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The Last Task of Lash Tight Hero of Labyrinthia (RGRE)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-21 03:58:56
Expiry: Never
/rgre/minotaur

  1. > Be Lash Tight, Minotaur heroine
  2. > You may have partied a little too hard
  3. > Slept with another cow's husband
  4. > Profaned an altar during a drunken escapade
  5. > It doesn't really matter
  6. > What does matter is that the Goddesses have cursed you with barrenness and shrunken one of your teats
  7. > You can endure many things, but you would not want to hear bards sing about your achievements, referring to you as "Lash the lopsided"
  8. > To undo the curse, you have a series of labors to perform
  9. > The last of which is to capture some of the darkness of the Abyss and deliver it to the Shrine of Night
  10. > You are far stronger than any of the bitch zigger ghosts you've encountered so far, but this talking gate is too immense for even you to open with brute strength
  11. > Your favorite tactic countered, you sigh and actually listen to it
  12. > It just better not be a riddle
  13. > "Cow of the world, trespasser of wastes, it is not your strength nor your wit that is tested, but your judgement. Judge righteously and you will be blessed, wickedly and you shall be cursed."
  14. > Thank buck
  15. > This will be easy, you are always right
  16. > "The sun blinds and the night conceals, yet truth is known to all who think and feel. In whom is there the greater beauty, yea, even the greater booty?"
  17. > ...
  18. "Are we talking about the royal sisters?"
  19. > "Clearly."
  20. > You scratch your tit as you mull it over
  21. > You've only heard about their adventures, not how they look
  22. > Wait...the gate said "greater booty"
  23. > And when you moon someone, you show off your rear
  24. > You chuckle to yourself
  25. > Maybe you're not so bad at riddles after all
  26. "Luna is the greater beauty."
  27. > A bolt of black lighting strikes you with unearthly fury!
  28. > You roar in surprise, yet you don't actually feel pain
  29. > Then you look down at yourself, and your now even smaller teat
  30. "Hey! What's the meaning of this?"
  31. > The gate opens slowly, and the voice answers
  32. > "You have chosen...poorly."
  33. > You stride through the gate, cursing at the unseen goddess
  34. > The spirits of the dead give you a wide berth as you trot down the narrow path to the next gate
  35. > You pay them no mind, even if there are bull spirits pointing at your chest and giggling to themselves
  36. > I-it's fine, nothing a warrior like you can't handle
  37. > Just shrug it off, you've shared a bed with princes, sorcerers, and even some nymphs, you have nothing to be insecure about
  38. > You are almost glad to see the next obstacle
  39. > You are far more wary of the second gate than the first as you approach it
  40. > "Lopsided one,"
  41. > You growl
  42. > The gate continues heedless of your irritation
  43. > "Between the king of burgers and five guys, which brings greater satisfaction?"
  44. > You sit down on a handy rock, this may take a while
  45. > Kings have excellent food, wine, and beds, and are often quite handsome
  46. > On the other hand, a king is but one bull
  47. > Five bulls, however, are almost too many to handle
  48. > And even if one or two are merely homely, their more attractive fellows can work your front while the others tend to your back
  49. > After an unknown eternity of contemplation, you emerge from your reverie and speak the wisdom you have carefully cultivated
  50. "Five guys are superior."
  51. > Your lesser teat glows, growing somewhat
  52. > "I should have known one such as you would know the truth of this matter. Proceed."
  53. > You set forth once more, but something bothers you about the voice of the unseen goddess
  54. > You've heard and consequently laid with cows with a voice that low, but it had always been a rare occasion
  55. > If you are dealing with a bull...
  56. > Well, you know how to deal with bulls
  57. > But if they are a goddess, even the implication that they are bull-like may be a grave insult
  58. > This will require some delicacy
  59. > You beckon one of the floating spirits closer
  60. > She's a grizzled old cow, scars liberally littering her spectral hide
  61. > She stumps closer, using a pitted battle-axe as a cane
  62. "Honored Crone, this young cow wishes to suckle at your wisdom."
  63. > The specter lets out a bark of laughter
  64. > "So you can speak well! Ask what you will, there may be milk yet."
  65. > You give a shallow bow
  66. "The ruler of this realm, are they bull or cow?"
  67. > The crone cackles
  68. > "What a fine fire in your loins, to ask that here and now! Indeed, he is a bull, with all that that entails. Keep a tight hold of your desires and you will survive your audience."
  69. > You run a hand through your short-cropped mane
  70. > If you are being completely honest with yourself, your lack of control over your lust has been the source of a great many of the problems you have faced
  71. > You lower your head to the spirit
  72. "I shall heed your warning, Honored Crone."
  73. > The spectral cow pats your head
  74. > "See that you do. Now go, lest you join me in my eternal rest."
  75.  
  76. > The third gate looms before you
  77. > You cross your arms protectively over your bust
  78. "I am ready, fair God of the Underworld."
  79. > There is a pause
  80. > "Flattery will get you nowhere, cow. Answer me this: Feather, hoof, or horn, which of these has the most wanton desires?"
  81. > You scoff, your personal experience directly useful for once
  82. "Earth ponies, easy."
  83. > Something in your voice must have made the god hesitate
  84. > "Surely it's the unicorns. Voyeuristic perverts, the lot of them. Not to mention all the self-pleasuring spells."
  85. > You snort
  86. "Too self-absorbed. Half of them think they're some sort of divine royalty, the others think they are great scholars and so on, too good for a roll in the hay. Now, pick up an earth pony stallion and before you set him down, he's already out of his sheath."
  87. > You wait, wondering if you said too much
  88. > "Huh. Really?"
  89. > Does he get out much?
  90. > God of the underworld, maybe he has little experience outside of it
  91. "It's instincts. They want a strong mate that can plow the fields and protect them. Pegasi like endurance and flexibility, unicorns want fancy words and far too much tribute, but what an earth pony truly wants is a hard rutting."
  92. > "You know this from personal experience?"
  93. > You raise an eyebrow
  94. "Do you want me to regale you with my every conquest?"
  95. > The gate rumbles open
  96. > "No, that won't be necessary. Move along."
  97. > You look down at your chest, which has not changed
  98. "What about my teat?"
  99. > "What? Oh, right. Yeah, whatever."
  100. > To your surprise, your cursed teat grows back to match its sister
  101. > You are mightily tempted to turn back now and abandon this quest altogether
  102. > Then again, there is nothing stopping the goddesses from cursing your teats again if you ignore their task
  103. > You stride deeper into the underworld, trying to remember what the lorekeeper said about Anonymous, God of the dead
  104. > Cast by lot to darkness, ebon-eyed, something something shepherd of souls
  105. > Nothing really useful, that you can remember
  106. > With each gate you pass, you sense his animosity turn towards innocent curiosity
  107. > The questions themselves become trivial, merely conversation starters
  108. > Even so, the air grows colder and more oppressive the deeper you go
  109. > You can feel it in your nips, this is no place for a mortal like you
  110. > The seventh and final gate stands before you
  111. > "So, uh, mountains or the ocean? I don't really see the appeal of mountains myself, but I've never been to either."
  112. > You sit down on a rock to rest your weary hooves
  113. "Mountains are nice enough, a fine view from the top, a good test of strength and endurance. But the sea has cool wind, wet bulls, and plenty of food to catch. That's where I would want to be."
  114. > The gate opens
  115. > "That does sound nice."
  116. > You get up with a grunt and continue onward
  117. > The rough-hewn stone path gradually becomes more polished and smooth
  118. > Braziers of blue flame line the halls, warding off some of the oppressive chill
  119. > A pair of black iron doors open at your approach, revealing an extravagantly decorated room
  120. > A full length mirror with a golden, gem-encrusted frame
  121. > Unbroken marble floor, walls, and pillars, bone white and gleaming under the torches of blue flame
  122. > Anonymous sits upon his throne, nearly as fair as the marble, clad in black velvet robes
  123. > You take a knee before him, bowing your head
  124. > He speaks, his voice deep and smooth, stirring your embers of desire
  125. > "You've done well to come this far. Not many make it past the seven gates. Say, why are you here, anyhow?"
  126. > You have to stop yourself from raising your head, he hasn't told you to rise
  127. "As a penance, I am performing the tasks set by the Goddesses. This last one is to gather a portion of the darkness of the abyss and deliver it to the Shrine of Night. Did they not tell you of this?"
  128. > Anonymous growls
  129. > "Of course they didn't tell me, I'm just the pale God of the Depths. I take the job no one else wanted, and this is what I get in return? Ugh. Stand, cow. I'll get you your darkness."
  130. > You raise your head to see Anonymous stomp on the floor, opening a yawning gulf of inky darkness
  131. > A skeleton emerges from one of the pillars, holding a bone-white jar with a cork stopper
  132. > You get to your hooves, realizing that this is not marble you are standing on
  133. > You shiver and resist the urge to scrub at your knee
  134. > Anonymous opens the jar and dips it into the abyss, then pushes the stopper back in
  135. > With a snap of his fingers, the floor returns to seamless white
  136. > Anonymous looks at you imperiously
  137. > "You're going to Canterlot, right?"
  138. > You nod mutely
  139. > Another snap of his fingers and he is holding a scroll bound with a black ribbon
  140. > "Deliver this to Princess Celestia and no one else. Anyone other than her that opens it shall die. Understood?"
  141. > You nod sharply
  142. "Yes, your divine majesty."
  143. > He pauses
  144. > "No need for the formality, we were talking just fine at the gates. Tell me, what did you do to receive divine punishment?"
  145. > Your heart sinks
  146. > "I am not entirely sure, I was drunk at the time. But, ah, the statue of Incognito at Menelea ended up requiring repair. At the loins."
  147. > Incognito, God of health and the dawn
  148. > Twin brother of Anonymous
  149. > You are so dead
  150. > Anonymous looks at you blankly for a moment
  151. > His lips tremble
  152. > Then he breaks out into laughter, growing louder and longer
  153. > You relax and manage an embarrassed smile
  154. > It is some minutes before the last echoes of his laughter fade
  155. > He shakes his head at you
  156. > "I can only imagine his face when he saw what you did. Tell me your name, cow, and what you desire. Once you deliver my message to Celestia, you will be rewarded."
  157. > You eye him speculatively
  158. > Now that the fear of death and endless dark has faded, you have to admit more than a little desire to take him to bed
  159. > You open your mouth to ask, but then you remember the crone's words
  160. > Maybe you should ask for something more useful
  161. "I am Lash Tight. As for my boon... Could you make my teats larger than they are? By this much?"
  162. > You hold your hands a fingerspan from the surface of your breasts
  163. > Ebon-eyed Anonymous hands you the jar and scroll with a wry smile
  164. > "Easily enough. And next time you get in trouble with the divines, come to me and I'll do what I can to help."
  165. > You bow
  166. "Thank you, Anonymous. You are most generous."
  167. > He waves a hand dismissively
  168. > "If you do come to me, it would be because there is another amusing tale behind it. That is well worth my time. Now go, you have your tasks."
  169. > You bow once more and turn to leave
  170. > Maybe next time you defile a shrine, you'll get a proper chance with Anonymous
  171.  
  172. > The journey to the Shrine of Night is relatively uneventful
  173. > Some slaughtered bandits along the way, a dozen nights of pleasure in earth pony farms, and before you know it, you're handing the jar to the high priestess
  174. > The unicorn takes it solemnly and turns towards the stone pool of water
  175. > The jar opens with a pop, spilling inky black upon the water, only to be absorbed by the chains anchored inside the pool
  176. > The high priestess turns to you, her eyes glowing with divine revelation, her voice echoing another
  177. > "Your last task is complete. You may go now, Lash. The curses laid upon you are lifted."
  178. > You nod respectfully and depart
  179.  
  180. > Getting a royal audience isn't as difficult as you had feared
  181. > You aren't sure if it's your fame or notoriety that eased your path, but it hardly matters
  182. > The guards open the door to the antechamber
  183. > You take a step forward, then hesitate
  184. > Both princesses lounge before you on sumptuous cushions, but that is not what made you pause
  185. > It is Incognito, lying beside Luna and feeding her grapes
  186. > Perhaps he senses your fear, he looks up at you
  187. > His expression contorts into one of disgust
  188. > "Oh, it's you."
  189. > You break out into a cold sweat
  190. "I bring a missive from Stygian Anonymous to Princess Celestia."
  191. > So saying, you withdraw the scroll from your belt pouch and offer it to the Sun Princess
  192. > Her magic plucks it out of your hand, her expression curious
  193. > "I hope he's doing well?"
  194. > You shrug
  195. "As far as I could see, yes."
  196. > The ribbon falls away, and Celestia unrolls the scroll
  197. > In the moment the royal and divine attention is diverted towards the scroll, the weight of your bust suddenly increases
  198. > You resist the urge to grin
  199. > Celestia's brow furrows, then her eyes widen
  200. > The scroll is completely unfurled before her, rather longer that you would expect for a simple letter
  201. > Celestia's cheeks redden
  202. > Abruptly, she rolls up the scroll and tucks it under her wing
  203. > Luna raises an eyebrow
  204. > "Do not leave us in suspense, sister. What tidings does the king of the dead bring?"
  205. > Celestia licks her lips
  206. > "Oh, no tidings, exactly. Fleeting Wind, notify Starswirl that I wish to commission a mirror-portal, to be completed as soon as possible."
  207. > A guard departs without a word
  208. > Incognito frowns
  209. > "Is it so sensitive that it couldn't be trusted to a cursebound scroll?"
  210. > Celestia doesn't seem to know what to say, her blush growing by the second
  211. > You consider all that you have seen in your adventure, both in the depths of the underworld and in your travails upon the surface
  212. "Is it a nude?"
  213. > Celestia jolts at the question
  214. > She makes a futile attempt to regain her composure
  215. > "It is nothing important. If that is all, this audience is concluded."
  216. > You bow to her
  217. "That is all."
  218. > The last word barely left your lips, and Celestia teleports away in a flash of golden light
  219. > Incognito blinks
  220. > "Huh. It's about time."
  221. > You quickly escape before he can turn his attention towards you
  222.  
  223. > Outside of the castle, you find yourself with nothing to do
  224. > It's been a year since you started your tasks, and now you are finally free to do whatever you want
  225. > ...
  226. > Time to get drunk and pass out in a brothel

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