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Insanon by Insanon

By porppr
Created: 2025-03-23 02:03:28
Updated: 2025-03-23 02:05:13
Expiry: Never
anoneqgmane 7/alone in equestria girls/horror?

  1. I didn't write this, Insanon did. But his bin is gone and I wanted to read it so here it is for posterity.
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  6. Insanon
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  10. >You wake up in the body of one Anonymous Jr.
  11. >That is to say, you wake up in your own body.
  12. >Just like every morning.
  13. >Most of the time, at least.
  14. >Begrudgingly, you drag yourself out of bed.
  15. >Today’s the day. Your first appearance at Canterlot High School is in the works.
  16. >Changing schools always sucks ass but this time you’re confident things will go well.
  17. >After all, CHS is supposed to be all about the “Magic of Friendship” or whatever other gay shit.
  18. >You lazily get up onto your feet and make your bed. Surveying the room, a pair of pants once carelessly tossed aside climbs its way up your legs.
  19. “Huh, thanks.”
  20. >”No problem.”
  21. >Pants acquired, your closet doors open for you. A barrage of vivid colors and musical notes fly from it, encouraging you to sing as your shirt wraps itself around you and buttons itself.
  22. “OHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT’S A WONDERFUL DAY!
  23. I’M STANDING HE~RE WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE!
  24. EVERYTHING FEELS GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
  25. IT’S A WONDERFUL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”
  26. >’Gosh, what the fuck am I doing?’
  27. >Suddenly, your door slams open.
  28. >The doorframe morphs into a mouth, and begins whispering seductive nothings at you, beckoning you to go all the way through it.
  29. >You roll your eyes and proceed casually down the escalator outside your bedroom, greeted once again by the happy sight of a dirty, empty kitchen.
  30. >Plates fly off shelves and food appears on top of them. You help yourself to a fantastic breakfast.
  31. >Glancing at the clock, Time tells you that you should probably get going. He gathers you up in his arms and pulls you out the door to your car.
  32. >Yes, you have a car and a license to drive. You’re a senior in high school after all.
  33. “Wait, don’t forget my bag!”
  34. >In response to your plea, your shoes pry themselves off your feet and dash into the house. As you merrily buckle your seatbelt, they run back out the door, bag in tow.
  35. “You guys sure are athletes!”
  36. >Jamming your keys in the ignition, you give ‘em a turn and fire up your vehicle.
  37. >Your radio assaults you with gibberish, so you switch it to “CD” and get comfortable in a wave of music.
  38. >With a cheerful grin, you gun it out of your driveway.
  39. >Speeding is against the law, but Law is no friend of yours!
  40. >Nothing particularly interesting is happening on the way to school, so you see it fit to tune out for a bit.
  41. >Not that you’re practicing unsafe driving or anything.
  42. >...
  43. >With the school now in view, you slow down to a more reasonable speed.
  44. >After all, you really shouldn’t exceed 25 mph in a school zone! If that driver’s education class you took taught you anything, that’s it.
  45. >You pull into an open space near the front entrance. You pat your dashboard as your car whines, it never likes it when you turn it off.
  46. >Compassions over with, you twist your keys and wrench them out, plunging them back into your pocket.
  47. >Suddenly, your hatstand springs from your back seat. It’s uppermost prongs morph into a smile.
  48. >”Hi Anon! I forgot to give you your favorite hat this morning. So I came with you, teehee!~”
  49. “Oh Mr. Hatstand! Thank you so much, you shouldn’t have!” You say, in a knowing, exasperated tone.
  50. >Your hatstand grins nervously and shakes free a large, oddly patterned top hat. It has multiple thin, stick-like things poking out of it and a red cloth tied around it.
  51. >You adorn your head with your fine piece of attire and begin your jaunt into the school building.
  52. >Seemling awaiting your entrance, a warm looking woman stands amidst a reverie of largening and shrinking lockers, holographic doors, and a floor splotched with patches of lava.
  53. >Cautiously, you tip-toe your way towards her.
  54. >Despite the oddness of your saunter, her motherly smile never fades.
  55. >”Haha! I wonder what she’d look like while she was dying.” You think to yourself, just before a floor tile jumps up and snaps at your ankles.
  56. >Ever patient, the woman waits until you’re just outside arms length to greet you.
  57. >”Hello there, I’m Principal Celestia.” She begins, extending a hand, “You must be the new transfer, a mister… Anonymous?”
  58. >As her mouth opens and closes, birds fly out from her throat and begin circling your head.
  59. >The shrill noise of their chirps almost prevents you from hearing everything she said, but you manage to pick up on every word.
  60. >You grab her hand and shake it vigorously.
  61. “Yep, that’s me! I’m Anonymous! Well, I guess I’m not anymore, considering you know who I am…”
  62. >You begin to sweat as she laughs at your joke.
  63. “Oh, uh, by the way, you can just call me Anon.”
  64. >”Well, Anon, I hope you’ll enjoy your time here at CHS. I trust you’ve received your schedule…?” She says, trailing off after noticing the horrified expression on your face.
  65. “I, uh, um… I d-don’t…”
  66. >The colors around you begin distorting and fading out.
  67. >Black and white consume the visible spectrum and you start to feel lightheaded.
  68. >”Anon? Anonymous. Anonymous!” Principal Celestia shakes you, her hands on your shoulders. She looks you in the eyes, still holding her gentle, loving expression. “Don’t worry about! We can get a copy for you right away.”
  69. >With that, she rushes into her office. Moments later, she walks right back out.
  70. >”Here you are, Anonymous.”
  71. >You grasp the piece of paper from her seven fingers and gaze up into her four eyes. Lights fade in and out, but her angelic halo imprint upon you the image of a goddess.
  72. “Right, sorry, thank you.” You force out, holding back a tear.
  73. >”It looks like you have first period with Mr. Cranky Doodle. Another of my students, Sunset Shimmer, would most definitely be happy to show you around, if you want. She’s in the same class.”
  74. >You pop in and out of existence as she points you towards the classroom.
  75. >Putting one hand in front of the other, you walk your way inside the room.
  76. >Putting one foot in front of the other, you approach the teacher’s desk with the intention of introducing yourself.
  77. >Surprisingly, everything seems normal.
  78. “Excuse me, you are Mr. Cranky Doodle, correct?”
  79. >He slowly looks up at you, “Yeah, that’s me.” He says with a sigh. “You the new kid?”
  80. “Yep, I'm Anonymous. A pleasure to meet you.”
  81. >”Uhuh.” He says, in a monotone drawl. “Well, you can introduce yourself to the class once everyone is here. Or not. Your choice.”
  82. >With a harumph, he returns to the papers he was working on.
  83. “Yeah, okay. I'll do that!”
  84. >Moments later, people begin filling into the classroom.
  85. >A few of them give you odd glances.
  86. >Mr. Cranky Doodle stands and walks up to the front of the room.
  87. >”Good morning class. I trust you all had great weekends. I sure didn’t.”
  88. >The class laughs as he lets out a long sigh.
  89. >”Anyways, today we have a new student joining us.”
  90. >He motions for you to come up to the front of the room. “Go on then, introduce yourself.”
  91. “Ahem, uh, hi everyone! I’m Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon. I just moved to Canterlot recently and I’m really looking forward to a great year with all of you!”
  92. >”Uh, Anonymous, are you in there?”
  93. >You turn to your teacher, confused.
  94. “Huh?”
  95. >You failed to notice your mouth had jumped off your face and run away.
  96. >Noticing your panic, your hand detaches itself and crawls after it.
  97. >Following a brief scuffle, you put on a panicked smile.
  98. >”We’re waiting.”
  99. >The whole class awkwardly looks around.
  100. >As sweat rolls down your face, a few students start laughing.
  101. “Um… h-hello. MynameisAnonymous.You can just call me Anon…” You mutter quietly.
  102. >The students heads start bursting into flames.
  103. >Their hair becomes snakes.
  104. >Every sound they make is a screech in your ears.
  105. >You are absolutely terrified.
  106. “And, uh… that’s it.”
  107. >You move to take a seat in the back of the room but halfway there a fallen tree blocks your path and knocks you down a spiral staircaise.
  108. >”Hah, nice one, dweeb!”
  109. >You arduously force your way back up and claim your seat at your desk.
  110. >Next to you, a fiery haired girl. She leans over towards you. “Don't worry about her, she’s just a bully.” She whispers. “My name's Sunset Shimmer.”
  111. >Ah, so this is the girl the principal told you about.
  112. >She seems nice.
  113. >The massive horn coming out of her head and the demon wings really shout ‘great person’.
  114. “Heh, uh, yeah it's fine. Nice to meet you.”
  115. >Suddenly, your backpack forces open the zipper you put on it.
  116. >The travelling storyteller duo, #2 Pencil 1 and #2 Pencil 2 roll onto your desk.
  117. >They pull you into a different world, tuning out everything around you.
  118. >So it only makes sense that you ignore everything else.
  119. >Aside from a few isolated incidents, the rest of the day was mostly bland.
  120. >You continued on in your own world until the end of the week, when it came to be that you were holding court in the lunchroom.
  121. >Be you
  122. >You're Sunset Shimmer.
  123. >You're eating lunch with your friends.
  124. >Separate from the usual talk, conversation has drifted to the new kid. Anon.
  125. >”I think he's weird!” exclaims Rainbow Dash.
  126. >Rarity scoffs. “Now, Rainbow Dash! I expected more from you. You barely know him!”
  127. >"Hey! Neither do you!”
  128. >”Girls! Ah don't think it's very polite ta be talkin’ about him like this.” Applejack interjects.
  129. “I agree Applejack, but I have to wonder, why is Anon always alone?”
  130. >Seriously, what is up with him?
  131. >”Hey what do you mean alone? That table is full!” Your over-excited pink friend chimes in.
  132. “Full? What are you talking about? It's empty.”
  133. >”Oh, okay!”
  134. >Pinkie Pie returns to playing with her food. She's somehow managed to assemble a working squad of toy soldiers.
  135. >You've gotten used to it…yeah…
  136. >You sigh.
  137. >Principal Celestia did say he was, well, special.
  138. “Maybe one of us should go talk to him?”
  139. >”Not it!” Rainbow Dash quickly yells out.
  140. >Rarity, Applejack, and even Fluttershy immediately follow suit.
  141. >”I-I’d just really prefer not to, h-he kind of scares me.” Says the sheepish third.
  142. >Pinkie Pie is too absorbed in her reenactment of D-Day and Twilight is currently absent.
  143. “Fine, well, I guess I'll go talk to him then.”
  144. >”Good luck!”
  145. >You watch everyone cheerfully return to conversation as you cautiously approach Anon’s table.
  146. >”Order! ORDER, I SAID!”
  147. >Oh goodness...
  148. >Anon slams his fist into the table and shouts at nothing as you approach him.
  149. >He glares angrily around at all the empty seats.
  150. “Um, hi Anon!”
  151. >”Oh, Sunset! You're exactly who I was waiting for!”
  152. “W-what?!”
  153. >...
  154. >You're Anon again.
  155. >Sunset Shimmer finally arrived!
  156. >She’s the key witness the prosecution has been waiting for.
  157. >You motion to the glowing, rotund man in front of you.
  158. “Jelly Rambler here says you saw the murder take place! You've been called to testify.”
  159. >You cross your arms in a stately manner.
  160. >Sunset looks very confused.
  161. >You decide to intervene once her face starts melting off.
  162. “Listen here! No one can force you to testify, but if you withhold valuable information, you'll be letting this man go free!”
  163. >You point at the lithe, slimy man to your right. His tar black skin blisters with hatred.
  164. “You're the only one who can tell us whether he really killed those people!”
  165. >”If you don't testify, you're just as much a murderer as he is! You monster!” Jelly Rambler shouts.
  166. >Wow, isn't he just absolutely livid.
  167. >”Anon, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.” Sunset says, awkwardly shuffling her feet.
  168. >You give an exasperated sigh.
  169. “Sunset, listen. This is a very delicate matter. The way you’re acting right now suggests this man is innocent.”
  170. >”I don’t see an-”
  171. “Sunset! We need your help to put this man away for good!”
  172. >”Anon, are you messing with me?”
  173. “Sunset, this is NOT a joking matter.” You shout, standing up and waving your arms. “You are the key witness in this case! Right?!”
  174. >””No, I don-, what are you talking about! Anon, you’re scaring me. Not to mention, you’re kind of making a scene!” Sunset shouts, her voice getting quieter towards the end.
  175. >She brushes your hand off her shoulder.
  176. >Apparently it saw fit to fall off while you were moving your arms and grabbed hold of her.
  177. >You stoop down and pick it back up.
  178. >Meanwhile, everyone in the lunchroom has turned to look at you.
  179. >Before you know it, your feet are out the door.
  180. >Well, not that that means you are.
  181. >Running away never worked before so it definitely isn’t the best course of action here.
  182. >You feel really uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the standing on stumps thing but it could be how everyone’s eyes have rolled out of their sockets and are now starting a massive drilling operation on every inch of your body.
  183. >You shake your body to knock them off, and they rapidly return to their hosts.
  184. >Only to resume staring at you, of course.
  185. >Your vision turns red and you begin to sweat profusely, filling the room with gallons of liquid.
  186. >Just as you begin drowning, someone interrupts you.
  187. >”Anon, it’s okay.”
  188. “Oh, right.” You say, turning back to your companions. “Case closed everyone, we all know he gets away with it in the end anyway.”
  189. >The trees growing out of the ceiling caress your head with their branches, and you give Sunset a big smile.
  190. “Hi Sunset! What was it you wanted?”
  191. >She looks shocked at your sudden shift in demeanor.
  192. >”Well, I came over here to talk to you. What was all that about just now…?”
  193. “What are you talking about?”
  194. >”You were spouting all this nonsense about me being a witness to something.”
  195. “Nope, you must be crazy, Shimmy.”
  196. >”Shimmy? Crazy? Anon, slow down a second. I’m really confused!”
  197. >You give her a big shrug. Your head falls off your shoulders.
  198. “Don’t worry about it!”
  199. >Sunset blinks a couple times.
  200. >Your head is back where it started.
  201. >”Listen, Anon, I wanted to ask why you’re always over here all alone.”
  202. “Oh, uh, well, I don’t really know anyone. Seems obvious to me. Besides, sitting on my own let’s me h-handle important BUSINESS!”
  203. >’God, my teeth really hurt…’
  204. >”Do you want me to introduce you to my friends?” Sunset asks, forcefully ignoring your odd behavior.
  205. >By this point, the rest of the lunchroom has settled back into whatever they were doing.
  206. >Well, not everyone.
  207. >A blue blur rapidly approaches you.
  208. >”Hey! Sunset! Is this kid giving you trouble?” A cocky sounding, athletic looking girl shouts.
  209. >”No! Rainbow, it’s fine. I was actually just about to bring Anon over to introduce you all to him.”
  210. >”Sunset, I dunno…” Rainbow says, visibly uncomfortable.
  211. >”Rainbow! I’m sure we’ll all love Anon once we get to know him. Including you!”
  212. >With that, you all melted into a puddle and oozed your way over to their table.
  213. >Four girls, all beautiful in their own right, awaited your arrival.
  214. >The pink one on the far left catches your eye. The reenactment she appears to be working on is an absolute masterwork.
  215. >”Anon, these are my friends! Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy.”
  216. “H-hello! I’m Anon.”
  217. >”A pleasure to make your acquaintance, DARLING. My name is Rarity.” Says the ivory-skinned beauty in front of you.
  218. >Her purple curls all fall off her head.
  219. >’Wow, that looks ridiculous.’
  220. >You stoop down for a second intending to help her pick them up, but stop when you see the flash of indignation on her face.
  221. >You realize she was offering you her hand, and give it a nice shake.
  222. >Her country looking friend seems to be up next.
  223. >”Mah name’s Applejack. Nice ta meet ya.” She says, blowing some hair out of her eyes.
  224. “Likewise!”
  225. >”Don’t forget about me!” The blue one shouts. “I’m Rainbow Dash! You probably already knew that. I’m kind of awesome.”
  226. “Um, nope, first time I’ve heard of you.”
  227. >The disappointment on her face is tangible.
  228. >So tangible, in fact, it reaches towards you and gives you a big smack.
  229. >You fall to the ground.
  230. >”Woah, dude, what the heck? Are you okay?”
  231. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” You respond, standing back up.
  232. >”Whatever. How could you not know who I am, anyway? I’m the best soccer player in the country! Captain of the Wonderbolts!”
  233. >You check her out.
  234. >She looks pretty fast. The wings probably help with that.
  235. >But you’re not gonna let her win this one!
  236. “You don’t look like much, though.”
  237. >Her face turns red. Or purple?
  238. >”Oh yeah!? You think you could beat me, one on one?”
  239. “Maybe.”
  240. >You really don’t like sports. Exempting one.
  241. >”Well, I challenge you!”
  242. “Yeah, not right now.”
  243. >”Then you’re a coward?”
  244. “Scared to see you lose, sure!”
  245. >She stamps her foot.
  246. >”Alright you two! Don’t get carried away.” Sunset interrupts.
  247. >You put your hands up in surrender.
  248. >’Guess there’s a first time for everything, huh?’
  249. >”Anon, why don’t you sit down with us? We’d all like to get to know you.” She continues.
  250. >You comply.
  251. >Hiding behind Applejack is a girl who must be Fluttershy, considering the aptness of her name.
  252. >The one who Sunset named as Pinkie Pie is still lost in her artwork.
  253. >You nod in approval at her, to which she replies with a big smile.
  254. >”So Anon, ah been wondering, where did y’all use ta live?” Applejack inquires.
  255. “Oh, Manehattan. I had to get out of there.”
  256. >”Not a fan of city livin’?”
  257. “No. The city didn’t like me.”
  258. >”Whaddya mean?”
  259. “It kept trying to kill me. Rather vengeful, really.”
  260. >”I don’t get it.”
  261. >You sigh.
  262. “Me and Manehattan didn’t agree with each other, so I got out.” You say, irritation in your tone.
  263. >”Alright, okay.”
  264. >You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
  265. >You could cut a lot of things with a knife.
  266. >”DARLING!” Rarity exclaims, “I simply must know. What activities do you partake in during your free time? Hobbies, interests?”
  267. “I kill people.”
  268. >She’d turn pale as a ghost if she wasn’t already .
  269. >”W-whatever do you mean, darling?”
  270. “Stabby stabby, you know?”
  271. >”I-I’m afraid I don’t follow.”
  272. >She looks terrified.
  273. >The table bursts into flame.
  274. “It was just a joke. HAHA. See?”
  275. >”Oh, of course. Haha!” She cautiously laughs.
  276. >”Wow! You’re really bad at this!” Says the pink one.
  277. “I know, right?”
  278. >You both laugh.
  279. “I suppose I don't really have any hobbies. I spend all my free time getting lost.”
  280. >”Oo, quite the philosopher, Anon!” Rarity exclaims.
  281. “No no, I meant that literally.”
  282. >Silence.
  283. >”This tooooooootally isn’t awkward…” Rainbow Dash says, sighing.
  284. >Her voice grows faint, as if it's far away.
  285. “Oh shit!” You shout, slapping the sides of your head.
  286. >The girls are taken aback by your vulgarity, but a decent combination of curiosity and confusion shines through their shock.
  287. >You leap to your feet.
  288. >Your ears seems to have run off, and they don't appear to plan on coming back.
  289. “You have to help me catch them!”
  290. >You take off, sprinting after your lobes-on-the-lam.
  291. >”Oh boy, wot in tarnation has gotten inta him?” Says Applejack, stoic-faced.
  292. >”O-oh my…” Fluttershy whispers, more nervous than usual. “A-angel seems to be missing again…”
  293. >You're Sunset again by the way.
  294. “Alright! We’ll find Angel and help Anon at the same time!”
  295. >You turn to chase after Anon.
  296. >He's really weird. You already knew that, but you weren't expecting this.
  297. >”Hold ube, your horses, Sugarcube. Lunch period is almost over, we’ll be late ta class!”
  298. >You know she’s right.
  299. “You don’t have to help if you don’t want to Applejack. But Angel could get hurt! This is serious!”
  300. >At the mention of potential danger towards Angel, Fluttershy takes off.
  301. “Plus, something's wrong with Anon. Yeah we barely know him, but this could be our chance!”
  302. >”Well, alright Sunset. I got it.”
  303. “Pinkie, Dash, Rarity. Are you coming?”
  304. >”You betcha Sunset! I don't know what I'd do without mine afterall!” Pinkie says, grabbing her ears for some reason.
  305. >”And you can always count on me!” Rainbow states, rather proudly.
  306. >”I do apologize but I absolutely can not be late to my next class. That teacher truly does have it out for me!” Rarity exclaims.
  307. “It's fine Rarity, we understand.” You say hurriedly. “Let's go girls!”
  308. >The four of you shoot out of the lunchroom.
  309. >You catch up with Fluttershy, who is desperately searching the various nooks and crannies of the hall for Angel.
  310. >”Angel! Oh Angel! Come out! Where are you?” She pleads.
  311. >You all immediately start helping her look.
  312. >There's no sign of the rabbit or Anon anywhere, though.
  313. >”Oh boy, wot in tarnation has gotten inta him?” Says Applejack, stoic-faced.
  314. >”O-oh my…” Fluttershy whispers, more nervous than usual. “A-angel seems to be missing again…”
  315. >You're Sunset again by the way.
  316. “Alright! We’ll find Angel and help Anon at the same time!”
  317. >You turn to chase after Anon.
  318. >He's really weird. You already knew that, but you weren't expecting this.
  319. >”Hold ube, your horses, Sugarcube. Lunch period is almost over, we’ll be late ta class!”
  320. >You know she’s right.
  321. “You don’t have to help if you don’t want to Applejack. But Angel could get hurt! This is serious!”
  322. >At the mention of potential danger towards Angel, Fluttershy takes off.
  323. “Plus, something's wrong with Anon. Yeah we barely know him, but this could be our chance!”
  324. >”Well, alright Sunset. I got it.”
  325. “Pinkie, Dash, Rarity. Are you coming?”
  326. >”You betcha Sunset! I don't know what I'd do without mine afterall!” Pinkie says, grabbing her ears for some reason.
  327. >”And you can always count on me!” Rainbow states, rather proudly.
  328. >”I do apologize but I absolutely can not be late to my next class. That teacher truly does have it out for me!” Rarity exclaims.
  329. “It's fine Rarity, we understand.” You say hurriedly. “Let's go girls!”
  330. >The four of you shoot out of the lunchroom.
  331. >You catch up with Fluttershy, who is desperately searching the various nooks and crannies of the hall for Angel.
  332. >”Angel! Oh Angel! Come out! Where are you?” She pleads.
  333. >You all immediately start helping her look.
  334. >There's no sign of the rabbit or Anon anywhere, though.
  335. >You're Sunset Shimmer.
  336. >You and your friends are helping Fluttershy look for Angel and trying to find Anon.
  337. >Moments ago, you all heard loud crashing sounds and muffled shouting from inside the janitor’s closet.
  338. >”Eep!” Lets out Fluttershy, immediately dashing behind you.
  339. >You back away from the door.
  340. “It’s probably nothing, everyone! Stay calm.”
  341. >Rainbow Dash and Applejack stand in front of you.
  342. >After a few long seconds of silence, Rainbow behind approaching the door.
  343. >With great trepidation of course.
  344. >As her hand was just to about to grab the handle, the door suddenly slams open.
  345. >From it, springs Anon!
  346. >He collides with Rainbow, sending them both sprawling to the floor with him on top.
  347. >”A-anon!? W-what the heck!” She screams. “G-get off me!”
  348. >With a look of confusion, he gazes into Rainbow’s eyes.
  349. >”Marry me.” He whispers.
  350. >Blushing profusely, she shoves him off of her.
  351. >He quickly stands up. For some reason, he’s shirtless.
  352. >In one hand, he holds a mop, and in the other…
  353. >Angel!
  354. >You give Anon another once-over.
  355. >He certainly doesn't look bad. He must work out.
  356. >Seriously though, why isn't he wearing a shirt.
  357. “Anon! You found Angel! Why aren't you wearing a shirt?”
  358. >”Casualty of war…” He mutters. “Angel? Who's that?”
  359. >You point to the rabbit in his hand.
  360. >He slowly turns to look at it.
  361. >A wave of terror rolls over his face and he performs a dramatic gulp.
  362. >”Does, uh… does this belong to you?” He says, breathlessly.
  363. >He holds Angel out by his ears towards you
  364. “Well, not to me, but…”
  365. >You push Fluttershy out from behind you.
  366. >”Oh, ah, Angel doesn't really belong to anyone, but I take care of him.” She mumbles out to him.
  367. >Anon drops the mop he was holding and holds Angel in front of his face.
  368. >”Did you understand any of that?” He asks the rabbit.
  369. >Angel shrugs.
  370. >”Yeah, me neither.” He says. Then he leans down towards Fluttershy.
  371. >He takes a deep breath.
  372. >”PLEASE SPEAK UP!” He shouts in her face.
  373. >She recoils away from him.
  374. >...
  375. >You're Anon.
  376. >And that was hilarious.
  377. >You laugh.
  378. >The monster in your hand is furious, but you've already shown it who's boss.
  379. >You absolutely feel like the king of the world.
  380. “Hey, I'm sorry. I went a little too far there.”
  381. >You hand her the creature.
  382. >It morphs into a cute little bunny in her arms.
  383. >You glance around you.
  384. >Applejack, Sunset, Fluttershy, and your wife.
  385. >Man, your wife looks pissed. So much for newlywed bliss.
  386. >’What are they all doing here?’
  387. “So… uh, what brings you all out here?”
  388. >”We were looking for you and Angel, jerk!” Shouts Rainbow Dash.
  389. “Took you long enough! So much for you being fast, huh?”
  390. >”Grr! I am so gonna kick your butt in that soccer match!”
  391. >You check your watch. The two little people you have trapped in it are happy to inform you that you're very late to class.
  392. >”Anon, are yo-” Sunset starts.
  393. “Hey, this has been fun and all, but I've really gotta get to class.”
  394. >You take off running down the hall.
  395. >”Hold on, you ain't wea-” You hear Applejack start to call after you.
  396. >Your body folds into itself and you fall through a series of hoops before slamming straight into Ms. Cheerilee’s locked door.
  397. >You knock, but it seems your body already did that for you, as the door opens mid knock.
  398. >Still disoriented from your fall, you burst into the classroom.
  399. >Your explosive entry knocks the girl who opened the door for you onto the ground.
  400. >Why does that keep happening?
  401. >You spread your arms wide.
  402. “Your champion has arrived!”
  403. >People look at you with mixtures of shock and confusion on their face.
  404. “Please, hold your praise. I am but a mortal!”
  405. >Everyone awkwardly shuffles in their seat.
  406. >”Anon, what are you doing?” Ms. Cheerilee asks.
  407. >You ignore her.
  408. “Yes, I have returned unscathed from the depths of the jungle. Yes, I conquered the white beast. However! I am here now as a simple student.”
  409. >You pace back and forth for a moment in front of the classroom.
  410. >”Anon, please take your seat. Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Ms. Cheerilee says, pointing her hand towards a desk in protest.
  411. “Taking a seat is something I shall not stand for!”
  412. >She laughs nervously.
  413. >”Anon… you’re standing.”
  414. >You don't know what to make of that.
  415. >The whole class erupts into laughter.
  416. >’No matter.’
  417. “Or am I!”
  418. >You pause for a second.
  419. >”Anon, you're disrupting class. I didn't say anything last time, but I mean it! Sit down, NOW! AND WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A SHIRT!?”
  420. >Wow, she is fuming!
  421. “Ms. Cheerilee, I respectfully decline! I deserve nothing less than a hero’s welcome, and you give me this!”
  422. >You walk up to her.
  423. >With your height you easily tower over her.
  424. >As you stare at her face, her hair melts off her skull and her eyeballs turn black.
  425. >You sneer in disgust.
  426. “Apologize.”
  427. >The rest of the class is dead silent.
  428. >Dead like, they've all become corpses.
  429. >Suddenly, back to normal, Ms. Cheerilee slaps you across the face.
  430. >’Yeah, you took that too far.’
  431. >”That is IT! ANONYMOUS, REPORT TO PRINCIPAL CELESTIA’S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.”
  432. >You hang your head in shame as you walk towards the pearly gates.
  433. >Those being the door to Principal Celestia’s office, of course.
  434. >She's like an angel…
  435. >You knock on the door.
  436. >”Yes, Anon, come in.”
  437. >You brace yourself as you open the door.
  438. >”Please, take a seat. Or will that be a problem now as well?” She muses.
  439. >Even now she has that calm, heavenly smile.
  440. >It’s a shame you're engaged, or you might start to get ideas.
  441. >”Now Anon, my first question for you should be obvious. Why aren't you wearing a shirt?” She firmly queries, pausing for a second to flick her eyes up and down your chest. “Not that I'm complaining…” She mutters under her breath.
  442. >Now might not be the time to tell the truth.
  443. “Principal Celestia, I lost my shirt running through the jungle. It snagged on a branch, and I couldn't stop to pull it free.”
  444. >So much for that idea.
  445. >”Anon, the jungle? Do you think I'm crazy? There isn't a jungle in our school.” She says, a sad, knowing look in her eyes.
  446. >You start to sweat.
  447. “Uh, I, um, I-I, uh…” You sputter, at a loss for words.
  448. >She takes a deep breath.
  449. >You need to save face. You've been in situations like this before.
  450. >”Anon, calm down” says a third party
  451. >You burst into laughter.
  452. “Haha, got you! You probably thought I was crazy for a second, huh? Well, I'm not! I took my shirt off all as part of an elaborate ruse. In all honesty Principal, I just wanted to see your face.”
  453. >You lean in close towards her.
  454. >You put your hand near the one she has on her desk.
  455. >Ignoring the smell of her skin burning as the room is set ablaze, you put your face even closer to hers, whispering
  456. “I think you're beautiful.”
  457. >If your vision wasn't already completely red, you'd be able to see the intense blush on her face.
  458. >”A-anonymous, we can't… you're a student.” She says breathlessly.
  459. “But, Celestia,” You say, emphasizing her name, “I am eighteen, and, after all, don't you have to punish me somehow?”
  460. >You're getting pretty hot, and not just because of the smoldering blaze attacking your pants.
  461. >”Anonymouz, I had no intention of punishing you, all things considered. But if you don't cease this behavior, I'll have to give you detention… in my office.” She whines seductively.
  462. >’Hey! You have a boner!’
  463. >Having never intended this to get this far, and out of fear for your personal safety, you decide this has to end.
  464. >You pull away from her abruptly.
  465. “That's okay Principal! Say, do you have any shirts I could wear? I have to get going if I want to make it to my last class.”
  466. >She looks at you sadly.
  467. >The room, thankfully, is back to normal.
  468. >”Anonymous, I do not appreciate your playing with my emotions like that. I don't have anything normal.”
  469. >She walks over to a cabinet.
  470. >”But, for some reason, I have some costumes from a school play. If you would like to look through this bin, you could probably find something wearable.”
  471. >You begin looking through the bin.
  472. >You eventually settle on a ridiculous looking pilgrim’s get-up.
  473. >You tried to take a pair of angel wings but Celestia gave you a look.
  474. “Alright, thank you!” you say, turning to leave.
  475. >”Of course Anonymous. My door is always open for you~”
  476. >’Fucking pedo…’
  477. >You get through the short rest of the school day without incident.
  478. >Sunset and co. approached you about joining them at Sugarcube corner tomorrow. You agreed.
  479. >Your 1v1 with Rainbow is also slated for that day.
  480. >You walk on your hands out of the school building.
  481. >You head straight into the parking lot.
  482. >Considering it's Friday night, you hop in your vehicle and get ready for some FUN.
  483. >You punch your keys into the ignition.
  484. >WIth as much caution as you can muster you burn asphalt out of the parking lot, taking off down the road.
  485. >You decide to head out into the city.
  486. >Your vision is obscured by assaults of flashing lights.
  487. >Your car grows lighter and bounds into the air.
  488. >You swerve back and forth over a dotted line on a landscape of green. Red streaks and hyena screams plaster your windshield.
  489. >You pull into an alleyway and take a deep breath.
  490. >It’s getting late.
  491. >You’ve just been enjoying driving.
  492. >Nothing serious, you're pretty chilled out.
  493. >You gaze out at the busy night traffic.
  494. >There's something beautiful in mechanical nature.
  495. >It's starting to rain, so you get back in your car.
  496. >You put on some simple tunes.
  497. “Oof, low on gas.”
  498. >Guess you're spending some money tonight.
  499. >You cruise on over to the nearest gas station.
  500. >You pull into a slot and prepare to start pumping.
  501. “Three dollars a gallon? Damn.”
  502. >You fill up your tank and head inside to pay.
  503. >You bump into a disheveled-looking blue-haired woman.
  504. >You briefly lock your gaze with her stunning green eyes.
  505. >Piercing.
  506. >You apologize and hastily walk to the counter.
  507. >You pay for your gas and grab yourself a snickers. Good shit.
  508. >You set your course and drive home.
  509. >Upon arrival, you turn off your car and step into your yard.
  510. >You take a moment to appreciate the unfettered silence of this suburban neighborhood after dark.
  511. >You gaze up at the moon and the stars.
  512. >Seems like you'll have a busy day tomorrow.
  513. >You sit down in the grass and lay there for a few minutes.
  514. >Taking a moment to process everything you've been through really helps you put stuff together.
  515. >You have a soccer match against Rainbow Dash, and you doubt you'll win. She's supposed to be extraordinary, and it would take an extraordinary situation for you to best her.
  516. >Then you're hanging out with the rest of the girls, Sunset and her friends.
  517. >You don't know them all that well but you're looking forward to it. Your ‘eccentric’ behavior usually keeps people from wanting to associate with you.
  518. >You let out a happy sigh and stand up.
  519. >You don't want to fall asleep outside, who knows what could happen then.
  520. >You slowly walk up to your front door and open it.
  521. >No magic here this time, just the stripped down emptiness of your front room.
  522. >Crippling silence and a distinct absence of light.
  523. >’Oo, I'm starting to tear up.’
  524. >You climb up the stairs to your room.
  525. >Without any regard for nightly personal hygiene, you strip your clothes and slither into bed.
  526. >Pink fairies dance above your head, beckoning you into a different realm.
  527. >...
  528. “Hark! Hypnos, the wily beast! Thy machinations unfold me!
  529. >You draw your sword.
  530. “Come now, shadowspawn! Face me!”
  531. >You beat your chest with your free hand.
  532. >You stand against a legion of unholy creatures.
  533. >At your back, your father. Anonymous Sr.
  534. >”Aha! It's been a while, hasn't it, son?”
  535. >You haven't seen him in years.
  536. “Just as well that we meet again here, father.”
  537. >Together, you've taken on many beasts.
  538. >He has a head of wavy black hair, just like you, although slicked back and stiffened with age.
  539. >His eyebrows are white, and he sports a gentleman's goatee.
  540. >His gray skin in stark contrast to your green, you make quite the sight atop this hill.
  541. >The two of you are surrounded on all sides. >You stiffen and relax as the creatures begin their advance, holding your weapons ready.
  542. >Soon, they're atop you.
  543. >You swing your sword, moving with a practiced finesse.
  544. >You cut down thousands, but the horde is endless.
  545. >You make eye contact with your dad across the battlefield. He nods and snaps his fingers.
  546. >Gravity shifts and your perception of the world lurches.
  547. >The ground is a ceiling, the sky a never-ending abyss.
  548. >The two of you tethered somewhat, you're allowed a cautious freefall.
  549. >Pushing loose those troops who cling to earth, you leap towards those who sought to attack from above.
  550. >Without mercy, you use your advantage to it's deadliest potential.
  551. >At the end of your battle, with the fall of the last enemy, ‘reality’ returns to normal.
  552. >You give your parent a big, celebratory hug.
  553. >Also, you're indulging a little in his temporary company.
  554. >”Son, it's always a pleasure spending time with you like this. I'm sorry it always has to be in these circumstances, though.
  555. >You shake your head in understanding and smile as everything fades to black.
  556. >...
  557. >You awake with a jolt.
  558. >You feel really happy, but you're not sure why.
  559. “Whatever.”
  560. >You yawn as you roll out of bed.
  561. “Big day today. Big!”
  562. >You stand in front of the mirror leaning against your wall and admire your own naked body.
  563. >You listen to your clothes demanding you put them on yourself this time.
  564. “What do you mean I don't pay you enough? I own you!”
  565. >Your wardrobe grumbles in deference to the truth of that statement and your day’s outfit pulls itself onto your body.
  566. >It’s a nice day outside, but a little chilly heading into the fall months.
  567. >A pair of shorts seems like a must, though, since you're heading up against Rainbow today.
  568. >A nice long-sleeve and a sweater to keep the upper half of your body warm.
  569. >Sneakers.
  570. >Anyway, you've never been much into fashion and you don't even dress yourself.
  571. >You head downstairs into your kitchen and make yourself breakfast. Three fried eggs, some bacon, and a bowl of cereal.
  572. >With that, you're all ready.
  573. >Time whispers into your ear that you should leave shortly.
  574. >You're meeting Rainbow at the school field.
  575. >’Sports. Not a fan.’
  576. >Your car slams through the wall of your house and honks its horn at you.
  577. >Guess that's as good a sign as any it's time to go.
  578. >You jump in the front seat and reverse out of the hole.
  579. >It waves goodbye to you as it begins fixing itself.
  580. “How polite.”
  581. >You drive with utmost caution. No one is a safer driver than you.
  582. >Which is how you make it to the school in record time.
  583. >Additionally, that’s how your park job takes up three spaces and may or may not be sideways.
  584. >What? It's not like anyone is there to say anything about it anyway.
  585. >You walk on over to the field.
  586. >Rainbow Dash stands there with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.
  587. >”Took you long enough, jerk! You ready to settle this?”
  588. “Born ready! This’ll be easy.”
  589. >You pull off your sweater, you'll probably be working up a sweat anyway.
  590. >You purposely lift your shirt up with it, for the express purpose of showing off.
  591. >Letting it fall back to its normal position, you lean down so your face is in front of hers.
  592. “Hey, remember what I asked you yesterday?”
  593. >You grin as she blushes.
  594. >”S-shut up! Let's play already!”
  595. “Alright, let’s go.”
  596. >You allow her to kick first, standing ready in front of your goal.
  597. >On a count of three, you're off.
  598. >You stop her ball with your feet and begin dribbling down the field.
  599. >She moves to intercept you, and succeeds.
  600. >Moving with currently unrivaled skill and speed, she deftly scores a goal.
  601. >”Come on Anon! I didn't expect this to be so easy!”
  602. >You stop to catch your breath.
  603. >Man, she’s calling you out!
  604. >Yeah, maybe the reason you don’t like sports is because you suck at them
  605. >But all you have to do is kick a ball in a goal! You did not think it would be this difficult.
  606. >Especially considering you have a strong, superior male body.
  607. >You burst out laughing.
  608. “Strong, superior male body… holy shit…” You sputter under your breath.
  609. >You stretch your back, looking up towards the sky.
  610. >You put your hands on your head and let out a roar with bestial vigor.
  611. >”You ready yet?” Rainbow asks, yawning as she plays with the ball between her feet.
  612. “Yeah, yeah… let’s g-woah!”
  613. >You jump back as the ball snaps at you with its teeth.
  614. >It struggles under Rainbow’s feet, growling menacingly at you.
  615. >”Dude, you good? Can we get this over with or not?”
  616. “Uh, yep.”
  617. >She nods and kicks off.
  618. >The ball, howling louder and louder, veers towards you.
  619. >Coming into range, it bites at your feet.
  620. >You kick it in the teeth and start moving it towards the goal.
  621. >As you prepare yourself to send the ball flying, Rainbow slides in out of nowhere.
  622. >Her foot gets lodged in the ball’s mouth.
  623. >It turns to stone and clamps down on foot, locking her in place.
  624. >You trip and fall over her.
  625. >She screams in pain.
  626. >”W-what just happened!?!”
  627. >You pick yourself up off of her and briefly look at her with disbelief.
  628. >She clutches her foot in anguish.
  629. >A little ways off, the ball rests completely normal.
  630. >’What…?’
  631. “Rainbow, are you okay? What happened?”
  632. >”S-something bit me! I swear!”
  633. >She obviously noticed the disbelief in your eyes, but she misinterpreted exactly what you're not believing.
  634. >You pinch your arm.
  635. >All good.
  636. >You lean down and gently cup the side of her face with your hand.
  637. >You pause for a moment and gaze into her eyes.
  638. >”What ar-”
  639. “I love you.”
  640. >She slaps you.
  641. >’Yep, this is definitely happening.’
  642. >You know you're crazy as fuck, you just kinda roll with it.
  643. >But this has never happened before.
  644. >You walk over to the stray ball.
  645. >Picking it up and inspecting it, you find nothing out of order.
  646. >You look back over at Rainbow, who is both absolutely livid and very confused.
  647. >You eye the ball again.
  648. “Hey, look behind you!”
  649. >She whips her head around.
  650. >You beam the ball at her head.
  651. >”Anon, I don't see anyt-” She begins, turn her head just in time to get hit square in the face.
  652. >You immediately double over laughing.
  653. “T-th… hahaha, that’s, too bad, Dash!”
  654. >Her face turns a bright scarlet.
  655. >”Anon, what the heck! That hurt!”
  656. >You ignore her.
  657. >This turn of events has made you very happy.
  658. >You spread your arms out and fall back onto the grass.
  659. “Hey, let's just call this game a draw.”
  660. >”A draw!? I was kicking your butt!”
  661. “Awww, come on!”
  662. >”The only way this is ending right now is if you forfeit!” She says with a hmph.
  663. “Can you even stand?”
  664. >She slowly gets to her feet.
  665. >Taking a step, you see regret wash over her face instantaneously.
  666. >”T-totally! You should just give up right now!”
  667. >You crunch your head forward and look up at her.
  668. >She obviously isn't going to be running.
  669. >The grass on the field turns a bright purple color and your ears start ringing.
  670. “Yeah, you're right. I give up.”
  671. >You stand up and hold your hand out to her.
  672. “Good game? I guess?”
  673. >She takes it, using you to stabilize herself. You see the relief she experiences and grin.
  674. “What happened to your foot, anyway?”
  675. >A perplexed look takes over her face.
  676. >”I don't know dude, as soon as it touched the ball I just felt this sharp pain and I suddenly wasn't moving.”
  677. “Man, that's really weird.”
  678. >You heard all of that backwards.
  679. >”I think I'm gonna have to bring it up with Twilight…” She says, quietly.
  680. >It starts raining.
  681. >Within seconds, both you and Rainbow are soaked.
  682. >You love rain.
  683. >She looks pissed.
  684. >You look out at your car. It's the only one in the parking lot.
  685. “Hey, do you live far from here? Need a ride?”
  686. >You're both just standing in the downpour.
  687. >”I live close, that’s why I walked here. I run way too fast to need a car!”
  688. “So you're good, then?”
  689. >”Absolut-” She starts, her sentence cut off by a bolt of lightning striking dangerously close and the roar of ensuing thunder.
  690. >She jumps and pulls herself closer to you.
  691. >”Aha, um, actually, since you're offering and all…” She says, looking down at her feet.
  692. >’Wow, you really know how to pick ‘em.’
  693. “Of course, let’s go.”
  694. >You take her by the hand and pull her over to your car.
  695. >She protests very loudly. Thankfully no one is around to come to any false conclusions.
  696. >”Anon, let go of me!” She says, stomping her foot.
  697. >Oof, that's the one she just hurt.
  698. >You see her cringe in pain.
  699. >You give her a cocky nod and keep going to the parking lot.
  700. >You arrive at your vehicle.
  701. >All the windows are broken, and the wheels are gone.
  702. >That doesn't deter you from helping Rainbow into the passenger seat before getting in as well.
  703. >You start the car up and blood immediately starts oozing out of the air vents.
  704. “You're gonna have to give me directions.”
  705. >She doesn't answer.
  706. >She’s staring at the blood pooling on her shoes.
  707. >”A-anon, t-tell me you see that too. You see this, right?”
  708. >She looks absolutely terrified.
  709. >You look from her to the red ooze and back to her.
  710. “Nope, I don't see anything. What's up?”
  711. >With that, everything is back to normal.
  712. >She frantically looks around, investigating your glovebox and checking under the floor mat.
  713. “Is everything alright? It'll be done raining by the time you tell me how to get to your house, at this rate.”
  714. >”There was blood all over me!” She shouts.
  715. “Woah, Rainbow, whether or not it's that time of the month is none of my business. Try not to get any on the seats, sheesh.”
  716. >”W-what!?! That's not what I meant!” She sputters, turning red.
  717. >’You should stop making her blush.’
  718. “You sound like you're seeing things. Don't tell me you're going crazy? I'm not sure I could marry you then.”
  719. >”MARRY ME!?!”
  720. >You start the car.
  721. “Now, how do I get you home?”
  722. >She appears to be positively overwhelmed.
  723. >”It's a right out of the parking lot. Just go straight for a while.
  724. >You do that.
  725. >As you drive, the markers on the pavement start growing legs and running around your car. You honk your horn at them, and they scatter.
  726. >The loud noise also has an effect on your passenger.
  727. >”Dude, what are you doing that for?”
  728. “I felt like it” You retort, punctuating your sentence with an indignant press od the steering wheel.
  729. >”Whatever,” She says, hmphing at you, “take another right here and just pull off to the side of the road.”
  730. >You honk your horn affirmative.
  731. >”Stop it!”
  732. “HONK”
  733. >A trail of ants crawls out of her eyelids and shs twitches uncomfortably, failing to notice them.
  734. >She points out her house to you and you pull over.
  735. >”Alright dude, I'll see you at sugarcube corner tonight. Thanks for the ride.” She says, smiling at you. “I had fun today, I think. I mean it was kinda weird. You're kinda weird.”
  736. >She leaves a scrap of paper in your cup holder and climbs out of the car.
  737. >You immediately run her over as she attempts to cross the road.
  738. >You're awesome.
  739. >Duh, you're Rainbow Dash.
  740. >It's pouring rain, and Anon just dropped you off at your house.
  741. >You run up to your doorstep and watch him speed away.
  742. “Geez, he should be more careful.”
  743. >You're not sure how to feel about Anon.
  744. >Sunset really seemed to want to be friends with him.
  745. >He's only been here for a week.
  746. >You've said it before, but he's really weird.
  747. >You've seen him talking to himself or just awkwardly staring at nothing.
  748. >Sometimes he's a stuttering mess, sometimes he acts like he doesn't have a care in the world.
  749. >As you're getting closer to him, your opinion of him is improving.
  750. >You walk into your house.
  751. “I'm back!”
  752. >No response.
  753. >You suppose your parents are out right now.
  754. >You spy a note on the kitchen counter.
  755. >”Gone for groceries! Bet you whooped butt in that soccer match! XOXO <3 Mom and Dad”
  756. “Geez! So uncool!”
  757. >You turn red faced and embarrassed just reading it.
  758. >Good thing they didn't show up to cheer for this one.
  759. >You're not sure how they would react to Anon.
  760. >Or your strange injury.
  761. >It seems to have gotten better already, but you're still moving with a slight limp.
  762. >You go into the fridge and pull out some vegetables, then head up to your room.
  763. “Oh Tank!”
  764. >You approach the tank housing your pet.
  765. “Who’s the most amazing tortoise in the world?”
  766. >You place the vegetables in there with him.
  767. “You are!”
  768. >Stepping away, you strip out of your soggy clothes and collapse onto your bed.
  769. >You run your hands along your amazing body for a second.
  770. >With a long exhale, you roll yourself up in blankets.
  771. >You're meeting the girls and Anon at Sugarcube Corner in a few hours.
  772. >You shoot a text to Twilight about the strange things you experienced. You wonder if this could be some kind of magic. After all, Anon didn't seem to notice any of it.
  773. >He does keep acting like you're gonna marry him though.
  774. >You put your phone on your nightstand and close your eyes as you entertain that idea for a little while.
  775. >You're undercover.
  776. >Rather, you're Anonymous.
  777. >After all, that is your name.
  778. >You just arrived back at your home.
  779. >You live there alone, so you aren't surprised to walk into an empty house.
  780. >You turn on the light.
  781. >Blood is smeared all over the floor, and your kitchen table is broken in two.
  782. >You nod casually at the mess and walk towards the stairs.
  783. >One of the table’s legs weakly prods at your feet, beckoning you to bring your ear close to it.
  784. >”Fuck you…” It whispers.
  785. >You grab it and throw it through your window.
  786. >You head upstairs.
  787. >Multiple doors are crossed off by red tape, so you go to the only open one.
  788. >Retreating into your room, you open up your closet.
  789. >All of your shirts and jackets have come off their hangers. They spin in circles and dance lightheartedly.
  790. >You grab a lighter off the floor and set them all on fire.
  791. >You stare at it for a few minutes and then piss all over it to out it out.
  792. >Your shirts, recognizing the error of their ways, repair and clean themselves, filtering back into their designated locations.
  793. >You nod.
  794. >You trust-fall backwards into a pile of laundry and let each dirty piece of cloth caress you.
  795. >Across the room, your bed cries jealous tears.
  796. >You pull yourself out of your clothes and let them take your place in the pile.
  797. >You head to your bathroom for a shower, taking a moment to stare at yourself in the mirror.
  798. >All seven of your reflections stare back.
  799. >You shoot them all a casual finger gun.
  800. >You don't close the bathroom door or draw the shower curtain closed because you're an absolute savage and there's no one here to have a problem.
  801. >You turn the handle and step under the water as it heats up.
  802. >The person standing in the doorway is really starting to freak you out.
  803. “Could you give me some p-privacy, please?”
  804. >It walks up to the side of the tub and starts screaming in your ear.
  805. >If there wasn't boiling water streaming down your face, it might be able to tell how easy it was to make you cry.
  806. >You deem yourself suitably cleaned and turn off the water.
  807. >The fiendish apparition vanishes immediately after.
  808. >You step out of the shower and walk back to your room.
  809. >’Towel drying is for faggots, you're so cool.’
  810. >You nod to noone in affirmation.
  811. >After spending a pointlessly long time allowing the water to roll off your body, you grey on all fours and shake like a dog.
  812. >You've eliminated many of dryness’ holdouts, but she still has some troops stationed in your hair.
  813. >You hold back an urge to howl loudly as you begin lifting your head up.
  814. “Alright, I'm dry now.”
  815. >Your closet doors spring open and mayhem breaks out.
  816. >Your clothes are fighting in a battle royale.
  817. >The victors, of course, will be worn by you.
  818. >You stand patiently as the fight rages on.
  819. >You don't always like doing this, as your outfit often ends up a little mismatched.
  820. >A white sock slides on to your right foot, and a black slides on to your left.
  821. >Hopefully it won't get any worse than that.
  822. >...
  823. >At the end of it all, you're wearing dark blue jeans and a black button down under a light, tan jacket.
  824. >’Hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone.’
  825. >You check the clock.
  826. >Carefully scrutinizing all seventeen of its hands, you determine the time is around 5pm.
  827. >Which means you should probably get going. You're already going to be fashionably late. Taking any longer would just be rude.
  828. >Slipping in to a pair of boots, you lace up and trod down the stairs.
  829. >You take a deep whiff of a delightful rotten stench and smile as you wave goodbye to the diseased corpses seated in the dining room.
  830. “Sorry guys, I'm not having you for dinner tonight. Going out with some girls, you know how it is. Feel free to show yourselves out before I get back.”
  831. >With that, you exit the house through the front window and beeline straight for your car.
  832. >You're driving like a grandma.
  833. >Because, obviously, you really care about road safety.
  834. >People who drive dangerously should be rounded up and executed.
  835. “I wholeheartedly believe this” You say, nodding your head towards your passenger seat.
  836. >You don't take your eyes off the road.Two hands on the wheel at all times.
  837. “Driving the speed limit is pushing it. A leisurely five miles under is absolutely imperative for the wellbeing of literally everyone on this planet.”
  838. >You're really talking the head off your passenger.
  839. “Hey, I got a little passionate there. Sorry I haven't really given you a chance to talk.”
  840. >Silence.
  841. “No, I get it. Absolutely, yeah.”
  842. >Silence.
  843. “Wow, for real? Go fucking figure, damn.”
  844. >Silence.
  845. “Ha! No way! You're a riot, man!”
  846. >You've arrived at Sugarcube Corner.
  847. >You park the car, perfectly in the lines by the way, and turn off the engine.
  848. >Ad you open the car door, you put one hand on your passenger’s shoulder.
  849. “Alright, be careful man. See you later.”
  850. >You drop your keys in his lap without turning your head.
  851. >With that, you exit the vehicle and slam the door shut.
  852. >You whistle a tune as you stroll up through the candy cane forest towards the main entrance of this veritable gingerbread house.
  853. >You're a little late, but that's supposed to be cool or something, so you don't rush.
  854. >Just as you reach the door, you bump into a familiar looking ivory-skinned beauty.
  855. >The impact knocks her to the ground.
  856. >”Oh, I am sooo sorry, Darling!”
  857. >You offer her a hand.
  858. >”Oh! It's you, Anonymous. I see we both arrived fashionably late.” She says, a look of surprise on her face.
  859. “Yep, looks like it. Guess that means we're both seriously classy, huh?”
  860. >She giggles. “Indeed.”
  861. >Looking through the window, you can see the other girls inside. They haven't noticed you.
  862. “Hey, I just came up with a fantastic idea.”
  863. >”Oh my, what is it? Shall we go inside, first?”
  864. “No, just trust me. This'll be funny.”
  865. >You stoop down and put an arm under her legs.
  866. >You pick her up.
  867. >”Oh my goodness! What are you doing!?” She shouts, shocked.
  868. “Play dead. Then, come back to life. Just go with it. Shh.”
  869. >You muster up as much panic as possible and display it all on your face.
  870. >Then, you burst through the door.
  871. “I found her unconscious in the parking lot! Someone help!”
  872. >All of her friends rush over to you.
  873. >They let out collective whats and “oh my gosh”s.
  874. >A purple girl you haven't met is freaking out doing all kinds of medical-looking things on her.
  875. >Other patrons in the store have all stood up to look at you.
  876. >You see someone reaching into their pocket, presumably for a phone.
  877. >Thusly, you gently nudge fashion-girl’s leg.
  878. >She suddenly sits up.
  879. >Her face contorts into this dopey look.
  880. >”B-brains… feed… me… brains… darling…” She groans, obviously stifling laughter.
  881. “GOTCHA!” You shout.
  882. >Fluttershy has already burst into tears.
  883. >Purple girl looks like she's about to have a heart attack.
  884. >Rainbow and Applejack both look confused, with the latter starting to seem angry.
  885. >Sunset turns to you with a despondent loom.
  886. >Pinkie puts her hand on your shoulder for balance as she holds her sides with the other, joining in on your raucous laughter.
  887. “Oh come on, it was just a prank.” You say between gasps for air.
  888. >Rarity starts trying to calm down Fluttershy.
  889. >”I'm fine, see? Anon just wanted to engage in a little bout of troublemaking. I'm alive.”
  890. >Rainbow lets out a few awkward giggles.
  891. >”Anon, not cool.” Sunset says, standing up crossing her arms. “That really scared us!”
  892. >Applejack takes a deep breath.
  893. “Alright, alright, I get it. I'm sorry.”
  894. >”Than-” Sunset begins, before you cut her off.
  895. “But you have to admit, that was hilarious. You should have seen the looks on your faces!”
  896. >She sighs, then grins slowly.
  897. >”Yeah, I guess you're right.”
  898. >”Haha! Yeah Sunset, you were terrified! Anom toootally got you!” Rainbow Dash says, bursting into laughter.
  899. >”Pfft, ah betcha you wouldn't be laughun so hard if you'd seen yourself Rainbow” Applejack contributes.
  900. >”Surely we shan't forget how all over me Twilight was!” Rarity exclaims with a smirk.
  901. >Soon enough, everyone is happy again.
  902. >You return with them to their table.
  903. >You're in Sugarcube Corner.
  904. >Your identity is a mystery to those around you, of course.
  905. >You ARE Anonymous, after all.
  906. >This is your favorite joke.
  907. >Moments ago, you made your grand entrance to the building.
  908. >Along with Rarity, you managed to make Fluttershy cry, and terrify/piss off the rest of the girls.
  909. >Pretty good first impression on purple girl.
  910. >”W-well, that, um, er, that sure was a shocker!” She says, giving a sheepish grin as she sits down. “Hi! I'm Twilight. Justincase you didn't know.”
  911. “No, you're purple girl.” You say, pointing a finger towards her.
  912. >You, along with everyone else, have taken your seat.
  913. >”Oh, um, what?” Twilight says, confused. She pushes up her glasses and glances back and forth from your face to the table.
  914. “Listen, Twilight.” You pause. “Nevermind.”
  915. >You sit back and push your chair up onto two two legs, teetering back and forth.
  916. >You lock eyes with her.
  917. >She raises an eyebrow quizzically.
  918. >You open your mouth and stick out your tongue, shooting your eyebrows up.
  919. >Sunset coughs.
  920. >Pinkie giggles.
  921. >”Anyway, what's your name? I mean, I know your name already, but I figured I should ask. Because that's how this works. Right?” She spews out. “Right?”
  922. “I'm not an expert on social interactions, purple girl.”
  923. >This is unnecessarily tense.
  924. “I'm Anonymous, so I can't tell you my name. Oh, shit…”
  925. >Everyone laughs at that.
  926. >You smile, and all your teeth fall out.
  927. >They spill onto the table.
  928. >You start picking them all up and putting them back in. Pinkie hands you a few of them, earning your hearty thanks.
  929. >”So, how has everyone been today?” Sunset says.
  930. >You open your mouth to respond first but the teeth you've picked up so far fall back out again.
  931. >”Ah’ been just fine. Got all mah chores finished right an’ early.” Applejack belts out in her thick farmgirl accent. She looks awfully proud.
  932. >”That's great Applejack! Just taking it easy?” Sunset replies.
  933. >”You betcha! Well, ah still had regular farmwork to do… and that paper due in Ms. Cheerilee's class.”
  934. “Oof, so much for taking it easy, huh?”
  935. >”Well, the farmwork ain't so bad. Ah’ guess I'm spending all tomorrow on that paper, though.” Applejack says, defeat in her tone.
  936. >”Gosh! I feel ya Applejack. Writing papers is so hard! How am I expected to actually pay attention in Equestrian History class!?” Rainbow joins in.
  937. >”It's really not that hard, Rainbow. I finished mine the day it was assigned.” Says Twilight.
  938. >”Pssh, of course you’d say that, Twilight! You're an eggh-” Rainbow retorts, stuttering for a second at the sight of purple girl’s fierce look, “eggstra smart student! Haha.”
  939. >Twilight harrumphs.
  940. >”Um, I-I finished mine already, too.” Says Fluttershy.
  941. >You resist the urge to tell her to speak up again. She's still recovering from earlier.
  942. >While those three chit chat about the paper, Sunset and Rarity are having a side conversation.
  943. >It's something you aren't particularly interested in.
  944. >Apparently Rarity disapproves of Sunset’s jacket. It appears to be a recurring issue.
  945. >You think she looks fine.
  946. >Anyway, you turn towards Pinkie, who hands you the last of your missing teeth.
  947. >You give her a big thumbs up and a wide smile, showing off your restored chompers.
  948. >”Welllll, first I put it on the ground, then I step on it, silly!”
  949. >Wha- oh.
  950. >Oh my.
  951. >That's hilarious.
  952. >You burst out laughing.
  953. Catching your breath, you begin, “T- ha, that’s not what I meant! Like, hahaha, how do you feel about it? Have you finished it?”
  954. >She smiles.
  955. >”Yeperoo! I wrote mine on the history of parties in Equestria! Do you know about the ancient tradition of aristocrats hundreds of years ago, the Grand Galloping Gala? It seemed like it would be super duper amazing at first, but after more research, it turned out to be pretty boring!” She says, practically exploding with excitement.
  956. “Wow, I didn't. Sounds like your paper must be pretty good. I take it you really like parties?”
  957. >”Yes! I'm the best party planner in the world!” She says, gasping, “OhmygoshItotallyforgot! We need to host a welcome to CHS party for you!”
  958. >That would be a thing.
  959. “Okie dokie, then. I'm down.”
  960. >She looks at you for a second.
  961. >”I feel like something's missing from that first sentence…”
  962. >You shrug and turn your head towards Fluttershy, who seems to have captivated everyone else’s attention.
  963. >”A-and so I asked the birdies for help, and ohh, it was so precious.” She gushes, “They picked up their little friend and carried him with me all the way back to the animal hospital!”
  964. >Cue a collective “awwww”.
  965. >’Fluttershy is talking to birds?’
  966. >’Well, you do that sometimes too..'
  967. >”It turned out he had a broken wing. We got it sorted out super quick, and everyone was so relieved! They brought me this as thanks.”
  968. >She pulls out a necklace which appears to be made out of twigs, grass, and acorns.
  969. >You see Rarity’s eyes light up. She dramatically puts a hand over her head and gasps excitedly.
  970. >”Fluttershy, I implore you. I simply must borrow that necklace, I am... inspired!”
  971. >Fluttershy nods and hands it over to Rarity, who bubbles with glee while imagining the outfit she could design around it.
  972. “So, I take it you really like animals, Fluttershy?”
  973. >She turns and looks at you for a second.
  974. >She opens her mouth to answer, but pauses. A look of confusion washes over her face.
  975. >Quickly, her expression switches to one of shock.
  976. >”Eep! A-anon, I forgot you were h-here…” She mutters, “Yes, I looove animals.”
  977. >Explains why she had that rabbit that one time.
  978. >Twilight throws a shifty glance at you.
  979. >”How much of that did you hear, Anon?”
  980. “Uhh… Fluttershy talks to animals,” You say, pausing for a second to take a big gulp of the milkshake which was just delivered.
  981. >She gets all panicky and opens her mouth, reflexively raising a finger.
  982. “Which, I mean, isn't THAT weird. It's not like they talk back or anything. Oh, and when she helped one of the birds who was injured, they brought her a necklace. Which is pretty cool.”
  983. >She breathes out a sigh of relief.
  984. >”Yeah! You know what's even cooler!?” Pinkie excitedly shouts, “Flutters here can ACTUALLY talk to animals. Like, uh, Doctor Dolittle!”
  985. >She beams wildly.
  986. >Twilight’s jaw drops.
  987. >The rest of the girls look at you with a mixture of nonchalance and worry, varying from face to face.
  988. >”P-p-p-pinkie Pie!?!” Twilight sputters, “We’re supposed to be keeping the fact that we have magic a secret!”
  989. “Magic?”
  990. >Twilight gasps and clasps her hand over her mouth.
  991. >”Ah don’ think it's really such a big deal, sugarcube,” Applejack says slowly, “Afferall, he’s a student at CHS. He's bound ta find out eventually.”
  992. >”I don't know...” Twilight whines, looking conflicted.
  993. >Your milkshake turns into a large, elaborate, bright-green concoction. The glass doubles in size and takes on the shape of a mug. You stare at the girls, absorbed in what they’re all saying, as you sip the liquid down through a massive bendy straw.
  994. >”Applejack is right, darling,” Rarity contributes, “Our school does tend to be a hotspot for magic. Being a new student surely doesn't exempt Anon here from being affected by that.”
  995. >”Yeah, and this magic stuff is cool!” Rainbow shouts, joining in, “I was dying to show it off earlier today, but I didn't get the chance.”
  996. >After she finishes her sentence, she appears to realize or remember something.
  997. >”Twilight, I understand where you're coming from, but magic is a good thing!” Sunset chimes in, “I don't see any reason for Anon not to know about it. We do want to be friends, after all.”
  998. >Magic, magic, blah blah blah
  999. >Everyone goes back and forth on this for a few more minutes.
  1000. >You put your now-empty mug on your head.
  1001. >Yes, it is that big.
  1002. “Girls!” You shout. “What are you all talking about? What do you mean, magic?”
  1003. >The mug is back to its original size and form, and is resting on the table again.
  1004. >You twiddle the massive bendy straw in between your fingers as you wait for a reply.
  1005. >They all seem confused, looking for a place to start.
  1006. >”Okay, so, basically, we all have magic pony powers fueled by friendship.”
  1007. >Sunset gives you a cautious look as she awaits your reaction.
  1008. >You pretend to use an invisible lighter beneath the far end of your bendy straw, and then take a long drag from the front.
  1009. >Pulling it out of your mouth, you proceed to blow a succession of bubbles.
  1010. >Pinkie excitedly tracks them with her eyes.
  1011. >They don't seem to cause a reaction in any of the other girls, although Rarity does raise an eyebrow quizzically as one hovers in the air in front of her face.
  1012. “Alright, sounds cool.”
  1013. >”T-that’s it!?” Sunset and Twilight both say at once.
  1014. “Yep.”
  1015. >”You don't think we’re crazy? You aren't scared? You don't have any problems?” >They say in a back-and-forth.
  1016. “Well, I do have problems. Just not with this. Ha.”
  1017. >You do your best comedic grin.
  1018. >”Anon! We have MAGICAL POWERS.”
  1019. “Yeah, I get it.”
  1020. >Sunset puts her hand on your shoulder.
  1021. >She pulls back moments later with a confused look on her face.
  1022. “What was THAT about?”
  1023. >”Nothing happened…” She mutters under her breath.
  1024. >Your milkshake glass levitates into the air.
  1025. >You are completely unfazed by this.
  1026. >Twilight looks at you like you're crazy.
  1027. >After a few moments she sets it down and grabs her hair in frustration.
  1028. >”Fine! I guess this is all just perfectly normal!”
  1029. “So do you girls wanna give me a demonstration too, or…?” You muse, panning your head left and right.
  1030. >No one says anything.
  1031. >Suddenly Rainbow’s face lights up.
  1032. >”Oo! Twilight! I just remembered what I was going to say. Did you get my text earlier?”
  1033. >Twilight blinks.
  1034. “Oh, yeah, uh-huh. Yes. What about it?” She replies, still shaken by your nonreaction.
  1035. >”Well, since we're talking about magic, I thought you could do your nerd thing and tell me your thoughts on it!”
  1036. >Twilight picks at her collar.
  1037. >”Oh! Well, um, just remind me what it is you said, again?
  1038. >”You didn't ignore my text, right?” Rainbow says accusingly.
  1039. >”Whaaat? No, I totally wasn't super caught up in researching something and neglected to check my phone.” Nervous Sparkle says.
  1040. >”Grr, well, since you FORGOT, I'll tell you again.” Says Rainbow, matter-of-factly. “When Anon and I were playing soccer earlier, I tried to kick the ball, and it bit my foot!”
  1041. >You chuckle at the memory. You thought for sure it would go for you instead.
  1042. >”And then, when I got in Anon’s car, blood oozed all over me out of the air vents!”
  1043. >Alright, this is cracking you up.
  1044. >”And then suddenly, it was like nothing happened! He just made fun of me!” Mentioning you, she glances in your direction, then stops. “What's so funny!?!”
  1045. >Suddenly, Rarity swats at the bubble that's been floating in her face whole time.
  1046. >It pops, exploding and covering her face in a film of bubblegum.
  1047. >At the sight of that, your sides are sent into oblivion.
  1048. >You double over laughing and fall backwards out of your chair.
  1049. >Rarity screams.
  1050. >Pinkie joins in on your laughter, but the rest of the girls are all very confused.
  1051. >”Where did that come from!?” Sunset exclaims.
  1052. >”What's all over her face?” Rainbow wonders, grossed out.
  1053. >”Anonymous!” Rarity exclaims, fuming, “Explain yourself, right this instant!”
  1054. “Rar- haa… ha, Rarity, I, oh boy,” You belt out, straining to catch your breath and regain your composure.After a moment, you pick yourself up and sit down in your chair, back straight. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
  1055. >You feel yourself break out into a cold sweat.
  1056. >”Why would Anon know anything about this?” Rainbow asks.
  1057. >”Why, darling, he's the one who blew those bubbles!”
  1058. >You glance over at your milkshake glass.
  1059. >The straw is back to normal.
  1060. >”What bubbles?” Applejack says.
  1061. >”Anon, he, blew some bubbles! Out of that ridiculous bendy straw!”
  1062. >Noticing the absence of a bendy straw, she appears to start second-guessing herself.
  1063. >She looks over at you and you lock eyes.
  1064. >The screaming in your ears gets louder.
  1065. >You open your mouth and only a slight mumble and some drool escapes it.
  1066. >The girls, all confused, look at you worriedly.
  1067. “I uh, um, uh, I really have to go.”
  1068. >With that, you disappear.
  1069. >Well, you aren't Anonymous.
  1070. >In fact, the majority of people here know your name.
  1071. >Care to take a spin on the Wheel of Perspective?
  1072. >...
  1073. >Looks like you're Sunset Shimmer.
  1074. >You, like the rest of your friends, are freaking out.
  1075. >Anon just vanished out of thin air.
  1076. >Twilight has pulled her magic-ometer out of her backpack, and the thing is going crazy.
  1077. >Pinkie climbed into his seat and is frantically looking around for him.
  1078. >Fluttershy fainted again.
  1079. >Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack are just as shocked as you are. Which is, very shocked.
  1080. “What just happened? Did he really just disappear?”
  1081. >”I don't know! It sure looks like it! The magic reading is off the charts!” Twilight exclaims.
  1082. >She moves her hand holding the device closer to his seat and it explodes.
  1083. >The table turns blue and all the empty milkshake glasses change shape and size.
  1084. >Yours is now a little glass pony.
  1085. >Heh, fitting.
  1086. >Also weird.
  1087. >”I knew it! I wasn't just seeing things earlier. There's something magical going on with Anon!” Rainbow says, smugly crossing her arms over her chest. “Wow, I'm awesome.”
  1088. >”I must say, I am very inclined to agree! After that shenanigan with the bubbles, I would stake, erm, my entire wardrobe on it!” Rarity declares.
  1089. >”Uh-huh,” Applejack interjects, “Are you sure it ain’t the whole magically disappearing thing?”
  1090. >”Oh, well, that too, of course.”
  1091. >The seat Anon was sitting floats up into the air, as if suddenly unaffected by gravity.
  1092. >Pinkie is lifted up into the air along with it.
  1093. >”Weeeeeeeeee!” She shouts giddily.
  1094. >Of course, you've started to attract the attention of the store's other patrons.
  1095. “Hey, girls? I think we should leave. Maybe go look for Anon?”
  1096. >They all nod in agreement.
  1097. >You’re Anon again.
  1098. >No joking around this time, shit just hit the fan.
  1099. >Well, not litera-
  1100. >’Focus!’
  1101. >Right, okay.
  1102. >You were just at Sugarcube Corner with those girls, uh, Starbust Glitter, and her friends.
  1103. >Abbahack, Railway Slash, Nutinside, Stinky Sty, Purple Girl, and, um, Spareme?
  1104. >That doesn't sound right.
  1105. >’That isn't important’
  1106. “Yeah, I get it!”
  1107. >Your voice sounds muffled, like you're underwater, but it echoes back to you over and over again.
  1108. >You're floating in mid-air, in a sort of dark, purple-y, blue void.
  1109. >Bits of landscape and random objects float alongside you.
  1110. >You sit indian style, crossing your arms, and put a foot on your chin.
  1111. “Hmm....”
  1112. >You're drifting at a steady pace in one direction, although you're not sure which direction that is.
  1113. >It's kind of hard to tell in this place.
  1114. >in the distance, there's a red house on a patch of grassy land.
  1115. “Looks like a pleasant place to live.” You muse aloud.
  1116. >How exactly did you get here?
  1117. >You were talking to the girls about something…
  1118. “I've got no clue!”
  1119. >”Magic! You were talking about magic!” Exclaims a very tense-sounding third party.
  1120. “Oh, thanks.”
  1121. >That's right, and then, they were all freaking out about something.
  1122. >Which made you really uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to announce your departure.
  1123. >Then you were here.
  1124. >Seems simple enough. All you have to do is really want to leave.
  1125. >You don't feel particularly worked up, though.
  1126. >You sit in eerie silence for another few minutes, or what feels like minutes at least. You're lost your grip on time.
  1127. “Well fuck, guess I'm stu- oh, shit! What the fuck are those!?”
  1128. >In the distance, a cete of winged animals is beelining towards you.
  1129. >They look pretty badass, they obviously don't give a single shit.
  1130. “Get me out of here, now!”
  1131. >You close your eyes and raise your hands defensively as the large, black and white animals close the gap between you and them.
  1132. >Everything goes white.
  1133. >”I-innominate! Is that you! Oh, Celestia! We’ve been so worried!” Shouts a purple horse? Pony? It's not really a horse, it seems more cute and cat-like. It isn't very large, either.
  1134. >Innonimate?
  1135. “Wha- no, that's not my name.”
  1136. >Your vision is kind’ve blurry. You rub your eyes.
  1137. >Pulling your hands away, you see the purple pony’s face actually change to show emotion.
  1138. >It seems disheartened.
  1139. >”Oh, really? Y-you look just like him. He vanished after a mishap with a spell I cast just a few days ago. I can't help but think I'm never gonna see him again.” She says, starting to tear up. She sniffles and ruffles her wings.
  1140. >Wings? Sure, why not. Probably a princess, too.
  1141. >”A-and it's all my fault!” She cries, bawling.
  1142. >You look at the cheerful, bright colors all around you and take a deep breath.
  1143. >It feels like you're breathing in pure happiness.
  1144. “Oh goodness, I've gotta get out of here.”
  1145. >With another flash of white and an audible snapping sound, you're somewhere else.
  1146. >”Incognito, soldier! What the fuck are you doing? Get your ass back out there!” Shouts an old, grizzled looking ma-
  1147. >No, wait, that's an animal.
  1148. >Body of a lion, head of an eagle… wings…
  1149. >A gryphon?
  1150. >You're in some kind of poorly constructed bunker.
  1151. “That's not my na-”
  1152. >Suddenly, something slams into the side of the structure you're in and explodes into a purple fire.
  1153. >”Those damn unicorns are too much!” Hollers the gryphon, who promptly spits on the ground and charges out the entrance.
  1154. “Yeah, nope.”
  1155. >You blink away again.
  1156. >You're Starbust Glitter.
  1157. >I mean, you're Sunset Shimmer.
  1158. >You and your friends have been looking all over town for Anon.
  1159. >After having no luck in the general vicinity of Sugarcum Corner, you all decided to split up and cover more ground.
  1160. >Twilight and Rarity headed off together to the city.
  1161. >Applejack and Rainbow Dash are searching the rural and suburban areas, respectively.
  1162. >Together with Pinkie and Fluttershy, you're searching through the town and park areas.
  1163. >All the hullabaloo is predominantly because of the obvious equestrian magic involved in this.
  1164. >People don't just disappear out of thin air for no reason, after all.
  1165. >Especially people like Anon, who obviously have no prior connection to it.
  1166. >He's a weird guy, sure, but he didn't seem like the type to abuse magic geodes or seduce women with his voi-
  1167. >Okay, he'd probably seduce women with his voice, but not in a siren kind of way.
  1168. >Anyway, you're driving slowly down the street.
  1169. >Rather unsafely, considering your eyes are scanning the sidewalks rather than the road.
  1170. “You know, why haven't we just tried calling him?” You ponder aloud.
  1171. >Rainbow is the only one with his phone number…
  1172. >’Maybe I should send her a text?”
  1173. >You feel a strange pull, as if someone who is very concerned about safe driving would have a problem with you doing that.
  1174. >Suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts, your phone rings.
  1175. >It’s Pinkie. You answer.
  1176. >”I found him! Well, sort of. Meetmeatthepark!”
  1177. “Girls, I'm telling you, I've got a great feeling about this particular spot!”
  1178. >You sit down on the ground and cross your arms defiantly.
  1179. >The balloon trees and the confetti on the ground have tipped you off to Anon’s future whereabouts.
  1180. >He disappeared, and he'll re-appear here.
  1181. >You're so excited!
  1182. >You're Pinkamena Diane Pie, by the way.
  1183. >You wish you had your party cannon.
  1184. >You start rummaging through your hair to see if you can find a spare.
  1185. >”Pinkie, what makes you so sure Anon’s gonna be here?” Asks your bestest friend Rainbow Dash. She's so silly!
  1186. >You leap to your feet and smile as you get up in her face.
  1187. “It's my PINKIE SENSE~!”
  1188. >The six other girls all make exhasperated noises.
  1189. >You straighten up with a jolt as your ears start twitching.
  1190. >The girls stare at you in confusion, but soon collectively gasp.
  1191. >”Okay, I'm back. I think. Am I back? Wow.” says a familiar-but-shaky voice.
  1192. >”Anon! What happened to you!” Twitwi exclains, rushing over to him.
  1193. >Sunset and Rainbow follow-suit. Looks like Fluttershy fainted again.
  1194. >Rarity holds herself back, retaining some of her anger from earlier.
  1195. >Applejack cautiously moves towards the cluster.
  1196. >You're so excited to see Anon back that you can't help but start bouncing up and down.
  1197. >Twilight has started interrogating Anon, running what appears to be a convenient spare magicometer over him. It's lighting up off the charts.
  1198. >Anon seems very conflicted in his responses.
  1199. >”Hey, girls, it sure is gettin’ late. Ah think ah’ll be headin’ home now.” Applejack says, warily.
  1200. “You're right Applejack! It's almost midnight!”
  1201. >Anon stands up.
  1202. >”Hey, yeah, I really do need to get going. Uh, actually, where are we?”
  1203. >Sunset tells him where you all are in relation to Sugarcube Corner.
  1204. >Sunset tells him where you all are in relation to Sugarcube Corner.
  1205. >”Anonymous, here's my phone number. I'm going to need to run some tests on you in my lab.” Says Twilight, handing Anon a scrap of paper. She pauses for a moment. “And, Sunset, we need to talk about, er…” She glances at Anon. “Letting the princess know.”
  1206. >Everyone proceeds to say their goodbyes and head off towards their respective vehicles, leaving just you and Anon.
  1207. “I'm headed to Sugarcube Corner too! Let's walk together! Yay!”
  1208. >Much like legendary master-spy Double-Donut-Seven, you're in deep cover.
  1209. >Your identity is completely concealed.
  1210. >Not a soul knows your name.
  1211. >You are… Anonymous.
  1212. >You've had a pretty wild night.
  1213. >Upon your sudden return from wherever it was you ended up after suddenly teleporting out of Sugarcube Corner, you were assaulted by a barrage of questions.
  1214. >When your vision cleared up, you were greeted by some familiar faces.
  1215. >Twilight Sparkle, purple girl extraordinaire, had lots to say to you.
  1216. >Blah blah equestrian magic, blah blah Sunset and I need to investigate you, blah blah keep this a secret
  1217. >You're not concerned.
  1218. >However, Twilight did give you her phone number. Which of course means she's romantically interested in you.
  1219. >’”A-anon, would you mind coming over to my house some time?” She said, blushing. “Just for science! I don't like you or anything.” So obvious.’
  1220. >Sunset asked you if you were okay and the rest of the encounter was decently awkward.
  1221. >It didn't help that as soon as you got acclimated to your circumstances, everyone's faces turned upside down.
  1222. >That really bothered you, so when Applejack threw you a line, whether she did so on purpose or not, you grabbed it. Getting home sounds really good right about now.
  1223. >Just you, your menagerie of clothing, and the wake of vultures in your dining room. Peace and quiet.
  1224. >So now, you're walking back to Sugarcube Corner.
  1225. >Ideally, you'd not have anyone tagging along. However, it turns out Pinkie Pie has some reason to go back there too.
  1226. >So you're walking alongside her.
  1227. >With each step, she bounces happily.
  1228. >You'd try to be suave and say some cool stuff, but your mouth decided to run off somewhere while you were distracted by her MASSIVE TITS.
  1229. >They're bouncing just as much as she is.
  1230. >”So, Nonny, how was your trip?” She asks, suddenly.
  1231. >Nonny?
  1232. >You stop walking and look over at her.
  1233. >She smiles at you.
  1234. >You run a hand through your hair and try to hold back the panic you're feeling.
  1235. >You look around for a second and then point at the blank spot on your face your mouth left behind.
  1236. >She tilts her head in confusion for a second before making the transition to shock and then general happiness again.
  1237. >”Oh! Silly me, I didn't notice! Want me to help you look for hi- ah!” She’s cut off mid sentence by a sudden rustling in her cleavage.
  1238. >From between her breasts, out pops your missing mouth!
  1239. >You shoot your hand out to grab it, but it dodges.
  1240. >Unable to stop now, your end up with a big handful of boob.
  1241. >Your eyebrows raise in terror but you, of course, have no mouth to complete the expression.
  1242. >You lock eyes with her.
  1243. >”Wow Anon! I never expected you to be this forward.” She says, giggling.
  1244. >You raise one of your eyebrows skeptically and tilt her head towards her.
  1245. >”I know, I know. You didn't mean to.” She puts a finger on her chin, then grins. “That doesn't mean I don't get to enjoy it!”
  1246. >You let go and stumble backwards, startled.
  1247. >”Awww…” She lets out, feigning sadness for a second before bouncing back to a bubbly happy.
  1248. >You'd sigh in exasperation if you could.
  1249. >Not only do you not have a mouth, but Pinkie is messing with you AND you've made almost no progress towards Sugarcube Corner.
  1250. >You point at your face and furrow your brow angrily.
  1251. >Pinkie suddenly jumps in surprise, then shoves a hand into her pants.
  1252. >Your jaw drops but that looks really weird on your face.
  1253. >Moments later, Pinkie pulls her hand back out, holding your mouth.
  1254. >She blushes. “Found it!”
  1255. >She moves closer to you and giggles again.
  1256. >Then, she wipes it on your shirt a few times and smacks it back on your face.
  1257. >”There you go, silly!”
  1258. >You, of course, immediately lick your lips.
  1259. >She gasps.
  1260. “Thanks, Pinkie. You're a lifesaver. Lipsaver?”
  1261. >”Anytime, Nonny!”
  1262. “Yeah, what's with the nickname?”
  1263. >She pauses for a moment.
  1264. >”Hmm… It sounds good!”
  1265. >You shrug.
  1266. “Okie dokie.” You say. She leans in closer in anticipation, but snaps her fingers in frustration at your pause. “Let's get going.”
  1267. >”Nonono-nymous, you haven't answered my question yet!”
  1268. >You stop walking again and turn your head back towards her. She hasn't moved.
  1269. “It was fine.”
  1270. >You start walking again.
  1271. >She beams at you, seemingly satisfied, then skips towards you, eventually matching your pace and following alongside you
  1272. >When you finally get back to Sugarcube Corner, you say your goodbyes.
  1273. >Apparently she had left some things inside the building and needed to get them.
  1274. >You, being the ladykiller that you are, decide she just wanted an excuse to talk to you.
  1275. >With that, you head back to your car.
  1276. >Upon arrival at the driver's side door, you plunge your hands in your pockets to retrieve your keys.
  1277. >Only to realize, however, that they're missing!
  1278. >You put a hand on your forehead. It falls off and splats on the ground.
  1279. >The rotting flesh peels off a little bit on contact.
  1280. >Your lips curl in disgust and you wipe both your hands on your pants.
  1281. “Guess I should check inside?”
  1282. >You walk over and open the door to the cafe.
  1283. >’Wow, this place is a mess!’
  1284. >Tables and chairs have been upturned and drift through the air. Stray milkshakes and confections have taken new forms, some even seem to be alive.
  1285. >You do a quick scan around the general vicinity of where you were sitting.
  1286. >You don't see your keys. You must have dropped them in one of those… other places?
  1287. >After one more once-over, you close the doors.
  1288. “I'm sure Pinkie is fine in there.”
  1289. >You head back over to your car and consider your options.
  1290. >You could smash the car window to get inside, but you, surprisingly, don't conveniently know how hotwire a car.
  1291. >You could walk home, but it's cold and dark and a way longer walk than drive.
  1292. >’Hey, earlier you could teleport. Why not now?’
  1293. >There's no point in not giving that a shot, right?
  1294. >You take a moment to imagine the coolest possible teleportation method.
  1295. >Adopting a wide stance, you smirk.
  1296. >Imagining your driveway, you snap your fingers.
  1297. >Suddenly, a large chunk of concrete appears in the air in front of you, then drops onto your car, crushing it.
  1298. >”Wow, you're stupid.” Groans a bemused third-party. “I'll help you out, but just this once.”
  1299. >You close your eyes and sink to the ground.
  1300. >Putting both your hands on your head, you start rocking back and forth.
  1301. “That didn't just happen, that didn't just happen, that didn't just happen…”
  1302. >You hear a faint noise, and open one eye.
  1303. >Your car is back to normal, your driveway is nowhere in sight.
  1304. >On the ground in front of you, your keys.
  1305. >You snatch them up and get in your car, immediately starting it up and speeding back home as fast as possible within the law of the road.
  1306. >You're happy to see that your driveway is still there when you pull into it and park your vehicle.
  1307. >You yawn and head towards your front door.
  1308. >To your surprise, it’s already open.
  1309. >You walk right in anyway.
  1310. >Sitting on your couch, with a vulture in his lap, is none other than Anonymous Sr.!
  1311. >He glances over at you and then looks back to his gloved hand as though he is inspecting his fingernails.
  1312. >He's obviously trying to put on a sinister act.
  1313. >He turns towards you, stifling a laugh. “I, the Master of Chaos, am here! To destroy you!” He closes his eyes and throws his head back, bursting out into evil laughter.
  1314. >He opens one of his eyes and looks over at you, pausing when he sees you're completely unfazed.
  1315. >You give him a big smile.
  1316. “Master of Chaos? Really? That's the best you could come up with?”
  1317. >”Haha, I'm just messing around. Guess this is what I get for trying to scare you. How about you come give your old man a hug?”
  1318. >He shoos the bird off his lap and stands up, spreading his arms out.
  1319. >You rush over and embrace him.
  1320. >”I can't stay for long, but don't think I don't keep tabs on you! I'm proud of you.” He says, pensively.
  1321. >You nod, letting go of him.
  1322. >”I hope you don't mind, but I tidied things up in here.”
  1323. >You still haven't turned on any lights.
  1324. >”I let the vultures stay. I must say, though, they're an interesting choice. I doubt most people would think to have them as pets.” He glances down as a few of the birds shuffle anxiously away. “How do you feed them…?” He ponders.
  1325. “They're temporary guests, mainly. I'm sure next time I come home they'll be gone.”
  1326. >He shrugs.
  1327. >”Well, this is about all the time I have here. I had some prior business to attend to before I dropped by, and it used up most of my stay in this wo- city.” He scans your face.
  1328. “I get it, you have things to do. I'm fine on my own. Have been most of my life, at least.”
  1329. >He sighs in relief, and gives you a knowing look.
  1330. >”Well, goodbye.”
  1331. >You don't say anything as he walks out the still-open front door.
  1332. >You move to watch him leave, only to find that he's already vanished.
  1333. >You close the door and turn around, deciding to head to bed.
  1334. >Without turning any lights on, you walk up the stairs.
  1335. >Near the top of the staircase, you bump your head into the ceiling.
  1336. “Wha-? Has this staircase always lead to nowhere?”
  1337. >You rub your temple as you trudge down to the first floor and walk around the base of this staircase to the foot of the one behind it.
  1338. >Climbing up that one, you've finally made it to the second floor.
  1339. >You plod into your room, take off your clothes, and fall right on your face.
  1340. >Like that, you drift to sleep.
  1341. >You wake up to the sound of your phone’s ringtone.
  1342. >You have a near-crippling headache.
  1343. >You also seem to have fallen asleep last night on the floor.
  1344. >To top it all off, you barely remember anything from yesterday.
  1345. “Uuughhhhhh…”
  1346. >You peel your face off the ground and rub your eyes with your hand.
  1347. >Your phone starts ringing again.
  1348. >You roll over onto your back and shove your hand into your pocket.
  1349. >Slowly, you pull your phone up to your face.
  1350. >Without looking at the number, you ignore the call. This brings you to your notifications menu.
  1351. >You painfully open your eyes to the blinding blue light.
  1352. “51 missed calls!?!?”
  1353. >Thirty from Rainbow Dash, and twenty-one from some random number.
  1354. >Guess you should ask her what’s up.
  1355. >You tap the banner and press dial.
  1356. >Ring… connection.
  1357. >Immediately, Rainbow’s voice belts out of the phone's speaker. “Dude!? What the heck! I called you, like, a million times!”
  1358. >Bitch.
  1359. “Some people like sleeping, Rainbow. If you're going t-” You yawn. “to be my wife, you'll have to get used to that.”
  1360. >She laughs nervously for a second.
  1361. >”As if! Besides, that's not the issue here. You haven't been to school in three frickin’ days!”
  1362. >What?
  1363. “What do you mean? Yesterday was Saturday.”
  1364. >”No, yesterday was WEDNESDAY. After all that magic stuff this weekend I wa- we were all really worried! Where have you been!?” She says, breathlessly and kind of embarrassed.
  1365. “I've… just been sleeping.”
  1366. >’Yeah, sleeping for four days straight. That's healthy.’
  1367. >You pry yourself away from the carpet.
  1368. >It's tendrils try as hard as they can to keep you strapped down, but ultimately fail to hold you in place.
  1369. >An eye ripples along its surface, pausing to stare at you, before it rolls and darts away.
  1370. >You scratch your head and look around.
  1371. >No clothes in sight.
  1372. >”Hello? You still there? Anon?” Says Rainbow Dash’s shrill phone voice.
  1373. “Yeah, yeah. Why didn't any of you bother to come on me or something?”
  1374. >You walk up to and open your closet doors.
  1375. >No clothes in here, either.
  1376. >”Um, dude, we wanted to, but none of us know where you live.”
  1377. >Oh, right.
  1378. “Well, if you're still worried, I'll text you my address. That way you know I'm not being held at gunpoint by the Diamond Dogs gang and lying.”
  1379. >She snorts.
  1380. >”That's totally what Rarity thought happened to you!”
  1381. >Wow, what a coincidence.
  1382. >You walk out of your room, still naked.
  1383. >Looking down the hall at all the closed rooms, you figure it would be best to avoid looking anywhere else upstairs for your clothes.
  1384. >Trotting down the staircase, you arrive in your kitchen.
  1385. >Oh, Rainbow’s still on the line.
  1386. >You put your phone up to your ear and listen to her prattling on about some soccer game.
  1387. >End call.
  1388. >’How devilish.’
  1389. >Walking over to your oven, you wrench open the door.
  1390. >Bird carcass, bones.
  1391. >No clothes.
  1392. “Man, what the fuck.”
  1393. >You let out an exasperated sigh and quickly shoot Rainbow a text with your address in it.
  1394. >You look at the other missed caller.
  1395. >’Might as well find out who they are.’
  1396. >Dial.
  1397. >Ring… connection.
  1398. >”Is this Anon?”
  1399. >She sounds familiar.
  1400. “Uh, yeah, who's this?”
  1401. >”I'm so glad you're okay! It's me, Sunset. I got your number from Rainbow.”
  1402. “Oh, yeah, I heard you were all freaking out because I wasn't at school.”
  1403. >”Mhm, after that incident on Saturday we can't take any chances. What happened to you?”
  1404. >Like, over the last four days, or during “the incident”?
  1405. >Whatever.
  1406. “Okay, theyre I gone! I got kidnapped by the Diamond Dogs. Sunset, please, I need help.”
  1407. >”What!?! Where are you!”
  1408. >You lower your voice.
  1409. “M-my house. I think Rainbow has my address. You need to get here quick. Oh shit, I hear them coming back. B-” You cut off your farewell and end the call.
  1410. >You're Sunset Shimmer.
  1411. >Rarity was right!
  1412. >You had thought Anon was caught up in some magical equestrian shenanigans.
  1413. >You even told Princess Twilight you might need her help.
  1414. >But Anon just told you the Diamond Dogs gang had him hostage in his own house!
  1415. >You call Rainbow.
  1416. >Ring… ring… ring…
  1417. “Come on, pick up!”
  1418. >Connection.
  1419. >”What’s up Sunse-”
  1420. “Rainbow, quick, I need Anon’s address!”
  1421. >”Wha? Why?”
  1422. “He just told me the Diamond Dogs are in his house!”
  1423. >She makes an incredulous noise.
  1424. >”I just talked to him. He sounded fine.”
  1425. >She pauses for a second.
  1426. >”Actually, he did make a joke about the Diamond Dogs holding him at gunpoint…”
  1427. >You start to freak out.
  1428. >”Oh my gosh! It must have been a hint!” She screams.
  1429. “What are we gonna do!?”
  1430. >You start taking deep breaths.
  1431. >You aren't equipped to handle this kind of crisis. You're a pony!
  1432. >”We need to hurry! I'm coming over.”
  1433. >She hangs up.
  1434. >Oh Celestia. Should you call the police?
  1435. >No, this might be a misunderstanding.
  1436. >Besides, you have magic.
  1437. >What's important right now is making sure Anon is safe! After all, you want to be his friend.
  1438. >Anyway, it seems like Rainbow Dash is gonna come pick you up.
  1439. >She does know where Anon’s house is.
  1440. >Your doorbell rings.
  1441. “Wow, that was fast.”
  1442. >’Well, this is Rainbow Dash.’
  1443. >You walk to your door and it open it up.
  1444. >”No time to waste, Sunset! I can get us to Anon’s house in a flash! I'm the fastest person in the world!” She boasts, puffing her chest out heroically.
  1445. “Alright, we should think of plan.”
  1446. >You start turning to go back inside as she groans.
  1447. >Suddenly, she grabs you and picks you up.
  1448. >All you see is blurry rainbow light as she zips off down the street with you in her arms.
  1449. >You've been searching years for this mysterious artifact.
  1450. >It's power calls to you.
  1451. >Well, that's what you might say if you were some kind of occultist.
  1452. >You want it for the money!
  1453. >And you've infiltrated this shady group of people to get to it.
  1454. >Your true identity is concealed.
  1455. >You're Anonymous.
  1456. >You pace back and forth around your living room.
  1457. >For some reason, you just can't find your clothes anywhere.
  1458. >You let out a frustrated sigh and sit down on your couch.
  1459. >’Whatever. I'm sure they'll turn up eventually.’
  1460. >You gaze around the room. It's pretty bland.
  1461. >Table, couch, kitchen, staircase.
  1462. >Unusually clean, too.
  1463. >’You should get some decorations.’
  1464. >All of a sudden you start hearing girlish whispering outside your front door.
  1465. “That's weird…”
  1466. >You stand up and take a step towards it.
  1467. >Bam! Your door is slams open.
  1468. >Rainbow Dash powers in after it, tripping and sliding towards you face-first.
  1469. “What the fuck!?”
  1470. >You are very surprised. That isn't surprising.
  1471. >”Anon! You're oka-” Rainbow says excitedly, stopping mid-sentence as she pans her gaze up on to you from the floor.
  1472. >Her jaw drops.
  1473. >”Uh, um, I, helllooo, er, wow, ok.” She mumbles, eyes transfixed on your midsection.
  1474. >You take a few seconds to notice Sunset peering in through the doorway with a similar expression.
  1475. >A few more seconds and you register what has those two so shocked.
  1476. “Oh.”
  1477. >You glance down at your penis.
  1478. “Yeah, I've been looking for my clothes all morning.”
  1479. >”A-anon, your clothes are all out here.” Chimes in Sunset. “They're all in a big ball hanging from the roof.”
  1480. >You beam at her. You feel so naked without them.
  1481. >Because you are.
  1482. >Meanwhile, Rainbow has buried her face in her hands and is blushing profusely.
  1483. >You adopt a classy power stance.
  1484. “Care to tell me why you kicked my door down?”
  1485. >Rainbow stands up and turns away from you.
  1486. >”We thought the Diamond Dogs had you held hostage!”
  1487. >You facepalm.
  1488. “What? Rainbow, you talked to me on the phone like twenty minutes ago.”
  1489. >”But, Sunset tol-”
  1490. “You were supposed to tell her I was okay!”
  1491. >You sigh.
  1492. >’It's fine.'
  1493. >You walk past Rainbow, who jumps when you enter her field of vision again, and examine your door.
  1494. >Sunset’s eyes dart up and down your body.
  1495. “Well, the door looks fine.”
  1496. >You turn your head towards Sunset.
  1497. “How about you grab that ball of clothes and bring it in here.”
  1498. >”Oh, s-sure, Anon.” She says, looking past you into your house and grimacing.
  1499. >You're making her grab the clothes for you because you don't want to walk outside naked.
  1500. >’You realize that both of them are seeing you naked, right?’
  1501. “Yeah, but that doesn't matter.”
  1502. >You tap your foot impatiently.
  1503. >You look behind you at Rainbow again, who has turned her head away and is holding an open hand towards you.
  1504. >”Alright, here you go.” Sunset says, dropping a large ball of clothes on the floor. She wipes her forehead and labors to catch her breath.
  1505. >You thank her, and casually pick out the first articles of clothing for each part of your body that you can see.
  1506. >Mismatched socks, teddy bear underwear, a beat up pair of jeans, and a shirt two sizes too big.
  1507. >Rarity would have a heart attack.
  1508. >’Maybe you should invite her over…’
  1509. >You push the rest of the clothes into a corner with your foot.
  1510. “So, since you two are here, do you want anything? Food, drink? We can, like, hangout.”
  1511. >Sunset and Rainbow look at each other.
  1512. >After a few seconds of back-and forth expressions, Rainbow shrugs.
  1513. >”Sure, Anon! We’re down to hang.” Says Sunset cautiously. She glances at Rainbow as if to nudge her with her eyes.
  1514. >She punches you on the shoulder in a friendly manner.
  1515. >Rainbow quietly lets out an inward groan and agrees with false eagerness.
  1516. >You, of course, don’t pick up on any of this.
  1517. “Great- Let me get something out of the kitchen, I’ll be right back!”
  1518. >You trot happily into your kitchen. Isn’t it great that you get to spend the afternoon with two of your great friends?
  1519. >I mean, you’ve only known them for a week or so, but you feel like you’re all so close already.
  1520. >In any case, they’ll feel the same way if you consistently impose yourself on them.
  1521. >’Yeah, that totally sounds right.’
  1522. >A few harmless pranks, spending quality time together.
  1523. >Two great ways to build friendships.
  1524. >You start wondering what you might have missed at school over the last few days.
  1525. >You’re just now starting to wake up, really. You’re not a morni- mid-afternoon person?
  1526. >You realize you’re just standing motionless in the middle of your kitchen, so you opt to step forward toward the pantry to get some fashion of snacks.
  1527. >Unfortunately, your foot doesn’t reconnect with the sticky, tiled floor you expected.
  1528. >In its place is a soft, mushy corpse.
  1529. >Man, that just isn’t sanitary.
  1530. >Your heart starts racing.
  1531. >You really dont want the girls to see this.
  1532. >’I can just leave it here for now…’
  1533. >Your gums are bleeding.
  1534. >You step over the man on the floor and open the pantry door.
  1535. >Skeletons of all shapes, sizes, and species tumble out on top of you.
  1536. >The bones come clattering down on the floor, a cacophonous orchestra rattling its own dissonant music after them.
  1537. >You take a sharp breath, opening your mouth briefly.
  1538. >Just long enough, of course, for blood to pour out onto your shirt and face.
  1539. >”Anon, are you alright? What was that noise?" Sunset calls out.
  1540. “Uaaghhbruagghag!”
  1541. >”Oh, alright!” Says a third party.
  1542. >Good, she’s not worried anymore.
  1543. >’Wait…’
  1544. >You hear approaching footsteps.
  1545. “I’m fine Sunset, just dropped some stuff. Don’t worry about it. I’m whipping up a surprise, just go back to the couch!” You shout out, hearing her stop and turn around.
  1546. >Crisis averted.
  1547. “Don’t confuse me like that!” You mutter to no one.
  1548.  
  1549. >You’re not Anonymous right now.
  1550. >Why would you want to hide who you are, anyway?
  1551. >You being Sunset Shimmer, of course.
  1552. >You’re in Anon’s house. It’s… interesting.
  1553. >The walls are all purple, and you can see at least two staircases from the living room.
  1554. >The coffee table in front of you is just legs and a frame, there’s no actual table.
  1555. >Additionally, there’s a really strange smell.
  1556. >It’s not gross or anything.
  1557. >Actually, you think, it’s vaguely familiar.
  1558. >You’re here with Rainbow, who was all but happy to be staying here.
  1559. >Not only was she disgruntled by seeing Anon’s junk, but she came here expecting a hostage rescue.
  1560. >Plus, although she was one of the first to insist something was wrong when Anon wasn't at school, she’s said many times since this weekend that Anon creeps her out.
  1561. >She totally doesn’t like him or anything, after all, he’s weird. What’s he even talking about half the time?
  1562. >Seconds ago, you heard a crashing noise and some crazy music coming from the kitchen. It didn't last long, and Anon seemed pretty insistent that you don’t go in.
  1563. >He asked you both to hangout with him, but neither of you know him that well.
  1564. >You don’t really think you have much to do together.
  1565. >But since you want to be his friend(after all, Principal Celestial seemed pretty insistent that he is in need of companionship), you and—Although she took some convincing—Rainbow have decided to stick around.
  1566. >Rainbow is pacing back and forth now.
  1567. >Suddenly, she stops.
  1568. >”Seriously, what is with this table!?” She shouts, shoving her hand through the actual-table-less frame. “I mean, what the heck!?”
  1569. >You burst out laughing, and stand up.
  1570. >You walk up to the first staircase in the road m and head up to the top.
  1571. >A couple steps away from the pinnacle, your head is touching the ceiling.
  1572. “Yeah, and this staircase doesn’t even go anywhere!”
  1573. >As the two of you enjoy the brief comic relief, you’re interrupted by a sudden barrage of loud squawking.
  1574. >Immediately, a kettle of vultures flies out of the kitchen and shoots through the front window.
  1575. >You and Rainbow gape at them, shaken from your stupor only by Anon running out from the kitchen after them.
  1576. >He has a skull in his left hand and a frying pan in his right, with an apron tied around his waist and a massive oven mitt pulled onto his head.
  1577. >Get back here, you bastards! That was my dinner!” He shouts, angrily waving his frying pan in the direction they left.
  1578. >He pauses to look at you and then at Rainbow.
  1579. >He opens his mouth and closes it, then repeats the process a few more times.
  1580. >Then he turns around and walks back into the kitchen.
  1581. >You turn towards Rainbow.
  1582. “You saw that… right?”
  1583. >She nods.
  1584. >Well, in the brief time you know him, weirder things have happened.
  1585. “Maybe we should check on him?”
  1586. >”I don’t know Sunset, I don’t want to walk in to a surprise wedding ceremony. Vultures instead of doves…” She shudders.
  1587. “Wedding ceremony? Why would that be the first thing you imagine seeing in there?”
  1588. >You look at her in disbelief.
  1589. >She blushes for a second, “Oh, uh, I guess it’s kinda like an inside joke.”
  1590. >You shrug.
  1591. >Better go see Anon's doing.
  1592. >Rainbow sits down on the couch and seems to sink into it as you walk away.
  1593. >Like, completely sink into it.
  1594. >Since you’re pretty sure that’s impossible, you assume it’s some kind of optical illusion and head into the kitchen without checking to make sure.
  1595. >What you see is nothing like you expected.
  1596. >What you expected, naturally, is a laughing Anon waiting to tell you it was some kind of prank.
  1597. >Instead, you’re greeted with a much more… gruesome scene.
  1598. >A half-eaten corpse lays on the floor of the kitchen. Blood is smeared and dropped all over the floors and walls. Broken skeletons are scattered everywhere, and an old-looking radio is playing some seriously spooky stuff.
  1599. >Your immediate reaction is to vomit.
  1600. >You break into tears immediately after.
  1601. >Anon stumbles into view from a different room.
  1602. >”Sunset, don’t orryw bouta ti tsi lla a okej” He mumbles.
  1603. >You scream as blood pours out of his mouth.
  1604. >He collapses next to you and the floor gives out beneath him.
  1605. >You desperately try to grab him, but serve only to throw yourself down the same hole.
  1606. >You plummet into a vast nothing.
  1607. >All around you, you can hear the sound of Rainbow Dash faintly crying in pain and Anon growling incoherently.
  1608. >The sounds get louder and louder as vivid, abstract images flash in your eyes over and over.
  1609. >A strange creature frequently appears, along with various pictures of Anon himself.
  1610. >Everything goes white.
  1611. >You feel the familiar sensation of your eyes blinking.
  1612. >Anon pulls away from you, looking dazed momentarily, then shrugs and turns around.
  1613. >”Great! I bought one of those pre-made cookie dough things last week, I’ll go bake ‘em.”
  1614. >He heads towards his kitchen.
  1615. >What?
  1616. >You look around the room.
  1617. >Everything is normal, just like it was before all that craziness went down.
  1618. >Rainbow is here!
  1619. >You can’t help but tear up as you hurriedly pull her into an embrace.
  1620. >She gives you a puzzled look.
  1621. “Rainbow Dash! I’m so glad you’re okay!”
  1622. >”I don’t get it, what’s wrong, Sunset?” She asks, in a tone both awkwardly uncomfortable and concerned.
  1623. >’What just happened?’
  1624. >Anon is in the kitchen.
  1625. >It’s like none of that even happened.
  1626. “Did none of that happen for you? The vultures, Anon with the frying pan? Anything?”
  1627. >”No? I’m pretty sure I’d remember something like that!”
  1628. >Then it hits you.
  1629. >Your powers must have kicked in when you touched Anon just then!
  1630. >Just, not in the way they normally do.
  1631. >You put a hand on your head and sigh in frustration.
  1632. >Rainbow looks at you inquisitively and shrugs.
  1633. >She walks over to and sits down on Anon’s cough.
  1634. >You plop down next to her.
  1635. “It’s been a tough week so far, huh? Who would have thought Anon was only sleeping? And for so long, too. Whatever that magic last weekend was it must have taken a pretty big toll on him.”
  1636. >”Yeah! I was kinda hoping he really had been kidnapped though. So I could beat down some bad guys, of course!” Rainbow says proudly. She looks at you and laughs inwardly.
  1637. >You briefly crane your neck towards the entryway of the kitchen to see if Anon is coming back.
  1638. >Coast looks clear.
  1639. “Rainbow, I think there’s something seriously wrong with Anon.” You say in a hushed voice.
  1640. >”Whaddya mean?” She replies.
  1641. “When I touched him a few minutes ago, my… powers activated and I didn’t even realize it. It was completely normal until a bunch of weird stuff happened. I saw a dead body, and blood, and other things… and you were screaming…”
  1642. >You shake your head in frustration.
  1643. “It was scary! Nothing like that has ever happened before.”
  1644. >She looks at you with shock.
  1645. >”D-don’t worry about it Sunset! Anon can’t hurt you! Not with me here!”
  1646. >You laugh.
  1647. “I don’t think Anon is gonna try and hurt us. Probably. I just think we need to help him, or something. That wasn’t normal!”
  1648. >Just then, Anon walks out of the kitchen with a tray of cookies in his hands.
  1649. >Hey girls, you two talking about me being naked earlier? I wouldn’t call that normal either.”
  1650. >He smiles at you.
  1651. >You shoot an intense glare at Rainbow as if to say “Go along with it, we’ll talk about this later.”
  1652. >Since you’re both girls and good friends, the message is conveyed as though you can communicate telepathically. Obviously.
  1653. “Haha, yeah Anon. I really didn’t expect that. Althoughhh, I think Rainbow got a better view than I did.”
  1654. >Rainbow blushes as she remembers the scene from earlier.
  1655. >”I-I didn’t see anything, dude!” She sputters.
  1656. >Anon gives her a big, shit-eating grin.
  1657. >”Oh really? That’s my bad, let me fix that.” He says, pretending to unzip his pants.
  1658. >Rainbow squeaks. Like, she squeaks.
  1659. >It’s pretty funny.
  1660. >You giggle.
  1661. >Anon moves to set the tray of cookies down.
  1662. >’Wait, where’s he gonna put them? This table is just a frame.’
  1663. >He doesn’t show any signs of stopping, and you tense up in preparation for the cookies falling on the ground.
  1664. >Instead, he rests the tray right where you’d expect he tabletop to be.
  1665. >It just floats there.
  1666. >If Anon knows what he just did, he doesn’t seem to see anything strange about it.
  1667. >Rainbow looks at it curiously.
  1668. >”Go ahead girls! These cookies look delicious!” Anon says warmly. He turns to Rainbow and adopts a faux-seductive tone. “They aren’t the only ones…”
  1669. >Rainbow, surprisingly, just can not handle flirting. You didn’t expect this from her.
  1670. >She’s at a visible loss for words.
  1671. >Chuckling, you reach over and pick up a cookie.
  1672. >You take a bite out of it and chew slowly.
  1673. >Yeah, something tastes off.
  1674. >Your lips curl and you gag.
  1675. >You force yourself to swallow and cough.
  1676. “Eugh, Anon, these are terrible!”
  1677. >He bursts out laughing.
  1678. >After a few seconds, he wipes a tear from his eye.
  1679. >”I poured, like, a whole bag of salt in ‘em.”
  1680. >You give him a cold stare.
  1681. >You were looking forward to them, and he went and did this!
  1682. >”Ohhh boy, wow, you should see your face.” He says, still laughing.
  1683. >Especially after that horrible experience with… whatever that was in Anon’s head!
  1684. >A nice, tasty cookie would have been so comforting!
  1685. >You could talk to Rainbow and get to know Anon a little better, all while savoring sugary goodness.
  1686. >But no!
  1687. >”Geez, Sunset, calm dow-“ He starts, before you cut him off.
  1688. >”I changed my mind! Anon, I’m glad you’re okay, but I’m leaving now. Rainbow, let’s go.”
  1689. >You stand up.
  1690. >He opens his mouth but closes it right away.
  1691. >Rainbow shrugs at him, and stands up to follow you.
  1692. >Anon raises a finger as if to protest, but quickly lowers it.
  1693. >Actually, you briefly saw his other hand pull his arm down.
  1694. >He looks at you. It’s an oddly emotional look.
  1695. >You feel bad for a second, but you’re too overwhelmed right now.
  1696. >You March out the door, Rainbow in tow.
  1697. “Take me home, Dash!”
  1698. >As a master of subterfuge, the name of your person has not been discovered.
  1699. >You're Anonymous.
  1700. >Sunset Shimmer just left your house in avery bad mood.
  1701. >You tried to tell her she had birds living in her hair but the opportunity failed to present itself.
  1702. >Well, there was that one moment, but things were getting pretty heated.
  1703. >You were prevented from letting her know by the excruciating pain of your arm melting off.
  1704. >Plus, Sunset was upset about you putting salt in her cookies.
  1705. >While you wouldn't object to salting her cookie in the future, you might now stop and consider how it would make her feel before doing it.
  1706. >Maybe.
  1707. >The whole encounter was pretty poorly written, you’d say.
  1708. >Shaky and incomplete. Like something was missing.
  1709. >And it ended too fast!
  1710. >Not to mention the actual content was scant at best.
  1711. >Sunset did leave her hand attached to your shoulder for a while, so maybe there was some important character development you missed.
  1712. >It’s not hard to see how you could have, considering how hard it held on to you.
  1713. >You’re surprised she didn’t notice it was missing for so long!
  1714. >Anyway, they're gone now.
  1715. >You’re all alone.
  1716. >Your house really did get cleaned up, it seems.
  1717. “Man, I feel so refreshed!”
  1718. >Your nap has left you with plenty of energy.
  1719. >What better to do but let it out somewhere?
  1720. >You hold your hand out to your side for a second and tap your foot patiently.
  1721. >Your car keys come running out from behind some crevice, bounding into your grip.
  1722. >You look at them.
  1723. “Where will we go today? What will we do? Who?”
  1724. >They don’t respond.
  1725. >Indignantly, you cary them out your front door with a tsk.
  1726. >You smash your hand through the window and unlock the door.
  1727. >Then, you pull yourself in through the window.
  1728. >You sit and adjust your mirrors,stopping briefly to pluck glass shards from your face.
  1729. >’No blood.’
  1730. >”Hey, that’s good!” Says a third-party, cheerily.
  1731. >You shrug as you plunge your keys into the ignition, twisting them.
  1732. >”Now, it is a school night, so you have to be home at a responsible hour.” Says a thi-
  1733. >Wait, no, this is a new one.
  1734. >You shift into reverse and pull out of your driveway, being sure to utilize the utmost caution.
  1735. >SAFE DRIVING IS IMPORTANT
  1736. >Nothing like a nice, casual drive.
  1737. >You decide to head into the countryside.
  1738. >Take a detour from the suburban sights and city lights, you know?
  1739. >You’re on the open road! Windows down, wind in your face.
  1740. >You haven’t seen a speed limit in miles.
  1741. >There’s no one else around.
  1742. >You smile as you take it up to a dangerous 50mph.
  1743. >Living on the edge!
  1744. >All of a sudden, the worn-down road opens its asphalt maw and swallows your vehicle, taking you with it.
  1745. >Your car tumbles down into pitch-black nothing.
  1746. >You promptly unfasten your seat belt and open the door, leaping out with yours spread wide.
  1747. >Without falling more than two feet, your face collides with the ground.
  1748. >You take a big bite of dirt and roll into a ball with your tongue.
  1749. >You hold it in your hands and start tossing it up and down.
  1750. >You scratch your head for a second.
  1751. >Your car seems to have been damaged beyond repair.
  1752. >The zipper on your pants opens its mouth.
  1753. >”We didn’t sign up for this!”
  1754. >Your jeans fall to your ankles and start squirming around your feet.
  1755. “What the fuck! You guys are supposed to be my slaves! I paid for you!”
  1756. >The pair curls its belt loops at you and trods away further into the darkness.
  1757. >You throw hands up in frustration, only for your shirt to fly off over your head.
  1758. “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” It shouts, catching a stray gust of wind and sailing away.
  1759. >Left with just your underwear, shoes, and more recently, sharp pains in your head and side, you start walking.
  1760. >The already dark darkness gets darker and darker.
  1761. >Shapes and almost-shapes float in the corners of your vision.
  1762. >You start to feel extremely panicked.
  1763. >You break into a sprint, wildly trying to escape a perceived terror.
  1764. >Without any visible warning or indication, you slam into a tree.
  1765. >On impact, you recoil and fall back onto the ground.
  1766. >Some kind of object falls on your head.
  1767. “No… no… it can’t be!”
  1768. >You jump to your feet and throw your head towards the swirling, blinding lights in the sky.
  1769. “THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLLIIINNNGGG!!!!!”
  1770. >You bound forward, frantically running, sometimes on all fours, in...
  1771. >Well, in a direction.
  1772. >...
  1773. “Got the spotlights on, Big Mac?”
  1774. >”Eeyup.”
  1775. “Good. We’re gonna catch this varmint.”
  1776. >You cock your shotgun.
  1777. >Because you’re Applejack, and someone, or something, is runnin’ amok on your farm.
  1778. >You blow a few strands of hair out of your eye and push up the rim of your hat.
  1779. >You heard loud noises coming from the west, out among the trees.
  1780. >Protecting Apple family apple crop is of the utmost apple importance.
  1781. >You and Big Mac march off into the apple foret.
  1782. >From the distance, closer now, comes the garbled cries of the intruder.
  1783. “Could that be howlin’? Timberwolves don’t come about ‘round here this time of year, do they?”
  1784. >”Nnnope.”
  1785. >’Wot in tarnation could it be…?’
  1786. >You stop.
  1787. >You'd been walking for some time now, and something feels off.
  1788. >You look around.
  1789. “Big Mac, where’d ya go?”
  1790. >No reaponse.
  1791. >You shiver. It sure is getting cold out here.
  1792. >You pan your head around in a slow circle.
  1793. >Auddenly, the spotlights all shut off.
  1794. >You gulp.
  1795. “B-big Mac? Where’d you go?”
  1796. >You hear the screaming from before again, only its closer now.
  1797. >You raise your shotgun up.
  1798. “I-I’m warnin’ you! I’m armed!”
  1799. >You hear the sound of twigs snapping and branches being pushed aside.
  1800. >The sounds of crazed running.
  1801. >You start shaking as you practice poor trigger discipline.
  1802. >”THE SKYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!” Screeches an oddly familiar voice out from the vast nighttime expanse.
  1803. >Without thinking, you fire off a shotgun blast in its direction.
  1804. >”AAAGGGHHHHHHHHGHH THAT DOESN’t feel like a clou…” Says the owner of the voice, audibly collapsing to the ground.
  1805. >You slowly plod towards its source, some 20 yards away.
  1806. “Oh my…”
  1807. >You gaze down at the bloody mess in front of you.
  1808. >It’s… Anon.
  1809. >...
  1810. >You, for some reason, have a strange feeling that someone very nearby knows who are.
  1811. >In this regard, you aren’t Anonymous.
  1812. >Nonetheless, you are Anonymous.
  1813. >You feel really sick.
  1814. >Pain all over, and you’re freezing.
  1815. >You try to open your eyes, but everything is super bright.
  1816. >You swat away the disembodied face floating in front of your television.
  1817. >Changing the channel, you eventually rest on something which seems appropriate.
  1818. >A Mexican soap opera.
  1819. >Let’s watch it for a second.
  1820. >A mariachi band plays a classic tune, and quiet footsteps trail after a dainty looking Mexican woman.
  1821. >She stops, and gazes longingly across the room at a shadowed bed.
  1822. >A manly gasp is heard, and a hand shoots out from the darkness.
  1823. >”Juanita! Come to me!”
  1824. >The woman rushes across the room, getting to her knees beside the bed.
  1825. >”Who! Who did this to me?!” The man in the bed shouts.
  1826. >The woman wipes away a tear.
  1827. >”Me! Carlito, I am the one who shot you!”
  1828. >The man pulls his hand away, out of view once again.
  1829. >”Juanita… nooooooooooooooooooo!” He cries.
  1830. >You cut the power off.
  1831. >Your head starts hurting.
  1832. >You nosedive off a cliff and into a green sea.
  1833. >Before too long, the leafy water fills with blood.
  1834. >You bite into an apple, colliding with the ground.
  1835. >You slam your fists into it over and over again.
  1836. >How dare it say that about your mother!
  1837. >Well, not like you cared.
  1838. >You just felt like it was a necessary action.
  1839. >Oh, and you’re seeing things in reverse.
  1840. “Wait… I don’t want to see my whole life before my eyes right now!”
  1841. >”Anon.”
  1842. >“Anon?”
  1843. >“Annoooooonnnnnnn!!!!”
  1844. >You open your eyes for real this time.
  1845. >Not to invalidate your previous experiences or anything.
  1846. >You see, to your surprise, a very shaken, worried-looking Applejack dragging you along the ground by your legs.
  1847. >Also featuring a mess of mangled flesh where your stomach should be, blood, and a good view of your teddy bear underwear.
  1848. “Hiya Applejack! Fancy seeing you here!””
  1849. >She stops and stares at you, eyes wide.
  1850. >Then she screams.
  1851. “Woah, calm down, it’s like you’ve seen a ghost!”
  1852. >”More like a zombie!” She exclaims.
  1853. >You pause.
  1854. >Your hunger for brains is no stronger than usual.
  1855. >You could eat, but it’s nothing overbearing.
  1856. “Nope, no zombies here!”
  1857. >She drops your legs and stumbles back a little. Tears start forming in her eyes.
  1858. >”Anon, I don’t know how you’re still alive. B-but, I’m real sorry I shot ya.”
  1859. >She shot you?
  1860. >Not important.
  1861. >”Anon, dear, you do know what’s happening right now, right?” Says the new contender from earlier.
  1862. >You ignore them.
  1863. >They should mind their own business.
  1864. >You were much happier with Mr. A Third-Party.
  1865. >You inform Applejack that you’ve reached that conclusion, but she seems to have collapsed from shock.
  1866. >”Ah, ah ain’t ever killed a man before…” She says, staring at her bloody hands.
  1867. “Oh, it’s okay Applejack. It’s easy, trust me!”
  1868. >She puts her hands over her ears and starts rocking back and forth.
  1869. >”Why, and now ahm goin crazy…”
  1870. >Why is she ignoring you?
  1871. >What a bitch.
  1872. “Hey, snap out of it you apple-ass cunt. I’m trying to have a conversation with you.”
  1873. >She slowly looks you in the eyes.
  1874. >She picks up the shotgun from the ground next to her and shoots it into your stomach again.
  1875. “Juanita, why…!” You gasp, falling backwards.
  1876. >A warm pair of hands pulls you into an embrace.
  1877. >This feels nice.
  1878. >So soft…
  1879. >You’re bored.
  1880. >”Oh, Anonymous, you’ve found yourself in another strange situation, haven’t you?” Says a stern, fatherly voice.
  1881. >Oh, it’s your dad.
  1882. >”As is always the case when you end up here, I suppose.”
  1883. >You can’t see anything, but he pulls you to your feet.
  1884. >”Open your eyes again. Give her a good scare! Remember, things like that are only real if you want them to be! Who cares about what the rules of living dictate?”
  1885. >’That makes sense’
  1886. >You open your eyes.
  1887. >Applejack is an unconsolable mess, writhing and sobbing in the dirt ahead of you.
  1888. >Your mangled body hangs from your neck.
  1889. >Sticky blood has pooled up around you.
  1890. >What happened again?
  1891. “Oh yeah.”
  1892. >Applejack snaps her head towards you.
  1893. >”Ah must have really lost my noggin’, huh? Seein’ dead people walkin’...”
  1894. >She stands up.
  1895. >”Better go tell Granny Smith…”
  1896. “Wait, Applejack, come back!”
  1897. >She turns around and grimaces at the sight of what’s left of you.
  1898. “I’m really not dead, I swear! Close your eyes for a second.”
  1899. >She stares for a second before obliging.
  1900. >You stand up and walk up to her, planting a firm hand on her shoulder.
  1901. “See, you missed me!”
  1902. >She opens her eyes and looks at you.
  1903. >Complete horror rolls across her face.
  1904. >”Uhh-huh, yeah. I s-suppose ah did.” She says, shakily.
  1905. >You wink at her, and listen to the cacophonous orchestra now playing inside your ear canals.
  1906. >Symphony of the devil, truly.
  1907. >You whistle along to its dissonant nonsense and plod behind Applejack as she leads the way to her farmhouse.
  1908. >You’ve never been to a farmhouse , you’re excited.
  1909. >A dog by a fireplace, granny in her rocking chair, >freshly baked pies!
  1910. >Surely a scene so perfect could only exist in books.
  1911. >Somewhere along the way, Big Mac joined you two.
  1912. >He looked a little beat up.
  1913. >Eventually, you make it back to ths Apple family farmhouse.
  1914. >It’s basically exactly as you imagined it, save for it being the middle of the night.
  1915. >Applejack stops you at the door.
  1916. >”Now Anon, ahm not gonna ask ya how you ended up runnin’ through our fields in just your underwear ‘n’ some shoes, an’ I’ll even pretend the rest of… that… was just mah imagination. But if you pull any nonsense while you’re a guest in mah house, you’d best not expect to live through another shotgun blast.”
  1917. >You gulp, nodding in the affirmative.
  1918. >With that she smiles and opens the door to her abode.
  1919. >You trot in after her.
  1920. >You sit down in the first chair you see, reclining and making yourself at home.
  1921. >You let out a big yawn.
  1922. “Alright Big Mac, here’s how this is gonna go.” You say to the man opposite you at the table.
  1923. “I’m gonna need to borrow some clothes. That cool?”
  1924. >He looks kinda surprised.
  1925. >”Eeyup.”
  1926. >He thumps off to a nearby room and returns holding a set of clothes in his hands.
  1927. >A nice, tough, long-sleeved crewneck and a pair of jeans with suspenders?
  1928. >You take them from him.
  1929. >It’s worth mentioning that you’re exceptionally tall, and not shy of broad shouldered.
  1930. >You’re not a bodybuilder or anything, and you aren’t particularly strong either. It’s just good genetics.
  1931. >Regardless, you’re still thin.
  1932. >You’re big, bigger than Big Mac, but not big.
  1933. >Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The clothes magically change size to fit you perfectly as soon as they touch you.
  1934. >You are the master of clothing, all garments shall bend to your will!.
  1935. >The articles encase you in themselves, and smile as they hug your body.
  1936. >Big Mac, who had respectfully turned aeay in order for you to dress peacefully, now faces you once again.
  1937. >Yawning, he gives you a nod and heads into his room.
  1938. >’Hey, where’s Applejack?’
  1939. >You look around the room, only to find her sleeping on a couch.
  1940. >Well damn, that’s where you were planning to sleep.
  1941. >The next morning, you’re awoken by the sounds of hustling and bustling.
  1942. >Sizzling of bacon and eggs in a frying pan, the clatter of dishes.
  1943. >You stretch your legs and arms, standing up from the chair you slept in.
  1944. >”Mornin’, Anon!” Applejack says.
  1945. >You awkwardly stare at her hips as she waves them back and forth, moving around the kitchen.
  1946. >Talk about southern belle.
  1947. >Denim shorts were one of man’s greatest inventions.
  1948. “Uh, morning.”
  1949. >She laughs, shaking the pan in front of her and setting it down before turning to you.
  1950. >”Not a morning person, are you?”
  1951. “Not really, no.”
  1952. >You anxiously look around the room.
  1953. >Big Mac comes into view, seating himself at the table.
  1954. >He nods at you.
  1955. >”Apple Bloom! Breakfast’s ready!” Shouts Applejack, sliding portions of the eggs and bacon onto plates.
  1956. >She brings them over to the table and sets them down.
  1957. >Without bothering to wait for any stragglers or exchanging pleasantries, you dig in.
  1958. >After a few thoughtful bites, a young girl with red hair walks in and sits down. She wipes the sleepy out of her eyes.
  1959. >She opens her mouth to talk, but you cut her off.
  1960. “Wow Applejack! I’m certainly impressed. Noone’s made a breakfast for me like this since… uh…”
  1961. >You pause, not sure if anyone has ever made you breakfast.
  1962. >The newcomer glares at you.
  1963. >Applejack turns to the girl, presumably Apple Bloom, and bids her good morning.
  1964. >”What’s this guy doing in our house, sis?” She grins suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows. “Gotcher first booyyyfrrieeeendd?”
  1965. >Applejack groans, embarrassed.
  1966. >”No, Applebloom, this is Anon, the new kid from school.”
  1967. >”Oh, that weird one you were talkin’ about?”
  1968. >”Yes, tha- Oh, er, sorry Anon. Anyhow, he got in an… accident last night and Big Mac and I found him in our fields. He spent the night here.”
  1969. >”Eeyup.” Big Mac chimes in, though he shoots you a knowing look right after.
  1970. >Apple Bloom seems to accept this explanation, offering her condolences for what happened.
  1971. >Fair enough, the explanation was basically true.
  1972. >She’d have no reason to think her big sister was lying.
  1973. >You sit quietly for the rest of the meal, not caring to intrude so much on their family time.
  1974. >Instead, you stare at the corpse sitting across from you.
  1975. >It speaks up to engage with the rest of the apples every so often, and they seem to respond well to it.
  1976. >Oddly enough, it looks very familiar.
  1977. >It rolls its head around as if its in a daze, most of the time.
  1978. >Every so often it locks eyes with you, and smiles a near-toothless grin.
  1979. >The expression fills you with both dread and extreme joy.
  1980. >During one such occasion, you find yourself staring at it, mouth open.
  1981. >Drool pools up and spills over your lips, onto the table.
  1982. >The majesty of the sight in front of you has captivated you entirely.
  1983. >”Err, Anon? You doin’ okay?” Asks a worried Applejack, suddenly looking at you.
  1984. >You answer with the Niagara Falls.
  1985. >Your efforts to talk have only strengthened the flow of the liquid.
  1986. >With immeasurable difficulty, you clench your jaw shut.
  1987. >You spend a few seconds gulping down all the liquid in your mouth before replying.
  1988. “Y-yeah, I’m just not really a morning person.”
  1989. >She shrugs and rejoins the bustling talk of the table.
  1990. >A few minutes have passed, and by now your plate is clear.
  1991. >Your eyes find their way to a clock.
  1992. >School starts in an hour.
  1993. >’How far away from there are you right now, anyway?’
  1994. >You stand up abruptly and stretch our arms out.
  1995. >The Apple family has filtered out around the room, putting together their belongings and lounging around.
  1996. >Big Mac left to go into town a little bit ago.
  1997. >The corpse has moved to a rocking chair.
  1998. >You stand motionless in the middle of the room, thinking about nothing.
  1999. >Everything moves around you.
  2000. >”Alright, Anon. You ready to go?” Applejack says, putting a hand up on your shoulder.
  2001. “Yep!”
  2002. >It seems she’ll be driving you to school.
  2003. >”How about you, Apple Bloom?”
  2004. >”All good!”
  2005. >And Apple Bloom.
  2006. >You’ve imagined having a sibling before, but you don’t think they would have made it past their infancy.
  2007. >You forge ahead, straight out of the house and onto the earthy ground.
  2008. >Parked out and around, by the barn, is the only vehicle in sight.
  2009. >You hear the Apple girls follow behind you as you trod towards it.
  2010. >A big, dirty, red truck. Nice.
  2011. >Definitely fits the whole farmgirl aesthetic.
  2012. “I think it’s fair to say I already have dibs on shotgun?”
  2013. >You turn your head towards Applejack, smiling as you muse aloud.
  2014. >She stiffens up at the final word.
  2015. >You give a hearty laugh.
  2016. >Applejack unlocks the doors and you pull yourself into the passenger seat.
  2017. >You quickly buckle your seatbelt and slump down in the chair.
  2018. >Apple Bloom gets in the backseat and, of course, Applejack gets in the driver’s.
  2019. >She buckles her seatbelt and starts the engine, briefly checking her mirrors before shifting into drive.
  2020. >Then, she’s off.
  2021. >The truck speeds through the dirt and onto the asphalt, leaving you floating in the air where it once rested.
  2022. >You cautiously look around, fixed in place.
  2023. >’Hmm…’
  2024. >Well, this su-
  2025. >”So, Anon, you’re finally coming back ta school, huh?” Asks Applejack.
  2026. >You never left the truck.
  2027. >The engine hums as Applejack drives down the road
  2028. “Yeah, I guess.” You say softly.
  2029. >She takes her eyes off the road again.
  2030. >”Where ya been, anyway?”
  2031. >Oh, yeah. It’s Friday.
  2032. “Sleeping… magic bullshit, apparently.”
  2033. >Applejack nods.
  2034. >”Sorry you got all mixed up in this.” She says. You detect a hint of remorse.
  2035. >Pfft.
  2036. “What are you apologizing for?”
  2037. >She shrugs.
  2038. >”I dunno. It’s just that all this magic nonsense tends ta happen around us.”
  2039. >You glance behind your seat at Apple Bloom, who appears to be dancing along to the music playing from the headphones she’s wearing.
  2040. >’Hey, why doesn’t this whole magic thing bother you, again?’
  2041. “It’s no big deal Applejack. It’s nothing new, really.”
  2042. >This seems to pique her interest.
  2043. >”Oh really? So you’re tellin’ me you usually teleport around?”
  2044. “I just did, like five minutes ago.”
  2045. >”Wha-“
  2046. >You spend the whole ride in silence.
  2047. >You think that’s kinda rude considering she shot you, but whatever.
  2048. >You passed a flaming car-cass on your way to the school. That’s a shame.
  2049. >Anyway, once you finally arrive at CHS, you bid Applejack goodbye and head off to class.
  2050. >You stop to wrap your head around your situation, just outside the entrance.
  2051. >It’s been a while since you attended school.
  2052. >Unless you’re confusing timelines again.
  2053. >Anyway, you’re like a week out.
  2054. “What was my first period class again…?” You mutter.
  2055. >Cawky Dingle? Something like that, at least.
  2056. >You push open the door and enter the building.
  2057. >The bell rings.
  2058. >Damn, you’re late.
  2059. >Cawky Dingle won’t let you in the door without a pass.
  2060. >Guess this means you have to talk to her.
  2061. >You sigh and approach the door to the Principal’s office.
  2062. >You hear strange noises coming from inside.
  2063. >Shrugging, you open the door and walk in.
  2064. >”O-oh… Oh! Oh my! Anon!?” Exclaims a shocked, half-naked Principal Celestia, one hand down her pants and another on her breasts.
  2065. >Your jaw drops to the floor with a resounding thud.
  2066. >”I thought the door was locked!” She says, hurriedly buttoning her shirt. “Close it! Close it!”
  2067. >You comply, shutting the door behind you.
  2068. >She stands, bending over to pull her pants up over her pink lace panties.
  2069. >You soak in her figure, locking eyes with her as she pats herself down in an effort to regain some semblance of composure.
  2070. >She blushes.
  2071. >You walk closer to her, standing at the front of her desk.
  2072. “I need a late pass for Mr. Cawky Dingle’s class.”
  2073. >Although briefly confused, she nods and begins writing your name on a slip of paper.
  2074. >After signing her name, she looks up at you.
  2075. >”Now, Anonymous, I take it you understand that you are not to discuss what you saw just now with any of your fellow students, correct?”
  2076. >You smile at her.
  2077. >Reaching out to caress the branches of the dead-tree forest on her head, you respond in a low, smooth tone.
  2078. “Oh, of course Principal. But by all means, if you’d like me to come into school early sometime, just let me know.”
  2079. >She opens her mouth as if to protest, but can’t seem to speak.
  2080. >Something about her face screams “I have never been as attracted to one of my students then I am right now, but I really don't want to lose my job.”
  2081. >You lean in close to her and run a finger down and up the middle of her shirt, pausing again at the top to caress one of the buttons.
  2082. “And, about my absence over the last few days…”
  2083. >”Oh, those won’t be an issue. You’ll just have to spend some extra time here at school with me.” She says, finishing in a whisper.
  2084. >You pull back and smile widely.
  2085. “Great! See you later Principal!”
  2086. >With that, you exit her office.
  2087. >You’re like fifteen minutes late for Cawky Dingle’s class now.
  2088. >Part of you thinks you’d be better off just not going.
  2089. >Who needs… whatever he teaches… anyway?!
  2090. >You nod along to yourself as you walk down the hallway.
  2091. >As you reach the door to his classroom, something catches your eye.
  2092. >Shining through the wall, a bright purple light assaults your vision.
  2093. >Immediately, you reel backwards.
  2094. >Long tentacles sweep you off your feet and drag you into Cawky Dingle’s class.
  2095. >”You’re late.” Cawky Dingle intones.
  2096. >You fumble around in the ground for your pass.
  2097. >You tear off your shoes and procure the paper from your sock.
  2098. >You give it a hearty whiff, pretend to curl your lip in disgust, and hand it to him.
  2099. >He looks at you with his dead, soulless eyes and harrumphs.
  2100. >With lazy trepidation, he pulls it from your hand.
  2101. >The whole exchange uses up a solid five minutes of class time.
  2102. >You stand up and, leaving your shoes and singular sock behind, walk over to your desk.
  2103. >The whole class gives you weird looks.
  2104. >You hear some murmurs. People wondering where you’ve been, why you came into Mr. Cawky Dingle’s class on the floor (they must be blind), etc.
  2105. >You stare blankly at the front of the room.
  2106. >Cawky Dingle drones on about something.
  2107. >Sunset leans over towards you.
  2108. >”Hey, Anon. Sorry about yesterday. There are some things I can’t really explain…”
  2109. >You ignore her.
  2110. >Looking at her in the corner of your eye, you can tell she’s disheartened.
  2111. >You stand up.
  2112. >Cawky Dingle pauses and looks at you.
  2113. >”Yes, Anonymous? Is there something you need?” He says, dragging his words through monotone mud.
  2114. >You spread your arms out to the full length of your wingspan and begin slowly walking to the front of the room.
  2115. “Why, yes, Mr. Cawky Dingle, there i-“
  2116. >”It’s Cranky Doodle.” He drawls.
  2117. >You stop walking.
  2118. “Cranky Doodle… got it.” You say, making a mental note. Then, you continue. “Ahem. Why, yes, Mr. Cranky Doodle, there is something I need. You see, during my leave of absence from the school I was entreated to a particularly gripping concept. As you are a teacher, although I’m not sure what you teach… uh, as you are a teacher! I have decided to ask for your opinion on the matter. You see, it was this idea tha-“
  2119. >You trip and fall down a strangely placed trap door.
  2120. >You spiral down a long, long staircase.
  2121. >Until, eventually, it deposits you in a watery expanse.
  2122. >Purple mist envelops you.
  2123. >Around you, ghostly figures moan your name.
  2124. >You pull yourself to your feet and behind trudging through the shallow liquid north.
  2125. >Or a direction you assume is North.
  2126. “Always go North!”
  2127. >”North, north, north?” Echo your translucent followers.
  2128. >You’ve been walking in this direction for hours.
  2129. >So, you figure you’ll spruce things up a bit,
  2130. “I bet none of you expect this!” You shout.
  2131. >Your ghastly friends have long since abandoned you.
  2132. >With valiant determination, you turn and begin walking off to the west.
  2133. >Taking great satisfaction in this, you laugh maniacally.
  2134. >Suddenly, you collide with a startlingly hard surface.
  2135. >Opening your eyes, you of course have had them closed this whole time, you see that it appears to be a very thick window.
  2136. >Behind it… the cafeteria!
  2137. >How strange.
  2138. >You gaze behind you, at the forest.
  2139. >With a shrug, you step back and then leap forward into the glass.
  2140. >Behind your weight it flies open, sending you sprawling into the lunchroom.
  2141. >This elicits a startled gasp from nearby patrons.
  2142. “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!” You shout.
  2143. >You leap to your feet and start pulling shards of glass out of your skin and throwing them at people.
  2144. >A few girls scream and run away. You don’t know their names.
  2145. >With that out of the way, you take in your surroundings.
  2146. >Lunchroom. Lunchtime. You don’t have your lunch!
  2147. “That’s too bad.”
  2148. >Jelly Rambler puts his hand on your shoulder.
  2149. >Well, tries.
  2150. >”Sorry, kid. We’ll get her next time.”
  2151. >You give the stout, rotund man a sad smile.
  2152. >Then you walk away from him.
  2153. >You spied the girls you actually do know sitting around the statue outside.
  2154. >You figure you should say hi.
  2155. >Pushing the door open, you exit into the courtyard.
  2156. “Hey girls!” You shout, waving at them.
  2157. >Rainbow and Rarity immediately start snickering.
  2158. >Pinkie gives you a bouncy smile.
  2159. >Sunset looks like she’s pissed.
  2160. >Applejack and Fluttershy display crippling non reactions.
  2161. >Twilight shoots a concerned look at you.
  2162. >You’ve finally managed the through-molasses walk to their little circle when your shoes slip off and you fall forward.
  2163. >You brace yourself for your head to collide with the statue, but instead find that you’ve… fallen through it.
  2164. >You wake up in a dark room.
  2165. >There’s only a faint light, and it’s pointing away from you.
  2166. >You can make out a door on the upper half of the wall, the bottom of its frame on the ceiling.
  2167. >You’re tightly bound to a chair.
  2168. >In front of you, a table.
  2169. >Loosely suspended from it, by rope, is an empty wooden bowl.
  2170. >A… thing… strolls into the room, walking along the ceiling.
  2171. >It is then that you realize you’re upside down.
  2172. >The creature rubs its temples.
  2173. >In a posh, eccentric voice it speaks. “No no no, this simply will not do! It is far too early in the plot for you to be here.” It looks up at you. “Do you know how much of a paint it was, intercepting your arrival in that insufferable brat’s library? Why, I could have made myself a delightful cup of tea in the time it took. All to spare an incredibly awkward introduction” it pauses, looking you over. “Well, I suppose it’s not all that bad, seeing you like that. I almost feel a little less lonely. A shame, though, that we can’t remain in the same place together for too long. I cannot fathom the amount of effort I’d have to put into handling those repercussions.”
  2174. >It swats the bowl hanging from the rope, knocking it free and into your face.
  2175. >Liquid flies out of it and splashes you.
  2176. >The acid melts through just your bindings, and you plummet softly to the floor.
  2177. >You look at your,,, hands? Claws? Paws? Both?
  2178. >Shaking your head, which surely feels heavier, you look up st the creature.
  2179. >”Yes yes, much too soon. More things for you to discover in the other world, your personal place of residence. I mean, you don’t even know your own name! Psh, ‘Anonymous’. Wait…” It scratches its chin with one of its claws. Suddenly shaking his head, “Nevermind! You’ll find out all about us soon enough. Leave happy rainbow fun land to me, for now. Seriously, sending you here so early was just bad writing…”
  2180. >It snaps its fingers and you find yourself laying on the ground, at CHS.
  2181. >Holding tightly to your legs are Rainbow Dash and Applejack, with stakes in the left and right respectively.
  2182. >Off to to one side is Pinkie Pie, lazily moving her head in tune to an imaginary song, eyes locked open and staring into the distance.
  2183. >To the other, Rarity and Fluttershy, both looking scared in their own way.
  2184. >Noticeably absent, Twilight Sparkle.
  2185. >In your face, Sunset Shimmer.
  2186. >You open your eyes(Yes, they were closed.), and look into hers.
  2187. >Her stare softens and she smiles a relieved smile.
  2188. >”Anon, are you okay? That shouldn’t have happ-“
  2189. >You reach up and give her a peck on the lips, interrupting her. As her face turns scarlet, you laugh and sit u, pushing her aside.
  2190. >Both of the girls with claims to your personal travelling sticks tighten their grips.
  2191. >RD especially. You wink at her.
  2192. >You unfasten the seat belt tied around your wiat and pry your torso away from your waist, dragging your back up to the statue.
  2193. >Of course, you take care not to fall through it again.
  2194. “I feel great, Sunset! What happened, to get you all so worked up?”
  2195. >You give a nonchalant grin.
  2196. “Oh, and please let my legs go. They have a very peculiar case of wanderlust, you never know when they’ll start kicking to go!”
  2197. >Sunset shoots you a glare and opens her mouth to talk. “Anon… first off, what the heck!? Second, did anything happen to you just now? Anything… odd?”
  2198. >You yawn.
  2199. “Sunset, you can’t put your face so close to mine and expect NOTHING to happen. And yes, something odd did happen. But I’m keeping it secret!”
  2200. >She blushes again before opening her eyes in shocked disbelief.
  2201. >”What? Why!?”
  2202. “Fhagbe bsjsi kusbsmddb dalskdbbdnsish!” You spit out, with an indignant “hmph”
  2203. >She reels back in surprise. “What? What was that!? Did you forget how to talk!”
  2204. >You stick your tongue out at her.
  2205. >She crosses her arms.
  2206. >You grab your tongue and rip it out of your mouth.
  2207. >Her jaw drops.
  2208. >You throw it at her face.
  2209. >It collides with her nose, sending her into a stupor.
  2210. >She slowly picks it up and stares at it, shaking.
  2211. >Rarity had already gasped in horror. You’re sure Fluttershy is unconscious.
  2212. >Applejack and Rainbow Dash are engaged in a life or death melee with your shoes. Your legs seem to have left them behind.
  2213. >Pinkie Pie laughs with you.
  2214. >’Shimmer over there looks pretty, mad.’
  2215. >She growls and thrusts her fists down to her sides, before taking a deep breath.
  2216. >In the background, your feet are running all over Rainbow and Applejack.
  2217. >”What. Is even going on!!?” She exclaims in frustration.
  2218. “What are you talking about?”
  2219. >You turn away from the conversation you were having with Rarity and Fluttershy.
  2220. >You’d decided to eat lunch in the courtyard with then today.
  2221. >Out of nowhere, Mt. Sunset’s Mouth erupted.
  2222. >Not with vomit, though.
  2223. >That was Pinkie…
  2224. >You’re sure it’s too much sugar.
  2225. >Or maybe she tried eating something other than cupcakes for once.
  2226. >Anyway, you’re really worried about your best friend Sunset Shimmer.
  2227. >Rainbow puts a hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong, Sunset?”
  2228. >You stretch our arms over hand and recline back on thin air with your hands behind your head.
  2229. “Mannn… where’d the plot go, anyway?”
  2230. >You hold your eyes closed for a few seconds and open them while standing up.
  2231. >You begin to pace around the scene now frozen in time before you.
  2232. >You sigh.
  2233. >’I have no idea what I’m doing.’
  2234. >”Hey, no hard feelings.” Says a fifth-party.
  2235. “You! You’re late to the show!”
  2236. >”Yeah, mind if we rewind a little bit?”
  2237. “Great! See you later Principal!”
  2238. >With that, you exit her office.
  2239. >You’re like fifteen minutes late for Cawky Dingle’s class now.
  2240. >Part of you thinks you’d be better off just not going.
  2241. >Who needs… whatever he teaches… anyway?!
  2242. >You nod along to yourself as you walk down the hallway.
  2243. >WalkIng long past the door to Crank-
  2244. >Walking long past the door to Cawky Dingle’s classroom, you push open the exit door at the end of the hallway and merrily trod around to the parking lot.
  2245. “WAIT A SECOND.”
  2246. >You car, strangely, is absent.
  2247. >’Maybe someone stole it?’
  2248. >You’re absolutely livid!
  2249. >Someone actually had the nerve to steal your car?
  2250. >Why, you’ll kill them! Rip their arms off! Eat their eyeballs!
  2251. >This will not stand!
  2252. >With steadfast resolve, you march once more to the front entrance of the school and throw open the doors, carving a path straight to the Principal’s office.
  2253. >Without a thought, you wrench the door open.
  2254. “Principal Celestia! I need t-“
  2255. >”Aaah! Aa… non.”
  2256. >Principal Celestia quickly sits up straight, scooting in to her desk.
  2257. >She looks rather peeved.
  2258. >”Still not even a knock, Anonymous? Although, I should have locked the door… especially after earlier.” She sighs, and looks up at you. “What? I had to finish what I started.”
  2259. “Listen Principal, I don’t have a lot of time left. I won’t be able to say this for much longer. I…”
  2260. >She stiffens, a red tinge appearing atop her already flushed cheeks.
  2261. “...need to make a phone call to the police. Can i borrow yours? I ate mine.”
  2262. >”Uhh, sure. What happened?”
  2263. “My car was stolen!”
  2264. >She gasps.
  2265. >”I knew we should have hired that resource officer… Luna was far too concerned about rumors of people abusing that position to molest students, if you ask me.”
  2266. >You walk out of her office.
  2267. >”Wait, where are you going? Don’t you need to mak-“ She calls out after you, the door shutting her off.
  2268. >The air around you shimmers and vibrates.
  2269. >It fills your lungs like concrete and pushes you to the ground.
  2270. >A drum beats louder and louder in your ear.
  2271. >You force yourself to your feet and shamble towards Mr. Cranky Doodle’s class.
  2272. >You’re… really late.
  2273. >Each thump thud takes more and more effort as you edge closer.
  2274. >Finally, you push your way into the classroom.
  2275. “SO SORRY I’m late.” You force out, accidentally shouting.
  2276. >The whole class looks at you in surprise.
  2277. >You glare evilly at them, and they glare back.
  2278. >”Stay classy, dweeb!” Shouts Gilda.
  2279. >Cranky cranky cranky cranky cranky cranky cranky Doodle gives you a big harumph as you hand him your late slip.
  2280. >You plod to your seat on your tiptoes, taking extra care not to break the floor with your new body weight.
  2281. >You sit in your chair without that same consideration and crash to the floor.
  2282. >”Anon! Are you okay?” Sunset thunder-whispers, looking at her desk buddy with genuine concern.>The collision has knocked you to pieces, but you manage to pick yourself up.
  2283. “Yeah, Sunset. I’m fine, I’m not Humpty Dumpty.”
  2284. >”Who’s that?” She actually whispers.
  2285. >You give her a ‘what the fuck’ look. She shrugs.
  2286. >”I’m sorry about yesterday, by the way.”
  2287. >’Goodness, this is so boring!’
  2288. “What was yesterday? Catch me up.”
  2289. >”Get used to waiting your turn like the rest of us.” Mister Third-party chimes in.
  2290. >’Heyy!’
  2291. >It’s probably nothing, if you don’t even remember.” She says, a tad bit of indignation showing in her voice.
  2292. >You shrug.
  2293. >You tap Jelly Rambler on his shoulder.
  2294. “Psst.”
  2295. >He manifests next to you.
  2296. >”What’s up, kid?”
  2297. “You get that bitch yet?”
  2298. >”Damn right I did.”
  2299. “Rock on.”
  2300. >He fistbumps you before leaving.
  2301. >’Glad to know he’s still around.’
  2302. >”He’s definitely my favorite gift!” Says fourth-party.
  2303. >You burn through the rest of the school day through to lunch fiery and pumped up by good news.
  2304. >You’ve really only been at CHS for a week, considering your nap.
  2305. >With that in mind, it’s reasonable that you’ve only met a few people.
  2306. >Preferring to not take any risks, you head over to those people.
  2307. >They’re sitting outside, circled in front of the CHS statue.
  2308. >You feel a sudden boost of energy and merrily run towards them.
  2309. >Unfortunately, you trip just as you reach them, and fly through the air.
  2310. >In exaggerated fashion, you sail face first into the statue.
  2311. >Much to your surprise, rather than facing a nasty collision, you find yourself passing through the statue.
  2312. >After a vaguely familiar light show, you hear an aggravated grunt and a faint snappin sound.
  2313. >”Seriously? Again!? Is this kid retarded or something?” SAYS SOMEONE.
  2314. >”Yeah, no idea man.” SAYS SOMEONE ELSE
  2315. >”I’m leaving.” SAYS DR. FIFTY-SiXTH PARTY.
  2316. “YEAH, I’M OUT OF HERE.”
  2317. >”Anon?” Queries an all-too different voice.
  2318. >You peel the ground off your face.
  2319. >A hefty chew-and-swallow later, you realize how much dirt you just ate.
  2320. “S-so much for dieting, am I right? Haha…” You sputter, looking up at surely-identified, most-likely-to-be Candidate #4, Pinkie Pie.
  2321. >She giggles.
  2322. >The rest of them are there too.
  2323. >But you’re not.
  2324. >You are, though. Not you.
  2325. >Oh, definitely not you.
  2326. >Just you.
  2327. >’No more of THAT nonsense.’
  2328. >”Just nonnysense!” Pinkie exclaims.
  2329. “Mm, right.” You nod your head.
  2330. >In your peripheral vision, Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchange glances.
  2331. >Sunset seems to be shooting sensual looks at the CHS statue, but pauses to hurriedly scrawl ina journal.
  2332. >You clap your hands, startling everyone except Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy most of all.
  2333. >Keeping your hands clasped together, you open your mouth.
  2334. “Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” You pause. “Hey! I feel okay.”
  2335. >’Hey, hey, hey, make it! Eye contact!’
  2336. >You remind yourself of social skills 101, and make lover’s eyes at the grass.
  2337. “Uh, I uh… just thought I’d bring lunch.” Awkwardly said.
  2338. >You pull your hands apart and a sandwich falls from between them.
  2339. >This elicits a gasp from your oh so captivated audience. You’re such an engaging showman.
  2340. >You reach out with your hand and take a bite of it, then pick up the sandwich.
  2341. >Leaping to your feet, you break into song.
  2342. “OH.
  2343. It’s
  2344. Been
  2345. So
  2346. Long!”
  2347. >You spin in place.
  2348. “I’m moving forward at
  2349. My
  2350. Own
  2351. Paaaaaaceeee.
  2352. You’ll never catch me in the
  2353. Same place!”
  2354. >You jump back and disappear in a tuft of smoke.
  2355. >The entire student body has magically gathered around you by now.
  2356. >Pinkie Pie joins in and does her own number, followed by a suddenly emboldened Fluttershy.
  2357. >You reappear from on top of the statue.
  2358. “No one EEEVVEERRRRR TOOOLLDD MEEEEE
  2359. HOW I SHOULD STAYYY ALLIVEEEE
  2360. SO I FOOOUNNND MMMYY WAY, MY
  2361. OWN WAYY TO THRIVE!”
  2362. >You tear your shirt off and throw it at the crowd.
  2363. >It lands in the hands of a girl you’ve probably never encountered, who seems to be a fellow stage brave.
  2364. “NOW THE OOONNLLY OONEESSS
  2365. WHO I EVER
  2366. TRIIEED TO
  2367. PLEEASSSSE…
  2368. HAVE TAKKEEEENNN THEIR LEAVE!”
  2369. >You tear your pants off and throw them at crowd, too.
  2370. >A big guy for you catches them.
  2371. >”OH YEAH!”
  2372. “HEY, OH YEAH!
  2373. TAKE IT AWAY, CRANKY!”
  2374. >Mr. Cranky Doodle bursts out of the school, underwear on head, wearing a sock as a loincloth, carrying an electric guitar (plugged into the magical, invisible amplifier which exists solely for this scene, of course.)
  2375. >He rips into an epic solo, all while crowd surfing on top of a bunch of rowdy teenagers.
  2376. >You collapse onto your back and finish the rest of your sandwich while the mob moves around you.
  2377. >”Anon, this is amazing!” Shouts Sunset, as she weaves her way towards you.
  2378. >You lazily look up at her.
  2379. >By the time you’ve angled your head all the way, she’s standing over you.
  2380. >In your lethargy, you feel no need go remind her she’s wearing a skirt.
  2381. >”I was wondering if the spontaneous song thing would ever happen with you, I’m so glad it did!” She says, beaming at you.
  2382. “Oh, really? It’s been a little while for me too, I figured I’d go back to my roots a little bit.”
  2383. >”Did it happen a lot for you too, wherever you came from? It sure was common back home on mg end!”
  2384. >She seems to be in high spirits.
  2385. >You sigh and lean back into yourself.
  2386. “No, that’s not exactly what I meant… but sorta, sure.”
  2387. >She raises an eyebrow, giving you a cute head tilt, and… wiggling her ears?
  2388. >You feel your face heat up.
  2389. >You redirect your gaze up her skirt.
  2390. >”Okay then, Anon. Oh… speaking of where I came from. I mean, no, that doesn’t matter. Did you see anything weird earlier?” She says, lightly facepalming.
  2391. “Other than your face, no.”
  2392. >”Huh? You saw my face through the por- Anonnmmous!!!”
  2393. >You sit up, laughing.
  2394. “Red, by the way.”
  2395. >With that, you abscond through the dwindling wave, onward, to your fourth period!
  2396. >’Seriously, what class is that, even?’
  2397. >’Wasn’t Equestrian with Ms. Cheerilee fifth?’
  2398. >’Oh, I’m so glad these are just my thoughts now.’
  2399. >’Alright! I have a copy of my schedule somewhere, right?’
  2400. >You reach into your invisible backpack.
  2401. >Rooting around for a while, you pull out a few random items and throw them behind you for comedic effect.
  2402. >Wind-up walking dentures, Principal Celestia’s favorite dildo, a pristine and empty notebook firmly labeled with the word ‘MATH’...
  2403. >With an aha, you pull out your schedule.
  2404. >First period: Cranky Doodle, Equestrian History
  2405. >Second period: N/A*
  2406. >Third period: N/A*
  2407. >Fourth period: Lunch/N/A*
  2408. >Fifth period: Cheerilee, Equestrian IV
  2409. >Sixth period: N/A*
  2410. >Seventh period: N/A*
  2411. >*May be filled in at the student’s discretion
  2412. “Seriously?”
  2413. >’What have I been doing this whole time, then?’
  2414. >You turn around and pick up the just-tossed math notebook.
  2415. >’Well, I have History and Equestrian. Guess I’m missing this…’
  2416. >Glancing back to your schedule, the letters shift as it seems to update.
  2417. >Fourth period: Hibiscus, Lunch/Math
  2418. >’**Room ###, huh?’
  2419. >**Just pick one.
  2420. >You approach a classroom you’ve never entered, and open the door.
  2421. >...
  2422. “Wow, Twilight! Math class sure was fun. I’ve never had a teacher so great at making numbers interesting.”
  2423. >”Haha, neutral and vague response, Anon! Ms. [Hibiscus] sure is great! I’m [positive emotion] you ended up in my class for the year!”
  2424. “Well, see ya around Twilight! I’ve got Ms. Cheerilee next.”
  2425. >”Anon! [Sentence to grab your attention and prevent you from leaving]. We need to talk about this weekend, later. I’ll meet you outside the school!”
  2426. “Alright then, bye bye!” You force out.
  2427. >’Gosh, she seems awfully…’
  2428. >’mechanical.’
  2429. >Moving on, you lurch in fancy-step towards your next class.
  2430. >On a side note, you’ve never felt more aware and clear-headed in your life.
  2431. >Choosing to avoid Further Ado, you tiptoe past him in the hallway.
  2432. >You angrily stare at that FUCKING NERD while you enter Ms. Cheerilee’s classroom.
  2433. >’Seriously, who the fuck does he think he is, taking up everyone’s time!”
  2434. >Your classmates gasp at your presence.
  2435. >You hear a faint sniffling from Cheerilee herself.
  2436. >”A-anon, I’m, sniff, I’m so impressed!” She says, trotting over to you and beaming up at you.
  2437. >”You’ve finally made it to my class on time!”
  2438. >You open your mouth in an effort of confusion.
  2439. >’Is this really the first time!’
  2440. >”A-and, you haven’t abused me at all since you walked in!”
  2441. >’Do we really have that kind of relationship?’
  2442. >Suddenly, you hear a loud noise.
  2443. >As your vision shimmers and distorts, your classmates begin screaming in unison.
  2444. >Although, their mouths seem to be unmoving.
  2445. >You grab Ms. Cheerilee by the shoulders and forcefully brace yourself on her.
  2446. “Aaaaghhh…”
  2447. >Your eyes rotate, moving in time to a painful drumming in your head.
  2448. >You throw your teacher to the side and stumble to your desk, falling into your seaf.
  2449. >Collapsing in a heap on top of its surface, your eyes look up from your resting head.
  2450. >The screaming has ceased, but you still find yourself subject to searing excruciation.
  2451. >Cheerilee, sitting in a heap at the front of the classroom, sobs wildly.
  2452. >A few of your peers rise from their seats and start yelling at you.
  2453. >You slam your hands on your desk and shoot to your feet.
  2454. >Everyone is sitting in their seat.
  2455. >Ms. Cheerilee looks up from the chalkboard, startled and interrupted.
  2456. >”Is everything alright, Anon?”
  2457. >’Uhh…’
  2458. “Fuck you, you… you… uh… fucking fuck you fuck… uh, bitch! I’m too cool for school!”
  2459. >She glares indignantly at you.
  2460. >”Right, as per usual. Principal’s office! Now!”
  2461. >You flip your desk over and stride to the front of the classroom.
  2462. >You stare down at Cheerilee from above your nose.
  2463. >Your lip curls as you lock gazes with her.
  2464. >A second passes, and you put a hand beneath her chin, tilting her face up towards ours before leaning down and giving her a kiss on the lips,
  2465. >Her face shines a brighter shade of red, and ahe pulls away in surprise disgust.
  2466. >”Get out!”
  2467. >You fall backwards, gliding through the floor.
  2468. >Swimming through the ground, you pull yourself into reality outside Principal Celestia’s office.
  2469. >Without a moment’s consideration, you burst through the door.
  2470. “Principal Celestia!~~~~ I harassed Ms
  2471. Cheerilee again!”
  2472. >You sit down on your desk, back to her, before turning and wrapping your arms around her.
  2473. “Ooo, I’ve been so bad! I started a riot in the courtyard, you know!”
  2474. >She smiles devilishly, looking up at you.
  2475. >”Oh my, Anonymous! I can’t have that kind of behavior in this school!”
  2476. >She reaches up and caresses the bottom of your face with her hand.
  2477. >Spiralling purple plaid laces around her face and borders your vision.
  2478. >Stooping down to nestle your face into her neck, you whisper into her ear.
  2479. “Principal, you’re not going to punish me, right?”
  2480. >She reaches her other hand towards your burgeoning erection, grinning.
  2481. >”Oh, I’ll punish you alright…”
  2482. >”Ahem.” Coughs a curvy, purple figure from the doorway.
  2483. >”Dearest Sister! What have we told you about consorting with the students!”
  2484. >You jump to your feet, standing stiffly straight.
  2485. >She looks up at your face.
  2486. >”Luna, I was simply discussing disciplinary measures with Anonymous.”
  2487. “Uh-huh.” You nod, before muttering, “Sorry, V-Vice Principal.”
  2488. >You hurriedly stroll out of the classroom.
  2489. >’Crisis averted, right?’
  2490. >You recall your empty schedule and opt to not return to class.
  2491. >Ms. Cheerilee scares you.
  2492. >You think she may be some kind of… necromancer.
  2493. >’My kind and her’s don’t tend to get along.’
  2494. >You briefly remember how things went down between Uncle G and your father.
  2495. >’Ouch.’
  2496. >You make way for the gardens.
  2497. >You’re pretty sure this school has a garden, somewhere.
  2498. >If it didn’t, it does now, at least.
  2499. >You go limp and fall face first into the soil.
  2500. >After a moment of waiting, you roll onto your back.
  2501. >You stare up at the glass ceiling and allow your vision to ride the waves of light assailing it.
  2502. >Shadows dance in and out of your periphery.
  2503. >You conjure a bubble pipe and begin to ponder the existence of a machine Twilight Sparkle.
  2504. >Now, your interactions with the girl have been sparse.
  2505. >’But still, she seemed different.’
  2506. >Out of nowhere, and in a fashion that can only be entirely too convenient, a voice interrupts your train of thought just before it actually takes on any substance or meaning capable of foreshadowing whatsoever.
  2507. >”Heyy man, what uup.” Intones a voice to your right.
  2508. >Soon, a light-green face peers over you, encased in red-orange dreadlocks.
  2509. >Without exchanging much more than names and a few back-and-forth “Righteous”’s, the two of you have comfortably settled in together, having taken up a bed of student-nurtured flowers as a place of respite.
  2510. >At the sound of the bell signaling fifth period’s end, she motions for you to pass your bubble pipe to her.
  2511. >Seamlessly moving it, you see it drift into her hand.
  2512. >At which point, she plucks a purple flower from the soil around her, stuffing it in with the soap.
  2513. >Procuring a lighter from the pouch on her hoodie, she sets it aflame.
  2514. >Your favorite brand of bubble blowing liquid is especially flammable, not to mention the peculiar plant.
  2515. >Taking a few pulls, she passes the paraphernalia to you.
  2516. >You respond by mimicking her actions, leaning back into the earth.
  2517. >The two of you make idle chat, growing closer as time passes.
  2518. >Your roots spread into her, and your stem spirals, entwined with hers.
  2519. >You embrace at the toll of the sixth period bell.
  2520. >At the zenith of your connection with Mother Nature, a stifled cough grasps your focus.
  2521. >It’s Mr. Merry Swaggler.
  2522. >”Excuse me, Anonymous, sir, but you’ve taken up residency in the demonstration plot for our school’s Biology class.
  2523. >Bounding to your feet, you flail onto your face.
  2524. >Tree Hugger’s laughing follows you on your trip back down.
  2525. >You worm your way across the dirty concrete back into the school.
  2526. >Just in time for a stampede of students to fill the hall, crushing your limp body underfoot.
  2527. >You work your fingers hard, pulling yourself to the front of the school.
  2528. >Gasping for air, you relish in the pain while awaiting your appointment.
  2529. >Many minutes pass and the school bell sounds once again.
  2530. >Not long after, you are greeted by the thundering steps of a furiously whirring Twilight Sp4rk13—a fantastic new invention to grace the technological frontier and surely s piece of machinery which will change the future of humanity as we know it.
  2531. >Or, at least, one of Twilight’s super-duper-top-secret gadgets which you have not yet confirmed the existence of.
  2532. >”Hello, Anonymous!” ‘She’ greets you.
  2533. “GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN.”
  2534. >”Um, right. I’m here to remind you that you agreed to come to my mansi- house for some tests. Identifying the magic around you. Sunset’s been getting more and more concerned these past couple days.”
  2535. “AFFIRMATIVE. PLEASE ATTACK ME IN A VERTICAL DIRECTION LATER WITH CONFIRMATIVE DETAILS. I WILL INFORM YOU OF THE CLARITY OF MY SCHEDULE.”
  2536. >”Got it. I think. Well, goodbye!”
  2537. >It leaves.
  2538. >’I’m proud in my own ability to communicate so closely to its processing ability.’
  2539. >’Ability.’
  2540. >You feel a gentle breeze blow through you, and spread your arms to the full extent of your wingspan, allowing the wind to carry you.
  2541. >At the whims of the world, you drift home.
  2542. >Surfing on a sensual sensation wave, you enjoy an intense oversaturation of stimuli while stomping into your home.
  2543. >Succinctly, you close the door and soar through your living room.
  2544. >Straight up the stairs, you slam into a rock solid surface, a drab wooden slab.
  2545. >You give the doorknob a steamy look and with your finger make a saucy hook.
  2546. >Strapping your hand limbs around it’s rusty surface, you wench your grip swiftly to the right.
  2547. >Slowly crawling in a handstanding fashion, you revel in your bedroom-insideness.
  2548. >You curl up into a fetal position on your laundry pile and smile softly.
  2549. >Despite your comfy cradle, you feel the walls of your skull being eaten away at.
  2550. >The dreadful beast, You Forgot Something!
  2551. >You leap to our feet and adopt a low stance, holding your arms up ss you back away from the monster.
  2552. >It rears back on its ten legs and roars at you.
  2553. >”You forgot to talk to Twilight!”
  2554. >’Oh no!’
  2555. >You grab your phone immediately, swiping open to your messages.
  2556. >’From Twilight: Here’s my address. Be here at noon on Saturday. We’ll get testing right away!”
  2557. >’Oh, I didn’t forget, after all.’
  2558. >With a thud, the best collapses to the floor in corpsely fashion.
  2559. >You shove our hands into its abdomen and tear it open, climbing inside.
  2560. >Taking a deep, relaxed sigh, you drift off into the realm of Hypnos.
  2561. >Accompanied by the feeling of seconds passing you slam your eyelids open in a startled burst of energy.
  2562. >’Jump to your feet, take five steps, grab your alarm clock…’
  2563. “OhhhHhhhHhHhh no!”
  2564. >”It’s 2 o’clock! Whatever *will* our Anon do?” I muse aloud.
  2565. “That isn’t normal! You’re not supposed to be here!”
  2566. >You pat down your clothes, changing them out for a fresher set. (This maneuver, of course, raises no eyebrows. It’s simply second nature for you and is in no way indicative of a behind the scenes chsnge that may or may not have taken place in plain sight already.)
  2567. >Mismatched, out of touch, eccentric.
  2568. >Stripes and polka dots, all that jazz.
  2569. >You stoop down and grab your phone, anxiously turning on the screen to see two-thousand texts and four-hundred missed calls from Twilight.
  2570. “Uh…”
  2571. >Scratching your head, you stuff your phone into your pocket.
  2572. >Following suit with Dorothy, you click your ankles together.
  2573. >In the place of a witty incantation mirroring that of the Oz-ly flick, you awkwardly stumble over your letters.
  2574. >’Can’t think of anything. Bet I look pretty stupid.’
  2575. >In confirmation of your suspicions, you see our housemate’s snickering face just before you blink over to the front gate of Twilight’s… mansion!
  2576. “Guess she’s rich! Nice…”
  2577. >You rub your hands together as you consider exploiting her for her resources.
  2578. >Considering every avenue for relationship advancement seems to lay itself out in front of you conveniently and without regard for any roadblocks you create, you probably could.
  2579. >You jump that train of thought when you feel your back arching and your nose growing.
  2580. >You step up to the doorbell/intercom on the wall and move to press it, but stop at the last moment.
  2581. “I! Have an idea.”
  2582. >Taking a few steps to the right, you eye the height of the wall.
  2583. >’Not too bad.’
  2584. >Stepping back, you run forward and jump up onto the wall, grabbing the top with your hands.
  2585. >You then pull yourself up and drop over onto the other side.
  2586. >Mission accomplished, you adopt an ostentatiously stealthy stance.
  2587. >You creep up to the house and peer in through one of the front windows.
  2588. >Lights on, space empty.
  2589. >You’re sure she’s home.
  2590. >You circle around to the right side of the hose, eyeing a tree which seems to be tall enough for you to peep through an upstairs window.
  2591. >You walk up the trunk of the tree and onto a branch just outside said window, adopting a prone position.
  2592. >Pacing circles in the room is, without a doubt, Purple Girl herself!
  2593. >Straining your ears, you can just about make out what she’s saying.
  2594. >”Grr… that Anon! I can’t believe he hasn’t responded to ANY of my messages.” She puts a hand to her furrowed brow in frustration. “He’s almost three hours late! You know, I’m starting to think he isn’t even coming… better send him more messages.”
  2595. >Your phone begins to vibrate incessantly in your poket.
  2596. >You precariously stand on the branch of the tree, moving to knock on the window.
  2597. >However, you feel it beginning to snap under your weight, and panic takes hold of you.
  2598. >So, you leap through the window.
  2599. “TWIIILLLLIIIIIGHHHTTTTTT!”
  2600. >She screams.
  2601. >You slam into the floor, wrestling with shards of broken glass.
  2602. “S-surprise! Ow.”
  2603. >She stares at you, mouth agape.
  2604. >”Are you serious!?”
  2605. >You pull yourself to your feet, dragging your body through glass and across the ground as it makes the journey.
  2606. >Twilight gasps.
  2607. >You stand up.
  2608. “I think I’m bleeding…”
  2609. >”Anon! Oh my gosh! I-I’m smart, but I’m not a doctor!”
  2610. >You pull a piece of glass out of your cheek and drop it halfway through the motion of putting your hands on your hips.
  2611. “Wow, Purple Girl. Real humble.”
  2612. >You sit down in a sudden wave of exhaustion, then sharply stand back up.
  2613. >”Do I, um, need to call an ambulance…?”
  2614. >You slap your hands onto the sides of your face.
  2615. “Nope! I’m fine!”
  2616. >She stifles another surprised gasp with a confuzzled look.
  2617. >”Where did all that glass just go?”
  2618. “What glass?”
  2619. >”And my window, it’s fine?”
  2620. “And?”
  2621. >”Right, well, we’re going to my lab now. It’s in the basement. Come on.”
  2622. >You prance along doggedly at her heels.
  2623. >You consider mirroring the expression with your actions but figure sticking your tongue out and shaking your ass would look really weird.
  2624. >Especially considering how large you are compared to her.
  2625. >The silence between you is stiff as you thump down a spiraling staircase.
  2626. >’Yeah, I haven’t even been around Twilight much.’
  2627. >You exit in a living room.
  2628. >It’s nice in here.
  2629. >Sitting on a nearby couch is a put-together looking man, probably in his twenties, with pale white skin and blue hair.
  2630. >He, in a manner uncharacteristic to your immediate presumptions of him, is in the midst of a huge bong hit.
  2631. >He leans back on the sofa before his eyes pan to the two of you, at which point his eyebrows shoot up and he lurches forward, coughing up an explosion of smoke.
  2632. >”H-hey, kid. Who’s this guy, Twily?” He sputters, with a vocal tinge reminiscent of a certain penguin from Surf’s Up. “I heard a loud noise upstairs, are you okay? I swear I was gonna check on you.”
  2633. >She rolls her eyes, in a loving, yet exasperated, way.
  2634. >”This is Anonymous, a… friend? from school. I have to… work on a science project with him!”
  2635. >He seems to take that as an acceptable answer, waving a hand and returning to his business.
  2636. >You stifle a laugh.
  2637. >Twilight grabs your hand and wrenches you towards an opening door, shoving you through.
  2638. >She follows, slamming the door behind her.
  2639. >She seems suddenly flustered.
  2640. >So flustered she hasn’t seemed to notice that you’re tumbling down a staircase.
  2641. >It takes until she performs a weighted sigh and flips on a light switch that she realizes you’re crumpled up on the floor of her basement.
  2642. >During that second of revelation she makes the decision to rush towards you, profusely apologizing.
  2643. “I sure am taking a beating today, huh?”
  2644. >”And we haven’t even started testing yet…” She says, looking across the room.
  2645. >You follow her gaze, eyes landing on a gauntlet of spikes, saws, and sprayers.
  2646. >Not to mention the iron-maiden looking contraption covered in pink lights.
  2647. >You start to move backwards across the ground, not caring to hide the fear on your face.
  2648. >Twilight grabs your foot.
  2649. >”Sunset is a lot more knowledgeable about magic than I am, but she isn’t a scientist, Anon. She wants me to help her. I have to help her.”
  2650. >The eagerness in her eyes is almost demonic.
  2651. >You swear you catch a glimpse of blue fire.
  2652. “Listen, Twilight, I’ve been raped before, and it went a lot like this. You’re really freaking me out.”
  2653. >She seems to snap out of a haze.
  2654. >”Oh- oh my gosh! Really? I’m so sorry. I didn't mean to-“ She looks to be at a loss for words, completely apologetic. “Midnight…?” She murmurs.
  2655. >You pretend not to hear that last part.
  2656. “No, it’s fine, I was joking.”
  2657. >The sound of her jaw clenching is clear as day, and very loud to boot.
  2658. >You pace over to the objects of your terror.
  2659. “So… what are you gonna do to me, exactly?”
  2660. >”Oh, you’re obviously not very smart, I don’t think you would get it if I explained in detail. Just… running tests.” You hear her stand up with a hmph, and turn to see her cross her arms. “I did intend to go easy on you, but now I’m not so sure.”
  2661. >’Rude…’
  2662. >You put a hand on your chest as you take a big, dramatic gulp.
  2663. >The contact serves as a self-affirmation.
  2664. >’I can handle a little bit of science!’
  2665. >You walk over towards the machines which so terrified you before.
  2666. >As you do, you see Twilight pressing a red button.
  2667. >Behind you, a wall lowers down from the ceiling.
  2668. >Mostly metal, but with a large glass window Twilight now stands smugly on the other side of.
  2669. >She leans over to speak into a microphone.
  2670. >Cutting in over the microphone, “Okay Anon, are you ready? Nod yes if you are.”
  2671. >You anxiously take a closer look at the machines surrounding you.
  2672. >Flamethrowers, spears, death-rays, the dread aforementioned iron-maiden.
  2673. >Which, of course, immediately lights up.
  2674. >You feel compelled to submit, and nod your head.
  2675. >”Okay Anon! First thing’s first, step into the machine I just turned on. Mind the spikes! This should give us an in-depth, through and through analysis of the magic we think is inside you.”
  2676. >You carefully position yourself in the magic-scanning deathtrap.
  2677. >”Listen closely, Anon my boy, this is very important.” Demands a familiar, yet entirely disembodied voice. “Things are about to get a tad hectic, but it’s nothing you aren’t ready for. You’re a well-adjusted kid, right? You’ve got this. All the fun stuff will come naturally to you. Probably. Anyway, I’m leaving for good now. Maybe you’ll find me someday.”
  2678. >Twilight doesn’t seem to be hearing any of this.
  2679. >”Get ready!”
  2680. >She presses a button.
  2681. >The two doors of the device slam shut.
  2682. >Bright purple light flashes in front of you along with a deafening whirring sound, and you wince in pain as spikes puncture your body.
  2683. >You cry out as the pain gets worse and worse.
  2684. >The intensity of the lights and the whirring builds and builds.
  2685. >Twilight buzzes in over the intercom. “Phase two! I hope you aren’t dead…”
  2686. >Following a loud buzzing, your upper is separated from your lower.
  2687. >A buzzsaw cuts through your waist.
  2688. >You’re screaming, and other things. It’s pretty bad.
  2689. >”I’m so glad I can’t see you right now! Phase three!”
  2690. >You lazily roll your eyes toward two holes which have just opened towards the roof of your sarcophagus.
  2691. >Filling in past the faint beams of light, two nozzles slot into the holes.
  2692. >Seconds later, flame shoots out of them, immolating you.
  2693. >It sucks.
  2694. >”Umm… I’m having second-thoughts about this whole thing Anon. There’s no way this is safe.”
  2695. >Your skin has melted off quite thoroughly and your thoughts are all over the place, but you’re sure you entertained the concept of a witty comeback.
  2696. >”Phase four! What have I done…” Twilight says over the intercom, in between sobs.
  2697. >A robotic eyeball looking thing pokes out of the container’s roof and scans over your fucked up corpse with a sweeping red light.
  2698. >Then, everything around you explodes into, quite frankly, the most fantastic lightshow you’ve ever seen.
  2699. >”ERROR: MAGIC LEVELS UNREADABLE” Blares a robotic voice repeatedly.
  2700. >You’re laying seductively on the floor in front of the now destroyed machine.
  2701. >’Looks like Twilight had me in some kind of blast proof chamber, that’s convenient. Otherwise, she probably would have gotten hurt by that explosion.’
  2702. >Twilight, still crying, has yet to notice your perfect condition.
  2703. >You teleport behind her and tap her on the back.
  2704. “Nothing… personnel… kid.”
  2705. >She jolts upright with a scream.
  2706. >You flex what muscles you have bound to your lanky, freakishly tall frame and crack your knuckles.
  2707. “Surprise! Wow, I feel GREAT. Asides from the excruciating pain, that was pretty fun!”
  2708. >Her lip quivers as she stares at you, wide-eyed.
  2709. >”A-anon, I’m so sorry! I lost control, or something, I just couldn’t see what I was doing… I wasn’t actually going to put you through that, I swear! How… how are you alive!?”
  2710. >Your body turns around, head still facing her, and you cross your arms before beginning to pace back and forth.
  2711. >Your neck stretches as you move, leaving your head in the same position.
  2712. >A hand taps your chin.
  2713. “Hm, I wonder, my dear, dear Twilight, how it is that I survived! Well, let’s not think too hard. That isn’t fun. You said it, after all, I’m not that smart. I can’t believe you even called me mentally unstable!”
  2714. >”I never said that!”
  2715. “No, you definitely said I’m not that smart.”
  2716. >Your body walks back under your neck and adopts a sassy hands-on-hips pose, failing to reorient itself in the direction you’re facing.
  2717. >Twilight lets her eyes fall below contact with yours and quickly snaps them back up again.
  2718. >”Not that, I meant the other thing. Why would I say that?”
  2719. “You didn’t! But, you did impale me on spikes, saw me in half, and then immolate me.”
  2720. >You punctuate your declaration with a 180° spin and a dramatic point at the mechanical carcass behind the glass.
  2721. >She breaks down into tears again, collapsing onto her knees.
  2722. >”I couldn’t stop myself! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
  2723. >You let out an indignant hmph.
  2724. “And irresponsible! What would drive you to have those kind of tests prepared in the first place! I can’t think there’s been any indication of magical invulnerability being one of my many skills, Twilight.”
  2725. >She balls her fists and looks up at you.
  2726. >”W-well it doesn’t look like it bothered you that much! And the machine is destroyed! Do you know how much that cost my parents! You’re paying for it!”
  2727. “Oh-ho, quite the shift here! Do you know what I could do to the economy if I started materializing money?”
  2728. >”WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?”
  2729. >You hold your hands and look at your fingers. Your nails have lengthened, curled, and turned black. They seem to resemble more claws than anything else.
  2730. >You point at the ground and a stack of bits appears.
  2731. “Hyperinflation, Twilight! This isn’t an economics class!”
  2732. >She plugs her ears and looks down at the ground.
  2733. >You stoop down and grab her chin, forcing her to look up at you.
  2734. >She shuts her eyes.
  2735. “Twilight, Twilight, Twilight!”
  2736. >You grab and shake her by the shoulders.
  2737. >She slowly opens her eyes.
  2738. >She takes a deep breath.
  2739. >”Yes Anon?”
  2740. “I have magical powers!”
  2741. >She stands up.
  2742. >She reaches into her pocket.
  2743. >”I’m gonna call Sunset over.”
  2744. “Nononono, this’ll be our secret. Until I cry it out while I’m having sex with Rainbow Dash on our wedding day.”
  2745. >She pulls out her phone.
  2746. >She calls Sunset.
  2747. >...
  2748. >”Hello? Sunset? Hi! I have no idea what time it is, but you need to get to my house NOW. Yeah. Uh-huh. His magic levels are, err, well, I’d say they’re pretty high.”
  2749. “Twilight I told you not to tell her, where did the trust go? What the fuck?”
  2750. >”Language! No, not you Sunset. See you soon. Bye.”
  2751. > You walk a few steps away from Twilight and sit down, criss-cross applesauce.
  2752. >Briefly, you think about the time Applejack killed you.
  2753. >You pull out your invisible phone and put it up to your ear, glaring at Twilight all-the-while.
  2754. “Hello? Is this Jelly Rambler? Yeah, hey man. Oh wow. Really? Haha, nothing much over here. This bitch just sawed me in half and set me on fire. Had the nerve to get mad at me for swearing.”
  2755. >You put some additional emphasis on those few words.
  2756. >Twilight scoffs.
  2757. “What do you mean? Yeah, okay, yeah, I guess it did happen. Looks like Dad’s gone too. For real. Instructions? Well it isn’t that difficult. I haven’t been able to think much. Maybe one of the SPIKES I WAS IMPALED ON gave me brain damage.”
  2758. >Twilight seems to have started fuming.
  2759. “I know right! What a FUCKING CUNT.”
  2760. >”That’s it! I refuse to believe you’re talking to anyone but me right now!”
  2761. >You gasp.
  2762. “Twilight! I am on the phone with a very dear friend!”
  2763. >”There’s nothing in your hand!”
  2764. “Sorry Jelly, gotta go.”
  2765. >You hang up.
  2766. “Water under the bridge, okay Twilight? I’ll pretend you’re not an unhinged mad scientist with a voice in her head if you apologize for exacting your Mortal Kombat fantasies on me!”
  2767. >”You’re just making things up now!”
  2768. “I don’t think you’ve been very in character today!”
  2769. >”I’m on my period!”
  2770. >You don’t know what to say.
  2771. >As the champion of all women, you can’t pretend this isn’t a massive roadblock.
  2772. >You clasp your hand to your heart, pulling it out of your chest.
  2773. >Twilight reels backwards.
  2774. “I’m so sorry. Truly.”
  2775. >With that, you plunge your throbbing love machine back into the cavity where it belongs.
  2776. >You lean forward onto your knees and let out a large sigh.
  2777. “What are we doing right now, again?”
  2778. >”I’m, not sure. Waiting for Sunset.”
  2779. “Why do we have to do it down here?”
  2780. >”I don’t want you in my bedroom ever again, and my excuse for an adult brother is getting high in our living room.”
  2781. “We could get high wit-“
  2782. >”I’m a scientist!”
  2783. “HIGHENTIST!”
  2784. >You pull your bubble pipe out of your pocket and pack in some cherry-scented soap.
  2785. >You take a few tugs and blow a barrage of fruity phantasms towards Twilight.
  2786. >”This seems awfully familiar… Actually, where’d that pipe come from?”
  2787. “Of all the questions, Twilight?”
  2788. >”It’s like you pulled it out of thin air!”
  2789. “It was in my pocket!”
  2790. >”Why are you blowing bubbles anyway!?!”
  2791. >It’s fun.
  2792. >You like it.
  2793. >You ignore her question.
  2794. >Upstairs, a doorbell rings.
  2795. >Twilight lets out a deep breath.
  2796. >”That must be Sunset. I’ll go get her.”
  2797. >She stands up and begins her trek to the door.
  2798. >You lay back and spread out on the floor.
  2799. >’Today has been great!’
  2800. >’Right?’
  2801. >’Totally!’
  2802. >You hear the signs of a conversation at the top of the staircase, but can’t quite decipher the words.
  2803. >As their, presumably Twilight and Sunset’s, descent begins, the conversation stops.
  2804. >You pretend to have fallen asleep.
  2805. >”Well, here he is. He looks okay, right?” Says Twilight.
  2806. >”Is he… dead?” Responds Sunset.
  2807. >”I mean, I don’t think he is? Anon?”
  2808. >”What did you do to him, anyway?”
  2809. >Sunset prods you with her foot. You’re unresponsive.
  2810. >”Oh boy. Um, he’ll probably tell you anyway. First I impaled him on a bunch of spikes. The-“
  2811. >”What!?”
  2812. >”Let me finish! Then, I cut him half.”
  2813. >Sunset gasps.
  2814. >”After that, I bathed him in fire. The machine exploded when I tried to scan his magic output.”
  2815. >”Twilight, are you okay?”
  2816. >There’s an awkward silence.
  2817. >You’re eyes are closed.
  2818. >You hear their feet shuffling, followed by the sound of hugging.
  2819. >”I don’t know. I don’t know! It was like someone else had control of my body… I thought Midnight was gone! On top of all that, he, it, this thing! Anon! He’s driving me crazy!”
  2820. >You jerk up from your faux slumber.
  2821. “Sssssslander!”
  2822. >You waggle a finger in the air.
  2823. >The two girls look down at you, completely shaken out of their gay friendship hugs and kisses stupor.
  2824. >Sunset’s flashes through a list of emotions, spanning from shock all the way to disdain and back again.
  2825. “I was, och, oh, I was brufalized!”
  2826. >”Brufalized?” Collectively.
  2827. “Quite brutally, I might add!
  2828. >You pull a lawn chair out of the air and climb into it.
  2829. >Sunset’s jaw drops in commonplace fashion.
  2830. >Her eyebrow twitches.
  2831. >”Sunset, do you see what I was I talking about now?” Groans Twilight.
  2832. >”Yeah, Anon is… eccentric.” Sunset says, sighing.
  2833. “Are we just going to ignore the whole ‘Twilight killed me’ thing? What’s going on right now, anyway? Did we all forget the purpose of the scene, or is it just being dragged out for no reason?”
  2834. >The girls look at eachother for an extended period of time.
  2835. >You lazily yawn, reclining in your chair.
  2836. >You’re bored.
  2837. >Sunset and Twilight start discussing the results, or extraordinary lack of results, of the tests Twilight ran on you.
  2838. >They see it fit to leave you out of the discussion.
  2839. >’What time is it? How long have I been here? Do they need me here?’
  2840. >You feel an overwhelming urge to do something.
  2841. >Twilight and Sunset reach a conclusion.
  2842. >Ultimately, they don’t really know what’s going on and have never seen anything like this before.
  2843. >You sprawl out onto the floor and make shapes dance across the ceiling with your finger.
  2844. >Sunset is hurriedly scrawling in a journal, and Twilight sits close by.
  2845. “Hey, can I leave?”
  2846. >”No!” Collectively.
  2847. “Why not…”
  2848. >”Because!”
  2849. “I could leave right now, and you couldn’t do a thing to stop me.”
  2850. >A few minutes pass.
  2851. >Sunset furrows her brow in frustration.
  2852. >”What does she mean she WON’T help me!? He won’t let her? Who is he!?” She exclaims.
  2853. “Hey, I think that’s my cue. We’ve gotta progress a little bit, otherwise we’ll be here forever. Best of luck!”
  2854. >With that, you teleport away.
  2855. >You tumble tumble tumble, rustle rustle rustle~
  2856. >You’ve found some hired muscle, to save you in a tussle~
  2857. >You’re not sure who “Anon” is, but you’re certainly not him. Or, for all you know, her.
  2858. >’Girl power!’
  2859. >You place a finger on your lip as you contemplate the situation at hand.
  2860. >You’re an established supervillain! There’s so much to think about!
  2861. >You don’t feel obligated to betray the name of your organization just yet, nor the name of your own person.
  2862. >”Anon, wake up, this isn’t re- Oh shit!” I say.
  2863. >You jump to your feet. No one else should be this far into your secret hideout.
  2864. >What are those drones upstairs doing!?
  2865. >”No, no, no! Are you serious!? You’re doing all this way too early. Oh my… for fucks sake!”
  2866. “Identify yourself!”
  2867. >”Look, ugh,” I say, furrowing my brow with a heavy sigh, “We’ll just write this off as foreshadowing for now, okay? The story isn’t ready for you yet, at all! We haven’t even established whether anything is real! I’m just gonna close the curtain. You can handle that, right?”
  2868. “Wha-“
  2869. >Before you can react, you’re crushed by a heavy, oppressive darkness.
  2870. >...
  2871. >You’re running, full sprint, through a forest of tall trees.
  2872. >On your heels, a swarm of monsters.
  2873. >As always, you’re not quite sure who you are.
  2874. >Your identity is concealed.
  2875. >Anonymous.
  2876. >You rush forward, frantically pushing aside leaves and branches, doing your best to avoid tripping or stumbling.
  2877. >The mass of fur, muscle, and hatred behind you forces its way ever closer.
  2878. >Your legs begin to stretch with every step.
  2879. >Your eyes dart back and forth while your head completes 360° rotations.
  2880. >Eventually, you’re striding knee-deep in a sea of living firewood reaching an altitude of 400ft.
  2881. >You scream as your face slides into a pile of mulch.
  2882. >Your body soars into the air, rotating on its new axis.
  2883. >Your earthy constraints aren’t strong enough to hold against your body weight, so you’re broken free.
  2884. >You tumble through a veritable world-hole, free falling in a vast expanse of nothingness, until you land head-first on your bed.
  2885. >The impact crushes your skull, and you crumple to the side onto the floor.
  2886. >With a few painstaking wiggles, you jump to your feet, wincing as the damage repairs itself.
  2887. >You burst through the wall of your bedroom in a style reminiscent of the kool-aid man, and with a booming “OH YEAH”, leap to the bottom of the established staircase.
  2888. >You don’t bother Time to check himself, focusing 100% on zipping into your empty, clean-dirty kitchen.
  2889. >Not caring to remember the exact layout of your house, you walk straight in to the cooking zone.
  2890. >An age-old theme tune plays slightly skewed and off tempo in your left ear.
  2891. >You rip off your right arm and toss it towards you refrigerator while executing a perfect pirouette.
  2892. >As you finish the maneuver, you hop into the air as your hand connects with the handle on the door of the refrigerator sitting in the kitchen on top the tile floor.
  2893. >You land kneeling, in front of the fridge, as your arm completes its singular task, singular purpose, singular singular.
  2894. >Its life’s meaning.
  2895. >Opening the REFRIGERATOR.
  2896. >Your kitchen-borne cooling appliance.
  2897. >You lean into its icy depths and pull free from its 35° fahrenheit claws a severed limb fresh but not so fresh from your most recent kil-
  2898. >You pull free from its depths a dozen pure white eggs and seamlessly crack them individually not at once into your mouth because, yes, you’re not using your hands but in fact you’ve spread your lips and grasped each egg individually not at once with your teeth, and spew the yolky yolk onto an imaginary frying pan.
  2899. >You won’t pretend your kitchen has an oven but you won’t pretend you need one to eat raw fles-
  2900. >You fry the eggs with your tongue because your tongue can do that now.
  2901. >You swallow the fruits of your labor whole and without a second thought, you won’t stop to dwell on the differences in your life because you’re too busy enjoying the similarities it has to nothing you’ve ever experienced.
  2902. >The buzzing of a gnat grows louder and louder in your ear so you smack—SMACK!—the side of your head in an earnest attempt to murder it but it was just your phone.
  2903. >What day is today anyway? Monday for convenience, you love Mondays.
  2904. “My name is Anonymous, not Garfield!” You announce to no one, except you’ve answered the phone and you’re talking to someone.
  2905. >You’re naked.
  2906. >”Dude, I didn’t call you for phone sex. TMI.”
  2907. >Oh, you said that out loud.
  2908. >’Looks like I said that out loud.’
  2909. >”Yeah, you did. Listen up! Suns-“
  2910. >You hang up.
  2911. >You nod to yourself, affirming that you made the right decision.
  2912. >You can’t talk to Rainbow Dash naked, she’s supposed to be your pure wife. You don’t want to taint her until your wedding night.
  2913. >You feel an overwhelming urge to clear your head.
  2914. >You crawl through broken glass towards the front door, grabbing the handle and making a desperate bid for freedom with intense vigor.
  2915. >The door swings open, and you sprawl onto the doorstep.
  2916. >’Uhhh…’
  2917. >You roll onto your back and look up at the overcast sky.
  2918. >So much for a sunny day, you would think, if only you could.
  2919. >You feel a burning sensation all over your body and the onset of a severe headache.
  2920. >Rolling onto your back, you stretch out, throwing your arms over your head and pushing your feet forward.
  2921. >You enjoy the tingly scratching of the pavement on your bare skin.
  2922. >You rub your eyes, and yell in pain as your finger extension punctures your skin.
  2923. “Fuuck!”
  2924. >’Right, I forgot I have claws now.’
  2925. >The wound heals immediately, and you suspend your hand in front of your face, inspecting it.
  2926. >Your skin, strangely, now leans to a more gray pigmentation than the usual cool green.
  2927. >You shrug, mentally.
  2928. >A girlish exclamation of surprise is accompanied by the sound barrier breaking, and your bloody ears couple nicely with your assaulted eyes.
  2929. >Eyes assaulted by the vision of a furiously embarrassed Rainbow Dash.
  2930. >”W-what the heck are you doing, man!”
  2931. >You slither closer to her, positioning your eyes under her skirt.
  2932. >You shamelessly begin nursing your inkling of an erection.
  2933. >If you could see from here, you’d know her face turned bright red.
  2934. >She stomps on your face.
  2935. >”That is definitely illegal! Why are you so weird!?”
  2936. >She stomps on your face again.
  2937. >”And that one’s for hanging up on me!”
  2938. >You realize that what you’re doing contradicts a previously held sentiment and immediately stop.
  2939. >You sit up in a zombie-like fashion, and your face grazes her skirt on the way up, flipping it.
  2940. >She hurriedly pushes it down with her hand, then blushes as she puts her hands on her hips.
  2941. >You stand up and tower over her, prompting a quiet “Did he get taller?” under Rainbow’s breath.
  2942. >She averts her eyes from your nudity.
  2943. >”Go put some clothes on. And wake up! Geez, do you even have neighbors?”
  2944. >You shuffle into your house and breathe in the wonderful, putrid stench of carrion.
  2945. >You nod to the festival of rats taking place in the decayed shell of your couch, and acknowledge the lord of the flies.
  2946. >With a likp, you awkwardly walk up the stairs to your room, not bothering to correct your form.
  2947. “CLOOOOOTHHHHESSSSS” You bellow, demanding obedience from the fashion mountain piled in the corner.
  2948. >Cleaning itself as you see fit, a freshly prepared outfit appears hovering in the air before you.
  2949. >You beckon for it to be worn by you, and it instantly obliges.
  2950. >You summon a bucket of water, and splash it in your face.
  2951. “Woo! Okay. I’m good.”
  2952. >With a deep breath, you open your eyes for the first time today.
  2953. >’Rainbow’s waiting for me outside. I’d better hurry.’
  2954. >You prance down the stairs, bounding out the door through your pristinely clean living room.
  2955. >You’re adorned in oddly striped slacks, accompanied by similarly colored blue suede shoes and mandatory belt. Your top half is merely covered by a basic white tee, and a neat, bright orange jacket.
  2956. >You run your fingers through hair, minding the claws of course, and smile as you approach Rainbow.
  2957. “Good morning, Dash!”
  2958. >’Have I called her that before?’
  2959. >You look down into her eyes for a few second before casually breaking contact.
  2960. >Your eyes won’t meet again for the rest of the conversation, judging by her briefly terrified expression.
  2961. >”Yeeaa, ‘good morning’, Anon. Are you okay?”
  2962. >’Maybe we got off on the wrong foot again…’
  2963. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
  2964. >”Your skin looks weird. And you were writhing around on the ground outside your house with no clothes on when I got here.”
  2965. >’I was?’
  2966. “Yeah, sorry about that… un, I guess. Why are you here?”
  2967. >”I was tootally gonna sock you in the face for hanging up on me, but you ended up getting it a little differently a few minutes ago.” She pauses for a second, posing as if to mentally pat herself on the back. Suddenly... “Hold on a second! What’s up with that!? There’s not even a mark.”
  2968. >She reaches up and traces her hand across your face.
  2969. >She pulls her hand back when you smirk.
  2970. “Please, Rainbow, I’ve been through way worse than… whatever you did to me.”
  2971. >”Dude, do you seriously not remember? I’m pretty strong, huh!”
  2972. “Haha, yeah…”
  2973. >The two of you take turns awkwardly shuffling your feet.
  2974. “So why’d you call me, then?”
  2975. >Rainbow’s eyes glaze over for a second as she looks up the corner of her eye.
  2976. >”Uh, I actually don’t remember, haha…”
  2977. >’What time is it?’
  2978. >Time rolls his lips up your back and whispers in your ear that it is indeed about time for you to be heading to school.
  2979. “Okay then. I’m going to school now. Need a ride?”
  2980. >Rainbow seems off-put by the sudden shift in topic, but puts on a boastful air.
  2981. >”Pft. I could run faster than you drive anyway.” She pauses and looks at your surroundings. “Besides, I don’t see a car out here anyway?”
  2982. >That’s news to you.
  2983. >It shouldn’t be.
  2984. “Huh. I wonder where it went. Whatever! Want to go to school?”
  2985. >”I mean, yeah, but I’m not waiting for you. I could be there in two seconds. Flat!”
  2986. >You laugh.
  2987. “It would take you THAT long?”
  2988. >”What!? As if you could get there faster? I’m MAGIC.”
  2989. >’I am too, remember?’
  2990. “Okay, sure. How about we race. If I get there first, you HAVE to marry me.”
  2991. >”Wha-!? Sure, dude, whatever. You’re on! Have fun walking.”
  2992. >You raise your hand in the air and nod.
  2993. “On your marks… get set… go!”
  2994. >You snap your fingers, and teleport to the front of the school instantaneously.
  2995. >Two seconds later, Rainbow Dash shows up.
  2996. >She stops a little away from you, on the other side of the statue. Her back is turned and she doesn’t seem to have noticed you.
  2997. >You hear her smugly questioning why you bothered making that bet in the first place aloud to herself as you creep up behind her.
  2998. >”I mean, really, there’s no way he could’ve beaten m- Aaah!”
  2999. >You grab her shoulders, cutting her off.
  3000. >You exert some force to spin her around, getting right up in her shocked face.
  3001. “You were two seconds too late, Rainbow!”
  3002. >This confused expression is priceless.
  3003. >”No way! How? What?”
  3004. >You laugh.
  3005. “Guess you’re not as fast as you thought, are you, Rainbow?”
  3006. >”B-b-but, what?”
  3007. “Or… should I call you ‘Mrs. Anonymous’ now? How does it work…”
  3008. >You procure two fancy rings from nowhere and slip one onto her left-hand.
  3009. >Then, you stoop down and give her a little peck on the lips.
  3010. >She stands there completely dumbfounded, motionless the whole time.
  3011. >”Wh… wha… how?!”
  3012. >You wave a hand in front of her face.
  3013. “Hello?”
  3014. >’I think I broke her. Oh well.”
  3015. “Okay, I’m gonna head to class now. See ya!”
  3016. >You walk into the school.
  3017. >Immediately, you’re bombarded by colors and flashing lights.
  3018. >”SWWWWIIITTCHH” booms an announcer style voice, projected all around you from, seemingly, very far away.
  3019. >You walk into the school.
  3020. >Every locker door in your general vicinity flies open, resulting in a deafening clang.
  3021. >The floor tiles are peeled open by small black hands which push through from the ground below.
  3022. >Shaking your head, you carefully step around the upturned flooring and make your way to Cranky Doodle’s classroom.
  3023. >’No messing around!’
  3024. >Upon reaching your destination, you burst through the door.
  3025. “I’m realll early today, Mr. Doodle! First one here!”
  3026. >He responds with a shocked, uncharacteristic yelp.
  3027. >You swivel your head to see him rushing to cover his lower half, suspiciously bereft of pants.
  3028. >The quiet, barely audible sounds of pornography emanate from the speakers either side of his monitor.
  3029. >”Anonymous, I locked that door, I’m sure of it.”
  3030. >’His long face is nowhere near as long as his cock, wow.’
  3031. “Er… don’t worry, Mr, Doodle. I won’t tell anyone you were jacking off before class started!”
  3032. >”That would be just great. Gosh, I’m embarrassed. You’re young, you’re a guy, you know how it is… and Matilda really isn’t putting out anymore… oh, I shouldn’t be telling you that.” You can hear a hint of relief in his monotone drawl.
  3033. >You feel for the guy.
  3034. >’Seriously though, with that monster in his pants I’m surprised!’
  3035. >You avert your eyes as he stands up to complete the reunion of his pants with his waist.
  3036. >Scanning the hallway, you move into the classroom and shut the door behind you.
  3037. With lowered voice, you say “Between you and me teach’, Principal Celestia seems pretty desperate for some downstairs attention. If you’re okay with adultery, that is.”
  3038. >He laughs.
  3039. >”No… I tried my hand at that fox a long time ago. She’s not interested in men my age.” He looks you up and down—a considerable effort, considering your relative vertical positions—before resuming. “In fact. you’d definitely have a good shot at her. If you’re even interested in that kind of stuff.
  3040. >”I bet you’re into the weird shit…” He mumbles under his breath.
  3041. >After that, you take your seat.
  3042. >It isn’t long until other students start filing into the classroom.
  3043. >To your surprise, Sunset has yet to arrive by the time class starts.
  3044. >You kickback in your chair and make as much noise as possible putting your feet up on your desk.
  3045. >This interrupts Cranky’s boring lecture, so he moves to tell you off.
  3046. >However, you make a jerking off motion with your hand and point at him.
  3047. >Promptly, he returns, stifled, to blabbing on about whatever long winter bullshit you’re supposed to be learning about.
  3048. >A few of your observant fellow students can be seen questioning the significance of your gesture.
  3049. >Shortly after, those students who noticed burst into flames without flinching.
  3050. >You conspicuously give them all the attention of your eyes for the rest of class.
  3051. >When the bell finally rings, you file into the hall alongside your peers.
  3052. >Recalling that you don’t actually have a second period class, you make your way back to the front end of the school.
  3053. >Deciding to, for once, investigate the strange phenomenon you saw appear from beneath the floor, you lay down on your back amidst the herd of students walking past and engage the favorite of your six senses.
  3054. >Spreading out in a snow angel fashion, you earn more than a significant number of disdainful glances from your supposedly friendship-oriented classmates.
  3055. >You continue in this endeavor well past the bell indicating second period beginning, for about ten minutes.
  3056. >Suddenly, you feel a light nudge on your shoulder.
  3057. >Opening your eyes, you’re delighted to see Principal Celestia standing over you in a familiar stance.
  3058. >’It's interesting how often I find myself in this position beneath girls.’
  3059. >”Anonymous, what in the heavens are you doing? ...Shouldn’t you be in class?” She queries, the seductive, authoritative tinge you so love heavy in her voice.
  3060. >You gaze up at her, quickly deciding how you’ll handle this situation.
  3061. >Lucidity has its merits, but you don’t always want accordingly.
  3062. >’ ‘
  3063. >You gaze up at your schoolhouse matriarch with a lustful awe, intense enough to generate generous enough amounts of below-the-belt perspiration for it to be visible, especially from this angle.
  3064. >”Do you intend to answer my question, or are you just going to stare at me?”
  3065. >You lazily get up on your feet, dusting yourself off before turning to face her.
  3066. >’Like this!’
  3067. Eye contact made throughout, you begin with a stutter “U-um, I’m sorry, P-principal. For skipping class I mean… I mean, I don’t have class right now, but, you know…” Punctuate with a gulp, begin again, “I was just checking out the floor. Like I do.”
  3068. >She smirks and laughs a bit.
  3069. >”What’s the matter, Anonymous? What happened to your usual confidence? I haven’t heard you stutter like that since the day I met you. And the day you first came to this school.”
  3070. >’Let’s ignore that last bit.’
  3071. >You lean down, getting level with her face and turning your head towards her right ear.
  3072. “You make it hard to think, sometimes…”
  3073. >You slowly slide your hand down her arm, eventually resting hand-in-hand with her.
  3074. “I’m free until lunch, you know. Lonely in your office, at all?”
  3075. >She pretends to think for a moment, “Hm… yes! Yes, yes!”
  3076. >Her child-like smile does nothing to hide her giddiness towards your implication, and she immediately pulls you with her, skipping towards the door to her office.
  3077. >You limply drag behind her, finally arriving in a hasty throttle towards her desk, landing on your back.
  3078. >She closes the door to her office and makes a show out of locking it before hastily undoing the buttons on her shirt.
  3079. >She pants heavily as she quickly frees herself from the now unnecessary articles of clothing, such as her pants.
  3080. >A little dumbfounded, you awkwardly follow suit.
  3081. >Noticing this, Celestia pushes you backwards onto her desk and begins working on your clothes for you.
  3082. >It is very clear that she’s the dominant, assertive type of woman. At the very least, she knows what she wants.
  3083. >The warmth of her body pressed against yours is enough to fuel your burgeoning erection to 100% capacity, and Celestia giggles as it springs forth from your pants.
  3084. >She runs her hands up and down your now-barr legs, and gets her face right up close to your dick.
  3085. >She takes a big breath through her nose.
  3086. >”Oh, Anonymous! I can practically smell the virginity. So fresh!”
  3087. >You’re not sure whether to find this off-putting or, arousing until she puts her lips to your head and starts to kiss every inch of your pulsing member.
  3088. >Seconds pass and each one feels like a minute.
  3089. >As she finishes her tenth pass, she perches her lips again at the tip of your penis and looks up at you.
  3090. >You let out a small moan and purse your lips, staring down at her.
  3091. >She glides her right hand up your leg and wraps it around your balls, taking them into a tight grip before plunging her mouth down and enveloping Anon Jr. Jr. completely.
  3092. >The corners of your vision start to dim and the lights start to flicker.
  3093. “Fuck…”
  3094. >It’s maybe been half a minute when you lurch forward and hold your Principal’s head down while blowing a fat fucking load in her mouth.
  3095. >You casually ignore the fact that you’ve been pumping semen (hopefully) into her mouth for almost just as long and her gulping has been replaced with futile struggling.
  3096. >You look intensely at the back of her head and you feel your whole body shaking.
  3097. >After an incredibly intense. and incredibly brief, complete loss of vision you regain conscious control of your body and quickly pull your hands away from Celestia, who frees herself and begins coughing and gasping for air.
  3098. >You jolt back further onto the desk and away from her, your lip quivering.
  3099. “S-s-sorry, I, I’m sorry. Uh… I don’t know what happened.”
  3100. >You actually burst into tears.
  3101. “I don’t know what’s going on…” You sob.
  3102. >Celestia leans forward, placing her breasts on the tops of your legs, and, straining, places her hand on your face.
  3103. >”Anon…”
  3104. >She sighs, her breath running up your body and accentuating her gentle caressing of your tear-stained cheek.
  3105. >”It’s okay. I forgive you. You’re allowed to be a little rough with me… just warn me next time, okay? I can’t even begin to comprehend what you’re going through.”
  3106. >You put your hands on her shoulders and gently push her back while you move forward, getting in position to draw her into an embrace.
  3107. >”I… don’t feel right about this anymore. Clearly, I didn’t understand what he meant back then. We all knew it would be difficult, but you… I’m so sorry.”
  3108. >’I’m not listening.’
  3109. >You pull your head back and gaze curiously into her eyes.
  3110. >She releases you, distancing herself, nodding and smiling pensively.
  3111. >You exist motionlessly for minutes as she cleans up and gets dressed.
  3112. >You leave soon after, thoroughly blue-balled and feeling less in control than you ever were when your mind was spectator sport.
  3113. >You’re just going to ignore all that fucking lore?
  3114. >You’re not even going to question this whole Celestia knowing you before you knew her thing?
  3115. >Why won’t you listen?
  3116. >You’re not listening.
  3117. >You’ve made your way out of the school building.
  3118. >Truancy is your middle name.
  3119. >This is canon.
  3120. >Anonymous Truancy Anonymous Jr.
  3121. >That’s your name.
  3122. >For now, at least.
  3123. >You’ve made your way out of the school building.
  3124. >You don’t have a car anymore, so you’re really kicking yourself in the shins trying to find it in the parking lot.
  3125. >You’d teleport home, but apparently you can only move really, really fast and it isn’t actually teleporting so you do that instead.
  3126. >The problem is, for whatever reason, when you arrive in your driveway, there appears to be a massive, gaping hole where your house should be.
  3127. >’This is a problem.’
  3128. >”Yes, yes it is.” Muses a third party.
  3129. >You cautiously approach the edge of the world-hole and peer down into a vast expanse of nothingness.
  3130. >Without much consideration, you fling yourself into it.
  3131. >You experience the sensation of falling for an instant, and then find yourself back where you were before, poised to leap.
  3132. >As if you had never leapt in the first place.
  3133. >Reactively, you fall backwards, onto the pavement, landing square on your ass.
  3134. >You tilt your head to the sky and engage the sun in a staring contest.
  3135. >Eventually, he can’t handle your brightness and has to look away.
  3136. >Musing over the possibility that at this very moment there is not a single thing looking over you, you shed a tear different from those you rid yourself of earlier.
  3137. >Rather than a salty stream of self-hate and confusion, you lick from your cheek a droplet of whimsical loneliness.
  3138. >Surely, there is no one like you in this world.
  3139. >Or, if ever there was, you are now one of a kind.
  3140. >The fuzzy foggy furry in your head grows more and more intense as you desperately try to squeeze a coherent and rational thought out of your pulsing and tense thought-anus, yet you are, indubitably, constipated.
  3141. >Rolling on the ground now you move your hands to plunge your fingers under your eyelids and pry forth from your eye sockets your eyeballs.
  3142. >You’re scratching out your eyes, you’re screaming in pain.
  3143. >Just as soon as you see your empty face looking at your eyeballs, you’re looking at your empty hands.
  3144. >You’d think about how great it would be to die, if only you could.
  3145. >Could think, that is.
  3146. >You’re not immortal.
  3147. >Well, you are.
  3148. >’I can think!’
  3149. >”Quick! Press the button!” Shouts the twentieth viewer.
  3150. >You wish you could think.
  3151. >Sadly, you gaze into the abyss.
  3152. >You wonder who did this to your house.
  3153. >You wonder how you can wonder if you can’t think.
  3154. >You’re not sure how to move forward.
  3155. >”Can’t we just move forward!?” Yells Mr. Ninety-nine.
  3156. >They’re entitled to the space they occupy.
  3157. >You liked it when they weren’t around.
  3158. >You question the suspicious lack of neighborly interest in the going-ons at your address.
  3159. >You fall asleep in your driveway.
  3160. >You you you you you you-
  3161. >You wake up in your driveway.
  3162. >Except it isn’t actually your driveway.
  3163. >That is to say, you’ve been relocated.
  3164. >It seems as if you were moved in your sleep.
  3165. “But where I am now?” You query aloud.
  3166. >Your voice whistles away into the vast expanse of empty space which surrounds you.
  3167. >You consider some possibilities.
  3168. >’Option number 1! The entire world was destroyed while I slept.’
  3169. >You shake your head.
  3170. >’Option number 2! Someone is playing a prank on me!’
  3171. >You adopt a low stance and dart your eyes around, scanning the premises for an imaginary foe.
  3172. >Again, you shake your head.
  3173. >’Option number 3! I rolled into that pit while I was sleeping.’
  3174. >However, the idea of falling into a pit like that is simply unfathomable.
  3175. >So, again, you shake your head.
  3176. >You follow the motion up with a gentle rubbing of your neck.
  3177. “All this head shaking is really unnecessary…”
  3178. >’Option number 4! I’m dreaming!’
  3179. >You wake up in your driveway.
  3180. >Actually, that detail is very minor in comparison to the event now at hand.
  3181. >Rather than simply waking up in your driveway, you have been waking up in your driveway by the assault of a woman’s booted-toe being driven repeatedly into your ribcage.
  3182. >Not in a particularly aggressive way, your friend Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t do that to you.
  3183. >You share an unbreakable bond. She wouldn’t admit that, though, so don’t ask her.
  3184. >”Anonymous! Anon! Wake up!! I’ve been kicking you for ten WHOLE minutes!”
  3185. >She throws her fists down in frustration and groans loudly.
  3186. >”I KNOW YOUR SKULL IS EMPTY, BUT YOU CAN’T PRETEND THERE’S NO ONE IN THERE!”
  3187. >She hurriedly covers her mouth. She didn’t mean to yell.
  3188. >”Oh, shoot, I didn’t want to wake your neighbors…”
  3189. >It is the early half of the morning, after all.
  3190. “Don’t worry, Purple Girl, I’m pretty sure I ate my neighbors.”
  3191. >She jumps.
  3192. >”Oh, you’re awake! Good! Suns- wait. You ATE your neighbors?”
  3193. “What? No, Twilight, I don’t have any neighbors.”
  3194. >She pauses and looks left and right, down and up the street.
  3195. >Upon noticing the complete lack of houses, she turns back to you, satisfied(albeit a little confused), before dropping her jaw once again.
  3196. >Having somehow failed to notice before, she hurriedly poses a question.
  3197. >”What happened to your house!?”
  3198. >You awkwardly shrug as best you can, being pinned to the ground and all, before responding without a shred of urgency.
  3199. “Beats me. It was like that when I got home yesterday. I don’t recommend jumping into that hole. It’s pretty terrifying.”
  3200. >You can’t tell what emotion she’s currently displaying on her face, but it makes you feel a strange mix of both pride and embarrassment.
  3201. >It’s almost as if, in her confusion, she’s mocking you.
  3202. >”Well… okay then. Anyhoo, I’m here to bring you to Sunset. She was concerned about something that happened to her… penpal. I think she’d do a better job explaining exactly what I mean by that.”
  3203. >Twilight shuffles her feet.
  3204. >”Anyway, she’s waiting for you at the school. I can’t go with you. ‘The potential for world-ending consequences’ apparently. You’ll get it eventually.”
  3205. >You stare despondently at her.
  3206. >”Ookay… I’ll be going then. Bye?”
  3207. >Your head rolls to the side.
  3208. >Twilight shivers and hurries into the back of the car that drove her there.
  3209. >Wow, she has a driver?
  3210. >Why don’t you have one of those?
  3211. >...You wonder.
  3212. “Uhhhhhh…”
  3213. >You pull yourself to your feet.
  3214. “I guess I’ll go, then.”
  3215. >”Oh, I’m so glad we’re finally moving along!” Exclaims Madame Forty-four, cheerily.
  3216. >You move at near-instantaneous-not-actually-teleportation speed towards the school, arriving in an incredibly negligible amount of time.
  3217. >Sunset, anxiously looking over her shoulder while mid-conversation with someone, immediately notices you.
  3218. >As she fails to be reasonably shocked by your popping into existence, you consider how you can fuck with her before she finishes walking up to you.
  3219. >A light bulb manifests above your head, prompting a now-cautious Sunset to halt a good ten feet away from you.
  3220. “Sunset! I’m here! What’s u-“
  3221. >You head rolls off your shoulders and onto the ground, flopping towards her feet.
  3222. >She yelps.
  3223. >”Anon…? Are you doing that on purpose?!”
  3224. >You withhold your response.
  3225. >”Look, A-anon, this isn’t the time for pranks. Okay? Are you there?”
  3226. >She’s visibly nervous now.
  3227. >You can read a sort of “everything is going wrong” look on her face.
  3228. >She stoops down to pick your head up.
  3229. >She holds it, arms outstretched, at eye level.
  3230. “BLAAAGGGHHH!”
  3231. >She screams and drops your head, which rolls back up onto your body.
  3232. >As soon as everything is connected again, you burst out laughing.
  3233. >Shimmer shim shimmy shim shim Sunset is fuming, almost on the verge of tears.
  3234. >”Anonymous! I do NOT need this right now! I… Can’t you be serious for a second!?”
  3235. >You look at her awkwardly for a second.
  3236. >You take a second to think about what she just asked you.
  3237. >A second passed and you consider your options.
  3238. >You decide to go with your second option and nod your head.
  3239. “Hi Sunset, I’m Serious.”
  3240. >You’re not sure what Serious looks like, otherwise you feel confident you’d change your face to accommodate the role.
  3241. >Sunset lets out a long, deep breath.
  3242. >”So… how much do you know about me? Like, really?”
  3243. “Well… you’re insecure about your tits, you secretly like being in control of others, and you tend to wear flashy panties. You came from a magical horse world. You’re pretty bad at writing. Uh… what else…”
  3244. >Red-cheeked, “That’s enough! Anyway, you got the important part. Yes, I’m from a place called Equestria.” She pauses, stamping her foot. “I am NOT insecure about my tits! They’re… proportional! A-and they’re bigger than Twilight’s!”
  3245. >You reach out and poke her breasts.
  3246. >She slaps you across the face.
  3247. >You both solemnly ignore the incident.
  3248. >”Where was I… ahem, yes, Equestria…”
  3249. >You yawn impatiently.
  3250. >”Basically, everyone in Equestria is a pony. I came from Equestria. I am a pony. Equestria is magically linked to this world, and everyone has a pony counterpart.”
  3251. >You nod to indicate your understanding.
  3252. >”Twilight’s counterpart is the Princess of Friendship, and we keep in touch through a magical journal.”
  3253. “Uh-huh.”
  3254. >”There’s been a bit of a situation… it all started back when our Twilight ran those, uh, experiments on you. You’re involved. I wanted to bring you to Equestria, but that seemed to be a BIG no-no. So, she came to meet you herself.”
  3255. “Who did?”
  3256. >”Princess Twilight.”
  3257. >Sunset shuffles awkwardly.
  3258. >Something clicks.
  3259. >None of this makes any sense.
  3260. >Things haven’t made sense for a while now.
  3261. >’Why is this all so normal for me? It’s not like I’ve been around it my whole life. I’m not adjusted.’
  3262. “Sunset, I have magic powers.”
  3263. >She gives you a quizzical look.
  3264. >”I know?”
  3265. “Does that not bother you?”
  3266. >”I have magic powers too, Anon. Sure, yours are pretty… anomalous, and we’re trying to get to the bottom of them, but it’s probably just equestrian spill over like always. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” She pauses, before saying off to the side, “Besides, it’s not like you’ve turned evil yet…”
  3267. >You pretend not to catch that.
  3268. “This is the first time I’ve questioned any of it, though. What’s wrong with me? It’s… whatever.”
  3269. >You smile.
  3270. “So… Princess Twilight, huh? Lead the way, cap’n.”
  3271. >”Well, she’s just over here. By the statue.”
  3272. >Sunset turns around and walks back to her earlier position. You follow suit.
  3273. >Waiting for her is a less nervous, happier looking Twilight, sans glasses.
  3274. >She turns to you with a smile.
  3275. >”Um, hello! You must be Anon.”
  3276. >You observe some awkwardness in her demeanor.
  3277. >She’ll tense and un-tense her hand, lose her balance briefly. Those kinds of things.
  3278. “Y-yeah, hey. That’s me. Heard you’ve got something to say?” You start fidgeting, an onset of paranoia hits you with the overwhelming feeling that something is about to go wrong, “Well, I’m here! Out with it!”
  3279. >She seems taken aback.
  3280. >She may as well be shaking under the weight of your attitude. Almost like she’s never met a crazy person before.
  3281. >’This world’s not all sunshine, GIRL!’
  3282. >You give yourself a smug salute, mentally.
  3283. >Gone is the notion that you weren’t always like that.
  3284. >You accept in solemnity that you’ve lost any remnant of whoever you were before it started.
  3285. >You don’t know if you’ll ever find that part of yourself again.
  3286. >And to be honest, you can’t say it bothers you.
  3287. >Well, there’ll always be that naggin’ itch, chipping away at you more, and more.
  3288. >”Oh, ah, well, it’s nothing.” You detect a hint of indignation, or resolute tenacity. Maybe she doesn’t like you? “It can wait, at least. I wanted… want to get to know you, before I, you know, ruin your day and all. Aha.”
  3289. >You shrug.
  3290. “Ffffffuck you, bitch! Don’t make me wait!”
  3291. >That’s not what you meant to say.
  3292. >She opens her mouth, stammering. She begins to speak but stops herself, instead turning towards Sunset.
  3293. >Whispering, “He just something really mean, right?”
  3294. >At Sunset’s confirmative head nod of approval, Princess Twilight goes off on you.
  3295. “Alright, that’s enough! I didn’t come here for YOOOURRR sake, BUD. I’m here to help my FRIEND. I didn’t want to leave my MAGIC. CASTLE. BUT NOOOOOOOOOO. There could be “chaotic consequences.” My flank! Do NOT rush me!”
  3296. >That isn’t what she meant to say.
  3297. >And, it certainly wasn’t very befitting of royalty.
  3298. >Compelled my whatever strings bind you, you roar and tackle her strait into the CHS statue.
  3299. >Promptly, you’re swallowed by the hell portal it carries.
  3300. >Echoed by Sunset’s cries of “No!” and whines of “What happened to me!?”, you and your newfound buddy-cop partner, Princess Twilight, you tumble down towards whatever nightmare awaits you in a land touched by “chaotic consequences.”
  3301. >Be you.
  3302. >”Sit quietly in your chair! I don’t want to hear any more peeps out of you!” A voice intones.
  3303. >Your hands are strapped tightly to scratchy wooden armrests. The air is dusty and dry.
  3304. >In front of you, patterns and decayed images flicker on a screen.
  3305. >You entertain the idea of pulling loose from your restraints, but after a few attempts you conclude any further attempts would be futile.
  3306. >”Don’t worry about those.” The same voice from before says dismissively, then with a laugh, “You volunteered to be strapped in for the ride.”
  3307. >”I’ve interrupted the experience only briefly, because the whole thing was getting a bit jumbled and hard to understand. I’m afraid you won’t have much time to adjust, it’s for the best that you don’t expend too much energy now.”
  3308. >As the voice speaks, a peculiar form darts across the room behind you, it’s shadow momentarily displayed on the screen.
  3309. >It has a curved, snake-like figure, with horns and a tail.
  3310. >You crane your neck to look behind you, but see nothing but darkness and the bright light of the projector.
  3311. >A snap rings out from around you and suddenly your neck whips back into position.
  3312. >Your eyes fix pointedly on the screen and a pressure bears down on the sides of your head.
  3313. >”No more of that, can’t have you seeing too much. You’re here to watch this screen. Don’t forget that.” The voices tsks, then continues on. “Now, considering the nature of what you’ve seen so far, I saw it fit to do a bit of rearranging and explaining. It wouldn’t do for you to be lost already. The fun is just starting.”
  3314. >A reel spins, the pictures on the screen blur. A beeping rings out alongside a countdown.
  3315. >1… 2…. 3…
  3316. >Accompanied by a light hum, the image on the screen becomes more consistent. A familiar scene comes into view.
  3317. >A young man, green of skin, speeds in his car down a dark and empty city street. There are lights in the sky and inside buildings, but the sun has long since gone down.
  3318. >The man in his car is someone you recognize. His identity, however, eludes you.
  3319. >There is a manic grin on his face, but his eyes look empty, as though there is no one present behind them.
  3320. >As he drives down this almost endless street, different faces rapidly come and go from his features. In one such instance, you even see yourself in one.
  3321. >He begins to swerve his car madly, veering onto a sidewalk, and slams into a pedestrian.
  3322. >His vehicle screeches to a halt.
  3323. >The man exits through the driver side door and walks ahead to where the now-mangled person lies.
  3324. >”Sorry…” he mutters, breathlessly.
  3325. >Without emotion on his face, he lifts the corpse over his shoulder.
  3326. >Blood smears onto his skin and clothing.
  3327. >He retreats to the back of his vehicle, opens the trunk, and dumps the corpse inside.
  3328. >Then he clasps both of his hands to his cheeks and smiles widely.
  3329. >The trunk slams shut and the man returns to his vehicle, closes the door, starts the engine, and continues on his way.
  3330. >The images on the screen blur again, returning to a state of flickering and bouncing patterns.
  3331. >”We know what happens from there.” The voice from before says. A sigh rings out. “The poor kid was crazy enough before the interference started.”
  3332. >You feel a twinge of sadness in your heart. You know the voice is right. You’re not sure why that makes sense to you, though.
  3333. >The reeling sound rings out again, and the image on the screen now displays a battlefield.
  3334. >The young man stands side-by-side with a similar-looking middle-aged man. The difference lies primarily in their skin tone. The older man is taller.
  3335. >The young man doesn’t seem to notice at all the skin on the older man wasting away.
  3336. >When only a skull remains, the scene blurs away and the voice laughs.
  3337. >The next scene displayed shows the man stood under a showerhead, water pouring over him. At his side, a shadowed figure screams into his ear.
  3338. >At this sight, you feel a twinge of pain and regret.
  3339. >The scene fades out again.
  3340. >”This is where things started going downhill for the boy, I believe. Not only had his delusions started manifesting and leaking into the world around him, but you people… you things got a bit ahead of yourselves.”
  3341. >You feel a piercing glare burrowing into the back of your head.
  3342. >You try to apologize, but your mouth is shut tight.
  3343. >“None of that,” the voice rings out, “We haven’t finished here yet.”
  3344. >The image on the screen again begins to show another scene.
  3345. >In this one, the young man briefly confers and then hugs the older man from before. To you, he appears as just a skeleton.
  3346. >”It’s cute how he clings to the idea of a father… and how close to reality he got with the projection, I suppose.” The voice muses.
  3347. >The screen fades.
  3348. >You see multiple more scenes.
  3349. >In one, half a day repeats for the young man.
  3350. >In another, the man invades the home base of a seductive woman.
  3351. >You see the man got shot, and you see him torn to pieces.
  3352. >The final scene you see has the man acting irrationally at a purple girl.
  3353. >The projector shuts off.
  3354. >”So, listen, I’m not really sure how good of a job I’m doing. Hopefully this was educational.” The voice says. “Well, it’s time for the next step.”
  3355. >The lights in the room turn on, blindingly bright. You can feel the origin of the voice standing behind you.
  3356. >”’Anonymous’ is crazy. Unfortunately the rules of his world dictate a price for power. You’ve been a part of him his whole life. You’re pieces of his consciousness, split off from him. You understand this. Your presence started as a coping mechanism.
  3357. >”But the more of you to appear, the harder it became to justify your existence. I’ve been monitoring the situation and have deemed it time for a return to basics.
  3358. >”Going forward, there will be no audience in his head. None of you will communicate to him. None of you will even be. I’m making an executive decision, here. Anonymous’ mind is his own. His actions will be his own. At first, that might not seem to make so much of a difference. But in the grand scheme of things, I do believe this is one of the greatest kindnesses I can do for him.”
  3359. >The figure behind you paces horizontally behind you.
  3360. >You feel a loosening between your lips and suddenly gasp.
  3361. >”Now let us move on. Everyone, apologize.”
  3362. >Immediately you sputter an apology, as do hundreds of other voices from figures now revealed in the light around you.
  3363. >The figure gives a cold harrumph, and snaps his fingers.
  3364. >All the fragment voices in Anonymous’ head catch fire and melt into the floor.
  3365. >Discord turns and ‘looks into the camera.’
  3366. >YOU stare as his face gets right up to yours, distorting like it’s pushed against a lens.
  3367. >He grins and steps back.
  3368. >”Now that that’s over with… we’re just about ready to get into “part 2,” he says, making air quotes with his fingers. “But I want to explain a few things and point out a couple of important details. Because I think the one who’s actually responsible for that has done a poor job of things.
  3369. >”Anonymous has had magical powers his whole life. However, he has only just now been allowed to be aware of that. Because of the nature of those powers, and the nature of the world he resides in, those powers came with the side-effect of making him batshit crazy.
  3370. >”He’s also had quite a traumatic run of things, in part because of his mental affliction and in part because of his upbringing and events surrounding it.”
  3371. >Discord pauses to sip from a cup of tea he pulled out of nowhere.
  3372. >”He has links to Canterlot. He has links to people there. He has links to me.” Discord shrugs, “I’m not sure how much I can say.”
  3373. >He gives me a knowing glance.
  3374. >”Going forward, there may be inconsistencies in the narrative. Anon should be a bit more whole now. In that regard, I think I’ve fixed things. We’re going to see him exploring his abilities, struggling with his mind, and, hopefully, making friends. Rites of passage, for creatures like us.”
  3375. >With that, he laughs. After a casual wave, he vanishes.
  3376. >Be you.
  3377. >As though no records of you exist in the world, the matter of your name is unresolved.
  3378. >You are Anonymous.
  3379. >Moments ago, shit hit the fan.
  3380. >The feeling you had was one of an overcast sky.
  3381. >Everything seemed darker than normal.
  3382. >You spoke to Sunset Shimmer, who was very frantic.
  3383. >You played your prank. She wasn’t happy about it.
  3384. >But you met a new person. Sorta new, at least.
  3385. >Some different version of crazy psycho purple girl. A pony princess version.
  3386. >For whatever reason, the feeling of dread building up inside you exploded forth with a vengeance.
  3387. >Rather than practice basic human cordiality, you had an outburst and provoked the pony princess purple girl. And, in a moment which seemed to shock even herself, she responded in kind.
  3388. >Suddenly, the two of you were shoved from behind by a malicious-feeling Sunset Shimmer, who seemed appalled at her own actions as well.
  3389. >Just a bunch of negative energy, which as one orange haired girl you were briefly intimate with might say, was totally not righteous.
  3390. >The moment had been filled then with a sense of upcoming adventure.
  3391. >That is, in fact, the moment you presently reside in.
  3392. >Over the next second, you note that something feels very different.
  3393. >Then, you smack face first into the concrete.
  3394. >As you collide with the ground, you also collide with Twilight Sparkle, in that your elbow collides with her face.
  3395. >She hits the ground too.
  3396. >A few feet away from you, the CHS statue.
  3397. “Gah, oh my fuck. What the fuck?”
  3398. >Twilight yelps in pain, and starts bawling her eyes out.
  3399. >Sunset runs over to pick her up, holding her in her arms and profusely apologizing.
  3400. >You let your face press into the ground for a few seconds more.
  3401. >Then groan as you pick yourself up.
  3402. >”I don’t know what came over me, I swear!” Sunset exclaims hurriedly. “I’m so sorry!”
  3403. >Twilight hugs her back tightly.
  3404. >”I… felt different too. Apology accepted. It’s okay.” She says.
  3405. >You’re getting major lesbo vibes. But… aren’t they ponies?
  3406. >You shudder.
  3407. “Don’t worry Shimmer, I accept your apology too.” You say, beaming.
  3408. >She glances up at you, and her eyes shine with cold light. Only for a moment, though.
  3409. >”Y-yeah… I’m sorry to you too, Anon.” She sighs. “I think I’m having a hard time deciding how I feel about you.”
  3410. >Twilight slowly pulls away from Sunset’s embrace, stands up, and turns to face you.
  3411. >Her shirt has ridden up on her torso a bit, and her hair looks a mess.
  3412. >She doesn’t seem to pay much mind to the state of her attire, though.
  3413. >”Anon, right? I think we got off on the wrong foot just then. I’m Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship from Equestria.” She smiles slightly at you.
  3414. >You raise a hand to your face and utter a long hmm.
  3415. >You sweep your eyes over her figure.
  3416. >Sunset twitches.
  3417. >You weren’t paying attention at first, but there really is something regal about her.
  3418. “I’d introduce myself, but… you know.”
  3419. >Collectively, a chuckle is stifled.
  3420. >”Sunset wrote to me about some concerns she had. Your magic is different than anything we’ve seen here. Things were getting a bit hectic before I left Equestria, and I’ve come to the understanding they started around the same time as my counterpart ran some ‘tests’ on you.”
  3421. >You shudder.
  3422. >Your feet turn to leave, but you keep them rooted in place beneath your legs.
  3423. >The girls glance down at them before looking back up at you.
  3424. >”Is that sort of thing normal?” Twilight asks, glancing over at Sunset.
  3425. >”As far as I can tell, yes.” She replies.
  3426. >You scratch at your collar.
  3427. >The clouds in the sky have cleared up, light beams down on the three of you.
  3428. >Something about the world seems better.
  3429. >You take a deep breath.
  3430. “Well, I’m here. You said you wanted to get to know me? Do you have any particular questions?”
  3431. >”Well… who are you?” She asks, pointedly.
  3432. >Everything shakes.
  3433. >The tremors build in intensity.
  3434. >”Woah, are you okay?” Sunset casts aside any misgivings she’s been gathering, for a moment, and rushes to hold your arm. “Why are you shaking?”
  3435. >She grabs ahold of you, stabilizing you.
  3436. >Her eyes flash with white light.
  3437. >She sees a scene from many years ago, of a young Anonymous on his knees in the rubble of a building.
  3438. >In front of him, an older man and woman lay dead on the ground.
  3439. >His hands are covered in blood.
  3440. >Many more corpses litter his surroundings.
  3441. >She sees him sobbing.
  3442. >Then, back to reality.
  3443. >You’ve stopped shaking.
  3444. “I’m… Anonymous. Anonymous Truancy Anonymous. Junior.” You say, matter-of-factly.
  3445. >You decide not to let what just happened bother you, but you don’t ignore it.
  3446. >Twilight shrugs, looking a bit disconcerted.
  3447. >”Well it’s good to meet you Anonymous!” She says, wearing a look that says ‘I’m not so sure about that.’
  3448. >Sunset, meanwhile, recoils away from you, gasping.
  3449. >She shoots you a look filled with pity, and curiosity.
  3450. >Twilight quickly asks her if she’s okay, and Sunset tells her she’s fine.
  3451. >Sunset starts making eyes at you.
  3452. >’She’s totally into me.’ You think.
  3453. “Well, ok. So I’m kinda starting to feel a bit weird standing around in front of the school on a Sunday. Do you wanna take this somewhere else, or meet up again later…?”
  3454. >Twilight glances at Sunset.
  3455. >”I have things I need to say, but I guess they can wait. Plus, I’d love to catch up with all the girls here. And some things I need to talk to Sunset about without you. No offense, of course, they’re just sort of… sensitive details.”
  3456. >You scratch your head.
  3457. “I feel like this has taken forever.” You say, turning to Sunset. “Let’s talk during school tomorrow?”
  3458. >She nods. “That sounds fine, Anon.”
  3459. >You smile.
  3460. “See ya later!”
  3461. >You wink, and then teleport back to your hole in the ground.
  3462. >...
  3463. >You’re Sunbed Sinner.
  3464. >Or something.
  3465. >You turn to Twilight, who looks surprised.
  3466. >Of course you’d given her a brief rundown of what you knew about Anon. But it seems she wasn’t really sure what to expect.
  3467. >”He really has magic, huh. That’s definitely not the same kind of magic you see here normally.” She pauses. “But… and considering the situation back in Equestria… it seems kind of familiar.”
  3468. >You give her a puzzled look.
  3469. “Familiar? How so?”
  3470. >”I’ll explain more when I tell you what’s going on in Equestria. For now… it’s been so long! Take let’s go back to your place. We have so much catching up to do!”
  3471. >...
  3472. >You’re Anonymous.
  3473. >You just relocated to stand in front of the crater where your house was.
  3474. >You spend a moment in thought, then snap your fingers.
  3475. >A chunk of land fills the crater, topped with purple grass.
  3476. >It looks very out of place among your otherwise green lawn.
  3477. >You snap again, and a new house appears.
  3478. >The door is upside down, firstly.
  3479. >The exterior is painted in a blue-yellow polka dot pattern. The roof seems to be covered in a fur-like material. Any windows are oddly shaped and are made of stained glass with elaborate patterns.
  3480. >You shrug.
  3481. “This’ll do.”
  3482. >You stroll up to the front door of your house, giddy with the anticipation of a pristine home.
  3483. >Gone are the days of vultures, rats, and rotting corpses!
  3484. >Surely.
  3485. >You open the door and twirl through it.
  3486. >The main room is quite spacious. A bright lamp floats through the air, lighting the whole place up.
  3487. >Immediately you can see two staircases that lead to nowhere. The kitchen isn’t in a separate room, but is distinct by means of a border island.
  3488. >There’s a large couch, shaped like a mouth.
  3489. >The carpet is pink, and fuzzy.
  3490. >A fireman’s pole sits in the center of the room, leading to the second floor.
  3491. >You sweep your vision over the place again and smile.
  3492. “I have a feeling things are looking up!”
  3493. >You grasp the pole and climb up it, jumping from it onto the second floor.
  3494. >The whole action strikes you as redundant, though you’re not sure why.
  3495. >You’re standing in a large room with a bed up against the far wall. There’s not much else up here.
  3496. >Behind one door, a bathroom with shower. Behind another, a closet.
  3497. >’Ah, a suitable pen for my slaves.’ You think.
  3498. “What time even is it?” You query aloud.
  3499. >Time tells you that it’s rather late in the day.
  3500. >You tap the side of your leg and wait for your clothes to climb off you.
  3501. >Pointing to the closet, you inform them of their new home.
  3502. >Quickly your outfit undresses itself.
  3503. >You wave your hand, and your phone appears.
  3504. >Staring into the light radiating off it, you traipse over to your new bed and collapse into it.
  3505. >It yawns with happiness.
  3506. >You close your eyes.
  3507. >Sleep comes quickly, and passes uneventfully.
  3508. >You wake up in the morning in a pile of sweat.
  3509. >Across the room, your phone is blaring an alarm.
  3510. >Your blanket seems to have been thrown on the floor.
  3511. >You look down at yourself and see scratch marks all over your torso.
  3512. >You blink a few times, yawn, and stand up.
  3513. >Pacing over to your phone, you stretch your arms to the ceiling.
  3514. >You bend down and pick up the device, checking the clock to make sure you haven’t slept through a whole week again.
  3515. >You’re on track.
  3516. >You wave your hand at the wall, and a window opens up.
  3517. >Various birds fly in from outside and begin whistling.
  3518. “I’Mmmmmm FEELING KINDA DIFFERENT
  3519. IT’s LIKE THE PRESSURE ON ME’s GONE
  3520. I’VE BEEN UP...LIFTED”
  3521. >You dance into your closet, throwing finger guns at various articles of clothing.
  3522. >Your slaves crawl onto you.
  3523. >You jump onto the fireman’s pole and slide into your living room.
  3524. “I FEEL SO WHOLE, I FEEL SO FULL
  3525. THAT I’ll…
  3526. SKIP BREAKFAST!”
  3527. >You bound outside through your front door.
  3528. >When your foot passes the threshold, you snap your fingers, and reappear outside CHS.
  3529. >A few students who were making their way inside look at you with shocked expressions.
  3530. >Surprisingly, you appeared halfway inside someone.
  3531. >They scream in agony.
  3532. >”OMG! Flash!” Someone screams.
  3533. >You grimace, human-flying yourself with Flash Sentry was not your intention.
  3534. >But…
  3535. >You open your mouth, letting out guttural moans and waving your arms up and down.
  3536. >One arm simply moves around inside the poor guy attached to you.
  3537. >As you begin shuffling towards the surrounding students, they scream and run into the school.
  3538. >You laugh, and Flash continues to groan and cry.
  3539. >You step out from inside of him and give him a once-over with your eyes.
  3540. “Yikes.”
  3541. >You close your eyes and hold them shut for a moment.
  3542. >When you open them, he’s back to normal.
  3543. >He collapses to his knees and pants heavily.
  3544. >”Wh… wha-what!? What just happened?” He says hurriedly, “What happened to me!? I-I can’t deal with this, man!”
  3545. >He clasps his hands to the sides of his head and holds it between his legs.
  3546. >You hear him begin sobbing in short order.
  3547. >It’s still early, so the trickle of students coming to school is light. But you know it’ll pick up soon.
  3548. >A few people shoot concerned looks at Flash, but after seeing you standing in front of him, hurry along on their own way.
  3549. >You stare down at the broken Flash and feel an intense heat bearing down on you.
  3550. >There’s a buzzing sound in your head.
  3551. >You sigh.
  3552. >You step forward, standing over him.
  3553. >You stoop down and place your hand on his shoulder.
  3554. >He lifts his head up, looking at you with a mix of confusion and smite.
  3555. >You push your face forward and give him a peck on the lips.
  3556. “That’s for letting me get inside you.” You say, smirking, “Don’t worry champ, it’ll all be ok. Just pretend it didn’t happen.”
  3557. >He recoils from you, gagging.
  3558. >The second shock seems to have pulled him out of the first one.
  3559. >His eyes wide, he quickly stands up, fuming.
  3560. >”You… you fucking freak!” He shouts.
  3561. “Wow, and I thought this place was progressive…” You muse nonchalantly.
  3562. >His face reddens, “That’s not what I meant! You… did that, whatever that was, to me! Then you kiss me!?” He thunders, “I don’t swing that way! I can’t believe you did that! And, and, I thought I was gonna die!
  3563. >”I like GIRLS! And I was in so much pain! And I’m NOT gay!” He stomps his foot.
  3564. >You have a hard time not laughing at him right now.
  3565. >You don’t really go for guys, but you’ve been through too much to be squeamish.
  3566. >Not when a hearty chuckle is on the line.
  3567. >Besides, the guy seems better off now anyways.
  3568. >You pretend not to notice the tightening of his pants.
  3569. “Don’t worry man, I won’t tell ~everyone~.”
  3570. >He seems even more upset at this.
  3571. >The stream of people entering the school around you has gotten bigger.
  3572. >”I’ve seen you talking to Sunset and Twilight, Anon, please don’t tell either of them! The Flash still might have a chance there!” He says, lowering his voice at the last part.
  3573. >You don’t actually really interact with most of the student body in such a capacity that you could really tell anyone.
  3574. >Maybe you’ll blurt it out in class or something.
  3575. “Yeah, we’ll see. Don’t worry man. Just go flash it up, brother. I believe in you.”
  3576. >You blink, and he’s gone.
  3577. >The final crowd of students is entering the school, you follow after them.
  3578. >As you walk in, locker doors fly open and slam shut repeatedly, a cacophonous fanfare.
  3579. >A few students jump or assume odd looks, but most move on unaffected.
  3580. >Briefly, the floor tiles glow a variety of different colors.
  3581. >You merrily step to the door of Mr. Cawky Dingle’s classroom and walk inside.
  3582. >As you walk to your desk, Gilda once again attempts to trip you.
  3583. >Feeling 100%, the action does not pretend to be something else.
  3584. >Nor are you in a state where you don’t notice it for what it is.
  3585. >Stopping just in front of her outstretched leg, you fling your arm out and wrench ahold of her neck.
  3586. >You stare into her eyes, your head bursts aflame.
  3587. >She sputters and her pupils constrict.
  3588. >You spit on her face.
  3589. >The class collectively gasps.
  3590. >Sunset Shimmer jumps to her feet.
  3591. >Cawky Dingle grabs you from behind.
  3592. >You remove your grasp and stumble backward. The teacher maintains his hold on you.
  3593. >”W-what was that for, dweeb!?” She exclaims, horrified.
  3594. “I won’t let you trip me again! Vile fiend! Wench!” You spit, venomously.
  3595. >”What are you talking about?!”
  3596. >You glance at her feet, square together under her desk.
  3597. >You gape in disbelief, jaw dropping to the floor.
  3598. >The resounding boom makes everyone in the class jump, you’re sure.
  3599. >”Anonymous, I’m gonna need you to report to the principal’s office.” Mr. Dingle drawls, clutching at his chest and taking deep breaths. His attempt to restrain you took a lot out of him.
  3600. >You run your hands through your hair, feeling the cold gazes of your fellow students.
  3601. “Yeah… okay… I’ll do that, Mr. Dingle.”
  3602. >You pad to the classroom door, shooting a regretful look at Gilda. She crosses her arms and harrumphs.
  3603. >You try to catch Sunset’s eyes but she has them firmly closed, and her head turned away from you.
  3604. >You sigh.
  3605. >You pace into the hallway, and back towards the entrance of the school.
  3606. >On the walk, you hang your head in shame.
  3607. >For some reason, you feel a weight on you in repercussion to your action.
  3608. >You feel wobbly, and your vision tints green.
  3609. >You lean up against a wall to stabilize yourself, and begin to melt into it.
  3610. >You take a few deep breaths and hurry to Celestia’s office.
  3611. >You knock on the door this time.
  3612. >You hear rustling, and “Come in!”
  3613. >She’s seated upright behind her desk, her fingers laced over each other in front of her.
  3614. >There’s a slight flush to her face.
  3615. >When she sees you, her face reddens.
  3616. >”Oh! Anonymous! You’re back.” She says cheerfully, “A whole week of absences and you’re causing trouble already in first period? Bad boy.”
  3617. >She bites her lip.
  3618. ~~
  3619.  
  3620. Anyway, that's all I could find. Hope you enjoyed!
  3621. -porppr

Insanon by Insanon

by porppr