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- > You are Captain Bad Apple, airing out your cot AGAIN
- > You still don’t understand why your morning dew is so much heavier on the Sloop than on the shore
- > You better not have an unawakened fetish for ships or the waves
- > That’s how the sea claims mares, you are pretty sure
- > You open your cabin and trot out onto the deck
- > Three Sheets is already up in the rigging, the tauress’ teats gently undulating in the wind
- > “Morning, Captain! It’s going to be a lucky day, I can feel it in my nips!”
- > You roll your eyes
- “You said the same thing the day we got chased out of Port Outsbutt.”
- > Three Sheets grins
- > “And I was right, I got to buck the governess’ son before we had to leave.”
- “Which is why we had to leave. Get chummy and you’ll be chum, got it?”
- > She salutes
- > “Aye Aye cap’n!”
- > You sigh and head to the mess
- > Hard Tack ladles you a bowl of oatmeal and dried berries
- > You nod your thanks to the unicorn mare
- > As you dig in, you ask,
- “How are we doing on rations?”
- > Tack sits back on her thick flanks, rubbing her chin in thought
- > “We’re good for about two months, longer if you let me bake biscuits.”
- > You nod, that’s about what you figured
- “We should be making port before then. And do I really need to tell you not to bake again?”
- > She frowns
- > “I think I figured out where I went wrong, if Keg would just let me use her flour stock…”
- > You shake your head
- “Experiment with your own bits. We don’t need culinary armor plates right now.”
- > Hard Tack sighs and goes back to stirring the pot of oatmeal
- > You finish your bowl and leave it in the bucket to soak
- > Powder Keg wanders in, and you still can’t get over her appearance
- > Built like a Canterlot noble, tall and slim, but her tail cut indecently short and yet still singed at the ends
- > You tune out their bickering as you head to the back of the Shameless Sloop
- > You haul the anchor up, grinning as you bring all of your earth pony strength to bear on the winch wheel
- > It’s always a relief to really exert yourself in something and not risk bucking a hole in your ship
- > You slow down as the water bulges under the chain and the anchor begins to break the surface
- > When it is fully out, you pull the brake on the winch and trot up to mare the helm
- > Sheets gives you a nod, and you call out mostly for the sake of the other two of your crew
- “Unfurl the main and head!”
- > Sheets undoes a few knots in her web of ropes and pulleys, and the two sails billow out and boom as they catch the wind
- > The Shameless Sloop jerks forward, plowing through the sea
- > Let’s see what the new dawn holds
- > A fussy merchant vessel, it would seem
- “Keg! Fire a warning shot across his bow!”
- > The unicorn grins, her horn lighting with a baleful red
- > The cannon thunders as it launches the iron ball, just barely clipping the rails of the merchant ship
- > A moment later, they answer with a shot aimed at your deck
- > You gallop to where it would hit and pivot, leaning forward
- > Your hind legs bunch up, hooves close together and waiting for…
- > With a metallic clang, the cannonball hits your hooves just as you buck, sending it back into side of the merchant vessel
- “Keg, clear their deck!”
- > A dozen clay pots arc across the water and shatter across the barque’s deck, covering it in a haze of flour dust
- > Then Keg’s fuses ran down and fire bloomed
- > Not much later, the merchant runs a white flag, and you bring the Sloop along side and swing across
- > You land on a sooty wasteland, still warm and embers glowing along the edges
- > The stench of burned fur fills the air, but you ignore it and the groans of the injured as you approach the grim-faced captain
- > You come to a stop before her, your hardtack vest clattering dully
- “I’m glad you have come to see reason. Now, let’s see your cargo.”
- > The captain nods and trots down below decks
- > You follow her down, keeping an eye out for any-
- > The wall by the stairs splinters as a bullet bursts through it and shatters a hardtack plate on your side before clattering to the floor
- > You grunt at the impact, then buck the wall down
- > Among the splinters and shards of wood, you find a dazed mare, barely grown from a filly into a mare
- > You kick the pistol away from her and glance at the captain, who has grown quite pale
- > “Mercy, good pirate. Please...spare my daughter, this is her first encounter on the high seas.”
- > You take another look at the fallen mare, and you can see the resemblance
- > You frown
- “She broke your flag of truce, I should make an example of her to keep such underhanded dealings at bay.”
- > The captain begins to sweat
- > You look her in the eye
- “You are a mare of honor, are you not?”
- > She swallows
- > “I am.”
- > You nod
- “Give the filly a good birching, once I leave. And we’ll be taking your entire stock of flour, among other things.”
- > That should make Tack happy
- > The captain untenses
- > “I’ll see it done myself.”
- > You nod, and start sniffing around the cargo hold
- > The haul is decent, a few cases of rum, plenty of spices, a gilded jewelry box, and some useful maps
- > Most of their hold is full of iron ore, which you leave alone
- > Still, nothing that would qualify for Sheet’s forecast of Discord’s Luck
- > Leagues later, the smell of flour being tortured into ceramic fills the air, and you are beginning to get nervous
- > The next trade route you want to hit is still a day’s travel away, with nothing but the open ocean between you and it
- > You glance up at Three Sheets
- > She’s wrapping her teats down, a grim expression on her face
- > “Cap’n, I swear I didn’t buck anypony’s son this time. Clouds starboard, and I bet my last bit that they aren’t natural.”
- > You turn to stare at the horizon, and the dark cloudbank looming, small black specks flitting around it
- > Your heart drops
- > You had thought you were keeping things low-key, hitting small targets and keeping on the move
- > But it seems the Crown has decided to nip you in the bud
- “Trim the sails! Batten down the hatches!”
- > You grip the wheel grimly
- > A normal storm, you could heave to and ride out
- > A Pegasus-driven one…
- > This may be the end for you and the Shameless Sloop
- > The winds rise, whipping the brine into the air
- > A great hiss fills the air as rain sheets into the rolling sea
- > You steer as best you can, angling into the wind
- > The rain splatters against you, instantly soaking you to the bone
- > Thunder begins to roll as the Royal Airforce builds up charge
- > A pale blue light glows from the top of the mast
- > Then everything goes white as the sky’s wrath comes down
- > You close your eyes and hold the wheel as strike after strike comes crashing down
- > The mast groans and topples over, then more and more of your precious ship is blasted apart by lightning
- > Then one bolt touches off the gunpowder, and the last thing you hear is a deep bellow of rage and loss
- > You are Squadron Leader Cross Winds, and today is a good day
- > The intel on the movements of the Firestorm Pirates was spot on, and the storm is making quick work of their ship
- > You start to give the orders to breaking up the clouds, but then you hear a deep, distinctly male voice roar
- > Your heart drops
- > There was a stallion on that ship?
- > Was he a hostage, crew, stowaway?
- > You dive through the clouds and pull up at what you see
- > What parts lightning blasted away are now restored in pale green fire
- > The Shameless Sloop’s cannons turn of their own accord, rising-
- “Evasive maneuvers!”
- > Your squadron scatters as the skies erupt with ghostly fireballs
- > You punch through the cloud and streak back to the rendezvous point
- > You aren’t looking forward to explaining this to your superiors
- > You are somehow the very alive Captain Bad Apple
- > You come to as the last of the storm dissipates to the aft of the ship
- > Speaking of, it’s a bit different than you remember
- > You poke your hoof near the green wheel of flame that used to be the helm
- > It’s warm, but not hot
- > “Oh, you’re up.”
- > You turn to see a translucent figure, some sort of minotaur bull?
- “Ah, welcome aboard my ship?”
- > He grins
- > “The other way around, actually. It’s so nice that you can finally see me.”
- > You blink
- “Are you the spirit of the Shameless Sloop?”
- > He shrugs
- > “Insofar as I’ve been haunting it these past several decades, yes. So! Your crews alive, the ship’s… working, what do you want to do next?”
- > You rub your face
- “I need a drink.”
- > Anon laughs
- > “Good choice.”
- > You head into the mess to find the rest of your crew had the same idea
- > Three Sheets grins at you
- > “I see you met our good luck charm! I told you today was a lucky day, I don’t even have to do the rigging, he can do it all with a thought.”
- > You raise your eyebrows
- “I guess that means we don’t need you at all. That is some good luck.”
- > Sheets sticks her tongue out at you
- > “Please, you’d be lost without my tits.”
- > Anon nods seriously.
- > “She makes a good point, her tits are pretty necessary.”
- > You facehoof
- "The spirit of the Shameless Sloop is a shameless slut."
- > "Can you blame me? I have had nothing to do for decades except ogle my crew and soothe their dreams."
- > Hard Tack blinks
- > "So the reason why I always have face-sitting dreams while I'm on the ship…"
- > Anon grins
- > "You're welcome."
- > The crew blushes, and you aren't immune either
- > You've had more than your fair share of dreams of trapping a stallion's head between your thighs and forcing him to eat you out
- > You walk to the opened case of rum and grab yourself a bottle
- > As you sit down, Keg sidles up to you
- > "Cap'n, something's bothering me…"
- > You look at her questioningly
- > She runs her hoof through her short-cropped mane
- > "I was right next to the barrels when they blew, Cap'n. By all rights, I should be a sticky coat of paint, not talkin' to you whole and hearty."
- > You swallow a mouthful of rum, but that does little to ease your mind
- "Might be best to avoid anything strenuous, then. At least until we see how this all shakes out."
- > Keg nods, and knocks back the rest of her drink
- > She ambles over to the case and-
- > Wait, shouldn't it be half empty by now?
- > Keg grabs a bottle and you stare as another one takes its place with a shimmer of faint green light
- > You take a sip of your rum, rolling it around on your tongue
- > It’s a good apple rum, not unlike what your estranged family would brew
- > No strange aftertastes, no trace that it might not be all that it seems
- > You turn your attention to Anon and Sheets as they flirt openly
- > Sheets has her arm around the ghost, pressing his face into the side of her teat
- > You can’t see where Anon’s hands are, but the blush Sheets is sporting gives you some idea
- > You clear your throat
- > Sheets snaps to attention, and Anon pouts
- “Anon, how much longer can you keep the ship whole like this?”
- > He scratches his chin
- > “A while? I can feel a bit of strain keeping it together, but it’s pretty light even after a half a day.”
- > You nod
- “Even so, our first priority is stopping to make repairs. The nearest port is…”
- > You try to remember the map
- > Anon’s eyes unfocus
- > “Trampa Bay, should take us about a day and a half to get there. Course set.”
- > The Shameless Sloop groans as it adjusts its heading
- > You blink
- > Sheets might not be the only one out of a job
- “Right. Good. Um. Is there anything else we can do to keep your energy up?”
- > Even if you fix the ship, at least Keg would be in trouble if Anon wore himself out
- > Sheets pats you on the withers
- > “We discussed it and decided that you should get first dibs, being the captain and all.”
- > You raise an eyebrow at her, then look at Anon
- > He’s blushing prettily
- > “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
- > You lick your lips
- > Time to boldly go where no mare has gone before
- “Let’s take this to my cabin.”
- > By the time the Sloop docks at the Trampa Bay harbor, you are glad you have such a hearty, vigorous crew
- > Anon doesn’t need to sleep, eat, or drink
- > More ominously, neither do the rest of you, though you still do so out of habit and for the joy of it
- > You walk down the gangplank and set hoof onto the dock
- > And promptly stop, as your leg withers to the bone
- > You pull your leg back and are relieved to see it restored to pristine condition
- > It seems the sea has claimed you after all
- > You call out to one of the loitering wharf rats, paying her a piece of six to run a message to the lumber mill
- > You’re determined to make the best of it, and thinking back to the night before…
- > The best of it is pretty damn good
- > You are Princess Luna, reading yet another report about the activities of the Shameless Sloop
- > Waylaying vessels for delicacies and booze, yet only stealing a trivial amount of the ship’s stock
- > Disappearing below the waves whenever a patrol comes by
- > Floating above cannon and spellfire range, making obnoxiously loud sex noises throughout the night
- > You sigh and set the report aside
- > With any luck, Celestia and her galleon full of desserts will persuade them to turn privateer
- > If you are going to have an immortal band of eccentric pirates roaming the seas, they may as well be on your side
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