Game Night 18: Celestia Game Night (Epilogue)


                                            “I kind of assumed we’d have some time alone together.”

                                            >”We *are* alone,” your princess laughs, throwing a slash-and-puff doublet at you. “I hope this works – you never really described what Abdul looked like, but Rarity suggested this and –“

                                            >You catch it with all the grace of a crippled orc.

                                            “Dressing up for CanterCon isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

                                            >”I know,” Twilight answers apologetically, “but everypony’s been waiting a year to finish the game, me included. And between that, Celestia declaring you a national hero for saving Equestria, and – I don’t think she can *really* blame me for telling you – Pinkie Pie’s Surprise-Welcome-Home-Party –“

                                            “Yeah, I expected that last one.”

                                            >She nods, smiling happily as you reluctantly pull off your clothes and begin dressing appropriately for the con.

                                            “The other two are a bit of a – fuck, seriously? National hero?”

                                            >”You *did* save everypony, Anon.”

                                            “I guess, but that just makes my point for me – I kind of thought this would be a bigger deal –“

                                            >”Bigger than CanterCon?” she asks, eyebrow raised. “Really, Anon?”

                                            >The corners of her mouth are curled up – she’s fucking with you.

                                            “I thought we’d have time to talk, to figure out what the hell happened and… and… we have a *daughter*!”

                                            >”I know,” Twi answers dryly. “I was there when she was born.”

                                            “You know what I mean.”

                                            >She rolls her eyes – and smiles.

                                            >”I do.”

                                            >She gestures for you to bend down and kisses you lightly.

                                            >”But I also know that everypony is waiting for us. They can’t start the opening ceremonies without the guest of honor.”

                                            “Yeah, but –“

                                            >”I know a lot of things happened, the world was saved, the impossible was done, but Anon –“

                                            >She pauses to kiss you again.

                                            >” – I know it seems like a lot, but for me, it was Sunday.”

                                            >Right.

                                            >Of course.

                                            >Your princess does that shit on a regular basis.

                                            >Just going to have to get used to sitting on the sidelines, with her always –

                                            >”You’ll get used to it soon,” she smiles at you. “After you save the world two or three more times, the novelty will wear off.”

                                            >She winks at you, like sharing some inside joke.

                                            >One that you don’t know.

                                            “Sounds like you mean something by that.”

                                            >”Well, when Luna and I were hunting for you...”

                                            >Your princess hesitates, eyes flickering away uncertainly.

                                            >They come back to meet yours, strong and smiling.

                                            >”Let’s just say you should expect to meet us in your dreams a few years from now, *hero*.”

                                            >That’s not ominous at all.

                                            >No, wait… it actually isn’t.

                                            >Kind of the opposite, actually.

                                            “Well, at least tell me how you found me.”

                                            >”Hard work and experimentation,” Twilight explains – not actually explaining anything at all – while buttoning up the heavy leather engineer’s vest that makes up the last of her costume. “Between the four of us – I mean, the other princesses and I – and Discord – we developed ways to safely and reliably travel between worlds. The real breakthrough came from Ten Sider, though.”

                                            “Oh…?”

                                            >Celestia better not have used your daughter as some kind of magical battery or something.

                                            >”I think she wanted to meet her father,” Twilight says with a smile. “Only a week old, and she was able to lead us to you.”

                                            >Only a week old?

                                            “She wanted to meet me? She seemed happy enough to go with Cadence.”

                                            >As soon as you were back in Equestria, Ten Sider – along with Trixie and Twilight – had turned into ponies. Seconds later, Twi had passed the foal to her old foalsitter.

                                            >”She’s a smart little filly. She knows we’re in a rush.”

                                            “Oh. Okay then.”

                                            >That’s weird.

                                            >There’s no delicate way to say this.

                                            “Is she…”

                                            >There really isn’t.

                                            “What *is* she?”

                                            >”I don’t know,” your princess answers. “She’s obviously not human, nor is she entirely alicorn or unicorn, despite being subjected to the same polymorph spell that turned me back into a pony. We’ll just have to find out together.”

                                            “And is it too late to change her name?”

                                            >”You don’t like it?” Twi pouts. “I thought you would like it. It’s in honor of Six Sider –“

                                            “Obviously.”

                                            >” – and Decimus of the Night Lords –“

                                            “You basically said as much earlier.”

                                            >”And because of somepony that Derpy told us was with you at the end. She never told us his name, only that he was the tenth… something.”

                                            “I suppose you brought him back, too?”

                                            >Whatever of whomever he was, he wasn’t from this world.

                                            >And he said he hadn’t wanted to go.

                                            >”I asked Derpy, but she said it wouldn’t do any good,” your princess answers sadly. “You were sent back to your world and basically – with only a few adjustments to account for Trixie and your injuries – resumed your life as if you had never left.”

                                            “Yeah?”

                                            >”The same happened to him.”

                                            “And?”

                                            >”And he died almost instantly,” she answers after a second’s hesitation. “He was only here to say goodbye to her.”

                                            >Well, now you kinda feel like an asshole.

                                            >It’ll pass.

                                            >”The magic of the ‘event’ was able to bend multiple realities, but I suppose that was one thing it couldn’t fix,” she sighs, stepping backwards. “Anyway, are you ready to go?”


                                            >Your friends – and Tia – are waiting for you in your own personal green room.

                                            >Twi wasn’t exaggerating when she said you were the guest of honor.

                                            >A bouncing pony almost knocks you down as she barrels into your chest at full speed.

                                            >Her little legs wrap around you tightly, all-but crushing the air from your lungs.

                                            >”WELCOME BACK, NONNY!”

                                            “Heya… Ponka…”

                                            >It’s hard to talk with her squeezing you like this.

                                            >"It's PIN-KEY PIE!"

                                            “I know.”

                                            >The mare looks over at your princesses, face grim and serious.

                                            >”You asked him, right?” she growls. “Because he doesn’t seem happy, and you *promised* -“

                                            >”He doesn’t sound happy because you’ve probably broken a few of his ribs,” Twi explains with a smirk. “Of course I asked.”

                                            >You nod when the little pink pony looks to you for confirmation.

                                            >”Oh, okay then!”

                                            >She gives you one more squeezed hug with all four legs before dropping to the ground and holding up a plate.

                                            >”Cake?” she asks, hopping back and forth on her hind legs. “I made it just for you!”

                                            “Sure.”

                                            >You pat her head before she can zip off to cut a slice for you.

                                            “Thanks, Ponks.”

                                            >”For the cake? Don’t be silly, Nonny!”

                                            “For… yeah.”

                                            >She knows what you mean.

                                            >”Speaking of names…” Celestia murmurs, coughing politely first to get your attention. “… you should have all your memories intact this time…”

                                            >You nod.

                                            >”… would you mind telling me what your name really is?”

                                            “Anonymous.”

                                            >She stares at you, trying to figure out if you’re mocking her or not.

                                            >You’re not.

                                            “It’s not just the name you picked for me, Tia – it’s what everypony knows me as.”

                                            >After a second’s hesitation, she nods in acceptance.

                                            >”It’s good to have you back, Anonymous,” the princess says with a shy smile.

                                            “It’s good to be back.”

                                            >She squeaks most unprincess-like as you wrap your arms around her neck and give her a quick hug.

                                            >Unprincess-like, but honest.

                                            >”Thine armor is stored in the royal vault, Anonymous” Luna stretches up to hiss in your ear. “We recommend retrieving it at thine earliest convenience.”

                                            >Fuck yeah, your power armor is still here!

                                            >”Thou shalt have need of it.”

                                            >She smiles at your shock – and Tia takes advantage of it to slip free of your embrace.

                                            “Because of –“

                                            >You nod towards Celestia questioningly.

                                            >Just when you think you’ve gotten that mare figured out for the shy little social recluse she really is, apparently -

                                            >”No,” the princess of the night answers with a vicious smile. “We are happy to inform thou that soon thine life shall no longer be so terribly uninteresting.”

                                            >Shit.

                                            >Okay, right after this –

                                            >A glance at your smiling princess brings you back to reality.

                                            >Okay, first thing in the morning, you’re getting your godsdamned power armor.

                                            >”What *I* don’t get about this whole thing –“

                                            >Godsdamnit, Dash.

                                            >” – is why we’re throwing him a party for breaking his promise to Twilight!”

                                            >”Will you stahp whinin’ about that?” AJ growls, smacking the pegasus on the back of her head. “Yer just afraid of losin’ yer tough-pony rep if anypony sees you cryin’!”

                                            >”Besides, he didn’t leave me,” Twilight laughs at her friend’s slapstick antics, “Anon just went to fetch me a new book.”

                                            “Had a little trouble getting back, that’s all.”

                                            >”O…oh,” the pegasus grunts. “In that case, welcome home.”

                                            >She snatches a mug off a nearby table and thrusts it in your direction.

                                            >”I…uh… here’s your beer.”

                                            >”You just put that right back down, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity huffs, rearing up to straighten some imaginary defect of your outfit. “We don’t want any stains on this, now do we?”

                                            “No.”

                                            >You’ll get a drink with the pegasus tomorrow.

                                            >You have to mouth the words at her three or four times before she finally gets it.

                                            “Where’s Fluttershy?”

                                            >She’s not exactly one of your friends, but where the other five are, she’s usually not too far behind.

                                            >Far enough to use them as shields, but not *too* far, otherwise they wouldn’t be close enough to protect her.

                                            >”She’s with Trixie,” Lyra answers, pointing towards one of the side rooms with her hoof. “She’s been working on that mare’s costumes all year. I told her not to bother, but I guess she was right – you *did* come back after all.”

                                            “Was there ever any doubt?”

                                            >”None,” Cheerilee answers, giving you a gentle smile. “We couldn’t give up hope; we need both of you for our games.”

                                            “An entire year, and you couldn’t find any replacements for us?”

                                            >”None with the same unique skill set,” the mare responds with a shrug. “It’s good to have you back. Hopefully the princess can spare you for a couple of games with us –”

                                            >Oooooooooh.

                                            >You wince internally.

                                            “Twi, we *might* have a bit of a problem…”

                                            >”Might?” she growls threateningly, but laughs almost immediately. “No, it’s okay with me if you want to game with other groups.”

                                            “Good, because I have two back in the other world, and –“

                                            >You can almost hear the record scratch.

                                            >”We’ll… figure something out,” she hisses through clenched teeth.

                                            >She will.

                                            >You know she will.

                                            “I guess I can –“

                                            >”HEY!” Celestia barks from the… uh… opposite end of the room from Celestia. “If you’re done with your circlejerk, it’s time to get your ass on the stage!”

                                            “Fuck off, Chrysalis.”

                                            >You take the plate Ponka is holding out to you.

                                            “I haven’t even had my cake yet."


                                            *****


                                            >You study the changelings, trying to find any flaw in their disguise, but they look pretty accurate.

                                            >”Well, why can’t *I* do it!?” Chrysalis whines angrily at your princess. “And why do you have to take my best DM!?”

                                            >Twilight sighs, hoof to her head.

                                            >”Because *you* still have a Bn’B game to finish up,” she mutters for what was probably the fourth or fifth time.

                                            >”All the more reason to leave Dice Pool here!” the changeling queen hisses. “And why would you even bother with Crystal Clear!?”

                                            >”Yeah!” Dash chimes in. “I mean, uh, it’s not like she’s actually a gamer or anything, so…”

                                            >Bullshit, Aredee.

                                            >You know she’s just object because of boobies.

                                            >”Because *she* has experience pretending to be human,” Trixie answers. “And, she makes a wonderful Trixie. Not as good as the *real* Trixie, of course, but serviceable.”

                                            >”Oh,” the changeling grunts, examining her human body in a nearby mirrior. “Should I put on a few more pounds? That *would* be more accurate, wouldn’t it? Maybe right here around the waist –”

                                            “Nah, ignore her. You’re fine.”

                                            >”Of course I am,” she sneers, flashing a quick and dirty look your direction.

                                            “And you’ve got her personality do-OW!”

                                            >Your friend can kick pretty hard.


                                            *****


                                            “Wait, you actually put the game on hold until I got back?”

                                            >”Of course,” Faux-lestia answers in front of a crowd of players – the exact same players as last year. “You disappeared, the convention hall was destroyed by that magical tornado – it would have been impossible to continue. We will be picking up from where we left off.”

                                            >Huh.

                                            >You eye your DM with suspicion.

                                            >Sure, she’s wearing the same thick glasses and has her mane pulled into a ponytail, but she’s a changeling.

                                            >There’s every chance it’s somepony different –

                                            >”Alright you faggots,” she growls, “Let’s just get this started, because the sooner that happens –“

                                            >Nope, it’s her.

                                            >”Don’t pay her any mind,” Sunny Smiles says with a straight face, hoof hovering inches from the changeling’s shoulder. “No mind. Just jealous. The others got to go, but she had to stay, a sad little ant locked in a sad little world –”

                                            >She jerks her hoof back, narrowly avoiding Novella’s fangs.

                                            >”Yes,” Moonbeam agrees dryly, putting her forehooves around her sister and gently pulling her away. “I can see that. Now let’s not provoke the nice DM.”

                                            >The wrong sister won the dice off to be River – that waifish dress doesn’t look right on Sunny Smiles at all.


                                            *****


                                            >”Why did you bother to prepare Fool’s Gold?” Shining Armor asks his sister, eyebrow raised. “And why for every. Single. Spell. Slot?”

                                            >”I must admit, I also found that curious,” Moonbeam comments. “That spell is mostly used for counterfeiting or fraud.”

                                            >”Because it’s one of the few transmutation spells that can turn an item into any precious metal and isn’t touch range,” Twilight explains.

                                            >”But it’s only temporary,” her brother objects, clearly confused. “Even if it wasn’t, thanks to Anon, you have all the gold you can spend, so –“

                                            >”Let me just show you.”


                                            >Rock Thrower nods in satisfaction as the last of the catapults are loaded with lightweight featherwood.

                                            >”I have no idea how you expect that to have any effect on the fortress walls,” Gleaming Shield grumbles at her side. “If you had spent that time building siege towers, we would already be up on those walls –“

                                            >”Why climb up those walls when I can just bring them down?” the engineer asks slyly.

                                            >With a gesture from her, the weapon’s crew’s throw the levers on their catapults, sending the wood hurling towards the fortress of the Order of the Blood Moon.

                                            >”I know you could load a lot more into the catapults because of how light weight it is, but –“

                                            >Another gesture from the Diamond Dog turns the logs into solid masses of gold, silver, platinum seconds before they smash their way into – and through – the wall.

                                            >Stones and bricks are sent flying as the entire curtain wall collapses.

                                            >”That’s why, pony,” Rock Thrower hisses in satisfaction.


                                            ****


                                            “It’s not that I don’t want to, but –“

                                            >”Then what is the problem, Anon?” Celestia smiles at you. “You love her, don’t you?”

                                            “Of course.”

                                            >”Then it is settled!”

                                            “It’s *not*.”

                                            >You’re not going to let her jerk you around like this.

                                            >It’s time to take control of your own fate.

                                            “I’ll do it myself, Tia. My way.”

                                            >”Soon?”

                                            >She sounds so eager.

                                            >So desperate for this, and not for the reasons she says.

                                            “Yeah.”

                                            >She’s not the only one badgering you about this.

                                            >If it shuts them up, then it can’t be soon enough.


                                            *****


                                            >”Dude!” Aredee shouts, stumbling towards the glowing neon sign. “They have lapdances over here!”

                                            >She nearly trips over the curb – not *quite* used to walking on only two legs yet.

                                            >Understandable – she’s only been in a human body for about three hours so far.

                                            >The longest three hours of your life.

                                            “So? You don’t even know what the fuck a lapdance is.”

                                            >”And I can’t wait to find out!”

                                            >She’s shoving open the door and dashing inside before you can stop her.

                                            >”Well, Anon?” Shining Armor asks, clapping a hand on your shoulder. “Are we going to go in?”

                                            “Considering Twi sent you to spy on me, I’m going to say no.”

                                            >He rolls his eyes.

                                            >Just like Twi would.

                                            >Must run in the family.

                                            >You’ll have to keep your daughter away from them to see if it’s a case of nature or nurture.

                                            >Twi will totally get behind that idea as long as you can write up a proper hypothesis for testing.

                                            >”Do you *really* believe that?” he asks you, pulling his hand away and sauntering after your friend.

                                            >He took to the human world and human body far quicker than any of the others.

                                            “Can’t we just go back to that bar?”

                                            >It wasn’t a bad bar.

                                            “Just get wasted, then go home?”

                                            >”Eh,” Shining Armor grunts. He shrugs, then points through the door. “They have beer here.”

                                            >A rainbow-streaked head pops out the door, almost knocking over Shining Armor.

                                            >”This place is awesome!” Dash screams at you, the widest grin you’ve ever fucking seen plastered across your friend’s face. “Hurry up!”

                                            >She disappears back inside before you can object again.

                                            >”Not that Ah’m particularly complainin’ or anythin’,” Big Mac drawls, moseying past you, “but who tha heck put *her* in charge?”

                                            “Sorry for not having many stallion friends.”

                                            >”Don’t worry, it ain’t yer fault.”

                                            >He pauses and looks at you with an amused grin.

                                            >”Well, actually…”

                                            “Don’t say it.”

                                            >”Don’t gotta,” he smirks, following Twi’s brother through the door. “You comin’ or not?”

                                            “Yeah, I guess.”

                                            >If only to keep Rainbow Dash out of trouble.

                                            >You have the sneaking suspicion she won’t quite understand the “no-touching” policy unless you’re there to beat it into her.

                                            >”Oh, don’t be that way,” your new “friend” chides as he skips towards the door. “It’ll be fun!”

                                            >You have no idea where you picked him up from – he just seemed to join the party at some point.

                                            >Looks like a dumbass with his little bowtie.

                                            >Plus, he’s literally skipping.

                                            >As your other friends – all two of them – stream past you, you give up.

                                            >Might as well – you have the sneaking suspicion that all bachelor parties end up like this.

                                            >The point isn’t to give you one last wild night.

                                            >No, it’ll all be over soon, and you’ll return to your princess with an even greater appreciation for staying at home with a good book.

                                            >Which is exactly what you’re going to do.

                                            >After the wedding, of course.