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He's Gonna Flip (WIP) (RGRE)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 19th December 2020 12:46:20 AM

  1. > Be Anon, flipping pancakes like a boss
  2. > Sure, the crystal empire has its royal cooks, but the royal family prefers your cooking
  3. > Cadance claims the secret ingredient is your love for them
  4. > She's kinda right, because you can't bring yourself to tell her it's actually butter
  5. > You hear a shuffling, hesitant clip clop of hooves on crystal
  6. > You look over your shoulder to find Flurry shaking her foreleg, taking a step, then shaking her other foreleg, and thereby making her way into the kitchen
  7. "Morning, McFlurry. Step in something weird?"
  8. > She looks up at you, brow furrowed
  9. > Then her eyes widen
  10. > "Why did you get to be a human! I should be a man, not some teenaged girl horse thing!"
  11. > You blink
  12. "Uh, Phlurry botographic evidence, didn't you already get the talk? When a precursor civilization loves a planet very much, they seed it with carefully tailored life that will inevitably be their undoing. Your precursors liked horses, and mine liked gorillas."
  13. > The filly rolls her eyes
  14. > "Not what I'm talking about. My name is Jack McTaggert, and the last thing I remember was getting hit by truck, and now I'm in some cotton candy horse abomination body. So tell me, whose cock did you suck to end up in a human body? And are they still interested?"
  15. > You slowly turn to face her
  16. > She looks at you with a sour expression, her wings just sort of dragging on the ground
  17. > No
  18. > It can't be
  19. > You shake your head in horror
  20. "Anonfilly was never meant to be. What hack deity did this? TF a shit! A SHIIIIT!"
  21. > Flurry keeps frowning for all of three seconds before she breaks down laughing
  22. > What
  23. > "Priceless! Your face was priceless!"
  24. > You hang your head in relief and mild embarrassment
  25. "You can be a cunt, you know that?"
  26. > Flurry wipes the tears of laughter from her face, her magic gripping the spatula and flipping the pancake
  27. > "Come on, I've seen the pranks you play on Mom, Dad, and the Aunties. Admit it, it was funny."
  28. > You scowl at her, but without any true ire
  29. "You wouldn't be talking that way if you had to live through those lawless times. Bad taste as far as the eye can see, degenerates tainting any island of originality. Not to mention the-"
  30. > "-great homo infiltration, yeah, I know. But I've seen your memories of those times, it was nothing but a bunch of stallions stewing in their whimsy."
  31. > You scoop up some batter and pour it onto the pan
  32. > As an afterthought, you snatch the spatula out of her magic
  33. "You're a huge, sexist fuckfilly for saying that, you know. Next you'll be telling me that stallions belong in the kitchen."
  34. > She raises her eyebrows at you
  35. > "Duh."
  36. > Then Flurry shakes her foreleg again
  37. > You frown
  38. "What's up with that? The prank's over, you don't need to pretend to be weirded out by your body any more."
  39. > She huffs
  40. > "I put tape on the frogs of my hooves."
  41. > You look at her expectantly
  42. "And? You have magic, don't you?"
  43. > She blushes a little and looks away
  44. > "It tickles too much if I do that."
  45. > You give her an unimpressed stare
  46. > She ducks her head
  47. > "Could you..."
  48. > You glance at the pancake, flip it, then put the spatula down on the counter
  49. > You sigh
  50. "Fine, give me your hoof."
  51. > Flurry raises her foreleg and you grab it below the...what, hoof-wrist?
  52. > Whatever it's called, you crouch a little to get a look at the frog
  53. > You spot the tape immediately
  54. > Flurry trembles as you pick at, then peel it off from one of the corners
  55. > You glance at her face as she switches legs
  56. > Her lips are pressed firmly together, no doubt keeping the giggles in
  57. > She actually whimpers when you pull off the other piece of tape perhaps a little more quickly than you should have
  58. > You gently set her hoof down
  59. "I didn't hurt you just now, did I?"
  60. > She shakes her head
  61. > "Just tickled me, is all."
  62. > You stand straight with a grunt
  63. "Well, that's fine then."
  64. > You are about to turn back to the stove
  65. > "Um,"
  66. > You sigh
  67. "Yes?"
  68. > Flurry Heart rubs her neck
  69. > "Could you get the back hooves too?"
  70. > You smirk at her
  71. "Really didn't think this through, did you?"
  72. > She scowls
  73. > "The prank worked! It's just, you know, cleanup is the problem."
  74. > You roll your eyes
  75. "Whatever, turn around and I'll take care of it."
  76. > She wheels about, glad to hide her face
  77. > You scoop the last pancake and toss it onto the pile, then turn off the stove
  78. > That done, you crouch down and to the side and lift up her hind leg
  79. > No sense risking getting bucked, after all
  80. > As you peel off the tape, Flurry makes a little "Hn!" Noise
  81. > You pause, but she doesn't seem to be doing anything else
  82. > You sidle around to the other side and lift up the last leg, squatting to ease the strain of crouching down
  83. > You pick at the edge of the tape, but it's stuck on pretty good
  84. > Flurry is making more strangled noises as you work at it, poor thing must be so ticklish
  85. > At last you get under it, and start pulling it off
  86. > Out of nowhere, Flurry's tail baps your face and you fall back onto your butt
  87. > The filly neighs and bolts away, leaving you on the floor with four pieces of tape
  88. > You can't help but chuckle to yourself and get back to making breakfast
  89. ------------
  90. > You are Flurry Heart and you bucked up bad
  91. > Not only did the tape thing ruin the whole prank, you actually flagged your tail at Uncle Anon
  92. > You bury your head in your pillow and let out muffled screams of mortification
  93. > Your messenger journal buzzes
  94. > You slowly calm your breathing and open it
  95. > Luna writes,
  96. > [How did it go? Regale me with descriptions of his expressions!]
  97. > Your magic trembles as you pen a response
  98. [Yeah, he was freaking out and it was funny, but ughhhhh]
  99. > You bury your face in your pillow
  100. > The journal makes a scratching sound
  101. > You lift your head to look at it
  102. > [Niece, what is wrong?]
  103. > Your heart is still racing as you try to avoid remembering his touch, gentle to the point of almost being sensual
  104. > Buck
  105. [Anon was taking off the tape on my hooves and...]
  106. > [And?]
  107. > You chew your lip
  108. [I sorta...flagged at him.]
  109. > You stare at the journal, each second of silence more damning than the last
  110. > At last, Aunt Luna replies
  111. > [Then when shall we have the ceremony? I assume he was overcome by your marely forwardness and begged to be yours.]
  112. > You scowl
  113. [That's not how it works anymore and you know it. Ugggghhh, I haven't even had breakfast, how am I supposed to eat at the same table after flashing him?]
  114. > Luna is quick to answer
  115. > [First you obtain a carrot or a sausage or somesuch, then-]
  116. > You practically dig the pen into the page
  117. [Buck you!]
  118. > [No, not unless you let me into your herd. But seriously, my dear Heart, I believe you may be overreacting. It's perfectly natural to accidentally flag at your age, and Anonymous probably just thinks it was funny.]
  119. > You sigh
  120. [That might be worse.]
  121. > Your aunt doesn't reply for some time, and you take the opportunity to start brushing your mane
  122. > [You really ought to talk to your mother about this. She is the expert.]
  123. > You grimace
  124. [She is the absolute last person I want to talk to about this! Especially now that I- you know.]
  125. > [You're assuming she doesn't know already.]
  126. > You snort
  127. [I'm assuming she's too busy orchestrating a matchmaking scheme involving Anon and/or me, and won't be dropping by to give me a horrendously embarrassing lecture.]
  128. > There is also the faint possibility that she just cannot sense your feelings for Uncle Anon because it's not actually love
  129. > Which would suck major clit, if it were true
  130. > [Maybe her scheme is already working, and that is why you ended up flagging at Anon. Go to breakfast, my niece. At least you will be horribly embarrassed with a full stomach.]
  131. > You groan, but she is probably right
  132. > That's the way your aunts are
  133. --------
  134. > Be Anon
  135. > Flurry sure is taking forever, maybe you should check on her
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