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Con-Anon

By Redprince
Created: 2026-01-12 03:19:23
Updated: 2026-01-12 03:24:02
Expiry: Never
anon

  1. 1.
    >You are anon but you usually go by different names. You’ve gone by Inco, anon a mis, Nomen nescio the list goes on.
  2. 2.
    >Point being is that you don’t stick to the same name or the same place for very long. It's a fast way for someone who’s looking for you to find you.
  3. 3.
    >If someone was looking for you using one of your fake names that was bad enough now imagine hearing your real name in a dark alleyway at 2 in the morning.
  4. 4.
    >You remember that night with some clarity after hearing your name you didn’t even bother to turn around to see who said it.
  5. 5.
    >You broke out into a full sprint but it was too late. You felt something smash against your head and you crumbled to the ground.
  6. 6.
    >After that it started getting blurry and you couldn’t really make much out in the way of words but you remember being hit with a flurry of blows followed by yelling before it all went dark.
  7. 7.
    >You shot up in bed sweating but looking around you realized that there wasn’t anything there. It was that nightmare again, it's been recurring since you got here.
  8. 8.
    >Getting out of bed you groaned and looked outside your window, it was still dark out so there wasn’t much you could do since most of the hor-ponies get up when the sun is up.
  9. 9.
    >Checking the nightstand you take out what looks like a pack of smokes but in reality is candy cigarettes. Apparently ponies here couldn’t get tobacco because it was outlawed due to its ‘harmful effects.’
  10. 10.
    >Opening the pack you realize your down to the last one and out of frustration you just groan and take the remaining fag in hand and leave the empty pack in your nightstand. Getting those things in the first place was a challenge of its own.
  11. 11.
    >Many ponies here look down on smoking or even the pretend act of it, especially book smarts. You still remember her yelling at you when she found out you smoked.
  12. 12.
    >”What if a colt or filly caught you smoking? They might pick up on your bad habits!”
  13. 13.
    >You tried to argue with her for a good while saying how it’s mostly chocolate and bubblegum and having one every once in a while wouldn’t kill you. She was also really worried about you not appearing very stallionlike.
  14. 14.
    >Stepping outside onto your porch you sat down on your chair and started to think to yourself: It's the strangest thing you’ve been here for only really a few months yet you managed to save up enough cas-bits to afford a house. It’s a bit on the smaller side considering your size but hey having somewhere to sleep is much nicer than bumming off book smart forever.
  15. 15.
    >Christ it was annoying trying to live by yourself at first since most of the little ponies here thought purple nurple kicked you out and were forcing you to fend for yourself.
  16. 16.
    >You probably sounded like a battered housewife trying to tell them that she didn’t make you leave and you wanted to get your own place.
  17. 17.
    >As you rocked back and forth in the chair you heard the snap of a branch being pulled back followed by hitting someone, you jumped out of your chair dropping the candy cigarette but as you were on edge you soon heard a familiar voice.
  18. 18.
    >”Owwww-Don’t cry, Applebloom fillies don’t cry.” stifling a laugh you walk over to the bush you heard your mystery guest hiding in who also seems to be trying to hold back some tears from the sound of things.
  19. 19.
    “Hello mysterious guest, do you want to stay hiding in the bush all day or actually tell me what you're doing here?”
  20. 20.
    >The ‘bush’ responded back in a shaky voice. “Ah your ah sleepin that’s right! You should head on back home anony.” shaking your head you shove your hands into the bush you soon pull out an applebloom who seems to be as shocked as you are tired.
  21. 21.
    >”Anony! What are you doing up so early and also in front of your house…”
  22. 22.
    “I live here? Besides, what are you doing up so early? The sun hasn’t shown its ugly face yet.”
  23. 23.
    >Applebloom seemed to take some offense struggling a bit in your grasp while you walked back to your chair. “Hey now just cause you're a stallion doesn’t mean you should say mean things!”
  24. 24.
    “Oh yeah sorry about that I forgot the sun is a touchy subject. Still you haven’t answered my question. What are you doing at my house this late at night?” you sit down and place the tiny gang stalker on your lap.
  25. 25.
    >”I was missin you.” She sounded defeated as she said it. “You ain’t come by the farm in a few days now and I missed hearing your stories.”
  26. 26.
    “Sorry but I've been busy with work, kiddo. Listen, come back another day and I'll-.”
  27. 27.
    >Before you could finish what you were going to say she practically shoves her face into your chest. “N-no just can I just stay with you at least until the sun comes back up please.” she looked up from being nuzzled in your chest with pleading eyes, fuckin cute ass ponies.
  28. 28.
    “Sure you can but you have to tell me why you actually came here. Applejack's probably worried sick about you.” You’ve been oddly good at telling when she lies, granted she doesn’t lie much but when she does she looks like she ate something horribly sour.
  29. 29.
    >”I had a nightmare again..”
  30. 30.
    “Was it about the timberwolves?”
  31. 31.
    >”Yes sir.” You started playing with her mane and thought back to the day she’s talking about. It was the same day you showed up in Equestria right after you woke up from that back alley beatdown.
  32. 32.
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  33. 33.
    >At first you thought you were dead since you didn’t feel that pain in the back of your head anymore followed by waking up in what looks like a Louisiana swamp. Maybe the guys who beat you down expected you to get eaten by alligators but if that was the case why not throw you in a river?
  34. 34.
    >All those questions aside you explored that forest and found it at worst annoying because of the bugs and humidity then as you smashed one of those weird round bug things that kept following, you heard a scream in the distance.
  35. 35.
    >Two thoughts rushed into your mind one being great you might be near some form of civilization the second thought being oh great the people you're more than likely going to meet is some slack jawed yokel who by the sounds of it might be eating someone or being eaten.
  36. 36.
    >Well if they were eating anyone, maybe they’ll be full now and won’t eat you. Taking that risk you began running towards the screaming if you were lucky maybe the hillbilly died and left his truck’s keys somewhere.
  37. 37.
    >To your surprise when you kept running you found a scene out of a national geographic episode, wolves encircling a tiny baby horse. However the wolves that you were used to seeing were made out of meat and these ones seemed to be made out of sticks.
  38. 38.
    >You were about to turn to leave the baby horse to their fate but something kept nagging at you from leaving. Maybe it was seeing the baby animals in those shows getting eaten or maybe there was a conscience inside of you just really deep down.
  39. 39.
    >Checking your suit pocket you found your lighter, some brass knuckles and a flask not really a survivalist's wet dream but you're creative if nothing else. Grabbing a nearby stick you look around for something flammable you could wrap around the stick like someone's t-shirt that they left behind or anything.
  40. 40.
    >No dice though, then you looked at your suit’s sleeve ‘Is it really worth ruining a 3000 dollar suit for a dumb horse?’ as you battled with yourself internally you looked over at the little horse again to see it being snapped at and backed into a corner.
  41. 41.
    >Fuckitwe’lldoitlive.mp4
  42. 42.
    >Ripping the suit’s sleeve you wrapped what you could around the stick then doused it in whatever you had left in the flask and lit it up with your lighter. Now the only question was how were you going to get there since it was a bit of a drop all things considered.
  43. 43.
    >No normal steps down, can’t really climb down since you're only using one hand and it might be a bit too slow since those things are getting really close. Jesus, are you seriously considering jumping off a cliff to protect a dumb animal?
  44. 44.
    >Oh look at that your legs are already moving, it seems your brain didn’t get the heads up but the rest of you did since by the time you realize what you did you see those 3 wolves looking up in horror seeing an ape midair while carrying a stick of fire screaming at them.
  45. 45.
    >Once you did land you managed to stay up right absolutely shattering the fuck out of your ankle. Once face to face with these things you realize they’re a lot bigger than you thought but you're in too deep gotta commit.
  46. 46.
    “AHRAGHSHDAWERHRSA!”
  47. 47.
    >Not really words per say but good enough Anon, ape rage seems to not only help confuse them more but scare them since you also start swinging the torch around like you're trying to bash in someone’s head.
  48. 48.
    >The wolves whine as you begin to limp forward screaming more unintelligible things then they make a break for it running deeper into the woods. Leaving you alone with a sprained ankle, an oddly colorful horse and a stick on fire.
  49. 49.
    >If this is what you get for trying to be the good guy maybe this type of shit wasn’t for you after all your suit now has a tear in it and god knows when you’ll find a good tailor who wouldn’t charge an arm and a leg.
  50. 50.
    >Looking back at the horse it was laying on the ground cowering in fear covering its face with its hooves.
  51. 51.
    >”Please don’t eat me Mrs.Monster I don’t taste mighty good!”
  52. 52.
    >The horse just spoke. Checking yourself over once you're pretty sure you haven’t had a stroke and you sure don’t feel dead. Furthermore the pain in your foot is pretty real so this can’t be a dream either.
  53. 53.
    >Oh shit it’s looking up at you now, oh god it looks like it’s about to start crying, say something.
  54. 54.
    “I’m not hungry.”
  55. 55.
    >What the fuck was that Anon?
  56. 56.
    >The baby horse still looks scared you can do better than that.
  57. 57.
    “I’m not going to eat you I promise, scouts honor,” You’ve never been in the scouts before but that doesn’t mean you can’t use their good name to your advantage.
  58. 58.
    >The little horse looked like it wasn’t going to cry anymore but still looked terrified of its own shadow.
  59. 59.
    “C-can you help me home?” You debated on what to do since none of this made sense, the wolves made of wood, talking animals also why did she call you Mrs.? Then you looked at her again and she was still shaking like a leaf.
  60. 60.
    >You weren’t a nice person. Not by a long shot you’ve scammed folks, robbed people, lied, cheat, stole, etc doing good things wasn’t in your nature. In another life you probably would have left her there to fend for herself since you gotta look out for numero one.
  61. 61.
    >At least that’s what you keep telling yourself while you pet this tiny pony until you feel the warm sunlight hit your face. None of it felt real walking into this town of ponies, then finding out aside from humans not existing the gender roles were also reversed here.
  62. 62.
    >For the first few days you expected to wake up to reality in a swamp or tied up in a chair in a Chinese restaurant's backroom or even expected not to wake up at all. It never came though you're still here making a new life trying to be decent.
  63. 63.
    >That’s enough reminiscing for today you’ve gotta get ready for work soon. Thank god for Mr.Cake he took pity on you when you were asking around for work plus you're pretty sure he’s paying you a bit extra something about stallions looking out for stallions.
  64. 64.
    “Alright the sun’s up you need to get home.” You start to nudge her to move but realize that not only did she fall asleep on your lap she seems to have latched onto you as a sort of safety blanket.
  65. 65.
    >You really should wake her up since knowing the little shitheels at her school might see this and tease her about falling asleep in some stallion's lap. On the other hand she looks so peaceful that you don’t really want to wake her up and ruin this.
  66. 66.
    >As you have this internal debate with yourself you see Applejack walking up your little pathway at first with a concerned look on her face but once you lock eyes with her she seems to calm down.
  67. 67.
    >“Mister Anon I am so sorry about her bothering you again I’ve been trying to talk to her about not waking stallion durin their beauty sleep in all but-” You put a hand up and wave her over to you.
  68. 68.
    “It’s fine Appletrax, I don’t mind her coming over when she needs to. I just didn’t want you worried about where she ran off to.”
  69. 69.
    >”I’d wish you call me by my right name Mister Anon.”
  70. 70.
    “And I’d like it if you dropped the mister title.” she frowned at you saying this.
  71. 71.
    >For some ungodly reason you and Applejack have been at odds since you’ve been here not like you're at one another’s throats but rather you try to steer clear of her because she’s the embodiment of honesty and you're a con man.
  72. 72.
    >She’s very adamant about you being a great influence for Applebloom and someone who she can trust to be around her sister but time and time again you try to explain to this dumb little pony that she really shouldn’t put all her trust into you since she doesn’t really know you.
  73. 73.
    >As you two are preparing to argue about ‘trust and honesty’ again, you feel something stirring in your lap and you both watch as Applebloom raises her head up slowly, blinking and looking around.
  74. 74.
    >”Good Morning sugarcube did ya sleep well?” Applejack giggled while Applebloom looked around and soon shock and embarrassment seemed to take over. She quickly hopped off your lap and tried to stand straight up.
  75. 75.
    >”I ah don’t know what ya mean! Let’s go home!” Applebloom turned her head and gave you a polite bow before she started running on the path back home.
  76. 76.
    >”I’ll catch up with her in a second, I just wanted to thank you.” She looked towards the direction Applebloom ran off too and shook her head smiling.
  77. 77.
    “Thank me for what?” You don’t feel like you did anything special. All you did was sit in your chair and pet a pony that’s not really praise worthy.
  78. 78.
    >”I know Applebloom talks to you about her nightmares. Celestia knows I've tried to help her but it seems you do something and she feels all better so thank you.” You're getting a bit choked up here.
  79. 79.
    “That’s very kind of you-”
  80. 80.
    >”I’ve even asked Twilight and she mentioned something about paternal DNA? Something about it running in stallion’s of every species. Either way I just wanted to thank ya for being there for her. She ain't the most mareish filly but she’s tryin her best.”
  81. 81.
    >You don’t know whether to be annoyed because she ruined a tender moment or laugh either way fuck these gay little ponies for making you care.
  82. 82.
    “Thanks Applejack.” With that she tipped her cowboy hat and began her own walk home. With that done you stood up stretched and walked back inside.
  83. 83.
    >You still had a few hours before work so for now you could sit back relax and not worry about any more interuptio-
  84. 84.
    >KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!
  85. 85.
    >Jesus christ whoever was at your door either was dying or you owed serious money to. Actually that second part did scare you a bit so going to a window you peeked open the blinders to see who it was and low and behold purple the 8 pages is standing at your door looking agitated.
  86. 86.
    >Opening the door you're met with a tsunami of word vomit the likes of that the Japanese are still recovering from to this day.
  87. 87.
    >”HI ANON SORRY TO BOTHER YOU BUT I NEED A FAVOR MAY I COME INSIDE THIS IS URGENT!” You managed to piece only that set of words together since the rest all mangled together like each thing she was saying kept tripping over one another.
  88. 88.
    You were a bit weary about letting her in since right now she gave you that homeless crackhead who stabs you for your shoes vibe but she is a decent friend some days she pushes it sometimes but you can do her a solid and hear her out.
  89. 89.
    "Sure, come in, just sit down and relax, you look badshit insane.” While letting her in you walked into your kitchen and checked your fridge and grabbed an apple cider you planned on drinking later but instead put it on the coffee table in front of her she probably needs it more than you.
  90. 90.
    She takes the drink and starts to down it faster than you could blink but it seemed to help since the hairs that were standing up seemed to fall back in line slowly.
  91. 91.
    >“Thank you Anon, sorry if I scared you. I've been up all night trying to figure out what I’m going to do.” You tilted your head confused
  92. 92.
    “Not trying to be a dick here but if your having a problem why not go to your friends I mean Applejack was just here a minute ago I could probably run and get-”
  93. 93.
    >”NO THEY CAN’T KNOW!” She shot up from sitting like she’d gotten a surprise colonoscopy and was inches away from your face. “Anon please you can’t tell them I need this to stay a secret!”
  94. 94.
    “Christ in a handbasket, did you kill someone?” You very gently shoved the purple terror away from your face. It seems your question at least somewhat snapped her out of her spiral.
  95. 95.
    >“No! No nothing like that, it's just.” She sighed heavily and looked you in the eyes almost pleading silently. “Can you promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to ask you?”
  96. 96.
    >You felt like this was starting to get above your fictional paygrade. You don’t hate Twilight but getting involved in whatever this is sounds like it’s going to not only take your whole day but there's a good chance a friendship lesson is inbound and you sure don’t need to hear one of those.
  97. 97.
    >On the other hand she’s been decent to you, she’s helped you get acclimated and let you bum in her castle for a while. Rubbing your temple you look at her and she’s got those puppy dog eyes and looking at it you knew your fate was sealed.
  98. 98.
    “I promise I won’t tell anyone what you ask me here.”
  99. 99.
    >”Thank you Anon.” She smiled once she had made her promise. Taking a deep breath she asked. “Can you be my date to the moonlight prance soirée?”
  100. 100.
    >Taking a finger you make sure to clean your ear since you're pretty sure you misheard her.
  101. 101.
    “Sorry I think I misheard you, could you say that again?” She looked more nervous but quickly spoke again.
  102. 102.
    >”Would you be my date to the moonlight prance soirée? Please?”
  103. 103.
    >So she did say that and you weren’t losing your hearing. Now the question is why you? It couldn’t be some weird power play thing of her flexing that she’s porking an alien or would it be called truffling here?
  104. 104.
    >Either way that isn’t twiggles style if anything that would be skittles agenda but then if not that why you? I mean she’s a princess it can't be that hard for her to get a date with prestige like that?
  105. 105.
    >Sure she’s not the greatest at speaking to stallions. I mean those self help books she pretends not to read definitely show that but still it can’t be impossible for her right?
  106. 106.
    “I’m not saying no but I am curious. Why me? You're a princess after all, wouldn't it be easy to toss a stone in a crowd of stallions and pick from there?”
  107. 107.
    >”I wouldn’t throw stones at stallions! But I should be honest with you about why I asked you at least.” You looked intrigued that she was planning on not saying anything until you asked this is out of character for her.
  108. 108.
    >Well from what you know about her I mean you haven’t shown your true colors to these little ponies and don’t plan to. You notice her taking a deep breath before she speaks.
  109. 109.
    >”So me and Celestia were talking and she asked if I had found a special somepony yet and I didn’t want to say I didn’t so I lied but I was going to admit I was lying when I noticed she was so happy for me that I couldn’t admit what I said was wrong. Afterwards she invited me and him to the moonlight prance soirée saying that she couldn’t wait to see him and that was weeks ago and now I'm panicking because if I asked any other pony they might tell Celestia before I do and-”
  110. 110.
    >Cutting her panicked ramblings you grab her face and look her in the eyes you hear her gasp but you have to do shit like this to stop her from spiraling since she’ll start going into every minute detail.
  111. 111.
    “I think I got most of it so correct me if I get anything wrong but you lied to Celestia, need a fake date to also lie to her and you didn’t ask anyone else because you're worried they can’t lie to her right?” She nods her head in your hands
  112. 112.
    “What makes you think I can lie to her? I mean she’s the pseudo-god? Eternal ruler? Whatever she is, she's pretty high up there and I'm just some dude. What makes me the best choice?”
  113. 113.
    >”I-I guess you're right sorry for bothering you Anon.” She’s about to magic herself out of your grasp and leave when you tighten your grip ever so slightly.
  114. 114.
    “Relax I didn’t say no I’m down to help you with this I just wanted to know why me? I mean wouldn’t she think something's up with you dating an alien?”
  115. 115.
    >”She might congratulate me because you're an alien.” She says with squished cheeks. Releasing her cheeks you smile. You forgot that these little bastards, as cute as they are, can be deviants.
  116. 116.
    “First things first, when's the soirée?”
  117. 117.
    >”Tomorrow” she smiled nervously.
  118. 118.
    “Tomorrow? You’re fucking with me right?” She just held that awkward smile she was doing before, taking a deep breath you sigh heavily. Might as well start looking into getting a new suit made since you still haven’t gotten around to fixing the old one and it still has stains of swamp water and blood.
  119. 119.
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Con-Anon

by Redprince

Con-Anon

by Redprince