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The Ol' Switcheroo

By PKAnon
Created: 2025-10-10 03:51:38
Updated: 2025-10-10 04:04:46
Expiry: Never
anonpinkie pieoneshotrule 63wholesomeaiebubble berry

  1. 1.
    >You palmed the edge of the counter with both hands and leaned forward, taking a considerable whiff of the meal sizzling away on your storied cast-iron skillet.
  2. 2.
    >The ratio of marbling to lean meat on nearly all six strips of bacon was a clean fifty-fifty, a stipulation that had taken the local Gryphonian meat vendor ages to bring to fruition.
  3. 3.
    >Umami fumes dominated your nostrils, every inhale just shy of placebo for your incoming feast.
  4. 4.
    >Buffeting your face alongside the heavenly miasma was a far subtler scent; that of a free-range egg, bubbling atop a generous layer of bacon grease.
  5. 5.
    >The golden yolk glared almost lasciviously back up at you, the surrounding whites circularly structured just so.
  6. 6.
    >Swathes of wondrous heat lapped at your face in uneven brushstrokes, the beginnings of moisture collecting on your bare skin.
  7. 7.
    >Oh, God.
  8. 8.
    >If it were any more perfect, you might have cried.
  9. 9.
    >You inwardly celebrated the fact that Pinkie was out with Twilight and Rarity that day, as it meant you wouldn’t have to air out the house until later on in the evening.
  10. 10.
    >The sweet mare swore up and down that she’d gotten used to it, of course, but you knew her better than that; the last time she’d been around for you cooking meat, she shoved her snout firmly into the crook of your neck and inhaled deeply whenever she had the chance.
  11. 11.
    >Impatient, you checked the timer of the adjacent counter, which read less than forty seconds left in the agonizing cook time.
  12. 12.
    >You reached over and twisted the knob counter-clockwise to zero, snuffing out the impending alarm before it had the chance to rip you from your nirvana.
  13. 13.
    >Briskly, you switched off the cooktop’s open flame and moved the skillet to a dormant burner to cool for a moment.
  14. 14.
    >You fetched silverware for the egg, but left the plates undisturbed; the skillet would more than suffice.
  15. 15.
    >…And what good would sitting at the table do, other than prolong your voraciousness even further?
  16. 16.
    >There was no need to be prim, or even proper! No, you’d dig in right there and-
  17. 17.
    >“Anon? Anon, are you there? Oh, /please/ let him be home…”
  18. 18.
    >Twilight’s voice, muffled by insulation and urgent in its timbre, dragged you from your stupor.
  19. 19.
    >Perplexed, you set your silverware down and plodded gingerly over to the back door.
  20. 20.
    >You opened it without delay, the hinges creaking as it’s thrown wide to zenith.
  21. 21.
    >A brisk fall breeze washed over you, the scent of maple and cloves high in the air.
  22. 22.
    >Fallen leaves danced about your backyard in the wind, glittering gold and warm tones accentuating the unending blue above.
  23. 23.
    >Three ponies dotted the yard, only two of which you were familiar with. Twilight and Rarity had gathered before you in some nervous capacity, huddled around a mysteriously cloaked figure.
  24. 24.
    >Normally, you would have assumed it to be Pinkie, but something wasn’t quite right; this pony was a fair bit stockier, taller than the rest of them.
  25. 25.
    >A stallion, maybe?
  26. 26.
    >Try as you might have to get a good look at the stranger’s face, the star-line cloak did a wonderful job of concealing their features in totality.
  27. 27.
    “Hey, girls,” you greeted them, an eyebrow hiked as you tore your focus from the figure. “Is, uh… Is everything alright?”
  28. 28.
    >“Yes!” Twilight blurted out before the other two could speak. “Well, ah, it… /should/ be. C-Can we come inside?”
  29. 29.
    >On any other day, under winds just as fair, you’d have kept the conversation outside - try as you might’ve, you weren’t quite as trusting of strangers as ponies were.
  30. 30.
    >Today, though, you searched your soul far and wide and found in its velvet halls a phantom tugging, spurring you to accept this newcomer into your home.
  31. 31.
    >Something wasn’t quite right, but you trusted Twilight and Rarity enough to let your guard down, if only a little bit.
  32. 32.
    “Yeah, sure.”
  33. 33.
    >You traipsed the width of your porch, unlatched the screen door, and held it open as they filed in one by one, each of the girls offering their usual greetings.
  34. 34.
    >As the stranger passed by, you saw them shrink away from you, scraping the door frame as they did so.
  35. 35.
    >A bit odd, but you took it on the chin.
  36. 36.
    >With everyone filed in, you cracked the inner door open, only to be utterly blasted by the aroma of an omnivore’s foray into the meatier side of life.
  37. 37.
    “Oh, fair warning - I just finished making brunch for myself, so the smell might be a little strong.”
  38. 38.
    >Twilight did her best not to grimace, but Rarity wore her distaste plainly.
  39. 39.
    >“Heavens above,” she quickly murmured to herself as she brought up the rear of the group. “Stench aside, though, it’s nice to see you again, darling.”
  40. 40.
    >You nodded as you made your way to the dining room and took a seat, shedding an internal tear as you lamented the furthering of your obscene appetite. The girls and the stranger took theirs as well.
  41. 41.
    “Good to see you too, Rares,” you said with an earnest smile. “What’s the Pinkster up to? I’ve been missin’ her something fierce today.”
  42. 42.
    >The girls shared an anxious glance before Twilight took the conversational reins once more.
  43. 43.
    >“T-That’s actually why we’re here,” she began. “Something happened to her while we were helping Zecora forage ingredients for her cure-all potions.”
  44. 44.
    >Your expression fell almost instantly, knurled innards twisting into knots.
  45. 45.
    >“She’s /completely/ fine,” she reassured you, hooves outstretched. “It’s a bit difficult to explain, but she’s alright.”
  46. 46.
    >A sigh of mild relief left your parted lips and rolled across the tabletop.
  47. 47.
    “What happened?”
  48. 48.
    >“We finished early, so we offered to help Zecora with the brewing as well,” Rarity chimed in. “To be curt, Pinkie tossed the wrong ingredient into the cauldron, which ended up making a /terrible/ mess of things, to say the least.”
  49. 49.
    >Twilight nodded before continuing.
  50. 50.
    >“A lot of it ended up in Pinkie’s coat, but she accidentally ingested some as well. Which led to, um…”
  51. 51.
    >She trailed off, twiddling her hooves. The stranger shrunk further into themselves, but Rarity spoke up again before you could hone in on it.
  52. 52.
    >“The concoction changed a few surface-level things about her,” she said. “All reversible, Zecora tells us, but it might take some time to produce the ‘antidote,’ as it were.”
  53. 53.
    >Surface-level things?
  54. 54.
    >Your mind started to race with what ailment might’ve befallen your lovely marefriend, but you halted it in its tracks; wanton speculation has never done you any good.
  55. 55.
    >That said, their aversion to specifics was more than a bit concerning.
  56. 56.
    “Well, as long as she isn’t in any pain, then that’s fine by me. What’s new about her?”
  57. 57.
    >Before you let them deliver the answer you were so anxious to hear, a rogue idea crossed your mind that you simply couldn’t allow to pass unspoken.
  58. 58.
    “Oh, before I forget - Rarity, are you still free to help me rehearse the proposal later this week?”
  59. 59.
    >“/WHAT/!?”
  60. 60.
    >A strangely familiar masculine shout almost threw you straight out of your chair.
  61. 61.
    >The girls’ surprise matched your own. Curiously enough, though, Rarity sheepishly smiled at the stranger, who had risen to all fours.
  62. 62.
    >“I-I mean, uh… t-tubular, dude! Yeahhh…”
  63. 63.
    >His voice sputtered out into silence as he pressed himself flush against your kitchen island.
  64. 64.
    >Courtesy leapt from your body in a flight of frenzy.
  65. 65.
    “Okay, I’ve been trying to be polite, but what’s this guy’s deal?” you asked sternly as you stood to your full height and faced him. “Why are you hiding under that thing? Who /are/ you?”
  66. 66.
    >Silence gripped the room as the stallion frantically switched his gaze between your friends.
  67. 67.
    >“Go ahead, darling,” Rarity said sweetly. “You’ve nothing to fear.”
  68. 68.
    >He flicked his attention to her one last time before he finally allowed it, nearly trembling, to rest on you.
  69. 69.
    >A small sigh came from beneath the robe as he sat on his haunches once more and attempted, unsuccessfully, to tug it off with his forehooves.
  70. 70.
    >Really, all he did was further tangle himself in his glorified bed sheets.
  71. 71.
    >Unwilling to let him subject himself to what must have assuredly been an embarrassing venture, you meandered over to him and found your grip on the fabric.
  72. 72.
    >He froze up as you slowly untangled him, forelimbs returned to the ground.
  73. 73.
    >A toss here, a twist there, a pull and a nudge this way and that, and you felt it come undone at last.
  74. 74.
    >Without delay, you slid the coverings off of his head, only to be met with…
  75. 75.
    >…Magenta curls?
  76. 76.
    >They bounced and rippled back into their usual formation as the blanket came fully away.
  77. 77.
    >You cocked your head in abject confusion.
  78. 78.
    “Pinkie…?”
  79. 79.
    >A painterly blush, enough to fully overpower the pink fur above, adorned nearly the entirety of her - /his/ - face.
  80. 80.
    >“Surprise!” he exclaimed meekly.
  81. 81.
    >The smile that accompanied it was, indeed, still the one that lifted your heart from katabasis.
  82. 82.
    >But the sharp jawline, the slightly smaller eyes, the stouter barrel - that was all new.
  83. 83.
    >A few fragile moments pass as you try to re-start your mind.
  84. 84.
    >“Nonny?” he called to you, combing his eyes over your bewildered face. “S-Say something, ya big goofball.”
  85. 85.
    >Huh…?
  86. 86.
    >Oh! Right.
  87. 87.
    >Words.
  88. 88.
    “…How d’ya do, ponka-roo?”
  89. 89.
    >Your half of the cheeky sing-song greeting fell flat, but it was the best you could do, considering the fact that you were one electric current away from short-circuiting.
  90. 90.
    >Pinkie’s ears fell back flat against his head, seemingly insecure after having picked up on your blunder.
  91. 91.
    >“Feelin’ fine, ‘Non-O-mine,” he sang back, several octaves deeper than you were used to.
  92. 92.
    >Several hard blinks later, you shook your brain free of its inhibiting crust and knelt down to hug him, arms outstretched.
  93. 93.
    >He met you in kind, deceptively firm hooves pulling you snugly against his chest.
  94. 94.
    >You inhaled gently as the embrace reached crescendo; the usual fragrance of berries and frosting now carried a hint of musk along with it.
  95. 95.
    >It all made you so… /heady/.
  96. 96.
    >Both of your heads draped over each others’ shoulders, you spoke softly to him.
  97. 97.
    “Are you alright, babe?”
  98. 98.
    >The long-practiced pet name felt odd, even though it shouldn’t have.
  99. 99.
    >“Yeah, I’m alright!” he said, perking up as you both untangled yourselves. “I'm still getting used to the voice, and the extra muscles feel weird, but my Pinkie Sense still works, so it’s not all bad! I thought I’d be having an identity crisis or two by now.”
  100. 100.
    >He giggled, and you did your best to laugh in tandem.
  101. 101.
    “No side effects, yeah? Tongue’s still the right size and all?”
  102. 102.
    >Rather than offer you a verbal reply, he simply stuck his tongue out at you in all of his usual candor.
  103. 103.
    >That’s your Pinkie, clear as day.
  104. 104.
    >You pinched it as household custom dictates, which returns some gusto to his smile.
  105. 105.
    >“We’ll leave you two be,” Twilight chimed in as she and Rarity stood from their seats and started for the front door. “We should be getting back to Zecora to see if we can help with the reversal potion.”
  106. 106.
    “Be safe, you two,” you replied. “Pop by if you’ve got any updates for us.”
  107. 107.
    “Not to worry, Anonymous,” Rarity beamed. “We’ll be back at the earliest opportunity. Ta-ta for now, dearies!”
  108. 108.
    >“Bye, girls!” Pinkie shouted as he waved them out. “See ya soon!”
  109. 109.
    >The house fell silent as the latch clicked back into place and the clip-clopping of hooves on tile ceased to be.
  110. 110.
    “I’m so glad you’re alright,” you sighed as you stood once more. “Did you have lunch yet? I can whip something up for you real quick if you want.”
  111. 111.
    >As if it were sentient, his comically loud grumbling stomach made his case for him.
  112. 112.
    >“I did, but I’m /waaaay/ hungrier than usual,” he replied enthusiastically, rubbing his belly with his forehoof. “But before that, I just, um…”
  113. 113.
    >His playful demeanor decayed almost as quickly as it arrived, uncharacteristic bashfulness returning to his cheeks as he held your gaze directly.
  114. 114.
    >“…I love you, Nonny. My heart feels all sticky whenever you’re with me, and I don’t ever want it to get all smooth and boring again.
  115. 115.
    >“I know you said before that your party cannon doesn’t really aim for the home team, and I guess that’s what makes me worried. It’s the one thing that /could/ mess everything up, even if it’s only temporary. I mean, I’m still Pinkie, you know?”
  116. 116.
    >He sniffed loudly, a lump having taken residence in his throat.
  117. 117.
    >“I just don’t wanna lose what we’ve got, Anon… b-but I understand if you don’t wanna be close while I’m like this.”
  118. 118.
    >The feeling writhing through your ribs and between your lungs was difficult to name.
  119. 119.
    >You loved Pinkie with your entire heart, but it’s as she said; your barn door didn’t swing inward, so to speak.
  120. 120.
    >Yet at the same time, there you were, breathless as you bore witness to him pining for you.
  121. 121.
    >Your Ponka Po.
  122. 122.
    >…
  123. 123.
    >There was only one thing for it, then.
  124. 124.
    “Hm… I’ll have to do a couple of checks /juuuust/ to be sure.”
  125. 125.
    >You perched your chin between your thumb and index finger, your other arm crossed in front of you for support.
  126. 126.
    >You hiked your right eyebrow as high as it could go as your eyes poured over every observable inch of him.
  127. 127.
    “Coat’s still nice and fluffy, mane and tail are suitably bouncy…”
  128. 128.
    >You stepped closer and knelt down once again, gently cupping his chin with one hand and tilting his head in various ways.
  129. 129.
    >A wiggly grin overtook his dejection, his face lit aflame with heat.
  130. 130.
    “Still cute as punch… or would that be handsome now?”
  131. 131.
    >“Either works,” he just barely squeaked out.
  132. 132.
    >He squirmed under your touch as you ran your hands over his chest, then onto his neck and forearms.
  133. 133.
    >The muscle underneath was taut, and he took unabashed pleasure in your roaming of its minute valleys and peaks - especially so when you went just shy of his hindquarters.
  134. 134.
    “Definitely still an earth pony,” you mused.
  135. 135.
    >Without warning, you scooped him up into your arms, belly-up. His forehooves stood helplessly as they fell against his chest, while his hind legs crossed instinctively to block what was behind them.
  136. 136.
    >You put your ear to his chest - the rhythmic heartbeat within was getting faster.
  137. 137.
    “Same beautiful heart. Now, just /one/ more test…”
  138. 138.
    >Without waiting for him to question what it might be, you plunged face-first into his tummy and blew as hard as you could.
  139. 139.
    >Manic laughter broke out not a moment later, Pinkie gently swatting and pushing against your head.
  140. 140.
    >After the symphony of fart noises had finished, you held him tightly against your chest, snout-to-nose.
  141. 141.
    “Yeah, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, toots. I'm still marryin' ya.”
  142. 142.
    >You closed the distance and stole a kiss from the one pony you loved more than anything.
  143. 143.
    >/Without exception/.

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