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Married Man on the Market (Unfinished)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 20th December 2020 06:54:20 PM

  1. > It's your second week of writer's block
  2. > This wouldn't be such a big deal, but you are the founder of the burgeoning "Cold Science" genre
  3. > Ponies can't get enough of stories set in a world without magic
  4. > Quite frankly, you plan on retiring early
  5. > You are sick of deadlines
  6. > Between the absolute silence you require for writing, and Celestia's work schedule, you don't see as much of her as you would like
  7. > Maybe an hour a day with your, if you are lucky
  8. > This evening, it's a little different
  9. > You find all four princesses waiting in your antechamber
  10. > Celestia is the first to speak
  11. > "Anon, dearest, you need to find another wife."
  12. > No
  13. > This isn't happening
  14. > She can't
  15. "You're divorcing me?"
  16. > Celestia shakes her head frantically
  17. > "No! I still want to be married, I still love you!"
  18. "Oh."
  19. > You shakily grab a chair and sit down
  20. "What's this about, then?"
  21. > Cadence gives you a sympathetic look
  22. > "Anonymous, we are worried that you are too alone. It is... traditional in situations like this, for the stallion to wed the hoofmaidens of the mare."
  23. "Hoofmaidens?"
  24. > Sounds vaguely biblical
  25. > Twilight picks up where she left off
  26. > "Female servants. That part has fallen out of practice, but the principle is the same. You need more mares in your life."
  27. > Another crazy day in horseland
  28. "Honestly, I'm fine. I knew Celestia had a full schedule when I married her. Nothing has changed how I feel about her."
  29. > Twilight shakes her head
  30. > "Anonymous, it's taken you longer and longer to write your next book. You may understand Celestia's situation, but that doesn't mean it's not affecting you negatively."
  31. > Seriously?
  32. "This is about book production? Book production!"
  33. > Luna cuts in
  34. > "Nay, cease thy hysterics. Thy writing is but a sign of thy emotional state. We hath observed that thou art growing more and more despondent. Hence our intervention, that thou procure wives sufficient to balm thy sorrow."
  35. > Celestia steps forward, embracing you in her wings, laying her head on your shoulder
  36. > You automatically wrap your arms around her neck
  37. "You truly want this."
  38. > Your wife tightens her embrace
  39. > "It's for the best, my sunshine."
  40. > And that was that.
  41.  
  42. > The next day finds you in Ponyville, sipping coffee in a small outdoor cafe
  43. > The town is just barely waking up, and you aren't entire sure how you want to go about this
  44. > Meeting new mares is so troublesome
  45. > "Fancy meeting you here!"
  46. > Oh, hello Rarity
  47. "Good morning. The fashion world treating you well?"
  48. > She sits across from you, discreetly signaling the waiter
  49. "Quite well; why, just the other day I was featured in Dressage. I really must thank you once again for wearing my work to your wedding."
  50. > You smile and nod a little stiffly
  51. "Us up and comers have to look out for each other."
  52. > The waiter silently places a cup of tea before her
  53. > Rarity gives you a penetrating glance
  54. > "Darling, something is troubling you. Let me return the favor, of listening if nothing else."
  55. > Might as well
  56. "Funny you should mention my marriage..."
  57.  
  58. > Rarity sips from her tea, digesting the news
  59. > "If you are back on the market, I do have a friend you could look up. She's very sweet, and I think you'd like her. Here, let me write a letter of introduction."
  60. > She signals the waiter again
  61. > Soon enough she levitates the envelope to you
  62. "To think, I'd be going on blind dates again..."
  63. > Rarity smiles at you
  64. > "The last one didn't turn out too terribly for you. Though I doubt this one will end in another royal wedding."
  65. > You chuckle at that
  66. "True enough."
  67. > The rest of the morning is spent in idle chatter, catching up and gossiping about mutual acquaintances
  68. > On your way back to the hotel, you feel like you are being watched
  69. > Given your status, both as a highly successful author and as a human, it's not too surprising
  70. > Most of Ponyville's citizens have gotten used to living with celebrity, what with the holders of the Elements of Harmony being natives
  71. > But there's always some pony who isn't as discreet
  72. > Then you realize
  73. > It's high noon, and you are in the shade
  74. > You look up, and yes, there is Rainbow Dash
  75. > She tries to hide behind her cloud, but you just give her a flat look
  76. > "Eh hehehe, looks like you got me."
  77. "For the last time, I will not feature a super fast pegasus character in my books."
  78. > Rainbow waves her hooves in denial
  79. > "It's not about that! Twilight told us about your situation, and-"
  80. "She WHAT?"
  81. > "Just, you know, me and the girls. Made us Pinkie Pie promise to keep it quiet too."
  82. > Your anger slowly drains away in the face of Dash's worried expression, leaving you tired
  83. "Fine. So what were you saying?"
  84. > "Well, Flitter has been pretty lonely since Cloudchaser got into the academy, so I was thinking you could you know, get to know her or something."
  85. > You sigh
  86. "I'll take that under consideration."
  87. > "Great! I'll send her to your room!"
  88. > With that she's off, and you can only stare in consternation at the rainbow afterimage
  89. > You have a feeling this is going to be a long day
  90. > You decide to drop the letter off at the post office before something else comes up
  91. > Afterwards, you open the door to your hotel room, only to find a pegasus on your bed
  92. > She swishes her tail out of the way, her wings at half mast
  93. > Face? Meet palm
  94. > She looks at you over her shoulder
  95. > "Is something wrong? Rainbow said you needed company, so..."
  96. "How do I put this... I want to take things slowly. Talking, dating, and so on. Trust Rainbow Dash to jump to conclusions."
  97. > "Oh."
  98. > She made her way off the bed, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment
  99. > "I'll just be going then."
  100. > Damn these ponies, why do they have to be so cute
  101. > And sad
  102. "No, stay, please. This is as good a time as any to get to know you."
  103. > Flitter glances at the bed, then sits down on the floor
  104. > "So what do you want to know?"
  105. > Let's see...
  106. "What is your dream?"
  107. > She perks up at that
  108. > "To raise some foals of my own."
  109. > You raise an eyebrow at her
  110. "You do realize we are genetically incompatible, right?"
  111. > She looks away, her blush coming back full force
  112. > "We could adopt. And this way, you can... inside... every..."
  113. > Flitter trails off into silence, her wings slowly unfurling
  114. > Well, no need to ask what her fetish is
  115. "Right. Yes. Well, what about books. What do you like to read?"
  116. > The pegasus stands up excitedly
  117. > "Cold Science! I love every book you've written, my favorite is the series where immortal alien travels in a phone booth!"
  118. > She comes closer to you, warming to her subject
  119. > "He's so clever, and strong, and your heart just aches for him, the last of his kind!"
  120. > Oh yeah, that was when you were dating Celestia
  121. > Got a little carried away with the romance scenes
  122. > Speaking of which, Flitter puts her forehooves up on your chest, her face a few inches from yours
  123. > "Like you. You always seem so lonely, when you visit here."
  124. > You are a married man!
  125. > ... And for once, that isn't a valid excuse
  126. > You struggle to find something to say, but this mare is awfully distracting
  127. > You tuck a few stray strands of hair into her bangs, and she leans her head into your hand
  128. > No
  129. > You take her hooves in your hands and gently lower her back to the ground
  130. "I may be lonely, but I have a wife. I won't be seduced, I won't be promiscuous."
  131. > Flitter's eyes fill with tears
  132. > "I wasn't trying to- I was just- "
  133. > She looks up at you, teardrops rolling down her cheeks
  134. > "Y-you a-aren't the only one who n-needs company."
  135. > Oh hell
  136. > You kneel down and hug her neck, letting her head rest on your shoulder
  137. > You ignore your dampening shoulder, and just pet her mane
  138. > You shift to a sitting position, and she crawls into your lap, holding onto you tightly
  139. > You gently rock her back and forth, a few tears of your own falling on her coat
  140. > They'd been held back too long, for both of you
  141. > After having a good cry, the conversation flows a little easier
  142. > You have to admit, she's a nice mare to be around
  143. > Then your stomach rumbles
  144. "It is somewhat past lunch time, isn't it?"
  145. > Flitter smiles
  146. > "And I should be getting to work. But it was nice meeting you, Anon."
  147. "You as well, Flitter. Next time you see Dash, give her a kick from me."
  148. > She raises her chin in mock offense
  149. > "I though you rather liked our time together."
  150. "I did, but she still deserves a kick to the rump."
  151. > The pegasus laughs
  152. > "Fair enough. See you around, Anon!"
  153. "Likewise, Flitter."
  154. > You close the door and spend a few moments making yourself presentable
  155. > Then it's off to lunch
  156.  
  157. > The key to dealing with Pinkie Pie is to know, on a bone-deep level, that nothing will stop her
  158. > Thus, the best strategy is to give up before she builds up momentum
  159. > That is why you went to Sugarcube Corner on purpose
  160. > That is also why you are in a dimly lit room in the basement
  161. > The only light emanating from two candles on your table
  162. > The only living soul you can see is Maud Pie, dipping Boulder in a bowl of soup
  163. > Pinkie Pie could be anywhere
  164. > In fact, she may technically be everywhere, but especially near the ceiling, where rose petals fall around the "romantic" scene
  165. > You can even see her reasoning
  166. > You like to have silence as you write
  167. > Maud is... Maud
  168. > Pinkie forgot one thing
  169. > "Kiss or something! Why do you have to be so slow and pokey!"
  170. > You are both perfectly happy to not interact
  171. > Maud looks up
  172. > "I'm playing with Boulder seductively. What more do you want?"
  173. > Okay, you are perfectly happy to not interact, and Maud is Maud.
  174. > "Dialogue! Witty, sexy banter that shows how intelligent and interesting you are!"
  175. > Maud looks at you
  176. > "I like hard..."
  177. > ...
  178. > ...
  179. > "rocks."
  180. > You hear Pinkie's muffled scream of frustration
  181. > You nod
  182. "Most rocks are hard. Would it be fair to say you like most rocks?"
  183. > She glances at boulder, forgotten at the bottom of her soup bowl
  184. > "...yes."
  185. > Pinkie Pie gives a long sigh, and clambers down a ladder you are pretty sure did not exist before
  186. > "Okey."
  187. > "Dokey."
  188. > "Loki."
  189. > She sits by the table
  190. > "Here's how it is. Anon, Maud is really quiet. She doesn't talk much! Not even when you are doing, hmm hmm, things with her!"
  191. > You do not want to know how she knows that
  192. > Well
  193. > Maybe a little
  194. > "Maud! Anon knows all sorts of things about rocks! Anon, tell her about subduction!"
  195. > You know this is a bad idea
  196. > But you are curious too
  197. "It's when a tectonic plate slides under another one and pushes it up, creating mountains, as well as volcanoes and earthquakes."
  198. > You hear the sound of wood splintering, and the next thing you know, you are on your back
  199. > You see the two halves of the table in your peripheral vision
  200. > Not that that matters, there is a grey mare vigorously humping your crotch, moaning into your neck
  201. > Monotone moaning, but still
  202. > What you are about to try may destroy your pelvis, set you free, or something else entirely
  203. > You press your pants-bound erection against her bucking, and whisper
  204. "Pyroclastic flow."
  205. > Maud wraps herself tightly around your body, hot fluids pouring down around your groin
  206. > She shudders, and finally lies still
  207. > You gently pry yourself out of her embrace, feeling oddly pleased at the small smile on her lips
  208. > You stand up and glare at Pinkie
  209. "I'm going to need a pair of pants."
  210. > She squeaks, and disappears
  211. > Maud just lays there, twitching from time to time
  212. > That was a good lunch, you think.
  213. > When Pinkie returns with your pants, she won't look you in the eye
  214. "Quiet while you do things to her?"
  215. > Pinkie goes over and pokes her sister
  216. > "I never talked dirty to her! Normally she doesn't even react!"
  217. > You change, using some cloth napkins to clean up Maud's juices from your legs
  218. > Pinkie huffs
  219. > "Of course, now she doesn't react."
  220. > You look over and, okay, Pinkie's just poking her shoulder
  221. "Well, as fun as this was, I really ought to get back to writing."
  222. > Pinkie finally meets your eyes, her hair sagging
  223. > "You did have fun, right? Do you like Maud?"
  224. > Helluva question, Ponks
  225. > Honestly?
  226. "She's not too bad. It was nice meeting her."
  227. > Pomf
  228. > As you leave, you can hear her giggling and snorting and jabbering away
  229. > You make it back to the hotel uneventfully, and spend a decent number of hours happily writing
  230. > Dinner comes and goes, and leaves you drowsily lounging on the couch
  231. > Then you hear some muted squabbling, and a knocking at the door
  232. > You grudgingly open it to find Applejack...
  233. > And the cutie mark crusaders
  234. "Seriously? Rainbow Dash and Pinkie at least chose, you know, legal adults!"
  235. > Applejack's expression went from apologetic to stubborn
  236. > "Now see here, Ah ain't pushin' no match on a stallion who clearly ain't interested. Could you just watch them 'til Ah'm done fixin' the barn?"
  237. "Fixing the barn?"
  238. > Sweetie Bell appeared to be contrite
  239. > "Turns out, we didn't get our cutie marks in siege weaponry."
  240. > Sounds about right
  241. "Alright, I'll take them. But they have to be gone by night time, alright?"
  242. > "CUTIE MARK STORYTELLERS! YAY!"
  243. > Applejack gives you a grateful smile
  244. > "Your town thanks you, Anon."
  245. "Yeah, yeah. Just please, fix that barn quickly."
  246. > Applejack chuckles as she sets off
  247. > "Ah'll see what Ah can do."
  248.  
  249. > Scootaloo clings desperately to couch arm
  250. > "He told me enough, he told me you killed him!"
  251. > Applebloom stands tall, perched on the back of the couch
  252. > "Scoots... I am your father!"
  253. > "Noooooooo!"
  254. > The tiny pegasus flops onto the floor
  255. > Sweetie Bell looks up at you
  256. > "Are you sure we can use this for the next school play?"
  257. "Definitely."
  258.  
  259. > Sweetie Bell gazes moodily out of her cardboard box
  260. > "I perform a much needed service in the city of amnesia."
  261. > Applebloom taps on the side
  262. >"Sweetie, you're a louse."
  263. > Sweetie Bell's cheeks puff up in irritation
  264. > "This is a different scene!"
  265. > Scootaloo put the phone to her ear
  266. > "Master Sweetie, your goose is almost cooked."
  267. "Okay, who actually read the entire script?"
  268. > Sweetie bell raises her hoof and glares at the other two
  269. > Applebloom looks up at you, frowning
  270. > "Can we replace the tomatoes with apples?"
  271. "Never mind, let's just move on."
  272. > Sweetie gives you puppy dog eyes
  273. > "Can I keep the car?"
  274. "...fine."
  275.  
  276. > Scootaloo wraps a handkerchief around her head
  277. > "Believe it!"
  278. "This was a terrible idea."
  279.  
  280. > When Applejack finally collects them, all you have the energy to do is to wave goodbye, and collapse on the bed.
  281. > Some time in the night, you feel a weight settle beside you
  282. > You are hit with an overwhelming smell of vanilla, and you smile
  283. "Couldn't stay away?"
  284. > A large wing pulls you up against her chest
  285. > "Not even if I wanted to."
  286. > So close, it feels like you are basking in the sun
  287. "Tell me about your day, and I'll tell you about mine."
  288. > She sighs and holds you close
  289. > "There's a highly addictive drug sweeping through the Griffon Republic, and there are indications that some frontier ponies are suppliers."
  290. "Oh wow, that's worse than usual."
  291. > She hums in agreement
  292. > "Luna's dreamwalking as much as possible, but it's hard to pin down the guilty parties."
  293. "Any indication one of the candidates for Dragon Emperor is behind it?"
  294. > "I'm afraid the Cloud Gremlin guild of alchemists is the more likely option. Of course, without an extradition agreement, that will be hard to prove in the political arena. But enough of all that. What of your day?"
  295. "Let me tell you, I may end up punching your faithful student the next time I see her..."
  296.  
  297. > Waking up alone is always a bit of a let down
  298. > Of course, you could wake up at the crack of dawn, but it's a rare thing
  299. > At any rate, you wake up with a post-it note on your lips
  300. > You pull it off and read it in the dim morning light
  301. /Mwah, good morning!/
  302. > You smile, and give the note a kiss back
  303. > You make your way to small kitchen, to find another note and a steaming plate of pancakes on the counter
  304. /Let's get you some breakfast- Oh! So you want dessert first~/
  305. > You just know, sitting on her throne for the morning court, Celestia is smiling, thinking about how she gave you a boner
  306. > You carry the plate to the table, and the next note
  307. /Nnngh! Harder! Oh, yes! Squeeze my ass! Unf, and slap it, I'm a bad girl and I need to be punished!
  308.  
  309. Enjoy your syrup!/
  310. > Godamn, Sunbutt
  311. > This reminds you of the time you ate breakfast off of her flank
  312. > Hnnnnghgg
  313. > Okay, focus, you need to eat breakfast
  314. > You are pretty sure it's corn syrup, but it's clear and sticky and you are pouring it all over your pancakes
  315. > You savor each bite, for the sake of an audience that isn't there
  316. > Dirty dishes in the sink, time to put the dirty anon in the shower
  317. > Oh dear
  318. > There's a note on the curtain
  319. /Wait, stop nnnnggg, fucking me. Let's get in the shower, and get all wet and slippery.
  320. Well, wetter in my case. *wink*/
  321. > You turn the water on and step under the spray
  322. > It's then that you notice two hoofmarks high up by the showerhead
  323. > You can easily imagine Celestia, hooves on the wall, plot jutting out and dripping
  324. > You start to stroke, hearing her warm, naughty voice in your head
  325. > Your free hand grabs the air where her ass once was, your mind filling in the rest
  326. > Then a note flutters down, weighed down with the humidity
  327. > You snatch it out of the air before it gets soaked
  328. /Mmmf, fill me up, I'm your broodmare and my womb aches for your seed/
  329. > The handwriting is shaky, and you can easily imagine what she was doing when she wrote it
  330. > The words and the mental images send you over the edge, and you fire off a twenty one gun salute to your sexy wife
  331. > One shave and a change of clothes later, you are ready to face the new day.
  332. > You figure you have a fair amount of time before Rarity's friend sends a response,
  333. > Wait
  334. > What was even in that letter
  335. > You trust Rarity, but still...
  336. > No use worrying about it now
  337. > So, aside from that, you have two other matchmaking attempts you haven't encountered yet
  338. > Let's leave Twilight for last, you need to save your anger
  339. > So it is that you open the door and bump into Maud
  340. "The hell."
  341. > She looks up at you sleepily
  342. > It occurs to you that Celestia must have stepped over her on her way out
  343. > …You aren't sure how you feel about that
  344. > "Good morning."
  345. > Oh right, she's still here
  346. "Ah, good morning. Did you sleep well... on the doorstep?"
  347. > "Yes."
  348. "Good, good. Now, why did you sleep on the doorstep?"
  349. > "You know how to talk to me."
  350. > ...
  351. > Right
  352. > Somehow, there probably aren't that many ponies who can talk geolo-
  353. > Hold up
  354. "What about when you got your rocktorate?"
  355. > She maintains eye contact as her cheeks become flushed
  356. > "Ah, my wild college days."
  357. > Your mind balks at trying to imagine how that had been
  358. "Back to the original topic, you just wanted to be close to me?"
  359. > "Yes."
  360. > Okay.
  361. "Alright then. Well, I'm going to visit my friend Fluttershy, but you can come along if you want."
  362. > "Okay."
  363. > The walk to the cottage is rather uneventful
  364. > Maud occasionally brushes against your leg, but you walk mostly in silence
  365. > Fluttershy answeres the door in her usual way
  366. > From behind at least six chains and latches
  367. > "Oh, hello Anon. Um, just a moment please."
  368. > The door closes, and you glance at Maud
  369. > She seems bored... or just Maud-like
  370. > The door opens again
  371. > "Please come in."
  372. > Fluttershy leads you to the divan in her living room
  373. > Living room is right, you always got a crazy cat lady vibe from her
  374. > You sit down while she gets the tea, and Maud lays next to you, putting her forehooves on your lap
  375. > Fluttershy pauses at the sight
  376. > "Oh, so you have already found a comfortmare."
  377. "Ah, no, we just met the other day. We're just hanging out right now."
  378. > She pours you a cup
  379. > "Hanging out? But you are closed up behind those pants..."
  380. > Maud nods
  381. > "You should hang out, Anonymous."
  382. > ...
  383. "Maybe later. The reason why I came here, I assume Twilight told you about my situation?"
  384. > Fluttershy nods and sips from her cup
  385. "I would imagine that you have suggestion for me then."
  386. > "Um, not really. I don't know that many mares, so I really can't help you with that. Maybe a cat would help?"
  387. > You do like cats...
  388. > Huh, you wonder,
  389. "Maud, how do you feel about cats?"
  390. > She looks up at you
  391. > "A cat is fine too."
  392. > Then she drops Boulder in her tea
  393. > Right.
  394. "I think I'll pass, but thanks for thinking of me."
  395. > Fluttershy smiles a little
  396. > "You're welcome, Anon. It's always good to see you."
  397. > You pat Maud's side, and start to get up
  398. > She clambers off somewhat disappointed, you think
  399. "Well, it's been a pleasure. See you around, Fluttershy."
  400. > She walks you to the door
  401. > "Good luck, Anon. I'm sure you'll find a nice mare soon."
  402. > A few more pleasantries, and you are on the road back to town
  403. > As you walk along, you notice something in Maud's mouth
  404. "...Why are you sucking on Boulder?"
  405. > She looks at you and blinks
  406. > Oh yeah,
  407. "To be sexually suggestive?"
  408. > A nod
  409. "Okay."
  410. > After a while, she gets bored of keeping it between her lips, and tucks it into her mouth
  411. > The cheek bulge is... surprisingly successful at being suggestive
  412. > Not that you let on to that fact
  413. > You're walking along, and all you get by way of warning is the flapping of wings
  414. > You brace yourself for impact, and Flitter lightly touches down beside you
  415. > "Are you constipated, Anon? You have a strained look on your face."
  416. > Okay, you can relax
  417. "No, I was just expecting imminent flyby tackle hugs. And how are you?"
  418. > You resume walking down the dirt road
  419. > Flitter trots alongside happily
  420. > "I'm doing well! I got some errands done, and then I saw, oh. Um, Anon? Care to introduce me to your friend?"
  421. "Right, Flitter, this is Pinkie's sister, Maud. Maud, this is one of Rainbow Dash's friends, Flitter."
  422. > Maud blinks
  423. > Flitter glances at you uncertainly, but bravely soldiers on
  424. > "Nice to meet you. If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to know Anon?"
  425. > "I came to his knowledge."
  426. > Flitter looks to you for clarification
  427. "Pinkie Pie introduced us at lunch, and we had a discussion about rocks."
  428. > Maud blushes, but maintains her flat stare
  429. > "A very satisfying discussion."
  430. > Flitter nods slowly
  431. > "Alright, that's... good, I guess."
  432. > "It was very good."
  433. "Okay, so new topic!"
  434. > You are so subtle
  435. "What are both of your plans for the day?"
  436. > Maud blinks
  437. > "You."
  438. > It appears two can play at the subtle game
  439. > Flitter walks a little more stiffly
  440. > You do believe you are sensing an undercurrent
  441. > "Oh, I have the entire afternoon open. I think I can fit Anon into my day just fine."
  442. > Yes, subtle is definitely the right descriptor
  443. "As for myself, I have the feeling Twilight wants to introduce me to somepony, and I would rather cut to the chase than have her spring that on me."
  444. > It takes a couple of seconds for that to sink in
  445. > Flitter stares at you in disbelief, and a bit of betrayal
  446. > "Another one? How many mares do you need to be satisfied?"
  447. > Maud merely frowns, but you sense the sentiment is shared
  448. "Flitter, Maud, let's get one thing clear. I am happily married, and more or less pushed into looking for other mares. If I just end up with a half a dozen new friends, that is an acceptable outcome."
  449. > You can see their hearts ache, and you sigh
  450. "That said, I am open to finding romance as well, as strange as that is to me. Just, give me time, alright?"
  451. > They look a little happier, but still dissatisfied
  452. > Flitter sighs as well
  453. > "That's reasonable."
  454. > Maud puts Boulder back in her saddlebag, then pats your leg
  455. > "Sometimes, life is hard."
  456. > Then pointedly looks at your groin
  457. > "That can be a good thing."
  458. > Yep, all aboard the subtle train
  459. > The sight of the crystal castle puts a bad taste in your mouth
  460. > You can count the number of times you have visited on one hand
  461. > Only the fear of a romance-based Lesson One series of events compels you now
  462. > You knock on the door
  463. > After a second, you hear a muffled bang, and Twilight opens the door
  464. > "Hello, Anon, what can I do fo- oh, that was quick. When would you like the ceremony?"
  465. > Must. Resist. Urge. To. Punch. Princess
  466. > You breathe deeply, and unclench your fist
  467. "I am not even remotely close to a decision yet. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about some things."
  468. > She looks a little confused at that, then shrugs
  469. > "Come on in, then. We can talk in the library."
  470. > It's not nearly as warm and cozy as the treebrary, but the presence of all those books is comforting
  471. > The four of you find some seating, with Maud contentedly lying on the crystal floor
  472. > Twilight smiles at you once everyone is all settled
  473. > "So what did you want to talk about?"
  474. > You clear your throat
  475. "It's about my situation. Did you really have to tell your friends?"
  476. > Twilight tilts her head to the side
  477. > "I thought they were your friends too. I told them because I didn't want them to make an insensitive comment by mistake."
  478. > ...
  479. > Oh.
  480. > You chuckle weakly
  481. "That... was kind of you. Sadly, some of yo- our friends lack your discretion."
  482. > Twilight's confusion is replaced with consternation
  483. > "Pinkie Pie?"
  484. "And Rainbow Dash. Though, I have to say, it turned out well."
  485. > Flitter smiles at that
  486. > Twilight sighs
  487. > "At least there is that. Anything else you wanted to talk about?"
  488. > Might as well
  489. "Oddly enough, I feel a bit better about this. Do you have a pony to recommend as well?"
  490. > Princess Sparkle shakes her head
  491. > "I don't know you well enough, so I'll just leave it up to you."
  492. > Good answer, Princess
  493. > You stand up and smile at her
  494. "I appreciate that. Well, thanks for your time, I'm sure we both have things we should be doing."
  495. > Twilight smiles
  496. > "I always have time to help out a friend. In fact, it'd be nice if you would visit more often, I'd love to get the human perspective on friendships."
  497. > ...
  498. "I'll... do what I can."
  499. > As you leave the castle, you feel like you are more in control of your life
  500. > You only have two mares jealously competing for your hand in marriage, and most of the other ponies are respecting your space
  501. > Yes, things are looking up
  502.  
  503. > There is a mare in front of your hotel room door
  504. > She gives you a business card
  505. > "Hello, my name is Coco Pommel, professional assistant. Rarity mentioned that you had an opening?"
  506. > ... Damn it, Rarity
  507. "Yes, about that..."
  508. > Coco catches sight of the other two mares
  509. > She droops a little, and you notice a suitcase around the corner
  510. "You're hired."
  511. > Her eyes go wide
  512. > "You mean it? I mean, don't you want to see my resume first, and there's the interview, and-"
  513. > You put a finger to her lips
  514. > She quiets down and blushes
  515. "Rarity is a good judge of character. Now let's get you situated. For the time being, how about you move into the room next to mine?"
  516. > Coco blinks
  517. >"Thank you, sir, shall I-"
  518. "Don't worry, I own the place."
Anon

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