My Twaifu


                                            It all started from a fortune cookie I got.

                                            "If you can shape it in your mind, you will find it in your life."

                                            It was a little on-the-nose, but I just couldn't get it out of my head.

                                            It was a sign, right? Because life is built upon little coincidences.

                                            It's about faith, Anon. You have to have faith.

                                            She's on her way.

                                            You just have to believe it.


                                            "T-Twilight?"

                                            >She bites her lip, trying to stifle a grin.

                                            >"Yes, Anon, it's really me."

                                            "I'm not lucid dreaming, am I? I mean I know I gave it a shot a while back, but I didn't get very far—"

                                            >"No, you're not dreaming, you're not hallucinating, this is all real."

                                            >You reach out nervously and touch her cheek. You can feel her soft coat as she leans her muzzle in to meet your fingers.

                                            >"Oh... they're so warm," she says, affectionately nuzzling your hand. "Everything I've read suggested humans had generally cold hands and feet."

                                            >You snap your hand back.

                                            "Nuh-uh. There's no way this is happening."

                                            >She tilts her head. "How about you invite me in and I tell you all about it?"

                                            >Silently, you step aside, allowing her into your apartment. She steps inside, peering around, struggling to contain her excitement.

                                            >"It's just like I imagined it," she whispers.

                                            >You watch her explore your living room, eagerly taking note of all the little details.

                                            "How did you get here?"

                                            >"It wasn't easy. You know how hard it is to operate that elevator with hooves?"

                                            >You stare at her dumbfoundedly.

                                            >"Oh, you mean to Earth?" She hops up onto your couch and settles in. "I've been at it a long time. But you know all about that, don't you?"


                                            >You have a waifu.

                                            >Let's entertain the, admittedly overrated, multiverse theory for a minute.

                                            >Suppose there is one particular universe out there, in which you are her husbando.

                                            >In following this premise, she necessarily has to be aware of your presence, perhaps from some form of entertainment media, like you with her.

                                            >Maybe it's a children's book series called My Little Human. Starring you, in a dramatized account of your life.

                                            >And as she reads it over and over, she falls for you, a fictional person of another species. She can't admit these feelings because they would make her a social pariah.

                                            >But the years go by and she finds she can't love anyone else. Not in the same way. She only wants you.

                                            >And you, her.

                                            >Now suppose this unique dynamic between the two of you makes it possible to communicate through some convoluted form of dimensional transcension.

                                            >Forget the metaphysical ramifications for a minute. It's as simple as you think a thought to her, and you hear her answer in your head.

                                            >Even if you imagine or fake it, if we optimistically assume that all universes are possible, then there must be one where she hears your thought in her head, and replies with the very same answer you made up.

                                            >In that way, even in the worst case that you have completely fabricated her, she is still conceivably real.

                                            >And so you share that small comfort, talking to each other.

                                            >She becomes a complex.

                                            >You hold entire conversations in your head on the daily, but some days you still have doubts on whether she's real. You ask if all this is really possible, or if you're just deluding yourself.

                                            >Then one day, you get your answer.

                                            >This is that story.


                                            >You stare a minute, processing the story Twilight just told you.

                                            >It's really her. Undoubtedly, indisputably her. The one you've been talking in your head with. The one you've been making romantic plans with. The one you've spent countless sleepless nights up with.

                                            >Without a word, you walk over to her and sweep her up into your arms, hugging her small frame.

                                            >She wraps her hooves around you and rests her head on your shoulder.

                                            >You're pressed so close you can feel her pounding heartbeat against yours.

                                            >You take a deep breath and realize you can smell her mane. Lavender and jasmine. Just like she told you.

                                            >After an eternity of silently savoring the moment, you pull away from the embrace, tenderly lowering her back down to your sofa.

                                            >She looks up at you with those giant, expressive eyes, tears just barely welling within them.

                                            >"Anon... You have no idea how long I've waited for that."

                                            >You take a seat beside her, still shocked by how lifelike she really is up close.

                                            "I know. I never thought this day would come."

                                            >She scooches over to you so she can lean her head into your chest.

                                            >You place an arm around her, resting your hand on her back.

                                            >"All my life I've tried to get here. To you. I don't want to ever leave."

                                            >She shuts her eyes, folds her hooves over your legs, and sighs deeply, her anxious heartbeat finally slowing.

                                            >You look down at the pony in your lap and fight back tears of your own.

                                            >The mare of your dreams has finally come home.


                                            "I gotta say, you picked a really bad time to show up."

                                            >"Why? What's going on?"

                                            "The whole world's going crazy. There's a virus going around. Everyone's holed up in their homes riding the storm out."

                                            >Twilight's eyes go wide. "Oh, my. Are we safe here?" she asks, growing frightened.

                                            "Of course, everything's fine for the most part. We just have to stay isolated till this blows over. Truth be told, you might even be immune to it. I don't know how these things work."

                                            >She curls up against you. "Still, I'd rather not risk finding out. I'm doing just fine right here."

                                            >A warm sense of confidence overtakes you when you see you've successfully allayed her fears.

                                            "I guess it's good you're here now. I've kind of been going stir-crazy all cooped up here by myself."

                                            >"Well, I'll gladly be your quarantine buddy, Anon." She kisses your chest and smiles up at you.

                                            >It hits you again. Holy shit, she's real.

                                            >You hear a meow come from the bedroom.

                                            >Twilight leaps up. "You have a cat!" she shouts, excitedly.

                                            "Oh yeah, he's—"

                                            >Your cat struts into view and immediately freezes when he sees Twilight. After a couple of seconds, he elicits a loud yowl and scampers back into the bedroom.

                                            >Twilight's ears fold back as her enthusiasm turns to dejection.

                                            >"Oh... I don't think he likes me."

                                            "It's probably just the species thing. He'll come around, I promise. He's a big sweetheart."

                                            >She settles back down beside you.

                                            "Twilight, I have to ask."

                                            >She looks up at you curiously.

                                            "Are you really okay, leaving your whole life behind like that?"

                                            >She sighs. "I love my friends dearly, Anon. You know that."

                                            >An unnerving sensation of guilt creeps up on you, as you slowly realize what you might have taken away from her.

                                            >"But my life in Equestria was missing something. With each passing year, everypony I knew was settling down with their special someponies, and I was still hung up on you."

                                            >This feeling was so surreal. So foreign. Ashamed of being wanted? Was it love? Or anxiety?

                                            >"I couldn't take it anymore. When I finally found out how to get here, I couldn't leave it be. I confessed everything to my loved ones. Told them I'd come back to visit one day if I could."

                                            >She starts quivering as she recounts her farewell.

                                            >"Telling Princess Celestia was especially hard. I felt like I was abandoning my responsibilities. But I think by the end of it, she understood what this meant to me. She always had this special skill of being able to read me like a book."

                                            >Suddenly, she raises her head up to yours and kisses you, taking you completely by surprise.

                                            >Your head jerks back in shock, but you quickly reciprocate, shutting your eyes and returning the kiss.

                                            >After a few seconds of this tender display of affection, she pulls away and smiles at you lovingly, your faces only inches apart.

                                            >"Friendship is magic, Anon," she whispers. "But love? Love is divine."


                                            >What a first night.

                                            >You whipped up something quick for her to eat, making a mental note to buy the ingredients for hayburgers and daffodil-and-daisy sandwiches.

                                            >Where are you even going to find stuff like that?

                                            >You stayed up for a few hours talking with Twilight, discussing all the excitement and hype of finally getting to live together.

                                            >But as the hours stretched into the night, her eyelids have gotten heavy and she's yawning through every other sentence.

                                            >Your adrenaline still runs high, but for her sake, you make the executive decision to retire for the night.

                                            >The trip to Earth must have taken a lot out of her, and your sweet princess is not infallible.

                                            >You two head into the bedroom to get ready for sleep.

                                            >She climbs up onto your bed and pulls back the covers.

                                            >"Uh, Anon? What's this?"

                                            >You turn to see your plushie now exposed from its hiding spot under the blanket.

                                            >Quickly, you run over and snatch it up, shoving it into your closet.

                                            "It's nothing, haha, just a collectible, you know? Probably got mixed in when I washed my sheets."

                                            >You stammer the words out, blatantly unconvincing.

                                            >She offers up a frank smile. "Boy, you've really got it bad for me, huh?"

                                            >You rub your neck and avert your eyes in shame.

                                            "Yeah. Sort of."

                                            >"It's cool," she says, flopping casually onto the bed. "I may or may not have had an Anon plush back home."

                                            "Wait, what?"

                                            >"Nothing," she smiles coyly.

                                            >You chuckle and return to your closet, pulling out your spare pillow and blanket.

                                            >"What are you doing?"

                                            "Oh, uh, just getting my stuff to sleep on the couch."

                                            >She rolls her eyes and stifles a smile. "You're bunking with me, silly. I didn't come all this way just to sleep in separate rooms."

                                            "Yeah, of course. I just... didn't want to be presumptuous is all."

                                            >"I think we're a /little/ past the point of you taking advantage of me."

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            "Right. You're right. I'm overthinking things again."

                                            >You throw the spare blanket and pillow back into the closet.

                                            >"Now get over here!" she exclaims excitedly. "I've been dying for a chance to cuddle you for AGES."

                                            >You heart flutters as you hop into bed with Twilight.

                                            >The two of you curl up under the covers and you switch off the bedside lamp.

                                            >Your head hits the pillow and there she is, lying beside you.

                                            >The two of you staring deeply into each other's eyes in the dim light of night.

                                            >You can't help it. You break out into a huge grin, burying your face in your hands in embarrassment.

                                            >In response, she giggles and kicks your leg playfully. "What's the matter, Romeo? Can't control your excitement?"

                                            "No! I really can't! This is just so incredible."

                                            >"Oh my gosh," she whispers, pulling the blanket up to her snout and inhaling deeply. "Your bed smells just like you!"

                                            "I hope you mean that in a good way."

                                            >"Yes, I'm sure you maintain excellent personal hygiene. Your aroma's just... intoxicating." She shuts her eyes, taking it in.

                                            >Speaking of aroma, you can smell her sweet scent as well.

                                            >That familiar whiff of lavender...

                                            "That reminds me."

                                            >You pull a small perfume bottle out of your nightstand drawer.

                                            "You might as well have this. I picked it out with you in mind. I kind of... spray it on my plushie to help me sleep."

                                            >Her eyes light up at the sight of your first gift to her.

                                            >She pulls you in for a hug, squeezing you with all her might. "Anon, that's the cutest thing I've ever heard!"

                                            >She buries her face in your chest and sighs comfortably. You gently wrap your arms around her and shut your eyes.

                                            >Slowly, the two of you drift off to the most peaceful sleep either of you have ever had.

                                            >You won't be needing that perfume to help you sleep anymore.

                                            >Now you've got the real thing.


                                            >You wake up, open your eyes.

                                            >Sunlight's filtering in through the blinds.

                                            >You roll over to kiss her.

                                            >She's not there.

                                            >Fuck.

                                            >It was another dream.

                                            >You groan and rub your face. You really did get your hopes up this time.

                                            >You can even still smell her lingering scent.

                                            >Then, humming from the kitchen.

                                            >You clamber out of bed as quick as you can manage.

                                            >And there she is, real as can be, making pancakes.

                                            >You race over to her and drop to your knees, hugging her tightly.

                                            "Thank God, Twilight. I thought I dreamed last night."

                                            >"Oh!" she yelps, taken by surprise, but quickly returns your hug. "Sorry I didn't wake you, I wanted to surprise you with breakfast."

                                            >You look up at the mess on the stove.

                                            >"Heh, sorry," she smiles sheepishly. "Human countertops are so high. I can barely see over them! I didn't anticipate that."

                                            >You stand up and pat her head lovingly.

                                            "You're bound to find a lot of little details that are different here. Lots of discoveries for you to make."

                                            >She beams at you. "Well, I can't wait."

                                            >She finishes up cooking breakfast while you take a seat at the table.

                                            "So... the start of our adventure together. What do you say we do today?"

                                            >"Let's go somewhere! I want to see what all of Earth's like!"

                                            >Oof.

                                            "Travel's out of the question for the foreseeable future, I'm afraid. Every place is pretty much closed... Maybe I can take you to an isolated hiking trail or something, but I don't want to risk taking you out in public until it gets safer. You just got here, no way am I risking losing you to some stupid disease."

                                            >"Aww..." She brings you a giant stack of pancakes. "I suppose that makes sense. Either way, I don't mind staying in with you. I'm just happy I get you all to myself!"

                                            >She sets her own plate down and takes a seat. It's a comically large amount of food, but she starts wolfing it down like it's nothing.

                                            >God, she's so fuckin' cute.


                                            "Twi, put the book down."

                                            >You roll over to see Twilight's head poking out of the covers, reading her biography on Starswirl for the millionth time.

                                            >Things have been going pretty well.

                                            >Twilight adjusted to life on Earth within a few months. Your days are filled with endless comfort and romance.

                                            >Life was simple with her. You think that's all she ever really wanted, why she came in the first place. No more crushing responsibilities like she had in Equestria. Just lazy days and lots of reading.

                                            >Once she quickly read everything in your meager library, she relied on you to buy more. And when that still wasn't enough, she began transcribing her own.

                                            >From memory.

                                            >"Just one more chapter, Anon! This is the best part!"

                                            "You think every part is the best part."

                                            >"But this is the BEST best part! You remember when he meets Scorpan, don't you?"

                                            >Of course you remember the story. Twilight's told you it a thousand different times.

                                            >But what you remember more is the wonderment in her eyes as she regales you with the epic tale.

                                            >You decide to tease her.

                                            "No, I don't recall. Remind me?"

                                            >Your sarcasm is plain as day.

                                            >Twilight rolls her eyes.

                                            >"I know you're poking fun, but I'm just going to tell you anyway!"

                                            >Your master plan having worked, you snuggle up against Twilight as she places her hooves on your belly, and rests the book on your chest, angled up so she can read.

                                            >You've got a front row seat to those eyes.

                                            >"Ages ago, Lord Tirek and Scorpan came to Equestria, envious of its magic..."

                                            >You smile gently, watching her get lost in the book, seeing the passion take over the mare like a spell.

                                            >You're lost in thought just watching her do her thing.

                                            >She does the full range of voices from the royal cadence of Celestia to the angry grumbling of Tirek.

                                            >For a mare lying in bed wrapped up in a blanket, she sure does have a lot of body language in her storytelling.

                                            >The bed shakes a little every time she waves her hoof through the air to signify another spell being cast.

                                            >"So, in the end, had Starswirl not convinced Scorpan that Equestria was worth protecting, Tirek may have won altogether."

                                            >Twilight snaps the book shut and levitates it to her nightstand.

                                            >She smiles sheepishly, and looks away in embarrassment.

                                            >"Thanks for letting me go on again."

                                            >You pat her head lovingly and reassure her.

                                            "I love it when you narrate to me. You're an amazing storyteller."

                                            >Twilight climbs atop you and buries her muzzle in your chest.

                                            >"Oh, Anon! I don't ever have to feel embarrassed around you."

                                            >You start to stroke her back.

                                            >Twilight moans softly.

                                            >"That feels... wonderful..."

                                            >You shut your eyes and focus on the sounds and sensations.

                                            >Twilight's quiet whimpers, the softness of her coat, her body pressing into yours...

                                            >Eventually your breathing syncs up...

                                            >You feel Twilight kiss your chest as she rubs her muzzle against you affectionately.

                                            >"I feel so safe with you..." she trails off.

                                            >It's a cold night in the apartment, but the mare lying atop you shrouds you in an aura of warmth.

                                            >You rest your hand on her head, fingers running through her hair, thumb slowly stroking behind her ear.

                                            >The candle on the nightstand burns out, leaving a thin wisp of smoke.

                                            >It's dark now, and warm, and safe.

                                            >You take one last look at the mare snuggled up against you, dozing off, before you, too, shut your eyes and relax every muscle.

                                            >With your personal weighted blanket/space heater/marefriend blissfully cuddling you, you drift off into peaceful slumber...


                                            A little ways down the road...

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >You look down at the mare in your lap.

                                            >She's resting her forehooves on your thighs while doing her reading. You're writing on your laptop.

                                            >It's not the comfiest position... but it's Twilight. You don't care.

                                            >She's looking up from her book to ask you a question.

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"What made you pick me?" she asks curiously.

                                            "What do you mean?"

                                            >"You loved me for so long before I got here. You loved me before I had ever said a word to you."

                                            >She gazes up at you with those shimmering eyes.

                                            >"Why me?"

                                            >You rest your palm on her back.

                                            >You weren't expecting her to ask that out of nowhere.

                                            >But it's okay.

                                            >You know exactly why.

                                            "There was never anyone else. It was always you, Twilight. There's a reason that dumb little show revolved around you. You're the most precious mare across the multiverse."

                                            >She snorts. "Anon, I'm not that special."

                                            >"But you are. And I don't mean that in some supernatural way. I mean that, despite everything in both of our lives, you made it here. No one else has a love that could rival yours."

                                            >"That's a sweet sentiment," she says tenderly, "but that doesn't really answer my question."

                                            "Easy there, girl."

                                            >You stroke her muzzle teasingly, giving her the horse treatment.

                                            "I'm getting there."

                                            >Her face gets all scrunchy whenever you talk down to her in the horse voice. It's adorable.

                                            "In the beginning, I fell in love with the little things. The cadence in your voice, the stripe in your mane, your dorky little dances."

                                            >She giggles at that last one.

                                            "Time went on, and that feeling got deeper. It became more about who you really were. Your passion for learning, your unabashed empathy, your incorrigible humility."

                                            >"Anon, I'm really nothing so exceptional."

                                            >You grin down at her.

                                            "Didn't I just say incorrigible humility?"

                                            >"No fair!" She kicks you jokingly. "That's a total kafkatrap!"

                                            >Unf. You love it when she talks logical fallacies.

                                            "Okay, okay. But the fact remains, I found myself growing very attached to you. Because in you, I saw everything I wanted to be. You embody everything I love about the world. You don't try to be anything you're not. You find solace in life's simple pleasures."

                                            >She's getting all teary-eyed listening to you prattle on about how much you love her.

                                            >Truth be told, you're starting to make yourself all feely, too.

                                            "But the absolute best part? Your mind is a veritable ocean of intellectual acuity. Some nights I love just getting lost in your thoughts. Hell, I can listen to you lecture me on the difference between loam and silt."

                                            >"That book on soil acidity was really interesting! I just wanted to share it with you."

                                            >You chuckle, remembering the drawn-out presentation she gave.

                                            "You can talk to me about anything, so long as you deliver it with your trademark fervor. That fervor is the same passion I see in your love for me, in the little moments. When you leave me encouraging notes on the fridge, or take a moment to fix my hair when it's just a little out of place. It's those little moments I live for. That's how I know it's real. That's why you're the mare I married."

                                            >You've gotten her all sappy and emotional now.

                                            >She powers through the tearful mess she's become and throws her hooves around your neck, nuzzling you lovingly.

                                            >"I'm the luckiest mare in the whole world."