The Phantom Mare

Chapter 1

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>"Wait, so why did he have to kill The Boss? If she wasn't really working with the... Rushins? Why couldn't they have left with... What was her name?"

>Releasing a sigh, you pinch the bridge of your nose as you cross your legs and rest an elbow on your knee

"EVA. Her name was EVA."

>You uncross your legs and lean forward in the plush seat, interlocking your fingers while matching Twilight's naïve curiosity with a stern expression.

"And because, Twilight. If The Boss survived, the Russians would have known that she was still working for the Americans, which means that the Davy Crockett that Volgin dropped on Sokolov's facility during Virtuous Mission would have been seen as an American attack on Russian soil. It would have been devastating to the United States, escalating the Cold War and inevitably leading to a nuclear exchange! The Boss had to die then and there, and since Snake was the only man capable of killing her, he had to be the one to pull the trigger."

>You are Anonymous, and you are again regaling the Princess of Friendship about the vast intricacies of contemporary human history and the monumental figures that'd shaped it.

>Well, you're actually just telling her everything you managed to retain about Metal Gear Solid lore.

>What? It's more interesting than real history, and you know way more about it. Win-win, right? It's not like she'll be able to verify any of it, anyways.

>"And that's when he became Big Boss, right?"

>You nod and give an affirmative hum

>Hanging onto your previous words, Twilight's expression turns somber as her head tilts downwards.

>"Wow... I could never imagine having to do something like that. That'd be like if I had to hurt Princess Celestia to save Equestria."

>Her head lifts up to meet your eyes, her own dabbed with moisture imagining such a scenario.

>"Snake sounds like such an incredible stalli— erm.. man."

"That, he was. He was a legend to anyone and everyone who knew about him. Soldiers across the world would hear of his feats and be awestruck."

>Twilight ponders for a moment before speaking up

>"How did you manage to learn so much about him?"

>Shit.

"Huh?"

>"This all sounds like real top secret information. Potential 'nookyouler' whats-its, espionage, double and triple agents? I wouldn't imagine any average pon— er.. person, would be allowed to know so much about all this, right?"

"Right, yeah! I uh..."

>Think, Anon, think!

"I was a Diamond Dog."

>"A... diamond dog? Your world has those, too?"

"What? No, no— Diamond Dogs. It was a PMC, the successor to Militaires Sans Frontières.

>Twilight cocks her head

>"Militaires...?" She trails off, digging around her memory for a moment. "Oh! MSF! Right?"

>You may have gone a little bit out of order.

>But so did Kojima, so you gave yourself a little leeway.

>She squees as you nod your head, delighted at her rapidly growing understanding of Metal Gear Lore/Modern Human History, before deflating slightly.

>"Successor...? Oh no, what happened to MSF? Was Big Boss okay? What about Kaz or Huey?!"

>You could see she'd gotten real invested in all this, but who could blame her? You were the same way.

"Settle down, Twilight. All in due time. Long story short, After MSF, Kaz formed Diamond Dogs, which Big Boss eventually came back to lead. So I know all this stuff because, uh... I knew Big Boss, sorta... when I was in Diamond Dogs."

>Technically, you weren't lying. You were in Diamond Dogs... in a meta sort of sense. Thanks for the loophole, Kojima.

>Twilight's jaw dropped as the corners of her mouth turned to a grin.

>"Wow! Really? That's incredible! You were a soldier? I have so many questions..." She trails off as she glances at the clock.

>"Oh my! We almost cut into your friendship lessons! Sorry, Anon, we'll have to continue this lesson on human history another time. Guess its my turn to be the teacher now, huh? Eheh heh... heh."

>Her awkward chuckle tapered off as she cleared her throat, her magical aura opening a book of lesson plans to hide her tinge of blush at her own corniness. You couldn't lie, it's pretty cute when she does that.

>Which is pretty much all the time.

>However, as cute as she was, you couldn't stand these 'Friendship Lessons'. They were dry as hell and hard to pay attention to, or take seriously.

>It was like an anger management course for grade schoolers.

>"Now, lets get back to where we left off last time. You remember, right, Anon?"

>Nope.

"Yup, it was uh... uhm... err..."

>You got nothing.

>Twilight lets out an exasperated sigh.

>"You have to start taking these seriously, Anon! Princess Celestia is expecting another progress report soon, and you haven't made any progress to report!"

>You roll your eyes and scoff as you reach for your steaming mug of coffee

>"I'm serious, Anon! There has to be a way to get you to engage, to make these interesting enough for you to actually pay attention. My lectures aren't working, you don't do homework, you..."

>As she continues her rant, she darts her eyes from you to her lesson plans, seemingly alternating between talking to you and herself, flailing her hooves around to enunciate.

>You bring the mug of coffee to your lips and take a long sip, slowly filling your mouth with the hot energizing beverage. Your sensitive mouth initially protests to the scalding heat of the drink before growing accustomed to its burn, slightly numbing the tissue it moistens as it swishes around your tongue.

>Ah... Black coffee. No sugar, no cream, no milk. Just ground up Coffea seeds filtered with boiling hot water. You could taste the faintest, most delicate notes of fruit within the bitter, hot drink. The sensation danced on your tongue with grace, blending in with the smoky aroma steaming off the surface of the liquid as it enters your nostrils. The caffeinated tango comes to an end with a gulp and a quiet exhale, the tingling sensation of lingering coffee rapidly dissipating.

>It's disgusting. You hate black coffee.

>But you always thought drinking it made you look cool and tough, so you push through it.

>You zone back in to whatever it is Twilight's saying, as she seems to be wrapping it up.

>"...trip tomorrow, does that sound good to you...? Anon...? Anon!"

>She makes you jump a little as she shouts your name.

"Hm? Yeah, what?"

>"I've decided that class is cancelled for today—"

"Sweet!"

>"—But!" she holds a hoof up, halting you as you move to stand up.

>"But— tomorrow you're going to receive your friendship lesson somewhere else. Think of it like a field trip! Go to Sugarcube corner tomorrow, just before dawn."

"Before dawn!?"

>It was bad enough these lessons were every morning, but now she wanted you to go to the Cakes' place at five in the morning for them?

>"Yes! Look, I know it sounds bad, but trust me. I think you'll like what I have planned, alright Anon?"

>You sigh in defeat. At least it'll be something new, right?

"Alright, fine."

>She gives you a warm and appreciative smile as her head tilts to the side

>Yeah, that's what you do it for.

>Her smile curls into a more sheepish one as she relaxes a little into her seat.

>"I have a few errands to run in a bit, but if you wanna tell me some more about Big Boss, I wouldn't mind! That is, if you want to, I mean!"

>Skip class and sperg about Metal Gear for a few hours?

>"Sure, why not?"

 

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>It is currently around five in the morning. The sun isn't up yet, but it’s around that time.

>Ponyville is at the tail end of a summertime cold front, and a welcome one, at that.

>This summer’s been a particularly hot one after some critical failure at the weather factory caused a cloud shortage, meaning nothing but clear skies for most of temperate Equestria.

>From what you managed to gleam off headlines and fliers at the time, priority cloud coverage was being divided between raincloud reserves for fire-prone areas and white clouds to shade the dumbasses that think living in the middle of a desert is a good idea.

>Figures. That meant the rest of society had to suffer through the summer with zero cloud coverage for the benefit of living where the soil actually grows shit. Just so some sun-baked dickhead from Las Pegasus can sip on mai tais and cloudgaze.

>Look, the point is that you're freezing your ass off because you're dressed for summer weather while outside during a cold front before sunrise.

>All because Twilight had the bright idea of doing a friendship lesson outside at the asscrack of dawn.

>Where is she, anyways?

>You didn't see much of her after yesterday morning. She mentioned something about running an errand at Rarity's before visiting Rainbow Dash.

>She hadn't came home until dinnertime, and even then she didn't say much before going to her room.

>'Busy day', she'd said.

>Whatever.

>Rays of light began to creep beyond the horizon, gracing the land with its warm touch

>In a few hours that warm touch is going to be a searing hot grope.

>Whatever she has planned better be indoors by then. You weren't going to sweat your ass off just to get lectured outside.

>As you engage yourself in an internal monologue, you hear the crunch of grass behind you.

"Ugh, finall-AHCK!"

>You're interrupted as you turn around to face who you presume to be Twilight.

>What interrupted you was the weight behind two front hooves knocking the wind out of your chest with a rough strike

>Before you can regain your balance, or your breath, you make out a blur of lavender as you feel two hooves on your shoulders pull you in the opposite direction.

>You land face first with a hard thud on the grass, its morning dew helping dirty your clothes with moist dirt and green streaks.

>Your body is nothing but pain right now. So much that you don't even think to look at your attacker.

>"Oh gosh, I hope I didn't hurt him too badly..." you hear a familiar voice whisper to herself.

>Gaining the willpower to twist your probably broken neck around, you eye the silhouette being illuminated by the rising sun.

>It's, as you had guessed, Twilight Sparkle.

>Wait, why is she wearing... Are those military fatigues? A bandana?

>And an... eyepatch? Oh, lord...

>The mare you assume to be Twilight clears her throat before straightening into a confident pose, looking you straight in the eyes.

>"Kept you waiting, huh?"

>No way did you just hear her say that while dressed in those clothes.

>You groan as you speak, each word feeling like a stab wound in your chest.

"Twilight, what the hell are you doing? And wearing?"

>She clears her throat again, forcing a gravelly timbre from her voice. Its not Rainbow Dash raspy, but its nowhere near as smooth or high pitched as her normal speaking voice.

>"I'm not that pretty purple princess Twilight Sparkle."

>She isn't really—

>"Name's Snake."

>She is.

>"I'm Big Boss, but I'm sure you already knew that, didn't you, soldier?"

>You take a moment to size her up.

>She's wearing a fairly well-crafted set of olive green fatigues decorated with various pouches, straps, and harnesses.

>Her mane is styled back in a sort of mullet accented by a dark green bandana.

>She even has the compression wrap on one of her hind legs.

>If Snake were a horse, she'd definitely come close with her cosplay.

"I dunno, 'Boss'. I don't remember you being a horse. Or purple."

>Your biting sarcasm is accentuated by your aching insides, but ultimately ignored by the stalwart impersonator.

>This counts as stolen valor, doesn't it?

>What're you saying? This already counts as aggravated battery.

>"Princess Twilight Sparkle sent me here to help you with your friendship lessons."

>She extends a hoof towards your crippled body.

>Rolling your eyes, you grab ahold as she pulls you to your feet.

>Once you're standing up, she looks at you expectantly.

>"You aren't serious, are you?"

>Her single uncovered eye narrows slightly.

>You sigh. Might as well play along.

>Doing your best Diamond Dog impression, you scrape your feet together so they're side by side before throwing your hand into the air, the tips of your fingers landing sternly near your temple in a glorious salute.

"Thank you, Boss!"

>It's the closest you'll ever get to being able to salute the real Big Boss, so why not?

>Snake grins as she salutes back herself, her wing's primary feather brushing against her horn.

>Holding your salute, you quietly whisper

"You don't salute back"

>"What?" Twilight asks, breaking character.

"Big Boss doesn't salute the soldiers back"

>"Why not?"

"The last person he ever saluted was The Boss. It's out of respect for her."

>"Oh..." Twilight quickly furls her wing back to her side before clearing her throat again to channel the spirit of Snake.

>"Your mission is to infiltrate Sugarcube Corner, locate your friend: Pinkie Pie, and offer to help her bake for this morning's shift!"

>That's it?

"That's it?"

>"That's it."

"So I just go in there, ask Pinks if she needs some help, and help her until noon?"

>She nods in response, holding back a smirk.

>Not much of a lesson. More like a favor.

>"Will do, Boss."

>No time like the present, so you drop your salute before turning towards the front door

>Before you can enter, though, Twil— er— Snake speaks up.

>"The Princess also said you have to take me to that new hayburger joint and buy me a burger for lunch."

>You give her a deadpan glance as you look back

>"Her words, not mine."

>Facing forward again, you enter the bakery as the doorchime rings, signaling your arrival.

>"Oh, Nonny! Funny seeing you here! Well, it isn't really funny, but I guess it COULD be funny if you were wearing a clown nose, or maybe a big funny hat! But where would you get a funny hat? Oh! Maybe Rarity can make you a funny hat! Rarity mentioned she had to make some funny clothes for Twilight so maybe she could make you funny clothes, too! Well, your clothes are already kinda funny, but not in a ha ha funny but more like a weird funny, and a dirty funny. Not that you're weird! Or Dirty! Then again you kinda are weird and dirty, but not in a bad way! In more of an alien sort of way, cause you're an alien. And because you have dirt all over you. Do you get aliens where you come from? Or are they just..."

>This is going to be a long morning.

 

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>It was a very long morning.

>Not because of Pinkie. She was actually pretty okay after she got all that yammering out of her system.

>No, a certain somepony was insistent on hindering you every step of the way, unbeknownst to Pinkie.

>Well, you aren't really sure if she knew or not. Most of the time nothing gets past Pinks, but sometimes she'll just ignore it as if its something she sees every day until you ask her about it.

>Then again, with her 24/7 sugar high, she probably sees all kind of weird shit. Enough to not be fazed by it, you guess.

>Anyways, you began the day in the bakery's bathroom by washing off the results of Snake's introductory CQC demonstration and prodding at the swelling bruises on your chest.

>That's gonna be sore for a few days, at least.

>Putting your mostly clean clothes back on, you went back to the kitchen to help Pinkie prep for the breakfast rush.

>After preheating the ovens and hauling some flour, Pinkie called for you while she dug into a cabinet, haphazardly throwing various extracts and spices behind her with abandon.

>In predictable Pinkie fashion, they all landed perfectly where they needed to, with some containers even curveballing to land just right.

>You didn't question it anymore

>"Nonny~! Could you grab the box full of oranges in the back?"

"Sure thing, Pinks."

>Entering the storage room, you browsed the fully stocked shelves and compartments until you happened across a box of oranges.

>Easy enough.

>Picking it up, you were immediately met with the box being thrown upwards towards the ceiling.

>Before you could react, a hoof struck your throat before a foreleg wrapped around your neck in a sleeper hold, forcing you to drop to the ground as the grip around your neck grew tighter.

>Gasping for air and choking on your probably shattered trachea, you clawed at the unyielding foreleg in a primal fear.

>In response, you felt two hindlegs lock around your abdomen from behind you as both holds tightened.

>With a metallic shing, you could feel the cool touch of a knife's blade barely on your neck.

>"Where are your friends?"

>Are you fucking kidding?

>You attempt to croak out a few expletives at the stupid horse that's trying to kill you, but find all that comes out is a weak groan.

>"Where are your friends?"

>She presses the knife closer to your neck, her teeth clenching the handle like a vise.

>You can feel her chest rising and falling as its pressed against your back.

>Saliva starts dripping off the knife handle and onto your shoulder as you feel her hot breath on the side of your face.

>After much effort, you manage to squeak out a response.

"One of them is in the kitchen working. The other has me in a fucking stranglehold."

>Unwrapping herself from around your person, you immediately double over to enter a coughing fit while clutching your neck.

>Snake sheaths her knife before wiping her wet snout on her sleeve.

>Expectantly, she stares you down as you recover from your previous position.

>Finding your voice and your breath, you swing around to face her.

"Are you fucking insane!? You could have killed me!"

>Ignoring your outburst, she speaks up.

>"You passed your first pop quiz: Having an acute awareness of your closest friends! Knowing your closest friends well enough to know where they might be is important! If something happens to them, they'll be relying on you to know where they are if they need a hoof! They're your comrades, and they depend on you like you depend on them!"

>The fuck kind of friendship lesson is that?

>"And for the record, if you were in any danger of being killed, you'd be dead already."

>She winks at you, which is kind of just her closing her one open eye, but with the body language of winking instead of normal blinking.

>You start to speak up, but realize that she'd disappeared during your short contemplation of winking versus blinking when lacking an eye.

>Christ's sake.

>You look around the storage room, but are unable to find any more oranges, and you refuse to touch any more boxes.

>Reentering the kitchen, you begin an apology to Pinkie, but notice that she's decorating a tray of cupcakes

>With orange slices.

>From the box of oranges sitting next to her.

>"Oh, hi Nonny! I was wondering when you'd be done!"

"Where'd you get the oranges? I couldn't find any back there."

>"Oh! Well since you were taking so long I went to check on you to see if you needed help finding the oranges because sometimes I get lost in the storage room looking for stuff so I thought maybe you got lost too! But when I went into the back it looked like somepony was hugging you really hard! So I thought 'Wow I want a hug like that!' but then I saw you were really sweaty and grunty and your face was all red so I thought 'Woah Anon's getting SPECIAL hugs! What a lucky guy!' And I can see by the HUGE hickey on your neck that it was REAL special. So I decided to give you some privacy but I also needed oranges so I sneaked past you two to get the oranges but I had my hoof over my eyes so that you could still have some privacy while I got the oranges, then I got the oranges and came back here, and THEN I took the cupcakes out..."

>You weren't even going to go there with Pinkie. Better to leave it than try to explain any of this madness to her.

>As she went on her tangent, you washed your hands to begin helping her with the rest of the baked goods.

 

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>Snake gave you two more pop quizzes on Acute-Friendship-Awareness-whatevers that morning: Once from behind the counter when nopony was looking, and another while you were right behind Pinks.

>The first, or technically second, pop quiz you passed with flying colors. Snake had pounced on top of you, pinning your back down while looking straight into your eyes.

>You told her that Rainbow Dash had dropped in to pick up a carrot muffin to hold her over on her flight to go watch the Wonderbolts show, Pinkie was in the back toasting some bagels while whipping fresh cream cheese, and Snake was laying on top of you.

>Your third quiz you technically lost points on, but you were definitely in the right.

>Snake had put you in another sleeper hold from behind while Pinkie was stirring batter right in front of you.

>Your pleas for help were being ignored, so you angrily answered her interrogation.

"Rainbow Dash is on her way to the Wonderbolts show, Derpy is delivering a new tailored suit from Rarity to Filthy Rich after having delivered Pinkie's monthly Cupcake Catalog subscription, Pinkie is currently NOT HELPING by ignoring me while she mixes cake batter, and you are, yet again, strangling me!"

>Snake tightens her grip.

>"You're missing one friend, Anon! Sorry, but that's one point I have to take off."

>Your breathing becomes more ragged as her foreleg constricts further.

"What?! Who the hell am I missing?"

>"How could you forget?! You just sold her a blueberry pie! You hang out with her in the park sometimes! She sits on benches weird? Come on, Anon!"

>Pinkie sorts as she laughs to herself.

>"That wasn't Lyra, silly! That was Diamond Mint! She's getting a blueberry pie to celebrate Lemon Hearts' pet canary Chirper's birthday! Gummy was supposed to go, but he's grounded for not taking a bath! You hear that Gummy?!"

>You hear a faint, sad croak come from upstairs

>"Anyways, Lyra's in Canterlot performing for a charity banquet for the next few days! So there's no way she'd be able to buy a blueberry pie here!"

>Pinkie goes back to minding her own business, humming happily while she pours her cake batter into a tray.

>Snake shakes her head in confusion before turning her attention back to you

>"Well... You still lose points for not knowing where Lyra is!"

"What?! How was I—"

>Before you can protest, you feel the pressure around your neck release as she stealthily vanishes.

>Well, she actually just teleported this time, and teleporting is really loud, so it wasn't really stealthy.

>But that's besides the point. Twilight has been doing this all day, and it's gotten on your nerves.

>Which brings you to the present: Noon.

>You wave goodbye to Pinkie as you exit the bakery through the back door, a trash bag slung over your shoulder.

>She asked you to take the trash out on your way, and what kind of friend would you be to refuse?

>Get it? Refuse? Like trash?

>Ref-use instead of Ree-fyooz...

>...It's been a rough morning, alright?

>Speaking of, you eye the trashcan in front of you suspiciously.

>She's going to leap out of there.

>She's going to wait for you to open the trashcan, then she's going to leap out at you, get trash all over the both of you, then strangle you until you tell her where Pinkie is or Dash or whoever the fuck else is within a thirty mile radius that happens to be a friend of yours.

>You angrily kick the trashcan, making a loud clang as your foot connects with its metallic shell.

>There's no response.

>Well, a passing mare looked at you weird, but there's no response from inside the trashcan.

>Carefully, you flip open the lid and peer inside.

>The trashcan is empty, save for a stray apple core and some tissue paper.

>Guess Twilight isn't that crazy.

>Flinging the trash bag in the direction of the container, you're suddenly met with a large blunt force tackling you to the ground.

>She was in the trash bag.

>The entire time.

>The bruises on your chest become further aggravated as jolts of pain and soreness radiate from the area that Snake just tackled, eliciting a painful groan that turns into a rage-filled howl.

"I am NOT doing this again Twilight! I did the mission! I helped Pinkie even while you kept fucking with me every ten minutes! Get the hell off of me before I..."

>You attempt to think of a threat you're capable of carrying out without committing treason.

"before I pick two random books from your entire library and swap two single random pages! …I don't know, just get off!"

>Snake manages to pin both of your arms down with her front hooves despite your wriggling.

>You attempt to flail your legs, but she responds by slamming her rear down onto your chest, taking a seat.

>The wind has been completely knocked out of you, freezing your entire body in a shockwave of pain and lack of oxygen.

>You manage to wheeze out a few final words before your lungs completely deflate.

"You're really heavy..."

>After you stop resisting, Snake inches her face close to yours. You can feel her warm breath on your face as she narrows her eye.

>"If you touch even one of Princess Twilight's books, I will make The Fury look like a filly with a match. Do you understand me?"

>Woah.

"Y-yes, Boss."

>Snake loosens her pin on you, but remains seated on your chest.

>"Relax, Anon. No more pop quizzes today. I just wanted to congratulate you on learning the real lesson for today!"

>Real lesson?

>"Perseverance! Even when things get tough, you never abandon a friend in need! Through good times and bad times, you should always be there for your fellow soldier. No matter how many times I tackled you or put you in a chokehold, you kept helping Pinkie! You've proven to her and myself that you're a real S-rank friend!" she finishes with a wink... or a blink.

>You guess that's a good lesson to know. You definitely wanted to quit a few times, but you knew Pinks was relying on you to be there that day. You wouldn't want to go back on your word like that.

>Guess Twilight was right. This beats listening to her drone on about friendship theory at her place.

>"And I am NOT heavy!"

>Yeah right, 'Boss'.

"You're right, Boss"

>"I mean, I eat a lot healthy stuff!"

"You certainly do, Boss."

>"I don't eat healthy EVERY day, sure, but who does?"

"Mm hm."

>"I like to have a hayburger now and then, so what? It doesn't mean I'm heavy!"

"It doesn't."

>"I mean, yeah, I might be a teeny bit more plump than most mares, but there's nothing wrong with that!"

"So you said you wanted to get some hayburgers for lunch?"

>"Sure! Or, no, uh...!"

>The mare cleared her throat, recapturing her grizzled tone.

>"Princess Twilight Sparkle wanted you to buy me a hayburger, yes. It's for friendship... homework. Taking friends out to eat, etiquette, you know the drill."

>She finally gets off of you and offers you a hoof up.

>Before taking her hoof, you inhale sharply to fill your deflated lungs before going into a coughing fit.

>She doesn't look that heavy, but Christ on a stick, it's like an anvil on your chest.

>Maybe she's just really dense.

>She rolls her eyes with a "Tsch" at your display of pain before helping you to your feet.

>You instinctively give her a salute, eliciting a smile from her lips.

"Thank you, Boss"

 

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"So what's up with this place anyways?"

>Snake perks up, imagining the delicious hayburgers that await her.

>"The Princess told me that she instructed Mayor Mare to send all approved food service permits to her for archival and review, so she let me have a look at the intel she had on it!"

>Oh, brother. She has a serious food problem.

>"It's a small portable food stall with an outside dining area-"

"Like a food truck?"

>"A what?"

"Nevermind."

>Snake rolls her eye before continuing

>"Anyways, its owned by a zebra named Tavare. Apparently, he's only just started out here in Ponyville a few days ago, so we'll be getting in on the ground floor! …As long as we beat the lunch rush, that is."

>Great, you're looking forward to getting served burgers made of hay that you can't digest by some kid who started cooking yesterday. At least you'll get out of this heat under an awning or something.

"Christ, it's so hot out! Doesn't Dash work at the weather factory? Why can't she get us some clouds? That'd be something a good friend would do."

>"And risking her job? Messing with the already limited cloud distribution? Potentially causing fires across the drier parts of Equestria? You're lucky class isn't in session, or else you'd be losing points for only thinking for yourself!"

"Hey! I'm looking out for you, too, you know. You're working up quite a sweat in all that gear. It's starting to stain, especially back there."

>Taking a second to realize what you meant, Snake lowers her face and blushes before punching your thigh with her hoof.

>Really hard, actually. Hard enough to leave a welt, and leave you wailing in pain before you angrily shake a fist at her.

"I was doing you a favor by pointing it out you jerk! Hell, maybe this heat will do you some good by sweating off some of that hayburger weight behind your punches! It'll definitely make the pop quizzes less painful!"

>Snake stops for a moment before raising her head, looking dead ahead.

>"You just earned yourself a lesson in CQC."

>Huh?

>With a flap of her wings upwards Snake is in the air, level with your own height.

>Another flap sends her shooting towards you, her hind legs outstretched and primed for a dropkick.

>You wince your eyes shut, but the impact never comes.

>When you open them, you see both rear hooves resting gently on your side.

>Just as you seem to deduce that it was a feint, however, she springs her retracted legs out, pushing you far into an alley between two houses, crashing into an empty old crate. Its rotten wood easily shatters under your weight, leaving you dazed, but not severely hurt.

>Snake lands next to you, leaning her head close to your ear.

>"Never hesitate in a combat situation."

>She lets you get yourself up out of the splintered wood before staring you down, waiting for something.

>You'd rather not tempt her.

>Wearily throwing the ridge of your outstretched hand to your forehead, you salute.

"Thanks for that, Boss."

>"And for the last time: I. Am not. Heavy."

 

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>You had gotten quite a few big splinters and a small gash from crashing into that box. You actually didn't notice it until Snake pointed out your bleeding leg leaking down your calf and into your sock.

>Following a barrage of profuse apologies, she insisted you sit on a bench while she patched you up.

>Thankfully, she had a small first aid kid in her sortie to keep the Snake outfit authentic.

>Can't say she wasn't dedicated.

>You felt a few pinches as she performed some quick tweezer work to take care of those splinters, having a small bandage ready to stick onto each one.

>Digging further into the kit, Snake emerged with some white flowers in her mouth, which she began to chew.

"I wouldn't say it's the best time for a snack break, Boss."

>Muffled by the flowers in her mouth, she tells you to shut up before spitting the mass of chewed up gooey plant matter into her hooves.

>"It's not a snack! Its a poultice. You were a soldier, you of all ponies should know what that is."

"Yeah, well given your track record... Nevermind."

>You were going to poke more fun at her weight, but decided against it.

>Suddenly, you wince as you feel a painful stinging sensation. Her poultice-covered hooves dig into your flesh wound a little harder than they probably should.

>"I know what you were gonna say."

>Snake grumbles through her gritted teeth as she magically wraps a bandage around the disinfected gash. After a moment, she relaxes, her head hanging a little lower than usual. In a gloomy tone, she speaks up:

>"Can you stop making fun of my weight, Anon?"

"What, the legendary Big Boss is asking me to take it easy on her with the jokes?"

>"No, Twilight's asking you."

>Twilight breaks character to speak normally as she looks up at you, flipping up her eyepatch for you to see both of her eyes.

>Aw jeez, you're in it now.

>"You keep bringing it up and its really been hurting my feelings. You even called me 'Twiggy Piggy' last week... I try to laugh it off or act like I'm playing along when I get frustrated about it, but it really hurts when you say stuff like that. It doesn't help that the whole Snake thing gave me an excuse to release some of my pent up anger on you, but when I saw you bleeding because of what I did, I realized how wrong of me it was to take it out on you like that and hurt you and.. and..."

>She starts choking up as tears well in her eyes, leaving a damp trail behind as they fall down her face.

>You really feel like a piece of shit now.

"Hey, hey. Come here, Twi."

>You get off the bench to kneel to her level as she wraps her forelegs around you, now sobbing into your shoulder.

>"I-It's just e-ever since all of this alicorn business s-started I e-eat more because if I don't I get so hungry! I asked C-Celestia about it a-and she said it was normal. T-the wings and the flying and the extra magic mean I need a h-higher caloric int-take, a-and the changes in my body take a while for everything to balance out and feel normal again. But the stress from being a princess?! That makes it a-all ten times worse! I kn-know stress can change your appetite, but I don't know what's from the stress and w-what's from everything else! I just don't know what to do! I feel helpless."

>She continues to cry as she stutters out her words, hiccupping in between sobs.

>Jesus, you didn't know she was going though all this. You had guessed the alicorn thing would have an impact on her physically, but you didn't realize it was as deep as this. Not to mention the mental strain of having a bunch of royal junk you didn't ask for thrusted onto you.

>You hug her tighter, even though the sheath to her combat knife is jabbing you in the ribs. You try to calm her down and reassure her as you pet the back of her mane.

"It's gonna be okay, Twi. Breathe. Settle down. Everything is going to be alright."

>Her shuddering breaths remain as she keeps her face buried in your shoulder, but the crying mostly stopped.

>Out of feeling better or running out of tears, you weren't sure.

>Holding her withers, you dig her face out of your shoulder and look her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Twilight. I didn't know you were going through so much. I promise that it won't happen again."

>She smiles at you and gives you another hug, sniffling as she does.

>"Thank you, Anon."

>Facing her again, you stand up and flip her eyepatch back down, the cloth dampening in contact with her drying tears.

"Now come on, why don't we get some hayburgers, Boss?"

>You emphasize the 'Boss' as you give her a sturdy salute.

>She giggles a bit before clearing her throat to continue the grizzly voice she'd been doing, though a little weaker from her breakdown.

>"At ease. I'll lead the way, soldier."

 

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>"How's your leg doing? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? Is it getting infected? How's the poultice holding up?"

>Snake barrages you with incessant questioning about the condition of your gash, constantly poking and prodding at it to see if its okay or not while simultaneously tripping up your walking gait.

"Thanks, Nurse, but I think I'll live. It's just a flesh wound."

>Snake rolls her eyes with a huff.

>"That's exactly the point! You don't know what kind of microbes you could encounter. Necrosis, sepsis—"

"You put an antiseptic on the poultice— How would I get sepsis?"

>"It isn't foolproof! When we get home— er.. when I take you back home to Princess Twilight, she'll need to rinse it with a saline solution and redress it with clean bandages. Understand?"

"Yes, Boss"

>You and Snake soon arrive at a caravan in questionable shape.

>The exterior is adorned with a sloppy charcoal paint that looks as if it were applied only hours ago, dried lines of dripped paint running down the sides to highlight the amateur paintjob.

>Underneath the newer coat of paint is a gritty, aged, off-white layer that you can assume was once a whitewash. On the side of the cart, you can mostly make out the remnants of the previous owner's signage as your mind fills in the blanks.

>Under a slash of fresh black paint, the cracked, peeling, faded red text underneath reads 'DONUT PALACE' with tally marks going up to five beside it.

>In all, it was a sorry excuse for a food truck.

"We’ve got the wrong place, right?"

>"Don't judge a book by its cover, Anon."

>If you hadn't seen the smokestack rising out of a pipe on the roof of the cart, you'd figure that the place was abandoned. The couple of picnic tables around were completely empty, roasting in the beating sun.

>You were afraid they would combust at any moment.

>Trotting up to the seemingly empty window, Snake lightly rings the rusty service bell on the shelf as you catch up.

>"Excuse me, hello? Is Tavare here?"

>After a few seconds, you hear a squeaking noise accompanying a slow rumbling roll.

>Slowly rolling into your field of vision is what you would otherwise assume to be a corpse, had it not been moving.

>Heavily wrinkled, baggy, and leathery skin covered every inch of his visible body. Dark liver spots were dabbled across his face. His eyes were pale milky blue with cataracts thicker than butter. The top of his head was bare of all but his coat, the remnants of his straw-like white mane flowing down the back of his neck, a few feathers tied into the thicker strands of his mane. A large stack of thick golden rings wrap around his neck untarnished. The black stripes and intricate patterns adorning his light grey coat were washed out, peppering into an aged and paling dark grey.

>The zebra that sat before you was the oldest, most decrepit, least alive looking being you had ever laid eyes on.

>He speaks with a strong yet frail tone, seasoned with a trace of mysticism.

>"I am who you call Tavare."

>You glance at menu posted to the side of the window while Snake stammers a response, likely as surprised as you to find a two-hundred year old wheelchair-bound zebra behind the counter.

>The menu is a piece of notebook paper fastened with tape. Two items are mouthwritten in pencil:

>BURGER....5 BITS

>FRIES.........2 BITS (FREE W/ BURGER)

"She'll have the hayburger with fries and I'll just have an order of fries."

>Tavare shakily raises his hoof and wags it back and forth. His speech is calculated and varied in pace.

>"Not hay; grassburger. More nutrients. Tastier... You do not want one?"

>The way he enunciates reminds you of those old Native American chieftain stereotypes...or a certain Diné.

>You hold a hand up in response.

>"Not for me, thanks. I can't digest hay... or grass."

>Tavare hums in response while you dig out seven bits from your pockets. As you pay the zebra, Snake trots towards the picnic tables.

>"I'll find us a seat!"

"I dunno, the place is pretty packed. You need any help, Boss?"

>She gives a short chuckle before ignoring you, taking a seat on one side of the table.

>Hearing a yelp of pain, you shoot a look back to see Snake rub her rear end as a thin trail of smoke rises from her fatigue pants.

>You knew those picnic tables were one degree away from catching on fire. You're surprised they haven't, yet.

>"I will bring the order to you. Go with your friend, sit."

>Tavare's sudden speech makes you jump as he slowly maneuvers his wheelchair through the caravan.

"Oh, okay... Thanks."

>Approaching Snake's table, you see her uncomfortably shift as she gets used to the heat of her seat.

>You ease yourself into the bench opposite of Snake, accustoming your ass to the fiery wood below it.

"No shade, two food items, broken down wagon, super-duper-centenarian frycook... Twilight sure knows how to pick 'em, huh, Snake?"

>Snake gives you a "Tsch" with an eyeroll, crossed forelegs, and a backwards head-tilt.

>That's record combo, you'd reckon.

>"You'll never know if you don't give it a chance."

"I'm sure that's a lot of people's final words"

>"Whatever." she chuckles.

>Soon enough, you hear the telltale squeaking of a wheelchair approaching you.

>Tavare arrives at the end of the table, shakily distributing two trays to each of you.

>In front of Snake is a serving of straight fries and an otherwise unassuming burger. It has all of the staples of a burger: Sesame bun, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sauce, and a greenish-brown patty made of tightly wound grass.

>In front of you is the same thing: a serving of straight fries and what appears to be another burger.

>Before you can speak up, Tavare interjects:

>"It has no grass patty. Free of charge. See it as a gift... for my first customers."

Snake licks her lips before looking up from her untouched bounty.

>"First customers? Haven't you been open for a few days now?"

>Tavare looks up to the sky, squinting his eyes from the sun's offensive rays.

>As Snake takes a mouthwatered bite of her grassburger, the zebra responds.

>"The heat is strong this year. No clouds to protect us. Bad for business."

"That isn't all that's bad for business."

>"Anon, try your food."

>Snake's eye is dilated as drool drips from her grinning mouth.

"What? We're in the middle-"

>"TRY IT!"

"Alright, alright!"

>You take a bite of your pattyless burger.

>The bun is crisp, yet fluffy. Slightly buttered on the inside and browned in just the right spots. The lettuce is refreshing and crisp, with a slightly sweet taste to it. The tomato is juicy and rich, its tang giving the overall flavor a diverse profile. The cheese is creamy, melty, smooth, with a hint of sharp nuttiness. The sauce, however, is magnificent. No other written word or ornate phrasing could do it justice. Its flavor is indescribable, as your simple monkey brain cannot translate it into decipherable speech.

>For a burger with no burger, its the best burger you've ever had.

"Holy shit... this is-"

>"Delicious!"

>Snake finishes your sentence as she digs into her own grassburger, savoring every bite.

>"Anon, you HAVE to try some of the patty!"

"What? Boss, no, I can't-"

>She lets out a whine as she magically rips a small chunk of her patty out, placing it on your tray.

>"Come ooonnn~! It's really good!"

>What the hell, why not?

>You toss the chunk of cooked grass in your mouth.

>Woah.

>It's grass, and it tastes like grass, but its the best grass you've ever had.

>Well, you've never actually eaten grass, besides that one zipline incident.

>But its delicious, nonetheless. You'd be hard pressed to eat one yourself if you could physically stomach it.

>Snake takes a break from her feast to acknowledge Tavare.

>"This is the best burger I've ever had! Thank you so much!"

>"It is my pleasure, Miss...?"

>"Snake! And this is Anonymous."

>You raise an eyebrow as she 'shakes' hooves with the zebra.

>You never really understood how that worked.

>After Tavare turns to you, you give him your own 'hand to hoof' shake

"Anon, for short. And that's actually Princess Twilight Sparkle."

>You feel a hind leg kick you under the table as you chuckle.

>Tavare hums in thought.

>"One pony who pretends to be another... and one who's name says he is no one? Interesting."

>You continue to chew on your pattyless burger, savoring every taste.

"How the hell are we your first customers with burgers this delicious? I hadn't even noticed the heat for the last couple minutes, it's so good."

>The zebra sighs, contemplating his situation.

>"Besides the weather, I do not know. None have come near my stall. Those that do, pass quickly... I am at a loss."

>You think for a moment, surveying your surroundings.

>What're you saying? You don't have to think about shit.

"It's probably because this place looks like a dump."

>"Anon!"

>Tavare glances towards his setup as Snake scolds you for your bluntness, narrowing his cloudy eyes.

>"Perhaps you are right... Anon. What do you suggest?"

"Umbrellas for starters, or an awning. Christ, these benches are gonna catch on fire if you don't put these under some shade in the summertime. Either that, or move somewhere with more trees and shade, like the park? It took us almost half an hour to walk here, and there isn't much else nearby, so you aren't getting much hooftraffic to start with."

>Tavare begins to respond, but you're on a roll, so you cut him off.

"And your caravan? It looks like you dragged it through a tar pit! You didn't even get the old vendor's name off of it! I can still see Donut Palace Five! Do you still have their old doughnuts sitting in a pantry, too?"

>"I put them in the trash.. when I bought the cart."

>You eat a few delicious fries while you continue, speaking with a mouthful of mashed up potato.

"Your menu, too. Now, don't get me wrong, with the quality of your food, you only need these two items here, but you know whats missing?"

>Snake and Tavare both think for a moment, before Snake perks up

>"Drinks!"

"Bingo. You have the burgers, you have the fries, but you also need the fountain drinks! Root beer, cola, sasparilla, even lemonade or just water! Hell, you could even apply for an alcohol permit and serve beer, cider, all that stuff!"

>"Beer?" Tavare mumbles under his breath

"This could be the hottest place in Ponyville, heck, in Equestria! And I don't just mean the weather."

>Tavare seems deep in contemplation, considering all the possibilities you've listed.

>"It is a lot to consider... A lot to do..."

>You think about it for a second. It would be a lot of time and work, two things this old timer doesn't have much left of... Time to earn some extra credit, and maybe get Twilight off your back about these friendship lessons.

"...I could help you!"

>Snake chokes on a fry, not expecting such an altruistic display from you.

>Tavare holds a shaking hoof up

>"I could not accept—"

>You quickly interrupt him

"Nonsense! You've given my friend and I a great time with these delicious burgers. It'd be criminal to let food like this fall to the wayside ‘cause of a few oversights. It's the least I could do."

>You lean in a little closer and add under a whisper:

"Plus, she's going to want to come here all the time, now. Which means she's gonna drag me with her half the time. Making this place a little more comfortable helps both of us out."

>Leaning back, you finish the last fry on your tray before offering a hand.

"Whadd'ya say?"

>After a few moments, Tavare sits up, extending his hoof.

>"Alright, Anon. I will... accept your help."

>You smirk as you shake his hoof with moxie.

"I'll come around sometime tomorrow morning. First order of business is fixing up the caravan."

>"I will await your return, Anonymous. Until then."

>Tavare gives you and Snake a nod before wheeling his way back towards the caravan.

>"That was unexpectedly nice of you, Anon..."

>Snake cocks her head to the side

>"Why'd you do it?"

"He, uh... reminds me of someone I knew... back on Mother Base."

>Showing you a warm smile, she speaks earnestly

>"Well I'm proud of you for it."

"Anyways, you ready to head back, Boss? I've got some business with Twilight."

>"You do?— Erm— I mean, sure. You go on ahead, I've got some uh... business to attend to myself. Special operations... and such... I'll see you next time, soldier!"

>You sit up and give her a final salute for the day.

"Thanks for today, Boss. It was an experience."

>Snake gives you a grin and a nod before disappearing in a pink flash of magic.

>Welp, you have a few errands to run before you head home.

>First destination: the Hardware Barn.

 

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>"Darling, you MUST give me more of a heads up for these sorts of things in the future! Or at least have better timing... I had to work all night until morning to fit this ensemble into my schedule!"

>You are Twilight Sparkle, formerly Snake, and you're currently acquiring a very important package from Carousel Boutique.

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, Rarity. It was last minute and urgent and..."

>Rarity frantically trots around her workshop, multitasking between speaking to you, organizing orders, and working on her garments.

>Ribbons, fabrics, scissors, and needles soar through the air, glowing in a light blue aura as Rarity manipulates each item with flawless precision.

>"You're lucky I even had the materials leftover from when Sweetie Belle and her friends were trying for their cutie marks in... whatever it was. Being quiet for once? I can't even keep up with their antics as of late."

>She lifts her red-framed glasses to dab her face with a damp cloth, clearly feeling the strain of a massive workload as she levitates a white package over to you.

"I can't thank you enough, Rarity. The last outfit was fantastic! And you did these so quickly, too. I know you said not to, but I really think I should pay you for these!"

>"Nonsense, Twilight! You've given me inspiration for a new line! A focus on durability and function while remaining stylish and chic! That package right there gave me ideas for more... 'form fitting' pieces. I won't hear a word of 'payment', darling."

>It was bad enough to have her overwork herself for you, but to do it for free? No, you had to do something for her.

"Then let me make it up to you when your schedule frees up a little... We could go to the spa! A full treatment, on me."

>"Oh darling, I couldn't-"

"I insist, Rarity, and I won't take no for an answer!"

>She mulls it over as her magic sees a needle and thread weave its way through stitching like a hummingbird.

>"It has been a while since I've gotten more than just a touch up... Mmmalright, Twilight, you have a deal."

"Great! We can even get lunch afterwards! There's this place Anon and I went to today-"

>"Ooh, you and Anon, hmm?"

>Rarity hums coyly, eliciting a groan from yourself.

"Oh, shut up!"

>"I didn't say anything, darling~. Anyways, we can figure out the details some other time. I'll let you know when my work lightens up.

>As you begin to make your leave, Rarity grabs your attention again.

>"Oh! Before you go, could you help me for a moment? I need somepony with wings to see if this stitching sits right..."

 

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>You are Anonymous.

>And you are bored.

>Very bored.

>You dropped off the supplies you'd need next to Tavare's caravan before coming straight home to an empty crystal castle tree thing.

>Well, it wasn't entirely empty. Spike was around.

>Somewhere...

>He wasn't very interesting, so you never bothered to look for him in times like these.

>So instead, you sit at that stupid table Twilight and her friends do stupid friendship stuff at, tapping at the cold crystal surface in boredom and leaning back into what you guessed was Twilight's chair.

>This crystal tree thing sucks. It's too big, too open, too purple, too reflective, too cold, and the air is way too dry.

>Twilight actually got you a magic humidifier for your room after you brought it up once.

>You didn't even ask for it, she just got one for you after you mentioned how dry it was in here.

>She's so nice...

>Really, she lets you live here for free and you get a stipend since you're technically a "student". The only real responsibilities you have are your friendship lessons and whatever odd jobs or favors you offer to do just to keep your mind occupied.

>At least now you've got a project to put your energy into... And a new potential friend who makes killer burgers.

>…

>Where the hell is Twi-

>Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by the familiar feeling of a foreleg wrapped around your neck.

>However, instead of the sturdy fabric of military fatigues, you feel soft fur with a scent of lavender.

>You also aren't being strangled, but rather loosely restrained.

>"Kept you waiting, huh?"

"Snake, are you naked?"

>You feel a bit of moisture hit the back of your neck as you hear a spit-take emanate from behind you... Followed by a light smack to the back of your head.

"Ouch!"

>"It's Twilight, you dork! And that's for sitting in my spot."

>You let out a chuckle before standing up, turning around to take a seat on the table

>"I-I was just joking, you don't actually have to move!"

"No, no, no. I wouldn't dare sit in Her Highness' throne."

>She rolls her eyes as you gradually develop an increasingly posh accent.

>"Oh, come on, don't say that stuff."

"Oh no, I insist, Princess. The chair is yours.

>"Pssh, cut it out..."

"If Your Excellency demands it, it shall be done. It is an honor to serve Her Royalty, by the Princesses!"

>You bow deeply, almost falling over.

>"Anon, stop it!"

>You could hear she was only partially playing along, the seriousness of her tone cropping up more noticeably.

>Looking up to see her, she looks a little peeved before her face relaxes.

>"Sorry, I just... It gets annoying to hear that stuff from strangers stepping over themselves for me. I don't want to hear it from you, too. Even if its just joking around."

>Twilight pauses for a moment before continuing.

>"I'm not a princess, I'm not royalty, I'm not some celebrity, I'm not any of that here. Right here... I'm just me."

>You and her share a momentary silence.

"Sure thing."

>Sitting back on the table, you put your hands behind your head and sprawl your legs across the surface, your shoes just barely hang off of the edge.

"Oh, by the way, I need you to-"

>"Oh Celestia, Anon, your leg! I totally forgot!"

>Twilight jumps to her hooves, almost tripping over herself to rush into the bathroom where the first aid kit is kept.

>If you roll your eyes any more than you've already done today, they're going to fall out.

>Quickly returning, Twilight's magical aura envelops the kit as she carefully unpacks it all.

>"Hold still while I take a look."

>Twilight unwraps the bandage to examine your wound.

>It's mostly clotted, but the poultice cakes your leg in a gooey residue.

>"I'll wipe this off, rise it with a saline, then redress it, okay?"

>You relax as Twilight prods your leg, hands behind your head

"You do your thing, Nurse."

>She gives you your third "Tsch" of the day as she levitates a damp gauze to wipe your leg with.

>As she wipes away the partially dried poultice, you feel a bit of a sting in your wound.

>"Aw, shoot! I broke the clot!"

>Twilight scrambles to find another gauze to no avail

>"Shoot shoot shoot! Think, Twilight... Alright, uh... Okay, this is probably gonna be gross, and weird, but trust me, okay?"

"Uh huh-hwoah, what?"

>You're caught off guard as you feel a wet mass of muscle trailing up your leg.

>Picking your head up, you see Twilight with her tongue out, dragging it along your cut.

>She's licking your wound, and not metaphorically, either.

>"Ith 'o clea' uh' the blood-"

>She spits some blood onto the table before continuing.

>"It's to clean up the blood and further disinfect the wound. Trust me."

>She lowers her head to continue licking.

>Trying to ignore the odd sensation, you bring up what you were saying earlier:

"As I was saying before, I need you to stop by the Mayor's office tomorrow morning."

>"Wha'foa'?"

"Find out how Tavare can get a permit to sell alcohol. Also, if he can rezone to the park."

>"He do'nhnt 'ee t' rethon"

"What?"

>Twilight smacks her tongue in her mouth as she stops licking.

>"He doesn't need to rezone. He isn't zoned in the first place. It's a mobile food cart, so he can set shop up wherever he wants, as long as he doesn't get any public nuisance complaints. Mayor Mare is pretty lax about these things. I'll ask about the alcohol permit though."

"Thanks, Twilight."

>She gives an agreeable hum as she continues to lick your leg, the silence soon turning extremely awkward as you look at her.

>Her wide orange tongue slowly travels from the bottom to the tip, moistening every inch.

>Yeah, that sounds really weird in your head now that you've thought about it.

>After a final lick, Twilight spits and sputters to her side, getting the leftover blood out of her mouth.

"Get your fill of iron, Dracula?"

>With a squeeze of a bottle, you feel saline gush onto your leg with a stinging sensation, rising your wound of any remaining residues.

"Ow."

>Soon enough, your gash is magically wrapped in clean bandages.

>"There, that should hold up... Do you think it might need stitches?"

"Twilight, I wouldn't even look twice at something like this back in my world. You went above and beyond for the equivalent of a paper cut. I'll be fine."

>"You're right..."

>The silence gets awkward again, considering Twilight just finished giving you a casual legjob.

"So..."

>"So..."

"..."

>"..."

"You guys really lick each other's wounds?"

>Twilight giggles, breaking the tension.

>"Kind of. Our saliva has antimicrobial enzymes and proteins that help with clotting. You don't see it in hospitals because... Well, nopony wants to lick a stranger's wounds and it’s not exactly sterile, but ponies that're close to each other sometimes do it as a home remedy for less serious injuries. Personally, I think it's more effective than medical antiseptic in those cases because of the positive psychological element, but uh... I'm not really qualified to say."

>She gives a sheepish grin, seemingly reminiscing.

>"My mom used to lick my hoof when I'd get a particularly bad papercut. It's, uh... where I learned about it..."

>That's adorable.

>You let out an audible d'aww as a tinge of blush paints her cheeks.

>"A-Anyways, I'm gonna go read for a bit. I'll have Spike call you when dinner's ready."

>With that, you're left alone in the dumb map table room as Twilight trots off.

>You could fall asleep on this table...

 

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"Tavare...! You out here?"

>You were dressed in an ensemble of less-than stellar clothes you weren't going to mind getting paint all over. Some of Rarity's earlier prototypes of human clothing.

>She insisted you trash them, but you kept them around for when you had to do any sort of handiwork or manual labor.

>You wouldn't want to ruin the nicer clothes she made you, after all.

>Currently, you were waiting outside of Tavare's caravan in the early morning.

>Last night, Spike had woken you up from your table nap to partake in dinner, after which you retired to your actual quarters to rest up for today.

>Soon enough, the telltale squeaking of a wheelchair alerts you to the zebra's presence.

>"Anonymous... Welcome back."

"Hey, old-timer! I gathered everything we need to start the renovations, but I wanted to run a few designs I drew up by you, first."

>"...Old-timer...?"

>Rifling through some papers, you led Tavare to one of the nearby picnic tables and laid out some of them for him to examine.

"Take your pick. We can do any one you'd like..."

>The seasoned zebra leans forward, eyeing each page carefully as he considers his options.

>"What is... Smeef?"

>Giving the page a once-over, you realize you don't even remember drawing it.

"Huh... Must've been half asleep when I came up with this one."

>"...What is this supposed to be?"

>Tavare taps his hoof on one of the pages

"Ah, that one's great!"

>Flattening the paper, you point out each component of the design to explain.

"See, this is a faithful recreation of The School of Athens painted on the outer shell. It depicts a variety of famous ancient philosophers from my people's history. It represents the thought-provoking qualities of your food."

>You move your finger to the drawing of the window beside your stunning portrait of Tavare as he mumbles to himself.

>"Athens...?"

"And here in the inside, seen from your window, is a near-identical replica of The Last Supper. It depicts another... philosopher... Christ with his twelve apostles partaking in a feast where he announces his prediction that one of them would betray him. The focus, of course, is on the 'Supper' part."

>Before you can move onto shoehorning a burger-related interpretation of Starry Night, Tavare stops you

>"...What are you talking about? These are all... stick figures."

>You may have overexaggerated the faithfulness to the source material.

>Crumpling the paper up, you toss it aside with a cheesy smile.

>"Not a problem, we've got a few more to go over, anyways."

>Tavare inspects a couple designs more closely, the metaphorical gears in his head slowly turning.

>"What if... We took this... and this... and combined it with that?"

>Tapping some of the pages with his hoof, the zebra seems to have his own ideas in mind.

>You take out a few markers and scribble over one of the designs as Tavare dictates his critiques and ideas.

>As you finish developing the new amalgamation of designs, you ponder the image before you. It could definitely work with a little elbow grease and some finesse.

>Not bad, Anons

>Not bad at all.

"Alright, that does it, then. I'll get started on it right now."

>You gather your papers and pocket the one you and Tavare developed together, intending to reference it frequently.

"And by the way, I spoke to Twilight about getting you an alcohol permit. She's going to speak with the Mayor to see what you'll need. If you want to, that is."

>With an agreeable hum, Tavare follows you as you stroll to the pile of hardware you gathered next to his cart.

>"If you think it will be useful... I am not against it."

>An array of tools clatter together as you lift your new toolbox with a heave.

"It definitely won't hurt. I'd stray from hard liquors and such. Stick with beers, cider... Light stuff you'd drink on a summer weekend."

>Tavare leans back and watches as you begin stripping both the old paint and Tavare's initial attempt from the caravan's wood.

>Its an arduous process, but somebody's gotta do it.

 

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>With a final scrape, you finally chip off the last piece of paint from the now bare wooden caravan.

>It was just before noon and hotter than Hell out.

>Turns out that cold front died off a little sooner than you were hoping.

>Sweat pours down your back and face like a waterfall, your skin glistening in the bright sunlight and triple-digit heat.

>At some point, your shirt was fashioned into a sun hood wrapped around your head. Your bare torso and jeans were covered in flakes of paint and wood. A few blisters covered your hands, threatening to bleed if you put them through any more abuse.

>You really should have brought gloves.

>Collapsing your back onto the warm grass, you decide to let the sun kill you once and for all as you close your eyes, a bright red tint glowing under your eyelids as they're assaulted by the sunlight.

>Suddenly, you hear the crunch of grass next to you as a figure blocks out the light permeating through your eyelids.

>"Anon?"

"Come to finish me off, Celestia?"

>Opening your eyes, you see a familiar face leaning closer to you, one of her wings helping block out the beating sun.

>"Huh? Anon, it's me."

"Snake..."

>She leans even closer, inspecting you closely.

>"Something wrong with your eyes?"

>You blink a few times, squinting to see her better.

"No, it's..."

"It's just bright, is all..."

>"Oh, right. You left these back at the castle. Thought you might want them for today."

>Her horn is wrapped in a pink glow as she telekinetically pulls out a pair of sunglasses.

>Your pair of aviators.

>You were wearing them when you found yourself in this new world. They were your favorite, and only, pair of sunglasses.

>They also came from a gas station and cost you about three dollars, but they were the best damn three dollars you ever spent.

>As Snake equipped the shades to your face, your eyes adjust to the dim view filtering the harmful sun from your delicate eyes.

"...What took you so long?"

>She uses her magic to smack your head with some rolled up papers, to which you respond with a short chuckle as you sit up, now clearly seeing that the figure was not actually Snake, but Twilight as her normal self.

>Must've been too hot to LARP as Big Boss today.

>"I was getting Tavare's paperwork in order. I was able to circumvent some of the bureaucracy by 'royally' granting him a temporary permit. It allows him to operate as if he possesses an alcohol permit, but only for ninety days. He has to get an official permit before then, which should be pretty easy, but he has to do it face-to-face at the Town Hall."

>"It will not be a problem."

>Tavare rolls into your sight with his wheelchair, carrying a cup of ice-cold lemonade.

>You notice a trio of fillies in the distance manning a stall with a crude lemon painted on the front.

>"Drink this, Anonymous. Replenish your electrolytes... You have lost many today."

>Graciously, you thank him as you take the drink and chug it, almost swallowing the ice cubes whole.

>With a satisfied sigh, you wipe a sheen of sweat from your brow.

"All that's left to do is sand, scrub, then paint... In sweltering heat."

>"I could help!"

>Twilight eagerly leaned forward, a toothy smile on her face.

"I'm afraid not, Twi... This is a man's job, and a man's gotta do..."

>You adjust your gas station sunglasses for dramatic emphasis

"What a man's gotta do."

>Twilight rolls her eyes, scoffing.

>"Ah, right. The 'macho stallion' who couldn't sleep right until Rarity finally made him a pair of onesie pajamas."

>You couldn't believe your ears.

>Was this mare insulting your underwear?

"It's actually called a UNION SUIT and it's very manly, I'll have you know! Some of the toughest men in history wore them!"

>Twilight giggles as you wave your hand in mock-frustration.

"Enough about that. You can't help here because I need you to do something else."

>Twilight perks up as she gets out a paper and quill to take notes, eager to help.

>"Really? What is it?"

"We need a tap with enough faucets for all the drinks..."

>"Uh huh." she mumbles, scribbling on her parchment.

"And we'll also need kegs to hold the drink..."

>"Mhmm."

"...And the drinks themselves... Which probably, uh, come with the kegs..."

>Twilight looks up at you with a raised eyebrow.

>Perhaps the sun was slowly burning off your brain cells.

>You continue nonetheless.

"Pinkie probably knows about all that stuff, or that one mare.. Berry? Applejack, too, but I doubt she'll give up any of their cider for someone else to sell."

>"I'll figure it out. Anything else?"

"Yeah, where's Snake? I've got some gossip on Twilight I wanna share with her."

>She gives a laughing snort as she departs.

>"I'm sure she's around. She'll find you, soon enough."

>Left alone with Tavare basking in the sunlight, you chuckle to yourself digging through your toolbox.

>Gritty sandpaper aggravates your blisters as you handle it, preparing to sand the wood down.

"Should've brought gloves..."

 

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"Almost there...!"

>You pant heavily as you exert yourself, pushing your body to its limits.

>After some primal grunts and some rough thrusts, you finally reach your limit.

>"Fuck yeah!"

>As you finish, you notice your thighs are soaking wet, but you don't care anymore.

>You finally did it.

>Dropping the damp sponge you were using onto the grass below, you fall to your knees.

>The caravan has been completely sanded and scrubbed.

>All on your own, of course.

>Now you just had to wait for the wood to dry overnight and then start painting.

>The once blistering heat had mostly died down as the sun sunk further below the horizon, the last glow of red turning into a dusky purple.

>Soon, the sky would be a dark blue as it plunged into night.

>As much as you liked Luna, you wanted to enjoy her night by sleeping through it all.

>Perhaps you wouldn't be too sore by morning.

>You glance over to Tavare, facing the direction of the setting sun in his wheelchair.

>Taking a seat onto the grass next to him, you sigh in exhaustion.

"You want me to walk home with you, Tavare? It's gonna get dark out soon."

>"I am already home, Anon..."

"You sleep in the caravan?"

>"No, I rest in the presence of nature... Outside. It is how I have rested for years. With her, I am always home. Being present in nature's blessings... and her dangers. A sobering experience... for the uninitiated. A regularity for myself."

>You'd offer to help him find some safer housing, but he seemed to know what he's been doing.

>He'd probably be dead by now if he didn't, especially at his age.

"I guess I lack the strength you have, then, because I'm gonna head home to sleep under a roof."

>Tavare quietly hums in thought.

>"We all possess strength and weakness, Anonymous... It is the balance of our soul. Finding your strengths, becoming familiar with your weakness. In doing so, we may discover new strengths... Strengths we are unaware we possess until we reflect."

>"We are no different in that regard, Anonymous. Your friend is no exception, either. No living being is..."

>You sense Tavare's finished his short philosophy lecture, so you decide to bid him farewell as you make your way back to the castle.

>He was an odd fellow, but Tavare's eccentricities had grown on you since you first met him a day ago.

>He possessed a certain degree of wisdom.

>Then again, who wouldn't, living as long as he has?

>However long that might be.

 

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>You find it hard to focus on your inner monologue tonight. The walk home is brutal.

>Your muscles ache, your head is pounding, your palms are blistered

>You couldn't even focus on what ailments you were experiencing, you felt so shitty.

>Nothing a nice sleep won't fix, though.

>Finally reaching the tree castle thing, you enter the doors just as twilight turns into night.

>No, not that Twilight. Lowercase twilight, as in the time of day between evening and night?

>Now that you think about it, Twilight and twilight had a lot in common. Both were purple, both had stars somewhere on their bodies...

>That's kind of it, but then again, your brain was working at negative ten-percent capacity.

>You begin discarding your clothes as you make your way to your room, leaving them on the floor like breadcrumbs from the front door to your room.

>Spike would pick them up and wash them, anyways. Its not like he minded.

>Probably.

>Wearing nothing but your underwear, you trudge the final few steps to your room.

>You wouldn't even have the energy to put your Union suit on, tonight.

>A shame, too. Rarity's hoofiwork is a sight to behold. So comfy and warm...

>You open your door with a listless expression, walking in and shutting it behind you as if you were on autopilot.

>"Kept you waiting, huh?"

>Your head snaps up after hearing the sultry voice to witness a very... unexpected sight.

>Snake laid on your bed, her head looking behind to face you.

>She had a new outfit on, one that immediately caught... and held... your attention.

>It was a black, form-fitting, and very generous sneaking suit.

>Emphasis on form-fitting.

>Two plump, meaty flanks were facing directly towards you, the fabric of the suit tightly clinging to her fullness.

>Maybe those extra hayburgers she'd have every now and then weren't such a bad idea.

>You noticed extra padding in what you'd correlate to the 'thigh' area, adding generously to her preexisting thickness.

>She really took her notes when you told her about Big Boss' apparel.

>The rest of her body looked sleek and taut in her suit, with just the right amount of thickness wherever else it counted.

>The harness she had on somehow even further accentuated her assets, tightly squeezing and clinging against her in the absolute perfect spots.

>The only noise you could manage make as your eyes drank in the sight before you is a faint:

"...Uh...Boss...?"

>"Just sweeping your room for bugs... Can't be too careful, huh?"

>She digs into the pillows resting on your bed's headboard, sticking her flank further into the air as her hind legs stretched below her, her tail lightly swishing side to side.

>What the fuck is happening?

>As she removes her head from the pillow pile, her rear end suddenly drops, thumping against the bed and sending a small shockwave jiggle throughout the flesh underneath the suit.

>"All clear, soldier."

>Clambering off the bed, her hooves clop against the crystal floor as she saunters up to you.

>"You look tense, Anon. Something the matter?"

>You stammer out a response, your mind about five paces behind your mouth.

"I'm uh... sore... from the wagon... stuff..."

>Snake's one eye looks up at you, half lidded.

>"Sore, huh? All that hard work you're putting in, I don't doubt it... You'll want to stimulate those throbbing muscles with pressure to help with circulation."

>She lightly trails a hoof along your thigh as she elicits a sensation of soreness with her light pressure.

>"Getting the blood flowing'll help with your recovery. There's a few ways to do that... A deep tissue massage would definitely help... I know a thing or two about it, if you need some help with that."

>Giving a flap of her wings to balance onto her hind legs, she leans both front hooves against your torso,

>"Do you need me to 'give you a hand', soldier?"

"..."

>How the hell do you even respond to that?

>This is too much for your already fatigued brain to handle.

>You were already at minus ten-percent capacity

>Now you're at negative one-hundred-percent.

>Which explains your response.

"...Yes, Boss..."

>She smirks, her horn enveloped in a pink glow as she magically grabs ahold of your body

>"Good. You lie down and let me do all the work."

>You're levitated to your bed facing down, your aching back exposed to the room's cool, dry air.

>It was awfully dry. You give a sharp cough as your throat tightens.

"Boss, could you maybe..."

>You hear the faint hum of your humidifier as it comes to life, emitting a slightly warmer humid air.

>"Already on it."

>She knew you so well.

>Regardless of how sexually charged this entire encounter is, you actually did need a massage.

>Your muscles were screaming in pain.

>Soon enough, you felt Snake climb onto the bed, positioning herself over you.

>Slowly, her hooves dug into your back, moving in circular motions as the soreness melted away from the area.

>You groan in ecstasy as the tension releases under her hooves wandering across your back in circles.

>She kneaded into your tense trapezius, unfurling the knots of muscle that bounded up from your stressful day.

>After she finished the entirety of your back, she turned herself around before softly planting her rear onto your lower back. Her hooves reached out and began massaging your legs, beginning with your thighs and moving onto your calves.

>As she leaned forward, her flanks softly grinded against the tight muscles in your back.

>You could feel the plumpness of her Big Boss booty pressing and rubbing against your bare skin as your Snake grew Solid under you, pressed against your pelvis.

>You're only a man, to be fair. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't react that way to your situation.

>Snake continued unknotting your tight leg muscles as she dug her hooves deep into the sore flesh.

>Each time she leaned forward her grinding grew rougher, deeper, like she was putting more weight into it.

>To finish off your backside, she began massaging your glutes.

>Her hooves worked like magic as the tension vanished under her touch, soreness being replaced with bliss.

>She continued to grind into your back, to which you had no complaints.

>As she finished her work on your glutes, she stood up, repositioning herself to flip you onto your back.

>Unfortunately, you forgot about your pulsing friend down there until she had you halfway flipped.

"Boss, wait!"

>Your shout falls on deaf ears as your front faces up, your friend under the covers at full mast and visibly twitching.

>Snake gives a soft "Heh" and a grin as she otherwise ignores the tent.

>Her eye locks with yours as she again lowers her rear end, this time on your abdomen.

>Her flanks pressed right against the tent in the thin cloth maintaining your decency as she sat.

>Stretching her hooves out, Snake begins massaging your chest, kneading and massaging in a circular motion in various areas.

>As she massaged, she slowly rocked back and forth. Her grin told you that she knew exactly what she was doing.

>If you had removed your boxers, you'd essentially be hotdogging her right now, but alas, you experience the equivalent of the act as if it were done with three condoms on.

>However, it's no less titillating, you admit.

>In fact, it was proving to be too much in tandem with everything else stimulating you.

"B-Boss... I'm gett-"

>Before you can finish, Snake immediately stands upright, ignoring your words as she turns around to focus her massage on your lower torso.

>Holy shit.

>If you thought it was a sight from where you walked in, it paled in comparison to right now.

>Inches from your face were the fullest, thickest, most plump pair of flanks you'd ever seen.

>You subconsciously began to lift your hands, their goal obvious.

>Noticing this, Snake repositioned her hind hooves to pin your wrists down, digging her hooves into your abdomen as she continued the massage.

>"Not so fast..."

>Her snout was inches away from the throbbing mass underneath your boxers. You felt her hot breath wrap around it as she focused on her massage, moving onto the pelvic area.

>You were so close, it was starting to hurt.

>As she put a final knead into your pelvis, she stood up confidently before hopping off the bed.

>"There you go, soldier. A full body deep tissue massage."

>What.

>"Hope that helps you recover, but I've got some work to do."

>That bitch.

>"Oh, and Twilight said she figured most of your beverage problem out. Should be delivered by tomorrow afternoon. Goodnight, soldier."

>She clip clops off, shutting your door behind her.

"Goodnight, Boss."

>You deliver that with as much venom you can possibly muster through clenched teeth.

>Your balls were going to be sore as hell tomorrow.

>Hell, they're sore now.

 

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>Your hand strokes up and down, careful not to be too rough.

>Biting your lip, you give a few more strokes before letting out a guttural groan followed by a sigh of relief, painting the wall in front of you.

>Stepping back, you admire your handiwork.

>Half the caravan was painted according to the designs you and Tavare drew up. Only half more to go.

>Your groin aches as you crouch down to sit on the grass, leaning your back onto the unpainted portion of the cart to take a break.

>Blue balls.

>You've been suffering since you've woken up.

>The smallest of movements remind you of your swollen nads from the lack of release. cursing Snake under your breath.

>You'd refused to give yourself release purely on principle. She started it, so she's going to finish it.

>That, or your balls would explode, if they can do that.

>The squeaking of unlubricated wheels sound as Tavare rolls up to you, tray in hand.

>He drops the tray to your side as you thank him, picking it up and observing its contents.

>A cup of ice cold lemonade sits beside a serving of fries and your pattyless grassburger.

>Tavare had suggested that the fillies, who you had discovered were the Cutie Mark Crusaders, set up their lemonade stand near his wagon. You could faintly hear their idle chatter about funding their cutie mark discovery schemes.

>If no one came by, they would at least get business from you and him.

>Digging into your meal, you speak up:

"This is great, Tavare. Thanks!"

>"It is no trouble.."

>You give your burger a few more bites before sipping your lemonade.

>Then, a thought enters your head.

"Say, old-timer, how do you make these burgers so good? There has to be some secret recipe, or natural herbs, hidden spices, regional ingredients... What makes these so damn tasty?"

>Tavare hums contemplatively as he looks around, sensing that no one can overhear your discussion.

>"You have proven yourself to be a good neighbor... Your generosity is pure hearted, asking nothing in return... I guess I do not see the issue in sharing my methods with you..."

>You listen closely, eager to hear the old zebra's vast wisdom in the art of burgercrafting.

>"It takes more than an intricate, well crafted recipe... combined with impeccable ingredients... to satisfy one's palate."

"So what is it, then? What's the secret?"

>"The palate seeks one thing..."

>"Chemical additives."

>...

"Wha...?"

>"There is nothing mysterious or spiritual about good flavor..."

>Tavare begins to explain the science behind his delicious burgers, referencing concepts such as amino acids, brain signals, chemical isolation, and other ideas you find it difficult to fully comprehend.

>Apparently, Tavare was a highly decorated chemist since his youth. He'd spent his entire life rigorously studying biochemistry, applying it to the fields of enzymology, food production, and others.

>He had recently discovered a breakthrough in the isolation of taste-centric amino acids in order to enhance not only the delivery, but the reception of pleasurable signals correlating to good taste.

>"To be clear, I speak of flavor. The rest... is irrelevant."

"Wow, that’s... incredible."

>Looking at your burger, you contemplate the man... or zebra-hours that went into chemically perfecting these morsels.

>Taking another bite, you develop a newfound appreciation for the bounty before you.

>"Well... I will let you get back to it. I will be soaking in the rays of our sun, if my presence is needed."

"Aren't you hot? It's a million degrees out."

>Tavare hums lightly as he positions himself to rest under the beating heat.

>"The sun is a wonderous body. I cannot deny myself its radiance, no matter how sweltering. We can only hope to be so grossly incandescent, ourselves."

 

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>You're about three-quarters... maybe four-fifths of the way finished with the outside renovations, and they're coming along quite nicely.

>The overall paint job is almost finished, you've attached a chalkboard where Tavare suggested, the new menu is nearly finished drying, and the zebra in question seems very pleased as he watches you fine tune the general appearance of the caravan.

>"I cannot express my gratitude, Anon... Very well done. I am looking forward to this 'rebranding' once it is all finished."

>You hear a feminine voice interject from above the caravan.

>"Might be finished sooner than you think..."

>Looking up, you and Tavare see Snake in her familiar sneaking suit laying on top of the caravan, her forelegs crossed as she looks down at the two of you.

>She has quite the nerve, flashing you a smug grin.

>Her horn shimmers as she magically pulls a wooden trailer into your view.

>The cart was well stocked with kegs of various beverages: sodas, beer, even a few barrels of apple cider!

"How the hell...?"

>"Princess Twilight cashed in a favor. That Applejack is nothing if not a mare of her word..."

>As Tavare goes to investigate his new stock, Snake stands up, hopping down onto the grass as she saunters behind the caravan.

>"I'll need some help setting up the tap equipment, soldier."

>She flicks her tail as she slips out of view.

>Oh hell no. This shit isn't going on any longer.

>You march behind the caravan and see Snake fiddling with a faucet mechanism, approaching her.

"Alright, what the hell was that?"

>Snake looks over at you, raising her eyebrow.

>"Hm?"

>Your whispering is essentially a hissing yell. Quiet enough to not be overheard, but loud enough to deliver the right emotion.

"Last night? The massage? Rubbing your ass all over me before sticking it in my face?"

>She smirks as she focuses her attention on you.

>"No idea what you're talking about. I was just giving my best soldier a much needed massage. That's all it was..."

>Slowly, she approaches you, your back now rigid against the wooden wall of the caravan.

>"Why do you bring it up...?"

>Springing to her hind legs, she plants her front hooves against the wall under your arms with a solid clop of her hooves, getting in close to you.

>Her face inches close to yours, before shifting beside your ear, whispering into it.

>"...You getting sore again? Need your Big Boss to help you feel better?"

>You could feel another tent beginning to pitch as she teases you, her hot breath dancing around your ear.

>Not now, boner! You're supposed to be upset!

"What, so you can blueball me again? You know how sore I've been down there today?"

>"Oh don't act like you didn't enjoOAH!"

>Remembering the basics of CQC, you begin your surprise attack by clamping down your left armpit, trapping Snake's dominant hoof under your grasp.

>Next, you swung your right hand upwards and did something VERY dirty.

>All's fair in love and war, though.

>You grasped Snake's horn. Hard.

>It basically short-circuited her brain from the sudden overstimulation.

>Taking advantage of your opening, you swept her unbalanced hind legs and wrapped your own leg in between them.

>In the confusion, you both fall to the ground, somehow successfully pinning her and rendering her immobile.

>As she regains her faculties, you lighten your grip on her horn, though still firmly grasping it.

>Snake's tongue slightly hangs out as she pants, eyeing you cautiously.

>"W-What're you gonna do now?" she asks, a hint of anticipation in her voice.

>You slightly shift your grip on her horn, slowly sliding your hand to grasp the tip.

>Her free leg instinctually kicks as her breathing grows more rapid. You can feel her strong heart thumping in response.

>You thought to yourself: Horn sensitivity was probably absolute the dumbest thing ever, evolutionarily speaking.

>But you sure were glad it was a thing. How boring would it be if it were just an exposed colorful bone jutting out from their skull?

>Or something even more boring like unfeeling keratin?

>As if horns were a giant fingernail.

>Weird.

>Anyways, you're too busy handling Snake to ponder these fundamental worldbuilding questions.

>Curiously, you trace your thumb across the very tip of her horn, rubbing into it. The action elicits a sharp, desperate moan from Snake, who's tongue is now fully sticking out as she pants.

>You could have sworn you felt the smallest shock, but it must've been your adrenaline.

>With devilish intent, you lean in close to her face, feeling her panting as her eye locks with yours.

"To answer your question..."

>You appear as if you're about to do something, but instead, you completely release her and stand up, dusting yourself off.

"Nothing."

>"W-what?!"

>You're pretty sure you just heard Twilight, but you ignore it.

"We've gotta get this faucet tap doodad set up for our friend, remember? Time's a-wasting!"

>Snake glares daggers at you as she attempts to get herself under control, her breath heaving as she lays with her back on the grass.

>Now we both have blue balls, you purple menace.

 

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>"Harder!"

>"C'mon, harder!"

>"You call that harder? Put your back into it!"

>"Almost there, come on!"

>You grunt in heavy effort as you strain yourself, putting all your might into it.

>"Give it to me!"

>Finally, you let out a sigh as you release.

"Agh, Snake!"

>Shoving you aside, Snake wraps her magic aura over the handle of the wrench.

"I told you, it's stuck!"

>"No, you're just a baby."

>You roll your eyes and let out a "Pshh" as Snake struggles with her telekinetic grasp over the wrench.

>The two of you were almost finished setting up the faucet system for drinks to Tavare's caravan until you ran into a problem.

>"This lock... nut... is not... getting... STUCK!"

>With her last heave of effort, you hear a sharp clank as the part is forced into place.

>You weren't sure if it was supposed to make that noise... Or if you two were even supposed to do that, but you decide not to contest it. It looks like it works, at least.

>"There... that's done."

>Snake unties her bandana to wipe the sweat building up under it before reequipping it.

>"Get one of the kegs, will you? Something hard. On the double, soldier."

>You give an instinctual salute as you approach the wooden trailer.

>Thankfully, the barrels were labeled. Let's see...

>Kirin Beer?

>Nah, tastes like piss last time you had it.

>Sweet Apple Acres' Hard Cider?

>You'd probably tell Tavare to save a barrel for another time.

>Summer's Hard Lemonade?

>You've had enough lemonade from the Crusaders.

>Trottingham Porter?

>That's the one that tastes kind of like chocolate, right?

>She'd like that, for sure.

>Heaving the barrel over your shoulder, you lug it over to plug it into the intake for first faucet.

>You make your way into the caravan and grab three mugs, crossing your fingers as you crank the tap.

>The faucet sputters air for a few seconds before a dark, heavy beer flows into the mug, leaving a foamy head at the top.

>Finally! Seems like everything's in working order.

>Filling the two other mugs, you perform a balancing act as you exit the caravan looking for Snake.

>You find her levitating a paintbrush, finishing the rest of the paintjob with Tavare.

"Hey! That's my job!"

>"You were taking too long with the drinks. I can assume that it works?"

"You tell me, Boss."

>She magically grasps the handle of the mug as she brushes one final stroke.

>"And I think that's everything... We did it!"

>Handing the other mug to Tavare with a hearty chuckle, you raise your own to toast:

"To good friends, and good burgers!"

>"To burgers!" the two respond in unison as you clink your glasses together, all of you following up with a swig.

>As you and Tavare let out a satisfied sigh, you glance to Snake, who's still gulping.

>A more apt word might be chugging.

>She's really going for it.

>After a few final glugs, she puts down the mug and sighs happily, followed by a mighty burp.

>Blushing, she licks the foam off her upper lip and gives a pleasured hum.

>"Wow, that's delicious! Its like drinking chocolate!"

>"...Is there any more?"

 

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>"C'mooon, Anon! Sing another song!"

"No no no, Boss, now... YOU, uh, have to sing a song! We take turns, see?"

>You were drunk.

>Snake was also drunk.

>The both of you were stumbling home in the dead of midnight. Tavare had retired early while the two of you finished off the whole barrel of porter.

>She was right, it was like drinking chocolate.

>If you poured a smidge of nail polish in it.

>You weren't much of a drinker, but the beverage became an acquired taste.

>Either that or you were too inebriated to care.

>"I dunno any songs...! OH! I remember one my uhhh... My mom used to sing to me! It was a uh... Whaddya call em... Those things seaponies would sing!"

"You guys have fish ponies?"

>"No no! Not THOSE seaponies. Like sailors!"

>You think for a moment, momentarily clearing the warm buzz in your mind to sort through its metaphorical file cabinets.

"...A sea shanty? Well me hardy boys! We've got ourselves a right ol' pirate lass with'us! What've'ye got for us on these ARRRR seven seas?"

>You cackle stupidly as Snake blushes, giggling along with you.

>"Gimmie a minute, gimmie a minute... How did it go again...?"

>Preparing herself, she clears her throat and hums the rhythm to get her memory going.

>"Where am I to go, me ponies, oh, where am I to go?"

>"To me way hay hay, high roll and go!"

>"Oh, where am I to go, me ponies, oh, where am I to go?"

>"For I'm a young sailin' mare, and where am I to go?"

>She drunkenly sings a few more verses before you join in, mumbling to the tune when you don't know the lyrics.

>"You're bound away to Baltimare, that's where you're bound to go!"

"To me way hay hay, high roll and go!"

"You're bound away to Baltimare, that's where you're bound to go"

>"For I'm a young sailin' mare, and where am I to go~?"

>The both of you hold the last note before devolving into a fit of laughter, slowly dying down as you stumble along.

"Your mom must be quite the character."

>She giggles bubbily.

>"Yeah, heh. She's what inspired me to be who I am."

"What, a princess?"

>You both chuckle.

>"Heheh, no, no. A uh..."

>She spaces out for a moment, tipsily trotting alongside you as she almost loses her balance.

>As she stumbles, she snaps out of it, giggling goofily.

>"I think we drank WAAAY too much~, Anon."

"You got that right.. I think I gotta sit down."

>"Just a few more paces, soldier."

>The both of you come up on the tree castle, sitting down on the front steps.

>The cool misty night is a welcome change from the blistering dry heat of the daytime.

>Thanks, Luna.

>The two of you sit in silence, enjoying the subtle noises of the night. Crickets chirping, locusts buzzing, you think you even heard an owl hoot.

>Owls were cool. They could fly like... really quiet, and you remember seeing something a long time ago where they had this owl that flew over these papers or dominos or something and they didn't move 'cause the owl flew really gracefully so it didn't cause backdraft or whatever its called and they also had these microphones set up to hear the flapping but they mostly glide and when they do flap they're REALLY quiet...

>"Yeah, owls are pretty cool..."

>You realize you just rambled all of that out loud, causing you both to chuckle.

"Hey."

>"Hey."

"What's up with all the flirting lately?"

>You catch Snake off-guard with that question, causing her to fidget and give a sheepish grin.

>"Eheheh... Whaddya mean?"

"Don't play dumb, you know exactly what I mean."

>You try to sound a bit more serious, but it's hard when you slur half your words.

>She's quiet for a moment, thinking to herself.

>"When I'm Snake..."

>Pausing, she leans back onto the stairs, uncomfortably lying at an angle with each step poking her in the back.

>Fortunately, she's too preoccupied and drunk to notice or care.

>"...I feel like I can be more of myself... Less of 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'... More of me."

>She mocks her title by putting on a goofy face and waving her hoof.

>"I feel like can do stuff I wouldn't do otherwise, say stuff I wouldn't think to otherwise. No appearances to keep up... It gives me the confidence to do it... It's ironic, putting on a costume to take off a mask. Sort of, at least."

>You ponder her words as seriously as you can while drunk.

"I think I get what you mean... Sorta. What kinda stuff can't you do as 'Princess Twilight Sparkle' that you can do as Snake?"

>Turning your head, your face is suddenly met with Snake's muzzle crashing into you, her lips planted firmly onto yours.

>Now it's your turn for your brain to short-circuit.

>After staring blankly for a few seconds, your senses reboot as much as they can under the influence and you become aware of what's happening.

>If she weren't kissing you right now, you'd think she was trying to headbutt you.

>Or stab you with her horn.

>Giving into your drunken impulses, you return the kiss, sensing her relax as her offer is reciprocated.

>As the kiss deepens, you taste the porter on her tongue as she begins to tango with yours.

>Clumsily, she climbs onto your torso as your hands begin exploring her, beginning their journey at her withers. The kiss remains unbroken.

>Although it's covered by her sneaking suit, your hands have no qualms tracing down her body, eventually finding their way to her flanks.

>You finally do what you've been waiting to do since you saw her on that bed.

>Well, maybe before that, too. She didn't grow those haunches overnight, after all.

>With a squeeze of your hands, the flexible material of her suit croaks as you grab two handfuls of those plump flanks.

>You feel the vibration of a moan into your mouth as she breaks the kiss, the both of you panting as you catch your breaths.

>"...That, for starters."

>Wow.

"Wow."

>"I could never have done something like that as 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'... Too many nerves, too much awkwardness, too much of some stupid regal image to uphold. But here? Now? Right now I'm Snake, and my only responsibility right now is to my soldier."

>She pauses for a moment, before meeting her one eye with your pair.

>"But when you're with Twilight Sparkle, its business as usual. Everything that happens with Snake is with me. Not with her..."

>"Is that okay with you, Anon...? It's okay if it isn't... You say the word and-"

>You interrupt her in the absolute most cliché way possible.

>You move one of your hands to her head, grabbing a firm hold of her horn.

>Wait... you were supposed to interrupt her with a kiss.

>Rather, you went for the equivalent of her grabbing your balls. Smooth move, dumbass

>Instead of culminating in a steamy, passionate 'yes, it's okay' kiss, it leaves her speechless as her visible pupil shrinks to a pinprick.

>Her breath shudders as you let go, her breath becoming more heavy.

"Shit, sorry Boss... I uh... got mixed up. But yeah, it's okay with me."

>Her voice faintly returns as she recovers from the sudden stimulation.

>"I-I don't wanna go... too far... yet. But for now... I'll take care of you if you take care of me."

>She continues, tilting her head down.

>"And since you made the first move, you can go first."

>With a sigh of relief, you gently motion your hand towards her horn again.

"Anything for you, Boss."

>You grab ahold of the horn again, eliciting a pretty intense reaction from her.

>Slowly, you rub your palm up and down the horn from the base to the very tip, making sure to rub your thumb over it like last time.

>Snake sports a stupid grin as a bit of drool begins leaking down the side of her mouth.

>You wonder how sensitive these really were.

>Without warning, you heavily tighten your grip before rapidly stroking as fast as you can.

>The result is interesting, to say the least.

>Her tongue had shot out of her mouth, her wings immediately flung open with a 'poomf', and her visible eye began twitching.

>Not to mention the sharply increasing volume of her moaning, of course.

>Luckily the castle was pretty distanced from regular housing, so you doubted anypony would hear, especially this late past midnight.

>As you continue her assault, the drool now pooling out of her mouth turns to a light foam as she begins twitching everywhere.

>You're half tempted to stop to see if she's okay, but you decide to press on.

>Eventually, her entire body tenses up, hardening like a rock as her legs stiffen.

>Snake's gone completely quiet now, aside from a light straining noise.

>After a few more moments, you feel as if you're being electrocuted.

>Probably because you were being electrocuted.

>Thankfully, it didn't feel like 'irreparable nerve damage and death' electricity, but like one of those prank gum packs hooked up to a car battery.

>However, you feel your entire lower body become drenched in what you could only assume was her reaching her peak.

>After about half a minute, the electricity stops, and Snake collapses motionless on top of you.

>Oh shit.

>Did she just climax to death?

>Putting a hand up to her chest, you sigh in relief as you feel her heartbeat.

>You think you may have overdone it.

>You weren't exactly sure where things would stand in the morning, or whenever, but you felt pretty good right now.

>Besides the eternal blue balls, that is.

 

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>You are...

>You don't know who you are.

>Who are you?

>...

>Whoever you are, you feel really small.

>Your vision is blurred, but you can make out some shapes.

>Pale gray... Circles of icy blue...

>Icy blue... like glaciers of the northern seas.

>There were two of them... They each surrounded a black orb.

>Eyes!

>They were eyes.

>This must be a pony... But resembling whom?

>You knew quite a few ponies with blue eyes, but you could feel deep in your gut who this was. It was one of those things buried in every living thing's genes; Too deep to forget, close enough to remember, no matter what.

"...Mom?"

>It was your mother... but it wasn't, at the same time.

>Her mane was a brilliant azure instead of the purple and white you remembered.

>Her horn flashed rapidly in and out of existence.

>She spoke, but made no noise.

>You realize you must be dreaming... or something.

>You recall a book you remember reading: Dr. Lightrest's Guide to Dreams. The phenomena was consistent: Familiar figures with unfamiliar qualities... but it was a strange experience nonetheless.

>Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain in your hoof. The image of your mother becomes distorted.

>Ah! You remember reading about this! External stimuli normally causes signals in the brain to wake up in anticipation of danger, but under some circumstances, barring pure luck, the dreamstate can be maintained, albeit distorted until the brain's fight or flight response calms down.

>You feel a wetness on your hoof, as if you were...

>Uh...

>Heh...

>You really need to stop hanging around Anon. He's a bad influence on your internal monologue.

>The feeling on your hoof causes your mother's apparition to stabilize, but her horn is now permanently gone.

>Must've glitched out during the distortion.

>Before you can ponder any longer, you can feel yourself beginning to wake up.

>Unlike the ornate, pretty literature you love to read, waking up from a dream in reality is a lot less dramatic.

>It's more sudden.

 

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>You are Princess Twilight Sparkle.

>Having just woken up, you smack your tongue against the roof of your mouth in an attempt to rehydrate your dry and cottony maw.

>You feel really drained.

>Moreso than usual.

>Shifting in bed, you feel a gross squelching sensation.

>You did not.

>You better not have!

>Come on, Twilight! What're you, a foal?

>Ripping the covers off yourself, your nostrils are hit with a sweet, flowery fragrance.

>Good news is you didn't relive an embarrassing childhood memory.

>Bad news is that it was the other, more adult kind of wetness soaking your sheets.

>Last night comes flooding back into your brain, albeit hazily.

>Oh, no no no no no no no!

>You didn't...

>With Anon?

>And you couldn't even remember it!?

>You scramble to your hooves to gallop out your bedroom door.

 

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>Congratulations!

>You have made breakfast.

>Well, you told Spike to make it, but you put the hot sauce on your eggs by yourself, so you basically made it without any help.

>"So, you and Twilight, huh?"

"Hm?"

>You hum inquisitively with a mouthful of spicy eggs.

>"Don't play dumb, I could hear you guys outside last night! You were... I dunno, somethin' weird."

"I haven't seen Twilight since, like... a day or so ago, Spike. You okay up there?"

>You tap your temple for emphasis.

>Spike gets a little agitated at your ignorance. What could you say? You were telling the truth!

>"Yeah you did! I remember cause you slammed the door on one of her hooves when you carried her back in!"

>Yowch, you remember that.

>You also remember drunkenly licking that hoof like an idiot, thinking it'd help.

>It kinda did, because she stopped fidgeting afterwards.

"Look, Spike. I don't know what you think you saw, but I haven't seen Twilight... Maybe you're overworked? Cleaning the castle, cooking food, doing all that other stuff. You should take a vacation! Isn't your girlfriend in Dragon Land or whatever it's called? You should visit her!"

>Spike blushes, however scales are able do that.

>"S-She's not my girlfriend!"

>With a huff, he storms out of the kitchen, probably to go pack, if you were him.

>You'll never understand how he enjoys all the chores he does. He's basically a butler.

>As one drama queen storms off, another storms in.

>"ANON!"

>Twilight almost smashes your plate of eggs as her hooves collide with the table.

>"Did we... do... y'know!?"

>It takes you a minute to realize what she's implying, but you suddenly burst out laughing, much to the dismay of the pouty princess.

>"I'm serious!"

>Calming down, you clear your throat.

"No Twilight, I haven't seen you in over a day! Snake on the other hand... Phew!"

>Before she can telekinetically snap your neck, you hold your hands up in defense

"I'm kidding! Just kidding! I uh... gave Snake a... Uh... Hornjob, I'd assume is what it's called. She locked up and short circuited before passing out. Didn't even return the favor..."

>You mock pout as you mumble the last sentence, earning an eye roll from Twilight as she settles down.

>"I- er... Snake should have told you this, but... 'horn stimulation'-"

"Hornjobs"

>Twilight gives a deadpan sigh.

>"Hornjobs... can get pretty intense for the recipient. It's similar to if your brain was a sexual organ... and you stimulated it directly... In a much less dangerous sounding way."

>You grow slightly worried about the potential implications of your actions.

"Is it safe? Did I put her in any danger?"

>Twilight gives an appreciative grin, acknowledging your concern for her- erm.. for Snake.

>"It's safe as long as the recipient has no circulatory-related conditions, respiratory issues, or anything wrong with the brain itself, but it can have some real weird side effects and put somepony out of commission pretty quickly..."

>She awkwardly stammers as she clarifies:

>"I-In a sexual context! Not out of commission as in... dead... Unless they have uh... the uh... conditions... The ones I talked about?"

>Twilight gives an embarrassed grin.

>You could eat her up when she does shit like that.

>"You know what I mean... So if you want Snake to be... y'know... Conscious? To return the favor? Be a little less rough, next time."

>Leaning a little closer, she adds.

>"Not that she doesn't like rough... Which, y'know, I wouldn't know ANYTHING about. I mean... a mare like that probably likes it REALLY rough, like..."

>She trails off as her face flushes into a beet-red color, clearing her throat.

>"...But don't go at it too hard with the horn, again."

"But she liked it?"

>She gives a sheepish giggle, her upper lip curving like a wave as it slightly scrunches.

>"If I were to guess, purely on what I've heard, of course... She would really like to see where it goes... Between you two."

>"...And she'll probably find a way to return the favor... Soon."

>"...And she's sorry for cutting it short last night."

>"...And for getting really drunk."

>You chuckle in response.

>"Well if you see her around, tell her I'm looking forward to seeing her again."

>Radiating a genuine smile, Twilight nods before trotting off, probably to do some Princess junk.

>However, you sense something wrong.

>Something extremely wrong.

>It sends the feeling of a cold pit into your stomach.

>...

>Your eggs are cold now.

 

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"One... two..."

>You channel the spirit of Kyriakos Grizzly, your strained groan turning into a scream of rage as you attempt to perform a farmer walk to move the caravan.

>You get it slightly off the ground and move it forward about one inch before you feel your tendons starting to tear.

>Dropping it, you collapse in defeat as Tavare rolls over to check on you.

"How... the hell... did you move this thing here?"

>Raising an eyebrow, the zebra retorts

>"I have never moved it. This is where it was when I bought it."

>You let out an exasperated sigh.

>The two of you have been trying to move the caravan to the park for about an hour now.

>You are one inch closer to the park.

>Which is many, many more inches away.

>"Kept you waiting, huh?"

>Looking up, you see Snake in a new design of fatigues.

>The ensemble sports a plain yet stylish tiger stripe camouflage with all the bells and whistles of her other pair of fatigues, even including combat boots.

>However, this design was made keeping the current weather in mind.

>It had no pants.

>Hot.

>Very hot.

>The weather, that is. Sweltering hot. Not a cloud in the sky.

>Also Snake's thick unclothed flanks.

"Boss!"

>You scramble to your feet as you give her a salute.

>"What're you doing?"

"Moving the caravan to the park... You wanna help us pull it?"

>"Do I look like the kind of mare who can pull a million-ton caravan across town?"

>You do not answer.

>Rolling her eyes, her horn lights up as you're blinded by a flash of pinkish light.

>You feel your body being compressed, expanded, and twisted at the same time.

>The experience lasts about a fifth of a second, but that's a fifth of a second too long.

>After you find yourself warped across spacetime to the park, you hobble to a nice bush and politely remove your breakfast from your stomach for the nice birds to eat, instead.

>Wait... you had eggs this morning, you monster.

>That's like some Lovecraftian creature stumbling up to you and vomiting human meat chunks onto you, expecting you to eat it.

>You see a bird flutter down to your upchuck and begin pecking at it, seemingly eating some.

>Disgusting.

>"Are you done being so dramatic?"

>Snake yells over to you as she prepares the caravan with Tavare, who looks to have taken the teleportation well.

>Maybe it's just a you thing.

>As you make your way back, she speaks up

>"I already set up the new portable seating arrangements here while you two were doing... whatever you were trying to accomplish."

"You have to live it."

>"What?"

"Nothing."

>The seating arrangements were a culmination of benches, tables, and lounging chairs, all supplied with umbrellas providing ample shade where the surrounding trees didn't reach.

>There was even a magical fan to both provide a breeze and carry the scent of delicious grassburgers.

>Taking out the design papers you and Tavare had made, you get into position and hold it up in front of your face.

"Get over here, guys! It's time to finally reveal..."

"Tavare's Grass Burgers!"

>Rolling up the paper you covered the three of your faces with, you sweep your hand in a grand gesture.

>The caravan looked pretty sweet.

>It had some sort of cool camo that you never learned the name of!

>It had a sick menu with reasonably priced items!

>It even had a chalkboard!

>Unfortunately, the only difference between your drawing and the caravan was a lack of customers.

>And Tavare was not as cute in person as he is in the drawing.

>Though you were sure that with the right marketing, he would have this place bustling with folk that weren't weird red stick ponies.

>You look to Tavare, who remains speechless.

"Well, old-timer? How do you feel?"

>He thinks for a moment, before smiling.

>"I feel eternally indebted to you both. This... I cannot express the joy I feel."

>Aww. He's even tearing up a bit.

"It was nothing... Just save us a seat and some burgers. We'll call it even."

>Tavare wagged his hoof insistently.

>"No, I will find a way to make it up to you. Mark my words, Anonymous."

>Chuckling, you pat him on the back.

"Well you let me know what you come up with, then."

>Now, all you needed was to spread the word.

"Hey old-timer... have you met Pinkie Pie yet?"

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>"—And then I was like 'Zebra? We already threw a party for Zecora!' And then I said we could throw ANOTHER party for Zecora if she really wants one! But then Anon told me there was a DIFFERENT zebra in town and he makes food! So I was like WOW I didn't know there was another zebra in town and he also makes food like I do so I wondered why nopony told me so after they left I finished my shift then zipped to Mayor Mare's and I knocked on the door and yelled 'MAYOR MAAAAARE MAYOR MAAAAAAAARE' and she was all cranky because it was three in the morning but then I told her to tell me why she didn't tell me about the new zebra in town and what his address was because Mayor Mare always tells me when new ponies move into town so I can throw them their welcoming party at their house because technically I'm allowed to see it because I'm on the Ponyville Party Board which Mayor Mare made so I would stop breaking into the Town Hall at night to find any new ponies' addresses but then she told me he technically never MOVED into town because he doesn't have an address so then I went to Twilights' and knocked on the door and yelled 'TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT' But then I heard Anon yell something about balls so I figured Anon and Twilight were playing dodgeball and then I started thinking about why ponies don't play dodgeball outside of school because dodgeball is really fun! But then Anon opened the door and he was really cranky because I probably caused him to drop his blue ball and get hit when I was yelling for Twilight but then I saw Snake tiphoofing across the hall behind Anon but I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna interrupt her sneaking mission and I asked Anon why Tavare doesn't have an address and HE said-"

>Pinkie Pie continued to recount every minute of the last twenty-four hours to yourself, Twilight, and Derpy.

>Why Derpy, you might ask?

>Because you were all currently attending Tavare's Grand Opening/Welcome to Ponyville Party.

>That's what the banner said, at least.

>Derpy and Pinkie were having a conversation before the latter invited you and Twilight over to her table.

>The place was packed with ponies. Not a single seat was unfilled, and some ponies even sat on the ground over picnic blankets.

>All of them enjoying Tavare's grassburgers.

>You could hear exclamations of how good the food was left and right among the loud ambience of the party.

>Clinking of beer-filled mugs, cheers, chatter, laughter, and tunes filled the late evening air

>Pinkie had convinced a local bluegrass band to play some lively music at the event. You remember them from last year's annual Nightmare Night festival.

>In all, you could already tell Tavare would have no shortage of customers from now on.

>"—but yeah, that's why I ended up letting Gummy go to Chirper's birthday party. I'm such a sucker for those puppy lizard eyes!"

>Pinkie ends her third tirade tonight as another pony catches her attention.

>"Oh look, there she is now! Let's say hi!"

>It was much later into the night by now. You'd gone to chat a little with Tavare, but he was busier than a bee flipping grasspatties left and right. When you'd gotten back, Pinkie was still chattering on.

>You can only handle so much of that mare at a time.

>The party pony and mailmare excuse themselves as they trot towards whoever she was talking about before, leaving you and the purple pony beside you alone.

>Whoever? Or is it whomever?

>You've barely ever used whom in your life.

>Why is whom even a word? Why not just group everything under 'who' and words that use 'who' as a root?

>Twilight would know.

"Hey Twilight, is it whoever or whomever?"

>Looking over to her, she seems a bit distracted, like she's in her own world.

>Snapping out of it, she shakes her head before glancing at you.

>"...What?"

>Wait, she can't hear your internal monologue, dumbass.

"Nevermind... You okay?"

>She rests her head on an upwards facing hoof, sighing.

>"Yeah... just bored, kind of."

>She stammers a little, realizing the implication of being bored at a Pinkie Party

>"Don't get me wrong! I love Pinkie's parties, and Pinkie... It just feels weird."

"What feels weird?"

>She thinks for a moment, the sounds of accordion, fiddle, and other instruments filling out the ambience with a chipper tune nearby.

>"It's just... the whole Princess thing. It makes public events... I don't know... Weird, I guess. Like I'm a celebrity attending a party instead of just another partygoer. Like that guy... Or her... Or him... Or her..."

>She points to a few random ponies you've only seen in passing around town.

>"Most everypony I talk to... I can feel that they're... I don't know how to describe it.. Intimidated? Like how they act whenever Princess Celestia visits someone. Instead of seeing me, they see the title... I don't know, maybe I'm just overthinking it. It doesn't make it feel any better, though."

>Placing a hand on her back, you gently rub into her coat, getting a small smile out of her.

>You really felt sorry for her. The two of you have already talked through this song and dance before, but it still wasn't any easier for her. She'd been having trouble fitting into this 'Princess persona' ever since it happened a long while back, at least not until after the excitement calmed down a week or so later.

>The whole Snake thing helped her cope with it, you figured... Which made you wonder.

"Why didn't Snake just take your place?"

>She rolls her eyes at you.

>"Snake hasn't been in any crowded places before. It's always either been just you or a few other ponies milling about. It'd cause a scene if a bunch of people started questioning and talking about it instead of ignoring it and chalking it up to 'oh, she's probably just doing weird friendship stuff'... "

>Hanging her head, she continues.

>"I'd rather keep Snake out of the public's mind, so she can still be that outlet for me to be myself instead of just 'Princess Twilight dressing up like some weirdo'."

"Hey now, the Boss is no weirdo!"

>You boop her in the chest to accentuate your point, causing her to laugh.

>"Yeah yeah... Hey, you never really told me much about Diamond Dogs since last time... Or what happened to MSF..."

>You cock your head slightly as you raise an eyebrow

"Why, you looking for another history lesson? Doesn't seem like the best place for it."

>"Well~, we've been here a while, and Tavare looks pretty occupied. Maybe we should head out. Trot n' talk?

"What, you wanna head home?"

>"No! No... Just walk around the park. It's a nice night out. Plus, it'll be easier to listen where its less... rambunctious."

>Standing up, you finish your drink in a single gulp and motion your hand towards the nearby trail.

"After you."

 

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>"By the sisters... I never would have thought..."

>Twilight puts a hoof up to her mouth in shock.

>"I-I'm so sorry, Anon..."

"Don't be. This was years before my time. I joined Diamond Dogs around the same time Big Boss woke up. Commander Miller would talk about it all frequently, back when Mother Base was just a single platform... Was originally a test drilling rig for some mineral company, but their project fell through. Miller picked up the pieces."

>The two of you are currently sitting beside a lake, the moonlight shimmering onto its surface.

>You've regaled Twilight of the attack on the original Mother Base. Skullface, XOF, Paz, Big Boss' coma, all of it.

>She basically knew everything up to right before Snake saves Kaz in Afghanistan. You had a lot more to go, but you didn't want to lay it all on her at once. It'd get pretty heavy later on.

"I think that's enough reminiscing, tonight."

>"Aww, c'mon! You said something happened to Kaz! You can't just leave it there!"

>You hum in thought, leaning your back against the tree you were sitting in front of.

>Why not tease her a little?

"I dunno, Twilight. Remembering stuff takes a lot outta me... Gotta dig deep in the ol' brain archives. What'll make it worth my while?"

>Closing your eyes, you hear a devilish 'Hmm' emanate from where Twilight lay, before following up with the telltale noise of teleportation.

>What the hell was she up to?

>Keeping your eyes closed, you hear another burst of magic much closer to you.

>"You tell me, soldier~..."

"Boss?"

>Shooting your eyes open, you move to stand up up and salute, but she stops you.

>She's wearing that same ensemble as before.

>The one with no pants.

>"I see your 'soldier' is already standing at attention."

>You snort, holding back your laughter.

>That was the stupidest line you'd ever heard, but she sure as hell wasn't wrong.

>Her teeth clench onto your zipper, slowly pulling it down as her magic undoes your button

>Is this it?

>Are you finally going to break the curse of the blue balls?

>You'd started going commando so that your underwear wouldn't aggravate your backed up nads, so your manhood immediately flops out as Snake tears your pants down with her teeth.

>With her face practically brushing against it, her warm breath causes it to twitch in reaction.

>"Kept you waiting, huh?"

>Swiftly, she trails her mouth to your very tip before beginning her assault. Dotting it with kisses, each one feels like an angel's kiss.

>But there was no room for angels in her Outer Heaven.

>Parting her lips, she slowly worked her way down, bobbing her head slowly as she suckled on the current length she'd taken.

>Speaking of heaven, you were in it.

>Ask yourself a week ago if you'd be getting a blowjob in the middle of a park and you'd call yourself a dumbass.

>Well, you do that on a frequent enough basis, but that's besides the point.

>As Snake keeps working her magic, you decide to give her a hand.

>Being careful to not overdo it, you grab a hold of her horn, causing her to hesitate for a moment as she quivers in delight before continuing.

>You wondered why her horn was so sensitive. Obviously it was a sensitive part of the body for anypony, but Snake in particular was VERY sensitive to it.

>Maybe she wasn't used to it. After all, you doubt hoofjobs would feel any good up there.

>What if unicorns had fleshlights for their horns? Or if they used them in lieu of a penis.

>Did that mean they had to put a condom on their horn?

>You think you remember reading something in the paper about that a while ago, where some con-artist convinced a bunch of unicorns to wear condoms on their horns.

>Giggling to yourself thinking about dumb ponies with condoms on their heads earns you a raised brow from Snake, who picks up the pace to get your mind back into the gutter.

>It definitely worked. The both of you became increasingly invested in pleasing the other, your horn stroking beginning to match your previous record.

>Her performance starts growing sloppier and messier as you tighten your grip on her horn, losing herself to the ecstasy.

>You can feel yourself getting close.

>"HEY GUYS! I was looking for you two!"

>Snake's eye practically bulges out of her skull in shock at the disruption, having enveloped your entire length in her throat.

>Just as you're approaching your climax, your ears have been met with the shrill voice of the last pony you wanted to see.

>Actually, that was pretty much every pony but Snake, but still.

>Out of surprise, your grip on her horn turns into a deathgrip at the tip of her horn.

>You swear if you were squeezing any tighter you'd break it off.

>Pinkie Pie quickly realizes what's going on, her face flushed with red.

>"Oh gosh! I'm sorry! Sorry sorry sorry sorry!"

>She quickly zooms off as she covers her eyes, trying to save your decency as she flees the scene, her apologizes becoming more distant.

>Already feeling your member deflating from the shock, you come to realize you've been blueballed yet again.

>You have become Punished Anon, a Man Denied his Coom.

>Glancing at Snake, you see that she's in the middle of a seizure.

>Wait what?

>Refocusing your attention, you calm your nerves as you feel the familiar jolts of electricity in your arm.

>Predictably, she passes out after a minute, leaving you there with your pants down, crotch wet, and unsatisfied.

>Unsatisfied is a harsh word... Pent up?

>Pent up. Seeing her with her overstimulated dopey smile is plenty satisfying to your cold, blueballed heart.

>With a sigh, you make yourself decent and wrap your jacket around her hindquarters as you prepare to carry her all the way back home.

>Picking her up with a heave, she certainly wasn't any lighter with all this gear.

>Such is life.

 

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>...

>You feel familiar, yet you do not know who you are.

>You hear muffled voices.

>Two of them.

>One of them is motherly, the other much less so.

>Younger, you'd guess.

>Neither of them decipherable.

>You experience no visual stimulation, but you can feel a familiar pair of colors.

>Purple and white.

>You decide to focus on the auditory stimulation, attempting to unmuffle the noise by focusing your mind.

>You're able to make a few words out between stretches of muffle.

>The motherly voice comes in and out of clarity.

>"...Kind..."

>"...maybe..."

>"...you..."

>The other voice follows suit.

>"...this..."

>"...right..."

>"...her..."

>Muffled sounds of both voices fade until you can no longer hear them.

>But not before you hear one more word, just clear enough to make out as the sound peters off into silence.

>"...inevitability."

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>You are a goddess.

>Well you aren't, really, but ponies seemed to think you were. Whenever somepony has a problem they just HAVE to see you!

>Not their local government official, not a delegate, no... THEY had to see YOU personally.

>Because, of course, the entire world should stop because a lumberjack gets attacked by a Timberwolf!

>They're made of WOOD! You're a LUMBERJACK! It's as if they thought all you needed to do was clop your hooves together and POOF, no more Timberwolves!

>Or maybe you should fly all the way over there to incinerate it? That'd be an excellent use of your time.

>You swear, if you weren't around, some of these ponies would fall apart at the seams.

>You're not some goddess! You're your own mare with your own problems! Tartarus! They probably thought you did nothing but sit on your flanks all day and gobble up cake at banquets!

>You liked cake, but that's besides the point!

>If only they could see all the disasters you’d prevented this year alone, they'd give you a little breathing room.

>But they won't, because they can't SEE it.

>Sure, they can see the Timberwolf, but they won’t see the migratory Tatzlworms that were projected to run amok destroying every village from Manehattan to Las Pegasus. Thanks, of course, to the expedition you just authorized to lead them far and away from any population centers using seismic... whatever they were. You weren’t a scientist, you just wanted results.

>But no, the TIMBERWOLF in the FOREST full of TIMBER is a MUCH more pressing issue!

>"Uhm... Princess, are you alright?"

>Shaking yourself out of your internal rant, you glance at the teacup that was surrounded by your golden aura.

>It had hairline cracks forming across its ornate ceramic design.

>Closing your eyes and letting out a sigh, you gently place the ruined dish onto a small saucer beside you.

>Opening your eyes, you meet the eyes of the inquisitive chambermaid with a warm gaze as she levitates a feather duster.

"I'm fine, Miss Zest, thank you."

>She goes back to her duties before speaking

>"Actually, it's going to be Missus Zest, soon!"

"Oh, really? Mr. Saddles sure took his time, didn't he?"

>You both share a short chuckle.

>"Yes, yes, but it was worth the wait. The wedding is in a few months...!"

>If there was one thing you appreciated, it was how close you were to the castle staff.

>Their families, their lives, their hardships... You were always an open ear, and you didn't shy from asking about it either.

>It was nice to have at least one normal conversation for the day.

>Unfortunately, your discussion is cut short by a pale blue glow wrapping around the door handles leading into the lounging room.

>The doors open harshly, your sister walking in with a stern look on her face.

>"Please excuse us... chambermaid."

>She tries not to come off as snobby or standoffish, but seems to have no concern of pleasantries at the moment.

>Miss Zest bows respectfully, smiling as she takes her duties elsewhere.

>"You should really get to know the castle staff better, Luna. At least learn their names, no?"

>She ignores your half-joking icebreaker, the doors closing behind her.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

"We may have an issue"

>"..."

>"What the hay is all this?!"

>You are Anonymous

>You are also bad at cooking.

>Very bad, as you've learned.

>To make a long story short, the oven is on fire.

>Turns out you don't cook a pancake in oil

>And the pan you use is a frying pan, not a cake tray.

>And you use a stovetop.

>You wondered why pancakes weren't square shaped... until now.

"I tried making you-"

>Twilight ignores you as she dives into a cabinet, taking out a fire extinguisher and wrapping her magic around it.

>With a few clicks, the canister lets loose a metric ton of foamy white flame retardant all over the kitchen, extinguishing the flame and opening a Pandora's box of foam.

>Heh, retard-ant.

>You giggle, which earns you an angry glare from the mare.

>"You think this is funny? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"No, it's... nevermind. I was trying to make you pancakes... But I forgot how to make them."

>She calms down a little, and you think you see a tinge of blush on her cheeks.

>"You don't have to do that..."

"Well duh, I obviously can't."

>Swimming through the foam, she nudges your leg.

>"Why don't we get some burgers for breakfast?"

"Burgers? We just had a ton of them last night!"

>Turning towards the door, she rolls her eyes.

>"There's always room for burgers, Anon."

"And the mess?"

>"Spike can handle it."

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>"Ah, Anon! Twilight! Welcome, welcome!"

>Tavare seems elated to see the two of you approaching.

>His caravan is mostly empty, save for a stallion sleeping on the ground nearby, a mug stuck on his muzzle. His breath fogs the glass as he lightly snores.

>Not much demand for breakfast burgers, besides the two of you.

"Tavare! I assume business is doing well?"

>"Very much so. But more importantly, I have found a way to repay your kindness."

>Before you can object, the zebra gestures to his chalkboard.

>ANON BURGER... 6 BITS

>(MADE FROM FISH!)

>Next to the text was a cute simple drawing of a smiling fish.

>"I noticed your unique teeth. You are omnivorous, are you not? I have no objection to the consumption of fish, though I do not partake myself. I figured you, and some pegasi, would appreciate it. Maybe even griffons, some day."

>No way.

>Finally...

>MEAT!

>Traditional meats like beef, ham, chicken, and turkey were taboo around Equestria, and although you're an omnivore, you didn't mind the vegetarian diet. You were satisfied enough with animal products like eggs, dairy, and the like, but you’ve always missed meat.

>You'd heard about fish being typical fare in places with deep pegasi roots. Unfortunately, that left your region out of the loop, being mostly earth pony country.

>Although Ponyville was a much more diverse town among Equestrians, it was still founded by the common clay of Equestria. Earth pony culture ran deep in these parts, at least until you hit the coasts or the desert.

>Running of the Leaves, Winter Wrap Up, and other festivals were clear examples of that, if you somehow missed the various farms around.

>"You okay, Anon?"

>You notice you've been staring at the chalkboard for a minute, a thin stream of drool running out from the corner of your mouth.

>Instinctively, you reach for your sack of bits, but Tavare stops you.

>"No no. Anon Burgers will always be free for you, so long as you are my friend, I swear it. And to you as well, Twilight. It would be a crime against my honor and ultimately unnecessary to charge you after everything you both have done for me."

>You're nearly speechless.

"Thank you... If there's anything you ever need, you let me know."

>Tavare nods as you both express your gratitude.

>After a bit, he rolls to the window with two trays and two mugs filled with some hard apple cider.

>Just as the two of you find a seat, you dig into your first serving of meat in forever. You can recognize the taste as a delicious salmon.

>As she nibbles on her grassburger, Snake asks you:

>"So uh... how is it?"

>You do the best impression of your zebra friend you can muster.

"It is... perfect."

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>The birds are singing

>The flowers are blooming

>Your balls are aching

>What a beautiful day for...

>You can't place what its a perfect day for, but you digress.

>You and Twilight are relaxing on a park bench near Tavare's just as high noon comes around.

>A small crowd has developed around the food truck, all hankering for those burgers.

>The two of you are currently discussing ‘human history’ again.

>The topic shifted from Big Boss' experience with the former XOF sniper named Quiet to the first vocal cord parasite infection of Mother Base.

"So then, the Boss had to infiltrate the Lufwa Valley mansion to find Code Talker, a parasitologist who had in-depth knowledge of the vocal cord parasite..."

>She listened intently as you regaled her with your orating, her brow raising a tad as you continued to describe Code Talker.

>"This is starting to sound... familiar."

>You already know the lines she's starting to draw, but you decide to humor her

"Really? What do you mean?"

>"Elderly, wheelchair bound, mystical? Doesn't that ring any bells to you?"

>You hum in mock thought, scratching your chin.

"Nope, no clue."

>As she gives a frustrated sigh, listing off more adjectives describing two very familiar characters, you notice a blur of bright pink out of the corner of your eye.

>Turning your attention to it, you see a bush moving towards the crowd surrounding Tavare's caravan.

>At the bottom of the bush are four stealthily tiptoeing hooves.

>Wait, is it tiptoe if they're not toes?

>Tiphoof?

>You see Pinkie Pie's head pop out of the bush quickly surveying the area before she spots you staring at her.

>Her pupils shrink as her face gets a little paler, zooming out of the bush and vanishing into thin air.

>That was weird.

>"-and they both talk the same way, they-"

"Yeah yeah Tavare and Code Talker... Did you see that?"

>Twilight shakes her head in confusion, her brow furrowing as she realizes you were not only ignoring her, but knew who she was talking about the whole time.

>"Jerk. What's so interesting over there, anyways?"

"Pinkie Pie using a bush as camouflage, seeing me staring at her, then looking nervous and running off."

>"..."

>She grumbles under her breath, crossing her hooves.

>You notice and plant your hand on her head, scratching her mane between her ears until her pout melts away.

>Eventually, she nestles her head into your side, scooching closer to you.

>This was the life.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

"If you insist, just keep an eye on it for now. No need to cause commotion where it needn't be. I'm sure it will come to pass."

>"And when it is too late? What, pray tell, do you suggest then? What if-"

"We can worry about 'what ifs' all day, Luna. 'What if' this, 'what if' that, it won't change that doing something now would only blow things out of proportion. If anything, interference would only raise more concerns. It’s an unnecessary risk. Let this run its course. Things will be fine, I assure you."

>Your sister lets out a growl of frustration.

>She was overreacting, as usual.

>"We do not belittle your concerns of the day, do NOT belittle ours of the night! We know what we saw. It will only lead to trouble down the path if left unchecked!"

>She always reverted to the 'royal we' when she'd get really upset. This ought to be good.

"Then why don't YOU do something about it, then? Hm? If it’s been spotted under your watch?"

>"Because WE had nothing to do with it! This was your idea, YOUR responsibility, so YOU shall address it before it impacts us all!"

"Then if it's MY responsibility, I will address it when I deem it to be a problem! I understand your concern, Luna, and I will consider your observations, but please allow me to take what I believe to be the appropriate course of action for my responsibility!"

>Luna sighs in frustration, sinking into the loveseat she occupied.

>"So be it... I will remain vigilant, but please heed my warnings, sister. I do it only out of love for yourself and our subjects."

>You smile warmly, understanding her eagerness to address an issue, but critical of her lack of tact. She may not see it that way, but all in due time.

"I love you too, sister."

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>"I'm so proud of you, Anon!"

>Twilight hugs your lower body as you finish dotting your 'i's and crossing your 't's, setting your quill down.

"Yeah, yeah."

>"I'm serious! You've progressed so much since your field trip to Sugarcube Corner!"

>What was that, a week or so ago?

>Damn, a lot of shit's happened since then.

>"And now you've written your first friendship report to Princess Celestia!"

"First and last. I'm not doing this shit every day or for every friend I make, y'know."

>Twilight snickers in response.

>"I know that, but I'm still proud of you! I have a surprise for you... but it isn't ready yet."

"A surprise? Not much of a surprise if I know about it, Twi."

>She rolls her eyes with a grin

>"Sure, but you don't know WHAT it is, do you?"

>You give a short 'mhm'

>"Trust me, you'll love it!"

>"Speaking of... I have to uh... go... do some stuff... I'll be back before dinnertime!"

>Before you can ask her about her whereabouts, she flies out the front doors and teleports with a bang, leaving them open behind her.

>The hell was even the point of that? Why didn't she just teleport from inside?

>It's gonna be her fault when one of these days she leaves the door open and everyone gets ants.

>Or mosquitos.

>Or flies.

>Or a dragonfly.

>They were nice and all, kept the mosquitos away, but loud as all hell.

>Shit, you better close the door before a dragonfly gets in.

>Rushing to the front, you slam the doors shut before any intruders can invade your insect-free sanctum.

>Well, insect-free besides those microscopic mites that live on your skin. Then again, you think that's just an urban legend told to gross you out.

>Were mites even considered insects? Or were they arachnids?

>Aren't arachnids insects, though? You think spiders are considered insects, but scorpions definitely aren't insects.

>They were bug-like, though, right?

>You didn't have time to ponder these questions. You hated all insects and insect-like creatures equally.

>Well, not all of them, but most of them.

>What the hell are you even doing? You're just idling like a moron, looking into space thinking about bugs.

>Interrupting you out of your trance is a knock at the door.

>Thankfully, you're already there to answer it because you were busy standing there like an invalid.

>Opening the door, you see Pinkie Pie sitting on her haunches waiting at the door.

"Oh, hey Pinks. What's up?"

>"Hey Anon."

>She doesn't sound like her bubbly fast-paced self, for some reason. Replacing her upbeat tone is one more reserved.

"You doing okay? What's the matter? You seem down."

>Stepping aside, you invite her as she walks in, her hooves' clopping echoing off the crystal floor. The two of you walk to the Cutie Map room, where you take a seat on the table as she sits in her designated chair.

"What's going on?"

>She sighs before looking up at you

>"I'm sorry for last night, Anon."

"Last night...?"

>Oooh, last night.

>In the park.

"Pinkie it's-"

>She cuts you off with a raised hoof, continuing.

>"I'm not apologizing for running into you two. You probably remember, I've seen it before, back in the pantry with you two... wrestling or whatever it was. You were in public this time, so I'd say its fair game for you and Twilight getting caught in the act like that."

>Technically, it was Snake, but you don’t interrupt her.

>"I'm apologizing because I ruined a passionate moment between the two of you, probably one of the first ones... I didn't realize what was going on until it was too late, and because of that... I'm sorry."

>...What?

>You didn't think it was a big deal at all, but apparently she did.

>It caught you off guard hearing this from Pinkie. You'd do better to remember that she's a normal mare like anypony.

>Well, maybe not normal, but she wasn't some ball of pure energy and hyperactivity. She had values, concerns, and things she takes seriously just as anypony else does.

>So you'd take it seriously, too, for her.

>Standing up, you surprise her as you scoop the mare into a monster hug, holding her tight as the scent of cinnamon, sugar, and cocoa fills your nose.

>Huh, that's strange.

>You would have sworn it'd smell like cotton candy.

>As you bear-hug Pinkie, you can feel her instantly lighten up as she returns the hug.

"I forgive you, Pinks. I know you didn't mean any harm."

>"Thanks, Nonny!"

>Holding the embrace for a few more moments, you finally let go, setting her down as she smiles at you.

>"Well I gotta go give Gummy a bath! See you later, Nonny!"

>With that, she bounces off towards the front doors, making sure to close them behind her.

>Finally, somebody gets it.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>Twilight blows loudly her nose into a handkerchief before she resumes her sobbing.

>Her eyes were red from the heavy emotions running through her mind

>Tears flowed down her face like a broken dam.

>Her breath shuddered as she sucked in air, coughing from the sharp intake before hiccuping, followed by more crying.

>You were choking up a bit too, you had to admit. A tear was beginning to swell in your eyes, but you manage to fight it down.

>You, Spike, and Twilight had finished dinner: a tasty lasagna prepared by the dragon.

>While Spike retired to his bed, you and Twi moved to the library to lounge and chat.

>This eventually led to more Metal Gear, and you were approaching some of the real heavy bits.

>Mission 43...

>You told Twilight about what the Boss had to do after the new strain of the parasite began spreading... What he had to do when they realized the infected couldn't be saved.

"He had no choice..."

>"But why? Why?! What happened to the parasite? Why didn't the Wolbachia work!?"

"It did work, but something happened. A radiation leak mutated them, led the female parasites to become capable of asexual reproduction. It caused them to multiply while appearing asymptomatic, aside from a sickly sweet scent they gave off. The parasite took control of the hosts, urging them to go outside, where they'd die, attract birds with their scent, and potentially cause the parasites to spread across the world."

>Twilight listened intently, but continued her uncontrollable sobbing.

"There was a funeral ceremony. I'll never forget it... We were planning on conducting a burial at sea for the ashes of the fallen, but before the first urn could be emptied, the Boss stopped them..."

>Sniffling, she spoke through intermittent hiccups.

>"...W-What'd he do?"

"I'll always remember his words... 'I won't scatter your sorrow to the heartless sea... I will always be with you. Plant your roots in me...’"

>Twilight held a hoof to her mouth as you continue

"I won't see you end as ashes... You're all diamonds."

>Yeah, you're about to cry over a video game scene you're reminiscing about with your best friend.

>So what? As far as she's concerned you were right there with Big Boss, because you technically were.

>It even felt like it, when you first played it.

>Twilight had leapt over to hug you, her tears staining your shoulder as a few trailed down your own face.

>You returned the embrace with vigor, the both of you embracing each other firmly as your throat tightened with emotion.

>After a while, she broke the hug, sitting on your lap. Her voice was scratchy as she spoke.

>"So, what happened after?"

"We made diamonds from their ashes... Carried them with us into battle."

"A shining light to our brothers-in-arms. Even in death."

>You both choked up as you shared another hug.

>Nailed that delivery, though.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

"I'm afraid I must be going. Duty calls, after all... Until we speak again."

>With a sigh, you end the exhausting projection spell as you feel a headache creep into your skull.

>It wouldn't have been much of an issue if it weren't so far away, but it's worth the trouble.

>You not only stopped because of the exertion that maintaining the spell demands, but because-

>"Sister, are you finished?"

>Yeah... That's why.

"Ah, Luna! I'm glad you dropped by. I’ve exciting news!"

>The alicorn cocks her head as her galactic mane shifts its physics-defying flow

>"News? Do you mean the long awaited end of this accursed cloud shortage? I'm quite pleased to be expecting rain, even if it does shroud our glowing moon."

>This mare... Jumping down your throat only a few days ago. Now talking casually about the weather.

>You still loved her all the same, however.

"No, more interesting news than the forecast from Cloudsdale's finest."

>She gives a playful scowl in response to your sarcastic tone.

>"Well do not keep us waiting! Out with this news of yours."

"I've received a letter."

>Luna emits a grinning scoff as she rolls her eyes.

>"How wonderful for you, sister. I'm sure the retirement community will be delighted to hear back from you.”

>You ignore her sarcasm as you continue.

"From the human."

>Luna's brows perk up as her features soften, growing more relaxed and jovial.

>"Ah, Anonymous! I had been wondering of his whereabouts. How is he, these days? I hope Ponyville is treating him well."

>She took a liking to Anon when you had all first met. His appreciation of her night could not have possibly gone unnoticed by your sister.

>It was one thing for one of your subjects to appreciate the night. It always delights her to hear of a wonderful night had by Equestria’s own. She took pride in it, much as you took pride in the day, but were far too busy to be as meticulous about your craft as she was.

>The moon's luminance, positioning it in just the right way to reflect the shine of your sun, resulting in a perfectly crafted moonlit glow on the lands.

>Her adjustment of the phases, ensuring an accurate calendar and providing a constantly evolving piece of art in the sky.

>All the little details. You were more than familiar.

>But when Anonymous spoke of his appreciation of her night? An intelligent species, alien to our own culture or even the authority of royalty, being enraptured by her lovingly painted nights with seemingly nothing to gain from such an expression?

>It meant the world to her, to know the appeal of her craft exceeded the bounds of our own culture.

"He's doing great. I even felt a little nostalgic from it. He sent me an account of his experiences regarding his 'friendship lessons'. Reminds me of those friendship reports Twilight would send me whenever she learned something new about her friends. Whenever she overcame an obstacle she thought was insurmountable... I miss those times, dear sister."

>Luna smiles before a more serious look takes over.

>"So, does this lead you to believe our concerns were unfounded?"

>You lightly chuckle to yourself.

"Surely. Perhaps I’ll plan a visit sometime, if only to satisfy a curiosity. Check in, make certain our affairs are still in order.”

>Luna tosses her mane back with a shimmer whipping down its length, casting a disapproving glance toward you before making her exit.

>”Your affairs. Sooner than later, sister.”

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>Bored.

"Bored bored bored."

>You lay on your back, sprawled out on the giant cutie map table thing.

>You are Anonymous.

>And clearly, you are bored.

>Your project on Tavare's food truck was finished, and now you had nothing to do.

>Nothing productive, at least.

>So you now lay down and spit nonsense into the apathetic air around you.

>You know what's a funny word?

>Mare.

>It's a nice word, too.

>Mare mare mare.

>Rolls off the tongue nicely.

"Mare mare mare mare mare"

"Maremaremaremaremaremaremaremaremaremaremare"

>"...What in Sam-hill are you doin'?"

>You jump in surprise as you hear a familiar twang emanate from your side.

>Applejack, who’d decided to let herself in, was giving you a strange look as she observed your descent into nonsense.

"Bored."

>"Bored? What, you lookin' to get put to work on the farm? Idle hooves, n all that."

>God, no. Ponies could buck apples all day and clear a quarter of an orchard. You couldn't kick trees to make its fruit fall, so whenever you'd help the Apples you were picking them one by one.

>It was embarrassing when your productivity was compared to the rest of the family. Even Applebloom outdid you.

>They always appreciated the help, though, no matter how feeble of an apple picker you were.

"No thanks, I've had enough manual labor for one week."

>The apple horse laughs her 'hyuck hyuck' redneck laugh.

>It's kinda cute, but she only did it when she was mocking you in some way.

>She always meant it in the best way though, and you'd normally deserve it, anyways.

>"You 'n manual labor are like penguins in the San Palomino! 'N don't even try sayin' otherwise."

>This little equine did not just insult your work ethic. You let out a hearty ‘pshaw’ at the very notion.

"Yeah, right. You hear about that new food cart out in the park?"

>Applejack licks her lips as soon as you say it, salivating like Pavlov's dog hearing a bell.

>Or being electrocuted, whatever he did to those poor animals.

>"Pheew-wee, them grassburgers? Shoot, some of the best grub I’ve had off the farm in a long time."

"Yeah? Well you're lookin' at the guy who renovated that entire place. Used to be a shit heap on the outskirts of town until I helped out."

>AJ chuckles as she leans forward on the table.

>"Yer tellin' me YOU renovated that entire cart all by yourself?"

"Well Snake helped, but that isn't the point. I can hold my own!"

>"...Snake? Who'n tarnation is that?"

>Oops.

"Oh, uh, I meant Twilight. Yeah, Twilight... Yeah, she helped since it was part of my uh... Friendship lessons. And stuff..."

>A sheepish grin plasters your face as Applejack squints her eyes, both in confusion and probably because she didn't believe you were telling her everything.

>Not that it mattered. It wasn't any of her damned business anyways.

>"Right... Anyways, let 'Snake' know that I can't be givin' her any of our cider off the books again. Granny almost burst a vein when she found out.”

>Putting on her best impression of her grandmother for effect, she reenacts her exchange.

>”If you only knew all them that fell, you’d treat that hooch like your own damn kin!"

>You both share a chuckle at the old-timer’s expense.

"I'll pass on the word"

>Waving her goodbye, you resume soaking in the silence of the cutie map room.

 

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"Thanks, Rarity! I really appreciate it. You've gone above and beyond!"

>The seamstress waves to you as you exit her boutique, too occupied with her work to shift her attention.

>"Of course, Twilight! It was quite an inspiring project, I must admit. I'm sure he'll love it."

>The door chime rings as you exit the Carousel Boutique. As you trot along the grass towards your next destination, you mentally review your checklist.

>Review the refrigerated stasis spell?

>Checked

>Pick up your package from Rarity's?

>Checked

>Pick up your orders from Sugarcube Corner?

>In progress

>Visit Ponyville Hospital?

>Unchecked

>Pick up food from Tavare's?

>Unchecked

>Go home?

>Unchecked... Obviously.

>You were nothing if not prepared.

>Coming up on Sugarcube corner, you push open the doors to find the bakery fairly busy. Ponies sat at booths while munching on breakfast pastries, croissants, and other baked breakfast goods. You can hear Pinkie in the back yelling something or other to Mr. Cake, who you hear respond in kind. Up front was Mrs. Cake, handling the patrons ahead of you in line.

>After a bit of waiting, it's finally your turn.

>"Thank you dearie, come again, now! Oh, Princess, welcome!"

>You cringed internally.

"Just Twilight is fine, Mrs. Cake."

>"Right, I have your order riiight..."

>Mrs. Cake holds the vowel as she digs through various boxes, her eyes darting side to side.

>"Here! Anything else for you, dearie?"

>Mrs. Cake slides a pink rectangular box with a stylized sugar cube imbedded on its topside over the counter towards you.

"Yes, actually! Two milkshakes, please. One strawberry, one chocolate."

>Mrs. Cake gives a slight chuckle.

>"A little early in the day for milkshakes, isn't it dear?"

"Oh no, they're for later! I've studied up on a refrigeration spell I've been wanting to try out, and this is the perfect opportunity!"

>Mrs. Cake nods with a smile as she trots to the back for a moment, returning with your two milkshakes.

>"That everything, dear?"

>You give an affirmative hum as you magic the necessary bits over to her, trotting out the door as she waves you off.

>Sugarcube Corner, checked! Now... the hospital.

 

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>The sound of hoof against wood raps against the door in front of you as you knock on it.

>"Come in!"

>You open the door and see a pegasus laying on a hospital bed, bandages wrapping around her wings.

>One of her hind legs was hanging from a sling, having been wrapped in a cast.

>"Nurse? Is that you?"

>You approach her side so that she can see you, clearly not resembling her nurse.

"No, it's uh.. Twilight."

>"Oh, okay! Hey, Twilight! …So, you heard about the accident, huh?"

"Only that something went wrong. What happened?"

>The incapacitated mare recounts her story

>Apparently, she'd flown into a cloud during her routine yesterday afternoon. The surprise mass of water vapor careened her into the town hall, where the injuries she'd sustained led her to here.

>"I was just so used to there not being any clouds this summer, I wasn't looking out for them! It's hard enough to see them coming with, well, y'know, but it's a million times harder if you're not even lookin' for them! I just don't know what went wrong!"

>The gray mare scrunches a little as she hits the back of her head with a pillow with a soft thump, strands of her blonde mane gently falling onto her snout, to which she responds with a snort of air to blow it back where it belongs.

"It's alright, Ditzy. You'll be up and at 'em, back in business in no time! At least nopony else got hurt, right?"

>Ditzy looks to the side, her eyes slowly drifting as she does.

>"I guess not, no… But what about the next time? What if somepony does end up getting hurt? I couldn't live with that!"

"You can't worry about what might happen, you just… have to live it."

>You didn't even know what that meant, but you heard Anon say it once, so might as well give it a shot.

>"…I guess that makes sense… Yeah! Thanks!"

"Of course! Oh, also, I brought these!"

>You levitate the box from Sugarcube Corner over to Ditzy, though she already knows what's inside it.

>"Heheh, I was wondering when you'd bring them up. Thanks."

>She opens the box to reveal her favorite: a baker's dozen of oatmeal-banana muffins.

>As usual, she offers the 'vantage loaf' to you, to which you happily accept, munching on the treats together.

>Derpy, or Ditzy Doo, as her full name read, was a close friend of yours for a long time now, much to everypony's surprise whenever they'd find out.

>Although she never minded it, her nickname 'Derpy' didn't feel right to you. She didn't come up with it herself, but you knew it wasn't done out of any malice or mean-spirits. You always just opted to use her real name, as you'd always done.

>You didn't blame ponies for being shocked at the friendship you shared. The two of you didn't really spend much time together, but you made up for it with moments like these.

>You don't really remember when it started, but it became a tradition for you to visit her in the hospital whenever she'd get into an accident, which was fairly often.

>You'd bring her a baker's dozen of her favorite muffins, and she'd always offer you the extra one.

>The two of you would then chat as you ate. Sharing stories, talking about any local happenings, even just chatting about the weather.

>"I tell ya, it's gonna be real nice when the clouds come back in full. I overheard one of the weather ponies saying that there's gonna be a HUGE rainfall soon to make up for the clear skies all summer!"

>A chuckle escapes your lips as you swallow the last bit of your muffin.

"That can't come soon enough. This place needs some rain already or we'll turn into a desert!"

>"When you’re right, you’re right."

"Well, I've gotta get back to it. Errands to run, and all that."

>Ditzy smiles warmly at you

>"No problem! Thanks again for the muffins! ‘Til next time."

>Until next time...

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>"The usual, I take it?"

>You give a chipper "Mmhm! To go, please" as the zebra in front of you mentally notes your order.

“I noticed you’ve been having quite the regular crowd since the party.”

>Tavare hums in acknowledgment. “There is seldom a dull moment, these days. Perhaps I should take on an apprentice, or hire some help. I love my work, but I am just a single zebra.”

>After a brief silence, Tavare returns with your meal: Two burgers, one with salmon, one with grass, and a hefty serving of horseshoe fries

>"Enjoy! Give Anon my regards, when you see him."

>Thanking him, you levitate the paper bags beside you as you journey back to the castle.

>Anon's gonna love this.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>You hate this.

>You've done nothing but lay down on a table all day.

>It's too hot to go outside.

>Too boring to stay inside.

>You haven’t known what to do with yourself these past couple days.

>And where the hell is Twilight? Or Snake. Either one would work.

>As if your prayers had been answered, in walks Twilight Sparkle with the telltale sound of her levitating shimmer surrounding two greasy bags.

>You can already smell it.

>The satisfying scent of burger.

>If this were a cartoon, this is where you'd start floating as the scent-lines from the food carry you by your nose.

>But since this isn't a cartoon, you opt to stand up yourself.

"Thank God you're here, Twilight. I was about to go insane from sheer boredom!"

>Cocking her head, Twilight continues towards the kitchen as you follow her.

>"Why didn't you go outside? It's a beautiful day out!"

"And what, burn to a crisp? Have you been outside recently?"

>"Have YOU? Didn't you hear? The cloud shortage is over. We're supposed to be getting lots of rain all across the region to make up for the dry summer, too... Canterlot, Ponyville, everywhere! Maybe even as soon as tonight, if they're quick enough."

>Your prayers really have been answered! No more burning heat, no more boredom, no more sitting inside.

"That's great! So what's in the bags?"

>As if you had to ask.

>Twilight sets the bags onto the kitchen counter, preparing some dishes.

>"It's a surprise! But here, this is something you should open in your room."

>She levitates a white box over to you before practically pushing you out the door.

>"I'll call for you in a bit, go!"

"Alright! Alright! Sheesh."

>Making the long walk to your quarters, you contemplate what could be inside.

>A hat?

>...

>You weren’t very creative with your thinking.

>Entering your bedroom, you set the box at the foot of your mattress. Slowly, you open it to reveal its contents.

>You're taken aback for a moment as you look at what's inside.

>Grabbing the item carefully, you unfurl it completely, holding it up for yourself to see.

>A note falls out, spurring you to drop the article onto the bed and snatch the paper, looking closely at its text.

>"Anon, I'm so proud of you for not only your accomplishments in the field of your friendship studies, but for being a true friend... and more... to myself. I know that the real Big Boss wouldn't have to say this through a letter, that he'd be brave enough to say it straight to your face, but I'm not the real Big Boss, so this'll have to do... I really like you, Anon. Yes, in that way. I like how I can really be myself around you, I like how safe I feel when you're with me, being in your arms, sharing stories with you, talking about anything with you. Just being in your company. No matter what. I know this might seem rushed or like we're going too fast, and it's okay if you feel that way, and I'm no good at sappy letters like this, but I'm not gonna keep it waiting any longer... I love you, plain and simple. -Snake"

>Beside her signature is a peace symbol.

>Gently folding the note, you put it aside as you hold up the gift that was in the box.

>It was a faithful recreation of the Diamond Dogs uniform. Dark olive fabric, yellow lining on the collar, reinforced padding, straps, buckles, boots, the whole nine yards.

>How the hell did she do this? Did you really go into that much detail?

>The light from your window catches the shoulder, flashing a small glint in your direction.

>Looking closer, you see a patch.

>THE patch.

>Diamond Dogs.

>And at the bottom of the patch?

>A small diamond embedded into the fabric.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>"Kept you waiti- huh?!"

>You waste no time as you storm right up to Snake dressed to the nines in your new gear, ignoring the delicious scent of Tavare's burgers assaulting your senses.

>Did you smell bourbon?

>Either way, you immediately pick up the mare dressed in her sneaking suit and embrace her tightly.

>It takes a few moments, but she relaxes, returning the hug in full force as you manage to squeak out two words.

"Y-you too."

>Without context, you'd have no idea what that meant, but she knew.

"Thank you, Boss."

>"No, thank you, Anon, for giving me the courage to do it."

>Slowly, you break the hug and set her back down, looking at the table in front of you both.

>It was a simple dinner: One burger on a plate for each of you, a big pile of horseshoe fries in a bowl for you to share, and two milkshakes. One chocolate, one strawberry.

>You liked strawberry.

"So... Is this supposed to be the romantic dinner after the heartfelt confession?"

>Snake chuckles, lightly punching your leg.

>"Shut up, I thought it'd be nice. Spike's sleeping over at Fluttershy's with the Crusaders, so we've got the castle to ourselves."

>You take a seat next to Snake, grabbing a few fries and throwing them in your mouth.

"Did you make the milkshakes yourself? They look ice cold."

>She perks up a little as she grabs her chocolate shake with her magic.

>"I used a refrigeration spell I remember hearing about a long time ago. Tweaked it a little so it wasn't too cold, but cold enough for food! I also added a little something. Try it!"

>She takes a sip before immediately coughing and hacking, clearing her throat.

>Cautiously, you eye your milkshake before grabbing it.

>The glass she poured them into was cold to the touch. It felt nice against your hands.

>Taking a sip, you immediately cough as well as an unknown substance burns your throat.

"Jesus! What the hell is in this?"

>"Hayseed Reserve bourbon!"

>...What?

"You put swamp moonshine in a milkshake?"

>"Yeah! I read about it in a magazine! It's supposed to be really good... once your throat gets numb..."

>You chuckle a bit as she blushes. Taking another sip, you jerk your head to the side and clear your throat.

”Bourbon and strawberries. Like wine and roses, huh?”

>After an eyeroll and chuckle, the both of you chow down on your burgers, taking breaks to sip on your turpentine shakes.

 

╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴╴

 

>You begin to hear the drizzle of rain tapping on the exterior of the castle, the crystals making an oddly pretty rhythm as the water strikes it.

"Looks like you were right."

>"It's about time, too."

>Your shakes are now empty, and you can admit you're a tad tipsy, as is Snake.

>The burger and fries helped soak up most of the alcohol, but you can feel the warmth of whatever got through glowing inside you.

"I have to admit... I did get used to the milkshake. Paint thinner ain't too bad when you get the hang of it."

>Snake giggles and snorts as she sways a little to and fro. She was feeling it, too.

>"Woah!"

>She falls off her chair as she sways a little too far

>Luckily, she landed right onto you.

>How convenient.

>She slowly clambers up onto you, meeting you eye to eye as she sits her haunches on your lap.

"You did that on purpose."

>"Yeah, but I don't see you complaining."

>She puts a little more weight into her seat, shifting her rear.

>"Or him...~"

>You couldn't deny it, Anon Jr was betraying you, yet again.

>Curse him and his family, the traitor.

>Wait...

>No, not this time. You're too inebriated to contemplate the relationship between you and your penis as if it were a separate living entity.

>Just as you're returning your focus to the present, you feel Snake's muzzle planted onto your face, giving you a sloppy drunken smooch.

>Of course, you return the favor, pushing your own tongue in as you two dance another tango.

>...Could you do the tango with two tongues?

>If you think about, the tongue is one of the strongest muscles of the body... you think.