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1.
> Be Anon, walking home with a box of pizza under your arm
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> It was a long day of work at the store, but now you have the entire evening to relax
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> As you turn on to your home street, you spy a wooden table piled high with pizza boxes
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> Behind it is one of those aliens, colored like a Lisa Frank folder
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> As you approach, the alien catches sight of you and waves a hoof
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> You wave back, a little uneasy
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> The news is kinda contradictory about them
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> At first, CNN and the like praised them for having a matriarchal society, but once more mares came over and started talking Twitter erupted in feminist outrage about internalized misogyny, and the major networks soon followed
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> Meanwhile Fox ran daily segments on how the alien culture was infiltrating the polyamorous and academic communities
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> They said that herding is unsustainable for humans, as it is predicated upon unequal gender ratios
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> "Hi! Wanna find your true love?"
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> You blink, finding yourself just a few feet from the table
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> The alien mare is smiling up at you
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> You glance at the pizza boxes on the table
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"Is it you or something?"
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> She shakes her head
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> "Definitely or something, I already have a husband. No, I am here to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime! For the low cost of a slice of peetzer, I will divine just who you are meant for!"
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> ...
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> This is dumb
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> Aliens are dumb
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> Maybe she's trying to do some mail order bride thing?
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> Or just scamming passersby for pizza?
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> You know what, you can respect the hustle
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> It's only one slice, after all
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> You retrieve a slice pizza from your box and hand it to her
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> She opens one of the boxes and levitates your slice inside, a pale blue aura moving everything
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> It's kind of neat to see "magic" in person
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> The alien hums, swaying back and forth
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> Her eyes shine with that same pale blue light, and her wings extend and tremble
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> It reminds you of a bird's mating dance, but that can't be it, can it?
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> Abruptly, she stops glowing and moving
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> She starts making dial up noises, then printer noises
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> From thin air, two pieces of paper appear on the table
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> They seem to be some sort of registration form?
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> Name, occupation, hobbies, etc
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> On one, the picture is of a "Sarah McNair", a slightly pudgy but cute redhead in a hoodie
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> The other is of a mare named "Moondancer" with butter yellow fur, glasses, and a comfy looking sweater
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> Cute enough, you guess
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"So, are these from a dating website or something?"
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> The alien rolls her eyes
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> "Of course not. It's love magic, pure and simple."
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> You decide not to call her on the obvious lie
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> Looking back at the papers, you can't find any sort of contact information
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"So, what's the point of having these if there isn't any way for me to get in contact with them?"
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> The alien takes a crystal ball out of nowhere and thunks it down on the table
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> "Scrype calling costs an additional slice of pizza, but is guaranteed to cross dimensions and reach all parties at a time that is convenient to them!"
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> You look blankly at the mare
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> She grins, hooves waving mystically around the crystal ball
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> Fuck it
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> You give her another slice
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> The crystal ball begins to glow, and the alien makes beep and boop noises
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> Abruptly, the ball projects two windows into the air in front of you, one showing Sarah brushing her teeth, wearing pink pajamas, the other showing Moondancer brushing her mane
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> You honestly didn't expect it to work
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"Uh, hi?"
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> Sarah squeaks, dropping her toothbrush and spitting out the toothpaste
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> Moondancer's eyes go wide
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> "Is this Scrype matchmaking?"
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> You scratch your cheek
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"I guess?"
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> Moondancer starts hyperventilating
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> You raise your eyebrows
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"Uh, no pressure. Pretty sure this is a pizza scam or something."
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> Sarah wipes her mouth and tilts her head
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> "Pizza scam?"
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"Yeah, the alien that set this up is doing everything in exchange for pizza."
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> Moondancer gasps
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> "Princess Cadence! Thank you, your majesty!"
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> Sarah seems just as confused as you are
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> Meanwhile Princess Cadance(?) nods graciously
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> "You are quite welcome, my little pony."
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> Sarah clears her throat
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> "So, ah, what's going on here?"
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> You shrug
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"Ostensibly, we are all soulmates or something. I'm pretty sure this is just the pony equivalent to a dating site."
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> Sarah frowns
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> "But I didn't sign up for anything? I mean, I'm not objecting, you are pretty handsome, and oh gosh I should just stop talking."
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> She covers her face with her hands, but you can still see her blush around the edges
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> You grin
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"You're pretty cute too, so maybe they're on to something. What do you think, Moondancer?"
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> The mare swallows nervously
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> "My body is ready. I mean, uh, as Alpha mare, I will treasure you both, you and your long, hot foalchasing legs."
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> You blink at her
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"Foalchasing legs?"
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> Moondancer begins to blush
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> "Yes."
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> Cadance coughs
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> "If you would like to continue the call in private, I will be glad to sell you the scryping crystal for the rest of your pizza, Anon."
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> You glance at your pizza, then at the cute, easily flustered girl and pony
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"Half of my pizza."
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> Cadance makes a whining sound, then hangs her head in defeat
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> "Fine, half of your pizza."
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> As you walk away with your new crystal ball, you look over the papers
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"So, uh, how does an anime night sound? I need to catch up on this season."
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> Sarah grins
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> "I'm down for that."
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> Moondancer rubs her chin
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> "Can we start with interspecies reviewers? For some reason, I can't get that on the horsenet."
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> You shrug
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> "Fine by me, I haven't seen it."
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> Sarah blushes
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> "Should we watch the censored version or..."
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> You raise your eyebrows
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"Uh, whichever you are-"
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> "Uncensored! I mean, if you have it. And don't mind."
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> Moondancer grins nervously
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> Sarah turns nearly as red as her hair
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> "I do have the uncensored version, so, yeah. I guess we're doing this."
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> You had your doubts about that pizza pony, but maybe she was right
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> You will just have to find out
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