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Game Night Sidestories 02: Twilight Game Night (Part 0)

By twilightgamenight
Created: 18th December 2020 10:24:31 PM

  1. >”Please, Anon, this is for the best.”
  2. >The mare ducks, barely avoiding whatever it is you throw at her.
  3. “That’s what tyrants always say, isn’t it, Celestia?”
  4. >She flinches at that – at you using her full name.
  5. >More than she had to dodge your – fuck – your tablet.
  6. >“Sometimes it’s true, my human,” she murmurs, turning away slightly. The shattered pieces of your iPad float up gently, caught in her mending spell.
  7. >Dammit, and you had been doing so well – it’d been a whole week since she’d had to fix it last.
  8. >Fuck it. It’s its own fucking fault for being the closest thing to you.
  9. >It’s been even longer since you actually called her Celestia, not since you saw how she smiled at Tia.
  10. >It’s her own fucking fault.
  11. “Bullshit, you’re just tired of dealing with me, aren’t you?”
  12. >”No, I –“
  13. “Or did you actually decide that I wasn’t a threat?”
  14. >”You never were –“
  15. “THEN WHY THE HELL HAVE I BEEN LOCKED UP FOR A MONTH!?”
  16. >Why the fuck did she even bring you the fuck here?
  17. >Are you some goddamn shelter puppy that she’s regretting bringing home now?
  18. >Is that all you are to her?
  19. >The mare at least has the decency to look ashamed, ducking her head away to hide her face from you.
  20. >”This world is not like the one you are used to, Anon –“
  21. “And THAT. Why can’t you call me by my fucking name!?”
  22. >”You know why.”
  23. >You know the lies she’s told you.
  24. >Nothing more.
  25. >It’s her fault you can’t remember your name or… other things.
  26. >You’re not sure what, but parts of your memory still feel empty. Blank. Like the missing pieces of an unassembled jigsaw puzzle, you can’t find them, but you don’t know what you’re missing.
  27. >Or even if anything *is* missing, for certain.
  28. “How could I have forgotten my own name? That’s…”
  29. >You slam your fist against the wall in frustration.
  30. “That’s fucking BULLSHIT. *You* brought me to this fucking world. *You* did something –“
  31. >”Yes,” she gasps. “I admit it. It is all my doing, and mine alone.”
  32. >She still can’t even look you in the eyes.
  33. >Fucking –
  34. “BITCH.”
  35. >Now she does – now she can meet your look.
  36. >”You have said many hurtful things in the past, Anon,” she whimpers softly, “but never –“
  37. “You *erased* my fucking name! And – and call me Anonymous? You couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a new one for me!?”
  38. >”But you said –“
  39. “I was *humoring* you, and good thing I did.”
  40. >You wave your arm, a sweeping gesture to encompass the whole of Equestria you’ve experienced in the past month – this one small cell.
  41. “If *this* is where playing along got me, I’d hate to find out what would have happened if I hadn’t.”
  42. >Truth be told, it wasn’t that bad, slightly larger than your bedroom back on Earth, and it’s not like you ever left that unless you absolutely had to.
  43. >But you *could*.
  44. >If you had wanted to.
  45. >Not here.
  46. >And now you’re being forced out.
  47. >But not free.
  48. >No, she – that BITCH – can’t allow that.
  49. >Fucking Celestia.
  50. >”I am sorry, but –“
  51. “Not sorry enough to actually release me.”
  52. >”Where would you go?” Celestia asks – and not for the first time. “What would you do? How would you keep yourself fed?”
  53. “I’d find a way.”
  54. >The first time this came up, she fucking *laughed* and pointed out that you aren’t a pony – you can’t just eat the grass off the ground to survive.
  55. >So fucking what?
  56. >There’s still food everywhere.
  57. >Ponies are made of meat.
  58. >That’s what they seem to expect of you anyway, particularly Celestia.
  59. >Why else would she have kept you under such a watchful eye?
  60. >Fuck, she’s basically the only pony you’ve had contact with.
  61. >Even her sister has to come to you in your dreams.
  62. >Dammit, why couldn’t Luna be the dominant one?
  63. >*She* would let you go free. Maybe even help you find a way home.
  64. >*She* knows what this is like.
  65. >Tia – Celestia – that BITCH – doesn’t have a fucking clue.
  66. >And now she’s exiling *you*.
  67. >It’s must be what she does when she gets bored of things.
  68. >Luna better watch her fucking back, lest her sister get tired of her again.
  69. >”I know you would, my human,” she mumbles, followed by a long, stuttered sigh. “But, please, all I wish to do is help you.”
  70. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Rehabilitation, right?
  71. >”Yes.”
  72. “Like I’m some kind of fucking monster?”
  73. >”No.”
  74. “But that’s what you ponies think of humans, isn’t it?”
  75. >Celestia shakes her head, but it’s not an answer.
  76. >She’s *refusing* to answer, just like she has every time you’ve asked before.
  77. >Just like every question you’ve asked about the outside world.
  78. >No, all she wants to talk about is *your* world.
  79. >If that Bitch is planning an invasion…
  80. >It’s the only reason you can think of why she would ask so many questions about your world, over and over like she never grows tired of hearing the same things.
  81. >You *hope* she’s planning an invasion.
  82. >You *hope* she’s the kind to lead from the front.
  83. >Let’s see how Equestria fairs once their precious princess isn’t around to raise the sun anymore.
  84. >”Get your things together, my human,” Celestia sighs. “Please. Trust me.”
  85. >In a flash of golden light –
  86. >Dammit, she always does this when… fuck, you don’t know. When she gets fed up with your shit.
  87. > – Celestia disappears.
  88. >In her place is a large suitcase.
  89. >Ludicrously large, considering you pretty much only have what you arrived with.
  90. >You kick it aside, but begin packing.
  91. >This is going to happen, no matter how much you fight it.
  92. >Everything fits into your messenger bag, because that’s what everything was fucking in when you suddenly arrived in this shithole world.
  93. >There’s even room for the extra sets of clothes that fucking bitch had made for you.
  94. >Fuck the suitcase, fuck that bitch.
  95. >You consider leaving behind the clothes she had given you, because fuck those too, but... that just feels petty.
  96. >All of this does.
  97. >You slump on your bed, head held in both hands.
  98. “Fuck this, fuck all of this.”
  99. >Why does she have to be so fucking petty?
  100. >You’re exhausted – righteous anger can do that.
  101. >Weren’t you… weren’t you good enough?
  102. >It may have taken a while, but didn’t she fucking *say* it was nice having a friend to talk to?
  103. >Godsdammit.
  104. >You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there before somepony knocks on the door to your cell.
  105. >Great.
  106. >That bitch is back.
  107. “What now, Tia?”
  108. >”Tis us, Anonymous, not our sister.”
  109. >Oh.
  110. >Luna.
  111. >That explains why she bothered to knock – Tia – that bitch – wouldn’t have bothered to.
  112. >Just popped in with teleportation.
  113. “What do you want? Come to laugh at me in person?”
  114. >”We would not,” Luna answers firmly, speaking just like she did in your dreams. “Our sister has asked us to see you to Twilight Sparkle.”
  115. “We, huh? Are there two of you in that body or something?”
  116. >You immediately feel a twinge of guilt. You shouldn’t have lashed out like that – this whole situation isn’t her fault.
  117. >The feeling grows as the mare on the other side of the door remains silent for long seconds.
  118. “Sorry, I’m just –“
  119. >”Yes.”
  120. >The sudden answer stuns you for a minute, until you remember her remarkably dry sense of humor.
  121. “Not the time for jokes, Luna.”
  122. >”We know this,” she answers stoically. “May we enter?”
  123. “I can’t fucking stop you.”
  124. >You can’t stop any of this.
  125. >”We are aware, Anonymous. May we enter?”
  126. “Sure. Fuck. Whatever.”
  127. >The door swings open silently – was it even locked? It had to have been.
  128. >She looks just like she did in your dreams, though then she felt like a savior.
  129. >Now, you can only think of Luna as your executioner.
  130. >Dammit, that bitch can’t even be bothered to hand you over to this other princess herself.
  131. >She really just doesn’t care anymore.
  132. >Luna looks over the room once, frowning slightly at the suitcase.
  133. >”It is the least of our sister’s gifts, but you should bring the suitcase.”
  134. >It’s not worth arguing about, so you stand and grab the bag’s handle.
  135. “Fine, what now?”
  136. >”Now we take you to Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
  137. >Yay.
  138. >Your joy knows no bounds.
  139. >The alicorn leads you up out of the dungeon and through the castle. You see more of Equestria in those few minutes than you have in the entire month you’ve been here.
  140. >You briefly wonder why she doesn’t just teleport you to your destination, but it makes sense.
  141. >From what she told you in your previous meetings, Luna would be entirely justified being terrified of teleportation.
  142. >As a result, the trip takes far longer than necessary, but Luna doesn’t try to fill the idle time with conversation like her sister would.
  143. >You’re grateful for that – it leaves you time alone with your thoughts.
  144. >Even if they do lead to dark places, they’re yours.
  145. >You catch ponies scurrying away out of the corner of your eye, all much smaller than the royal sisters to your surprise.
  146. >Either they’re using children as their servants, or ponies live by Ork rules.
  147. >One of those things seems far more likely than the other.
  148. >That Bitch seems like the kind to enslave her subjects’ children.
  149. >”She… she means well, Anonymous.”
  150. >Dammit, so much for the pleasant lack of small talk.
  151. >Thankfully, the alicorn lets it drop when you do not respond.
  152. >The hallway she is leading you down opens up into a large room filled with stained glass windows that immediately demand your attention.
  153. >You can almost see outside.
  154. >Almost.
  155. >But the panels are too heavily tinted for you to actually make anything out.
  156. >It’s only then that you notice the nervous pony standing there – the only one you’ve seen that hasn’t run off.
  157. >She’s slightly larger than the others, you think, but still smaller than Luna or that Bitch.
  158. >A teenager, maybe?
  159. >She *acts* young, fidgeting uncomfortably as you approach.
  160. >At first, you assume it’s fear, but she looks more curious than scared. Worried, but eager.
  161. >Like a teen just given her first sex toy.
  162. >You’re pervy enough to think the thought, but not enough to enjoy it.
  163. >Celestia better not be expecting that of you, because there’s no chance that you will *ever* find these godsdamned farm animals attractive.
  164. >She fucking knows that.
  165. >Celestia was joking when she brought it up – you *hope* she was joking, but you were adamant enough to get the fucking point across.
  166. >There’s no way you’re ever going to fuck a godsdamned horse.
  167. >She never joked about that again.
  168. >The smaller mare practically wags her fucking tail like a dog when you get closer.
  169. >”Hi, A-anonymous!” she greets you cheerfully. “I’m Twilight Sparkle –“
  170. >”*Princess* Twilight Sparkle,” Luna corrects, drawing an embarrassed grin from the other pony.
  171. >”Not – not *really*,” the purple mare answers, speaking more to you than to Luna. “I mean, I’m not really the princess of anything.”
  172. >Great.
  173. >You’re being fobbed off on this little shit because she’s worthless and has nothing better to do.
  174. >This just keeps getting better and better.
  175. ”So, *princess* -“
  176. >”Please don’t,” she protests, “it’s not like I have a kingdom or subjects or do anything *important* –“
  177. >Fucking awesome.
  178. >Just… fucking yay.
  179. >And they put this awkward filly in charge of your “rehabilitation.”
  180. “Well, congratulations, *princess*, because you have *one* godsdamned subject.”
  181. >You shrug in your best passive-aggressive beta fashion, but all she does is look at you in confusion.
  182. “Thanks to Celestia, even if you aren’t anyone else’s princess, you’re *my* princess now.”
  183.  
  184. *****
  185.  
  186. >”And in that situation, you should –“
  187. “When would I ever be in that situation, *princess*?”
  188. >This is fucking pointless.
  189. >”Well, if somepony –“
  190. “Actually, when would I ever need to know your formal dining etiquette at all, let alone what to do if…”
  191. >You trail off to give the impression you had actually been listening – you have no clue what this mythological situation is that she’s spouting on about.
  192. >”I – I admit, it *is* unlikely,” Twilight Sparkle admits, caught off guard by your attitude for SOME FUCKING REASON.
  193. >She really shouldn’t be, since this is how you’ve reacted to most of her lessons.
  194. >Maybe she’s thinking that if you won’t learn, neither should she.
  195. >You expect her to continue lecturing anyway, but nope.
  196. >She looks away from the chalkboard and sighs, her chest heaving.
  197. >Well, shit. Looks like she *can* learn.
  198. >And it’s only been three weeks since you were foisted off onto her.
  199. >Probably could have gotten results earlier if you had employed physical negative reinforcement, but you’re not so crude as to start slapping her around.
  200. >Or brave.
  201. >Fucking beta tendencies.
  202. >”This… isn’t working,” she grumbles softly – loud enough for you to hear, but not intentionally you think. She doesn’t seem like the kind of per – *pony* to pull that kind of passive-aggressive crap. “What if I…”
  203. >She rubs her forehead with a hoof, the gesture humorously human.
  204. >Tia – THAT BITCH – never did anything like that.
  205. >Too regal to let her stress show.
  206. “So, are we done here? Because I would *love* to get back to my godsdamned shack and… shit, I don’t know. Jack off in the corner since there’s not a fucking thing worth doing here?”
  207. >”Except maybe become a productive member of society?” Twilight Sparkle snaps at you.
  208. “Nah. I don’t think I was one back home, so why would I even try here?”
  209. >”Because –“
  210. “Besides, everyone seems to think I’m some kind of fucking monster. Even if I learned all your little rules and customs, who would hire me? And what for – don’t you just magic all of your problems away?”
  211. >The alicorn’s face contorts into a twisted frown.
  212. >You might have just broken her.
  213. >Vict-
  214. >”You aren’t a monster, Anonymous.”
  215. >Dammit, not broken yet.
  216. “*I* know that, but you ponies…”
  217. >”Yes…?” she sighs. “Us ponies *what*?”
  218. “Well, all I have to do is open my door and everyone runs away.”
  219. >”No, that was just Roseluck, and only because…” the princess pauses, waving a hoof in the general direction of your crotch. “You’ve been here long enough that we’re used to seeing you with *clothes* and not –“
  220. “THAT’S SPECIESIST!”
  221. >”Or sexual harassment,” Twilight Sparkle counters. “*And* attempted skullfuckery.”
  222. >wat
  223. >sku-wat
  224. >fu – fuckery?
  225. >the fuck did she learn that from?
  226. >”Really, Anonymous, she was just trying to be neighborly,” the alicorn immediately follows without pause – that whole slo-mo part was just –
  227. >Shit, did she really just say ‘skullfuckery’?
  228. >Impossible.
  229. >You heard her wrong.
  230. >“And if… um… well… you’re just lucky she came to me first, that’s all.”
  231. “Hey, it’s not my fault that certain parts of my anatomy just so happen to be at eyelevel for you ponies.”
  232. >*Most* ponies.
  233. >Wasn’t ever a problem with *her*.
  234. >”No, but I think I can safely assume it *is* your fault you weren’t wearing any clothes,” the princess sighs. “Rarity worked so hard to make those outfits for you because you told us that humans always wear clothes, so the least you can do is actually wear them!”
  235. >Oh, that was her name?
  236. >You were calling her dresshorse.
  237. “I was just trying to fit in!”
  238. >”No, you were – best case scenario here – being thoughtless.”
  239. >Fairly accurate.
  240. >”More likely, you were just being a jerk.”
  241. >Still pretty accurate.
  242. >She sighs again, spinning away to face the stairs and disappearing the chalkboard in a poof of magic.
  243. >”You’re *nothing* like Princess Celestia described,” she grumbles, pointedly facing away from you. “She said you were nice –“
  244. “Sorry, but you’re not as scary as her.”
  245. >Twilight Sparkle’s tail lashes angrily, but she doesn’t turn back to glare at you.
  246. >Huh.
  247. >You really had expected more of a reaction than that.
  248. >”Well, maybe I’m *not* as intimidating as she is,” the princess says softly, “but I was told to help you acclimate to Equestria and that is exactly what is going to happen.”
  249. >Sounds pretty sure of herself.
  250. >”I think it’s time for a break.”
  251. “Cool, so… see you tomorrow?”
  252. >You’d rather not, but if you don’t show up she’ll just come over to your shack and drag you out of bed.
  253. >”No.”
  254. “Taking a day off?”
  255. >Wow, she *can* learn.
  256. >”No, I’m just going to help Spike make us some lunch.”
  257. >Damn.
  258. >”And it’s just one room over –“
  259. >Yeah, you can see the door from here in what you assume is her auxiliary library. Not as many books as the actual castle library, but bookcases still cover every inch of the walls.
  260. >” – so don’t think you can run off to go get drunk with Rainbow Dash!”
  261. “Of course not.”
  262. >Aredee is working right now.
  263. >Doing… stuff.
  264. >You’re not exactly sure what.
  265. >But maybe that pink one is free…
  266. >”I mean it, Anonymous!”
  267. >She twists her head to glare at you with both eyes.
  268. “Fine.”
  269. >”While I’m gone, why don’t you take a look at some books –“
  270. “You’re a shitty cook, but I don’t think you’ll be away long enough for me to read a novel.”
  271. >Her eye twitches.
  272. >Ooooh, that struck a nerve!
  273. >” – take a look at some books and see if there’s *anything* you would be interested in,” she continues. “Maybe you’ll actually pay attention if you want to.”
  274. “Sure.”
  275. >Like that’s going to happen.
  276. >But you’ll give it a shot.
  277. >If only so she can’t accuse you of not even trying.
  278. >You brace your hands against the solid wooden table and push yourself up off the floor.
  279. >Not particularly comfortable sitting that way, but it’s more comfortable that trying to sit upright on the couch.
  280. >It *probably* wasn’t designed with humans in mind.
  281. >Just like everyfuckingthing else here.
  282. >You’re lucky that the ceilings are high enough that you can stand upright.
  283. >Twilight Sparkle gives you another deathglare before trotting off to the kitchen.
  284. >As if she didn’t think you were a man of your word.
  285. >You *said* you would look at the damn books, so you’re going to look at the damn books.
  286. >The closest shelves seem to be focused on Equestrian military history – might be useful.
  287. >Except why bother?
  288. >You’re pretty sure you can conquer this shithole without needing to learn that their most dreaded war-crime is the bearhug.
  289. >Next row holds biographies – shit, you barely give a damn about the *living* ponies. Dead ones don’t rank any higher.
  290. >More books… uninteresting books.
  291. >More and more.
  292. >Huh – a slightly burnt book about slumber parties.
  293. >Must be one of the survivors of the fire/explosion/whatever.
  294. >You haven’t been able to make heads or tails of any of the explanations about how this castle popped up two weeks ago or why… actually, you don’t really remember any of what happened.
  295. >Fucking princesses stole your memories again.
  296. >While the book is a minor curiosity, it’s not actually a topic you’d be interested in.
  297. >Unless…
  298. >Nah, you don’t need any extra fodder for making fun of ponies.
  299. >They practically do it on their own.
  300. >You look down the length of the wall, but nothing catches your eye.
  301. >There’s not a damn thing in here actually interesting.
  302. >A few other curiosities, like that rather disorganized shelf at the far end – fuck it, why not?
  303. >You skip over the next few bookcases to check out the mess.
  304. >It’s just so uncharacteristic of her.
  305. >And of Spike, to let it stay like this.
  306. >Instead of standing upright, books are piled on their side, some hanging half-off the shelf.
  307. >And they don’t seem to be in any kind of order.
  308. >Definitely not alphabetical.
  309. >Burly Barbarian’s Bashbook should go before Tome of Dastardly Badguys.
  310. >wat
  311. >wait
  312. >wat
  313. >You pull one of the books from the shelf and start flipping the pages – it’s exactly what you thought it was.
  314. >Well, Equestria has roleplaying games.
  315. >Might be a somewhat civilized place after all.
  316. “HEY, SPIKE!”
  317. >”YEAH!?”
  318. “ARE THESE GAME BOOKS YOURS?”
  319. >Silly question.
  320. >Of course they are.
  321. >”UM, THE BURROWS AND BASILISKS BOOKS?”
  322. >A closer look at the spines reveals a little B&B logo.
  323. >Yeah, they’re his.
  324. “I GUESS!”
  325. >”NO, THOSE ARE TWILIGHT’S!”
  326. >Huh.
  327. >You never expected Twilight Sparkle to have any gaming books.
  328. >Doesn’t really match up with the neurotic hard-ass you’ve had to deal with for the past three weeks.
  329. >Tia, maybe – she seemed so desperate for any chance to escape the stress of princess stuff that you can *almost* imagine her being into such things.
  330. >Except they aren’t dignified enough for that bitch.
  331. >But *this* princess?
  332. >No.
  333. >She takes everything far too seriously.
  334. >You pull what you assume to be the core book from the shelf and start flicking through it.
  335. >These may belong to Twilight Sparkle, but she also has books on everything from military tactics for griffons to figures on annual crop growth.
  336. >You’re pretty sure you saw four copies of the exact same thesaurus in her library a couple days ago.
  337. >When it comes to books, she is without doubt a hoarder.
  338. >Bibliophile sounds too discerning.
  339. >So while these might be hers, there’s no real chance that she’s ever used them.
  340. >Just had an empty shelf that needed filling and these were on sale or something.
  341. >Yeah, she probably picked them up for cheap, considering how worn some of the books are.
  342. >The one you’re looking through right now is dog-eared to hell, with little notes jotted in the margins here and there.
  343. >”I TAKE IT YOU FOUND SOMETHING THAT INTERESTS YOU?”
  344. “NOT REALLY.”
  345. >You’re a dick, but not a big enough dick to make her pretend to know about gaming.
  346. >Well, you would, but it would just be too painful to sit through.
  347. >”O-oh.”
  348. >She sounds disappointed, like she actually thought her little idea might bear fruit.
  349. >Silly pony.
  350. >You put the book back on the shelf – it’s a curiosity, nothing more.
  351. >Why waste your time looking at it?
  352. >These kinds of games are worthless without friends to play with.
  353. >All you have in this shithole is a drinking buddy and a princess who thinks she can fix you.
  354. >As if you’re broken.
  355. >Not the ideal gaming group.
  356. >That pink one – you can’t for the life of you remember her name – would probably jump at the idea of it, if only because you’re such a sad, friendless loser.
  357. >Her pity is almost as annoying as the godsdamned princess’ fucking attitude.
  358. >Some people might think it would be better to try and fail, to accept her pity and try running a game for these her and her friends. After all, the worst that can happen is you waste an evening.
  359. >Those kinds of people haven’t had everything taken away from them, but you have.
  360. >Twice.
  361. >You’d rather not risk a third.
  362. >Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
  363. >You glance over the bookcases one more time, but there’s nothing of interest here.
  364. >There’s nothing upstairs in the library.
  365. >Nothing in this whole fucking world.
  366. >You shamble back to the table and sit down on the floor. You almost reach for your bag, but your tablet is dead.
  367. >Dammit.
  368. >That bitch was good for one thing, at least.
  369. >This new princess…
  370. >You’re slumped there with your head in your hands when Spike comes jogging out of the kitchen carrying a stack of bowls. Twilight Sparkle follows behind, levitating a large serving bowl filled with – oh fucking joy – salad.
  371. >Again.
  372. >They’re ponies, but this is a little godsdamned ridiculous.
  373. “Do I have to start doing all the fucking cooking if I want a *real* meal?”
  374. >Dammit.
  375. >You shouldn’t have said that.
  376. >The alicorn’s eyes are sparkling – she has an idea.
  377. >Not the first time you’ve seen this, and it hasn’t ended well even once.
  378. >”Is that an offer…?” she asks with a sly smile.
  379. >You don’t answer – to say no would be to admit you were bitching for the sake of bitching, to say yes is to volunteer for some fresh new hell as a princess’ new domestic servant.
  380. >As much as you like Spike, you don’t particularly envy his place in life.
  381. >Twilight Sparkle pouts slightly at your silence.
  382. “Don’t do that.”
  383. >”Oh?” She tilts her head to one side and smiles. “Does that mean –“
  384. “It’s unbecoming of a princess.”
  385. >Not at all like *her*.
  386. >”Well, good thing I’m not a *real* prin–“
  387. >”Uh, Twilight?” Spike interrupts her, holding up one claw. “Actually –“
  388. >”Yes, Spike, I know,” she sighs, rolling her eyes. “*Thank you* for reminding me. Again!”
  389. >”Just trying to help.”
  390. >”THANK. YOU.”
  391. >At least the exchange makes you feel a little bit better.
  392. >Not that Spike is being treated like crap, but that she treats everyone like this.
  393. >In fact, they’re all like this. All of them. All of the ponies.
  394. >Dash might be the only decent one in existence - *she* doesn’t care that you’re human.
  395. >”I think I’ll go eat in the dining room,” the little dragon grumbles, filling his bowl and stomping. But not before handing you a fork.
  396. >Little dude is awesome, always remembering things like that.
  397. >Right up there with Aredee.
  398. >Twilight Sparkle doesn’t comment on her… what *is* his title? Assistant? Pet?
  399. >Whatever.
  400. >She doesn’t comment on Spike leaving, filling her bowl and… staring at it angrily.
  401. “That’s not how you eat.”
  402. >Her head bobs slightly – she heard you.
  403. “I mean, I’m no expert on equine biology, but I’m pretty sure you can’t eat by staring at things.”
  404. >Another little bobble.
  405. “You actually have to put the food in your mouth.”
  406. >”Yeah, I know.”
  407. >She thinks she knows everything.
  408. >You serve yourself while she mopes – the meal passes in silence.
  409. >Drags on for a while.
  410. >A little too long.
  411. >Long after you’d finished, she’s still staring at an untouched bowl.
  412. >She does *not* take failure well.
  413. >Too bad.
  414. “So, I’m going to go now…”
  415. >”There honestly wasn’t anything you found interesting?”
  416. >They’re the first words she’s spoken in over an hour.
  417. “Not really.”
  418. >”Not a single subject you’d like to learn?”
  419. “No.”
  420. >”Or even talk about?”
  421. “Um. No.”
  422. >”Not even Burrows and Basilisks?”
  423. >Is she really going to go that far just to fulfil her mistress’ orders?
  424. >Say what you will about this little filly – and you have – but she *is* dedicated.
  425. “It was interesting, but no.”
  426. >”I – I know it’s just a game –“
  427. >Great, another one of *those* people.
  428. >You’re not surprised that she thinks games are worthless distractions, but you didn’t expect her to come out and say it.
  429. >Not when she’s so obviously trying to use it as some pathetic attempt at bonding.
  430. >Just so she can fucking rehabilitate you.
  431. >” – but –“
  432. “Those kind of games require friends to play.”
  433. >You’ll just stop this here.
  434. >No sense wasting your time or hers, even though she obviously feels differently about that.
  435. >”Oh,” she grunts quietly. “I’m not your friend?”
  436. >Does she even have friends?
  437. >She has some henchmen, but actual friends?
  438. >You’ve spent pretty much all day, every day these past three weeks with her and Spike – and no one else.
  439. >If she had friends, surely one of them would have come over at some point.
  440. >The most time you’ve spent away from her side was when she’d let you sleep in on Saturday – and this princess definitely doesn’t seem like the type to go out partying and getting drunk on the weekends.
  441. >Still, you’re a dick, but you’re not *that* big of a dick.
  442. >You can’t just tell her she’s not your friend.
  443. “Not… really…”
  444. >Godsdamnit, mouth.
  445. “… you’re more like a… um… acquaintance?”
  446. >Also, the worst possible Princess of Friendship that Bitch could have chosen.
  447. >Luckily, your mouth doesn’t say that.
  448. “It’s not your fault –“
  449. >It kind of is.
  450. >” – we just don’t have anything in common,” the princess finishes for you. “I think that might have to change, if I’m ever going to get through to you.”
  451. >Still on the fucking mission.
  452. >Pony’s like a godsdamned bloodhound.
  453. “Good luck with that.”
  454. >You *really* hope she’s not going to try to take up gaming, just to pretend to be your friend.
  455. >That would just be *too* creepy and desperate.
  456. >She sighs, shoving away her untouched meal and moving towards some of the bookcases.
  457. >”You can go, Anonymous,” she mumbles half-heartedly, “just let me pack a few books for you to study.”
  458.  
  459. >You don’t look in the bag until you’ve made your way back to your shack, but you know from the weight that she’d shoved at least too damn many books in there.
  460. >More than you can read in a night.
  461. >You dump the contents out on the table – the only piece of furniture you have besides your bed.
  462. >That’s right, not even chairs.
  463. >*She* had to have everything custom made for you, because of your height, and only the bed and table have been delivered so far.
  464. >As you suspected, Twilight Sparkle loaded up your bag with Equestrian cookbooks before finally letting you leave.
  465. >You’re supposed to read them and write a report on –
  466. >Who knows.
  467. >You stopped listening about then, because you had no intention of doing whatever she said.
  468. >Cooking is cooking wherever you go.
  469. >Besides, why bother?
  470. >You don’t have anyone to cook for, except yourself.
  471. >The small mountain of books piled on your table won’t do anyone any good.
  472. >A piece of paper catches your eye, poking out from near the bottom of the pile.
  473. >She can’t seriously have picked an individual recipe for you to learn, and yet evidence seems to prove otherwise.
  474. “Fuck it.”
  475. >Curious, you pull it out – it’s instructions, but not for a dish.
  476. >Dammit, she noticed you weren’t listening and wrote down your fucking “homework” for you.
  477. >Create a level –
  478. >wat
  479. >Create a level five fighter?
  480. >You scatter the cookbook and find the Burrows and Basilisks core book at the bottom of the pile.
  481. >Fuck.
  482. >She *is* dedicated.
  483. >You look over her note, actually reading it this time – she’s gotten most of the usual terminology right, so maybe her obsessive-compulsive brain actually read through the books when she bought them. It’s almost flattering how far she’s gone to try to connect with you, but then she cocks it all up by explaining *why* she wants you to roll up a fighter – because they’re the easiest to build and play.
  484. >As if you’d never played an rpg in your life.
  485. >You read through the instructions one more time –
  486. “If I have any questions, I should ask Applejack? Who the fuck is Applejack?”
Anon Twilight Sparkle Celestia Luna Complete Traditional Games /tg/ Nerds RPG SAFE

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