RGRE Snippets


                                            > Be Mr. Cake

                                            > You've been noticing the mares in town acting funny

                                            > Whispering in little groups, trotting in place, settling down whenever a stallion walks by

                                            > That wouldn't be so unusual, but they quiet down even when Snips and Snails go by

                                            > You take your cleaning rag and meander along the walls of your pastry shop

                                            > It's mid-afternoon, and there's only Berry Punch and Vinyl Scratch gossiping in the corner

                                            > Hmmm

                                            > You edge closer

                                            > "-Tent in the Everfree. Bring him food, he gets real affectionate if you do. Real Affectionate."

                                            > Vinyl tilts her shades

                                            > "You telling me there's a stallion cuddling for food? How deep in the Everfree?"

                                            > How-

                                            > Ugh, mares

                                            > To trap a poor stallion in dangerous woods and extort cuddles out of him

                                            > You thought they were better than this

                                            > You consider throwing out these disgusting ponies, but it's more important to save that poor stallion

                                            > You head back to the kitchen

                                            "Sweetums? I'll be out for a little while, a pony needs my help."

                                            > Your angel beams at you

                                            > "That's my sugar drop. I'll prepare something for the poor dear, and maybe something sweet for you too~"

                                            "You're the only sweet thing I need, honey pie."

                                            > "I know~"

                                            > Stars, you love this mare

                                            > You set off towards Sweet Apple Acres

                                            > You could use some moral support, if you're going into those woods


                                            > Big Mac flares his nostrils

                                            > "I don't like that at all, nnnope!"

                                            > You have to trot quickly keep up

                                            "Me neither, Big Mac, me neither."

                                            > You shiver a bit as you enter the shade if the Everfree, but press onward

                                            > It's not even difficult to find the trail, you just have to follow the smell of what may be almost every mare in town

                                            > You hear some giggling nearby

                                            > Familiar giggling

                                            > Oh no

                                            > You come around a dense stand of trees to find Pinkie Pie in the sordid embrace of a

                                            > Pale, hornless Minotaur?

                                            "You too, Pinkie Pie?"

                                            > She and the stallion freeze

                                            > He's the first to react

                                            > "Holy shit, a talking horse!"

                                            >...


                                            -------------------------


                                            > Be Rarity

                                            > Where have all the good stallions gone

                                            > Where are all the gods

                                            > "Good morning, Rarity!"

                                            "Good morning Twilight, how are you?"

                                            > It seems stallionists have managed to make herds almost mainstream

                                            > The idea of a beloved stallion expecting you to let another mare in...

                                            > You shiver

                                            > You have your business to worry about too

                                            > Quite frankly, marriage is too big of a risk these days for a working mare

                                            "Is a loyal stallion too much to ask?"

                                            > "Oh, you were monologuing in your head. I'll be back later."

                                            "Hm? Oh, I shall see then, sorry about that Twilight."

                                            > Where were you?

                                            > Oh yes

                                            > Oh wait

                                            "Good morning, Anonymous, how can I help you today?"

                                            > "I was stopping by to thank you for the socks, they are easily the most comfortable I have ever worn."

                                            > What a shameless fellow

                                            > "Ah, Anonymous, you are quite welcome. I do pride myself on my lingerie, and-"

                                            > You look down

                                            > Sweet stars above, he's wearing them right now

                                            "Perhaps you'd like to come ins-, ah, haha, have some tea with me, and we could talk about your wardrobe?"

                                            > "I'd be glad to join you."

                                            > You pull out a chair for him and set a pot to boiling


                                            --------------------


                                            > Be Anon, Bartender, on a slow afternoon

                                            > You serve the good stuff

                                            > Hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows

                                            > Eggnog

                                            > All kinds of milkshakes

                                            > And so you hear all the sob stories

                                            > Husband ran away for five minutes

                                            > Being low horse in the herd pile

                                            > Tripped and skinned a knee

                                            > Forgot to bring food to a potluck

                                            > You dole out pats and reassurances carefully

                                            > You are here to help them forget, not develop a dependency

                                            > Here comes one of your regulars

                                            > Princess Sparkle pulls up a stool, her wings drooping low

                                            "The usual?"

                                            > She nods

                                            > You pour a tall glass of milk and set out a plate of homemade Oreos

                                            > Pinkie Pie is a good supplier

                                            > An Oreo rises, dunks, then disappears into the little pony's mouth

                                            > You wait, idly wiping a glass with a cleaning rag

                                            > By the third cookie, her head is propped up on her hoof, and she is sighing

                                            > "You know, they say stallions like a confident mare."

                                            > You hum an acknowledgement

                                            > "But then there are mares that don't take no for an answer. Who don't notice when they're making the guy uncomfortable."

                                            > Lyra

                                            "Have to have balance. Moderation and all that."

                                            > She nods

                                            > "See, I have seen too many mares of the second type, and I try not to be like that. I try so hard, that I just do nothing."

                                            > You're going to have to cut her off after this plate, you can tell

                                            > You set down your glass and switch to wiping the counter

                                            > Twilight laughs, a sad, bitter thing

                                            > "I end up just helping them. Helping everypony. I like it too, but it's all I can do. Can't build on it. Can't recognize the signals."

                                            > She knocks back the rest of the milk, swaying on the stool

                                            > Probably drank some soda before she got here

                                            > Still kinda weird how sugars and fats affect these horses in different ways

                                            > You make your way around the counter

                                            > Twilight sets the glass down and lays her head on her crossed forehooves

                                            > Her eyes droop as the milk hits

                                            > " 'm jus' the princess a frenship. 'sall."

                                            > You wait for her to fall completely asleep, then pick her up

                                            > She's warm in your arms as you make your way over to the nap corner

                                            > You lay her in a cot and draw the blanket up to her chin

                                            > You look around the empty bar, then pull a chair next to her and sit down

                                            > You stroke her mane, and murmur softly

                                            "You're a good pony. Who's a good pony? You are."

                                            > After a few repetitions, you are rewarded with a smile on her sleeping face

                                            > Your employer had been uncertain about having a male Bartender

                                            > Said the mares would try to take advantage of you, hit on you

                                            > Admittedly, some did

                                            > More often though, they just needed someone to talk to, who wouldn't think they were weak

                                            > Times like these, you're glad you can be there for them

                                            > The bar is silent and warm

                                            > No street sounds

                                            > No yelling

                                            > Just two lonely souls, breathing deep and slow


                                            -------------------


                                            > It started out innocently enough

                                            > Be Anon at a boring state function

                                            > Luna is at your side, looking similarly bored

                                            > Twilight is incredibly nervous, her mane slightly unkempt and her wings keep rustling

                                            > You tuned out whatever civil matter was being discussed long ago

                                            > Something about more colts in higher positions

                                            > For  some reason, you just can't keep your eyes off of Twilight Frazzle

                                            > You murmur,

                                            "Looks like someone could use a cuddle."

                                            > Luna jolts to attention, trying to control her surprised expression

                                            > "Dost thou speak of me?"

                                            "Ah, no, sorry. I was just thinking Twilight could use some tender love and petting. Brushy brushies, you know?"

                                            > Luna quirks an eyebrow

                                            > "How forward. Art thou volunteering thyself for the duty?"

                                            "Uh, sure? It's what friends do, right?"

                                            > Luna covers her mouth with a hoof, her eyes sparkling with mirth

                                            > "Forsooth, tis nothing but the truest duty of a compatriot. 'Tis my suggestion to thee to act upon thy inclination once this tiresome affair hath reached its end. Perhaps in some secluded site, her bedroom as an ensample."

                                            > Sounds reasonable

                                            "I'll take your advice. Thanks Luna."

                                            > She nods regally, then turns her attention towards the current speaker


                                            > After the meeting you make your way to the frazzled mare

                                            > She's walking rather quickly, but your long legs can keep up rather easily

                                            > Twilight looks up at your approach

                                            > "Hello, Anon. Is there something you need?"

                                            > You fall into step beside her

                                            "Not really. I was just thinking that you could use some rest and relaxation."

                                            > She chuckles

                                            > "Don't we all. I wouldn't worry about it, I'm a strong mare, I can handle a little stress."

                                            > You grunt, unconvinced

                                            > She stops before a door

                                            > "W-well, I'm going to take a nap. I'll see you around, Anon."

                                            > Time for some grade - A friendship

                                            "Mind if I join you?"

                                            > She looks up at you with wide eyes

                                            > "Wha- Y-"

                                            "I could brush your mane, massage your wings, things like that. You look like you could really use a cuddle."

                                            > Twilight's wings rise to half-mast

                                            > She glances around nervously

                                            > "A-are you sure? What about your reputation?"

                                            "What, is someone saying I'm a bad cuddler? Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

                                            > Twilight's face turns red, clearly out of embarrassment for doubting a true friend

                                            > "If you're okay with it..."

                                            > She opens the door and you follow her into the bedroom

                                            > What follows changes your life

                                            > You always knew these ponies were cute

                                            > Little hoovsies, soft bellies, big eyes

                                            > You were not prepared for the full range of squeaky noises they made when massaged and cuddled

                                            > The little pawing motions they made when you snuggled up as the big spoon

                                            > The sigh as she falls asleep, more relaxed than you have ever seen her

                                            > This could get addicting


                                            > Be Celestia, troubled by a crime spree

                                            "The mares won't even talk. After they recover, they refuse to admit that a stallion overpowered them. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to investigate their dreams, dear sister."

                                            > Luna looks uncomfortable with the prospect

                                            > It's hard to remember how it was long ago, but even you would be uncomfortable intruding on a dream of being struggle cuddled

                                            > You can't even imagine how it would be for your sister

                                            > "Very well. I shall take the Royal highway in service of this investigation. No doubt I shall discover the identity of the assailant."

                                            > You smile, comforted by her confidence

                                            "You are a treasure, dear sister."

                                            > Luna acknowledges the compliment with a dip of her head

                                            > "Thee as well. If thou wilt excuse me, I shall make my preparations."

                                            "Of course. Good luck."


                                            > Be Luna

                                            > Thou hast painted thyself into a corner

                                            > Thou knowest the most likely villein

                                            > Thou set him upon this path thyself

                                            > Nevertheless, thou shalt be thorough in thy investigations

                                            > Far be it from thee to let some other cuddler escape justice amidst the crimes that thou hast unwittingly instigated

                                            > Ye take that Royal road into Dreaming, and brace thyself for the lascivious scenes that do await thee


                                            > Be Anon, walking the streets of Canterlot at night

                                            > You sort of know that these tiny horses are embarrassed about being cuddled in public, so you try to be discreet

                                            > It's the best if you can get them comfortable in their own home

                                            > Other times, you bring them to a nearby hotel room

                                            > You save those pillows for backalley cuddles

                                            > You find yourself wandering into the humbler parts of town

                                            > That's where you find her

                                            > Matted gray fur

                                            > Tangled white mane

                                            > Wearing a chipped saddle

                                            > If you had to guess her age, early to late thirties?

                                            > Ponies are better at aging gracefully than Asian women

                                            > Estimated time without a cuddle:

                                            > Too long

                                            > You walk over to the picnic blanket she has spread out in the alley

                                            "Excuse me,"

                                            > She looks up at you with dull blue eyes

                                            "I got rather lost, could you give me directions to your home?"

                                            > She tilts her head, brows furrowing

                                            > Her eyes focus sharply, then she lowers her head in shame

                                            > "I don't have one."

                                            > You kneel before her, placing your hands on her squishy face and lifting her gaze to yours

                                            "Would you like to live with me?"

                                            > Her cheeks redden immediately

                                            > "


                                            ------------------


                                            > Be Anon, no longer riding the elevator to work

                                            > No, instead you are standing on some stone column as a small zebra in a mask dances around a fire

                                            "What the fuck."

                                            > Its head whips towards you

                                            > "Hallowed poo, a talking statue!"

                                            > You are clearly dealing with a magic zebra here

                                            > Female, by the sound of her voice

                                            > You look down at yourself

                                            > Grey slacks and jacket, black tie, normal formal wear for the company you work at

                                            > You look back at the wary zebra

                                            "Uh, hi. My name is Anonymous, and I am not a stature."

                                            > She bows slightly

                                            > "I am called Zecora but could you answer me, are you truly a Lord of fertility?"

                                            "Lord of fertility? I'm just a data entry clerk."

                                            > She takes off her mask, shaking out her mane a bit

                                            > Zecora licks her lips

                                            > "From the tales I hear, hiyumans are fertile every season of the year."

                                            "Well, yes that is true."

                                            > She smiles at you

                                            > "Truthfully, I did not expect the rite to succeed, but now that it has, may I have your seed? For mares whose loins lack motion, they would drink your potion."

                                            > ...


                                            ------------------


                                            > Anon starts getting friendly with a mare

                                            > Mare's friends look nervous, try to subtly hint that the mare is dangerous

                                            > Anon talks to mare about her back talking friends

                                            > Turns out she is into pony bdsm

                                            > Things like calling you an idiot

                                            > Bopping your arm with a pillow

                                            > Making sandwiches for her

                                            > Letting her blow raspberries on your tummy

                                            > etc.


                                            --------------------


                                            > Anon is an endangered species

                                            > For the good of the future of the human race, Celestia appoints the most fertile mares to bear as many children as possible

                                            > The designated broodmares are varyingly fond of Anon, and varyingly okay with the situation


                                            Possible broodmare ideas:


                                            > Pinkie Pie, friendly with anonymous, but embarrassed and awkward about the sex side of things

                                            > She always treated him like a sis since he was always a marely stallion


                                            > Mayor Mare

                                            > (Old enough that she'll probably have twins, young enough to reliably get pregnant)

                                            > Sees this as her civic duty, is cordial with Anon, but not too attached

                                            > Secretly likes the idea of getting knocked up by a younger stallion like Anon


                                            > Fleur de Lis

                                            > Indignant that they sent her to some rural nowhere for the foreseeable future

                                            > Made a deal with the Princesses that she can return to her modeling career after she bears Anon five children

                                            > Grimly determined to get pregnant as soon as possible

                                            > Actually thinks Anon is an okay guy, but takes out her resentment with the situation on him

                                            > After a while, starts to feel guilty for some reason


                                            > Cheerilee

                                            > Likes Anon, thinks he would be a good father

                                            > Really excited about how many kids she'll get to help raise

                                            > Very, very supportive of the other mares in brooding

                                            > Gives them tips for positions and strategies for maximum fertility

                                            > Tries to make the broodherd as much like a real herd as possible


                                            > Bonbon

                                            > Was the most surprised when the spell singled her out for fertility

                                            > Was a monogamous lesbian with Lyra, resents being forced to rut a stallion

                                            > Dicks are gross

                                            > Meanwhile Lyra is 300% hype about Bonbon mating with a human

                                            > So many questions about what it's like

                                            > Sadly, Lyra had her tubes tied a while back, so she can't get into the broodherd


                                            -----------------


                                            > Be Anon, officially one year older than you were before

                                            > The gifts you got range from subtle,

                                            > A bottle of amantillado

                                            > To...not subtle

                                            > A cream filled eclair and a strawberry donut

                                            > Thanks, Ponk

                                            > To cute

                                            > A blushing Luna magics over a little hoofmade booklet of coupons and teleports away

                                            > And so, when the party is over, that is the first one you actually look at

                                            > At least half of them read,

                                            > "Facilitated dream: Anypony you want, anywhere you want, anything you want."

                                            > The rest of the coupons look older and a bit more ragged

                                            > Vouchers for massages, doing the dishes, hugs, and one for cleaning her room

                                            > You have immediate flashbacks to your own childhood, and the terrible little coupon gifts

                                            > The books you read

                                            > The terrible drawings you later found out Mom actually kept

                                            > You sit down heavily on the bed, reminiscing about a life you cannot return to, even if you could go back home

                                            > The sun sets, and you sigh

                                            > You think you know what you want to do with your first coupon


                                            > Unending whiteness surrounds you

                                            > Luna fades into view, still a little red around the cheeks, her eyes half-lidded

                                            > "So soon? My, but you are an eager colt. Tell me, what can I become for you, what is your desire?"

                                            > Huh, it actually worked

                                            "Can you be a Zeppelin, customized to store and launch aircraft?"

                                            > She looks startled, then shrugs

                                            > "In your dreams, I can be anything you want me to be."

                                            > A boyish surge of joy fills your heart

                                            "Sky pirates, assemble!"


                                            > Be the dread zeppelin Eclipse

                                            > You do not know how you feel about your new form

                                            > The feel of Anon clambering around your decks, leaning from your windows, gripping your controls with firm confidence

                                            > Perhaps he was raised without a father?

                                            > T'would explain all this fillyish fantasy

                                            > You plow through a cloud in Anon's dream, envelop tingling with the condensation

                                            > When you burst through the other side, Anon gives an order through your speaker system

                                            > You are not familiar with this form of vibration, but it is not unwelcome

                                            > Numerous biplanes launch from your bays, descending upon an unsuspecting skybarge that you may have given a solar insignia to

                                            > Your horn blasts in exultation at the plunder and destruction of the Solar Confederacy

                                            > It is matched by Anon's shouts of glee and triumph

                                            > You believe you shall entertain the dreams of this human again


                                            > Be Celestia, passing by your sleeping sister

                                            > She's making weird noises in her sleep

                                            > Probably motorboating a dreaming stallion's balls again

                                            > You glance around her room and sigh

                                            > If only she would clean it more often

                                            > You shake your head and move on


                                            -------------------


                                            > Be Anon, not in Kansas anymore

                                            > Due to a freak magical accident, your entire apartment fell on some rampaging giant bug

                                            > Unlike the movie, that means at least half of your stuff is broken or ruined, the apartment itself is more rubble than home now

                                            > Fortunately the munchkin horses are more than hospitable

                                            > You end up renting a room in the local clothes store, living on a government stipend until you can get a job

                                            > You get by trading favors with your landlady, mostly babysitting the prospective butt tattoo guild


                                            > Be Anon, the sad

                                            > Because of a certain...reputation you have gained, the no fun committee audited your Halloween, that is, Nightmare Night plans

                                            > 90% of your decorations have been confiscated, but you are proud to know they are used during interrogations of hardened criminals

                                            > Likewise, Fluttershy and her speaking mouth pony Twilight Sparkle vetoed literally all of your costume ideas

                                            > Even the paper bag you drew a frowny face on

                                            > They didn't find one mask, but that one is more humorous than scary

                                            > It was more dispiriting than you expected

                                            > In the end, you prepared a bowl of candy and sat outside your apartment in your rubber horse mask


                                            > Oh hey, it's the branded bum rush gang

                                            > You swing your rubbery head their way, and they freeze

                                            > Maybe you can still be scary after all?

                                            "Hey girls, it's just me, Anon."


                                            ---------------------


                                            > Be Anon, Ambassador of the Human Race

                                            > Which is to say, the only human around, who also has no contact with his home country, and thus no political power

                                            > Mostly, you are just an exotic male Celestia shows off at diplomatic functions

                                            > Speaking of which,

                                            > "Did you try that workout I mentioned? My minotaur friends swear by it."

                                            > You were not prepared for stallion smalltalk

                                            "Oh, yeah, it was pretty good. A real full-body routine."

                                            > Power Play clops his hooves together in happiness

                                            > "I'm so glad! The peanut oil rub you gave me did wonders for the mistress, so it's good that I repay your kindness, at least in part."

                                            > Truth be told, you don't really enjoy talking about fitness and oils

                                            > Gotta change the subject

                                            "It's no big deal, I wasn't going to use them any time soon. Speaking of flammable things, what do you think of the new Dragonlord? Not as brash as the usual dragon hen, I think."

                                            > Power Play glanced down the length of the ballroom where the dragon in question was talking with the princesses

                                            > He shrugs

                                            > "Her scales have a good hue, but that's about it. Not much different from any other mare, as far as I'm concerned."

                                            > Celestia catches your eye over the heads of the crowd, beckoning you over with a tilt of her head

                                            > You nod, then turn back to Power Play

                                            "Sorry to cut our chat short, diplomatic duty calls."

                                            > He gives you a sympathizing look

                                            > "I won't keep you then. Don't get gobbled up by the mares, you big lug."

                                            > You work your way through the crowd, murmuring greetings and excuses, until you step into the open space around the princesses

                                            > The Dragonlord widens her eyes, her wings flaring for flight

                                            > You hold up your hands in what you hope is a pacifying gesture

                                            > Celestia looks on in interest

                                            > "Lady Ember, may I introduce Ambassador Anonymous?"

                                            > Lady Ember flexes her claws nervously

                                            > It would have been threatening if she wasn't a head shorter than you

                                            "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lady Ember."

                                            > She glances between you and Celestia, then finally replies

                                            > "I did not think to meet a human, especially in Canterlot of all places. Have the tribes returned to Equestria then?"

                                            > Tribes?

                                            "Not to my knowledge. I arrived here by accident, and from another world. I had thought I would be the only human on Equestria."

                                            > Lady Ember looks to Celestia

                                            > "Another world?"

                                            > The Princess nods

                                            > "We had a unicorn who worked extensively on portals and other forms of magical travel. We believe some of his experiments misfired after deteriorating, and summoned Anon. But you spoke of tribes, does Dragon lore have tales of humans?"

                                            > Ember nods, watching you with less wariness and more interest

                                            > "Legends speak of a nomadic race of warriors, mighty and cunning. There was much honor to be gained in defeating a human champion, but they all left to parts unknown in the distant past. Presumably, to this other world."

                                            > Huh

                                            "Neat."

                                            > Celestia giggles behind her hoof

                                            > Lady Ember smiles begrudgingly

                                            > "Before I leave, I should like to spar with you, Anonymous."

                                            > You bow

                                            "I'd be honored."


                                            > The morning sun finds you in a small arena, practicing sword strokes

                                            > It often amuses visiting dignitaries to have their strongest retainer duel with you

                                            > Partly out of pride, you are sure, but you get more mud-arena wrestling challenges than can be accounted for by international one-upmanship

                                            > Your plate armor clanks in the crisp air of early spring, cool enough to offset the heat of exertion and the insulation that comes with wearing full plate

                                            > You catch a whiff of sulfur in the air and turn

                                            "Lady Ember, good morning."

                                            > She flaps down into the arena, clad in her own armor

                                            > Is that bronze?

                                            > "Good morning, Anonymous. Might I say that you cut a striking figure in your armor?"

                                            "Why, I do believe that is the goal of our spar, to cut your striking figure whilst I'm in armor."

                                            > She blushes rather prettily

                                            > "Do not think that I shall go easily upon you for the sake of that flattery."

                                            > Oh, this is fun

                                            "Of course not, I am sure you are no easy dragon. Shall we begin then, and see how hard I am for you?"

                                            > You shake your limbs loosely and fall into a ready position

                                            > She dons her helmet, hiding her beet red face

                                            > "You have demonstrated your cunning. Let us test your might!"

                                            > Her wings folded close to her body, she charges you on all fours, crossing the distance between you in a heartbeat

                                            > You swipe at her, but she dodges around your blow and slams into your chest with her shoulder

                                            > You stagger back a step, but hold your ground

                                            > You feel her tense to jump off of you, and you begin a backhand swing

                                            > You catch her in mid-leap, denting the armor on her side

                                            > Lady Ember grunts, her hind claws digging into the dirt as she lands

                                            > At the same moment, her wing snaps open, catching you right in your right armpit

                                            > You hiss in pain, but press forward with rapid steps

                                            > She backs up just as quickly, weaving sinuously with each step

                                            > You lunge, swinging your sword in a horizontal arc

                                            > She dashes beneath and then behind you

                                            > Something wraps around your trailing foot and twists, pulling your leg out from under you

                                            > You roll with the motion, what you think is a tail pinned under your other leg

                                            > You continue the roll and find yourself straddling the writhing form of the Dragonlord

                                            > Her motions become less frantic and more...

                                            > "How forward, Anonymous. At least kiss me first."

                                            > She reached up slowly to your helmeted head, breathing rather heavily behind her own

                                            > Not gonna work, you've fought mares before

                                            > You headbutt her with a clang of metal on metal, her head bouncing from impacting the ground

                                            > She gasps

                                            > You rear back for a repeat performance

                                            > The air before you fills with a roaring fire

                                            > You scramble back, your armor uncomfortably warm

                                            "That's cheating!"

                                            > Lady Ember hops back onto her hind legs

                                            > "Hardly. You've been using your damnable pheromones this whole time!"

                                            > ...

                                            "Are you saying I smell sexy?"

                                            > "Yes!" she growls

                                            > Oh

                                            > Neat


                                            -------------


                                            > Be Anon, out for an evening stroll

                                            > You're still getting used to the culture, but everyone is really nice

                                            > Free samples at the market, holding doors open for you, and they think you are really funny

                                            > The minotaur guys at Mooers are great, best coworkers you could ask for

                                            > Still, you do feel lonely from time to time

                                            > Not so much tonight, though

                                            > The moon is big and beautiful and the stars are so clear

                                            > It's a perfect night

                                            > You turn the corner, nodding happily at a passing stallion

                                            > He gives you a nervous smile and moves on

                                            > Further down the street is a fairly large mare with a black coat and a big flowing blue mane

                                            > She looks a little nervous too

                                            > Well, you don't want to come off as creepy, but nighttime in the big city is a dangerous place for a lady

                                            > You walk towards her

                                            > She notices you out of the corner of her eye, and turns to fully face you

                                            "Hey, it's pretty dark out. If you like, I could escort you to wherever you need to go."

                                            > Was that creepy?

                                            > She looks you up and down, assessing your dangerousness, probably

                                            > "Impertinent co-"

                                            > She pauses

                                            > "Escort, you say? How much do you require for your service?"

                                            > Is this a cultural thing?

                                            > Still, your have your own cultural hangups

                                            "I wouldn't dream of charging you for such a thing. It's what any real-"

                                            > What's the horse word?

                                            > Oh yeah

                                            "-stallion would do in my place."

                                            > She blushes rather prettily

                                            > "Very well. Follow me, colt."

                                            > You amble on beside her as she leads you through the streets

                                            > She sneaks glances at you, and you aren't really sure what to make of that

                                            > Is she being shy?

                                            > You get the feeling she's some sort of high class mare, maybe she lived a sheltered life for a while

                                            > Or maybe she just feels awkward walking with a stranger

                                            > Maybe some smalltalk is in order

                                            "Beautiful night, isn't it?"

                                            > You are rewarded with a small smile

                                            > "I have always thought so. I used to wish it would last forever."

                                            > You chuckle

                                            "Yeah, I know the feeling. So, what brings you out here at this hour?"

                                            > She gazes down at the pavement

                                            > "I had thought to


                                            -------------------


                                            > Be Anon, Jack of all trades

                                            > In other words, you'll do nearly anything for bits, which has gained you a certain reputation

                                            > When you arrive in Canterlot, you are immediately subjected to a number of medical scans, verifying that you are indeed free of certain diseases

                                            > Even so, you get odd looks as you are ushered in to meet Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle, the acting regents

                                            > They seem uncomfortable

                                            > Twilight coughs

                                            > "Anonymous, I trust that you are aware of the situation?"

                                            "From what I hear, the princesses are down with some sort of sickness."

                                            > She nods

                                            > "Pegasus pox. It's especially serious for older ponies, and we don't know how badly the Royal Sisters will be affected."

                                            > Shining Armor stares at you grimly

                                            > "Do to your immunity, you'll be the orderly carrying out the physicians' treatment. This is very important, and you will be compensated accordingly. Will you accept this commission?"

                                            > You bow

                                            "Of course. It would be my honor."

                                            > Shining Armor motions a maid over

                                            > "Very well. Dusty Tufts will escort you to the doctors."

                                            > As you follow behind the gray mare, you catch a bit of the regents' whispered conversation

                                            > "-omiscuity"

                                            > Heh

                                            > Out in the halls, Dusty is quiet for a time, her hoofsteps and your footsteps echoing softly

                                            > Looking a bit more closely, you notice she isn't as young as you had first thought

                                            > Faint lines around the eyes, a certain... gravitas about her flanks, the almost concealed blush as she opens her mouth to speak

                                            > "Are you really the Ladder of Ponyville?"

                                            > You grin

                                            "I have been called that, but never to my face."

                                            > Dusty blushes more obviously now

                                            > "I-I had heard you offer all kinds of services. I don't have any bits on me now, but perhaps after the Sisters are better, I could hire you for some work?"

                                            "I am always open to business propositions. You can find me at the Honeygrape Inn, room nine. Until then, how about I give you a free sample?"

                                            > Her eyes widen as your fingers slip into her mane, scratching the scalp between her ears

                                            > Her hind legs buckle, and she leans into your touch, a soft sigh escaping her lips

                                            > Just as one of her front hoofs begins to make pawing motions in the air, you pull your hand away

                                            > Dusty Tufts makes a wordless whine, then gradually turns beet red as her higher thought processes catch up

                                            > She points at a distant door with one shaking hoof, unable to meet your gaze

                                            > "Th-they are th-through that door."

                                            > She promptly flees


                                            > The looks you get from the doctor mares are pretty entertaining

                                            > Some look... hungrily at you

                                            > Others are stern and disapproving

                                            > One had a distinctly envious look on her face

                                            > You take notes on the treatment plan they present, asking questions when needed

                                            > You can tell a few are won over by your professional manner and diligent attention

                                            > Once the doctors are satisfied you know what to do, they direct you into the adjoining rooms where the Sisters are being treated


                                            -------------------


                                            > Be Anon, summoned before the Ponyville Moral Council

                                            > i.e. Mayor Mare, Cheerilee, and Applejack

                                            "I get that clothing is somehow lewd here, and I am willing to continue to go without a shirt and pants. However, I must draw the line at my underwear."

                                            > Mayor Mare adjusts her glasses

                                            > "If you are willing to go that far, what is the problem with removing your underclothes as well?"

                                            "I don't feel comfortable with my dick exposed, especially when there are foals about."

                                            > Cheerilee shakes her head

                                            > "You don't understand, Anonymous. I teach the young ones about such things fairly early, and we cover reproduction each Spring. They are quite prepared for the occasional inadvertent erection, but to leave the bulge partially concealed in such a lewd manner..."

                                            > Appulhorse nods

                                            > "Just keep it in your sheath, and it'll all be fine."

                                            > ...

                                            "Sheath?"

                                            > The mares look at you, then each other

                                            > Cheerilee gazes at you in concern

                                            > "You know, where your stallionhood retracts when there isn't a fertile mare around?"

                                            > You shrug

                                            "I don't have one."

                                            > Mayor Mare laughs nervously

                                            > "I am sure you are mistaken, it is a simple fact of biology."

                                            > Snapplepack frowns

                                            > "He's tellin' the truth. Ifn' you don't mind me askin', what kinda equipment you got down there?"

                                            > You look down at your boxers

                                            "The normal kind, for humans. Not sure how to describe it."

                                            > Cheerilee cleared her throat

                                            > "We are all mares of the world here, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about showing us."

                                            > You look her straight in the eye, but she seems sincere

                                            "Uh huh. I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours."

                                            > She nods

                                            > "That's fair."

                                            > Cheerilee stands up and turns around, looking over her shoulder at you expectantly

                                            > Her tail flips up, her back legs splayed slightly

                                            > Dose cheeks

                                            > Dat view

                                            > Anon Jr stirs a little

                                            > You glance at the other two curious mares, then sigh

                                            > You slide your boxers down

                                            > Treebucker chuckles

                                            > "Well, if that's all, there ain't no reason to get up and bothered about showin' it around town."

                                            > Rude

                                            > Cheerilee smiles at you

                                            > "Indeed. The shape is a little unusual, but I doubt any mare would be bothered by the compliment of your arousal."

                                            > Your gaze lingers on the teacher's firm ass and revealed slit

                                            > Little Anon perks up

                                            > Mayor Mare makes a strangled cry of surprise

                                            "Yeah, I'm kind of a grower like that."

                                            > Cheerilee's marehood winks once, and she quickly turns back around, blushing furiously

                                            > Applejack just stares slack jawed

                                            > You yank your boxers back up, but there's no hiding the bulge

                                            > Mayor Mare moans, then covers her mouth in shock

                                            > Cheerilee stares at the ground, biting her lower lip

                                            > Applejack keeps muttering "muh appuls" over and over again

                                            "Huh, you girls weren't kidding about hiding it being more sexy."

                                            > Mayor Mare wipes her brow, still not meeting your eyes

                                            > "Mr. Anonymous, you absolutely must not go out in public in your condition."

                                            "You volunteering to do something about it?"

                                            > You jiggle the goods for her benefit

                                            > She squeaks, and you hear a splash

                                            > Cheerilee clears her throat, still averting her eyes

                                            > "Anonymous, please, ah, take care of that before you go out in public. In the mean time, I think you see our point?"

                                            > You take in the sight of the three vibrantly blushing mares, and the puddle under Mayor Mare

                                            "Fair enough. Hey, Mayor. Want to help me with this?"

                                            > You do a little pelvic thrust

                                            > She runs a hoof through her mane

                                            > "I, I really couldn't, it would be appropriate for a mare in my position to..."

                                            > While she speaks you swagger up to her, her nose dipping to sniff at your package

                                            > Cheerilee coughs

                                            > "Mayor Mare, we are the moral council. It is our obligation to..."

                                            > You slide your boxers down your hips just a bit

                                            > The teacher licks her lips

                                            > "Make sure Anon is, ah,"

                                            > You pull your boxers down a bit more, your tip just barely peeking out

                                            > Applejack swallows

                                            "You know, I'm going to feel pretty weird, going around without any clothes. I would really appreciate anything you mares could suggest to make me feel better."

                                            > Mayor Mare pants heavily, quivering before you

                                            > Applejack wobbles over, a determined look in her eye

                                            > "Anon, enough with the fancy talk. Let's make like wagon on the road and rut."

                                            > And so you did


                                            ----------------


                                            > Be Seashell, scoping out the Chocolate Milk Bar

                                            > For some reason, Princess Sparkle is banned from here

                                            > That's good for you, you never got along with her that well

                                            > Probably because you...

                                            > You're dumb

                                            > Even momma and poppa think so

                                            > You remember-

                                            > Oh wait

                                            > Hot colt over coming your way

                                            > Fluff the tuft, Seashell, colts like that

                                            "You here for the chocolate milk?"

                                            > No, that was dumb, you are-

                                            > "Good guess. Any recommendations?"

                                            > The skinny minotaur smiles at you

                                            > You blush

                                            "Well, I like the strawberry chocolate milk. It's like real strawberry and chocolate, but milk. It's really good."

                                            > He nods and waves at the bartender

                                            > "Strawberry and chocolate please."

                                            > He listened!

                                            > Most ponies don't even ask you about stuff


                                            > You lick your lips

                                            "My name's Seashell. What's yours?"

                                            > The bartender sets the glass in front of the colt

                                            > He leans casually against the counter, his whole attention on you

                                            > "I'm Anonymous. You can call me Anon.


                                            --------------------


                                            > Be Anon, newly arrived citizen of smallhorseland

                                            > The local comaraderie czarina  explained things to you, about their culture and things

                                            > Apparently you are supposed to by the woman here

                                            > When in Rome, you guess

                                            > Which brings you to your hot chocolate party

                                            > It's kinda nice just sitting around a table while rain patters against your window, talking with friends

                                            > The mares all make some attempt at polite conversation, but you can see them eyeing your chest

                                            > Eyes up here, ladies

                                            "And then they made me their chef. Speaking of which, I think the cake is ready, I'll go get it."

                                            > You stand up, towering over the waist high ponies, and stride away, swaying your hips for fun

                                            > If you are going to be the woman, you might as well go all the way

                                            > You listen while you busy yourself with the fridge

                                            > "I'd like a bite of his cake, if you know what I'm saying!"

                                            > Oh blitzkrieg blue, you scoundrel

                                            > "Rainbow Dash, how terribly uncouth. What if he hears?"

                                            > Too late, low catch rate

                                            > You are somewhat proud of how the cheesecake turned out

                                            > Only a little cracking on the top which you had covered with a nice layer of blackberry jam

                                            > You turn around, and almost bump into Furatta Shiai, beastmaster ninja

                                            > She looks you strait in the pectorals

                                            > "Do you need any help with that? It looks awfully heavy..."

                                            > You chuckle

                                            "It's fine, this should be a..."

                                            > Pumped Precog's head whips around

                                            "Cakewalk."

                                            > "YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

                                            > Darlin Clementine winces

                                            > "Pinkie, Ah'd appreciate it if you kept it down some, alright?"

                                            > You put the cake down on the table and set about divvying it up

                                            > Captain Platonic accepts her plate

                                            > "Thank you, Anon. I'm sure you'll be a great husband one day, with cooking like this."

                                            > Her friends chuckle and echo her thanks

                                            "It's my moral obligation. No one should live without tasting cheesecake at least once in their life. Now, let's eat!"

                                            > You smile at how quickly they devour the dessert

                                            > You take small bites yourself, making small, somewhat exaggerated noises of pleasure

                                            > You can feel their glances on you, but you focus on your slice of cake

                                            > You take a larger forkful this time, and make a shuddering moan as you chew

                                            > All other sounds of eating stop

                                            > You cover your cheeks with your hands, pretending to be embarrassed

                                            "Oh I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me just now."

                                            > Purple Corkscrew gives you a strained smile, her fair face flushed in arousal

                                            > "Think nothing of it, dear. We're glad to hear how much you enjoy this treat you made for us."

                                            > Nods all around

                                            > You smile shyly

                                            "I guess I can let loose a little, we are friends after all."

                                            > Rainbow Pride grins suggestively

                                            > "Yeah, colt. Go on and let loose on us all."

                                            > She receives glares from the more polite and/or subtle mares, but ignores them

                                            > Meanwhile, you take another bite, lean back, and groan like a bad porn actress

                                            > You squirm and clutch at your chest, groping your pectoral

                                            >


                                            ---------------


                                            > Be Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Palhoncho, Tomodachi Taichou, and First Speaker of Acquaintances

                                            > You had adapted to the wings, the responsibility, even the crystal castle that made you feel like a tiny little toy

                                            > Then your big brother babysitter banger best friend forever found he could no longer live with a certain tenant, and shipped him ponyvilleward

                                            > Something about stealth mode

                                            > You are getting some suspicions about what that something was

                                            "Neigh! Neigh! Anon, where are you? Neigh!"

                                            >


                                            -------------------


                                            > Be Anon, studying for Equestrian citizenship

                                            > Mares telling you they'll herd with you so you can be naturalized automatically

                                            > Nice try

                                            > At any rate, you thought you'd get some dull history text and such, but it turns out that Princess Sunbum personally wrote the book

                                            > So you end up reading a series of memoirs of a political leader about various developments as they happened

                                            > Things like the Royal Fire Parchment Act, where some mare official tried to hide her corruption by burning the scrolls recording her crimes

                                            > The princess enchanted all the Canterlot letterhead so that when it burned, it teleported to her

                                            > While she was collecting evidence this way, she also got a fair few rough drafts before the final report was sent, so she just codified it as priority message service afterward

                                            > Neat stuff like that

                                            > Then there's the cake tax, and

                                            > No, that can't be right

                                            > You check the time

                                            > Court should be over, should be okay to ask her about it

                                            > You stroll down the hallways, nodding to the maids and courtiers as they pass

                                            > As you got closer to Celestia's private chambers, the stares grew more inquisitive, and whispers followed in your wake

                                            > Things like "new courtesan" or "30 minutes!", whatever that is about

                                            > You stop a short distance from the two mares guarding the door

                                            "Hey, could you let the Princess know I'm here? I have a question about some of the citizenship test's content."

                                            > One of the mares nods and slips inside

                                            > You wait patiently, stretching after being in a pony-sized chair all morning

                                            > You groan as your muscles lose some of their ache, breathing deep, relaxing breaths

                                            > For some reason the mare in front of you is blushing, not quite meeting your eyes

                                            "Oh, is my fly unzipped?"

                                            > You look down, but no, you're good

                                            > The mare's eyes are getting a little shaky, trying not to look at something at about waist height...

                                            > Abruptly, the door opens and the other guard returns to her post

                                            > Celestia pokes her head out, takes in the situation, and smirks

                                            > "If you are quite done tormenting poor Primary Response, I can answer your question."

                                            > Tormenting?

                                            > You shrug

                                            "Alright. I was reading about the cake tax, and I think one of your printers had a bit of fun at your expense. The book says that you control the sun by keeping your flanks full and bounteous, the mass of your flanks sufficient to form a thaumo-sympathetic link with it. Rather poor taste for a joke, in my opinion."

                                            > She smiles at you

                                            > "Yes, I'm familiar with that passage. Now, where is the mockery? Is it just after that?"

                                            > ...

                                            "You mean to tell me, that you really do eat five cakes a day, to maintain the caloric intake to keep your rump plump enough to move the sun?"

                                            > Celestia nods

                                            > "The calories also help offset the magic drain from keeping the spell going. Luna has a similar routine for the moon, if smaller in scale, and using the candy from Nightmare Night."

                                            > ...

                                            "No joke?"

                                            > "I am quite serious. I wouldn't worry too much about the ins and outs of magic, though. The test is mostly about civic matters."

                                            "Gotcha. Thanks, Celestia, this was a...learning experience."

                                            > She smiles

                                            > "Of course. Oh, and when you get to eclipses, come to me again, I'll have a special demonstration for you."

                                            > You raise your eyebrows

                                            "Well alright, looking forward to it. See you around, Sunbeam."

                                            > "Until then, Anon."

                                            > She retreats into her quarters, leaving you standing in front of two gobsmacked guards

                                            > That's odd

                                            > What's so surprising?

                                            "Did I miss something? Is it the nickname?"

                                            > They glance at each other

                                            > Finally, Primary Response turns her reddened face towards you

                                            > "Eclipses are, ah, a highly personal event for her majesty. There haven't been any since she captured the Dragon Prince two hundred years ago."

                                            > Some sort of war thing?

                                            > Capturing a prince...

                                            > Hold on, you need to reimagine this

                                            > A powerful king captures an exotic princess and...

                                            > You grin

                                            > The other mare nods her head, a wry smile on her face

                                            > "Congratulations."

                                            "Thanks. Well, I'd best be reading, maybe I'll get the bit on eclipses soon."

                                            > You saunter off to your little study area, humming happily to yourself


                                            > Be Primary Response, several days later

                                            > It's so hard keeping watch when the sun keeps flickering on and off

                                            > What you wouldn't give to be a certain princess right now


                                            --------------------


                                            Combine this with no magical aura/object permanence


                                            > Be Scripted Event, keeper of the Royal schedule

                                            > You were just getting to the draconic ambassador's request for an audience when

                                            > The royal sisters' heads jerk upward, scowling

                                            > You pause in your duties, laying the quill aside

                                            "Something the matter, your majesties?"

                                            > Celestia frowns

                                            > "Anonymous is being naughty again, but I can't find him."

                                            > Luna licks her lips

                                            > "We would never k- never mind. Continue, Events. It does not matter."

                                            > You slowly nod, forever grateful to be a mere earthpony

                                            > "It seems there is an extensive gem cavern just off our coast, and-"

                                            > Luna leaps out of her seat, looking around frantically

                                            > "I know you are there, Anonymous! Do not underestimate the power of the Diumvirate!"

                                            > Celestia looks around anxiously, but calms down slowly

                                            > "Sister, it is a ruse. He is not within the castle, our guards would have apprehended him."

                                            > Luna grudgingly returns to her seat

                                            > "He uses his masculine wiles too well, sister. No pony is safe."

                                            > You sigh

                                            > There is little more that will be done this meeting, you are sure

                                            "Your majesties, if we would return to the offshore gem deposit, the Dragon Ambassador would like to negotiate mining rights and a proper tribute for the incursion. Please think on it, and I'll set the audience for the afternoon two days from today. Is that acceptable?"

                                            > Celestia focuses on you, her ears swiveling vigilantly

                                            > "Yes, that will do. Thank you, Event."

                                            > Then she stiffens, nostrils flaring

                                            > Luna does the same, and they disappear in twin flashes of light

                                            > ...

                                            > You peruse behind the curtains along the walls, and find nothing

                                            > Then you hear something softly land on the floor behind you, an immense presence

                                            > You slowly turn your head to see the hulking form of the Sisters' Scourge

                                            > Rumor has it the Gryphon Empire hired him to disrupt the Monarchy

                                            > Others say it was Labyrinthia, or the Cloud Gremlin Alchemist's Guild

                                            > As he pounces on you, you suspect nopony hired him

                                            > He just enjoys tormenting mares

                                            > As the first wave of belly rubs rocks your mind and body, you hear him whisper

                                            > "Not a word of this to the rumps on high."

                                            > You are about to protest, but then he nuzzles your tuft, fingers digging and rubbing at your sides

                                            > You whimper in fear and arousal

                                            "Not a word."

                                            > "Good."

                                            > With surprising gentleness, he caresses your forehooves, pecking you lightly on the cheek

                                            > And then, just as soon as he arrived, he departs, leaving you shivering and feverishly warm on the floor


                                            ------------------


                                            > Be Sotharia, third circle descendant

                                            > Not for the first time, you wish you had manifested as an incubus, they get summoned all the time

                                            > But no, you are a pony succubus for a world that is 80% mares

                                            > The chances of you-

                                            > Whoa!

                                            > You feel a tug on your spine, and you follow it gladly

                                            > You rise from a circle, red smoke billowing around you

                                            > You strike a seductive pose for your summoner, who is a...

                                            > "Huh, it actually worked."

                                            > Minotaur? Thing?

                                            > You don't see any teats, so today is your lucky eon

                                            "Yessssssss, I have answered your call. What is your name, succulent morsel?"

                                            > He flips through a book with his delicate fingers

                                            > "Hold on, there's a bit before that. Ah, here it is. By the tree and stone, I abjure thee to bind thyself with thy name."

                                            > Drat, first time summoners are usually too flustered to get it right

                                            "Very well, I bind myself to your will in the name Sotharia."

                                            > He smiles at you

                                            > "That's a pretty name."

                                            "Th-thanks."

                                            > What is with this colt?

                                            > "Okay, next is, By my will and might, I bind you in my name, Anonymous. But you can call me Anon."

                                            > Well, so much for running rampant this time around

                                            > Still, you have a job to do

                                            "You have done well in binding me, master Anon. What do you say we enjoy the fruits of your competence?"

                                            > He sits down on a couch, grinning

                                            > "Yeah, do what you like. I want to see what succubi do for foreplay."

                                            > You walk towards him, your hips swaying, your eyes and smile sultry

                                            > You hop up onto the couch and lean against his shoulder

                                            > Sulfur and Stars, this colt is tall

                                            > And deliciously warm

                                            > You slide a hoof down his arm, until you are holding his hand

                                            > You gaze up at his no doubt flustered fa-

                                            > He tilts his head

                                            > "Was that supposed to be lewd?"

                                            > He gives your hoof a squeeze

                                            > Your legs buckle beneath you as a wave of heat crashes inside you

                                            "B-buck yeah, you lewd colt, squeeze my hoof again!"

                                            > Master Anon is frowning now

                                            > "Is that all?"

                                            > You nuzzle his shoulder, mind fuzzy from all the energy you are drinking up

                                            "Mmmm, if you want more..."

                                            > You lift your muzzle

                                            > And give him a peck on the cheek!

                                            > The few stallions you've had all crumpled at this stage, but this colt, this colt

                                            > "Looks like I'll have to do things myself."

                                            > What does he mean by th-

                                            > His lips meet yours, pressing and parting

                                            > A hot, greedy tongue invades your mouth

                                            > His desire pours into you, hotter than the fires of Tartarus

                                            > You moan weakly, returning the kiss as best you can

                                            > Then a hand slides over your hip, grasping at your flank, and you can think no more


                                            > Be Anon

                                            > This succubus thing is kinda disappointing

                                            > A little frenching and an assgrab, and she's out cold

                                            > At least she's got a cute smile

                                            > Still, you'd feel weird about sexing up an unconscious girl, uh, mare

                                            > Time to talk to the manager


                                            > And thus Anon fed the entire succubus population


                                            -----------------