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Game Night Sidestories 04: Used Camels in Equestria

By twilightgamenight
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-31 22:08:07
Expiry: Never
anontwilight sparklesafecompletemane 6one-shottraditional gamesrpg/tg/crazy hassan

  1. >”Anon, do ya know what yer doin’?”
  2. >It stings that AJ has no faith in your DMing skills, even after she’s played… um… two(?) whole sessions with you.
  3. >Maybe it’s because both of those resulted in total party kills, but those totally weren’t your fault.
  4. >”Quiet,” Twilight hushes her friend. “Let him give it a shot before you start criticizing.”
  5. >She doesn’t have any faith, either.
  6. >But at least she’s willing to pretend.
  7. >The princess clearly uncomfortable being on the other side of the DM screen – she’s twitchy and nervous and keeps fiddling with her dice.
  8. >”I’m sure he’ll do just fine,” the yellow one whispers.
  9. >If she’s not going to speak up, you’re not going to bother to learn her name.
  10. >Even if she is mildly supportive.
  11. >She gives you a shy smile.
  12. >”It is just *too* bad Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie could not make it,” Rarity – you think that’s her name – sighs dramatically.
  13. >Annoying though she is, the unicorn has a point.
  14. >Would be nice if one of your actual friends was here.
  15. >You’re pretty sure Twilight Sparkle didn’t let them know about tonight’s game. Probably intentionally, seeing as this isn’t the usual game night.
  16. >Trying to break you out of your comfort zone, you suspect.
  17. >Or trying to limit the amount of chaos by keeping your usual accomplices away.
  18. >”OH, GOOD! YOU HAVEN’T STARTED YET!”
  19. >Silly bookhorse should know by now that she just can’t deny the Ponk like that.
  20. >A plate of cupcakes slams onto the table, followed by a little pink pony.
  21. >You’re not sure where she came from.
  22. >Up, you know that much, but – yep, you just checked – the ceiling is still pretty solid.
  23. “Nope. Waiting on you.”
  24. >”Well, I’m here now!” she cries out, rolling off the table and slapping a brand new character sheet on the table. “Let’s get this show on the road!”
  25. >Twilight does a fairly decent job of hiding her surprise – maybe she wasn’t expecting to keep Ponka from attending, just hoping.
  26. >”Yes, let’s,” she says, smiling far too wide for it to be genuine. “So, we meet in a tavern?”
  27. “Sure, why not?”
  28. >No point dropping any surprises on them this early.
  29.  
  30. >The adventurers spend a short time introducing themselves and discussing their mission before exiting the tavern. Though their employer has managed to locate the Lost Treasure of the Sun, he requires a strong band of heroes to help him reclaim it from the monsters inhabiting the Forest of Despair.
  31.  
  32. >You cringe at the name – it wasn’t your choice.
  33. >Twilight handed you the adventure booklet last week and only approved *minor* changes.
  34. >Apparently your little trick with the fighter didn’t convince her that you know what you’re doing.
  35. >”It *is* a long walk from Hedgeville to the Forest of Despair,” Rarity whines. “My character would rather not, if you understand.”
  36. >”Yeah, gettin’ some form of transportation would be nice,” Applejack agrees. “Mah paladin’s gonna look around town to see if anypony’s goin’ our way. Even if we can’t use a magic gate or hire a carriage, maybe we can join up with a caravan.”
  37. >”Ooooh, good idea, Applejack!” Twilight nods eagerly. “That should help us avoid some random encounters, or at least give us some help!”
  38. “Okay, are you going to split up?”
  39. >”Nah, this town’s small,” the orange mare scoffs. “And Ah bet yer just waitin’ fer that to spring an ambush!”
  40. >Strike that plan.
  41. “I can’t say. So, your party begins to wander the small village…”
  42.  
  43. >”Well, there ain’t nopony goin’ our way,” the paladin sighs, “and nothing fer hire, not that we can afford anyhow.”
  44. >They’ve checked everywhere.
  45. >The village market, the carriage inn, the tavern – nothing.
  46. >”Oh, drat,” her illusionist companion whines. “We shall just have to ‘hoof-it’, as the ruffians say.”
  47. >She stomps daintily, making a face as the very dust she had just kicked up settles on her elegant robes.
  48.  
  49. >You’re almost feeling guilty.
  50. >Not really.
  51. >Not at all, actually.
  52. >But it’s what the module states *very* clearly – nopony is headed towards the Forest of Despair.
  53. >Possibly because of the shit name.
  54. >Still, Twilight *did* say you could make minor alterations...
  55.  
  56. >The adventurers pass the outskirts of the town, only one building remaining between them and the open fields.
  57. >”Maybe this won’t be *so* bad,” the druid says, trying to keep her companions’ spirits up. “A nice walk does wonders for your health.”
  58. >”Ah guess, but –“
  59. “HELLO, MY GOOD FRIENDS!”
  60.  
  61. >Twilight winces at your yelling, but motions for you to continue.
  62.  
  63. “WELCOME TO MY EMPORIUM!”
  64. >The adventurers eye the pony beckoning them from the doorway of his shop with suspicion, but step closer.
  65. “YOU HAVE NEEDS, YES?”
  66. >”Yeah, we got some,” the paladin grudgingly answers, advancing ahead of the rest of her party.
  67. >Always keep the tank between the squishies and a potential threat.
  68. “YOU HAVE NEEDS!”
  69. >The pony claps his forehooves together excitedly.
  70. “LET CRAZY HASSAN HELP!”
  71. >”I’d rather not,” the mage answers quietly, only to be pushed aside as one of her teammates bounds past her.
  72. >Or through her.
  73. >”Oooooooh, I *like* him!” the rogue cheers, trotting around the paladin to shake the merchant’s hoof.
  74. “THEN WE ARE FRIENDS, YES? COME! WE ARE FRIENDS! LET CRAZY HASSAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR NEEDS! YOU NEED CAMELS, YES?”
  75. >”Um, no?” the rogue answers, tilting her head to one side in confusion. “Maybe. Are they *fun* camels?”
  76. “THEY ARE CHEAP! YOU KNOW WHY?”
  77. >”No?”
  78. “THEY ARE USED! IS WHY YOU CAN RENT CHEAP!”
  79. >”Ummmm…”
  80. “WHY HESITATION, MY FRIEND? YOU NEED CAMELS TO RIDE, YES? THEY MAKE THE TIME PASS FASTER! USED CAMELS ARE BEST CAMELS, THEY KNOW HOW DOING WHAT DO, YES?”
  81.  
  82. >”You want *us* -“ Rarity pauses, gesturing dramatically to herself and her friends “ – to… to *rent*… this is just dreadful… to rent *used* camels?”
  83. >Prissy, isn’t she?”
  84.  
  85. “JUST AS GOOD AS UNUSED CAMELS, HALF THE PRICE! COME, MY GOOD FRIENDS! WE MAKE DEAL!”
  86. >”You. Want. Us. To. Ride. Used. Camels?” the illusionist asks bluntly. “Are you insane?”
  87.  
  88. >”It’s *kinda* in his name, Rarity,” Ponks snarks at the unicorn. “*Crazy* Hassan.”
  89. >Good, at least one of them gets it.
  90. >You hope that Twilight is clutching her head because of Rarity’s stupidity and not because you dicked with the module – you’re just trying to help them out.
  91. >That’s DMing 101.
  92. >”So, I go inside –“
  93. >”No,” Twilight interrupts Ponka, looking up from the table angrily. “This was a bad idea. We’re stopping here.”
  94. “Why!?”
  95. >”Because you aren’t as clever as you think you are, Anon,” the alicorn sighs. “You want us to 'ride used camels?'”
  96. “And what’s wrong with that?”
  97. >She shakes her head angrily, muttering things you can’t quite hear.
  98. “Seriously, Twilight. What the hell is wrong with that? Is it the yelling?”
  99. >It has to be the yelling.
  100. “Sorry, but Crazy Hassan –“
  101. >”Don’t be such a spoil-sport, Twily,” Ponks laughs. “Crazy Hassan seems pretty cool for a pimp!”
  102. >Pimp…?

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