Santa Mare


                                            > Be Santa Mare

                                            > You should be glad that so many ponies have been good these past years

                                            > And you are, but it also means that you have a huge stockpile of coal with nowhere to go

                                            > You stopped your parasprite minions from mining the stuff years ago

                                            > You needed the extra labor to keep up toy production

                                            > You sigh, stretching out the ol' withers and flank

                                            > Well, it's that time of year again, better check the lists

                                            > Nice list is literally a mile long

                                            > Yeah, you're only checking it once

                                            > A parasprite bumps into you, helpfully carrying a little slip of paper

                                            > Naughty List, blanks as alw-

                                            > Hold up

                                            > Who is Anonymous?


                                            > Be Anonymous, pretending to sleep

                                            > In your time in Equestria, you've noticed ponies are unbelievably gullible

                                            > You feel a little guilty about the"gotcha nose" incident, and that time with the thumb trick

                                            > Luckily, you convinced them it was all a dream, so now it's Luna's problem

                                            > Which brings you to now, where you are lying in wait for whatever Santa equivalent little horse land has

                                            > Stocking?

                                            > Hung like a horse

                                            > Tree?

                                            > Twinkly and ribboned up

                                            > Plate of cookies and glass of milk?

                                            > The absolute best chocolate chip cookies you can make from the recipe on the chocolate chip bag

                                            > And an oatmeal raisin cookie, because you can

                                            > Milk in a wine glass

                                            > Bed?

                                            > You are camped out by the fireplace in a sleeping bag, with your trusty teddy bear

                                            > Time for your flawless acting

                                            "Honk, choo, honk, choo."

                                            > That's the sound of sleep, no mistake

                                            > After a few minutes, you hear the telltale sound of hoofsteps on the roof

                                            > Showtime

                                            > You hear rustling from the fireplace, then a thump

                                            > A pause

                                            > "I know you're awake."

                                            > What a nice, mature female voice

                                            > But she's bluffing

                                            > "I'm not bluffing."

                                            > Damn, she wins this round

                                            > You make a big show of yawning and running your eyes

                                            > Looks like Santa Mare is something of a silver cougar, with the toned and slender body of a Canterlot socialite, under a loose red cloak that stops just short of the curve of her flank

                                            > Nice

                                            "Nice to meet you, Santa. Would you like some milk and cookies?"

                                            > She smiles wryly

                                            > "Don't mind if I do. Now let's see..."

                                            > Silvery light plucks the oatmeal raisin cookie from the plate

                                            > "Oatmeal raisin, really?"

                                            "Well,"

                                            > "It's nice to have some variety, but who do you think you're fooling?"

                                            > You have the distinct feeling that you may not be on the nice list anymore

                                            "It was worth a try. How is it, by the way?"

                                            > She takes a bite, her eyebrows rising

                                            > "This actually pretty good. Do you have more?"

                                            "Uh, yeah, just a moment."

                                            > You retrieve a plateful from the fridge, setting it before Santa

                                            > She eyes the glass of milk

                                            > "I bet you even jizzed in the milk, eh?"

                                            > What?

                                            > She lifts it in her magic, swirling the glass contemplatively

                                            "Actually,"

                                            > Santa Mare tilts her head back and drinks it all in one gulp

                                            > ...

                                            > She then looks at you with half-lidded eyes, licking her lips

                                            > "I have a proposition for you, you naughty colt."

                                            > You are standing at attention, in all sorts of ways

                                            "What do you have in mind?"

                                            > She takes a sinuous step towards you

                                            > "I have a lot of coal I need to get rid of, and exactly one person on the naughty list."

                                            > Santa takes another step towards you, her flank shifting hypnotically

                                            > "I'm going to need you to stay on that naughty list, and get coal every year."

                                            > Her cloak unfastens, slipping to the floor

                                            > She rears up, placing her hooves on your chest

                                            > "But don't worry."

                                            > She nuzzles your neck

                                            > "We'll be naughty together."

                                            > You grin, grabbing her by the haunches

                                            "You give me coal, I'll give you diamonds."

                                            > She hums sensuously, her plush rump shifting in your hands

                                            > Her eyes gaze at you with a terrifying hunger

                                            > "It's such short notice, it's fine if you don't wrap your package."

                                            > And that's how you became Father Christmas in Equestria