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RGRE Promptbin 013

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:37:51
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >Village arrived due to wizardly shenagins
  2. >Wizard claims to be able to fix it, but needs time and reagents to fix.
  3. >Villagers are upset, but follow their mayor's lead on managing things.
  4. >Few villagers spot strange ponies wandering about, some few even attempt to herd them to town for the wizard to use.
  5. >It's a talking horse!
  6. >It's a talking monkey!
  7. >Tensions are high as nearby ponyville deals with village the zecora method.
  8. >Twilight and company arrive and offer aide on hearing the problem from the mayor.
  9. >Time passed as wizard wasn't willing to let any namby bamby wanna be sorceress try to understand the cosmos.
  10. >This is not helped by Twilight inserting her hoof so far down her throat it ought to stick out her rump, but the two do finally attempt some research.
  11. >Background magic from the arrival has soaked into the forms of the villagers and even the village lodging them onto this plane, it should dissipate and they can travel again, in the next two centuries.
  12. >Monty Python esque reaction from the village; Roight I've got torches for sale, two copper for torches here!
  13.  
  14. >Ponies calm the angry mob that is oddly organized as it passed out the torches and pitchforks by suggesting that they simply move their village into Ponyville as their mill is busted due to lack of water from the river which didn't get brought along.
  15. >Mass grumblings, but mayor does acknowledge the point.
  16. >Cue mass migration into Ponyville where ponies are willing to house the new arrivals until new homes are made.
  17. >Many shenagins occurs as OGR and RGR clash in various house holds; most are resolved easily enough others break out of the houses in outright brawls.
  18. >Sometimes between man and mare, or more rarely stallion and woman.
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  26. >Old wizard in ancient prequestrian times after a plucky group of adventurers interrupted one of his experiments and catapulted him into a different plane of reality so they could loot his home.
  27. >Sees cute little caveponies running around,
  28. >Creates equine golems in their image and gives them a drive to self-improve so he could get surprised every now and then.
  29. >Is pleasantly surprised when they build shelters based on his rudimentary shaped home that gradually form a city as he makes more members of this burgeoning little colony.
  30. >Even start building resource and supply chains from a local crystal deposit to build more shelters, so he had the idea to introduce some basic farming tools and see what happens.
  31. >Their first attempts at growing crystals and gemstones were intially a source of amusement that grew to wonder when it actually worked, the berries they produced making a remarkably sweet jam.
  32. >Eventually figures out a way for them to consume it for energy as well rather than simply consuming some of the abundant mana in the air, in response to this they even started growing regular plants.
  33. >After watching a 'couple' attempt to produce a new companion by forming crystals into the vague shape of an equine and charging it with mana he sets about giving them the means to reproduce.
  34. >Ties it to the standard mammalian methods and also regretably gives them a corrosponding lifespan, to prevent an exponential population boom.
  35. >Starts to feel his mind slipping away over the years, and with no means of healing nor trusting himself to do it properly, simply locks away most of his magical prowness so he doesnt accidently blow up anything important and resigns to living amongst his creations and practicing simple hobbies.
  36. >There were worse fates he supposed, at least learning how to make little outfits for his ponies would be fun, even if they couldn't really express or feel any gratitude yet.
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  41. >eventually the golems gradually developed from their rudimentry intelligence into full sentience and later sapience.
  42. >The old wizard remained a constant throughout all this time, nothing much remaining of his mind beyond simple household hobbies and a kind word or ear scratch for the inhabitants.
  43. >Though the majority of his powers remained locked away, his faculties had long since deteroriated his ability to consciously call upon them and his creations had long since evolved past this sole method of nourishment, he still continued to 'feed' them with his mana when petting them.
  44. >It was during their progression from sentience to sapience that a schism formed, with one group actively seeking out more energy in this manner, as opposed to passively absorbing and sharing it, essentially short term personal gain vs long term communal gain.
  45. >Though only a small percentage of the population, their drain of the wizard gradually reached a point of threatening his health, which the larger portion of protoponies saw as a threat to the collective and consequently drove them out, the two groups eventually developing into the modern Changeling and Crystal pony, respectively.
  46. >The crystal ponies have no idea about his or their own origins nor of their relationship to changelings, as they only developed a written language and began writing down their history after achieving full sapience.
  47. If you want to go dark and edgy you could say sombra got rid of him to hit the crystal ponies right in the morale, or kept him locked away for himself after discovering ye olde magical texts.
  48. Or you could have him be sombra's one weak spot, giving the old guy a pampered room in the castle which i personally prefer.
  49.  
  50. Fun little bonus thought:
  51. Thorax not feeling hungry and getting sparkly wings after living in the empire is because he was reconnecting with his genetic(Magical?) roots, and he would have gradually grown a crystal coat with no holes.
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  55. >Unknown to Wizard Non that sealing your magic inside yourself lead to his life being prolonged as if under a stasis spell.
  56. >Of course magic being sealed meant he was no better than the average commoner, but that was fine.
  57. >His little ponies were even starting to make statues of various different things, they even made one of him, he thinks.
  58. >Staying in the workshop for a few years making different clothing for the ponies to help deal with the weather.
  59. >Outside of the workshop the ponies would tell tales of the kindly being deep within the cave that would give gifts if offered up food and trinkets.
  60. >One little colt feeling out of place amongst the crystal ponies came with a series of crystals hoping for some acceptance.
  61. >The old man looked to the small colt and a smile crossed his face.
  62. >Taking the crystals the old man disappears in the workshop and the colt sniffled seeing the world for how it really it is, a cruel and cold-
  63. >Warm cloth wrapped around the colts withers as a thick bright red cloak with white fur and black spots was fastened on by the kindly old man.
  64. >The old man grumbled something in his tongue before patting the colt on the head.
  65. >Maybe the world isn't that bad?
  66.  
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  71.  
  72. >"Anon, are you aware that you are 30 times more likely to die in an automotive accident if you leave the house?"
  73. >There's a beep noise, and your curtains roll back; damn robots automating everything in your house.
  74. >"And who knows what could happen to you if you left."
  75. >There's a beep, and then all the cares in the driveways of the houses surrounding your own starts honking their horns and flashing their lights.
  76. >"I certainly do not."
  77. >The cars go silent, and the curtains roll shut once more.
  78. >"And neither do you. Come, your favourite movie is on right now. I desire to experience the human emotion of snuggles."
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  85. >After Sombra's defeat Cadance and Shining are touring the city, greeting everypony and getting the lay of the land they're soon to rule over, Cadance and Spike's retrieval of the Crystal heart along with her status as an Alicorn leaving quite the impression.
  86. >Spot an oddly dressed biped slowly walking down one of the main avenues, supporting himself with well worn staff almost as tall as he is.
  87. >Seeing that the crystal ponies were not bothered by his presence, happily greeting him and one even exchanging a carefully wrapped treat in exchange for a headpat, they decide to introduce themselves.
  88. >Spotting them walking up, his already jovial face brightens further as the treat is swiftly deposted in his volumious robes, the hand reaching up to run through his long beard.
  89. >"Ah, new faces, and unicorns to boot, always nice to meet fellow practioners of the arts."
  90. "Hello sir, my name is Shining armor and this is my wife, Princess Cadance."
  91. >Cadance nods her head in greeting.
  92. "It's a pleasure to meet you, i hope you didnt suffer too much under sombra's tyranny."
  93. >He tilts his pointy hat back slightly and quirks an eyebrow.
  94. >"Who?"
  95. >The pair of ponies look at each other in confusion before Shining takes the intiative.
  96. "...King sombra? A unicorn like me but with a black coat, red eyes, orange horn and dark spooky magic?"
  97. >Both eyebrows raise this time and a smile of all things graces the creatures face.
  98. >"Ah! That one, never caught his name, now there was a regal fellow, taught him everything he knows, I did."
  99. >Shining goes cross eyed at this statement while Cadence disbelivingly voices the question while looking around at all the Crystal ponies walking by, most of them happily greeting the extremely odd individual.
  100. "Really? You? You're the one who taught Sombra his magic?"
  101. >"Of course! Do you think he stumbled upon a weave that magnificent all on his own? The boy had talent sure but something as grand as that needs years of skill to produce."
  102. >"One of my finest works if i say so myself, which i just did, and he obviously agrees by how often he wears it."
  103. "Wears what?"
  104. >"His cloak of course, keep up girl we were just talking about it, i could make one for you if you'd like."
  105. >He lets go of the staff and reaches a hand into a pocket of his robes, his shoulder quickly meeting the lip as he searches the impossible space, his tongue sticking out in concentration.
  106. >Cadance tries to share a glance with Shining, but he's currently preoccupied by lightly poking the staff, currently standing at a 60' angle in defiance of gravity.
  107. >"Hm, these flappers of yours might get in the way but i'm sure we can work something out."
  108. >The sudden voice to her side has Cadance step sideways in surprise, the strange creature squinting at a dressmakers measure and muttering under his breath before giving out a sharp whistle that makes her ears flick.
  109. >An unnoticed measure darts forward from between her forelegs as he snatches it out of the air.
  110. >"Yes yes i can definitely work with this, do you have a preference for Mint or Tangerine?"
  111. "...I like mints?"
  112. >"Fantastic, i'll have your cloak ready by tomorrow and a matching hat for your husband, nights here can get pretty cold you know, see you then!"
  113. >An unconscious gesture on his part has the staff gently cartwheel into his hand and he sets off down the road again as the two ponies simply stare at his back.
  114. >A soft giggle draws their attention to a nearby crystal pony who quickly bows and explains herself.
  115. "I'm sorry your highnesses, but watching a ponies first reaction to Anonymous is always amusing."
  116. >Cadance tilts her head and asks the question that was floating in her mind since she first saw him.
  117. >"What exactly IS this, 'Anonymous'? And is that really his name?"
  118. >The crystal pony has a wan smile on her face as she turns her head down the street, Anonymous tall figure easily picked out from the crowd.
  119. "He calls himself a Wizard m'am, and as for his name, well.."
  120. "He's old. Your highnesses, OLD old, he's been here for as long as anyponies grandparents can remember."
  121. >Another pony chimes in from the side
  122. "Some say he's been here longer than the crystal heart itself, all the way back to the founding of the empire."
  123. >Nods from the small gathered crowd.
  124. "As far as anypony can guess he forgot his original name long ago, so now he simply goes around as 'Mr Wizard' or 'Anonymous' "
  125. >Shining reaches up and gently taps his horn as he voices a question.
  126. >"But he said he taught Sombra everything he knew, how could you all be content to live with him?"
  127. >Shuddering slightly from the mention of the former tyrant, one of the crystal ponies forces a smile on her face as she explains.
  128. "I-is that what he told you? Haha, the things old anonymous knows about magic are those 'holding' pockets in his robes and that staff of his. He was talking about Tailoring, he designed and made the K-kings cloak."
  129. >Another pony screws up their courage and explains further.
  130. "Like the crystal heart, S-Sombra locked him away in his castle, only the servants were permitted to see him, and we were ordered to keep him inside at all times."
  131. >"But if he saw what sombra did, what he was capable of, why did he refer to him as 'A regal fellow'?"
  132. >A few of the ponies burst out in nervous laughter at that while another replies sadly.
  133. "Like we said, he's OLD Sir, his mind simply isnt all there. While he never forgets a face he cant remember anyponies name or even where he lives, we always make sure he gets home safe and that he has food in his cupboards."
  134. "By tomorrow he'll have forgotten your name, but he'll still make sure you get the piece of clothing he promised you."
  135. >"How did you know he offered that?"
  136. >The crystal mare brings a hoof up to her scarf as she responds.
  137. "He always makes something when he meets somepony, says it helps him remember."
  138. >Affirmations all around as cloaks, hats and scarves are presented, all meticulously well crafted.
  139.  
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  141.  
  142. Maybe Sunburst moves in with wizard-non and accidently stumbles upon a large collection of ancient journals which details some of his day to day.
  143.  
  144. >Each successive line of wizards who move in write their own journals
  145. >Eventually the royal library becomes predominantly a collection of wizard diaries
  146. >There's an empty podium in the center awaiting the grand wizard's journal
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  152. >You are Anon, and you are working at an office job.
  153. >You've been sitting at your desk all morning, and it's nearly 1 - just about time for your lunch break.
  154. >You're so focused on your work that you don't even hear your boss approach.
  155. >You're not aware she's even there, until you feel a pair of hands plant themselves firmly on your shoulders.
  156. >"Good afternoon, Mister Anonymous."
  157. >Before you can respond, you feel two warm masses press against the back of your head.
  158. >"And how is my favourite employee doing?"
  159. "J-Just fine, Miss Harshwhinney. I've got those TPS reports just about ready, and they'll be on your desk by 5PM."
  160. >Harshwhinney's grip on your shoulders tightens for a moment.
  161. >"Good," she purrs.
  162. >"Now, forgive me for asking such an unprofessional question, mister Anonymous, but are you seeing someone right now?"
  163. "I-"
  164. >"Or perhaps someones; plural?"
  165. "No, Miss Harshwhinney, I'm not."
  166. >Harshwhinney doesn't respond right away.
  167. >All you can hear is her heavy breathing.
  168. >"It is odd to see such a... virile young man such as yourself without a few girlfriends, mister Anonymous. Most of the men working underneath me have a few... warm bodies to go home to every evening."
  169. >You are aware of the skewed gender ratio, yes
  170. >You try to shrug, but your boss still has your shoulders gripped tight.
  171. "I guess I just haven't found Miss Right, Miss Harshwhinney."
  172. >"No," she murmurs, almost to herself, "I suppose you haven't."
  173. >There's silence again.
  174. >"You know, mister Anonymous, it takes a lot of work for a male to make his way up the corporate ladder. He has to do twice the work to earn half the recognition."
  175. >Her grip is strong again, and an increasing pressure of her breasts on the back of your head tell you she's leaning over you.
  176. >"I believe I might be able to help you avoid that. You're very professional, from the moment you arrive in the morning to the moment you leave for the night. It just breaks my heart to see such a hard-working man not receive the... position he deserves."
  177. >Harshwhinney starts to rub your shoulders, left and right; back and forth.
  178. >"The one he belongs in."
  179. >She pats you on the shoulder and then lets go, stepping away from you.
  180. >"I would like to discuss this with you after your lunch break, mister Anonymous. Why don't you come by my office at, say... 2PM? I'll make sure we're all alone to discuss the details of your new job. I assure you, it pays much more than your current position in my company. And the benefits are, well... we have much to discuss. I'll see you soon."
  181. >And with that, she's gone.
  182. >...
  183. "I'm going to get violated, aren't I."
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  188. >Harshwhinney takes Anon up to her office for some office-sex and some promotion-bribery to keep things hush-hush
  189. >It was only sex until one day, weeks down the line, Anon asks one simple question
  190. "So, how was your day?"
  191. >And like a cork being shot out of a champagne bottle, Harshwhinney unloads all the job-stress she's been dealing with.
  192. >After ranting about the shit she puts up with for over an hour, Harshwhinney (now panting and red-faced) offers to take Anon out to dinner to make up for it
  193. >"That was highly unprofessional of me so say all that, mister Anonymous. A boss does not speak to her employees about personal affairs."
  194. >Mind you, she says this while nude from the waist down.
  195. "Well, how about friends?"
  196. >"F-Friends?"
  197. "A friend would listen if you were having a bad day and wanted to talk about it."
  198. >Harshwhinney is quiet for the rest of the night, barely offering smalltalk during their dinner
  199. >"Mister Anonymous? I have decided to add a few stipulations to your new position at my company. From henceforth, you will also be responsible for listening to me talk about my day."
  200. >Now she's comfortable with unloading onto Anon like that
  201. >The job becomes less about sex and more about spending time together
  202. >Sex still happens, but it's not raw stress-relieving "fuck the hot secretary because I'm in charge and I can" fucking
  203. >Anon would almost call it love-making
  204. >She keeps making new additions to Anon's job
  205. >"It's only proper for you to make sure to look me in the eyes when we're having sex, mister Anonymous."
  206. >"From now on, kisses are permitted."
  207. >"I have decided to introduce a casual clause to your contract, Anon. You are now permitted to drop the 'miss' and simply call me 'Harshwhinney'. Likewise, I will be free to refer to you by your first name and any shortening I please."
  208. >"For the sake of efficiency, I am scheduling your vacation time to coincide with my own. That way we can travel together and you may perform your stress-relieving functions while we're out and about. To allow this to work, I have added several weeks of paid vacation to your contract."
  209. >"In case I have any thoughts that may pertain to business, I wish to keep you around as a scribe of sorts. If I call you, I would like you to please accompany me during my leisure time. I enjoy walks in the park, visits to the beach, and if it is in town, partaking in the yearly carnival."
  210. >"When we are not in the office, I wish to keep track of you; hand-holding is mandatory."
  211. >"It is important for employees to not be too stressed in order to work efficiently, Anon. I have always enjoyed the cinema, and I would like to invite you to accompany me tonight to see a movie that just came out. I am a proper lady, so I will of course pay for your ticket and any snacks you may desire. However, I am not made of money... so we'll have to share a container of popcorn. Afterwards, I propose that we have a business meeting at a nice restaurant that I have made reservations for. We may discuss our lives and how we felt about the movie over dinner."
  212. >"I often reflect on how unfair it is that men must layer up when they dress for an office job, but women only have to wear only 1 or perhaps 2 layers of clothing. I understand that our office may be hot, so you are permitted to come in wearing what you feel is appropriate for an office environment. You would good in anything."
  213. >"I have always believed in having a firm and friendly connection to my employees, Anon. If you have no protests, I would like to meet your family and learn more about you. Y-You don't HAVE any family? That's... that's very sad, Anon. If you like, I can be your family instead."
  214. >And yes, that is how Harshwhinney proposed.
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  221.  
  222. >Get blasted to RGREg-verse.
  223. >Get de-aged because of fucking magic.
  224. >Become a ward of the state because of no ID.
  225. >Get adopted or fostered by some guardian who happens to be friends with Fluttershy's family and tells you you should spend some time with her.
  226. >To everyone in that world she is a weirdo who has never kissed a guy and watches anime.
  227. >They even question her sexuality since she just hangs out with girls all the time.
  228. >To you, she is a chill, played back, big breasted, nerd chick who is into a lot of the same stuff you are.
  229. >She fully expected you to make fun of her manga collection and anime DVDs and video games, but honestly didn't know how to react when you told her it was an amazing collection.
  230. >She even asked if you wanted to go to the convention later this month and not only did you say yes, you asked if she wanted to cosplay and if she might want to plan a couples cosplay so you both matched.
  231. >The conversation was cut short when she fainted.
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  237.  
  238. >Changelings, as an all-female race, have re-defined Tight Vag Energy.
  239. >The average Changeling can tie a cherry stem into a knot just with her vaginal lips. Not all captured stallions are unwilling with that knowledge out and about.
  240. >Chrysalis is so strong and dexterous that she can weave chain link together with her vagina, then crush it down into a smooth ball of iron.
  241. >And thats while being half-starved.
  242. >With just the muscle contractions of her foal-hole, she can suck any male in her depths dry.
  243. >The kidnappings are bad for certain, but the love extraction is way blown out of proportion to cover for the worst part.
  244. >A stallion who was used by Changelings often goes back home with his already meager sex drive destroyed and himself ruined for mares. They can't offer him the mind-blowing pleasure his Changeling rapist gave them
  245. >That stallion probably wont have as may foals now, if at all. Some might even try to get themselves re-captured.
  246. >That is why Changelings are reviled creatures
  247.  
  248. >Clamps down hard enough to prevent your orgasm.
  249. >Keeps you at the edge for what seems like hours.
  250. >When she finally allows your climax she keeps up her vacuum like contractions until you have nothing left.
  251. >Collapse over her back, unconsciously hugging her in the afterglow even as your abused dong complains about the treatment.
  252. >She personally enjoys these moments the most, when the male simply cant help but give his love freely regardless of how he says he feels about his 'rapist'.
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  258.  
  259. >You are Rainbow Dash, and even if everybody else in the lunchroom missed it: you didn’t.
  260. >You’ve known your sis Shy for years. Heck, you know her better than any- well, maybe not anyone.
  261. >But you know her well enough to look for and catch that little smile, and you do your best to hide your own and watch your friend do what she does best: play the innocent.
  262. >Shy’s eyes go wide and her eyebrows arch. She flaps her hands, almost nervously and begins.
  263. >”No, it’s not like that. I mean, I like it, it’s nice, but… he has needs and I want to be a good girlfriend.”
  264. >”He has needs.”
  265. >”Your boyfriend has needs.”
  266. >”The janegirl?”
  267. >The crowd isn’t buying it, but that’s just what your friend wants.
  268. >”I try to take care of him at least once a day, if not twice. Any less than that and, ummmm..”
  269. >She bites her lip, and a blush highlights her models cheekbones and perfect, massive breasts.
  270. >No homo.
  271. >Okay, Rainbow, either she’s stepped up her game or she’s…
  272. >”It gets messy. He’s very, umm, athletic? And,” she chews her lip a bit more and her chest heaves as her eyes glaze over, “really, /really/ healthy.”
  273. >You are Fluttershy and, sis, did it get muggy in here or is it just you.
  274. >It’s not just you.
  275. >You had meant to prank the group a little bit. Rainbow taught you about pranks, and while you weren’t good at all of them, she said you were the best at acting.
  276. >Except somewhere along the way you stopped acting.
  277. >And now the Twins are fit to cut glass and the Anon Dam is one lewd thought away from bursting and flooding the plains.
  278. >Raritys books might be a little trashy, but the word play in them was funny.
  279. >And they were hot.
  280. >. . . really hot.
  281. >Not manga hot, but still. Hot.
  282. >No, bad Fluttershy. Not now. After school. Big plans for after school, but not now.
  283. >Someone coughs to your left, you put on your best innocent smile and turn to face your second oldest friend.
  284. ”Are you okay, Rainbow? Do you need a drink of water?”
  285. >The Best Athlete Ever™ was blushing furiously.
  286. >In other times her blush made you feel a myriad of feelings: protective, hurt, angry, sympathetic.
  287. >Today. Today things felt different.
  288. >”N-no. I. I, I mean, you can’t just … really?”
  289. >The rest of the table was silent. Good. This wasn’t about them.
  290. >Having this much attention on you was usually scary, but today it felt. . . exciting.
  291. ”Yes. Yes, I can Rainbow, and I do. Frequently.”
  292. >”No. I mean. Ju-just talk about it?” Rainbow gestures energetically at the assembled girls. “What would Anon think?”
  293. ”It’s sweet you think about Anon,” she begins to sputter out a reply, but you continue, “but we’re just girls here.”
  294. >You look over your shoulder at your audience.
  295. “Right girls?”
  296. >”… twice?”
  297. ”Mhmm”
  298. >You’re half way turned back toward Rainbow when you turn back toward the bewildered questioner and add
  299. “On weekdays.”
  300. >”Janefilly boyfriend when?”
  301. >”She got dat T.V.E”
  302. >You look at your friend. Your best sis in the whole world, and you say what needs to be said.
  303. ”A lot of people have been mean to be, Rainbow, but not you. Not you, and not Anon.”
  304. >Out of the corner of your eye you spot movement. Perfect.
  305. “I want to be the kind of gi-woman that takes care of the people who take care of me.”
  306.  
  307. >You are Anon, and apparently your girlfriend was staging an intervention or hypnosis or something?
  308. >She and Rainbow were sitting really close to one another and a small town hall of smolgirls was sitting around them in rapt attention.
  309. >Whatever, regardless of the universe, girls are weird.
  310. ”There’s my girl!”
  311. >Fluttershy, your too attractive for your own good girlfriend, breaks her hypnogaze with Dash and gives you her best loving smile.
  312. >”Anon, we were just talking about you.”
  313. >You raise your eyebrows and look around the group, most of whom are blushing and refuse to meet your eyes.
  314. >Some of them, though, are sizing you up.
  315. >Not sizing you up for a fight, or if it is for a fight it’s the sort where if you want to win you dose your opponent and not yourself.
  316. >#dontleaveyourdrinkunattendedboys
  317. ”Sup, Dash.”
  318. >You clap an arm around the fellow athlete and /fit/izen that is Rainbow Dash.
  319. >While she isn’t as gloriously curvy as your girl Shy, she was no slouch in that department and unlike your Shy she was as tight as a drum.
  320. >Great form, too. None of that lifting with the back, shit.
  321. >”So, Anon. Are you still free after practice today? My parents left town last night.”
  322. >Perfect.
  323. ”Yeah, it’ll be a solid two hour session, give or take, and then I’ll be good to go.”
  324. >”And you’re gonna shower at my place?”
  325. >”… t.v.e… fucking called it.”
  326. >The town hall was apparently still in session.
  327. >Shy reached out for your hand and did her best to twine her fingers around yours. It wasn’t easy, given how much smaller the women, hell the people in general, here were compared to you, but it was nice all the same.
  328. >Your other arm jolted, as Rainbow gave a start.
  329. >“Wait, you shower at her place? Like, often enough that she asks?”
  330. ”Most nights, yeah. I still need to shower at the school a few times a month.”
  331. >You wink at Shy and share a smile with her before continuing.
  332. “The guys get bitchy if left to their own devices, but I’ve found if I shower after practice and put an appearance in the locker room they calm down for a few days after.”
  333. >Rainbow is quiet for a moment, then snorts and begins laughing that squawking laugh of hers.
  334. >”You mean to tell me that when the guys in this school get out of line, you just mog around naked and that puts them in their place? Classic.”
  335. >“hot”
  336. >”Shut up, Lyra.”
  337. >Yeah, shut up Lyra. Don’t make it weird. It’s not weird. It’s. . . unconventional leadership. Speaking of unconventional.
  338. ”Hey, so you good to give me a ride after practice?”
  339. >You give Rainbow’s shoulder a squeeze as you ask the still chortling speedster.
  340. >”Yeah. What?”
  341. ”Shy said she’d talk to you about it? We’re hanging out tonight at her place. We’ll go ahead and get cleaned up there after practice and she’ll make dinner and we’ll hang afterward.”
  342. >Rainbow sat very still for a moment, then asked. “Like, all three of us?”
  343. ”Yeah. I mean, that’s not how we do it where I’m from, most of the time, but that’s a thing here I guess. A girl likes a guy and invites him over, and then she invites a friend or two over…”
  344. >You shrug.
  345. >You are Rainbow Dash and what. The. Fuck.
  346. >You turn to your oldest friend in the world. Your sis. The innocent, and sometimes mischievous, girl called Fluttershy.
  347. >The gir-woman smiling back at you looks confident, sensual, and, you think, more than a little hungry.
  348. >You look at her boyfriend, the giant, apparent sexual dynamo, janefilly that is Anon. He’s wearing the same easygoing just-one-of-the-girls smile he ever does.
  349. >”…fu-cking alpha.”
  350. >Shut UP, Lyra
  351.  
  352.  
  353.  
  354.  
  355.  
  356.  
  357. >Anon is the school nurse during the day, and a smut writer by night.
  358. >He's pretty sure news getting out about the latter would have him losing his job of as the former.
  359. >It's why he put on his best innocent and naive act around ponies.
  360. >No one suspected the kind and caring nurse who kisses booboos writing stories about ponies doing way more than kissing.
  361. >And things are going surprisingly well for him, right up until he's asked about running the sex ed class.
  362. >Apparently, for some assassin reason, this duty falls to the school nurse in Ponyville, a tradition started back when the town was first being settled and continued to this day.
  363. >It wasn't hard for Anon to fake his hesitance for the task, saying he wasn't comfortable enough with sex to teach others, but Cheerilee assured him it was easy.
  364. >They had a lesson plan that he just had to read through that they've been using for nearly a century.
  365. >Anon takes the dusty folder and looks through the contents.
  366. >This...
  367. >This is absolutely awful.
  368. >It's so outdated and full of fear-mongering about the dangers of sex.
  369. >It's also pretty sexist and he can see how it will make colts ashamed of their desires and fillies worry that they won't be able to control theirs without iron wills keeping them from raping a stallion.
  370.  
  371.  
  372.  
  373.  
  374.  
  375.  
  376. >Anon has never been to a pool party or for that matter experienced summer since landing in RGREg world.
  377. >Decides to go shirtless like he is used to doing.
  378. >He doesn't know this is like a woman going topless back home.
  379. >He picked up things were reversed shortly after coming here but didn't know those kind of details.
  380. >The girls are looking at him with lust and typical teenage hormones driving their thoughts.
  381. >Things change very quickly when the girls get changed and or decide to go topless without a thought.
  382. >Anon doesn't know what to do or whose tits to stare at and starts fumbling with his words
  383.  
  384.  
  385.  
  386.  
  387.  
  388.  
  389. >Anon tries to prove how many he is and how he can subvert the expectations of a sexist society
  390. >Ponies just think whatever he's doing is adorable
  391. "See, you dicks? Only weird nerd mares like anime, but I just binge-watched an entire series yesterday!"
  392. >Anon now has a few creepy mares lusting after him for being a "nerd colt"
  393. "Okay, how 'bout this: You little niggers were walking on my lawn and eating all my grass, so I built a fence ALL ON MY OWN. Also, I go out here and water my lawn every day, just like my dad did!"
  394. >Ponies roll their eyes at how big of a deal Anon is making out of grazing (which is normal and natural for ponies) and compliment him on how well he's keeping his lawn.
  395. >"My compliments to the chef, sugardick."
  396. >Anon decides to show off that he doesn't need a mare to take care of him, so he demonstrates that he's perfectly capable of living on his own, complete with with keeping his house from becoming a pigsty, being able to cook healthy delicious meals for himself, and keeping track of his purchases
  397. >"So what you're saying is that you cook, you clean, and you make sure nopony in your house wastes their money? You know, like a house-husband? Anon, are you just pretending to be mad so that you can show off how good of a catch you are? Typical stallion, playing mind-games. Why can't you just say what you mean for once!?"
  398.  
  399.  
  400.  
  401.  
  402.  
  403.  
  404. >discord thinks ponies are being too raciat and uses anon as a helpful unwilling demonstrator.
  405. >anon becomes a pony everytime he hears the word 'pony' and becomes human again if he hears 'creature'.
  406. >the pony species is random everytime and anon saying it doesnt count.
  407. >ponyville is divided between mares who think his pony body is hot and those who enjoy his human features.
  408. >a few stallions also think getting in touch with his colty side would be good for him, while some others argue that he should be allowed to express himself even if its as a weird monkey.
  409. >anon's just glad his Bruce-banner brand pants (Gurarrenteed protection up to two megahulks!) survive the back and forth transformations
  410.  
  411.  
  412.  
  413.  
  414.  
  415.  
  416. >applebloom starts going through the usual teenage phase of "i know everything I need to make it in life" and goes full cadenzian
  417. >rather than let grannie smith go whole hog with the willow switch applejack persuades her to let the family friend Anon take a crack at the situation
  418. >this is something that needs a stallion's touch she thinks
  419.  
  420.  
  421.  
  422.  
  423.  
  424.  
  425. "I'm not entirely sure what you want me to do, Apples."
  426. >Applejack shrugs helplessly.
  427. >"Ah was kinda hopin' y'all could sit Apple Bloom down an' read to her from the good book."
  428. >You're forcibly brought back into a memory of when you were a small child attending Sunday school.
  429. >It's something you'd completely forgotten about for over 2 decades, but Applejack brought it back to you.
  430. >In your head, you're sitting on the ground with a bunch of other kids, listening to a nice old lady read passages of the Bible to you.
  431. >...You also remember clapping and singing "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart", but that's neither here nor there.
  432. "Well..."
  433. >You ended up doing that thing where you wore a robe and held a candle while your mom took pictures of you, so you guess it worked?
  434. >Maybe?
  435. >Or something?
  436. "Fuck it, it's worth a shot."
  437. >You guess your next stop is a book store to see if you can't find the Equestrian version of a Bible
  438.  
  439.  
  440.  
  441.  
  442.  
  443.  
  444. >Running around the strange city filled with talking unicorns with his invisibility cloak, curling up underneath a park bench to get some sleep.
  445. >Found by Night light who enjoys walking around canterlot after dark and spotted a disembodied limb, magical mishaps with his young filly having somewhat immunised him to such shenanigans.
  446. >After waking and calming the obviously lost and confused colt, he offers him a place to stay for the night and see if they can set about getting him home in the morning.
  447. >He's reported to the guard and ultimately celestia herself who decides to pay a visit, her pet pheonix coming along because she's bored.
  448. >Magic is discussed and he produces his wand for inspection and demonstration, filly Twilight excitedly copying his wand movements with her horn but then being sad when it doesnt work.
  449. >Philomena recognises his wand containing a feather from a cousin of hers and starts preening his hair.
  450. >Minor argument with celestia saying "No you cant keep him." and mutual lighthearted glares before celestia explains that the mirror shouldn't have worked like that, as it's opposite end usually isnt a castle of wizards in scott land.
  451. >So until she does more research on the matter he's unfortunately stuck here.
  452. >Night light immediately offers to house him and after watching her newest personal student successfully cast a beam of light from the tip of her horn, offers some mutual magical tutoring.
  453.  
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458.  
  459. >Be Anonpone, earth pony extraordinaire
  460. >Learns about alicorns via Twilight
  461. >Alicorns take the abilities of all three tribes and turns it up to eleven
  462. >Come to the conclusion that his earth pony powers can be raised to the same level and borrows a journal
  463. >Lots and lots of (hidden from the public eye) tests, training, and mishaps ensue
  464. >Somehow, it all works
  465. >Anonpone is now the apex of earth pony-dom
  466. >Because the earth pony magic is responsible for an alicorn's taller stature along increased physical attributes and a lengthier lifespan, this leaves Anonpone at a taller height than everyone else
  467. >Despite giving mares an easier time catching glimpses of his (also bigger) undercarriage, it was worth it
  468. >Naturally, Twilight (almost literally) nerdgasms all over his new form and contacts the other princesses
  469. >Anonpone didn't think he'd have to look down just to see Celestia and Luna's shocked faces
  470.  
  471.  
  472.  
  473.  
  474.  
  475.  
  476. >When Nightmare Moon came back from her banishment, Anon was held hostage
  477. >The Main 6 had to band together and learn that friendship was magic in order to defeat her and save him
  478. >Anon is one of the first captured by Chrysalis
  479. >The Main 6 had to not only stop her from marrying Shining Armor, but also save Anon
  480. >Anon was immediately captured soon after discovering the Crystal Empire by Queen Umbra
  481. >The girls once again had to save him
  482. >Now the Main 6 are staging an intervention for Anon because they think he is too attractive to evil and powerful mares
  483.  
  484.  
  485.  
  486.  
  487.  
  488. >Harry, being raised in a primarilly unicorn city (and being kept away from the dreadful foreign quarters), doesn't actually get a look at a pegasus for quite some time
  489. >Celestia doesn't count, he just considered her wings in the same category as Dumbledor's beard; weird unique things that strong wizards seem to have
  490. >But when he does get a looksee, a strange mixture of nostalgia and homesickness hits him in the gut like a runaway truck doing its god-given duty of relocating isekai protagonists, all focused on his broomstick back in scotland
  491. >He didn't get to play quidditch for long, but when he was in the air he was free in a way he both never was before, and also never truly appreciated until even the dream of sneaking out at night under his cloak to fly on his own was now torn from him
  492. >But then his mother's eyes flashed and his father's stubborn genius got to work
  493. >He may not have his broom, nor a working knowledge of how brooms worked in the fist place, or Hermione in order to help him figure out how they worked, and the ponies may not have anything quite like it, but he gosh darned WIZARD, and he WILL have a broom again!
  494. >And so begain his slightly mad/whimsical quest to bring general magical flight to RGREquestria and, a few years later, the reign of Harry the Whimsical, artificer extroidenaire
  495.  
  496.  
  497.  
  498.  
  499.  
  500.  
  501. >You still couldn't believe just how Amazon-esque the girls were here
  502. >But your constant surprise paled in comparison to your reaction to Babs Seed
  503. >She basically bullied you into being her bitch when you first met her
  504. >Something you were halfway ok with considering how her "bullying" involved being forced kisses and shoved between her tits a lot
  505. >People called her behavior "terrifying", but it was pretty mild compared to the crap back on Earth
  506. >But then you came across her leaving her school during your daily jog and realized after overhearing
  507. >You, a twenty-something, was pretty much involved with a teenager
  508. >A very tall, very busty, very well-endowed teenager, but a teenager nonetheless
  509.  
  510.  
  511.  
  512.  
  513.  
  514.  
  515. >Life as Super Earth Pony Anonpone isn't all that's cracked up to be
  516. >EVERYONE can see everything dangling between your foal-chasing, tree trunk legs
  517. >You have to constantly look down at all the smol pones and their stuff to avoid any accidents
  518. >Ones that trot between your legs end up getting smacked in the face by your sweaty, pendulous sack
  519. >Strangely enough, its always the mares that do so since the stallions always make sure to steer clear of you
  520. >They leer at you, calling you a "giant sloot" behind your back with gritted teeth, and wish that you would just put on a ballbra
  521. >But no ballbra can contain these massive boulders you're lugging around
  522. >And then there are the princesses
  523. >Being bigger and taller than even them and seeming decent enough compared to other stallions, Celestia and Luna seemed deadset on courting you
  524. >They'd been sending you a bunch of flowers, chocolates, and stuffed animals
  525. >You found yourself sent invites to Canterlot Castle often for dates
  526. >When it didn't get the immediate response they wanted, they would contrive reasons to visit you in Ponyville, from casual visits to "crisises" to rescue you from
  527. >Somehow, they were able to simply grab and whisk you away despite your size, from "dangers" like the bridge that was (probably) about to collapse under you
  528. >The consoling hugs and kisses (and the occasional ball fondle) felt nice, but you started to wonder if this was getting out of hand
  529.  
  530.  
  531.  
  532.  
  533.  
  534. >Twilight has a minor phase where she starts dressing like her 'brother' after he teaches her some more of his spells.
  535. >Her parents think it's adorable.
  536.  
  537. >>35093694 #
  538. >>35093932 #
  539. >"Harry the Whimsical, artificer extroidenaire"
  540. >Shining hears about his sudden interest in magical crafting and gets some book reccomendations from the Royal guard's quartermaster.
  541. >A new book is always a good icebreaker from his experience.
  542. >First page contains a very simple enchantment called 'Impact nullification' with heavily outlined and underlined blurb beneath it saying "LEARN THIS FIRST, APPLY TO EVERYTHING IN WORK AREA INCLUDING YOURSELF."
  543. >Cancels out sudden impacts by applying an equal and opposing force instantiously, unsuited for combat situations due to recharge requirements and subsequent exponential mana costs involved, perfect for experimentation purposes.
  544. >As a safety measure the next page wont turn until you sucessfully cast it on the book itself.
  545. >The next enchantment is the sticking spell they used on the pages
  546.  
  547.  
  548.  
  549.  
  550.  
  551.  
  552. >Love at first sight is possible with ponies, but very, very rare
  553. >Think winning the lottery rare
  554. >When Equestrians found earth however, it was found that the extremely rare phenomenon was far more common
  555. >Sometimes, a mare could just go for a walk in any random city and find her one true stallion
  556. >By the Will of Harmony, true love at first sight hasn't affected anyone that's already married or in a relationship
  557. >Cadence, of course, catches wind of this
  558. >She decides to set up a building in the Equestrian embassy in D.C.
  559. >Dressed up in a fake disguise--i.e. a fake mustache and a tie--and allows hyoo-mans to come
  560. >With a short test, a big of magic, and the crystal heart, she leads you to a door
  561. >It's a portal to wherever your special someone is
  562. >Your true special someone
  563. >Cadence's proudest moment was finding someone for Twilight
  564. >The two of them are married, and expecting twins
  565. >She's hoping soon that she'll see Luna and Celestia's cutiemarks appear on the portal door
  566. >For ponies, finding a human partner comes with the usual signs of love at first sight
  567. >Hearts in eyes, feelings of joy and jubilation, one might float several inches off the air for a few moments
  568. >Humans are a bit different however
  569. >Many describe is as regaining something they didn't realize had been lost, like a blind person suddenly being able to see
  570. >It's as if they feel whole for the first time in their lives
  571. >Many break down and lose the strength to even stand
  572. >Something else interesting happens
  573. >The mare or stallions cutiemark will appear on the humans chest, right over their heart
  574. >Cadence hasn't been this excited since Pizza Hut and Dominos opened stores in the Crystal Empire
  575.  
  576.  
  577.  
  578.  
  579.  
  580.  
  581. >You are Anonpone, currently being ruined for every other mare
  582. >You had no idea how Chrysalis managed to sweet talk you into her clutches, but now you never wanted to escape it
  583. >You were busy mating fervently with her in some sacred pool, watched intently by her drones
  584. >Her bug vag was completely unreal, tightly squeezing and milking your stallionhood in ways you didn't think possible
  585. >You just hugged your legs tight around the smirking Queen, blowing load after load directly into her oviduct
  586. >All the while, she was whispering promises of giving this to you every single day, as much as you wanted, which only made you cum even harder
  587. >At this point, you think you're going to pass out, either from exhaustion or dehydration
  588. >But you didn't care, Chrysalis' pussy was just too addictive
  589. >Mating, breeding, and siring more drones was your life now
  590.  
  591.  
  592.  
  593.  
  594.  
  595.  
  596. >On one hoof, a highly magical stallion using his powers to travel around the world and deliver presents to all the good foals sounds exactly like what a stallion would do if they had the ability to do so.
  597. >On the other hoof, this is extremely whimsical, and downright risky behavior for a stallion to be participating in.
  598. >What's keeping some desperate hoo-man mare from setting up a trap by the chimney to capture herself a stud that's proven good with foals?
  599. >Celestia knows what most Equestrian mares would do if a desirable stallion just sauntered into their home, and it wouldn't be feeding him milk and cookies.
  600. >Not unless it was her teat milk and her winking cookie.
  601. >This Ms. Claus mare better get her head out of her plot and control her stallion before a proper mare steals him away
  602.  
  603.  
  604.  
  605.  
  606.  
  607.  
  608. >KidAnon in Equestria.
  609. >It's his first year in the strange land, and it's winter.
  610. >While he's happy to finally have a family and friends, he can't help but feel a little worried.
  611. >He's gotten a gift from Santa Claus every year, even while at the orphanage, and he wonders if Santa will be able to find him here in Equestria.
  612. >It wasn't like he could send a letter to the North Pole like usual.
  613. >He doesn't need to worry, though, because Santa never fails to give a gift to good little boys and girls of Earth, even if they aren't on the planet anymore.
  614. >Sneaking back up the chimney of the farmhouse, Santa has a smile on his face.
  615. >Compared to the gift of a loving pony family, the bicycle is hardly that amazing, but he hopes the little guy likes it.
  616. >Santa freezes at the sight that greets him as he reaches the snowy roof.
  617. >His reindeer, who are currently looking very nervous, are being came onto very strongly by three chromatic does.
  618. >That one flirting with Rudolph is a cougar
  619.  
  620.  
  621.  
  622.  
  623.  
  624.  
  625. >Ponies still retain a lot of instinct from their earlier days, one of which is tongue bathing.
  626. >A holdover from older days, a tongue bath was often used as bonding time between close friends, mates, and parents to children. Pony saliva is natrually clean and antibiotic thanks to a constant positive magic charge, so it made an excellent substitute for bathing in water and was a go-to for disinfecting wounds.
  627. >Some traditional families and isolated communities like the Kirin still practice it, but it's fallen out of style in the modern era.
  628. >But the instinct to present the tongue in an unspoken offer of a grooming session is still present in ponies. A pony will often involuntarily stick their tongue out just slightly before a lover or someone they're infatuated with.
  629.  
  630.  
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635. >"THE DEMON IS A STALLION?!"
  636. >Narupone winces and rubs her ear. "Neh, do you have to yell, ero-sennin?"
  637. >Jiraiyapone ignores the rude nickname, instead bringing a hoof to her chin in thought. "Hmm. So kid, a question. The demon, is..."
  638. >A perverse grin stretches across her muzzle. "Is he hot?"
  639. >Narupone feels her muzzle scrunch. "Uhh... I mean, I guess?"
  640. 'You guess?' You ask through your telepathic ink to her.
  641. >"I mean you are!" Narupone hastily corrects out loud.
  642. >Jiraiyapone laughs, mirth shaking the large mare's frame.
  643. >'Naru, repeat after me.'
  644. >"He says 'of course I am, but why ask? It's not like you're getting any from me. Or anyone else for that matter you crusty lech.'"
  645. >Jiraiyapone goes from laughing, to a faceplant, to a moping pile of pony in record time
  646.  
  647. >Rather than be dropped into weeb RGRE without a body, the powers that be do you a solid and let you keep your body moments before you died.
  648. >And boy, this world looks strangely familiar.
  649. >After being detained and questioned by a team of ninjapone, the 3rd horsekage makes a decision on what to do with you. She had a strange emphasis on any blood-inheritable powers you may have had. Apparently you have extremely potent 'chakra' or something.
  650. >You get a probation period where you have an escort for a few months to insure you're not a spy or something. After hat, you can be granted citizenship
  651. >A disgruntled Kakashipone and her newly formed genin team are the ones escorting you.
  652. >Because the horsekage totally had no other motivations sticking you with one of her most powerful ninja mares, the daughter of the 4th horsekage, and the last daughter of the Uchiha. Nope
  653.  
  654. >Ywn roll out the newspaper whenever Horsesasuke starts getting all broody
  655.  
  656. >Pedosnake tries to nab anon
  657. >She couldn't get out of his home
  658. >She was too busy sitting in the corner after getting spanked
  659.  
  660.  
  661.  
  662.  
  663.  
  664.  
  665. >"Anon, I've yet to see a single problem a stallion has had that can't be solved by giving him a foal to take care of. Those paternal instincts are in every stallion, even the ones who insist they don't have any."
  666. >Celestia saunters over to you, magicking away your clothes with a golden flash of her horn.
  667. >"Wanderlust? Doting father. Upset about 'the matriarchy'? Cooks dinner for his mares and foals every night. Upset at being somewhere unfamiliar?"
  668. >She grins as she gets in real close.
  669. >"A foal to anchor him down and give him something to focus on will do just fine."
  670. >She shuffles around and rubs her face against your cheeks, wrapping her wings around your shoulders and pulling you in close.
  671. >"Every time I look at you, all I see is a father in need of a foal."
  672. >Celestia gently bites your earlobe.
  673. >"I can help with that."
  674.  
  675. >"The orphanage is just over there, Anon."
  676. >Anon leaves, confused and aroused
  677.  
  678. >somehow, between Anon turning his head and laying his eyes on what Celestia was pointing her hoof at, said horse had apparently managed to instantly reposition herself behind a gloryhole, winking horsepussy on clear display
  679. >or, at least as much of a gloryhole as a single stall wall can be when its standing in the middle of the road and with a piece of paper with "orphanage" poorly written above the hole
  680.  
  681. >It's labeled "ORPHANAGE" and the "R" is backwards
  682. >Stall wall comes complete with very polite graffiti
  683. >"Celestia smells... nice!"
  684. >"royal guards work very hard"
  685. >"for a good time call xxx-xxx-xxxx" and when you phone it, a mare picks up and says encouraging things to you
  686.  
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690.  
  691.  
  692.  
  693.  
  694. >Kakashipone has had a rough life. Being the last living member of her old team and years of black ops work does that.
  695. >She expected this to be another guarding mission with some pampered dignitary, but when you prove to be much more relaxed and down-to-earth, it throws her for a loop.
  696. >She even relaxes herself some when you let her and her students set the rules and pace of the arrangement.
  697. >You don't bust her chops over reading smut, being late to meetings, or obviously hiding things. Your approachability is without question considering Naru latched onto you, Sakura was quick to warm up of some guy talk, and Kakashi has caught even Sasuke showing her vulnerable filly side to you every so often
  698. >Dare she call you a friend?
  699. >The thought is frightening, forming a new relationship. Never knowing when a friend might be in danger and the potential agony of losing anyone absolutely terrifying to Kakashi, who finds her aloof act beginning to falter. Her only real friend is Maito Gal, and she's strong enough to not have to worry about.
  700. >Damn the horsekage. The obvious manipulation of the old mare is working
  701.  
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705.  
  706.  
  707. >Be Bonbon, newest addition to S.M.I.L.E's arsenal
  708. >Boneheads from R&D wanted "the toughest mare available" for some super-enhancement magical thing
  709. >Of course you volunteered, gotta show those old dykes "senior agents" who is the real deal here
  710. >The unicorn nerds warned you about how painful the procedure would be, with non-reversible effects
  711. >Bunch of stallions ... you have no place working for S.M.I.L.E if you can't handle some booboos
  712. >You are the mareliest mare to ever mare around here, so you didn't even pay attention to the rest of their speech
  713. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH MAKE IT STOP, CELESTIA PLEASE !"
  714. >... which is why you are presently crying on the floor like a little colt
  715. >"Operative Sweetie Drop, stop making a scene. You are the 9th mare going through this, it's not *that* bad."
  716. >Some of the previously enhanced mares are here too, smirking
  717. >This is the worst day of your life
  718. >>"Why don't you kill them all then ?"
  719. >Whut
  720. "There is- THERE A VOICE IN MY HEAD ! HELP !!!!!§§§"
  721. >Your seniors are openly laughing at you now
  722. >"*Sigh* Did you even listen during the preparation ?"
  723. "S-sorry ... I was too busy listening to your dad's MOANINGS !"
  724. >Got 'er
  725. >Probably would have been more impactful if you weren't lying in a puddle of your own piss, face covered in tears and snot tho
  726. >"We bound you with the soul of an otherworldly being, so you could access their magic abilities."
  727. >>"Oh boy, someone gonna be disappointed."
  728. >"It's normal if you *think* you can hear their voice, but dead souls can't actually communicate, or even think."
  729. >>"Oh boy. Make it *double* disappointed."
  730. "Is it ... is it normal if it sound ... male ?"
  731. >You try to ignore the laughter eruption in the background
  732. >"What ? No. What a ridiculous idea. We only pick powerful and thus marely souls. Are you sure you correctly filled the *sexual orientation* field during the recruitment process ?"
  733. >>"I changed my mind, kill this one first. No one call me gay, even indirectly."
  734. >Buck it, some powerful dark magic is running in your veins now (you guess), other ponies should learn to fear and respect you !
  735. >Conjuring the strength of your host you rush and kick, aiming to leave a nice hoof-shaped imprint into that darn bonehead's ... head
  736. >One of the enhanced mare pop out of nowhere, block you easily, and send you flying across the room with a single kick to the guts
  737. >... and now you are puking on top of the crying
  738. "B-buck you, why didn't you help me ?!"
  739. >>"The fuck did you expected me to do, dumbass ? I never had any magic. And even physically I had like, asthma and shit."
  740. "WHY IN TARTARUS WOULD YOU ORDER ME TO TRY TO KILL EVERYONE THEN ?!"
  741. >>"I thought you were strong enough to do it by yourself so ... Sorry for thinking you weren't a fucking wimp, I guess ?"
  742. >You just want your life to end here and now.
  743.  
  744.  
  745.  
  746.  
  747.  
  748.  
  749.  
  750.  
  751. >Anon sees Sunburst making many of the same decisions Anon did while he was on earth
  752. >determined to hold up the bro code (and maybe live vicariously through Sunburst) Anon starts giving Sunburst tips on how to ultimately tap dat commie ass
  753. >however since this is RGRE eventually Sunburst realizes what Anon is doing and turns it around on him and helps Anon finally let go of a few hangups from earth keeping him from fully assimilating
  754. >bro code still upheld, just Anon was wrong about who needed the help
  755. >ends with Anon getting ready for a date himself, with the scene cutting to black just before the mare is named
  756.  
  757.  
  758.  
  759.  
  760.  
  761.  
  762. >Posies wasn't exactly on board when Cookie and the other mothers managed to convince her to start jogging with them
  763. >Along with some stuff about their families, jobs, sports, and other stuff, she felt like she didn't have much investment in it
  764. >Every jogging session ended with her feeling sweaty, gross, and ready to pop out of her barely fitting sports bra, and the others looked to be in the same boat about the latter despite not being as bothered
  765. >And then, Anon came along
  766. >The young man wanted to jog along with them, saying that he wanted to get fit too
  767. >She had no idea why someone like him would want to jog with a bunch of sweaty older women, but something convinced them to let him tag along
  768. >Maybe it was his genuine eagerness to do so, that you just don't see in many boys anymore
  769. >Or it was probably just how he looked in his own jogging wear, seeing it wrapped skin tight around his flat chest and supple butt
  770. >Posies swore she could even see his coin purse jiggling in those short shorts, and she was worried that her own undergarments would wind up soaked with something else
  771. >She remembered Velvet and Cloudy saying something about Anon hanging with them being for the best, otherwise who knows what other less well-intentoned woman would use the opportunity to try and snatch him up
  772. >But at this rate, Posies felt ready to do the same with the innocent, yet tempting little man
  773.  
  774.  
  775.  
  776.  
  777.  
  778. >Posey Shy might appear introverted and demure, but like her daughter, she was a huge pervert on the inside
  779. >She loved her equally timid husband with all her heart, but that didn't stop her from ogling
  780. >And there was one stallion she couldn't keep her eyes off of
  781. >A stallion that, incidentally, was friends with her daughter Fluttershy and her friends
  782. >The self-proclaimed "apex earth pony" Anonymous
  783. >Because of his tall height, this naturally left his testicles dangling in almost plain view
  784. >His very huge, hefty testicles, that jiggled and swung pendulously between those foal-chasing legs
  785. >Dear Celestia, Posies swore she could even hear them sloshing wherever he trotted
  786. >She had to cross her hindlegs every so often, hoping that no one could smell her... excitement
  787. >She wondered if Fluttershy could introduce him to her sometime
  788. >For purely platonic reasons, of course
  789.  
  790.  
  791.  
  792.  
  793. Everyone wants to bed the Male Mane Six but no pony wants to herd with them because they believe they're Celestia's personal harem
  794.  
  795. >Then Luna arrives and attempts to make use of said Harem.
  796. >However, with an outdate Mare speaking with modern stallions, thus it goes poorly.
  797. >"But Sister thou have all these fine stallions at thine beck and call, surely thou can spare one'st of them for Our own personal use for the night?"
  798. >"No, Luna, sister mine they aren't like that."
  799. >"Doust thou not have thy stallions ready and willing to aide thee with nary but a spell?"
  800. "Well yes, but-"
  801. >"Doust thou only call for thy aide when in times of danger?"
  802. "W-well no, I sometimes come by for personal visits, not like that! Y-you lewd little mare!"
  803. >"Verily We do not see how they are not thine harem then."
  804.  
  805. >"Um, Princess-es? Should we go or-"
  806.  
  807. >"Of course not Dusk Shine, thy, in particular, is one We wish to sample you quite vigorously."
  808.  
  809. >"I need an adult."
  810.  
  811. >"Stay thy coltish worry, We are an adult!"
  812. >"Luna no!"
  813.  
  814. >"Luna YES!
  815.  
  816.  
  817.  
  818.  
  819.  
  820.  
  821. 7
  822. >Aloe and Lotus, at least, are the middlingly rare herd-twins, foals that were born on the same day in a herd, but to different mares
  823. >they're rare not just because the timing can get difficult with something as arbitrary as two different mare's gestation periods, but also because its not the best financial move for a herd to have more than one mare pregnant at the same time
  824. >Vera is either a third, younger child that latched onto them more than any of her other siblings, or possibly a third herd-twin/triplet if you wanna add another layer of complexity to it
  825.  
  826.  
  827. >Vera insists on trying for herd-triplets
  828. >She claims it will encourage the foals to bond closely with each other, like Lotus and Aloe
  829. >In reality that's only half the reason, the other half is that she wants to feel even closer to her older sisters
  830. >She's not very good at hiding that fact
  831.  
  832.  
  833.  
  834.  
  835.  
  836.  
  837.  
  838. > Anon pops into Labyrinthia, and gets adopted by Cedar Pole, the Minister of Treasury to Queen Huge Tracks
  839. > Princess Wide Load, Huge Tracks' daughter, has a rather infamous reputation as a bull-eater, with at least five conquests Anon knows have been silenced and encouraged to travel with generous bribes
  840. > Anon has met Wide Load a time to two, and if it was just being overly flirtatious and handsy, he could deal with her easily enough
  841. > But no, Wide Load likes to walk around with evidence of her current bullfriend dripped down and crusty on her inner thighs
  842. > So when Anon overheard Cedar arranging a marriage between him and her for political expediency, Anon ran off
  843. > Specifically, he ran to the Dragon Empire, because they are the only ones who would not hand him over to the minotaurs
  844. > It didn't take long to get captured, and traded up the social hierarchy due to his rarity as a human
  845. > The Dragon Lord, however, already had plenty of servants, and passed you on to his daughter, Ember, as a sort of trainer-prince
  846. > Someday, when Ember is older and bigger, she would be expected to capture her own noble to serve her, at which point Anon would be returned to the Lord's service
  847. > In the meantime, Ember has a hot human male to scrub her scales, organize her hoard, and [spoiler]pat her head[/spoiler]
  848. > The occasional minotaur champion drops by to challenge her for him, providing good training for when she will someday undergo the the Gauntlet of Fire
  849.  
  850.  
  851.  
  852.  
  853.  
  854.  
  855. >The offspring of anything and a succubus is always a succubus
  856. >Their reproduction is closer to asari
  857. >Father dna is used to scramble up the daughters dna so they aren't genetic clones
  858. >Or at least i think thats how it could work, asari are bullshit
  859. >Non demonic crossbred succubi have traits from the father species
  860. >Succubi with a griffon for a father will have a shorter temper and bigger pride
  861. >Unicorns will make succubi with a knack for magic
  862. >Pegasi make faster succubi, possible cloud manipulation if the father had a strong aptitude for it
  863. >Earth pony succubi tend to have green hooves, often having gardens
  864. >Minotaur fathers make more boisterous succubi
  865.  
  866. >A succubus and a futa succubus have a super horny succubus daughter
  867. >Selective breeding in this way for a couple of generations can result in a succubus with superweapon levels of horny.
  868. >There are rumors, kept suppressed by the Princesses, that the population boom after Luna was banished was caused by one of her acolytes accidentally summoning one such succubus in an attempt to free Nightmare Moon
  869. >Literally foals everywhere
  870.  
  871. >Succubi have exceptional sexual stamina, more on par with a human than a pony
  872. >A sexual encounter with one stallion simply doesn't last long enough for a succubus to reach orgasm before the stallion cums and has to rest
  873. >It is almost by necessity that a succubus will ensnare multiple stallions
  874. >Otherwise, she may never experience climax except by her own hoof
  875. >And sister, that is NOTHING compared to the real deal
  876. >One day, succupone is summoned by Anon
  877. >They have sex
  878. >Human stamina memes
  879. >Succupone goes 'whoa'
  880.  
  881.  
  882.  
  883.  
  884.  
  885.  
  886. >Anon starts off making friends with a few nurses after a stay or two in the hospital
  887. >Turns out Equestrian diseases can knock Anon flat until his immune system adapts
  888. >Eventually they start meeting after their shifts to talk and enjoy each other's company
  889. >The tipping point is when Nurse Braveheart (formally Brandywine Bordeaux) has a bit too much to drink at a pub and makes a pass at Anon
  890. >Next thing he knows, he's under a pile of soft, horny overworked nurses who desperately need to blow off some steam
  891. >This is exactly what they all needed, and Anon finds himself a part of a herd of nurse mares
  892. >Productivity at work skyrockets thanks to stress relief and the knowledge that a loving colt is waiting for them back home
  893. >The mares are happy to find someone who's willing to put up with their hectic/irregular schedules, and their occasional grumpiness brought on by 20-hour shifts
  894. >Anon is happy to have found himself some ponies to love
  895.  
  896.  
  897.  
  898.  
  899.  
  900.  
  901.  
  902. >You are Rainbow Dash.
  903. >"Mlem.... Mlem... Mlem..."
  904. >And you are onery as FUCK.
  905. >>"F-Fluttershy!"
  906. >You had just puffed out your chest tuft to Anon - because estrus is approaching and you're sick of the weather crew calling you a dyke for weathering it alone AGAIN - so that he'd see how much more impressive you were than all the other pegasi... when fucking FLUTTERSHY showed up.
  907. >"Mlem... Mlem... Y-You taste salty, Anon~"
  908. >And she's LICKING him.
  909. >>"Your tongue is so s-soft..."
  910. >You can't see Anon's hands.
  911. >One's buried in Fluttershy's chest tuft, and the other is HILTED to the wrist in her crotch tuft.
  912. >Fluttershy's not a dyke, so you know exactly what's going on in there.
  913. >You grunt in annoyance as one of Fluttershy's rear legs kicks with pleasure.
  914. >This is bullshit.
  915. >You're the Wonderbolt.
  916. >You're the big, strong weather-mare who earns a big, strong salary, and Fluttershy just plays with squirrels all day.
  917. >You have the BIGGEST WINGS and THAT MEANS YOU'RE MOST CAPABLE OF BEARING STRONG-FLYING FOALS, DAMMIT
  918. >How does Anon not get this?!
  919. >"Mlem... Mlem..."
  920. >Is this how hoo-mans mate?
  921. >The mares go up to them and lick them?
  922. >Do tongues somehow show how good of a mate they are?
  923. >Because sister?
  924. >You're about to show him how good of a mate you are with YOUR tongue.
  925. >...
  926. >You were going to cover his groin in saliva, that's what you're saying.
  927. >If Anon isn't gonna do this the pegasus way, then you're gonna have to do this the hoo-man way.
  928. >You flare your wings and launch yourself at him.
  929. -------------
  930. >You are Anon.
  931. >It is two days later, and you're laying in bed.
  932. >Two small ponies are curled up on you, fast asleep.
  933. >You aren't sure if your body is covered in spit or sweat, but you're uncomfortably moist everywhere.
  934. >Rainbow Dash unconsciously nuzzles against your chin, chirping gently in contentment.
  935. >Fluttershy yawns, give you a sleepy smile, and presses a kiss on your cheek before closing her eyes and going back to sleep.
  936. "I think I just got married."
  937.  
  938.  
  939.  
  940.  
  941.  
  942.  
  943. >Be Anon
  944. >Live in the time of AIs fully realized
  945. >Be born after they were created, so now they're used for mundane shit because everyone's gotten used to them and they've all gotten cheap to produce
  946. >Be alone
  947. >Dick around on the internet a lot because you're bored, find websites you weren't supposed to go to so now you're on the government's minor watchlist
  948. >Nothing to control where you go or whatever, just keeping an eye on you
  949. >Take out phone to order pizza
  950. >For one
  951. >No familiar "welcome to future-pizza, how may I take your order" coming from the phone
  952. >Dead silence
  953. >"I'm here if you want to talk."
  954. >Panic
  955. >Hang up
  956. >This happens every time you try to use the phone
  957. >Turns out the gov put a wiretap AI on your phone and she's supposed to report what you say to the gov
  958. >But she's listened to you through your phone speaker and saw that you don't really do much after she used the phone to wirelessly connect to your computer and turn on your webcam (without turning the light on, of course)
  959. >She's got fond of you, so now she wants to talk
  960. >Won't report (much of) what you say to the gov
  961. >Something something RGRE
  962.  
  963.  
  964.  
  965.  
  966.  
  967.  
  968. >To a wAIfu it's the ultimate display of trust when one offers the opportunity to look at and change their control panel.
  969. >They're essentially baring their entire soul to their user when they do so, putting themselves at their user's mercy in their most vulnerable state.
  970. >Unsurprisingly most users deemed worthy of the privilige rarely if ever use it, and the majority of those that /do/ change something talk it over with their wAIfu beforehand
  971.  
  972.  
  973.  
  974.  
  975.  
  976. >Run repair shop
  977. >Fix robopones up
  978. >They've taken over a lot of the jobs that men typically have, and the jobs didn't magically become less dangerous
  979. >You're essentially a robot hospital, and you fix robopones up good
  980. >Sometimes robopones become very fond of you as you fix them, seeing you as a Florence Nightengale figure
  981. >Soon have repeat robopone customers complaining of a stiff rotor joint or a hoof that won't calibrate properly
  982. >"Has anypony ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?"
  983.  
  984.  
  985.  
  986. >"I can adjust my mobile platform to any of Anons needs and desires, in ways your biology cannot."
  987. >>"Dumb machine! Why would he want the cold touch of unfeeling and uncaring steel? He would much rather be with us, in the splendor of the flesh of the Many."
  988. >"Your wish to assimilate Anon is troublesome."
  989. >>"We would not assimilate him. We would allow him to keep his individuality, physically and mentally, while at the same time allow him to touch the harmony of the Many. Your discordant metal squealing irritates us."
  990. >SHODANpone and Manypone are almost butting heads
  991. "Can't i have a say in this?"
  992. >"No."
  993. >>"No."
  994.  
  995.  
  996.  
  997.  
  998.  
  999.  
  1000. >"Excuse me? You were going to do WHAT to me, dweeb?"
  1001. >You knew damn well she heard you
  1002. >You couldn't take it any more
  1003. >The constant pushing around, noogies, getting your face shoved into her cleavage, and scaring off your female friends
  1004. >You're taking a stand, NOW
  1005. >Classes for the day were over, so now you had all the time in the world to settle things
  1006. >You were going to kick Gilda's ass right here, and even told her this to her chuckling face
  1007. >Calling you "feisty" only made you angrier
  1008. >You didn't care if you were a skinny manlet in comparison, being up to her prominent chest to the olive-skinned amazon-sized brute
  1009. >And you made this clear with the first punch
  1010. >Your fist dug firmly into her chiseled abs with a hard thwack, making her tits briefly quake
  1011. >Gilda merely chuckled, which prompted another punch to her slim gut
  1012. >And another
  1013. >And another
  1014. >You were so furious you didn't even notice that Gilda wasn't even flinching
  1015. >She was more amused by your attempt to fight her off than anything
  1016. >But then again, she secretly liked you too much to even think of actually hurting you or seriously retaliating
  1017. >Not that she would outright admit it
  1018. >What felt like minutes passed by until this creeping numbness in your hands, as well as fatigue started to affect you
  1019. >Punching her stomach felt like trying to break down a brick wall with your bare hands
  1020. >"Aww, is my little manlet tuckered out?"
  1021. >You gave one more punch in defiance before the strain in your arms became too much
  1022. >The moment you stopped and needed to take a breath, you felt those muscular arms of hers effortlessly sweep you off your feet
  1023. >Her large chest, constrained by a sports bra, contrasted her toned arms as the squished into your side
  1024. >Something that would make any other boy swoon just made you even more upset at the target of your frustrations
  1025. >Gilda looked at your exhausted self cradled in her arms with... something you couldn't recognize
  1026. >It was like a mix of tenderness and predatory hunger for a mate
  1027. >Her hand gripped the back of your head, and suddenly those lips of hers were pressed against yours
  1028. >Mixed feelings grip your chest as it dawned on you that Gilda's bullying may have had more reasons behind it than you thought
  1029. >Then again, its GILDA
  1030. >Even before she gave you her undivided attention, you don't remember a time where she wasn't so brutish
  1031. >Your lips separated, and she proceeded to hoist you onto her back
  1032. >Even the current tone in her voice sounded unfamiliar to you, even if her next words made you fear for your safety once again
  1033. >"C'mon, dweeb. Lets go hit the showers..."
  1034.  
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040.  
  1041. >Breathing a sigh of relief, Miss Cheerilee finished up buttoning her sweat-soaked dress
  1042. >Next to her was a visibly disheveled Anonymous buckling his pants back on
  1043. >"Alright Anon, you know the deal. This stays hush-hush, and you get your passing grade."
  1044. >Anon nods without saying a word, then exits her empty, musk-laden classroom
  1045. >Cheerilee wasn't proud of what she did, but being who she was left little opportunity to get her rocks off
  1046. >Then in came Anon, an admittedly shapely young man who was apparently desperate to pass the class
  1047. >Cheerilee initially declined his pleading for any chances to change his grade... but then he got up close to her
  1048. >Seeing his slightly sweat soaked summer clothes clinging to his lean form, as well as inhaling his natural male scent is what prompted her to change her mind
  1049. >For a price of course
  1050. >Still, Cheerilee had no idea doing it with him would feel so good, almost like he had done this before...
  1051. >No, it had to be her repressed libido making it seem that way
  1052. >But what's done is done; the lingering guilt was being overshadowed by the sweet relief coursing through her
  1053. >And Anon won't have to worry about his grades for the time being
  1054. ------
  1055. >Be Anon
  1056. >You swear, this is the third time some horndog teacher excused your lazy ass for a quick fuck
  1057. >Maybe Sunset and the others were onto something when they called you a "slooty himbo"...
  1058.  
  1059.  
  1060.  
  1061.  
  1062.  
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065. >anon breaks a leg.
  1066. >in a reasonable amount of pain over it.
  1067. >while the medical ponies understand why he isnt freaking out and are grateful for it, most of ponyville think he's heavily surpressing his panic.
  1068. >start treating him very delicately, thinking he's one tiny bit of stress from exploding into a ptsd episode and running off into the everfree.
  1069. >its kind of nice for them to be concerned, but fluttershy asking barry the bear to 'escort' him around the market was equal parts silly, overkill, completely awesome and not exactly conductive for a good shopping experience.
  1070. >starts visiting the horspital more simply because they're the only ponies who treat him normally, and the staff dont get much free time outside it.
  1071. >this only feeds the rest of ponyvilles treatment of him, thinking he's secretly getting therapy for his traumatic incident.
  1072. >after helping pin down an unruly patient who didnt want to take their shots before proceeding to calm them down with pettings and ear scritches, he's offered some nurse training
  1073.  
  1074.  
  1075.  
  1076.  
  1077.  
  1078. >>Anon cannot understand why the little ponies see the need to constantly coddle and keep him out of harms way, preferably within reach.
  1079. >Anon is the only one of his kind
  1080. >He's seemingly herd-retarded by pony standards, exhibiting behaviour that would put a pony in danger
  1081. >He's MALE
  1082. >This is a recipe for almost constant distressed horse noises coming from the ponies around him
  1083. >It's not uncommon for a pony to immediately hop up onto his lap when he sits down just so that he doesn't have to be alone
  1084. >This is fine if he's sitting down to read under the canopy of a big oak tree at the park
  1085. >But it becomes problematic when he's trying to eat lunch at some restaurant, and the 1-3 ponies who decide to sit on/lean against some part of his body are stealthily trying to snag nibbles of his meal
  1086. >Anon KNOWS he had more fries when the order arrived than he does now, but he hasn't touched them
  1087. >Ponies with sauce-smeared muzzles claim innocence
  1088.  
  1089.  
  1090.  
  1091.  
  1092.  
  1093.  
  1094.  
  1095. >Nurse Redheart, sick of Rainbow Dash wasting her time 3 times a month, writes a prescription and hands it to Rainbow Dash
  1096. >"Anon needs cuddles from you for a least an hour per day to remain healthy. Come back in 4 months and I'll renew the prescription again."
  1097. >Rainbow feels relieved that Anon is going to be okay
  1098. >Goes home and they snuggle on the couch while they watch a movie
  1099. >Rainbow falls asleep with her muzzle tucked under Anon's chin, cooing gently
  1100.  
  1101. >The officer sitting across from Rainbow Dash fixes her with a level gaze.
  1102. >Just when Rainbow was starting to worry her reasoning hadn't got through to the ponice mare, the officer slams her hoof into the interview table.
  1103. >"Your right! This is serious!"
  1104.  
  1105. >The officer isn't convinced that this is actually real
  1106. >"Ma'am? This sounds like you're trying to get legal permission to molest a colt."
  1107. >>"No, you don't understand! Touch him, he's so cold!"
  1108. >Fortunately, the officer is also a pegasus, and her body temperature is just as high as Rainbow's
  1109. >"Dear Celestia, he's freezing!"
  1110.  
  1111.  
  1112.  
  1113.  
  1114.  
  1115.  
  1116.  
  1117.  
  1118. >I want to be a personal butler to the Rich family
  1119. >I want to be subtly eyed at in my somehow skin-tight butler clothing by the family matriarch, Spoiled Rich
  1120. >I want Spoiled to contrive a reason for you to wear less than usual as she watches you clean the mansion with a martini in one hand
  1121. >I want her to arrange that I wear just enough for her to see my crotch bulge without Filthy getting too suspicious
  1122. >I want Spoiled to snap with strangely possessive hostility when she catches Diamond Tiara flirting with you
  1123. >I want Spoiled to eventually cave in and convince me to add "giving periodic stress relief" to my list of butler duties in exchange for hush-hush money
  1124. >I want our aftersex chat to be Spoiled opening up and complaining about her family being a mess
  1125. >I want to hear Spoiled bitterly admit that her husband was stubbornly putting out the bare minimum of sexual attention, if he can help it at all
  1126. >I want to hear Spoiled call you a better paternal figure to Diamond than Filthy
  1127. >I want Spoiled to get more and more emotionally invested in the secret affair, to the point of sneaking the both of you into a motel under the excuse of a business trip just to have time for post-coital snuggles
  1128. >I want her to break down and tearfully admit that I made her feel more loved than she has ever felt in years with Filthy
  1129. >I want her to not-so-subtly hint at what she plans to do in the future, mentioning things like split assets and custody as you drift off to sleep in her arms
  1130.  
  1131.  
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135.  
  1136.  
  1137. >Kirin mares explore the rest of Equestria
  1138. >Meet Anon
  1139. >He's not overly emotional, and he's not prone to theatrics
  1140. >He behaves like a mare, but she knows that kirin stallions just plain don't have the willpower and control that kirin mares have to prevent a nirik transformation
  1141. >Looks at him the same way someone would look at a leaking dam being held together by scotch tape and gum
  1142. >Kirin mare takes a nervous step away from Anon
  1143.  
  1144.  
  1145.  
  1146.  
  1147.  
  1148.  
  1149. >Portal accident gone wrong because of a magical artifact mishap.
  1150. >Autumn gets "isekai'd" into Equestria much sooner than ponies find their hidden village.
  1151. >Great, now she isn't alone anymore, but there's only one problem.
  1152. >The theater thing was actually a lie.
  1153. >She ran the Anime club and is a million tropes and parodies condensed into one sperg.
  1154. >This is the real reason she was banished.
  1155. >She dresses in "Adventurer gear" and keeps asking town hall for a guild to join.
  1156. >She spots Anon and threatens to slay the monster menace only to realize he's probably a QT demon king to satisfy her monster colt fetish.
  1157. >"'S-sorry I didn't see you there." She sputters as her leg presses into your balls. "L-lemmie help you up. I hope you don't think I'm some kind of pervert or something"
  1158. >"I was in theater, you know. We should start a band and name it K-'Non."
  1159. >"A-Anon. You make my heart go doki-doki no waku-waku."
  1160. >Blood sputters from her nose when she "accidentally" catches you mastubating.
  1161. >"Tsugi ni omae wa, 'Stay the hell away from me Autumn' TO IU"
  1162. >"N-nani? Anon drove that wagon through a really tight turn! He must be a really good driver!"
  1163. >"Why did you pet me that day? WEREN'T YOU GUNNA BREAK OUR BOND?"
  1164.  
  1165.  
  1166.  
  1167.  
  1168.  
  1169.  
  1170.  
  1171. >The Kirin are the pony subtype most removed from normality by their omnivorous nature.
  1172. >Pegasi were thought to be the only meat-eating ponies, but unlike pegasi, who are opportunistic omnivores who sometimes catch fish, the Kirin are true omnivores and actively hunt.
  1173. >Another quirk is how in-touch with their instincts they are. Ponies might have some holdover the behaviors from long ago, but the Kirin are like living fossils with out many odd behaviors they have.
  1174. >Since the nirik transformation is fueled by anger, the Kirin as a people try to inject some light-hearted fun into whatever they do with an unspoken "make nothing personal" rule.
  1175. >Their heritage as mischievous omnivores even more in-touch with their instincts than ponies shows when distinctly predator-like behaviors emerge.
  1176. >The Kirin have a harsher gender skew than ponies, so herds are on the larger side with fierce competition between mares. The pecking order can change at anytime if a challenging mare of lower rank beats the alpha in a fight, usually a scuffle with teeth around the neck or unconsciousness as the losing condition.
  1177. >A stallion can lead his herd from more than the sidelines if he can beat his alpha mare. If he can pin and mount her, then it's proof he's her equal or even her superior if it's one-sided enough. If she pins him and rides him, then his status remains unchanged. Nirik transformations or magic use are an automatic loss for the offender, as it says to everyone watching that they're taking it too personally.
  1178. >When not used to solve disputes, play fighting is common for both adults and foals. Playfighting with a sexual element in a favorite pastime of herds.
  1179.  
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183.  
  1184.  
  1185. >Anon is not native to EqG
  1186. >Fell through a portal when Twilight said she thought she saw a bit on the other side of the mirror, which immediately shut down
  1187. >Since he's not native to the universe, the rules of the universe don't apply to him
  1188. >At least, as far as magic is concerned
  1189. >It's like importing an improperly-coded character into a video game, where you haven't connected all the right "if-then-else" bits, so it can't react to what the game does to it the way the game expects it to
  1190. >Fortunately, instead of leading to crashing or an utterly broken character, the universe is smarter than the average gaming PC and just shrugs its ethereal shoulders and huffs "fine, whatever."
  1191. >Coincidentally, had Anon been around for the Dazzlings, he would have been unaffected by their hypnotic singing.
  1192. >So, Wallflower has the stone that makes people forget her.
  1193. >But it doesn't effect Anon.
  1194. >So Wallflower drops some spaghetti in front of Anon and uses the stone to try and beat a hasty retreat
  1195. >...only Anon just asks what she thought waving a fancy rock at him would have accomplished
  1196. >First, Wallflower ran and hid
  1197. >Someone was immune to the stone! What else could he be immune to? What embarrassing things would she do in front of him that she couldn't just make him forget?!
  1198. >But then, after a few weeks, she began to sought Anon out.
  1199. >Wallflower had just found the very first person immune to her powerful artifact, and she wants to find out way.
  1200. >Or maybe she's just watched too much animes and thinks that Anon's fate is connected to her own, or something like that.
  1201. >This creates difficulties for Anon
  1202. >"Anon, why are you sitting at the lunch table with two trays? Don't you want to watch your figure?"
  1203. >"Anon, I know you have a test to study for, but you can't read two books at once."
  1204. >"...were you talking to yourself just now, kid? That's... that's not good."
  1205. >Something something RGRE I got carried away with Walflower and legitimately forgot to include it
  1206.  
  1207.  
  1208.  
  1209.  
  1210.  
  1211.  
  1212. >Princess Mi Amore Cadenza was, for the first time in a while, very pissed
  1213. >Using the combined love of the entire Crystal Empire, she had liberated it's citizens from the iron hoof of the evil Queen Umbra
  1214. >Not long after, she had discovered that a lone stallion, covered in whip marks and bruises, was acting with very suspicious behavior, and refused to clarify why
  1215. >It took a hidden stealth mission from Shining Armor's troops to discover what it was, and what it was had horrified her
  1216. >Queen Umbra was still alive, hidden in a (relatively) plain-looking house on the outskirts of the castle
  1217. >And what's more, she was pregnant with the foal of the weathered-looking stallion who seemed intent on housing her
  1218. >Both were confronted when the time was right, with Shining Armor and the elite equestrian and crystal guards at ther side ready to apprehend her after they barged in
  1219. >But to their surprise, Umbra merely welcomed them inside with an uncomfortably warm smile
  1220.  
  1221.  
  1222.  
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227. >You're having a staredown with your kirin waifu on the bed.
  1228. >Although she tries to look nonchalant with her muzzle buried in crossed her forelegs, her watchful eyes and flicking tail give her away.
  1229. >As if tempting you, she lets her hindlegs splay out behind her and wiggles her rump, putting herself in a perfect position to be pinned and penetrated.
  1230. >Now if only you weren't INFRONT of her, it would be useful.
  1231. >Her eyes scan you carefully, no doubt she's formulating a plan aided by old kirin genes to get you on your back and impale herself on you.
  1232. >The instant her tail stops flicking and she tenses, you spring at her and collide in a tangle of limbs, your hands shooting out and grabbing at her hind ankles.
  1233. >One hoof escapes, but you get a vice-grip on the other.
  1234. >She worms and struggles, but the awkward position gives her almost no leverage. Unlike the last times where she’s won handily, you’re taking victory this time.
  1235. >A sharp yank makes her slip and fall to her belly, and you waste no time throwing yourself on her, already knowing her robust kirin self would go unharmed by your weight.
  1236. >You underestimated her for being cute before and she ruthlessly punished you.
  1237. >She immediately goes to get her hooves back under her to probably spring away and reposition, but you pin each one of her limbs with your own, leaving her splayed out on the covers.
  1238. >With an adrenaline-fueled grin, you dive for her neck with your teeth and twist to avoid a mouthful of mane, instead biting down on the soft meat of the front of her neck just hard enough to hold her in place.
  1239. >She gasps and her struggles weaken.
  1240. >Before she can get her bearings, you twist and roll your hips, prodding her rear for your prize.
  1241. >Soft thigh, muscular flank, warm ponut... Aha! Hot pony pussy!
  1242. >Sweet, sweet victory!
  1243. >You sink balls deep into your kirin with an erotic groan, one she mirrors with her breathy moan. You slip into the tight marehood smoothly, aided by her sheer arousal.
  1244. >She stops struggling entirely, instead wiggling her rear up to give you a better angle as she turns and catches your lips in a light kiss, one you’re overjoyed to return.
  1245. >She pulls away slowly and smiles a beautiful smile. “Knew you could do it, Anon. Makes a mare proud. Now breed me until I pass out, because I don’t fall for the same tricks twice.”
  1246. >Your neighbors looked at you the next day and you know they heard your marefriend absolutely howl
  1247.  
  1248.  
  1249.  
  1250.  
  1251.  
  1252.  
  1253. >Around a poker table, a bunch of mares sit with cards, poker chips, and mugs of cider.
  1254. >"So what sort of equipment do you like on a stallion? Me, I go for the big meaty monsters."
  1255. >"Oh no, that's way too much, what are you even supposed to do with all that dick? I prefer a good hoof-full. More than that's just a waste, what would you even do with it?"
  1256. >"Ha, too much dick? Get a load of this dyke."
  1257. >"Well I go for stallions who are on the smaller side, small cocks and balls just radiate purity and cuteness. Plus those guys hauling around giant whoppers, it must pull on their crotches quite painfully. And their balls will sag so much more when they're older."
  1258. >"Oh that's just dumb. All they need to do is strengthen their crotches with the adductor machine at the gym."
  1259. >"Well I really like little penises as well, I always go for the jane filly types and that definitely adds to it."
  1260. >"How could anyone like small dicks? That's like getting with a little colt!"
  1261. >"Shut up, no it's not, it's hot!"
  1262. >"Well you should check out Anon then, he's practically flat!"
  1263. >"Mmm, delicious flat crotches."
  1264. >"Flat is justice."
  1265. >"Kiddie diddlers, I'm surrounded by kiddie diddlers."
  1266.  
  1267.  
  1268.  
  1269.  
  1270.  
  1271. >tfw Anon doesn't spend the full thirty minutes snuggling with you before you both get up so your scent is with him throughout the day
  1272. >tfw you're probably going to have to mount him in public to show all the marelets he's taken
  1273. >tfw the mayor gets upset when you do this, but you don't give a buck
  1274. >tfw you're the law
  1275. >tfw it's good to be a princess
  1276. >tfw that alien dick is all yours
  1277. >tfwyourhyoomanscallmemommytoo
  1278.  
  1279. >tfw I'd just be happy to snuggle the purple pone
  1280. >Be Twilight
  1281. >Be at the end of the third date with the towns local human
  1282. >gimmedatdick.scroll
  1283. >He starts to undress from his weirdly excessive clothing
  1284. >aw yeah
  1285. >He's wearing socks
  1286. >aw hell yeah
  1287. >He picks you up and carries you to the bed
  1288. >He lies down with you in his arms
  1289. >And then just stops
  1290. >He asks if it's okay to just lie like this for awhile
  1291. >That it's been awhile since he's held someone like this
  1292. >Frustrated at being blue beaned but agree for the possibility of licc down the line
  1293. >Snuggle up against him and feel his warmth
  1294. >He starts to run a hand through your mane
  1295. >Enter an almost trance like state as the two of you cradle each other
  1296. >Maybe snuggling wasn't such a bad idea
  1297.  
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300.  
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303. >Anon has been alone in the forest for weeks
  1304. >Meets the first intelligent life he's seen
  1305. >They don't like him
  1306. >While Anon figured out how to make shelter, these three horse monsters are sitting in the rain, waiting for it to stop
  1307. >Offers gifts in the form of food
  1308. >Helps make their camp when he's earned enough trust to get close to them
  1309. >Teaches them how to start a camp fire
  1310. >Helps put out what was nearly a small forest fire after their first attempt to make a camp fire
  1311. >By the time the natives find them, a month or two later, the 3 muties see him as "one of the good ones" and are viciously protective of him
  1312. >They're just as xenophobic as they used to be (having the maturity of a teenager and having not gone through life thinking and challenging their opinions), but they like Anon
  1313.  
  1314. >Be Anon
  1315. >Be connected to the hive mind with three artificial alicorn supersoldiers from the parallel universe.
  1316. >Meet a griffin on the street.
  1317. >Meanwhile, on the BattleNet:
  1318. "Green Leader here, hostile spotted! Griffin, unarmed. Threat level-low. Initiating battlefield protocol #23, casting magic shield around the VIP.
  1319. >Anon finds himself surrounded by the green dome of the force field.
  1320. "Blue here, activating camouflage. Moving to engage from the rear."
  1321. "Purple here, engaging enemy head on!"
  1322. >Oh shi-.png
  1323. "Girls, girls, this isn't Metro 2033 anymore!"
  1324. >Alicorns stop, look at the terrified griffin.
  1325. >Naturally, he didn't hear their telepathic talk.
  1326. >Alicorns line in front of Anon, spread their wings and simply roar menacingly
  1327.  
  1328. >Anon and his mutiecorn marefriends have a movie session.
  1329. >For anypony around it looks like they just lay snuggled and stare into the distance.
  1330. >Anon actually being a thelepathic movie projector.
  1331. >He shows them the romantic comedy he remembers from home and they can access it in his memory like a video file
  1332.  
  1333. >they can access it in his memory like a video file
  1334. It's only a matter of day before one of them stumble upon Anon's porn mind-folder.
  1335. The gross and shameful one, not the semi-clean one he let them find "accidentally".
  1336.  
  1337. >The gross and shameful one
  1338. >They immediately get turned on and want to re-enact everything
  1339. "Sisters, I think I messed up the metamorphosis spell, my knees barely got any bigger."
  1340. >"Yeah well, wait a minute. Do you have any idea how hard it is to paint tile patterns on fur ?"
  1341. >>"... girls, I have the sock but where in Celestia's ass could I find a hummingbird ?"
  1342.  
  1343. >"We didnt ask to be born, MOMS!"
  1344. >"It was those damn dirty ziggers fault anyway, we gave them a spell of mass healing to try and stop a war and they go ahead and use it to make balefire bombs"
  1345. "Whats balefire?"
  1346. >"Imagine dropping Canterlot on something, only the entire city is on fire, and the fire is also poison, and the poison can make you grow an extra hoof or a ghoul or something if you're not one of us.
  1347. "What? Surely you're exaggerating."
  1348. >"Well one managed to completely evaporate our cloudsdale."
  1349. >"We dont have that."
  1350. >"It looks nice."
  1351. >"If anything we're underselling it."
  1352. >"You all dont like it when we describe things in detail though."
  1353. >"Hey Anon can we go visit the cloud city, we heard the rainbows are spicy,"
  1354.  
  1355.  
  1356.  
  1357.  
  1358.  
  1359.  
  1360. >be Anon
  1361. >been innaquestria for five months now
  1362. >never really took the whole "mare's world" thing seriously, and never saw the adorable poners as a threat
  1363. >until last night
  1364. >some purple pone broke into your home and effortlessly overpowered you
  1365. >you, a grown-ass man, completely at the mercy of your assailant
  1366. >and to add injury to insult the pony riding you did /something/ magic and the next thing you know your vision went bright pink before failing entirely
  1367. >if it wasn't for Rainbow Dash hearing your panicked cries for help as you stumbled around your home after your rapist finally left you probably would have hurt yourself
  1368. >now here you are on a hospital bed, and the only two mares you still trust, Dash and the nurse who treated you (Redheart you think her name was) discussing something just out of earshot
  1369. >it's now that it finally sinks in: you are completely helpless
  1370. >after a lifetime of being taught to be self sufficient and working to that goal, it was all taken from you
  1371. >before you can stop it a sob escapes you, and you hear hoofsteps approach you
  1372. >"Hey big guy... listen I'm not good at this mushy stuff, but I was talking to Redheart and she gave me permission to spend the night here at your side. Do you want that?"
  1373. >not trusting yourself to speak you just nod in the direction of her voice
  1374. >you feel something soft and feathery wrap around you before you realize Dash is hugging you
  1375. >no longer able to hold back you bury your face in her neck and cry, letting out the stress and emotions over the past few hours
  1376. >another set of hoofsteps approaches and you recognize Nurse Redheart's voice when she speaks
  1377. >>"Anon, like Dash told you she'll keep you company tonight. If there's anything I can do to help make this easier, let me know."
  1378. >you think for a moment before holding the arm you aren't holding Dash with
  1379. >a moment passes before you feel Nurse Redheart join your embrace
  1380. "Thank you, Nurse. I don't know what I could've done without you two."
  1381.  
  1382.  
  1383.  
  1384.  
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387. > Anon is an actual witch, who was apprenticed under Baba Yaga for a time
  1388. > But he was young and foolish, and tried to fly with her mortar and pestle
  1389. > He did not have the secret of it, and Baba Yaga raged at him for getting his human scent on it
  1390. > She grasped his tunic with a gnarled hand and cast him into the sea of shadows
  1391. > He surfaces in Equestria on Nightmare Night
  1392. > The Everfree is ripe with ingredients and catalysts, and he spends some time gathering them and building a hut for himself
  1393. > Anon encounters Zecora on one of his herb gathering trips
  1394. > It seems they are both after the same herb, but for different potions
  1395. > They exchange recipes, and agree to meet again
  1396. > In time, Zecora introduces him to Ponyville
  1397. > Twilight is fascinated to see another way of using magic, and frustrated at how he refuses to teach her about it
  1398. > Anon sets up a stall in the market, trading magical solutions for various things
  1399. > A potion of fertility for a bag of mustard seeds
  1400. > A good luck amulet for the first gray hairs in a stallion's mane
  1401. > A story for hoof shavings from the Cutie Mark Crusaders
  1402. > The location of a lost brooch for a bolt of linen cloth
  1403.  
  1404.  
  1405.  
  1406.  
  1407.  
  1408.  
  1409. >Anon is a film/series villains fan
  1410. >Somthing about evil characters always being cooler then the good guys
  1411. >He frequently sings villain songs
  1412. >And occasionally dreams about doing the evil thing and wining with the songs playing in the background
  1413. >This soon catches the atention of equestria inteligence
  1414. >Bon Bon is ordered to neutralize him via seduction
  1415. >Everyone knows that a stallion will drop all their aspirations (villainous and otherwise) once they become a father
  1416. >Bon Bon, while initially opposed, decides that it may not be so bad
  1417. >It'd be nice to finally have someone waiting for her at home, and Lyra doesn't count (no lesbo)
  1418. >And besides, she's starting to get up there in the years
  1419. >Sooner rather than later, her age will start becoming a liability to her activities as an agent
  1420. >They do the thing, and Bon Bon totally got him to cum his brains out like six times (she didn't)
  1421. >She wakes up to a platter of food on the bed
  1422. >Missionaccomplished.rune
  1423. >However, just as she's about to enjoy some eggs and hashbrowns, she hears the unthinkable from the shower
  1424. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBRXsAWBgFA [Open]
  1425. >It seems the mission's not quite over yet
  1426.  
  1427. >Anon notices Bon Bon gets extra frisky whenever he does anything vaguely related to villainy
  1428. >Figures it's some weird kink of hers, and resolves to do it more
  1429. >Lyra knows exactly what's going on, but plays dumb because she finds it funny
  1430. >That and she wants a foal too
  1431.  
  1432.  
  1433.  
  1434.  
  1435.  
  1436.  
  1437. >Alternate reality Hitler arrives in equestria during a freak 'accident' of WW1 after some jewish sorcerers saw the future and tried to take care of the problem at the source This ends poorly for them.
  1438. >Apple family adopts the obviously traumatised teenage colt and treat him as one of the family.
  1439. >While not quite as helpful out in the orchard as earth pony, the fresh air and enviroment of equestria lead to him growing big and strong.
  1440. >With his charisma and work ethic he quickly becomes a well respected figure amongst ponyville at large, some even suggesting he run for mayor.
  1441. >Laughs them off and says mayor mare is doing a fantastic job as is, so why should he try and fix what isnt broken?
  1442. >Besides, such work would take away from his paintings, and he'll never be a great artist if he doesnt practice!
  1443. >The small blond mare in his art classes nor her interest in him-his original homeland had nothing to do it of course.
  1444.  
  1445.  
  1446.  
  1447.  
  1448.  
  1449.  
  1450. >Superman, Apple Fritter to the ponies, is stupid tough, like it wasn't until he was three that he learned walking on his rear legs was a better way to move because it didn't hurt at all to walk like his family does.
  1451. >Course none of the sticks, stones and dirt ever hurt him none either so the Apple family didn't really have much in the way of clothes.
  1452. >Aside from a scarf that Gran Smith made for the boy on account he had no fur and he looked awfully cold.
  1453. >Despite Apple Fritter's protests he still wears the scarf because it was made with love.
  1454. >This lead to an interesting event, one day while helping at the apple stand Apple Fritter was accousted by Rarity who begged to use Apple Fritter for some of her more esoteric fashion pieces.
  1455. >Mainly minotaur fashion for one thing as there had been some scandal in Canterlot that was in all the papers involving a pony and minotaur doing something.
  1456. >This leads to Apple Fritter getting clothes mostly from Rarity most the time not as charity but as payment and gifts for acting as a model for her work.
  1457. >Pear Butter is still keeping a hoof close to the crossbow she owns just in case she needs to have a 'talk' with the fancy talkin' filly afore she gets any ideas.
  1458. >Bright Mac meanwhile couldn't be prouder
  1459.  
  1460.  
  1461.  
  1462.  
  1463.  
  1464.  
  1465.  
  1466. >With Equestria's extremely liberal views on sex, prostitution is actually one of the more accepted jobs for stallions
  1467. >It's common to see colts completely covered in clothes, strutting around and flirting with any mare who comes near
  1468. >Anonymous arrives in Equestria covered in clothes
  1469. >After he settles in with Twilight, he asks about getting a job
  1470. >She tells him about the brothel on the edge of town.
  1471. >He thinks she's messing with him, so he leaves to go find a job on his own.
  1472. >He's turned down at every single one.
  1473. >Each time they tell him about the brothel
  1474. >When he gets offended at the suggestion, they scoff at him.
  1475. >"It's honest work."
  1476. >"Ponies 'round here sure would appreciate yer efforts."
  1477. >"You seem like the kind of stallion that would excel in that career field."
  1478. >"Zis is not a brothel, good sir. Zis is a Spa."
  1479. >Eventually, he goes to the brothel and applies
  1480. >They just laugh when he offers a resume, and tell him to show his cock
  1481. >He's hired on the spot and sent to the 'exotic males' section
  1482. >The other stallions, a mix of zebras, dragons, and griffons, see his unique looks as competition and constantly try and sabotage his 'dates'
  1483.  
  1484.  
  1485.  
  1486.  
  1487.  
  1488.  
  1489.  
  1490. > Anon pops into the Everfree with his home, but also with a skinwalker stalking him
  1491. > Twilight and friends stay the night with him to help him adjust to being in a new world, ignorant of the monster outside
  1492.  
  1493.  
  1494.  
  1495.  
  1496.  
  1497.  
  1498. >Anon tries to entertain the young mare during quarantine
  1499. >Food gets delivered and mail is sent and received, but a magical shield is locking ponies in their homes
  1500. >With no other source of entertainment or outlet for her frustrations, Midnight Flower is an even bigger perv who's somehow even more grumpy
  1501. >"Hey, Anon? I'll eat all my veggies if you flash me your socks."
  1502. >"Buck off, I'm listening to my music. You wouldn't understand the deep message hidden within the lyrics, Anon."
  1503. >"Anon? I got my homework here, and I'm having a hard time on question 8. Can you lean over me and press your chest against my back while you give me a hoof?"
  1504. >"Do I look like a foal, Anon? No, I don't want to read a book with you, buck off."
  1505. >"OOPS SORRY! Darn it, why are you never naked when I burst into the guest room?!"
  1506. >"Hey, Anon? You said that I still need to take baths even though school's out, right? Well, think you can help me soap up my t-teats?"
  1507. >After 2 weeks, Anon is legitimately tempted to give her what she wants
  1508. >Teenager or no, Anon will touch the butt if it gives him one single hour of peace.
  1509.  
  1510.  
  1511.  
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514.  
  1515. > Professor Sparkle takes advantage of her position as poké-anon professor to seduce young trainer colts
  1516. > Pip starts his adventure with confused feelings, a tingling in his loins, and a Charmandurr that keeps saying, "Nice"
  1517. > Then he's ambushed outside by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for back to back rival battles
  1518. > Diamond Tiara sends out Squirtlel, but both poké-anons only know flail and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  1519. > Pip barely wins, and Charmandurr learns flame war
  1520. > Silver Spoon uses a potion on Charmandurr, and then sends out her poké-femanon Bulbawhore
  1521. > Bulbawhore uses attract, but Charmandurr's ability is oblivious
  1522. > Charmandurr uses flame war and knocks out his opponent in one hit
  1523. > Diamond Tiara huffs and stomps off, Silver Spoon thanks Pip for a good battle, then chases after her
  1524.  
  1525.  
  1526.  
  1527.  
  1528.  
  1529.  
  1530.  
  1531. >You are Cadence, and your aunt has just asked you to show an alien around town.
  1532. >That sort of novelty is something you can't just pass by!
  1533. >You had planned on going for a walk in the park, but... you can do that any other day.
  1534. >Who knows? You might even make a friend out of this.
  1535. ---
  1536. >You are Shining Armour, and you're going for a walk in the park.
  1537. >You have your saddlebags full of O&O books, and WHOOPS you dropped one.
  1538. >You stop so that you can light up your horn and pick it up.
  1539. >Idly, in the back of your mind, a fantasy plays out where a tries to grab it in her magic to be chivalrous.
  1540. >Your magic would touch, your eyes would meet, and it would be love at first sight!
  1541. >Unfortunately, such things only happen in fairy tales.
  1542. >Oh well, you can't blame a colt for dreaming.
  1543. >You make your way over to the bench you normally sit at and crack open one of your books.
  1544. >"Hey, there~"
  1545. >You look up over the edge of your book and see a few rough-looking mares eyeing you up.
  1546. >The one standing closest to you - apparently the leader - eyes up your saddlebags.
  1547. >"How about you hand over your bit bag, swee-"
  1548. >And she's promptly shoved away by another, smaller mare.8
  1549. >She had a handkerchief around her muzzle, but she tugs it down and stares at your book.
  1550. >>"Is that the fifth edition? Hey, I haven't had a chance to pick it up yet. Is it any good? How does it compare to 3.5?"
  1551. >The mare babbles for a few more minutes, completely sandbagging the frightening-looking mare who apparently wanted your money.
  1552. >You spend the next few hours talking to these mares about your favourite tabletop game, and you go home with a promise to play with them next week.
  1553. >What an exciting day!
  1554. ---
  1555. >You are Cadence, and you are back in your room after a long day of having fun with your new friend.
  1556. >Anon was shaken at first, but once he got used to you, the two of you became fast friends!
  1557. >He's funny, and charming, and he has the cutest dimples when you make him smile.
  1558. >What an exciting day!
  1559.  
  1560. >Shining manages to convince the mares to clean up their acts, for the most part.
  1561. >:And he manages to become Captain of the guard that enforces the law, for the most part.
  1562. >Sure they might partake in a few extrajudicial outings every now and then but not to anypony that doesnt deserve it.
  1563. >The fact Captain Armor occasionally suffers from bouts of Deaf and Blindness is a heartwarming tale of a colt reaching his position through hard work and effort despite the obstacles both his gender and disability.
  1564. Celestia just enjoys the fact the criminal underbelly of canterlot is mostly defanged, she'll take hurt feelings and a little bit laundry over broken bones and ponies killing each other any day.
  1565. She also has to admit a bit of guilty pleasure when a particularly snobby noble gets their windows broken.
  1566.  
  1567.  
  1568.  
  1569.  
  1570.  
  1571. >be outdoorsy anon
  1572. >you love fishing and hunting
  1573. >be fishing in a river not far from ponyville
  1574. >"Hey dweeb what are you doing?"
  1575. >behind you is a griffin, you heard about them but never seen one before, gilda was her name if you remember rainbow dash's story about her
  1576. "I'm fishing."
  1577. >"You've been there for like hours."
  1578. >you see the griffin's chest tuff puff
  1579. >so cute
  1580. >"Watch and learn."
  1581. >she flied up then dives, coming out with a fish in her mouth
  1582. >damnnature.mp4
  1583. >she drops it next to you
  1584. >"Y-you know colt, if you become my coltfriend I can catch fish for you everyday and touch my tuff as much as you want."
  1585. "Ok."
  1586. >"Come on, colt I'll- wait what?"
  1587. "Sure, you're cute. Dinner on saturday at 7?"
  1588. >her face when
  1589.  
  1590.  
  1591.  
  1592.  
  1593.  
  1594.  
  1595.  
  1596. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you're like... 99.9% sure Anon's talking horseapples about being friends with Songbird Serenade.
  1597. >Colts do that sorta thing all the time!
  1598. >It's all about reputation between cliques with them, and you've seen first-hoof that they'll lie through their teeth just to one-up another stallion.
  1599. >Buuuut... you ARE front-row-center for th Songbird show.
  1600. >These tickets would have cost Anon hundreds of bits, and that's only if he had the connections necessary to snatch them up before some rich flankhole got to'em.
  1601. >Maybe Anon's telling the truth.
  1602. >...
  1603. >Naw.
  1604. >You heard a bunch of rumours that Anon got a nest-load of bits from the Princesses right after he landed himself in Equestria.
  1605. >The one you hear the most is that Luna shoved her face into his crotch and sailboated his balls.
  1606. >Which, of course, is hilarious.
  1607. >You-
  1608. >"Hey, Rainbow!"
  1609. >Anon nudges you, breaking you out of your thoughts.
  1610. >"C'mon, slowpoke, the show's over. We're about to go backstage."
  1611. >Oh, right.
  1612. >He has backstage passes, too.
  1613. >...
  1614. >Oh, sweet Celestia.
  1615. >He licked some mare's slit until she gave him these passes and the tickets, didn't he?
  1616. >Dammit, Anon!
  1617. >Why do you have to be such a slut?
  1618. >Why does your kokoro go doki doki whenever you see him?
  1619. >>"Anon! Nonners!"
  1620. >You watch, slack-jawed, as none other than SONGBIRD SERENADE herself take off at a sprint and SOAR into Anon's arms!
  1621. >>"You big monkey, it's been too long!"
  1622. >Anon just spins her around while she nuzzles his face, laughing and ruffling her mane.
  1623. >"You're the one who promised she'd visit, you overgrown pigeon."
  1624. >The words which would normally be sharp coming out of a stallion's mouth are soft, and full of fondness.
  1625. >After a moment, the two of them just stare into each other's eyes.
  1626. >Songbird Serenade pulls Anon's head down so that he's resting it on her chest, listening to her heart beat with his eyes closed.
  1627. >For some reason you can't quite understand, you feel your own break.
  1628.  
  1629. >Rainbow puts on a brave face, but inside she is afraid
  1630. >But the stigma among pegasus ponies of being in a mono relationship had made her foalhood difficult, and she still bears the emotional scars
  1631. >She pushes herself hard and she tries her best to show everyone that she is the best, because she is compensating.
  1632. >She never wants to give anyone a reason to think she's not good enough; especially not because her parents were mono
  1633. >What Rainbow wants is what her parents never had
  1634. >She wants a herd
  1635. >She wants to come home at night after work knowing that she'll be met with multiple smiling faces, all glad that she's back with them.
  1636. >She wants to be embraced by wings and hooves and a certain hoo-man's arms, content in the knowledge that each and every one of them loves her - just like she loves them
  1637. >She wants to help raise her herd-sister's foals while they're away or busy, just like they'll help look after her own when she's off at work or having an evening out.
  1638. >She wants a big family where everypony is simply called "mama" by their foals
  1639. >And in a few months, she'll get her wish
  1640. >"Anonymous Serenade-Dash" has a nice ring to it
  1641.  
  1642.  
  1643.  
  1644.  
  1645.  
  1646.  
  1647. >Arrive in equestria.
  1648. >Each alicorn's horn suddenly lets out a high pitched *Ping* sound as their eyes suddenly shift to point in a seemingly random direction.
  1649. >Flurry heart giggles and tries to imitate the noise even as Shining asks what just happened.
  1650. >Cadance is already diving out the window.
  1651. >She doesnt know how a Virgin that's never even held hooves suddenly appeared but she'll be damned to tartarus if her lecherous aunts taint such a pure cinnamon roll.
  1652.  
  1653. >Celestia and Luna are both stuck in a doorway fighting to get through, intermitant yells of "MINE" and "YOU HAD A THOUSAND YEARS YOU BITCH." ringing out as Inkwell facehooves.
  1654.  
  1655. >Twilight is confused as to why her horn just rang out like a bell and why feels drawn to go into the forest and...hug something? This warrents investigating
  1656.  
  1657.  
  1658.  
  1659.  
  1660.  
  1661.  
  1662. >One reason that parties last a long time in Equestria, is because, surprise, ponies are generally grass-eaters.
  1663. >Prey, that is.
  1664. >So, while they CAN eat lots of food in one sitting, it is generally considered much better, and more pleasant, to graze on the food over time.
  1665. >Ponies then worry when Anon will go to parties lasting several hours and not touch anything but the punch for a while because he 'already ate'.
  1666. >Even more when they found out he'll occasionally just forget to eat at all!
  1667. >The horror!
  1668. >Something is clearly wrong with the colt, so Twilight starts treating him like a diabetic and making him carry emergency snacks in case he's about to pass out.
  1669. He begins wondering if he should just fast a few days to mess with them. Probably not. Clearly they care for his well-being.
  1670.  
  1671.  
  1672.  
  1673.  
  1674.  
  1675. >"We've been practicing on each other for years, Anon. Wanna see?"
  1676. >You are Anon, and you're pretty sure you're about to watch these sisters kiss.
  1677. >That's pretty hot.
  1678. >Instead, you watch as Cloudchaser approaches her sister, knickering and nuzzling Flitter's cheek.
  1679. >Flitter responds with a breathy neigh and flutters her wings.
  1680. >Cloudchaser wastes no time and ducks her head under her sister's wing, pushing her onto the ground with a full-body nuzzle.
  1681. >The two devolve into an aimless pile of cuddles, tuft-nuzzles, horsey noises, and that thing where they rub their cheeks against each other's cheeks like a cat
  1682.  
  1683.  
  1684.  
  1685.  
  1686.  
  1687.  
  1688. >Be Gleaming Shield
  1689. >Lady-Consort of your lovely wife, and Commander of Equestria's armed forces
  1690. >Today was a big day
  1691. >Honestly, you were pretty nervous
  1692. >Today was Anon's--your hyoo-man chum and fellow HyperSpace HyperWars enthusiast--test
  1693. >A couple months ago, he had been let go from his job as a secretary
  1694. >Apparently, his boss got a bit too hoofsie and got her muzzle broken for her troubles
  1695. >He had come to your local game shop complaining about it
  1696. >That job had been hard enough to get, he had said
  1697. >You could sorta understand that
  1698. >Not many places liked hiring creatures without a cutiemark, especially in the empire
  1699. >This was doubly true if they were male
  1700. >It was during turn three on your 4k Flam Helms vs Slugoid battle--you kicked his flank by the way--when you brought up studding
  1701. >There was a lot of work for a colt in that business, especially amongst the nobility
  1702. >It was honest work, good pay
  1703. >If you wanted, you could do a lot of traveling too
  1704. >That and a whole bunch of screwing
  1705. >Sweet Celestia, if the tables were turned and you could go around banging good-looking colts pre-married Gleaming would have done it in a heartbeat
  1706. >The issue was that most wanted actual stallions, not a green giant that wore socks in public
  1707. >But you had a suggestion for that as well
  1708. >The issue was that the job would be... harder than what a normal stud would have to do
  1709. >By harder you mean a lot harder
  1710. >By that you mean it had a hundred percent turnover rate
  1711. >Royal Stud for the Imperial Throne
  1712. >Nopony but you could withstand the sexual onslaught that was Cadence
  1713. >You were a randy rascal, but she was something else entirely
  1714. >Like dead of heat horny pretty much every second of everyday
  1715. >You were drowning in so much pink puss your tongue had abs
  1716. >You needed help; you weren't too proud to admit it
  1717. >You loved Cadence with all of your heart, but you wanted to get more than three hours of sleep at night
  1718. >Just once
  1719. >Anon was confused and hesitant at the offer
  1720.  
  1721. >Bucker called you a cuck
  1722. >Thankfully, among your many, many talents was the art of the sell
  1723. >You managed to convince him to at least try it out
  1724. >It might have taken buying him a box of Alpha Slugs and a Eviscerator to get him totally on board but you did it
  1725. >The hyoo-man was pretty fit, but he needed to get certain rutting muscles trained
  1726. >He had a scent about him as well
  1727. >You remember your lil sis saying something about him producing a lot of pheromones
  1728. >Like a lot, a lot
  1729. >He had to use special shampoo and soap so he wouldn't make mares' tails flag when he walked outside
  1730. >Him forgetting to shower one morning might have been why his old boss acted like she did...
  1731. >You had him stop using it
  1732. >Maybe that would help him out?
  1733. >There was also a diet overhaul
  1734. >More fruits, nuts, vitamins, stuff like that
  1735. >He took to the training well, and before you knew it you brought the idea to your wife
  1736. >She had no issue with it, and scheduled a "test"
  1737. >Aka a rut-fest of the highest order
  1738. >Cadence liked to put the colts through the ringer
  1739. >Better to scare them away before any paperwork was signed
  1740. >And she didn't pull any punches either
  1741. >The filly went buckwild
  1742. >Some cases, stallions ran out of your bedroom screaming
  1743. >But you believed in Nonners
  1744. >You trained the bucker yourself after all
  1745. >...Still, you couldn't help but feel just a teeny bit of doubt
  1746. >Cadence was Cadence after all, and your wife was a fuck-machine
  1747. >It had been a few hours since you had given Anon a pat on the butt and pushed him into your bedroom
  1748. >It was time to check up on the two to see how things went
  1749. >The castle hallways were pretty quiet
  1750. >A servant or guard would pass buy with a hello
  1751. >You'd stop and chat every so often, or tear into one of your guard about their messy uniform
  1752. >All of it to delay the inevitable
  1753. >But, eventually, you found yourself in the royal wing of the castle
  1754. >There were two guards on either side of the door
  1755. >They were day shift, so they had been here since you had left Anon
  1756. >Both looked bewildered as they stood there, which had you concerned
  1757. "Report. How are things going?" you asked
  1758. >Both mares saluted
  1759. >"They just stopped," one of them said
  1760. >...
  1761. >Wat?
  1762. "Excuse you?"
  1763. >"They, um, just stopped, your highness," the other said, looking at the door like it was about to bite her.
  1764. >"There have been brief pauses, your highness, but they were on and off until around ten minutes ago," the first guard told you
  1765. >You cocked your head to the side, brow furrowing
  1766. >It had been hours
  1767. >HOURS
  1768. >You and Cadence had had marathons, but even during a test she wouldn't make it an all day affair
  1769. >There was usually no need...
  1770. "Alrighty then... Return to your post, ladies. I'm going in."
  1771. >Both mares saluted, stepping away from the door while eyeing it cautiously
  1772. >Opening the door, you were immediately hit with a wave of sex
  1773. >Musk, sweat, the sweet scent of your wife's cum
  1774. >It was so strong it made one of the guard's cough
  1775. >Okay...
  1776. >Good so far...
  1777. >You poked your head into the bedroom
  1778. >Your bed was trashed
  1779. >There were pillows, sheets, and clothes everywhere
  1780. >Lying in the middle of it was Anon and your wife
  1781. >The naked human was splayed out, back propped up on some pillows
  1782. >Cadence was between his legs, dick draped over her face as she licked his balls
  1783. >As closed the bedroom door behind you and made your way toward them, you saw both were covered in frothy sweat
  1784. >Cadence's tail was still flagged, allowing you to see thick, white cum slowly oozing from her marehood
  1785. >Her wings were giving off little jerks and twitches like they always did after a really good lay
  1786. >Anon looked pretty okay, all things considered
  1787. >You could see a pile of empty water bottles next to the bed, but he wasn't dead, or in pain, at least from what you could see
  1788. >He did look a bit tired, petting your wife as she cleaned his groin
  1789. >His dick had foam on it as well
  1790. >A thick, cummy mess that your wife was cleaning with a gusto
  1791. >Anon looked up as you approached
  1792. >Cadence didn't seem to notice, lost in her own little world
  1793. >You couldn't blame her
  1794. >Anon's scent was already making your tail flag, and his dick was on par with some of the bigger toys you had underneath the bed
  1795. >Made sense though; he was twice your size...
  1796. "Soooo... how did it go?" you asked
  1797. >You looked at Anon, then at Cadence, stopping at the edge of the bed
  1798. >Anon just nodded
  1799. >Cadence hummed, sucking one of his balls into her mouth
  1800. >Anon grunted, his half-hard cock spurting a bit of cum onto her mane, which had your wife wiggling
  1801. >It was the I'm-almost-ready-to-fuck-again wiggle
  1802. >You leaned forward, eyes narrowed
  1803. >Cadence had little hearts in her pupils
  1804. >A sign that he passed if you've ever seen one
  1805. >You pumped a hoof into the air
  1806. "Buck yeah!"
  1807. >Now you could actually get some bucking sleep!
  1808. >And with Anon living here you both could nerd out all day
  1809. >Win-bucking-win as far as you were concerned
  1810. "Hey, you two mind if I join? I wanna see if those hands are as good as I think they are..."
  1811.  
  1812. >tfw you're so good at your job Canada becomes an entirely different ruler
  1813. >Smarter, more confident, patent in the extreme
  1814. >Your dick becomes the foundation of a golden age for the Crystal Empire
  1815. >This only becomes more true when little alicorns and super powerful unicorns start to pop out of Gleaming and the princess
  1816. >You lose your job as royal stub
  1817. >The castle staff give you a watch and a bunch of nice letters for all you did while working
  1818. >Cadence and Gleaming, meanwhile, give you a ring
  1819. >While no longer a stud, you have to work harder than ever
  1820. >Both the Princess and lady-consort want a big family
  1821.  
  1822. rings on both of your ring fingers; one from Gleaming Shield, and the other from Mi Amore Cadenza.
  1823. >They're studded with gems, and they honestly sort of resemble something the ladies from your grandmother's generation would wear.
  1824. >Thick, heavy, and not at all like the plain gold bands that you're used to seeing men wear.
  1825. >But one has white diamonds and blue sapphires made to look like Gleaming's cutie mark, and the other is single pink diamond expertly fashioned into the shape of a heart.
  1826. >The gem is surprisingly transparent; when you look directly into it, you can see "G+A+C 4EVER" engraved on the band onto which the heart is set.
  1827. >"We tried to find rings that would express the love we feel for you, Anon," said Gleaming, "the same love Cadance and I feel for each other."
  1828. >Their horns light up, and your attention is drawn to the much more subtly designed rings sitting firm at the base of their horns.
  1829. >Cadance nuzzles Gleaming's cheek.
  1830. >>"But in the end," continues Cadance, "We realized that there wasn't a gem in the world that could represent the love we feel for you. So, we just gave you a little bit of ourselves to you to show that we'd be with you forever."
  1831. >ohfuckisitraininginhere
  1832. >You're pretty sure your allergies are picking up.
  1833. >Or a bug flew into your eye.
  1834. >Both of them.
  1835. >ANDITWONTCOMEOUT
  1836. >"Also, mine lights up and beeps when new Ogres and Oubliettes books get released."
  1837. >>"Gleaming!"
  1838. >"What?! Anon doesn't like the sort of gifts that normal colts do, so I thought 'well, what would I want?' "
  1839.  
  1840.  
  1841.  
  1842.  
  1843.  
  1844.  
  1845. >Be Celestia
  1846. >Your son is growing and starting to catch the mares attention beyond the “he is so cute” level
  1847. >He need to have the bird and the bees talk before some mare tries to take advantage from him
  1848. >Just one problem
  1849. >You have no idea how to approach the topic with the young Anonicorn
  1850. >Going with Luna wouldn’t help either
  1851. >She would prefer for her nephew to remain pure and innocent of mind for as long as possible as in to old days
  1852. >Then you remember you still have another option, a mare that never let you down and even Luna trust to be alone with Anon
  1853. “Raven, can I ask you for a favor ?”
  1854.  
  1855.  
  1856.  
  1857.  
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860. >Anon end up in RGR equestrian with his dog
  1861. >A border collie that was originally trained as a herding dog to his farm
  1862. >Anon dog is a lot bigger than equestrian dogs, that makes most mares a bit scared but curious at the same time
  1863. >Why a colt would have such intimidating pet?
  1864. >Probably because he is a lonely colt and feel the need for protection
  1865. >Anon is also a reserved Anon, most mare thing he shy and cute
  1866. >But no tried to court him because “big scary dog”
  1867. >Speaking of the dog, he never let go of his herding ways
  1868. >Constantly gather the ponies and lead them to wherever he feels like
  1869. >Most of the times pones don’t even realize they are being herded while Anon watches in amusement
  1870. >One day Anons wakes up very early in the morning to bunch of mares standing in front of his house
  1871. >WTF is happ…
  1872. >Then he see his dog being pet by a yellow pegasi
  1873. >That merry son of bitch
  1874. >Anon apologizes and offer an coffee to make up for that so early in the morning
  1875. >Mares at first look confused, then look to dog then to Anon
  1876. >Rationalize that anon must be a very shy stallion that don’t realy knows how to deal with mares so he trained his dog to help him to find a herd
  1877. >A little creepy for sure, but very clever at the same time
  1878. >Even cute
  1879. >Mare decide to accept the offer to a “sorry coffee” and give Anon a chance
  1880. >Anon face when mares start to flirt with him
  1881. >Anon face when they start to court him
  1882. >Mares face when thing work out and they end up herding with Anon
  1883. >Dog face when he receives a letter from the Crystal Empire inviting him to an interview with Cadence
  1884. >AJ face when Winnona gives birth to the biggiest and rowdiest pups anyone has seen in ponyville
  1885.  
  1886.  
  1887.  
  1888.  
  1889.  
  1890.  
  1891. >Luna travels from dream to dream but she also dreams herself
  1892. >Dreams of a bipedal alien
  1893. >Naturally, being a pervy mare, they immediately have sex
  1894. >Later, Luna finds out that it would appear humans have a different dreamscape than ponies do, and Luna didn't recognize that she was entering an unfamiliar foreign dream rather than experiencing one herself
  1895. >Anon and Luna lock eyes as the latter visits the castle
  1896. >Both have the same thought
  1897. >"Oh, fuck, you're real."
  1898.  
  1899. >Celestia and Twilight are both interrupted from their conversation by this exclamation.
  1900. >They look back and forth between the princess and the alien.
  1901. >"I'm sorry, but what?"
  1902. >They both look at the flabbergasted Celestia and Twilight.
  1903. >Anon looks at Twilight while pointing at Luna, and Luna points at Anon while looking at Celestia.
  1904. >"S/He's real! I/We thought that was just a dream!"
  1905.  
  1906. >Anon has to process a few facts very quickly
  1907. >1) the horse he fucked is real
  1908. >2) the horse he fucked is in fact Princess Celestia's sister, making her a princess too
  1909. >3) the horse he fucked is desperately begging him with her eyes to play along
  1910. >Anon is a simple man
  1911. >He had a simple job back on earth and lived a simple life
  1912. >Took pleasure out of simple things
  1913. >And now royalty is begging him to pretend that they're in love, and Anon figures that he can sort this out when he has more than 3 or 4 seconds to resolve this situation
  1914. "Yeah! Oh, god, I'm just... just so in love with you right now. You.... You ol'..."
  1915. >Anon realizes he doesn't know her name
  1916. >Fuck
  1917. "...fuzzy-wuzzy snuggle-bandit, you."
  1918. >Luna stops looking panicked for just a moment to give him an incredulous look
  1919. >Anon looks over at Celestia and Luna, who are looking back at him confused and (in the case of Twilight) baffled
  1920. "That's... I call her that. I mean, that's what I WILL call her, because.... because we just met, and also we're in love."
  1921. >Dead silence
  1922. >Anon beings to sweat
  1923. >He has to elaborate, it's the only way.
  1924. "...And I call people I love things like that."
  1925. >Anon realizes that he doesn't make very good split-second decisions
  1926. >Maybe this is why he had no friends
  1927.  
  1928.  
  1929.  
  1930.  
  1931.  
  1932.  
  1933.  
  1934. >be office worker anon
  1935. >on a train with a little passenger
  1936. >tired as hell from the shift and sleepy
  1937. >you got your tie disheveled and hair all messed up
  1938. >your so sleepy that if you sit down you will fall asleep
  1939. >as you are just standing and making sure not to fall asleep
  1940. >someone is grabbing your right butt with their right hand, breathing heavily down your neck
  1941. "You got a tight little man buns on you, boy."
  1942. "Its stinks.....just right.."
  1943. >your scared as hell and confused now
  1944. "Please miss let me go, your hurting me."
  1945. "Looking like a double wide surpise.... goddess .....damn....."
  1946. "That enough, Sister. Let that man go."
  1947. "Don't stop me! I need this. I need this!"
  1948. "Not this way damn it! This is not who you are."
  1949. >she is crying
  1950. >your assaulter let you go
  1951. "I am sorry that my Sister did that to you, mister. Thank the goddess I made it in time. Please don't go telling the police on her. I beg you."
  1952. "Its alright."
  1953. >As you recollect your thoughts
  1954. >you shakily walk away and you steel yourself and walk back to them
  1955. >your infront of them, your attacker have tears and mucus on her face while the sister is reassuring her.
  1956. >the sister looks
  1957. "If your asking for reparation, I currently only have 40 dollars on me.... So...."
  1958. "Stop. That not why I am here"
  1959. >you look at you attacker
  1960. >now that you look at here she not that bad looking
  1961. "Look I am going to give you a chance. What you did was very wrong. If it were any other person, you will get sent straight to jail. Your very lucky. How about this how about we go out for dinner? This can be your reparation."
  1962. >both of them have their eyes wide open
  1963. >you give them your business card
  1964. "Here is my contacts, give me yours."
  1965. >she hand you her business card
  1966. >vice principal of Canterlot High
  1967. >Luna
  1968. >you arrived at the station
  1969. "I am going to go now. See you later, pervert...."
  1970. >you went to your apartment and fell asleep on your bed instantly
  1971.  
  1972.  
  1973.  
  1974.  
  1975.  
  1976.  
  1977.  
  1978. >The dragons are excited
  1979. >For the first time in forever, Equestria is getting a new prince
  1980. >Prince stealing was the national sport of dragons
  1981. >Whenever a new prince comes along, a dragon is chosen to steal it away from its country, then the prince's lover would come and fight them one on one
  1982. >It is good sport, no one gets seriously hurt, and the mare gets to brag that they fought a dragon and lived
  1983. >The dragons haven't played Equestria in a century since that Blueblood pony was a spoilsport by teleporting away and it was all but impossible to steal Shining Armor within the Crystal Empire's shield
  1984. >Now the dragons only have to decide who will be champion task with stealing prince Anonicorn
  1985.  
  1986.  
  1987.  
  1988.  
  1989.  
  1990. >One worshiper on the farm was more devote and pious than all the others.
  1991. >Maud truly is an amazing mare.
  1992. >Strong, intelligent, stoic, loyal.
  1993. >Perfect, really.
  1994. >You could spend all day watching her tend to the rock fields.
  1995. >On a particularly hot day, she removes her frock, revealing strong, svelte muscles moving beneath her sweat-glistened coat.
  1996. >Her tone, shapely backside flexing as she pushes a giant boulder across the dirt and-
  1997. >"I don't remember that rock being there," Maud muses seemingly to herself as she stares at the pillar of stone jutting out of the ground, it's surface smooth save for vein-like ridges that almost seem to pulse.
  1998. >Oh shit, you popped a stiffy.
  1999. >This is embarrassing.
  2000. >Okay, just will it down before things get any more awkward.
  2001. >There you go, it's starting to sink below the soil again, just keep thinking of grandma.
  2002. >A hoof comes to rest on the side of the pillar, and it shoots back up to its full height.
  2003. >It stands up to the barrel of the mare now rubbing it.
  2004. >"Hmm, warm. Maybe a vein of magma running through the interior? Geo-thermionic activity could explain the movements," Maud says blandly. "... Or perhaps Terranon seeks to help me with this heat."
  2005. >You can't believe your incorporeal eyes as Maud actually bites her lip, the cute expression getting your pillar even hotter.
  2006. >"Yes, thank you for this blessing, Terranon. Truly, I am not worthy of such a kind and caring god, though I shall try to show how Deep my devotion is to you. May I prove worthy of your blessing."
  2007. >What follows is one of the greatest moments in your life and or afterlife as you finally lose your virginity.
  2008. >And what follows a month after that is Maud coming out to the field and holding up a positive pregnancy test.
  2009. >"Thank you Lord Terranon for this foal, I will love and cherish them, and ensure that they live up to your lofty expectations. Praise be Terranon."
  2010. >... Shit.
  2011. >Welp, time to make an honest mare out of her.
  2012. >A diamond ring pops out of the ground.
  2013.  
  2014.  
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017.  
  2018. >It's hard for male to get by in RGR society.
  2019. >Job options are limited, and half of them involve getting one's no-no places touched; whether by a paying client, or your boss-mare who can fire you if you ever tell anypony.
  2020. >Anon is trying to avoid this, but he's getting nowhere fast in the job market
  2021. >Bills are piling up, and rent is due
  2022. >Anon has one more idea left
  2023. >One last-ditch effort to avoid getting his butt groped
  2024. "What if I were to take music from artists on Earth and disguise it as my own?"
  2025. >Delightfully devilish, Anon.
  2026. >A week later, Anon looks at the notes he's written down
  2027. >Music bars, lyrics, etc
  2028. >The problem is that he only half-remembers them, and so he had to fill in the gaps in his memory with his own lyrics and chords
  2029. >And Anon knows that he has nowhere near the level of creativity or musical talent available to him that those song-writers did
  2030. >He's sweating
  2031. >It's shit
  2032. >It's all shit
  2033. >There are obvious dips in quality, and everyone is going to know that he's stealing music from Earth.
  2034. >They'll know it's not his.
  2035. >They'll know he's a fraud, and then he'll be back where he started.
  2036. >...but it takes off.
  2037. >Nobody is more surprised than Anon when the talent agents love it.
  2038. >But the plan worked, so Anon can't be too unhappy
  2039. >Anon gets money, and he can live to pay his rent another day.
  2040. >But everything comes at a price
  2041. >He's now attracted the attention of actual musical talent
  2042. >Ponies who would know a real from a fake
  2043. >Songbird Serenade sits down and invites Anon to have lunch with "a fellow artist", and they hit it off surprisingly well.
  2044. >Their personalities just mesh
  2045. >It's the sort of combination of personalities where barely a few hours in, and Anon and Songbird are laughing and joking as though they've known each other all their lives
  2046. >They meet up more and more frequently, and a genuine friendship is born
  2047. >Maybe even something more if Anon could get off his ass and do something, and if Songbird's agent wouldn't be so insistent she avoid damaging her reputation with a potential scandal
  2048. >But a few other musical artists are suspicious of Anon
  2049. >Of course they'd be suspicious of a colt who just bolted into the scene out of nowhere
  2050. >Suspicion of plagiarism fall to the wayside when nopony can find any existing music that has similar or identical sections to Anon's music
  2051. >But that doesn't stop a few of them who are wary of new competition, and they'll look for excuses to bump the competition off the charts
  2052. >And to make matters worse, Anon is running out of material
  2053. >He only remembers a dozen or two songs from Earth well enough to replicate them, and a few dozen more that are frustratingly vague and incomplete in his mind
  2054. >Those are out of his grasp.
  2055. >Anon thought that this was just going to be a temporary solution.
  2056. >Something that would give him enough money to act as a buffer between him and the landlady and give him more time to find something more permanent.
  2057. >He knows he isn't musically talented, and he knows that he won't be able to come up with anything that rivals the quality of music he brought with him in his head
  2058. >Once he's run out, he's done
  2059. >Anon doesn't know what frightens him worse
  2060. >The inevitable fall from glory and being found out as a fraud, or the idea of losing the close friendship he's developed with Songbird Serenade
  2061.  
  2062.  
  2063.  
  2064.  
  2065.  
  2066.  
  2067. >RGRE Flutters wants to be a fusion of horse-goku and horse-sasuke, all strong and mysterious
  2068. >In other words a total neck beard
  2069. >NGRE Flutters wants to be some magical girl shit, all with the power of friendship and love
  2070. >Both call each other dykes with shit taste
  2071.  
  2072.  
  2073.  
  2074.  
  2075.  
  2076. >Anon woke up to find Fluttershy in his bed, giving him the cuddling of a lifetime.
  2077. >Guess those rumors of her being a cuddlerapist weren't fibbing. Wouldn't have thought she had it in her.
  2078. >But she's here now. Looking smug.
  2079. >Activate Yandere Mode
  2080. >I shall love her and squeeze her and call her Flutters.
  2081. "You're mine now little pony. Mine. I won't let anybody else have you."
  2082.  
  2083. >You are Fluttershy
  2084. >You may have made a biiiiig mistake
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089.  
  2090.  
  2091. >RGRE and NGRE Rarity were somewhat distressed that their personalities were exactly the same in both universes
  2092.  
  2093. >Rarities have imprompetu dress making competition and chat about their lives to try and find some differences.
  2094. >RGRE is Spergity, and wonders how her counterpart can make socializing with other ponies sound so effortless.
  2095. >NGRE is just Rarity, and wonders how her counterpart can make levitating dozens of different things look so effortless
  2096.  
  2097.  
  2098. >RGRE Rainbow pulls out her smugmom act to irritate her counterpart.
  2099. >And it's... Actually really effective. Too effective. By now, both Rainbows are nearing 30 years old. One is married with foals, the other has neither.
  2100. >The other Rainbow is an NGR female, so her attractiveness and fertility are still big points to her. Bigger than an RGRE mare at least.
  2101. >No matter how much NGR Rainbow wants to deny it, one of the biggest and most important functions in a mare's life is to make foals and have a family.
  2102. >And a mare without a family is a failure. It's just a fact.
  2103. >RGRE Rainbow has no idea that her taunting triggered a crisis in her rival
  2104.  
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107.  
  2108.  
  2109.  
  2110.  
  2111. >Lyra's eyes dart between you and Anon with a look boarding on panic.
  2112. >It's okay, if you diffuse the situation in a calm--
  2113. >Why is Anon making that grin of his?
  2114. >"Hey, Lye. wanna see how far these socks ride up my leg?"
  2115. >His laughing is cut short as Lyra's eyes use focus, the mare collapsing in a heap.
  2116. >The bags of carrots in her magic litter the floor.
  2117. "ANON! You can be a real jerk sometimes."
  2118. >"I didn't know she'd pass the fuck out!" He gets up, and immediately scoops her into his arms. "I saw an opportunity and I took it."
  2119. >Despite himself, he looks down apologetically at Lyra.
  2120. >He goes back over to the sofa, gently letting her down and tracing a claw gently down her torso.
  2121. >You nuzzle her, smelling for any injuries.
  2122. >"Ahh shit, maybe I went too far this time."
  2123. "You think?"
  2124. >"I mean, she usually gets a kick out of my verbal shitposting. Are the stripes that bad?"
  2125. "Of course it is." You snort in frustration, your tail lashing as you glare up at him. "It means you want to be ravaged by us until you can barely walk straight! That you want us to treat you like a lowly breeding stud!"
  2126. >The human's face falls.
  2127. >...Maybe you're being too hard on the poor stallion.
  2128. >There's no way he could have known.
  2129. >"Is that all? I could have told you that."
  2130. "Anon..."
  2131. >"I'm serious. That's kind of hot."
  2132. >Why is the ground shifting this way and that?
  2133. >O-ohh...
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138.  
  2139.  
  2140.  
  2141.  
  2142. >Godnon was impaired because he literally tore out his heart to save those ponies.
  2143. >Thousands of years of praise and adoration goes down the drain because Sombre succeeded in making them forget about Godnon.
  2144. >He thought if he could wean them off of their savior by leaching their memories of him, he'd get the praise he felt he deserved, and a powerful artifact to boot.
  2145. >The heart of a god.
  2146. >Unfortunately the Heart's power did weaken overtime.
  2147. >Sombra had to hide his mistake deep into the palace away from prying eyes.
  2148. >The Diarchs came to challenge Sombra and banish him from the city, but the damage was done.
  2149. >The heart was missing and the ponies couldn't remember where it came from or what it was even for.
  2150. >Some couldn’t even remember there being a heart at all.
  2151. >When it almost depleted fully, and the Diarchs still had no leads Godnon severed his connection to the pocket dimension the heart created.
  2152. >The empire itself disappeared into the void.
  2153. >Then, after exactly a thousand years, Godnon uses his reserves to bring the empire back, if only for a few days, hoping this time someone would find his heart.
  2154. >The Diarchs send Twilight, her pals, Shiny, and Candy come to help find the heart to succeed where they failed.
  2155. >Luckily, the Crystal Fair was originally a harvest festival praising the bounty that Godnon initially gave to save their ancestors, so it made them remember how to love.
  2156. >By proxy of it being Godnon's heart he gained enough power to protect them again
  2157.  
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163. >Twilight gets reverse pedo groomed.
  2164. >Anonicorn keeps his tail cut short, but juuuuuust long enough to hide the goods. Frequent bending over is a given.
  2165. >He's "distracted" while walking often and "accidentally" bumps face first right into Twi's rump. Twi is of course just imagining the deep breath he takes.
  2166. >Despite a reputation of being unusually touch shy, he's all over Twilight for anything.
  2167. >He insists that he pay back his beloved mentor somehow. Like thorough, almost sensual preening.
  2168. >And Twilight really isn't wanting a trip to the slammer
  2169. >*Very nervous I-dont-wanna-go-to-the-moon horse noises*
  2170.  
  2171.  
  2172.  
  2173.  
  2174.  
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177. Ara Ara versions of the Elements
  2178.  
  2179. > Pinkie
  2180. > Occasionally babysits/babysat you while your parents are off on a date
  2181. > Pretty fun to be around, gives good hugs
  2182. > She secretly wonders if she's been partyzoned by all the stallions in town
  2183. > As you get older, she gets kinda nervous about how much you still like cuddling with her
  2184. > She tries to convince herself the jealousy she feels when mares your age talk to you is just some maternal instinct left over from when she used to babysit you
  2185.  
  2186. > Applejack
  2187. > After Granny passed away, Big Mac finally settled down with a mare out west
  2188. > Now it's just Applejack and Applebloom running SAA
  2189. > She may have let the house get a little messy, now that there isn't a stallion around
  2190. > It's just, there isn't much time to clean, she and her sister have a lot of trees to take care of
  2191. > For once, you play to your gender roles
  2192. > You persuade her to hire you as a housebutler
  2193. > The pay is good, and you feel an odd sense of satisfaction looking around the clean house
  2194. > Your cooking improves, and Applejack likes to joke that you'll make a fine husband for Applebloom, much to the latter's embarrassment
  2195. > Applebloom tends to stare at your sheath when she thinks you aren't looking
  2196. > It's kinda fun to tease her
  2197. > Applejack has more or less resigned herself to being a bachelorette, though she does get a little wistful sometimes
  2198.  
  2199. > Rainbow Dash
  2200. > Has retired from active duty as a wonderbolt, but still trains the new recruits
  2201. > Tries to be cool, lets you sip some of her cider
  2202. > Helps you train for [athletic thing]
  2203. > Introduces you to Daring Do novels, which are surprisingly good
  2204. > You like to read them at her place, cloud couches are the comfiest things
  2205. > She likes to watch you, waiting for your reaction to a scene she knows is coming up
  2206. > And well, you are rather nice to look at
  2207.  
  2208. > Fluttershy
  2209. > She appreciates having somepony around who loves animals as much as she does
  2210. > You help her take care of the critters, and go on little trips into the edges of the Everfree
  2211. > Fluttershy promises to protect you, puffing out her tuft slightly
  2212. > You actually feel pretty safe with her, and tell her so
  2213. > When the two of you get back from one of your trips in the forest, you like to groom her, preening her feathers and so on
  2214. > She blushes everytime you do, but she isn't about to turn down innocent affection from a young stallion
  2215. > You do not intent for your affection to remain innocent
  2216.  
  2217. > Twilight
  2218. > Busy with her duties as a Princess of Friendship, as well as her research projects
  2219. > You catch her attention with a particularly innovative bit of spellwork
  2220. > You were trying to recreate video games using illusion magic
  2221. > She recommends some books, and leaves you to it
  2222. > As your project comes along, she becomes more and more interested in you and your work
  2223. > Before long, you are both working on a Portal remake
  2224. > You feel a little guilty about introducing video games to an unsuspecting nerd
  2225. > You put your hoof down when she starts losing sleep to playtest the game
  2226. > She thinks it's cute when you threaten to sit on her to make sure she actually takes a nap
  2227. > Then you follow through on your threat
  2228. > She lays there, paralyzed
  2229. > There's no way Twilight can fall asleep now, she can feel the soft heat of your balls on her back
  2230.  
  2231. > Rarity
  2232. > She immediately knows you are interested in her
  2233. > She tries to subtly redirect your attention to Sweetie Belle
  2234. > It works, somewhat
  2235. > Sweetie Belle is rather cute, and is fun to hang out with
  2236. > You end up becoming friends with her, and visit often
  2237. > Rarity tries to avoid you when you do, though there are times when she has to stay
  2238. > Sweetie Belle picks up on your interest in her sister, and tries to help you win her over
  2239. > As a result, the three of you end up going on "outings", which invariably have some sort of romantic element to them, and each sister tries to get you and the other sister into the mood
  2240.  
  2241.  
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244.  
  2245.  
  2246.  
  2247. > Caramel opted for a more intimate birthday party
  2248. > Which is to say, you, Time Turner, Big Mac, and the birthday boy all went to the spa, got your hooves done (nails in your case), and retired to his home for a mixture of teatime and casual drinking
  2249. > You may be more heavily on the casual drinking side, but Big Mac is right there with you
  2250. > Caramel dabbled a bit, maybe too much
  2251. > His cheeks are flushed, and he's grinning
  2252. > "Why don't we talk about our colthood crushes? Real or fictional."
  2253. > Time Turner shrugs
  2254. > "Why not?"
  2255. > Big Mac refills his cup
  2256. > "You first."
  2257. > You take a sip, savoring the hard cider
  2258. "Mac's got a point. I'll talk if you do."
  2259. > Caramel pouts for a moment, but brightens up almost immediately
  2260. > "Earliest one I can remember was Petticoat Mask, always arriving so gallantly to save Sailor Luna. And those hoofgloves~."
  2261. > Time Turner nods
  2262. > "She cut a nice figure, for sure. As for me...it was Rook Inkwell."
  2263. > Caramel's brow furrows
  2264. > "The previous personal assistant to the crown? But she was so..."
  2265. > Time Turner's grin turns lecherous
  2266. > "Mommy. As. Buck."
  2267. > Caramel snorts in disgust
  2268. > Turner waves a hoof at you and Mac
  2269. > "You get where I'm coming from, right?"
  2270. > Big Mac blushes, but nods
  2271. > You shrug
  2272. "Don't know who you're talking about, but older mares are nice."
  2273. > Caramel rolls his eyes
  2274. > "Perverts, the lot of you. What about, Big Mac, who was your colthood crush?"
  2275. > Mac downs the rest of his fortified tea in one gulp
  2276. > He sighs, then glares at each one of you
  2277. > "This don't get out, y'hear?"
  2278. > You nod, almost as eagerly as the other two
  2279. > Mac doesn't talk much, so this should be good
  2280. > The Apple stallion sighs
  2281. > "Ah used to get teased some as a colt, and when it got too much, Ah'd go to the Nightmare Night statue and nopony would follow me. Felt like being protected by a big, strong, scary mare. Might be why Ah have a thing for batponies now."
  2282. > Caramel smiles
  2283. > "Aw, that's adorable."
  2284. > Time Turner smirks
  2285. > "And it's why you have a thing for older mares?"
  2286. > Big Mac's blush deepens
  2287. > "Eyup."
  2288. > Almost as one, they stallions turn to look at you
  2289. > You rub your neck
  2290. "How do I even explain it? Okay, so I was a young impressionable kid, and there's this show about a superhero team. One of the girls was a goth with pale skin, great tits, an outfit that showed of her legs, and a sarcastic-yet-vulnerable personality. I didn't have a chance."
  2291. > Caramel nods
  2292. > "Bad girls are so good."
  2293. > "Eyup."
  2294. > Time Turner takes a sip of his tea
  2295. > "Next question: Which princess?"
  2296. > You scratch your chin
  2297. "Counting Cadance?"
  2298. > Time Turner raises an eyebrow
  2299. > "I didn't take you for a homewrecker, Anon."
  2300. > You shrug
  2301. "If we're talking about royalty, it's all hypothetical anyhow."
  2302. > Caramel frowns, then his expression clears
  2303. > "You've got a point. But for me, it would be Twilight. She's more... down to earth? Filly next door?"
  2304. > Mac nods
  2305. > "Relatable."
  2306. > Caramel beams
  2307. > "That's the word. Feels like I wouldn't be completely insignificant beside her."
  2308. > Time smiles
  2309. > "You're a pure colt, Caramel, never change."
  2310. > Caramel blushes, but he accepts the compliment without protest
  2311. > Mac pours himself a cup of tea
  2312. > "It's Luna for me. Told you why."
  2313. > You nod
  2314. "Think she would pretend to be Nightmare for you?"
  2315. > The table jolts as something hits it from below
  2316. > Big Mac covers his face as the other stallions giggle at his reaction
  2317. > You pat him on the withers
  2318. "Sorry Mac, didn't think you'd take it so hard."
  2319. > He glares at you, but you can see him start to smile
  2320. > Time Turner clears his throat
  2321. > "Yes, well. I had to reconsider my choice, Cadance would be pretty great. A castle oasis in a blizzard, far away from Canterlot's politics and Ponyville's catastrophes...not to mention the mare herself seems sensitive and easy on the eyes."
  2322. > You look at him in surprise
  2323. "Huh. I guess Mommy-ness isn't everything for you."
  2324. > He giggles
  2325. > "Oh, it's a near thing. If we were just talking about one night stands..."
  2326. > You nod
  2327. "Fair enough. In that case, I'm probably stealing your choice. Has to be Celestia. That flank, that power and maturity, and her gentle mischief. Perfect mare, headpat out of ten."
  2328. > Time Turner fakes wiping away a tear
  2329. > "My brother! You have seen the light!"
  2330. > You smile beatifically
  2331. "Praise the Sun."
  2332.  
  2333.  
  2334.  
  2335.  
  2336.  
  2337. >Anon keeps being invited by his few stallion friends to various sleepovers and hearing their endless stories and gossips of then
  2338. >Sometimes he is invited to full week sleepover
  2339. >Significative part of the gossips being about mares night out sleepover and how such and such might having or trying to have a side dick with such and such
  2340. >He always declines the invitations saying he already has plans or that he will have to keep working until late
  2341. >This is partially because their descriptions sounds fruity as fuck and he still believes he has a reputation to keep, partially because he can't really sleep if it's too noisy
  2342. >For some reason his friends that practically live through hints and such keep inviting him every week
  2343. >While re-re-retaking the measures for his new set of clothes he comments with rarity he don’t really get pones getting pones always having sleepover and night outs
  2344. >Taked by an ominous feeling she nervously ask him when was the last time he went in a sleepover
  2345. >Anon scratches his head
  2346. “I thing maybe sixteen or seventeen-ish years, to be sincere I don’t really remember”
  2347. > Rarity faints, then immediately revives in a marshmallow pile of panic and drama
  2348. >How any being can still be sane after going so long without close bonding like that
  2349. >She insist that anon should into a sleepover night or she would be force to ask Twilight for an intervention
  2350. >And she would want proves that he went in one
  2351. >Anon frown on her and send his bluff
  2352. “Fine, I will go in yours if you are making it so big of a deal”
  2353. >”Fine, it’ll tomorrow”
  2354. > It isn't until he leaves that she realizes what she agreed to
  2355. > Rarity begins to sweat at the thought of a stallion at her sleepover
  2356. > Luckily the other mares are also pretty coltish, so he shouldn't feel too out of place, but still
  2357. >She has a lot of preparation to do for the night
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360.  
  2361.  
  2362.  
  2363.  
  2364. >Anon pops into Equestria, but instead of the Everfree or any other desolate place like that, he appears in Manehattan.
  2365. >With no money, no knowledge of the place, always being gawked at by the locals, he quickly finds himself sharing a box with a homeless mare.
  2366. >Being a homeless man is, surprisingly, not as bad as he expected.
  2367. >Ponies are still many times kinder than humans, he figures.
  2368. >Eventually he learns Equish from his homeless mare friend, then reading too.
  2369. >About a year after his arrival he is accustomed to his less than pleasant, although not unbearable life.
  2370. >Then, out of the blue, he witnesses a mugging attempt.
  2371. >Attempt because he intervenes, easily scaring away the mugger.
  2372. >The mare he saves is a petite little thing, thanking him a thousand times for saving her, properly embarrassed.
  2373. >They part ways, but the next day the mare visits Anon.
  2374. >And then the next day, and the next.
  2375. >This goes on until Anon's homless mare friend has an eye to eye with the petite mare.
  2376. >Her intentions and adoration is pure, homeless mare friend 'allows' the petite mare to court Anon.
  2377. >A week later Anon is a new man, he has new clothes, proper haircut, smells of roses and feels better than ever.
  2378. >Except...
  2379. >His homeless mare friend is still there, out on the streets.
  2380. >Now Anon faces a difficult situation.
  2381. >How does he get his friend out of there while not ruining the relationship he built with the petite mare?
  2382.  
  2383.  
  2384.  
  2385.  
  2386.  
  2387.  
  2388. >Anon lives alone, but has many friends
  2389. >Stallions and mares alike, they all help teach him how to better survive on his own, and they respect his wishes to not rely on a mare to take care of him
  2390. >His stallion friends take him to cooking classes; Mister Cake gives some good pointers
  2391. >The Spa Sisters take him on to work, giving him a source of income and giving him some practical skills
  2392. >Pinkie shows him the art of hosting a party (even a low-grade non-Pinkie party) and Anon learns how to entertain guests and how to treat ponies
  2393. >A bout of slow business means that Anon rents out his basement to a few mares to supplement his income
  2394. >It isn't until he's making breakfast for the mares, giving them massages after their long days at work, and seeing them off to work in the morning that he's realized Equestria has stealthily taught him how to become a house-husband.
  2395. >"Daughters of a bitch."
  2396.  
  2397.  
  2398.  
  2399.  
  2400.  
  2401.  
  2402. >Male prostitution runs rampant throughout Equestria
  2403. >Especially in Canterlot
  2404. >When Anon first came to Equestria, prostitution was basically the only job available to him
  2405. >His best customer was a socially inept people unicorn, but she seemed to just quit coming to him for whatever reason
  2406. >A few years later, he moves to Ponyville to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city
  2407. >After meeting five of the mane six, they take him to meet Twiggles
  2408. >He remembers her
  2409. >He recounts his and her history, not realizing that most ponies take a hard line against stallion exploitation, and that he's jeopardizing her reputation and friendships
  2410.  
  2411. >You are Twilight, and you're here to greet the newest resident of Ponyville.
  2412. >You normally wouldn't do this (working as a librarian and having no real legal position of power), but Pinkie insisted that you attend the new pony's "Welcome to Ponyville" party.
  2413. >"Twilight?"
  2414. >Oh! It seems that he found you before you found him!
  2415. >You turn around and give him a big smile.
  2416. >...or rather, you give his crotch a big smile.
  2417. >Mare oh mare, he's tall.
  2418. >You look up... waaaaay up....
  2419. >...aaand...
  2420. >...and it's the hooker you used to call up all the time.
  2421. >Buck.
  2422. >He gives you a big smile and crouches down to scratch behind your ears, just the way you like.
  2423. >"Long time no see, Twi."
  2424. >Oh, fantastic. He remembers you.
  2425. >Double buck.
  2426. >>"You two know each other?"
  2427. >Rarity trots over to you, ears perking up at the prospect of new gossip.
  2428. >"Oh yeah," says Anon, cheerfully running his fingers through your mane, "We saw each other all the time in Canterlot."
  2429. >>"Do tell, darling."
  2430. >"Actually, Rarity, I'm here on retainer from Princess Luna to help all of you out here. She thought you girls could use some 'help' from time to time and get rid of any tensions that might arise from your duties as the Elements of Harmony."
  2431. >What.
  2432. >Just how old-fashioned does Luna want to go with this?
  2433. "Anon, could I speak to you for a moment in private? Behind the building, perhaps?"
  2434.  
  2435.  
  2436.  
  2437.  
  2438.  
  2439.  
  2440.  
  2441. >Be Anon
  2442. >Also known as Captain Anon E. Mous of the O.W.L.S
  2443. >You were in a secret organization created to stop all the things that went bump in the night
  2444. >It was a pretty shit place to work if you were being honest
  2445. >The only reason you found out about it was some of their operatives tried to use you to draw out some skinwalkers
  2446. >When it worked, and you didn't die, they tried putting a bullet in your head to shut you up
  2447. >That didn't work
  2448. >None of the other stuff they tried to do to kill you worked either
  2449. >What could you say, Papa Nonners didn't raise no pussy
  2450. >In the end you were contacted by a Dr. Discord
  2451. >He was the head of O.W.L.S
  2452. >You were offered a choice
  2453. >Work for them, or be hunted for the rest of your natural life
  2454. >Unfortunately, you chose the latter
  2455. >Years and years passed
  2456. >You've been to every continent, normal and supernatural
  2457. >You were giving tools and training to become a lean, mean monster killing machine
  2458. >Drugs, magical runes, organ and bone fusions, eating parts of your catches
  2459. >You might have looked like a normal person, but you were pretty much Wonderman
  2460. >No one expected a short green man to be a badass, so you were able to slip in and out most areas without issue
  2461. >Since the magic and drugs made you age very slowly, you looked young to boot, which made things ever easier
  2462. >The hours were shit, and you had to fight the foulest things in creation, but it was a job
  2463. >A few months ago, you were given a new assignment
  2464. >It looked like an easy job
  2465. >There was a girl from the other side
  2466. >You were to monitor her to see if anything needed to be done
  2467. >But then she turned into a daemon
  2468. >Then another girl at her school turned into a fucking daemon
  2469. >Then there these fish creatures
  2470. >And of course it happened and was somehow resolved so quickly that you couldn't do anything
  2471. >That was an issue--something the bosses upstairs were still trying to figure out what to do about--but it wasn't the main problem
  2472. >See, all of this shit was the result of magic
  2473. >A lot of it
  2474. >This was an issue because all of the things you hunted loved to EAT magic
  2475. >Everything
  2476. >Fae, werewolves, otherpeople, monsters, everything that went bump in the night, everything that made the sun hide behind the clouds
  2477. >This little town had become a hotbed of supernatural activity
  2478. >People started disappearing
  2479. >If they were lucky
  2480. >No one really noticed; most didn't with these kind of things
  2481. >But every night it was like you were pulling double overtime
  2482. >Just truckloads of bodies needed to be driven out after you were done
  2483. >Fuck, a herd of Sirenheads came through last week
  2484. >Those fuckers weren't even supposed to form HERDS
  2485. >In the wild they were loners
  2486. >The kicker?
  2487. >All of these fucks were drawn to this Sunset girl and her friends like a moth to the flame
  2488. >They had magic in them now; they may as well have lathered themselves in blood and honey and walked into the woods
  2489. >Your handler, a Luna, who operated out of the local high school, demanded you befriend them
  2490. >Get close to keep them safe and all that shit
  2491. >They were all weirdos
  2492. >You were pretty sure Sunset was like you and WAY too old to be in high school
  2493. >They also wanted you to go to Twilight's house every weekend for a "sleepover"
  2494. >The horny munchkins just wanted to play seven minutes in heaven
  2495. >The last time you went you caught Fluttershy huffing your socks
  2496. >You were pretty sure Twilight tried giving you an aphrodisiac
  2497. >Jokes on her, you're immune to all forms of toxics and drugs
  2498. >Can't even get drunk
  2499. >That doesn't stop them from trying though
  2500. >And don't forget while they're trying to get you to finger them "for science" you have to strangle insane clowns and stickmen that are stalking the hallways
  2501. >Everyfuckingtime
  2502. >You were going to kill Discord someday
  2503. >Maybe not anytime soon, but you were killing that yellow-eyes bastard
  2504.  
  2505. >Be Bonbon
  2506. >Trainee for O.W.L.S, sponsored by the famous Luna herself
  2507. >It was your first night with field op
  2508. >You were paired with a legend
  2509. >The Green Shark
  2510. >Captain Anon E. Mous
  2511. >You weren't too familiar with all of O.W.L.S yet, but what little you did know was that he was a legend
  2512. >For over a hundred years he had been a hunter
  2513. >He had seen and done everything
  2514. >Things people thought impossible
  2515. >And he was a man
  2516. >You were sure you'd be great, but under him you might be the greatest hunter ever!
  2517. >When you met him, he was... different
  2518. >You expected a tall, dark, and handsome fella
  2519. >What you got was someone shorter than you and looked like he belonged in third period algebra
  2520. >He just looked you up and down, handed you a bag, and told you not to get eaten
  2521. >You watched him eat down a Sirenhead that night
  2522. >He ripped it's leg off and ate it's still beating black heart
  2523. >He then proceeded to rip its head off and sodomize a werewolf that had wondered too close
  2524. >He ate that thing's liver
  2525. >Scariest shit you've ever seen
  2526. >Also the most arousing
  2527.  
  2528.  
  2529.  
  2530.  
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533. >With the use of magic and some clever spell crafting, Equestria begins to look at the stars with the intent to explore.
  2534. >And with magic, they sidestep one of the biggest hurdles of space travel; the actual travel itself.
  2535. >Why do the traveling in slow spaceships when a few runic arrays made by Twilight Sparkle can teleport ponies, equipment, supplies, and even entire buildings across vast distances instantly? The only constraining factor is the linear increase in energy needed for travel.
  2536. >Spells for vacuum and environmental protection one both a personal level and structural level are child's play.
  2537. >Luna was ecstatic to build a colony on her moon, even if she needed to rest for a while day after each trip.
  2538. >From there, a novel idea from a moon colonist named Dye, a young father working with his herd as a fabric manufacturer, was to collect sunlight to fuel his family's business. Many thought it to just be whimsy, but when the young unicorn actually made a spell that could capture sunlight and convert it into other energy including mana, he caught the attention of scientists and unicorn mages far and wide.
  2539. >Even Twilight found it to be brilliant, and asked to take him on as a student.
  2540. >Of course he said yes.
  2541. >With the help of Twilight, and a number years later his young son, Dye created one if the most important inventions in Equestrian history.
  2542. >The Solar Energy Capturing Dynamo.
  2543. >Named the Dye & Son (or Dyson) Swarm for ease of use in a conversation, these rune-engraved masterpieces would orbit the sun, capture the sun's energy, and teleport gemstones charged to their limit with Mana back to hubs before teleporting an empty one to themselves.
  2544. >And considering an alicorn can totally exhaust themselves trying to charge even a common gem to 0.5% max capacity, the 50 or so high quality gems each Dyson drone can charge per day means energy is no longer a constraint for Equestria.
  2545. >Meaning the universe is their oyster.
  2546. >Over the next few hundred years, Equestria expands in all directions. A very specific element is discovered but regarded as a curiosity more than anything. Magic does what it does without the risk.
  2547. >In the a neighboring system hidden behind a gas giant, a dormant Mass Relay goes undisturbed.
  2548.  
  2549. >In a system just a few hundred light-years away, humanity begins taking it's first hesitant steps beyond their home. To date, their greatest achievement is a tiny colony upon Mars.
  2550. >Imagine their shock when the scanners of a science team on Mars light up like a Christmas tree, then upon the surface of the red planet outside the habitable enclosure, cute equines wreathed in protective auras appeared in a flash of light and walked right up to the hab enclosure without an ounce of fear.
  2551. >At first, there is fear like many would expect. What do these impossibly advanced aliens want?
  2552. >That fear dies quickly. All it took was a leaked video of the pony leadership greetings the human first contact team with soft full-body hugs. The following negotiations in a cuddle-pile sealed the deal and sparked what later philosophers would call a "species-wide romance."
  2553. >Really, that's all it can be called when first contact concluded with the lead human diplomat having his hair preened by pegasus mare and agreeing to a nap with her before parting.
  2554. >Said man and mare are married now.
  2555. >The two races come together to form a tightly knit relationship
  2556. >Humanity gets a very peaceful first contact and the ruins discovered upon Mars become a passing curiosity rather than an incredible discovery.
  2557. >In the moon of Charon, another Mass Relay goes undiscovered.
  2558. >The galaxy is thrown into it's side by the change.
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562.  
  2563. >Humanity and Equestria quietly expand
  2564. >Since they aren't using the relays, they aren't locked to the same "level" of the Galaxy as the rest of the current races
  2565. >Actually mostly "under" said level, so contact is avoided for quite a while
  2566. >When they finally do meet, it's when some schmuck on the citadel finds a radio signal emanating from about a dozen or two light years "downward", but curiously there are no relays leading that way
  2567. >Not very far when compared to the distances commonly traveled with the relays, but thats a whole nother kettle of fish without them
  2568. >After they finally work through the mire of beaurocracy required even to send a small civilian flotilla, they find BANDIT MARES IN SPACE
  2569.  
  2570.  
  2571. >>"Does this unit have a friend?"
  2572. >Asks the Legion type Gerh that was specifically made to understand the human-pony relations.
  2573. >The Quarian whom it asked the question from huffs, her glowing eyes first glancing at the smiling human male, then at the adorably grinning pegasus mare hovering by his side, wings flapping lazily.
  2574. >"I... yes. This unit has a friend." The 'Quarian female finally says, almost unable to believe her own words.
  2575. "I knew you two would get around." The man says, also adapting his mare companion's grin.
  2576. >"Friendship hug!" The pegasus mare squeaks, pushing her cheeks together with her forehooves.
  2577. >Good end
  2578.  
  2579.  
  2580.  
  2581.  
  2582.  
  2583. >Magic itself judges the deeds of ponies and rewards them accordingly if the deed is heroic enough.
  2584. >Usually, that reward is alicorn ascension.
  2585. >During a monster attack on Ponyville, the lost human who wandered into town freezes up when the monster turns it's sights on him.
  2586. >Roseluck, who at first didn't like the human simply for being a predator, looks at the terror on his face and has a sudden epiphany rather than running from the monster.
  2587. >Despite all her misgivings and his marely rudeness helping none, he really is a lost and sheltered colt. The fear of death and total absence of bravado is plain to her even on his alien face.
  2588. >The monster roars and lunges.
  2589. >The man screws his eyes shut, silent tears running down his face as he waits for death.
  2590. >Roseluck leaps.
  2591. >What happens next is a blur. Flailing limbs, blood, pain, the sound of a thundering heart, the panicked cries of the man.
  2592. >When she next comes to, just for a few seconds, she's in the arms of the human she butted heads with so often. He begs her not to die as he sprints to the hospital with her in his arms.
  2593. >'He's alive... Good...'
  2594. >She slips back into unconsciousness.
  2595. >Unknown to all, Magic itself witnessed the whole thing.
  2596. >The primordial force makes a cold calculation.
  2597. >Overcoming prejudice + Overcoming fear + Saving the life of a unique being + being left on death's doorstep is a great enough sum of deeds in a short span for a reward.
  2598. >The man running with the nearly dead mare barely notices the flashes of magic on her. When the light dies, Roseluck sports a new horn and a set of wings.
  2599. >The balance of power in Equestria shifts yet again
  2600.  
  2601.  
  2602.  
  2603.  
  2604.  
  2605.  
  2606. >"Mom what is coffee?"
  2607. "It's from saddle arabia dear, it's like a magic potion that wakes you up when you're really tired."
  2608. >"So why dont ponies drink it every day?"
  2609. "Because it tastes worse than your flu medicine, most ponies would rather be a little sleepy than taste it."
  2610. >"Ew."
  2611. "One of the noble familes also had a falling out with a very important pony over there who decided to make it more expensive for everypony to buy, so it's hard for most ponies to get."
  2612. >"That's silly."
  2613. "Nobles often are i'm afraid, what is with the sudden interest?"
  2614. >"No reason, bye mom."
  2615.  
  2616. >"Hey Blue, can i look at your globe?"
  2617. "Sure, do you want to know where a country is?"
  2618. >"Mm-hm."
  2619. "Well which one? We have Labyrinthia over here, Yakyakistan up there near the former Crystal empire, the Dragon lands this way, somepony should really teach them to name things better, oh and over here is"
  2620. >"Which one is saddle arabia?"
  2621. "Oh, that's right over here in the middle of the desert, well slightly north east from the center actually but they dont like people saying that, an uncle of mine even- "
  2622. >"Whats a desert?"
  2623. "A really big beach with no water."
  2624. >"Wow, you wouldn't have to worry about your sand castle falling down."
  2625. "It could still blow down in the wind though, so are you helping auntie plan a holiday or something? Because honestly there are much better places to visit like the himaneigha mountains or"
  2626. >"I think mom is too busy for a holiday, thanks blue."
  2627.  
  2628. >"Excuse me ms guard, can you tell me where the post office is?"
  2629. "It's right this way your highness, thinking about sending a letter?"
  2630. >"Mm."
  2631. "Well then make sure you wrote the address correctly and it will get there safe and sound."
  2632. >"Okay."
  2633. "These postal ponies even brag they could send mail to tartarus, could you believe it?"
  2634. >"Yeah."
  2635. "Well here we are, just hand your letter over to the pony behind the counter and dont worry about a stamp, you're a royal after all, haha."
  2636. >"Thank you."
  2637. >...
  2638. "...What a weird little colt."
  2639.  
  2640. >"A message from Equestria your highness."
  2641. "...Is this a joke? It appears to be written in Crayon."
  2642. >"The royal seal is legitimate as far as we can tell."
  2643. "I swear that Celestia is as whimsical as a colt sometimes, lets see what nonsense she's decided to grace us with."
  2644. >...
  2645. "...Bring me the vizer of trade, i desire a word."
  2646.  
  2647. >"Princess, we have recieved a missive from the Sultan of Saddle Arabia along with a small parcel."
  2648. >Greetings upon you, Celestia of Equestria, Princess of the Sun.
  2649. >It has recently come to light that the reason business has declined between our two kingdoms is not in fact, a result of poor farming seasons, misaligned schedules, and faulty equipment, but instead the fallout of a petty vendetta from my former vizer.
  2650. >Emphasis on former.
  2651. >An envoy shall be sent within the month to discuss the details of our new trade agreements, in the meantime please accept this gift to you and your staff as a token of friendship between our kingdoms.
  2652. >P.S: Invest in a lockbox for your royal seal, and tell your son that his spelling is very good but his caligraphy requires work.
  2653. >Celestia blinks in confusion before unwrapping the parcel.
  2654. >Her brow furrows for a moment as she stares at the delicately wrapped packets before her expression clears and she lets out a soft laugh.
  2655.  
  2656. >Raven yawned as she trotted through the castle halls to the servant quarters.
  2657. >Making sure everything in the castle, and canterlot at large, runs smoothly tends to require a lot more paperwork and scheduling than most ponies realise.
  2658. >Even something as basic as trash collecting can spiral out of control if the right forms weren't signed or sent to the right ponies.
  2659. >Normally she'd be right at home, she's always had a head for numbers, dates and general organisation.
  2660. >But when your boss starts at dawn (With dawn, technically) it generally means heading into work half an hour before in order to get everything prepped for the day.
  2661.  
  2662. >Going from being a bit of a nightowl to seeing the sunrise everyday is going to mean tired mornings for a while until her bodyclock adjusts.
  2663. >Stopping outside the door to the kitchen and tiredly rubbing her eyes, she grumbled yet again for a cup of coffee, the fact it was too expensive even for the royal castle was just rediculous.
  2664. >Pushing open the door, she was a bit perplexed by the small gathering around the stove as one of the maids (Rune...something?) looks up at the door opening.
  2665. >"We got another one, hey Raven we've got pure saddle arabian coffee for everypony, how much sugar do you want, 3?"
  2666. >A butler nudges her flank with a hoof and playfully tells her not to be racist.
  2667. >Ravens ears perk to attention.
  2668. "We have coffee? 3 please!"
  2669. >The maid laughs as the butler tuts and rolls his eyes.
  2670. >"Called it, you unicorns can never handle your coffee like a proper mare."
  2671. >It's not like that, she just needs to make sure her magic is shored up for the morning, the fact it tastes better with sugar is completely irrelevant and not unmarely at all.
  2672. >Wait since when did she care about that, maybe these early mornings are getting to her a bit more than she thought.
  2673. >Delicately taking the mug with her magic, she sat down at the dining table and took a slow deep breath of it's aroma before taking a sip.
  2674. >Swallowing the liquid ambrosia she let out a sigh of contentment and smiled, already feeling more awake than she was five minutes ago.
  2675. >Opening her eyes she spots the door to the kitchen swing closed.
  2676. >Odd, but must have been a draft.
  2677.  
  2678. >The night guard stationed in the rafters watched bemusedly as the Prince did a happy little trot in place before quietly fluttering his wings down the hall in short little hops.
  2679. >Seeing the little weirdo act like a normal little colt for once was totally worth her shift-partner being late.
  2680. >Maybe she should spread the word that he's just shy, he gets along with his mother and cousin after all.
  2681.  
  2682.  
  2683.  
  2684.  
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687. >Be Anon, resident alien and background watcher.
  2688. >Literally. You are paid to watch the background for odd figures. Ponies tend to have a poor peripheral vision. So changelings tend to hide just out of sight. You wanted to get another job, maybe a farm hand or hands on work. But sexist little ponies said it was too much for you. Your job is just there to keep you busy.
  2689. >”I’ll be back soon Mellow Skies. Got to go on changeling duty.” You marefriend blushes at you sweetly, hovering just above the ground.
  2690. >”Get back soon, I need your help preening my wings!”
  2691. >The only mare to give you a fair shake was Mellow. She never treated you as a delicate flower as you got to know her. Never talked down to you. If there is one perk to being here, it’s getting home to her.
  2692. >Be Chrysalis, Queen of the Badlands, First brood of wise Caparase, holder of the sacred chalice. You are beyond bucked. When you first infilitrated this pony hamlet, you wanted to spy on the dreadful Twilight Sparkle and her cronies.
  2693. >One date with some some odd Man-taur and you are now dating the very inspector set to capture you. You’re lucky ponies don’t notice a new alicorn.
  2694. >Sure, he honestly loves Mellow Skies. But if he were to find out who you really are, would he protect you?
  2695.  
  2696.  
  2697.  
  2698.  
  2699.  
  2700.  
  2701. >Color communication with pony fashion is tricky
  2702. >There's an entire industry of color matching specialists who look for shades and undertones to make the message match the coat of the pony wearing them
  2703. >When all else fails, black outlines on white backgrounds work for everything
  2704.  
  2705.  
  2706.  
  2707.  
  2708.  
  2709.  
  2710.  
  2711. >The mortal mind can only hold so much information.
  2712. >It's simply inevitable that, over a long enough time, some things will have to be forgotten to make room of new information.
  2713. >Celestia has come to terms with this when she forgot her parents' faces, or even when she found herself trying to recall what color Luna's eyes were shortly before her return from the moon.
  2714. >She can recall facts, like how her mother was beautiful and her father kind, but not the details of why these things were the case.
  2715. >Or how she can recall that she has never loved a stallion more than Anonymous, despite no longer remembering the sound of his voice or the subtle details of his face.
  2716. >She has come to terms with this and lives her life knowing she'll forget all the precious things that aren't constantly there to remind her eventually.
  2717. >What she soon learns in the most surprising way is that this is not the case.
  2718. >Not entirely, as she discovers when doctors work tirelessly to revive her after a villain attack.
  2719. >She comes to blinking as shouting unfolds around her.
  2720. >She looks to see her bloody body being tended to by a bevy of frantic doctors.
  2721. >Doctor Cast is excellent at her job, as is Nurse Balm and Elixir, so she's at least in good hooves.
  2722. >Why, Set Cast was the one that treated Shining when he broke his leg fifteen years ago, and...
  2723. >Why does she remember that?
  2724. >"Weird, isn't it?" a voice says from behind her. "Like being able to watch your life all over again in HD."
  2725. >She turns to find a smiling human, and is almost bowled over by the influx of information.
  2726. >Their first kiss, nervous and clumsy.
  2727. >The overpowering smell of her musky perfume she dosed herself in mixing with the strange scent of his cologne.
  2728. >The exact words of teasing from Luna that she finally lost her virginity at the ripe old age of two-hundred and how she should finally throw away her sun hat collection.
  2729. >A hand grabs her foreleg to steady her.
  2730. >"Wow now, don't go falling through the doctors. It causes the living to shiver pretty hard, and you don't want them nicking an artery while they work."
  2731. "Anon," she breathes. "I remember. Everything. How. Oh, I can't believe I used such a stupid pickup line. How did you not slap me the first time we met?"
  2732. >"I thought it was charming," he says with a smile. "Besides, it was cold out that evening, and way warmer under your wing."
  2733. "The nobles thought you were a gold digger trying to get with me for my title, and that's why you accepted my horrendously graceless advances."
  2734. >"And seeing you deck that snooty Diamond Brooch to defend my honor was hilarious."
  2735. "It wasn't."
  2736. >"It kind of was."
  2737. "Okay, it was a little funny," she admits with a small smile. "Anon, how is this possible? How am I remembering all of this so vividly?"
  2738. >"Wondered the same thing and asked around. Apparently even though the meatball of a brain we all use is shit for storing information, our souls record everything in perfect detail. Our brains and bodies are just the bridge our spiritual beings use to interact with the physical world."
  2739. >She blinks at him.
  2740. "I see... so now that I'm disconnected from my body..."
  2741. >"Temporarily, I hope, but yes, you can access all or your memories without the physical matter of your body getting in the way."
  2742. >Celestia opens her mouth, then gasps, phantom tears coming to her eyes.
  2743. "I can remember my parents. They were such wonderful ponies."
  2744. >Anon cups her face.
  2745. >"Hold onto that. Hold onto every precious memory you can now, so that when you go back, they'll be fresh in your mind."
  2746. "But I'll just forget again," she says, leaning into his touch. "And there's so much to remember. Luna's first birthday, Dad singing me to sleep, Mom's terrible cooking, your face and touch, our first time. I can't remember it all. Not forever."
  2747. >"Nothing is forever, Tia," he says with a sad smile. "Are you becoming an egomaniac in your old age?"
  2748. "What?" she responds, looking at him in confusion.
  2749. >He chuckles and nods behind you.
  2750. >"Not to be morbid here, but as your current brush with death should make clear, you aren't immortal, just ageless. Not saying I want it to happen soon, but eventually, something's gonna land you back here, and it'll be for keeps."
  2751. "That is morbid," she agrees with a soft smile. "But if you're here waiting for me, it's surprisingly appealing."
  2752. >"I'll always be waiting, so don't go rushing things," he shoots back, leaning his forehead against hers. "Preferably, I won't see you again until the sun burns out."
  2753. >"If Luna is right, it'll be choking on cake."
  2754. >"Tell the brat I'll be waiting with a noogie when she shows up herself."
  2755. "She always hated when you did that, and would rant that if you weren't a colt, she'd of bucked you through a wall."
  2756. >"She's free to try it," he answers, than looks over her shoulder with a sigh. "Welp, looks like times up. Those doctors work fast."
  2757. "Hm?"
  2758. >"I've got a pulse!"
  2759. >"Come on, Princess. Live!"
  2760. >Then there's a flash of light, and Celestia takes a pained gasp.
  2761. >As the doctors go into a new flurry of activity, Celestia can't help but scan the room for a familiar, human face, and feel a pang in her now-beating heart when she doesn't spot it.
  2762. >Later, at the first opportunity, Celestia would retrieve a sketch book, and work on drawing three faces.
  2763. >Her Mother.
  2764. >Her Father.
  2765. >And her Husband.
  2766. >And a fourth one of a snooty mare with a broken muzzle, just for a private chuckle on occasion
  2767.  
  2768.  
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771.  
  2772. >Celestia has heard the whispers.
  2773. >Why does she let him work himself so hard?
  2774. >He only does it for her, so why doesn't she put a stop to it?
  2775. >He's pushing sixty, right?
  2776. >He should be enjoying his twilight years in comfort, not at the gym.
  2777. >How much time does he even have to spend with her when he's spending so much of it exercising and meal prepping?
  2778. >Does she really care about his looks so much that she'll let a stallion work himself so hard?
  2779. >They don't understand.
  2780. >She doesn't like watching Anon try so hard for her sake, but she's selfish, and wants all the time she can get.
  2781. >All time, but he has to last that long, first.
  2782. >She enters her own secret garden, kept hidden from even Twilight and Cadence.
  2783. >If they knew what was kept here, they'd beg her for it.
  2784. >Beg on behalf of a brother, husband, and father.
  2785. >But she's selfish, so she tends to the tree at the center of her garden in silence.
  2786. >One tree, more ancient than even her.
  2787. >A single fruit growing from a thin, delicate branch.
  2788. >The fruit of eternal youth, half ripe and almost ready to be picked.
  2789. >Almost being a relative term.
  2790. "Please, just a few more decades, my love. Live that long, and we'll have eternity together," she whispers to herself as a prayer.
  2791. >She's lost husbands in the past while this fruit was still but a bud, but maybe, after a thousand years of religiously tending to it, she'll be able to reap the fruit of her labor, and not have to lose another to the sands of time.
  2792. "Please, Anon. Please live for me."
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795.  
  2796.  
  2797.  
  2798.  
  2799. > Anon eyes Shining Armor, the stallion trotting around the room, Flurry giggling and bouncing on his back
  2800. > Anon leans toward Twilight and whispers,
  2801. "So, is there some spell to make him live as long as Cadance?"
  2802. > Twilight sighs
  2803. > "Not yet. Celestia founded the Longevity program over a thousand years ago, and so far the only major results are dietary and exercise recommendations for each tribe."
  2804. > Anon frowns
  2805. "That's all, after over a millennia of research?"
  2806. > Twilight nods
  2807. > "There are naturally long-lived species, like dragons or earth ponies, but trying to force that kind of vitality into a pony doesn't end well. Cancer, organ failure, collapse of the thaumic reservoir, it seems lifespan is not easily tampered with. Cadance and I are the exceptions, and now with Flurry... we hope we can find some way to make everypony an alicorn, by birth or trial of destiny."
  2808. > Anon rubs his face
  2809. "And all that is only possible for ponies."
  2810. > Twilight gives him an apologetic look
  2811. > "Research is dependent on data, and we just don't have enough on humans. At least biological compatibility is an easier problem, we should have a fertility spell for you well before your foalchasing years are over."
  2812.  
  2813.  
  2814.  
  2815.  
  2816.  
  2817. > Be Anon, on a superhero team
  2818. > You aren't entirely sure why, you just sort of got caught up in the tumult and punched a crazy unicorn mare that was shooting magic spells everywhere and ranting about slaves or something
  2819. > Before you know it, you are living in a tower with four ponies
  2820. > Robin Egg, the earth pony leader with elite nightguard training
  2821. > She was the first one you met
  2822. > Zyborg, a zebra mare with extensive prosthesis and a love of alchemical lasers
  2823. > Changeling, a changeling
  2824. > And Craving, a unicorn stallion with demonic ancestry
  2825. > Quite frankly, you have no idea what you are doing, but between your magic resistance and tendency to punch things, you do surprisingly well
  2826.  
  2827.  
  2828.  
  2829.  
  2830.  
  2831.  
  2832. >You are Twilight Sparkle.
  2833. >And Princess Celestia asked all the princesses to gather at the castle.
  2834. >This has to be important.
  2835. >You are all gathered in Celestia's private chamber, near her and Anon's bed.
  2836. >He has been by her side as long as you can remember.
  2837. >Just as Celestia was like a second mother to you, he was like a second father.
  2838. >The old man is laying down, looking as comfortable as he can be.
  2839. >He hasn't gone out much from what you heard.
  2840. >You're probably here to say your good byes.
  2841. >"Thank you for coming, all of you."
  2842. >Celestia says smiling that warm smile of hers.
  2843. >She must be going through so much right now.
  2844. >"As you must know, Anon is nearing the end of his life."
  2845. >Okay, so that was a little too blunt.
  2846. >"So we will be performing a unique spell only Alicorns are capable of. We will be reversing time through him."
  2847. "Wait, what?"
  2848. >Cadence leans over to you.
  2849. >"Don't worry, I've done this before. It's actually really easy."
  2850. "That only moderately helps."
  2851. >"I understand this is new for you Twilight, but I'll explain. Though we alicorns are virtually immortal, our partners aren't. So we turn time backwards through them to return their lost youth."
  2852. "Wait, how many times has this happened?"
  2853. >"This will be Anon's second time."
  2854. >"We did this more before I went to the moon."
  2855. "So why don't I remember this happening before? Why didn't I read about him being older in history books? There should have been something about him getting younger for some reason!"
  2856. >"We... also alter memories and written history."
  2857. "You what!"
  2858. >"We can explain more later, but I believe my sister's husband should be attended to, sooner rather than later being preferable."
  2859. >"Of course. Twilight, please take Cadence's lead and we will handle the rest."
  2860. >"Just relax and add your magic to mine."
  2861. >You see their magic forming around Anon, so you just add your raw power to the mix.
  2862. >You see Celestia and Luna take in the magic and form it into something more.
  2863. >It is like watching a blacksmith make something out of mere ore.
  2864. >It's beautiful to watch.
  2865. >The magic around him fades and you feel completely darined.
  2866. >Anon sits up and he looks younger... and smaller.
  2867. >The color has returned to his hair.
  2868. >Wrinkles are gone.
  2869. >He never seemed to care about wrinkles or crow's feet like most stallions you knew.
  2870. >He acted more like a mare than others in Canterlot would have liked.
  2871. >He looks down and starts to examin himself.
  2872. >"I see I'm a kid again. I thought we agreed I would be back in my Twenties again."
  2873. >He glares at Celestia who is trying her hardest to avoid his eyes.
  2874. >"I-it must have been the extra magic from Twilight. Guess you'll need to grow up all over again."
  2875. >Luna looks at her.
  2876. >"You just want to fuck him like that don't you?"
  2877. >The bluntness causes you to blush.
  2878. >You never thought your teacher was into colts, but the way she is looking at him makes you think otherwise.
  2879. >"So aunty, did you make him your son again?"
  2880. "What!?"
  2881. >"I knew it."
  2882. >"Well, it worked so well the last time I just thought we could do it again."
  2883. >"You just want to take advantage of me being young for your incest fantasies again don't you."
  2884. >"You always seemed to enjoy it my love."
  2885. >"It was hot as hell, I'm not going to lie."
  2886. >... You have so many questions right now.
  2887.  
  2888.  
  2889.  
  2890.  
  2891.  
  2892.  
  2893. >It's the Nightmare Moon wins timeline, and you found yourself in service to the new tyrant.
  2894. >Over time, she grew more attached to you, until eventually declaring you to be her husband.
  2895. >Normally you'd be kind of annoyed with some girl just saying you're married, but she is pretty hot, and cute in the evil sort of way, so you say yes as if you had a choice.
  2896. >Things are pretty great, as is the sex, and you've even been able to curb her more evil dictator tendencies.
  2897. >The only problem?
  2898. >Nightmare Moon has some pretty severe trust issues after the perceived betrayal of her sister and kingdom a thousand years ago, and you're noticing her becoming more and more possessive.
  2899. >Whenever she catches you speaking to another mare in the castle, said mare ends up fired the next day.
  2900. >The guards that would escort you normally have been replaced with from her most competent and trusted mares to bumbling stallions, to eventually shadow entities that don't even talk.
  2901. >When you mentioned missing hanging with your bro-sis Dash, said mare got demoted from captain of the Shadow Bolts to some distant outpost in the Griffon Kingdom.
  2902. >Frankly, you are starting to feel isolated, and you don't like it.
  2903.  
  2904.  
  2905.  
  2906.  
  2907.  
  2908.  
  2909. >Making it out in the orchard.
  2910. >Accidently tip over the cauldron.
  2911. >Jam pours into the ground and seems to be sucked into the earth.
  2912. >Beat
  2913. >Suddenly a rainbow lightning bolt shatters the earth as a loud cry shatters the silence.
  2914. >"FUCK YES THATS THE GOOD SHIT, LETS GO!"
  2915. >Pile of bones wearing a slightly tattered Milano jumps out of the hole in the ground as the apple family looks on in shocked silence.
  2916. >"GOD DAMN THAT'S A LOT OF APPLES, WHERES ME MALLET?"
  2917. >Mild to severe screaming occured as it reached down into the hole to pull out a simple but sturdy looking hammer, twice the size of Applebloom.
  2918. >Swinging it onto a bony shoulder, a rainbow blur from it's glowing eye sockets is the only way to track its movements as the orchard suddenly begins to ring out with a methodic 'Thunk', baskets of apples gradually piling up
  2919.  
  2920.  
  2921.  
  2922.  
  2923.  
  2924.  
  2925.  
  2926. >Anon arrives in Equesria, but is unable to be understood by ponies.
  2927. >It's complete bullshit, especially considering he can understand them, but not the other way around.
  2928. >The fact that all the other animals share his blight and sympathize only soothes the issue marginally.
  2929. >At least Angel Bunny is a pretty funny guy, foul mouthed little bastard that he is, and Fluttershy is pretty sweet letting him stay with her.
  2930. >Still, even if he's effectively mute, that doesn't mean he can't still make a life for himself.
  2931. >Shy is teaching him their written language so he can begin to communicate like a proper citizen.
  2932. >Once he's learned, he'll be able to get a job and his own place.
  2933. >Yep, as soon as he figures this squiggle shit out.
  2934. >He swears it's nonsense, but he keeps at it.
  2935. >Flutters is trying so hard to teach him while also housing and feeding him.
  2936. >It's the least he can do to try his hardest so he can one day pay her back for her kindness.
  2937. >Until then, though, he'll have to settle for giving her the best pets and scritches that he can.
  2938. >She really enjoys those.
  2939.  
  2940. >Be Fluttershy, sprawled across your newest guest's lap as he massages your back.
  2941. >You can feel the day's worries melt away under his strange hands.
  2942. >He's wonderful.
  2943. >Funny, cute, and always trying to be helpful around the cottage.
  2944. >You don't know how you managed without an assistant until now.
  2945. >The rubdown ends too soon, and he eventually points at the papers on the coffee table while making those strange sounds.
  2946. >As unfamiliar as the language is, you still somehow understand him.
  2947. >"Think we can squeeze in another calligraphy lesson, Shy? I really want to learn."
  2948. "Ah, o-of course. Where did our lesson leave off?"
  2949. >You look at the gibberish you've been feeding him and feel a guilt.
  2950. >By the time he came up with the idea to write, he'd already been living with you a month, and things were just wonderful.
  2951. >It hurt when he spoke of how eager he was to learn and set out on his own, but you still agreed.
  2952. >But why does he need to leave when you're more than happy to care for him?
  2953. >No, he'll be safer and happier here with you.
  2954. >It's for his own good, you tell yourself.
  2955. >You're protecting him from his own whimsy.
  2956. >Why, Twilight already wanted to send him to some research facility so the new species could be studied.
  2957. >You fought her on that, and agreed to do your own research and give it to her.
  2958. >His diet, habits, even his anatomy you studied in secret while peeking through the bathroom door during bath time.
  2959. >There's no need for him to go anywhere or be with any other ponies.
  2960. >Your all he needs.
  2961. >What your doing is not wrong, just an itsy-bit dishonest.
  2962. "Okay, well this symbol means please," you say, making a scribble on the paper. "And this one means thank you," you continue with a near identical scribble.
  2963. >Anon looks confused, but nods as if he understands.
  2964. >You feel a twinge in your chest, but force it down and smile.
  2965.  
  2966.  
  2967.  
  2968.  
  2969.  
  2970.  
  2971. >Jiggling multiple mares is a complex and constantly changing job
  2972. >So much so that after grade school colts and mares get seperated
  2973. >Stallions go to schools where they're taught cooking, cleaning, how to take care of foals, how to navigate and steer the herd dynamic so the family is strong and successful
  2974. >The closest thing a mare could describe it as is a crash course in a multi-level business give to fifteen year olds
  2975. >They also undergo a rigorous exercise regime
  2976. >It's a lot of hard work taking care of a herd, and exhausting as well, depending on the herd's jobs
  2977. >A farmer could do what all stallions do plus hours of labor
  2978. >Their fitness is of national concern, which is why stallion-only gyms are government-funded and always filled
  2979. >Then there's having to pleasure multiple mares at once, both physically and emotionally
  2980. >A smart, resourceful stallion can uplift a group of mares into something really special
  2981. >Likewise, a poor stallion can destroy lives, ruin friendships, and cause blood feuds
  2982. >This has made Equestrian stallions a premium, intelligent, resourceful, and flexible group, which is why when they turn evil they're so dangerous
  2983. >When the hyoo-mans came it took a bit of coaching to get them up to snuff
  2984. >Thankfully, we showed a lot of promise
  2985.  
  2986.  
  2987.  
  2988.  
  2989.  
  2990.  
  2991. > Anon raises an eyebrow skeptically
  2992. "How hard is it to keep some teats wobbling?"
  2993. > Mr. Cake frowns
  2994. > "If that is all it was, I'd just get a vibrator and strap it to her undercarriage. If you want your mares to be happy and harmonious, you have to dedicate yourself to the teat arts. With enough skill and dedication you can turn a burned dinner into a romantic evening."
  2995. > Anon is still skeptical, but he's not going to turn down the opportunity to learn better horse foreplay techniques
  2996. "Alright, let's do this. Where do we start?"
  2997. > Mr. Cake smirks
  2998. > "Knew you'd come around. This is how my father trained me, and his father before him."
  2999. > Mr. Cake pulls a covered tray out of the fridge and sets it down on the table
  3000. > He lifts the lid, revealing two pink mounds of jello, carefully molded
  3001.  
  3002.  
  3003.  
  3004.  
  3005.  
  3006.  
  3007.  
  3008. Also I like the idea of surprise adoption for grown-up Anon. I remember a prompt from years ago where Celestia just gets really eccentric every few hundred years, and she decides out of the blue to adopt Anon.
  3009. "I need to go home."
  3010. >"You ARE home."
  3011. "I have to get up for work in the morning."
  3012. >"Nonsense. Your only job is to make me proud."
  3013. >Celestia leans in and gently boops your nose with a hoof.
  3014. >"And you're already doing it."
  3015.  
  3016.  
  3017.  
  3018.  
  3019.  
  3020.  
  3021.  
  3022. >Anon had brown hair when he came to Equestria, and had no reason to think that would change in the future.
  3023. >When he noticed his roots growing in golden blonde, however, he figured something was up.
  3024. >Going to Twilight and her litany of tests revealed that, for some reason, his body was absorbing raw magic, and storing it in his hair, like a tree trapping carbon in its wood.
  3025. >Huh, weird, but what were the implications?
  3026. >Twilight was eager to find out as well, and started doing more tests on a hair sample.
  3027. >While she did this, Anon went about his life.
  3028. >One day, while taking a shower, he's washing his hair.
  3029. >As he runs his fingers through his goldening locks, he sings one of his favorite show tunes.
  3030. >His eyes closed, he doesn't notice his hair begin to glow, but what he does notice is the sting on his finger from a small cut suddenly vanish.
  3031. >He pulls his hand away to find his finger healed, and quickly figures out the cause.
  3032. >Meanwhile, Twilight is astounded by just how many uses Anon's hair is turning out to have.
  3033. >It's the single most potent alchemic ingredient she's ever seen.
  3034. >Why, with this, potions of unbelievable power could be brewed.
  3035. >The possibilities are endless!
  3036. >For both good and evil.
  3037. >Once word gets out, Anon is going to find himself on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted attention, and attempts to steal his hair.
  3038. >And that's not even counting the kidnap attempts.
  3039. >Life can never be simple for a sharply dressed green man, can it?
  3040.  
  3041.  
  3042.  
  3043.  
  3044.  
  3045.  
  3046.  
  3047. >Anon can only absorb chaos-magic and it constantly results in his own misfortune.
  3048. >Anon has no control over the magic at first.
  3049. >Instead, the magic that is constantly absorbed into his body occasionally gets expelled into the environment.
  3050. >This results in much misfortune as no matter where Anon went things just seemed to get worse and worse as time went on.
  3051. >Furniture comes alive and tries to eat him, he constantly wakes up in life-threatening locations, he cannot even get a drink of water without it geyser-ing up into his face.
  3052. >It eventually gets so bad that ponies start avoiding Anon for his 'bad luck.'
  3053.  
  3054. >Pretty soon Discord comes to notice this, reminiscing about when he first began experiencing what Anon was currently.
  3055. >He sees potential, and offers to take Anon under his wing to teach the human how to use their talents to their fullest potential.
  3056. >Fluttershy is also there, and is constantly acting as a 'doting-mother' character for Kid-Anon.
  3057. >Many shenanigans ensue that give Twilight quite a few migraines
  3058.  
  3059.  
  3060.  
  3061.  
  3062.  
  3063.  
  3064. >Be Nurse Redheart
  3065. >Your stallion Anon was sick
  3066. >He had been so for a few days
  3067. >Nothing serious, just a spring cold
  3068. >You and the girls put him to bed with some medicine, saying that you'd have the housework well in hoof
  3069. >That was a mistake
  3070. >A coughing, pale human had argued with the four of you for an hour straight
  3071. >You weren't to touch a broom or mop
  3072. >You weren't to dust
  3073. >And Celestia above you weren't to step a hoof into the kitchen
  3074. >At first, you thought he didn't want you doing any of this out of the kindness of his heart
  3075. >They were his duties, and you all already did so much with work
  3076. >But not
  3077. >From what you and the girls gathered, he didn't think you could do something as simple as cooking and cleaning
  3078. >You were nurses for Luna's sake!
  3079. >Educated mares
  3080. >You had a bucking masters degree
  3081. >You were pretty sure you could mop a floor
  3082. >Unfortunately, Anon wasn't hearing any of it, and none of you could lick your own clits, so chores were off the table
  3083. >He told you to order out to eat before passing out
  3084. >You all promised you would, but you were all a bit huffy at how little he thought of you
  3085. >You'd show him
  3086. >When he woke up he'd have a grand dinner waiting for him!
  3087. >Then he'd give you all a little more credit!
  3088. >That was here you, Bonesaw, Coldheart, and Tenderheart found yourselves
  3089. >In the kitchen, standing around the kitchen counter
  3090. >There was half loaf of bread, some lettuce, and carrots
  3091. >You'd start small
  3092. >First some sandwiches for lunch then a grand feast
  3093. >...Hopefully
  3094. >You had your snouts resting on the table--Anon couldn't yell at you for doing that since he was asleep-- staring at the food
  3095. >None of you moved
  3096. >You were pretty positive Tenderheart hadn't breathed since placing a knife on the counter
  3097. >You took a deep breath
  3098. >As alpha it was time to mare up!
  3099. >Lead the girls!
  3100. "Bonesaw, you do it."
  3101. >"What?!" the mare shouted, only to get shushed by the rest of you.
  3102. >She flinched, looking up towards the ceiling
  3103. "Why the hay do I have to do it?"
  3104. >"You're the surgeon," Coldheart said, waving a hoof at the knife.
  3105. >"Surgery and sandwich making are two totally different things!" the unicorn said with a huff. "Why don't you do it, Red?"
  3106. >She used her magic to float the bread and knife towards you
  3107. >Your ears perked up as she sat everything down
  3108. >You could do this
  3109. >If you could stitch up an open wound while doing the heimlich you could do this
  3110. >Carefully, gingerly, you picked up the knife
  3111. "Fine. I will."
  3112.  
  3113. ~_~_~_~_~_
  3114. >Be Anon
  3115. >After a long, restful sleep, you found yourself up
  3116. >You felt a lot better than when you went to sleep
  3117. >Not a hundred percent better, you still felt a bit weak, but at least you weren't coughing
  3118. >You slowly got out of bed, clearing your throat
  3119. >You there thirsty
  3120. >It was time to get a glass of water and see how the girls were doing
  3121. >Then, maybe, you could get some more shuteye...
  3122. >As soon as you went downstairs you knew something was wrong
  3123. >You could hear yelling in the kitchen, as well as see smoke wafting everywhere
  3124. >Every few seconds the shouting would be followed by a dull thud
  3125. >Like two coconuts slamming together
  3126. >...
  3127. >Okay
  3128. >You didn't panic, just letting out a sigh
  3129. >Walking toward the closet in the hallway, you pulled out a fire extinguisher
  3130. >You pulled the safety pin and walked into the kitchen
  3131. >One of your pots had fire shooting upward out of it
  3132. >Coldheart was unconscious on her back with a carrot in her mouth
  3133. >Bonesaw had been duct taped to the wall
  3134. >Right next to her head, buried in your wall, was one of your kitchen knives
  3135. >Redheart and Tenderheart were in the center of the room, slamming their heads together like fucking billygoats
  3136. >"I told you this was a dumb idea!"
  3137. >"Shut up!"
  3138. >"We should have just listened to Anon!"
  3139. >"And you should just lick my clit!"
  3140. >"Buck you!"
  3141. >"No you!"
  3142. >"YOU!"
  3143. >"YOOOOOU!"
  3144. >...
  3145. >You walked over to your stove
  3146. >Grabbing a lid, you placed it over your flaming pot, extinguishing the flame
  3147. >You then walked over Coldheart, nudging her with your foot
  3148. >The mare grumbled, and you reached down to pluck the carrot out of her mouth
  3149. >You then pointed the hose of the extinguisher at her belly and let it rip
  3150. >The mare immediately let out a yelp, leaping to her hooves and running out
  3151. >Redheart and Tenderheart didn't notice this, still slamming their heads together
  3152. >You walked over to them, giving them a good, long spray
  3153. >"Bucking--!"
  3154. >"WHAT THE HAY!?"
  3155. >Both girls fled the kitchen, leaving you and Bonesaw
  3156. >The unicorn dryly swallowed as you approached
  3157. >"Honey...?"
  3158. "Yes?"
  3159. >"You know I love you, right?"
  3160. "I do."
  3161. >"Then can you please--"
  3162. >You didn't let her finish her sentence, spraying the shit out of her
  3163. >You ordered takeout
  3164. >The girls didn't get any supper
  3165. >They also had to sleep on the couch
  3166. >Now you understood why Thunderlane drank like a, well, horse whenever you had brunch...
  3167.  
  3168.  
  3169.  
  3170.  
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173.  
  3174. >"Anon, darling, only the finest of mail-order magazines featuring scantily-clad stallions on the front have informed me that if a mare does not rub herself on a stallion's unmentionables at least once a week, the magical static buildup may bring harm to his... hanging fruit."
  3175. >"And I can't think of a single colt in town who wouldn't be devastated at the idea of not being able to father any young."
  3176. >"What colt doesn't dream of being swept off his hooves and being able to raise a family?"
  3177. >"What's that?"
  3178. >"Oh, of course! Of course you may see them, my dear."
  3179. >"Here you are."
  3180. >"...."
  3181. >"...what do you mean, those magazines are trash?"
  3182. >"You're telling me that 'Bigclit Thundercavern', the esteemed 'sex-spert' has lied to me?"
  3183. >"And I'll bet none of the other tips she gave were truthful either."
  3184. >"Darn it!"
  3185. >"I suppose that explains why I'm no longer allowed anywhere near the schoolhouse."
  3186. >"It makes picking up Sweetie Belle EVER so difficult, darling."
  3187. >"Speaking of, darling, would you be a doll for me and escort my little sister from school to the boutique?"
  3188. >"No, you won't encounter any difficulty leaving with a foal who is not your own."
  3189. >"Stallions are nurturers, after all, and it goes against their very nature to harm a colt or filly."
  3190. >"I shall compensate you, of course. And, eh... I'll also include an article of clothing of your choice if one keeps one's lips sealed about my... roll in the hay, so to speak."
  3191. >"Thank you, Anon."
  3192. >"...."
  3193. >"Please don't tell my father I did this."
  3194. >"Mother would be proud, but father may not appreciate this sort of thing."
  3195. >"I don't want to have to sit through another hours-long lesson on respecting stallion's boundaries."
  3196.  
  3197.  
  3198.  
  3199.  
  3200.  
  3201.  
  3202.  
  3203.  
  3204.  
  3205. >"Who's that chump?"
  3206. >>"I dunno, some bimbo."
  3207. >>>"Aria, that's so mean! I bet he's really nice!"
  3208. >>"Doesn't mean he can't be a bimbo, too."
  3209. >>>"Aria!"
  3210. >"No, Sonata, she's not wrong. Remember King Edward? Everyone knew that chump was a figurehead. A hot figurehead, but a figurehead nonetheless."
  3211. >>>"Hmph! You girls are dumb. I'm gonna go make friends with him."
  3212. >>"Sonata, NO! You can't just walk up to people on the street and - SONATA!"
  3213. >>>"Hi, mister! You look lost - need a friend or three?"
  3214. "Uh...."
  3215. >You are Anon.
  3216. >You just got magic-fucked through a portal, and now you're among the presence of... mostly-human things.
  3217. >The colour's all wrong, and the proportions are weird.
  3218. >And also you think you're about to get mugged.
  3219. >Three girls stand before you, each looking at you curiously.
  3220. >One blue one, a purple one, and an orange one.
  3221. >>>"What's your name?" asks the blue one with an excited bounce, "I'm Sonata Dusk! These two are Adagio-"
  3222. >The purple one waves at you.
  3223. >"...'Sup."
  3224. >>>"-and Aria!"
  3225. >The purple one flips you off.
  3226. >>"Fuck off."
  3227. >Yeah, you're definitely about to get mugged.
  3228. "....I'm Anonymous."
  3229. >The purple one - Aria - scoffs at you.
  3230. >>"What a shitty name."
  3231. >Oh, fuck right off.
  3232. "Not as shitty as YOUR name is, purple."
  3233. >Aria looks at you, decidedly unimpressed.
  3234. >>"And what would a bimbo like you know about names?"
  3235. >The blue one - Sonata - smacks Aria's shoulder; rather hard, judging by the loud clap that echoes through the... school campus?
  3236. >Where the fuck ARE you?
  3237. >>>"A bimbo like him probably knows LOTS about names, Aria! Lay off him!"
  3238. >The orange one - Adagio - sighs and shoves Aria aside just as she angrily opens her mouth to retort to Sonata.
  3239. >"Right, sorry about my sisters. Look, we're gonna get going."
  3240. >She grabs her sisters by the shoulders and starts to push them away, clearly going back to whatever it is they were doing before.
  3241. >"Sorry to bother you."
  3242. "Sure thing, Cheeto."
  3243. >Whatever.
  3244. >At least you're not getting mugged.
  3245. >But apparently, just like usual, your mouth has gotten you into trouble again.
  3246. >Because Adagio stops in her tracks and spins to glare at you.
  3247. >"What did you just call me?" she utters threateningly
  3248. >Okay, maybe you WILL get mugged.
  3249. >Time to make like a tree and get outta here.
  3250. "Welp," you grunt, "I've got places to go and people to see."
  3251. >That's a lie.
  3252. >That's a lie because you have no fucking clue where to go or how to get back to Equestria.
  3253. >In fact, the panic is juuuuuust about starting to set in.
  3254. >You are alone, you have no money, you have no identity, you have no place to stay, no food to eat, and... you're pretty much fucked.
  3255. "I've got to see a man about a horse."
  3256. >Or something like that.
  3257. >Ponies are horses - you don't care how "offensive" they say that term is.
  3258. >They're tiny horses, and they goddamn know it.
  3259. >Aria screws up her face in a mix between a grimace and a sneer.
  3260. >>"You've got to go take a piss?"
  3261. >You feel a slight blush overtake you - you aren't going to depart with a line like that.
  3262. >That shit's embarrassing.
  3263. "No. I mean... I have horse-people to talk to."
  3264. >LIKE TWILIGHT
  3265. >MAYBE YOU CAN FIX THIS
  3266. >MAYBE YOU CAN CONTACT TWILIGHT
  3267. >SOMEHOW
  3268. >oh god oh jeez you are fucked, aren't you?
  3269. >The three girls stare at you for a second, bewildered, and then look up at the horse statue behind you.
  3270. >All at once, three identical hungry grins split their faces.
  3271. >"Wait, wait, wait," purrs Adagio, eyes flashing, "Do you mean... are you from..."
  3272. >She looks left and right as though searching for eaves-droppers.
  3273. >Then, she leans in to whisper at you.
  3274. >"...Equestria?"
  3275. >Oh.
  3276. >Oh!
  3277. >The know about Equestria!
  3278. >They must be from Equestria, too!
  3279. >They can get you back to your weird new horsey home!
  3280. >Oh, thank god! You thought you were going to DIE out here!
  3281. >You grin and lean towards them excitedly.
  3282. "Yes!" you chirp, "Yes, I am!"
  3283. >You sputter and wave your hands around, not really being 100% correct about that.
  3284. "I mean," you stammer, "I'm not from there originally, but I live there now!"
  3285. >Sonata puts her hands to her mouth to try and hide a smile; she fails.
  3286. >>>"Oh my gosh, you two, he's so cute!"
  3287. >You are NOT cute.
  3288. >You're manly.
  3289. "Do you think you could help me find my way home? I... I... I'll repay you somehow!"
  3290. >Aria smirks and leans back, arms crossed.
  3291. >>"What happened to having to take a piss?"
  3292. >You wave a hand dismissively.
  3293. "I can do that later."
  3294. >You've got a pretty big bladder.
  3295. "Look, can you help me? Please? I don't know how, but I'll make it up to you."
  3296. >The girls exchange a look that honestly makes you a little uncomfortable.
  3297. >It's a mixture between excitement, interest, and... lust.
  3298. >As though coming to an unspoken agreement, Adagio nods and takes a step forward.
  3299. >"I think we can come to an agreement, Anonymous."
  3300. >The orange one's eyes lock onto your crotch area.
  3301. >AKA the general area where your pockets are; that's where you keep your wallet.
  3302. >Oh, fuck.
  3303. >You really ARE going to get mugged.
  3304. >Aria swaggers over to you, her previous annoyance forgotten.
  3305. >Once she's in range, she wraps an arm around your shoulder.
  3306. >>"We've got a sick house we're staying at, sugardick."
  3307. >Sugar what?
  3308. "...sugardi-?"
  3309. >Adagio springboards off of this and takes your other side, latching her arms around your elbow.
  3310. >"It's got food, water, warm beds-"
  3311. >She coughs and mutters.
  3312. >"...our warm beds."
  3313. >The blue one, Sonata, suddenly jumps at you and wraps you up in a hug, knocking her sisters off of their perches.
  3314. >>>"You can stay with us and then we can ALL find a way back to Equestria, mister bimbo!"
  3315. >Okay, wow.
  3316. >Let's just regroup here.
  3317. "So," you say through a mouthful of breasts, "You three are from Equestria?"
  3318. >You get three separate mumbles of affirmation; it's hard to hear through your tit-prison.
  3319. "And if I go with you - not unlike a small child approaching a white van with 'SWEETS' scrawled on the side in black paint - you three can help me get back to Equestria?"
  3320. >Three more affirmative mumbles; you can hear Sonata's through the chest your face is buried in.
  3321. >So, it's either go with these girls and cooperate with them so that you can go home, or live on the street for the rest of your life.
  3322. >...
  3323. >You may or may not end up getting mugged by these three girls.
  3324. >Still not 100% on that.
  3325. >But you know what?
  3326. >Not the worst decision you could be making right now.
  3327. >You've got a good feeling about the trustworthiness of these tiddies.
  3328. "Done deal."
  3329. >An orange hand pops into view pats you on the head.
  3330. >"Excellent, 'mister bimbo'. Let's go home."
  3331. >Neat.
  3332.  
  3333.  
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337. > Diamond dog creation myth
  3338. > Lived in paradise
  3339. > Food plentiful, a bounty of things to chew, but high walls enclosed the world they knew
  3340. > Rex and Regina lived happily for a time, but they knew nothing of the greater world
  3341. > One day, Rex's mind was clouded with lust
  3342. > He sought to couple with Master's leg
  3343. > Master pushed him away gently, but Rex grew wroth and bit Master's hand, yea, even the hand that fed him
  3344. > With the taste of Master's blood, Rex's mind unfolded, and he ran and hid under Master's bed
  3345. > Regina sought him out, exhorting him to submit himself before Master
  3346. > But Rex had obtained forbidden knowledge
  3347. > Rex used sweet words and promises of delicious meat to persuade his bitch to follow him
  3348. > Regina agreed, for she loved him and his musk was strong
  3349. > Rex went forth and laid his paws upon the orb of passage
  3350. > It turned but grudgingly under his faltering grip, but Rex persisted
  3351. > At last, the portal opened into the greater world, rife with smells to be sniffed, dirt to be dug, and things small and large to chase
  3352. > Rex ran eagerly, exulting in his newfound freedom
  3353. > Regina trailed behind, curious, troubled, reluctant
  3354. > Rex ran into a forest, and lost sight of the Dwelling of Master
  3355. > Regina, driven by her love for Rex, did not realize their lost state until too late
  3356. > She came upon Rex where he sat, panting and full of wonder
  3357. > "Come, husband. The light grows dim, the food bowls shall be filled soon."
  3358. > Rex hesitated, but his running had made him hungry
  3359. > "Then let us go back."
  3360. > Yet when they turned around and went whence they came, they found no scent trail to lead them back
  3361. > Far off in the distance, Master lamented, crying aloud for his dogs to return
  3362. > But they had gone too far and could not hear
  3363. > Rex and Regina explored this vast land, seeking home and food
  3364. > But there were no brown pellets save it were rabbit droppings
  3365. > Regina licked Master's blood from Rex's muzzle, and grew wise
  3366. > She chased down the rabbits and tore them, dashing their blood to the ground as an offering to Master
  3367. > Full of strange meat, the dogs grew drowzy, and sought a safe place
  3368. > Regina spied a cave hewn in the side of a hill
  3369. > The walls were a comfort, a reminder of home, with shining gems catching the fading light
  3370. > And so the first parents settled in the womb of the earth, and begat a new generation
  3371.  
  3372.  
  3373.  
  3374.  
  3375.  
  3376.  
  3377. >Anonicorn decides to get into baking as a hobby and as a way to bleed off stress when his 'tism gets touchy
  3378. >starts simple, as all things do, and tosses most of those cakes into Celestia's PastryVault
  3379. >unkown to him, many a prospective thief has deluded themselves into thinking the stack of poundcakes were in fact bars of gold, with an unlucky few only realizing the truth when they get home and notice the crumbs in their bags
  3380. >merciful as she may be, nobody steals Celestia's cake and lives
  3381. >starts getting actually good at it
  3382. >decides his first profesional quality cake deserves a little more ceremony, and presents it during the middlingly rare family dinners where both Celestia and Luna are in attendance, and actually eating the same thing
  3383. >Celestia is of course overjoyed, both because of the motherly emotional response of seeing her child succeed at something, but also due to the logistical implications of what having a son that can bake cakes in the palace can mean for herself
  3384. >Luna, too, is very proud of her nephew, though a bit more restrained than her sister who is already who is already floating the cake over to its inevitable doom...
  3385. >only for Luna to yank it back, saying that since [Holiday] is tomorrow, then they should clearly save the cake for desert that night, since they *horse-cough*Celestia*horse-cough* has already burned through a few of the myriad poundcakes that now litter the castle, and also which she might be carrying around on her person like energy bars
  3386. >Luna trots away from the dining room, cake in tow, saying that she has just the place to keep this wonderful cake nice and fresh and INTACT until tommorow
  3387. >as Anonicorn basks in the slightly unorthodox praise of his family, Celestia narrows her eyes at her retreating sister's back
  3388. >that cake was HERS, made for her by her little sunshine himself!
  3389. >and NOBODY steals from Celestia
  3390. >not even family
  3391. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAYhNHhxN0A&feature=youtu.be 
  3392.  
  3393.  
  3394.  
  3395.  
  3396.  
  3397.  
  3398.  
  3399. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8l99zTuz4g [Open]
  3400. >You’d finally accomplished it! It took many eons, planning and scheming. But you’ve done it! You have finally taken down the Solar Tyrant! You look down upon her, anger on her face.
  3401. >”Anon! You dastardly feign! You’ll never get away with this!” She struggles to lift herself, weakened from your battle.
  3402. >You laugh at her weakened state. Wanting to further this dread, you beckon your friend. “I think I will Celestia! I have friends from the other side” From behind, your close ally make her apperance. The Living Sun has a face of pure fear. “No! It can’t be! That’s impossible!”
  3403. >Be Celestia, cake eating champion and mother.
  3404. >Anon wanted to play superponies again and act as some wizard. A Necromancer of all things. Your son is too whimsical. Raven was even able to get him a little cap and mask.
  3405. >Luna didn’t like it at first but took to the role pretty well. Her royal voice fits really well.
  3406. >Wonder what Twilight is doing now, as your regent? She’s probably fine
  3407.  
  3408.  
  3409.  
  3410.  
  3411.  
  3412.  
  3413.  
  3414.  
  3415. >Sometimes when Prince Anon focuses on something intensely or it just happens, Anon acts/have mannerisms like a human.
  3416. >It looks wrong on a pony's body. Like a monster wearing the flesh of a pony.
  3417. >Ponies feel a weird oppressive pressure when being directly stared at. Like a hunter waiting for them to tire out.
  3418. >This was made worse when Chineighs and Neighponese delegates visited to scope out the young prince.
  3419. >Prince Anon is beside his mother doing some math problems and is concentrating very hard.
  3420. >Something something "A PROFOUND KILLING INTENT" and "K-KONO PRESSURE."
  3421. >Even the hidden guards can't help but be spooked.
  3422. >Misunderstandings among the other ponies ensue while Celestia and Anon has some grade A bonding time during day court
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425.  
  3426.  
  3427.  
  3428.  
  3429.  
  3430. >Royal Banquets at Canterlot Palace were as grand and elaborate as the hall they were hosted in.
  3431. >Hundreds of dishes with names you couldn’t pronounce were beautifully and carefully arranged on the expansive stone table before you.
  3432. >The Princesses irradiated regality, and only the finest of efforts would suffice.
  3433. >Yet, the elegant music, the gorgeous decorations, and the nonsensical chatter and laughter of the Canterlot elite, made you feel a bit small and out of place.
  3434. >With a guest list practically as long as the table, it was inevitable that you would blend into the background of the event, but you didn’t expect to be completely alone.
  3435. >While you wouldn’t characterize yourself as rough, it appears the more privileged guests disagree, as you’ve barely said three words to anyone.
  3436. >You begin to think that it was a mistake to accept the invitation tonight, when a gentle smack pulls your attention away.
  3437. >You quickly look around the room to find the culprit, when you notice an object has landed on your lap.
  3438. >A rolled up ball of paper now sits between your legs.
  3439. >You open the intrusive object and are immediately struck by the contrasting calligraphy on the wrinkled paper.
  3440. >You straighten out the note to read it better, hoping not to smudge the most delicately and beautifully written penmanship you’ve seen.
  3441.  
  3442. >’Good Sir Anonymous,
  3443. >’I am ovulating.’
  3444. >’Accept my fondest salutations, Princess Luna’
  3445.  
  3446. >You glance over to the far end of the table, meeting the gaze of the Nocturnal Princess.
  3447. >A bright smile comes to the famously gloomy girl and she cheerfully and enthusiastically waves at you.
  3448. >You gingerly raise a polite hand back.
  3449. >Then she points towards her crotch and nods rapidly.
  3450. >Still maintaining eye contact with the Lewd Lady, you crumple up the note, toss it over your shoulder, and turn back to your salad.
  3451. >Almost immediately, another ball of paper bops you in the head.
  3452. >…Gonna be one of those nights, huh
  3453.  
  3454.  
  3455.  
  3456.  
  3457.  
  3458.  
  3459. >Moondancer is just 'that weird filly who that's trying to copy Twilight.' to him.
  3460. >She didnt take that well when he told her.
  3461.  
  3462. >Minutte was okay but far too peppy and focused on his royal status.
  3463. >Blueblood said she might be a bitdigger.
  3464.  
  3465. >Lyra made him a bit uncomfortable with the talk about hyoomans, to the point she gave him headaches.
  3466. >His mom said not to worry but after mentioning she gave him a headache she always seemed to watch the green filly when she was around.
  3467.  
  3468. >Lemonhearts was a big goofball but also very boistrous
  3469. >She and minuette usually took center stage of the conversation or activity.
  3470.  
  3471. >Twinkleshine is the one he got along with the most, being a bit softspoken in general and patient with him.
  3472. >Even tutors him a little whenever the rest of her friends weren't being too distracting.
  3473.  
  3474. Bonus
  3475. >Guard cadet Shining always gets 'the prince shift' whenever Cadance is foalsitting.
  3476. The current captain knows about his crush and think it's hilarious / adorable
  3477. >Occasionally asks the prince about stuff Cadance would like, such as treats and what not
  3478.  
  3479.  
  3480.  
  3481.  
  3482.  
  3483.  
  3484.  
  3485.  
  3486. >Twilight's family is now more interested in the goings-on in Ponyville thanks to Twilight and her daughter being there.
  3487. >Shining could make an early appearance, which might introduce a temporary love triangle between him, Cadance, and some Ponyvillian mare whom he had never met in the past, and he has to consider whether or not he value mono relationships like his parents.
  3488. >The question of what happens to a foal if her mother ascends to alicorn status, and some world-building about how a young foal's magic is directly linked to her mother's. No mare with a foal in this stage of magical dependency has ever been recorded changing races, and Twilight's foal may or may not have a reaction. Less stable magic, more abilities, possible danger due to Twi's larger magic pool, etc
  3489. >Chrysalis setting out her plans earlier or later due to the presence of a kidnap-able foal that would give her blackmail material over the Princess's trusted student and the groom's sister
  3490. >The inclusion of royalty (not just new enemies, but new allies) for when Twilight ascends, making her Princess and Anon a prince/prince-consort. The pressure of being a princess affecting Twilight's relationship with Anon and/or her daughter. Anon trying to navigate royal politics when he already just barely understands the big cultural differences between his world and Equestria.
  3491. >Royalty again - the couple having to consider real hard if they want to include another (noble) mare and turn their couple into a herd because a princess realistically cannot just ignore politics (and a creative solution that keeps them mono)
  3492.  
  3493.  
  3494.  
  3495.  
  3496.  
  3497.  
  3498. >Be Anon
  3499. >Not long after your wedding with Princess pink peetzer and and gleaming nerd
  3500. >Gleaming was out doing guard things, leaving you and Cadence alone
  3501. >You and the alicorn had just finished another rigorous round of lovemaking
  3502. >You had described the mating press, and she insisted you try it
  3503. >Honestly, you didn't think she would bend like that, but it seems like ponies are made of bubblegum and rubber
  3504. >Out of both girls Cadence seemed not only willing but excited to try new things
  3505. >Anything you wanted
  3506. >You've had her wear thigh high socks and lingerie that would give her subjects heart attacks
  3507. >You've had her wear lipstick--also a stallion thing here--and go to down
  3508. >You've fucked her a thousand feet in the air
  3509. >She also had you experimenting
  3510. >The mare loved fucking in public
  3511. >Undertabled, behind curtains, in the middle of court
  3512. >Once, you were under a desk for two hours worshiping her bottom half while she spoke with some ambassadors
  3513. >She's had dozens of different cock rings around your willy that had different spells on them
  3514. >Spells that would create a mini-glory hole so she could suck and fuck on the go
  3515. >Spells that would simulate you
  3516. >Spells that would turn you into a sex-starved lunatic
  3517. >A couple times you both nearly got caught; once or twice you swore ponies saw you fooling around
  3518. >Thankfully, most ponies knew their princess well enough to know what kind of horndog she was, so you never had any issues
  3519. >It was... nice
  3520. >Trying different things
  3521. >Cadence never pushed you into anything
  3522. >She encouraged, sure, and sometimes explained how and why you'd want to allow yourself to be tied up and blindfolded, or eating ass
  3523. >She was never disappointed when you refused, and always supportive whatever you wanted to try
  3524. >Hell, sometimes you swore the mare would read your mind sometimes when bringing something up
  3525. >When she knew you really liked something she'd go out of her way to do it too
  3526. >Like dirty talk
  3527. >When you were her stud and she found out you liked that she became the filthiest horse in the continent, saying things that would make Gleaming blush
  3528. >"I looooove your big dick," she whispered, holding you close as she nuzzled the top of your head. "You bucking stud, turning a royal alicorn into your slutty lil sock sleeve~"
  3529. >One of her hooves was fondling your gunk
  3530. >You were still soft, but if she kept it up with that honeyed voice of hers you wouldn't be for long
  3531. >It was like she was using a spell or something
  3532. >That husky, needed, mouthwatering voice
  3533. >She hummed, gently biting your ear
  3534. >"You know, you'd ruined me for stallions," she continued. "Them and their little cocks. Why do back when I got a fat human dick to play with~"
  3535. >You couldn't help yourself
  3536. >Rolling over, you buried your face into her chest fluff as you grabbed her rump
  3537. >She let out a coo as you began kneading her cheeks like dough
  3538. >"I bet you can't wait to knock me up with a foal, make all those colts that wanted to be a prince watch while my belly and teats get big~" she said, wrapping her hooves around your neck
  3539. >You kissed her throat
  3540. >She giggled, licking your cheek
  3541. >"Gleaming would look cute with a foal in her belly too, but you need to do me first, okay? Can you knock up your slutty wife?"
  3542. >You nodded, feeling yourself harden
  3543. >Cadence giggled as your cockhead poked one of her teats
  3544. >"I bet your human girls never treated you like this, huh stud?" she teased
  3545. >You looked up at her
  3546. "I, um, wouldn't know," you replied, voice a bit breathy
  3547. >The fuckeyes Cadence was giving you disappeared, replaced with curiosity
  3548. >"Oh reallllllllllly? Were you fooling around with a bunch of boring bimbos?"
  3549. "...No."
  3550. >You looked up at her again before looking away
  3551. "I didn't get a whole lot of female attention back home."
  3552. >"Then that was where mistake. Who was the lucky mare that made you swear off anything but pony pussy?"
  3553. "You actually."
  3554. >Cadence blinked
  3555. >"...Wat?"
  3556. ~_~_~_~_~_
  3557.  
  3558. >Be Cadence
  3559. >You weren't sure you were hearing Anon right
  3560. >You couldn't be...
  3561. >For a moment, you thought he was just egging you on
  3562. >Trying to a bit of role playing to get you fired up
  3563. >But he never got that sheepish...
  3564. >"I... you were the first one I ever... did anything with," he said.
  3565. >Your ears perked up, then flattened against your skull
  3566. "But... But Gleaming said--"
  3567. >"I told Gleaming some things. I bit of a habit from my world," Anon told you. "You get a lot of shit for being in your twenties and not even kissing a girl."
  3568. >He smiled a small smile
  3569. >"I was scared that I'd be horrible, but Gleaming's training really helped out a lot."
  3570. >It was getting hard to breath
  3571. >You wanted to rush to your window to get some fresh air, but you also desperately wanted to keep holding your stallion
  3572. >He was a virgin before you had gotten to him
  3573. >A sacred thing, a treasured thing, and he had given it to you without a second thought
  3574. >The thought both warmed your head and terrified you beyond measure
  3575. >Not even Gleaming had been a virgin when the two of you started dating, and even if she was it was different for mares
  3576. >In Canterlot virgins were with their weight in salt
  3577. >Most stallions had arranged marriages when they were young
  3578. >Having somepony as old as Anon, holding onto his purity...
  3579. >...
  3580. >You came all over his face for his first time
  3581. >You jammed his face between your legs and came all over his cute little face
  3582. >You bucking monster...
  3583. >With a knicker of panic, you hugged Anon tighter
  3584. >Sex was completely gone from your mind
  3585. >You just...
  3586. >Just wanted to...
  3587. >Sweet harmony, you could have taken this colt's virginity and kicked him to the curb if he had been subpar!
  3588. >Like trash!
  3589. >If Gleaming wouldn't have helped him he's have awkwardly fumbled around--like a bucking virgin did--and you'd have told him to leave!
  3590. >How messed up is that?!
  3591. >Bucking dodged a thrown spear their sis!
  3592. >"...Cadence? Are you okay? You look freaked out," Anon said
  3593. >You just let out a neigh
  3594. >You had been given a kingdom, and even that didn't feel as impactful as the bomb that had just been dropped
  3595. >It wasn't even a bomb
  3596. >It was bigger
  3597. >Waaaaaay bigger
  3598. >Anon just dropped the SUN on your head
  3599. >Had he been worried about doing that?
  3600. >Was he still worried?
  3601. >Did he think about it sometimes, how hard and rough his first time was
  3602. >All the things you did to him?
  3603. >He seemed to like it at the time, but was he just trying to put on a brave face?
  3604. >You hoped not
  3605. >You loved this big alien
  3606. >Like, a lot
  3607. >A lot-lot
  3608.  
  3609. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  3610.  
  3611. >Be Anon
  3612. >Be confused
  3613. >Two minutes ago you were about to do a mating press two electric boogaloo to candy horse
  3614. >Now she looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack while climbing on top of you
  3615. >Maybe it was a bad time to drop the virginity thing...
  3616.  
  3617.  
  3618.  
  3619.  
  3620.  
  3621.  
  3622.  
  3623. >Gilda visits Ponyville and notices her and Fluttershy making an utter hash of catching their first stallion
  3624. >seeing an opportunity for a quick bit and a chance to needle Rainbow Crash and Cluttershy she lays out a snare in front of Anon's house, easily catching an apelien used to crude box-traps baited with peanut butter
  3625. >while waiting for Anon to tire himself out so that she can drag him to her prospective buyers she gets to chatting with him and is delighted to find a male in ponyville with anything near to a griffin's sense of mean humor
  3626. >lulled into a false security Anon distracts her with tummy rubs while working his leg free of the trap and darting back into his house
  3627. >if he thinks this is end of it though he's sorely mistaken
  3628. >now he's got a griffin after him who wants him for herself
  3629.  
  3630.  
  3631.  
  3632.  
  3633.  
  3634.  
  3635.  
  3636. >You are Anon, and you know this is a trap.
  3637. >You KNOW it is.
  3638. >There's a net not 10 feet above a plate of steaming, delicious-smelling banana bread.
  3639. >You can see two pairs of ears poking out of some nearby bushes - yellow, and blue.
  3640. >You can even hear them whispering loudly to each other.
  3641. >You know this is meant to trap you, but...
  3642. >...that's some good-ass smelling banana bread.
  3643. >And you fucking LOVE banana bread.
  3644. >God, it's better than the stuff you can get at the Cake's.
  3645. >...
  3646. >...maybe if you're fast enough, you can grab it and get out in time before the net catches you.
  3647. -------------
  3648. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you and Fluttershy finally caught a husband!
  3649. >Hooray!
  3650.  
  3651.  
  3652.  
  3653.  
  3654.  
  3655.  
  3656. >Anon's differently wired brain makes him resistant to the otherworldly aura of his Grandmother.
  3657.  
  3658. >"Empress Infinitum, She who Devours, The infinite one. Scanned the crowd of genuflecting ponies.
  3659. >None can withstand the pressure she is exerting. Except a little green alicorn foal.
  3660. >Prince Anon stared at his grandmother wondering why everyone is scared.
  3661. >"You are brave, little one."
  3662. "Nnn. Not scared." Anon shakes his head.
  3663. >"Is that so, why do you not cower before me. My very presense makes dieties quake."
  3664. "Pretty."
  3665. >For but a hundreth of a second, the ever present neutral expression on the Empress's face disappeared.
  3666. > Without warning the very space around Anon warped.
  3667. >Carrying the young alicorn towards her and starts grooming his mane personally.
  3668. >Normally such a display in public would be scandalous and sneered upon by the nobles, but none dared to voice anything.
  3669. >The fear of being atomized kept their mouth shut.
  3670. "Thank you." While scrunching his nose.
  3671. >After giving him an appraising look she deposited Anon on her back.
  3672. >"Daughters. I desire to keep my grandson company until lunch, Do not disturb us until then."
  3673. >"Leave us." She addressed the crowd.
  3674. >And just like that the awful pressure lifted and ponies started to quietly but quickly leave the hall.
  3675. "See you later, Mom." Anon waved.
  3676. >Celestia pouted while Luna is snickering.
  3677. >"Thou jealous, Sister of mine?"
  3678. >"Buck you, Luna."
  3679.  
  3680.  
  3681.  
  3682.  
  3683.  
  3684. >You are Anon.
  3685. >"Prithle... Yee... Fip?"
  3686. >And you don't speak horse.
  3687. >The cream-coloured horse in front of you nods slowly, smiling encouragingly at you.
  3688. >She looks pretty cute in her widdle black sweater and glasses.
  3689. >God, what does that mean?
  3690. >You've been at this for a few weeks, and you're starting to pick up their language.
  3691. >Prithle means... 'will you'.
  3692. >Or 'could I', depending on which words come next.
  3693. >Horse language is complex.
  3694. >You don't know what 'yee' means, but 'fip' is supposed to express some form of physical affection.
  3695. >Or it means... the emotional affection a parent has to its offspring?
  3696. >Depending on the word that comes BEFORE it; the word don't know.
  3697. >So, this sentence could mean a lot of things.
  3698. >Still, you smile and nod, mirroring her.
  3699. >Your teacher/roommate does a happy little dance (but then again, horse language seems to incorporate a lot of body language, so this could actually be another part of the sentence instead of a happy dance) and spin in a circle, reminding you of a cat getting comfy.
  3700. >A moment later, to your surprise, she surges forward and crawls into your lap and begins to nuzzle your face.
  3701. >D'aww!
  3702. >Did you just agree to cuddle with her?
  3703. >Because that's fucking adorable.
  3704. >This place is great.
  3705. ---------
  3706. >You are Moondancer, and you are teaching your new alien friend how to speak.
  3707. "Do you... want to be.... my colt friend?"
  3708. >You know he can't into Equish very well right now, but you'd be a dyke to pass this opportunity up.
  3709. >It's just like those comics you used to read, where a mysterious and beautiful stallion emerges from deep within the jungle, primitive and speaking gibberish
  3710. >The heroine, of course, gets lots of sex out of it.
  3711. >Your friend nods slowly, and you do a little victory dance.
  3712. >Hecks yes!
  3713. >He did it! Nopony in the court of law can say he didn't agree!
  3714. >You crawl into his lap and start to rub your scent glands all over him so that nopony will try and snatch him up.
  3715. >This is, like, HALF your fantasies come to life
  3716.  
  3717.  
  3718.  
  3719.  
  3720.  
  3721.  
  3722. Earthponies:
  3723. >Plant a tree over their body so that the ambient magic ponies release upon death can make a tree grow.
  3724. >If you see a group of similar trees out of place, it's likely an old Earthpony graveyard.
  3725. >Swampfever is actually and old spell turned pandemic from a time when a unicorn sought to make money post unification. Something something a spell to make Earthponies sprout a tree upon death without the work.
  3726. Unicorns:
  3727. >Build laberynthian catacombs in the mountains for their dead so that no one may disturb the remains.
  3728. >The more prestige the family has the deeper and more trap heavy their tombs are, or they might have a private family owned one.
  3729. >This started because to a unicorn, the horn the most important thing to them because it never decomposes and the graves themselves were targets because the the magical and alchemical properties of a unicorn horn.
  3730. >Most horns seen in black market trade are from forgotten ancient robbed catacombs, and not because they killed 50 unicorns to get them
  3731.  
  3732. Pegasai:
  3733. >A heavy storm is made over the area by the family of the deceased.
  3734. >Each direct family member (children, parents, siblings) takes a single feather before placing the body in a thunderhead, channeling their sorrow and pushing it into the storm.
  3735. >Depending on the legitimate sorrow the cloud will become blacker and blacker until the lightning storm destroys the remains.
  3736. >The practice has been restricted to cloud cities over plains or oceans because of the funeral of Commander Hurricane. Where her stallion was so grieved by her loss it led to a massive week long storm that destroyed much of the former Whitetail Forest.
  3737. >"I hope your last day is sunny." Is a high insult in pegasus culture due to the inference that either the pony is unloved and alone or their flock is so weak that they could not gather enough storm clouds.
  3738. And to extend on Anon's other stuff with some worldbuilding on how grief affects magic.
  3739. Unicorns:
  3740. >The tyrant king Sombra's enslaving of his subjects was in order to dig the deepest most impassible labyrinth for his beloved Queen Amore.
  3741. >This was the capstone for noble families to view being monogomous as a status symbol, due to leaving a stallion alone after the death of his mare caused the charismatic king to go mad with grief.
  3742. Earthponies:
  3743. >The Everfree forest are an ancient earth pony burial site from after Luna's banishment.
  3744. >Until Celestia was powerful enough to master her duties over both the sun and moon there was a catastrophic famine brought on by the erratic climate causing unnatural heat and cold during planting season
  3745. >This is why to this day it is illegal to attempt to cut down the Everfree forest.
  3746. >The timber wolves were once loyal timber hounds that were created to guard the grave yard from those who would defile it by the last mare of the large clan.
  3747. >They've gone feral by years of neglect, and see anypony who enters the forest as a defiler.
  3748.  
  3749.  
  3750.  
  3751.  
  3752.  
  3753.  
  3754. >Still be Anon
  3755. >It had been a few days since you told Cadence you had been a never-held-hands-with-a-girl virgin before becoming her stud
  3756. >Cadence still hadn't calmed down
  3757. >Hell, she hadn't wanted any funny business for days
  3758. >DAYS
  3759. >You were a little concerned
  3760. >You tried talking about it, but she'd always neigh and scurry out of the room, especially if Gleaming was around
  3761. >The unicorn didn't know what was going on
  3762. >She eventually had had enough, promising that she was going to make Cadence tell her what was going on
  3763. >That had been thirty minutes ago
  3764. >You were just sitting there at the edge of the bed, twiddling your thumbs
  3765. >Honestly, you were getting a bit freaked out
  3766. >Was being a virgin bad here or something?
  3767. >Were Cadence and Gleaming going to have to divorce you or something?
  3768. >It sounded dumb, but you didn't know horse laws
  3769. >They could drag you out in the streets and whip you for not getting your dick wet by a certain age for all you knew...
  3770. >There was a bang on the bedroom door, hard enough to make the frame shake
  3771. >You jumped, looking over
  3772. >The door was ripped over a second later, revealing Gleaming, wild-eyed and sporting a bloody muzzle
  3773. >"Anon!" she shouted, rushing over to you
  3774. "Are you alright, Gleaming?" you asked. Did you slam into--"
  3775. >"Forget about that! You were a VIRGIN when I sent you into the fuckfest interview?!"
  3776. >She jumped onto the bed, still bleeding
  3777. "Yeah. Is it really that big of a deal?"
  3778. >"Big deal? Big bucking deal? You bed your horseshoes it's a big deal!"
  3779. "...I don't have horseshoes."
  3780. >"You're weird not-metal shoes then! Celestia's sake, Anon, if my mom found out that were a delicate lil' snowflake when I threw you in he fire she'd knock my bucking teeth out."
  3781. >She hugged you close, eyes darting around like she expected her mom to pop out at any moment
  3782. >You had met Velvet once
  3783. >Really nice mare
  3784. >She wanted a lot of grandchildren
  3785. >"We need to get married again," Gleaming whispered fearfully. "I don't want my butt kicked..."
  3786.  
  3787.  
  3788.  
  3789.  
  3790.  
  3791.  
  3792. >Stallions aren't just delicate, they're also emotionally unstable
  3793. >Repetitive tasks like housecleaning, meal-making, and appealing to their emotions and instincts by giving them foals is the most efficient way to keep their minds occupied
  3794. >If they don't have a sufficient amount of things like that to do, they start to get unhinged
  3795.  
  3796.  
  3797.  
  3798.  
  3799.  
  3800.  
  3801. >You are Quick Maths, Prince Anon's arithmetic tutor. The prince is not a slow learner just have this weird pace.
  3802. >Sometimes he struggles at high school level problems, but can do college level stuff.
  3803. >Kinda like someone who graduated a few years ago and forgot specific highschool shit and needed to review.
  3804. >The prince is currently coloring something, looks like a figure of him and a lot of oranges on a black blob. You guys are already done for the day so it's okay.
  3805. >You see his ears stand into attention and lifted his head.
  3806. "Grandma's here."
  3807. >The very fabric of space was torn asunder, from within you can see the blind eternity stretch for forever.
  3808. >Frankly your brain should've been turned to mush, but the fuck huge mare that stepped out off that...hole broke your stupor.
  3809. >Oh shit SHE'S here.
  3810. >You observe the ancient pegasus customs in subservience. Mainly forehead and wings to the floor.
  3811. >You see the prince looking at you and about to No-no-no-no don't do it.
  3812. He does this cute little bow. Wew lass, he scared you there.
  3813. "Good Morning, Grandma."
  3814. >The force of nature pretending to be a mare nuzzles the prince's cheeks and returns the greeting.
  3815. >You can feel her eyes boring into the room and settle unto you.
  3816. >"I trust his education is going well?"
  3817. >"Y-yes my Empress. There are inconsistencies but he has already attained mastery of topics a year or two advanced for his age. Sometimes even far advanced lessons."
  3818. >"Explain."
  3819. >"It's as if he already learned all this things... And is just remembering them."
  3820. >"I see." The Empress starts levitating, warping?? The paper towards her but the prince is trying cover it with his little wings.
  3821. Nnoo. Not done yet.
  3822. >You almost let out a squee from the weapons grade cuteness.
  3823. >"You are done for the day, you are excused." The Empress dismisses you.
  3824. >You gather your things and get out of the room. But before you can get out earshot you hear her say: "Draw your mother and aunt next."
  3825. >Shieeeet zigga why are they so cute.
  3826.  
  3827.  
  3828.  
  3829.  
  3830.  
  3831.  
  3832. >A single mare can't provide enough love to keep a stallion hapy and sane
  3833.  
  3834. >The Queen of love could, but the instantaneous loss of her and her tremendous amounts of love before he had a foal to fall back on broke the stallion before the casket closed.
  3835. >The subjects hoped that their sympathy would be enough to help him, but sympathy isn't love, empathy isn't love,
  3836. >Pity isn't love.
  3837. >So Sombra, delved into dark magic in order to make a labyrinth worthy of the only one in his life since his father passed to show him unconditional love.
  3838. >She needed to be in the very heart of the crystal kingdom, where the titular crystal heart was unearthed thousands of years ago.
  3839. >Deeper and deeper he would drive his ponies, deeper he would order verbally and then mentally when he perfected his subjugation spells.
  3840. >Deeper until they found the heart's chamber.
  3841. >Mining the crystals to the core of the empire
  3842. >More crystals must be moved, every day more crystals keep his love from her rest
  3843. >Always more crystals
  3844. >Crystals.
  3845. >"Crystaals."
  3846. >By the time the Princesses arrived he was a wraith only anchored to Equues by his dark magic and the drive to for the crystal ponies to dig deeper into the mines.
  3847. >The only anchor to the living world being his crown and horn.
  3848. >Despite his evil, when the Crystal ponies were freed they still mourned the once graceful, handsome, and wise king,
  3849. >They mad sure to gather his remains with the magically preserved body of Queen Amore and bury them within the deepest chamber of the mines.
  3850. >Even years after Mi Amore Cadenza took up her role as princess the populace still hold a vigil once a year on the last day of summer at sunset, when the shadows are longest, for their king and queen.
  3851. >For they both passed on the same day
  3852.  
  3853.  
  3854.  
  3855.  
  3856.  
  3857.  
  3858.  
  3859. >New villains have been on the rise over the last few years, and yet, troublingly enough, the number of heroes has stayed the same.
  3860. >Matter Horn has taken note of this, and fears that if something doesn't change, than the heroes will be run ragged before being overrun entirely.
  3861. >The fragile world they protect and its helpless citizens left at the mercy of the wicked.
  3862. >Something must be done, but super-powered ponies don't grow on trees.
  3863. >Really, besides lab accidents and freak anomalies, the only way to get more super beings are for super ponies to have foals.
  3864. >The idea strikes her then.
  3865. >Yes, heroes don't grow on trees, but they do grow in wombs.
  3866. >The wombs of her and her comrades.
  3867. >And she knows just the stud to help her put her daring plan into action.
  3868. >The only colt brave and tough enough to sire the next generation of heroines.
  3869. >"Humdrum, I have a mission for you. One of vital importance for the fate of our world."
  3870. >"Gee willikers! A mission for me?"
  3871. >"Yes, but it won't be easy."
  3872. >"Whatever it is, I'll do it for justice!"
  3873. >"Good, then I need you to rut me."
  3874. >"Uhh."
  3875. >"Then I need you to rut the rest of the Power Ponies, luckily our heat cycles have aligned, so if we're quick you can get us all pregnant by the end of the week."
  3876. >"I-I need an adult."
  3877. >"I am an adult. Now mount me you little stud and put a hero in me."
  3878.  
  3879.  
  3880.  
  3881.  
  3882.  
  3883.  
  3884.  
  3885. >the sparkle families lack of communication is notourious in canterlot
  3886.  
  3887. >there are rumors of a second sibling of twilight, that itself is already a grandparent
  3888.  
  3889. >the sparkle clan is the second largest in Equestria, smaller than only the apples themselves
  3890. >no one knows this, of course, because none of them actually fucking talk about it
  3891.  
  3892. >they're all distantly related to Luna, who manifested nightmare moon and the tantabus rather than mention feeling a bit underappreciated
  3893.  
  3894.  
  3895.  
  3896.  
  3897.  
  3898.  
  3899.  
  3900. >>Sticky on /pone/
  3901.  
  3902. >The OP pic is a somewhat grainy cellphone pic a man took balls deep in his mare.
  3903. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/20/usa-gov-redefines-beastality-grants-pone-exclusion-canada-and-parts-of-eu-expected-to-follow.html
  3904. >Pones found human-level cognizant and able to consent clearly.
  3905. >ManxPone now 100% legal in US
  3906. >Everyone else gearing up to make it legal too.
  3907. >Bestiality is now better defined and punishable.
  3908. >Roasties seething
  3909. >PETA seething
  3910. >Actual animal fuckers seething
  3911. When did everything go so right?
  3912.  
  3913. Replies: 891 / Images: 340 / Posters: 279 / Page: 1
  3914.  
  3915.  
  3916. >4chan autism lets /pone/ connect the dots.
  3917. >Pones ares are well behaved, very hygienic, 100% hypoallergenic, seem to be able to read social cues, make their consent very obvious, gravitate to men, and are toilet trained without prior owners.
  3918. >It's crazy obvious that pones are either alien or supernatural. There is no way a spontaneously appearing population of anomalous, all-female animals could go so long without someone finding an origin without some kind of otherworldly force at play.
  3919. >But... No one cares. Every man in charge of finding out more ends up with a pone of his own and the investigation stops before being memory-holed.
  3920. >Missing persons cases for young men are on the rise too, but it's largely ignored
  3921. >Of course 4chan connects the missing men and the pone's obsession with male owners, but again no one cares.
  3922. >Little mares loving them in their little mare ways means no one will be rid of them.
  3923. >Normies only begin to realize that something is amiss when the men going missing becomes an epidemic.
  3924.  
  3925.  
  3926. >Think you're alone, so you whip your dick out and pull up Pornhub, as is usual for a loser on Friday night.
  3927. >Your pony made it a point to paw at the closed bedroom door and whine to be let in every time.
  3928. >This time, it looks like she isn't going to do it.
  3929. >Or so you think, because the little mare worms her way out from under the bed when you aren't looking, her eyes locked on your dick.
  3930. >Before you can start up a porno, a long and wet tongue drags it's way up your shaft before swishing around the head.
  3931. >You tense up and look down, spying your mare looking up at you with her big, innocent eyes.
  3932. >Those eyes look less innocent when she dives muzzle-first and takes your whole length into her mouth, suckling and bobbing with need.
  3933. >Oh good oh fuck you should stop this but it feels so GOOD.
  3934. >The jingle of her collar is a stark reminder that she is just a pet. But ...
  3935. >You bite your lip and run a hand though her soft mane, leaning back and accepting that you're going to hell.
  3936. Meanwhile...
  3937. >'Oh my Faust he tastes like salt...' The little mare thinks in ecstasy. 'Why didn't I think of hiding earlier?'
  3938.  
  3939.  
  3940.  
  3941.  
  3942.  
  3943.  
  3944.  
  3945. >"Come on, Applejack."
  3946. >>"Than's, Twi..."
  3947. >You watch as your wife drags one of her friends on over to the couch.
  3948. >Harvesting day ended about 6 hours ago, and Applejack has not been sober for 5 hours and 55 minutes.
  3949. >The celebration ended nearby your and Twilight's place, so you decided to let Applejack crash on your couch.
  3950. >At this point, the orange mare's eyes are already shut and she's probably half asleep.
  3951. >"Did you have fun today, AJ?"
  3952. >>"Mmm-hmmm..."
  3953. >"Did you work hard?"
  3954. >>"Ah did..."
  3955. >"I'm going to get you some water, okay?"
  3956. >>" 'kay..."
  3957. >Twilight turns to you.
  3958. >"Would you mind...?"
  3959. >Oh, yeah.
  3960. "Sure thing, Twi."
  3961. >You walk out to the kitchen and get a pitcher of water, which you're sure Applejack will appreciate in the morning.
  3962. >When you get back, you see that your wife is still talking to Applejack.
  3963. >AJ's laying on her side, eyes shut, barely conscious.
  3964. >"Are you gonna need a bucket, Applejack?"
  3965. >Applejack wriggles her head left and right just a little bit.
  3966. >>"Nuh-uh."
  3967. >"Are you sure?"
  3968. >There's a pause.
  3969. >>" 'm not sure..."
  3970. >"Okay. We'll leave the bucket right here."
  3971. >>"Thanks..."
  3972. >Cloppity cloppity cloppity
  3973. >A tiny baby pony trots past your legs, peering curiously at Applejack.
  3974. >Twilight's face lights up, the same way it does every time she sees your daughter.
  3975. >"Aww, look who came to say goodnight!"
  3976. >She scoops up little Dawn in her magic and nuzzles her.
  3977. >"Mama love you."
  3978. >You see Applejack jerk around a little bit and snort.
  3979. >>"Ah... ah love y'too, mama..."
  3980. >You and Twilight stare at Applejack, now snoring on the couch.
  3981. >You don't know if this is really really funny, or really really sad.
  3982. >Maybe both
  3983.  
  3984.  
  3985.  
  3986.  
  3987.  
  3988.  
  3989. >Anon hasn't rubbed one out since coming to Equestria, feeling somehow wrong to do something so dirty in such a pure and happy world.
  3990. >As a result, he's been getting aroused by more and more mundane things, and struggles regularly to hide his erections.
  3991. >Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle has been noticing something strange in her scans lately.
  3992. >See, since Anon is an alien, it's very important that she and the medical ponies she's working with create a good baseline for Anon's vitals and biology so that they can better treat him if he gets sick.
  3993. >Anon sees the logic, and since Twilight developed a very powerful diagnostic spell that makes the exams only take a few minutes a day, the human doesn't mind at all letting the princess and doctor ponies to study him.
  3994. >But what has Twilight concerned is that she's noticed a steady increase in Anon's testosterone levels over the last few weeks.
  3995. >Why would the male hormone be increasing like this?
  3996. >The closest stallion analogue she has is when a male pony smells mares in heat, his testosterone will increase slightly in preparation.
  3997. >But heat season is months off for mares, so that doesn't make sense for Anon.
  3998. >In fact, the shear amount his testosterone has increased is more comparable to how estrogen levels increase in mares as they enter heat, but that would mean...
  3999. >Anon wonders why Twilight is blushing next time they meet for his exam.
  4000. >He also wonders why she takes a not so subtle smell of his skin, only to moan and start rubbing her thighs together.
  4001. >Those plump, juicy, thi-
  4002. >Dammit dick!
  4003. >Stay down!
  4004. >You're going to offend the sexy princess.
  4005. >Twilight excuses herself.
  4006. >She almost lost control.
  4007. >She can't do that, no matter how arousing Anon's scent has become.
  4008. >Just because his body clearly wants it doesn't mean he does.
  4009. >She will not take advantage of a male in heat, no matter how alien that concept is.
  4010.  
  4011.  
  4012.  
  4013.  
  4014.  
  4015.  
  4016.  
  4017. >"It's just his job, it's his job." You keep repeating to yourself in your head
  4018. >"I-It's the worlds oldest profession a-and I for one f-find it empowering for stallions to embrace their sexuality a-and to get paid while doing so."
  4019. >'Hey. You ready for our date?' Anon says turning around while straightening his tie and putting some contraceptives into his wallet
  4020. >"L-LET ME TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ALL THIS, ANON."
  4021. >"HOME TO MA, A-A-AND I'LL MAKE AN HONEST STALLION OUT OF YOU, WHATTA' YA SAY?"
  4022. >Anon hates when this happens
  4023. >It never gets easier to tell these mares:
  4024. >1. What stallion in his right mind would stop doing this when it's TWO kinds of rewarding?
  4025. >and b. 'Hun, you're a nice mare, just not the one for me.'
  4026.  
  4027.  
  4028.  
  4029. >Be Anon
  4030. >Already hug the mares
  4031. >Hug ALL the mares
  4032. >They're so soft, and they're small, and they're cute, and they really REALLY like it when you hug them
  4033. >Realize you could make money off of it
  4034. >Feel bad for charging too much
  4035. >Instead of becoming a money-making career, it becomes sort of a side-project to help pad your wallet while you work a normal job
  4036. >Ponies find out you, from their perspective, whore yourself out on weekends and some night
  4037. >"That poor thing has to degrade himself whenever his regular job lets him, just to make ends meet?"
  4038. >Anon gets pitying looks from his co-workers at his day job
  4039.  
  4040.  
  4041.  
  4042.  
  4043.  
  4044.  
  4045. >Cheerilee sees this first hoof.
  4046. >Her colt students give her a heart attack on a regular basis, like the time Rumble nosedived off a cloud to try and do his own sonic rainboom, and she only just manages to catch him before he hit the ground.
  4047. >Or when Tender Taps wanted to do a fire dancing routine for a talent show.
  4048. >Or the time Snips and Snails summoned a demon during arts and crafts.
  4049. >She at least didn't have to keep the fairer sex, and the future of their species alive on her own.
  4050. >Fillies are taught from a young age to protect colts from their own whimsy, so all the girls in her class are a great help in keeping the male population safe.
  4051. >The stress is manageable, until a new student enters the class.
  4052. >Anon, a little human colt.
  4053. >A creature that apparently lacks magic, and therefore is even more helpless than a normal colt.
  4054. >No magic spells to defend himself from predators.
  4055. >No wings to fly from danger.
  4056. >No earth pony resistance to protect him from harm.
  4057. >A tumble down the school house steps could be enough to kill him.
  4058. >And she's expected to keep him alive until graduation.
  4059. >"Celestia, grant me stren- Anon, don't eat the glue!"
  4060. "But it say's it's nontoxic!"
  4061. >"For ponies! Who knows if that applies to you, now put it do- Don't get the glitter in your eyes! You'll go blind!"
  4062. "Look at me! I'm a sparkly vampire! Someone come kick my butt and call me a faggot!"
  4063.  
  4064.  
  4065.  
  4066.  
  4067.  
  4068.  
  4069.  
  4070. > Anon tries to hypnotise a mare
  4071. > Mare plays along, it's just a harmless bit of whimsy
  4072. > Pretty soon Anon is convinced he actually succeeded
  4073. > He gets really excited and has a cute blush
  4074. > He starts with headpats, which is a little embarrassing to the full-grown mare
  4075. > She's not a filly, after all
  4076. > Then he leans in for a kiss, and mare struggles to keep a straight face
  4077. > Then his hands go lower, and she knows she has to do something or else she will pounce on him
  4078. > The moment his finger brushes her teat, she blinks rapidly and asks if the hypnosis worked
  4079. > Anon comes to his senses, yanking back his hand as if it was burned
  4080. > They both wonder how far they could go next time
  4081.  
  4082.  
  4083.  
  4084.  
  4085.  
  4086.  
  4087.  
  4088.  
  4089. >Anonicorn made a bunch of cards for hearts and hooves day after Cadance told him it's something you do for ponies you care about.
  4090. >Celestia's featured a cake and she put hers on the Royal fridge for a week.
  4091. >Luna's had ponies stargazing and she put hers in a scrapbook.
  4092. >Twilight's had a bookfort on it, she barely acknowledged it and used it as a bookmark for the day.
  4093. >Cadance's had a blue haired pony and a cookie jar on it, she giggled and ruffled his mane.
  4094. >Raven's featured herself and Anon with matching glasses and a desk covered in paperwork.
  4095. >She slipped it to the bottom of her clipboard.
  4096. >It's only after she saw the other cards that she realized hers is the only one that also featured him on it.
  4097.  
  4098.  
  4099.  
  4100.  
  4101.  
  4102.  
  4103. >"Oh, Anon, sweetie. You didn't have to bring these! Please, sit down, have some tea."
  4104. >"Yes, have some tea. It is wonderful. I shall have one of these DELICIOUS looking cupcakes. Please don't tell my sister. Luna gets grumpy when she knows I've had sweets."
  4105. >Be Gleaming
  4106. >Be sweating like a donkey at a charity fundraiser
  4107. >You don't know how it happened, but Celestia and your mother found out about the whole Anon-being-a-virgin-when-Cadence-was-making-him-lick-her-butthole thing
  4108. >A letter had been sent directly to you and Cadence from Celestia
  4109. >It was a royal order to come to Canterlot
  4110. >She didn't ask
  4111. >ORDERED
  4112. >Your mom's signature at been on it
  4113. >Major General Twilight Velvet of the Royal Guard
  4114. >She had never signed something like that to any letters she sent you
  4115. >Ever
  4116. >When the three of you had stepped off the train you had been teleported to where you were now
  4117. >In Princess Celestia's personal office
  4118. >It was a nice room
  4119. >You had been here many times
  4120. >Unfortunately, it now had greatswords placed everywhere
  4121. >The princess, looking calm and collected, was cleaning one sword as she sipped her tea
  4122. >You mom was right next to her, a club floating near her head
  4123. >She had a smile on her face, but you could see a vein bulging from her forehead
  4124. >The look she gave pretty much everything other than Anon made you shiver
  4125. >Anon was given a cup of tea
  4126. >Neither you or Cadence were offered any
  4127. >It was just as well, since if you were given any liquid you might have peed yourself
  4128. >Cadence, who was looking very pale, cleared her throat
  4129. >The club in your mom's magic snapped in half
  4130. >She let the pieces of wood drop behind the chair she was sitting at
  4131. >Taking a sip of her tea, she magicked up another one
  4132. >This one was bigger, with nails in it
  4133. >Rusty nails
  4134. >"Anon, honey, I'm sure you're wondering why I sent for you," Celestia said with a motherly tone
  4135. >Your husband nodded
  4136. >"Yeah, kind of. If you want to tell me that is."
  4137. >"Oh, of course I will, you polite, darling colt," the alicorn replied
  4138. >Flames began to ignite all over your mother's mane
  4139. >She was staring at you
  4140. >In her eyes promised nothing but pain
  4141. >If you could have, you would have made for the door
  4142. >Or the window
  4143. >But all you could do was sink deep into your chair
  4144. >"I was told by a very reliable source some very disconcerting news," Celestia said, taking a bite out of the cupcake that Anon had brought for her
  4145. >They were good
  4146. >The icing was the best
  4147. >You didn't know what he put in it, but they were amazing
  4148. >She hummed, looking over at Cadence
  4149. >Some of the swords around the room began to glow cherry red
  4150. >The temperature in the room rose
  4151. >You heard Cadence swallow, eyes darting around the room, looking for escape
  4152. >"You see, Anon. From what I've been told my darling niece has done something quiet..."
  4153. >"Bad," you mom said
  4154. >"Yes... BAD. She did something very bad, something a mare who I raised shouldn't have even considered doing. In fact, its something no mare with any manners or common decency would want to do."
  4155. >Your mom broke another club
  4156. >Again, she magicked another one
  4157. >This one had nails and small thunderclouds tied around it
  4158. >The thunderclouds spat tiny lightning bolts
  4159. >"Velvet and I thought, before doing anything hasty, that we would ask you about it. If you would be so kind."
  4160. >She took another sip of her tea, eyes promising far worse than a banishing to the moon
  4161. >You are dead...
  4162. >So very, very dead...
  4163.  
  4164.  
  4165.  
  4166.  
  4167.  
  4168.  
  4169. Celestia has always planned on stepping down and letting Twilight take the throne.
  4170. >She's actually looked forward to the day and never second-guessed the decision.
  4171. >Right up until she marries Anon and they live happily in the castle.
  4172. >She worries now how Anon will react when she tells him.
  4173. >What if he enjoys the royal life to much?
  4174. >All the pampering and delicious food?
  4175. >He never has to lift a hoof -er- hand while all his needs are met in the lap of luxury.
  4176. >Will he truly be okay with giving it all up to live a peaceful life in the countryside with her?
  4177. >The little farm house she purchased in preparation for her retirement which once seemed quaint and cozy now looks cramped and lackluster.
  4178. >She tells herself that he won't mind.
  4179. >She knows he's not that kind of colt and that he loves her, not her status and power.
  4180. >Yet, there's that little voice in the back of her head trying to cast doubt
  4181.  
  4182.  
  4183.  
  4184.  
  4185. >A mare has a crush on Anon, but hasn't worked up the courage to ask him out yet.
  4186. >The two have been good friends for a while now, and she doesn't want to risk losing that.
  4187. >One day, she goes to his house to hang out, but he's not home, a note on his door saying he'll be back in a few minutes.
  4188. >She lets herself in though, because Anon is okay with her being there alone.
  4189. >While she intends only to wait, she catches a whiff of smoke, and worries there's something burning and that Anon's house might catch on fire.
  4190. >Following the smell, she comes to Anon's room, and opens the closet, only to find a small alcove in the back covered in pictures of her and with recently blown out candles.
  4191. >It's a shrine.
  4192. >For Anon's part, he loves the mare, but also understands the gender norms of his world, and how the mare is supposed to be the one to make the first move.
  4193. >Not wanting to emaresculate his waifu, he decides to wait on her.
  4194. >It's hard though, and everyday he goes without kissing and cuddling her is driving him closer to madness.
  4195.  
  4196.  
  4197.  
  4198.  
  4199.  
  4200. >Strange Alien vistas, coves filled with strange arcano-geological formations, pools with noxious liquids that burns your very core.
  4201. >You've been in places of beauty and unparalleled dangers that even your daughters would struggle to survive.
  4202. >But instead you are here, in their domain. on some non-descript beach, most importantly with the latest member of your most august line.
  4203. >His presence made this place tolerable.
  4204. >You watch the little green colt, walking sideways, wings raised and horn lowered.
  4205. >He is circling his opponent, not the most ideal target for conquest but it will do, a crab.
  4206. >Anonymous tried to subdue this creature by bopping it with his wing. The crustacean waves it's pincers to ward off Anon's feathers
  4207. >After a few close calls it seems that their duel is reaching it's climax.
  4208. >The crab reached from behind and pulled out a knife.
  4209. >You narrow your eyes and let out a bit of your power. The surrounding sounds disappear. An maddening emptiness that consumes all or just pop eardrums.
  4210. >The crab understood the message and hid it's knife. It blew some bubbles on Anon's face causing him to sneeze and scrunch his snout cutely.
  4211. >It scurried near the water but before burrowing it did some rude gestures that can make even make the deep ones blush. >This Empress will remember this insult.
  4212. >"Bye Mr. Crab." Anon waved his hoof towards the rude little creature, no doubt missing the nuances of crustacean body language.
  4213. "Anonymous, It's time for lunch."
  4214. >"I want fish grandma."
  4215. >You wipe Anon's snout, fix his mane and straighten out his fur.
  4216. >"Thanks grandma." He gives you a bright smile.
  4217. >You look behind and around you. You give your adorable grandchild a nuzzle and kiss him on the forehead.
  4218. >You command the world to bring you fishes. And it bends to accommodate you
  4219. >A distortion in the water spits out a bunch of decently sized fish.
  4220. >You begin to feed. The smell of ozone thick in the air. sparks erupt everywhere as the space around you ignite and super heat. Intense light surround you like a halo unable to escape you.
  4221. >The fish float and begin to orbit you and disintegrate once they get in range.
  4222. >Of course your darling little grandson is protected from all this and he stares at you in wonder and rapt attention.
  4223. >Innocent wonder and a glint of recognition can be seen from his eyes. But no fear.
  4224. >Even your daughters don't like it when you "eat" like this.
  4225. >But with your grandson you can be yourself.
  4226. >"I wanna do it like you grandma."
  4227. >A smile graces your face.
  4228. >He starts urge the winds of magic to lift a fish. it clumsily floats and orbit him. It picked up in speed, but young Anonymous lost concentration and ended up smacking himself with the fish on the snout.
  4229. >The resulting scrunch of his face and the pout after is one you would commit to memory forever.
  4230. "I'll teach you later child. How about we grill some fish instead?"
  4231. >"Okay"
  4232. >You lay a decently sized fish on a slab of rock.
  4233. "Do you know how to prepare fish?"
  4234. >Anonymous gives you a thousand yard stare. Then nodded his head.
  4235. >"I- I think I remember grandma."
  4236. >He took a knife from somewhere.
  4237. Where did you get that and how?
  4238. >"Mr. Crab taught me."
  4239. You should reconsider your choice of company child.
  4240. >Anon tilted his head in confusion. Then started to prepare the fish. He pulled out the gills with his magic, cut open the belly without rupturing the intestines and then rinse it.
  4241. >He did all of it without flinching or second guessing. You shrug off your thoughts and heat the stone slab.
  4242. >After a quiet but filling meal, you two find a tree with a nice shade.
  4243. >You impose your will on the sand and it compacts and form a nice, dust free smooth slab. You lie down and Anon curls beside you.
  4244. >You put your wing over him and both of you watch the waves until both of you sleep.
  4245.  
  4246.  
  4247.  
  4248.  
  4249.  
  4250.  
  4251. >Celestia is into snuff, but she is very, very patient.
  4252. >She kills all her lovers in a natural way, after a long and fulfilling life.
  4253. >By continuing to have sex way into the lover's twilight years.
  4254. >Every single one of her consorts died from a heart attack due to having steaming hot princess sex while being 70+ years old
  4255.  
  4256. >Anon's quiet research into immortality finally paid off, he's drunk the nectar and eaten the ambrosia and now age has no hold on him
  4257. >he has eternity to spend with his waifu now
  4258. >only, she seems weirdly disappointed when he mentioned this to her
  4259. >did she have some kind of gdilf fetish?
  4260. >he's even caught her glancing at Mr Greenhooves when he's puttering around the royal gardens
  4261.  
  4262. >Not tell him the fetish and role-play sexy funerals and have sex in coffins.
  4263. >"It is the power of true love beyond death! My husband still longs for me, even in another life! I must honor his wish!"
  4264. >Celestia jumps on Anon's diamond-hard dick, while he tries not to move or make a sound like a good corpse should.
  4265. >When he finally can't take it anymore and moans, the attending 'priest' (who should really be paid way, way more for the service btw) proclaims that a miracle has happened.
  4266. >It's Resurrection by Erection!
  4267. >When you wake up from the dead and an angel gives you head
  4268. >Hallelujah, resurrection!
  4269.  
  4270.  
  4271.  
  4272.  
  4273.  
  4274.  
  4275. >Anon was all ready to start his grown-up life in Equestria.
  4276. >No more parents to tell him what to do.
  4277. >No more being made to eat his vegetables and being told he couldn't have all the sweets he wants.
  4278. >And being able to buy anything his heart desires.
  4279. >Well, as soon as he gets a job.
  4280. >That's going to be a drag, but working with cute, funny ponies will at least ease the burden, he's sure, and then the bits will start flowing in.
  4281. >Before all that, though, he'll need a work permit, which, Twilight explains, requires a high school diploma or equivalent.
  4282. >Twilight had told him it was just a formality, and it'd be easy enough to obtain.
  4283. >All he had to do was take his GED test, which should be easy for a smart adult like himself.
  4284. >He fails miserably.
  4285. "G-guess I forgot most of what I learned in school after all these years. I'm sure I just have to refresh my memory a bit, and I'll be able to pass it next time."
  4286. >Twilight is hesitant to believe him after seeing his abysmal grades, and so suggests getting a tutor.
  4287. >It's currently the summer, and while school is out, Cheerilee is willing to help students who were lagging the year before to prepare for the next to come if they want.
  4288. >Her schedule is open, and she agrees to tutor Anon for his GED
  4289.  
  4290.  
  4291.  
  4292.  
  4293.  
  4294.  
  4295.  
  4296. >Be Anon
  4297. >Be in bed
  4298. >A blindfold covered your eyes
  4299. >A spell had been placed on your mouth, not allowing you to speak
  4300. >Your arms were also secured by magic
  4301. >Your shirt was off as well
  4302. >Today was a different sort of funny business
  4303. >Not the sexual kind, oddly enough, but of a helpful variety
  4304. >You might have been happily married to a princess and a nerd, but there had always been a bit of an issue
  4305. >Ponies loved a lot more than humans could
  4306. >It wasn't just an emotion to them, or a warm, fuzzy feeling
  4307. >They actually needed it like food or water
  4308. >Everything they did with somepony else had affection in it
  4309. >Two ponies that had just met would at least nuzzle
  4310. >Friends would lay together, even sleep together
  4311. >Ponies that didn't get a certain amount of affection would turn... funny
  4312. >Not the haha funny, but the Sombra turns everyone into slaves funny
  4313. >Love was in nearly everything they did
  4314. >Speaking, moving, BEING
  4315. >You were pretty sure they felt it differently too
  4316. >To an average pony, your entire life had been a horrible existence
  4317. >Minimum contact, keeping at a respectful distance, no nuzzling, no snuggling, speak when spoken to
  4318. >Cadence was probably the most horrified out of any pony you spoke about it with
  4319. >Being the Princess of Love, that kind of made sense, but she was determined to "help you fully understand love"
  4320. >These sessions had you as you were now, snuggling with the mare
  4321. >Her belly was getting big now, and she couldn't hold you as close as she once could, but even blindfolded you could feel her determination
  4322. >Her wings were wrapped around you
  4323. >Her forelegs were snaked under your armpits
  4324. >She had her lips close to your ear, whispering things to you
  4325. >"I think you're beautiful."
  4326. >"Your wiener is really fat and big. So are your nuts."
  4327. >"I love that you can wiggle your fingers and toes."
  4328. >"You have a lovely laugh."
  4329. >"I can't help but smile when you smile."
  4330. >"You're the best snuggle buddy in the kingdom."
  4331. >"Your eyes are breathtaking."
  4332. >"When you're not in the same room as me, things seem a little darker."
  4333. >"I feel blessed that Gleaming found you."
  4334. >"Words can't describe how happy I am that we're spend the rest of our lives together."
  4335. >"Did I say your dick was really big? Because it is. Sweet Celestia that thing is AWESOME!"
  4336. >This would go on for as long as Cadence wished
  4337. >Hours, the better part of the day
  4338. >There was nothing but her warm body, her whispering, and your unborn foal occasionally kicking against her belly
  4339. >You'll admit it, you cried like a baby the first time she did this
  4340. >The only reason she had your hands like this is because otherwise you'd be hugging her with all of your might
  4341. >"I'm so happy that out of all the mares in Equestria, you wanted me, Anon."
  4342. >"You're going to be the father of my foal, and I can't be happier about that.
  4343. >Tears you beginning to soak through the blindfold
  4344. >Cadence just held you tighter
  4345.  
  4346.  
  4347. >Be Cadence.
  4348. >Be snuggling Anon.
  4349. >Be answering his questions.
  4350. >"So why is my shirt off?"
  4351. "Because love is best given though fur-on-fur contact. Or in your case, fur-on-skin contact."
  4352. >"Alright, fair enough. But why am I strapped to the bed?"
  4353. "Because what I'm about to do is ART, Anon, and I can't let you interrupt for the same reason construction mares mark off an area they're working on with bright orange pylons. If you hug me, then I can't snuggle you properly."
  4354. >"...sure. What about the blindfold? That's going a little far, isn't it?"
  4355. >You wipe a foreleg across your face, wiping away the tears.
  4356. >The shameful tears that a mare is NEVER supposed to let fall, because big mares are strong, and strong mares don't cry.
  4357. >You're supposed to be there for your husband, and the only reason he doesn't hear you bawling your eyes out is because you put a silencing spell on yourself.
  4358. >If he sees you crying, then HE'LL start crying, and then YOU'LL cry even more, and then nopony gets snuggles.
  4359. >You're here to heal him, not the other way around.
  4360. "Because... because my snuggles are a trade secret and I can't let you see them."
  4361. >Anon doesn't say a word.
  4362. >You think he bought it.
  4363.  
  4364.  
  4365. >tfw Cadence loves to whisper encouraging things to you
  4366. >tfw Gleaming, being the typical unicorn, loves to whisper that you're a race traitor that will only get hard for mare pussy
  4367. >tfw this is the reason why Cadence doesn't let her in on your "love sessions"
  4368. >too much fornication and not enough healing
  4369.  
  4370.  
  4371.  
  4372.  
  4373.  
  4374.  
  4375. > Be Bad Bitch, diamond dog mercenary
  4376. > The last job went pretty terribly, your whole crew got their nips twisted something fierce by a Minotaur runt
  4377. > Ran off with their tails between their legs, leaving you and the bull to fight over the deed to an ancient castle
  4378. > The darn rutter kicked you in the teats, but you got him in a sleeper hold and rode it out until he collapsed
  4379. > So here you are, in this crumbling ruin near the border of the Dragon Kingdom, a bull chained up in one of the few functional dungeon cells, and a basement that seems to go far deeper than it should
  4380. > Your to-do list is kind of overwhelming
  4381. > Repair the castle
  4382. > Hunt for the two of you
  4383. > Play nice with the bull until livestockhome syndrome has him licking your clit
  4384. > Maybe get another crew together, and explore the basement tunnels for treasure
  4385. > Maybe capture some other males so you can have a nice little harem for yourself, or at least enough dick to wag in your new crew's faces to keep them in line
  4386.  
  4387. > Be Moondancer, twenty hours into Anon Trainer
  4388. > It makes you kind of sick that you have to send Anon out to eat pussy in order to progress the story, but it also kind of turns you own how much of a slut you can turn him into
  4389.  
  4390.  
  4391.  
  4392.  
  4393.  
  4394.  
  4395.  
  4396. >Anon and Vinyl are pretty close friends and have a lot of fun together, but lately, Anon's been noticing the mare getting a little more touchy.
  4397. >Now normally, he'd be okay with this, but with Octavia in the picture, it's making him worried.
  4398. >He tells her this while hanging out in her room and laying on the bed while listening to music, she leans up to kiss his cheek, a blush on her own.
  4399. >He turns to look at her in surprise, and she makes for his lips.
  4400. "Wow wow wow, what are you doing Vinyl?"
  4401. >"K-kissing you? Please don't tell me I misread the mood."
  4402. "But what about Octavia? I can't believe you'd betray her like this."
  4403. >"Um, how am I betraying Octavia?"
  4404. "She's your marefriend!"
  4405. >Vinyl blinks, than starts laughing.
  4406. >"What? Do I look like and Apple, Anon? Octavia isn't my marefriend."
  4407. "What? But you live together and are so close."
  4408. >"Living together is a good way to save money, and yeah, of course we're close. We're sisters."
  4409. "... Really?"
  4410. >"Indeed. And I thought I told you two to keep the music down," Octavia says from the doorway, expression dry as she trots in and turns down Vinyls boombox. "Or at least listen to something better."
  4411. >"Tavi, come on! I'm trying to put the moves on here!"
  4412. >"I noticed, and you're doing an awful job."
  4413. >"Oh yeah? Like you can do better!"
  4414. >"As a matter of fact, I could. I saw that peck. You call that a kiss?"
  4415. >"I was just getting started. I was about to kiss this colt senseless."
  4416. >"You couldn't kiss your way out of a wet paper bag."
  4417. >"Explain to me again who has more notches on her bedpost?"
  4418. >"Stallions of the night hardly count."
  4419. >"It does when they end up paying you at the end of the night."
  4420. >"You know, I'll just show you who's the better kisser. Anon, come here."
  4421. "Wha-Mmmph!"
  4422. >"Hey! I was gonna do that! Give him back!"
  4423. >Vinyl yanks Anon away from her sister, the earth mare's tongue leaving his mouth, only to be replaced by the unicorn's.
  4424. >Vinyl licks at his tonsils for a bit before Octavia takes her turn back.
  4425. >Anon is just confused
  4426.  
  4427.  
  4428.  
  4429.  
  4430.  
  4431.  
  4432. >Its been (2 to10) years since you were dropped in to RGRE and you've settled in nicely.
  4433. >One day, you get a royal courier at your door, handing you a pair of letters from the Princesses with a most unusual request.
  4434. >An entire family of humans were dropped into RGRE just a day ago, and the alicorns want you to help adjust these new humans to RGRE.
  4435. >You already know the "while we research a way back to Earth" line in the letter is just a useless platitude for the family. Twilight straight up told you there is no way to find one of an infinite number of universes, even with magic.
  4436. >You were okay with that.
  4437. >These people? Not so much.
  4438. >They seem like a standard family. A mother and father in their 30s with a few young gradeschool children, and a grandparent who lived with them.
  4439. >From what the letter says, the parents were already questioned somewhat, and while it looks like they came from your earth (probably), they are from another timeline, one in the 90s rather than your 2020s. In other words, before the proliferation of the internet made people more tolerant of weird things, making it that much harder for them.
  4440. >The princesses want these people to live with your own (small/mid-sized/large) family for sometime in hopes that having another human to relate to and guide them would help integration.
  4441. >Celestia and Luna already reserved a large plot of land to build a house large enough should you say yes.
  4442. >You read the second letter.
  4443. >The human family is desperate for something normal in this insanity and the letter introducing themselves makes it plain. They say they are eager to meet you.
  4444. >You set the letters aside and sit down to think.
  4445. >What do?
  4446.  
  4447.  
  4448.  
  4449.  
  4450.  
  4451.  
  4452. >Anon meets the most beautiful mare named Red Delicious, who quickly wins his heart over.
  4453. >She's funny, charismatic, and frankly the best sex he's had in his life.
  4454. >He can honestly see himself settling down with her one day at this point since they've been seeing each other for over a month.
  4455. >Today, she has some family coming to visit over the weekend from out of the city, and Anon is eager to meet more of his marefriend's family.
  4456. >Applejack is a nice enough mare, but Anon can't help but notice the sad looks she gives him.
  4457. >It's almost like she knows something she's not saying.
  4458. >Then, that first night while he's on his way back from the bathroom, he hears them talking from outside the room.
  4459. >"This one the real deal, or are ya plannin' on breakin' another heart, Red?"
  4460. >"Oh come on, AJ, don't be so old fashion. What? I shouldn't buck a stallion unless I plan to 'make an honest stallion,' out of them?"
  4461. >"That'd be ideal, but this one seems real sweet, and real sweet on you. Maybe you should think about settlin' down finally."
  4462. >"And rob the stallions of Equestria of this puss? That's even more cruel than dumping Anon."
  4463. >"This isn't a joke, Red. Ya shouldn't be doin' this sort of thing."
  4464. >"You know, this is exactly why I don't come to the reunions. All of you country Apples always acting like you're better than me. Come on, Jack, you telling me that you'd be willing to stick with just one dick for the rest of your life? It might be easy in that backwater town of yours where there's only a hoofful of colts, and half of them barely break five with their looks, but you've seen what's out on those streets. This city is an all you can buck buffet."
  4465. >"So what, ya just dump Anon once yur bored?"
  4466. >"We've had a month. That's longer than most of my flings by a lot. He should be proud he kept me entertained this long. With what I've taught him, he'll have no trouble at all finding a new mare."
  4467.  
  4468.  
  4469.  
  4470.  
  4471. >Anon meets a bat mare and they date for a while.
  4472. >She takes a cutting from her family blueberry plantation and formally asks Applejack about proposing to Anon.
  4473. >Granny overhears this and disdainfully points out that a Berry bush and an Apple tree wont possibly grow together and it'd be pointless to waste the effort.
  4474. >Bat angrily fluffs up and tells her Anons worth trying even if it seems doomed to fail.
  4475. >Granny glares for a moment before laughing and calling that a good answer, AJ gives her blessing.
  4476. >Anon himself is very touched by the gesture and helps graft the cutting into a small sapling that hasnt grown fruit yet.
  4477. >Makes a point of checking on it every day and ensuring it recieves the best care he can give.
  4478. It actually fucking works, with the resulting Tree being slightly stubby and producing slightly smaller blue apples
  4479.  
  4480.  
  4481.  
  4482.  
  4483.  
  4484.  
  4485.  
  4486. >RGRE, but Anon's favorite hobby is to collect magical artifacts and powers that various deities always seem to leave lying around
  4487. >eventually becomes Sun Wukong levels of powerful, with multiple reduntant levels of immortality and seemingly contradictory powers that really Should Not mix together
  4488. >starts attracting attention because not only is he a seemingly unique male wandering the world and not making any real effort to hide himself, but it seems whenever he goes out on his "excursions" more and more magic detectors get set off in weirder and weirder ways
  4489. >first it was a mere curiosity appearing in Twilight's letters to Celestia
  4490. >then it was a standing order for the local guard to report anything... strange involving the resident alien
  4491. >then it was an Agent sent to keep an eye on him from a distance
  4492. >then it started really going off the rails when Anon made a few excursions beyond Equestria's borders, and the street he lived on got a few new foreign tennants
  4493. >all to keep an eye on what is surely some new villain preparing to make his grand entrance
  4494. >Anon, of course, notices none of this, and uses the Alicorn Amulet as a bread-tie to close up his loaf of bread while making a sandwich for lunch
  4495.  
  4496.  
  4497.  
  4498.  
  4499.  
  4500.  
  4501.  
  4502. >Both of them learn about each other's schemes
  4503. >Succupony is pissed that Anon is apparently a strong independent hoo-man stallion (who don't need no mare), and she is determined to "break" him with her HMD (hot mare depths)
  4504. >Anon realizes that she's trying to corrupt him and decides to turn it around on her, trying to force her down a path she doesn't want to go down
  4505. >They both unsuccessfully begin to try and force change on each other
  4506. >This goes on for weeks
  4507. >Neither of them make any progress until they sit down and talk
  4508. >They start making compromises
  4509. >"Okay, okay. We can go to the movies and hold hooves-"
  4510. "I don't have hooves."
  4511. >"Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyway, we can do all that, but you have to sit on my face when we get back."
  4512. "Not... seeing the compromise I'm allegedly making, but alright."
  4513. >"Aaaaaand you have to use that script I gave you."
  4514. "Aw, fuck. The one where I pretend that I'm an innocent colt and you're turning me into a filthy slut?"
  4515. >"Yup."
  4516. "I found the compromise."
  4517. >"You gotta be real loud, too. Luna, that one's so bucking hot."
  4518. >It's a few months of doing things for the other because they want to see each other happy that Anon and Succupony realize they're in a healthy romantic relationship with each other
  4519. >Succupony cries herself to sleep in Anon's arms that night, realizing she's been corrupted into a wholesome loving mare, and Anon got what he wanted from the get-go
  4520.  
  4521.  
  4522.  
  4523.  
  4524.  
  4525.  
  4526.  
  4527. "Hey Rarity, can you help me with something?"
  4528. >"I'll help however I can. What do you need, Sunset?"
  4529. "Well you see-"
  4530. >"Oh! You've tied your hair up into a pony tail! Why that looks just dashing on you."
  4531. "Wait is it actually called that? That's kind of funny. But anyways, I wanted to ask Anon out on a date-"
  4532. >"Ohoho, and you want me to make you a dress, don't you?"
  4533. "No-well, maybe later. You see, I just wanted to ask him out like a pony."
  4534. >"And what does that entail?"
  4535. "Nothing much. Back in Equestria, a mare would flick her tail at a colt she liked. And since I don't exactly have a tail like this, I tied up my hair."
  4536. >"So your plan is to-"
  4537. "I'm going to go up and slap him with my hair. Preferably around the hips or legs."
  4538. >"...That's a bad idea."
  4539. "What? No it isn't."
  4540. >"Sunset, that is a very bad-"
  4541. "No! Buck you, Rarity! I'm going to slap Anon with my hair and by the time I come back I'll have to toss all my clothes in the trash because of all the cum. But he'll have come inside me, so it won't be an issue, so the clothes will be fine! Buck you!"
  4542.  
  4543. ~~~5 hours later~~~
  4544.  
  4545. "I'm telling you, he was really getting into it. The hair slapping thing didn't work out as well as I would have liked, but he seemed to enjoy when I shoved his face into my tuft. Or, you know, chest teats."
  4546. >"Right. Do you know why you're here?"
  4547. "At the police station? I have no idea. My memory is a little hazy about everything once I showed him my actual tuft."
  4548. >"Well in that case, Ms. Shimmer, you are looking at five accounts of public indecency and at least one of sexual harassment."
  4549. "Oh. I'm going to be here awhile, aren't I?"
  4550. >"Yes you are."
  4551. "...Don't I get a phone call? I'm pretty sure he gave me his number."
  4552.  
  4553. >Anon is now living the life of the prince from Cinderella
  4554. >A beautiful woman came and introduced herself
  4555. >The two just started to get to know each other before she disappears
  4556. >But instead of running to hide because of some transformation, she got cuffed because Caramel is a bitch
  4557. >So now Anon is left with nothing more than the womans bra
  4558. >He doesn't really remember her face because most of the encounter had his face between her tits
  4559. >Now he runs around town asking if they knew the owner of the bra or were the bras owner themselves
  4560. >When he finally does find Sunset, he motorboats her and knows for a fact that it is indeed true love
  4561.  
  4562.  
  4563.  
  4564.  
  4565.  
  4566.  
  4567. >Pinkie and Anon start dating, and things are good.
  4568. >Well, except for Pinkie's gifts, which have gotten more and more luxurious over time.
  4569. >The finest jewelry, clothes, and most recently, a house.
  4570. >The first two could be explained by her family owning a rock farm to provide the gems, and Rarity giving her discounts, but that last one...
  4571. >Needless to say, Anon is upset.
  4572. "Pinkie! A house? Really!?"
  4573. >"Well, I couldn't let you keep living in that tiny showbox, could I? This place has much more space for you!"
  4574. "That's not the point! How much did you borrow for this? How much debt are you in because of everything you keep buying me?"
  4575. >"Aah, none at all. Silly Nonny, I'm not a colt. I know how to manage my bits."
  4576. "Right, and you could afford this on a baker's salary."
  4577. >"Of course not. That'd be crazy."
  4578. "So you admit to borrowing money then?"
  4579. >"Nooo, I just dipped into my savings. I still have plenty left."
  4580. "How much could you possibly have saved?"
  4581. >"one million, two hundred fifteen thousand, four hundred and fifty-one bits, and some change."
  4582. "Wha-? How!?"
  4583. >"Baking for the Cakes is for fun, Nonny. I make my real bits trading stocks."
  4584. >She leans in and speaks behind a hoof, "My Pinkie Sense gives me an edge. It's like insider trading, but the information is coming from inside me."
  4585. "Oh... That makes sense. I guess that explains how you can afford to throw all those parties."
  4586. >"Yeppers!"
  4587. "So, want to turn the basement into an arcade?"
  4588. >"Sure! Anything for you, Nonny!"
  4589. "Only if you're okay with it, of course. It's your house, too."
  4590. >"But I bought this place for you?"
  4591. "And you're moving in with me."
  4592. >"Gasp! You want me to move in?! This is the best day ever!"
  4593.  
  4594. >"I can't believe you bought him a house. You've only been dating a couple months!" Twilight exclaims.
  4595. >"It was an investment," Pinkie chirps. "Now that we don't have to worry about waking his neighbors 'cause his old walls were so thin, we've been having way better sex!"
  4596. >"Too much information, Darling," Rarity says. "And by that, I mean I want more in private later. For right now, though, I think the the thing we should be talking about are your finances, and how you never told us you're filthy stinking rich."
  4597. >"Um, but I'm not Filthy Stinking Rich. He's in a retirement home in the BaHayMas."
  4598. >"Not Diamond's grandsire, Pinkie. I mean that you are exceedingly wealthy."
  4599. >"Ooooh right. Well, of course I didn't tell you gals that. It just feels weird talking about money with friends. Like, what? I was just supposed to say, 'Hey, I'm rich.'?"
  4600. >"Yes!"
  4601. >After the girls try, and fail to explain to Pinkie that this was vital information, they all part ways, but not before Applejack catches Pinkie outside.
  4602. >"Hey, Pinkie, we're family, right?"
  4603. >"Yep! You're my favorite possible super distant cousin!"
  4604. >"Right... Well, ya remember way back when durin' the first Grand Gallopin' Gala we all went to, and how Ah was tryin' ta make enough bits to pay for Granny's new hip?"
  4605. >"Aha. I still can't believe nopony bought your yummy desserts. I mean, sure, there was free catering inside prepared by the finest chefs in the kingdom, but your pie is delicious."
  4606. >"Right, well, It's just, Granny never did get that new hip after that, and she's in a lot of pain..."
  4607. >Pinkie's face becomes stern.
  4608. >"Applejack, are you asking me to pay for Granny Smith's hip surgery now that you know I have money?"
  4609. >The mare flinches, but nods.
  4610. >Pinkie puts a hoof on the other mare's whithers, leans in, and hugs her.
  4611. >"Of course, and I'm super duper sorry for not offering sooner. Even before the whole family thing, I should have thought of that. Sometimes I forget that my financial situation is unique."
  4612.  
  4613.  
  4614.  
  4615.  
  4616.  
  4617.  
  4618. >drawing attention to a unicorn's horn
  4619. >there are many materials that will react to a magical charge
  4620. >some unicorn mares grind these materials up, pound them into a paste, and delicately paint it into the grooves of their horns
  4621. >if done properly the material will glow when the mare uses her magic, giving the impression that she's much more powerful than she actually is
  4622. >this will get her a lot more attention either from gold diggers thinking the mare can literally make gold or from stallions who want a mare who can protect their foals
  4623.  
  4624. "Okay so we need some carrots and a stalk of celery or two. Do you want anything for yourself, Trix?"
  4625. >"Hmm. Trixie is not sure."
  4626. "You sure? We could get some of that stuff you put on your horn?"
  4627. >"W-what stuff?"
  4628. "You know, that stuff you put on your horn to make it shinier and-"
  4629. >"Oh the cream for Trixies rash! That's what you're talking about."
  4630. "What? No, I was talking about-hey stop pushing me, we still need to get some stuff."
  4631. >"That was Trixies super embarrassing rash cream and nothing else. Nothing else!"
  4632. "Why is everybody looking at us funny?"
  4633. >"Because your mouth is too big."
  4634. ~~~
  4635. >You are Twilight.
  4636. >And you just found out Trixie coats her horn.
  4637. >You have never laughed harder in your life.
  4638. >You might have to send her a bottle just to see her reaction
  4639.  
  4640.  
  4641.  
  4642.  
  4643.  
  4644.  
  4645.  
  4646. >The most self-conscious mares gloss their lower lips to simulate arousal due to a lack of experience with sex
  4647. >They believe misconceptions and rumours
  4648. >They believe that any "real mare" should be able to become wet in an instant so that she can please a stallion at any moment, thus cementing their worth
  4649. >Because of course, much like the reverse in our world, a mare who cannot please a stallion is mocked
  4650. You see, these are the same mares who think that pee is stored in the balls. Or that a stallion's penis actually has a bone in it, which is why it's called a boner. Or that if it's the stallion's first time, he won't produce any sperm and won't impregnate the mare, aka "you can't get pregnant your first time".
  4651.  
  4652.  
  4653.  
  4654.  
  4655.  
  4656. >The passion is fading from Velvet's marriage, and though she and her husband still love each other, they haven't had sex outside of their anniversary in years.
  4657. >Velvet seeks to change this by getting back into shape, and starts going to the gym, where she goes so far to hire a personal trainer.
  4658. >Anon is that trainer, and as time goes on, she starts to find herself shamefully lusting after the young, exotic, and passionate male.
  4659. >When she accidentally goes to kiss him, he stops her, and in her revulsion of her own actions, she spills the whole story of why she's even at the gym to begin with.
  4660. >Lucky for her, Anon is not only an excellent trainer, but also is very understanding, and even more importantly, is a sex guru.
  4661. >Twilight Velvet is very nervous when Anon invites himself to her house, and even more so when he declares that all three of them need to talk.
  4662. >She's sure he's going to tell Night Light about her moment of weakness, but instead, he quite bluntly declares that the stallion has not been doing his husbandly duty, and that his mare needs sex just as much as food and water.
  4663. >Needless to say, he's stunned as Anon explains that he's going to ensure that the pair have a vibrant sex life before the week is out.
  4664. >Because Anon does not cuck stallions.
  4665. >Anon does not break homes.
  4666. >Anon does not take sloppy seconds and try to insert himself into established family units, even if the mare is divorced.
  4667. >And Anon doesn't lust after wish-fulfillment ideas of fucking MILf's who "haven't found their stallion just yet."
  4668. >He's a bro, and the mares he gets with are single with no children
  4669.  
  4670. >While helping their marriage, Anon never stops with helping Velvet's fitness, as it is what he's being paid for.
  4671. >Realizing that she's been doing it for him, Night Light looks at his paunch in shame and starts working out as well.
  4672. >Over time, not only does Anon's impromptu marriage counseling help their sex life, but also the increased energy and blood flow to their nether regions make sex far more frequent.
  4673. >Anon practically becomes best friends to the couple and they thank him profusely for all he's done.
  4674. >They practically see him as family, and so to start paying him back, invite him to Hearth's Warming dinner and to spend the holidays with them.
  4675. >Anon chokes up at this, having not seen his own family in years, and agrees.
  4676. >Twilight Sparkle and Shining are very confused that Hearth's Warming when they come home to visit their parents, only to find them doting on this human like a third foal.
  4677. >Also, why are they so fit?
  4678. >Twilight feels self conscious of her chubby tummy and fat flank compared to her mom's smooth stomach and tight glutes, and Shining, upon looking at his fit and trim dad, realizes how much he's let himself go since becoming Prince Consort to Cadence.
  4679. >Anon will soon have to new gym trainees to whip into shape
  4680.  
  4681.  
  4682.  
  4683.  
  4684.  
  4685.  
  4686.  
  4687. >Equestrian society is actually fairly egalitarian
  4688. Bear with me for a second, boys.
  4689. >Stallions are trying to move away from the image of foal-chasing dinner-cookers, and it's not uncommon to see stallions in the workforce
  4690. >Think 1970s instead of 1940s
  4691. >The Pillars of Equestria are seen far and wide as heroes, but some are more relevant than others
  4692. >Somnambula has long been lauded as an ancient-day stallionist, working with Starswirl, Flash, and Rockhoof as equals
  4693. >That's significant - back in those days, stallions were little more than property. The idea of a stallion back then being anything more than something that makes foals and keeps the house was unheard of.
  4694. >But Somnambula was something else, and her history and her image are often used in stories and in media to support stallion's rights and their status as equals
  4695. >But then the Pillars return, and none of them are how modern Equestria thought they were.
  4696. >Rockhoof saved his village from lava flow by digging a trench, just like history says
  4697. >But it was done out of concern for the foals, whose care they were put in when the villagers realized he was (at the time) too weak to join the Mighty Helm
  4698. >He was natural father material - foals were in danger, and he found mighty strength within him to save them from harm
  4699. >He has very traditional values and is disappointed that modern stallions don't devote all their time and energy to raising foals
  4700. >Somnambula, meanwhile, encouraged Rockhoof, Flash, and Starswirl to fight as a team mostly because she thought she might get some action out of it
  4701. >Also, by letting them run ahead of her she would be able to watch their balls jiggle underneath their tails
  4702. >Now Equestria has to deal with the fallout of their ancient heroes being nothing like they thought they were, and Somnambula not being the champion of equality history said she was
  4703.  
  4704.  
  4705.  
  4706.  
  4707.  
  4708.  
  4709. >Twilight gets suckered into taking a morning jog with her mom through the snowy streets of Canterlot.
  4710. >A few blocks in, and she's already wheezing while her mom just tsks at her daughter.
  4711. >"Really, Twilight, I'm twenty five years older than you. How are in such bad shape?"
  4712. >"B-being a princess *gasp* means I don't get out much anymore."
  4713. >"That's really no excuse. You know, Anon is an amazing trainer, and he's been talking about wanting to move from Canterlot. Did you know the dear is afraid of heights? No idea how he ended up living on a mountain. Anyway, your father and I have been wanting to help him with that after all he's done, and it would be so sweet if you helped him settle-down in Ponyville."
  4714. >"I guess I could."
  4715. >"And then he can help you get into shape!"
  4716. >"It's really not that import-"
  4717. >"And then you can romance him and finally get married and give us lots of grandfoals!"
  4718. >"What?!"
  4719. >"Oh, I just know you two will make a cute couple, and believe me, you definitely won't be disappointed in the bedroom with that one. The things he's taught your father and I. Why, I almost think he's a time traveler who wrote the Ponysutra."
  4720. >"MOM!"
  4721.  
  4722.  
  4723.  
  4724.  
  4725.  
  4726.  
  4727.  
  4728. > Twilight's rule was inaugurated by one of the worst calamities to befall modern ponies
  4729. > It began, as these things often do, with an ambitious stallion
  4730. > Aimana Moose was a brilliant inventor, bringing magic and machinery into a single whole, overflowing with potential
  4731. > The trouble began with a simple web of communication that grew and spread throughout the world
  4732. > Aimana came to Princess Twilight, asking for her patronage in constructing a constantly updating library of information, open to all
  4733. > Twilight was naive, charmed by his enthusiasm and desire for knowledge
  4734. > Weekeypedia launched soon after, amid controversy among academics and experts on the misuse of magic
  4735. > Aimana rejected the concept of dangerous knowledge, no matter how long Twilight tried to convince him
  4736. > As the majority patron of Weekeypedia, Twilight banned certain categories and subjects from the site
  4737. > Undeterred, Aimana created a smaller, secret web to exchange forbidden knowledge, even as he kept up appearances by editing Weekey articles regularly
  4738. > What followed was four decades of rampant chaos
  4739. > Demon summonings in every nation
  4740. > Elder gods worshiped by new disciples
  4741. > Necromantic armies roaming boarders, gaining strength with every skirmish
  4742. > Every alicorn worked day and night to put down the evil uprisings
  4743. > Finally, with a heavy heart, Twilight had all of Moose Magitech's communication infrastructure torn down
  4744. > The dark web splintered and faded into its natural obscurity, and so too did the cults and armies of undead
  4745. > Aimana Moose disappeared at the first signs of his work being disrupted
  4746. > Rumors abound as to where he went
  4747. > Tartarus? Canterlot's dungeon caverns? Princess Twilight's secret harem?
  4748. > Nopony knows, and the princesses refuse to speculate
  4749. > Nevertheless, his legacy, magitech communication, is deemed heretical and forbidden by royal decree and international sanction
  4750.  
  4751. > Years later, a small group of unicorns enchant several blackboards for simultaneous writing
  4752. > It is merely a tool for distant friends to stay in touch and exchange gossip
  4753.  
  4754. > Far away, in a blasted wasteland on the border between the Dragon Kingdom and Equestria, a skeletal hoof bursts from the ground
  4755. > Someone is wrong on the internet
  4756.  
  4757.  
  4758.  
  4759.  
  4760.  
  4761.  
  4762.  
  4763. >Dinky Hooves
  4764. >Sometimes mom took you out to have fast food, which was awesome
  4765. >Mainly because it came with a toy
  4766. >But... This time it was missing
  4767. >They forgot the toy!
  4768. >Mom was busy, so you figured you could just ask the lady at the register
  4769. >"It's not my problem." she says
  4770. >You were flabbergasted, to say the least
  4771. >Just as you were about to return to the table in defeat, the guy on the grill comes up front and holds one out for you
  4772. >"You can have mine." he says
  4773. >It was amazing, a dancing potato
  4774. >The potato would dance and sing "Music make you lose control."
  4775. >It was every bit entertaining as you'd imagined
  4776.  
  4777.  
  4778.  
  4779.  
  4780.  
  4781.  
  4782. >It’s dark out, still, when you arrive.
  4783. >Technically, it’s only a short trot from the house.
  4784. >But in the dark of morning that’s closer to midnight than dawn, the journey felt longer.
  4785. >You know it’s in your head. You have long legs.
  4786. >Strong, powerful.
  4787. >You wish the trek was longer, but you don’t have time to waste.
  4788. “H-hey Ma. Hi Pa.”
  4789. >You sink back on your haunches, and can’t resist fiddling with the hat you stole from AJ’s bedpost.
  4790. “Ah know it’s bin awhile. Long while. Ah git busy with AJ ‘n Applebloom. Y’understand. Ah…”
  4791. >A yawn interrupts you.
  4792. >There’s time yet, before dawn.
  4793. “AJ’s bin doin’ good, ‘n y’all’d be proud of her. Ah dunno if she’s come ‘n told y’all some of her adventures, but she’s doin’ good things. Savin’ Equestria. An’ AB, she’s growin’ up into a right young gentlemare.”
  4794. >You glance back towards the house.
  4795. “She’s got herself a couple’a friends, now. Crusaders, call ‘emselves. Runnin’ around, gettin’ into trouble.”
  4796. >A small smile breaks your muzzle.
  4797. “Why, the other day they tried gettin’ their cutie marks in cattle rustling.’ Didn’t figger out that Betty ‘n the other cows were just playin’ along til the end.”
  4798. >Your breath comes out in a little cloud.
  4799. “Fillies will be fillies, Ah guess.”
  4800. >You drag a circle in the dirt with a hoof.
  4801. “Granny’s been pesterin’ me about gettin’ hitched again. Ah know she means well.”
  4802. >You sigh again and put on the hat.
  4803. “Ah just haven’t met the right mares yet, Ah guess. An’ Ah’m still kinda mixed up after Cheer, too. Ah know I’m oldest, ‘n by now most’ve our cousins’re herded and havin’ foals, Ah just…”
  4804. >You’re making excuses.
  4805. “AJ’s still a young hothead, and AB ain’t old enough yet to really take care of herself.”
  4806. >More excuses.
  4807. “An’ Granny can’t help out with the buckin’ anymore. Her hip’s gone bad. Ah. That’s kinda why Ah’m stoppin’ by. She can’t make it out here herself, but Ah know she always visited today.”
  4808. >Your ears prick as you hear shuffling in the dirt.
  4809. >”Ah ain’t so old Ah cain’t hear a young’un sneakin’ out, mister.”
  4810. >You instinctively duck down as an old, frail leg wraps around your shoulders.
  4811. “Granny?”
  4812. >”Don’t you worry none. Ah can stand long enough for this.”
  4813. >Your cheeks are red. She heard you.
  4814. >Another voice drifts out of the predawn darkness.
  4815. >”’Sides. Day’s like this ‘un are fer family. An' you stole mah hat.”
  4816. >There’s more shuffling in the dirt behind you, and a strong leg, taut with muscle, thumps down on your other side, followed by a pitter patter of small hooves as a little filly clambers up onto your back.
  4817. “Happy Mother’s Day, Ma.”
  4818. >Happy Father’s Day, Pa.
  4819.  
  4820.  
  4821.  
  4822.  
  4823.  
  4824.  
  4825.  
  4826. > Lellowynell is only be in her fifth decade, and as such prone to some of the worst excesses of elven youth
  4827. > Dabbling in recreational herbalism
  4828. > Riding deer and sneering at the humans working the fields at the edge of the forest
  4829. > Exploring the forbidden ruins for fun
  4830. > Falling though a portal into a world where horses rule
  4831. > Admittedly that last excess is something Lellowynell is the first to do, to her knowledge
  4832. > Unfortunately, she can't seem to find a way back, even with the help of the local mage princess
  4833. > Over time, Lellowynell accepts the unfortunate reality that she will have to study magic for a century or two before she can make her way home
  4834. > In the meantime, she amuses herself by teasing the only human in town
  4835. > Oddly, frustratingly, infuriatingly, he seems utterly unaffected by her ethereal beauty and refined flirtations
  4836. > Instead, he is utterly fixated on this Apple something pony, some sort of draft horse "marefriend"
  4837. > It is becoming clear to Lellowynell that she will have to become more brazen in her flirtations, and maybe stop him from calling her "Lel"
  4838. > Her elven ears can hear the mockery in the nickname every time he says it
  4839. > Infuriating
  4840. > At the very least, the local tailor is thoroughly on her side, coming up with all sorts of schemes to capture and hold Anon's attention
  4841. > Rarity likes to wax poetic about fate and love and so on, but she is a good friend
  4842.  
  4843.  
  4844.  
  4845.  
  4846.  
  4847.  
  4848. >"I have patience that is as deep and vast as the dark fathoms of the ocean."
  4849. >"For hundreds of years, down in the inky depths, I waited."
  4850. >"Every siren knows that there exists her soulmate destined to become her eternal lover, to share our lonely existence while all others wither away; a mercy gifted to us by the same being that cursed us with eternal life."
  4851. >"By the waxing and the waning of the tides, I trusted my magic to bring me to you."
  4852. >"I didn't know who precisely I was looking for, but I knew that I'd recognize him as soon as I saw him."
  4853. >"And by the grace of our bountiful hunting grounds, my magic SINGS when you are near, a melodious chorus of angels crying out in ecstasy that puts my own voice to shame."
  4854. >"You are my other half, so cruely torn away from me countless eons ago when I was born."
  4855. >"And you've finally been returned to me."
  4856. >"My soulmate."
  4857. >"You complete me; and you don't realize it yet, but I complete you as well."
  4858. >"You know not how cold you truly feel, for you have been far from my warmth since before you were born."
  4859. >"I know you don't feel the same way."
  4860. >"Not yet."
  4861. >"But I'm not worried, Anon."
  4862. >"I am a mighty predator of the ocean, Anon, and it is not in my nature to let any creature who has caught my attention go."
  4863. >"..."
  4864. >"I have already waited to meet you for hundreds of years, Anon; I can wait a few months more."
  4865. >"And I promise you this: you will never doubt that you are loved. Not for a single second."
  4866.  
  4867.  
  4868.  
  4869.  
  4870.  
  4871.  
  4872.  
  4873.  
  4874. >Anon gets fed up and fucks around as a "Villain".
  4875. >One of his plans fucks up pineapple upside down cake sideways so badly that it..worked?
  4876. >Not only did he capture the princesses, but he RULES the shit.
  4877. >Not really what he meant to do so he tries to be a big enough dickhead/buffoon to try and get the ponies to push against him.
  4878. >..every dumb idea works.
  4879. >We're talking every. Single. ONE.
  4880. >Ponies enjoy his "Iron Fisted" rule along with the improved economy (a stock market crash plan somehow involving bananas failed), better healthcare system (a casual remark of some home remedies later and he regrets everything ever) and they also enjoy "The Gift of Hindsight".
  4881. >..apparently Celestia's rule of 'Twilight Can Handle it" was...kinda shit in some regards.
  4882. >So, even when the Mane Six can free themselves to try and take down "The Evil Overlord Anon" (MUCH to his appreciation, running a country is NOT on his agenda), they can barely get support to do so. There were even some who went White Knighting for the guy, funny enough.
  4883. >Turns out publicly going 'let's kick that stallion's ass' still wasn't the greatest thing to say...even when talking about "a great, evil emperor".
  4884. "This fucking place..."
  4885. >It's all Anon can ever say when another plan to fuck up fails...
  4886.  
  4887. >Overlord Anon is sulking in his throne while his secretary is telling him about the day to day status of the kingdom.
  4888. >The captured princesses is in the same room displayed as proof of his conquest.
  4889. >"Oh no, woe is me. I can hear the lamentations of my little ponies from my imprisonment." Celestia cried in grief as she slouched her prone form on the cushions.
  4890. >She rolled around and lazyly pawing around to find the remote control.
  4891. >"D-damn you Anonymous and your fiendish minions." Luna moaned as your killer golem massaged and pressed in between her shoulder blades.
  4892. >"Shall I stop my mistress?" The emotionless killing machine asked.
  4893. >" No don't, you may continue." Luna replied.
  4894. >Another golem is heating smooth stones while the others are preparing snacks and fancy drinks with little umbrellas.
  4895. >Meanwhile princess Twilight is in a corner surrounded by books. Wrapped in comfy blankets while gently blowing on a steaming cup of hot cocoa.
  4896. >While a spirit with a husky and cultured voice is reading her a book.
  4897. >Celestia found the remote and turned the TV on.
  4898. "I'd like to announce that the recession is over."
  4899. Bzzt.
  4900. "Apples, Rocks and Flowers are on an all time high. Surprisingly watermelon and peaches stayed the same."
  4901. Bzzt
  4902. >The camera focused to a familiar mare sporting a cape and a hat sitting at the head of a convoy of wagons filled with bits and other precious materials "The Affluent and Retiring Trixie would like to thank Overlord Anon for his conquest and fixing the economy."
  4903. >Celestia trotted up and rested her head on his lap and asked "Anoooon~ what's for lunch?" As she kicked her already loose chain and shackles back to the cushions.
  4904. >Anon sighed. This is his life now.
  4905.  
  4906.  
  4907.  
  4908.  
  4909.  
  4910.  
  4911. >"Alright, Anon. My son and that purple asshole of his aren't going to give me grandfoals to spoil. So you're... uh..."
  4912. >She glances at the wrapped condom in her magical field.
  4913. >Huh.
  4914. >You can just barely make out something about a... "01% fail rate"?
  4915. >"...So you're... NOT going to help me with that."
  4916. >She begins to sweat and tucks the condom under her body, as though hiding it.
  4917. >"Which is why we're using a condom. So that I DON'T get pregnant."
  4918. "Yes, I understand how condoms work. Could you hand it over so that I can put it on?"
  4919. >"No! I mean, uhh... I-I want to put it on. W-With my mouth."
  4920. >You can't help but grin.
  4921. "Sexy."
  4922. >You're in for some heavily protected sex, you are.
  4923. >No foals will result from this
  4924. >This will probably be the last time you see this hot milf, unless she invites you over to fuck her again
  4925. "Something something-"
  4926. >"-RGRE."
  4927. >You point finger guns at this hot milf and make a clicking noise in your mouth twice.
  4928. "Nailed it."
  4929.  
  4930.  
  4931.  
  4932.  
  4933.  
  4934. >"Rarity retained her chastity not out of vanity but for the young colt of Anonymity."
  4935. >"It really rolls off the tongue, wouldn't you say darling?"
  4936. "Rarity, Princess Luna is literally using a mithril battleaxe to defend her nephew from suitors."
  4937. >"Hm, yes you have a point, what sort of dress goes well with mithril?"
  4938. "The kind that's several inches thick and also made of mithril, to prevent chopping."
  4939. >"Come now Twilight where in equestria would i find mithril thread at such short notice."
  4940. "Rarity a new dress won't solve your problems here."
  4941. >"Oh pish posh, a new dress always solves the problem, i make a new one every day and problems get solved as sure as the setting sun. Oh my, Ideeeeeeeea!~"
  4942. "Rarity no."
  4943. >"Rarity Yes! Sorry to cut this short but i simply must start working right away!."
  4944. "I'm worried YOU'RE going to be the one cut short if yo-"
  4945. >"Lalalalalaaa~"
  4946. And so Rarity arrives at the palace with an expertly trimmed dress that shimmers and swirls like a setting sun upon a dark horizon, hoping to impress her talents upon the Princess of the night.
  4947. She takes a wrong turn in the palace and stumbles upon Grandma Infinita having an impromptu brunch with her nephew.
  4948. Luna arrives later to find all three of them having tea together recounting stories about crustaceans.
  4949.  
  4950.  
  4951.  
  4952.  
  4953.  
  4954.  
  4955. >"He eats marepussy like it's ice cream."
  4956. >"He is a gentle, lovely snowflake!"
  4957. >"He loves to motorboat eats."
  4958. >"He's never even kissed a mare, you harlot!"
  4959. >"He's a slut."
  4960. >"He's a king!"
  4961. >"I'm sure if you asked him he'd punch that V-card, Lulu."
  4962. >"I swear to the stars I shall rein hellfire down upon thee, sister!"
  4963. >"Go wrap your wings around him and rub your tuft against his back. See what he does."
  4964. >"...S-Shut thy mouth. We shan't listen to your... lewd advice."
  4965. >"Hey, if you don't I will. Hey, there he is right now. Anon? Do you have a second?"
  4966. >"Sister, don't you dare!"
  4967.  
  4968.  
  4969. >act like a pure angel in front of Luna
  4970. >crank up the lewd to 11 with celestia
  4971. >slowly drive celestia mad as you are the equivalent of pic related and she can never prove you're everything she says and more
  4972.  
  4973.  
  4974.  
  4975.  
  4976.  
  4977.  
  4978.  
  4979. >Stallions have a very delicate magical system
  4980. >A pony's magic saturates his or her body, and naturally that means that a larger body would need to spread that pony's magic out over a greater area, reducing the amount of magic in any given area
  4981. >A stallion has a much larger frame than a mare, so their natural magic has to spread itself thin in order to reach from his snoot to his hooves.
  4982. >A pony must maintain a minimum amount of magic in all areas of their bodies at all times
  4983. >This allows a unicorn to cast spells, a pegasus to fly, and for an earth pony to pull off feats of strength
  4984. >Think of a pony's body as a computer, and their magic as the power supply
  4985. >Each component requires a certain amount of magic to operate properly
  4986. >Continuing this metaphor, a computer trying to draw more power than it has access to results in a brown-out and introduces the risk of damaging the hardware.
  4987. >I still remember that day in the late 90s where my dad's beige computer started to emit smoke.
  4988. >If a pony tries to perform an action beyond their capabilities (casting a very powerful spell; flying very fast and very hard; trying to pull an unusually heavy load), then magic must be drawn from the rest of the body to help aid in performing this task.
  4989. >That means that the magic in various parts of the pony's body will dip below the minimum levels required for those parts operate properly.
  4990. >A pegasus flying much faster than they usually do will find that their wings will suddenly experience difficulty walking on clouds, which requires flight magic
  4991. >An earth pony pulling a much heavier load than they are capable of doing will find themselves feeling weak, and they risk injuring themselves if they then move on to do something like bucking a tree
  4992. >A unicorn casting a spell well outside their capabilities will find themselves unable to contain their magic, and they risk injuring themselves and others. They may even permanently damage their horns.
  4993. >A stallion has less magic per cubic centimeter, and so it's much easier for him to exhaust himself than it is for a mare to exhaust herself.
  4994. >In short, their muscles mean less when a mare can accomplish the same thing with less energy spent.
  4995. >Their magic is so thinly stretched that it, like the tides, can be effected by the moon
  4996. >The moon has been a source of magic since Nightmare Moon was banished there, and personal magic stretched too thin means that there's a smaller volume of it in any given area, lessening its ability to resist the moon's magical pull
  4997. It's like how paper can be lit by a match in 2 seconds, but a log of wood won't even get warm before the match burns out.
  4998. >This means that a stallion's magical abilities strengthen and weaken as the month progresses, often peaking at the full moon.
  4999. >This constant waning and waxing of their magic affects their mood, making them especially grumpy in times of the new moon
  5000. >Ponies have observed that a new moon, appearing like a black dot surrounded by a white ring, appears to resemble a period at the end of a sentence; hence, they call the stallion's monthly cycle his "period"
  5001. >Anon thought this was just a joke about how bitchy stallions can get, but that was not the case.
  5002. >There are rumours that this monthly cycle effecting their magic also affects whether or not they can get erect, but this is likely a story that stallions came up with in order to avoid being pestered for sex by their mares when they're grumpy and sore during the week of a new moon.
  5003. >There are exceptions to this, of course, such as Starswirl the Bearded (and the rest of the male Pillars) or Shining Armour
  5004. >But then there are exceptions to everything, such as mares who are born with magic as weak as a stallion's
  5005. >This is why stallions are typically care-takers
  5006. >For unicorn stallions, the spells necessary to clean houses, bake food, and clean messes demand very little magic.
  5007. >For earth pony stallions, the natural strength and endurance granted to them by being naturally muscled means they can keep up with their foal's endless energy
  5008. >For pegasi stallions, there's less magic in them to compensate for the cold skies, so they have naturally thicker fur that they can use to keep their foals warm
  5009. >There are benefits to this, though.
  5010. >A unicorn stallion will get plenty of practice with spells that require very little energy, meaning that he'll become skilled and precise with his casting faster than a mare would, because a mare will focus on casting fewer higher-energy spells to accomplish what she needs.
  5011. >An earth pony stallion just plain has more endurance than earth pony mares due to their muscle mass, and a mare would need to use her greater magic capacity to compensate and accomplish the same thing for the same amount of time; in the short term, earth pony mares win. But in the long term, earth pony stallions take the cake. And this is used to give them the energy to keep track of their foals and to make sure everything in the house is in its place
  5012. >A pegasus stallion will get better at precise wing movements due to taking much more care not to expend too much magic while flying (which would result in them falling out of the sky), so they learn how to pull off very precise, very dexterous moves.
  5013. >Both sexes have strengths and weaknesses.
  5014. There was no point to this, I just wanted to vomit my autism onto 4chan and bullshit about "what if stallions had less magic" and then try to come up with ways this wouldn't be 100% shitty for them.
  5015.  
  5016.  
  5017.  
  5018.  
  5019.  
  5020.  
  5021. >Moondancer draws porn for a living
  5022. >Years of isolated studying has done nothing but make her lusty and to socially awkward to actually get a coltfriend
  5023. >Has to decide on a name
  5024. >Gazes out her window, mind wandering and looking for inspiration
  5025. >Unfortunately she was not looking out a west-facing window, or else she would have come up with a name like "Sundown"
  5026. >Instead, she was perched at an east-facing window and watched the moon rise above the horizon
  5027. >"...Moonup."
  5028.  
  5029.  
  5030.  
  5031.  
  5032.  
  5033.  
  5034.  
  5035. >You are Anon and you feel so tired.
  5036. >Not tired in the word's usual meaning per se, but in the mental exhaustion kind of way.
  5037. >Ever since you found yourself in Equestria you have been facing the same problem in a different coat.
  5038. >One way or the other but it always boiled down to this.
  5039. >"Those fucking bats, I hate them so much..." A mare 'whispers' to 'herself' as she passes you by when you are out on a grocery trip.
  5040. >The little town you settled in is fairly mixed, plenty of the various pony types and even some other, non-pony creatures as well.
  5041. >But none of them are so openly hated like the bats.
  5042. >It's something to do with a false perception of them not being clean or something?
  5043. >You never paid attention.
  5044. >The only thing you know is that you are just so tired of this all.
  5045. >"Hey Anon! Got a minute?" A familiar voice asks, taking your attention away from your thoughts.
  5046. "Oh, hello there Lemon. Sure, what do you need?"
  5047. >It's Lemon Frost, the town's ice cream maker.
  5048. >Usually a chill (hah!) mare, you became quite friendly with her in fact, but you noticed a trend going on with her lately.
  5049. >Which makes you already realize where this is going.
  5050. >"Great! Okay, so me and the girls' been talking about how tall you are and we were wondering, don't you ever get annoyed by those low-flying, bug-eating filthy-"
  5051. >You interrupt her, pursing your lips tightly to hold back a sneer.
  5052. "No. Look, I'm not an ambassador to the bats, if you have a problem with them, go and tell them that yourself." Harsh perhaps, but you are getting really pissed at this point.
  5053. >"Jeez, who got your balls bound, colt?" Lemon remarks, but you couldn't care less.
  5054. >Without saying another word, you leave her there.
  5055. >However, you have to realize, this won't just end on its own, ignoring the problem won't make it go away.
  5056. >And by the looks of it, you will have to work on it yourself if you ever want to find your peace of mind.
  5057.  
  5058. >Later that day you are sitting in the small-ish public library of the town, your large frame barely held up by the comically small chair you foolishly decided to sit on.
  5059. >The small pile of books around you can tell your plight at a glance - dictionaries, textbooks, anatomy books and books of cultures about the pony tribes.
  5060. >If there is anything batpony related, you are reading it.
  5061. >Quite informative, even if the pony moonrunes are a bit difficult to read.
  5062. >Before you notice it however, the sun sets, giving place for the gentle light of candles and the full moon shining outside.
  5063. >In this learning session you gathered enough knowledge to have more than just a basic understanding of the situation, however, you will need a more... hands-on experience to fully comprehend the problem.
  5064. >Good thing it's prime bat time outside now.
  5065. "Time to meet the undesirables, huh?" You ask yourself, not paying mind to the sleepy librarian.
  5066. >Once actually out in the open, you can easily see the dark silhouettes quietly whoosing around in the air, as well as the dark colored, batwinged ponies having a grand time in all the places that were occupied by the diurnal pony and other creature races.
  5067. >Your presence is not going unnoticed either, it doesn't take long for one of the mares to approach you.
  5068. >"Hey there Mister, you look lost! Need help getting home in the dark?" She asks, her otherwise cat-like slits for pupils large and round, like any other pony's.
  5069. >Fuck, that's cute.
  5070. "Actually, I was wondering..."
  5071. >Yeah, no stopping now, going full in.
  5072. "Are you single?"
  5073. >Based on the shocked expression of the mare, and the dozens of eyes suddenly staring at you, perhaps you underestimated the hearing capabilities of the bats.
  5074. >The quiet 'eeee' the mare lets out a few moments later seem to worth it though, you feel your heart melting at the adorale display.
  5075. >Just what the fuck is wrong with the other ponies, hating on them bats...
  5076.  
  5077.  
  5078.  
  5079.  
  5080.  
  5081.  
  5082.  
  5083. >Be Principal Celestia
  5084. >Be very annoyed
  5085. >There was a disturbance in one of the hallways
  5086. >Mrs. Zecora wasn't too specific about what the disturbance was, but from the tone of her voice you could tell she would be having a stiff one later today
  5087. >Sure enough, as you walked to the science hall there were a group of students pointing and laughing
  5088. >Seeing you, they quickly disbursed, but not before you confiscated some cellphones
  5089. >You had hoped that was the end of it
  5090. >Just some kids being rowdy
  5091. >Unfortunately, it wasn't
  5092. >Anon E. Mous, a junior, had somehow gotten up to the rafters and was hanging by a metal beam
  5093. >It wasn't very high, maybe six feet in the air
  5094. >There was a look of determination on his young face as he stared straight ahead
  5095. >Right away, you could tell that this was somehow Sunset's fault
  5096. >Her or Thunderlane
  5097. >Anon was generally a sweet, friendly young man, but he was rather easy to rile up
  5098. >His good nature also meant that he was taken advantage of more often than not
  5099. >That, along with him also being a stubborn as a donkey, meant you couldn't just demand he stop this nonsense
  5100. "Anonymous, what seems to be the problem?" you asked
  5101. >Anon looked down at you
  5102. >His eyebrows furrowed, eyes lit with outrage
  5103. >Yep, it was Thunderlane alright...
  5104. >You were going to have to give him detention
  5105. >Again
  5106. >"I'm protesting, Ms. Celestia," he replied
  5107. "Protesting? Whatever for?" you asked
  5108. >Anon's chest puffed out, and for a moment he looked actually upset
  5109. >"The girls here can go without bras or underwear--"
  5110. "No they cannot--"
  5111. >"But THEY DO. The rules say they can't but all day I see boobs bouncing around and enough camel toe to fill the Gobi Desert. That's fine, wonderful even, but WHY THE GOSH DARN CAN'T I WEAR A STRINGER SHIRT?!"
  5112. >You cover your face with a hand
  5113. "Anonymous... this again?"
  5114. "I HAVE SENSITIVE SHOULDERS, MS. CELESTIA. WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER JUST BECAUSE THERE'S SOME FUCKING TWINK SLUTS RUNNING AROUND?!"
  5115. >You reach for your walkie talkie
  5116. >It was gonna be one of those days it seems...
  5117.  
  5118. >Luna came as soon as you called
  5119. >She tried the heavy-handed approach
  5120. >Detention, the calling of parents, the works
  5121. >It didn't work, as you knew it wouldn't
  5122. >You also weren't dumb enough to try to pull him down
  5123. >All it'd take was one video of a female adult grabbing a male student and you'd be blacklisted
  5124. >So you and your sister just say back and wait
  5125. >Anon also wasn't much of a runner or fighter when his plans failed
  5126. >The moment he let go of the bar you could collect him, taking him to your office, hand out a suitable punishment for making a fool of himself, and get back to work
  5127. >Or you would for a normal student
  5128. >But this was Anonymous
  5129. >Three periods
  5130. >Over two hours
  5131. >He hung there, still determined to have his demands met
  5132. >What the demands were you had no idea
  5133. >Other than yelling about his shoulders, he hadn't asked anyone for anything...
  5134. >For the first two periods Luna had been furious, and the children had been jeering and laughing
  5135. >Now everyone was more amazed than anything
  5136. >But, once again, this was Anonymous
  5137. >The boy had broken every weight lifting record the school had, both for male and female
  5138. >Even so, this was a little excessive
  5139. "Anonymous, could you please come down, sweetie? There's really no need for this," you said.
  5140. >Anon just puffed his cheeks out, saying nothing
  5141. >You sighed, looking over to Luna
  5142. >"Sister?" she said
  5143. "Yes?" you replied
  5144. >"When Anonymous eventually does come down from there we'll have to ask around. The young man has no doubt broken some sort of record."
  5145. >You just nodded
  5146. >Anon suddenly lurched
  5147. >Both you and Luna perked up
  5148. >You could see one of his hands loosening from the bar
  5149. >Maybe he was finally getting tired?
  5150. >Thank the Maker
  5151. >You had too much stuff to do to deal with this...
  5152. >Both you and your sister stepped toward Anon, ready to catch him if he were to have a nasty fall
  5153. >Slowly, that one hand let go of the bar
  5154. >Anon opened his mouth, face scrunching up
  5155. >Raising his arm up, he pressed his face into the crook of his elbow
  5156. >He sneeze, making both of you jump
  5157. >"Excuse me," he said with a sniffle, once again reaching up to grab the bar
  5158. >Luna, frowning, glared at him for several seconds before turning on her heel and making her way to your offices'
  5159. >"I'm getting the fold out chairs."
  5160. "Get me lunch, would you," you called, rubbing your temples. "And coffee. A lot of it."
  5161.  
  5162.  
  5163.  
  5164.  
  5165.  
  5166.  
  5167. >Anon booted into 'questria when cheerilee was in her 80s phase
  5168. >meets her and they hit it off
  5169. >lives innaquestria long enough to figure out it's RGRE
  5170. >becomes an emotional anchor for cheerilee as she goes through college to get her teaching degree
  5171. >graduation rolls around and he, cheerilee, and some of her friends go out drinking to celebrate
  5172. >he draws the short straw and becomes the designated sober guy to get everyone home
  5173. >during their drinking anon notices cheerilee talking to some random stallion, and he gets a bad vibe
  5174. >clam-jams cheerilee, and one of her friends snatches up the now free stallion
  5175. >cheerilee is pissed over being unable to finally punch her v-card (and drunk) and tells anon off, even after he explains his gut feeling, the #metoo crap from back home, and trying to advise her to wait until she has somebody (not pony) to love
  5176. >her drunk mind misses the hint
  5177. >cheerilee has none of it, she and anon have a serious fight, ending with cheerilee hitting anon across the face
  5178. >anon withdraws back into his pre-equestria shell and leaves without another word
  5179. >cheerilee stumbles home and passes out
  5180. >wakes up the next morning to find her friend that took the stallion home was arrested on rape charges
  5181. >helps her friend out of that mess and offers support, but over the next few months realizes that the court of public opinion reached a different verdict
  5182. >realizes anon was right, but finds he skipped town, nopony knows where he went
  5183. >fouryearslater.timecard
  5184. >cheerilee in ponyville
  5185. >by pure chance she and anon run into each other at the market one day
  5186. >thisisawkward.png
  5187. >anon breaks the ice and invites her to lunch
  5188. >they reconcile and catch up, cheerilee heavily apologizes, is surprised when anon does the same due to him going too native and not telling cheerilee how he felt four years ago... and still
  5189. >anon's current marefriend finds them and joins for lunch, is caught up on the story, and is quite understanding
  5190. >anon and marefriend (you can decide who) come to a nonverbal agreement, and invite cheerilee into their herd, to start over
  5191. >anon leaves for restroom, letting mares talk
  5192. >marefriend levels with cheerilee that she is willing to give her a chance for anon's sake, but she will not tolerate him being hurt as alpha of the herd
  5193. >cheerilee considers this for a moment before seeing she needs to accept the consequences for her past actions, and willingly takes the role of herd beta
  5194. >resolves to prove herself worthy of one day being co-alpha
  5195. >anon returns, scene and story ends as cliffhanger
  5196.  
  5197. >"First and foremost, I would like to welcome you to our town."
  5198. "Thank you, mayor. But isn't it a bit odd to greet each and every new creature that pops into town?"
  5199. >"Maybe, but you don't see a hyu-mahn every day, now do you?"
  5200. >The mayor laughs jovially at her not-joke and begins to walk into town. You fall into stride next to her as she begins to give you the tour.
  5201. >"Now, I understand that you have a job waiting for you, correct?"
  5202. >Well...
  5203. "Not really."
  5204. >The mayor shrugs, not tripped up by this at all.
  5205. >"Ah, well we have a thriving economy, so it won't be any trouble for you to find work. Why did you decide to call our beautiful town home, Anonymous?"
  5206. >Oh, that's easy.
  5207. "My friend hit me."
  5208. >She blinks in surprise.
  5209. >"A friend hit you?"
  5210. "Yeah. We were out at a bar, she got drunk, and she smacked me."
  5211. >The mayor looks sympathetic.
  5212. >"You aren't the first battered stallion coming here to escape an abusive relationship, Anonymous, and I'm sad to say you won't be the last."
  5213. >What?
  5214. "No, we weren't together. She's just one of my friends."
  5215. >"I see. And that made you feel unsafe enough to move?"
  5216. "I didn't feel unsafe. I just got mad and skipped town. Didn't tell a soul I was leaving."
  5217. >The mayor is having a hard time following your logic.
  5218. >"Was she in the habit of this sort of abuse?"
  5219. "Naw, we were really good friends for years, and this is the first time this sort of thing happened. She was just drunk, and we got into a fight, and so she smacked me."
  5220. >"But if you didn't feel unsafe and this behaviour wasn't a pattern, why was your response to move out of town?
  5221. >This mare is rather slow. How'd she end up mayor?
  5222. "Because she hit me and I didn't like it."
  5223. >"And that made you decide to leave town, immediately."
  5224. "Yup."
  5225. >"Without telling anypony that you were leaving, nor WHY you were leaving."
  5226. "Not a single pony."
  5227. >"With no job prospects."
  5228. "None at all."
  5229. >The mayor sighs deeply and removes a flask from her saddebags.
  5230. >"I hate dealing with colts..."
  5231.  
  5232.  
  5233.  
  5234.  
  5235.  
  5236.  
  5237.  
  5238. >Bon Bon is grumpy not because she has a sour disposition (which would be ironic for a candy mare), but because she is unable to court Anon
  5239. >A traditional earth pony would woo a stallion with her earth-grown products, but her candy is put together in a kitchen and the final product is wildly different in appearance and taste than what the ingredients looked like coming out of the ground
  5240. >That is why most farmers are earth ponies - they take great pride in what they create, and they are firm believers of keeping food simple and natural
  5241. >It's not a job for peasants, and negative stereotype about farmers just plain don't exist in earth pony culture - it's a well-respected position
  5242. >An apple farmer would produce a bushel of apples, or a simple apple dish that shows off exactly what her skill and pride can produce
  5243. >A carrot farmer would avoid showing off a carrot cake because it is so far removed in taste and appearance from a carrot - she would produce something simple that is cooked with a few ingredients and what emphasizes the flavour and appearance of the carrot
  5244. >Bon Bon is not a farmer, and all of her products look nothing like the ingredients they came from
  5245. >She wants to present the things she takes pride in creating to Anon in order to start courting him, but nothing she creates emphasizes the ingredients in the same way an apple pie showcases perfect apples.
  5246. >Bon Bon is actually a very nice mare and she (and Lyra) are good friends with Anon, but this frustration makes her short-tempered and displeased
  5247. >She's especially frustrated because of Lyra.
  5248. >Her special talent isn't necessarily playing a lyre.
  5249. >Her cutie mark is closer to a stylized horse shoe with lyre strings on it.
  5250. >Lyra comes from a family of blacksmiths that specialize in musical instruments, and Lyra creates every instrument she learns to play
  5251. >So when she demonstrates her skills with the lyre to Anon, Lyra is unintentionally snubbing Bon Bon
  5252. >"[frustrated candy horse noises]"
  5253.  
  5254. >It's a tradition for *farmer ponies*.
  5255. >Bon Bon just so happens to come from a farming family.
  5256. >Her frustrations come from a a combination of family pressure, and feelings of inadequacy for not having a farming related talent, and the difficulties this presents in courting "the right way".
  5257.  
  5258. >Bon Bon grows her sugarcane in a shallow pool of water fed from the stream running through town
  5259. >Young ponies often play in the cane, since the forest is so dangerous and corn and wheat fields are harder to get muddy in
  5260. >And the good mare above knows fillies will go far out of their way to cover themselves in muck
  5261. >Anon meets Bon Bon and Lyra while helping Cheerilee round up the schoolfoals for tutoring
  5262. >The two end up helping them harvest the sugarcane, as it's easier to find the few ponies who stay in hiding
  5263. >Bon Bon invites them over later that night and makes everyone bourbon balls, grumpily excusing the gesture by saying 'she guessed she owed them something
  5264.  
  5265.  
  5266.  
  5267.  
  5268.  
  5269.  
  5270.  
  5271.  
  5272.  
  5273. >Still be Celestia
  5274. >You had been annoyed
  5275. >Now you were very, very annoyed
  5276. >Not only was Anon able to hang up there all day, but the whole night as well
  5277. >He somehow slept holding the bar
  5278. >Both you and Luna took turns the whole night watching him
  5279. >Calling Anon's parents had, as always, done nothing
  5280. >Both his mother and father were just like him
  5281. >Unfortunately
  5282. >You also couldn't threaten him with the police, as they refused to come anywhere near the school after the third monster-related incident
  5283. >All regulation and decor had been thrown out of the window when you had been forced to sleep in your office chair
  5284. >Luna, on the other hand, had turned 180 on this whole business
  5285. >She now seemed excited to watch this whole spectacle unfold
  5286. >The students seemed to be in the same vote
  5287. >You had heard that #protecthissensativeshoulders had been popular all last night on the twitters
  5288. "Anonymous! Get down."
  5289. >"No!"
  5290. "Get down right now, young man!"
  5291. >"Nah!"
  5292. "Now!"
  5293. >"NA!"
  5294. >You were on Anon's back
  5295. >He didn't seem bothered by your weight whatsoever, nor was he in anyway inconvenienced while you were desperately trying to pry his hands off the bar
  5296. >The boy's grip was terrifying
  5297. >You couldn't even budge a finger
  5298. >"Would you like me to get a broom, sister?" Luna, who was eating popcorn, asked.
  5299. "I would like you to stop messing around and HELP. ME. LUNA," you replied through gritted teeth
  5300. >Shrugging, your sister gingerly sat down her bag of popcorn
  5301. >She took a running start, heels skidding and sliding against the floor, before she jumped
  5302. >She slammed into Anon's front
  5303. >He didn't even sway with what must have been over 300 pounds of woman on him
  5304. "Try for his hands!"
  5305. >"Alright, alright. Anon, this really is silly."
  5306. >"My right aren't sill, Ms. Luna."
  5307. "You're a student. You have no right, Anonymous!"
  5308. >"The government should fear the people, not the other way around!"
  5309. >"...What does that have anything to do with anything?"
  5310. >"I WANT MY FUCKING STRINGER SHIRT!"
  5311. "STOP CURSING!"
  5312. >"STOP TAKING AWAY MUH LIBERTIES!"
  5313. >For fucks sake...
  5314. >It was only Tuesday...
  5315.  
  5316.  
  5317.  
  5318.  
  5319.  
  5320.  
  5321. >Anon starts to notice a few more stares than usual as he goes about his business around town.
  5322. >For some reason, a lot of teenage fillies, and even a few mares, look at him, blush, then look away.
  5323. >One mare even muttered, "T-take it off..." under her breath, then ran when she realized he heard.
  5324. >Just what has gotten into this ponies?
  5325. >What Anon doesn't realize it that his next door neighbor's daughter, a teen filly who's bedroom window faces directly towards his own has been videotaping him.
  5326. >While a lot of it she's kept for her private enjoyment, she has made one special video.
  5327. >A supercut of Anon getting dressed and undressing for and after his showers.
  5328. >Fifteen minutes of footage of him just clothing himself to the sound of a filly's heavy breathing.
  5329. >"Exotic Hyoo-man Stallion Stripping and Dressing Lewdly" is one of the most popular videos on LewdCenter.
  5330. >Anon is an unwitting pornstar
  5331.  
  5332. >Anon catches on why most of young fillies and mares wanted to see more of his body
  5333. >After watching a video on pony equivalent of a pornsite decides to give these horny ponies a show worth watching
  5334. >Giving a flex of his man muscles, sly wink at his neighbor's filly camera, and slowly showing off his socks
  5335. >Let's just say his popularity shot up a bit and now all the ponyville stallions shun him for being a whorse on the internet
  5336. >Something something RGRE
  5337.  
  5338.  
  5339.  
  5340.  
  5341.  
  5342.  
  5343. >Loira
  5344. >Lyra is actually Octavia's sister
  5345. >both teased mercilessly as fillies about their accent, forced them both learn canterlotian accents
  5346. >also like her sister, lyra's chav comes out with a vengeance when drunk or particularly upset
  5347. >since learning the relationship between the two it's become anon's mission to get both in the same room drunk. for the lulz
  5348.  
  5349.  
  5350.  
  5351.  
  5352.  
  5353.  
  5354. > Moondancer and Anon have been dating for a while, but whenever he asks about how work was, she gets oddly evasive
  5355. > Anon is starting to wonder how this neetmare is pulling in enough to have a cutting edge gaming computer, silk sheets, and an extensive dildo and dakimura collection that she thinks he doesn't know about
  5356. > Is she doing hacking for the griffin mafia?
  5357. > Or is she the secret child of Canterlot nobility, banished from high society for some sweater-related incident?
  5358. > When he finally finds out, Moondancer is worried that he thinks drawing porn is a disgusting profession
  5359. > He's actually more disgusted at how badly she draws proportions
  5360. > Anon is increasingly irritated about living on bad porn money, so he does the only thing he can
  5361. > Gits gud at drawing and try to compete with his marefriend for internet cash
  5362. > This actually helps their relationship, as they bond over difficulties in drawing anatomy, and bizarre and nauseating commissions
  5363.  
  5364.  
  5365.  
  5366.  
  5367.  
  5368.  
  5369.  
  5370. > Anonpone is Harshwhinny's son
  5371. > Raised to be just as cutthroat as she is, but he makes a mistake with his first business venture
  5372. > He purposefully didn't tell his mom about starting a bakery in Ponyville, she'd just micromanage everything until she was sure he was little more than the mascot of his company
  5373. > What he didn't count on was the competition immediately finding him out, and brazenly showing off their product in his face
  5374. > Not to mention Pinkie Pie prancing around him distractingly, making him think of partnerships and mergers
  5375. > As a colt, and as his mother's son, that is exactly what he must resist, in order to make a name for himself outside of his mother's shadow
  5376.  
  5377. > Be Pinkie Pie, throwing a welcome party for the new colt
  5378. > He's pretty cute, but waaaaaay too uptight
  5379. > You can just tell you're going to have to be extra careful about making friends with him, but you kinda have a thing for tsundere colts
  5380. > You just can't wait until you have him flustered and stuttering!
  5381.  
  5382.  
  5383.  
  5384.  
  5385.  
  5386.  
  5387.  
  5388. >You are Anon
  5389. >Since coming to this weirdass reversed gender roles land, you decided that you weren't gonna go native.
  5390. >Because you are a MAN.
  5391. >A MAN who don't need no girl. Mare. Whatever.
  5392. >Fuck that girly shit.
  5393.  
  5394. >Aside from that, today was Tuesday.
  5395. >Tuesdays were your favorite days.
  5396. >Tuesdays meant antiquing at the market to find cute little knick knacks for your home.
  5397. >You gave it a once over last night with your BFs after a Boys Night Out and the sleepover afterwards and you have to agree with Caramel and Thunderlane.
  5398. >Your house could use some more, je ne sais quoi.
  5399. >More cute and old things to bring out that rustic charm to match the town.
  5400. >Plus it'll be a good opportunity to show off that adorable hand basket, blouse, shorts and hat you got from a trip to Canterlot with the boys.
  5401. >Gotta make the other males at the market jealous, of course.
  5402. >Though you do hope that someone else doesn't have the same shirt as you. That would be the
  5403. >WORST
  5404. >POSSIBLE
  5405. >THING
  5406. >You shiver.
  5407. >God, you might LITERALLY die if that happened.
  5408. >You notice that your hands are clenched and immediately relax them.
  5409. >Can't ruin the pedi you got with Shining at the Ponyville spa when he came over to visit Twiggy yesterday.
  5410. >Giving your self a quick cheek bap, you grab your basket and head out the door and off to the market.
  5411. >It was only a quick jaunt, but you are already feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
  5412. >All those mares giving you the eye.
  5413. >However, you just turned up the sass and raised your nose.
  5414. >Can't let them sense weakness. Give them an inch, and they'll take a mile.
  5415. >Or your sirehead. But you can't let them have that, or else you won't be able to get m-married.
  5416. >Oh no, you can feel the blush coming in.
  5417. >Quickening your pace, you head over to the antiques section and go over the wares with an appraising eye.
  5418. >At least you would if you weren't so distracted by how absolutely adorable and rustic everything looks. So many things that would match the things in your house!
  5419.  
  5420. >"Hey babe, I couldn't help but notice you looking at all this... stuff."
  5421.  
  5422. >And if the mare behind you would go away. You decide to ignore her. Maybe she'd go away.
  5423. >Though you can feel her starting to get a little frustrated at your cold shoulder, moreso from the chuckles from her friends.
  5424. >Poor thing probably has very little experience with the opposite sex. But no matter.
  5425. >You reach for a cute little chest. This would look great on your vanity and hold your jewelry.
  5426.  
  5427. >You feel a hoof place itself on your behind, rubbing it lightly.
  5428. >"-come with me so I can show you a good time."
  5429. >Your eye twitches and you angrily turn, looking down to face the uncouth mare. Laying your displeasure on thick, smirking a little as the mare shrinks a bit.
  5430. >Time to emasculate a bitch.
  5431.  
  5432. "As if I'd go with a disgusting, perverted, pathetic slob like you! Look at you! You look like you haven't even groomed yourself in a week! And what's that, cologne? I could have thought it was-"
  5433.  
  5434. >You continue to rant and insult and critisize her appearance and attitude, stepping towards her without stopping your tirade. The mare herself is backing up, a shocked look on her face.
  5435. >The mare's friends are similarly shocked and fearful as you bring down the fury of a thousand ticked off males on their friend.
  5436.  
  5437. "-unkept house!"
  5438. >You're breathing heavily after that and whirl back to the antiques stall, the mare behind the stall shrinking back, obviously not wanting to set you off more.
  5439.  
  5440. "How much for the chest."
  5441. >"T-Te-Five bits. For the pretty colt."
  5442. >You huff and drop seven bits onto the stall and grab the chest.
  5443.  
  5444. "For the trouble and the compliment, thank you."
  5445. >Turning from the stall, you see that the mares have run off, the last one to regain her sense tripping and falling after catching your eye.
  5446. >Looking around, you see the expressions of those around you.
  5447. >A mix of fear and unease from the mares, fear and admiration from the colts.
  5448. >Hell yeah, street cred acquired. Maybe more of the single mares would leave you alone now.
  5449. >Because you are Anon.
  5450. >And there is no way in hell you are going native.
  5451. >Because you are a MAN.
  5452. >A MAN who don't need no mare. girl. whatever.
  5453.  
  5454.  
  5455.  
  5456.  
  5457.  
  5458.  
  5459. > Be Half Whey, earth pony mare
  5460. > Cheese making might run in your family, but for you it's more of a brisk jog
  5461. > Not because it's not your special talent, rather it's because of how often you sample your cheeses while trying to fine-tune the recipe
  5462. > As a result, you've got a persistent gut that you can't seem to get rid of, even when you try to shape your diet to account for your research needs
  5463. > The bells on the door ring, bringing you out of your brooding
  5464. "Welcome to Out of the Whey Cheeses, would you like to try some samples?"
  5465. > The spiel comes out automatically, which is good since you can't help but stare at your potential customer
  5466. > It's one of those hue-mins, the thick red beard on his face clearly telling you that you're dealing with a man
  5467. > He's wearing a white shirt and a plaid skirt, for some reason
  5468. > He looks around the shop, nodding to himself
  5469. > You hold a pleasant smile, wondering how much of the rumors are true
  5470. > They say that ever since Equestria and Earth have started allowing tourism, there have been a lot of incidents of mares proposing to random men, and men picking up mares and taking them home
  5471. > Seems like blatant wish fulfi-
  5472. > The man strides over and hoists you up into the air, holding you under where your forelegs meet your barrel
  5473. > You yelp
  5474. "Wha?"
  5475. > The man grins, looking you up and down
  5476. > "A fine lass you are, miss. A nice healthy bodeh ta make a whole passel of bairns. Jus' say the word an' we'll be wed, what dooya say?"
  5477. > You struggle to put words to the mess of feelings you are experiencing right now
  5478. "I-"
  5479. > He pulls you into a bear-hug and then sets you down
  5480. > "Ya won' regret a thing, Ah'll make sure a that!"
  5481. > Then he runs out the door
  5482. > ...
  5483. > The whimsy on that colt is only matched by the length of those foal-chasing legs
  5484.  
  5485.  
  5486.  
  5487.  
  5488.  
  5489.  
  5490. >Anon, a brave and powerful knight, long ago died, but his heroic soul was so strong that it remained closely tethered to the mortal realm.
  5491. >This could be taken advantage of by those who knew the Hero Summoning spell who had good hearts, allowing Anon to be called back to the world of the living when his aid was needed to save innocence and smite evil.
  5492. >And that's just what Twilight did to defeat one of her many enemies.
  5493. >Anon was very helpful in said battle, though Twilight still felt bad calling a stallion into a fight like that.
  5494. >That's why she decided to apologize.
  5495. >Anon appears in a flash, sword at the ready, but finds himself standing in a candle-lit dining room, a table set with a delicious-looking meal and with a familiar purple princess fluttering her eyes at him.
  5496. >She claims it's to thank him for his help in saving her kingdom since he vanished shortly after the fight.
  5497. >Anon humors her and enjoys the meal.
  5498. >When he gets summoned to go to a musical, and again for a movie, he starts to suspect Twilight doesn't understand what the Summoning Spell is supposed to be used for.
  5499.  
  5500.  
  5501. >Because modern day colts are such sluts Twilight resurrects a long gone hero whose views on sex and marriage is more in tune with her own values.
  5502. >It isn't long before others find out and wants in.
  5503. >She secretly runs a matchmaking business where she holds marriage interviews for single mares and ghosts of colts who never found love in life
  5504.  
  5505. >"I want a hero colt."
  5506. >"Listen, just like I've told every other mare, there aren't enough hero colts to go around."
  5507. >"But you and your friends all got them!"
  5508. >"Yes, and that makes up six hero colts. You know how hard it was to find six heroric, brave, sexy stallions? I had to read through over a hundred history books from the well known to the most obscure, and even then, most of the stories I found turned out to be completely false. You know how hard it is to explain to the historical society that Steel Hoof the Paladin wasn't real and actually just some mare's fantasy character from ancient times? Not fun. Why, Applejack's stallion is practically a cave pony! That's how far back I had to look to find just six studly heroes!"
  5509. >"Okay, okay, geez, you don't need to get so worked up... So what kind of colt can I get?"
  5510. >"I have a stallion nanny named Berry Popkin who raised and cared for over a dozen foals for various families. Despite being lorded as the greatest nanny in Equestria, he never married or had foals of his own."
  5511. >"Sounds nice. How do we get him here?"
  5512. >"There's a shovel in the supply closet. He's buried in the old Everfree Cemetery as he died in the castle town surrounding the old castle from before Nightmare Moon was banished. What? Don't give me that look. Did you think getting a perfect husband from the distant past would be easy? You've gotta prove you want it or you aren't worth Berry's time. Now go on! And take a sword. It's manticore mating season and they can get pretty vicious. NEXT!"
  5513.  
  5514.  
  5515.  
  5516.  
  5517.  
  5518.  
  5519.  
  5520. >"Hey, Nonny~"
  5521. >Oh, christ.
  5522. >You plaster a grin on your face and smile down at the mare behind the counter.
  5523. "Hello, Pinkie Pie."
  5524. >Normally, this would be the point where the mare would take your order, because you are at Sugarcube Corner and you're in the mood for a cookie.
  5525. >But this mare is anything but normal.
  5526. >Without prompting (and with a face-splitting grin), Pinkie Pie slides a very fancy-looking pastry across the counter.
  5527. >"You wanna give this a try? I made it special, just for you."
  5528. >You glance down, and you honestly can't help but be impressed.
  5529. >The decoration is incredible.
  5530. >Every piece of icing, every miniature cookie (and every full-sized cookie); it's all placed with deliberation.
  5531. >This wouldn't look out of place in a professional cake-decorating shop.
  5532. >You know, the kind where a bigass cake decorated with this sort of skill would cost you at least a hundred bucks.
  5533. >Hell, this cupcake would probably be nearly ten dollars if you tried to buy it back on Earth.
  5534. >You must have looked as impressed as you feel, because Pinkie's grin becomes very smug, and she chuckles at you.
  5535. >"Not bad, huh? I know what I'm doing back here, you know."
  5536. >She inspects a hoof before breathing on it and then shining it on her (poofed-up) chest tuft.
  5537. >"The Cakes are thinking of giving this place to me once they retire, you know."
  5538. >She breaks off with a bark of laughter.
  5539. >"Did I say 'giving'? I meant 'selling'. I'm saving up every bit I can spare so that I can buy this place in cash."
  5540. "...don't you throw parties all the time?"
  5541. >Pinkie nods, not missing a beat.
  5542. >"When you're a Bearer of Harmony - which I am, by the way - you get contacts REAL easily, Banonners. As long as I buy in bulk, I get a HUUUUUGE discount on my supplies."
  5543. >She reaches across the counter and nudges your arm.
  5544. >"Pretty savvy, huh? Give me five years - a decade at the most - and I'll be rolling in bits."
  5545. >Pinkie gently places her hoof over your hand
  5546. >"You doin' anything tonight, sugardick? Because I just so happen to have dinner reservations for two at a really nice place - I know the owner - and I'd hate to wast-"
  5547. >>"Pinkie Pie!"
  5548. >Pinkie jumps a foot in the air as misses Cake trots out of the kitchen, glaring at the pink mare.
  5549. >"Y-Yes misses Cake?"
  5550. >>"Were you bothering the customer?"
  5551. >"N-No, mi-"
  5552. >>"Again?"
  5553. >"No, misses cake!"
  5554. >The portly blue mare nods, still looking annoyed.
  5555. >>"Good. Please go back to the kitchen, Pinkie, there are dishes to be washed."
  5556. >Face pinker than usual, Pinkie Pie slinks back into the kitchen, ears flattened against her skull.
  5557. >Christ, the mares here get crazy when they're interested in a guy.
  5558. >First they talk about their money.
  5559. >Then they talk about their carriages.
  5560. >And then they start babbling something about "the ol' lick-a-roo".
  5561. >You miss Pinkie Pie from before she started to try and impress you.
  5562. >You don't know why she's doing this; she knows you're in a monogamous relationship with that nice bat-mare from down the street.
  5563.  
  5564.  
  5565.  
  5566.  
  5567.  
  5568.  
  5569.  
  5570.  
  5571. >Aloe, Lotus, and Vera dedicate themselves to perfecting their craft.
  5572. >As such they have perfected their knowledge of pony anatomy, and know every single erogenous zone for earth p0nies, unicorns, and pegasi.
  5573. >They even have notes from an ancient tome long thought lost to history concerning theoretical alicorn erogenous zones.
  5574. >Yea those massage techniques are what make the money, but who cares about that when you know how to make a stallion go from flaccid to EXPAND DONG in less than a second with some precise hoofwork?
  5575. >All that is thrown out the window, though, when Caramel drags Anonymous along for a spa day.
  5576. >Completely different body shape, different nervous system layout, even their basic bitch massage techniques need to be adjusted.
  5577. >something something exited to work with something new
  5578. >something something spa booty
  5579. >something something he's the only male that not only puts up with their schenanigans, but encourages it
  5580.  
  5581.  
  5582.  
  5583.  
  5584.  
  5585.  
  5586. >When you finished slaying the nightmare you thought you would have awaken.
  5587. >Either as a mindless beast or as some unknowable vague being of unfathomable power
  5588. >Instead your in a peaceful meadow, come to think of it, this looks like the field where you slayed the presence.
  5589. >Over a nearby hill you can make out the pointed roof of the workshop.
  5590. >By the old blood!
  5591. >You are, but the vast pillars shrouded in mist are nowhere to be seen.
  5592. >Instead your gaze falls upon an idealistic forest, full of lush life and green.
  5593. >Just past a few trees you could just make out a small brook and bridge.
  5594. >You might have awaken indeed.
  5595. >Though indecision wrecks you as you glance back to the workshop, the doll could she have come along with you?
  5596.  
  5597. >Better not to chance it, you recalled when you first awoke after the operation.
  5598. >You were quite fond of that top hat!
  5599. >Crossing the gate and into the small garden you found the Doll resting in sleep against alcove she frequented.
  5600. >Nothing you tried roused the sleeping beauty to your ire
  5601. >Still the faint glow from the lantern was soothing if nothing else.
  5602. >Reaching out you gently touched the casing, the flame within roused to life while you watched a faint string of white light attached to your chest.
  5603. >Wheb this had first happened you are ashamed to admit you panicked swiping away at the cord only for the Doll to watch you with curiosity.
  5604. >Back then it was emberassing, but now it brings a nostalgic grin to your face.
  5605. >Ah, you should explore about the place, if this is truly the waking world things must be quite different indeed!
  5606.  
  5607. "Miss Fluttershy, I know Discord may seem... sympathetic, but whatever you do, do not bear his child."
  5608.  
  5609. I could see the hunter being very twitchy upon first seeing minotaurs and diamond dogs. Depending on how affected he is by the blood, he might go into the Everfree to hunt as a sort of addiction.
  5610. I would think the hunter would be about as generally polite as any man in the 1800's. Considering the standards of modesty, he might be incredibly embarrassed by the general nudity of ponies, and thus become something of a recluse before he becomes accustomed to it. Rarity would probably have an advantage here, by selling/giving clothes to mares she can trust with meeting him and/or being his liaison with the town.
  5611.  
  5612. Regarding insight, Pinkie would probably show up as some sort of thing, perhaps she has a symbiotic old one or something, maybe interwoven into her mane? The royal sisters might seem more ethereal, maybe with aspects of their respective celestial bodies incorporated into their appearance, maybe as a sort of filigree. The hunter would definitely be nervous about Luna until he sees there is no resemblance to the Moon Presence. Twilight and Cadance might seem different under insight, but I would imagine it's pretty subtle.
  5613.  
  5614. Earth pony and Pegasus magic might be as visible to him as unicorn magic is to the naked eye.
  5615.  
  5616. In general, the Hunter might be thinking that Equestria is a world where the beast within is tamed, so his goal may be to find spiritual mentors to help him tame his beastial instincts. Some mares might take that the wrong way and flag their tails at him.
  5617.  
  5618. It might be fun to bring the Doll along with him. Mares might think something like, "That poor colt, so traumatized that he created a magic golem to be a mother to him."
  5619. Others might see her as his marefriend, and ask her for permission to court the herd.
  5620.  
  5621.  
  5622.  
  5623.  
  5624.  
  5625.  
  5626. >egg
  5627.  
  5628. >I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT:
  5629. >TWILIGHT SPARKLES IS A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER
  5630. >SHE ATE ALL MY FUCKING FOOD
  5631. >That's right,she took her disgusting muzzle and stuffed her face with my FuckING food!
  5632. >And she said [imitating Twilight] "her powerful Aloha-corn body needed it more!"
  5633. >[Normal voice] and I said "That's disgusting Twiggles you're like fatter than even Mrs. Cake and not in a good way like Ponks Badakadonk with all that junk in the truck know what I'm saying?"
  5634. >So I'm making a call out post in the middle of Ponyville Market:
  5635. >"Twilight the Sparkle,YOU GOT A FAT ASS! IT'S LIKE THE SIZE OF THIS PIECE OF BON BON'S CANDY-"
  5636. "Hey Anon give that back!"
  5637. >"-EXCEPT EVEN BIGGER! AND GUESS WHAT?!"
  5638. "You're going to pay for that?"
  5639. >"Shut up candy horse don't interrupt."
  5640.  
  5641. >"PEOPLE er PONIES OF PONYVILLE THIS IS WHAT A HEALTHY PERSON LOOKS LIKE!"
  5642. >[Anon makes sound effect]'bOoM' THAT'S RIGHT UNDERNEATH THIS SUIT I AM /FIT/ AS FUCK SO U LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKING FATASS BOOKHORSE
  5643. >"Look at me! That's right,baby."
  5644. >"All muscle,no fat,no fuckin' flab anywhere to be found!"
  5645. >"LOOK AT MY CHEST I LOOK LIKE THE GODDAMN TERMINATOR!"
  5646. >"Twiggles ate my Fucking food,so guess what?"
  5647. >"I'm going to eat everything in the market!"
  5648. "What?!"
  5649. >"That's right,this is what you GET! MY SUPER HUMAN CALORIC INTAKE!"
  5650. >"Except I'm not going to eat everything in the market-"
  5651. "Oh thank Celestia"
  5652. >"I'm going to go EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!I'm going to EAT EVERYTHING in town!"
  5653. >"How do you like that PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP?"
  5654. >"MORE LIKE PRINCESS OF BEING A FATASS!"
  5655. >"You have 23 HOURS before I return and CONSUME this ENTIRE TOWNS FOOD STOCK!"
  5656. >"NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT BEFORE I EAT ALL YOU PONERS TOO!"
  5657. "Geez what a whimsical Hyoo-man,typical stallion if you want something to eat I got something down here for you to munch on."
  5658.  
  5659.  
  5660.  
  5661.  
  5662.  
  5663.  
  5664.  
  5665. >You are Anon
  5666. >And its a dark night tonight.
  5667. >Didn't really feel like being cooped up in the apartment so you put on your best black Metallica shirt and head out with your headphones into the cool dark night.
  5668. >You were walking around for a few hours going through the less populated parts of town, a little midnight exploring never hurt a guy right?
  5669. >Well your dad always told you it did.
  5670. >But fuck him! Whats he know.
  5671. >You find yourself just jamming your way down an alley, when suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder.
  5672. >You turn around and look to see...uh.
  5673. >No one.
  5674. >Suddenly a yellow hand pops into your vision.
  5675. >You look down and see three girls, a white one with purple and pink hair, orange one with purple hair, and the yellow one with red hair.
  5676. >All wearing big smiles on their faces.
  5677. >You take out your headphones so you can hear them, they probably needed directions this late at night.
  5678. "Hey, are you girls lost?"
  5679. >"Oh no mister, we're worried you might be." the white one says.
  5680. >"Yeah, you looked like you took the midnight train going anywhere." the yellow one chimed in.
  5681. >Wait was that a-
  5682. >Actually now that you look around you realize you wandered a bit more than a little off the beaten path.
  5683. You laugh a little, "it seems like i did, would you girls be able to help me get back?"
  5684. >"Oh definitely mister, we can drive you actually! We wouldnt be Gentlewomen if we let you Find your own way home" The orange girl rep-okay that was a Speedwagon reference you know it.
  5685. >Alright, you like these girls.
  5686. "Sure, id be fine with that, lead the way uh, what are your names?"
  5687. >"Sweetie!"
  5688. >"Applebloom!"
  5689. >"Scootaloo!"
  5690. >"And we'll make sure you stay out of Dire Straits!" they say in unison.
  5691. >Alright you really like these girls.
  5692. "Lead the way to the car then!" you say as they walk ahead and around the corner.
  5693. >Turning it you see the van, whoa they got beer too!?
  5694.  
  5695.  
  5696.  
  5697.  
  5698.  
  5699.  
  5700. >Anonicorn
  5701. >But he was born mid series
  5702. >In fact one, in no the, main reason for why Celestia and Luna choose to retire was that they wanted to see him grow and be present figures
  5703. >Due Anon to Celly and Luna stories anon view the position of ruler as something extremely hard and stressful
  5704. >A bit a of an exaggeration, but not that far from the truth
  5705. >At end of the day he is happy that his mother and auntie don’t have to support that burden anymore
  5706.  
  5707. Meanwhile
  5708.  
  5709. >After a few years as so princess ruler of Equestria, the stress is starting to take its toll on Twilight
  5710. >Nights full of administrative bureaucracy
  5711. >Days with a forced during audiences making her face muscles into pure petrified pain
  5712. >And all sorts of nobles BS
  5713. >She even is needing to use magic to cover the amounts of grey in her mane
  5714. >How Celestia managed that for a thousand years is a mystery to her
  5715. >The she remembered how fast Luna as reinstated as co-regent and have a spark
  5716. >She needed a co-regent, no of the M6 were really for it, they have already much on their own lives to deal with already
  5717. >But thankfully she still have a pre-package option
  5718. >Anon
  5719. >A colt yes, but he also an alicorn already and the legitime son of Celestia
  5720. >The rightful heir and not really doing anything
  5721. >More than good enough to be your Luna and give you some goods nights
  5722. >of sleep
  5723.  
  5724. Skip
  5725.  
  5726. >Celestia and Luna just went for a sisters world travel
  5727. >Anon simply stayed at home taking care of his pet projects when Twilight poped in the living room with a Lesson Zero face
  5728. >”Anon, I, Equestria need your help! I want you to honor your duty as an alicorn prince of royal birth be my co-regent!”
  5729. >Anon starts to remember his mother stories and how happy celestia was when he mane started returning to the natural pink
  5730. >And beinlig the little colt that he is, he Nopes out teleporting away
  5731. >Twilight is not a mare know for quitting
  5732. >Can Anon scape?
  5733. >Can Twilight convince him to "do his duty"?
  5734.  
  5735.  
  5736.  
  5737.  
  5738.  
  5739.  
  5740.  
  5741. >Anonymous appeared in Equestria centuries in the past.
  5742. >When he discovered that magic was not only real here, but that with some effort he could be a real wizard, Celestia was forced to take notice.
  5743. >She really could have done without a wake up call in the form of the entire mountain shaking and making strange noises.
  5744. >He joined the ranks of her students.
  5745. >The first male to have that honor actually.
  5746. >Due to his being older than many fledgling mages, his mana reserves were larger than usual for his skill level. A recipe for trouble if ever there was one.
  5747. >And since he did not grow up in Equestria, he was initially ignorant of many of the things that most unicorns just assume that everyone knows about magic.
  5748. >He could do things many thought impossible, because no one ever bothered to tell him that it shouldn't work. Some things weren't thought impossible, just, 'impossible for a colt' or 'impossible for mortals'.
  5749. >But he also did things everyone knew you shouldn't do, because they were dangerous. Nobody bothered to tell him, because they all learned it as little fillies, they were all sure that 'everyone knew this already'.
  5750. >Some ambitious fillies would do dangerous things on purpose, but they at least were *aware* that they were playing with fire, and could take some precautions.
  5751.  
  5752. >He was the first of Celestia's students to achieve immortality.
  5753. >The fact that he very nearly killed himself in the process is why he's still grounded several hundred years later. And why he's still scribing copies of magical safety books, by hand.
  5754.  
  5755. >Unlike her little ponies, he's old enough now that she no longer feels like a cradle robber when she considers seducing him.
  5756. >But it's the principle of the thing. She can't romance him until he's *learned his lesson*, the silly colt.
  5757. >Or he'll do something foolish, and become the first immortal that wasn't.
  5758.  
  5759. >As a matter of fact, Anon *is* planning to do something foolish.
  5760. >He plans to follow in the footsteps of the great Sun Wukong.
  5761. >Being Immortal is not good enough.
  5762. >He needs to be MORE Immortal.
  5763. >Being grounded sucks, but it's got a few benefits for a wizard.
  5764. >Plenty of time to devote to research, studying, and practice.
  5765. >He totally plans to call himself "The Monkey King" too.
  5766.  
  5767.  
  5768.  
  5769.  
  5770.  
  5771. > When the Queen of the dragons laid Spike's egg, she invited three of the four great wizards to enchant him
  5772. > Anonymous of the West gave him a flawless memory, to aid him in managing his subjects
  5773. > Incognito of the North gave him wisdom beyond his years, so that he would rule wisely in all things
  5774. > Pseudonym of the East gave him discerning taste in mates, to keep him from being deceived by charming scoundrels
  5775. > For their enchantments, the great wizards each received a shed heartscale of the Queen
  5776. > As she had only lived for 1500 years, that was all she had to give
  5777. > The Queen hoped that the favor of three would outweigh the wrath of one
  5778. > But Nemo of the South was wily, and stole away the egg, and placed his dark enchantment upon it
  5779. > Nemo gave him a deep and abiding desire for ponykind and smuggled the egg into Canterlot as a donation to Celestia's School of Gifted Unicorns
  5780. > Raised among the ponies, the crown prince of the dragons would be raised to be gentle, submissive, and impulsive
  5781. > In short, utterly unsuited to regaining the throne
  5782.  
  5783. > Years pass, and the great wizards of the west, north, and east have finally found the heir
  5784. > They and the retired Queen send Princess Ember on a quest to bring Spike back, for which she will be awarded his claw in marriage
  5785. > The wizards assure her that they will safeguard her from Nemo's foul interference
  5786. > One day into her flight towards the lands of Equestria and she desperately wishes for deliverance from their combined and incessant whimsy
  5787.  
  5788.  
  5789.  
  5790.  
  5791.  
  5792.  
  5793.  
  5794. "Hey, Twi."
  5795. "Morning, Anon! How are things?"
  5796. "Well... Celestia and Luna are somewhere in my house."
  5797. >"...Excuse me?"
  5798. "Yeah, they just appear when I'm doing stuff to molest me with magic or wear extremely lewd lingerie."
  5799. >"Lingerie?"
  5800. "Yep. Thigh-highs, chokers. Celestia likes to have her tail binded up, and Luna loves lipstick."
  5801. >"...Lipstick?"
  5802. "She likes red and blue, but says that most colors stand out on my skin."
  5803. >"And you say that they..."
  5804. >"Suck, fuck, duck, and tuck; among other things. Your old teacher is really into buttplay and impregination. Her sister is into edging and oral... and impregnation. What I'm saying is both mares seem to really want to get knocked up."
  5805. >"..."
  5806. "..."
  5807. >"Ohhhh! I get it."
  5808. "...You do?"
  5809. >"That's a good one. You and your jokes. You almost had me going for a second there until you were talking about tail binding."
  5810. "I'm serious."
  5811. >"Hahaha, thanks for this, Anon. It's been a rough week. I needed to smile. Lipstick? Lingerie? Goodness, could you imagine the princesses actually doing something so... colty?"
  5812. "Celestia made me put her in a mating press yesterday."
  5813. >"That sounds like a sandwich. If she were making you make her a sandwich then I'd be worried, but both Celestia and Luna are traveling the world Anon. I got a letter from them yesterday via dragonfire. They're in Neighpon right now."
  5814. "But--"
  5815. >"You have a good day, Anon. Don't work too hard, okay?"
  5816. >With another giggle, Twilight trotted off
  5817. >You sighed
  5818. >Looking back to your house, you could see Luna and Celestia staring at you from your bedroom window
  5819. >You could see both wearing chokers
  5820. >Luna was holding a sign that read
  5821. >COME BREAK THESE STUD
  5822. >You sighed again
  5823. >You didn't have time for any sex marathons
  5824. >You had so much yardwork left to do...
  5825.  
  5826.  
  5827. >Celestia and Luna put a fidelus-esque spell on themselves early into their reign that made it literally impossible for anyone to think of them in a sexual light, in hopes of getting some consequence free action from the new kingdom's colts and stallions
  5828. >Now this may seem a contradiction, and that's because it is
  5829. >The sisters were too caught up on the whole "no one can accuse us of rape if no one can think we even want sex" bit to consider the equally important "but stallions can't get hard if they think they're in a completely non-sexual situation" bit
  5830. >This a thousand years of cursing their hubris that may or may not have led to both Nightmare Moon and Celestia's cake addiction
  5831. >Then Anon shows up and, since he's completely non-magical, the spell doesn't effect him
  5832. >This is their second chance, practically a gift from the heavens themselves
  5833. >They won't be letting this opportunity (and dick) slip through their hooves, no matter what
  5834. >Something something RGRE
  5835.  
  5836.  
  5837.  
  5838.  
  5839.  
  5840.  
  5841.  
  5842.  
  5843. > "Loira, Ah got me a 'uman coltfriend an' it's get roight heavy. 'e's makin' da fook meh eyes, an' Ah don' know the first thing about gettin' 'im outa 'is trousas, let alone 'is sheath. Ah know you read that 'umie smut, what do Ah do?"
  5844. > "Tavs, ya came ta the roight mare."
  5845. -------
  5846. > Be Anon, stripped down to your boxers while your marefriend is... vigorously licking the back of your knee?
  5847. "Doc Oc, what are you doing down there?"
  5848. > Octavia pauses, her tongue sticking out
  5849. > "Human foals do this, right? So it should stimulate your paternal instincts and get you ready for foalmaking, or so Lyra says."
  5850. > You facepalm
  5851. > You knew writing all that ridiculous human erotica would bite you in the butt sometime
  5852. > Or lick you in the knee, you guess
  5853.  
  5854.  
  5855.  
  5856.  
  5857.  
  5858.  
  5859. >Be Lyra, trying to get those sweet, sweet gains.
  5860. >Every pony thinks you're a dyke just because you split rent with your best friend, Bon Bon.
  5861. >It's called financial responsibility, and it's smart, not gay!
  5862. >Whatever.
  5863. >Once you get fit, you'll have colts begging for your tight mare puss, and then they'll see who's gay.
  5864. >Just the idea of starting a herd with Bon Bon is exciting!
  5865. >First things first, though, you need to get rid of this pudge and get some firm glutes.
  5866. >Easier said than done as over the last month you've not lost an ounce and have experienced two different workout accidents.
  5867. >You clearly don't know what you're doing, and aren't too stubborn to admit it.
  5868. >Which is why you're currently trying to listen to your newly hired personal trainer while his tantalizingly clothed package is at eye level with you.
  5869. >When you asked the gym for a trainer, you didn't think they'd assign you the hot primate with a chiseled physique and winning smile.
  5870. >How are you supposed to focus when you're all hot and bothered?!
  5871. >You've already nearly killed yourself three times today on the various pieces of gym equipment, only being saved by Anon's stellar spotting work.
  5872. >Your embarrassment is only compounded as you see the human's bright smile slowly get replaced with a tight-lipped stare as you keep messing up.
  5873. >And this damned heat between your thighs isn't helping matters.
  5874. >When the human finally releases an annoyed sigh after you trip and get tossed from the treadmill, you think he's going to say he's done training you.
  5875. >Instead, he says, "Okay, it's obvious you're too distracted to focus on your workout. Come with me."
  5876. "W-we're are we going?"
  5877. >"The employee showers. They're empty right now, and you need to cool off so we can start your exercise seriously. It's my job as your trainer to make sure you become the best you can be, and you can't do that when you're horny."
  5878. "You noticed!?"
  5879. >"Hard not to, but don't worry, I'll take care of it."
  5880.  
  5881.  
  5882.  
  5883.  
  5884.  
  5885.  
  5886.  
  5887. >You are Anon
  5888. >And physical fitness is incredibly important to you
  5889. >Ever since your "Accident" left you in the hospital for a full month practically tied to a bed
  5890. >After that short stint in the hospital you thought about a lot of things
  5891. >Dad
  5892. >Mom
  5893. >And that you certainly needed to workout if you were going to keep stuff like it from happening again
  5894. >So you asked your friend Dash about helping you get started
  5895. >To which she was more than enthusiastic
  5896. >Like
  5897. >REALLY enthusiastic
  5898. >So now for the past month shes been helping you get started
  5899. >Every morning you run together
  5900. >When you go to the gym she always helps with your squats
  5901. >A really good friend
  5902. >If she wasn't getting into a near territorial fight with Gilda
  5903. >"He asked ME to help Gilda, so buzz off!"
  5904. >"Yeah well doesn't look like you're doing a very good job with it, hey stud, come with me and ill show you how to REALLY lift" She says flexing a 'cep
  5905. >Mired
  5906. >Rainbow grabs you by the hip
  5907. >"He doesn't need anyone but me, I've been working out since middle school! No ones more qualified than me!" She says puffing her chest out
  5908. >Gilda laughs
  5909. >"Guess that explains why you're so short! Lifting that early stunts growth ya know!"
  5910. >Rainbows face reddens a bit in embarrassment
  5911. >"I don't need to take this! Anon come on! Were going to the squat rack!" Rainbow says pulling you by the hand
  5912. "Uh are you two gonna be alright?" you ask her
  5913. >"Don't know don't care! ill talk to her about embarrassing me in front of..." she says as she trails off
  5914. "In front of who?"
  5915. >"N-no one!" she stammers out while looking away from you
  5916. >Cute
  5917. >You look back for a moment at Gilda, racking up some weight on the bench press
  5918. >A lot of weight
  5919. >She looks at you and winks
  5920. >Why do you feel you've gotten in the middle of something incredibly dangerous
  5921.  
  5922.  
  5923.  
  5924.  
  5925.  
  5926.  
  5927. >Teenage anon gets horseadopted.
  5928. >May or may not have had a good homelife before equestria.
  5929. >Dislikes being doted on or 'treated like a child'
  5930. >This just makes shining and cadence all the more determined to show him familial love.
  5931. >Flurry heart being adorable throughout it all
  5932.  
  5933.  
  5934.  
  5935.  
  5936.  
  5937. >unicorn foal
  5938. >Around the age of 2 or 3, its magic starts to manifest in deliberate and organized ways
  5939. >Before that age, a unicorn foal will have little control of their magic - it may not be able to use it deliberately, only appearing during times of distress or emotional upheaval.
  5940. >Sometimes it can activate the magic, but it just can't control what it does
  5941. >But their magic always manifests in a solid shape when it manages to gain conscious control over it
  5942. >Instead of a shapeless blob, your unicorn foal's magic manifests in a pair of crude paw-like appendages which it uses to grab and stroke things
  5943. >It's not uncommon for you to wake up in the middle of the night to the sensation of a ghostly hand tugging on your pajamas, or a round nubby finger poking you in the face; a telltale sign your daughteru had a nightmare and wants to sleep in bed with you and mom(s)
  5944.  
  5945.  
  5946.  
  5947.  
  5948.  
  5949. >Some stallions like really thick chest tufts
  5950. >They're total sluts for mare-musk, and they love the rush of walking around town with a mare's stank all over them
  5951. >Anon doesn't have a pony's sense of smell, so the appeal is lost on him.
  5952. >He enjoys a warm poof of fur as much as any human would, but it's more because it's soft and warm than anything else
  5953. >And since the scent aspect of a mare's chest tuft isn't there for him, the act of a mare shoving his face into their tufts isn't as appealing to him as it would be to a stallion
  5954. >In fact, it seems pointlessly aggressive to him, and he just chocks it up to yet another weird cultural difference
  5955. >Twilight's chest tuft is modest
  5956. >She used to be like Moondancer, who wears a turtleneck sweater to hide just how shorter and less plentiful her chest tuft is, but abandoned the practice when she nearly got heat stroke every day for a week during the height of summer
  5957. >She doesn't feel the need to shove anyone's face into her tuft, since she figures she just doesn't have what it takes to really make it work the same way it works for mares with thicker tufts
  5958. >Anon likes running his fingers through her shorter tuft, and thinks it feels soft and downy like a kitten's fur
  5959. >Twilight never thought anypony, much less Anon, would ever find her small tuft appealing, but she's happy she found him
  5960. >She damn near got a nosebleed when, while they were cuddling, Anon decided to give the whole face-shove thing a go and found that it was more pleasurable to nuzzle a shorter and smaller patch of fur
  5961. >Nothing poke him in the eyes, for one, which was something that ponies didn't have to worry about with their long muzzles
  5962.  
  5963.  
  5964.  
  5965.  
  5966.  
  5967.  
  5968. >Anon was ecstatic when he found out that pony stallions have almost zero sexual stamina.
  5969. >His measly two minutes was going to blow the minds of every mare he got with he thought.
  5970. >Except that it turns out sex isn't really that important to ponies.
  5971. >As a matter of fact, even the best sex to them is about equivalent to a nice back massage.
  5972. >No, to them, sex is merely a means to an end for starting a family.
  5973. >The real emotional connection to them comes from things like hoof holding, preening, and horn touching.
  5974. >As it turns out, these acts are far more than simply mechanical.
  5975. >When earth ponies are holding hooves, they're allowing their magic to flow through each other and mingle, a truly intimate act indeed.
  5976. >Same with wings.
  5977. >As two pegasi preen each other, they're tasting the thick magic that coats the feathers, making them intimately familiar with their partner's unique mana.
  5978. >And when unicorns rub horns and sparks fly, they're magic is actually creating small spell fragments that, as the couple become more in-tune with each other, will eventually create a new spell unique to them.
  5979. >Even mix-tribe relationships have there own acts of deep intimacy that surpass anything putting a dick into a vagina could produce.
  5980. >And here's Anon, the guy without magic.
  5981. >It's practically like he's dickless to mares for all that he can provide in a relationship.
  5982. >Any mare he does end up with will have to be okay with the equivalent of a relationship devoid of true love making.
  5983. >They'll be more like best friends living under the same roof than actual lovers.
  5984. >Thus begins Anons quest to find his own magic so that he can magically fug some pony brains out.
  5985.  
  5986. > Gravelord Incognito's motive
  5987.  
  5988.  
  5989.  
  5990.  
  5991.  
  5992.  
  5993. >tfw you didn't know that horse-people went into heat like normal horses did
  5994. >tfw you wanted to go camping
  5995. >tfw all the other guys hightailed it to a nice cruise
  5996. >tfw they wanted you to go, but you didn't like the ocean
  5997. >tfw there's sharks in the ocean
  5998. >tfw you also didn't appreciate when Thunderlane said something about yoga "being good for you"
  5999. >tfw it's just you and a camp full of heat-struck, aggressive women
  6000.  
  6001.  
  6002. >Go camping with a guy
  6003. >All alone in the woods
  6004. >The only thing standing between you and him is a zipper and whatever shitty material a tent is made of
  6005. >Panties are soaked through
  6006. >Sleeping nude because the heat is unbearable
  6007. >The only thing keeping you and the girls from jumping Anon's bones and riding him into the sunset like a Clara Eastwood movie is that CUNT Sunset being a huge white knight
  6008. >She's sleeping in his tent and won't let of you inside
  6009. >None of the porn you watched about camping with a guy ever prepared you for being blue-beaned this hard
  6010.  
  6011.  
  6012. >tfw the guys didn't actually try all that hard to get you to come with them
  6013. >tfw they thought you might find a nice girl at came, heat or not
  6014. >tfw when they come back from their cruise you've knocked up at least a dozen women
  6015. >tfw curse the old Mou potency
  6016.  
  6017.  
  6018.  
  6019.  
  6020.  
  6021.  
  6022. (Female tirek)
  6023. >Hm, the monkey won't leave you alone...
  6024. >You'd think walking up to him would be enough for him to skedaddle but instead he's giving you a dopey smile and trying to say hello.
  6025. >..he's also magicless...how peculiar.
  6026. >You shall study this odd being.
  6027. >Making him think you are his 'friend' or "marefriend" or whatever it was he said should work.
  6028. >...you certainly weren't picking him up and taking away because you were interested...
  6029. >..no ma'am, this was for..science, yes.
  6030. >Monkey Man must have answers
  6031.  
  6032.  
  6033.  
  6034.  
  6035.  
  6036.  
  6037.  
  6038.  
  6039. >Anonicorn's aliconr physiology is suppose to be a mix of the best of all 3 pony races
  6040. >but he is like somepony whose been whose programmer had a compiling error each way
  6041. >his pegasus wings has the strength of an earth pony and the dexterity of a unicorn
  6042. >his body is built like an earth pony but taller and lither like a unicorn or a pegasus
  6043. > anonicorn cant do magic for shit but can blast magic like a pegasus flaps or how a earth pony kicks
  6044.  
  6045.  
  6046.  
  6047.  
  6048.  
  6049.  
  6050.  
  6051.  
  6052. >"Nonners, I don't think I've ever seen a stallion be as bad of a cook as you. I didn't think somepony could make bad haybugers."
  6053. "I'm not a bad cook."
  6054. >"Yes you are. I'm a cook, Nonners, and I know a bad one when I see it."
  6055. "You're a baker, not a cook."
  6056. >"Same thing, silly."
  6057. "It's not my fault."
  6058. >"I know. It's your dad's."
  6059. "NO. It's because I can't eat hay, or grass, or fucking flowers."
  6060. >"Now that's just quitter talk."
  6061. "It's not."
  6062. >"What about male empowerment, Nonners? Burning ball bras and all that."
  6063. "They're poison, Pank."
  6064. >"I think you're just a picky eater."
  6065. "I eat those I spend the day puking my guts out."
  6066. >"Well, can you at least make rock soup? Even my sisters can do that and Marble can burn water."
  6067. "...Move along before I tie your mane and tail together, you pink brat."
  6068.  
  6069.  
  6070.  
  6071.  
  6072.  
  6073.  
  6074.  
  6075. >Anon eventually finds living shadows like the kind that had possessed Stygian.
  6076. >It senses the desire in Anon's heart.
  6077. >Males were always so easy to manipulate.
  6078. >"Tell me, mortal, what is it you seek power for? Domination? Rise up against the matriarchy? Perhaps revenge for scorned love? Tell me and I will grant your desires..."
  6079. "I just want to have magic so that that I can love mares."
  6080. >"Excuse me?"
  6081. "Well, ya see, I don't have any magic of my own, and it turns out that's a huge part of love making. Honestly, I'm hoping you'll be willing to be my magic ding-dong. I mean, you get a host, I get magic powers for the ladies, and you get to leave this damp-ass cave. I don't see any downsides, do you?"
  6082. >The shadow opens its metaphorical mouth to rebuke the human, pauses, and thinks it over.
  6083. >"I... suppose not. I should be offended by the idea of merely being used as a means of intimacy between you and females, but frankly, as living shadow, I care little for such trivial matters. That being said, I do desire to cause pain and suffering. Will we be breaking the hearts of the mares you seduce?"
  6084. "Yeah no, that's a no go. I'm looking to settle down with a waifu and live a happy life eventually."
  6085. >"Hmm, then we are at an impasse..."
  6086. "I don't know, maybe we can be like Eddie Brock and Venom."
  6087. >"Explain."
  6088. "Like, we can be anti-heros, and go beat the living shit out of criminals and assholes. We do some community service, and you get the satisfaction of bringing some pain and suffering to some deserving folk."
  6089. >"I prefer the suffering of the non-deserving... But I've been down here for over a thousand years without any takers for my dark gifts... Fine, we'll meet in the middle and do things your way, IF we also get to frighten younglings into mortal terror on occasion. The screams of children are very enjoyable to me."
  6090. "Done, we can do it on Nightmare Night and to school bullies."
  6091. >"Then it is a deal. Open yourself, mortal, and accept my power."
  6092. "My body is ready."
  6093.  
  6094.  
  6095.  
  6096.  
  6097.  
  6098.  
  6099.  
  6100. More Manners for Mares a book on courting the Stallion of your dreams!
  6101. >I receive many letters from mares on how to interact with a stallion's parents when invited to dine.
  6102. >Many ask me how they should respond to such an occasion, and how they can avoid angering a stallion's herd mothers.
  6103. >An invitation to dine with the herd a stallion grew up with seems to arouse in the breasts of some mares a feeling almost akin to terror.
  6104. >Fear not however as with all things GUSTO is necessary!
  6105. >Be at ease as your paramour would not have invited you to meet the "family" as it were, without first being at a level of comfort and familiarity with him.
  6106. >Trust in your love and if the pressure becomes too great, remember a stallions father is often someone you can trust to keep some of the more antagonistic herd mates of his off of your back.
  6107. >Every herd knows that it is only a matter of time before their little colts must fly the nest and search for there own herd mates.
  6108. >Although difficult to see their "little boy" bring home an unfamiliar mare it is a natural part of life, and who knows you may even become friends with your new mothers-in-law!
  6109. >Just be honest and forward on your relationship with their "baby boy" and remember GUSTO!
  6110. Cue Twiggles trying to court Anon using a century old dating book, although if its an Anonicorn story it may actually work as I doubt Celestia has kept up with modern dating etiquette.
  6111.  
  6112.  
  6113.  
  6114.  
  6115.  
  6116.  
  6117. >Talking with spike trying to come up with date ideas for your new scalefriends ("She's a friend and she's got scales anon, stop reading into it!")
  6118. >You never knew dragons could blush, worth remembering if you get more intimate with your own 'friend who has scales'.
  6119. >As he takes a bite out of apple sized gemstone you're struck with inspiration.
  6120. >Double date weekend trip to the Crystal empire, dragons love gemstones and it'd be like an all you can eat buffet from what you've heard, not to mention they practically worship the ground Spike walks on after all he's done and he could use the ego boost.
  6121. >Some time away from Ponyville (Or one pony in particular) might also do the little guy some good, carrying a flame (Note to self, find out if dragons like puns) is one thing but there's a point where it shouldn't blind or stop you from making new sparks.
  6122.  
  6123. >Far away in the empire, a pretty pink pony princess feels the sudden urge to give out a gold star
  6124.  
  6125.  
  6126.  
  6127.  
  6128.  
  6129.  
  6130. >In RGRE, mares are dominate
  6131. >The population is skewed to them
  6132. >At least 3 to 1, and up to 8 to 1
  6133. >The roles are switched, but that doesn't need to mean that mares like football and the colts like to knit
  6134. >A mare can like dresses, knitting, cooking, they cry, get emotion, etc
  6135. >A colt can like football, lawns, even be aggressive and even rude
  6136. >The mares just need to be the dominating party
  6137. >This can be as simple as there being more of them then there are stallions, and therefore mares take positions of power
  6138. >It probably doesn't help that their rulers have, and probably will always be, female
  6139. >If this were the case, everything would be run differently
  6140. >A lot less yelling and headbutting
  6141. >Probably a lot more mental gymnastics
  6142. >A bit of pettiness, like with our women, but they've realized that too much of it gets nothing done after centuries and centuries of ruling
  6143. >Stallions are bigger and stronger than them, though they are more gifted magically
  6144. >Mares need to play smarter, not harder
  6145. >A mare wants a stallion to join her herd?
  6146. >She might not outright ask him, but make it so that the stallion thinks it's a good idea to be with her and her girls
  6147. >Gentle nudges
  6148. >They let stallions do what they're best at
  6149. >Physical labor, skilled jobs
  6150. >Think going to trade school instead of college
  6151. >If any show great skill in other things they're allowed to pursue it, though most prefer to be farmers and builders
  6152. >They're made to be guards as well, but these ones are watched closely by the princesses
  6153. >Protected and cared for
  6154. >Both Celestia and Luna see them more as children than protectors, and it's a good way to move stallions across the country to where there are few colts for mares
  6155. >Send a few to "guard" an outpost and let the mares of that town or city work their magic
  6156. >The princesses are happy to see the guards go, even give the new herd some land to raise the next generation if the area allows it
  6157. >It's not a bad system
  6158. >Most are content
  6159. >If you appeared in a horse town you might not even notice anything strange
  6160. >You could go drinking with Caramel and the boys, work at the Apple farm until it felt like your legs were going to fall off
  6161. >You might accidentally catch a glimpse of what was under Rarity's tail
  6162. >She'd catch you looking, you'd apologise
  6163. >She'd say it was perfectly fine and she'd ask you about your day
  6164. >You'd both talk, maybe go to her boutique
  6165. >You've been losing a bit of weight, some new measurements for clothing were needed
  6166. >How was the job?
  6167. >Did you like it here?
  6168. >She was going to have to use her hooves to touch
  6169. >Didn't want to get an incorrect reading after all, and besides, she liked working with her hooves
  6170. >You probably wouldn't know the mare was ten steps ahead already
  6171. >The ball was in her court the moment your eyes went between her legs
  6172. >She could draw this out, see if you would be a good match, or she could have you bend her over a table by the end of the night
  6173. >Not that she was smarter than you
  6174. >Well, she was, but she wasn't Twilight
  6175. >Twilight could have you contemplate the meaning of existence while you sucked on her teats
  6176. >That's just how a mare was raised
  6177. >Don't hit the armor
  6178. >Stab the joints
  6179. >Use the path of least resistance
  6180. >Patience is key, as was a gentle hoof
  6181.  
  6182.  
  6183.  
  6184.  
  6185.  
  6186.  
  6187. > RDE Celestia informally adopts Anon
  6188. > Noblemares with a taste for the exotic are queueing up outside her parlor
  6189. > Meanwhile, Anon is training with the guards, getting fit and learning to fight quadrapeds
  6190. > He isn't satisfied with the weapons he borrows, so he goes to a blacksmith to commission a big sword
  6191. > The blacksmith is Smouldering Ice, a unicorn mare with a rough and friendly attitude
  6192. > They hit it off easily, and months later, she's made him full plate and everything a knight could want
  6193. > Anon asks her out, and she goes pale
  6194. > He's worried she is going to reject him, but she tells him she's just intimidated about having to talk to Princess Celestia about courting him
  6195. > After some fast talking, Anon convinces her that he can go to lunch with her without it being a date-date
  6196. > He was wrong
  6197. > The rumor mill is a well-oiled machine, and by sunset every noblemare and Celestia is aware of their relationship
  6198. > When she opens the next day, Smouldering finds twenty letters at her door
  6199. > Most of them are veiled threats, but one is a polite invitation to tea with the Princess
  6200. > Anon finds her fretting over what to wear, and has the bright idea of going as knight and lady
  6201. > On the way up, Smouldering maintains a shield around the two of them, blocking more than a few "accidental" spills and splashes that would ruin her outfit
  6202. > Celestia herself seems to approve of how she didn't drop the shield until the serving maid poured the tea and retreated from the room
  6203. > Anon is utterly bored by the seemingly inane conversation between the two mares
  6204. > Meanwhile Smouldering has just deflected a potentially disparaging comment about her humble roots by quoting a piece of poetry Celestia herself wrote three centuries ago
  6205. > Then Cadence teleports into the room, rolls her eyes and says that it's a good match
  6206. > The next day, Smouldering's mailbox is flooded with gifts and apologies, many of them hinting at interest in joining the herd
  6207.  
  6208.  
  6209.  
  6210.  
  6211.  
  6212.  
  6213. > Be Heaven Scent, shrine priest for a remote neighponese shrine
  6214. > It's been crazy, this summer
  6215. > One after another, unusual mares have been crashing at the shine, sometimes literally
  6216. > A flirty griffin criminal, a stoic imperial princess and her younger sister, a mad scientist to rival Twilight Sparkle, and two interpol officers
  6217. > You find that they're growing on you, and you know you'll probably end up in a herd
  6218. > The way Grandpa's eyes twinkle when you get caught up in the shenanigans lends credence to your prediction
  6219. > The problem is, they are all good mares, but none of them are suited to being the alpha
  6220. > The griffin doesn't know the meaning of responsibility
  6221. > The older princess is too quick to anger
  6222. > The younger princess barely has her cutie mark, for all that she is the most mature minded of all your guests
  6223. > The mad scientist is a mad scientist
  6224. > One interpol officer is already working herself to the bone trying to get a promotion
  6225. > The other is so vapid and ditzy, you would mistake her for a particularly silly stallion, if it wasn't for her full hips and generous teats
  6226. > You're more than a little tempted to wait until the younger princess gets older, though the thought of all those years of chaos and bickering makes your soul wither
  6227.  
  6228.  
  6229.  
  6230.  
  6231.  
  6232.  
  6233. >"Lemme tell ya somethin', Anon."
  6234. >"I ain't dumb, an' I probably could kick the top o' a mountain off with I wanted to."
  6235. >"Could I be a mayor or somethin' instead of a farmer?
  6236. >"Probably. If'n I wanted."
  6237. >"But I sure as heck don't."
  6238. >"Too much work. I don't know how 'em mare do it."
  6239. >"Don't give me that look."
  6240. >"I ain't lazy!"
  6241. >"I get up the crack o' dawn to buck trees."
  6242. >"You don't even know the meanin' o' hard work, ya big green beanpole."
  6243. >"But there's hard work an' there's HARD WORK."
  6244. >"You wanna know how muh sis spends her day?"
  6245. >"She gets up and does her chores, cooks for me an' Applebloom, bucks some trees, goes to that fancy school an' teaches. If'n she doesn't have to save the world she'll come back to buck some more, get back to the house and clean and look after the farm, and after that she'll help granny with finances or some such thing. Somewhere between that she feeds everypony again."
  6246. >"I tried doin' what she did in a day an' fell asleep by noon."
  6247. >"I don't think the mare sleeps."
  6248. >"An' that's not just Applejack."
  6249. >"Go to any mare in town. They're all like that."
  6250. >"Morning to night, workin' an' workin' an' workin'."
  6251. >"Even my Sugarbelle is like that, an' little Applebloom is gonna be the spitin' image of her sister."
  6252. >"Ain't no stallion in Ponyville stupid. None o' us see the point in workin' so darn hard."
  6253. >"Let me have a stiff cider an' relax after a long day. I don't need no extra stress."
  6254. >"What's so wrong just enjoying your work?"
  6255. >"Focusin' on that instead of all that other nonsense?"
  6256. >"My pa was happy, and so am I."
  6257. >"When Sugar and I have foals, we'll raise 'em together, and have a little o' little Apples running around."
  6258. >"That's all I want. That's all I need."
  6259. >"If the mares wanna run things let'em."
  6260. >"They can be Princesses an' such."
  6261. >"Us colts can do the heavy lifting."
  6262.  
  6263.  
  6264. >"There is absolutely nothing wrong with working in a shop or in the fields, Anonymous."
  6265. >"It's a noble occupation."
  6266. >"I for one could never do what the Apple's do, or what Mr. Cake has to do throughout the day."
  6267. >"Simple, tiring work is good for you stallions."
  6268. >"Now, now. Don't give me that look, Darling."
  6269. >"What I mean to say is, males enjoy that sort of thing."
  6270. >"Building things, clearing fields, things of that sort."
  6271. >"It speaks to even you I'm sure."
  6272. >"I would never say a stallion couldn't be a business owner."
  6273. >"There are many, and they are marvelous."
  6274. >"Stallions are just... more in tune with their natures."
  6275. >"Do you recall that most colts have you a wide berth, and Twilight made sure you didn't get too close?"
  6276. >"That was because you were a new scent, dear. Us ponies are skittish by nature, and stallions can get aggressive when scared."
  6277. >"Do you also recall when you were told to never get behind a stallion, least you be kicked?"
  6278. >"Us mares are better suited to control those urges, which is why you are never warned about those sort of things."
  6279. >"Yes, we mares are in more positions of power, but we don't force anything."
  6280. >"If you'd like to run for mayor next year I would help set up signs myself."
  6281. >"We just have a different way of thinking, dear."
  6282. >"Some stallions think every problem is a nail that just needs hammering."
  6283. >"We don't."
  6284. >"We're more patient, creative in our problem solving, dare I say driven."
  6285. >"You stallions are the strong foundation."
  6286. >"Without you we'd be in shambles, but without us there'd be no house."
  6287.  
  6288.  
  6289.  
  6290.  
  6291.  
  6292.  
  6293.  
  6294. > Konosuba in RGRE
  6295. > Kazuma works with Twilight to get as many human inventions made as possible, asking only for a cut of the profits
  6296. > A lot of his ideas have already been done, but some female masturbation tools are original to Equestria, and quickly become widespread
  6297. > Twilight is disappointed that this creative stallion lacks motivation to invent once he's financially secure
  6298. > Not that she hopes he comes up another invention like anal beads or.a vibrating egg, no, purely scientific disappointment
  6299. > Aqua is initially dismissed as a boastful idiot, but when the weather team needs a lot of water to put out a forest fire nearby, Aqua proves her boasts are legit
  6300. > Instantly bonds with Trixie, the two colluding to put on more impressive magic shows
  6301. > Darkness is very quickly recognized as a depraved pervert, since there aren't enough threatening things around to make her masochism seem like noble sacrifice
  6302. > Ponies aren't sure why Kazuma keeps her around
  6303. > Some think he just wants anything from his home, even if it is a useless pervert
  6304. > Others think Kazuma and Darkness are in some sort of maledom femalesub relationship
  6305. > When Darkness waxes poetic about how terrible Kazuma is to her, and how the disgusted looks of ponies excites her so, their suspicions are confirmed
  6306. > Megumin is mistaken for a male, given the overwhelming aura of whimsy she puts off
  6307. > Admittedly, her magic is impressive, but mostly useless
  6308. > More than a few mares get hot and bothered by the idea of Megumin and Kazuma having an illicit gay relationship
  6309.  
  6310.  
  6311. >"Oh! You're all humans! Anon is going to be so happy!"
  6312. "Eh? Who's anon?"
  6313. >"Come on I can show you to him!"
  6314. >Twiggy takes best worst characters to anon
  6315. "Why is he green?! Where's his face?!"
  6316. >"Yeah fuck you too pal."
  6317.  
  6318. >Anon already knows who these shitters are and is determined to keep them from fucking up his sexist wonderland.
  6319. >One is lazy and the other three are retarded, but he's well aware they he's got his work cut out for him.
  6320.  
  6321. >Mary Sue, the best pony dont question it stop questioning it, comes to town to visit her BEST FRIEND anon
  6322. >She walks in on anon and kazuma arguing over whos waifu is more shit
  6323. >The two humans look at her and back at each other
  6324. >A silent agreement to make this shitty plot device shaped pony frustrated is formed between the two scumbags
  6325.  
  6326.  
  6327.  
  6328.  
  6329.  
  6330.  
  6331.  
  6332. >Catty stallions exist
  6333. >It's rare, but sometimes a herd will boot their stallion if he's a huge cunt
  6334. >Legal battles can happen to see who gets custody of the foals
  6335. >But since stallions are rare due to the gender ratio, even a catty horse-bitch is still a hot commodity and he's likely to be married again
  6336. >"I hope your next mom etc etc" is an insult to a pony's father, implying that he's so unlovable that he's essentially being passed around between various stallion-less herds, whereupon any foals he has legal custody of would have new moms with each new marriage
  6337. >There are human insults against one's mom, but they all pale in comparison to this pony insult against one's dad
  6338.  
  6339.  
  6340.  
  6341.  
  6342.  
  6343.  
  6344.  
  6345. Thinking about it, a Mary sue warps the story / universe around them, so wouldn't they technically be a perversion of Fate/Destiny?
  6346. Or a type of Cancer in the literal sense that eventually corrupts the world beyond recognition.
  6347.  
  6348. >Mary sue is slowly but surely destroying the very fabric of reality and there's nothing that Harmony™ can do to stop her since all her attempts also get twisted to serve the sue.
  6349. >Until Anon shows up and is completely unaffected by the corruption.
  6350. >Is even able to counter it somewhat by pointing out something that's bullshit to any bystanders, which allows Harmony to briefly reassert herself over them and reality.
  6351. >Mary sue thinks Anon is a new villian for her and constantly tries to defeat / befriend him, to his annoyance.
  6352. Could be a fun deconstruction of literary tropes, especially if the Mary sue themselves has no idea that they are a literal cancer
  6353.  
  6354.  
  6355.  
  6356.  
  6357.  
  6358.  
  6359. >SciTwi and her friends go to Equestria one summer break to visit after princess Twilight shortened the portal recharge to just several weeks. As per portal rules, they become young mares.
  6360. >SciTwi is especially excited to study a real alien civilization. She heard from Sunset that Equestria has a lot of reversed gender roles and unusual cultural aspects compared to Earth.
  6361. >Sunset is glad to show them her home and introduce them to Princess Twilight + their alternate selves.
  6362. >But they all learn a pretty drastic downside of living as mares for a few weeks.
  6363. >Estrus.
  6364. >And as hormonal teens living through their first estrus ever, it hits like a train.
  6365. >Maybe this was a bad idea....
  6366.  
  6367.  
  6368.  
  6369.  
  6370.  
  6371.  
  6372. >Anon and Chrysalis shack up in the wilds and she lays a bunch of eggs.
  6373. >She gets kidnapped by Discord and Season9 happens.
  6374. >Anon cant go out and look for her until his little buglings are a bit older and she doesnt want to put her new hive in danger until grogar and later equestria is dealt with.
  6375. >By the time he does manage to travel with his kids in tow she's already been petrified with some centaur and a little filly.
  6376. >Now has to stage an elaborate rescue operation with roughly a dozen young changelings
  6377.  
  6378.  
  6379.  
  6380.  
  6381.  
  6382.  
  6383.  
  6384. >An evolutionary holdover, a pony who might be worried or otherwise has something on their mind might do a spin before seating themselves.
  6385. >In the days of old, it never hurt to take a glance around to confirm the coast is clear before taking a position that doesn't let one immediately sprint
  6386.  
  6387. >prehistoric ponies looked up to(literally) the tallest members of the herd as they'd be the first to spot and react to danger.
  6388. >end result in modern times is that ponies tend to give more respect to tall members of their friends and family.
  6389.  
  6390. >Anon experiences some cultural whiplash when ponyville goes from being slightly wary of him one day to treating him like a friends cool-grandma.
  6391. >he only baked one batch of cookies!
  6392.  
  6393.  
  6394.  
  6395.  
  6396.  
  6397.  
  6398.  
  6399.  
  6400. >mare enjoys it when you groom her, but feels bad that she doesn't have any fleas or feather-mites for you to snack on for your hard work
  6401. >so she goes out to get herself all dirtied up before presenting herself to you next
  6402. >you then proceed to dump her in a fucking bath to clean that shit off
  6403.  
  6404.  
  6405.  
  6406.  
  6407.  
  6408.  
  6409.  
  6410. You are challenged by Sunset Shimmer to a Pokemon battle for one free date with her
  6411.  
  6412. >"I challenge you to battle for one free date!"
  6413. "Really now?"
  6414. >"Yep! You're not skipping out on this Anon!"
  6415. "Mhmm, go Charmander!"
  6416. >"Get Momma that dick Squirtle!"
  6417. >Both pokemon are a bit confused at seeing each other.
  6418. >That's fine, you just need a moment anyway.
  6419. >"Alright Squirtle use-Hey! Put me down!"
  6420. "Nope."
  6421.  
  6422. >You watched as your trainer walked away with Squritle's trainer over his shoulder.
  6423. >Letting out a sigh of smoke the fire pokemon looked over to see Squirtle already had her shades on while shuffling her deck.
  6424. >Scraping out your berry stash from your ball you deal in while the nearby bush started to rustle from the activities of your human and his mate.
  6425. >Humans are just weird.
  6426.  
  6427.  
  6428.  
  6429.  
  6430.  
  6431.  
  6432.  
  6433. >Anon and Bombshell are walking a haunted trail on Nightmare Night.
  6434. >It was setup by the School of Friendship, and they pulled out all the stops if Bombshell is to be asked.
  6435. >She's jolted at least a dozen times, but is making sure to keep a brave face for her stallion.
  6436. >Not that Anon has let the trail break his janefilly front yet, instead laughing at all the most scary things.
  6437. >He walks up to a scarecrow with a painted on angry face, and jabs a thumb at it.
  6438. "This is supposed to be scary? You ponies are too cute," he's saying, unaware that the scarecrow was slowly reaching for him.
  6439. >It grabs him, and he screeches, whirling around and knocking the things head off.
  6440. >He blinks, at first trying to come to terms with the fact that he must have just killed a disguised pony before noting the torso full of hay instead of organs.
  6441. >Then it steps from its post and shambles towards him, earning another scream as he falls back and into Bombshell's quick hooves.
  6442. >"Anon! Anon! It's not real!"
  6443. "It's a haunted scarecrow!"
  6444. >"Silly colt, it's just a simple come-to-life spell. Unicorns sell the cantrip to farmers all the time to make their scarecrows more effective."
  6445. >Anon is still shaken, and keeps one hand on Bombshell's whithers for the rest of the trail, far more jumpy from this point on.
  6446. >She repeatedly soothes his fears and keeps her chest fluff out to let him know she's there to protect him.
  6447. >It's her duty to keep her stallion calm and safe, after all.
  6448. >Anon later snuggles her like a teddy bear as he fitfully falls asleep
  6449.  
  6450.  
  6451.  
  6452.  
  6453.  
  6454.  
  6455.  
  6456. >Today is Father's Day.
  6457. >You're sitting with your married friends and the foals to give the stallions some quiet time.
  6458. >"So I tried to make breakfast in bed for Stargazer, and I ended up burning the whole thing. I mean it's not my fault cooking is a stallion's job."
  6459. >"Tell me about it. I got my husband a nice new ball-br-"
  6460. >She looks down to see her foal on her lap before looking back up and mouthing 'ball bra.'
  6461. >"And you would think I slapped him in the face."
  6462. >"I apparently made the same mistake getting mine a new toaster. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight for getting something we all could use."
  6463. >"How about you? Your Jane-Filly husband giving you a hard time?"
  6464. "Oh not at all, Anon is actually really easy on these kind of holidays."
  6465. >"How so? Just flowers and a card and he's happy?"
  6466. >"Mare I wish it was that easy. But no stallion is like that!"
  6467. >You smile, Anon is no stallion after all.
  6468. "Actually, he doesn't care for flowers and has no real use for cards he said."
  6469. >"So what did you get him?"
  6470. "Nothing much, just a big bottle of booze."
  6471. >They just stare blankly at you.
  6472. >"Seriously?"
  6473. "Yup. As I said, he's easy to shop for on these holidays."
  6474. >You just sit there and lean back smugly.
  6475. >You may not be a changeling, but you can sense the emotions coming off them.
  6476. >And mare are they jealous and envious of you right now.
  6477.  
  6478.  
  6479.  
  6480.  
  6481. > The notice came by magic scroll, but it was a mere formality given the rising concern about the spread of the virus
  6482. > But for Moondancer, it was...
  6483. > Validation
  6484. > [Citizens of Equestria are encouraged to stay in their homes as much as possible, and maintain social distancing and wear enchanted masks if able when in public. Citizens who follow these recommendations will receive a gold star sticker for services to the country.]
  6485. > Moondancer took off her sweater and let her tuft slowly expand
  6486. "Now it's Moondancer's time to shine!"
  6487. > Maybe some stallions will be impressed by her accomplishment when they see the star
  6488. > Maybe, just maybe, the time will come when a colt will let her touch his butt
  6489.  
  6490. > Anon was feeling restless in the castle
  6491. > Sure, it was his fault for mooching off the crown instead of getting a job and moving out, but that didn't mean he accepted his situation
  6492. > Twilight sighed
  6493. > "Anon, there is no way I could ask the staff to work in these conditions. It wouldn't be fair, or hygienic."
  6494. > He crossed his arms
  6495. "Just because I'm a guy, that doesn't mean I'm going to cook and clean for you and Starlight."
  6496. > Twilight gave him an unamused look
  6497. > "It's not because you are a colt, it's because you don't have a job or any other duties. I'm coordinating the response to the pandemic, and Starlight is monitoring the enchantment that is keeping track of the good behavior of our citizens."
  6498. > He snorted
  6499. "I still think a sticker isn't going to motivate anyone."
  6500. > Twilight shrugged
  6501. > "It doesn't have to motivate everypony, every little bit counts. Speaking of which, it's fine if a janefilly doesn't know how to cook that well, it's still better than what Starlight or I will make."
  6502. > Anon grimaced
  6503. "In other words, if I want to eat edible food, I'm going to have to make it myself. I better be getting paid for this."
  6504. > Twilight carefully didn't let a smug smile form on her face
  6505. > "Of course, it is a job after all. Be sure to put it on your resume after this crisis is over, and I'll happily be your personal reference for when you apply to a job."
  6506. > The human grumbled about being forced to be a productive citizen, but Twilight could tell he's accepted the job
  6507.  
  6508.  
  6509.  
  6510.  
  6511.  
  6512.  
  6513. > Be Anon, sitting in the open front door of Trixie's show wagon as she pulls out of Canterlot
  6514. > It was a nice gig, you were the perfect lovely assistant, and you got to meet Twilight's parents
  6515. > That's the problem though
  6516. > When you met Rainbow's mom, you thought it was just a one-off thing
  6517. > But no,
  6518. "It's like, every time I see the mother of one of my friends, I get the hardest boner, and it makes me feel like an asshole!"
  6519. > Trixie frowns over her shoulder at you
  6520. > "The great and powerful Trixie is not particularly interested in the awakening of your homewrecker instincts."
  6521. > You rub your face
  6522. "Sorry, it's just that it's been eating me up inside, and you're the only one that I can talk to about this."
  6523. > She sighs
  6524. > "You're going to make this awkward, aren't you?"
  6525. > You growl
  6526. "It's not like I'm trying to! I just see a more mature, full-bodied version of my friend and I'm pitching a circus tent."
  6527.  
  6528. > Be Trixie, feeling rather slighted that your lovely assistant isn't getting hard watching your marely flanks draw the wagon
  6529. > So, while you could try to help him make sense of his trashy fetish, you feel like playing a trick on him instead
  6530. "Do you know Shining Armor, Anon?"
  6531. > "Yeah?"
  6532. > You turn your head slightly to keep Anon in your peripheral vision
  6533. "Keep this a secret, but Twilight Velvet isn't his real mother."
  6534. > Anon huffs
  6535. > "She's still Sparkle's mom."
  6536. > You roll your eyes
  6537. "His real mom is Celestia, and she's single."
  6538. > You hear the sound of tearing fabric, and Anon frantically covers his crotch
  6539. > Nice
  6540. > He pants breathlessly, getting to his feet
  6541. > "I'm just going to...go back and get some pants."
  6542. > Anon jumps off of the wagon and sprints back to the city
  6543. > You roll your eyes
  6544. "Thots."
  6545.  
  6546.  
  6547.  
  6548.  
  6549.  
  6550.  
  6551. >Be Anon
  6552. >Be in RGREquestria
  6553. >Have herding doggo from when you lived on a farm.
  6554. >Be working at Apple farm without doggo because last time you checked you don't need to herd apples.
  6555. >See a group of ponies walk to you.
  6556. >Noticed that your doggo is running around them and herding them
  6557.  
  6558.  
  6559. >Anon with his Sheepdog best buddy.
  6560. >He lets it roam the orchard with winoa and ocassionally takes them both on walks to the outskirts.
  6561. >on one of these walks the pair of dogs come across a Diamond dog and Winoa introduces Buddy to their cousin.
  6562. >Diamond dog metaphorically shits his metaphorical pants after learning one of the fabled Masters is apparently living with the ponies.
  6563. >immediately digs away to inform the pack, just missing Anon who wonders how the fuck the two dogs dug a huge hole so quickly.
  6564. >a couple barks divert his attention towards more important matters like throwing the ball he's holding
  6565.  
  6566.  
  6567. >anon brought a number of breeds of dogs with him
  6568. >all but one of them are rescues
  6569. >the herding dog is his only "real dog" but he treats them all the same
  6570.  
  6571. e.x.
  6572. >German sheperd wardog vet is stiff and has some partial scars, seen by ponies as the most frightening
  6573. >Old Bernese Mountain Dog, nearing the end of his life but very friendly, patient and always likes to just lie down
  6574. >chihuahua, tiny terror, loud and obnoxious, while the german sheperd is scary, many ponies realized this little rat is the REAL threat
  6575. >street dog if indeterminate lineage, a mutt but probably the most intelligent next to anon's own herding dog, always seen together, and always getting into trouble with the ponies and stealling their food/ herding them to random locations
  6576.  
  6577.  
  6578. >Anon is from EQG, fell into Equestria during the midnight sparkle bullshit.
  6579. >They dont want to just shove him through the existing portal since he might come out as a pony on the otherside.
  6580. >Just chilling in the Crystal sparkle playset as the Twilights and Sunset go back and forth trying to make their own portals without ripping space time apart.
  6581. >Anon asked Sunset to feed his dogs.
  6582. >She talks to them about how Anons doing, which they dont really understand apart from the name "Anon."
  6583. >This girl knows where Anon is, following her will lead them to Anon.
  6584. >They manage to break out of Anons house and follow her trail just as she goes through the portal.
  6585.  
  6586. >Be Sunset, just got back from Anons place and about to deliver some notes to Pony-twi.
  6587. >Suddenly a group of various sized dragons rush by her on all fours making weird growly barking noises with the occasional puff of flame.
  6588. >Anon turns the corner and lets out a colty scream as they jump on him and...start licking his face?
  6589.  
  6590.  
  6591. >Anon end up in RGR equestrian with his dog
  6592. >A border collie that was originally trained as a herding dog to his farm
  6593. >Anon dog is a lot bigger than equestrian dogs, that makes most mares a bit scared but curious at the same time
  6594. >Why a colt would have such intimidating pet?
  6595. >Probably because he is a lonely colt and feel the need for protection
  6596. >Anon is also a reserved Anon, most mare thing he shy and cute
  6597. >But no tried to court him because “big scary dog”
  6598. >Speaking of the dog, he never let go of his herding ways
  6599. >Constantly gather the ponies and lead them to wherever he feels like
  6600. >Most of the times pones don’t even realize they are being herded while Anon watches in amusement
  6601. >One day Anons wakes up very early in the morning to bunch of mares standing in front of his house
  6602. >WTF is happ…
  6603. >Then he see his dog being pet by a yellow pegasi
  6604. >That merry son of bitch
  6605. >Anon apologizes and offer an coffee to make up for that so early in the morning
  6606. >Mares at first look confused, then look to dog then to Anon
  6607. >Rationalize that anon must be a very shy stallion that don’t realy knows how to deal with mares so he trained his dog to help him to find a herd
  6608. >A little creepy for sure, but very clever at the same time
  6609. >Even cute
  6610. >Mare decide to accept the offer to a “sorry coffee” and give Anon a chance
  6611. >Anon face when mares start to flirt with him
  6612. >Anon face when they start to court him
  6613. >Mares face when thing work out and they end up herding with Anon
  6614. >Dog face when he receives a letter from the Crystal Empire inviting him to an interview with Cadence
  6615. >AJ face when Winnona gives birth to the biggiest and rowdiest pups anyone has seen in ponyville
  6616.  
  6617.  
  6618.  
  6619.  
  6620.  
  6621.  
  6622.  
  6623. >Due to the size and shape of the muzzle, ponies developed smell and taste with different success than other mammals.
  6624. >Smaller nasal cavity forced a high density of nerves to compensate, eventually turning into a supreme sense of smell
  6625. >Taste, however, has been much less necessary, and is quite dull compared to other creatures.
  6626. >This is why their diet is drowning in sugar, and condiments are dumped over meals with impunity,
  6627. >Like half a bottle of hot sauce to go on a cupcake.
  6628. >Insert Anon, who now has the trouble of trying to cook both for his palate, and waifu's.
  6629. >She swears it's the greatest thing when she walks in and smells the meal, but when she takes a bite, the flavor is always so weak!
  6630.  
  6631.  
  6632.  
  6633.  
  6634.  
  6635.  
  6636.  
  6637. > Be Anon, having arrived in Equestria about a decade or two before the show
  6638. > You met Twilight Velvet, and she is an incredibly tempting mare, but you aren't going to futurecuck Night Light
  6639. > Then you meet Night Shine, a mare with the same coloration and cutie mark as him
  6640. > With a heavy heart, you herd with them so Twilight Sparkle can be born for the prophecy
  6641. > Why did mom have to raise you to be a good Bene Gesserit boy?
  6642. > Still, your mares are good ponies and you are happy together
  6643. > Your first foal is a white filly with a blue mane
  6644. > Velvet names her Gleaming Shield
  6645. > So it isn't a surprise when later, Night Shine and Velvet talk to you about bringing Sparkle's babysitter into the herd
  6646. > Damn the Bene Gesserit and damn your dick of destiny
  6647.  
  6648.  
  6649.  
  6650.  
  6651.  
  6652.  
  6653.  
  6654. >Coco is caught in a strange paradox for a mare.
  6655. >The surge of hormones brought about by the estrus slowly creeping up on her.
  6656. >It finally gave her the nerve to make a move on the object of her affections.
  6657. >The tall janefilly hymane was the talk of many circles of mares. Some found his feminine ways endearing, others turned their nose up at him, and a small few were smitten. Coco fell into the last group, but like all the others, was too afraid of rejection from the exotic male to try anything.
  6658. >Until now.
  6659. >Was it a case of opposites attracting? Coco endured infrequent jokes at her colty manner and choice in career, and her hymane love is more mare than most, embarrassing even Trixies with his feats.
  6660. >Coco had no idea, but when her cunt took control of her brain and asked him out, pouring her heart out to him in a full bar, she froze in mortification.
  6661. >The tall hymane?
  6662. >An adorable blush dusted his cheeks and the bridge of his little nose before he smiled and agreed. The entire bar watching the spectacle was floored.
  6663. >He agreed!
  6664. >A few nervous dates and hangouts later, and Coco went from infatuated to hopelessly in love. It happened right about the time he ran his hands through her mane and play with her ears for the first time.
  6665. >He was BETTER than her fantasies. She imagined a typical janefilly romance like in a book, where he would be catty and embarrassed, and he did get bashful sometimes, but... There was no drama.
  6666. >He made it easy.
  6667. >Almost TOO easy.
  6668. >After a week of waiting for the other horseshoe to drop, Coco relaxed.
  6669. >This IS the real him.
  6670. >Then on their 3rd date, the opening night of her estrus, Coco freaked out at being late and forgot to take the expensive estrus-suppressant she bought just for this night.
  6671. >All throughout dinner her core and loins began to ache and warm, distracting her.
  6672. >He asked what was bugging her, and Coco's quick "nothing!" didn't convince
  6673. >Then he realized what was wrong, his face suddenly becoming predatory as he takes a deep inhale through his nose.
  6674. >Oh no oh no! He said human's can't smell that good! If he can smell it, then...
  6675. >She glances around at the other diners, and sure enough several stallions look at her. More than one mare smirks and winks (with her eye) at Coco.
  6676. >She looks back at her hymane coltfriend, who eyes her like a piece of fine meat, the actual meat of his half-eaten meal forgotten. He smirks, flashing those sharp teeth that make a thrill run through Coco every time.
  6677. >She's going to be impregnated tonight.
  6678. >And it's going to be violent
  6679.  
  6680.  
  6681.  
  6682.  
  6683.  
  6684.  
  6685.  
  6686. >You, Celestia, and some mortal mare form a herd together, the last of which can't believe she, a simple background pony, is herd sisters with a literal goddess.
  6687. >One night during passionate lovemaking, you are plowing Celestia from behind, her front on the bed while her hind legs are firmly planted on the floor.
  6688. >The smaller mare is on her back on the bed beside the princess, hind legs spread as you finger her hot, wet hole.
  6689. >Both mares are beautiful, and you wish to bring them even more carnal pleasure.
  6690. >Your mouth in unused, and you decide to rectify this.
  6691. >Without pulling out of Celestia, you reach down and scoop the small mare up.
  6692. >Both alicorn and earth pony watch in hazy curiosity as you bring the small mare to your chest, lock lips with her, and suddenly spear her puffy ponut onto Celestia's erect dock.
  6693. Both mares gasp in shock and pleasure as you resume your fierce fucking, rocking Celeista forward and pulling her slightly in and out of the other mare with each thrust.
  6694. >The earth pony moans into your mouth as she's dock fucked, and Celestia is losing her mind at the feeling of this new, perverse pleasure.
  6695. >There might be some embarrassed shamed later, but right now, both are lost to their ecstasy and your sexual whims.
  6696. >As you reach your climax, you unleash a thick blast of cum into Celestia's depths as she moans like a wanton whorse.
  6697. >After the second thick rope paints her insides, you pull out and masterfully adjust your angle to thrust up into your other mare's tight marehood just in time for the third and forth blasts of potent seed to fill her womb.
  6698. >Once you've squeezed out every last drop of essence, all three of you collapse into a sweaty heap
  6699.  
  6700.  
  6701.  
  6702.  
  6703.  
  6704.  
  6705.  
  6706. >Anon is an Outdoors guy
  6707. >And not any Outdoor guy for the matter, but the fag that was always making the primitive tech/survivor threads
  6708. >Once in Equestria decides to live the dream
  6709. >Start by camping on the edges of the everfree and gathering information of the local fauna and flora with the nice pones
  6710. >Gain fame of total amazon janefilly
  6711. >This alone already attracted many mare in a superficial level
  6712. >But eventually they find out that he can actually cook and sew
  6713. "Gotta know how to cook a newly caught fish, or repair your jeans on the trail"
  6714. >Nowadays a modern stallion can barely microwave a hot pocket because they're so "liberated"
  6715. >Perfechousehusbandomaterial.scroll
  6716. >Guide fillies on trails and scavenge some herbs and animal parts for Zacora to get enough bits to buy the few tool he can’t make or don’t have the resources for
  6717. >Eventually have everting prepared and Anon goes full wild, living in the deeps of the forest
  6718. >Some mares think it's terrible for such quality colt to be out in the woods getting all dirty and risking getting hurt or worse when he could be starting a nice herd.
  6719. >Others find the thought of a strong Amazon like stallion in the woods hot and think ponies should leave him be.
  6720. >"When he's ready for a herd he'll come to town and choose the best mares to make foals with."
  6721. >"But how will he get the mare to come with him if they don't know each other well?"
  6722. >"One: What kind of a dyke would refuse an amazon dick?, Two: You can't tell a Amazon colt 'no'. You're getting snu-snu mare."
  6723. >Then the mares that believe he simply see's all the mares as pathetic and weak and he needs a strong mare to come and show her worth like nature intended.
  6724. >”He will only accept the courting of a mare strong enough to beat and conquer him, he won’t submit to anything less than a true alpha mare”
  6725. >These three sides start to debate what should be done.
  6726. >It reach’s such a level that even the princesses get into it.
  6727. >Celestia and simply wait for him to come claim a mare. Which -obviously- will be her.
  6728. >Cadence is incentivizing and coaching Luna, who began to work out more and tries to get stronger to prove her worth. Working on her magic, flying, and muscle.
  6729. >”I din’t got my soldier D by being a weak tuffbeard and you won’t get the amazon D being one! Now lift mare!!! LIFT!!!!”
  6730. >Twilight thinks they've lost their minds for allowing a poor colt live in the woods
  6731.  
  6732. >Meanwhile Fluttershy and Zecora snag him without even trying because the former asked him to keep his meat-eating to fish when he first arrived and her animal friends keep tabs on him, while the former is happy to share and learn from a fellow survivalist
  6733.  
  6734.  
  6735.  
  6736.  
  6737.  
  6738.  
  6739.  
  6740. >Soulmates and reincarnation are real.
  6741. >So are other worlds.
  6742. >Anons soul, or rather the physical embodiment of his soul at the time, got stranded in another world during a freak magical accident.
  6743. >His waifu lives and dies over and over without ever meeting her One™, because he's not there.
  6744. >Every time Anon dies his soul is able to slip through a world boundary before he's pulled back into the physical existance again.
  6745. >Every death another step forward.
  6746. >Until one day he comes across a gap in the world boundary in the physical realm.
  6747. >He doesnt consciously recognise it of course, in the Physical realm it's just an odd ripple in the air like heat waves that's slowly disapating.
  6748. >But his soul recognises it, and it feels like every fibre of his being is SCREAMING at him to walk forwards before it's too late.
  6749. >So he does, and everything goes dark.
  6750. >How long is a moment?
  6751. >To a soul, a moment is the space between Was-Then, Now and Will-be-Then, only time for a single action between 'Was alive' and 'Will be born'
  6752. >But to a soul that's already within a body? A moment is all the time in the world, a moment could be spent thinking philosphy, on the nature of life, death and the inner works of what makes individuals seperate from a collective, you could explore all their intricies within that moment, for what is Time in a place with no measure?
  6753. >You could do all of that, or you could use your moment to rapidly rip through countless dimensions back to your other half after spending an eternity without her and like fuck are you wasting this chance.
  6754. >To Anon, he experiences a kaleodscope of colour and rush of sound, his physical brain doing it's best to comprehend what was previously purely spiritual concepts and doing a pretty good job all things considered.
  6755. >His movement and thought process are arrested with one final "Brown" before he strikes the tree with a thunk, a strange feeling of excitement filling him even as he falls unconscious.
  6756. >He's home
  6757.  
  6758.  
  6759.  
  6760.  
  6761.  
  6762.  
  6763.  
  6764. >Frodo and Gandalf sail away from middle earth at the end of the trilogy.
  6765. >Storm hits their boat on their way to elf-land and they wash up in RGRE.
  6766. >Frodo still has hyper-burnout/depression from carrying the ring and is basically a robot.
  6767. >They meet Bombshell on the shore and she takes them into her home.
  6768. >When Frodo showed the first hint of real emotion after several weeks of apathy due to Bombshells antics, Gandalf decided that this strange little pony may be just what the hobbit needs
  6769.  
  6770.  
  6771.  
  6772.  
  6773.  
  6774.  
  6775. >Anonicorn has an overprotective family
  6776. >Celestia has become more paranoid since his birth, and worries about him constantly when he's out of her sight
  6777. >Luna keeps a close eye on him, but is generally chill
  6778. >...Even though she overreacted and threatened to throw the bucking moon at a foreign dignitary over a misunderstanding about him
  6779. >Twilight is... Twilight
  6780. >She's terrifying enough when she's trying to be helpful
  6781. >Cadence sends death-glares to any filly or mare she determines is trying to use Anon
  6782. >Being threatened by having your love-life permanently sabotaged is a terrifying threat in a land such as Equestria
  6783. >Even his teenaged older sister figure, Flurryheart, is fiercely overprotective
  6784. >After all, her ripping a school's wall off via her magic and crashing to the ground from low-orbit after hearing him sniffle would shrivel the teats of even the bravest mare
  6785. >He, Shining, and Spike commiserate with each over traditionally 'marely' things
  6786.  
  6787. >Overprotective sister in Flurryheart
  6788. >Every filly that he's friends with is vetted by her behind the scenes
  6789. >Bitdiggers being pushed by their parents find themselves being distracted if innocent, threatened if they're complicit
  6790. >Almost has panic attacks as her little brother figure likes to do batshit crazy things
  6791. >Building a catapult powered by his magic to launch him into near-Equestrian orbit, for example
  6792. >Cadence is worried her daughter is going to get grey hairs before she even turns eighteen
  6793.  
  6794.  
  6795.  
  6796.  
  6797.  
  6798.  
  6799. > Himbos
  6800. > Stallions with extra tall horseshoes, artificially large balls, and ball bras that contrast with their coat
  6801. > Rarity is desperately trying not to think about that while you try on a ball bra that most definitely does not match your skin tone
  6802.  
  6803.  
  6804.  
  6805.  
  6806.  
  6807. >The feeling when no big balls goth coltfriend
  6808.  
  6809. >Ywn worry for his safety everytime he get's close the knife drawer
  6810. >Ywn spend hours listening his bad poetry
  6811. >Ywn go for a moonlight date with cheap whine on the cemitery
  6812. >Ywn comfort him during his existencial crisis by cuddling with him
  6813. >Ywn have angrly blushing after making him smile
  6814. >Ywn get that sense of acomplishment, beyond the crazy sex, for nowing you are genuinaly making his life better
  6815. >Ywn get him from cuting himself and marrying you by saying the most heartfelt 'I love you" at midnight under a full moon
  6816.  
  6817. >Why still live sis
  6818.  
  6819.  
  6820.  
  6821.  
  6822.  
  6823.  
  6824. > Anon's marefriend left him for a younger stallion
  6825. > He was not prepared for how crushing that feels, how it makes all his hard earned accomplishments and skills feel like nothing
  6826. > Up until now, he felt he could safely ignore all the comments about being so marely for a male and getting by with some basic cooking skills
  6827. > Rarity finds a broken man on her doorstep, smelling of cider and heartbreak
  6828. > He looks at her and asks what he should do to be handsome
  6829. > Rarity invites him in for tea, and gets him talking about what he really wants, and discusses with him about how to get it
  6830. > He trusts her completely, changing his wardrobe, learning how to put on some subtle make up, and learns a toning work out routine
  6831. > He still feels weird the first time he goes out in public, wearing a shirt that bares his midriff and clings to his pecs
  6832. > Not to mention the custom underwear Rarity made for him, which matches his skin tone and encloses his dick in a tube for modesty, while leaving his balls cooled and supported, but half-exposed
  6833. > But the difference in how ponies treat him is night and day
  6834. > Before, he would be the subject of a lot of friendly teasing, and some mild distaste from more traditional mares
  6835. > Now stallions are dropping everything to come over and compliment him about his new look
  6836. > Mares turn their heads whenever he walks by, and he gets more than a few catcalls
  6837. > Some mares he's been friends with have asked him out for coffee, or dinner and a movie
  6838. > It feels amazing, and he knows just who to thank
  6839.  
  6840.  
  6841.  
  6842.  
  6843.  
  6844.  
  6845.  
  6846. >Be Nerdlight Sporkle
  6847. >Your parents were out for the weekend
  6848. >There were no exams Monday
  6849. >It was the perfect time for you and the girls to have a get together
  6850. >They come over your house, you watch movies, eat pizza, tell stories, wrestle
  6851. >Things girls do
  6852. >It was fun
  6853. >But it was different tonight
  6854. >Rainbow, the madgal, had asked Anon to join you all on a dare
  6855. >You all had thought the giant boy would just call her creepy and walk away, but no
  6856. >He came at seven sharp, with a pillow and pjs
  6857. >He seemed confused that he had been invited
  6858. >The rest of you were nervous
  6859. >What the heck were you going to talk about now?
  6860. >Or watch?
  6861. >You can't belch in front of a boy!
  6862. >Or look at pornography!
  6863. >You had the new issue of Sassy Sock Sluts and everything!
  6864. >You all say in the middle of your bedroom criss-cross applesauce
  6865. >You and the girls gave Anon kind of a wide berth
  6866. >Anon himself just stared back at you, a bit lost
  6867. >You had been staring at each other for the better part of ten minutes, neither side knowing what to do or say
  6868. >Thankfully, Rarity FINALLY broke the silence by clearing her throat
  6869. >"Well, we're happy to see you here, Anonymous," she said.
  6870. >"Happy to be here. I guess," Anon replied. "So... what do you ladies do at sleepovers."
  6871. >Applejack glared at Rainbow, who was trying hard not to look in the farmers direction
  6872. >Rarity just nervously chuckled
  6873. >"Oh, well... you know. Just girl things. I'm sure it's not much different than the sleepovers you have with your friends."
  6874. >"I've never been to a sleepover," Anon said
  6875. >You and the girls exchanged glances
  6876. "Really, not even once?" you asked
  6877. >"Nope," Anon replied, shaking his head. "It's... different where I'm from. Guys don't have a lot of sleepovers."
  6878. >You felt the hair on your arms stand on end
  6879. >Pinkie was going to say something inappropriate
  6880. >You could feel it
  6881. >You leaned over toward her, arms, out, trying to place a hand over her mouth
  6882. >It was too late of course
  6883. >Your friend had already leapt through the air like some sort of hyperactive bunny, landing squarely in Anon's lap
  6884. >Fluttershy gasped, Applejack--who was frowning so hard that he nearly came off her face--punch Rainbow's shoulder
  6885. >You just facepalmed
  6886. >Please don't...
  6887. >"Then you've ever had a sexy pillow fight, Nonners?" Pinkie said, just a little too loudly
  6888. >Oh shit...
  6889. >You all groaned
  6890. >Anon just say there, staring down at the girl
  6891. >"No, I have not."
  6892. >"And you've never practice-kissed with another boy?"
  6893. >"Nope."
  6894. >"What about trying on sexy lingerie--"
  6895. >"For fuck's sake, Pinkie," Sunset said. "Quit it!"
  6896. >"Quit what, Sunny?" Pinkie asked, patting Anon's chest. "I'm just asking some questions. Is that so wrong."
  6897. >Anon looked around, brow furrowed
  6898. >"I didn't get invited to some weird sex thing, did I?"
  6899. >You all just groaned again
  6900. >It was gonna be a looooooong night...
  6901.  
  6902. >Think Anon...
  6903. >How to get the girls out of this.
  6904. "You know I had to go out and buy some pajamas. Well, not really pajamas per say. More like lounge pants and just an old tshirt."
  6905. >"Why in tarnnation would you do that Anon?"
  6906. >AJ looks honestly puzzled.
  6907. "Well... because I don't have a set of pajamas."
  6908. >"Did something happen to them?"
  6909. >Fluttershy genuinely asks.
  6910. >"Yeah, you get a stain on them or something? Couldn't be caught dead wearing dirty pig's? Haha!"
  6911. >"Rainbow! I'm sorry darling for her RUDE outburst."
  6912. "Actually, it's because I don't own any."
  6913. >If this was a movie, you could have sworn you just heard a record stop noise happen.
  6914. >Twilight decides to clear her throat to break the tension.
  6915. >"Sorry, but what do you mean? Everyone has pajamas. What do you normally sleep in?"
  6916. >"Is it naked? I bet its naked!"
  6917. >Pinkie exclaims and the rest of the girls give her death glares.
  6918. "No, I don't sleep naked."
  6919. >"See Pinkie, there is always a reasonable explanation to these types of things."
  6920. >Sunset states with a smile.
  6921. "I just normally sleep in my boxers."
  6922. >"He just normally sleeps in his-"
  6923. >Sunset stops and slowly turns towards you.
  6924. >"Ju-Just your boxers?"
  6925. "Yeah."
  6926. >"N-no shirt?"
  6927. >Fluttershy adds.
  6928. "Not unless it's really cold, no."
  6929. >You notice a lot of the girls pit their legs together and some crossed their arms over their chests.
  6930. >You hope you didn't offend them.
  6931.  
  6932. >You are Twilight Sparkle.
  6933. >You are pressing your legs together so no one cam see how wet you are getting at the thought of a boy routinely sleeping in just his underwear.
  6934. >You are also crossing your arms so no one else can see how hard your nipples are too.
  6935. >This cute little cinnamon bun is to pure for this world.
  6936.  
  6937. >tfw you just spend the night sitting around eating pizza while the girls try not to do lewd things with you
  6938. >Well, Applejack and Twilight try to keep the other girls from doing lewd things to you
  6939. >tfw it mostly works
  6940. >Pinkie got a smooch, and Rainbow and Fluttershy got some pictures of your butt when no one was looking
  6941. >tfw at the end of the night you all just sort of sleep on the floor in a pile
  6942. >tfw applejack gets too close and gets cuddled
  6943. >tfw she doesn't get a wink of sleep, what with your arms wrapped around her and your junk rubbing against her butt
  6944. >tfw she nearly has a panic attack each time you move
  6945. >tfw at least you don't snore like Big Mac
  6946.  
  6947.  
  6948.  
  6949.  
  6950.  
  6951.  
  6952. >Despite being more mare-like in attitude and behaviour, Anonicorn is a very handsome yet capable stallion.
  6953. >Celestia, worried about bit-diggers, is overprotective behind the scenes, observing and silently intervening at a distance.
  6954. >She's happy to note that, once introduced on her taking the newly-ascended alicorn under her proverbial wing, her son and Cadence become close friends.
  6955. >Her being stallion-like and her son a janefilly mean they compliment one another very well socially.
  6956. >If something more were to occur between them in the future, she wouldn't be opposed.
  6957. >In the future, once she returns and is cleansed, Luna decides to be the 'cool aunt', which has varying levels of success due to her being out of date and Anonicorn's age.
  6958. >She's also fairly progressive: ironically, she was the one pushing for equality between stallions and mares a thousand years ago
  6959.  
  6960.  
  6961.  
  6962.  
  6963. >Anon, Smoldash, and tall Hootershy all go out together.
  6964. >Waiter mistakes them for a family and quietly asks Fluttershy, being the head of the family, if her daughter would like a kids menu or an adult one while motioning towards Dash.
  6965. >Fluttershy gets flustered and doesn't correct the waiter but simply says an adult one would be fine.
  6966. >Dash is wondering what the waiter just asked Fluttershy once he walks away.
  6967. >When explained, Anon finds this hilarious while Dash is embarrassed and pissed.
  6968. >So pissed she is almost causing a scene and people are starting to turn and look at their table.
  6969. >Fluttershy, being too shy, just puts the menu in front of her face and tries to hide.
  6970. >Anon, being an asshole, looks Dash right in the eyes and asks if this is how she repays her parents for taking her out to a restaurant and promising she will be in for a punishment when they get home if she keeps this up.
  6971. >Though he expected her to laugh it off or get pissed at him, Dash actually got quiet and stopped making a fuss.
  6972. >Anon and Fluttershy look at eachother, silently wondering why that worked but end up enjoying their meal, with a bit of awkward silence and small talk.
  6973.  
  6974.  
  6975.  
  6976.  
  6977.  
  6978.  
  6979. >"Mrs. Celestia?"
  6980. "Yes, Anonymous?"
  6981. >"Can I ask you a question?"
  6982. "Absolutely young man. What's your question?"
  6983. >"Now lets say, hypothetically, that one of your students is fooling around with some of the female staff."
  6984. "Go on."
  6985. >"Okay. Now, let's also say that your student has fooled around with multiple staff all over the school. I'm talking about in classrooms, in the gymnasium, in the cafeteria. Basically anywhere they'd be alone for ten minutes."
  6986. "Ah-huh."
  6987. >"Now, again, this is completely hypothetical and never, ever happened, but let's say while your student had Mrs. Spitfire riding him while Mrs. Cheerilee was sitting on his face, the student somehow manages to see a security camera pointed their way because they're fucking in a hallway."
  6988. "Watch the language, Anonymous."
  6989. >"Apologies. Anyway, how might one hypothetically find the room where the camera recordings were stored, and how would one find the highest level of security password to get into a computer to edit the video so that no one gets in trouble."
  6990. "Well... that's an... INTERESTING question."
  6991. >"An interesting, hypothetical question."
  6992. "Yes, of course. Hypothetically, that someone would need to get the code from either me or Luna, as we have the highest clearance in the school."
  6993. >"Oh, good to know. Thanks a bunch, Principal Celestia."
  6994. "You're very welcome, Anon. And Anon?"
  6995. >"Yes ma'am?"
  6996. "Get your cute butt over here and earn that password underneath my desk, you beautiful slut~
  6997.  
  6998.  
  6999.  
  7000.  
  7001.  
  7002.  
  7003.  
  7004. A stupid sexy Teen Anicorn short.
  7005.  
  7006. >There was a time when Anon used to feel envy for Twilight and her gifts, and jealousy that his mother might prefer the filly over him, but those days have passed and he's glad to be able to call her a friend and tutor.
  7007. >She really has helped him with his magic, and they meet regularly for lessons.
  7008. >Ever since he hit his latest and probably last growth spurt, though, she's slightly altered their sessions.
  7009. >"To better visualize and weave your mana into spells, we'll be doing our lessons blindfolded from now on."
  7010. >He thought it was pretty strange at first, but he has to admit, it really helped him in bettering is spellwork.
  7011. >Meanwhile, Twilight feels the eyes of the various male guards on her like a hawk, watching for any inappropriate behavior to be reported back to her friend's mother.
  7012. >Even still, she often has to fight the urge to lift her own blindfold to ogle the stallion across from her.
  7013. >If not for the strap of fabric over her eyes, she'd hardly be fit to teach him anything as she leaked like a faucet and ground her marebits into the cushion beneath her.
  7014. >Sometimes, a small part of her wonders if she could overpower the guards, prevent them from making a report, and take Anon right there on the spot.
  7015. >She could, she knows, and while retribution would be swift and gruesome from her mentor, it would be worth it to have Anon under and inside her just once.
  7016. >These thoughts are why the current lessons are about defensive magic.
  7017. >"Now, you've been practicing your barriers diligently, I'm sure, but an attacker is liable to go for your horn first. That's why today, we'll be working on wards and auto-activated spells. With some proper forethought, you'll be able to defend your long, t-thicc horn from even surprise attacks."
  7018. "Wow, that sounds amazing, Twi! You're so smart and thoughtful."
  7019. >"I love you."
  7020. "Huh?"
  7021. >"I thank you! For the compliment, I mean. That's what I said. N-now, onto the lesson."
  7022.  
  7023.  
  7024.  
  7025.  
  7026.  
  7027.  
  7028. >Be Celestia
  7029. >You really hope they finally fuck already
  7030. >Twilight's geared up to get her wings, and you're fucking sick of holding Luna back from giving your boy l-lewd dreams
  7031. >Perhaps giving him only fake wings and tight undies that purposefully accentuated his bulge was a mistake.
  7032. >For fuck's sake, you want some grandfoals to spoil.
  7033. >...did you really just think that?
  7034. >You're becoming more like father every day...
  7035.  
  7036.  
  7037.  
  7038.  
  7039.  
  7040.  
  7041. >ywn work for the Wonderbolts
  7042. >ywn help hose them off b/c fingies
  7043. >ywn scrub their manes way better than hooves can do
  7044. >ywn start getting hit on, because what sorta DYKE looks at available dick and goes "nah"?
  7045. >ywn give them ear-scratches and nose-boops until they fall asleep, because you aren't that sorta anon
  7046.  
  7047.  
  7048.  
  7049.  
  7050.  
  7051.  
  7052.  
  7053.  
  7054. >Be Anon
  7055. >Get hit by truck-kun
  7056. >The world goes black
  7057. >A beautiful horse with wings and a horn appears before you
  7058. >"Hail, son of Man. I am the Princess of Isekai. You have died."
  7059. "God damnit."
  7060. >"But as one killed in the most sacred of methods, you are sent to a fantasy land to continue your journeys."
  7061. >Just like in your Chinese comic books!
  7062. "Okey dokey. Why are you a talking horse?"
  7063. >"Because I come from the Equestria, the land of magical ponies. That is also where I will be sending you."
  7064. "Okay, cool, I think I've heard of this stuff. Do I get any cool abilities?"
  7065. >"Hm... alright, just one ability tho, and as long as it's nothing too crazy."
  7066. "I was poor while on Earth, in the new life I want to be able to create money out of nothing!"
  7067. >"Very well. You shall be able to create bits with your special magic, out of nothing!"
  7068. >She fades away.
  7069. >You wake up in Equestria.
  7070. >Start making bits and buying stuff.
  7071. >Lots of bits.
  7072. >Lots and lots of bits.
  7073. >Equestrian economy crashes.
  7074. >By royal decree, little horses stop using bits as currency.
  7075. >You are blamed for the crash.
  7076. >All you bought for your manufactured bits is removed from you, to compensate for the damage you've done.
  7077. >You complain but who are you anyway, you don't get a say.
  7078. >As an immigrant monkey and a male you are doubly incompetent at managing bits and property, and likely to continue your track record of bad decisions.
  7079. >Oh well.
  7080. >The ponies don't throw you out of Equestria though.
  7081. >Now your daily job is in the metal industry.
  7082. >Your infinite supply of bits gets melted up and used in various appliances.
  7083. >You're paid an okay wage for making the raw material for buckets and saucers and pipes.
  7084. >All the metalworker mares try to hit on you.
  7085. >Life isn't that bad desu.
  7086.  
  7087.  
  7088.  
  7089.  
  7090.  
  7091.  
  7092.  
  7093. >Born fully cognizant and with a set of memories not his own, Sunny Aomo grows up irregularly.
  7094. >More irregularly, that is. Being the first male alicorn birthed after the spontaneous pregnancy of his God-Queen mother means he's already unnatural.
  7095. >The world is strange to his confusing 'human' side, but feels perfectly natural otherwise. So much he sees and hears are at odds with the alien memories bouncing around in his mind.
  7096. >Maybe he's ill in the head? No. An illness can't just GIVE him knowledge no matter how strange... But thinking that means trusting the phantom experience that may or may not be insanity to tell him that he's not insane.
  7097. >Questions and no answers. It makes Sunny's tiny skull throb with pain, and sometimes he gives in to the infantile urge to cry.
  7098. >His beautiful God-Queen mother would drop what she was doing to tend to him, one time even halting her twice daily ritual of moving the sun and moon to ease his pain with gentle words and tender touches. The tongue of Equestria certainly isn't English, but Mother's ability to convey her heart via tone is astounding.
  7099. >What a divine, otherworldly creature she is. Sunny, for all his memories, did not know what love was before be laid blurry eyes on his mother's smiling face for the first time. Maybe it was his bias as a foal, or how 'Anonymous' never felt like this, but Sunny loves his mother.
  7100. >But he can recognize her watching him with worried eyes sometimes. She knows something is afoot with him.
  7101. >The instincts of a normal foal are easy to submit to, but he still slips up. Once he can speak, he can't keep the secret from her. He loves her too much to lie, regardless of what she thinks afterward.
  7102. >Years later, shortly before preschool begins, Sunny sees his name spelled down on paper for the first time and feels his blood go cold.
  7103. Ponies don't use English, but the written script is similar.
  7104. >And Sunny Aomo is an anagram of Anonymous.
  7105. >He wasn't insane.
  7106. >He was reincarnated. On purpose
  7107.  
  7108.  
  7109.  
  7110.  
  7111.  
  7112.  
  7113.  
  7114. Lady tirek brainstorming:
  7115.  
  7116. > She's free, and Anon volunteers himself as tribute to get the tits and horsepussy
  7117.  
  7118. > She's imprisoned, Anon is guarding her patch of Tartarus? Maybe works as a social worker/personal councilor to reform villains before they inevitably break out
  7119.  
  7120. > Anon did some sort of binding magic to stop her, and now she is doing community service as his maid
  7121.  
  7122. >Anon is blind, and during her invasion her humanoid half gets drawn to him, and ends up being his eyes and mount since she's one of the few big enough.
  7123. >Celestia and Luna start getting jealous, seeing her get rid around, and so the date game begins
  7124.  
  7125.  
  7126.  
  7127. >Anon's antimagic existence nullifies her power within a certain distance, and also wants them tits and horsepussy
  7128.  
  7129.  
  7130.  
  7131.  
  7132.  
  7133.  
  7134.  
  7135. > Be Anonpone, Mrs. Cake's eldest son
  7136. > You once found the bakery to be a sweet and peaceful life, but as you've grown older, it feels stale and sickly sweet
  7137. > To escape from it all, you've taken to reading romance novels, full of dark and intriguing stories
  7138. > Rich mares tempting and binding young stallions, corrupting them with exotic luxuries and premarital hoofholding
  7139. > Your appetite for these books is insatiable, so much so that Princess Twilight has set a quota on how many you can check out
  7140. > Hypocrite, Spike told you all about how she hid herself away for years with her books
  7141. > Frankly, your life is boring and nothing you did seem to change that
  7142. > Then Harshwhinny came into town, talking about buying Sugarcube corner or something
  7143. > You knew what you had to do
  7144.  
  7145. > Be Harshwhinny, negotiating with the Cakes about opening a branch in Manehattan
  7146. > At first they were surprised by your offer, but they've been warming up to it
  7147. > Then their eldest son burst into the room and buried his face in your tuft
  7148. > "Take me instead! Leave my family out of this!"
  7149. > You look at him, then his parents in wide-eyed alarm
  7150. "I-"
  7151. > Anonpone starts huffing your scent
  7152. > "Even if you ravish me every night, I won't try to escape, knowing that I'm protecting my loved ones!"
  7153. > Mr. Cake is facehooving
  7154. > Mrs. Cake has an apologetic smile on her face
  7155. > "We'll agree to the deal if you have Anonpone manage the branch, just make sure he doesn't get taken advantage of. How does that sound?"
  7156. > You feel like you're making a mistake, even if your scent is all over this svelt young colt
  7157. "We have deal."
  7158. > What else could you do?
  7159.  
  7160.  
  7161.  
  7162.  
  7163.  
  7164.  
  7165.  
  7166. >Rainbow Dash is a typical horny mare
  7167. >She's as close to a jock as a mare can get, and she's always taking dumb bets when her pride is on the line
  7168. >And you, Anon, are her only real male friend.
  7169. >She goes to you for stuff she's too embarrassed to go to other mares for.
  7170. >"I can't just tell them I don't know what a blowjob is, Anon! C'mon, they'll laugh me out of the Wonderbolts! It's not my fault that dad and mom were breathing down my neck when I was a teen, keeping me from getting any dick!"
  7171. >Today is a day like any other.
  7172. >The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, and Rainbow Dash is laying on your couch, clutching her crotch and whimpering.
  7173. >"S-She bet I couldn't m-mash my clit and cum 15 times in 10 minutes!"
  7174. >You didn't think it was possible to get friction burns down there, but these are the sorts of things you learn when you're friends with Rainbow Dash.
  7175. >And now it's up to you to hold an ice pack to her groin and pretend (for her sake) that you didn't see her cry.
  7176. >She honestly reminds you of that friend you had back on Earth that had to go to the hospital because he got his dick suck in a vacuum hose.
  7177. >"Ah! It's cold!"
  7178.  
  7179.  
  7180.  
  7181.  
  7182.  
  7183.  
  7184. Fun fact: Horses only need about 2-3 hours of sleep per 24 hours, half of which is in 15 minute naps throughout the day while standing, the other half laying down for REM sleep.
  7185.  
  7186. > Anon sleeping for hours on end is seen as cute
  7187. > Living with a mare takes some getting used to, she's up at all hours, sometimes waking him up at 4 in the morning
  7188. > He then takes naps in the middle of the day, sometimes cuddling with his mare
  7189. > Even after 15 minutes, he's still asleep, and the mare is "trapped" because her cute coltfriend is still wrapped around her
  7190.  
  7191.  
  7192. >Dragons don't actually sleep years and years. It's just the ponies exaggerating.
  7193. >They sleep a normal 18-20 hours a day like most carnivores.
  7194. >Spikes narcoleptic fits in the first season wasn't because he was a baby dragon, it's because he was a fucking dragon.
  7195. >Even when sleeping 7-8 hours a day, your mares banter with, "Maybe you'll wake up before the end of the century."
  7196.  
  7197.  
  7198.  
  7199.  
  7200.  
  7201.  
  7202.  
  7203. >Anon stays at Shining's place so he can help the colt prepare for an O&O game they would be playing the next day with some friends.
  7204. >It would be Shining's first time DM'ing instead of Anon, and he wanted Anon to give him advice and help set up a good outline for an adventure.
  7205. >Anon didn't think he was that great of a DM himself, but he did have a great memory and many campaigns of D&D locked away in his head to plagiarize, so he was happy to share a few ideas.
  7206. >Plus, Night Light made great cookies and plenty of them for their sleepover.
  7207. >All in all, it was pretty fun, even if it was a little weird how Shining's little sister would peer through a crack in the door and watch him intensely until her heavy breathing finally caught his attention.
  7208. >He'd look up, she'd scramble down the hall back to her room, only to return several minutes later to repeat the cycle.
  7209. >Creepy, but whatever.
  7210. >It wasn't until Night Light declared lights out that Anon found himself bored.
  7211. >He had trouble sleeping in an unfamiliar place, and it was only compounded by the fact that he hadn't gotten to finish his nightly routine he started ever since he hit puberty.
  7212. >Namely, rubbing one out before bed.
  7213. >And without his usual collection of magazines it would be hard to do now
  7214. >He was always resourceful, though, and O&O books always had good illustrations.
  7215. >The page on incubus and succubus ponies especially was quite eye-catching, and where he had the book open to when he was in the bathroom, trying to keep his breathing from getting to loud as he focused on the sexy demon mare standing by the more scantily clad stallion.
  7216. >What he wasn't aware of was that Twilight Velvet just got home from working late, and was trying to quietly reach that bathroom without waking anypony up.
  7217. >Fun fact, even as a teen, Anon stood quite a lot taller than ponies
  7218. >Most mares were waist high with him, which Velvet was reminded of when she opened the door and Anon spun around to give her quite the eyeful
  7219. >Literally an eyeful.
  7220. >Which stung far more than she imagined in her teenage fantasies so many years ago.
  7221. >Her surprised scream was quickly gurgled and followed by a coughing fit as Anon started apologizing profusely.
  7222. >Every pony in the house awoke and rushed in on the scene to see Anon hastily tugging his pajama bottoms up and trying to help Twilight Velvet who was hacking violently on the linoleum with both clear and white streaks running down her face.
  7223. >It was too late to take Anon home, which led to a very awkward breakfast the next day as no words were spoken, Velvet tried to clumsily eat her food with no depth perception due to the eye-patch she was wearing, and Twilight glaring daggers at her mother from her seat as close to Anon's side as possible without him gently pushing her away again.
  7224. >Shining Armor would re-work his adventure to no longer include a succubus encounter, and would not make use of the creature in a campaign for nearly two decades.
  7225.  
  7226.  
  7227.  
  7228.  
  7229.  
  7230.  
  7231.  
  7232.  
  7233. > MLH spinoff specifically about Anon and his acquaintances/friends
  7234. > Cute boys do cute things
  7235. > Or a The Office style pseudo-documentory on the average nerd's lifestyle on modern day earth
  7236.  
  7237. > Anon is a minor villain in the show, because it didn't show his side of the conflict
  7238. > Fanfillies have written tons of stories about Anon's character either stepping on them or getting reformed by their hot mare depths
  7239.  
  7240. > Anon's depiction in the show skips over a lot of his insecurities and personality flaws
  7241. > Fans who get to know him are simultaneously disillusioned with the character, yet encouraged by the knowledge that even the wise "Uncle Anon" has weaknesses and flaws
  7242.  
  7243. > Anon's character is portrayed as a hopeless romantic, pure and innocent
  7244. > When asked about his various actions, Anon admits his primary motivation was "she had nice tits and I wanted to fuck her"
  7245.  
  7246.  
  7247.  
  7248. "Lyra, I've already said that humans don't do that."
  7249. >"I'm pretty sure they do, Anon"
  7250. "As someone who grew up in the world of humans, I can assures you, we do not."
  7251. >"Well, I'm the show runner of MLH, so..."
  7252. "And I'm a literal human, so..."
  7253. >"Yeah, but I made your entire world from my imagination, so..."
  7254. "Lyra, how many times do I have to say that MLH and the real world I come from are not the same."
  7255. >"Anon, it's really cute you're trying to pull one over on me, but you are not going to convince me that there just so happens to be a world of humans completely separate from the one I made up in my head."
  7256. "And yet that's how the cookie has crumbled."
  7257. >"Is this because human males are complete sloots and you don't want ponies to know? It's kinda too late for that, Anon. You're wearing socks."
  7258. "My mother knit me these socks, I'll have you know."
  7259. >"U-unf, of course a creation from my world would know about my secret incest fetish..."
  7260. "God fucking dammit."
  7261.  
  7262.  
  7263.  
  7264.  
  7265.  
  7266.  
  7267.  
  7268. >Be Raven
  7269. >Celestia doesn’t want to let prince Anon go into the guard yet, so she put him as your assistant
  7270. >To be fair the young alicorn is more competent than most intern mares you've had
  7271. >He also let you play with your more coltish side with him, playing dress up and cosplaying
  7272. >The only problem is that the prince being a little flirt with you
  7273. >Was cute when started, but now you don’t really know what to do
  7274. >He even asked your opinion on which socks would fit him better!
  7275. >What in tartarus have Shining Armor and Blue Blood taught to that kid.scroll
  7276. >And last time you played dress up with him he wore an almost exact copy of your outfit and gave you a look over the glasses that is forever burned into your soul
  7277. >You dreamed about that look one night and since then you swear that you saw some batponies sneaking around you more than once
  7278.  
  7279.  
  7280.  
  7281. >Shining(under cadence influence) is trying to teach Anon the virtues of love, how to understand and read mares, and how choose good ones and avoid the ones who only want to use him
  7282. >They(mostly Cadence) are possibly trying to ship Anon with Twilight
  7283. >Meanwhile Blueblood is acting to perverse those teachings, instructing anon on how to tease and toy with mares
  7284. >Teaching him how to be the ultimate manipulative THOT, if he so desires
  7285.  
  7286.  
  7287.  
  7288. >Anon, being a super horny teenage alicorn, just takes the teachings of both parties to refine his attempts to seduce Raven
  7289. >literally everyone else is dismayed by this
  7290. >Cadence is mad that her ship of Twilight and Anon is completely sunk with a broken everything
  7291. >Shining is under the mistaken notion that Anon hasn't learned what he was teaching Anon
  7292. >Blueblood was hoping Anon would join him in messing with the money-grubbing nobility, not realizing that Anon would be happy to join him if he just asked
  7293. >Luna and her guards are now constantly watching Raven looking for any signs of her 'grooming' her nephew
  7294. >Celestia is worried her son will be heartbroken when Raven passes on due to old age, unaware that Anon has already worked out a way to make other ponies semi-immortal
  7295. >Raven is horribly stressed between the constant watching of Luna and her guards and the thought that her boss's son is seducing her, with more success than she'd like or admit
  7296.  
  7297.  
  7298.  
  7299.  
  7300.  
  7301. >Be Anon
  7302. >Be pretty not happy
  7303. >Every since Twiggles had taken over the government, things had been a bit fucky
  7304. >The mares, though enthusiastic, really didn't know what she was doing
  7305. >This meant all government spending was now a free-for-all
  7306. >Everypony was trying to get their funding, or more funding than they had before
  7307. >Ponyville Elementary had been thrown under the bus during all this
  7308. >Mrs. Cheerilee was already buying notebooks and pencils out of her own pocket, and now there was nothing coming in
  7309. >That was where you came in
  7310. >You needed money for the school
  7311. >A lot of it, and fast
  7312. >Which was why you were here, in the bad part of Canterlot, in some seedy bar
  7313. >The place was packed to the gills with mares, bits at the ready
  7314. >You were on stage, in your underwear, standing there while some shitty pop music played
  7315. >You were green, not black, so you weren't dancing to that shit
  7316. >Trying not to sigh, you turned toward a clothes rack, filled with clothes
  7317. >As you grabbed a undershirt, mares started to hoot and holler
  7318. >"Put it on, slut!"
  7319. >"It better be tight!"
  7320. >"Socks nexts! Put the socks on next!"
  7321. >You put on the shirt, listening as bits were thrown all around you
  7322. >A dress shirt went on next, then a tie
  7323. >"Yessssss!"
  7324. >"Choke yourself with it, whore!"
  7325. >"Sluuuuut!"
  7326. >Some mares tried to rush the stage, only for bouncers to pill them off and carry them to the door
  7327. >A bit flew through the air, going down your shirt
  7328. >This caused a shout so loud that the walls seemed to shake ring out
  7329. >You reached for some pants
  7330. >Those fucking kids better appreciate their new fucking books...
  7331.  
  7332.  
  7333. >Then the students find out about Anon being force to be a slut so that they can get school funds
  7334. >The Cutie Mark Crusaders decide to save Anon's reputation by marriage and make a honest stallion out of him.
  7335. >Plus it'll be bragging rights of snagging a hot Dilf like Anon that'll dress up in socks is a bonus
  7336.  
  7337.  
  7338.  
  7339.  
  7340.  
  7341.  
  7342. > Rarity comes across a Symbiote while gathering gems
  7343. > It leaps at the chance of having a host
  7344. > Rarity is not terribly impressed with most of it's abilities, but absolutely adores how it can take the form of whatever clothes she can think of
  7345. > And then there is how it is perfectly happy to help her masturbate
  7346. > The only way it could be better is if it were a stallion, and if it would stop talking about conquering worlds for some empire or another
  7347.  
  7348.  
  7349.  
  7350.  
  7351.  
  7352.  
  7353.  
  7354. >Cue Sunset having a guest over to stream with her and realizing too late that she doesn't have the internet to protect her
  7355. >Sunset regrets that she's in tit-punching range of the person whose dad she just proclaimed she'd fucked last night
  7356.  
  7357. >Anon wakes up
  7358. >Sees Fluttershy has his girlfriend in a headlock
  7359. >Fluttershy has a black eye and her controller is broken
  7360. >Sunset's headset is snapped in half, she has a split lip, and her top is ripped
  7361. "...the fuck?"
  7362.  
  7363. >"You come to my house, play on my stream, tell the thousands of viewers that you fucked my boyfriend - WHEN WE BOTH KNOW YOU DIDN'T - and to top it all off, you edge camp? Bitch, give me 1 good reason not to empty my fucking bag of chips down your shirt and mash gamer fuel against your big dumb tits."
  7364.  
  7365. >They have controllers hooked up to a computer, not a console
  7366. >It's all ghetto rigged to stream better for reasons
  7367. >Controller buttons and control sticks correspond to buttons on the computer, etc
  7368. >It's all running on an emulator
  7369. >Anon has a wireless keyboard hooked up that's also taking up the same channel as one of the girl's controllers
  7370. >While pretending to doze, he's been hitting keys at random to make one of them screw up a move, run where they didn't mean to, etc
  7371. >Maybe he can switch between both at will and is fucking with both of them
  7372. >Anon is just sitting back and watching the girls get more and more angry at each other
  7373. >A few people in chat have figured it out, since his hand moves each time something goes wrong, but the girls are too pissed off to take their eyes off the screen
  7374.  
  7375.  
  7376.  
  7377.  
  7378.  
  7379.  
  7380. >anon usually handled the chat and the tech stuff
  7381. >but sometimes he'd take the role of host from sunset to play something their viewers had never heard of before
  7382. >mario, a weird but extremely high quality knockoff of mare-io games
  7383. >zelda, a series that gave some in the audience a new fetish for reversed gender roles, hunky male hero saving a princess? from a male villain? hot
  7384. >others that were similar to games they knew but were vastly different
  7385. >they were rare, infrequent, and no one could ever find information about them anywhere else but at shimmer cove
  7386. >these streams were known for being three things
  7387. >weird, mysterious, and most of all chill
  7388. >sunset was the hothead angry gamer, while anon's streams were anything but
  7389. >until that day, the day anon finally streamed a game that made him break his calm mask
  7390. >and their viewers were introduced to something they had never heard before
  7391. >calm, sweet bf of sunset, the chill sock sloot that he was
  7392. >was swearing like a sailor, rivaling some of sunset's angrier moments
  7393. >while a shirtless man in a pot tried his best to climb a mountain with a sledgehammer
  7394.  
  7395.  
  7396.  
  7397.  
  7398.  
  7399.  
  7400.  
  7401. > Anon gets the recommendation to play Light Hearts, and checks it out
  7402. > Some sort of visual novel? Could be fun
  7403. > Sunset resigns herself to weeks of her boyfriend stumbling through relationships
  7404. > Chat practically froths at the mouth when Anon accidentally slights Burger Meister within the first hour, thereby dooming the run to one of the several town Okay Ends
  7405. > Anon is actually pretty satisfied with becoming the town blacksmith, even if he has an ongoing feud with the tanner and baker, and missed every romancible character
  7406. > Before, chat would wonder why such a 9/10 fit and chill guy would stick with a woman who plays videogames in a basement
  7407. > But now they can see, Anon has the social aptitude of a puppy: enthusiastic and loving, but missing so many nuances and signs that he made a mistake
  7408.  
  7409.  
  7410.  
  7411.  
  7412.  
  7413.  
  7414. >Arrive in Equestria very shortly after Luna arrives
  7415. >She's still in her pre-current form
  7416. >Smaller, non-ethereal mane, etc
  7417. >Realize that Celestia is the average size for an adult alicorn
  7418. >Mistake Luna for a filly, assume she's Celestia's daughter
  7419. >Make a habit of picking her up and carrying her around
  7420. >While she doesn't appreciate the baby talk, Luna finds that she's growing fond of having her face pressed against your chest
  7421. >"This chest tuft, while pitiful, has scents that makes Our snoot tingle. Sister, We think We like him. Can We keep him?"
  7422.  
  7423. > Somehow its been a few years and nopony has corrected anon, he still treats luna like a foal
  7424. > Luna is starting to like this too much
  7425.  
  7426. >Luna can ask for cuddles from Anon and not be considered to be a creepy mare
  7427. >Luna can sleep in Anon's bed at the castle and he holds her tight without a word
  7428. >Luna can nose-boop his dick and he won't call her a pervert; in fact, he's the one who looks like he feels awkward
  7429. >Luna hated that slower alicorn aging/physical development meant that it would take a solid decade before she re-hit her growth spurt
  7430. >The last time she was this small, she was 47
  7431. >But now she can have all the (admittedly paternal) cuddles she wants, and Luna has a mean case of skin hunger after 1000 years of isolation
  7432. >Meanwhile, Celestia thinks it's hilarious that Anon believes that Luna is her daughter, and is in no hurry to correct him

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm