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The Tale of the Shameless Sloop (RGRE)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 21st December 2020 03:59:32 AM

  1. > You are Captain Bad Apple, airing out your cot AGAIN
  2. > You still don’t understand why your morning dew is so much heavier on the Sloop than on the shore
  3. > You better not have an unawakened fetish for ships or the waves
  4. > That’s how the sea claims mares, you are pretty sure
  5. > You open your cabin and trot out onto the deck
  6. > Three Sheets is already up in the rigging, the tauress’ teats gently undulating in the wind
  7. > “Morning, Captain! It’s going to be a lucky day, I can feel it in my nips!”
  8. > You roll your eyes
  9. “You said the same thing the day we got chased out of Port Outsbutt.”
  10. > Three Sheets grins
  11. > “And I was right, I got to buck the governess’ son before we had to leave.”
  12. “Which is why we had to leave. Get chummy and you’ll be chum, got it?”
  13. > She salutes
  14. > “Aye Aye cap’n!”
  15. > You sigh and head to the mess
  16. > Hard Tack ladles you a bowl of oatmeal and dried berries
  17. > You nod your thanks to the unicorn mare
  18. > As you dig in, you ask,
  19. “How are we doing on rations?”
  20. > Tack sits back on her thick flanks, rubbing her chin in thought
  21. > “We’re good for about two months, longer if you let me bake biscuits.”
  22. > You nod, that’s about what you figured
  23. “We should be making port before then. And do I really need to tell you not to bake again?”
  24. > She frowns
  25. > “I think I figured out where I went wrong, if Keg would just let me use her flour stock…”
  26. > You shake your head
  27. “Experiment with your own bits. We don’t need culinary armor plates right now.”
  28. > Hard Tack sighs and goes back to stirring the pot of oatmeal
  29. > You finish your bowl and leave it in the bucket to soak
  30. > Powder Keg wanders in, and you still can’t get over her appearance
  31. > Built like a Canterlot noble, tall and slim, but her tail cut indecently short and yet still singed at the ends
  32. > You tune out their bickering as you head to the back of the Shameless Sloop
  33. > You haul the anchor up, grinning as you bring all of your earth pony strength to bear on the winch wheel
  34. > It’s always a relief to really exert yourself in something and not risk bucking a hole in your ship
  35. > You slow down as the water bulges under the chain and the anchor begins to break the surface
  36. > When it is fully out, you pull the brake on the winch and trot up to mare the helm
  37. > Sheets gives you a nod, and you call out mostly for the sake of the other two of your crew
  38. “Unfurl the main and head!”
  39. > Sheets undoes a few knots in her web of ropes and pulleys, and the two sails billow out and boom as they catch the wind
  40. > The Shameless Sloop jerks forward, plowing through the sea
  41. > Let’s see what the new dawn holds
  42.  
  43. > A fussy merchant vessel, it would seem
  44. “Keg! Fire a warning shot across his bow!”
  45. > The unicorn grins, her horn lighting with a baleful red
  46. > The cannon thunders as it launches the iron ball, just barely clipping the rails of the merchant ship
  47. > A moment later, they answer with a shot aimed at your deck
  48. > You gallop to where it would hit and pivot, leaning forward
  49. > Your hind legs bunch up, hooves close together and waiting for…
  50. > With a metallic clang, the cannonball hits your hooves just as you buck, sending it back into side of the merchant vessel
  51. “Keg, clear their deck!”
  52. > A dozen clay pots arc across the water and shatter across the barque’s deck, covering it in a haze of flour dust
  53. > Then Keg’s fuses ran down and fire bloomed
  54. > Not much later, the merchant runs a white flag, and you bring the Sloop along side and swing across
  55. > You land on a sooty wasteland, still warm and embers glowing along the edges
  56. > The stench of burned fur fills the air, but you ignore it and the groans of the injured as you approach the grim-faced captain
  57. > You come to a stop before her, your hardtack vest clattering dully
  58. “I’m glad you have come to see reason. Now, let’s see your cargo.”
  59. > The captain nods and trots down below decks
  60. > You follow her down, keeping an eye out for any-
  61. > The wall by the stairs splinters as a bullet bursts through it and shatters a hardtack plate on your side before clattering to the floor
  62. > You grunt at the impact, then buck the wall down
  63. > Among the splinters and shards of wood, you find a dazed mare, barely grown from a filly into a mare
  64. > You kick the pistol away from her and glance at the captain, who has grown quite pale
  65. > “Mercy, good pirate. Please...spare my daughter, this is her first encounter on the high seas.”
  66. > You take another look at the fallen mare, and you can see the resemblance
  67. > You frown
  68. “She broke your flag of truce, I should make an example of her to keep such underhanded dealings at bay.”
  69. > The captain begins to sweat
  70. > You look her in the eye
  71. “You are a mare of honor, are you not?”
  72. > She swallows
  73. > “I am.”
  74. > You nod
  75. “Give the filly a good birching, once I leave. And we’ll be taking your entire stock of flour, among other things.”
  76. > That should make Tack happy
  77. > The captain untenses
  78. > “I’ll see it done myself.”
  79. > You nod, and start sniffing around the cargo hold
  80.  
  81. > The haul is decent, a few cases of rum, plenty of spices, a gilded jewelry box, and some useful maps
  82. > Most of their hold is full of iron ore, which you leave alone
  83. > Still, nothing that would qualify for Sheet’s forecast of Discord’s Luck
  84. > Leagues later, the smell of flour being tortured into ceramic fills the air, and you are beginning to get nervous
  85. > The next trade route you want to hit is still a day’s travel away, with nothing but the open ocean between you and it
  86. > You glance up at Three Sheets
  87. > She’s wrapping her teats down, a grim expression on her face
  88. > “Cap’n, I swear I didn’t buck anypony’s son this time. Clouds starboard, and I bet my last bit that they aren’t natural.”
  89. > You turn to stare at the horizon, and the dark cloudbank looming, small black specks flitting around it
  90. > Your heart drops
  91. > You had thought you were keeping things low-key, hitting small targets and keeping on the move
  92. > But it seems the Crown has decided to nip you in the bud
  93. “Trim the sails! Batten down the hatches!”
  94. > You grip the wheel grimly
  95. > A normal storm, you could heave to and ride out
  96. > A Pegasus-driven one…
  97. > This may be the end for you and the Shameless Sloop
  98. > The winds rise, whipping the brine into the air
  99. > A great hiss fills the air as rain sheets into the rolling sea
  100. > You steer as best you can, angling into the wind
  101. > The rain splatters against you, instantly soaking you to the bone
  102. > Thunder begins to roll as the Royal Airforce builds up charge
  103. > A pale blue light glows from the top of the mast
  104. > Then everything goes white as the sky’s wrath comes down
  105. > You close your eyes and hold the wheel as strike after strike comes crashing down
  106. > The mast groans and topples over, then more and more of your precious ship is blasted apart by lightning
  107. > Then one bolt touches off the gunpowder, and the last thing you hear is a deep bellow of rage and loss
  108.  
  109. > You are Squadron Leader Cross Winds, and today is a good day
  110. > The intel on the movements of the Firestorm Pirates was spot on, and the storm is making quick work of their ship
  111. > You start to give the orders to breaking up the clouds, but then you hear a deep, distinctly male voice roar
  112. > Your heart drops
  113. > There was a stallion on that ship?
  114. > Was he a hostage, crew, stowaway?
  115. > You dive through the clouds and pull up at what you see
  116. > What parts lightning blasted away are now restored in pale green fire
  117. > The Shameless Sloop’s cannons turn of their own accord, rising-
  118. “Evasive maneuvers!”
  119. > Your squadron scatters as the skies erupt with ghostly fireballs
  120. > You punch through the cloud and streak back to the rendezvous point
  121. > You aren’t looking forward to explaining this to your superiors
  122.  
  123. > You are somehow the very alive Captain Bad Apple
  124. > You come to as the last of the storm dissipates to the aft of the ship
  125. > Speaking of, it’s a bit different than you remember
  126. > You poke your hoof near the green wheel of flame that used to be the helm
  127. > It’s warm, but not hot
  128. > “Oh, you’re up.”
  129. > You turn to see a translucent figure, some sort of minotaur bull?
  130. “Ah, welcome aboard my ship?”
  131. > He grins
  132. > “The other way around, actually. It’s so nice that you can finally see me.”
  133. > You blink
  134. “Are you the spirit of the Shameless Sloop?”
  135. > He shrugs
  136. > “Insofar as I’ve been haunting it these past several decades, yes. So! Your crews alive, the ship’s… working, what do you want to do next?”
  137. > You rub your face
  138. “I need a drink.”
  139. > Anon laughs
  140. > “Good choice.”
  141. > You head into the mess to find the rest of your crew had the same idea
  142. > Three Sheets grins at you
  143. > “I see you met our good luck charm! I told you today was a lucky day, I don’t even have to do the rigging, he can do it all with a thought.”
  144. > You raise your eyebrows
  145. “I guess that means we don’t need you at all. That is some good luck.”
  146. > Sheets sticks her tongue out at you
  147. > “Please, you’d be lost without my tits.”
  148. > Anon nods seriously.
  149. > “She makes a good point, her tits are pretty necessary.”
  150. > You facehoof
  151. "The spirit of the Shameless Sloop is a shameless slut."
  152. > "Can you blame me? I have had nothing to do for decades except ogle my crew and soothe their dreams."
  153. > Hard Tack blinks
  154. > "So the reason why I always have face-sitting dreams while I'm on the ship…"
  155. > Anon grins
  156. > "You're welcome."
  157. > The crew blushes, and you aren't immune either
  158. > You've had more than your fair share of dreams of trapping a stallion's head between your thighs and forcing him to eat you out
  159. > You walk to the opened case of rum and grab yourself a bottle
  160. > As you sit down, Keg sidles up to you
  161. > "Cap'n, something's bothering me…"
  162. > You look at her questioningly
  163. > She runs her hoof through her short-cropped mane
  164. > "I was right next to the barrels when they blew, Cap'n. By all rights, I should be a sticky coat of paint, not talkin' to you whole and hearty."
  165. > You swallow a mouthful of rum, but that does little to ease your mind
  166. "Might be best to avoid anything strenuous, then. At least until we see how this all shakes out."
  167. > Keg nods, and knocks back the rest of her drink
  168. > She ambles over to the case and-
  169. > Wait, shouldn't it be half empty by now?
  170. > Keg grabs a bottle and you stare as another one takes its place with a shimmer of faint green light
  171. > You take a sip of your rum, rolling it around on your tongue
  172. > It’s a good apple rum, not unlike what your estranged family would brew
  173. > No strange aftertastes, no trace that it might not be all that it seems
  174. > You turn your attention to Anon and Sheets as they flirt openly
  175. > Sheets has her arm around the ghost, pressing his face into the side of her teat
  176. > You can’t see where Anon’s hands are, but the blush Sheets is sporting gives you some idea
  177. > You clear your throat
  178. > Sheets snaps to attention, and Anon pouts
  179. “Anon, how much longer can you keep the ship whole like this?”
  180. > He scratches his chin
  181. > “A while? I can feel a bit of strain keeping it together, but it’s pretty light even after a half a day.”
  182. > You nod
  183. “Even so, our first priority is stopping to make repairs. The nearest port is…”
  184. > You try to remember the map
  185. > Anon’s eyes unfocus
  186. > “Trampa Bay, should take us about a day and a half to get there. Course set.”
  187. > The Shameless Sloop groans as it adjusts its heading
  188. > You blink
  189. > Sheets might not be the only one out of a job
  190. “Right. Good. Um. Is there anything else we can do to keep your energy up?”
  191. > Even if you fix the ship, at least Keg would be in trouble if Anon wore himself out
  192. > Sheets pats you on the withers
  193. > “We discussed it and decided that you should get first dibs, being the captain and all.”
  194. > You raise an eyebrow at her, then look at Anon
  195. > He’s blushing prettily
  196. > “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
  197. > You lick your lips
  198. > Time to boldly go where no mare has gone before
  199. “Let’s take this to my cabin.”
  200.  
  201.  
  202.  
  203. > By the time the Sloop docks at the Trampa Bay harbor, you are glad you have such a hearty, vigorous crew
  204. > Anon doesn’t need to sleep, eat, or drink
  205. > More ominously, neither do the rest of you, though you still do so out of habit and for the joy of it
  206. > You walk down the gangplank and set hoof onto the dock
  207. > And promptly stop, as your leg withers to the bone
  208. > You pull your leg back and are relieved to see it restored to pristine condition
  209. > It seems the sea has claimed you after all
  210. > You call out to one of the loitering wharf rats, paying her a piece of six to run a message to the lumber mill
  211. > You’re determined to make the best of it, and thinking back to the night before…
  212. > The best of it is pretty damn good
  213.  
  214. > You are Princess Luna, reading yet another report about the activities of the Shameless Sloop
  215. > Waylaying vessels for delicacies and booze, yet only stealing a trivial amount of the ship’s stock
  216. > Disappearing below the waves whenever a patrol comes by
  217. > Floating above cannon and spellfire range, making obnoxiously loud sex noises throughout the night
  218. > You sigh and set the report aside
  219. > With any luck, Celestia and her galleon full of desserts will persuade them to turn privateer
  220. > If you are going to have an immortal band of eccentric pirates roaming the seas, they may as well be on your side
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