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BadGrammarFag - Oreo the changeling chapter1

By rmp
Created: 19th December 2020 07:14:00 AM

  1. Author: BadGrammarFag
  2. Pastebin URL: iA6fbJ4n.html
  3. Date: JAN 24TH, 2016
  4.  
  5. ------
  6.  
  7. >Day you forgot about the pegasi rain schedule.
  8. >And not for the first time, you damn, forgetful faggot.
  9. >You're Anon, the only human in this land of colorful autism, called Equestria.
  10. >You're currently sitting in the small cottage, located on the outskirts of Ponyville.
  11. >Slowly sipping your morning coffee, you're watching raindrops falling down outside.
  12. "Fuck you rain."
  13. >Yeah, you are a little grumpy.
  14. >This weather ruined your plans for the morning.
  15. >With nothing to do during this downpour, your mind started to wander.
  16. >Why do you live so far away from the town center and so close to the dreaded Everfree Forest?
  17. >After all it was dangerous and shit.
  18. >Well, it was beneficial for both, you and Princess sunbutt, or what's her name.
  19. >Your part of the deal was quite obvious.
  20. >Being so close to this dreaded forest, you can easily obtain some meat by hunting and fishing inside of it.
  21. >More over, you aren't constantly pestered by those colorful marshmallows, who call themselves ponies.
  22. >Couple of work hours a day with them and their shenanigans, was more than enough.
  23. >Even a seasoned 4chan veteran like you, wants some normalcy in his life from time to time.
  24. >Like for example, to rest from weirdness of this one unicorn mare.
  25. >Bitch be crazy about yo hands!
  26. >She even asked if she can experiment with them in your free time!
  27. >You immediately thought she'll ask you to fist her, or worse.
  28. >You firmly said "No" to her.  
  29. >Well, maybe it sounded more like "Fuck off!", but you're getting off track here.
  30. >You were about to remind yourself, why you living here was beneficial for princess Sunbutt-hurt.
  31. >For starters, she wanted you as far away from her subjects, as it was "politely" possible.
  32. >Of course, without banishing your sorry ass out of her kingdom.
  33. >Can't blame her there, thou.
  34. >when you showed up in here for the first time, you practically "assassinated" her white royal booty.
  35. >The last thing you remember from your old world, was you driving home in your trusty piece-of-crap-on-wheels, old car.
  36. >In a hurry.
  37. >At night.
  38. >In the winter, on a slippery, frozen road.
  39. >Long story short, totally unexpectedly you found yourself driving quickly at a fuckhuge tree on the roadside, with no means to stop the car.
  40. >Then, there was this blindingly bright light and the feeling of falling from up high.
  41. >Before you could even utter a scream of surprise, you hit sometning soft and your right thigh exploded with a tremendous amounts of pain.
  42. >As it lately turned out, you fell straight on the Princess Sunbutt's head.
  43. >She was sitting on her throne, minding her own royal business and you just showed up and impaled your right leg on her pointy horn.
  44. "Lel, so rude."
  45. >Now you can laugh as much as you want, but then and there, you were a little too distracted to find it funny.
  46. >Lying on the floor and holding your bleeding leg, you were screaming like a little bitch.
  47. >"Luckily" one of Sunbutt's personal guards fed you with an armored hoof sandwich.
  48. >That trick managed to switch off your lights, so to speak.
  49. >Because of your leg injury, you spend almost entire month on their hospital ward.
  50. >At first they thought you were some crazy assassin, who failed in his mission of bringing down their princess.
  51. >Celestia (yeah you actually know her name) wasn't sure of it, though.
  52. >She and her sister had more than enough time to interrogate you.
  53. >Finally, you were declared not dangerous enough for a one-way trip to the moon.
  54. >Well, not until your leg healed up to the point, where pone doctors could safely use their magic to speed up the healing process.
  55. >Which didn't worked.
  56. >Like, at all.
  57. >Surprise_madafaka.avi
  58. >It turned out that as a being from a non-magical world, your body was completely immune to any and all kinds of magic.
  59. "Man, fuck that special snowflake shit."
  60. >Yeah, just like the Princesses, you were not happy about that turn of events.
  61. >All the good kinds of magic, mostly healing magic, which could be used on you, were forever out of your reach.
  62. >On the other hand, if some magic user wanted to hurt you, he could easily use the most basic of spells to do this.
  63. >For example, by using simple levitation spell.
  64. >Throwing a rock in your head etc.
  65. >However, Celestia was somehow concerned about this whole magic immunity business.
  66. >She could do nothing about it though.
  67. >She promised, to give you your chance at living in her peaceful kingdom, fair and square.
  68. >Having no other options, she send you here.
  69. >To this stinking shack, near the spooky forest.
  70. >Additionally, you were under the supervision of the local Princess Grape Intelligence Spergle and her friends.
  71. >Luckily for you, they weren't a pain in the ass and even helped you to settle in.
  72. >More or less you befriended them all.
  73. >You looked at the forest nearby.
  74. >At the moment you wanted to go there and get some firewood.
  75. >Though, because of the rain, you simply couldn't.
  76. "Fuck you weather pones"
  77. >Yep, you've got no one to blame but yourself, for not checking the weather schedule for this week.
  78. >Though, it didn't stop you from looking for someone to share your guilt with.
  79. >You looked at your good, old axe, which was leaning against the wall.
  80. "This sucks major balls. For how long they intend to keep this rain going, I need to-"
  81. >Oh, look its over!
  82. "What the-"
  83. >It's_Magic_I_Don't_Need_To_Explain_Shit.gif
  84. "...oh, right."
  85. >You looked through the window.
  86. >There was bright sun, bird noises and shit outside.
  87. "Woohoo!"
  88. >Giving your best Homer Simpson impression, you quickly finished your coffee and grabbed your trusty axe.
  89. >Before you have the chance to do anything else, you heard someone knocking on your front door.
  90. >You quickly opened the door, to see who it is.
  91. >Standing on the wet grass in full armour and wearing saddlebags, a royal guard unicorn looked at you.
  92. >"Good morning, Sir. Can I take a minute of your time?"
  93. >Resting the axe on your shoulder, you nodded.
  94. "Sure, trees can wait."
  95. >Reaching for his saddle bags, he pulled out something that looked like a flyer of some sort.
  96. >He handed, erm.. hoofed it to you.
  97. >"Sir, did you recently saw any of the creatures depicted here?"
  98. >Intrigued, you looked at the sheet of paper in your hand.
  99. >There were four types of changelings shown there.
  100. >A nymph, a drone/warrior, an under-queen, and of course the big, bad queen herself.
  101. >From the smallest, to the largest.
  102. >Thanks to Twiggles teaching you about this world, you knew some basic things about changelings.
  103. >Also, you were aware about their turbulent history with the pony kind.
  104. >However, you never saw any of those bugpones IRL.
  105. "Nah, I didn't see any of them around."
  106. >The guard quickly searched your features for any signs of lying.
  107. >"Good to hear that, Sir. Recently their, let's call it "activity" in the area has increased."
  108. >You shrugged your shoulders.
  109. "Sorry, can't help you, bro. Even living here, near this spooky forest, I never had the "pleasure" of meeting any of them changelings."
  110. >"Believe me, Sir you wouldn't like that to happen. They can be very dangerous."
  111. >You slowly patted your axe.
  112. "I can take care of myslef just fine."
  113. >Armored stallion allowed himself a little chuckle at your display of badassery.
  114. >"I can see that. Before I leave, I need to perform a magic scan on anypony that lives here, just to be sure, Sir."
  115. >A little perplexed, you scratched your head.
  116. "I live alone and about that scan... well... you'll see for yourself."
  117. >He squinted his eyes, but didn't said anything and casted his spell on you.
  118. >Almost immediately his eyes grew wide.
  119. >"That's... impossible! You have no magical presence! It's almost as if you don't belong in this world!"
  120. >Holy fucking shit, it's a bingo!
  121. "Heh, yeah that's all me. Anonymous, totally not magical man, from totally not magical world. If you want to know more, ask Princess Spergle. I don't feel like talking about myself today. I'm in a bit of a hurry, if you catch my drift."
  122. >The white stallion quickly composed himself.
  123. >"Yes, of course, Sir. Keep the flyer and remember to report about any changeling presence in the area. Thank you for your time."
  124. >Later that day, you found yourself deep inside the Everfree Forest.
  125. >Whistling some catchy tune, you were chopping some old tree branches.
  126. >They were wet, but you didn't care.
  127. >You could store it at the back of your small cottage and wai-
  128. >"Aaaaarrghh!"
  129. >A loud scream interrupted your work.
  130. "What the fu-"
  131. >"Aaaaarrghh!"
  132. >One more!
  133. >It sounded... feminine.
  134. >Also, its source was behind the bushes, not so far away from you.
  135. >Not thinking much, you started to run in the direction of those.
  136. >Maybe some mare was attacked by a Manticore and it was trying to eat her?
  137. >You'll probably end up as its second course, but fuck that noise!
  138. >You couldn't live with yourself, if you knew you could save someone and didn't do shit.
  139. >Suicidal white knight intensifies.
  140. >You quickly stepped into the bushes, trying to see what's behind them.
  141. >What you saw was no Manticore and no marshmallow pony.
  142. >No, it was a more... bizarre sight.
  143. >Three living, breathing, freaking changelings!
  144. >Judging by the size and remembering what you saw on that flyer, you recognized two drones and one under-queen.
  145. >The largest bug horse from this strange group, was lying on the forest floor.
  146. >She looked like shit.
  147. >Almoust as if she just lost a fight with a speeding train.
  148. >The under-queen was bleeding badly from the many wounds in her shattered carapace.
  149. >Her blood was practically painting the ground green.
  150. >Surrounded by her almost white mane, her jagged horn was broken in half.
  151. >Protruding from the white part of the carapace on her back, her insect-like wings looked pretty worse for wear.
  152. >She was breathing heavily and her yellow eyes, with slitted pupils, were half-lidded.
  153. >All in all, she looked like if she was dying.
  154. >One of the two blue eyed drones came closer to her.
  155. >You noticed that the carapace on his back was also blue, only darker.
  156. >Using his hoof, he pressed the head of the battered under-queen to the ground.
  157. >Then, he turned to the other drone.
  158. >You heard him "talking" in clicks and taps.
  159. >Naturally, you didn't understand shit.
  160. >Though, it must have been something important, because the other started nodding his head vigorously.
  161. >When he finally stopped, you saw a bright green glow building at the end of his pointy horn.
  162. >Seeing this, the under-queen began trembling on the forest floor.
  163. >Using her own hoof, she was trying to remove the one that was pressed to her head.
  164. >With no success.
  165. >She was too weak to even move it a little.
  166. >Then, you saw the look in her eyes.
  167. >It was fear mixed with desperation.
  168. >She was fighting for her life and from the look of things, she was losing!
  169. >Those two wasn't her friends, or subjects trying to help her.
  170. >They were going to off her!
  171. >You squeezed the handle of your axe tighter.
  172. >There will be no executions on your fucking white knight watch!
  173. >You stepped out from the bushes and started yelling at the one, who was probably building up a death magic bolt.
  174. "Hey, you little turd! Leave her the fuck alone! I'm going to-"
  175. >You didn't get to finish that sentence.
  176. >Fucking dick waffle turned his head in your direction and released his deadly spell at you.
  177. >A bright, green flash blinded everyone for a couple of seconds.
  178. >If you weren't completely immune to magic, the caster would probably saw a steaming pile of meat, right where you were standing a moment ago.
  179. >Unfortunately for him, you were.
  180. >Instead of your remains, he saw a blunt end of your axe approaching his bug snout with an incredible speed.
  181. >In a rain of teeth, blood and saliva you knocked him high in the air.
  182. >That's a fucking home run if you ever saw one!
  183. >The other changeling didn't wait for his friend to fall down, before he jumped at you.
  184. >You managed to doge his attack in the last moment.
  185. >His sharp teeth brushed your skin, drawing blood from your shoulder.
  186. "Augh, that fucking hurt, you little shit!"
  187. >He wasn't distracted by your insult and leaped at you again.
  188. >This time his teeth clenched on the wooden handle of your axe, you were holding in front of you.
  189. >Right in the middle of it.
  190. >His insect wings started buzzing loudly.
  191. >Still clinging to your weapon, he was trying to wrench it out from your hands.
  192. >Without it, you were toast.
  193. >Luckily for you, you were probably three times heavier than him.
  194. >Using that to your advantage you jarked hard and rammed the back of his head into a tree.
  195. >Unconscious, he fall on the ground like a sack of potatoes.
  196. >The fight was over.
  197. >Breathing heavily, you approached the lying form of the beaten under-queen.
  198. >Her eyes were closed.
  199. >She was looking even worse than before.
  200. >Her breath was shallow and uneven.
  201. >Dropping your axe on the ground, you crouched down.
  202. >You started shaking her withers with your hand.
  203. "Hey, hey! Don't fall asleep now! If you do, you'll probably die!"
  204. >Yeah, you got some 'very basic' medical knowledge from all those medical documents, you watched back on earth.
  205. >Her eyes half open and she made some kind of weak humming buzz.
  206. "Erm, sorry I can't understand you. Though, it's good to see, you're not going into shock... yet."
  207. >Damn it, you don't have much time!
  208. >If you don't do something, she'll bleed here to death.
  209. >You don't really know if you want to, but you'll probably need to take her to your cottage.
  210. >You will be able to hel-
  211. "GRRRROOOOOO!"
  212. >Howlie fucken shit!
  213. >You know the animal that can growl like that!
  214. >It's a real fucking Manticore and pissed one at that!
  215. >You're probably at its turf, or something and its coming here to beat the stuffing out of you all.
  216. >As quickly and delicately as you could, you grabbed the under-queen in your arms and started running.
  217. >Fuck your axe, you'll get a new one!
  218. >Fuck those drone guys, they were trying to kill you and now they will turn into a Manticore shit for that!
  219. >Aaand there goes your white knight status.
  220. >Fok it, your shoulder stings.
  221. >Running through the forest, you take a quick look at what's in your arms.
  222. >White maned bug horse has her eyes closed again and her bug body was getting more and more limp.
  223. >Not good.
  224. >Not good, at all!
  225. >Still holding her tightly, you shake her with all your might.
  226. "Oi, missy! Stay here with me!"
  227. >You felt her moving a little and her eyes barely opened.
  228. >This time she doesn't made any insect-like noises.
  229. >She was probably too stupefied from losing all that blood right on your shirt and pants.
  230. >It was warm and sticky and you didn't like it.
  231. >Also, you began to feel a little weak.
  232. >She wasn't exactly light.
  233. >If she was standing stright, she would be as high as Sunbutt's niece - Condense, or something.
  234. >Fortunately, you were working at the Ponyville Day Spa as a masseur.
  235. >Kneading horse muscles let you develop some nice upper body strength.
  236. >Shame it wasn't the same for your legs.
  237. >You started to feel some serious burning pain it those fucking meat sticks of yours.
  238. >Clenching your teeth, you slow down only a little.
  239. "*Huf*Huf* I swear *Huf* if you fucking die now *Huf* I will piss on *Huf* your grave.*Huf*"
  240. >Nah, you wouldn't.
  241. >You've said that just to get some reaction from her, to see if she's still conscious.
  242. >She didn't move her head at all, but you heard a soft shrill noise coming out of her.
  243. >A real chatterbox that one, eh?
  244. >Btw, how did those two fuckers managed to beat her like that?!
  245. >In the flyer they wrote that under-queens were a lot more powerful than even the best of warriors.
  246. >Only fully developed queen was stronger than them.
  247. >Maybe she was injured before they attacked her?
  248. >Maybe...
  249. >Finally, you reached the edge of the forest!
  250. "*Huf* Oh, thank God!*Huf*"
  251. >You really hoped you could help her with what you have in your small abode.
  252. >There wasn't much there.
  253. >Mostly things that you had left from that time, when you had still problems with your 'horn pierced' leg.
  254. >Some good painkillers, drugs that help you sleep, bandages, band-aids etc.
  255. >Shit like that.
  256. >Luckily, you didn't shut the door to your cottage after you left this morning.
  257. >You kicked the door open and unceremoniously walked inside.
  258. >You quickly headed for the kitchen.
  259. >Carefully, you laid your delicate cargo on the kitchen table.
  260. >She was still semi-conscious, her eyes half-open, looking at you with absent gaze.
  261. >At the moment there was probably more of her blood on you, than was inside of her.
  262. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
  263. >Loudly chanting your sacred mantra, you collected everything, which could prove useful.
  264. >You took a towel and put it into a bowl filled with your strongest booze.
  265. "Listen, I need to clean your wounds and do everything in my power to somehow close them. I won't lie, it will hurt like motherfucker."
  266. >Great work there m80, you really know how to calm your patient!
  267. "Alright, let's get started!"
  268. >Slowly and with utmost care, you have begun to clean and disinfect her wounds.
  269. >When you saw some chipped parts of her chitin 'skin' inside, you used tweezers to get those out.
  270. >The under-queen was shrieking some fierce for someone, who was practically half-dead.
  271. >She was getting especially louder, when you were working on the bigger wounds.
  272. >You were silently thankful that your cottage was so far away from town.
  273. >If not for that fact, you'd surely have to deal with the equivalent of pony inquisition by now.
  274. >Because of her hard carapace, there was no way to stitch her wounds the 'traditional way'.
  275. >Instead of needle and thread, you used stapler, you sterilized in booze before doing anything.
  276. >It hurt as fuck, but was doing its job.
  277. >She was losing less and less blood.
  278. >That didn't stop the pain, though.
  279. >The whole table started to wobble from her jerking around.
  280. "I'm sorry I can't give you any painkillers right now! Those would probably put you to sleep and we don't want that! I must stop the bleeding first!"
  281. >Or, you thought you shouldn't give her anything at that stage.
  282. >Like you said, your medical knowledge was almost non-existent.
  283. >Though, you just couldn't take her to the pony hospital.
  284. >Firstly, it was to far away.
  285. >She would be dead before you got there.
  286. >Secondly, pones thought of them as monsters and would probably harm her more than help her.
  287. >... probably.
  288. >To be truthful, you had little time to think about such things.
  289. >When you were closing her last wound, you noticed she became suspiciously calm and quiet.
  290. >You nervously looked away from what you were doing.
  291. >At the moment, she was only trembling a little and  her eyes began to roll upwards into her head.
  292. "Holy crap she's going into shock from all this fucking pain!"
  293. >Yep, shouting didn't help, but at least it kept you sane.
  294. >Grabbing your bag with various drugs, you quickly looked for the strongest painkillers.
  295. >Pouring a handful of pills onto your palm, you turned to her.
  296. "Listen, I don't know if those can help you, but you got nothing to lose! Eat those, please!"
  297. >She didn't do shit.
  298. >oh right, she was too focused on dying, than listening to your requests.
  299. >You looked at her opened bug horse maw.
  300. >Man, those chompers looked sharp enough to bite through steel.
  301. >Decisions, decisions.
  302. "Ah fuck it! I never liked my fingers anyway!"
  303. >Fucking liar.
  304. >While holding her lower jaw with one hand, you shoved the other one, down her throat.
  305. >Her eyes opened widely.
  306. "Believe me, this is for your own good! You must eat those!"
  307. >You bet that being forcefully fed drugs, wasn't high on her 'to-do-before-dying list'.
  308. >She quickly proved you right, by choking loudly, almost biting off your hand in the process.
  309. >Luckily, you were fast enough to remove it from inside her snout, before you lose your grip on her lower jaw.
  310. >Looking at your saliva-coated hand, you hoped that those pills won't hurt her even more.
  311. >After all, you didn't know anything about changelings biology and whatnot.
  312. >You heard a soft buzzing noise coming out of your 'patient'.
  313. >You saw that her now half-opened, watery eye was focused on you.
  314. >She was looking as if she was waiting for you to answer her 'statement'.
  315. "Erm... you're welcome... I guess?"
  316. >Hopefully it was a 'thank you' not a 'I'm going to kill you for this' kind of buzzing.
  317. >She didn't 'said' nothing, but was still trembling on your squeaking kitchen table.
  318. >In spite of yourself, you began to pet her carefully.
  319. "Listen, we got the worst part behind us. The drugs will start working in a moment and you'll feel better. Maybe I even let you sleep."
  320. >Running your fingers through her hole riddled mane, you noticed it was pleasant to the touch.
  321. >It felt like if it was made from the most expensive silk, you ever lied your hand on.
  322. >After about five minutes of your warily ministrations, you saw she began to close her eyes peacefully.
  323. >Also, she wasn't shaking anymore and looked pretty calm.
  324. >Fortunately, she was still breathing.
  325. >You took your hand away from her.
  326. "Alright, I'll let you sleep now. Meanwhile, I'll bandage your wounds and maybe clean this dried blood from you."
  327. >You smiled a little.
  328. "Have a pleasant dreams."
  329. >As if on cue she shut her eyes and her whole body went limp.
  330. >You grabbed a bandage roll from your bag and began your work.
  331. >When you finished, she looked more like a mummy pone, than a bug pone.
  332. >Especially with her white mane and white parts of her carapace.
  333. "Foken black&white changeling, who would have thought, eh? Maybe I should call you Oreo, or something."
  334. >Yeah, that would be a pretty good name for her.
  335. >Oreo.
  336. >Chuckling quietly, you delicately lifted her from the bloodied kitchen table.
  337. >It was more green now, than light brown.
  338. "Damn, I need to get myself a new kitchen table and burn this one."
  339. >Then, you headed to your small and only bedroom.
  340. >You gently placed her sleeping form on your bed and covered her with a blanket.
  341. >Living the door to your bedroom opened, you returned to cleaning your kitchen.
  342. >The blood came off from the floor tiles, but you needed to dismantle the table and add it to your firewood.
  343. "Guess, I have to eat in the living room for now."
  344. >Speaking about it, you found yourself in it after shower.
  345. >Lying on the couch, you thought about what just transpired.
  346. >The only good thing was that it all happened in your free from work day.
  347. >Though, you'll need to go there tomorrow and leave your 'guest' unattended for a couple of hours.
  348. "What's the worst that could happen? She can barely breathe by herself."
  349. >You closed your eyes.
  350. "All in all, this was one fucking crazy day, eh?"
  351. >Of course, no one answered.
  352. >You were lonely as fuck, but you liked it that way.
  353. >...
  354. >Well, sort of.
  355. >Not thinking much about it, you've fallen asleep.
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