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RGRE Promptbin 012

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:35:46
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >Necromancer anon.
  2. >Helped a bunch of ponies dig out a living in a frozen wasteland, souls bound to golems dont give a shit about the cold and the little horses were grateful after he explained the concept of advanced recycling.
  3. >Or maybe it was the fact he was able to let them talk to their old family members that did it, mortals are weird.
  4. >Managed to bone one to keep the family line going at any rate, family is important after all.
  5. >Also got to fuck over a dragon by throwing enough golems at it to give it a tummy ache and bind it's soul to heat the burgeoning city.
  6. >Bastard had it coming, trying to bullshit his way to a territory claim when there was nothing else for fucking miles
  7. >Took a while but eventually he came around to seeing the city and it's inhabitants as it's hoard and actually started helping willingly.
  8. >When his wife turned down the offer of unliving he decided to put himself to deathbed and told his daughter or her descendants to wake him up if some asshole needed a spanking
  9.  
  10. >While Shining was taking his shift providing the shield spell, Cadence explored the castle, looking for anything to stop the spirit of the empires former tyrant.
  11. >Comes across an old dusty door covered in runic script.
  12. >Wiping the dust with a hoof, she accidently nicks her frog on a protuding needle, pulling her hoof back sharply to look at the damage.
  13. >She feels the odd sensation of a small stream of blood and magic fly out from the scratch before it seals itself shut, leaving her more than a bit light-headed.
  14. >The blood floats in the air for a moment before it hits the center of the door with a silent splash and spreads out to fill every rune.
  15. >The entire door glows for a moment before disappearing, revealing the skeletal remains of...something she cant quite think of a name for, but it's certainly not a pony nor a princess despite wearing similar regalia.
  16. >She sways a little and giggles as she imagines a princess of skeletons before a bony limb snaps out to steady her.
  17. >"Damn it girl, did your parents never teach you to finish your juice before doing any of the high level shit, whats such a big deal that they sent you to go wake up grandpa?"
  18. >Laughing a little at the absurdity of her current situation (And blood loss.) she calmly explains her problem to the talking skeleton with small flames in the eye sockets.
  19. "Spooky evil black ghost is making it cold, need to make him go away."
  20. >Nailed it.
  21. >"An exorcism? Seriously? Even you should be able to handle that, is it those fucking windigoes again?"
  22. >"Wait you said "spooky evil black ghost", he better not have glowing purple-green eyes like these."
  23. "They got red in them and are actually eyeballs but yep!"
  24. >"For fucks sake alright you sit tight kiddo, Grandpa needs to go spank a kid thats acting too big in the britches and then after that we'll have a talk with your parents about your aybsmal training."
  25. "Oh they died when i was young, i never knew them, sorry."
  26. >"It's gonna be a pretty long talk then."
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  34. >Cadence can hardly believe it.
  35. >Her nerdy, brace-faced, gangly, giant-winged daughter who's already broken two vases this night alone via spontaneous wing-boners resulting from merely being touched has brought home a colt.
  36. >Not just any colt, but an exotic janefilly who's the school's track star and local celebrity of the Crystal Empire.
  37. >How?
  38. >It's like herself and Shining back in the day, but reversed.
  39. >Not only that, but he's wonderful!
  40. >He, Shining and Flurry have all been sperging out over Shiny's figurines and Flury's gunpla for several hours, and it's as adorable as it is bizarre.
  41. >She shakes her head and smiles.
  42. >She should just be happy that her daughter has found such a nice colt to date.
  43. >"Hey! I'm going to order pizza!" she calls into the living room of nerds. "Any requests?"
  44. >"Extra cheese!"
  45. >"Anchovies!"
  46. >"Ham and pineapple!"
  47. >Cadence freezes.
  48. >She knew it was too good to be true.
  49. >She'll have to talk to her daughter later tonight and explain that she's hence forth forbidden from ever seeing that degenerate again
  50.  
  51. >Cue Flurry Heart, Shining and Anon giggling from the other room.
  52. >"Okay Anon, when it arrives make a show of how good it tastes and offer Flurry a slice, dont worry about her reaction i'll handle it."
  53. "Are you sure we should be doing this? I dont want to leave a bad impression."
  54. >"Nah dont worry about it she loves you, and besides this is payback for calling this regiment of finely crafted minatures 'silly dolls' that one time."
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  62.  
  63. >A miraculous breakthrough in bio-engineering tech lets scientists create life from practically nothing.
  64. >Capitalism strikes when several wealthy powers come together to take advantage of this new tech.
  65. >What do they do? Make designer pets of course.
  66. >And they model the pets after the wildly popular cartoon My Little Pony. Everyone loves cute ponies.
  67. >But due to some communication errors, the hired bio-engineers try to make intelligent, fully sapient 1:1 My Little Ponies rather than pets with simple animal intelligence.
  68. >And they succeed fantastically.
  69. >They make countless batches of little tank-born foals, mostly fillies in anticipation of demand. Each one as intelligent as any human and with a lifespan of roughly 80-90 years, with each one hitting adulthood around 10 years of age. They even give unicorns limited telekinesis, pegasi flight, and earth ponies hardy bodies.
  70. >When some investors come by to see the products and witness the oldest foals call one of the engineers "Papa" in plain English, they know they invested poorly.
  71. >Of course, someone blows the whistle on the whole project, so the government and reactionary protesters rush in to make a mess of things.
  72. >But by the time bio-engineering sapient life is outlawed, there are already tens of thousands of foals for the sale batch and hundreds of juveniles from the test batch.
  73. >But gene-deep programming doesn't go away, and every single one of the ponies wants a human family to assume a pet-like position within. Their chosen representative shoots down increasingly flustered law-makers and outraged anti-slavery protesters trying to give them equal rights.
  74. >The relationship between man and pony should be a clearly defined dominant and subservient. Making it more complicated muddles the ultimate function of a pony.
  75. >To love humans and be loved in return.
  76. >With that failure, lawmakers and advocates try to urge ponies into gene therapy to remove their programming, only to hit another wall.
  77. >”That’s brainwashing,” the pony representative argues. “It would be like a superior force taking away your ability to feel pleasure. Would it make your decisions more sound? Perhaps, but do you want that? We live to love and be loved. We are born with purpose. To take that away from us is worse than death.”
  78. >Again, attempts to argue are shot down, and the government awkwardly ceases amid the media circus. Protesters continue to try and push, but the ponies have a seamless, unified front that humans could never achieve, taking the wind out of the sails of all but the most stubborn protesters. Some protesters become violent in their frustration, but even a single bruise on a cute creature like a pony sparks such unreal backlash that all protests and advocacy groups die within the year.
  79. >Fast forward roughly ten years.
  80. >Ponies have a growing population in many 1st world countries and a unique, matriarchal culture of reversed gender roles stemming from their gender skew, something that still fascinates sociologists today. Ponies now occupy a unique spot in the human family. Not quite a pet, not quite a servant. Trustworthy humans might be approached by a pony to be asked if they want to adopt one of their foals. How ponies can tell trustworthy humans from a glance is still a mystery that ponies are evasive on.
  81. >For men who own or know a mare, they often find themselves in an awkward position. A mare’s protectiveness of males and her love of people work in tandem to overcome the programming telling her to remain subservient, making her act out in an attempt to guide and protect her man.
  82. >But all the conflicting feelings sometimes scrambles her thought process, so she might make a mountain out of a molehill every so often.
  83. >Just a quirk of living with a pony you guess...
  84.  
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  90.  
  91. >Twilight knew that it would hurt to have to watch her loved ones grow old as she stayed young, but she thought she was ready.
  92. >As more and more of Anon's mind is lost to his disease, this alzheimers, she realizes she had no idea.
  93. >He's an old man now, but she loves him deeply still, so those flashes of confusion when she enters the room are painful.
  94. >She comforts herself by remembering that, out of all the creatures in their life, he still remembers her the most.
  95. >It's a testament to their bond.
  96. >Once the confusion leaves, he recognizes her as Twilight, and starts reciting all the little things he remembers about her.
  97. >As if reminding himself to ensure he doesn't forget, and as long as he hasn't given up in his fight to remember, she won't give up in the least in finding a cure.
  98. >Learning whole new fields of research is hard, but he's worth the effort.
  99. >One day, while Spike is walking Anon around the garden for some fresh air, Twilight goes about tidying their room.
  100. >She lifts a pillow to fluff it, and is surprised to see a notebook.
  101. >She opens it and starts to read.
  102. >Twilight Sparkle- Your wife. Wings and horn. Lavender coat, blue mane with white and pink stripe. You love her more than anything, and she loves you. DON'T LET HER KNOW YOU FORGET! She loves books of all kinds, and curling up next to a fire to read. Her favorite food is burgers and fries, the greasier the better. Spike the Dragon is her assistant and little brother...
  103. >And on and on it went.
  104. >Pages of little factoids and details about their lives.
  105. >Things she's heard Anon ramble on about a dozen times when they lay together.
  106. >She feels tears run down her cheek to fall on the paper as her shoulders quake
  107.  
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  113.  
  114. >Because modern mares have lost contact with their "deep maresculinity" they have lost contact with the real power within them.
  115.  
  116. >Modern Equestria is a bountiful and peaceful land lacking the struggles of less developed and advanced societies thanks to the hard work and dedication of Princess Celestia.
  117. >This, however, means things that the values of modern ponies have been distorted from what once considered essential for survival.
  118. >Once a struggling people due to the harsh realities of the world, ponies don't need to rely anymore on the harsh-learned lessons and the friendship of one another to survive or even thrive. Their once essential virtues have been watered down or replaced with the frivolity of modern life values.
  119.  
  120. >Uneeded anymore is the Magic of Friendship that helped ponies survive the Windigos on those cold nights of eternal winter.
  121. >The new bountiful world has made mares compete against each other for stallions rather than work together to succeed in all endeavors, which in turn has coddled stallions.
  122. >The modern world has brought enlightenment and equality between mares and stallions but has also made mares confused about their position in society.
  123. >Unnecessary is the need for mares and stallions to bond with their fillies and colts thanks to the new, efficient teaching institutions that make ponies into very learned, productive members of society, but weakened familial love.
  124. >Unnecesary is for mares (and stallions) to express their feelings and be whole-hearted with each other.
  125.  
  126. >This is most apparent on how the grand majority of modern ponies are helpless against threats external to their modern life and must rely on paragons of Friendship and Love to carry the whole burden of the world on their hooves, particularily threats that test the Magic of Friendship.
  127. >All of this is exacerbated in Canterlot, the capital of the country and directly ruled by Princess Celestia, which in her well-intentioned attempt to remove the threats and problems of the cruel age from before the twin sisters ruled has made an entirely new different problem.
  128.  
  129. >How her "little ponies" have become better in some ways and happier, but also weaker and more frivolous: less capable of understanding the true value and strength that the Magic of Friendship has to offer.
  130.  
  131. >She realizes this almost too late, in the eve of the 1,000 year anniversary of the banishment of her Sister Luna and her prophesized return as Nightmare Moon when her personal student sends her a letter on the matter.
  132. >Unsure if the Elements might respond to her after a thousand years and her own involvement in the weakening in the bonds of Friendship, she concocts.
  133. >She sends her student Twilight Sparkle, the only pony she believes might be capable of harnessing the elements and creating the essential bonds of Friendship to do so on time to stop her sister, away on a "Friendship Mission".
  134. >She knows she would be incapable of forming a real bond in Canterlot quick enough to harness the Elements of Harmony, so she sends her to a village next to the Everfree Forest where the Magic of Friendship has not entirely lost its luster thanks to its relative backwoods location so that she may be able to make the necessary bonds to wield the elements.
  135.  
  136. And then somewhere along the lines, Anon comes into the setting and gets slapped in the butt, I dunno WE HAVE STRETCHGOALS
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  143. >Anon opens the cabinet, only to be knocked off his feet and onto his butt by the various tools falling on him.
  144. >However, instead of getting stabbed/crushed, he feels as if the tools were made of rubber?
  145. >tfw you are covered with adorable changelings
  146. >tfw they are cuddly as fuck
  147. >tfw still no wrench
  148.  
  149. >Changelings still try not to blow their cover
  150. >One of them tries to unscrew a screw with her hooves
  151. >She just says "Creaky! Creaky! Screwdriver noises!" in the hopes that she'll fool you
  152. >It doesn't fool you, but it fools ponies who observe it
  153. >This is exactly how changelings disguise themselves, and it works
  154.  
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  160.  
  161. >"Why can't you pull the cart Apple Bloom?"
  162. "Cause a'hm better with stallions then ya'll. Can also drag em back to the cart if'n it comes down to it."
  163. >"Yeah SB. Bloom's sleep deprived look just draws all the cock in."
  164. "Hush up, Scoots. Just get ready. He always comes through this alleyway after work."
  165. >You and the girls puff up your tufts.
  166. >"Ahhh...It's a fact that stallions love the smell of fresh flowers. Good call on the perfume SB."
  167. >"Rarity has quite a bit lying around."
  168. >You walk down the alleyway and lok down the corner.
  169. "There you are you fur-less monkey." You whisper under your breath.
  170. >Goddess he's hot.
  171. "Girls, move the cart back."
  172. >They look at you for a moment before pushing the old work cart you girls fixed up over the summer, painting over the old 'Danger Cart' label and spraying 'Free Beer' on the side.
  173. >Looking back, he's covered quite a bit of distance. Fuck. Those long legs of his are for more than looks apparently.
  174. >Show time.
  175. >He walks by, not seeing you as you lean your flank against the wall.
  176. "Heeeeey~ Hey! It's pretty dangerous walkin' the alleys alone at this time."
  177. >The Green Beast looks in the sky, "It's like noon thirty....Apple Bloom right?"
  178. "Oh ho. Ya'll know muh name. Handsome and Brainy..." You chuckle but never take your eyes off him.
  179. >Fuck. That monkey dick is yours...
  180. >..A-and the girls of coarse. It's a team effort.
  181. "How 'bout you hop in our cart and we give ya'll a /ride/?"
  182. >Sweetie pulls the cart into view with a grunt.
  183. "What d' ya'll say handsome?"
  184. >"Hmmm....Alright. Your under eye bags seem trust worthy and totally not skeazy. What;s the worse that could happen?"
  185.  
  186. >Famous last words.....
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  192. >The CMC are extremely frustrated.
  193. >Anon is frequently called to foalsit them, and it's hard to get up to any mischief with him watching.
  194. >It's half because he's actually observant, and half they want to prove themselves as mature, grown mares to impress him.
  195. >The otherworldly foalsitter is so easy to get along with, and doesn't treat them like foals or pests. He even takes the time to get to know them and why they do what they do, only stepping in when needed.
  196. >But he plays off and deflects their advances.
  197. >To make matters worse, he foalsits a filly several years older than them, a young batpony with overprotective parents who is almost a mare.
  198. >One of the CMC only needed to sit in his lap for a second to smell poorly washed-off sex and connect the dots.
  199. >Maybe if they knew more about being sexy he would show more interest? Do stallions even like the cheesey romance thing they've been putting on this whole time?
  200. >So the three get ahold of a computer and look up some material to research.
  201. >...a lot of material to research
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  208. >Sir Anon the brave knight wishes to prove that he can be a hero to these sexist little mares.
  209. >That's why when he hears about a being known as "The Nightmare" who apparently possessed a princess until later gaining their own physical form, he rushes out to find and defeat it.
  210. >When he does meet his foe, she's a tall, elegant mare with obsidian armor that both protected her lithe form as well as accentuate her perfect curves.
  211. >Later, Anon returns to the ponies, who are relieved, yet confused to see the human safe and well.
  212. >They could have sworn a rescue party would be needed to get him back from that monster's clutches.
  213. >They ask how he escaped, and he explains that he didn't.
  214. >Princess Celestia and Luna hear this and ask, "Are... you saying that you defeated the Nightmare?"
  215. "Not... exactly, no. Also, I'm a warlock now, so... Sorry about this."
  216. >The man opens his hands and starts firing black fireballs at the royals as his new mistress swoops in from above.
  217. >Thus how the Fighter Anon who claimed to be a knight became multiclassed as a warlock, too.
  218. >Funny, he always thought he'd end up as a paladin at some point.
  219. >We all make mistakes in the heat of passion.
  220.  
  221. >"Yes! Yes I've finally won!" crows Nightmare as she stands before Luna and Celestia in stockades.
  222. "We sure did," Anon agrees with a nod. "Now what?"
  223. >"Now what? Now what?! I'll tell you now what! I'm going to torture these fools to death while their subjects watch helplessly! Muwhaha!"
  224. "Oh... And then?"
  225. >"Then?"
  226. "Do you rule over Equestria? You have a tax plan in place? Surely you don't just want to keep all of their rules and regulations in place," Anon says as he gestures towards the dethroned rulers.
  227. >"Of course not! I'll make a much better tax plan-"
  228. "And wellfare programs. Also changing the courts. Sure some laws won't match up with your vision of Equestria, so we've got a lot of legal documents to edit."
  229. >"Ah, that... sounds like a lot of work."
  230. "It is," agrees Anon. "We'll probably be so busy that we won't even have time for cuddles for over a year."
  231. >"N-no cuddles?"
  232. "Nope. And snootle boops might be out as well. This is going to be exhausting work, and I doubt either of us will have the energy for such pleasantries."
  233. >"S-surely it is not that much work, is it?"
  234. "Well, look at these two. Celestia and Luna here are two of the most desirable mares in Equestria, with not only divine looks and stature, but power both mystic and political, and yet they've been single for millennia if what I heard is true.No doubt the trials and tribulations of leadership keep them far to occupied for romance. And that's just from them maintaining the status quo, not reworking the entire system as we must."
  235. >He sighs and shakes his head.
  236. "If only we could leave these poor sots the endless burden of the throne while we run away together to live the carefree, passionate, love-filled lives of traveling adventurers. Seeing new sights, meeting new people, slaying monsters, and sleeping under the beautiful night sky with nothing but each other's embrace to keep us warm."
  237. >"But that sounds really nice..." Nightmare murmurs demurely, before getting a determined glint in her eye
  238.  
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  245. >Get a day on the weekend to go on a picnic with your whole herd
  246. >Put out the blanket with your wives while you children run around and play
  247. >Watch the fillies play with the boys, being careful not to hurt their brothers
  248. >Watch your boys show no such restraint, gleefully roughhousing with their equine sisters
  249. >Chuckle as the older fillies give horsieback rides to their young brothers, and the older boys give piggyback rides to their young sisters
  250. >Watch your wives play with your children, teaching them how to play soccer or practice flying or magic
  251. >Look over at your newborns, lying on the blankets and gently suckling on they're mothers engorged teats
  252. >Watch her fuss with the fraternal twins, a foal and a baby boy cuddling up to each other and their mother, babbling and giggling as she talks in gibberish to them
  253. >Call in your family in to have lunch and giving them the packed food you had spent most of yesterday preparing
  254. >Talk about whatever as you sit in the shade of the large tree you had set the blanket down under
  255. >Cuddle up with your kids in a big pile after they finish eating and dog pile you while your wives laugh
  256. >Idly think about what next to do with your family when the next weekend comes
  257.  
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  263.  
  264. >anon slips into the role of house husband, mostly thanks to the fact every stallion in ponyville gossip with each other and were always ready to lend him a helping hoof, his somewhat shy and nervous demeanor making their collective hearts bleed sympathy.
  265. >in contrast, Femanon's gruff no-nonsense attitude often rubbed ponies the wrong way, some even contemplating whether there was a Yak hiding under all that clothing.
  266. >Anon, a quick study on pony body language, had to step in multiple times to defuse a situation simply because his sister didnt realise (or much care when it was explained) how badly she was provoking or scaring the little horses.
  267. >In a last ditch effort to have his sister at least TRY to assimilate to their new home, he sets up a blind date with one of his stallion friends who expressed interest in her, in the hope that maybe someone who wasnt family woule be able to get through to her.
  268. >and they seemed to hit it off beautifully, laughing at jokes, the human woman enjoying the fact she was talking to a pony that didnt cower or expect her to change who she was and the stallion actually enjoying his time with a female that didnt treat him like glass or as somepony useless.
  269. >It's late one evening a few weeks later, as Anon is calmly washing some leftover dishes from the house party he hosted that he hears a faint knocking on his door.
  270. >opens it to find one of his friends immediately try to stumble inside, one eye swollen shut and obviously favouring one of his hind legs before Anon stoops down and steadies him.
  271. >the exhausted stallion recognises safe warmth and his body promptly shuts down, barely registering Anons words before unconsciousness sweeps over.
  272. >"Caramel! What happ-"
  273.  
  274. Poor guy gets abused so much ITT
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  281.  
  282. >Group names.
  283. >Get curious about bat ponies.
  284. >"A group of bats is called a colony, or sometimes a camp."
  285. >Teenage bat marefriend invites you to go 'camping' and meet her folks.
  286. >Trek through a forest and enter a dark cave, sporadically lit with slow burning candles, your hand on her back keeping you orientated as your eyesight adjusts.
  287. >She tells you to brace yourself as her family are "pretty big on hugs" before coughing a little and screeching into the darkness overhead.
  288. >After a beat her entire extended family greet you from the ceiling before swooping down to pile on you both, your marefriend simply accepting her fate even as you flinch from the sudden noises and plush ponies in your personal space
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  294.  
  295. >You spend a minute and a half looking at your desk, baffled.
  296. >On little more than a hunch, your hand falls to your thigh.
  297. >Patting the pocket there makes it quite obvious where your needlenose went.
  298. >You can’t help but laugh as you retrieve them and work a loop around the wire braid you’re working on.
  299. >Having Rarity pattern your new clothes after your brothers was one of the best things to happen to you here; having pocket space is incredible. If only you could remember you wear cargoes now.
  300. >With the last pieces in position, you hold your work up to your desklamp, checking the unreasonably large jewel at its center for any damage that may have arisen from the process.
  301. >Something with a dick is going to wear this.
  302. >Ridiculous.
  303. >At least a jeweler’s life is easy in Equestria.
  304. “Clasp’s done, Rarity.”
  305. >”Marvelous! Place it over there, I have one more seam to stitch after this.”
  306. >You cross the boutique to place it near a mostly-complete… cloak-thing.
  307. “Who is this for, anyway?”
  308. >”Stallion from Canterlot, he’s here on business for several weeks. I believe his name was Top Notch?”
  309. “Oh lord, he’s from out of town?”
  310. >Rarity hasn’t looked up from her work. “Is something wrong?”
  311. “I had a date with him just last week.”
  312. >”How did it go?”
  313. >You slump back into your chair, pulling out your sketches for the next job.
  314. “Terrible, like all the rest. I might be asking too much, even back home it was hard to find a man who would, but how rare is a stallion who can do, I don’t know, plumbing?”
  315. >”Rare.”
  316. “I’m not as strong as most ponies. All I want is a stallion who can bust a rock open when I need something inside.”
  317. >”Maybe not as rare, but you’re still asking a lot.”
  318. “And one who can also bust rocks, if you know what I mean. Never been turned down when in the mood by boyfriends back home.”
  319. >”Have you thought about joining a herd?”
  320. “Feels like I’d be giving up. My poor brother doesn’t even have that option.”
  321. >”How’s his search?”
  322. “Mares don’t want a stallion who can’t cook.”
  323.  
  324.  
  325. >You spend a minute and a half looking at your desk, baffled.
  326. >You were literally just holding your needlenose, where did they go?
  327. >Your workshop is a total mess. You really need to neaten up in here.
  328. >Oh, there!
  329. >How did they get under your cleaning rag?
  330. >Is that what that is? Normally you keep it on the other side of your desk.
  331. >You inspect the offending cloth. You might have used it for some hazardous chemical, who knows what’s on it?
  332. >The spots on it are identical to the other one.
  333. >Weird.
  334. >You try to grab a nut with your pliers, but finding purchase is hard when its tines are bent.
  335. >Again.
  336. >You swear you have to straighten them out every time you use them.
  337. >You press them against a nearby bench vise.
  338. >They remain unusually rigid at first, then suddenly give and assume the right shape.
  339. >Your ear perks as you catch a sound.
  340. >Almost like a tiny squeak
  341. >Maybe there’s mice in this terrible mess of a basement workshop.
  342. >The pliers work fine now, and you finish closing up the pump.
  343. >Your sister will appreciate having a working dishwasher again.
  344. >With her cooking and cleaning in your shared house, it’s been up to you to keep the place maintained, while you search for a job.
  345. >Or a mare, not that her love life’s been any better than yours.
  346. >It was easy work, so you can’t even complain, just that you wish you could be earning some money already.
  347. >You stand with the pump in one hand and head back upstairs.
  348. >When you hit the lightswitch, you swear you hear another squeak.
  349. >Definitely need to check for mice.
  350. >As you take your first step, an odd weight falls against your thigh.
  351. >In your cargo pocket you find…
  352. >Your needlenose.
  353. >With the tines straightened as you remember.
  354. >You slowly look back to where your desk is, now invisible in the unlit gloom.
  355. >Several pairs of blue lights wink out.
  356. >Those aren’t mice at all
  357.  
  358.  
  359.  
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363. >Wild love magic will tweak the way soulmates interpret each other.
  364. >It can't make any huge changes to a pony/person, just about how one sees their soulmate.
  365. >For example, your waifu's natural scent would always be unexplainably pleasant to you. A sweaty mare might make you wrinkle your nose, but your waifu? You could bury your face in her tuft and the scent would be incredible.
  366. >Her lips would always be soft and sweet, perfect for kissing.
  367. >Her "lips" would also be soft and sweet, also perfect for kissing.
  368. >Her coat would always be softer than anyone elses.
  369. >Her eyes would always glitter more than anyone elses and draw you in with ease.
  370. >Her voice would be a balm for any kind of frayed nerves you might have.
  371. >Her hugs would chase away any problem you might have.
  372. >And making love to her?
  373. >Any and all other forms of sex would be ruined for you.
  374. >And she sees you the same way.
  375. >A mathematically perfect 10/10 alicorn stallion could drop out of the sky and say he loved your waifu and get shot down.
  376. >Why?
  377. >Because to her, you occupy her one and only 11/10 spot. Even if you are an alien. She would throw away everything and follow you to earth if you asked.
  378. >You and her may not always agree, and might even fight from time to time, but that's okay.
  379. >Because soulmates are forever.
  380.  
  381.  
  382.  
  383.  
  384.  
  385. >Fluttershy is torn between wanting to fight for your honor, and not wanting to hurt the mare that slapped your ass and called you sugardick but ultimately, she doesn't have a choice.
  386. >You tell her it's fine, but she shakes her head.
  387. >"No, as much as I don't believe in violence, that mare was cruising for a bruising, so now I'm going to have to give her a good seeing-to."
  388. >She sighs as she heads towards the door, her gloved hooves pomfing with each step.
  389. >"I just hope she doesn't mind the taste of hospital food too much, and that she has a good dentist."
  390.  
  391.  
  392.  
  393.  
  394.  
  395.  
  396.  
  397. >You wind up in RGRE right outside of Our Town, and are taken in by the creepily cheerful locals.
  398. >When Starlight comes to see what the commotion is all about, she sees you and feels electricity run through her whole form. Her insides warm and never has she had the irresistible urge to kiss anyone.
  399. >You look at this gathering of ponies, then to the supposed leader and feel your breath taken away.
  400. >She stares at you with a soft blush and little glowing hearts in her eyes. Never have you see a creature so beautiful. All the fears and doubts seem so much more manageable when she walks up to you.
  401. >Nothing even needs to be said. Her eyes told you she would protect you.
  402. >It was Love At First Sight.
  403. >The love magic cuts right down to Starlight's core, forcing an unpleasant revelation upon her.
  404. >Our Town isn't sustainable, and someone will track down the missing ponies eventually.
  405. >And she can't be with Anonymous in a prison cell. She won't force the life of loving a jailbird upon him.
  406. >So one night, she quietly releases all the stored cutie marks, tagging each one with a minor befuddlement spell that will make their memories of Our Town, Starlight, and Anon foggy.
  407. >As the now freed ponies leave town back to their real homes, seemingly not noticing you or Starlight, your soulmate and you burn down the remnants of Our Town and run away to start your new lives.
  408. >A day later, the mane 6 arrive at the spot their map indicated a problem, only to find smoldering ruins.
  409. >Were they too late? ...No, the pull of the map's magic is still there, it's just moved away from the town.
  410. >With nothing else to go on, the six follow the pull of the magic, noting the tracks of a pony and something that definitely ISN'T a pony
  411.  
  412.  
  413.  
  414.  
  415.  
  416.  
  417. >Anon gets sent hurtling through space-time after accidently interrupting Twilight, Sunset and Starlight performing an experiment on the eqg mirror, trying to make it point to different locations other than "'not-human' world" as anon called it.
  418. >Cadence cant tell exactly where Anon is, but she knows which direction, in a nth dimensional kind of way that makes Twilight go cross eyed.
  419. >Isnt about to let her best peetzer buddy Anon get lost and miss out on Flurry's next birthday, and Shining isnt about to do the same nor let his wife go alone.
  420. >Leave Flurry heart in Twilight's capable hooves before diving into the swirling mirror vortex.
  421. >Spend an amount of time equivilant to a season of an episodic tv show traversing different dimensions and getting into various shenanigans as Cadence follows Anons trail like a bloodhound.
  422. >Finally emerge into a dimension where the scent translates into a physical direction and start celebrating.
  423. "Oh, and when did you two get here? Have you done something with your manes? You look a lot younger."
  424. Anon landed in the universe that's technically closest to his home dimension.
  425. Canon.
  426.  
  427.  
  428.  
  429.  
  430.  
  431.  
  432. > Man and his girlfriend out in public
  433. > Girlfriend is getting aggressive because she thinks he was checking out a passing woman's ass
  434. > The argument gets heated, and girlfriend slaps him
  435. > Man holds up his hands defensively
  436. > All of a sudden, Man rises up a foot in the air
  437. > They look down to see a forest green unicorn mare between the man's legs
  438. > Once the man is stabilized, the mare just calmly trots away
  439. > The girlfriend yells at the mare and tries to catch up, but the mare casts a spell
  440. > The girlfriend hits a magic barrier and falls down
  441.  
  442.  
  443.  
  444.  
  445.  
  446.  
  447.  
  448. > Wizard Anon polymorphs into a cat to spy on pony society
  449. > Gets distracted when he finds out how nice it feels to be petted and cuddled as a cat
  450. > Nopony really cares if he touches the butt, some think its funny, others just bap him with their tails
  451. > Twilight is laying down and reading the newspaper
  452. > Anon is sprawled out on her side and purring
  453. > However, as she turns the pages, Twilight notices that the cat seems to be reading along with her
  454. > What starts as intelligence tests turns into full analysis and a dispelling and containment circle
  455. > Now Twilight has to figure out what to do with this extra-dimensional infiltrator
  456.  
  457.  
  458.  
  459.  
  460.  
  461.  
  462.  
  463. >Anon and (alicorn princess who's not Cadence) fall in love and end up expecting a foal.
  464. >They aren't sure what they're going to get when human DNA is thrown into the mix, but they hope for the best.
  465. >The princess especially hopes she'll have a little alicorn foal since Cadence showed that it's possible.
  466. >1/3rd earth pony.
  467. >1/3rd unicorn.
  468. >1/3rd pegasus.
  469. >Perfectly balanced as all things should be.
  470. >Then the day of the foal's birth comes, and they witness just what sort of monkey wrench Anon's sperm throws into alicorn DNA.
  471. >The foal is 1/3rd earth pony.
  472. >1/3rd pegasus.
  473. >... And another 3rd pegasus.
  474. >There's no horn, just a sturdy little body with two sets of large wings.that flap uncoordinatedly when the foal yawns and stretches.
  475. >At first, they worry that the foal won't be able to fly at all.
  476. >Right up until they're zooming around the castle a week into their young life and giving the pegasus guards a run for their bits.
  477. >Well, seems Skyla is going to be a pretty fitting name after all.
  478. >The Princess of the Four Winds
  479.  
  480.  
  481.  
  482.  
  483.  
  484.  
  485. >Anon is a bard straight from DnD
  486. >Meaning he's a total slut and starts banging his way through the beastariy within a day of appearing in equestria.
  487. >Charms his way into a zebra village, turns out bardic skills are pretty good for a culture that tends to rhyme a lot
  488. >After trying to leave the hut of a very satisfied zebra mare and set off for new pastures he fails his stealth roll and is discovered by her father who begins cursing him out, literally.
  489. >"Defiler most foul, planting your vile seed in unsuspecting bowel, may you reap what you sow, no matter how far you go!"
  490. >Nothing obvious happens immediately, so he laughs it off and continues on his way.
  491. >Ends up in ponyville, where Twilight puts him up in her castle without him having to perform anything.
  492. >All is well for a while, everfree and general antics of ponyville and everfree providing more than enough inspiration for an aspiring bard and he's even treating a (nonsexual for once (Okay maybe a little bit sexual he's not made of stone)) relationship with Twilight well, as she reminds him of his old sorceress comrade.
  493. >And then one day a small basket is dropped at the castle with a bat foal inside, the note attached being addressed to Anon, Twilight confirming he is the father.
  494. >The next day a glowing egg containing a changeling nymph.
  495. >All candles had to be removed until the mothfoal learns that fire is bad.
  496. >The tiny pony lamia scared Twilight into the ceiling when she noticed the tail.
  497. >The crystal foal was dropped off by a stonefaced cadence, who simply pointed a hoof at her eyes before pointing at anon and slowly backing away on three hooves.
  498. >The basket containing the kirin was rendered to ash on the porch when they opened the door and it started crying.
  499. >Twilight is surprisingly not too mad at Anons suddenly expanded family tree, simply stating with a smile that he wont be running from this "because he wouldnt be able to outrun her", and trotting off to rescue spike from the cuddly snekpone
  500.  
  501.  
  502.  
  503.  
  504.  
  505.  
  506.  
  507.  
  508. "I just asked for a water."
  509. >All five of Twilight's friends look at you dumbfounded
  510. >So does the waiter.
  511. >You shrug and gesture at the glass of carbonated sugarwater that arrived after you looked at the drink menu and said 'none'.
  512. >"Keep it, sir. I'll bring you a glass."
  513. >"Anon-" Twilight begins.
  514. "Diet."
  515. >"I the middle of this crisis?"
  516. "Eh, I cheat once in awhile with some fruit juice at night. Every three, four days?"
  517. >Pinkie practically explodes. You're gonna die!"
  518. >She can't get any more attention from patrons than your refusal of your drink.
  519. "Rainbow knows."
  520. >"Don't drag me into this!"
  521. "With your exercise regimen?"
  522. >"That's the only way! Keeps me light and fast. Magic. That stuff we need to live?"
  523. >"If you don't drink that," Twilight says, slower and more measured than before, "You can't get another ration until next week. The waiter's not going to take it back."
  524. "Hold a sec. What's this about magic and living?"
  525. >"Ponies need magic. Magic needs energy, That energy is sugar. Not getting enough results in hypoglycemic athaumatism, causing a lot of health issues before proceeding to hypoglycemia-"
  526. "Then the juice-"
  527. >"I knew it was you. Your ignored chocolate rations more than made up. I've been using the rest for athaumatism cases."
  528. "All ponies need this?"
  529. >"Any magical creature."
  530. >You look to Fluttershy, who confirms with a rapid, shallow nod.
  531. >The look in her eyes says far more.
  532. "Alright. No juice for me from here on out."
  533. >"WHAT?!" sputters six voices in unison.
  534. "You all need it more than I do. I can go plenty long off other calories. Twilight, I'd like to help with my ration. I can keep a closer eye on ponies who need it often."
  535. >The waiter returns, and the glass he puts in front of you is blissfully dead. "Your water, sir."
  536. >You thank him, then drain a third of it immediately. "Now this hits the spot."
  537.  
  538.  
  539.  
  540.  
  541. >Sugar is used by our cells for energy, utilizing insulin to do so.
  542. >Earth pony magic is tied to the earth but more importantly, plants.
  543. >Sugar in plants is produced during photosynthisis.
  544. >Most efficient production of sugar requires mana rich enviroment + Earth pony tending.
  545. >Ergo, equestrian sugar is literally just 'neutral' magic / mana in the form of powder.
  546. >The nature of mana means their cells can directly absorb and process it without the need for a biological go-between.
  547. And thats why Diabetes isnt a thing in Equestria, their sugar and Earth sugar are different, because magic.
  548. They'd have a similar but much easier to deal with problem of magic overload, which would likely be a sugar rush on steroids or Pinkie's average tuesday.
  549. Dont know what it'd do to anon though, maybe his body tries to process it like regular sugar and it Just works™, but he bleeds off loose magic as his body consumes the physical portion of but doesnt do anything with the magical.
  550. Maybe he makes magic sensors go apeshit and magnets inexplicably point to him when within a certain range
  551.  
  552.  
  553.  
  554. >What does athaumatism entail, besides creating a pathway to and eventually exascerbating potentially lethal hypoglycemia?
  555. A decrease in mental faculties that leads to an outright loss of sapience. The loss is relatively steady until it reaches a certain point, at which critical loss occurs and magic just cannot be sustained by the pony body. Magic was instrumental in the initial evolution of ponies from sentient herd animals to sapient beings with complex social structures and abstract thinking. The loss of this, even in fully evolved ponies, causes ponies to temporarily revert to their less evolved state. The thing that some fear, though it's not shared, is that were any ponies to be conceived during this period there is a chance that they'd be a throw-back to pre-magic ponies.
  556.  
  557. Imagine seeing a fully grown human, but upon further observing it or interacting with it you find animal-levels of intelligence. It would be disturbing, to say the least
  558.  
  559.  
  560.  
  561.  
  562.  
  563. >With the much lower bar to entry courtesy of the excess magic all around and inside him, he's able to start manifesting weak ki-based powers.
  564. >He found this out when he was having a massive fit of whimsy around some foals and started trying to go super saiyan, just like he did when he was 8.
  565. >Then he started glowing.
  566. >Now he can punch trees without breaking his hands, which he also found out while trying to help AJ one day.
  567. >His power level is still pitifully low though.
  568. >Better get to training and meditating if he wants to fly and throw energy balls
  569.  
  570. "AND THIS... IS TO GO... EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!"
  571. >Much shouting
  572. >Fingertip starts glowing
  573. >laserpointer.gif
  574. >Foals all chase after the red dot
  575. >Catponequestria prompt
  576.  
  577.  
  578.  
  579.  
  580.  
  581.  
  582. >"Anonymous?"
  583. "Yeah?"
  584. >"The Great and Powerful Trixie knows that a mare should NEVER ask a stallion about mechanical business, but Trixie also longs for gender equality."
  585. "Gender equality?"
  586. >"Yes. Trixie is a firm believer in such a thing."
  587. "Really?"
  588. >"Yep."
  589. "You're not just saying that because I can trick out your wagon, right?"
  590. >"..."
  591. "..."
  592. >"..."
  593. "..."
  594. >"Trixie wants a wagon where she doesn't have to PULL it everywhere, Anon! And those lights! And the heating and air conditioning! The toilets! Do you have any idea the places I've had to POOP?!"
  595.  
  596.  
  597.  
  598.  
  599.  
  600.  
  601.  
  602. >You, a veteran of WW3/2nd American Civil War/Chink Flu societal collapse/some sort of huge conflict die and end up in RGRE after the reaper makes a mistake.
  603. >After all you've been through, this hardly phases you, so you adapt fairly quick. You do keep your sordid past to yourself, however. No one wants to hear about your war crimes.
  604. >You even get a marefriend. A young guardsmare following the family tradition of enlisting.
  605. >Your marefriend is beyond happy to have you considering you're not a cringy 'military spouse' type that just wants her for her family-wide military benefits.
  606. >And god above do you love her. She's an adorable balm for your soul with more than enough familiarity to relate to. You told her you were mil yourself on Earth, but omit some stories, just keeping to the happy times. As far as she knows, you were never deployed.
  607. >Some creative make-up use and insisting on dimming the lights in bed keeps your scars and whatnot hidden, keeping your story straight. She doesn't need to worry about you.
  608. >But eventually, you do decide to use the near-free medical service your mare's benefits cover. You can only ignore your aches and pains for so long.
  609. >In Equestria, their equivalent to the VA treats immediate family members too.
  610. >After you got the doctor seeing you to swear to silence, you let her do her thing, including a full physical and rundown of what ails you.
  611. >She was smiling and pleasant the whole time, but little did you know that she had a breakdown and quit her job the moment you left.
  612. >...But the Equestrian VA sends a detailed post-treatment plan via mail, and your marefriend happened to pick up the mail that day. She opens the letter since it was addressed to "Mrs and Mr (You)" without a second thought.
  613. >When a small books worth of injuries and treatment plans fall out, she reads through it with growing horror.
  614. >She reads it front to back to confirm it's not a prank, then takes a deep breath so she doesn't vomit.
  615. >She needs to talk to you. Now.
  616.  
  617.  
  618. >The young guardsmare is actually a changeling deep cover operative.
  619. >She thought she lucked out when she found herself in a relationship with the cheerful janefilly. He seemed to be an endless wellspring of love. A treasonous part of herself wanted to keep him all for herself.
  620. >When he said he was military but never deployed, it was easy enough to believe. Who would ever field males?
  621. >Then she got the letter (booklet) from the VA detailing his countless old injuries, many of which went untreated when they happened. That's when she realized he lied about never being deployed.
  622. >Caught, he begged her to hear him through, and told his story.
  623. >He was caught in an all out, three way civil war between the government and the political extremes in a major nation with the rest of the world watching. It was the flashpoint from which World War 3 launched.
  624. >Utterly mind-blowing, a World War THREE, as in, there were two others.
  625. >Then he got to the details of what he saw and did.
  626. >Had she been a creature that subsisted on solid food, the operative is sure that she would have thrown up.
  627. >Her mate sure is... Capable.
  628. >But now she knows for certain that he cannot go back to the hive.
  629. >Something that can still smile and love after all that MUST be protected, she MUST protect the smile. Never could he be food for a hive that would not care for him. She could not stand for it.
  630. >His struggles are done. She will gladly dirty her hooves just so he doesn't have to anymore.
  631. >And so the young operative turns her back on her mother and hive, going renegade for the one she loves.
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635.  
  636.  
  637.  
  638.  
  639. >It is not a stretch to say that Anons actions during the great sugar shortage crisis that affected the whole nation helped save hundreds if not thousands of lives
  640. >For his extraordinary act of self sacrifice for the sake of greater good Anon is declared a saint
  641. >A religious sect is formed worshipping Saint Anonymous
  642. >They build a huge church right next to his house where they sing praises to him and practise selfrestraint on a low sugar diet
  643. >Similarly to how friendship is magic so too is genuine worship also magic and Anon is transformed into the god of selflessness and sugar
  644. >Anon is happy because now he can use magic to create sugar from nothing to his coffee and save tons of money
  645.  
  646.  
  647.  
  648.  
  649.  
  650. "...And just like that folks, by simply taking this little remedy your aching joints will be as fine as the day you were born!"
  651. >Anon uses a bunch of science words he knows the western ponies have no idea what they mean to confuse them
  652. >It boosts sales
  653. >One day he comes across another snake oil salesmare
  654. >He asks her what are her ingredient
  655. >Hfw it's a fucking poison and shit
  656. >Arsenic, chloroform, chlorine and other toxin materials
  657. >Anon runs her out of town by telling the town what her ingredients are and what they do
  658. >She claims revenge on him and the rest of his kin
  659. >Hfw he gets hailed as a town hero
  660. >He even meets a nice mare named Maria Ann Sherwood who has a small apple orchard
  661. >And that's why flim and flam tried to swindle Applejack out of the farm
  662.  
  663.  
  664. >Granny Smith telling applejack about what her dead grandfather did as a job
  665. >"Ya mean ma grandpa was a no good lying constallion?!"
  666. >>"No ya ijit! He was the only honest snake oil seller in equestria!"
  667. >It was said that honesty ran in apple blood
  668.  
  669.  
  670.  
  671.  
  672.  
  673.  
  674. >Anon arrives in the Crystal Empire at the precious age of eight and is quickly adopted by the Royal family there.
  675. >Little Flurry Heart, despite being a couple years younger, quickly tries to take on the role of protective big sister for the colt after the two quickly bond.
  676. >Of course the other alicorns come to meet the little one, and he takes a liking to all of them.
  677. >Especially Celestia, and her warm, caring aura.
  678. >Celestia, for her part, finds the tyke endearing with his endless questions and rambunctious energy, bouncing on her back as she gives him a horsy ride and asking an endless stream of questions the entire time.
  679. >Everyone agrees that it's a truly adorable sight, and one that gets repeated twice a year when Celestia and Luna visit.
  680. >It becomes tradition for the boy to ride upon Celestia's back when she comes, even after he's grown up a bit.
  681. >The two would trot through the gardens and converse, catching each other up and what's happened since their last meeting.
  682. >Anon goes from a ball of energy to a calmer, more insightful colt that Celestia finds herself opening up to more and more as the years pass.
  683. >Until ten years later.
  684. >She and Luna had actually missed their last visit due to them having to help Twilight fight off a great evil, but now, with their foe banished, they can go to the Crystal Empire.
  685. >According to Cadence and Shining, Anon had had quite the growth spurt in the last year, and started his official training to become a Crystal Guard.
  686. >Celestia finds that idea amusing, right up until Anon rushes forward to hug her face against his bulging pecs.
  687. >While Anon, who now impossibly stands taller than her, babbles about how much he's missed her, Celestia's eyes dart around to spot the other's present.
  688. >While Cadence and Shining look on the side with amused smiles, Luna is holding back laughter and Flurry Heart...
  689. >Well, if looks could kill, the metaphorical daggers the teenage mare is firing her way would leave her a perforated mess on the floor right now.
  690. >Flurry brings a hoof to eye-level, pointing to herself before redirecting it towards Celestia as she mouths, "I'm watching you..."
  691. "So anyway, you think you still can carry me, Tia? I've gotten pretty big, after all, and I don't want you to hurt yourself."
  692. >Celestia pulls away from the hug and laughs nervously.
  693. >"Oh, I'm sure you aren't that heavy, Anonymous, and I'm a strong mare."
  694. "Great!" he chirps, turning around and running back towards the castle, an action that involuntarily draws the eldest alicorn's gaze to his firm, plump glutes. "Because I actually have a gift for you! I had the best saddle maker in the Empire make it, and I can't wait for you to try it on!"
  695. >"Ah, saddle maker...?"
  696. >Her face red, she looks around to see barely contained laughter, and an absolutely dangerous glare.
  697. >"Oh dear..."
  698.  
  699.  
  700.  
  701. >Anon knew EXACTLY what everypony would be thinking after he said that.
  702. >Has to struggle to keep a straight face when he walks back with a bundle of armor plating and chainmail in his arms and can almost visibly see all the mares in the room briefly short-circuit as he lays it out for inspection.
  703. >A useful bit of trivia is that the best Saddlemaker in the empire is also the best Blacksmith, thanks Dad.
  704. >Celestia and Anon go for a ride.jpg
  705.  
  706.  
  707.  
  708.  
  709.  
  710.  
  711. >"Bonnie, it's easy: Anon knows that I know that I'm so far removed from the pool of mares who would ever think about asking him out, and so I've become the perfect non-threatening platonic friend for him!"
  712. >>"Lyra..."
  713. >"And then, when some Trixie breaks his heart, he'll feel perfectly safe crying onto my wither. And then I'll start to rub his back and whisper quiet reassurances into his ear, promising that he's fun, and attractive, and any mare would be lucky to have him."
  714. >>"Lyra?"
  715. >"And that's when I let my hoof dip lower and lower, until I start to rub his-"
  716. >>"Lyra!"
  717. >"What, Bon Bon?!"
  718. >You are Anon.
  719. >You came to Bon Bon's candy place to buy some junk, and you don't think Lyra heard you come in.
  720. >Poor Bon Bon has been trying to discretely alert Lyra to your presence, but, well...
  721. >"I'm trying to tell you how I'm gonna find out if Anon's tongue tastes as good as it looks!"
  722. >...she still hasn't caught on.
  723. >>"Oh my Celestia, Lyra..."
  724. >"Oh, stop being a spoil sport, Bonnie. I'll convince him to let you try kissing him too."
  725. >>"Please stop."
  726. >"Ohhh... I haven't even BEGUN."
  727. >You can't look away.
  728. >It's like watching a trainwreck
  729.  
  730.  
  731.  
  732.  
  733.  
  734.  
  735. >after monopolizing Anon for the Estrus season it turns out humans and ponies are more compatible than assume and Twilight is expecting a foal
  736. >she takes it in her stride, Anon belies his janefilly ways by having a coltish fit of hysteria over being a new dad
  737. >pregnancy is going well, despite concerns over how the half-human foal has inherited something of how invasive human fetuses are to their mother's biology
  738. >Pregnancy cravings were a first to pony science and Twilight would write a book about it if she wasn't so embarrassed by some of the concoctions she ate
  739. >awfully big though, if there wasn't only one heartbeat in there they'd think it was twins
  740. >finally the big day comes, with Rainbow Dash ready to pass out the cigars and Anon throwing a fit about Twilight taking one into the birthing room
  741. >Twilight and Anon's son comes out
  742. >and he's an abomination
  743. >he's nearly twice as big as his age-mates and four times their weight
  744. >his eyes are fierce and deep-set into the bony crest covering his face, his mouth full of unpleasantly human teeth, suited to tearing his food with the incisors and canines
  745. >when he was a baby ponies shied away
  746. >when he's nearer to his adult size ponies run for the hills, the greatest monster Equestria has ever known has come to town
  747. >within the body of a horror though lurks the heart of the most coltish colt who ever colted
  748. >endless hours with a sympathetic but disinterested Anon through ball-bra fittings and saddle shopping
  749. >piles of trashy romance novels, reading about boy meets girls and happily ever afters
  750. >long nights wishing and dreaming of a mare to look past his fearsome exterior and see the delicate flower of stallionhood buried inside
  751.  
  752.  
  753.  
  754. >His only friend, Discord and Fluttershy's little girl Eris, tries to comfort him, but it always comes off as more, "Suck it up, Buttercup," which, while it is his name, doesn't stop him from sniffling and running away.
  755. >She can't help it, though.
  756. >She's the filliest filly around, and touchy-feely stuff just isn't her thing.
  757. >She has her own problems, too.
  758. >Namely that, despite being rough and tough, she's one of the absolute cutest pegasus filly's in town.
  759. >Oddly enough, the only trait she clearly inherited from her father is a single snaggle tooth fang, much to her annoyance and everyone's confusion.
  760. >She'd love to be a vicious-looking draconequus with a mouth full of fangs and clawed limbs to fight with, but instead, she's all soft edges and softer pinks.
  761. >And when she tries to stand up for Buttercup and fight his bullies, she usually ends up face down in the dirt, cut and bruised as her opponents walk away unharmed and full of laughter.
  762. >Buttercup always picks Eris up and over his back and carries her home, where he proceeds to patch her up with the first aid kit and try to thank her for standing up for him.
  763. >"It's nothing," she sniffs. "A real mare is s'pose to protect stallions... I'm just mad they got away before I could really teach them a lesson. I was just about to give them the Eris-Special before they ran scared."
  764. >He smiles and the two remain silent as he finishes patching her up.
  765. >After, he asks if she'd like to try the cookies he baked that morning, to which she eagerly agrees before scarfing down the whole plate.
  766. >She tells him he makes the best cookies, and he blushes.
  767. >Anon listens from around the corner, peering in and mouthing, "Just kiss, damn it, come on..."
  768.  
  769.  
  770. >meanwhile Cadance sits bolt-upright in bed
  771. >her eyes focus onto something off in the distance and she begins to power up a teleport
  772. >Shining sighs and turns over "you can't keep doing this for every amateur shipper Candy."
  773. >"but he's doing it wrong!" whines the Princess of Love
  774.  
  775.  
  776.  
  777.  
  778.  
  779.  
  780.  
  781.  
  782. >Flurry grew to become Cadance greatest failiure
  783. >Not because she act like a trixie breaking dicks and hearts without any concideration for love
  784. >But because she became a complete marecel weeb gamer
  785. >2d stallion are better than 3d trash.dakimakura
  786. >something need to be done, and fast
  787. "bring on the ape thot, he is our last hope"
  788.  
  789.  
  790.  
  791.  
  792.  
  793.  
  794.  
  795. >A guard accompanies Flurry Heart and can see through her disguise because she's been working with the princess since she was born
  796. >Flurry maybe isn't as sneaky as she thinks she is, y'see
  797. >Knows exactly how O&O games turn out for Flurry Heart, and knows that she wins every time
  798. >Watches in stunned silence as Flurry's character is killed
  799. >Can't help the grin that appears on her face when Flurry is utterly delighted that there are actual hurtles she has to deal with, and that the DM didn't just come up with an excuse on the spot as to why Flurry's character miraculously survived
  800. >"Oh! Oh, okay, I'm gonna roll a healer next! So, she's a griffon priest, and she was chased out of her town because she took her healer's oath very seriously and healed an enemy of her people. Luckily, the group is going in the same direction as she is, and she thinks protection would be wise for as long as she's with them."
  801. >Ends up having so much fun that when she comes home, Cadence thinks that she found a coltfriend
  802.  
  803. >Hot Pocket's Reviews.
  804. >Gryphons.
  805. >Do you like tsunderes?
  806. >Do you enjoy a little pain with your pleasure?
  807. >Do you not mind a poor smooching experience as you lock lips with a beak?
  808. >Then gryphon toms are for you, sisters.
  809. >I'll admit to having quite a lot of fun while teasing my birdy-cat partner during sex, watching him scowl despite the burning blush visible through his feathers and his many attempts at stifling moans.
  810. >Sleeping with a tom will certainly test your mareliness in a multitude of ways as he fights you every step of the way while you make him putty in your hooves.
  811. >Also, it's gonna hurt as you get into the actual sex, and you're going to have to tough it out.
  812. >The rumors you might have heard are true; toms do have barbed penises, thought they aren't extremely hard.
  813. >They're just sharp enough to feel scrape along your tunnel as you take him in, creating a pleasurable, if mildly uncomfortable new sensation for you to experience.
  814. >What isn't as appreciated are the talons, and a tom's propensity to scratch along their mate's back while mounted, usually hard enough to draw blood.
  815. >Bring cotton swabs and disinfectant girls, and make sure to get revenge by making your partner purr like a kitten, much to their embarrassment.
  816. >The nape of the neck and down between the wings are a gryphon's weak spot, and a little lick and nibble as you spoon after will have them shivering in delight.
  817. >All in all, I'm temped to rate this encounter a 7, though I have to bring it down to a 6.5 as I was forced to apply bandages to my back throughout the following week.
  818. >Still worth it, as long as you don't have any family reunions to go to.
  819. >If you do, however, end up in such a predicament, I suggest saying you were mauled by a timber wolf while on a nature hike, and to avoid eye-contact with your dad as much as possible
  820.  
  821.  
  822.  
  823.  
  824.  
  825.  
  826.  
  827. >Obviously, stallions can wink with their eyes just like mares can
  828. >Only the criminally stupid or newborn don't know that
  829. >However, that doesn't stop a few certain rumors from spreading that stallions are just as capable of "winking" just like a mare as well, particularly with their "one eyed snakes"
  830. >The fact that these rumors tend to begin on highschool filly's locker rooms and playgrounds does nothing to stop their spread beyond them
  831. >More than once has a filly-turned-mare finally gotten to third base with her new coltfriend, only to ruin the evening by asking him to "do the dick-wink thing"
  832.  
  833.  
  834.  
  835.  
  836.  
  837.  
  838.  
  839.  
  840. "Anon go make me dinner."
  841. >"Okay."
  842. "After you're done we can snuggle on the couch and I can hold your hand."
  843. >"Alright."
  844. "And then I want you to eat me out while I squeeze your head with my thighs."
  845. >"You got it sister. You want a beer with dinner?"
  846. >Be Sunset
  847. >Rarity was so full of shit she walked like a duck
  848. >You could be as emaresculating as you wanted and things turned out great!
  849. >Just needed to find a good, wholesome boy that you could turn into your slutty husband
  850. >Thank Celestia you never went to any of those protests
  851. >Me-too is trash, and no one was taking your crossbows
  852. "Anon, I changed my mind, we're sixty-nineing after snuggles. I want that dick down my throat."
  853. >"Sounds good to me," Anon called from the kitchen. "Now whatcha want to eat?"
  854. >You leaned back into your chair, hands behind your head and a grin on your face
  855. >Like a motherfucking BOSS...
  856.  
  857.  
  858. >Your hoo-man coltfriend just really likes to have sex with you
  859. >And he likes to eat you out
  860. >And play with your teats
  861. >And rump
  862. >And he likes it when you take charge
  863. >And he lets you suck his dick all you want
  864. >And he makes some of the best food you've ever eaten
  865. >And he cleans your clothes
  866. >And he keeps the house clean without asking
  867. >And he kisses you and ask how your day was when you get home from work
  868. >And he likes to give you massages
  869. >Did you mention that he likes to eat you out?
  870. >Because he does
  871. >Like every morning
  872.  
  873. >Her friends mostly just see this side of the relationship
  874. >Sunset, true to her (formally) power-hungry roots, is subconsciously trying to establish a pecking order with her friends
  875. >Behind closed doors, Sunset is just as attentive a lover as Anon is, and the distribution of affection is a lot less one-sided than it initially appears
  876. >When her friends walk in on Sunset spoon Anon while she strokes his hair and whispers how much she loves him, Sunset reacts as though her friends just walked in on her and Anon having sex
  877. >"I-It's not what it looks like! GET OUT!"
  878. >Anon just rolls his eyes and pulls Sunset back against him and continues to cuddle with her
  879.  
  880.  
  881.  
  882.  
  883.  
  884.  
  885. >Anon muzzles, blindfolds, ties up and rapes random mares
  886. >His victims don't really mind, hell, many of them are single and a dick that happens to wander into their snatch is a perfect pick-me-up on a Friday night
  887. >Shame he doesn't stay and just bolts after doing his thing, some post-fuck cuddles would be teats
  888. >Anons victims gather into a herd with a goal to catch and run a train on him until he has no strength left but to stay with them afterwards. Maybe make him a proper househusband too
  889.  
  890.  
  891.  
  892.  
  893.  
  894.  
  895.  
  896. >Anon thinks Twilight Sparkle is the most beautiful pony in all of Equestria, and wants to be with her.
  897. >Unfortunately, she's too busy with her royal duties, giving weekly lectures at the school of friendship, and teaching her own student to have time for romance.
  898. >She tells Anon he should find some pony else, and that it's probably just infatuating with her because she's an alicorn princess.
  899. >Or he might be a gold digger like the hundreds of other stallions who suddenly "fell in love" with her coincidentally around the same time she became sole ruler of Equestria, but she doesn't mention this.
  900. >Despite her repeatedly turning him down, Anon still tries to get her to go on a date with him.
  901. >Eventually, he decides on a different route.
  902. >One that involves a robot army and threatening Equestria's destruction.
  903. >Twilight sends her student along with her friends, but they fall to the mighty mechamancer, and Twilight finds herself with her own friends once more to fight for Equestria's future.
  904. >Unlike all those other villains, however, Anon doesn't toy around, and soon, Twilight is left on her knees, panting as her friends are captured around her.
  905. >'Why...?" she breathes. "Why do all this, Anon?!"
  906. "Why? You ask me why?" he repeats. "Isn't it obvious? Isn't what I want clear? Surely the most intelligent pony in Equestria knows exactly what I want."
  907. >Twilight growls.
  908. >"I'll never give up the throne to a vill-!"
  909. "Let me take you out on a date!"
  910. >"W-what?"
  911. "Doesn't this prove how serious I am? Plus, I'm obviously not a airhead piece of eye candy like all those other guys trying seduce you for status and bits! I can get that stuff easy with or without you. I made a robot army out of surplus kitchen appliances and potato batteries for crying out loud! Imagine what I could do if I was serious."
  912. >"Y-you did all of this? Attacked Equestria? Hurt my student and friends-"
  913. >"Ah, no, actually, completely non-violent take downs and detainment. No one has suffered more than a scratch and I've kept collateral damage to a minimum... well, besdies what you ponies did yourself. That Rainbow Dash really has to tone it down some. Still, I've got a mechanical workforce, so repairs will be taken care of... Once you say yes to the date."
  914. >"And if I say no?"
  915. "I let you all go and go back to the drawing board to make an even more extreme plan."
  916. >"Is that a threat?"
  917. "Nah, a forgone conclusion. Anon Y. Mous doesn't know the meaning of giving up. I mean, robot army, remember? You think I learned how to do that by calling it quits when things seemed impossible?"
  918. >Twilight stares for several seconds, then sighs and slumps.
  919. >"Fine, you win, Anonymous. I'll go on a date with you."
  920. >Her eyes become hard.
  921. >"But only one. And only if you swear that, if I say I'm not interested after, you stop trying to go out with me."
  922. "Deal!"
  923. >"This is just going to be a waste of your time, though," Twilight continues as she stands and holds her head high. "I was being honest when I said I just didn't have the for a relationship right now and that-"
  924. "So I was thinking for our date. You know how you said you liked the taste of meat, but didn't want to eat it here in Equestria because of the stigma?"
  925. >"I never told you that."
  926. "Read it in your magic cross-dimensional journal. Anyway, I've been working on something that was being created in my world- a red meat imitation that's vegetarian! And I'm proud to say I've nailed it! I hope your ready for stigma-free cheeseburgers!"
  927. >"... Okay, maybe I might I have time to pursue a romance."
  928.  
  929. >Later, after the date, Twilight sits at a round table with all of her friends around her.
  930. >Rarity sighs.
  931. >"Well, I'm glad that's over."
  932. >"Tell me about it," Aj agrees. "I've known some pretty dang whimsical stallions in ma day, but that Anon outdoes them all. It was like the Flim Flam brothers if'n they were ten times as crazy."
  933. >"Yeah, well, at least the dude's finally gonna call it quits and take no for an answer, huh Twi?" Dash asks with a grin.
  934. >Twilight averts her eyes.
  935. >"He's not... that bad, once you get to know him," she mumbles. "Just a little intense."
  936. >"Come on, Twilight. The guy's crazy! And he was stalking you, right? That's just creepy."
  937. >"He prefers calling reconnaissances, and frankly research is important for making any plan of action."
  938. >"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were making excuses for the colt," Rarity muses. "Feel bad for turning him down again?"
  939. >"No," she answers. "Why would I... since I didn't."
  940. >"Um, didn't what?" Fluttershy asks.
  941. >"It's funny, but it sounds like you mean you didn't turn him down," Pinkie snorts. "But that'd be even crazier than him."
  942. >"It's not that crazy," Twilight defends. "Anon is actually really sweet. Not to mention smart and resourceful. I learned so much from our discussions over dinner, which was amazing, by the way. I had a really good time, and... I agreed to another date in a week."
  943. >They all stare.
  944. >Dash leaps out of her seat and points.
  945. >"You just did it for the freaky burgers, didn't you?! See girls! I told you we should have staged an intervention! She eats, like, fifty hayburgers a week, and now she's dating a crazy stallion for more like some sort of fiend!"
  946. >"It's not like that!"
  947. >"It certainly sounds like that, darling."
  948. >"Your just jealous because a stallion hasn't made a robot army to get a date with you yet!"
  949. >"Wow now, Twi, there's no need ta be bringin' Rarity's love life or lack of one inta this. We're just concerned for you."
  950. >"Yeah! Anon is dangerous!" Dash yells
  951.  
  952.  
  953.  
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957. >Shining and Cadence are starting to worry.
  958. >Flurry is in her twenties now and still has no stallion prospects. She's, ah...
  959. >Her parents would never call her a NEET, but Flurry Heart is definitely introverted. HEAVILY introverted.
  960. >Time is no object to alicorns, but still.
  961. >At this rate, they'll never have any grandfoals!
  962. >And poor Cadence's petite form isn't well suited for childbirth to fill that foal void. Flurry was a struggle from conception to birth that nearly killed her.
  963. >Ponies can poke fun about Twilight's fat rear all they like, those wide hips and forgiving barrel mean she can carry and birth foals like a champion. She's been doing so for the last 25 years and now her oldest daughter made Twilight into a grand mother not too long ago.
  964. >Wait, Twilight....
  965. >That's it! They'll sent Flurry to "study" under Aunt Twilight and see if Flurry can't pick up some of Twilight's romantic tricks. She has to be a stealth Stacey with how she tamed an alien.
  966. >Little do Shiny and Candy know, Twilight is still the awkward filly she was years ago, she just hides it much better now. Her only romantic skill was being lucky enough to get an agreeable husband
  967.  
  968.  
  969.  
  970.  
  971.  
  972.  
  973. >"Why yes, I do have five foals with my wonderfil, loving husband."
  974. >"Yes two of them are colts."
  975. >"Yes they are rather large and stocky-looking, just like their father."
  976. >"No, you may not set up a playdate with your fillies and my colts."
  977. >"It looks like you haven't washed them in DAYS."
  978. >"I shan't force my delicate gems to undergo something so traumatizing."
  979. >"Give me guff again and I will show you the bat on the wall just isn't for show, dear."
  980.  
  981.  
  982.  
  983.  
  984.  
  985.  
  986. >Inna questria.
  987. >Hard language barrier.
  988. >The purple "ally-corn" has been teaching you basic words like "Tree" "Book", "Apple".
  989. >Books for baby horses ('Foals') may have been a bit demeaning, but hey it's as good a place to start as any.
  990. >She's showing off the town to you (And you to the reasonably wary townsfolk, you're foreign, not oblivious) and pointing to various ponies and objects and playing a game of saying their name and waiting for you to repeat it.
  991. >She looks at you weirdly when you respond 'allycorn' to her pointing at a insect looking horse, maybe thats actually her name?
  992.  
  993.  
  994. >Changelings are in two minds about anon.
  995. >On one side, he's seemingly a nigh infinite love battery and happily gives out head pats and snuggles to anything in range.
  996. >On the other it seems like changeling magic of any kind has zero effect on him and he seems absolutely determined to blow their cover.
  997. >They cant even snatch and swap him, none of them have been able to figure out bipedal movement as naturally as he makes it, and the Princess is already suspicious enough of these "Other allycorns" that she would instantly know whats happened.
  998. >It's only the fact she hasnt figured out how to make the human tell her everytime he sees an "allycorn" that hasnt screwed them over.
  999. >Current strategy is "Treat him like a Queen, enjoy the free food and hope he doesnt screw us later."
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004.  
  1005.  
  1006. >Ponyville was weird even before Twilight came around
  1007. >That's why when Anon popped up in Ponyville before the show everypony took it in stride
  1008. >By the time Twilight shows up he's already in a herd with Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash
  1009. >Twilight feels strangely whenever she realizes her friends are all already married/have foals
  1010.  
  1011. >after an arduous journey the girls make to the castle of the royal pony sisters to find the elements of harmony and save equestria
  1012. >right in the middle of the confrontation with Nightmare Moon a weird apelien colt pops in with a foal under each arm and a pegasus filly perched on his head to ask the mares where they left the spare diapers
  1013. >as they all start arguing over they would be Twilight doesn't know what she's more offended by, that they're married so young or that their stallion can just breeze through the wildest place in Equestria whenever he feels like
  1014.  
  1015. >he brought the foals.
  1016. >through the EVERFREE
  1017. >TO NIGHTMARE MOON
  1018. >who is suddenly much less imposing when making baby noises and tickling the pegasus filly on Anons head as he happily tells her their names and starts rambling about their latest shenanigans
  1019.  
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023.  
  1024.  
  1025. >smol herd with Bat and Rarity.
  1026. >met at a party.
  1027. >she and Anon hit it off when they figured out they both like those games with the minatures and dice(rarity being more of a fan of card games herself)
  1028. >start having weekly play sessions with some of the bats coworkers and get close enough as friends to the point rarity considers it appropriate to feel out herding.
  1029. >it helps her case that she's a very helpful model for gothic, more subtle designs than she's used to making, no gemstones here(okay maybe a few dozen tactfully placed)
  1030. >meanwhile anon feels conflicted about lusting after his friends giant teats when he has a very devoted marefriend.
  1031. >he knows about herding but its not exactly something he feels comfortable bringing up.
  1032. >meanwhile the mare with the fangs and leather wings is patiently waiting for her two favorite autists to pop the question while enjoying teasing them both
  1033.  
  1034.  
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038.  
  1039. >Anon ends up in Equestria, which should mark the beginning of a magical life of adventure and friendship.
  1040. >If not for the fact that he ended up being warped there while driving his grandpa back to his retirement home after breakfast.
  1041. >Now he has a crotchety old man to take care of, and without the option to simply put him in Silver Shoals retirement home here.
  1042. >"Ya want ta leave your ol' grandpappy all alone in a world of magic horses? Are ya daft? They'll eat my soul, they will! Dark magic creature's o' the devil!"
  1043. "They aren't evil soul eaters, grandpa."
  1044. >"Oh? Ya know that fur sure do ya? Did'ja fancy science tell ya that jus' like the te climate change poppy-cock? Bah! I don't trust um."
  1045. "Okay, okay, grandpa, just eat your porridge."
  1046. >Anon sighs and goes back to reading.
  1047. >Maybe if he helps the old timer make a friend his own age, he'll start to trust ponies more.
  1048. >Applejack lives with her grandma, right?
  1049. >Maybe he'll talk to the farmer about setting up an old person playdate
  1050.  
  1051.  
  1052. Grandpa Non sits on a rocking chair on the Apple Family porch, watching Granny SMith with narrowed eyes.
  1053. >"Ah got something on ma face?" she asks.
  1054. "Ya gonna suck my soul out of my body?" he asks in returns.
  1055. >She gives a sly smile.
  1056. >"It's been an age, but Ah reckon Ah can see if I can still do it."
  1057. >She pops her denchers out.
  1058. >"I once sucked an apple through a hose, ya know. Come here and let me see what Ah'm working with."
  1059.  
  1060.  
  1061.  
  1062.  
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065. >"Now neither of us will be virgins"
  1066. "Mare. I've got 3 foals, and I've been getting my back blown out morning and night by the BHC for years now. You've got some catching up to do."
  1067. >"...BHC?"
  1068. "Don't worry, slim, we'll get you taken care but it's gonna take longer than 10 seconds and you won't be flat afterward."
  1069.  
  1070. "...BHC?"
  1071. >"Don't worry, slim, we'll get you taken care but it's gonna take longer than 10 seconds and you won't be flat afterward."
  1072. >Your... the other Rainbow Dash wraps a wing around your neck and pulls you in close.
  1073. >The gesture was casual and effortless on her part, but you cannot deny the strength in that wing. In fact, you're not sure if you could hold your ground even if you tried.
  1074. >Just how bucking strong was she? Celestia's teats, this is horseapples!
  1075. >With her other wing she pointed at her stallion, the apelien. The giant biped was tossing their foals up in the air and catching them, almost like he was juggling the young pegasi.
  1076. >"You see that mountain of meat, slim? That is a human. Standing one and three-quarter bales high, weighing in at just a little over 5 bales, he's a champion breeder and workout buddy, and a Celestia-tier husband and father."
  1077. "How is he so huge? How much does he eat?"
  1078. >You realize what you said as soon as you say it, and you can just /feel/ the stronger mare grin. You hate it, but you can't help but blush.
  1079. >"Oh, he eats plenty. Let. Me. Tell. You."
  1080. "S-so. BHC. Uhhh. B for big, I got that. H because he's a human. W-what's the C for?"
  1081. >You know what the C stands for, stuttering aside you're not some school-yard filly. You know things! But, you want to hear her say it. Part of you needs to hear her say it.
  1082. >Despite the warmth of the day, despite the blush making your cheeks and head hot, you still feel her warmth as she leans into you. Her powerful muscles and pronounced curves push against your sleek form, subtly reminding you of the differences between you.
  1083. >"Cock, slim. Big. Human. Cock. And it's not just size, you could probably find a stallion bigger than him. Maybe. But he can use /all/ of it. No medial ring. No flare. Just one long, hard, thick maresplitting shaft."
  1084. >Her breath is hot in your ear, and it feels good. Is it gay if it's you turning you on? These and other questions flit into your head as you stare at you... her mate.
  1085. >"No, he's got stamina and power for days. He's slowed down a bit, but years of good clean Equestian eating, and plenty of exercise for his marital muscle have done his body good."
  1086. >You hear a noise behind you, that particular noise, wet and quick. You know what it is. You know that she heard it, and she knows what it is.
  1087. >She pulls you closer into her body and, again, you're forced to realize just how much more powerful she is than you.
  1088. >You're not like that, you swear, no homo, but just for a second you're confused and you're not sure just why you're so excited.
  1089. >"And just look how he handles his foals. They crawl all over him, he tosses them around and plays with them. He's not dainty or fussy like some stupid stallion. He's raising champions and he knows it, so he'll love them but he won't coddle them."
  1090. >The larger mare's chest, there's no way she can be as fast as you at her size, can she?, rumbles with something that sounds like contentment, and that noise you make after you're satisfied.
  1091. >"Slim, if you can look at that and not just, unf, want to put the foals to bed and work on a few more, I honestly don't know what to tell you."
  1092. >She pulls you in again, but his time she doesn't stop. You can feel the rock hard muscle hidden beneath a layer of matriarchal fat. Her strength is effortless and oozes control and dominance.
  1093. >You find it hard to breathe, and you're not entirely sure if its because of how tightly she's holding you or if it's awe, and a touch of excitement, over the simple demonstration of her overwhelming strength.
  1094. >She holds it for a moment, and then releases you slowly. As you gulp in air, dizzy from the heat, the lack of oxygen, and the arousal, she breathes into your ear.
  1095. >"Plus, motherhood, being his mate, has done /amazing/ things for my body. We're the same, slim, so aren't you curious to see what that kind of strength is like, if nothing else?"
  1096. "I-I, uhh, would you introduce me to him again... Like, introduce, introduce. I mean, if you're okay with that."
  1097. >She laughs, withdraws her wing and starts walking toward her, and maybe your, mate.
  1098. >"Come on, Slim. Maybe between the two of us we can finally wear that man down."
  1099.  
  1100.  
  1101.  
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105. >NMM was originally a manifestion of Luna's negative emotions, but the 1000 years between her sealing and release gave Nightmare enough time to mature into a totally separate entity from Luna.
  1106. >NMM manages to separate herself from Luna before getting Friendship Beamed, then in a rather ingenious move, calls for a fair trial for herself.
  1107. >Celestia knows she shouldn't, but listens to her own sense of fair play.
  1108. >Nightmare makes an insanity plea with the argument the SHE was a victim in all these happenings. She says she was not in control of her actions at the time of her release, both due to the toll of 1000 years of isolation upon her mind and constant attempts from Luna to crush and dominate her psyche.
  1109. >And unfortunately, Luna's memories of the time are too hazy to refute Nightmare.
  1110. >It's an airtight defense, and Nightmare even altered her appearance to be much more approachable on top of behaving herself during the legal process.
  1111. >So Celestia has no choice but to reluctantly drop all charges when Nightmare is ultimately found not guilty.
  1112. >She DOES mandate that Nightmare has to see a counselor frequently, however. One with a resistance to psychic manipulation.
  1113. >And a particular human with a stalwart mind just entered the employ of the castle medical staff.
  1114. >Just a few years later, a certain dark alicorn rests in her side before the fireplace in her and her husband's chambers in Castle Canterlot.
  1115. >Under her slightly raised hindleg, her darling young colt nurses from her quietly.
  1116. >Cuddled against her black tuft, the alicorn's firstborn daughter dozes contently.
  1117. >Nightmare's ear flicks when the door to her chambers open. She turns and smiles.
  1118. >There, her beloved hyuman smiles back. He steps in and strips down, shame having no place amongst a family that does not judge, only love and accept.
  1119. >He lays himself behind her and cuddles her close, resting a warm hand on her the little bump upon her belly, a bump that swells with life a little more each day.
  1120. >Nightmare hums in contentment.
  1121. >Never would she have time for this as a ruler, and the sour envy on Celestia's face each day makes for much sweeter revenge, thinks a persistent wicked shard deep inside her.
  1122.  
  1123.  
  1124.  
  1125. >Nightmare Moon thought she could just bluff her way through therapy
  1126. >Intended on giving the therapist a sob story and tell him exactly what he wanted to hear in order for him to give her a clean bill of health and to leave her alone
  1127. >She didn't expect him to actually make progress or shine a light on actual issues she had
  1128. >"...wait, I hadn't thought of it like that."
  1129. >Reluctantly admits that she actually has issues she should probably work through
  1130. >Is surprised at how more content she is and how many of her actions were driven by deep-seated issues she had
  1131.  
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135.  
  1136.  
  1137.  
  1138.  
  1139. >Herd with Nightmare Moon and Luna
  1140. >Everyone expected them to constantly be at each other's throats
  1141. >At least until the pictures started circulating of them sleeping together with a foal under their wings
  1142. >Now nobody can tell which one of you is the most foal crazy
  1143. >They'll hardly ever be seen in public unless one of their foals is nearby
  1144. >You even opened an orphanage to keep their maternal natures at bay. A foal a year just wasn't enough
  1145.  
  1146.  
  1147.  
  1148.  
  1149.  
  1150.  
  1151. >night on the town with the guys
  1152. >aka Big Mac, Caramel and Mr Cake
  1153. >it's a sad day when Big Macintosh; who still plays with dolls, is the most masculine of the lot due to the demands of running a farm with Granny Smith too old, Apple Bloom too young and Applejack too often away to help him
  1154. >at least the topic of the night isn't Caramel trying to convince everypony about the health benefits of shoving apricot seeds up your urethra
  1155. >instead he's making insinuations about Cheerilee
  1156. >how suspicious it is for a single mare to be taking such an interest in foals
  1157. >how concerning that she has so much time alone with them
  1158. >how something ought to be done
  1159. >he's almost got Big Mac and Mr Cake nodding along to it
  1160. >they've had enough fruity drinks that Caramel's ideas start sounding good
  1161. >just shy of liver damage
  1162. >Anon pipes up, Cheerilee is a perfectly nice colorful horse and definitely isn't a pedofilly
  1163. >Her being single is some cosmic coincidence, she just hasn't met the stallion for her yet
  1164. >Caramel calls him out on that, daring him that he wouldn't be able to prove Cherrilee isn't some secret pervert
  1165. >Anon drunkenly declares that he can and will
  1166. >Big Mac and Mr Cake watching on in amusement, this free entertainment is why they insist on bringing Anon and Caramel along
  1167. >Big Mac and Mr. Cake purposely always invite Caramel or Anon to get-togethers when one or the other is involved.
  1168. >The two don't EXACTLY hate each other, certainly not enough to turn down the invites, but when they get a certain way they definitely make sure their opinions on a topic are heard and always make sure that the other's opinion is seen as crazy or shitty.
  1169. >Could be Anon's natural shit posting instincts or Caramel's innate bitchiness but it always ended up hilariously for the big, red farmer and the light amber baker.
  1170. >Just as long as they don't have to pay for any broken tables or get their own prides involved, those two could go at it all damn day for all they cared for
  1171.  
  1172.  
  1173.  
  1174.  
  1175.  
  1176.  
  1177.  
  1178. >Celestia and Luna listen to Anon and Cadence from the beginning and decide not to contact earth.
  1179. >But someone did notice how Anon is spotted every so often on earth after he was declared missing, often with impossibly good counterfeit money and ID.
  1180. >Literally impossibly good. There are zero flaws with any of his IDs and money. Like some sort of inhuman tech or force created it
  1181. >The SCP Foundation are the ones to notice.
  1182. >And boy are the field agents watching him nervous when he wonders if a "Celestia" had "set the sun yet" before he vanishes in what looks like a localised space-time distortion.
  1183. >The higher-ups aren't going to like this one
  1184.  
  1185. >the SCP and the sexist horse SCP wage a shadow war of trying to contain each other while Anon is popping back and forth across the dimensional divide to pick up contraband like table salt and ketchup
  1186.  
  1187. >The Foundation finally decides to take Anon in and he's captured without much incident.
  1188. >Infact, he's rather calm. Why?
  1189. >He used a little alert spell tied to a ring that Twilight have him. Just twist it around his finger and she knows he's in trouble.
  1190. >It was originally a dong ring, but Twilight was real dodgy when quested how she knew his girth and agreed to shrink it to a finger ring if he quit asking.
  1191. >So when the entire interrogation center housing Anon, the containment team, and several researchers spontaneously teleports to Equestria, or rather, teleports into a clearing surrounded by little pony guards, the lead researcher sighs and knows he just stumbled ass-first into a Keter
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194.  
  1195.  
  1196.  
  1197.  
  1198.  
  1199. >Vinyl's party animal friends give her shit for settling down and starting a family. They say she's whipped.
  1200. >She just shakes her head. She didn't understand it either until she was several months into a steady relationship herself.
  1201. >Now Vinyl looks back at her partying days with a cringe wanting to plant itself on her muzzle.
  1202. >It was fun and all, but all celebs tend to follow a cycle.
  1203. >Grind, rise, fame, slow decline, mingle with other celebs to stay relevant, relationship drama to stay relevant, burn out and end up on reality TV, crash, forgotten.
  1204. >Few have real staying power, and Vinyl saw that she peaked a while back. Music tastes in young ponies started to shift again, so her music started to shift back to a hobby rather than a job. She was going out on her own terms.
  1205. >And those terms were not to be a laughing stock has-been that gets divorced every few years.
  1206. >...Maybe part of her still craved fame, considering she married her best-friend-with-benefits, Equestria's only human, much to the media's attention, but shelling out the money for a brand new cross-species fertility spell was all for him.
  1207. >At least that's how the media took it. Motherhood and married life sounds... Nice, honestly.
  1208. >Maybe this responsible adult stuff isn't so hard
  1209.  
  1210.  
  1211. >Unicorns tend to either be rail-thin or noticably plump.
  1212. >Using magic burns a ton of calories, so unicorns retain fat to use as fuel.
  1213. >A pregnant unicorn eats an unreal amount. Having to eat for the unborn foal, to produce milk for newborns, to fuel hormone changes, and to fuel their magic means they're always hungry. It's even worse than most think because of the mother's fat storage going into overdrive to keep the mother and unborn foal alive in an emergency.
  1214. >Unborn unicorn foals are the most delicate of the three tribes. They're sensitive to changes in temperature, to impacts, and to interruptions in food supply, so the mother needs her fat to keep her internal temp constant and to protect the foal.
  1215. >Unicorns have the lowest population due to all the resources a mother needs.
  1216. >You resigned yourself to your wife bloating up, but love is love and you'll not turn your back on her.
  1217. >Then you get a pleasant surprise.
  1218. >Vinyl goes from a sleek and skinny mare to deliciously thicc in just a few months. Apparently humans and ponies have different definitions for "fat".
  1219. >She's kind of embarrassed and the media is having a ball with her new look, but God damn her new ass and breeding hips draws your eyes in.
  1220. >You are more than happy to find out that gentle sex during pregnancy helps balance a mare's hormones. Needing to learn how to cook was a small price to pay for this.
  1221.  
  1222.  
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227. >Chrysalis, or Chrysi as her parents like to call her is a shy girl.
  1228. >She's gone much of her life unnoticed, even now in her senior year, and for the most part, she's been okay with this.
  1229. >While others are out partying, she's spent many of her nights expanding her horizons, as it were.
  1230. >Her interests have always been wide and varied, jumping from one topic to the next, garnering her a very diverse knowledge set from cooking, history, sciences, and even a few languages.
  1231. >Her parents try to make her focus her efforts in hopes of finding a good career, and so she's settled on acting.
  1232. >Because she's normally so shy, she has taken a particular liking to the craft, and how, when she gets lost in a character, she can feel as if she is truly someone else for a time.
  1233. >She can be someone brave, confident, and attractive to men in ways she's never been as herself.
  1234. >Through acting, she can be the type of woman men can't resist.
  1235. >She can be the type of a certain man's that she's watched from afar for her entire senior year now.
  1236. >Anon is enjoying his life well enough in this strange world of pastel humans and sexist girls, completely oblivious of the fact that he's garnered the attention of a certain someone.
  1237. >She watches him, constantly taking notes during the day.
  1238. >Then, at night, she follows him on the internet wherever she can.
  1239. >All so that she can parse the sort of girl he likes, from hair, skin, style, and mannerisms.
  1240. >She's studied it all extensively, and now, she's ready to take on the role of Anon's Dream Girl.
  1241. >She looks down at the hair dye, the scissors and other styling supplies, the makeup and new outfits, and takes a deep breath.
  1242. >Tomorrow, Anon will notice Chrysalis for the first time, and he'll be floored by who he sees.
  1243. >The perfect woman for him.
  1244. >Is it wrong?
  1245. >Is she lying to him as much to herself?
  1246. >In the end, all she wants is to be loved, even if the one being loved isn't her true self.
  1247. >Because deep down, she knows no one would ever love the real Chrysalis
  1248.  
  1249.  
  1250.  
  1251.  
  1252.  
  1253.  
  1254.  
  1255.  
  1256. >Chrysalis hears about the mythical human who is now in Equestria, and starts to gather information on it.
  1257. >While other species might have their own legends of the creature like getting good luck if pet by one, or drinking their blood granting immortality, changelings have their own stories.
  1258. >Namely that human love is endless and more powerful than any other, but is also harder to draw out.
  1259. >Humans in changeling legend are powerful, dangerous creatures who are said to be violent and brooding, but with a soft heart underneath for those they deem worthy.
  1260. >If Chrysalis could be one of those worthy ones, she has no doubt that the human's love will not only feed the hive, but pave her way to world domination.
  1261. >Thus she begins to research the human.
  1262. >He's as gruff as she imagined he would be, nothing at all like the whimsical stallions of Equestria or various other males.
  1263. >Truly a tough nut to crack.
  1264. >She'll have to pull out all of her changeling skills for this conquest.
  1265. >Studying him every chance she gets, she slowly starts to craft a ponsona that will be to his liking.
  1266. >She approaches him with several prototypes, but scraps them whenever she flubs up.
  1267. >Each time something she says gains a frown or a raised brow, Chrysalis feels her heart rate spike and panic set in.
  1268. >She can't afford any mistakes, and so she flees before returning with a new and improved guise, learning from her failures.
  1269. >This man's love will be hers.
  1270. >For Anon's part, he's confused on why he's being approached by a different mare each day.
  1271. >Also how they all seem very alike.
  1272. >Sisters, perhaps?
  1273. >And why is it his line about not liking bugs got an almost tearful gasp from that last mare he spoke to?
  1274. >Usually the "Kill them with fire," joke lands well with any crowd
  1275.  
  1276.  
  1277.  
  1278.  
  1279.  
  1280.  
  1281.  
  1282.  
  1283. >Vinyl came from a minor family of nobles in Canterlot. Her music and party life was her way to rebel against her overly controlling family.
  1284. >Of course, her parents in particular were especially harsh, telling her she would never amount to anything if she "went down the path of ruin" she insisted on.
  1285. >Ha! Look at her now.
  1286. >A multimillionaire that topped the charts for years with countless awards to her name, a true A list celebrity that everyone knows.
  1287. >Then she didn't burn out, no no. She retired from tours on a high note, got married to one of her best friends, who just happens to be one of Equestria's few unique males, then kicked the average unicorn foal count in the teeth by having five beautiful foals, three of them colts, in LESS than five years.
  1288. >...Yeah, she kind of gained some weight, but her backwards human thinks fat flanks are hot, so that balances itself out.
  1289. >Yes, the life of Vinyl Scratch is a good one.
  1290. >Then one day, Vinyl is going through the mail and finds something unusual.
  1291. >A letter from her parents.
  1292. >She opens the wax-sealed envelope warily, half expecting some foul play, then reads the letter inside.
  1293. >...Her family wants to reconcile with her. They wait all these years and send this now?
  1294. >It SEEMS heartfelt, but she knows the noble family of Scratch has been stagnating for years now.
  1295. >Is this genuine? Or just an attempt to use her?
  1296. >Ugh. Why couldn't this get lost in the mail or something?
  1297.  
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300.  
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304. >Anon and Pinkie Pie meet up doing this the day after Hearts and Hooves day.
  1305. >Pinkie Pie is doing it without any shame, she's just got an out of control chocolate habit
  1306. >Anon is so self-conscious about being a RGRE femcel that he's in disguise and is calling himself Incognito
  1307. >Bon Bon isn't fooled by this apelien weirdo's antics and just wants him to buy his candy and go back to writing gay fanfics in his family's attic or whatever spinsters do
  1308. >Pinkie Pie is totally taken in and is instantly charmed by this candy-loving colt
  1309. >Incognito might have vanished without a trace, but she's going to dig him out of whatever hole he's in and give him a wooing he won't forget
  1310.  
  1311.  
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314.  
  1315.  
  1316.  
  1317. >After spending some time swimming at the beach, Anon goes to the nearby public washroom to wash up
  1318. >Because most men are too insecure to do so in public, he just walks into an entire washroom of naked, bathing girls
  1319. >He even sees Sunset and her friends inside, with expressions ranging from shocked, to worried, and (in Rainbow's case) eager
  1320. >Undeterred (and sporting a raging hard-on), he goes inside and uses the shower anyway
  1321. >The entire time, Anon hears various comments from the surrounding women, mostly perverted ones about his perpetual erection
  1322. >Some even audibly consider "offering" to help him wash, just to get slapped by their friend
  1323. >They start to lose it when he starts scrubbing his groin area, and the whole thing looks like he's jerking it in full view
  1324. >He'd better wrap it up before they start getting TOO excited
  1325.  
  1326.  
  1327.  
  1328.  
  1329.  
  1330.  
  1331. >outside of a few particularly important ones, equestrian stars ar always shifting as luna makes the night sky her canvas
  1332. >while beautiful, for anon it's just another reminder that he's not on earth
  1333. >luna comes across him stargazing one night and anon remarks on the constellations back home
  1334. >suddenly notices luna's freckles
  1335. >while luna is embarrassed and thinks anon is going to make fun of her freckles like the colts of her fillyhood she is surprised when anon bashfully asks if he can take a closer look
  1336. >she grants his strange request, and he starts tracing her freckles with a finger
  1337. >she has to keep from squirming as she's never had male attention quite like this
  1338. >when she musters the courage to look at anon's face again she sees he is holding back tears
  1339. >turns out her freckles by some cosmic (hue) coincidence are in the exact patterns of earth constellations, giving the human something of earth to remember
  1340. >he surprises Luna with a sudden hug, thanking her and explaining his reaction
  1341. >they start meeting up to discuss astronomy and find more freckle constellations on her body and in her mane
  1342. >one night luna confesses her self consciousness regarding her freckles and how she was always made fun of for them
  1343. >anon goes back to that first constellation he saw: ursa minor
  1344. >makes a show of kissing every single star, finishing on what would be polaris, directly on Luna's snoot
  1345. >it's then, looking into each other's eyes, that they finally share their first kiss
  1346. >luna, out of breath, remarks how it's usually the mare that takes charge
  1347. >anon simply asks if she feels in charge
  1348. >after a short pause luna answers "not yet" and leans in for another kiss, to which anon eagerly reciprocates
  1349.  
  1350.  
  1351.  
  1352.  
  1353.  
  1354.  
  1355. > Fluttershy and Anon having been together for a while
  1356. > Rainbow has been a good wingmare, guiding Anon through preening Flutter's wings, helping him find all the best shinies and colors for nests
  1357. > Then Flutters got pregnant, with all sorts of cravings
  1358. > Rainbow Dash is worried about her friend, gets her whatever she needs in no time at all
  1359. > Dash and Anon start working together to take care of the animals that come to the cottage
  1360. > They have always gotten along okay, but Anon is getting to see her more nurturing side
  1361. > Between that and the cuddle piles, he's catching some feels
  1362. > Rainbow Dash has been spending more and more time helping around as Flutters gets bigger
  1363. > Finally, Butteryellow sits them both down and officially welcomes Rainbow into the herd
  1364. > Dash and Anon blush, but don't protest too much
  1365. > That night, a very pregnant Fluttershy calmly and compassionately coaches Rainbow on how to endure the multiple orgasms the new herd member will be receiving
  1366. > Even so, Rainbow loses control several times, and Flutters giggles at the faces and noises she makes
  1367. > Bananahush looks at the seed leaking from Dash's quivering marehood in satisfaction
  1368. > Her future foal will have a sibling playmate soon enough
  1369.  
  1370.  
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373.  
  1374.  
  1375.  
  1376. >Celestia may appear to be a caring, motherly figure to her entire nation, but she is secretly a ravenous sexual predator
  1377. >At least, by the standards of Equestrian society
  1378. >The moment she laid her eyes on Anon, Celestia knew she had to have him in her "employ"
  1379. >So she offered him a high paying job as a personal servant, inwardly relishing seeing the look on his face when the full situation dawns on him
  1380. >From Anon's perspective however, he had no idea that the sudden cuddles, nose boops and snoot kisses he was getting from Celestia was supposed to be anything but innocent
  1381. >They were happening away from the public eye, but he just assumed her ponies would flip if they saw her piling affection on some hairless biped
  1382. >It was only until he found himself pulled into Celestia's bedchamber that it started to slowly sink in, and the solar monarch had him stripped down to his boxers and pinned against the wall by her deceptively strong forelegs
  1383. >Even then, with Celestia licking her lips and professing to "defile every last inch of him", Anon simply shrugged and played along
  1384.  
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387.  
  1388.  
  1389. >tfw the crusaders are getting bullied again by pink grumpy hoers
  1390. >tfw they come to you
  1391. >tfw you go to the school
  1392. >tfw you spank grumpy horse, the one with the glasses, and the crusaders
  1393. >You spanked them because only sissies tattle
  1394. >tfw teacher pone doesn't like that
  1395. >tfw you spank her too
  1396. >tfw the Filthy doesn't like it either
  1397. >that's a spanking
  1398. >tfw the guard is called
  1399. >tfw you beat their butts red while telling them how shit they are at their jobs
  1400. >tfw Twilight comes back from Sugarcube Corner after a donut run to see an angry stallion on the loose causing mischief
  1401. >tfw she wants to do something, but she hadn't been spanked since she was six, and doesn't want beat
  1402. >tfw Applejack approves of the beatings
  1403. >she used to get spanked all the time as a foal
  1404. >insists that it builds character
  1405. >tfw you put her in the corner for (probably) having a spanking fetish
  1406. >You're here to discipline, not to get anyone's rocks off
  1407.  
  1408.  
  1409.  
  1410.  
  1411.  
  1412.  
  1413. >Sports scholarship at your horsecollege
  1414. >Spends most of the time she isn't studying on physical training
  1415. >Societal expectations means she's still expected to support herself, so she works on top of all that
  1416. >Nobody has sympathy for her because women are supposed to be tough and they aren't supposed to complain
  1417. >You are her roommate-turned-lover, and you are her respite
  1418. >Her shelter from the storm
  1419. >When Twilight asked you to pop into the weird pseudo-human world to check up on her friends, she got you a position where you could keep an eye on all of them
  1420. >Applejack is still on her farm
  1421. >Fluttershy is thinking about opening an animal shelter
  1422. >Rarity has opened her third boutique
  1423. >You weren't sure what you expected from Rainbow Dash's alternate-universe counterpart, but college girl wasn't high up on your list.
  1424. >Being a student was convenient (and, frankly, it was all Twilight knew), so she did a bit of magic fuckery to get you into the local college
  1425. >Rainbow Dash volunteered to take you in because she felt like she owed Twilight a favour.
  1426. >Also, she wanted to see what you looked like, being kinda-sorta the same as she is.
  1427. >Turns out, you get on like a house on fire.
  1428. >While pony Rainbow Dash seemed kind of full of herself thanks her position on the Wonderbolts, student/worker human-ish Rainbow Dash was a lot more down to earth.
  1429. >Er, horse-earth.
  1430. >A lot of the things you found annoying on pony Rainbow Dash were endearing in human-ish Rainbow Dash, and you made friends pretty quickly.
  1431. >"Not gonna lie, Anon; I 100% expected you to be all prissy an' high strung an' shit."
  1432. "Imagine if I were. Remember that time you walked in on me while I was in the shower?"
  1433. >"You were so quiet! Most guys are all thumpin' around, knocking over their 200 bottles of shower bullshit!"
  1434. "I think you have more bottles than I do."
  1435. >"Shut up. Now c'mon, the movie's about to start. Hey, where do you think you're going?"
  1436. "...onto the couch?"
  1437. >"Me first. I wanna hold you."
  1438. "...fine."
  1439.  
  1440.  
  1441.  
  1442.  
  1443.  
  1444.  
  1445. >Sci-Twilight never spent time with any friends
  1446. >Concentrated on her schoolwork
  1447. >Ruined her eyesight in the process
  1448. >Night Light and Velvet were sure they'd have to rely on Shiny to give them grandchildren to spoil
  1449. >"Let's face it, Velvet. I think the most time she's spent with other people was that debacle down at Canterlot High. Look, Shiny's been getting pretty serious with that Cadence woman, right?"
  1450. >>"Don't remind me, Night Light. Y'know, I still haven't managed to find put the fear of god into her yet."
  1451. >"Stop it, dear. The point I'm trying to make is that we might have to rely on him if I wan-... er, if WE want grandkids to spoil."
  1452. >>"I don't trust her."
  1453. >"You said the same thing about all of Shiny's other girlfriends, back when he was in high school."
  1454. >>"And none of them were trustworthy! They weren't-"
  1455. >"-good enough for your little prince. I've heard the line a thousand times."
  1456. >But Twilight has received a message from her otherworldly counterpart.
  1457. >"Twilight? We found another hyu-man, and he's here in Equestria! We don't know how he got here, but I think he's lost. The portal's going to activate soon, and the princesses and I have made a few breakthroughs - we might be able to keep it open for extended periods of time. If I sent him through, do you think you could look after him for a few days, at least until he finds his way home?"
  1458. >Well, Twilight is nothing if not a gentlewoman, and she's stuck up for many a boy in distress on the internet, so she agrees
  1459. >She's worried it'll be boring or awkward, but that flare of social anxiety turns to interest and excitement when she finds out Anon is as big of a nerd as she is.
  1460. >"No way. No WAY! That never happens! Oh jeez, I gotta introduce him to the gals! We're playing O&O in a few days, and maybe he wants to play with us!"
  1461. >Night Light and Velvet are mystified by the sudden appearance of Anon, but are generally pleased that Twilight is finally making friends with the fairer sex
  1462.  
  1463.  
  1464.  
  1465. >tfw the new boy in school is interested in science and your nerd hobbies
  1466. >tfw he punches another boy for making fun of you, and doesn't care that he got detention
  1467. >tfw he laughs and rolls his eyes whenever masculism or gender studies is brought up in class
  1468. >tfw he is unashamedly a sexual deviant, and has no problem discussing porn and fetishes at length with you
  1469. >tfw he doesn't turn out to be a psycho, and is genuinely a good friend to you
  1470.  
  1471.  
  1472.  
  1473.  
  1474.  
  1475.  
  1476. >You thought you'd seen it all...
  1477. >Crying, begging, pleading, screaming...
  1478. >When the boss told you to break some poor colt for sale, you didn't even bother to have him restrained.
  1479. >That's how good you are at your job.
  1480. >But this...
  1481. >You weren't prepared for this.
  1482. >It started normally enough.
  1483. >"Where am I? Who are you?" and so fourth.
  1484. >Deciding to open with your favorite tactic, you immediately slammed him into your chest fluff, not even giving him time to breathe.
  1485. >And you just held him there, winking in anticipation for the water works.
  1486. >But.. but then...
  1487. >He wrapped his arms around you.
  1488. >Like-like it was some sort of hug!
  1489. >He even pleasantly 'hmmmm''d!
  1490. >At this point your gameplan was demolished.
  1491. >Hoping to salvage the situation, you stammered out an old favorite:
  1492. "Y-yeah, you like that, don't you?"
  1493. >He didn't reply at first, and you hoped things would continue normally.
  1494. >But then he said:
  1495. >"Yeah, I was... kinda touch starved back home. So I really do love the odd hug."
  1496. >Your heart practically stopped.
  1497. >THIS was a HUG?
  1498. >You'd lived a pretty rough life, no one could deny.
  1499. >But thinking about what he must have gone through?
  1500. >It took everything you had just to hold in your oats.
  1501.  
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505.  
  1506.  
  1507.  
  1508. >"And who are you?"
  1509. "Anon?"
  1510. >"Anon, that's a... strange name."
  1511. "Yeah."
  1512. >"It's exotic."
  1513. "My folks were hippies; they had strange ideas about names."
  1514. >"..."
  1515. "..."
  1516. >"..."
  1517. "..."
  1518. >"Do you not know who I am?"
  1519. "Not even a little bit. Are you a new student around here or something?"
  1520. >"I'm Princess Chrysalis De Buzzios the Fifth, heir to the Changeling Empire."
  1521. "Gesundheit."
  1522. >"Do not mock me, BOY. I'm the heir to one of the most powerful empires on this PLANET."
  1523. "Neat."
  1524. >"I am a born leader, a natural warrior, and bred to lead my people to a new age."
  1525. "Cool."
  1526. >"A word from me to your government's officials could change this entire town at the drop of a hat."
  1527. "That's something."
  1528. >"I'm a very BIG deal."
  1529. "Looks like it."
  1530. >"..."
  1531. "..."
  1532. >"..."
  1533. "..."
  1534. >"Anon?"
  1535. "Yeah?"
  1536. >"There' wouldn't happen to be a card shop around here, would there?"
  1537.  
  1538.  
  1539.  
  1540.  
  1541.  
  1542.  
  1543.  
  1544.  
  1545. >Changelings living in anons basement get really good at disguising themselves as objects.
  1546. >Start getting confident enough to replace objects in his home.
  1547. >Eventually gets to the point where only the floors and walls aren't a bug in disguise.
  1548. >And his clothes of course, they Standards™ and no self respecting bug is going to violate a colt like that.
  1549. >Daily lottery is held for the highly coveted Pillow, Bedsheets and Bed disguises.
  1550. >Things get kinda tense when he invites friends over but it's otherwise okay, more potential witnesses to a failed disguise but it's also more love flowing around.
  1551. >They pay extra attention when one of his friends (mare) casually mentions going on a few dates with anon.
  1552. >A few dozen disguised eyes drop into glares when she clarifies to her friend "Of course it wouldn't be serious, Anons a nice guy and all but if i wanted a gangly minotaur i could just trot over to Labyrinthia, might give him a pity fuck though."
  1553. >Contrary to popular belief, changelings weren't usually sex fiends, base lust between strangers having practically none of the emotional connection they gained sustenence from.
  1554. >Mare suddenly finds herself to be incredibly unlucky in anons home, stools scooting a few inches away when she tries to sit down, doors suddenly slamming on her tail, cups and saucers always 'just' out of comfortable reach the moment she looks away, etc.
  1555. >Anon ponders if his house is haunted
  1556.  
  1557.  
  1558.  
  1559.  
  1560.  
  1561.  
  1562.  
  1563.  
  1564. >Anon has trouble with distinguishing pony age.
  1565. >He was still surprised to find out that Lyra was actually only seventeen while Bon Bon was twenty-seven.
  1566. >Ten years apart, and Anon would have never guessed.
  1567. >Even supposedly older mares like the Mayor and Mrs. Cake didn't strike him as such.
  1568. >He wonders if ponies age like elves; keeping a youthful appearance right up until their final few years where it then all piles on at once.
  1569. >Regardless, he knows one thing, he really hopes he doesn't end up accidentally hitting on an underage filly.
  1570. >Ponies are jail bait incarnated.
  1571. >This thought is why, when he's at a garden party hosted by Rarity, he starts to wonder about the mare he's been chatting up.
  1572. >She's nice, if a bit grumpy, and she has some bags under her eyes, but that could just be from lack of sleep.
  1573. >She's most likely an adult, but he has to know, and so finally asks.
  1574. "Hey, not to be rude or anything, but you're over twenty, right?"
  1575. >"E-excuse me?"
  1576. "Sorry, you just look pretty young and fit, so I'm curious."
  1577. >Ms. Harshwhinny blushes furiously.
  1578. >She had thought for a moment the human colt was coming onto her when they first started talking, but dismissed the idea.
  1579. >Such a young, handsome fellow surely wouldn't be interested in an old mare like her.
  1580. >But now, with her heart fluttering, she starts to reconsider.
  1581. >In her head, she couches herself not to screw this up as she switches gears from witty banter to luring this little minx into her bed
  1582.  
  1583.  
  1584.  
  1585.  
  1586.  
  1587.  
  1588.  
  1589. >With focus, a Crystal Pony can control the opacity and make-up of their bodies independently.
  1590. >It makes them masters of thriving and raising foals in harsh conditions.
  1591. >A expecting mare can lower the opacity of her body so the careful eye of the father can inspect the foal within her. From there, they can instantly detect any maladies or defects and correct them before it's too late. Injured Crystal Ponies can do the same thing so medical aid can be faster and more sure when treating internal injuries.
  1592. >Crystal Ponies can also harden their bodies into a near indestructible crystal when in peril. Aided by magic, the crystalline structure of their bodies can shift in impossible ways, allowing them to still move. Pregnant mares and parents defending young foals can curl up around the foals and harden to defend them.
  1593. >In an adaption shared only by dragons, Crystal Ponies can consume gems, ores, metals, and minerals for sustenance alongside normal food. A bite from a Crystal Pony's diamond-like teeth has unearthly force.
  1594. >They needed all of these abilities under their tyranny to Sombra, who let vital services fall into ruin.
  1595.  
  1596.  
  1597.  
  1598.  
  1599.  
  1600.  
  1601.  
  1602. >Virtual games played with the brain as the input replaced videogames in Equestria.
  1603. >The players remote control an avatar in a simulated world that uses their senses and bodily input to move and interact with the environment. If it were not the HUD in their vision reminding them it's a game, they might mistake it for real life.
  1604. >One of the best things about VPAGs (Variable Player Astral Games) is how with some imagination and planning, someone can make their own game with no magic knowledge. A special dev and mod kit that can interpret incoming thought was released for such a thing, and the creators can even distribute the game and run "servers" if they have a storage medium with a publicly available passcode.
  1605. >The creator can even interact with the players and change the game on the fly to make for some really dynamic play. This made it really popular with O&O players.
  1606. >Of course user made games are unrated, but they tend to be pretty innocent and simple. Akin to phone games.
  1607. >Twilight happens to own one of the best set-ups in Equestria. Her friends from Canterlot come down every so often to play with her.
  1608. >Recently though, they've been getting burned out on their usual fare and decide they want something new, maybe something light-hearted.
  1609. >That's when Twi has a stroke of genius. Who else to make something interesting and light hearted than her friend Anon. An alien colt is bound to come up with something memorable.
  1610. >You, naturally, find the whole thing incredible. The idea of making a game of your own and having others play it that easily sounds great.
  1611. >But Twilight made one mistake. She didn't tell you what kind of game she wanted.
  1612. >So you, a masochist who delights in being brutalized by vidya, despises handholding, and the maker of a number of "1 HP" mods on earth, make a game that YOU would like for Twi and her pals.
  1613. >Poor mares had no idea.
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617.  
  1618.  
  1619.  
  1620. >Anon hangs out at a friend's place
  1621. >It's summer, and it's hot out
  1622. >She takes her shirt off and stands in front of a fan
  1623. >Is confused by Anon's reaction
  1624. >Anon decides that it's hot (and realizes that it's this kinda party) and removes his shirt too
  1625. >His friend has to make an effort not to stare at his abs or biceps
  1626. >None of her friends believe her when she claims that one of her guy friends just stripped half naked when he came over
  1627.  
  1628. >It's summer, and it's hot.
  1629. >He wears a skin-tight cotton wife beater (husband beater here) that leaves nothing to the imagination.
  1630. >To his irritation, all the pants here are tight and the shorts are just plain fruity, so he cuts off some jeans to make jorts. He cuts them a little too high, but just shrugs.
  1631. >Little does he know, this is the equivalent to a bikini and daisy dukes.
  1632. >All his girl friends are silently celebrating that their janegirl pal is so oblivious
  1633.  
  1634. If man pants are too tight, buy girl pants.
  1635.  
  1636.  
  1637.  
  1638.  
  1639.  
  1640.  
  1641. >Anon has been in Equestria for a while, and has stumbled upon a little something called Penthouse, and starts reading them.
  1642. >They're hilarious and he can't believe the silly fantasies horny mares make up.
  1643. >They're so funny in fact, that he decides to fuck around and see what a mare would actually do in one of these situations.
  1644. >Would they act as suave and confident as they pretend?
  1645. >He's at Twilight's for tea, and he's acting uncomfortable, squirming in his seat and pawing at the front of his pants every once in a while.
  1646. >"Anon? Is something wrong?"
  1647. "No... Well, maybe."
  1648. >"What is it? I'll help if I can."
  1649. "I doubt that, but, well, it's embarrassing... You know I've been in Equestria for six months, right?"
  1650. >"Yes, and we've loved having you. You're such a nice stallion and the foals love playing with you."
  1651. "That's nice of you to say. Anyway, the thing is, since I've been here, I've not been... intimate with another."
  1652. >"R-really? That's um..."
  1653. "Yeah, and the thing is, I've gotten a little backed up."
  1654. >"B-backed up?"
  1655. "My testicles; they're so full and swollen that they hurt. If only I could find a special somepony to help drain them. Or even a kind friend. It's asking too much though, and I know I'll just have to deal with it..."
  1656. >"I- You- What-Testicales- semen- ."
  1657. "Hmm? What's that you say? Are you offering to drain my poor, swollen balls, Twilight?"
  1658. >"M-me?!"
  1659. "You will?! Oh Twilight! You really are a great friend!"
  1660. >*Zip*
  1661. >The next week, Anon reads through the new Penthouse stories, and grins at what he sees.
  1662. >"Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but I've learned something amazing about stallions. It turns out those stories about stallion's having to spill their seed periodically or suffer discomfort are true, and I was lucky enough to be their for a friend in need..."
  1663.  
  1664. >An unforeseen bonus of this prank is Twilight offering her services whenever you need it.
  1665. >"I'd hate for you to end up in such an awful state again, Anon. You should come by on a bi-weekly basis so that I can keep you sufficiently drained."
  1666. "That sounds like a good idea."
  1667. >"Really?! Er, I mean, yes, it's the only logical thing to do. And since you'll be over, we might as well make a night of it. Maybe... Dinner and books?"
  1668. "No movie night?"
  1669. >"The books are better."
  1670. "Which ones?"
  1671. >"All of them."
  1672. "Fine, but my eyes get tired pretty fast, so you should read out loud."
  1673. >"I can do that!"
  1674. "And for optimal comfort, we should lay down together so I can rest my head on you. Those thighs look fluffy."
  1675. >"Squee!"
  1676.  
  1677.  
  1678.  
  1679.  
  1680. >The second night you would be "drained" and first odd date night is going great.
  1681. >Twilight had prepared a delicious meal that even had fish, something few ponies knew how to work with, and in return, you ignored the take-out containers in the garbage from a gryphon run restaurant.
  1682. >Then came the books, which started with the first entry of the Daring Do franchise.
  1683. >While you struggled to not see it as a Indiana Jones ripoff, you have to admit Twilight is an excellent reader, and how she tries to do various voices to heighten the experience is endearing.
  1684. >Also, her belly made an excellent pillow to rest your head against.
  1685. >You'd have kept it on her thighs, but then she was too flustered to read without mistakes.
  1686. >And then, after two hours of listening to her, she closes the book at the end up the chapter marking the halfway point, and takes a deep breath.
  1687. >"I think that's a good enough place to stop for now."
  1688. "Sounds good."
  1689. >"That leaves only one last activity before concluding our night."
  1690. "Yep."
  1691. >"Anon... W-would you remove your pants so I may administer the treatment?"
  1692. "Of course doctor Twilight."
  1693. >"Y-you know, it's funny, but I actually do have a doctorate in magical study, so Dr. Sparkle is technically correct, haha..."
  1694. "That's the best kind of correct."
  1695. >"S-so anyway, I'll just use my mouth again, and..."
  1696. "That's fine, Twilight, but I was actually wondering... Well, I feel awful for not paying you back last time you helped me out, and I was wondering... Have you heard of the sixty-nine position?"
  1697. >"Um, no? Is that some sort of math equation?"
  1698. "Heh, no, here, stand up and turn around."
  1699. >"Okay...?"
  1700. "Give me that pillow- thanks. Okay, now stand over me. Then..."
  1701. >*Zip*
  1702. "And now, lower that backside," you command slapping two palms on her rump, getting a pleasant jiggle.
  1703. >"A-anon?! What-?!"
  1704. "Returning the favor, that's all. Now we can both enjoy ourselves, like this."
  1705. >She squeaks as your tongue runs up her puffy slit and it winks wildly in appreciation
  1706.  
  1707.  
  1708.  
  1709.  
  1710.  
  1711.  
  1712.  
  1713. >Anonymous is an earth pony who's spent his life striking out with mares.
  1714. >While handsome and a prime example of a virile stallion (in his honest opinion) he's always had trouble talking to girls.
  1715. >Whenever he tries, he starts to stutter and get all sweaty, a combination of traits that gets most mares to giggle and walk away.
  1716. >And so he trudges on, a kissless virgin who can't manage to land even a date with the fairer sex.
  1717. >One day, he's staring up at the stars, and he sighs.
  1718. >A shooting star passes, and he half-heartedly mumbles.
  1719. "I wish I could find a mare willing to give me a chance..."
  1720. >The star turns abruptly, getting the stallion to raise a brow.
  1721. >That's weird, it almost looks like it's coming straight at him.
  1722. "... Oh crap."
  1723. >In the brief time he has to react, he shuts the window glass and dive for cover just in time for the burning ball of death to crash through his home, setting the whole place ablaze.
  1724. >A body is never found, so he is given a token burial.
  1725. >On his tombstone it reads, "Here Lies Anonymous. He Never Scored."
  1726. >His friends thought they were real comedians.
  1727.  
  1728. >Meanwhile, in a parallel dimension, a lonely mare sighs as she watches the night sky.
  1729. >Fluttershy see's a shooting star and mumbles, "I wish I could meet a stallion willing to give me a chance."
  1730. >She'd often get tongue-tied and nervous, and the profuse sweating would send most colts running.
  1731. >The shooting star turns abruptly.
  1732. >"Huh... is that coming towards... Oh dear."
  1733. >She ducks for cover, but the fireball hits her yard and leaves a trench as animals scatter in fear.
  1734. >Fluttershy herself is also fearful, but she has to make sure none of her animal friends are hurt, so she goes to investigate.
  1735. >When she looks into the crater, she gasps upon seeing a green earth pony covered in scorch marks.
  1736.  
  1737.  
  1738.  
  1739.  
  1740.  
  1741.  
  1742. >Anonicorn in Celestia's school under disguise in the hopes that a more formal setting will help with his lacking magical and social skills
  1743. >actually manages to make some friends somehow that may or may not be into card games
  1744. >disguise goes down unexpectedly one day
  1745. >little filly goes "woah"
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748. >little filly has a magic rubiks cube containing the ancient spirit queen of games.
  1749. >queen thinks anonicorn's true form is an alter-ego like herself and pressures the little filly to get with him so she can potentially get a good old spirit dicking.
  1750.  
  1751.  
  1752.  
  1753.  
  1754.  
  1755.  
  1756.  
  1757. >Spergity is a clingy drunk.
  1758. >When alcohol gets involved all those carefully constructed hoofmade checks and balances that she uses to stop herself accidently pushing anypony away take a backseat.
  1759. >Happily attaches herself to the nearest warm body and just giggles while commenting on what they're wearing or could be wearing.
  1760. >Having an eye for fashion even while inebriated, her comments often get taken the wrong way.
  1761. >Anon just finds it cute and agrees to let her make him an outfit.
  1762. >Finds it less cute when she pulls out a tape measure and starts measuring him right then and there, a needle and thread jerkily floating and trying to poke his pant legs
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765. >If Spergity gets any more drunk, she reaches the point where she starts to voice all her frustrations that come from dealing with ponies
  1766. >"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Anonymous! Why do ponies get uncomfortable when I talk about card games? How come they get angry when I tell them how to make their outfits look better? Why does daddy say it's inappropriate to give ponies hugs?!"
  1767. >Anon spends the evening consoling a drunk, crying Rarity
  1768.  
  1769.  
  1770.  
  1771.  
  1772.  
  1773.  
  1774.  
  1775. >be a prince.
  1776. >ywn get accidently rescued from an shit arranged marrage by a dragoness kidnapping you.
  1777. >ywn bond with her during your captivity.
  1778. >ywn marry her instead, smoothing over relations with your family when they get roughly the same amount of gold and gems they were banking on anyway from a rival kingdom.
  1779. >Dragoness is okay with it since "I can get more treasures like that any day of the week, but there's only one of you, and you're MINE."
  1780.  
  1781.  
  1782. >Living in the sparkle playset™ for a few weeks now.
  1783. >Watch as your little bro spike dejectedly wanders in after striking out again with that Rarity mare.
  1784. >Seems like she wants a guy that's more like one from your world rather than this, at least thats what you can gather from how she acts like a typical woman sometimes rather than the confusing backwards society every other pony has.
  1785. >If you couldn't help seeing all the ponies as adorable little children to hug and coddle you might have given it a shot yourself, well before you became bros with spike at any rate Bros dont cockblock each other after all.
  1786. >Decide that enough is enough and that if Rarity wants a man then she'll get one.
  1787. >Drag spike outside and explain you're going to teach him how to be man.
  1788. >Harmony magic of equestria kicks in to make it a montage as your dormant tulpa begins to sing.
  1789. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6IYt2qMj1A [Open]
  1790. >Half way through a teenage dragoness shows up with her little sister, just leaving from a 'Friendship seminar' or whatever, and simply watch the males with interest.
  1791. >At the end of it the smol dragon shares a look with her sister before running over to spike and hoisting him over her shoulder.
  1792. >"Dibs."
  1793. >She then proceeds to run around the corner, ignoring spikes protests to the treatment.
  1794. >You stand there perplexed for a moment before warmth wraps around your side, a wing drapes over your back and a tail sensually winds itself around your leg.
  1795. >Turning your head to the source and having your gaze captured by two gorgeous gemstones, you simply agree when they suggest finding something to eat while the hatchlings are playing.
  1796.  
  1797.  
  1798.  
  1799.  
  1800.  
  1801.  
  1802. >You end up married to a dragoness.
  1803. >She thought it would be fun to shake up the old "kidnap a prince" trope and take an alien instead. She kidnapped you right off your balcony in Canterlot castle.
  1804. >She turns out to be a real sweetie with a heart more golden then her entire hoard. Also she could do absolutely sinful things with that cloaca.
  1805. >Anyway...
  1806. >Twilight sends you a letter one day saying she finally made a portal back to earth.
  1807. >You've settled with your lovey dragoness and have no real intention of going back to earth, but you do kind of miss your family.
  1808. >Maybe a visit won't hurt.
  1809. >Your dragon wife isn't going to let you go alone, though. No no, she's not letting her most valued and beloved treasure wander without someone to protect him.
  1810. >So she says she's going with you.
  1811. >Like in old earth legends, Equestrian dragons who are powerful enough can learn magic, shape shifting in particular.
  1812. >So your wife crafts a human disguise to use on earth. What does an RGR dragon make her human form look like?
  1813. >A tall, curvy, muscular amazon of a woman, one so impossibly beautiful and imposing that just looking at her would ruin marriages and inspire fetishes. God help any macho man she talks so, because he'll be emasculated real quick.
  1814. >Walking into your parents house and introducing your wife is going to be an experience for sure
  1815.  
  1816.  
  1817.  
  1818.  
  1819.  
  1820.  
  1821. Ponies need sugar to function.
  1822. >Specifically, they need the accumulated mana of plants, the sugary parts being usually more rich in magic.
  1823. >While a mana deficiency isn't deadly, symptoms include lethargy, forgetfulness, and, in younger ponies, permanent brain damage.
  1824. >Unfortunately, fruits lose mana even quicker than they spoil. Fresh is best.
  1825. >The expertise of Equestrian agromancers allows harvests most of the year.
  1826. >Fresh strawberries, full to the brim with young energy within a month after winter wrap-up - that's nothing to scoff at!
  1827. >Still, they can't grow in the snow.
  1828. >Greenhouses require expensive magic-neutral glass, and the winter sun doesn't make for mana-rich crops.
  1829. >Most methods of preservation release the magic immediately. Heat treatments or drying don't work.
  1830. >Peach jam will allow you to taste the fruit off-season, but it will not nourish the soul.
  1831. >For most crops, the only way to delay the mana decay is a very delicate harvest.
  1832. >Any magic, any touch by a living being, even the material of the container can disturb the fragile aura of a fruit;
  1833. >Late apple harvest are almost exclusively collected through bucking and sealed in apple wood barrels.
  1834. >But by winter's end, as the reserves run low, there is always worry. It's unthinkable now, but the older folks may still remember shortages and rationing.
  1835.  
  1836. >Thankfully, there is one crop that can be reliably and effectively preserved with most of its mana intact.
  1837. >A particular cultivar of sugar cane has a very robust aura. Its juice, evaporated in the midsummer sun, retains magic even after years!
  1838. >The cultivar is delicate, the process is labor-intensive, but the strategic value of this particular sort of sugar can't be overstated.
  1839.  
  1840. >So, when you call Rarity " 'Rara" and she tells you to "stahp it, darling", she isn't mad at you for butchering her name.
  1841. >She thinks that it's short for "Demerara" - that you are calling her the Essence of Life, the Giving Plant, the Last Guardian.
  1842. >And that is beautiful
  1843.  
  1844.  
  1845.  
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848.  
  1849.  
  1850. >Anon is sought after by some royal mages
  1851. >A lot of problems with their rituals and experiments is that the conservation of energy exists, and excess/byproduct magic has nowhere to go once it builds up
  1852. >It's like charging a battery with too much energy, or overfilling a bucket of water
  1853. >Magic gets backed up, it overflows into the parts of the ritual circle that don't need it, and it causes the entire thing to short-circuit
  1854. >They can't just open a hole into empty space and pump the magic out, because the general population doesn't like it when unicorns just eject raw magic over their homes
  1855. >The old solution was to build larger magical batteries/capacitors, but that's expensive and the amount of magic required to contain more magic increases exponentially
  1856. >These sorts of rituals and experiments could only be done on a small scale as a result
  1857. >But Anon can help them
  1858. >He can enter the spell circles and not be harmed by the magic, since the iron in his blood acts as a magic "no u"
  1859. >But the important part is that he's the metaphorical drain in the magical bathtub that they need
  1860. >If they put him where too much magic is building up, it simply drains away into the aether, where it can be drawn upon and used again
  1861. >Once they modify any spell circles to drain any excess magic into one area - the area where Anon is in - they can start performing larger and more complicated rituals
  1862. >This is like somebody figuring out a way to pump all the excess heat out of their computer, and now they can start playing Crysis on ultra settings
  1863.  
  1864.  
  1865.  
  1866. >Twilight is visiting the princess to personally report on Anon's effect on nearby magical fields
  1867. >It's delicate information ("the poor colt could be foalnapped if some bad pony found out about him!"), so Twilight insists on hoof-delivering it to the princess
  1868. >Regardless, Anon cannot enter the castle (let alone approach the princess) until the research revolving around him has been concluded
  1869. >They don't know everything about his body's effect on magic, so they figure it might be a bad idea to bring him near the massively magical creature that is responsible for raising the sun every morning
  1870. >Twilight asks one of her Canterlonian friends (and the biggest bookworm in Canterlot since Twilight moved) to look after Anon while she and the princess talk for a few hours
  1871. >Moondancer isn't happy having to foal-sit Anon and is even less happy that her own magical experiments have been interrupted
  1872. >Irritated and short-tempered, she barely glances over the list of things not to do while Anon is around ("don't let him near magical fields. Don't let him near spell-circles. Don't feed him hay, and make sure he gets to bed before 10 at night or else he'll be cranky in the morning") and just has Anon follow her while she goes about her day.
  1873. >The report isn't too involved, since knowledge falling into the wrong hooves etc etc
  1874. >Moondancer is experimenting with a small spell-circle today.
  1875. >It's only a foot across and uses less than a dozen magical runes, but it's the largest she can make without worrying about the magical byproducts zapping a hole in her roof
  1876. >"Just sit over there and don't bother me."
  1877. >Anon sits down on a nearby chair, coincidentally near the magical capacitor in her spell-circle
  1878. >Completes a small ritual
  1879. >Scans the circle to get a readout of the numbers
  1880. >"Why is the capacitor array so low? It should be 100%, not 23%."
  1881. >Did she flood her home with raw magic again?
  1882. >Glances at Anon
  1883. >Notices his location
  1884. >Remembers Twilight's notes
  1885. >lightbulb.parchment
  1886.  
  1887.  
  1888.  
  1889.  
  1890.  
  1891.  
  1892.  
  1893. >Be Magos Anon
  1894. >For five hundred years you have tinkered, toiled, and created
  1895. >The Omnissiah's will has allowed you to do things your peers could only dream of
  1896. >You'd built new weapons for the holy titans
  1897. >Fabricated new void shields
  1898. >Even built an air filtration system that also syphoned deadly radiation
  1899. >Your work even impressed the Emperor of man himself
  1900. >You don't believe he is the Omnissiah made manifest, but he is a fascinating being, one worth of your respect
  1901. >He has asked you and your aramada to go to a far-off world
  1902. >It was a agri world
  1903. >Pre industrialization
  1904. >There was an asteroid belt a few thousand miles from it, rich with metals
  1905. >It was a gift; the result of all of your wonders
  1906. >With it, you could make titans that would dwarf those from millenia past!
  1907. >There was a catch however, as with most things that were too good to be true
  1908. >The planet housed various species
  1909. >Many were sentient
  1910. >You could not kull their populations
  1911. >You also could not set up forges anywhere near their planet
  1912. >It was no issue, there was a planet not far from it that matched Holy Mars quite well, but the Emperor insisted that you parlay with these xenos
  1913. >Apparently, he knew their leaders somehow
  1914. >How he would not indulge you
  1915. >He did insist that no harm come to them, and they were to be protected at all cost
  1916. >You are not very pleased by this
  1917. >You are also not pleased by the fact that these "ponies" want you to make a machine that washes socks while cooking food
  1918. >Something practical for a stallion, they all said
  1919. >There was also far too much singing
  1920. >And the little zenos likes to run underneath your robes
  1921. >You did not like them
  1922. >You particularly didn't care for when the big white one bragged that she, "make that big, long-haired colt squirt like a firehose two dozen times without breaking a sweat."
  1923. >Fucking Emperor...
  1924.  
  1925.  
  1926.  
  1927.  
  1928.  
  1929.  
  1930.  
  1931. >Crystal flesh expends energy because it acts as an active representation of a crystal pony's emotional state
  1932. >This is because they are concerned more with sharing love and empathy
  1933. >The nature of their flesh, being crystal, is angular, has plenty of flat surfaces, and conducts energy/magic very well; ideal for catching and reflecting light
  1934. >Changeling flesh is black and dull in order to conserve as much love energy as possible, not wasting an ounce uselessly mirroring a changeling's emotional state
  1935. >A race that steals energy and hides it away has no need to waste any, and they don't benefit from letting anyone else know how they feel
  1936. >Likewise, their skin is thick and rubbery, and very little energy/magic escapes from it; good for changing shape and stretching to different proportions, and for helping them hide in dark places
  1937.  
  1938.  
  1939.  
  1940.  
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944.  
  1945. >After the liberation of the Crystal Empire, every pony is happy.
  1946. >Every pony but his harem of personal concubines.
  1947. >Seriously, Sombra was the most uncolty stallion in a lot of ways, and that included his sexual appetite that rivaled any mare.
  1948. >An appetite that lead to all the thickest, shiniest crystal mares in the kingdom to be his sex slaves.
  1949. >Truly, a horrible (great) fate to be sure.
  1950. >And now those mares have to go out and get real jobs because some trixie thundercunt princess and her trophy husband had to go and save the kingdom from Sombra's tyranny.
  1951. >They didn't vote for her
  1952.  
  1953.  
  1954.  
  1955.  
  1956.  
  1957.  
  1958. >Shining brought his young but no-longer-a-baby daughter to O&O night with the boys once due to lack of foalsitter.
  1959. >Discord rolled with it and let her play as Shiny's animal companion, was also a bro and made everything slightly more kid friendly than usual.
  1960. >Everyone had more fun than expected.
  1961. >Planted the seed for her own fascination with the game and others like it.
  1962.  
  1963.  
  1964.  
  1965.  
  1966.  
  1967. >When Anon was warped to RGRE, his entire house came with him.
  1968. >Anon always loved children, but since on earth liking kids as a man automatically made you a creepy pedo, he kept his distance.
  1969. >In RGRE though? Curious foals ran right up to him and felt zero danger once his voice outed him as a guy. They quickly broke down his reluctance and got him to play with them.
  1970. >It only took one afternoon playing with the town's foals in the park for the adults to accept him without question. No one who loves foals could be bad in their minds.
  1971. >His large human-sized house provides plenty of spaces to take care of younglings, and it shows when his nearest neighbors come to him and ask him to watch their foals for the night.
  1972. >They were rambunctious yet adorable little things. He played with them, made them dinner, gave them a bath, then out them to bed in his guest room.
  1973. >They were all too eager to get into mischief in "the giant house" but the careful eyes and suddenly stern voice of the large man deterred them much faster than a pony's would.
  1974. >His neighbors were thrilled that their children were cared for so we'll and left Anon with a decent payment. A payment he used to buy toys, coloring supplies, and some wood to make a treehouse in has back yard for the inevitable "next time"
  1975. >Word spread, and soon Anon was running a professional daycare out of his home.
  1976. >And since physical contact is important for a foal's development, he got to cuddle all the adorable tiny ponies he would ever want
  1977. >Truly, this is heaven.
  1978.  
  1979.  
  1980.  
  1981.  
  1982.  
  1983.  
  1984. >Mare takes an interest in Anon.
  1985. >All of 'his' foals watch her with suspicion and haze her with standard rom com shenanigans.
  1986. >Teenage-goth-filly-who-really-doesnt-need-a-foalsitter-at-this-point-but-humors-her-dad just enjoys the schadenfreude from the sidelines.
  1987. Not realising the foals have been trying to push her and anon together for weeks because she's "one of their own."
  1988.  
  1989.  
  1990.  
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993. >While Anon is distracted with goth teen, some of the other fillies sneak in his bedroom and try to steal a some of his socks and underwear
  1994. >The fillies plot are dicover a few days later by their parents
  1995. >The mothers went just with some apologies, fillies will be filies after all
  1996. >Father made long monologues and promising proper punishment and buy him new socks and such, the ones the fillies took were to defiled to worn by any respectful stallion
  1997. >Anon didn't mind that much, he had done similar when he was a teen too
  1998. >But the Teen goth filly, she was mane-in-dark-flames pissed
  1999.  
  2000.  
  2001.  
  2002.  
  2003.  
  2004.  
  2005.  
  2006. >At first, Rainbow Dash just rolls her eyes
  2007. >"Another gym bunny here to give up on his new year's resolution after 2 weeks. Whatever, the gym'll suck less once all these wanna-be's go home."
  2008. >Anon doesn't give up, and Rainbow notices
  2009. >He sticks to the treadmill because he's shithouse at figuring out how to exercise, but what's important is that he doesn't give up and stop going
  2010. >Rainbow notices him going there every day, and starts to feel curious
  2011. >Who is he?
  2012. >Where did he come from?
  2013. >Why is he here?
  2014. >Why isn't he on the internet claiming that terms like "obesity" and "overweight" are slurs, like the rest of the fat dudes in that world?
  2015. >So, she lets her curiosity get the better of her, and she approaches him while he's staring at a new machine looking puzzled
  2016. >"You know, that's not how you use it."
  2017. "Oh! I, uh... I don't-"
  2018. >"Here's how it's done. The name's Rainbow Dash, by the way."
  2019. "A-Anon. Thanks for showing me how to do this."
  2020. >"It's cool. You know, my record on this baby is..."
  2021. >This continues every day
  2022. >Rainbow Dash teaches him about how to use the machines, and Anon shares stories about his life in two previous worlds
  2023. >Acquaintances turn into workout buddies, turn into genuine friendship
  2024. >Now, they rely on each other to help push the other harder and harder, and they know they can rely on each other for support
  2025. >Cut a few months later, and they're the gym's newest sickeningly-sweet couple
  2026. >Complete with wearing matching workout outfits and calling each other all manner of cute pet names
  2027.  
  2028.  
  2029.  
  2030.  
  2031.  
  2032.  
  2033.  
  2034. >”ANNOOOOOOOOOOON!”
  2035. >Your nap thoroughly interrupted, you awaken to find yourself in the royal suite the Princesses had lent you while you got settled in.
  2036. >”ANOOOON PLEASE.”
  2037. >With someone frantically pounding on the door no less.
  2038. >”PLEASE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”
  2039. >Forcing yourself out of bed, you stumble over to the door and pull it open to reveal:
  2040. >Prince Blueblood, so far your only friend in this world.
  2041. >”Oh thank my aunt! Anon I need to talk to you!”
  2042. >Before you can even mutter out so much as a hello, he’s already sprinted into your room and thrown himself upon your couch.
  2043. >”Oh Anon, my trusted confidant, I’m beside myself!”
  2044. >Finally awake enough to muster up a response, you plop yourself in a chair by the couch and ask:
  2045. “What’s up?”
  2046. >”Oh, I know you’re just being polite Anon, but there’s no need to play coy. It’s obvious the second you look at me.”
  2047. >In an attempt to humor him you take a closer look at his appearance.
  2048. >Hey...
  2049. “Oh! I see you got your mane cut. It’s looks-”
  2050. >”AWEFUL!”
  2051. >His sudden interjection surprises you.
  2052. >The only /real/ difference as far as you can tell, is it’s a lot shorter.
  2053. >It’s still long enough to go all the way down to his shoulders, but comparatively it is shorter.
  2054. “So uh, what happened?”
  2055. >”They stylist IGNORED what I said I wanted, and cut it like THIS. The whole time she could tell how uncomfortable it made me! And she just kept doing it! Oh, I’m never leaving the castle to get my mane cut ever again!”
  2056. >You try your best not to roll your eyes.
  2057. >Man stallions around here can be so-
  2058. >”No, I’m never leaving the castle again, PERIOD! I can’t be seen like this!”
  2059. >-petty.
  2060. “Oh come on Blue, it’s not that bad.”
  2061. >”Not that bad!? Anon try to be nice! This is a whole inch and a half shorter than I wanted! I LOOK HIDEOUS!”
  2062. >At that he well and truly breaks down
  2063. >You try to comfort him as best you can, but to be honest, you have no fucking idea how to deal with this.
  2064. >Fucking stallions man.
  2065.  
  2066.  
  2067.  
  2068.  
  2069.  
  2070.  
  2071. >You attend Applejack's family reunion on her insistence
  2072. >Probably because of the talk she had with you about "needin to meet a nice, hardworkin gal"
  2073. >You see a butt-ton of Apple family members as far as the eye can see
  2074. >As expected of backwards human ponyland, the men are dressed conservatively while the women are borderline topless
  2075. >Somehow, Applejack can name each and every one of them by heart, and they all shake your hand thinking you're her boyfriend
  2076. >One Apple, her aunt Apple Dumpling, comes up to you and gives you a big, smothering hug
  2077. >Thanks in part to the massive amounts of cleavage on display through her dress
  2078. >"Why Applejack, ah had no idea y'all brought such a handsome young man here! If ah had known, ah would've freshened up a bit more..."
  2079. >The generous amounts of sweaty tit flesh engulfing your head easily gives you a stiffie, which isn't lost on a concerned Applejack
  2080. >Applejack doesn't comment on this, but she does try to warn you below earshot
  2081. >Apple Dumpling is a notorious flirt when it comes to "new faces"
  2082. >This is, of course, lost on you as you immediately take up the latter's offer to help her cook
  2083. >Some other nearby Apple women who were eavesdropping couldn't help but hoot at Auntie Dumpling's newest catch, much to Applejack's concern
  2084.  
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089.  
  2090.  
  2091. >Anon hears about discords holodeck through the stallion grapevine.
  2092. >With a bit of careful negotiating bribe / begging / / asking fluttershy he manages to disorganise a field trip for his charges so he can show them some of the earth things he's mentioned to them in stories.
  2093. >Those stories may have been a little embellished in places.
  2094. >Or a lot, in some cases.
  2095. >The important part is that a bunch of foals running around with authentic sounding lightsabers that could only injure cardboard 'rebels' was adorable as sin and dressing up as Darth vader was cool alright.
  2096. >Pinkie showing up with little death star shaped cakes for everyone (Including pancakes for discord, "made from real pans!") was just the cherry on top.
  2097.  
  2098.  
  2099. >Started a re-enactment / complete fabrication of assaulting a rebel base.
  2100. >Anon putting on a raspy and intimidating voice.
  2101. >Talking about the 'dark side' while calmly striding forwards with his long legs.
  2102. >Turns to his 'Apprentice' and commands her to take some of their soldiers and go dispose of the rabble.
  2103. >Methodically walks away with the other half of the group without waiting for a response.
  2104. >Teen filly has never been more turned on in her life.
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107.  
  2108.  
  2109.  
  2110.  
  2111.  
  2112. >It was second year since portal have opened and some colorful alien equines came out
  2113. >They were really into "proactive dating"
  2114. >First there was that brothel
  2115. >Whatever human male customer come into that fine place
  2116. >He got married with pony he choice for the night
  2117. >It was a couple of months before brothel was exposed and dismantled
  2118. >And now local alien comunity is offering "Men's Health" screenings pro-bono as a, in their own words, "community service"
  2119. >Go there knowing full well their true intent
  2120. >Hell, you're counting on it
  2121. >Unicorn in lab-coat smirks at you as you enter the testing room while already unbuckling your pants
  2122. >"Oh ho, eager aren't you? Well then, let's get started~"
  2123. >Pull out your package, drop it right onto her table
  2124. >She licks her lips and begins to roll it around and gently palpitate it with her magic
  2125. >"Mmmm, nice and robust, just like a good-"
  2126. >The smile suddenly disappears from her face
  2127. >Her magic squeezes a bit, as if unsure of something, and then starts prodding your balls again
  2128. >And not in the erotic way either
  2129. >She slowly looks up to you with worried eyes
  2130. >"…I think you'll need to schedule an appointment with your doctor, human."
  2131. >Ah, fuck
  2132.  
  2133.  
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138. >Anon can't stand not knowing what's going on across the world.
  2139. >Mares roll their eyes at the hysterical colt who can't get his gossip fix.
  2140. >Anon will show them, he'll show them all.
  2141. >Starts up his own media company, beginning with a lowly gossip rag (where he unleashes his inner shitposter and recruits stallions from across Equestria to write articles), then graduating to a real newspaper with actual investigative reporting
  2142.  
  2143.  
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146.  
  2147.  
  2148. >One day, while touring Canterlot castle, Anon spots a painting of a beautiful mare, and asks who it is.
  2149. >Apparently it's Celestia and Luna's mother who they miss dearly.
  2150. >Absently, Anon snaps a photo, and accidently makes a call.
  2151. >At the Friendship Map, in a distant corner of the world, a cutie mark appears.
  2152. >A mare long thought dead, is very confused that her ass is jiggling
  2153.  
  2154.  
  2155.  
  2156.  
  2157.  
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161. >In one universe, Twilight Sparkle feels her coat stand on end when she feels an unearthly magic surge far in the Everfree
  2162. >She debates on what to do, deciding to adopt a wait and see approach.
  2163. >A whole day passes and nothing happens. Another passes and her nerves settle. On the third day, she puts "Investigate the strange flare" on her to-do list but important things keep popping up, forcing her to push it aside.
  2164. >Eventually, she forgets and life goes on as normal
  2165. >Years later she wonders what it would have been like to settle down. Many came to court her for certain, but her personality drove a number away and the remainder largely wanted her money and status. She eventually became too jaded to try again. A princess is just too busy for a family anyway.
  2166. >Right?
  2167. >In another universe exactly the same, Twilight Sparkle feels her coat stand on end when she feels an unearthly magic surge far in the Everfree.
  2168. >She debates on what to do, deciding to go and investigate immediately despite her busy schedule
  2169. >Boy is she glad she did
  2170. >She comes across the broken and dying body of a real-life human, one totally different from the ones in the portal world. It-no HE stares at her with unfocused, pain-filled eyes, silently begging for help.
  2171. >A bloodied hand reaches out to her, and she takes it in her hoof.
  2172. >The human's trembling calms at the simple touch
  2173. >The following days are turbulent when she teleports herself to the hospital with the nearly-dead human on her back
  2174. >Twilight visits every day, and a new friendship forms. His fear is forgotten in favor of the endearing cheekiness of a janefilly. His crude and strange humor never fails to make her smile, and his resolve to make do with an unfortunate fate, ripped away from all he knows, fills her with quiet awe
  2175. >None of that helped her panic when he shyly admitted his feelings for her and asked her out one day months later
  2176. >But hardly a year later Princess Twilight was happily married and expecting a foal in the coming weeks
  2177. >One day in the universe where Twilight decided to wait that one fateful day, she gets a rare day off to pursue some of her neglected experiments.
  2178. >All it took was one itchy wing twitching to send a vial of liquid mana to the floor.
  2179. >Normally that wouldn’t be a problem. Twi’s whole workshop floor is enchanted to catch falling objects.
  2180. >Too bad she hasn’t recharged the enchantment in 10 years.
  2181. >The vial crashes to the floor, right onto a scroll containing a space-time warping spell.
  2182. >Twilight didn’t get to say “Oops” before everything goes white.
  2183. >...
  2184. >”Hey dad! There is some strange mare that looks like mom passed out in mom’s workshop!” a little colt’s voice says from the door.
  2185. >Twilight blinks and winces, trying to push back the awful migraine throbbing behind her eyes.
  2186. >She looks around at her worksh... This isn’t her workshop. This is completely different.
  2187. >”Yeah, that’s probably your mom, kiddo. She does that sometimes. Now if only she didn’t spend all night in there,” a bemused and much deeper male voice says. The cracked door opens to reveal...
  2188. >A human cloaked in a bathrobe. A very tall human with an ALICORN COLT hiding behind his legs.
  2189. >An alicorn colt that looks frighteningly like HER.
  2190. >The human blinks before his eyes harden, his stance suddenly becoming much more threatening. “Who the fuck are you and why do you look like a knock-off of my wife?” he says, his face screwing up into a snarl.
  2191. >Twilight instinctually flinches at the bared canine teeth, the back of her mind noting that the colt has the same teeth as the human.
  2192. >*Pop!* Somone teleports in just around the corner of the doorway.
  2193. >”My alert wards triggered so I rushed back! Arcanum! Did you go in again?” A strangely familiar voice asks.
  2194. >”No mom!” The colt insists. “It’s a changeling that looks like you! Look!”
  2195. >”A changeling? My wards cancel illusions too, so there can’t be-!”
  2196. >The owner of the voice rounds the corner, and Twilight feels her migraine redouble when an almost-exact copy of herself steps inside, looking at her with just as much shock.
  2197. >The human sighs. “It’s going to be one of ‘those’ days, isn’t it?”
  2198.  
  2199.  
  2200.  
  2201.  
  2202.  
  2203.  
  2204.  
  2205.  
  2206. >Princess Twilight would work herself to death if she didn't have someone to drag her back every so often.
  2207. >Her friends all live away from Canterlot and they have their families and jobs to worry about on top of age beginning to make then trip exhausting. They can't always spare the time to visit when sightings of Twilight get sparse.
  2208. >All of them are relived that Twilight had the foresight to assign someone as kind as you to keep an eye on her.
  2209. >None of her friends know you keep the Princess grounded by finding increasingly naughty things to do to her, often involving groping her luscious teats.
  2210. >Then her generous ass.
  2211. >Then motorboating both.
  2212. >You even got Twilight to reluctantly reveal her "childish" tome of self-made lewd spells she made back in her teens and 20s. Now that she's a matured alicorn, she can safely cast all of them.
  2213. >Only the guards know, all of them either horrified or painfully aroused by the sounds they hear on their rotation guarding the princess's chambers
  2214.  
  2215.  
  2216.  
  2217.  
  2218.  
  2219.  
  2220. >Anon is daycare worked for young fillies and colts, especially foals.
  2221. >Pay is decent, but getting to spend all his time surrounded by adorable little magical bundles of joy is the real reward.
  2222. >Nap time is the highlight of the day.
  2223. >All the little ponies curl up and ponypile Anon, and between his comfy clothes and gentle ear scratches and headpats, all are out like a light.
  2224. >Hardest part of the day is when parents come to pick up their little ones.
  2225. >More often than not Anon will find a little pony curled up in his his bag or his things hoping to sneak home with "Tall Da-da."
  2226. >One of the smaller pone fillies, Lilpuppy, even managed to sneak herself into his coat pocket.
  2227. >Thank goodness for pony noses: her parents sniffed her out.
  2228. >All in all though, it's a good life
  2229.  
  2230.  
  2231.  
  2232.  
  2233.  
  2234.  
  2235. >While Celestia is protective of Anon, she is not jealous.
  2236. >After all, what does she need to fear?
  2237. >No mortal mare could ever compete with her for Anon's love.
  2238. >Nope, she is not jealous one bit.
  2239. >Not even around the other immortal goddess alicorns.
  2240. >Anon is looking over Twilight's collection of Hyper Space Hyper Wars figurines in awe.
  2241. "Wow, and you really painted them all yourself? They're really detailed!"
  2242. >Twilight puffs up.
  2243. >"Yep! Each one was meticulously painted, just like my big brother taught me!"
  2244. "Shining have a lot of these, too?"
  2245. >"Pfft, Shining makes my collection look small in comparison. Hey, if you get into HSHW too, maybe we can all start playing together! Doesn't that... sound... fun... Um, Princess Celestia, can I help you?"
  2246. >Celestia is standing uncomfortably close to Twilight and between her and Anon, chest puffed out and wings flared threateningly.
  2247. >"Oh no, I'm fine, Twilight. Please, don't mind me."
  2248. >Anon swats Celestia's tail from his face.
  2249. "Tia, do you mind sitting down?"
  2250. >"Oh, I would, but my legs are somewhat cramped and I would like to stretch them a little more."
  2251. "Well, can you do that somewhere else?"
  2252. >"Hmm, I suppose."
  2253. >She lifts Anon in her magic as she takes several steps to the side, then sets him down once again behind her so that she is between him and Twilight.
  2254. >"Is that better, love?"
  2255. "Damn it, Tia..."
  2256.  
  2257.  
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262. >Zebra mare takes up the role of the herd nurse
  2263. >She can mix a potion or other home remedy for nearly everything
  2264. >Fever? Drink the one that looks like glittery grape juice
  2265. >Strained your back because mares never ask for help? Ask her to rub some salve on it
  2266. >Ready for foals? Zebras pride themselves on their libido enhancers
  2267. >Anon's herd hasn't had to visit the physician in over a year
  2268.  
  2269.  
  2270.  
  2271.  
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274. >After once again misreading signals coming from a stallion at the bar and scaring him off, Twilight drowns her frustrations in cider before stumbling home.
  2275. >She was just so upset about her constant striking out with the fairer sex that she went down to her lab to work.
  2276. >The night is a blur, but when she wakes up, she has on her workbench a strange and wondrous device.
  2277. >Somehow she has created what her drunk self has labeled as the horny-o-meter, which can detect how interested a creature is in sex at any given time.
  2278. >Her drunk self also didn't make a blueprint, so her sober self has no idea how it works.
  2279. >It still does however, as a simple test with Spike proved.
  2280. >When she pointed it at the little dragon, it read a 0.
  2281. >Then she said Rarity's name, and it jumped briefly to a 2 before falling to 1.
  2282. >Then she showed him a picture of the mare giving a saucy smile, and it jumped to a 4.
  2283. >Yes, with this, she'd never have to worry about misreading a stallion's desires again.
  2284. >She's so excited to try it out that she goes the bar for the second time in a row and tests the waters.
  2285. >Her excitement quickly becomes disappointment as she doesn't see the needle move past 2 once all night, save for the few times other more attractive mares swoop in and whisk the stallion she was chatting up away.
  2286. >Who was she kidding?
  2287. >Why would a stallion ever want to be with a pudgy, nerdy unicorn like her?
  2288. >As she sits with her head on the bar and ears down, she sips hard cider through multiple straws she engineered together for peak sadness drinking.
  2289. >Then the stool next to her is taken up by the new colt in town.
  2290. >Anon, the strange, but friendly human male who's been settling in nicely.
  2291. >He already has a reputation of being an open shoulder to cry on and an attentive ear to vent to.
  2292. >A good friend to everypony, and probably out of her league too.
  2293. >He smiles gently at her and asks if she's alright.
  2294. >She sighs and thinks about answering as her eyes drift over to her device.
  2295. >The needle is on 6.

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm