Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Friendship is Magic (Part 2)


                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c96ldc0yeYI

                                            "UUUUUUUUUGH, I'm tired."

                                            >You are Sweetie Belle.

                                            >And life is hard.

                                            >"Me too," Apple Bloom mutters. "First Ah have'ta take over a bunch o' my sister's chores 'cause she's off on some adventure in Appleloosa, and then she AND my brother get caught up in some weird mind control spell? I had'ta sit with Granny all DAY while they got checked out, and then the hospital says they was all fine anyway!"

                                            "At least you didn't have to put up with Rarity making clothes for an alien. I couldn't sleep last night 'cause she got one of her 'inspirations' and tried to turn my pillowcase into a hat. I swear, if I have to hear her talk about "thinking vertically" one more time..."

                                            >The two of you share your gripes as you trudge along the road to school.

                                            >"Ah'm gettin' right tired o' these aliens. They're stealin' our sisters!"

                                            "Yeah, aren't they supposed to be stealing our cattle?"

                                            >"Huh? Ah haven't seen 'em around the cattle, are ya tellin' me I gotta watch out fer that too?"

                                            "Nah, it's just dumb stories."

                                            >You hear a familiar scraping sound from behind you, and lazily extend a hoof on your right side.

                                            >Scootaloo answers your greeting with a hearty clap as she zooms past, then dismounts her scooter to fall in step alongside you.

                                            >"How's it hanging?"

                                            "Same as before."

                                            >"That bad, huh?"

                                            "What about you?"

                                            >Scootaloo gives an excited grin.

                                            >"Oh yeah! With everything that happened yesterday, I totally forgot to tell you! I was rolling through town, practicing my moves, when THE Rainbow Dash-"

                                            >"Saw you crash again?"

                                            >Oh no.

                                            >You glare at the two fillies intruding on your conversation.

                                            >"Don't ya have somethin' better ta do, Diamond?"

                                            >"We're just making sure there aren't going to be any major accidents before school," Silver Spoon chimes in with a sneer.

                                            >You sigh.

                                            >Seriously, you crash just ONE giant golden apple float and it's ALL anypony ever talks about for WEEKS now.

                                            >Get new material!

                                            >"That's right, somepony has to make sure that the three of you don't destroy the schoolhouse," Diamond continues, walking in front of you. "Especially that maniac, I heard she was terrorizing the town with that silly thing."

                                            >"I wasn't-"

                                            >"So what did Rainbow CRASH have to say to you? Is the worst weather pony in town now teaching other fillies to be just as destru-HEY!"

                                            >Scootaloo shoves Diamond to the side and keeps walking.

                                            >"Come on girls, don't wanna be late."

                                            >You and Bloom hurry along behind her, ignoring the outraged noises of Diamond and Silver.

                                            >Scoots looks different, her face pinched up in worry.

                                            "You alright?"

                                            >She shakes her head and looks at you with a bright smile.

                                            >"Never better! After all, even Diamond Tiara thinks that Rainbow wants to teach me everything she knows! She could become... like... my big sister!"

                                            >"Ah don't exactly think she meant it like that..."

                                            >"I know, I know. But still! All I need is a way to spend some time with her..."

                                            "Good luck. I never get to spend time with Rarity. Ever since those aliens showed up..."

                                            >"Same with Applejack... Although, we're s'pposed t' be campin' up at Winsome Falls this weekend..."

                                            >It takes a moment before you realize that you've arrived at the schoolhouse.

                                            "Come on girls, we'll talk later."

                                            >The three of you make the usual idle chat with your classmates as you take your seats.

                                            >Scoots and Bloom continue talking in hushed tones as the room begins to settle down.

                                            >When Ms. Cheerilee enters you can feel your eyelids drooping already. This is going to be a LONG day.

                                            >"Good morning, class!"

                                            >You mumble a reply as the others respond in bright and chipper tones.

                                            >"Now, as you all should know, we'll be continuing our review of Equestrian history today..."

                                            >Yay.....

                                            >She won't notice if you take a quick nap, right?

                                            >"...welcome some very special guests to our class..."

                                            >If she dragged in Twilight to give another lecture, you're definitely going to have to sneak in a quick snooze to get through the day.

                                            >"...know virtually nothing about our world, so we've made a special arrangement..."

                                            >Maybe you could get Rarity to make you a small pillow for your desk...

                                            >Wait, what is Ms. Cheerilee talking about now?

                                            >"...so please welcome your new classmates: Jojo and Bruno!"

                                            >The entire class stops breathing as two giants enter.

                                            >With a quick nod of thanks to Ms. Cheerilee, they casually grab some spare desks and walk towards you and the other students.

                                            >The bigger one with a hat sits crosslegged on the floor next to you.

                                            >He notices you staring and you glance away quickly.

                                            >Life is hard, and it looks like it's going to get even harder.


                                            SIXTEEN HOURS EARLIER

                                            "You're absolutely sure?"

                                            >Fluttershy nods, then winces from the sudden movement and leans back on the hospital bed.

                                            >"Positive."

                                            >You are Twilight Sparkle, and it has been a very confusing day.

                                            >At least Fluttershy is alright. She regained consciousness shortly after going to the hospital.

                                            >With that awful thing removed from her head, she was back to her normal self.

                                            >Of course, now you have Zecora to worry about. Not to mention what you overheard at the cottage.

                                            >You think you managed to hide that you had overheard the humans, but you have absolutely no idea what to do about it.

                                            >And not only did you find absolutely no clues as to where Zecora might be, but now Fluttershy is saying there's a whole new problem.

                                            >"It was just as I was leaving. He told me to go back to town and act like nothing was different."

                                            >"It was dark, but I could still see his silhouette. He had that spear with him."

                                            >"Then there was another silhouette. I couldn't tell if it was a filly or a colt, but they were about Apple Bloom's age. Or... maybe a little older. An earth pony... or maybe a pegasus. But definitely not a unicorn. Um... or, maybe it was a unicorn with a very small horn..."

                                            >"Anyway, I could see that he definitely stabbed them with the spear! But a moment later, they got up like nothing was wrong!"

                                            >You turn to the others.

                                            "There haven't been any disappearances, have there? Or unexplained injuries?"

                                            >"I would have been first on the search party," Rainbow answers. "And I already checked with the nurse, no spear-related injuries. Somepony from out of town, maybe?"

                                            >"Nope," Pinkie shakes her head emphatically. "I keep careful track of all visitors, and there haven't been any young fillies or colts or whatdoyoucallbabygriffonsIcan'tquiterememberohrightfledglings or anypony like that since Applejack's cousin, and she left ages ago!"

                                            "So it has to be somepony who's local, and still living life as normal."

                                            >"If they were pierced by an arrow, or spear," Jotaro corrects himself, "and immediately recovered, that definitely means they've awakened to a Stand."

                                            >"We have to find out who they are," Rarity interjects. "Who knows what could happen otherwise? A playground brawl could turn deadly!"

                                            >"But we can't just go 'round askin' little ones if they got any 'magic powers' or 'invisible friends'." Applejack huffs in irritation. "Fer one thing, they'd be too terrified t' give us a straight answer. Remember how long it took Bloom t' fess up 'bout her cutie pox?"

                                            >Your brow lowers in thought.

                                            "What we need is somepony to keep a close eye on the schoolhouse, watching for any sign of a Stand."

                                            >You're beginning to get an idea.

                                            "But only other Stand Users could do that."

                                            >Not only would it solve this current problem, but it just might help with your Jotaro problem as well.

                                            "We need to send some Stand Users to school. And I think I know a good cover story..."


                                            >You are Sweetie Belle again.

                                            >At least your nerves are keeping you wide awake.

                                            >You think the alien is looking at you, but you don't want to find out.

                                            >On your other side, Bloom is silently mouthing something at you.

                                            >It looks like 'Ask him about the cattle'.

                                            >"What is an alicorn?"

                                            >You let out a tiny squeak of shock.

                                            >You force your head to turn to your right, then upwards.

                                            >Way upwards.

                                            >Finally you see the alien's tiny yet fierce eyes staring back at you.

                                            >...

                                            "S-Sorry, what was the question again?"

                                            >"The teacher mentioned alicorns. What is an alicorn?"

                                            "Um, th-that's what the Princesses are. They have w-w-wings and a horn and are bigger and stronger than other ponies too."

                                            >"So there aren't enough of them to count as another... 'tribe'?"

                                            "N-No... There are only three alicorns... as far as I know..."

                                            >He gives you a nod of thanks and scribbles some notes down.

                                            >Wow, he really doesn't know anything about anything, huh?

                                            "There really aren't any ponies where you come from?"

                                            >He looks at you again and you want to run away in fear.

                                            >Curse your adorable yet uncontrollable inquisitiveness!

                                            >"No, at least none remotely similar to any of you. No alicorns, no magic, and no 'cute marks'.

                                            >You gasp.

                                            "You mean you don't have a cutie mark either?"

                                            >"Sweetie Belle!"

                                            >Oh no, Ms. Cheerilee heard you.

                                            >Curse your adorable yet uncontrollable exuberance!

                                            >The class snickers as you clamp your mouth shut and bow your head in a quick apology.

                                            >You notice the alien smiling at you.

                                            >"So you must be Rarity's sister."

                                            "She told you about me?"

                                            >You're not sure if that's a good thing or not.

                                            >"Couldn't shut up about you. Very proud of how you handled a bully a while back."

                                            >YAY!

                                            >Not that you crave Rarity's approval or anything.

                                            >"School can be hard. If you ever need help dealing with bullies, talk to me. I know some tricks most adults won't teach you."

                                            "You're not gonna... eat the bullies or anything, right?"

                                            >He gives you a little smile.

                                            >"No promises."

                                            >You smile back.

                                            >OK, maybe the alien is kinda cool after all.

                                            "What if there's a pony who isn't really bullying you exactly, at least not a lot, but... always acting like she's better than you?"

                                            >"Prove you're better than her."

                                            >You sigh.

                                            "But that's impossible. She has her cutie mark and I don't. Everypony might act like it doesn't matter, but it does! She's basically a grown-up."

                                            >"You don't have to prove it to anyone else. Just yourself."

                                            >He gets that faraway look in eyes that you always see when Rarity is talking about fashion.

                                            >"When I was in school, nobody thought I'd amount to anything. They just saw me as a punk, and I let them. I went my own way, and it worked out alright."


                                            "But... didn't you want to make friends? Have ponies like you?"

                                            >"Not because I was being someone else. And I did make friends, not as many as I could have if I was nicer, but they were genuine friendships. They understood me perfectly."

                                            "Sounds like us, me and Bloom and Scootaloo."

                                            >"Then that's all you need. Popularity, or some mark on your ass that tells you what to do... none of that stuff is half as important as true friendship."

                                            "Now you're sounding like Twilight."

                                            >He smiles again.

                                            >"Bucellati's plan must be working."

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >"Never mind. And feel free to disregard all of my advice. I've known quite a few kids who have, and they still turned out alright."

                                            "So... your advice is to not take your advice."

                                            >He nods.

                                            >"Exactly."

                                            "That doesn't make sense!"

                                            >You're careful to whisper-yell. Luckily Ms. Cheerilee seems wrapped up in her lecture.

                                            >"Just go your own way. Like those marks you get, each one is different, right?"

                                            >You sigh.

                                            "Every time I try that it usually ends in something crashing... or burning... or both."

                                            >"Same here. Plus more busted faces than I can remember. But you're never going to be perfect, and there will always be a lot of shit that you regret. Living true to yourself doesn't fix that, but it makes it easier to get through the worst of it."

                                            "But without my cutie mark... I don't even know who I'm supposed to be."

                                            >"You're already you. Some mark won't change that. Whatever happens to you, no matter what... abilities you get... what really matters is how you choose to use those gifts. That is who you truly are."

                                            >How you 'choose' to use it?

                                            >You hadn't really considered that you'd have those kind of choices. Of course some ponies don't have jobs directly connected to their cutie mark, but stuff like that never seemed to matter as much as getting your mark in the first place.

                                            >Your sister and lots of ponies have told you that it doesn't matter what your mark is, or when you get it, but this is the first time you've heard it from somepony who didn't have their own cutie mark.

                                            >And it's the first time you've heard a grown-up encourage you to make mistakes. Or talk about hurting others so casually.

                                            >But just as soon as you feel like you're close to figuring out something important, the bell rings for recess and the room erupts into the usual chaos.

                                            "Hey... sorry I made you miss the lesson."

                                            >"That's alright, I clearly have to learn a lot of basic things about your world before I'm ready for this class."

                                            "Well, I think we can help you with that."


                                            >"You want to do WHAT?"

                                            >You puff up your chest with pride.

                                            >The final bell has rung, and you've spent most of the school day talking to the not-so-scary alien named Jojo.

                                            >He had a lot of questions for you, and you for him.

                                            >And the more you've talked to him, the more your mind became made up.

                                            >He and the other alien are talking to Ms. Cheerilee as the last of the students leave the classroom.

                                            >But you're not waiting to tell the others your amazing idea.

                                            "I want to invite Jojo to join the Crusaders."

                                            >Bloom and Scoots stare at you in a stunned silence.

                                            >"Uh, ya know he's a grown-up, right?"

                                            "He doesn't have his cutie mark."

                                            >"That's cuz he's an ALIEN!"

                                            "Exactly! He doesn't really know anypony. He didn't even know what an alicorn was, or where Griffons come from, or anything else that every foal knows. He needs a place to belong, and that's exactly what the Crusaders are supposed to provide!"

                                            >"But..."

                                            "Apple Bloom, remember when Zecora first came to Ponyville? Everypony else was scared of her, just 'cause she was different. But you weren't. You knew she just needed a friend."

                                            >Bloom still looks unsure.

                                            >"Well, I guess maybe..."

                                            >"Hang on, what about-"

                                            "Great!"

                                            >You let out a tiny (and adorable) squee, then look around for Jojo.

                                            >"Hang on!"

                                            "What's wrong, Scoots?"

                                            >"You need to ask Rarity to go camping!"

                                            >Your orange friend is practically shouting at you.

                                            >You tilt your head in (adorable) confusion.

                                            "Uh, you HAVE met Rarity, right?"

                                            >Scoots stamps her hoof.

                                            >"It's important! Didn't you listen to anything we talked about at recess?"

                                            >Hm...

                                            >You thought you had. Maybe you hadn't.

                                            >Well, you do remember it was pretty boring.

                                            "Uh... something about Rainbow Dash having a sister?"

                                            >Scoots looks like she's going to explode.

                                            >"No! I want her to be like MY sister! And for that to happen, I need to spend more time with her! Bloom came up with a great plan, but we need you and Rarity to make it work! And you're not even listening to us!"

                                            "I AM listening!"

                                            >"No yer not, yer sneakin' peeks at the alien!"

                                            >Oh no, Bloom noticed.

                                            "W-Well so what? We talk every day, but I've never talked to a real live alien before!"

                                            >"Because we're supposed to be friends! And you're not acting like one!"

                                            >"Yeah! We ain't gonna hang out with the alien 'til ya start actin' normal again!"

                                            >"Aw... look at the little losers having a fight."

                                            >Oh NO.

                                            >"Diamond, this ain't the time."

                                            "Yeah. Don't you have to go home and... smooch... uh, your... money?"

                                            >OK you need to practice doing that.

                                            >"Do you little fillies really think that hanging out with Rainbow Dash or aliens is going to make you stop being lame?"

                                            >Don't give her a reaction.

                                            >You know just what to do!

                                            >You force your face into the shape of an (adorable) scoff.

                                            "Whatever, Diamond. I'm beyond you."


                                            >Scoots and Bloom stop glaring at Diamond to look at you in shock instead.

                                            >"Excuse me?"

                                            "That alien, whose name is JOJO by the way, is my friend. And I'm his. You're obviously incredibly jealous, but I guess I'm just too mature to be upset by you anymore."

                                            >Ooooh, Diamond is FUMING!

                                            >"So you think that just because you tricked some grown-up freaky minotaur to be your friend, that you're all mature now, BLANK FLANK?"

                                            >There it is, but you're ready for her!

                                            "Pretty much," you casually shrug. "I guess for SOME ponies a cutie mark is all that matters, but I find that to be such a limited mindset."

                                            >You casually trot away, towards nothing in particular, with your head held high.

                                            >You hear Diamond sputter in confusion.

                                            >"Well... fine! You're not the only one who can make friends with an alien."

                                            >Out of the corner of her eye you see her move toward the aliens.

                                            >"Excuse me, mister!"

                                            >They turn to look at her, but her gaze isn't fixed on Jojo.

                                            >She's talking to the other one!

                                            >"Um, excuse me... I was wondering... would you mind terribly if I invited you to dinner this fine evening?"

                                            >WHAT?

                                            >That little...

                                            >She's just trying to copy you!

                                            >The two aliens give each other a curious look, then glance at Ms. Cheerilee.

                                            >"Go right ahead! It's good to see 'my students' getting along so well."

                                            >Ms. Cheerilee you TRAITOR!

                                            >"It would be a good... opportunity."

                                            >No! Jojo too?

                                            >"Very well," the second alien answers. "I would be honoured to accept."

                                            >Fine!

                                            >You rush up to Jojo.

                                            "Would YOU like to come and hang out with US today, Jojo?"

                                            >Your new friend smiles.

                                            >"Sure, why not."

                                            >YES!

                                            >You shoot Diamond and even snootier glare than she can muster as you both head for the exit, your aliens in tow.

                                            >"Hey, Sweetie, wait up!"

                                            >Oh right, Scoots and Bloom.

                                            >"We didn't agree yet," Scoots hisses at you in a hushed tone.

                                            >You roll your eyes.

                                            "Yeah, sure, I'll get Rarity to do the thing, whatever."

                                            >Suddenly you find yourself toppling to the side.

                                            >Did... Scoots just push you?

                                            >"Whatever? Fine, I don't need your help anyway."

                                            >"Wait, Scootaloo!"

                                            >Bloom rushes between you two.

                                            >"C'mon y'all, let's just try an' have a good time today, alright?"

                                            >You sigh and pick yourself up.

                                            "Alright, alright. No hard feelings here."

                                            >Jojo bends down next to the three of you and extends his hand.

                                            >"Pleasure to meet you both. Sorry if I was distracting your friend today. She told me a lot about both of you, it sounds like you are all the best of friends."

                                            >Wait, you didn't tell him anything like that!

                                            >But it seems to be working, as Scootaloo nervously returns the hoofbump.

                                            >"Sorry I lost my cool for a minute there..."

                                            >"It happens," Jojo smiles. "Now, what did the three of you have in mind for today?"


                                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfqHiIw6YuY

                                            >You are Diamond Tiara, and it is looking to be an excellent day.

                                            >You trot happily alongside the alien named Bruno, basking in the shocked stares of passers-by.

                                            >It might have started as just a way to remind those blank flanks of their place, but you're really beginning to enjoy this tall alien's company.

                                            >He has this strange quality about him... dangerous yet sophisticated.

                                            >It almost reminds you of Father.

                                            >"Uh, Diamond? Are you listening to me?"

                                            >Oh, and Silver's here too.

                                            "Mmm-hmm, that's very nice, Silver. So Mr. Bruno, tell me more about the world that you're from."

                                            >"Well... I suppose it's not terribly different from your own. Minus a few... conveniences."

                                            >"You must miss it a lot!"

                                            >Silver! Show some tact!

                                            >"It's strange, but what I miss the most are the little things. Like living by the sea. I don't suppose there is a sea anywhere near this town?"

                                            >"We've got a lake!"

                                            >Not helpful, Silver.

                                            >"I trust it is lovely," Bruno smiles. "Now all I need is to find a place that serves spaghetti alla puttanesca."

                                            "Well," you puff your chest out with pride. "I'm sure our chef can take care of that."

                                            >Whatever it is.

                                            "Come on now, our house is just this way."

                                            >You lead the way, while making sure to keep a discrete eye on Bruno's face.

                                            >Everypony is always extremely impressed by the size of your family's mansion.

                                            >Sure enough, you see his eyes widen in surprise.

                                            >He's playing it cool, but you can tell you've amazed him!

                                            "Welcome, my extraterrestrial guest, to Rich Manor!"

                                            >The gates open on cue and you lead your friends across the luxurious yard.

                                            "Please be sure to admire the hedge sculptures!"

                                            >Silver gives an appreciative 'ooh' at your prompting.

                                            >Bruno isn't quite as thrilled, but you can tell you're slowly breaking down that cold exterior of his.

                                            >Just a little more and he'll be your friend for sure!

                                            >Wait, no. Not friend. You don't need friends.

                                            >Especially not like him. He might be a two-of-a-kind alien, but he's still low-class.

                                            >He'll be your... servant.

                                            >Yes, much better.

                                            >"Diamond Tiara, just WHAT do you think you're doing?"

                                            >Uh-oh. Here comes the hard part.


                                            "Hello, Mother! You've heard of the aliens that arrived here, right?"

                                            >Oh no, she's making THAT face.

                                            "W-Well, I invited one of them for dinner!"

                                            >"You... WHAT?"

                                            >You quickly rush forward, closing the distance so you can talk to your mother without anypony else overhearing.

                                            "It's not every day you get to have dinner with a real live alien, right? Isn't it a sign of how important we are? That we have guests as... prestigious as him?"

                                            >She's considering it...

                                            >"I suppose it won't do any harm to extend a polite hoof in diplomacy, but really. First that little blank flank street ruffian, and now some unidentifiable creature? Why can't you socialize with proper ponies?"

                                            "He IS proper, Mother! He knows all about fancy food and-"

                                            >"I don't mean his upbringing, I mean what he IS. He could be a Prince on whatever forsaken planet he comes from, but he still belongs with his own kind, and you with yours!"

                                            >His own kind?

                                            "But... he doesn't have any-"

                                            >"There's my precious little girl!"

                                            >Father appears right on time, stopping you from saying something you'd probably regret.

                                            >Stop being so soft, Diamond. Mother has a point. It was a mistake to befriend Babs, and now you're making the same mistake again. Socializing with somepony just because of what those blank flanks were doing.

                                            >You give a small huff of determination, then let your face break into an excited smile as you hug your doting father.

                                            >"Um, Father, it's alright that I invited Bru- one of the aliens over for dinner, isn't it?"

                                            >You give him your cutest pout.

                                            >"Of course, my precious! I daresay it will be interesting to meet a... um..."

                                            >He turns to Bruno, who's just caught up with you.

                                            >"Uh, pardon me good sir, but... what exactly are you?"

                                            >"A human, and one that is honoured to be your guest, Mr. Rich. My name is Bruno Buccellati."

                                            >"I see, well, good to meet you Mr. Buccellati. I must say, I wasn't expecting you to be somepony with manners."

                                            >"I always strive to make a good first impression on people. And ponies, of course."

                                            >"'People', eh? Well, you seem like fine 'people' to me."

                                            >Did he just shoot a glare at Mother?

                                            >Maybe you didn't mess up as much as you thought!

                                            >"Thank you, I feel the same."

                                            >He turns to Mother.

                                            >"And you must be Mrs. Rich, a pleasure to meet you. I'm afraid I was unable to find a proper gift on such short notice, but allow me to present this as a small token of my gratitude."

                                            >With a flourish, he hoofs over a... flower?

                                            >Where did he pull that from? His outfit must have more pockets than you realized!

                                            >Mother does her best to hide it, but you can tell she's flattered!

                                            >Your father gives a genuine laugh and leans in to whisper to you.

                                            >"You did good, darling. This is a pony of quality, I can tell."

                                            >Yes!

                                            >Father is never wrong when it comes to judging character!

                                            >You let a self-assured smile creep over your face.

                                            >If you could only see the look on the faces of those blank flanks' faces now...


                                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPoEGoGsbcI

                                            >"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MARINE BIOLOGISTS!!!!!!!!"

                                            >You (the adorable Sweetie Belle) and your friends cheer loudly, then charge toward the lake, nets in hoof.

                                            >Jojo gave you a GREAT cutie mark idea and you intend to make the most of it!

                                            >The three of you splash in the water, calling out when one of you sees a fish, and frantically swiping your nets at it.

                                            >But as the day drags on, and your legs start to droop with exhaustion, you have to admit that this idea wasn't any more successful than the others.

                                            >Especially since you're pretty sure all the fish you've seen can just swim through your nets.

                                            >"Ah'm not sure this is workin'..."

                                            >"Yeah, I haven't even got a minnow!"

                                            >You sigh.

                                            "Sorry girls, it looks like this wasn't a great idea after all."

                                            >"It's only been around five minutes, do you kids always give up this fast?"

                                            >The three of you look at Jojo in surprise.

                                            "Huh? What do you mean? We must've been doing this for like... hours!"

                                            >Jojo shakes his head as he takes his shoes off and wades into the water.

                                            >"I had to study for years, probably longer than any of you have been alive, in order to get my doctorate. All you ponies seem to need is a tattoo on your ass."

                                            >"What's an ass?"

                                            "What's a tattoo?"

                                            >"Who's Dr. It?"

                                            >Jojo rubs his face.

                                            >"Good Grief. Alright, if I help you out and teach you a few things about the local wildlife, do you promise to answer some of my questions?"

                                            >You all rapidly bounce your heads up and down.

                                            >"Right. First of all, there's a really cool fish right behind you."

                                            >The three of you squee and whirl around.

                                            >But all you see is clear water.

                                            >"Hey! There's nuthin' here!"

                                            >You hear a strange splash and look back. Jojo is suddenly holding a large fish, and there are weird ripples in the water around him.

                                            >"Huh. Could've sworn I saw one. Anyway, we'll be using this trout as a demonstration."

                                            "Why isn't it wriggling around?"

                                            >Scootaloo turns pale.

                                            >"Y-You didn't..."

                                            >"Uh, no," Jojo tilts his face down, hiding his eyes behind his hat. "This little guy was dead when I found him. Died of old age. Very old."

                                            >You all 'hmm' in sympathetic understanding.

                                            >"Anyway, this right here is called the dorsal fin..."


                                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOUr2CtuvaY

                                            >Father is at the head of the table as usual, with you, the one and only Diamond Tiara, sitting at his right hoof.

                                            >Bruno has been seated at his other side. Next to you is Silver Spoon, and your mother sits at the other end of the table with a slightly perturbed expression.

                                            >Bruno had spent a fair bit of time in the kitchen talking to your chef, but you are finally all seated and ready for a lovely meal.

                                            >You aren't quite sure what 'al dente' is, but Bruno seemed to consider it terribly important.

                                            >The food is served and Silver squeals in delight at the lovely scents.

                                            >It tastes delicious as well, and you shoot sly glances at your parents to confirm that they also approve.

                                            >"So, Mr. Bruno, what sort of job did you have back on your planet?"

                                            >Father's question seems to take Bruno by surprise.

                                            >"Well, it's hard to describe exactly... I was more or less in charge of a small team that handled... various tasks."

                                            >"Management, eh? Very interesting. As I'm sure you're aware, I own several businesses across Equestria, and it can be very taxing to find competent ponies to keep everything running smoothly in my absence. Tell me, what sort of company did you work for?"

                                            >"Oh, it was quite a large organization. We specialized in... security, mostly, for local businesses."

                                            >"I see, a dangerous job. Not sure if you have any diamond dogs where you come from, but here they can be quite the liability. It takes a good team to protect shipments. What were your 'people' like?"

                                            >"They were the best," Bruno smiles softly. "Unquestioningly loyal, highly capable, doing far more than I ever could have asked."

                                            >"Well now, you absolutely MUST tell me more about them!"

                                            >Daddy looks extremely interested, and your curiosity is also slightly piqued. Just what sort of other humans could there be that would make such an impression on Bruno?

                                            >"I had five men working for me. One I recruited from... he was a... well to be blunt, he was in prison when I hired him."

                                            >The room goes deathly quiet.

                                            >Silver's eyes look like dinner plates.

                                            >Mother's face is twitching in a very worrying way.

                                            >Father is... smiling?

                                            >"It's a risky strategy, hiring ex-cons. But a lot of them are grateful to be given a second chance. If you've a keen eye for character, then they'll be your best employees. You must have a very good eye indeed."

                                            >The atmosphere in the room turns to confusion, then tentative calm.

                                            >You feel a little bit lost. You never would have predicted Father would say such nice things about... CRIMINALS.

                                            >Mother still looks annoyed, but not enraged.

                                            >"I suppose we were an unusual team," Bruno continues. "A convict, a police detective, a street kid, and a prodigy. The last member of the team was recently recruited, and he was only fifteen years old."

                                            >Father looks stunned.

                                            >"And he was... adequate?"

                                            >"Beyond adequate. His resolve was second to none."

                                            >"You must tell me more! What sort of tasks did you handle?"

                                            >"Well, one of my last jobs was a very tricky one. There was mold everywhere, and the ground would crumble beneath us wherever we walked."

                                            >"Worthless second-rate construction," Father seethes with resentment. "I've been there, I don't know anypony who hasn't had an experience like that. Don't ever hire zebra contractors, their prices simply aren't worth it when you have to rebuild everything from scratch."

                                            >"It was a complete disaster. This was in the middle of a highly populated city, so there was a great deal of damage. Giorno and Mista, that fifteen year old and the ex-convict I mentioned before, they were in charge of handling the mold problem, and they cleaned up promptly. I handled the sinkhole problem."

                                            >"And?" Father is on the edge of his seat. "What did you do?"

                                            >Bruno smiles.

                                            >"Found the culprit, burst his eardrums, and tossed him into the trash."

                                            >Father laughs like you haven't heard in a long time.

                                            >"Excellent! It's been so long since any of my employees have had the gumption to really let loose on somepony that deserves it! All I hear every day are weak excuses and sympathies. And of course I have to do all the firings myself after I learned that one of my most trusted supervisors lied to me about setting free dead wood. She simply didn't have the stomach for it. But you... you're different."

                                            >"Well, with some people... those without honour, or beauty... there's only one way to handle them."

                                            >You feel your chest swell with pride.

                                            >Every time that Father has brought one of his work friends over for dinner it's been miserable. All they talk about are sales, financial projections, and other boring stuff.

                                            >You know you should pay more attention to that sort of thing, Father expects you to take over his businesses someday, but it's just so hard to stay awake.

                                            >This time though... not only is Father enraptured, but you find yourself drawn in by this alien's stories as well.

                                            >You didn't think that there was anypony outside your own family that could be so... fierce.

                                            >Yet he's so refined as well!

                                            >What kind of feeling is this? It's almost like you...

                                            >"I agree fully. I didn't get to be the richest stallion in Ponyville by playing nice all the time. Of course, there's no excuse to be a bully..."

                                            >Wait, did Father just glance at you?

                                            >"...but sometimes a pony has to be mean to get results."

                                            >Bruno nods.

                                            >"They had it coming. They were the worst kind of scum, trampling over innocent people."

                                            >"I don't doubt. I hope that your employers were appreciative of your work. I know I certainly would be."

                                            >"By that point, we were... no longer associated with that organization. We were working for ourselves."

                                            >"Going freelance," Father raises an eyebrow. "Another bold strategy. What made you do that?"

                                            >"The Boss," Bruno's expression turns serious. "His ideas for the organization were... vile. He was obsessed with protecting his image, even if it meant harming his own daughter. I could no longer follow his orders in good conscience. Most of my team left with me, and his daughter as well."

                                            >That look in his eyes is strange...

                                            >You've always been good at reading ponies, and when he talked about his boss's daughter...

                                            >She's somepony that means a lot to him.

                                            "His own daughter?"

                                            >Everypony at the table looks at you in mild surprise.

                                            "I mean... for his own daughter to side with you..."

                                            >"She... didn't have much of a choice, unfortunately. Her father assigned me the task of protecting her. I intended to see that mission through to the end, even if it meant protecting her from himself."

                                            >There's that look in his eyes again. So intense...

                                            >You're startled from your thoughts by a loud bang.

                                            >Father just slammed his hoof on the table!

                                            >"Now that's what I'm talking about! Somepony with principles! Somepony that knows the value of a job well done! Even if it means turning against your boss! Now you listen hear Mr. Alien, after you've finished whatever business those elements of harmony have roped you into, I hope you come straight to my office, because I'll have a job waiting for you! We need more ponies like you! Clever, honest, great judge of character, and not afraid to take risks."

                                            >"Thank you very much, Mr. Rich."

                                            "That filly must have been very lucky to have you looking out for her."

                                            >That was a strange thing to say, pull yourself together Diamond.

                                            >But then Bruno looks at you again with those strange eyes of his...

                                            >"She had a difficult life. Her father left her a great burden. She had to mature from a child to a fighter very quickly, but she met the challenge. It was an honour to work with her."

                                            >His face softens into a look of genuine adoration.

                                            >Wait a minute...

                                            >'Boss's daughter'?

                                            >If Father is going to be his boss, then...

                                            >Of course!

                                            >There can be no misinterpreting that passionate look on his face!

                                            >This alien is love with you!