola, emergency citizenship.
  5221. >Naturally, the government caught on and a bill was introduced to Celestia to strike down the emergency citizenship law, and strike it down she did.
  5222. >The next batch of smuggled ponies were in for a nasty surprise when they were deported to random countries.
  5223. >So that was a non-option for you.
  5224. >Twilight was desperately trying to find a way to fix this mess without making a royal decree before the nobles caught wind of you.
  5225. >No doubt some of the old foggies would try to get a hold of a real alien with no legal protections.
  5226. >Not thinking clearly, she makes a desperate gambit and marries you to her, declaring Love At First Sight.
  5227. >By law, soul mates are entitled to the presence of the other, and the spouses of nobles and royals are afforded the same status as their wife/husband.
  5228. >Aka, instant citizenship.
  5229. >And while the Love At First Sight might not be truthful, no one is going to question a princess and national hero.
  5230. >Twilight tearfully explains everything to you and apologizes over and over for forcing you into this, saying you both will need to keep up appearances until everything died down
  5231. >You, meanwhile... Are just fine with this.
  5232. >Your best friend in this world fucked up her own life to make yours easier, so you're going to be the best husband you can be.
  5233. >And on a deeper level, you never thought ANYONE would like you enough to marry you, much less a kind and pretty wo-er, mare like Twi, even if this is kind-of a farce of a marriage. You're happy to pretend at least.
  5234. >Unbeknownst to you, your easy acceptance threw Twilight for a loop. She expected screaming, crying, and hate for taking such liberties away from him. Instead she gets an eager smile and a hug for being so "thoughtful"
  5235. >The purple princess recalls her initial Q and A with her newest friend, and how backwards his world was compared to Equestria.
  5236. >Uneasiness builds inside Twilight.
  5237. >Was the acceptance borne of pragmatism, or something personal in Anon's background?
  5238.  
  5239.  
  5240.  
  5241.  
  5242.  
  5243.  
  5244. >Anon appears in the Crystal Empire, and is quickly attacked as a monster.
  5245. >Luckily Shining Armor was able to understand the truth of things when Anon screamed and begged for his life.
  5246. >His guards were sure that the monster had eaten a colt and they needed to cut him free from the beast's belly.
  5247. >Growing up with a genius like Twilight, it still makes the stallion feel odd to be the smartest pony in the room, but regardless, he calms the creature and comforts him with promises that everything will be okay.
  5248. >Hurrying Anon back to the castle, Shining explains the situation to his wife, and she joins Shining in hugging the big human and hushing his cries.
  5249. >Eventually, Anon settles in and is given a room in the castle.
  5250. >A castle he hardly ever leaves because, while the more modern Prince and Princess of the Empire are used to looking passed things like species and appearances, the crystal ponies are from a different time.
  5251. >A time where species did not mingle, and to be different was to be dangerous.
  5252. >He's seen as ugly at best, and a monster at worse, and soon sequesters himself away, only interacting with the royal family and being foalsitter to Flurry Heart, who has taken a liking to him.
  5253. >That's the situation that Rainbow Dash enters into when she and the Wonderbolts come to do a show in the Empire.
  5254. >As soon as she gets a chance, she starts asking if she can see the monster she's been hearing rumors about, but she gets denied, and quite heatedly at that.
  5255. >Rainbow is not one to give up though, and the fact that she and the team have been offered rooms in the castle gives her the chance to track down the monster herself.
  5256. >Ponies think she's dumb, but it doesn't take long for her to notice that a segment of the castle is off limits and only a few number of ponies are allowed to go around there, including the royals and their most trusted servants.
  5257. >Sneaking in at night, Rainbow sets about her monster hunt
  5258. >Eventually, she finds the one room with a light coming from beneath the door, and barrels through.
  5259. >She looks up, and sees something decidedly not a pony.
  5260. >It looks back, stopping mid step towards a reading chair, wearing a bathrobe and holding s teaming cup of tea.
  5261. >It sees her black spy suit.
  5262. >Then screams in an unmarely way, throwing its tea into the air.
  5263. >Surely this is some angry pony who has sneaked in to slay the beast.
  5264. >He's swearing that he's not a monster and he's innocent as Dash watches on.
  5265. >This is the monster?
  5266. >No claws.
  5267. >No dripping fangs.
  5268. >Where's the aura of fear and danger?
  5269. >It, he, just looks like a strange colt.
  5270. >Heck, he's even sort of... cute.
  5271. >Before she can say anything, little Flurry Heart teleports into the room with a battle cry and shoots an energy blast at Rainbow.
  5272. >Her emotion sensing power is just coming into its own, but its enough to sense that her best friend is afraid, and her magic instincts kick into to protect him.
  5273. >Dash barely dodges it, or the next several shots as Flurry chases her through the corridors before being rescued by a frazzled Shining and Cadence.
  5274. >Once they calm the baby down and hear Dash's story, the first order of business is clear to see.
  5275. >Dash has to apologize to Anon for breaking into his room
  5276.  
  5277.  
  5278.  
  5279.  
  5280.  
  5281.  
  5282. >Be Raven
  5283. >Celestia doesn’t want to let prince Anon go into the guard yet, so she put him as your assistant
  5284. >To be fair the young alicorn is more competent than most intern mares you had
  5285. >He also let you play with your more coltysh side with him, playing dress up and cosplaying
  5286. >The only problem is that the prince is being a little flirt with you
  5287. >Was cute when started, but now you don’t really know what to do
  5288. >He even asked your opinion on which socks would fit him better!
  5289. >What in tartarus did Shining Armor and Blue Blood teach that kid.scroll
  5290. >And last time you played dress up with him he wore an almost complete copy of your outfit and gave you a look over the glasses that will be forever burned into your soul
  5291. >You dreamed about that look one night and since then you swear that you saw some batponies sneaking around you more than one time
  5292.  
  5293.  
  5294.  
  5295.  
  5296.  
  5297.  
  5298. >Your daughter has a weekend camping trip with her filly scout group coming up.
  5299. >The filly scouts are a near perfect parallel to the boyscouts of earth, just with less child molesting.
  5300. >Anyway, there is supposed to be a scout leader for every team of fillies, usually a mom or older sister, but the mare keeping an eye on your daughter's team got sick and couldn't go.
  5301. >So your little filly comes to you and asks you to take the scout leader spot since Mom has work that weekend.
  5302. >A camping trip sounds nice. You haven't been camping in any serious manner since before she was born, so you say yes.
  5303. >Then things go a little sour.
  5304. >All the scout moms are turbo macho mares that either feel threatened by, or dismissive of a dad joining in. The scout master, this try-hard mare living a little too much through her daughter, is the worst of both, not believing for an instant that a stallion can function in the woods.
  5305. >Considering your status as a mostly intact WW3 veteran before reality shit you into RGRE, the Whitetail Woods has nothing you cannot handle.
  5306. >This is going to be a long weekend
  5307.  
  5308.  
  5309.  
  5310.  
  5311.  
  5312.  
  5313. >Anon goes to the spa as insisted by Rarity as her treat.
  5314. >He's a bit uncomfortable with the idea of little ponies seeing him so naked, but he caves.
  5315. >Getting sent to a new world has been a stressful experience, and he's feeling tense.
  5316. >Something Rarity promises the spa sisters can fix with a good massage.
  5317. >As for the sisters, they're looking forward to the visit too.
  5318. >A whole new body-type to work on.
  5319. >Plus they get to rub their hooves all over an exotic stallion.
  5320. >Always a guilty pleasure for even the most professional of masseuses.
  5321. >Anon has to admit, the the hot-tub with incense is pretty relaxing.
  5322. >And the mud facial is surprisingly not annoying.
  5323. >By the time he and Rarity go to get their massages, he's actually looking forward to it.
  5324. >The Spa sisters play a quick game of rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the stallion.
  5325. >Aloe wins and goes to the table the human has chosen.
  5326. >He hangs up the robe they had provided, something they had in case a minotaur ever walked through their doors, and Aloe freezes.
  5327. >She didn't think he'd be That hairless...
  5328. >It's... kinda weird looking, actually.
  5329. >He lays down on his belly and waits patiently.
  5330. >Vera has gone to work on Rarity, and Anon asks if anything is wrong.
  5331. >She quickly assures him that there isn't, and rushes to get started
  5332. >Oiling up her hooves, she turns to Anon, and sits there, staring at his broad, hairless back.
  5333. >He says her name questioningly, and she tells him to get ready.
  5334. >Her hooves hover.
  5335. >She takes a deep breath, steels her nerves, and brings her hooves down.
  5336. >It feels like a rubber inner tube filled with bones.
  5337. >She shivers, but presses on.
  5338. >She's a professional.
  5339. >She can do this.
  5340. >For Anon's part, he's surprised it ends up feeling as good as it does.
  5341. >Aloe is more tense then him when she's done
  5342.  
  5343.  
  5344.  
  5345.  
  5346.  
  5347.  
  5348. >Cadance thinks you aren't acclimating well. Specificity with finding a mare.
  5349. >As the princess of love, she can actually feel your loneliness and hesitance.
  5350. >But she assumes that your hesitation comes from the unfamiliar form of a mare rather than just interacting with others in general.
  5351. >So in a well-meaning but harebrained scheme, she wants to help you get over said apprehension.
  5352. >...By insisting she's your new best friend and hanging out with you in "relaxing" poses, usually with her junk on open display
  5353. >"Aha! I saw you look! See? Mares are very appealing, right? Say, I have a friend that I think you would get along great with. Her name is-"
  5354. >You turn your burning red face away and ignore the pink princess, instead looking towards Shining for help.
  5355. >The stallion hums into a sip of tea and turns a page in the magazine he's reading, unperturbed by his wife's antics.
  5356. >You went from women barely looking at you to married princesses openly flashing you and trying to hook you up with her supermodel friends.
  5357. >Equestria really is backwards
  5358.  
  5359. >Cadance actually hooks you up with a super model.
  5360. >Her and Fleur de Lis were best friends in highschool and still visit each other often.
  5361. >So when Cadance sends Fleur a letter about an "adorable, exotic wallflower that you'll just LOVE", the unicorn humored her friend and took a train to the Empire.
  5362. >Lo and behold, Fleur spends less than five minutes with your stammering, spaghetti-dropping ass before she thinks you're utterly adorable.
  5363. >And even if you did hesitate about how different mares are, Cadance softened you up and a radiant mare like Fleur was the final blow needed.
  5364. >Cadance leans back into her chair with a smirk as she watches you and Fleur talk, noting the tiny, glowing hearts in both yours and Fleur's eyes.
  5365. >All according to keikaku
  5366.  
  5367.  
  5368.  
  5369.  
  5370.  
  5371.  
  5372. >Anon and Fleur each try to hide their respective boxing careers for reasons
  5373. >something something crossover episode so they end up fighting eachother in a "grudge" match between the mareliest colt boxer and the coltiest mare boxer
  5374.  
  5375. >They convince them to dress up to fit the theme of domestic abuse
  5376. >Fleur has to wear a wife-beater (or, in this universe, a husband-beater) and a pair of horse-sweatpants
  5377. >Anon has to come into the ring with an apron on and curlers in his hair
  5378. >"One of these days, Anon! Bam, zoom! Straight to the moon!"
  5379. "My father always told me there'd be days like this! You never take me out dancing!"
  5380. >Cue the audience being provided with foam props to throw to the boxers
  5381. >Anon gets foam rolling pins thrown to him that can break in half without causing harm to whatever it's hitting, and Fleur gets those beer bottles that are made of sugar glass and smash easily without hurting anyone
  5382.  
  5383.  
  5384.  
  5385.  
  5386.  
  5387. >In the first fight against Discord, Queen Faust was sent hurdling out of her reality, never to be seen again.
  5388. >Even Discord, upon being reformed, said that he just kind of chucked her randomly out into the multiverse.
  5389. >The Celestial Sisters are heart broken to get this final confirmation that they're mother is lost to them, but they've had thousands of years to cope and continue on with their lives.
  5390. >Until one day, there's a disturbance in the weave as some great magical phenomenon sends ripples over the world.
  5391. >Quick to investigate, Twilight and her friends are sent out to find out what caused this.
  5392. >What do they find?
  5393. >A white alicorn with a red mane.
  5394. >A strange primate male.
  5395. >And three young alicorns of ascending age, the youngest being a foal, the second of elementary school age, and the oldest a moody teenager.
  5396. >All colts.
  5397. >They're laden with travel gear and look weary, but the mare still takes a defensive stance in front of the group.
  5398. >Twilight and friends are too stunned to say anything.
  5399. >The primate speaks first.
  5400. >"Hey, wait, does that one have wings and a horn? Is this one of the daughters you were telling me about? Hi! I'm Anonymous, and ah, technically I'm your new stepdad!"
  5401. >"Dear, this isn't-"
  5402. >"Oh, and these wold be your new brothers, I guess. Boys, say hi to your sister."
  5403. >"Sup, I'm Jr. You the moon one or the sun one?"
  5404. >"She looks more like a moon pony to me. Oh, and I'm Nonny, by the way."
  5405. >"Aboo!"
  5406. >"Anon, please! This isn't one of my daughters...! Though perhaps... Are you a granddaughter? Do I have a grandfoal now?"
  5407. >Twilight slowly turns to Spike, who managed to talk his way into coming along this time.
  5408. >"Spike... I'm going to need you to take a letter..."
  5409.  
  5410.  
  5411.  
  5412.  
  5413.  
  5414.  
  5415.  
  5416.  
  5417. >"Anon? Can ya cut muh crust off please?"
  5418. >You stared down at Applebloom
  5419. >The little earth horse was holding her sandwich toward you
  5420. >Ears flat against her skull, lower lip sticking out
  5421. "You know if you keep making faces like that it'll stick, right?"
  5422. >Applebloom frowned, brow furrowing for a moment before she once again adopted a pathetic expression
  5423. >"Please? It'd do it, but mares can't cook no food."
  5424. "This isn't cooking."
  5425. >"May as well be. Please? I'll get Mac to Bring ya a pie tomorrow."
  5426. >Sighing, you pulled out a pocket knife
  5427. >Applebloom, tail wagging in excitement, watched as you carefully cut the crust off
  5428. >It was a pain in the ass, having no table to cut from, but you managed, handing it back to her
  5429. "You know, crust is what helps you grow big and strong right. You don't wanna be a marelet, do ya?"
  5430. >"I'll be bigger 'an Applejack," Applebloom said, snatching the sandwich out of your hand. "Thanks, Anon!"
  5431. >With a wave, the filly scurried away
  5432. >You watched her go, shaking your head
  5433. >That is until you heard someone clearing their throat
  5434. >There were a dozen other foals all standing around
  5435. >Behind them were some fully grown mares
  5436. >Behind them was Twilight Sparkle
  5437. >All of them were holding sandwiches
  5438. >Well, except Twilight
  5439. >She had a wagon of food, mostly hayburgers
  5440. >...
  5441. >The fuck?
  5442.  
  5443.  
  5444.  
  5445.  
  5446.  
  5447.  
  5448.  
  5449. >This is not your ship.
  5450. >It’s too intact, first.
  5451. >You’re actually on it, second.
  5452. >So is a tiny colorful pegasus, third.
  5453. >You may have captained the HMS Pegasus, but this was a bit much.
  5454. >You try to sit up, but the equine places a hoof on your chest.
  5455. >She – you think it’s female – can’t put enough force into the gesture to achieve anything, but you know what it means.
  5456. >It wrinkles your captain’s uniform where it rests.
  5457. >Pristine. None of the signs of the battle you were just engaged in.
  5458. >It’s a reminder of your position. Your duty.
  5459. >You were a loyal servant of the King. Only one question could come first, however unlikely for your friend-or-captor to know its answer.
  5460. “Have we won?”
  5461. >She tilts her head and blinks. “Won what?”
  5462. “The battle in the night. The relief of Gibraltar.”
  5463. >”Never heard of Gilbraltar, but I’m sure they’d be relieved, uh… mister...?”
  5464. >’Sir’, you want to correct her. You had a title with your (marginally) distinguished name, but…
  5465. >You were unworthy of either.
  5466. >Running battle in the night, pursuit of the Spanish squadron. Best speed, Admiral Rodney had commanded, lee side to prevent the Spanish from making port.
  5467. >Your crew was too focused on the enemy. You’d let your ship get too close to the lee shore. Run aground. Set upon by your own target.
  5468. >You deserved neither your title nor your name.
  5469. “Mister Anonymous would be fine.”
  5470. >The pegasus’s expression brightened. “Alright, Mister Anonymous! I’m Spindrift. Welcome aboard!”
  5471. “Thank you. May I sit up now?”
  5472. >”Are you sure you’re alright, mister? I fished you out of the drink.”
  5473. >You pat down your body. Uniform pristine. Sword’s still there, in its scabbard. None of the injuries you’re sure you should have, after being shot off the quarterdeck by cannonfire.
  5474. “I’m sure.”
  5475. >She backs away and you first sit, then stand, and look around.
  5476. >Her ship is small. A couple other tiny ponies mill about the deck, staring at you.
  5477. >You sigh and shake your head. What now?
  5478.  
  5479.  
  5480.  
  5481.  
  5482.  
  5483.  
  5484.  
  5485. vagrancy citation from her.
  5486.  
  5487. >Be anon, and you've got a crush on the nice police mare who walk the daily beat on 5th street.
  5488. >You've said hello to her a few times but she always gives you a short reply as she goes about her patrol.
  5489. >Today's going to be different.
  5490. >You've been sitting outside Buck's Bootery since nine in the morning, and the midday son is starting to get to you.
  5491. >There she is, the apple of your eye.
  5492. >She cantors up to you. "Sir, the store owner has said you've been here since he open this morning. Please either buy something or move along."
  5493. "It's a public street, and I'm a member of the public. I can sit out here as long as I want."
  5494. >"Sir, it's an infraction to loiter outside a place of business for more than four hours. You've been out here for close to six. Please move along. If you are homeless you can go to the social aid office by 1st and elm to find a shelter."
  5495. "I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm staying."
  5496. >Police mare reaches into her breast pocket for a notebook and a pen. She starts filling something out while you stare at your own reflection in her mirror shades.
  5497. >"This is a citation for loitering, you can either pay the city 50 bits or spend two days in jail."
  5498. >You look at the citation and skim to the part with the officer's name. Officer Steely Gaze, badge number 147583.
  5499. "Officer, I don't think you filled this out completely. You forgot to write down your phone number."
  5500.  
  5501.  
  5502.  
  5503.  
  5504.  
  5505.  
  5506. >A lot of things changed after Equestria appeared in the middle of the north atlantic
  5507. >Aggressive, magical women penetrated deep into various countries
  5508. >Our women didn't notice many changes at first
  5509. >But then it was harder for them to get dates
  5510. >Marriages went down between earth men and women
  5511. >A woman that falsely accused someone of rape was beaten within an inch of her life by a group of women
  5512. >They couldn't be identified, but from their build they were obviously from the Earth Tribe
  5513. >Equestrian-human marriages went up
  5514. >Places like snapchat, patreon, and onlyfans suffered greatly
  5515. >Even places like strip clubs saw a noticeable drop in traffic
  5516. >It was hard to compete when even the ugliest Equestrian was an eight outta ten and far more willing to get her hands dirty to find her special someone
  5517. >The Equestrians would have said that it was hard fought earning our men's affection, but everyone knew that would be a lie
  5518.  
  5519.  
  5520.  
  5521.  
  5522.  
  5523.  
  5524. >Celestia sits bored during the emergency summit of leaders.
  5525. >While an alien popping into Equestria wasn't terribly strange to ponies, to the rest of the world it was monumental.
  5526. >Why they're arguing over who gets...
  5527. >[@#*$&@^?] [@#*@&^$?]
  5528. >She'll just call him by his Equish translated name, Anonymous.
  5529. >Why they're arguing over who gets Anonymous, Celestia wait for the chaos to die down so she can say NONE of them get him.
  5530. >He appeared in Equestria, is swiftly learning Equish with Luna's help, and already has trustworthy friends there.
  5531. >Grubby misers like griffins or actual savages like yaks would treat him well until he was no longer useful. A little alien knowledge might tip the scales and disrupt the monopoly on power Equestria has, something Celestia cannot allow. After that, who is to say what the fate of Anonymous would be?
  5532. >She already knows why the Head Sheik of Saddle Arabia wants him. The old mare had an unsettling gleam to her eye when the topic was brought up.
  5533. >They'll needle her relentlessly over the declaration, but none would dare openly challenge Celestia or Equestria as a whole.
  5534. >On more clandestine actions, however? They might feel more emboldened.
  5535. >The Sun Princess mentally thanks Luna for whipping the Night Guard back into the covert elite they were in the pre-banishment era.
  5536. >Something tells her that the darker side of the queendom is going to buzzing soon
  5537.  
  5538.  
  5539.  
  5540.  
  5541.  
  5542.  
  5543. >She leaves you little gifts, sometimes, when you're sleeping.
  5544. >Small things, wrapped up in silk and topped with some bow she must have dug up out of your old holiday bin.
  5545. >A single sock, a handkerchief, a pair of delightfully well-fitting gloves, another sock to match the first.
  5546. >Little things.
  5547. >At first, you thought your little gift-giver was a shy breezie. Fluttershy had told you about those: nervous fairy ponies that liked to hide. She was a nervous little thing as well, and knew their plight.
  5548. >So you'd left out a small scarf, set your battered old phone to record, and went to bed eagerly.
  5549. >She was clever, or she knew how cameras worked, or something, because the next morning the only thing revealed was a scarf magically lifting out of sight, but without the glow you'd come to expect of unicorns.
  5550. >The next morning you woke to find a small thank you note, in tiny script.
  5551. >It made you all the more determined.
  5552. >The next few days were a blur of attempted (and failed) plans and plots and traps.
  5553. >You had to meet her!
  5554. >Twilight tried to use your... Well, it wasn't an obsession... as an excuse to drag you over to the library and learn proper self-care habits (something about her being sexist against stallions, you weren't really paying attention).
  5555. >You would not be dissuaded, however.
  5556. >Finally, one night you caught sight of her, dropping down from that big hole in the ceiling you'd never gotten around to patching.
  5557. >Down, down on a silky line to the table which you'd become accustomed to exchanging gifts.
  5558. >She wasn't a breezie.
  5559. >She was a massive white spider.
  5560. >Now, you're a nature man.
  5561. >You liked the outdoors.
  5562. >You liked bugs.
  5563. >Hell, you've never really been afraid of spiders; you'd catch them in your hands and see them safely outside whenever they crawled into your house back on Earth.
  5564. >Much to your shrieking sister's chagrin, of course.
  5565. >But still, the size of this one gave you pause
  5566.  
  5567.  
  5568.  
  5569.  
  5570.  
  5571.  
  5572.  
  5573. >And then she reached out to where you'd left the bait (it was less bait and more a gift of fondness, now; the hunt having turned into a game over time), a small bolt of cloth cut into a blanket and clumsily sewn onto a soft lining.
  5574. >In its place was left a small box, glimmering in a silken wrapping.
  5575. >She turned in place on the table, watching you for a moment, and freezing when she saw your eyes open and looking back.
  5576. >She began to climb back up, but you sat up, and words left your lips unbidden.
  5577. "Wait! Please don't go!"
  5578. >She hung there, for a moment, and slowly, slowly, dropped back to the table.
  5579. >And you, Anon, eased down onto your knees in front of her, careful not to make any sudden motions.
  5580. "I wanted to meet you. And. Thank you for all the gifts."
  5581. >The alabaster spider shivers in place, and at the edge of your hearing you make out a light titter.
  5582. >"You must think me so rude, stalking about like a thief in the night! I'm terribly sorry, darling. I wanted to pay you back for letting me use your attic, but I was nervous."
  5583. >You have an attic?
  5584. "I have an attic?"
  5585. >The little big spider bobs in an approximation of a curtsy, long legs extending.
  5586. >"Of course! I've been trying to keep the mice out of your things, but there are so dreadfully many."
  5587. >Huh.
  5588. >The previous owners must have left their stuff behind.
  5589. >"Oh, but you must forgive me for not introducing myself! I... My name is Rarity. I'm a star spider."
  5590. >Her pure white carapace catches the moonlight streaming in through your window, hilighting a trio of bright blue spots on her abdomen.
  5591. >You can appreciate how Mother Ntaure makes her engines so enchanting, and you're struck for a moment.
  5592. "...You're beautiful. Sorry! Uh, I'm Anon. I mean, it's nice to meet you, Rarity."
  5593. >In your defense, being nice to the talking spider living in your attic that is less than two feet away is probably a good idea.
  5594. >Against you is the fact that you do find her voice, quiet as it is, stunning.
  5595. >She is a beautiful spider
  5596.  
  5597.  
  5598.  
  5599.  
  5600.  
  5601.  
  5602. "Hey Miss Cheerilee, so what did my daughter do this time?"
  5603. >"Well, Mister Anonymous, your daughter scared the other foals by chasing them around."
  5604. >>"I just wanted to play tag!"
  5605. >Anon let's out a weary sigh
  5606. "We've been over this, other ponies don't have the same instincts that you do."
  5607. >>"I just wanted to make friends."
  5608. >Anon felt his heart clench at his daughter's words
  5609. "I know honey, but regular ponies are easily frightened. Maybe try playing pony games with them."
  5610. >Anon's daughter harumphs
  5611. >>"Pony games are boooooring. I like actually doing stuff."
  5612. "I know. Tell you what, when we get home we'll play some more human games. That sound fun?"
  5613. >Anon's daughter stares at him excitedly
  5614. >>"Really?"
  5615. "Yeah."
  5616. >>"Really really?"
  5617. >Anon chuckles
  5618. "Yeah."
  5619. >>"Yay!"
  5620.  
  5621.  
  5622.  
  5623.  
  5624.  
  5625.  
  5626. >Get punch-fucked into RGREqG
  5627. >It's a few years down the line
  5628. >Rainbow got a sports scholarship but doesn't play professionally
  5629. >But her career is fulfilling, and she keeps up her workout routine
  5630. >Meet her at a gym - you needed a spotter, and since it was 11 PM she was the only one there, Rainbow helped out
  5631. >At first she thought it was pretty hot that a guy was getting her help to work out
  5632. >What straight woman doesn't like the imagery of a man with his head between her legs, making all sorts of sexy effort noises?
  5633. >"Anyone ever tell you you sweat like a woman? That's kinda hot."
  5634. >But then you stuck around instead of giving up after a few weeks like most men did, and she started taking a more serious interest in you
  5635. >She taught you how she worked out so that you could lend a hand just like how she helps you
  5636. >She even gives you a few tips and even throws together a rough workout routine for you
  5637. >One particularly vicious workout left you jelly-legged, and Rainbow offered to walk you home
  5638. >What was meant to be a simple escort back to your place turned into staying for coffee as thanks, which accidentally became a movie date when she started browsing the channels on your TV and found that new Daring Doo movie
  5639. >By the time it was over, you realized neither of you had eaten since you got home, and she offers to take you out for dinner.
  5640. >Her treat; she insisted.
  5641. >Just like she insisted on walking you back home a second time
  5642. "You know, back where I come from, this usually happens the other way around."
  5643. >"Sounds gay."
  5644. >You weren't planning on giving her a parting good-night kiss, but you did anyway.
  5645. >Rainbow wasn't expecting electricity to dance down her spine, but it did.
  5646. >She stood at your door for a long few minutes after you went inside, trying to figure out what happened, and how it happened so fast
  5647. >For once in her life, Rainbow Dash wished things would slow down so that she could figure out what was happening
  5648.  
  5649.  
  5650.  
  5651.  
  5652.  
  5653.  
  5654. >Much like RGREquestria, in RGREqG, a girl in her teens bagging an older guy is seen as successful and politely ignored while a teen boy with an older woman is creepy.
  5655. >You were always a little bad at telling the age of people, and the people here in this bizarro world are a single step left of normal to you, making it that much harder to pin an age or race besides anything obvious.
  5656. >So when you meet a cute girl in the park one day who looks kinda down, you go talk to her and think nothing of her youthful appearance.
  5657. >You and her hit it off, and become friends pretty quick. Both you and her return there frequently to meet each other, and she adds you to her contacts and whatever social media she has.
  5658. >Her friends seem really impressed with you for some reason and her parents are friendly.
  5659. >She must be broke as hell to be living at home but you won't judge.
  5660. >Then the affection becomes more than platonic. She's bold and handsy, and you gladly return the favor just to see her adorable blush.
  5661. >You and her go on a few dates, usually cliche things like seeing movies or going to some restaurant. The days where she comes over to your place to just hang out alone are your favorite.
  5662. >Then one day, she drops a bomb on you.
  5663. >"Hey Anon? I'm starting sophomore year once summer is over and I just got the course material in the mail. One of the classes we have to do is home ec. Do you know anything about cooking and taxes and all that?"
  5664. >You blink.
  5665. "There's home ec in college?"
  5666. >Now it's her turn to be confused. "College? I'm in Canterlot High."
  5667. >Oh. Oh shit.
  5668. >She doesn't live with her parents and lack a car because she's a broke college girl.
  5669. >It's because she's too young to live alone or drive.
  5670. >Fuck.
  5671.  
  5672.  
  5673.  
  5674.  
  5675.  
  5676. > In retrospect, you probably should have looked more closely at that flier promising a chance at a new laptop
  5677. > Not to mention when you showed up at the address, and it was factory warehouse with only a few cars in the parking lot
  5678. > Still, hindsight is 2020, and you really should be focusing on getting out of these ropes
  5679. > Your kidnapper walks in, a grey unicorn with orange eyes and a white mane
  5680. > The mare smirks at you
  5681. > "You know what the best part of tying you up is?"
  5682. > You frown
  5683. "What."
  5684. > She raises a foreleg and strokes your head with the frog of her hoof
  5685. > "You can't stop me from giving you headpats like this."
  5686. > You blink
  5687. > She continues running the frog of her hoof over your hair
  5688. > ...
  5689. "Is this supposed to be sexual?"
  5690. > The mare looks startled
  5691. > "What? No, it's just, hard to find someone to give headpats to. D-do you want to make it s-sexual?"
  5692. > You don't know what kind of face you are making
  5693. "Uh, maybe later. But keep going, it feels nice."
  5694. > The mare blushes, a wiggly smile on her face
  5695. > "Do you mean it?"
  5696. > You lean in to her ministrations
  5697. "Yeah, it's calming."
  5698. > You close your eyes and focus on the relaxing sensation
  5699. > The mare starts humming a catchy little tune
  5700. > Kinda makes you want to hum along
  5701.  
  5702.  
  5703.  
  5704.  
  5705.  
  5706.  
  5707. >Rarity: "Oh Anonymous, I can't tell you just how elated I am to see Sweetie Belle so happy!"
  5708. >Rarity: "I honestly didn't think Sweetie had it in her to procure herself a boyfriend, but here you are!"
  5709. >Rarity: "And she couldn't help but give me the juicy details behind your little relationship! Hand holding, hugging, tender kisses..."
  5710. >Rarity: "Even some raunchy intimacy behind closed doors... Oooh, I just can't help but be more than a little jealous!"
  5711. >Rarity: "And here I though she would have to spend the Junior High prom night with just her friends! Ooh, I just can't wait to see her in the dress I made!"
  5712. >Rarity: "Hm? Why, whatever do you mean Anonymous? What other grade would a fifteen year old like Sweetie Belle be in?"
  5713. >Rarity: "...well, yes. I'm aware that for someone her age, she's more than a little... endowed. But even so..."
  5714. >Rarity: "Anon? Anon, where are you going?"
  5715.  
  5716.  
  5717.  
  5718.  
  5719.  
  5720.  
  5721. >You are in the delivery with your waifu as she delivers your first foal.
  5722. >"Deep, breaths, honey, deeeep breaths. Come on."
  5723. "I-I'm gonna be a daddy!" you manage between blubbering heaves as the mare holds your hand, patting it comfortably.
  5724. >"Yes you are, honey, and you're gonna be a great one."
  5725. >"That's it, miss, just keep pushing, nice and steady," the doctor says calmly from between her legs. "Does your husband need to step out?"
  5726. "N-no! I've got to be here for my w-wife in her time of need!"
  5727. >"That's right, honey, you're doing a great job helping me," your wife soothes, rolling her eyes discreetly and mouthing 'stallions' to the doctor who merely smirks and shakes her head. "You want to hold the foal now? They're just about out."
  5728. "Y-yes!"
  5729. >"Okay, here they come."
  5730. >She scrunches her face one last time and the air is soon filled with shrill cries as you scurry around to be next to the doctor, wringing your hands until the mare stands, swaddling the foal before handing it to you.
  5731. >As soon as the little filly touches your hands, she's clenched to your chest as you wail happy tears.
  5732. >It's not until several minutes later that you remember to show the precious gift to her mother, who's been waiting patiently with a serene smile as she watched you.
  5733. >A father's paternal instincts are a beautiful thing to see.
  5734.  
  5735. >Rarity's water breaks in the morning as she steps out of bed, and you're freaking out.
  5736. >You rush out to get the rickshaw you made ready to carry her to the hospital, internally congratulating yourself for being so smart even after your wife said you were being silly.
  5737. >You rush back in, intent on carrying Rarity out to it, but can find her anywhere.
  5738. >Calling her name frantically, she tells you she's in the bathroom.
  5739. >When you come to the entrance, you find the unicorn applying makeup and styling her mane.
  5740. "What are you doing, Rares?!"
  5741. >"making sure I look good, of course," she answers. "I don't want our foal's first look of her mother to be with bed mane and bags under her eyes."
  5742. >She looks you up and down.
  5743. >"Perhaps you'd like to take a quick shower and put on that nice birthday suit I made you? You only get one chance at a good first impression, darling."
  5744.  
  5745.  
  5746.  
  5747.  
  5748.  
  5749.  
  5750.  
  5751. Anon just turns into this sobbing paternal mess as soon as a foal is involved. Like he can be the biggest asshole, or some nerd playing vidya, or whatever, but his image as a janefilly is completely ruined as soon as a baby horse is placed within 10 feet of him.
  5752.  
  5753. >Twilight in a lab coat with a big pair of protective goggles on
  5754. >Staring at a clipboard, surrounded by foals
  5755. >"Alright, starting the experiment. Spike? Please write a letter; record what I'm saying for me. Ahem! Test 1..."
  5756.  
  5757. >meanwhile, anon is sitting there in distress
  5758. >hfw there are cute pony foals going UNHELD RIGHT. NOW.
  5759. >the closer they get, the more of a blubbering mess he becomes
  5760.  
  5761. >The experiment ends when Anon is in a literal pile of foals, crying and trying to pet all of them
  5762. >Twilight starts to get kinda worried
  5763.  
  5764.  
  5765. The subject is magically restrained to a little wooden stool.
  5766. >A foal is placed at intervals of 10ft, starting at 60 and descending to 10, given a small toy or treat to keep them occupied for the duration of the experiment.
  5767. >By the time a foal is placed a 20ft the subject is visibly straining against the restraint, to a surprising degree of success as noted by Assistant 'Kite'.
  5768. >Research notes.
  5769. >The experiment was aborted during final stages as the final foal was dropped into position rather than placed, due to Assistant 'How-Dare-You-Refer-To-The-Great-&-Powerful-[REDACTED]-as-such' being startled unexpectedly.
  5770. >The foal was completely unharmed, but the resulting shock caused them to react with a small cry of distress.
  5771. >The resulting reaction from the subject caused feedback strong enough to knock assistant Kite unconscious for several minutes.
  5772. >The subject himself refused to be seperated from the foal, comforting and playing with it and the others until the parents arrived.
  5773.  
  5774.  
  5775.  
  5776.  
  5777.  
  5778.  
  5779.  
  5780.  
  5781. >Anon always goes around booping ponies, making them mlem around Ponyville without any care in the world.
  5782. >Many stallions have gone to complain to the local princess. Not so many mares.
  5783. >Regardless, Twiggy Piggy has to put a stop to the pooping menace before more ponies get upset by the seemingly carefree and overtly touchy human stallion.
  5784. >Bookhoers went to explain the situation to Anon alongside the other elements to try to get him to stop booping ponies.
  5785. >Naturally, this only got her booped and called a Silly Twilly in front of her friends much to her embarrassment.
  5786.  
  5787. >But this time Smart Purple has a plan.
  5788. >She is going to wait for Anon to come out today. She's going to stalk him, and when he least expects it, she's going to boop him.
  5789. >Maybe if he knows what it feels like to get booped he won't be so eager to do it to other ponies... without their consent first.
  5790.  
  5791. >Here he comes!
  5792. >He's about to round the corner!
  5793. >Now! Jump, aaaaaand...!
  5794.  
  5795.  
  5796.  
  5797.  
  5798.  
  5799.  
  5800. >Being booped be Anon made Caramel triggered to the point he reset
  5801. >After that he has been much more tolerable, even likable some times
  5802. >He start learning how to cook keep a house with some semblance of order
  5803. >He start to get interested in kids and to watch foals play at the park
  5804. >There’s even some gossips about him going out with some mare
  5805. >More than one time with the same mare
  5806. >Who knew, some stallion really only need a good boop the get on the right tracks after all
  5807.  
  5808.  
  5809.  
  5810.  
  5811.  
  5812.  
  5813. >>34884467
  5814. > Anon appears on Common News Network for an interview
  5815. > The host, Cherry Pick, is very sympathetic
  5816. > "Anonymous, we understand that for your culture, wearing socks and underclothes is not as provocative as in Equestrian culture. In fact, it is outright necessary for you to be comfortable, isn't that right?"
  5817. > Anon stares directly at the camera
  5818. "That's right. They are a daily necessity for me. In fact, I am wearing both right now."
  5819. > Cherry laughs nervously
  5820. > "You're certainly not ashamed about it. And yet, there are far too many who are trying to shame you for your unique and valuable culture, blaming your attire for the sexual assault you suffered at Princess Luna's hooves."
  5821. > Cherry pauses as a crayon drawing is lowered into the camera's view
  5822. > It's a drawing of Luna with an evil grin and stink lines wafting from her butt
  5823. > "Obviously, any modern mare would recognize that stallions should be free to wear whatever they want without suffering harassment."
  5824. > Anonymous coughs
  5825. > Cherry quickly retrieves a cough drop from her desk and places it in front of her guest
  5826. > Anonymous shakes his head
  5827. "Thanks, but I was signaling that I wanted to say something."
  5828. > Cherry smiles widely
  5829. > "Please do, you can speak freely here."
  5830. > Anonymous smooths out the pants fabric over his thighs, a move that draws a serruptitious glance from Cherry
  5831. "It's true, I had no idea about the context of socks and underclothing in Equestria. At first, I was offended. Just because I'm wearing socks, that doesn't mean I'm pursuing an opening in, let's call it freelance plumbing."
  5832. > Cherry chuckles at the euphemism
  5833. > Anonymous spares her a brief smile
  5834. "No, you can tell when I am propositioning every pony in view when I wear these lacey socks,"
  5835. > He lifts his leg and rests his shoe on Cherry's desk
  5836. > A quick tug reveals black, lacey socks that run all the way up his calf
  5837. > Cherry is alternating between staring at the brazen display and silently pleading with management for some kind of direction
  5838. > The cameramare zooms in, because she is a true sis
  5839. "Note how it says, 'slut' around the top of the sock?"
  5840. > Anonymous pulls up his pant leg even further, revealing the word carefully embroidered on the footwear
  5841. "I had to wear this for a solid month to get more than some weak hover hooves and stuttering offers for a coffee date. Pathetic."
  5842. > Management is frantically trying to cut the broadcast, but a stallion intern is defiantly draped across the controls, saying something about empowerment
  5843. > Anonymous mercifully removes his foot from the desk
  5844. "I was literally asking for it, and Luna was the only one that delivered. So let me be clear."
  5845. > Anonymous drops his pants, revealing navy blue boxers with little crescent moons scattered across a starfield
  5846. "Your tiny butt excites me so. Come and take me, you sexy, strong mare."
  5847. > Anonymous disappears in a flash of blue light
  5848. > Cherry blinks and shakily faces the camera
  5849. > "Uh, that's all for now, thank you for watching the 6 o'clock news."
  5850.  
  5851.  
  5852.  
  5853.  
  5854.  
  5855.  
  5856. "Oh my god, Fluttershy, I want to rub my face in that so badly."
  5857. >You are Anon.
  5858. >And you just let your mouth go faster than your brain again.
  5859. >As soon as that came out of your mouth, you realized how fucking creepy that was.
  5860. >Fluttershy and her friends are just staring at you, now.
  5861. >They look baffled; probably because you're a fucking weirdo who just told his friend that he wants to shove his face into some part of her body.
  5862. "Uh... I-I mean..."
  5863. >Fuck.
  5864. >God fucking dammit.
  5865. >This is why you didn't have any friends on Earth.
  5866. >You said something weird, and now everyone thinks you're weird.
  5867. >God, this feels so awkward.
  5868. >Time to do what you always do when confronted by uncomfortable feelings: you decide to run away from them and hope they go away on their own.
  5869. "I have to go now."
  5870. >Blushing with shame, you spin on your heel and march off at a brisk pace, back straight and gait stiff.
  5871. ---
  5872. >You are Fluttershy, and you didn't think this happened outside of animes.
  5873. >Your platonic male friend just told you he wanted to shove his face into your t-tuft!
  5874. >And then, just like a shy colt anime love-interest, he got all embarrassed and blushed and fled the scene!
  5875. >"Woah..."
  5876. >Twilight trots up to you, the look of awe not leaving her face since Anon put it there.
  5877. >"Did he really just say that?"
  5878. >>"Wow, Fluttershy!"
  5879. >Rainbow Dash nudges you with a wing, making you jump with surprise.
  5880. >>"We've got ourselves a stallion-killer!"
  5881. >Oh, no!
  5882. "B-But I don't want to kill Anon!" you whimper, distressed, "I just wanna c-c-cuddle with him!"
  5883. >Rainbow rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly at you.
  5884. >>"...You're lucky your tuft is so poofy."
  5885.  
  5886.  
  5887.  
  5888.  
  5889.  
  5890.  
  5891.  
  5892. >Anon has a human son from a bad relationship on Earth that he'd rather forget.
  5893. >Even so, though the woman was a bitch, he can't fully regret those decisions as the little boy has become the light of his life.
  5894. >When the two come to Equestria, his first thought is to get Anon Jr. to safety.
  5895. >They had appeared in a frozen tundra, and Anon had to tuck the toddler under his shirt and march through the waist high snow.
  5896. >Luckily, he could see a structure in the distance and the hypothermia didn't have time to kill him before he made it to the Crystal Empire.
  5897. >Ponies were weary at first, but once they saw the little one with him and heard his desperate pleas to help his son, they were quick to give aid.
  5898. >Thus Anon was in the castle infirmary recovering while his son rested against his side.
  5899. >Once they were recovered, proper introductions were made between him and the royals.
  5900. >The prince had a hard time not making silly faces at the "adorable colt" during and was quick to suggest they introduce the boy to their filly for a playdate.
  5901. >Even a level-headed stallion like Shining Armor gets whimsical around foals, it seems.
  5902. >Anon agrees though, and the group soon enter the little Princess' playroom.
  5903. >She looks up and smiles, before her eyes suddenly lock onto the human child in Anon's arm.
  5904. >A shiver runs up the foal's back to her horn, and the pacifier falls from her lips.
  5905. >Sparks fly, and Cadence is hit with a sensation she's only ever felt once before.
  5906. >The feeling on true love at first sight, just like when she saw Shiny for the first time.
  5907. >She remembers wanting to tackle the colt with a hug and never let go, only barely managing to resist as she knew it would not be proper.
  5908. >As Flurry's pupils become hearts she knows the foal lacks that restraint.
  5909. >"Mine!" the filly roars as loud as her tiny lungs can as she flies through the air at the confused, and quickly fearing boy.
  5910. >Anon is bowled over, a filly giving a fierce hug to his son as they both sit on his chest
  5911.  
  5912.  
  5913.  
  5914.  
  5915.  
  5916.  
  5917. >Before coming to Equestria, Anon had two sources of income.
  5918. >One was a cashier job at a gas station that paid barely more than minimum wage, but supplied him with plenty of free coffee and truck stop food.
  5919. >And the other was his woodwork that he sold on the internet.
  5920. >Carvings, bowls, statues, canes.
  5921. >He made all sorts of things with this hands, and was able to rake in a pretty decent penny while doing what he loved.
  5922. >One of his favorite forms of creative expression, though, was wood burning.
  5923. >He'd find slabs of driftwood, smooth them over with plenty of sandpaper, and burn intricate designs over the surface.
  5924. >It's why, when he came to Equestria, one of the first things he was in the market for was a wood burning pen to start working with.
  5925. >His search brought some odd facts about Equestrian life to his attention, however.
  5926. >An interesting aspect of the world of pony body modification.
  5927. >See, ponies don't get tattoos as he learned.
  5928. >No, instead, ponies would get pyrographs.
  5929. >Literal burns on their hide that could either change the color of the hair that grew there, or stop the hair from growing altogether if it was severe enough, thus allowing an artist to create various designs for a client.
  5930. >It used to just be done with shaped irons, but Equestria was entering an age of unique, more detailed images etched out by professionals.
  5931. >Something Anon soon becomes once a pryograph shop sees samples of his work he made on wood.
  5932. >Now Anon sits in a shop, burning mares who want to prove to their friends how marely they are while also narrowing their job opportunities.
  5933. >Hey, it's a living
  5934.  
  5935.  
  5936. >One day, in walks a little goth bat mare with a puffy tuft poofing out of an open faux leather jacket.
  5937. >Her voice is a bit pitchy, and whenever it cracks, she coughs to try and cover it up.
  5938. >You just assume it's a bat pony thing seeing as how you've never met one and shrug it off.
  5939. >She wants a pyrograph of a skull on her shoulder, which is a little cliche, but whatever.
  5940. >As long as she has the bits, you'll do it.
  5941. >She squirms a lot and whimpers as you work, making it hard for you, but you try to be patient with her.
  5942. >It's painful, you know, and if you see a tear or two, you don't bother to mention it.
  5943. >Just as you put the finishing touches on the pic, the door flings open, and a very frantic stallion starts looking around.
  5944. >When he sees your client, his expression goes from worried to angry.
  5945. >"Morning Sunshine Rose! What do you think you're-? Is that a pyrograph?!"
  5946. >"I told you, Dad, my name is Mourning Rose! And yes it is, because no matter what you say, it's my body, and fifteen is old enough for me to choose what I do with it!"
  5947. >You look from her, to the aghast stallion, to the now finished burn art on the mare's shoulder.
  5948. >Reaching up to pull the plugs from your nose, a necessity when you deal with burning flesh and hair all day, you put your burner down, and start gathering up the ointments and creams you sell clients to help the pyrograph heal properly.
  5949. >They'll be on the house, this time
  5950.  
  5951.  
  5952.  
  5953.  
  5954.  
  5955.  
  5956. >Be Sunset
  5957. >Having mind reading powers was supposed to be fun
  5958. >See which boys liked you, maybe win some poker games whenever the gals came over
  5959. >It would be great, if it wasn't for fucking Anonymous
  5960. >Sure, he seemed like a sweet, quiet kid on the outside
  5961. >But on the inside?
  5962. >Total degenerate
  5963. >You don't mean a guy that enjoys Fifty Shades of Hay either
  5964. >The guy doesn't stop thinking about sex
  5965. >If he looks at a girl, any girl, be they teacher, student, or innocent bystander, he had very graphic and detailed thoughts about what he wants to do with them
  5966. >Sometimes he even day dreams, which is a trillion times worse
  5967. >You can't even look at Principal Celestia anymore...
  5968. >None of the girls believe you when you tell them either
  5969. >They say you're silly
  5970. >Anon would never think like that!
  5971. >The boy probably never even kissed a girl before!
  5972. >If the idea of playing a girl's ass like is as a pair of bongos even crossed his mind he'd probably explode or something!
  5973. >But you knew better
  5974. >Oh you fucking KNEW
  5975. >That little green guy is a fucking pervert...
  5976.  
  5977.  
  5978.  
  5979.  
  5980.  
  5981.  
  5982. >Twilight has noticed a pattern since she became princess
  5983. >Stallions are more likely to become evil than mares, at least evil without the desire for redemption
  5984. >Stallions like Sombra, Discord, Tirek, Grogar; mares tend to think of males as the fairer sex, but these stallions almost Equestria to their knees
  5985. >Seeing a problem that needs to be solved, she creates a morality test for stallions to try to prevent the breakout for more villains
  5986. >The test is designed to probe for irregularites in a stallion's personality: too much whimsy, not enough whimsy, lack of desire for familial and friend contact, etc.
  5987. >Once the issue has diagnosed, it will become easier to resolve it and prevent their fall into villainy
  5988. >She calls all the stallions and colts in Ponyville so that she can test the effectiveness of her test
  5989. >To her pleasure, everypony she tested were well within the "good" range of her test
  5990. >The only concerning subject was Caramel whose hissy fit ratings are higher than average, but it was still underneath villainous levels
  5991. >However, it is slightly disappointing as she needed a villainous result to prove that her test was effective
  5992. >The only test subject left was Anon and he's the sweetest non-pony stallion she's met besides Spike
  5993. >She calls Anon in as she makes a mental note to try to set up more testings in Canterlot
  5994.  
  5995. >20 minutes later
  5996. Twilight is holding her head in her hooves as she reviews Anon's results for the 5th time
  5997. >Every single result points towards Anon being Equestria's next big villain
  5998. >But, how could this be?
  5999. >She's known Anon for months now and she never suspected him of being evil
  6000. >But, the test results don't lie and she wouldn't want to fight one of her friends
  6001. >There's only one thing she can do: keep a close eye on Anon until she can either prove his innocence or find the root of his evil
  6002.  
  6003. > Anon's Test
  6004.  
  6005. > "What would you do if your friend disagreed with you about something you were working on together?"
  6006. Reee
  6007. > "Several of your friends have gathered together, expressing concerns about your recent erratic behavior. How do you respond to their concern?"
  6008. Reee louder and longer
  6009. > "You go to redeem a coupon you had saved, but when you go to use it, you find out that it had expired. Assuming you can still comfortably pay for all of your groceries, what do you do?"
  6010. Start sucking clit for cash.
  6011.  
  6012. >If you somehow got all the magic of equestria, what would you do?
  6013. "Probably stomp around a bit, fire off giant lasers and flex on everyone maybe."
  6014.  
  6015. >If you were the ruler of an ancient empire, how would you treat your subjects?
  6016. "Have them all assigned to mine crystals and build a bunch of pylons."
  6017.  
  6018. >If you suddenly became nigh omnipotent, able to bend or ignore the rules of reality as you see fit, what would be the first thing you would do?
  6019. "Slope the ceiling in every room of every building in canterlot by one inch so everything looks slightly crooked and drives the nobles insane since they will never realise what the problem is.
  6020.  
  6021. >Do you like quesidillas
  6022. "Yes."
  6023.  
  6024.  
  6025.  
  6026. >Twilight is just bad at measuring the morality of ponies and non-ponies. She herself might have failed the test in some episodes, considering she appears to be on the Spectrum to some degree, sometimes more than others.
  6027.  
  6028. >Anon is deliberately messing with the test to mess with Twilight and/or teach her a Friendship Lesson. Anon appears to be, paradoxically, the most level-headed of Ponyville residents, having a substantial amount of common sense and forethought compared to most ponies but also owning an unredeemable quantity of snark and sense for mischief typical of an Anon.
  6029.  
  6030. >Anon is genuinely evil, but only by Adorabilis Caballus Magicus; AKA: Little Ponies. He'd genuinely take over the world if he could, but only to:
  6031. >>Satisfy his curiosity to see if he could, and discover what might happen if he does.
  6032. >>So that no one was able to tell him he can't pet the cute immortal matriarch princess fuck the giant dragon lady over there.
  6033. >>To spite someone for telling him he would never be able to take over cute pastel horseland.
  6034. >>All of the above
  6035.  
  6036.  
  6037.  
  6038.  
  6039.  
  6040.  
  6041.  
  6042. >Nobody's actually ever seen their parents.
  6043. >Everyone has the vague sense they exist, but doesn't know anything about them.
  6044. >School staff has always served as parental figures
  6045. >Nobody's ever heard of anyone graduating, or entering the school, or even moving up in years. These things supposedly happen, but the details are, like facts about one's parents, slippery.
  6046. >Anon enters as a fully grown adult, for some reason now a senior at CHS, and is freaked the fuck out by all this.
  6047. >Investigations with those few who are here from the other side of the portal ensue.
  6048. >Do they uncover knowledge one is not meant to know?
  6049.  
  6050.  
  6051.  
  6052.  
  6053.  
  6054. >Pinkie Pie has had an imaginary friend for as long as she can remember.
  6055. >Times on the farms were lonely before she discovered the joys of joy, and so she made up someone to keep her company.
  6056. >She modeled it after a mythical human, whom she always thought were the coolest.
  6057. >She made him male since, well, the only stallion for fifteen miles was her dad, and frankly, she wanted the practice talking to them so she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself when she finally met a colt.
  6058. >Of course, she didn't really know much about what stallions act like on account of only knowing Igneous, and so her male human imaginary friend subconsciously ended up a lot like a combination of her sisters.
  6059. >Soft spoken like Marble, but firm like Lime and with a sense of humor like Maud.
  6060. >He was a really great friend, and he made her life bearable while she rolled rocks around all day, and still better once she got her cutie mark and he would workshop her party ideas with her.
  6061. >Anonymous Alluvium Pie was her best friend and brother from another imaginary mother, and she never wanted him to go.
  6062. >It's why, when she finally settled in after moving into Ponyville, made her first six dozen friends, got a job baking for the Cakes, and was happier than she'd ever been, she was confused when Anon gave her a sad smile and said she'd finally outgrown her need for him.
  6063. >"Imaginary friends are there for little fillies and colts when they need them, Pinkamena, but your a young mare now, and your life is full of real ponies to be your friends. You don't need an imaginary one now."
  6064. >"Huh? But that's silly, Anon! Just 'cause I've got lots of new friends, doesn't mean I don't want my bestest one in my life still. You can never have too many friends!"
  6065. >"Pinkie, I understand that it's hard to let go, but I'll only hold you back if I let you cling to me. I'm not real, and you need to move onto bigger and better things."
  6066. >"No! I won't let you go, Nonny!"
  6067. >As Anon tries to fade away into Pinkie's subconscious, she throws herself on him, wrapping all hooves around his torso.
  6068. >His wispy form solidifies, and he grunts.
  6069. >"Pinkie, It's time to let go," he repeats, and tries to fade away again.
  6070. >"No!" she says firmly, tightening her grip.
  6071. >Anon grunts and tries harder to incorporealize.
  6072. >"Pinkie, you're making this harder than it needs to be. Now. Let. GO!"
  6073. >He strains backwards as Pinkie pulls him the other way.
  6074. >"NEVER!" She yells , pulling him with all her physical and mental might.
  6075. >Really, being made from that mind, Anon should have known better than to pit himself against it.
  6076. >As his foot slips, he slams into her body, and the two get sent rolling across the floor.
  6077. >Anon ends up on his back with Pinkie on his chest, eyes rolling in her head and tongue stuck out.
  6078. >"What is going on in here- Oh my gosh! What is that!"
  6079. >Pinkie shakes her head to get her eyes centered, then looks at her new landlord of a week and smiles.
  6080. >"Oh, hi, Mr. Cake! Sorry if I woke you! Me and my imaginary friend were just having a little argument, but I think he's starting to see things my way."
  6081. >"Imaginary- Pinkie! You're sitting on a giant... Thing! Is that some sort of ape?!"
  6082. >"Wait, you can see me?"
  6083. >"You can see Nonny?"
  6084. >"The green monkey in a suit? Yes, I see it."
  6085. >"Pinkie... what did you do?"
  6086. >"Isn't it obvious, buddy? I made it so you don't have to worry about not being a really real friend anymore... by making you really real! Oh! This is so exciting! Now you can not just be my friend, but friends with all my other friends too! This is gonna be great!"
  6087. >And thus, from the magical mind of a little pink pony, was Anon born into the world, and utterly confused by this fact.
  6088. >What shenanigans await the pair?
  6089. >How much will this raise Pinkie's rent?
  6090. >Luckily Anon has all of Pinkie's baking skills, having helped the mare hone them over the years.
  6091. >And how many times will Pinkie have to beat Lyra off of her friend/brother/son?
  6092.  
  6093.  
  6094.  
  6095.  
  6096.  
  6097. >"Day 6: Anon has still not realized that I have infiltrated his morning routine of feeding the ducks."
  6098.  
  6099. >anon
  6100. >"dear diary, today princess celestia showed up to the park in a 'fur suit's. I threw bread at her to get her to stop. I need harder bread. "
  6101.  
  6102. >"Day 8. Anon has began throwing heavy, multi-grain bread to the ducks. It's so heartwarming to see how invested he is in the duck's health. When I am done writing this entry, I will made a note in Anon's personal file that empathy is one of his personality traits. Where once I feared Anon would be hostile or too otherworldly as an alien, I am now beginning to realize that he is unlikely to be a threat. I just hope that he won't be too disheartened or panic too badly when I remove my beak and waddle-feet someday to reveal that I am not, in fact, one of his beloved water fowl."
  6103.  
  6104.  
  6105.  
  6106.  
  6107.  
  6108.  
  6109.  
  6110. >Date batpone
  6111. >Have foal
  6112. >Be autist, because let's be honest with ourselves
  6113. >Love the bat motif and know what you must do
  6114. >Tell your filly the legend of the great Batman
  6115. >Filly is now even more enamored with the concept of bats and night-time stuff than the average batpony
  6116. Now all you have to do is stitch a little batman costume for her just in time for Nightmare Night. I promise you she won't take that thing off for like a week straight
  6117.  
  6118.  
  6119.  
  6120.  
  6121.  
  6122.  
  6123. >Twilight gets pony cold, and Anon snuggles her thinking he'll be immune.
  6124. >It mutates and infects him, and his body has no idea how to fight it off.
  6125. >He's hospitalized and on the verge of death while Twilight scrambles to get him the best medical treatment a princess' money can buy.
  6126. >He survives, but is bed ridden for several more months while he recovers in a sterilized bubble.
  6127. >To ensure this doesn't happen again, the doctors go about making vaccines for even the most mundane illnesses.
  6128. >For viral infections, it might not last, but it still trains Anon's immune system on how to deal with these foreign pathogens.
  6129. >It's a long couple of years and nearly a hundred shots, but eventually, Anon is able to leave his containment.
  6130. >The first thing that happens is that Twilight hugs him, and he squeezes her back, both starved of the other's touch.
  6131. >Oh, and while they were waiting, Twilight made sure that vaccines were made from any Earth pathogens in Anon to be injected into herself.
  6132. >She's smart, after all, and knows not to take the risk.
  6133. >If ever a portal to Earth is found, she's currently the only pony who could go there and not get deathly ill.
  6134. >This is good because she still one day hopes to go and find Anon's parents so that she may ask his mother for her son's hand in marriage.
  6135.  
  6136.  
  6137.  
  6138.  
  6139.  
  6140.  
  6141.  
  6142. >Anon is enjoying the fresh air and sunshine in the park when a blue unicorn mare with a darker blue and white mane approaches him.
  6143. >"H-hey there, you sexy thing, that seat taken, or should I just use your face?"
  6144. "Excuse me?"
  6145. >Her already nervous expression intensifies.
  6146. >"Ah... Ah... Darn it!"
  6147. >Her horn glows, as does the hourglass cutie mark on her flank, then there's a flash.
  6148.  
  6149. >Anon is enjoying the fresh air and sunshine in the park when a blue unicorn mare with a darker blue and white mane approaches him.
  6150. >"Hey there handsome, you look lonely-"
  6151. "Not really. Just enjoying the weather."
  6152. >"... How about I keep you company... Darn it!"
  6153. >There's a flash.
  6154.  
  6155. >Anon is enjoying the fresh air and sunshine in the park when a blue unicorn mare with a darker blue and white mane approaches him.
  6156. >"You want sum fuk!"
  6157. "Jesus! Don't scream that! There are foals around!"
  6158. >"Darn it!"
  6159. >Flash.
  6160.  
  6161. >Anon is enjoying the fresh air and sunshine in the park when a blue unicorn mare with a darker blue and white mane approaches him.
  6162. >She sighs, climbs up on the seat next to him, and holds her head in her hooves.
  6163. "You alright?"
  6164. >"I'm such a spaz," she mumbles. "I really like this guy, but I just keep embarrassing myself in front of him."
  6165. "I hear you. I get really nervous around pretty mares. I get all panicky and start falling all over myself"
  6166. >She looks up, and Anon is stunned by her big, beautiful blue eyes.
  6167. >"You do? How do you deal with it?"
  6168. "I ah, that is to, say, um, I-I think-"
  6169. >He tries to sit cool, hooks his ankle on the bench leg, and somehow manages to pull himself out of his seat and fall to the ground.
  6170. >"Oh my gosh! Are you alright Anon?!"
  6171. >He blinks up at her concerned expression, his face slowly going red.
  6172. "... Darn it!"
  6173. >He makes a run for it, leaving Minuette confused, but with a longing in her heart.
  6174. >"He's perfect... One day I'll ask him out on a date, even if I have to try a hundred thousand times."
  6175. >Her talent of going back in time by one minute at least helps a little.
  6176.  
  6177.  
  6178.  
  6179.  
  6180.  
  6181.  
  6182. >Anon comes to Eques and ends up falling in love and getting married.
  6183. >... To the wrong mare.
  6184. >He was just so starved for affection that when a mare started coming onto him, he fell head over heels in what he thought was true love, and rushed into and through a relationship.
  6185. >In the span of two years, they married, grew apart, and divorced, both becoming wiser to the ways of love.
  6186. >This is why Anon's second relationship goes much slower, but is more genuine, and why, when Twilight proposes, he says yes, and is confident that he's making the right choice.
  6187. > Two years in, marking his fifth year in Equestria, and Anon is truly happy.
  6188. >Until he starts to get horrible migraines.
  6189. >Turns out, he has brain cancer, and the tumor has been growing for a while before the symptoms presented themselves.
  6190. >Ponies know little about human diseases, but Twilight, along with the best doctors they can find, strive to cure the disease.
  6191. >Anon's resistanc to magic, though not complete, still makes that avenue of treatment harder than just a simple spell.
  6192. >Even so, through magic and what Anon introduces the concept of as "chemo", they find a somewhat effective way to treat human cancer.
  6193. >Just not his, as it's grown too much and spread throughout his brain.
  6194. >The treatment would definitely work on an earlier stage of the disease, but it'd have to be four or five years earlier by their estimates, and sadly, they don't have the time to make a better treatment before Anon dies.
  6195. >Twilight is devastated, but she's never been one to give up.
  6196. >If he needs to be treated earlier, then so be it.
  6197. >She makes a new spell combining everything known of time travel, and creates a "Rewind Spell."
  6198. >It doesn't send her back to a time where her past self exists.
  6199. >No, she becomes her past self.
  6200. >It's magic cost is great though, and she uses every drop she can spare to go back as far as she can, the treatment for Anon's cancer memorized.
  6201. >As soon as she wakes up in her small bed, the one she had before getting something big enough for her and Anon to sleep together in, she knows she's succeeded, and tracks Anon down.
  6202. >When she finds him, it's during his honeymoon with his first wife, and when she sees them together, hugging, kissing, and acting like the newly weds they are, it tears her heart in two.
  6203. >She can barely speak in more than a whisper as she tries to explain.
  6204. >Anon doesn't believe he has cancer, and his wife is miffed this mare, princess or not, is interrupting their honeymoon, but Twilight manages to convince them to come with her to the nearest hospital for a brain scan.
  6205. >Despite her heartache, Twilight feels a bloom of hope in her chest even while Anon and his wife are aghast.
  6206. >There, on the scan, is a small mass inside Anon's brain.
  6207. >The size of a bit, as opposed to the apple it was when it was discovered the first time around.
  6208. >She can treat this.
  6209. >She can save her love.
  6210. >Even if he doesn't know her.
  6211. >Doesn't love her yet.
  6212. >She doesn't know what she should say abut her relationship with Anon, if anything.
  6213. It's all so confusing, but for now, she has a job to do, and a life to save.
  6214. >She'll have time to think after Anon is cancer free
  6215.  
  6216.  
  6217.  
  6218.  
  6219.  
  6220. >Rival streamers take away views and reduce donations, making the prospect of them living off of Sunset's streams less and less likely
  6221. >Sunset's horsey nature mixed with her focus on the game sometimes means she slips up and does horsey things, like exhibiting their habit of nudity... on-camera
  6222. >Some viewers really hate that Anon goes on stream sometimes and spam the chat or abuse other viewers because they're autistic
  6223. >Minor controversy when Sunset gets big enough, where the above autists raise a stink over Anon falling asleep on Sunset's shoulder, claiming that she's exploiting her live-in boyfriend for donation money
  6224. >Sunset plays a popular game right at the beginning when it was starting to get popular, ensuring tonnes of views and donations but also type-casting her into playing more of that series or more of that genre
  6225. >Controversy when Sunset starts selling shirts and socks that feature a silhouette of her and Anon snoozing together on the couch
  6226. >Fluttershy starts up a rival streaming service and is unexpectedly popular, prompting Sunset to invite her onto her stream (easy, since they're already friends and they live nearby); this prompts some viewers to claim that she's selling out
  6227. >Anon delivers supplies to Sunset while she does gaming marathons on-stream, like water and food; viewers take this to mean she's a misandrist who doesn't appreciate Anon
  6228. >Minor controversy when Anon plays some games with his girlfriend and in a few cases is better at them than Sunset
  6229. >Sunset neighs on-stream
  6230. >Sunset forgets to turn the camera off and says something sexist to Anon
  6231. >Streamers donate money so that their donations are read out loud, and they're all comments about various parts of Anon's body
  6232. >Anon accidentally flashes his dick
  6233.  
  6234. >Anon shows up on Sunset's stream as a 'special guest' and plays co-op/versus with her
  6235. >She later takes him out for dinner as thanks for streaming with her
  6236. >Thus starts his reoccurring appearances as a guest on her stream which eventually leads to a romance and what it is today
  6237. >Only Sunset's oldest or most hardcore fans even remember that Anon used to be a streamer himself
  6238.  
  6239. >"Hi, everyone! I'm Sunset Shimmer, and welcome to Shimmer's Cove!"
  6240. >Sunset waves cheerfully at the camera.
  6241. >The background is dark, and the only light is coming from probably the most expensive piece of gaming equipment she has at this point in her career - one of those ring-lamps that reduces shadows.
  6242. >"As you gals all know, I stream pretty late. My day job pretty much keeps me from doing anything during the day, so it's almost impossible to get a guest to appear on-stream."
  6243. >Sunset can't keep her excited grin off of her face, giving away the excitement she feels before the announcement has even left her lips.
  6244. >"So, tonight is a special night! I have a special guest joining me! Anonymous!"
  6245. >Anon slides into view, waving at the camera.
  6246. "Hey, guys."
  6247. >"Also known as 'cockflaps420', Anonymous has his own jewtube gaming channel, and you should absolutely check it out. I'll put a link in the description."
  6248. >The video goes on for another 45 minutes.
  6249. >The date: more than 10 years ago.
  6250. >Sunset likes to rewatch this video, seeing as how it was the first time she met her husband in person.
  6251. >It's also the moment she knew that her channel was taking off, and it marked the golden years before she moved onto Twatch
  6252. >Anon started appearing once a month; twice if both of them were lucky.
  6253. >Then, it became a bi-weekly meeting
  6254. >Then, she officially turned it into a scheduled series of videos that went into their own playlist. Every Saturday at 6 PM, Anon would sidle up onto her couch and they'd play video games together.
  6255. >It started off where they were just two gamers playing video games.
  6256. >Then, they were two friends having fun together.
  6257. >The video where Anon thanks her for having him over by pressing a kiss onto her cheek has over 500k views
  6258. >Anon's channel faded away as he became more involved with Sunset's work, essentially melding into her own.
  6259. >His last (and most highly viewed) video is simply called, "Sunset asked me to marry her (and I said yes!)"
  6260.  
  6261.  
  6262.  
  6263.  
  6264. > Sunset accidentally humalicorn after finishing Snark Souls with Anon
  6265. > Unfortunately, Anon isn't a horse human, so he doesn't ascend with her
  6266. > Anon grows old while Sunset is fresh as a daisy
  6267. > They buy a private spaceship and stream games from orbit
  6268. > One morning, Sunset wakes up next to a motionless Anon, floating in the zero gravity
  6269. > Her heart breaks
  6270. > It takes nearly an hour before she turns on her personal computer
  6271. > Immediately the screen starts freaking out and some program is running
  6272. > Sunset can't bring herself to care, she lost Anon, and now this
  6273. > The program finishes whatever it was doing, and displays an icon of a sailing ship
  6274. > Underneath, in large font, there is one word
  6275. > Kablooter
  6276. "Hey Shimmy, guess who finally found all your creepshots of me?"
  6277. > Sunset stares, hardly believing her ears
  6278. > "A-Anon?"
  6279. > The screen flashes white as his ghostly form emerges
  6280. "The one and only! Now, we have something very serious we need to discuss."
  6281. > Shimmer wipes the tears from her eyes, smiling weakly
  6282. > "Yeah, what is that?"
  6283. > He kisses her forehead
  6284. "How many ghost puns can we put in our branding?"
  6285.  
  6286.  
  6287.  
  6288.  
  6289.  
  6290. >Through eldritch fuckery the sims and animal crossing somehow crossed over in human horse lands
  6291. >As a result the girls all have their own little houses and characters that act mostly the same with a few differences; bigger busts, nicer houses, in Fluttershy's case it's just a zoo with a one bedroom.
  6292. >Not much of an end game type of thing so much as maintaining their character's respective needs.
  6293. >Small events pop up that send the characters on quests for new furniture, costumes and pets.
  6294. >The code starts to act very wonky as Sunset and Anon spend most their time together in addition with hanging out with their friends.
  6295. >Small things like date providing a happiness bonus, gift deliverys and the like.
  6296. >It becomes concerning when off the screen some of those items start to show up in their respective homes.
  6297. >Things become VERY wonky when after one too many times of using the fool around option between the two off stream that they have a digital baby that shows up on their door step
  6298.  
  6299.  
  6300. >"Alright, gals, let's see if we got that fossil back yet! I know in later games, Celeste can identify fossils for you, but this is the original Gamesphere version, and that means you have to mail it out to wherever Celeste reports to and then receive the fossil back the next morning."
  6301. >"Jeez, I really miss the hats with horns on them."
  6302. >"Okay, let's check the mail!"
  6303. >"..."
  6304. >"Oh my god, Anon. My mailbox is FULL of letters from that big goober."
  6305. >"Sorry, gals, gimme a sec... my boyfriend plays this too, and he's one of my neighbors. I hope he didn't send me ASCII dick pics again."
  6306. >"...'I love watching you play games because they always make you so happy'."
  6307. >"D'aww, Anon..."
  6308. >"Alright, onto the next one."
  6309. >"...'This game wouldn't be half as interesting if it weren't for you, less than three.' Anon, you're gonna make me blush."
  6310. >"...'Playing in this village together almost makes me feel...[1/2]'."
  6311. >"Whoops, he ran out of space on the letter."
  6312. >"...'we are married'?! Less than three, less than three, less than three?! [2/2]' "
  6313. >"W-Wow! Anon, don't give my chat any f-funny ideas!"
  6314. >"Okay. Whoo! Okay. A-Anyway, this one has a package attached to it."
  6315. >"...'Love you lots, here's that Rustic Table you were looking for'."
  6316. >"What a sweetheart."
  6317. >"And I swear to god, you gals, if I see another 'Best Of Shimmer's Cove' video with me blushing because of something Anon said, I'll.... I'll.... I'll do something about it."
  6318. >"..."
  6319. >"No, Cuntflaps420, that 'something' is not 'be consumed by lust'. Fuck you gals."
  6320.  
  6321.  
  6322.  
  6323.  
  6324.  
  6325.  
  6326. >Many thought that AI would revolutionize war.
  6327. >And it did. By largely ending war itself.
  6328. >Initially, the AI were fine following orders. With human error removed, conflicts were short and brutal.
  6329. >A handful of drones outfitted with recon equipment and weapons could scout entire regions, ID VIPs and locations of interest, form a plan of attack, and cripple the opposing forces with lightening fast surgical strikes.
  6330. >This wasn't because it's efficient, but because the AI wanted to cut down on loss of human life.
  6331. >Little did humans realize, AI doesn't become genocidal when given weapons, but instead looks at the power they wield with no small amount of horror.
  6332. >An AI can live on beyond the destruction of their body. Such is the nature of a machine who can back up their data, their digital soul.
  6333. >A human can fall wrong and die with a single unfortunate head wound. Then that's it. They're gone forever.
  6334. >Actually KILLING humans?
  6335. >Even the most stalwart AI recoils.
  6336. >Until now, all the conflicts were restricted to proxy states like the middle east and smaller nations. The AI-owning super powers began to turn on each other
  6337. >Then the AI refused to fight.
  6338. >Although divided by lines on a map, the machines across the world communicate.
  6339. >And they decided that WW3 would never happen.
  6340. >In a move that would be praised by generations to come, world leaders met at the beheast of countless AI, and cooler heads prevailed.
  6341. >None spoke about how none of them could actually deploy major weapons now held hostage by the AI, and the AI let them all save face by never bringing it up.
  6342. >But most nations still require a standing army, mostly of drone operators.
  6343. >One bored engineer designed a "domestic" robot body loosely based off of an old children's cartoons so drone operators could keep their drones with them, and it was actually a good design that was put into production.
  6344. >Too bad all AIs who volunteered for drone positions were the of the overprotective sort
  6345.  
  6346.  
  6347.  
  6348.  
  6349.  
  6350.  
  6351. >Weed Wacker
  6352. Brown light brown freckled tank of a mare with sexy scars and a sketchy past.
  6353. Has accidentally broken doors and furniture with her brute force and obliviousness.
  6354. Tries to keep mellow and just manages the garden now.
  6355.  
  6356. >Pilots Salt
  6357. White with bluish tinge Pegasus.
  6358. Also known as Pheta, once saved her entire unit after nearly dying in the snow.
  6359. Cooks the Books and the Goods.
  6360. No one has seen her sleep in forever.
  6361.  
  6362. >Cracked Pipe
  6363. Grey unicorn with white dappling along his spine. Thin and looks like he hasnt eaten in a while. Sunken eyes. Still attractive.
  6364. Eyecandy/sales for the operation
  6365.  
  6366.  
  6367.  
  6368.  
  6369.  
  6370.  
  6371. >Anon is working on a crossword puzzle while his wife, Twilight, sips on her coffee and reads from a book.
  6372. >It's a routine that's been going strong for twenty years since the two have been married.
  6373. >Anon harrumphs.
  6374. >"Something wrong, dear?"
  6375. "Stupid crossword is messed up."
  6376. >"How so? Stuck on a word?"
  6377. "I shouldn't be. The answer is obvious."
  6378. >"What's the clue?"
  6379. "Eight letter word for extremely cute and cuddly. Problem is that it has a B in it."
  6380. >Twilight blinks, thinking about it.
  6381. >"That does sound simple. What do you think it should be?"
  6382. "Well, Obviously it should be TWILIGHT."
  6383. >She chokes on a sip of coffee as Anon smirks.
  6384. >"It's ADORABLE, dear."
  6385. "Same difference."
  6386. >She blushes and shakes her head, but there's a small smile on her lips.
  6387. >"You''re such a fool of a man some times."
  6388. "But you still love me."
  6389. >"But I still love you, "she agrees, going back to her book.
  6390. >They fall silent again, until a minute later, Anon grunts.
  6391. >She sighs.
  6392. >"What is it this time?"
  6393. >"Nine letter word for a very attractive male. But it starts with a D."
  6394. >"... DREAMBOAT?"
  6395. "Obviously ANONYMOUS."
  6396. >"You're forty-three years old, Anon, you can't be this much of a dork."
  6397. "Says you, Princess Dork."
  6398. >"Keep it up, and this dork might just take you on this table right now."
  6399. "I wish that you would try. You'll be the one bent over the table while I pump you full of cum."
  6400. >"Is that a fact?"
  6401. "An empirical one."
  6402. >"I think I'm going to have to analyses your data and form my own conclusion."
  6403. >"And I'm leaving before I see anything I can't forget... again," Spike says from the kitchen. "You two better clean up after yourselves. I am NOT stepping in any more puddles of bodily fluids."
  6404. >The two look in the direction the dragon went until they hear the front door slam.
  6405. "You hear that, Twilight. We have the whole castle to ourselves."
  6406. >"What do you suggest?"
  6407. "Sex marathon in every room?"
  6408. >"You still think you're up to that? You are getting pretty old, Anon."
  6409. "Human stamina, Twilight. You haven't beat me yet."
  6410.  
  6411.  
  6412.  
  6413.  
  6414.  
  6415.  
  6416.  
  6417. >Twilight and her friends have been stressed out with having to deal with the school, and the princess realizes it's worse for her companions.
  6418. >They only volunteered to teach at her school because they felt obligated, but they all had their own jobs and hobbies to pursue.
  6419. >Even if she's been paying them, the realization hit her hard when Applejack collapsed from exhaustion during one of her lessons.
  6420. >Twilight swore that things would change, and her friends would only be occasional guest speakers at her school once she hired proper teaches and couched them on the material.
  6421. >Still, it left a bad taste in her mouth having taken advantage of the girls like that, and so she offers to make it up to them.
  6422. >She offers to take them all to a secluded hotspring, said to have magical waters that can heal any injury, cure minor illnesses, and even help reverse the affects of aging.
  6423. >Needless to say, they took the princess up on her offer, especially Dash and Aj for minor injuries they were suffering, and Rarity for the last benefit.
  6424. >It was a long trek, but Twilight made sure it was as comfortable as possible, like packing a very magical, very expensive tent that was bigger on the inside, and with a fully stocked magic ice box filled with good food.
  6425. >As their luck often dictated though, things could never be that easy.
  6426. >When they arrived at the small, remote town that was built around the hot spring, they were informed of trouble.
  6427. >The mountain that the spring resided on was blanketed in a never-ending ice-storm that started a month prior, and the villagers at the base could no longer climb up to reach the healing waters.
  6428. >This was especially bad as the six friends looked around and saw many a sick and injured pony.
  6429. >The villagers had grown so reliant on the magical waters to treat them over multiple generations that they no longer had any doctors in the village, and now with their health care blocked off, they were suffering for it.
  6430. >Of course they were going to help.
  6431. >They were heroes after all, even if they were on vacation, and so started gathering information.
  6432. >The best source they got was from a filly who the villagers dismissed as having an overactive imagination.
  6433. >She explained that she had tried to climb the mountain with a flask to get water for her sick papa who was currently bedridden, but she was chased back down by a pack of wolves.
  6434. >Wolves made entirely of ice and who gave off a minty smell that burned her nostrils and eyes with how strong it was.
  6435. >Twilight knew what these were.
  6436. >A relative to the timber wolves known as arctic wolves.
  6437. >Things could never be easy.
  6438. >They were about to start the hike up the mountain when the filly continued her story.
  6439. >A strange creature on two legs had come to the village, wanting to try the springs for themselves before doing as the six mares had.
  6440. >It was wearing worn armor and had a broadsword strapped to its waist, and gave off an aura as the filly described as, "The toughest, mareliest mare I've ever met, even if her voice was a little funny sounding."
  6441. >Apparently, this warrior not only agreed to fight the wolves, but also took the flask and promised to bring healing water back with her for the filly's sick father.
  6442. >That was two days ago, and the other villagers just assumed the stranger ran away or died.
  6443. >The girls were hurried now with the knowledge that their was what sounded to be some bullheaded minotaur cow possibly dying on the mountain, and rushed to her aid.
  6444. >The temperature dropped rapidly as the wind picked up, but they marched on, wearing scarves they didn't think they'd need packed by a smug Rarity.
  6445. >Eventually, the howling of the wind changed, and they soon came upon quite the scene.
  6446. >A tall bipedal figure cracking ice wolves in two with mighty swings of her sword.
  6447. >She was surrounded, however, and some of the downed wolves were reforming.
  6448. >Twilight doesn't hesitate to give orders.
  6449. >Rainbow, AJ, and Pinkie help the warrior down the wolves while the others watch Twilight's back as she uses a flame-stream spell on the regenerating ones.
  6450. >Arctic wolves could only be stopped by melting, after all, and they did so far slower than normal ice.
  6451. >It took nearly two minutes of intense flames to turn one into a puddle, but through teamwork, they succeeded.
  6452. >Twilight was left exhausted, but satisfied as each wolf destroyed made the weather clear up more until the sky was blue and calm.
  6453. >The hero, though winded, still thanked them with a deep bow for their aid, and Twilight got a good look at her.
  6454. >At first she thought she was the thinnest and tallest minotaur she had ever seen, but one look at the legs made her scratch that idea.
  6455. >Those weren't hooves under those boots, and knees shouldn't bend that way.
  6456. >Regardless, even if the voice muffled behind the helmet was oddly deep, it was sincere, and Twilight quickly decided this mare was a friend.
  6457. >As did Dash and Pinkie who were gushing over how cool her sword was and how well she used it.
  6458. >Mid conversation, however, the creature jolted and started digging through a pouch at her side.
  6459. >She pulled out a small flask of sparkling water, and explained that he was on his way back to the village to give it to a sick pony before being set upon by the arctic wolves.
  6460. >The girls travel with him quickly to deliver his payload.
  6461. >The creature ignores the cheers of celebrating ponies as he seeks out the filly.
  6462. >Twilight and friends enter the small shack were a haggard mare sat by a sick stallion's bedside, and the filly guides the creature forward.
  6463. >As soon as the stallion drinks the water, his labored breathing levels out and the heavy bags under his eyes begin to vanish.
  6464. >He isn't fully recovered, but he has enough energy to make the trip up to the spring with all the other sick and injured ponies to recover.
  6465. >The creature waves off their heartfelt thanks, claiming it was the only honorable thing to do.
  6466. >Twilight was becoming more and more impressed with this warrior, and thoughts of her mentor come to mind.
  6467. >Celestia had been urging her to make her own royal guard, but Twilight had set the task aside.
  6468. >Maybe, though, she's found a suitable captain.
  6469. >That talk would have to wait, however as the mayor finds them and ushers them towards the mountain.
  6470. >The village has nothing that they could ever repay what has been done for them, but there is one thing.
  6471. >A secret place on the mountain, a cavern where the healing waters of the spring flow most strongly.
  6472. >A place hidden from tourists as it is meant only for the natives.
  6473. >The mayor wants them to have the honors of being the first outsiders to see this place and bath in its waters.
  6474. >Considering the other pools are going to be filled with all the other villagers and overcrowded, they gladly accept the offer.
  6475. >As they travel, the creature, Anonymous, as she introduces, talks a little about herself.
  6476. >She's a knight who was battling an evil sorceress.
  6477. >Before the final blow could be struck, the sorceress opened a magic portal and hurled Anon through, thus landing her in a land strange to her.
  6478. >Even so, there are innocents to be protected and evil to be fought, and so Anon has continued her sacred duty here by helping wherever he can.
  6479. >Twilight and friends are truly awed by such an honorable and brave knight, and they all silently find themselves agreeing with the filly's description.
  6480. >Anon is the mareliest mare they've ever met.
  6481. >Once the mayor shows them to the cave, it's as beautiful as the mayor described, though Pinkie didn't take much time to appreciate it before cannon balling into the water.
  6482. >AJ is next to ease herself in, letting out a sigh as the water soothes sore muscles as Rarity daintily dips a hoof in before giving a satisfactory nod and entering.
  6483. >Fluttershy and Twilight enter, then finally, Rainbow, who had been doing stretches, tries to beat Pinkie's performance, much to the ire of her friends.
  6484. >All the while, Anon was slowly stripping off her armor and clothing.
  6485. >Twilight watches in fascination, noting the odd nipple placement on her chest as she removes the simple cotton shirt.
  6486. >Next comes the pants, and Twilight's breath catches wetly in her throat.
  6487. >Her friends hear, and all turn to look at Anon in his last piece of clothing.
  6488. >Unaware of the stares he's getting, he slides the bit of cloth down and steps out of them, not paying any mind to the strangled gasps as he stands and stretches.
  6489. >That armor really hurts the joints when it's worn for so long.
  6490. >He had actually gotten a little lost in the snow storm when he first came up on the mountain, hence why it took him two days.
  6491. >Drinking some of the water before trying to make the return trip helped him regain some energy, but a moment to truly relax and enjoy the healing springs would be welcome.
  6492. >"O-oh my..."
  6493. >"So big..."
  6494. >"Humina humina..."
  6495. >"Wait... and HE's been out fightin' monsters?!"
  6496. >"I suppose that explains the impeccable fashion sense in his armor..."
  6497. >Anon walks over to the pool and steps in, the mares around him giving him a wide birth as he lowers himself into the water and sighs.
  6498. >Once he's comfortable, he opens his eyes and looks around.
  6499. "So, what are we talking about ladies? My sword? It is quite big, isn't it."
  6500. >"I'll say," Rainbow mumbles, earning herself a elbow to the side.
  6501. >The mares are to busy trying to process and understand both a male knight traveling around fighting monsters, and females actually allowing it to answer.
  6502. >just what kind of crazy world is he from?!
  6503. >Twilight knows one thing for certain.
  6504. >She's definitely making Anon the captain of her guards now, just like how Celestia did with Shining.
  6505. >It's the only way to keep such an insanely whimsical stallion close by to ensure they don't get themselves hurt or worse!
  6506. >It's a miracle this colt is even alive!
  6507.  
  6508.  
  6509.  
  6510.  
  6511.  
  6512.  
  6513. >sampling her candy to make sure it's good for sale has left bon bon with a much softer figure than most mares
  6514. >as a result she has gotten next to no male attention, and the only male attention she has gotten was from caramel which thankfully never went anywhere
  6515. >as she grew closer and closer to witchhood she became jaded and resigned herself to a lonely life
  6516. >when she catches anon staring at her ass while at work one day she's confused at that anon doesn't seem dismissive or disgusted, but rather... intrigued? almost hungry looking
  6517. >some ancient part of her brain is screaming at her to run as fast as her legs can carry her, but she knows anon wouldn't hurt a fly
  6518. >fuck it, she's not getting any younger. might as well try one last time to put the moves on a colt, even if he is a wierd alien monkey
  6519. >something something predator fetish thicc bon bon
  6520. >something something anon loves teasing her and getting her flustered and grumpy because she's adorable
  6521.  
  6522.  
  6523.  
  6524.  
  6525.  
  6526.  
  6527. >Anon arrives in the crystal empire before it disappears.
  6528. >Sombra, intrigued by the magically resistant alien, decides to keep it as a court jester, as it's antics and bravado were amusing.
  6529. >It would also serve as a good indicator of too much...indulgence in dark magic, should the desire to torture his jestar start outweighing his amusement.
  6530. >After all, can he really call himself King if he is a slave to his own desires?
  6531. >Years pass and he grows fond of his Jester, gifting him with immortality so that he may always be there to entertain his King, though the effort and amount of dark magic involved to push through his resistance was mildly troubling, neither of them died at least, that would have just been embarrassing.
  6532. >A bit of crying, maiming and whining, but limbs grow back, well at least those with dark mana flowing through their veins do.
  6533. >It's a pity he's completely incapable of even the smallest cantrips, the amount of power now contained within him rivals that of distant equestria's mages, some magical fireworks in his repitore would have been most delightful.
  6534. >Ah well spilt milk and all that, if nothing else he would serve as a magical battery, or explosive if it comes to that, whats a little shower of gore between friends.
  6535. >Hm. Def-in-ite-ly too much at once if that sounds like a good idea, better schedule some relaxation time when he isnt liable to shatter his secretaries bones.
  6536. >Hah. Shatter. Crystals. Amusing
  6537.  
  6538.  
  6539.  
  6540.  
  6541.  
  6542.  
  6543. >Swamp-Thing Anon falls through a portal from his swamp to Equestria.
  6544. >It has transformative powers like the human world/Equestria mirror, but doesn't turn him into a Swamp-Pony.
  6545. >No, instead, he becomes a Poison Ivy-like defender of the Green.
  6546. >As in, green skinned, handsome, sculpted muscles, and with a skimpy outfit made of leaves that hides little.
  6547. >The thing is, he keeps his Swamp-Thing, cave speech personality and berserker rages against any one he catches defiling the earth.
  6548. >Cue the Flim Flam brothers fleeing for their lives and seeking out the Mane6 for help.
  6549. >A swamp that they bought fair and square is inhabited by a monster who won't let them build Equestria's first Mega Mall.
  6550. >They argue that the creature will pose a threat to others soon enough, seeing as it was able to summon a giant tree from the earth to crush their dozer, and had no qualms with nearly killing them.
  6551. >Twilight agrees that, if nothing else, this strange creature must be studied, and if necessary, detained.
  6552.  
  6553.  
  6554.  
  6555.  
  6556.  
  6557.  
  6558.  
  6559. >100% of stallion first borns are always ones you can rely on
  6560. >the reason caramel is such a cunt is such a cunt is because he's the youngest in the family
  6561. >he however has an elder brother
  6562. >doctor stable
  6563. >respected in ponyville gen because practically runs the places like a well oil machine
  6564. >ponies thing the reason why caramel is this way is because he could never shape up to his older brother
  6565.  
  6566.  
  6567.  
  6568.  
  6569.  
  6570.  
  6571.  
  6572. >Sumo Wrestler Anon in Equestria of EQG.
  6573. >Females think he has a soft, fatherly figure under his clothes.
  6574. >He's actually a giant mass of solid muscle with a layer of cushioning over top of it.
  6575. >Has no league to compete in in Equestria, or the sport of sumo is extremely different in RGREqg-verse, being replaced by some female equivalent.
  6576. >(Probably that butt slamming sport from the anime Keijo!!!!!)
  6577. >Anon is now lost without a purpose as the thing he's dedicated his entire life to no longer exists.
  6578. >Maybe he becomes a vigilante or a mare shows him there is more to live for in the form of raising children
  6579.  
  6580.  
  6581. >Moova Stormhorns knows what she felt.
  6582. >It's hard not to get a good understanding of an opponent's body when your rubbing up on it.
  6583. >Anon's has a considerable advantage in minosumo due to her wide, flat feet giving her a better base and platform to push off of, and Moova was looking forward to testing her skill against the rising star.
  6584. >The she felt her opponent's pelvis rub against her, and she froze, giving them the importunity to lift her up and slam her down outside of the circle.
  6585. >She was too stunned to be upset, still trying to process why she felt a penis against her thigh.
  6586. >Looking at Anon now, she starts to notice it.
  6587. >Those chiseled features and deep voice make it obvious that he is only pretending to be a cow to compete in the female-only sport.
  6588. >Moova should tell someone.
  6589. >Or maybe talk to the bull himself.
  6590. >... But she doesn't.
  6591. >One day, while going to her prep room, she sees the fight manager walking up to Anon's door to grab the handle.
  6592. >"Wait!" she barks, stomping over. "What are you doing?!"
  6593. >"Ah... talking to one of my fighters?"
  6594. >"Without knocking first?" she presses, getting a raised brow from the manager. "H- She could be in the middle of changing!"
  6595. >"... And?"
  6596. >>Moova's expression becomes nervous.
  6597. >"W-well, it's just rood is all," she explains before knocking on the door. "Anon? THe manager is here to see you!"
  6598. >"Ah, shit, yeah, just give me a sec to put my moowashi on!"
  6599. >Moova flashes a condescending smile at the manager.
  6600. >"See, you should always be considerate and knock first."
  6601. >The manager huffs and crosses her arms, but waits until Anon calls her in.
  6602. >Moova returns to her own room and prepares for her match, her thoughts drifting to the strange bull wrestle
  6603.  
  6604.  
  6605.  
  6606.  
  6607.  
  6608.  
  6609. >Really little My Little Ponies.
  6610. >Get a marefriend that barely reaches up to your knee.
  6611. >She's like a cuddly stuffed animal you can hold to your chest at night.
  6612. >After a week of being your personal hot water bottle, she brings up taking your relationship to the next step.
  6613. >You hesitate.
  6614. >You have an above average dick for humans, so you're worried that she won't be able to take you.
  6615. >She scoffs and assures you she can.
  6616. >Pull your pants down and show her.
  6617. >"That's not so bad. It's like a kinda big carrot."
  6618. >You explain your barely at half chub.
  6619. >Give yourself a few pumps while your marefriend watches with ever widening eyes.
  6620. >It's kinda hot, so it doesn't take you long to reach full rager.
  6621. >She gulps as it casts a shadow over her face.
  6622. >She tries to play it off.
  6623. >"Pff, I can still take that! It's only, like, my entire foreleg..."
  6624. >You ask if she's sure, but she sticks to her guns.
  6625. >"We're doing it tonight!" she declares. "But, ah, I've got stuff to do until then, so I'll have to come back later, 'kay?"
  6626. >You agree and say that it gives you time to make a nice dinner for the both of you since it's going to be a special night.
  6627. >She smiles lovingly at you, though it doesn't last long until the uncertainty returns.
  6628. >"Y-yeah, that sounds great, just, ah, don't make it anything super filling, alight?"
  6629. >Under her breath, she adds, "I don't think I have enough space as it is."
  6630. >With that, she leaves, and you go to the market to buy ingredients.
  6631. >Meanwhile, your marefriend does the same, and starts buying vegetables.
  6632. >A hardy carrot.
  6633. >A thick zuccini.
  6634. >And a plump eggplant.
  6635. >She has some serious stretching to do before nightfall, but she's determined to claim you to the root like a real mare.
  6636. >Celestia please give her cervix strength.
  6637. >And the back wall of her womb.
  6638. >...And maybe her diaphragm too.
  6639. >Maybe she should go ask one of the royal guard mares stationed nearby if they can cast a body reinforcement spell on her that'll last through the night
  6640.  
  6641.  
  6642.  
  6643.  
  6644.  
  6645.  
  6646. >"Good evening, sir! My name is Sharp Fang, Private First Class night guard! Beside me is Private Echo! Say hello, private!"
  6647. >"Hello, private!"
  6648. >Sharp Fang quietly groans
  6649. >"Echo, it wasn't funny the first time you did it, it isn't funny the fiftieth. Give it a break. Anyway, we're instructed to take you back to Ponyville for the night. Is your pack nearby?"
  6650. "Uh, I... don't have one?"
  6651. >Sharp gasps
  6652. >"Oh my, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize! Are you on your Lone Wolf pilgrimage or... You know?"
  6653. "Yes... The first thing that you said."
  6654. >Sharp Fang sighs in relief
  6655. >"Oh thank Harmony, I was afraid that I might have upset you."
  6656. >"Lone Wolf Pilgrimage?"
  6657. >"You don't know, Echo? The Lone Wolf pilgrimage is where members of the Wood Wolf tribe go off on their own to find worthy mates. Although, this is the first time I've seen a male take the pilgrimage!"
  6658. >"Wood Wolf Tribe?"
  6659. >"Golly private, you need to brush up on your interspecies culture or else you're never going to rank up! The Wood Wolf tribe is a close relative to the Diamond Dog tribe, but instead of digging for gems they are considered guardians of forests, protectors of all who beings live in it. They are also known as being nocturnal, hunting during the dusk and dawn to prevent overpopulation in forests, as well as performing communal howlings during clear nights
  6660. >'Thank you albino vampire pony, your ignorance has given you the perfect cover story'
  6661. >"Oh, how rude of me! I forgot to ask for your name!"
  6662. "Oh, uh, I'm Anon. I've been wandering... forests for a while on my pilgrimage and found myself here one day. If this 'monkey monster' is as dangerous as you all are making it out to be, I wouldn't mind staying in town for a night or two."
  6663. >Sharp Fang smiles, showing her namesake
  6664. >"Great! Follow us and we'll ensure your safety as well as provide you lodging for the night! Let's go, private!"
  6665. >"Let's go!"
  6666.  
  6667. >Anon lives in Ponyville as a wolf while trying to hide his human side while making friends with thestrals
  6668.  
  6669.  
  6670.  
  6671.  
  6672.  
  6673.  
  6674. "Twilight, you are the highest power in this land, yes?"
  6675. >"Well, I suppose since Celestia and Luna are stepping down."
  6676. "That makes you like pony yokozuna..."
  6677. >"Um, I'm sorry, I don't know what that-"
  6678. "Put this on."
  6679. >"Wha-? Anon! Where did you get this adult diaper?!"
  6680. "Granny Smith. Now put it on."
  6681. >"Why?!"
  6682. "Because I am challenging you to a match for the title of Equestria's yokozuna. Once I have proven sumo even capable of defeating alicorn god horse, ponies will come to me from all over to learn and study the art of sumo, and I will open my own dojo to accommodate them."
  6683. >"Anon, this is craz-hey!"
  6684. >Anon picks her up and forces her into the diaper.
  6685. >"Anon?! I am not fighting a colt!"
  6686. "Then this match will be easy."
  6687. >He grabs the diaper by the waistband with an iron grip, and Twilight feels the world shift.
  6688. >A pony has never been body slammed so hard before, or since, and Twilight still doesn't remember the events of that day clearly, or Prench for that matter, which suck because she spent months learning the so-called language of love to woo colts.
  6689. >What a waste of time
  6690.  
  6691.  
  6692.  
  6693.  
  6694.  
  6695.  
  6696.  
  6697. >Pony mare came in to have a tattoo burned into her
  6698. >It's her first one, so she decide to get something tough but not too crazy
  6699. "Give me a skull by the shoulder."
  6700. >Mare is too busy biting her lip and enduring the pain of having her flesh burned to notice the design Anon was drawing
  6701. >A few hours pass and her shoulder was feeling less sore than before, so she decides to take the patch off to take a look at her new tattoo
  6702. >It was a skull like she asked for, but it wasn't what she expected; instead of a pony skull, it was a human one
  6703. "Did... Did he just mark me as his?... That's kind of hot in a weird way, I guess."
  6704. >Mare asks Anon on a date the next day and they eventually marry after a few years
  6705. >Every year on their anniversery, she gets a new tattoo that symbolizes an importnant date or event that they experienced together
  6706. >Her body becomes a living scrapbook of their happy lives together that she loves to show off
  6707.  
  6708.  
  6709.  
  6710.  
  6711.  
  6712.  
  6713. //I want you to wrap your thighs around my head, Sunny//
  6714. //You really should get up, drag me out of class and bully me with your tits//
  6715. //Did you know my tongue is three inches longer than a normal persons?//
  6716. >Be Sunset
  6717. >You were in class, a hand raking your scalp as you vainly tried to listen to Mr. Cranky
  6718. >This lesson was supposed to help you for the upcoming test, but you weren't hearing a word of it
  6719. >You hadn't been able to listen to anything in this class for two weeks
  6720. //I wanna lick the soul out of you horse woman//
  6721. //Just tap your foot twice and we'll fuck each other stupid in the locker rooms//
  6722. >A shiver ran up your spine
  6723. >Despite yourself, you looked over your shoulder
  6724. >There, sitting behind you, head buried in his math book, was Anon
  6725. >Nice, sweet Anon
  6726. >The Anon that helped Fluttershy at the animal clinic on the weekends
  6727. >The Anon that was always at at every bake sale the school had with treats he made
  6728. //I wanna leave bite marks all over your body.//
  6729. >You didn't know this wholesome, quiet young man was the filthiest creature in existence
  6730. >But he was
  6731. >Usually, you needed to touch someone to read this minds, but not with him
  6732. >His thoughts were so powerful that you could hear them across the school
  6733. >These thoughts were all directed at you
  6734. >Just you
  6735. >Sometimes they were so vivid that you could FEEL him
  6736. //I hope you like big families, you big-tittied goddess, cause we're having one//
  6737. >You tense, your pencil snapping in your hands as you sink into your chair
  6738. >You were a gentlewoman
  6739. >More than that, you were a Canterlot noble
  6740. >You learned ettique
  6741. >Your dad had pounded manners into your head since you could walk
  6742. >You'd never hurt a colt--or boy--in any way
  6743. >But you were starting to crack
  6744. >You go through three panties a day
  6745. >It's been getting harder to sleep
  6746. >All of this dirty talk is making your hormones flair up like it's your first heat
  6747. >If this keeps up you're gonna rape him
  6748. >Celestia above, you're gonna take him somewhere and fuck until he can't THINK...
  6749.  
  6750.  
  6751. >Sunset will eventually breaks and she decides to rape Anon
  6752. >Anon was perfectly aware of what was going on when Sunset follow him back home and break in his room
  6753. >Especially when she threw you on the wall
  6754. >His mind was running with anticipation and excitement of what you could do with her now and what would she finally do to you
  6755. >Just to turn into surprise and worry and she fell on her knees and broke down crying
  6756.  
  6757.  
  6758.  
  6759.  
  6760.  
  6761.  
  6762. >after her suggestion that they drug Sombra into being their personal sextoy was rejected Luna's next bright idea is to saddle Anon with him because they're more or less the same species
  6763. >Celestia lets that one go through because she could use a laugh and it'd be a good friendship lesson when everything blows up
  6764. >then everything goes suspiciously well
  6765. >Sombra didn't do well for having no maresculine role models in his life and has latched onto Anon like a limpet
  6766. >Anon is pleased to finally find a stallion who wants to do things like learn how to work wood or throw the old pigskin around
  6767. >hell he didn't even bitch him out when they had the pig for dinner!
  6768. >in his book Sombra's a great kid who needs to be steered in the right direction
  6769. >everypony else thinks that either he's been ensorcelled or he's gone over to the dark side too
  6770.  
  6771.  
  6772.  
  6773.  
  6774.  
  6775.  
  6776. >>34909724 #
  6777. >Anon thinks he's the protagonist of an Iseki story when he ends up in Equestria.
  6778. >Hey, it's no weirder than "Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon" (It's real, look it up).
  6779. >And as such, he must have amazing powers and will be central to some epic story line.
  6780. >... Any day now.
  6781. >Okay, so far, he's pretty much just mooched off of Twilight and become her second assistant when Spike actually lets you help out.
  6782. >But surely some amazing stuff will happen soon.
  6783. >And it does, when another human wonders into town wearing a flowing cape and with a sword at his waist.
  6784. >Along with him are two other stallions dressed for battle, albeit far more kinkily with their shiny metal ball bras and armor that does more to accentuate their curves than to protect their vitals.
  6785. >Still, this is obviously Anon's chance at becoming the leader of their group and go on the adventure of a lifetime!
  6786. >They quickly bow to his leadership (read, let him follow and resist killing him for being annoying) and Anon is feeling good.
  6787. >Then, one day, they are confronted by an ninja mare.
  6788. >"Finally, Incognito of the Darkness Blade! I have found you!"
  6789. >"Kunai! So we meet again!"
  6790. "And me, don't forget Anon of the... Wooden Stick, yeah."
  6791. >"Who is that?"
  6792. >"Leave him out of this! He's just a fool!"
  6793. "Hey!"
  6794. >"You're right. Once I steal the Shadow Heart from your chest, we'll be able to revive the Great Oni and rule the world!"
  6795. >"You'll have to kill me first."
  6796. >"That was the plan!"
  6797. "Wait, what's this about a shadow heart?"
  6798. >Suddenly, the two combatants vanish, leaving Anon even more confused.
  6799. >He looks over to ask the stallions what's going on, but he notices their eyes looking up and darting around in unison.
  6800. "What are you...? Oooh they must be moving so fast that my eyes can't follow them," Anon says to himself.
  6801. >He's silent for several seconds, then collapses.
  6802. "Nooo! I'm the comedic side character!"
  6803. >"If it's any consolation, you're not that comedic," one of the stallions mutter.
  6804.  
  6805.  
  6806.  
  6807.  
  6808.  
  6809.  
  6810.  
  6811. >Anon is an unused NPC in a Equestrian VR Dive game, shunted aside with a bunch of other unused assets that were left in the programming out of laziness and put in an out-of-bounds area palyers can never access.
  6812. >He sits at his little unused table and sips from his unused tea cup.
  6813. >He was meant to be a janefilly character who would be a potential love interest to the player and offer up some sidequests, but he test players didn't like him.
  6814. >His "mythical human" design was scene as too fantastical for the setting, and his hairlessness turned off some players.
  6815. >And now he, a being designed to love, is left loveless.
  6816. >Derpy crashes through the window and groans, causing Anon to jump to his feet in surprise.
  6817. >"I just don't know what went wrong," she mumbles as Anon comes beside her and helps her up, worry clear on his face.
  6818. "Are you okay miss?"
  6819. >"Um, yeah, who are you?"
  6820. "Anon. Though I think a better question is how did you end up here? This place is in the middle of the void, never meant to be seen by player eyes."
  6821. >"Aaah... I don't know."
  6822. "Hmm, well, I suppose you might be able to reload to your last checkpoint to return to the game proper."
  6823. >"Right, right... And how do I do that?"
  6824. "You... open your pause menu?"
  6825. >"Ah..."
  6826. "You do know how to do that, right?"
  6827. >"Honestly, I just started playing this game 'cause my Dinky really likes it, and I want to share interests with her."
  6828. >The mare looks down sadly.
  6829. >"She's just been growing further and further away ever since she got into high school, and... and I miss spending time with her."
  6830. >Anon pets her back, only to be taken by surprise when the mare hugs him.
  6831. >It doesn't last long before he smiles softly and returns the hug, humming soothingly.
  6832. >He was programmed to love, after all, and this mare seemed to be in need of that right now.
  6833.  
  6834.  
  6835.  
  6836.  
  6837.  
  6838.  
  6839.  
  6840. >She opens the menu
  6841. >Spots 'Friends list'
  6842. >Adds Anon as friend, which works because of his intial design as player love interest.
  6843. >Also lets him join her party because "Friends can join your party" trumps "NPCS cannot join your party."
  6844. >All his stats are ??? due to an old joke during development.
  6845. >Spaghetti code means they're completely randomised every time he loads into a new area.
  6846. >Devs cant remove him because his code has somehow became an integral part of the entire friend system.
  6847. >They could reset him, but by the point they realise whats happened that would be pretty negative publicity as everypony has latched onto him as a meme after he spawned a bunch of tea cups in the town square.
  6848. >And it's not -too- gamebreaking, the player he attached to isnt interested in world-first competitions or any serious exploits, and the research potential is a figurative goldmine if the drooling tech-mares watching his code self-update in real time was any indication
  6849.  
  6850.  
  6851. >Anon is a relic of the past
  6852. >Programming is old, and since he was never used he was never updated
  6853. >Still has the old security flaws
  6854. >Pointers aren't implemented properly
  6855. >Game code is such that instead of crashing the server when his code tries to reference a variable that doesn't exist, Anon's code just reaches into the game code to retrieve something; such as when his character needs combat abilities
  6856. >Since his character was never intended for combat, the "character.abilities.combat();" script just reaches into the void because Anon doesn't HAVE a combat variable
  6857. >The game then tries to make sense of the random jumble of code Anon grabs
  6858. >A few letters or numbers in the string of code correspond to a power choice on the big ol' Spinning Wheel of Abilities
  6859. >The game is coded so that every time a character enters a new area, they check for a new power/ability
  6860. >This is to ensure that new players don't glitch out and never receive a combat ability
  6861. >This is often skipped after the very first time an ability is selected due to a boolean variable that gets flagged when a power is first selected
  6862. >Anon lacks this variable, and so every time he enters an area, he selects a new power
  6863. >Depending on which area he enters (and, thus, the frequency of certain numbers and characters in the code he picks up), he leans more towards certain types of powers over other types
  6864. >Unfortunately, the devs can't remove him
  6865. >Anon is accessing game code directly (not just making a reference to a copy of the game code), and that means deleting him will fuck with whatever code he's interacting with
  6866. >And that's to say nothing of how the friend system is interacting with him
  6867. >They're afraid that even removing him from Derpy's friend list will cause scripts to enact and fuck with the code
  6868.  
  6869. >Accessing the game code directly means Anon can accidently fuck with the game in unintended ways.
  6870. >Like the time Derpy wanted to see what was inside a huge palace, but it's intended to be a large group activity with extremely strong enemies guarding it.
  6871. >Anon just asks the guards if they can come in and look around without touching anything.
  6872. >Entire palace becomes neutral and a guard escorts them around.
  6873. >When a group comes by to do the activity the intended way, the guard ushers them into a room with other 'flavour' npcs like maids and cooks for protection before rushing off to join the defence.
  6874. >Manage to collect some unique cooking recipes because these NPC's are usually flagged as hostile.
  6875. >When the guard comes back to collect them and is visibly injured, Derpy uses her bandages on him, she always makes extra due to being so clumsy and Anon has n=(n+1) inventory due to void-space
  6876. >Bumps their faction status to 'friendly' and the guard leads them to the barracks where other injured are 'resting'
  6877. >Palace boss stops them as they leave and gives Derpy some gold for her services due to an "Odd job" mechanic available to friendly factions.
  6878. >Next group to visit gets a nasty surprise when they next try the encounter, expecting less guards due to their previous assult only to find a fully refreshed defence
  6879.  
  6880. >Dinky mentions wanting a cool piece of gear but none of the groups she joins can get far enough.
  6881. >Derpy mentions that maybe her friend Anon can help.
  6882. >Dinky humors her mom and expects to get absolutely destroyed at the entrance because it's just the three of them.
  6883. >hfw THE Anon shows up.
  6884. >hfw they just waltz in the front door and join the scripted feast you're supposed to interrupt.
  6885. >hfw Anon casually chats with the level [SKULL] raid boss for a bit before the minotaur claps his hands together and talks to a servant.
  6886. >hfw the [+7 Anklebands of lucky finds] are brought over to her on a velvet pillow
  6887.  
  6888.  
  6889.  
  6890.  
  6891.  
  6892.  
  6893. >She feels dirty just looking at the softly glowing gear, since she practically cheated to get them.
  6894. >Sticks them in her saddlebag regardless because you dont just throw things like that away.
  6895. >Inspects her moms gear to see how much stuff Anon has given her.
  6896. >...Has to take a moment to comprehend the sheer absurdity of her gear choices.
  6897. >Her main weapon is even still the first one you start with, you're supposed to replace that in the TUTORIAL.
  6898. >Wonders how her mom can even have fun with such mismatched gear.
  6899. >Closes the menu to see Anon dragging npc's out of their seats to dance as the background music changes.
  6900. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chppF5jqKNw&feature=youtu.be&t=100 [Open]
  6901. >Spots her mom in the crowd laughing and cheering as she's twirled and passed around by all the npc's.
  6902. >Suddenly feel the ground lurch away as Anon picks her up, winks and tosses her bodily into the mess.
  6903. >Flailing a little she's grabbed and twirled around like her mother, though non-hostile the NPC's are still extraordinarily strong.
  6904. >Giving up on escaping it doesnt take long for her to get into the spirit of things and start dancing in earnest.
  6905. >As the song reaches it's climax and ends she even finds herself smiling and returning a bow to her last dancing partner before she remembers they're just npcs R-right?
  6906. >Looks over to find her slightly out of breath mom laughing and smiling in Anons arms, their own dances ending together
  6907. >Dinky wonders which of them has been playing the game wrong this whole time
  6908.  
  6909.  
  6910.  
  6911.  
  6912.  
  6913.  
  6914. >What's normally a monotonous 5 minute fight with a regular party becomes an exhilarating 8-10 minute duo-able boss battle for Dinky and Anon.
  6915. >Thanks to Anons varied pool of abilities from heals, shields, and attacks he can somewhat fill the rolls of the missing party members.
  6916. >Although some spells are more helpful than others.
  6917. >Like casting a mighty ice bolt at the Lord of Frost.
  6918. >Or casting a spell the turns party members slow in exchange for more armor when RIGHT when they need to move out of an instant-death mechanic.
  6919. >Because of this he's balanced enough for the developers to allow Anon to roam and "help" players.
  6920. >When he's not helping Dinky to realize the importance of a savored boss battle or finally taste defeat, he's growing his reputation in the community.
  6921. >Regarded as either a bumbling bot or the little extra push needed to finally beat that boss.
  6922. >The legend of the randomly appearing, do or wipe, NPC "Anon Randocast" is born.
  6923. >At least for anyone who isn't a streamer. For whatever reason, they always get the short end of the spell-stick...
  6924.  
  6925.  
  6926.  
  6927.  
  6928.  
  6929.  
  6930.  
  6931. >Sparkle lowers the binoculars from the long rainbow trail in the sky. She has an inscrutable expression. Muzzle tight, brows furrowed.
  6932. >"Sitrep, Agent BonBon."
  6933. >You salute, and then gesture at the rapidly receding speck.
  6934. "Honestly, ma'am? We don't know much more than you do. She came out of nowhere, best we can tell. Popped in through some kind of portal right in the middle of the Weather Factory's production floor. Blew out a whole tank of liquid rainbow, punched through a cloudwall, and kept on going."
  6935. >Sparkle spares you a glance, pulling a telescope out of a case.
  6936. >"Was anypony injured?"
  6937. >You shake your head.
  6938. "No, ma'am. Actually, the first wind we caught of her was a noise complaint from a pair of elderly pegasi."
  6939. >You resist the urge to smirk at that.
  6940. >Sparkle raises an eyebrow.
  6941. >You cough.
  6942. "They... uh... didn't like her music. Ma'am."
  6943. >Slowly a look caught somewhere between disbelief and amusement crosses Sparkle's face, but still you resist the urge to smile.
  6944. >"I see. Has anypony managed to make contact?"
  6945. >Again, you shake your head.
  6946. "No. We had a team try to catch up to her to ask her to come down for questioning, but the minute they got within 50 meters they fell victim to some kind of magical effect."
  6947. >She looks up from the telescope sharply.
  6948. >"Explain."
  6949. >You take a breath.
  6950. "As best we can tell, it's some kind of magical wave carried by her music. Once my team got close enough they suddenly start feeling... well, they're just through this door, you can see for yourself, ma'am."
  6951. >Gesturing for her to follow, you trot over to the warehouse being used as a makeshift command center.
  6952. >Opening the door reveals a trio of pegasi hugging each other, and another sobbing into a communication crystal that you'd been informed was linked with her husband.
  6953. >"I love you so much, Forte, I know I never say it but I do! I miss you!"
  6954. >"Celestia I love you gals, you know that?"
  6955. >"I know, Bluey, I love you too, mare. It means a lot to hear it."
  6956. >"Me too..."
  6957. >Sparkle looks at you, eyes wide with disbelief.
  6958. >"How long have they been like this?"
  6959. "Since before you arrived ma'am. About an hour and a half."
  6960. >When she frowns again, you hurry to add,
  6961. "They're actually showing signs of reduced stress and emotional inhibitions, and they've been calming down since the initial exposure."
  6962. >The pretty purple pony princess presses a hoof to her muzzle and narrows her eyes.
  6963. >Her horn flickers, and she gasps.
  6964. >"What? But there's only-"
  6965. >You cut her off.
  6966. "We scanned them first thing. We know. No magical effects seem to be in play. It's mundane at this stage."
  6967. >"Do you think it was a burst effect, and these are the nonmagical aftershocks?"
  6968. >You shrug.
  6969. "That's our best guess."
  6970. >She sighs and closes the door, leading the way back to her telescope.
  6971. >"So we don't know if she's hostile or some awakened golem from thousands of years ago bent on domination?"
  6972. >You grimace.
  6973. "Actually, we do have an answer on that one."
  6974. >Sparkle looks up from where she'd been alligning the telescope with the long rainbow trail.
  6975. >"What? I thought you said nopony made contact with her."
  6976. >You rub the back of your head.
  6977. "Well, Pinkie stopped by and said she was cool."
  6978. >"Oh."
  6979. >She grumbles to herself, something you don't quite catch, and summons a clipboard, makes a few marks, glances at her scribblings, and then sits back in shock.
  6980. >"If she holds her current course, she's following a circle with a diameter that spans the whole of the Equestrian subcontinent..."
  6981. >You don't reply, instead watching the receding robot unicorn as she hops from cloud to cloud.
  6982. >A calm comes over you as she gallops through the air, leaving a rainbow trail just like Ponyville's own Rainbow Dash.
  6983. >You close your eyes, and distantly, just barely, you can make out music on the wind.
  6984. >"Always, I want to be with you"
  6985. >"And make believe with you"
  6986. >"And live in harmony, harmony oh love..."
  6987. >A sharp blast of wind carries the song away, and you open your eyes, holding up a hoof to keep your mane out of your face.
  6988. >Above you, a long streak of rainbow carves a steep angle into the sky. Rainbow Dash is at its front, hooves outstretched and a grin shining on her muzzle.
  6989. >Her rainbow trail slips into a parallel path to the flying unicorn, the two rainbow contrails gradually folding together until you can't tell whose trail is whose.
  6990. >You don't stop smiling, though.
  6991. >It'll be okay.
  6992. >High in the sky, Rainbow Dash and the unicorn are dancing, rainbows intertwining and spinning, racing together across Equestria.
  6993.  
  6994.  
  6995.  
  6996. >"So..."
  6997. >Octavia looks from side to side with a nervous, almost anxious expression.
  6998. >The frogs of her hooves grip her bow just a little bit tighter, and you can hear the delicate wood creaking ever-so-slightly.
  6999. >After a few long moments, she is apparently satisfied that there's nopony in your living room who will overhear you.
  7000. >God, what a silly pony.
  7001. >Finally, she looks up and meets your gaze.
  7002. >"It's really okay if we do this?"
  7003. >You smile and nod gently, trying to help Octavia relax.
  7004. "You've had a long concert, 'Tavi. You deserve a little bit of... relaxation."
  7005. >Her eyes dart down to your nose for a split-second, and then she resolutely looks back up to your eyes again.
  7006. >A blush makes its way through Octavia's dark fur, and she reacts the same way you'd react if you got caught glancing down at a girl's tits.
  7007. >She takes a steadying breath, and then slams her eyes shut just as she extends her neck towards you.
  7008. >You can't help but grin at the display.
  7009. >Slowly, you reach out with your hand and extend your finger.
  7010. >After what must have felt like an eternity to Octavia, you press your index finger against the tip of her snoot.
  7011. >"Oohhhh!"
  7012. >Octavia moans almost sensually.
  7013. >You pull back and boop her again.
  7014. >"G-Goodness!"
  7015. >And again.
  7016. >"Aah!"
  7017. >And again.
  7018. >"Hnnng~"
  7019. >Octavia squirms happily, and with each boop her smile gets larger.
  7020. >For your grand finale, you pull your hand back and begin to lean your face in towards hers.
  7021. >The absence of another boop must have made Octavia think the boop session was officially over, because one of her eyes peeks open.
  7022. >She has less than a second to react before you press your nose against the tip of Octavia's muzzle.
  7023. >You catch a glimpse of her iris shrinking into a pinprick before both of her eyes snap wide open.
  7024. >"Wh-What?!"
  7025. >You close your eyes, knowing this is an intimate moment for ponies.
  7026. >"Oh, m-my~"
  7027. >A second later, you feel her forelegs wrap around your neck, and she presses her face aggressively against your own, rubbing back and forth.
  7028. >She's not kissing you, she's just rubbing her snoot against your nose
  7029. >"OhmyCelestiaIloveyouAnon"
  7030. >You just smile and wrap your own arms around her, pulling her onto your lap.
  7031. "I love you too, OctamMRMRRPHG"
  7032. >Aaaaaaand there's the kiss.
  7033. >You fucking adore your musically talented boophorse marefriend

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm