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RGRE Promptbin 015

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-02-12 15:17:24
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >Anon's elder brother got engaged to a girl in college and marries her. It's a very pleasant distraction that happens just weeks after Anon is finally declared dead.
  2. >But she ends up going sour.
  3. >Elder brother ends up on the bad end of a nasty divorce. Loses his house, a ton of money, and his ex played the court so he got little to no visitation with his kid, who was too young to remember him when they left. It takes time before elder brother can move past it all.
  4. >Anon's younger sister went to an overly liberal university and ate everything shoved into her head without questioning it. Becomes a stereotypical bluehair problem glasses feminist. Said she was never having kids. Mom and dad tried to set her back on the straight and narrow, but she resisted at every turn. She and elder brother butt head at every family gathering.
  5. >So mom and dad, now starting down the road to old and grey, have no grandchildren in their empty, tragedy-tainted nest.
  6. >Then one day, their long lost and thought to be dead secondborn son shows up through a whirling magical portal, saying he was trapped in another dimension for the past 10+ years.
  7. >...Along with his two-three alien wives and TEN children.
  8. >After the initial freakout, Mom is so thrilled that her baby boy is alive and brought her a horde of adorable grandchildren that she can barely breathe.
  9. >And Dad?
  10. >The older man's crushing grief at never acknowledging his second son before it was too late lifts off his shoulders like a weight. He looks over all his son's family, then catches the younger man's eyes for a nod and real smile of approval.
  11. >Now will Dad's approval stick after the RGR is explained?
  12. >Oh god, how is everyone else going to take this?
  13.  
  14. >Anon's sister thinks Equestria is going to be a feminist paradise and wants to live there.
  15. >Anon makes an attempt to warn her but she refuses to listen. He just shakes his head and offers his family's guest room to her while she tries.
  16. >Sis gets a rude awakening when the only jobs a female with no cutie mark, resume, or connections can get is all unskilled labor. Her Earth degrees are not honored anywhere, either.
  17. >Young single females with no children are also entitled to the least amount of government help, and non-citizen single females with no children get literally nothing, so being a lump all day is not an option.
  18. >She eventually returns home after one too many fights with your wives results in your alpha mare calling for your sister's expulsion, which gets unanimous support from the rest of the herd, meaning you can't overturn it.
  19. >Not that you would at this point...
  20.  
  21. >Anon has the opposite problem with his brother.
  22. >Bro is still reluctant to trust after his wife left him years ago and resists the idea of maybe looking into RGRE for romance, even if mares would jump at the chance to have him.
  23. >Dating an alien and changing so much to fit in too much, he says.
  24. >Anon leaves the offer standing, but begins to doubt it'll be taken
  25.  
  26.  
  27.  
  28.  
  29.  
  30.  
  31. >writeanon gets reincarnated/transported to equestria as a stallion. Notices that there is a noticeable hole in the smut offerings for mares with an amazonian/janefilly fetish.
  32. >And so the monstercolt encyclopedia is written up and becomes a smash hit among lonely, nerdy mares who dream of getting dominated by fantastical stallions.
  33.  
  34. >And then writeanon sets a bunch of romantic smut novels in the monstercolt encyclopedia setting and decides to start dating after making themselves financially stable.
  35. >Oh hey that cute nerdy mare you decided to date has some of your books... awkward
  36.  
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40.  
  41.  
  42. >All Twilight knows from experience with her brother is that there's lots of giggling, lots of babbling, and a few of Shining's friends thought she was adorable
  43. >She's pretty sure they talk about ways to embarrass fillies
  44. >Rarity, who works with colts in the fashion industry, believes it's 100% a business-style meeting where they all share the gossip they've gathered over the weeks, and they make sure to make colt-noises (giggling, etc) to cover up their nefarious plotting
  45. >Applejack never thought about it before, since Mac never really had time for that sort of thing, and assumes they just chat and sleep
  46. >Fluttershy becomes too embarrassed to speculate, but secretly things they compare ball-bras
  47. >Rainbow Dash cannot be swayed from her opinion that it's the sort of thing porn has taught her, and she's 100% sure that they're practicing kissing
  48. >Pinkie Pie pictures 100 different types of snacks they all share but doesn't speculate about much else, believing that what goes on in a colt's sleepover is too unfathomable for fillies to understand
  49. >Also because dad didn't like it when she and her sisters thought too much about what colts get up to when they're alone, so she naturally assumes it's nefarious
  50.  
  51.  
  52.  
  53.  
  54.  
  55. >You had always been a heavy sleeper
  56. >Once, your old man fired a rifle right next to you while you were asleep and you didn't notice
  57. >Honestly, it had never really been that big of a deal
  58. >You were in horseland now, living with Twilight Sparkle in her big fuck off castle
  59. >It was nice, except every once in awhile Trixie and Starlight would sneak into your room and sleep with you
  60. >Like most ponies, they were little things, about the size of a border collie
  61. >You were a lot bigger than them
  62. >Most ponies also enjoyed the feeling of your bare skin on their fur
  63. >You also had a lower body temperature than them, meaning you were a cool bed buddy
  64. >Some mornings, you'd just find them snoozing under your arm or laying on top of you, fast asleep
  65. >A few times you had caught Trixie just rubbing your face against her furry chest
  66. >You always pretended to be asleep when they did this
  67. >Didn't want to embarrass the little weirdo after all
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71.  
  72.  
  73.  
  74. >Anon and waifu have a colt
  75. >He's pony shaped, but he gets his canines and taste for thicc mares from his dad
  76. >After years of growing and using his special talent to scare ponies, he writes the perfect horror novel
  77. >It is just scary enough to cause a thrill, but not so scary as to cause nightmares
  78. >As he writes the ending, he begins to glow
  79. >Anon and waifu gaze in pride at the first Prince ascension in Equestria
  80. >The light fades, revealing their precious colt has turned into a satyr
  81. >Anon falls to his knees
  82. "No! I never meant for you to be cursed like this!"
  83. >Jump Scare reaches out a hand
  84. >"Now I have reached my full potential, not pony, not human, but something greater."
  85. >Waifu is just sitting there, waiting for the storm of whimsy to stop
  86. >Anon raises his hands to the indifferent ceiling
  87. "Never again! My firstborn shall be my lastborn! I will not subject another poor pony soul to my human taint!"
  88. >Jump Scare wobbles forward
  89. >"I can feel it, my great power, these irresistible urges! My new body craves one thing: Incest. Quick, Mom, where are your sisters?"
  90. >Waifu sighs
  91. >"Are you done, Jumper?"
  92. >Jump Scare poofs, the illusion fading to reveal a normal alicorn stallion
  93. >"Yup!"
  94. >Anon laughs weakly
  95. "That's my boy."
  96.  
  97.  
  98.  
  99.  
  100.  
  101.  
  102. > Anon finds a stallion crying in an alley in Manehattan
  103. > He crouches down and pats him on the withers
  104. "You alright?"
  105. > The stallion flinches at the touch and sobs out, "No! No, I don't think I'll ever be alright."
  106. > Anon frowns
  107. "What happened? If you don't mind me asking?"
  108. > The stallion takes a deep breath
  109. > "A m-mare dragged me into this alley and h-held my hoof. Then she rubbed her tuft in my face for like, five whole minutes!"
  110. > Anon blinks
  111. "That's...rough, buddy."
  112. > The stallion shivers
  113. > "I feel so dirty, so used. All I can smell is her musk, that horrible mare's musk, marking me as her personal cuddlebuddy!"
  114. > Anon still can't handle the dissonance between the anguish in the stallion's voice, and the content of what he is saying
  115. "How about I walk you home, and you can wash that scent right off?"
  116. > The stallion gets to his hooves and shakes his head
  117. > "I need to go to the ponice station. Once they have recorded her musk, then I..."
  118. > Anon walks him to the station in silence, thinking back to how the mares at the bar would treat him
  119. > Was he acting like a slut?
  120. > But ponies are so fluffy and soft, you have to rub your face in their poofy chest fur!
  121. > The ponice mares are very professional about taking the stallion's statement, trapping the air around the stallion's face for traces of musk and taking it to be analyzed
  122. > When the lab mare comes back with the results, something about her is shifty
  123. > She says, "I'm sorry, Short Stick. There weren't any matches, uh, in the criminal database."
  124. > Short looks at her with dead eyes
  125. > "You can't ID my molester?"
  126. > The lab mare shakes her head, glancing around the ponice station
  127. > "I, uh, can't help you there, I'm sorry to say. Um. Really sorry."
  128. > Short hangs his head and walks out
  129. > Anon glares at the lab mare, who promptly bolts around a corner
  130. > Anon finds Short Stick outside
  131. > Short doesn't even turn to face him
  132. > "She's one of them. Some dirty cop with too many friends just as dirty as her."
  133. > Anon growls
  134. "I'm going to punch my way through the department until they give her up!"
  135. > Short shakes his head
  136. > "You'd get arrested for assaulting an officer long before you find the dirty cop. They have training, and unicorns. Let's just... go home."
  137. > Anon walks beside Short, trembling and angrier than he has ever felt before
  138. "I can't believe they can just get away with this!"
  139. > Short laughs cynically
  140. > "Welcome to Manehattan."
  141.  
  142.  
  143.  
  144.  
  145.  
  146.  
  147.  
  148. >Be Santanon
  149. >Santa for short
  150. >You'd been given a place known as "Equestria" as your home
  151. >Usual set up, cozy house tucked away where no one would find it
  152. >Large workshop to make presents in, with elves to help you
  153. >They were similar to ponies, but shorter on average
  154. >They didn't tend to wear clothing other than festive hats, though you had caught the odd one or two wearing striped socks
  155. >Reindeer were still reindeer, if chattier
  156. >You found yourself busy going over this world's Naughty & Nice lists
  157. >It was awfully one-sided
  158. >The Naughty list was graced by only a few names while the Nice list had rolled out of your room, down the hall, and gummed up the workshop for a few hours
  159. >You let out a sigh, a jolly smile gracing your face
  160. >It sounded like this would be a fun life
  161.  
  162.  
  163.  
  164.  
  165.  
  166.  
  167.  
  168. >Be Rainbow Dash
  169. >It was late
  170. >Celestia's sun was about to go down
  171. >You were flying near Sweet Apple Acres, just finishing up destroying some stray clouds before you went home
  172. >As you were about to buck the last of them, you saw somepony sitting against a tree
  173. >Somepony that didn't look much like a pony at all
  174. >Destroying the cloud, you flew down to see who it was
  175. >For a second, you were worried that it was a diamond dog
  176. >Applejack had had issues with them before, coming in and stealing things
  177. >Thankfully, it wasn't any of those filthy mutts
  178. >Instead it was that strange alien
  179. >Anon
  180. >He was snoozing away, covered in sweat and dirt
  181. >Recently, Big Mac had given him a job on the farm
  182. >He hadn't wanted it, said something about wanting an important job
  183. >He was an alien, he could improve your lives, yada yada
  184. >You all knew better and Twilight, his caretaker, had gently, but firmly sent him off to work
  185. >A colt's place was in the fields or in toil after all
  186. >Anon would be so much happier farming or woodworking than trying to do mare's work
  187. >Too much thinking
  188. >He would get frustrated
  189. >Sure enough, he took to farm work like a pig to mud
  190. >His stamina wasn't completely up to par yet though, hence why you found him snoozing
  191. >As adorable as he looked sleeping, and as much as you wanted to leave him alone, it was starting to get cold outside
  192. >Applejack would kill you if she found out you just left one of the farmer's employees outside to get sick
  193. >So, landing right next to him, you began to nudge the giant
  194. "Anon, sweetie, come on. Get up. You can't sleep here."
  195. >Slowly, Anon stirred awake
  196. >He looked up at you, blinking owlishly
  197. >"Rainbow?" he said, voice groggy
  198. "Yeah, it's me. Come on, lets get you home. Twilight's probably where you are."
  199. >You needed to keep him focued
  200. >You knew how ditzy colts could get
  201. >If you weren't careful his mind would just wonder and it'd take all night to get him back to the castle
  202. >Thankfully, Anon seemed like one of the brighter colts, slowly getting to his feet at your urging
  203. >He placed a hand on your back, allowing you to lead him toward town
  204. >Twilight probably really was worried where he had gotten off to
  205. >Princess Celestia had left him in her charge
  206. >He might have been a alien, but he was still a colt
  207. >You knew single mares were eyeballing him
  208. >If Twilight wasn't careful somepony could mark him with their scent in no time at all
  209. >You knew for a fact that some of the earth pony farmers were looking to add a colt to their clans
  210. >Applejack said the Carrots had already offered Twilight a dowry
  211. >If you were Twilight, you'd just mark the colt yourself
  212. >Anon seemed like a nice stallion
  213. >The nerd could really use one of those
  214. >Heck, maybe she would
  215. >She might even give him to one of the farmers
  216. >When you dropped him off at the castle, a very relieved Twilight thanked you
  217. >Anon himself gave you a pat on the head, since you enjoyed
  218. >Pats were bucking rad
  219.  
  220. "Yes, just bring that over here, darling."
  221. >Be Rarity
  222. >You were outside of your shop, a crate full of cloth sitting outside of your door
  223. >The mail ponies that had brought it hadn't time to help you bring it all in
  224. >Apparently, some of the mail colts had gotten distracted
  225. >Thank Celestia for Derpy
  226. >How that mare is able to wrangle so many stallions is a mystery
  227. >You weren't above moving it all yourself, colts work or not, but thankfully, you didn't need to
  228. >Anon had been passing by, and immediately offered to help
  229. >Twilight, who had been walking with him, had allowed the stallion too surge forward with a nod and a smile, which was very nice of her
  230. >Anon now had a roll of silk in his hands, carrying it through your door
  231. >You just watched him, making sure he didn't knock anything over in his excitement
  232. >It was his day off from the farm you knew, yet he still wanted to work
  233. >Colts truly were built for labor in mind you supposed
  234. "I do really appreciate this, dear," you said as the stallion placed the silk down and went to fetch more. "You are a sweetheart."
  235. >Anon just beamed at the praise, a pip in his step as he walked by you
  236. >The reaction almost made you laugh
  237. >No wonder the Carrots were so dead set on him
  238. >So content, so easy to please
  239. >Some ponies had been uneasy about him at first
  240. >What with him being a giant alien and all
  241. >But it was clear to see he was just a sweet colt
  242. >As he bent down to pick up another roll, you couldn't help but eyeball his rump
  243. >A few weeks working on the farm had helped him build up a considerable amount of muscle
  244. >Not too much mind you
  245. >You liked a lithe stallion, and that's what Anon appeared to be becoming
  246. >Just a few more weeks and Twilight would be beating them away with a stick
  247. >You made sure not to stare too long, you didn't want to upset Twilight after all
  248. >That mare needed to make an honest colt out of him very soon, or some mare would
  249. >Perhaps you might throw your horseshoe in the ring?
  250. >You had more than enough for a sizable dowry
  251. >There was plenty of simple work to do at the boutique
  252. >If not, you could always had him dig for gems to keep him tired out and stimulated
  253. >At the end of the day, you could even design some cute little outfits for him
  254. >All baring your cutiemark, of course
  255. >You allowed the fantasy to roll around in your skull for a few moments before shaking your head
  256. >No
  257. >Best not
  258. >If the Carrot's didn't get him, you had no desire to compete with Twilight
  259. >Too much of a headache
  260. >Maybe if another hyoo-man happened to appear
  261. "Twilight dear, you MUST let me take the two of you out to lunch for the help. No buts, I must insist! Now, what would you like?"
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265. >tfw you work as a carpenter in horseland
  266. >tfw it's fulfilling, wholesome work
  267. >tfw wife does all the finances, makes all the plans, keeps things running smoothly even cooks and cleans, since colts honestly can't be trusted to do much more than work hard
  268. >tfw you just work a ten hour day like most stallions at a job you actually like
  269. >No stress
  270. >No headaches
  271. >You get to create things, and when you get home there's a horsewife waiting for you
  272. >tfw you don't care for being treated like a dummy at times, but it's a good life
  273.  
  274.  
  275.  
  276.  
  277.  
  278.  
  279.  
  280.  
  281. >Sunset used to have a really shitty Twatch channel
  282. >She was more infamous than famous
  283. >Cheap tactics, shit-talking, all the bad things you've seen come out of competitive gaming
  284. >The biggest reason she's as well-known as she is is because people just get that pissed off at her when they play
  285. >She met Anon via gaming, actually
  286. >He was trying to get into the niche of male gamers (without turning into a gaming thot) and was starting to gain a decent following
  287. >He knew his shit, he was decent at the game, and he never pulled that "I'm a boyyyyy gamer <3" shit that other male gamers did
  288. >He and Sunset connected because she'd use awful strategies (like camping) and it would piss Anon off to no end
  289. >He'd challenge her or seek her out just to beat her and rub her nose in it
  290. >Their collective fanbases, when combined, were pretty big, and their rivalry started to get a reputation
  291. >One day, they had the opportunity to play in person
  292. >A con was being set up no too far from where they lived, about an equal distance for each of them
  293. >Weirdly enough, they hit it off
  294. >Sunset was playing up her shittiness for views, and Anon was trying to be serious on-camera to try and minimize the chances of his success being excused as being a dick-haver
  295. >Something something they'd play together more and more
  296. >Something something they hook up
  297. >Something something they move in together
  298. >Something something Sunset chills out
  299. >Something something this is actually the prequel to Sunset's comfy stream, and she's still trying to earn followers because a lot of her fanbase liked her for being a cunt
  300. >Something something RGRE
  301.  
  302.  
  303.  
  304.  
  305.  
  306.  
  307.  
  308. >Be Anon.
  309. >You have noticed something in this crazy small sexist horse world.
  310. >Ponies are really bad at recognizing other ponies if they wear a hat or cover their cutie marks.
  311. >You weren't the best at gaves and names but you at least knew someone if you met them once.
  312. >You've seen best friends not recognize eachother at times.
  313. >You can tell though, along with Spike and the princesses.
  314. >So either this is an elaborate practical joke or ponies are just really bad at this.
  315. >You are out for a walk and see Twilight and Cadence sitting in a park bench eating together.
  316. "Hey Twilight, Cadence. Nice night."
  317. >The two princesses turn white as a sheet and just look at you.
  318. >Other ponies look around wondering who you were talking too.
  319. >"Poor delusional colt. Thinks he see the princess."
  320. >Seeimg they don't respond you just wave.
  321. "Okay then, see you back at the castle then."
  322. >As you walk away you hear them talking to eachother.
  323. >"Can he recognize us?"
  324. >"I think so, I've never checked his ability to see through disguises."
  325.  
  326.  
  327. >Changelings don't actually erupt with green fire and turn into a different pony
  328. >That's just the overall effect from the pony's point of view
  329. >Changelings actually disguise themselves by putting on wigs and covering themselves with colorful blankets that mimic the fur and mane of the pony they're disguising themselves as
  330. >Chrysalis disguises herself by wearing a paper bag over her head with the face of the pony's she's disguised as drawn on the front in crayon
  331.  
  332.  
  333. >anon is a makeup artist
  334. >worked on movies and shit
  335. >even worked with prosthetics and all that
  336. >ponies believe he is a "new person" when he's all done up
  337. >magic makes them all think they know who this person is
  338. >it implants memories of the disguise into them
  339. >everypony treats anon like his disguise and it freaks him out
  340. >kind of like those memory parasites from Richard and Mortimer
  341. >but when he takes off the costume they all think that the "person" left
  342. >everypony agrees on why and all the memorys are consistent between ponies
  343. >Anon definately doesn't do anything bad with these new powers because that would be mean
  344. >something something rgre
  345.  
  346. >Anon is the mister of a cuddlebrothel
  347. >Twilight is constantly on his ass about exploiting other males
  348. >little does she know that Anon doesn't have any employees
  349. >it's all him in various disguises
  350. >ponies will even think he's a pony if he draws a cutie mark on a pair of pants and goes around on all fours
  351. >with a cone on his head he can pass for a unicorn, and by putting on costume wings a pegasus
  352. >Luna is convinced there's a alicorn prince of debauchery on the premises and is permanently frustrated with how he just vanishes into thin air
  353.  
  354.  
  355.  
  356.  
  357. >Anon is the RGRE version of a kitsune
  358. >Incognito is the RGRE version of a kumiho
  359. >not the liver eating, but he does use pony blindess to disguise for evil mischief
  360. >by sticking a disguise on a pony you can trick them into thinking they're somepony else
  361. >he made a tidy profit for himself when he 'turned' Cadance, Luna and Celestia into a bandit gang to rob Equestria for him
  362. >and caused utter marital confusion for Shining Armor when he was abducted and seduced by what was actually his own herd
  363.  
  364.  
  365.  
  366.  
  367.  
  368.  
  369.  
  370.  
  371. >Relax girl. Just relax! Stop sweating
  372. >You pace outside the front of the “Flicky bean” coffee shop. Stop sweating.
  373. >You agreed to meet somepony you met through a pen pal chat program, two weeks ago. Boy, it sure is hot out here!
  374. >Oh Celestia, you can’t wait! You might even lose your Starswirlhood(wizard) today! No. That shouldn’t be the only thing on your mind-
  375. >Droplets of sweat rain onto the trampled soil.
  376. >Don’t ruin this H.T. You got this-
  377. >”Excuse me.”
  378. >You snap to attention at the voice. It’s him...IT’S HIM!
  379. >A tall green creature in a suit waves at you in greeting.
  380. >”Are you Heart Throb?”
  381. >Your eyes switch between his face, and bulge.
  382. >He notices it with a small frown.
  383. >You slowly open your mouth to speak.
  384. >Be careful H.T. First impressions are lasting impressions. Just say something charming, or even a simple “hey”.
  385. “W-wan sum fuk?”
  386. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_asNhzXq72w [Open]
  387. >His eyes widen.
  388. >”I think I left something in my car-“
  389. “What’s a car?”
  390. >”Oh-uh-I have to shampoo my hair...but I’ll call you later?”
  391. >He starts walking off.
  392. >No, actually running.
  393. >You slump onto the ground, feeling stupid.
  394. >Darnit! The opportunity to get meat was just too much for your virgin hormones it seems. You must be literally the only pony alive this pathetic-
  395. >A Pegasus with a fuse-lit shell for a cutie mark approaches you.
  396. >”Ah, a mare of culture, I see.”
  397.  
  398.  
  399.  
  400.  
  401.  
  402.  
  403. >While on the moon and in the realm of dreams Anon and Nightmare find peace in some way.
  404. >Time passed and the moon ponies begin to grow in time as the banishment continued, small villages growing within the dream crafted valley.
  405. >The foals now mares and stallions grown are so curious of the world and ask what is their home called.
  406. >All Father and All Mother looked to one another before answering; "Dream Valley."
  407. >Happy the ponies celebrated and continued to build in their home
  408. >Until one day a small curious filly wandered out of the valley and found a strange door upon a tree.
  409. >Nosing open the door the filly found indescribable colors and sights, giant pillars of life extending upwards to infinity, small limbs spreading out like far too many hooves on a pony, a aggressive riotous forms that bound about bound in their passivity.
  410. >Then the filly saw a foal, a colt giggling at the strange and wondrous sights.
  411. >For a moment the two lock eyes when the filly was suddenly ejected from the door once more.
  412. >Lost, the filly wandered back home unsure of what she had seen and heard, when she arrived with a dreamy expression upon her the family asked where she had wandered.
  413. >Thus began the tale of Waking, of moon ponies who could cross over to find their worth in the waking world
  414.  
  415.  
  416. >And so begins the tales in equestria of incubi and succubi, slit-eyed dream spirits that can enter and leave the realm of dreams.
  417. >Twilight sparkle has been fucking one of nightmare moons many sons for the last few months, but she just thinks that shes dreaming about going on dates with a hot monogamous stallion she gets all to herself and has hot dream sex with.
  418. >Nightmare moon hesitates just long enough to get blasted by the elements when she realizes that twilight is her sons 'nerdy marefriend' he talks about all the time
  419.  
  420.  
  421. >Mane six start calling for Twilight while coming up the stairs and NMM hears them.
  422. >Twilight finds the 'spark' and starts listing all the elements and the reason they represent her new friends.
  423. >When the rainbow laser clears a depowered Luna is just stood there with a strange expression on her face muttering to herself about her sons tastes and whether this counts as the old marriage tradition of dueling the colts mother
  424.  
  425.  
  426.  
  427.  
  428.  
  429.  
  430. >Adagio is immortal and has wandered the world for generations.
  431. >She doesn't really care.
  432. >What she does care about is stealing Anons' V-card.
  433. >Every generation.
  434. >It started with great-great-great-great Grandpa Non when he was a mere boy of sixteen.
  435. >They dated a few years, fucked like rabbits, then she up and left when the urge to travel became too strong.
  436. >He got married to a nice young thing, and they had a baby boy.
  437. >Sixteen years later, Adagio returned, and the cycle began.
  438. >Every Anon in your line has been seduced by the sexy cheese puff, but none have been able to tame her.
  439. >You are Anonymous, Sixth of your Name, and Adagio has just entered into your life, all sex appeal and hair, and she has her eyes on you.
  440. >Will you succeed where others have failed and tame the siren, or will you be ridden hard and put up wet?
  441.  
  442.  
  443.  
  444.  
  445.  
  446.  
  447.  
  448. >The mane 6 convince Celestia that she needs a night off
  449. >Go to a club in disguise
  450. >Celestia goes a bit overboard (several hundred years of stress will do that to you) and drinks everyone under the table
  451. >Barmare is worried whether or not her stock will last the night
  452. >Dares go around, and the mane 6 each try to get a dance from that weird hoo-man colt sitting in the corner, watching to make sure nobody roofies his friends
  453. >They are all unsuccessful
  454. >Celestia tries to coach Fluttershy, since she's happy just to watch the Elements flail around drunkenly
  455. >Goes a bit far while teaching Fluttershy how to shake her ass
  456. >Disguise drops
  457. >Anon doesn't know how or why one-half of the Princesses of Equestria is shaking her ass at him, but he can't argue with that
  458. >Celestia remembers her and the gals coming up with a plan to get a dance out of that weird colt, and then everything goes dark
  459. >Celestia wakes up with a hangover in bed with no knowledge of how she got home
  460. It's like a John Mulaney joke, where he drank too much as a teen and the last thing he remembers before waking up in bed is thinking "I've never climbed a fence that high before".
  461. >Anyway, Celestia wakes up in bed
  462. >Anon is there with her
  463. >It's been several hundred years of not getting laid for Celestia, and she immediately panics
  464. >What does she do now?
  465. >Does she make him breakfast and send him on his way?
  466. >Does she go back to sleep and expect to wake up to an empty bed
  467. >What if he calls her "sunnybuns"?
  468. >What if she promised something serious while she was drunk?
  469. >Are they married now?
  470. >What will the media think?
  471. >What's his name?!
  472. >Celestia nearly pees herself when Anon rolls over and wraps an arm around her, snuggling into side
  473. >This is EXACTLY why she never drinks
  474. >Bonus plot twist: Twilight rolls over and wraps a hoof around Anon and snuggles into his back
  475.  
  476.  
  477.  
  478.  
  479.  
  480.  
  481. >Be tall green man in 'questira
  482. >Also be tall green man accosted by a talking small horse.
  483. >"I'm gonna simplify it down for ya, since you're a stallion and all. This big wheel thingy goes in this hole here." she says in a condesending tone.
  484. >This little pony just barged into your house and demanded to see your stairs, once she had she volunteered herself to teach you how to make in her words 'a real staircase.'
  485. >"So that ups the magical stabilty of the whole contraption making sure it doesn't fall apart when you use it.
  486. "But I-" you attempt to say but she quickly interrupts.
  487. >"So you've got to use very magically maliable metal here, or else you'll end up like a tree with no branches." She snorts in between her laughter.
  488. >She walks over to the contraption she has turned your staircase into and gives it a firm tap.
  489. >"Honestly I don't understand how you Stallions can deal with such inferior tech being in your house! I mean really!"
  490. >You go to say something but the look on the mares face makes you think twice.
  491. >Shes so jubelant at doing a job well done, and she did it for free so...
  492. "Thanks... err..."
  493. >"Daisy, Upsy Daisy. Stair expert amd your new best friend." she says with a beaming smile untill her stomach grumbles.
  494. "How about we go get something to eat huh? To celebrate a job well done? Something like a daisy sandwich?" you jest although she doesn't seem to catch the joke and it flies right above her head.
  495. >"Nah, I prefer Tiger lillies, daisies give me indigestion." she says with an innocent smile
  496. >The two of you amble off into town towards the local resturaunt.
  497. "So what makes magic stairs better than normal stairs."
  498. >She gasps and it takes a moment for her to reply.
  499. >"Well they're just mechanically inferior in every way! Its the looks, the feel, the way they work!"
  500. >She pauses a moment then continues.
  501. >"Course a Stallion wouldn't understand all the complex work that goes into a good magical staircase but i'm sure you're a smart cookie." she says cotinuing her rant.
  502. >"The inherent skill for a unicorn to make a magical staircase, the runework and effort are unparreled, not like that shoddy Earthpony craftsmanship." she mock gags.
  503. >"They can't even be compared!" she begins to breathe heavily now out of breath.
  504. "So you're really into staircases huh?" you say amused.
  505. >"Of course there are so many models, I couldn't even begin to list them all!"
  506. >The two of you near the resturaunt and the nearby ponies give you two strange looks as Daisy continues on ranting.
  507. >However you don't mind it as she seems to be enjoying herself and it reminds you of youself when you would autisticly rant about things that you liked. It was kind of cute in a way.
  508. >As she rambled on about the differences in stair types you pushed open the door and the two of you headed towards the reception.
  509. >"So thats why non-magical stairs are horrible compaired to Magical stairs, they're a worse less effiecent way to climb your stairs... AND its not even automated! Can you even imagine!"
  510. >You merely nod along enjoying the white noise of her rambling until you get to the reception table.
  511. "Hello, I'd like a table for two please."
  512. >"Right this way if you would Sir and Ma'am, the finest seat in the house, the upstairs dining room."
  513. >Oh no...
  514.  
  515.  
  516.  
  517.  
  518.  
  519. >In a cruel twist of fate, only the population of /vp/ gets teleported to RGRE
  520. >There are enough horsefuckers among them to ease the transition, but as soon as some Anons learned they could herd, their whimsy got out of control
  521. >Capturing mares and trying to learn their stats, abilities, and moves
  522. >Some crazy bastards headed off towards the dragon kingdom to build a herd full of pseudo legendaries
  523. >As is tradition, as soon as an anon gets a mare, he goes to fight another anon
  524. >The mares themselves decide this is some sort of mareliness contest
  525. >Some actually wrestle, while others show off their tufts, teats, magical prowess, flight tricks, etc
  526. >Having your stallion call out, "Use tuft puff!" is gratifying in ways they don't quite understand
  527. >Anons will often brag about their mares in the same way
  528. >My favorite mare... It... cute... lovely... smart... plus... amazing... you think so?... oh yes... it... stunning... kindly... love it! Hug it... when... sleeping... warm and cuddly... spectacular... ravishing... ...Oops! Look at the time! I kept you too long! Thanks for hearing me out! I want you to have this!
  529. >It's a handwritten coupon for a free bike, whatever that is
  530. >Rarity is utterly swamped with orders for shorts, even with hired help
  531. >At first it was just the Anons, but they did such a good job praising the merits of wearing shorts that it became a fad
  532.  
  533.  
  534.  
  535.  
  536.  
  537. >Mares across Equestria sought to marry Anon Y. Mous the LXIX.
  538. >For some, it was because he was an exotic beauty, fit and handsome.
  539. >For others it was the clear sophistication he radiated.
  540. >Some appreciated his quick wit and alien knowledge.
  541. >And of course, there were others who wanted access to his estate, a huge mansion full of his family's collective treasures and a massive library full of otherworldly literature.
  542. >He went on hundreds of dates, threw dozens of parties and attended twice as many more to meet and mingle with the locals, all in the hopes of finding the perfect mare to continue his family name with.
  543. >And finally, after a year, he made his choice, and ponies listened with bated breath as he declared his bride to be to the world.
  544. "And the one whom I shall share both my love and my name with for the rest of my life is the gorgeous, powerful, regal, and incredibly fertile... Queen Chrysalis!"
  545. >"... What?!"
  546. >"Oh come now, is it really such a surprise? I can give my dear Anon literally hundreds of children to carry on his family name. Of course He would choose me."
  547.  
  548.  
  549.  
  550.  
  551.  
  552.  
  553. >And then later that day twilight realizes that all those vivid raunchy O&O roleplay dreams she had with her dream boyfriend were 'real'.
  554. >As well as all those ones where she dreamed she was princess celestia and had that orgy with all the royal guards (that all had the face of her dream boyfriend for some reason).
  555. >Or that time she dreamt that a list shaped colt (or was it a colt shaped list?) started dominating her as she read out a checklist of things she wanted in a coltfriend
  556.  
  557.  
  558. >Twiggles immediately begins a campaign of promoting dreampony coltfriends
  559. >Calls the angry stallions "soggies" for being so upset at a mare rejecting waking world thots for pristine and wholesome dream stallions
  560.  
  561.  
  562.  
  563.  
  564.  
  565.  
  566. >It's shortly after the wedding, and you and Tempest change retired to enjoy your first night as husband and wife.
  567. >At first, Tempest isn't sure what she's looking at when you open the little felt-lined box and show her.
  568. >Then you lift the carefully carved crystal, a deep, beautiful violet thing with a perfect spiral and fine point. The other end is jagged, like the crystal was broken against something. The edges are framed by an intricate band of gold with a little latch.
  569. >Your other hand tilts your wife-of-one-hour head down just a little, and ever so carefully do you slot the seemingly jagged end of the crystal into the broken and stunted stub where her horn used to be.
  570. >Tempest winces, only to realize there is no pain.
  571. >You secure the clasp on the gold ring, and the crystal fits snugly.
  572. >Her breathing getting a little faster, Tempest lifts a hand mirror of off the bedroom dresser.
  573. >Tempest's breath hitches.
  574. >Where her stump was, there is now a beautiful, shining horn. It even feels like...!
  575. >Tears actually spring to her eyes when a blue glow takes a shaky hold of the mirror in her hoof, slowly lifting it.
  576. >The faux horn has the same blue glow.
  577. >She looks up to you, no words escaping her mouth.
  578. "You were always beautiful and whole to me," you smile. "But I want you to see yourself as beautiful and whole as well."
  579. >She can't help but let out a wet laugh as her building tears finally spill over.
  580. >You've see those little hearts glowing a soft teal in her eyes before. Heck, they were on full blast during the ceremony, but never have you seen them a blazing, luminescent pink like they are now.
  581. >Before you know anything more, your wife captures your lips and leads you towards the bed, throwing off the unnecessary covers with her newfound magic.
  582. >You found a noise complaint tacked to your door the next morning.
  583.  
  584.  
  585.  
  586.  
  587.  
  588. >The various dream pones have wildly different preferences for dreams.
  589. >Earth pony-D enjoy the more visceral and exciting dreams, racing, fighting, anything that gets the blood pumping.
  590. >Most likely to confront violent or direct nightmares such as monsters.
  591. >Pegasi-D enjoy the more relaxing dreams, the mundane and calming such as walking through a forest, having dates with a loved one, etc.
  592. >Most likely to confront indirect nightmares, ones that leave you sad and worried such as friends and loved ones leaving you.
  593. >Unicorn-D prefer the more unusual and personal dreams, ones that significantly reflect the personality of the dreamer such as Twilight entering an archive section of a libary in order to find a list of lists listing all of the lists in the kingdom on the orders of Princess Celestia.
  594. >Most likely to help dreamers directly, granting them lucidity in order to work with them through the cause of the nightmare.
  595. >Such as when Twilight accidently set the libary on fire by startling a dream version of Spike, leading Dream-catcher to arrive in a firefighters outfit and start passing her buckets of water while slowly waking up her conscious mind so they can talk.
  596. >Only half-way lucid by the time all the fires are out, she whirls around and kisses the cute stallion on the mouth before spinning them both in circles chanting "Thank you Thank you Thank you" over and over.
  597. >As she becomes fully lucid, she looks at heavily blushing colt bringing a hoof to his lips and realises what she just did.
  598. >Eyes narrowing to pinpricks as her own face heats up in a blush she opens her mouth to say something before disappearing with a pop, Dream catchers distraction and her own rapidly running thoughts enough to wake her up fully from the dream.
  599. >After waking up with a yell, saying she "I KISSED A COLT!?" with sheer panic in her voice, Spike wonders if his surrogate mother-sister-something is actually gay.
  600.  
  601.  
  602.  
  603.  
  604.  
  605.  
  606. >Anon finds out his female friend is a cross-dresser
  607. >Catches her wearing frilly lingerie
  608. >She acts all bent out of shape, but Anon figures she's just embarrassed because he walked in on her wearing sexy undies
  609. >Turns out she's losing her mind because she thinks her best male friend is going to think differently of her now that she was caught wearing what would traditionally be worn by men
  610. >Both Anon and his friend are very confused when the truth comes out
  611.  
  612.  
  613.  
  614.  
  615.  
  616.  
  617.  
  618. >Mare pays to live out her fantasy of dating a mythical hyoo-man male.
  619. >Wants to be the white knightess who finds the lost hyoo-man and brings him into her home.
  620. >She has to keep him secret so he won't be spirited away by government spooks.
  621. >She slowly teaches him about modern comforts and helps him settle down.
  622. >Of course he falls in love with her and wants to repay her with sex.
  623. >And of course he's chiseled as Tartarus and loves the taste of mare puss and doing anal.
  624. >When her time runs out, and Anon powers down, she starts asking how much it would cost to buy him and take him home.
  625. >"Sorry, miss, our golems' hardware and software both are proprietary and so are not allowed to leave company grounds. You can of course, pay for a time extension."
  626.  
  627.  
  628.  
  629.  
  630.  
  631.  
  632. >Anon goes trick'r'treating with a bunch of foals on Nightmare Night.
  633. >Asks for candy himself in his Mummy costume covered in bandages.
  634. >Mares think it's just coltish whimsy, but give him candy anyway.
  635. >After escorting all the foals he's with home, he heads towards the hospital.
  636. >Anon goes straight to the pediatric ward to visit the sick and injured foals who couldn't go trick'r'treat this year, and starts divvying up his Nightmare Night haul.
  637. >Some ask if he's hurt too because of the bandages, and he says yes, but he's getting better, just like each of them are.
  638. >He tells them that next year they'll be healthy enough to go trick'r'treating with him and they will have loads of fun.
  639. >As he cheers the foals up, nurses watch with teary eyes.
  640. >They all silently agree then and there that they must herd this wonderful stallion
  641.  
  642.  
  643.  
  644.  
  645.  
  646.  
  647.  
  648. >be nerdy pegasus anonpone.
  649. >For some reason your nerdy marefriend moondancer has cancelled the upcoming date at your place.
  650. where you planned to show her your collection of human super robot figurines and anime.
  651. >Then she trotted up to you at the game store all breathless and blushing and told you to stay away from her for the next week, apologizing all the while for cancelling your date.
  652. and she smelled really good
  653. >So now you're fluttering near her apartment, and one of her windows is wide open, and you just have to know what is going on! She sure uses a lot of smore-scented air freshener though...
  654. >You fly into her apartment, and find yourself in the kitchen, which looks remarkably unused due to your marefriends habit of subsisting on instant ramen and pizza.
  655. >Theres a repetitive sound coming from the hallway to her bedroom.
  656. >As you walk down the hallway, the scent of smores gets more intense, and you involuntarily feel your wings start to unfold.
  657. >And then you trot up to to moondancers bedroom door, and hoof trembling and dick hard, slowly open it.
  658. >The scent of smores hits you like a rocket punch. And then you see her room.
  659. >A multi-story glass case is full of magical colt figurines. Posters of animoo colts in tight fitting school uniforms holding magical artifacts cover the walls.
  660. >On her desk next to her computer is some of the super robot stuff you lent her, neatly organized and pristine compared to the mess of debris everywhere else.
  661. >And finally your brain comprehends what your eyes are seeing.
  662. >Your marefriend is standing on her bed fucking herself with a dildo. Her head is down and embedded in the pillow, while her ample plot is facing you and gushing some sort of scented fluid.
  663. >But what really draws your eye is her outfit. Moondancer is clearly cosplaying as one of the magical colts from her animoo. That tight schoolcolt-esque suit, fake foam balls that look utterly ridiculous with her big mareboobs in the way, and the blue fur dye makes this completely clear.
  664. >And then she looks up and sees you. Everything stops. Moondancers lip starts trembling. Her dildo falls out of her cunt as her magic winks out.
  665.  
  666.  
  667.  
  668.  
  669.  
  670.  
  671. >Anon goes to Equestria and has a not so gentle landing.
  672. >As a result, he ends up in the hospital, and, since he's an alien, is under extra intense observation.
  673. >Beyond just his physical health, the ponies monitor him for signs of stress or panic at being in such an unfamiliar setting.
  674. >After all, he's a colt, and so most probably prone to hysteria.
  675. >Luckily, he seems to be made of sterner stuff and is pretty jovial for an injured stallion who's been torn away from everything he's ever known.
  676. >Odd, but not as concerning as something else they begin to notice.
  677. >His constant flirting with the mares, lewd joke making, and a multitude of pitched tents under his blankets whenever a female rump is facing him.
  678. >A psychologist interviews him and comes to a startling conclusion.
  679. >Anon isn't worried about being in an alien world because his thoughts are too preoccupied with other things.
  680. >Other, sexual things.
  681. >The shrink has seen this condition before, and pities the human.
  682. >Hypersexual disorder.
  683. >An affliction that entails obsessive thoughts of sex, a compulsion to perform sexual acts, a loss of control, and sexual habits that carry potential problems or risks.
  684. >Stallions who go untreated with this disorder usually end up as little more than sex toys to overly large, loveless herds of mares who merely wring the poor dear dry on a regular basis, leaving them exhausted and only saved when they get brought into the ICU for severe dehydration.
  685. >Luckily, once it's been diagnosed, it can be treated with a combination of psychotherapy, self-help groups, and medication.
  686. >Not so lucky for Anon is that the third one won't be available for him for some time while ponies try to develop a medication tailored to his biochemistry, but until then, they'll do all they can to help and protect him from mares seeking to take advantage of his compromised state of mind.
  687. >Cue Anon being constantly cock-blocked by fretting medical ponies
  688.  
  689.  
  690.  
  691.  
  692.  
  693.  
  694. >Anon watches in fascination as Rainbow Dash growls at the waste management mare
  695. >The worker backs off
  696. >Flanks glowing like miniature suns, Rainbow burrows into the trash can
  697. >After a few moments, the can echoes with grunts and squelches and rocks back and forth
  698. >The waste management mare makes the sign of the sun and tosses the entire thing onto the trash wagon
  699. >You feel an intense jealousy
  700. >Rainbow was supposed to be your waifu!
  701. >You sprint and dive into the wagon, and pick a large, smelly bag
  702. >You are already hard, and start thrusting into it
  703. >Dash better be jealous about how a lame bag of trash is getting hot monkey dick and she isn't because she is masturbating inside a trash can
  704. >But as you keep going, your member tears through the bag and plunges into cold pasta and sausages in marinara sauce
  705. >Your tattoo of Italy begins to glow, and you realize you have found true love after all
  706. >When the waste management mare tips the wagon's load into the dump, you hold on to your bag with desperate fervor
  707. >As you get covered in trash, you orgasm harder than you ever have before
  708.  
  709.  
  710.  
  711.  
  712.  
  713. >equestrian units are all based on Celestia, and thus larger than most mares' and stallions' hooves and withers
  714. >The Flank, their standard unit of weight, has slowly increasing in objective mass measured
  715. >the standard unit of volume is the Teat
  716. >It's not how much volume her teat displaces
  717. >It's how much milk she produces in a single milking session
  718.  
  719.  
  720.  
  721.  
  722.  
  723.  
  724.  
  725. >Be Glittering Spear
  726. >Lieutenant of the Royal Guard
  727. >10th company; the Ariel Acers
  728. >Today there was a big hullaballoo in the capital
  729. >Diplomats were coming from the four corners of the globe
  730. >It was some global get-together that happened every decade or so
  731. >Apparently everypony was invited
  732. >Even those filthy bugs
  733. >It must have been a pain in the butt for anypony stationed in Canterlot
  734. >So many diplomats just running around doing Celestia knows what
  735. >A bucking nightmare no doubt
  736. >Thankfully, you and your company didn't have to worry about that, as you had been put on patrol outside of the city
  737. >Just to make sure nothing nasty happened, as well as keep the roads safe and clear
  738. >it was boring
  739. >you mostly just stood around, playing with your spears
  740. >Your captain, a mare with a fat ol set of teats and a care-all attitude, had found a way to keep you all entertained
  741. >An old unicorn tradition
  742. >Your company moved to a bridge and you planted your rumps down
  743. >Anypony trying to get across had to pay a "tithe"
  744. >They could cross if they really wanted, but they'd have to fight
  745. >Most didn't of course
  746. >You were paid in all manner of things
  747. >Apples, wheat, oats
  748. >A few colts let you touch their butts to cross
  749. >Your captain got a nice necklace for her colt from a Saddle Arabian diplomat
  750. >It was all in good fun really
  751. >Ponies seemed more annoyed than angry at your antics
  752. >Some seemed to get a kick out of it in fact
  753. >It was your and your squad's turn to watch the bridge
  754. >It was a clear, warm day
  755. >Birds were chirping
  756. >There were some bunnies running around
  757. >The whole company had gotten double rations of oats last night
  758. >Pretty great all around
  759. >You were holding the company standard, trying not to fall asleep, when your buddy Shadespire nudged you
  760. >"Lookie there, sis. We got some live ones."
  761. >You looked down where she was pointing
  762. >Squinting, you could just make out three figures walking down the road
  763. >They were cloaked
  764. >Very tall
  765. >Kinda like those minotaurs you held up yesterday, but even bigger
  766. >You looked over at the other girls, who grinned
  767. "Come on ladies, lets get in position!" you said
  768. >The girls saluted, and you all quickly blocked the path, patiently waiting for the figures to move toward you
  769. >They did slowly, as if taking their time
  770. >You knew some turned the other way when they saw royal guards, or went down another path
  771. >There was another bridge down the river about an hour away that some were using
  772. >Not these three
  773. >Nope, they walked right up to your squad, calm as could be
  774. >You eventually had to lift a hoof, clearing your throat
  775. "Excuse me, but I think that's far enough," you said. "This bridge is under control of the royal guard."
  776. >The group finally stopped
  777. >One of the hooded figures cocked it's head to the side
  778. >"You will not let us pass?" he--huh, a colt-- asked in the strangest accent you've ever heard
  779. >You and the girls looked at each other
  780. "Well, you can pass by force or by toll. The choice is yours," you said. "I wouldn't want to hurt a colt, so why don't we go with the second option? I'm sure you have something... nice to pay us with."
  781. >You wiggled your hips, your squad giggling
  782. >The hooded figures looked at each other
  783. >They turned back toward you
  784. >Lifting their arms up, they pulled off their hood
  785. >They weren't minotaurs
  786. >They weren't diamond dogs
  787. >Or even those can thing
  788. >You don't know what the hay they were
  789. >All you knew was that they were smiling
  790. >The foremost creature stepped forward
  791. >"Actually, we'll take the first option, if you would humor us."
  792. >He looked at your standard
  793. >"I'll be keeping that when it's over."
  794. >You and the girls laughed
  795. >That was a bad idea.
  796.  
  797. >Be Celestia
  798. >Be in a bad fucking mood
  799. >The World's Meeting--tmed by you, thank you very much--hadn't even begun and things were a gosh darn disaster
  800. >100 of your guard were in the horsepital
  801. >100
  802. >A whole company
  803. >Many with substantial injuries
  804. >The dummies were enacting a Pas De Sabots on one of the bridges leading to the city
  805. >This usually wouldn't be an issue
  806. >It was just a bit of fun after all
  807. >But then they tried to stronghoof the hyoomans
  808. >HYOOMANS
  809. >The ones mother warned you about
  810. >The ones that stayed in their mountain halls and ate demons
  811. >DEMONS!
  812. >Monsters
  813. >Lunatics
  814. >Creatures that had done and seen things beyond imagining
  815. >Beings with a bottomless hole in their hearts that made a Changelings hunger look like a peckish mood
  816. >They were the terror of the world, in ancient times, though, thankfully, they were a solitary and dying race now
  817. >Three of them had torn into the company when a fight was offered
  818. >Thankfully, they didn't take offense, so no pony was killed
  819. >But now Anon. E Mous, the biggest pain in the butt you've ever met and will ever meet, had the company's standard, and was refusing to give it up
  820. >The rest of your guard had taken offense, especially the commanders, and if you didn't watch there'd be a a battle in your castle
  821. >Oh sweet Harmony
  822. >How did they even KNOW about the World's Meeting?
  823. >You didn't tell them!
  824. >Nopony would have been stupid enough to send a letter!
  825. >Was it Discord?
  826. >Or Twilight
  827. >If it was Twilight you were beating her bucking butt!
  828. >Oh mother above
  829. >You just hope this didn't turn into a bloodbath
  830. >Again
  831.  
  832. >Be Twilight
  833. >The hyoomans had gotten your letter!
  834. >Nice!
  835. >You hoped they brought some hyooman books like you asked!
  836. >Celestia, did you love to bucking read
  837.  
  838.  
  839.  
  840. >Their race is slowly dying out.
  841. >They've killed pretty much all the demons of the deep, so most of the hyoomans are content to slowly fade into history, some devoting themselves to their crafts, losing themselves to wanderlust or simply seek one final struggle, whilst still others merely wish to ensure their people will not be forgotten when their last man falls.
  842. >One day a missive arrives, a young surface pony looking for information.
  843. >Not of violence, as many others have sought, but simple knowledge such as who they are as a people, the names of heroes and dwellings and great hallmarks of their history, asking tomes on those subects and many more, offering similar topics of her own peoples in return.
  844. >What else were they to do but oblige such a sincere exchange of knowledge and wisdom?
  845.  
  846.  
  847.  
  848.  
  849.  
  850.  
  851.  
  852. >Twilight and Anon are reading in the library one lazy afternoon.
  853. >Since coming to Equestria a year ago, it's become a regualr activity for the human, what with there being no internet to pass the days with.
  854. >Plus it's allowed him to catch up on his new world's history, and he's proud to say he's about caught up with what Cheerilee has informed him is the basic knowledge expected of ponies graduating standard education.
  855. >Of course, that means he's reached his goal, and needs a new one.
  856. "Twilight."
  857. >"Hm?"
  858. "I want a foal."
  859. >"What?!"
  860. "I want to be a dad. I have plenty of free time outside of work, a nice enough place, I love kids anyway, and I think I could be pretty good at it. What do you think?"
  861. >"W-why are you asking me?!"
  862. "Why not?"
  863. >"We aren't even dating!"
  864. "Really? What do you call us reading together everyday, then?"
  865. >"Reading!"
  866. "Like this?"
  867. >He gestures to their current arrangement, him on a cushy reading chair and Twilight snuggled in beside him, her now forgotten book on the armrest.
  868. >"Wha-? When did we end up like this?!"
  869. "Every time I'm reading in this chair, you just sort of end up migrating over here."
  870. >"W-well that's because this used to be my favorite reading spot before you started using it all the time. A-and why didn't you say something sooner?!"
  871. "Because I didn't mind, thought it was cute, and your library is a bit drafty, so I enjoyed the extra warmth."
  872. >"O-oh..."
  873. "So about that foal."
  874. >"I'm not ready for that!"
  875. "Well, when do you think you will be?"
  876. >"... C-can I take you out to dinner first. M-maybe read up on the subject. I think I have a What to Expect When You're Expecting book around here somewhere."
  877. "Then we can have a foal?"
  878. >"T-this is all so sudden..."
  879. "I'm not hearing any no's."
  880.  
  881.  
  882.  
  883.  
  884.  
  885.  
  886. > Be Anon, 180cm, 142kg, your three sizes are 132/121/137
  887. > The princesses have been concerned about you ever since you accidentally broke a chair by sitting in it
  888. > So here you are, on a playground for training
  889. > You sit down on the see-saw, and Twilight (16 quarter pounders) takes the other end
  890. > "Don't worry, Anon. It's easy once you get the hang of it."
  891. > You frown and concentrate on your stomach
  892. > Twilight slowly increases her weight, until your end slowly lifts in the air, your feet dangling a good 30 cm above the ground
  893. > Then she sharply decreases her weight, and you plummet with a yelp
  894. > Twilight giggles at you, and you can't stop the blood rushing to your face
  895. "I still don't think I have the magic necessary to adjust my personal gravity."
  896. > She roles her eyes
  897. > "The scans say otherwise. You have a perfectly functional magic circulatory system, you just aren't consciously using it. Just think, once you get this down, you'll be able to leave dainty shallow hoofprints just like Caramel and the others!"
  898. > You sigh and brace yourself as your side rises in the air
  899. > You can't help but yelp every time she lets you drop, and you can tell by the matronizing gleam in her eyes that she finds it cute
  900. > You try to focus on the feeling of free fall, but you hate that sensation
  901. > An hour later, you are no closer to adjusting your weight, and Twilight is beginning to get as frustrated as you are
  902. > Celestia (40 cakes) glides through the air upside down, wings folded while she paddles her hooves
  903. > "Still having trouble?"
  904. > Twilight sighs and nods
  905. > You growl
  906. "This might work for horses like you, but I am a human!"
  907. > Celestia clucks disapprovingly
  908. > "Language, my little human. Perhaps another method will work better."
  909. > She flips over and grabs you under your armpits and hauls you into the sky with a flap of her wings
  910. "Ah, Princess? What are you planning on doing?"
  911. > She hums happily
  912. > "Something pegasus mothers do for their foals."
  913. > You swallow nervously
  914. "That sounds an awful lot like something the Spartans used to do."
  915. > Celestia perks up
  916. > "Oh! So you do have a magical tradition in your history!"
  917. "No, it's how they got rid of infants too weak to let live."
  918. > "Oh."
  919. "Yeah, so let's try something else, and-"
  920. > She comes to a stop high above the ground and nuzzles your cheek
  921. > "Don't worry, I'll catch you."
  922. "No, I-"
  923. > Sunbutt lets go, and you shriek
  924. > You are going to die
  925. > You are absolutely going to die because these horses think you should be able to bend spacetime or some crap
  926. > Your hands flail instinctively, and you start to feel something stir within yourself
  927. > No way
  928. > You seize on the feeling and try to ramp it up
  929. > Abruptly, you are blinded by a cloud of smoke and hit something fleshy
  930. "God damn it, Celestia, use your magic next time."
  931. > As the smoke clears, you are confused to find yourself on some sort of orange-red cliff?
  932. > You look over the side, and see a giant tobacco pipe
  933. "What."
  934. > A deep voice rumbles, "Oi, It's been a long time since a shinobi last summoned me."
  935. > No
  936. "Gamabunta?"
  937. > "You know my name, good!"
  938. > This is officially the worst day of your life
  939.  
  940.  
  941.  
  942.  
  943.  
  944.  
  945. "Spike take a letter for Princess Celestia."
  946. >"Of course Twilight, just let me open up a bottle of fresh ink."
  947. >Looking back at Spike, you see him digging around underneath a pile of scrolls containing all the research notes you have been dictating to him for the past few hours.
  948. >When you wrap up for the day you are going to have to give him some bits so he can get a dozen gem cupcakes from Sugar Cube Corner.
  949. >"Ready when you are."
  950. >Looking at the cork board covered in the photos you took this afternoon of your latest social experiment lined up into a neat timeline, you summarize the result of an hour spent hiding up a tree near the Ponyville market.
  951. "Applejack agreed to help me with this latest experiment. She agreed to offer Mrs. Cake the five dozen apples she buys every Saturday for her bakery for free as a thank you for being a loyal customer."
  952. "Mrs. Cake responded as expected, beginning to happily prance when receiving this gift. Mr. Cake began to prance as well, thus starting a chain reaction of joy."
  953. "Applejack as well as Roseluck, who was right behind the Cakes in line to buy apples, all began to prance right after Mr. Cakes. The additional prances in this chain reaction where all within ten feet of the Cakes."
  954. "Ponies within 20 feet of the Cakes all smiled at the Cakes' display of joy, but did not imitate the prancing behavior of those within 10 feet of the cakes. Pinkie Pie was over 30 feet away and pranced and jumped for joy but she has been excluded from the results as she is a constant outlier in every social experiment I have conducted.
  955. "During our post-experiment tea time interview, Applejack said that giving a gift to Mrs. Cakes made her so happy that she couldn't help but prance with joy."
  956.  
  957.  
  958.  
  959.  
  960.  
  961.  
  962. >You are Sunset Shimmer, and have just finished your personal lesson with Princess Celestia.
  963. >Now, in the comfort of your home, you try to unwind after a long and stressful day.
  964. >Primarily by shitposting on the poneweb.
  965. >You pull up 4pone and see what's there and if anypony could be ridiculed on /mlh/.
  966. >Which was easy enough with the no limit on neck tufts that regulated this site.
  967. >You go through the threads and decide to drop a few '>no hands' in the poneified threads.
  968. >You don't necessarily mind them yourself, but you like to shitpost and this was just too easy.
  969. >You decide to look at the RGRE thread and see what's there.
  970. >There's some decent green and prompts with Anon and even a few Colt-Anon.
  971. >Might even get some shlick material if there are really decent greens.
  972. >After about an hour you've finished venting your frustration and read all the good green, saved some lewds and get ready to rub one out before going to bed.
  973. >You also think how great it would be if you found yourself in RGRE.
  974. >How you would have it on easy street and have a big strong human to hold you and love you.
  975. >And you'd have your pick of any one you wanted not like here where stallions don't even give you a passing glance.
  976. >If only that mirror from the first movie was real...
  977. >Then you'd have it made on easy street
  978.  
  979.  
  980.  
  981.  
  982.  
  983.  
  984. >Fluttershy had always been nervous around stallions
  985. >She felt defensive around them
  986. >Small
  987. >Less
  988. >These last few years had seen her grow
  989. >The nervousness was still there, but less so
  990. >She even had some stallion friends
  991. >Big Mac sang in a quartet with her
  992. >She had tea time with Caramel and Mr. Cake at least once a month
  993. >But still, she always had to prepare herself
  994. >Prepare for that uncomfortable stomach flip
  995. >One day, Twilight wanted to introduce her to somepony
  996. >A very nice stallion that had come from across the sea
  997. >Fluttershy had nodded with a smile, stomach tightening
  998. >A few days passed, and her friend brought the stallion to her cottage
  999. >She braced herself, but then, to her surprise, there was no stomach turning anxiousness
  1000. >The stallion Twilight brought through her doors was no stallion at all
  1001. >He was huge, so large that he needed to duck underneath the top of her doorway
  1002. >Something that she had never seen before
  1003. >He had a flat, scarred face and the fiercest eyes she had ever seen
  1004. >Those eyes grew softer when he looked at her, and her heart skipped a beat
  1005. >The next few hours were a blur, filled with tea and sweets and conversation
  1006. >The not-stallion was actually what was called a human
  1007. >This human's name was Anon
  1008. >He had many titles, he had said, but he insisted they call him Anon
  1009. >His voice was gruff and deep
  1010. >When he raised his voice it felt like the whole house should be shaking
  1011. >Fluttershy found him absolutely charming
  1012. >They all talked until the sun went down
  1013. >Fluttershy insisted that he come back for tea, something she had never done with a stallion
  1014. >Apparently, Anon would be the first of many humans coming to Equestria
  1015. >Some of them were going to move into the mountain right outside of town
  1016. >How they were going to dig a whole mountain out she had no idea, but after speaking with the nice not-stallion, Fluttershy believed that he could do it, with or without help
  1017. >Fluttershy hoped to meet more of these nice creatures sometime soon
  1018.  
  1019.  
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023.  
  1024. >Twilight returns to her room, her head hanging down
  1025. >Her image of her teacher as an infallible perfect princess is broken
  1026. >When she was just a filly, Celestia assured her that princesses were always cool
  1027. >So Twilight imitated her in every way she could
  1028. >Eating lots of calories to fuel her magic
  1029. >Staring at the butts of the stallion guards
  1030. >Filling a room with mlh figurines, posters, and body pillows
  1031. >Drinking tea
  1032. >Giving her assistant responsibilities and rewarding them generously for carrying them out
  1033. >Spike turned out well, so Twilight thought she was justified in following her teacher's example
  1034. >But after five dates who had either never heard of mlh or were visibly disgusted that her husbando was Nikola Tesla...
  1035. >Maybe, just maybe, princesses...
  1036. >Can be huge nerds
  1037. "Spike, send a note to Princess Celestia. I would like to talk with her at her earliest convenience."
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040.  
  1041.  
  1042.  
  1043.  
  1044. >Twilight is actually in the top 1% of earners in the kingdom.
  1045. >Coming from a well off family in Canterlot and then recieving a not insignificant stipend due to being Celestias personal student means a regular pony never has to work a day in her life.
  1046. >Twilight is not a regular pony.
  1047. >Growing up, the only thing she used her incredible wealth on was resources and occasional assistance for experiments and research, despite the steadily decreased supervision on her finances as she got older.
  1048. >No friends, access to the royal libary, a relatively spartan lifestyle and a love of cheap fast food means she has enough bits to start her own small country.
  1049. >She definitely has the means to provide a dowry, even for THE LUNAR PRINCESS AAAAA, but her problem is that she doesnt know exactly what would be appropriate.
  1050. >Maybe some history books? Or would that be too insensitive? An astronomy tower?
  1051. >Her coltfriend hums contentedly as he snuggles deeper into her side.
  1052. >He knows she's worried about something again, but also knows trying to pry before his book worm has properly chewed through the problem would just make her more stressed out about it.
  1053. >Best to just remind her of his presence occasionally (She's so warm and soft!) so that she'll tell him when shes ready
  1054.  
  1055.  
  1056.  
  1057.  
  1058.  
  1059.  
  1060.  
  1061. >Physics textbook Equestria
  1062. >Everyone has an associated metric, with units.
  1063. >Anon's is mass, chubby mare's is mass over volume, Spitfire's is mass over time
  1064. >To obtain a perfect herd, one must multiply the metrics of all members and get a dimensionless constant at the end
  1065.  
  1066.  
  1067.  
  1068.  
  1069.  
  1070.  
  1071. >You are Anon, and you are pissed.
  1072. >One minute you're mixing Pepsi and Coke and the next you're in some kinda weird world where you're also a teenager again.
  1073. >Maybe you had a stroke.
  1074. >But a truant officer found you one day and now you're forced to go to school again and are a ward of the state.
  1075. >Also, the girls here are cat calling you.
  1076. >Is this a new thing kids do, like that tinder or something?
  1077. >You bump into someone as you were lost in your thoughts and look up to see-
  1078. >Holy shit panties!
  1079. >The girl turns her head and glares at you.
  1080. >Better say something.
  1081. "Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't see where you was going."
  1082. >"Did you see them?"
  1083. >She immediately asks through gritted teeth.
  1084. "See what?"
  1085. >You try to play stupid.
  1086. >She picks you up by the shirt.
  1087. >Like she literally picks you up off the ground.
  1088. >"Did. You. See. My. Underwear?"
  1089. >So this is it, this is how you die.
  1090. >Might as well be honest in your last moments.
  1091. "Yes, and the unicorns were really cute on you."
  1092. >You say and close your eyes expecting to get hit.
  1093. >But you never feel it, so you slowly open your eyes.
  1094. >She is blushing and slowly puts you down.
  1095. >"Whatever... just- just don't tell anyone I wore them. My rep would be ruined!"
  1096. >The school bell rings and both of you look at the school.
  1097. >"This isn't over. Just remember, don't tell anyone about this!"
  1098. >She says and runs off.
  1099. >The fuck is going on here?
  1100.  
  1101.  
  1102.  
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106. >Tap tap tap tap-
  1107. >Bombshell, Heart-Throb, Maggie, and Molly sit around a round table, Bombshell tapping a pen.
  1108. >Suddenly, Bombshell springs up.
  1109. >”How about, Bombshell and her explosive cock rockets??”
  1110. >The table all looks at her, making her shrink back into her seat.
  1111. >”How about the “throbbing hoofers”?!”
  1112. >”Ehhh..,”
  1113. >”Nah,”
  1114. >”‘Nope.”
  1115. >More silence.
  1116. >Next is Molly with-
  1117. >”How about pound us please Anon? We can shorten it to P.U.P.A!”
  1118. >”Hey that’s good!”
  1119. >”I like it!”
  1120. >”ENOUGH!”
  1121. >Maggie’s little hooves pound on the table.
  1122. >”These names are shameful! They make us look like desperate, lonely mares who can’t get some stable hand action! Aren’t we better than this?”
  1123. >...,,
  1124. >Everyone is silent.
  1125. >”...So what ideas do you have for our group?”
  1126. >Bombshell asks, prompting the others to look at Maggie.
  1127. >”....Pupa was it..?”
  1128.  
  1129.  
  1130.  
  1131.  
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134. >Anon and some ponies go on a fun night out.
  1135. >There's a mix of mares and stallions together just having a good time.
  1136. >They go to a karaoke bar, where Anon bombs.
  1137. >He doesn't know any of the songs and is reading the lyrics for the first time as they come up on screen.
  1138. >They all have a good natured laugh about it.
  1139. >They heard a gryphon sing here before, and at least Anon didn't leave their ears ringing.
  1140. >Anon is surprised how good all the ponies are at singing.
  1141. >It's like they're all naturals and he complements them all.
  1142. >They wave him off as being nothing special.
  1143. >He should hear a pony with an actual cutie mark in singing do it, then he'll really be impressed.
  1144. >Such an opportunity arises when a young mare with a musical cutie mark gets up and starts singing a love song.
  1145. >Anon has never heard anything like it, and can't believe the ponies around him aren't in tears like he is.
  1146. >As she sings about love, he can't help but feel like she's singing to him even though he knows such a goddess could never see a scratchy-voiced ape like him in such a way.
  1147. As she finishes the song with a satisfied smile, Anon blurts out, "I love you, Please marry me!"
  1148. >Thus was Anon's first introduction to pony singing.
  1149. >Turns out they're just a musically gifted species with their worst singers still being better than an average human.
  1150. >When he hears his first heart song in person, he'll end up creaming in his pants
  1151.  
  1152.  
  1153.  
  1154.  
  1155.  
  1156.  
  1157.  
  1158.  
  1159. >Anon isn't the manliest of men, but he did his time throwing pigskin, drank his fair share of beer, has a well-trimmed goatee
  1160. > He is determined to not turn into a twink like the stallions have
  1161. > However, Anon has a crush on Mayor Mare, and overhears her say how much she likes to see stallions in lacey ball bras and long socks
  1162. > In the end, some sacrifices must be made
  1163. > Mayor Mare finds herself faced with the local janefilly in striped socks and a lacey baby blue ball bra, blushing and fidgeting
  1164. > Anon didn't know what hit him
  1165.  
  1166.  
  1167.  
  1168.  
  1169.  
  1170.  
  1171.  
  1172. >monstercolts actually do exist
  1173. >somehow get their hooves/talons/hands/tentacles on a copy of the encyclopedia
  1174. >not sure what to make of it, as they're not quite as lecherous as it makes them out to be
  1175. >skip ahead when they start catching desperate mares going innawoods to find them, some carrying a copy of that damned encyclopedia, and few carrying nets and tranquilizers
  1176. >eventually decide enough is enough and they need to have a word with the author about the accurate portrayal of monstercolts
  1177. >unfortunately, their timing sucks
  1178. >Flutters is considering going to a doctor, because her estrus-fueled imagination started leaking hallucinations
  1179.  
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183.  
  1184.  
  1185.  
  1186. >Nightmare teaches Twilight some study techniques so she doesnt run herself ragged so much.
  1187. >Celestia starts getting major deja vu when Twilight starts subconsciously mimicing some of her sisters mannerisms
  1188.  
  1189. >Celestias student by day.
  1190. >Lunas student by night.
  1191. >Celestia also has to manage the kingdom so she cant dedicate as much time as she wants to her little prodigy.
  1192. >Luna makes sure Twilight doesnt spend ALL her dreams studying by pairing her with one of her sons for a study partner.
  1193. >Mild ulterior motives of adding her smarts and magical ability to her family, but everypony did that 1000 years ago.
  1194.  
  1195.  
  1196.  
  1197.  
  1198.  
  1199.  
  1200. >Anon starts working at the local school
  1201. >He unwittingly becomes the hot young teacher in a school full of horny teens
  1202. >It's only been a month or so since Anon arrived in Equestria, so all the implications that come with "reversed gender roles" haven't been made aware to Anon just yet
  1203. >The differences between his world and this one don't quite sink in until he's walking down the halls and hears a group of fillies talking about which (male) teachers they'd buck, and Anon's name comes up a couple of times
  1204. >On top of that, Anon behaves closely enough to a mare that his female coworkers sometimes forget he's of the delicate gender, and they'll occasionally drop jokes or remarks they'd never say outside of a group of mares
  1205. >They're either sexist jokes, or the mare lets loose Anon's unofficial nickname of "legs" when talking to him
  1206.  
  1207.  
  1208.  
  1209.  
  1210.  
  1211.  
  1212.  
  1213. >pokemon trainer Anon
  1214. >Pokemon in this parallel world don't seem to be catchable, have to gain their trust and build rapport the old fashioned way
  1215. >No league, either, nor trainers
  1216. >Decides to be a breeder, always hunting for that shiny
  1217. >Had some success with the Pies, Pinkie was a wildly successful shiny
  1218. >Pokeanon is honored when the Legendary of the Crystal region asks him to train her first hatchling
  1219. >It's crazy how Flurryart has Fly and Hyperbeam as egg moves
  1220.  
  1221.  
  1222. What if shinies are an actual thing but are more than just a color change.
  1223. So when a foal is born there is small chance it will be a shiny which makes it's coat/mane color, future cutie mark, personality, etc. Entirely different from their family/surroundings.
  1224.  
  1225. So a shiny growing up in a farmer village full of earth ponies with brown/gray coats could for example be fire red and be a very talented musician or athlete or something.
  1226.  
  1227. The more monotone (or whatever the word is) a pony town/city/etc. Is the more likely it is for a shiny to be born.
  1228. It's basically the spirit of harmony trying to prevent ponies from bunching up into boring samey groups.
  1229.  
  1230.  
  1231.  
  1232.  
  1233.  
  1234.  
  1235.  
  1236. >RGRE's approach to music is strange.
  1237. >On one hand, the magic involved with singing applies to most anything with natural magic. If you're alive in Equestria, it applies to you.
  1238. >However, manufactured music is left to those talented in the field. The ability to create music on the spot without an empath present is what allows the record industry to succeed.
  1239. >The vocal talent and performative nature of mares like Coloratura, Sapphire Shores, and Songbird Serenade allows them to stand out.
  1240. >However, due to how closely intwined natural singing magic is to making songs with emotional resonance, the idea of "songwriting" as a craft rather than an innate calling isn't very familiar to industry ponies.
  1241. >The idea that anyone other than someone with a special talent for songwriting could crank out hits was unfathomable to the execs.
  1242. >Hell, when a musically-inclined Anon tries to describe pop music as more of a formula than an intangible idea, Twilight nearly laughs him out of the room.
  1243. >Something something, "too far a reach" and "not something a colt should be worried about"
  1244. >Fuck off, Purplesmug
  1245. >Grab Fluttbutt and Rarehorse for vocals, and whatever equipment he can find
  1246. >4 chord melody, optional countermelody
  1247. >catchy bassline
  1248. >driving drum pattern
  1249. >chorus, verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus
  1250. >pick an archetype POV to write the song from, usually a lover or rebel of some sort
  1251. >build lyrics around a few interesting ideas Rarity had about defending her lover like the parasol tipper she is
  1252. >put it on tape, mail it to a vinyl plant to get the 45's made
  1253. >when the records come back, mail some to several surrounding radio stations
  1254. >a few weeks later, Anon, Flutters, and Rare all hear the song come on the radio
  1255. >some send letters saying that record labels are beating down their doors trying to find the artist
  1256. >something something "untapped 'talent,'" more like "untapped revenue stream"
  1257. >something something "mysterious colt record producer"
  1258. >something something rgre
  1259.  
  1260.  
  1261.  
  1262.  
  1263.  
  1264.  
  1265.  
  1266. >Anon wants to meet Viola's family, but something always comes up.
  1267. >At least, that's what she says when he tries to make plans to do so.
  1268. >He starts to wonder how true it is.
  1269. >More than that, he starts to worry.
  1270. >Is she afraid her family won't accept her dating a non-pony?
  1271. >Worse, what if she's embarrassed by his choice of instrument?
  1272. >She comes from a very musically gifted family after all, and while she loves his playing, maybe her family will not.
  1273. >The truth is, Viola doesn't care so much about him meeting her parents as she does him meeting her sisters.
  1274. >He says he loves her and thinks she's an amazing musician and pony, but will he still think that if he meets her superior siblings?
  1275. >How can she compare to Octavia's greater talent or Tremolo's bubbly and endearing personalty that captivates mares and stallions alike?
  1276. >Compared to them, she just a homely, meek mare barely making enough to keep the lights on in her apartment, let alone support Anon the way she should.
  1277. >He's so wonderful that she doesn't doubt her sisters will take an interest, but what she does doubt is her ability to hold onto him when that happens.
  1278. >She just wants to have him by her side a little longer.
  1279. >To pretend that they're love isn't destined to fall apart once Anon realizes how much better he can do.
  1280.  
  1281.  
  1282.  
  1283.  
  1284.  
  1285.  
  1286.  
  1287.  
  1288. >Everything has magic in it, the food, water, air, everything.
  1289. >Anons body goes into DEFCON-1 due to the foriegn intruder it has NO idea how to deal with and tries everything to get rid of it.
  1290. >Thankfully, the issue was quickly identified as a case of severe mana allergy and he was rapidly bundled off to a 'clean' room in the horsepital, where magic is extremely regulated through the use of carefully etched runework.
  1291. >Normally, the pony suffering such allergies have reactions to magics diametrically opposed to them on the aetherial scale.
  1292. >A pony greatly in tune with the earth may find their hooves suddenly developing a rash should a unicorn cast a cloud walking spell upon them.
  1293. >This affliction was more common before and during the early days of the unification, as the tribes intermixing gradually caused the three disparate communities to 'harmonise' as one specialist put it.
  1294. >Fortunately for most afflicted, the treatment is extremely simple, simply exposing the subject to small samples of carefully attuned gemstones of that specific magic type allows their own magic to recognise and incorperate it into their own over time.
  1295. >As the process can sometimes take up to a week and is best delievered through direct skin contact with the gems, special hoofbands are usually issued so the pony in question can go about their day as normal.
  1296. >Unfortunately for one specific afflicted, this process is slightly more complicated when the subject does not have ANY native magic of their own and appears to be allergic to EVERYTHING.
  1297. >Studies are underway to develop a new treatment that somehow incorperates [null] into an inherently magical process, alongside research towards artificially implanting a magical field.
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300.  
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305. I can totally see an anons mom knitting some comfy socks for a Christmas gift every year and after figuring out that he's in equestria, knits some cute pony-size socks for his cute pony friends.
  1306.  
  1307. And now the mares anon is friends with are wondering why anons mom is sending them sexy lingerie for colts.
  1308. The stallion friends are wondering why anons mom would send them this as a casual hearthswarming present.
  1309.  
  1310. Anon is just feeling utterly embarrassed and regrets giving his mom the addresses of his pals in equestria.
  1311.  
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314.  
  1315.  
  1316.  
  1317. >Rarity is so coltish in rgre because she was transported to equestria as a young human girl of about age 8 or 9, in the heights of her 'unicorns and ponies and cute magical things' phase. So it stuck with her as she grew up in equestria.
  1318. >Her mom and dad were transformed into ponies, and their house was transported as well.
  1319. >Sweetie belle was conceived during her mom and dads first estrus together.
  1320. >Rarity managed to adapt to her new life much better than her parents, and sweetie belle was sent to live with her because she can have a 'normal' school life and grow up around other ponies.
  1321. >because Raritys parents had a lot of trouble adapting in whatever town their house landed in, and various scandals like her mom wearing a modified version of her business dress and stockings (one of the first things rarity helped make) and causing a scandal with the lewd socks+suit+heavy makeup combo
  1322.  
  1323.  
  1324.  
  1325.  
  1326.  
  1327.  
  1328. >Be Gleaming
  1329. >Be pretty fucking annoyed
  1330. >One moment you were having troops doing laps around the outskirts of the Crystal Empire, the next this big alien... THING just appeared in front of you
  1331. >Scared the horse seed out of poor Hoplite
  1332. >It looked just as confused as you all were, just standing there
  1333. >This gave you an opening to subdue the creature
  1334. >Which, honestly, what nice
  1335. >So much stuff out here had the power to destroy the whole world
  1336. >You'd take a confused whatever the hay this thing was any day
  1337. >You led it through the city in magical chains, to the approval of your guard
  1338. >Ponies just looked confused
  1339. >The creature, barely able to walk with his chains, still looked puzzled
  1340. >It continued to look puzzled even as you brought it into the throne room for your wife to inspect
  1341. >Cadence, as usual, looked bored on her throne, resting her head on a hoof as she stared at nothing in particular
  1342. >When she saw you however, she perked up
  1343. >She launched herself off her throne toward you, landing gracefully just shy of the creature
  1344. >"What the hay are you?" she asked, giving him a sniff. "Look at that dumper. Gleaming, did you bring me some exotic colt? That was really sweet of you, honey!"
  1345. >The creature tried to take a step back
  1346. >Your wife just stepped with it
  1347. >"Hello there whatever you are. My name is Cadence. Can you understand me."
  1348. ///what the fuck are you?//
  1349. >Cadence giggled as the creature made a guttural, alien noise
  1350. >"I'll take that as a no. That's fine. I have a PHD in Love Studies, but I minored in Linguistics. I'll figure out what the hay you're saying and if you need a cute lil mare to snuggle by supper time. Gleaming, please get me lab coat."
  1351. "...You don't have a lab coat, dear."
  1352. >"Then get me one!" your wife demanded, raising a hoof high into the air. ""There's a weird creature in my house and I wanna learn about it!"
  1353. >Celestia help you
  1354. >Monster included
  1355.  
  1356.  
  1357.  
  1358.  
  1359.  
  1360.  
  1361. >Moondancer applies to a bunch of places, but only gets accepted at the local health clinic
  1362. >She gets assigned to the Whimsical Ward, and is given a crash course on how to hoofle stallions having a whimsical episode
  1363. >The diagrams are very clear, but that doesn't matter
  1364. >Moony has been image training for this exact sort of scenario
  1365. >The first stallion is middle-aged, chubby, and ranting about drapes and colors
  1366. >Moondancer gives a professional nod to the stallion's herdmares as they match him into the treatment room
  1367. >Her horn glows, and one of the most complicated spellforms she knows adjusts itself to the stallion's sheath
  1368. >He pauses in his ranting, but it's too late
  1369. >Three tongue constructs are easing his shaft into the open, coated in a haptic layer to simulate wetness
  1370. >The stallion moans as the vacuum component revs up, filling the room with a wet, slurping cacophony
  1371. >The mares are wide eyed at intricacy and control Moony is demonstrating
  1372. >Moondancer struggles to keep a professional face, seeing her pet project actually at work on a stallion is far more stimulating than she expected
  1373. >The patient is fully erect and incoherent as the spell enters stage 3
  1374. >A cored grapefruit construct slides up and down the shaft as the tongues and vacuum intensify
  1375. >The stallion is breathing heavily, twitching and whimpering
  1376. >Moondancer judiciously adds a fourth tongue construct to lavish attention the family jewels
  1377. >The stallion bucks his hips helplessly, releasing the white humor of whimsy into the vacuum component's capture chamber
  1378. >Moondancer clinically milks the last drop, then dismisses all but the capture chamber
  1379. >She smiles at the stunned mares and sweaty, embarrassed stallion
  1380. "Thank you for coming to the Whimsical Ward and donating to the sperm bank."
  1381. >After the patient leaves, Moondancer's supervisor walks over and hoofs her a simple gel sleeve
  1382. >"Nice job, rookie. Once you run out of mana for your fancy spell, you can use this."
  1383. >Moony blushes
  1384. "Th-thanks ma'am."
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387.  
  1388.  
  1389.  
  1390.  
  1391.  
  1392. >In real life we have cow girls, aka big titty girls with cow print lingerie
  1393. >In RGRE, stallions have something similar
  1394. >Since cow print exists because cows = big udders, the RGRE equivalent pick a different animal
  1395. >One famous for having large testicles instead of large mammaries
  1396. >Tanukis
  1397. >Not cow girls; tanukolts/tanucolts
  1398. >tfw you don't have a weeb marefriend to buy you a tanuki-print testicle-bra with a wide carrying pouch
  1399.  
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402.  
  1403.  
  1404.  
  1405.  
  1406. >Sombra is delayed in his return by a year or two.
  1407. >After breaking through the shield cast by Cadence, he sets about reclaiming his empire before being distracted by a crying foal.
  1408. >Immediately zooms to the location and starts making spooky ghost shooshing noises, which just make her cry harder.
  1409. >Thinking quickly he grows several more dark jagged crystals around the room before flying through them as a shadow, causing them to let out a small yet audible ringing noise.
  1410. >Crying tapers off as he keeps making ringing noises, gradually being replaced by laughter.
  1411. >Wanders out of the castle in pony form with Flurry on his back, the tiny alicorn happily banging two crystals together (Ding! Ding!) with her magic.
  1412. >Calmly states to the terrified / worried / confused crowd of ponies that he's her uncle now and asks where her parents are.
  1413.  
  1414.  
  1415.  
  1416.  
  1417.  
  1418.  
  1419.  
  1420. >Be Anon be used as a token reason for peace to end the centaure vs minotaur war, be confusing centaurs and minotaurs. “This is what happens when we interbreed?” “Magnificent” “ but we get to keep him” new political shit happens as sombody has to tale Care of the beatifull viril halfbreed. Be anon just wanted som fucking Cheese puff and soda during vacation now gotta deal with this shit
  1421.  
  1422.  
  1423.  
  1424.  
  1425.  
  1426.  
  1427. >Horny teenage/young pegasi mares have a bit of an idea passed around.
  1428. >Much like how we have mutterings and such about guys having unwashed cumrags and cumjars.
  1429. >Horny young pegasi mares sometimes talk about making a compatcted cumcloud from all the clouds they clop in. Of course this is mostly silly talk.
  1430. >But rainbow dash, idiot marely mare that she is, peels up all the clouds in her cloudhome that she cums on and compacts them into a dense cloud she stores in a box she has by the side of her bed for easy cleanup after clopping.
  1431. >Pegasusanon decides to go rainbow dashes house for some sexytimes after a date with her, and during sex they accidentally break open the box and disperse the concentrated cloud of eu de dash cum and estrus fluids all over them both and the cloudhome
  1432.  
  1433.  
  1434.  
  1435.  
  1436.  
  1437.  
  1438.  
  1439. >Thorax wakes up one day in the empire to find his carapace has completely crystalised and he can actually feel his love flowing freely.
  1440. >Immediately panics and starts running towards Princess Cadence, instincts of 'tall mare with crown thingy" combining with "largest bonfire of love in the vicinity"
  1441. >Fails to realise he doesnt feel any weaker from his outpouring of energy until he interrupts the royal family's breakfast after barrelling through the castle guard.
  1442. >After a few tests they figure out that while he's outpouring love at a significant rate, he's also steadily absorbing it at a slighter smaller rate.
  1443. >On a whim, Cadence briefly kisses and nuzzles Shining before lifting his hoof and touching Thorax.
  1444. >The crystalised bug flinches with a yelp before a small aurora borealis erupts from his horn and flashes through the room.
  1445. >Looking down at her crystalised coat she claps her hooves in excitement.
  1446. >She doesnt really know how or why its happened, but it could only mean good things for the empire.
  1447. >A light blush graces her face as she realises she could tell two colts to hold hooves and have it 'official'.
  1448. >A deeper blush hits when she realises how the crystal ponies will probably react to a colt that's essentially a walking talking crystal heart.
  1449. >Flurry heart laughs from her high chair, the shiny light went all fwoosh and made her all sparkly like the big ponies who watch her and momma and dadda.
  1450. >She wonders why they're looking at the shiny light fwoosher like he's ice cream they want to lick all over before being distracted by the thought of ice cream and starts to babble for it.
  1451.  
  1452.  
  1453.  
  1454.  
  1455.  
  1456.  
  1457. >gilda and tempest competing against each other in the gym
  1458. >they lose track of their surroundings in an argument, mostly because gilda can't get over her pride
  1459. >anon tries to get in between the two amazons but winds up with his head smothered between their breasts
  1460. >they only stop arguing when they realize anon's stopped struggling
  1461. >gilda panics while tempest's training kicks in and immediately gives CPR and saves anon
  1462. >gilda finally swallows her pride and admits tempest has valid points, prompting tempest to do the same
  1463. >they eventually wind up as best friends, working together to keep anon safe from skanks who just want what's between their gym bunny's legs
  1464. >mild bullying of chestlet dash continues unabated
  1465.  
  1466.  
  1467.  
  1468.  
  1469. >Pegasus-anon goes into a pseudo-bipedal hover out of old habit when meeting a group of mares for the first time since landing in equestria.
  1470. >Meaning his balls are fully exposed, dangling, and swaying around as he hovers in place because he has no ball bras
  1471. >The mares are just staring at anons balls in a similar way a bunch of guys will stare at the bouncing breasts of a big titted girl jogging in place.
  1472. >The mares jaws drop as anon is fully exposing himself and posing without a ball bra like some sort of pegasus erotic dancer
  1473.  
  1474.  
  1475.  
  1476.  
  1477.  
  1478.  
  1479. >Rainbow Dash is a secret lover of the show and accidentally reveals her power level to you and Twilight by asking way too many questions about the human world.
  1480. >She's embarrassed, but Twilight assures her that it's a good show and she shouldn't be.
  1481. >They start to bond over it more and eventually reveal which character is their husbando.
  1482. >Twilight claims hers to be the Sporty athletic Man.
  1483. >Rainbow says hers s the Brainy Bookworm Guy.
  1484. >Both accuse the other of having shit taste and argue over why their husbando would be the best.
  1485. >Anon is just glad he doesn't fit into a simple archetype like that.
  1486. >He thinks this while doing some real autistic ass archetype shit.
  1487.  
  1488.  
  1489.  
  1490.  
  1491.  
  1492.  
  1493.  
  1494. >Anon was adopted by the Apples when he was just a lost little boy in a strange land.
  1495. >He wasn't part of the Ponyville family, but he always loved visiting them.
  1496. >AJ and Big Mac were his favorite cousins, and he theirs.
  1497. >They used to get up to all sorts of hijinks as children, and they share a strong bond and fond memories to this day.
  1498. >AJ is acting like a little filly as she waits at the train station with her family and friends.
  1499. >She ignores the snickers from her friends as she watches for Anon's train.
  1500. >"So, what's this Anonymous Apple like, anyway?" Twilight asks. "I heard he was something called a hyoo-man."
  1501. >Rainbow rolls her eyes.
  1502. >"Yeah, but once the whole alien thing wears off, he's a big nerd."
  1503. >"Well, I for one always thought he was pleasant."
  1504. >"Of course you liked him, Rarity, he loved clothes almost as much as you! I'm surprised you never asked him out."
  1505. >"Anon is a fine colt with excellent tastes, but he was always a bit too... slim for my liking. I prefer a more filled figure, as you know."
  1506. >"You mean you're a chubby chaser," Dash snarks, getting the other mare to glare. "I know what you mean, though. Anon was always so scrawny. I like me a stallion with some bulk. Muscles might not be as good as magic, but dang if it doesn't look good."
  1507. >"He's here!" AJ cheers as she sees the train and starts tapping her hooves.
  1508. >When the train comes to a stop and ponies start filing out, a slow thudding begins to be heard.
  1509. >Eyes go wide as a towering figure ducks out of the too-small doorway.
  1510. >Tall, broad shoulders, arms like tree trunks, and bulging pects over a large gut that probably still felt like steel.
  1511. >And all barely contained in a simple, plaid shirt.
  1512. >AJ squeals and runs froward hugging the mountain's leg.
  1513. >"Cous! Yur here!"
  1514. >There's a chuckle like thunder as the man reaches down and picks up the little pony.
  1515. "Jacky! It's been forever!"
  1516. >As they hug, Rarity and Dash both stare with heavy blushes.
  1517. >"THAT'S Anon?!"
  1518. >"H-he certainly filled out, hasn't he?"
  1519.  
  1520.  
  1521.  
  1522.  
  1523.  
  1524.  
  1525.  
  1526. >Pinkie is a bit of a stacey in the eyes of those around her.
  1527. >She's at ease around stallions to the point of being inappropriate at times.
  1528. >She speaks her mind freely and comfortably with the fairer sex, both for the best and worst.
  1529. >She can just as easily strike up a pleasant conversation as strain it by cheerily stating that their butt looks super sexy today.
  1530. >She's really just trying to be nice and tell the truth, and so doesn't see why she always gets such looks.
  1531. >Most stallions fluster, either harrumph and walk away, or giggle and shyly tell her she's funny.
  1532. >Those are the responses she's used to and expects, so when Anon returns with saying hers is better, she's actually caught off guard and flusters herself.
  1533. >She's surprised, but finds that she rather likes being complemented.
  1534. >After that, she makes a point of interacting with Anon as much as possible, always exchanging ever more risque compliments with the man.
  1535. >"Heya, Nonners! You're looking super fine today!"
  1536. "Talk about ponk calling the kettle pink, you're the super fine one today."
  1537. >"Ah, leaving already? Well at least I get to watch you walk away."
  1538. "I love the feeling of your eyes on my backside."
  1539. >"Nonners, ya got some frosting on your cheek! Here, I'll get it!"
  1540. >Pinkie licked the buttercream from Anon's face as he enjoyed his lunch at Sugarcube Corner.
  1541. >Much to her surprise when she looks at him with a smile, he's not smiling back.
  1542. >He's stone faced as he says, "You shouldn't steal food, Pinkie. I paid for that frosting."
  1543. >Her stomach plummets as she worries she crossed a line.
  1544. "I'm sorry! I'll get you another cupcake on the house!"
  1545. >As she goes to turn away, he grabs her by the jaw and forces her to look at him.
  1546. "That's alright, Pinkie, I'll just take it back."
  1547. >Then he leans in and slips his tongue through her slightly parted lips.
  1548. >She squeaks, then moans as she feels the warm muscle slide past her teeth and over her own tongue.
  1549. >Her legs quiver as he explores every corner of her mouth.
  1550. >His lips pressed against hers tingle more than her family's famous pop rocks candy, and just as her foggy mind considers moving her own tongue past his own, he pulls away.
  1551. Licking is lips, he comments, "Mmm, now that's some good frosting. Next time you want some, Pinkie, just ask and I'll gladly share with you again."
  1552. >"Y-yeah, frosting, share," she stammers back, face redder than velvet cake as she drunkenly stumbles towards the kitchen.
  1553. >She's not even aware of all the wide eyes on her as she traverses the lobby, and can hardly think of anything but the feeling of Anon's mouth pressed against hers until she enters the backroom and is grabbed by Mrs. Cake.
  1554. >"Pinkie, you are taking the rest of the day off, do you hear me? And you are going to go out there and ask that stallion out for coffee. I am not going to allow you to let this opportunity slip through your hooves, do you understand me?"
  1555. >"Y-yes boss lady."
  1556. >"Good, now go get him."
  1557.  
  1558.  
  1559.  
  1560.  
  1561.  
  1562. >The bottom of Tartarus wasn't blazing hot, as most thought
  1563. >It wasn't cold either
  1564. >Not exactly
  1565. >It was a strange mixture of both extremes; both hot enough to boil a creature and cold enough to freeze them where they stood
  1566. >You no longer felt this
  1567. >Honestly, you hadn't felt anything in a very long time
  1568. >Nothing, other than boredom
  1569. >You were Tartarus's first occupant; the one that this underground labyrinth was created for
  1570. >You were The Tyrant
  1571. >Starbreaker
  1572. >Godkiller
  1573. >Oathsmasher
  1574. >Killer of Ten Thousand Lines
  1575. >Your actions had etched terror in the very genetics of every living creature on this planet
  1576. >Your name was so infamous, so filled with malicious, that any mortal that uttered it would die soon after
  1577. >The beings that had imprisoned had made themselves extinct whilst containing you
  1578. >Each chain wrapped around your body, thick with holy magic and will, was a life, and a great many chains had been forged to hold you
  1579. >They wrapped around your body, suspending you slightly above the air
  1580. >There was a small bridge of earth underneath you
  1581. >All around that was open air
  1582. >Below that was the planet's very core
  1583. >The cavern you were in had been etched with the most potent runes made by the most potent sorcerers, back when magic was as thick as soup in the air
  1584. >All of this was used to contain you
  1585. >The beings that had done all this must have hoped you would rot down here
  1586. >Or perhaps go mad
  1587. >You had done neither
  1588. >In the infinite darkness, you grew stronger with each passing century
  1589. >Soon, you might even break free, to wreak havoc once again
  1590. >"Mare, look at the dumper on that sexy colt!"
  1591. >"I'd lick that shitter all over!"
  1592. >"Hey hot stuff, you want a REAL mare to rock your bucking world."
  1593. >You looked down at the trio of guards looking up at you with grins
  1594. >Weaklings
  1595. >Ponies
  1596. >They had been catcalling you for the last two hours
  1597. >You could feel a headache coming on
  1598. >You were Anonymous
  1599. >Terror of the world
  1600. >And you fucking HATED the royal guard
  1601.  
  1602.  
  1603.  
  1604.  
  1605.  
  1606.  
  1607. >Twilight posts in a forum with lots and LOTS of alt accounts so that she can make it seem like lots of people thinks the same way she does
  1608. >She does this to shut down ideas she doesn't like, because she's autistic
  1609. >She'll even pretend that she's a member of the other side just so that she can make arguments in bad faith and make her opponent's side look bad
  1610. >However, she has SO MANY alt accounts that sometimes she forgets which ones are hers sometimes
  1611. >She'll come across an argument she made in bad faith a week ago and get angry
  1612. >She's so busy trying to make sure nobody posts things she doesn't like that the memory of making that post is one of a sea of similar memories
  1613. >Forgets it's her alt account and screeches autistically
  1614. >Takes her own bait and lambasts that the side she doesn't like are all idiots if they think like this poster clearly does
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617.  
  1618.  
  1619.  
  1620.  
  1621. >Twilight hosts Anon in the royal palace in order to have a hearing with the Princesses
  1622. >While looking for changelings, Luna wanders next to Anon’s room
  1623. >Noticing the door barely closed she dicides to inspect it
  1624. >She puts her eyes next to the opening and She watches Anon changing his stocks
  1625. >After a moment, shame start to take over her and she runs away while apologizes profusely for violating his chastity
  1626. >The whole diplomatic hearing Luna is tormenting herself with what to do with Anon and even evades his stare, until she gathers her resolve
  1627. >"I can't take it anymore!..."
  1628. >"L-Luna?"
  1629. >"Sister... I wronged this stallion unwittingly, and I'm profoundly sorry, and now I'm gonna do him right by taking his hoof in holy marriage"
  1630.  
  1631. >Luna thinks she's stolen something dear from Anon and makes it sound so when she confesses to Celestia
  1632. >Celestia thinks Luna either fucked or raped a colt and is appealing to the old-fashioned "marry your rape victim" laws from 1000 years ago out of a sense of obligation
  1633. >She can't let it out that a PRINCESS possible raped a stallion (male alien ape thing, anyway), so she covers it up and rushes the procedure
  1634. >Over the course of about half an hour, Anon finds himself dragged off by a group of mares, dunked into some soapy water, have a suit shoved onto him, and then have his feet planted firmly next to Luna in the closest thing they have to a chapel that was available at that moment
  1635. >AKA a small janitor's closet
  1636. >They couldn't snatch one away while it was being used, since the point was to avoid drawing attention to themselves
  1637. >Anon and Luna are declared horseband and waifu by a half-dressed horse-priest, and a dazed Anon is now laying on his apparent marriage bed while Luna hides in the bathroom and tries not to throw up into the toilet from anxiety
  1638. >"Oh mare, oh mare, oh mare, I-I hope I don't cum too soon! Sister would never let me live it down if my damned winking clit betrayed me at my darkest hour and Anon is left hard and disappointed!"
  1639. >Meanwhile, Anon is wondering what the fuck just happened and why one of the princesses shoved him into a closet, said "may Faust have mercy on your souls", and then threw him onto what is admittedly the softest bed he's ever been on
  1640.  
  1641.  
  1642.  
  1643.  
  1644.  
  1645.  
  1646. >Be Anon
  1647. >Wake up in an empty, open plain
  1648. >Though you didn't know it, you were in Equestria
  1649. >An ancient Equestria, right before the three tribes invaded the land
  1650. >It was a time of heros
  1651. >Of might and magic
  1652. >A strong enough warlord could find herself with a harem of stallions and a mighty tract of land to call her own
  1653. >You landed in the territory of one of these warlords
  1654. >A particularly savage one
  1655. >Savage because cake hadn't yet been invented
  1656. And, since you were in her land, you were now her property
  1657. >You just didn't know it yet
  1658.  
  1659.  
  1660.  
  1661.  
  1662.  
  1663.  
  1664. >Outside of his lessons Anonicorn likes to wander Canterlot in the daytime and always greets everyone by name and honest inquiry about their day.
  1665. >The former because hearing about everyones lives is interesting compared to his own routine of BreakfastDinner with Mother, Lessons, Existiantial dread about inadequacy compared to his mothers new apprentice, DinnerBreakfast with Auntie, Bed.
  1666. >And the latter because he was taught to be polite and hopes other ponies use his name too instead of 'Prince' or 'Highness'
  1667. >Has no idea it's a bit unusual to know EVERYPONY's names, but when everyone has a unique mark and colour scheme he's never found it hard to remember ponies.
  1668. >While in the marketplace, one of his guard trots off to get snacks for the trio as the Prince walks over to the local band.
  1669. >Guard comes back to find their partner standing unobtrusively to the side of a small gathering as the Prince starts dancing to music that's suddenly more upbeat.
  1670. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDj3lTs_lh8 [Open]
  1671. >Looking out over the castle balcony during a break with her personal student, Celestia magics over her telescope to get a better look at whats causing so much activity in the market.
  1672. >Smiles softly at the grin on her sons face as he weaves amongst a crowd of dancing ponies, one of his guard valiantly trying to keep up in their armor. Mental note: Give that one an extra day off.
  1673. >Giggles to herself after imagining him trying to do this before all those lessons, it wasnt too long ago that her son seemed to have four left hooves and now he's leading an entire flash mob.
  1674. >Briefly thinks about teleporting down to the market and joining in with the sudden festivities, but her student asking for assistance knocks the thought out of her mind with a sigh, her little ponies would be too tense in her presence anyway.
  1675. >That doesnt prevent a gentle smile remaining on her face for the rest of the day, her sons happiness shining brightly in her thoughts
  1676.  
  1677.  
  1678.  
  1679.  
  1680.  
  1681.  
  1682. >compared to humans, Equestrian animals have shitty eyes
  1683. >as pastel prey animals in a pastel world, standing still next to colors you resemble is genuinely an effective tactic for evading predators
  1684. >orange pony being hunted by a manticore? stand next to those ugly-ass orange flowers and you're fucking invisible
  1685. >it's also a viable tactic when you need to lie in ambush to jump some skittish stallion's sexy bones
  1686. >so equestrian mares are completely stymied when they discover that Anon can very easily spot them no matter how well they're hidden
  1687.  
  1688.  
  1689.  
  1690.  
  1691.  
  1692.  
  1693. >Rent is really expensive in Equestria
  1694. >Due to the nature of herds, the average pony family is expected to be 3-5 adults and a number of foals
  1695. >That means 3-5 incomes
  1696. >There's also the infrastructure that has to be robust enough to handle 3-5 adults and any number of foals
  1697. >Plumbing, heat, etc
  1698. >Pinkie lives with the Cakes not because it's convenient to live above your workplace, but because she couldn't afford any place with just one income
  1699. >Ponies (as friendly as they are) are generally pretty welcoming to adding someone to their household, since big families or at least a big group of friends living together are pretty standard
  1700. >So when Anon finds himself in Equestria, instead of living in a cabin or something by himself, he finds that he needs to move in with a group of ponies
  1701. >Anon's life is now a sitcom
  1702.  
  1703. >You are Shady Clouds, evening-shift weathermare and new roommate of a bizarre alien colt.
  1704. >You are also hiding in your bedroom.
  1705. >This is worse than when your older brother had his friends over for a slumber party.
  1706. >You'd always walk out to go use the bathroom just as one of his friends would walk by.
  1707. >He'd be wearing loose pyjamas that did NOTHING to hide his bulge, and you'd have to awkwardly shimmy across each other in the narrow hallway.
  1708. >And now instead of putting up with that hopeless awkwardness, you have to live with it.
  1709. >This is the worst day of your li-
  1710. >KNOCK KNOCK
  1711. >"Shady Clouds?"
  1712. >Oh Celestia, it's him.
  1713. >Maybe you should pretend you're dead.
  1714. >"I bought pizza and cider. Everyone else is out here."
  1715. >...or maybe this won't be so bad
  1716.  
  1717. >Be Heavy Spark
  1718. >Be the foremare of a construction team
  1719. >Be the mare who lifts the heaviest I-beams and bricks with her magic because you're STROOOOONG
  1720. >And right now, be watching your favourite old sitcom, B.U.D.D.I.E.S.
  1721. >A set of compatriots who go through life one day at a time, dealing with inter-group romance and the stresses of work and growing up.
  1722. >Today is the episode where they're quizzing each other about themselves.
  1723. >And apparently, your favourite character gets her mail delivered to her under the name of "Mister Carriage Boing" instead of by her real name, Carrier Basket.
  1724. >Oh, B.U.D.D.I.E.S.
  1725. >Never stop being hilarious.
  1726. >You can't help but sigh, wishing that your life was more like a sitcom.
  1727. >Something interesting was always happening in the lives of those ponies.
  1728. >The closest thing you get to that is a mix-up, where a colt moved into your home instead of the expected mare.
  1729. >In B.U.D.D.I.E.S, something embarrassing and a little bit sexy would have happened.
  1730. >Maybe you'd walk in on him while he was out of his sheath.
  1731. >Or maybe one of the mares would try to cook dinner, but it's a sitcom and so they're comically inept at the task.
  1732. >The kitchen would be filled with smoke, and then Anon would walk in and then there'd be a touching moment where he'd teach her how to cook.
  1733. >Y'know, because colts are gentle and caring like that.
  1734. >And if that didn't happen, then the joke would be that he'd try to cook too, but his sheltered upbringing would mean he didn't know how to cook either, and they'd both just order pizza and pretend the kitchen incident never happened.
  1735. >Laugh track, fade to black, cue credits.
  1736. >Too bad something like that will never happen to yo-
  1737. >"Heavy Spark?"
  1738. >Speak of Discord, and he shall appear.
  1739. "Yeah, Anonymous?"
  1740. >"Uh... I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, I'm ordering us pizza. The bad news is, I'll need your help scraping burnt stuff off the stove."
  1741. >...huh.
  1742. >Maybe you spoke too soon
  1743.  
  1744.  
  1745.  
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748.  
  1749.  
  1750. >Dragon Lord Ember is confused by much of pony society, but most of the time, she can just ignore it and focus on making good diplomatic relationships with the colorful mammals.
  1751. >This time, however, is getting her blood boiling.
  1752. >Impressive for a creature who enjoys lava baths.
  1753. >She was visiting Manehattan when she first saw him.
  1754. >A creature unlike any she'd ever seen.
  1755. >A hyoo-man she quickly realized, a creature straight out of legend.
  1756. >And she can't deny she was intrigued.
  1757. >Not just because she found his tall, upright posture and exotic features attractive, but also because the lizard part of her brain told her he was the perfect rare treasure for her hoard.
  1758. >Alas, she saw a little pony come up and offer him shiny coins with a hungry look in her eye, and so knew she had just missed her chance.
  1759. >Sure, she could have gone after the pair as they headed towards a local hourly hotel and challenge the mare for rights to have the hyoo-man as a mate, but brutalizing a local would be quite the detriment to her diplomatic goals, so she let them go.
  1760. >Until the next day as she happened by the same street and saw the hyoo-man being offered a pittance of coins once again by a different mare.
  1761. >She knows for a fact this one is different since the last one was green and this one is yellow, so she isn't mistaken.
  1762. >Did the last female abandon her mate so quickly?
  1763. >Maybe he wasn't satisfied with her hoard, but why then would she have approached such a fine male if she didn't have an impressive hoard to begin with?
  1764. >Surely ponies aren't so foolish as to think such a rare mate would not require the upmost effort to obtain.
  1765. >Well, maybe this mare is smarter and has a huge pile of treasure ready for the hyoo-man to rest on.
  1766. >Except she sees him once again on the same corner the next day, and yet another mare, blue this time and lanky, is approaching him.
  1767. >By Tiamat, what is wrong with these ponies?!
  1768. >Do they not know how insulting it is to a male's pride to be courted but not claimed?!
  1769. >At this point, she is feeling offended on behalf of the hyoo-man, and barely restrains herself from chasing after the pair and demanding to know what the pony's intentions are with the hyoo-man.
  1770. >She instead grits her teeth and resolves to right the wrong she is seeing play out before her in a way that won't result in a bloodied pony running off to the princesses and damaging her peoples' relationship with Equestria.
  1771. >She's sure the hyoo-man will be back on the corner by tomorrow and not comfortablly sitting atop a splendid hoard anyway, she can afford to do things the "correct" way.
  1772. >She ignores the no doubt monumental disappointment of her ancestors at this fact as she returns to her suite and starts searching for the largest sack she can find.
  1773. >She'll show these ponies the correct way to treat such a beautiful male while upholding her duty as Dragon Lord diplomat.
  1774. >And she'll hopefully land an exotic mate not only to sire her whelps with, but also elevate her already impressive hoard to unrivaled heights.
  1775.  
  1776. >Be Anon, prostitute of exemplary skill and number one chose of desperate mares looking for a good dicking.
  1777. >Did you expect to end up like this when coming to magic pony land?
  1778. >No.
  1779. >You have plenty of other marketable skills that should be able to pay the bills, bur sexist little ponies don't care about that and think you'd just cause trouble in the workplace, so here you are.
  1780. >It's not so bad, you tell yourself.
  1781. >A little degrading, sure, and you're sure your ancestors are shaking their head at you, but food and shelter is more important than what a bunch of dead people think, anyway.
  1782. >Oh, here comes another customer, looks like.
  1783. >Is that a dragon?
  1784. >Huh, you've never had a dragon customer before.
  1785. >Hopefully they aren't too bitey and rough in the bed.
  1786. >You rely on your good looks to bring in the bits, after all.
  1787. >You open your mouth to flirt when she suddenly slings the large sack from over her shoulder onto the ground before you, and opens it up.
  1788. >That's a lot of gems.
  1789. >Like, damn, a LOT.
  1790. >And gold, silver, and is that copper pieces, too?
  1791. >Out of place, but still, all in all, probably enough to buy your services for a lifetime at your going rate.
  1792. >Your mouth hangs open.
  1793. >"Those disrespectful ponies have done you a great injustice," the dragoness speaks, eyes hard. "One that as Dragon Lord, I cannot ignore. On behalf of all females everywhere, allow me to make amends, and become your lifemate. This is but a small offering, but I assure you, become mine, and treasures shall never be out of your sight."
  1794. Confused, you just numbly answer, "Ah, okay?"
  1795. >She smirks triumphantly.
  1796. >"Good, I have to stay in the city a couple more days, but my diplomat suite has plenty of treasure for you to sleep on until I can get you home to my proper hoard."
  1797. >She pulls the sack up over one shoulder, than approaches you, her head coming up to your collarbone, and reaches out.
  1798. >You yelp as she effortlessly hoists you over her other shoulder and starts heading down the street.
  1799. >What the hell just happened?
  1800.  
  1801.  
  1802.  
  1803.  
  1804.  
  1805. High society unicorn mares either git gud enough at illusions to have unique and elegant hagoromos, or get someone else to cast them. Stallion unicorns will naturally be skilled at illusions due to extensive glamour work, and thus are expected to cast a good hagoromo fitting for their wives.
  1806.  
  1807. >One of the many factors of Unicorn supremacy sentiments is the conviction that unicorns are just better looking than the other races
  1808. >Of course, when most of the population is using glamours, that conviction isn't exactly well-founded
  1809. >Part of the matchmaking between arranged partners is revealing their un-enhanced features to the matchmaker
  1810. >Rumors would abound depending on who was matched with who, as unicorns tried to gauge their actual attractiveness place in the hierarchy
  1811. >Famously, one Matrician refused to use the services of a matchmaker, preying upon desperately ambitious families to offer up a colt in marriage to her
  1812. >As unicorn population grew and mingled with the other races, many lower class unicorns worked in salons, putting subtle glamours on earth and pegasus stallions
  1813. >Unicorns still feature in fashion magazines, often with unrealistic bodies, exaggerating their slender legs and so on, leading non-unicorn colts to have unhealthy body images
  1814.  
  1815.  
  1816.  
  1817.  
  1818.  
  1819.  
  1820.  
  1821. >Anon thinks she and Fizzlepop are just gal pal workout buddies.
  1822. >Fizzlepop likes Anon, but after not having friends in years, isn't sure how he likes her.
  1823. >Are the things he's feeling just friendship, or more?
  1824. >Anon and Fizzle usually go on a jog together, then go to their own places to shower.
  1825. >Sometimes they go to the other's house and use the shower there, but always separate.
  1826. >One day Anon walks in on Fizzle while they're at her house because she remembers she hadn't put the clean towels in there and needed to give her friend one to use.
  1827. >Fizzlepop meanwhile, had found a pair of Anon's used panties sitting atop the laundry basket, and was currently have dirty thoughts about his friend.
  1828. >Thus is Anon's first introduction to horsecock.
  1829. >The first question she has is why does her supposed-to-be gal pal have a dick.
  1830. >The second is how does Fizzlepop fit that monster in that spandex bodysuit
  1831.  
  1832.  
  1833.  
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836.  
  1837.  
  1838. >Be Gilda, a hulk of a woman
  1839. >The girls on the forums didn't lie to you, all that weight lifting is totally worth it
  1840. >You caught one of the cardio bunnies 'mirin and swaggered up and asked him out
  1841. >Anon said yes, and you've been dating ever since
  1842. >It's been a month now, and you are getting kinda frustrated with yourself
  1843. >It's fun hanging out with him, and the hugs are great
  1844. >But you are a red-blooded woman, and you want more
  1845. >So here you are, sitting on the couch as the credits roll for the movie "Who Pinged Me?"
  1846. >Apparently it was a remake of his favorite romcom about some bookworm business owners having cybersex or something
  1847. >You weren't really paying attention, you were focused on his lips
  1848. >"Gilly? You in there?"
  1849. >You jolt and make eye contact
  1850. "Uh, yeah. What were you saying?"
  1851. >Anon smirks
  1852. >"Well, I thought it was brave of the film makers to have the main characters be a furry and a goth. But clearly something else is on your mind. What's up, babe?"
  1853. >You swallow
  1854. "We've been going out for a while now, right?"
  1855. >Anon nods
  1856. >You take a deep breath
  1857. "I think it's time...we smooch."
  1858. >He doesn't react at first
  1859. >Finally he says, "Okay?"
  1860. >Hot dang, you're lucky he's so chill
  1861. >You lean forward, your face warming up and Anon closes his eyes and lifts his chin
  1862. >You inch closer before finally pecking his cheek!
  1863. >Your heart is pounding like mad as you pull back
  1864. "Wow."
  1865. >Anon slowly opens his eyes and frowns
  1866. >"Was that it?"
  1867. >Your heart sinks
  1868. >Did you do it wrong?
  1869. >You laugh nervously
  1870. "No, that's just the start."
  1871. >You lean in again, and he closes his eyes once more
  1872. >What are you even supposed to do?
  1873. >Hold on, you remember reading about the next step in Playgirl
  1874. >You bring your mouth to his ear and whisper
  1875. "I want your wet willie."
  1876. >"Wha-"
  1877. >You tongue his ear
  1878. >It feels weird, kinda hard and a little warm
  1879. >Anon is so aroused, he pushes at your shoulders, but you want to drive him crazy with desire, so-
  1880. >"Stop it, Gilda! That's gross!"
  1881. >You back off, cringing at the disgusted expression on your boyfriend's face
  1882. "Sorry, I thought, you know, but if you want to wait, I understand."
  1883. >He facepalms
  1884. >"It's not a matter of moving to fast. You just aren't supposed to lick inside someone's ear."
  1885. >You blink
  1886. "Oh."
  1887. >Anon sighs and stands up
  1888. >"Come on, you're going to have to use some mouthwash before we actually kiss."
  1889. >Before we-
  1890. >Oh thank gosh, he's not turned off by your bumbling
  1891. >You follow him into the bathroom and swish the mouthwash around for a bit before spitting it out
  1892. >You look down at Anon
  1893. >He's so cute, barely 5'11 to your 6'
  1894. "So, uh, what do we do?"
  1895. >He pulls you down by your shirt and you kneel to be on eye-level
  1896. >Then he cups the back of your head and kisses you right on the lips!
  1897. >You put your hands on his waist as your heart thunders in your ears
  1898. >Your eyes go wide when you feel his tongue press against your lips, and you let it in without a thought
  1899. >Frick, this is hot
  1900. >You follow his lead, nearly overwhelmed by the sensation of your tongue against his, the warm, wet slickness of his mouth
  1901.  
  1902.  
  1903.  
  1904.  
  1905.  
  1906.  
  1907.  
  1908. >Trixie wants to prove she's an amazing magician, and all great magic users have one thing in common.
  1909. >A familiar.
  1910. >Twilight has an owl, Princess Celestia her phoenix, Princess Luna her opposum, Cadence her foal, Starlight her kite.
  1911. >But if Trixie wants to prove her superiority, she's going to need a familiar more rare, more powerful, and more great than any of those.
  1912. >Thus her hunt begins for the mythical hyoo-man.
  1913. >With help from the local mint colored expert, Trixie researches the summoning method to bring about one such creature.
  1914. >First, offerings.
  1915. >A bowel of sparkling water mixed with the juice of various citric fruit.
  1916. >An alter of corn-on-cob holding up a block of aged cheddar cheese.
  1917. >And an arcade machine, which would have been a real pain to drag out here if not for her experience dragging her wagon everywhere.
  1918. >Then finally, speak the ancient incantation while channeling all of her magical power.
  1919. >Trixie rears up, horn glowing with arcane might, and takes a deep breath.
  1920. >"ReeeEEEEEE!"
  1921. >*POOF!"
  1922. "What the fuck."
  1923. >"Oh my gosh, it worked!"
  1924. "Who the hell are you?!"
  1925. >"The great and powerful magician who summoned you, of course!"
  1926. "Wait, is this an alien abduction?"
  1927. >"Trixie did not abduct you, she summoned you."
  1928. "Without my permission."
  1929. >"Well, who asks a familiar permission to be summoned. That's just silly."
  1930. "What's a familiar?"
  1931. >"Like a pet, but better."
  1932. "I'm a guy, not a pet."
  1933. >"Wait, you're male?"
  1934. "Yeah?"
  1935. >"... Buck, Trixie abducted a stallion. She's going to jail."
  1936.  
  1937. >Anon and Trixie hash out what's going to happen.
  1938. >Trixie is at a disadvantage in negotiations, but Anon doesn't realize this.
  1939. >He believes her claims of great and powerful magic since, well, she summoned him to another world, and hasn't realized his dick will give him special treatment.
  1940. >If anything, he figures being an alien will land him on a dissection table.
  1941. >Except for Trixie has let slip that she's on a first name basis with royalty.
  1942. >Surely that means she has enough clout to keep him safe.
  1943. "So you want a familiar, huh, and does that come with any... benefits?
  1944. >"Hmm, well, familiars have no need for passports, and any legal trouble they get in falls on their master. Is that a benefit?"
  1945. "So if I kill someone, you take the heat."
  1946. >"Yes. You aren't going to do that, are you?"
  1947. "Probably not. You never know, though. Self-defense is a thing."
  1948. >"Right. Well, Trixie has a very luxurious mobile abode, and while Trixie had but a dog bed for her familiar initially, she supposes she can share her bed... As long as you tell anypony who asked that your contract is completely consensual."
  1949. "Is there code going on for sex here, because I want you to know I'm on the fence about becoming a sex slave."
  1950. >"W-what?! Trixie would never enslave a colt for that!"
  1951. "Oh good, so just like sex, but without the riding crop routine. I can do that. And the food? I mean, I'm not saying this corn and cheese is good, but I feel like it''ll block me up if it's all I eat."
  1952.  
  1953.  
  1954.  
  1955.  
  1956.  
  1957.  
  1958.  
  1959.  
  1960.  
  1961. >Prince anon and Blueblood get into shenanigans when a delegation from the holy roamane empire turns up... with minor princesses from all 300 states in tow, all competing with each other to try and get engaged to any stallion with a hint of royal blood.
  1962. >Cadence puts a halt to all this after the princess of prussia starts making moves on shining armor by playing O&O with him.
  1963.  
  1964.  
  1965.  
  1966.  
  1967.  
  1968.  
  1969. >tfw Anon walks over and boops you on the nose
  1970. >tfw he laughs, calls you CUTE and walks away
  1971. >tfw everypony watched
  1972. >tfw so many of the girls are gonna give you horse apples about it later
  1973. >tfw you were a highly trained death machine
  1974. >tfw you could make his rump touch the back of his head if you wanted
  1975. >tfw you knew over six hundred ways to hurt, kill, and incapacitate things ten times your size
  1976. >tfw you were a secret hero of Equestria
  1977. >tfw next time he sees you he's just gonna walk over and boop you again like some ditzy colt
  1978. >tfw you're too old to deal with this horse feathers
  1979.  
  1980.  
  1981.  
  1982.  
  1983.  
  1984.  
  1985.  
  1986. >A rather cunning and wealthy changeling queen in eastern stirrup decides to create very well-endowed permanently disguised male changeling drones designed to be the perfect husbando for ponies and places ads in playmare and other lewd pony mags about mail-order grooms.
  1987. >Mares who are desperate for a coltfriend, mares who want a colt that is simply a walking dildo that cums buckets, mares who are monogamous, all sorts of desperate mares order their grooms.
  1988. >The first thing the new wife figures out is that their mail-order groom is more than a match for them in bed.
  1989. >Every so often a package from eastern stirrup arrives for the mail-order groom that is filled with empty jars. He fills them up with the excess love collected and mails it back home.
  1990. >The ponies born of the couples are mostly colts for some odd reason, and they are just as well endowed as their father, and grow up to be unashamed sluts
  1991.  
  1992.  
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995.  
  1996.  
  1997.  
  1998. >Anon is the youngest son born into the pie family.
  1999. >Gets along with Pinkie and Maud the best, is very sad when they leave the farm.
  2000. >He works hard and is always able to spot the smallest flaw in any rock or gem he finds, an invaluable talent on the rock farm.
  2001. >He goes to ponyville with maud to see his big sister Pinkie and meet those friends she always writes home about.
  2002. >Oh there they are now-wait, is one of them wearing a hat with...
  2003. >...
  2004.  
  2005. >you are Rarity and your friends brother is screaming and pointing at you.
  2006. >not exactly how you expected this to go but you've read about similar first impressions in romance novels.
  2007. >also need to remember this IS pinkies brother, so maybe that explains it.
  2008.  
  2009. >you are Maud and you are enjoying this immensely.
  2010. >it was a nice gesture from your sisters friend, even if your brother is overeacting to it.
  2011. >honestly, its not like EVERY gem in that hat is flawed.
  2012. >oh, the light was hitting that one just one, maybe he isnt overeacting.
  2013.  
  2014. >you are rainbow dash and you're wondering if rarity will hook you up on the date shes going to score with the big guy.
  2015. >or at least thats what the book says is going to happen and Twilights always reading books and being all correct about everything.
  2016. >mare, this big guy has some big lungs to keep screaming like this, he must really like Rarity's hat
  2017.  
  2018.  
  2019.  
  2020.  
  2021.  
  2022.  
  2023. >You date a mare with a young early-teens daughter.
  2024. >Normally you'd be wary of single mothers, but since this is RGRE, this is like a dad raising his son. The small family of two has to be the victims here.
  2025. >And you're right. Your marefriend was in a dysfunctional herd before she met you. She joined and became a mother at a too-young age after her stallion pressured her. After a few more foals were born from the other mares, the squabbling got worse, so much so that your marefriend was kicked out.
  2026. >Custody of her daughter went to her since the father didn't attempt to fight it in court.
  2027. >Anyway, things are going very well with you and your mare. You didn't think you'd get used to the RGR so fast, but an adorable filly in need of a father killed the last of your reservations. Being a house husband/live-in boyfriend is actually very easy.
  2028. >Things go so well in fact, that your step-daughter's shell opens up and your marefriend is all smiles. And after a fateful estrus a year or so later, she is overjoyed to tell you that she's pregnant.
  2029. >Then life throws a wrench into the works.
  2030. >Your daughter (you've stopped thinking of her as anything other than your own) approaches you and your mare one day, blushing and looking at the floor.
  2031. >Your heart stops and slowly breaks when she says she doesn't want to be your daughter anymore.
  2032. >The heartbreak stops, replaced with confusion when she hastily continues.
  2033. >She doesn't want to be your daughter anymore, because she wants to be one of your herdmares. She insists that she's not a little filly, but a mare, and that she refuses to let the opportunity pass.
  2034. >And... there is not actually anything against that. You're not her biological father, so it's not incest. She has her CM and has passed her first estrus, so in the eyes of the law, she's of age. Society even encourages her since a young mare with an older, desirable stallion is a badge of honor to many.
  2035. >You look at your marefriend and see that she's just as surprised.
  2036. >Awkward
  2037.  
  2038.  
  2039.  
  2040.  
  2041.  
  2042.  
  2043.  
  2044. >Pones need love and close relations to function properly
  2045. >When they aren’t feeling loved enough, they start to became increasingly irrational and impulsive
  2046. >This also make then more prone to corruption or possession by darkness
  2047. >And is well known that stallions are particularly sensitive and vulnerable to this path towards evil
  2048. >When Cadance and others see Anon, already a metalhead doomer, rejecting love and friendship and being a loner, even a few months after he get stranded in Equestria, they start to become really nervous
  2049. >They don’t see just someone who simply appreciates solitude or some shy introvert that’s not comfortable or ready for any close relationship
  2050. >They see a time bomb clicking and a villain in the making
  2051. >But what villainous motives would an evil Anon have?
  2052. >What villainous activities makes the most sense (to ponies) for Anon to engage on?
  2053. >Anon is single only by his own choice and insist in living alone in makeshift shack on the outskirts of the Everfree
  2054. >Something unheard among pones
  2055. >Not even griffins are so antisocial
  2056. >Anon must have had some serious problem in his past; like some abusive relationship, a betrayal, or even rape
  2057. >What exactly happened to make him this way does not matter
  2058. >If Anon don't recover and find love and friendship again he will be consume by darkness and become a villain
  2059. >What a villain Anon would do ? Try to destroy all love and companionship
  2060. >Break every pony souls so all became as damage as he is
  2061. >This prospect puts him on the top of Cadance’s and Twilight’s watch lists and top priority jobs list
  2062.  
  2063. >Anon is visited by entities made manifest by the evil generated through negative emotions
  2064. >They are easily attracted to Anon's location by sensing how the area around him is absolutely void of harmony magic
  2065. >They offer him power
  2066. >The power to finally be truly alone
  2067. >To get rid of those pesky ponies and make them fear him until they quake at the very idea of going near him
  2068. >Anon flat rejects them
  2069. >He doesn't hate the ponies, he just prefers true solitude
  2070. >Having been thrown off course the entities try to convince him to reconsider
  2071. >After several failed attempts they give up and leave
  2072. >But they return each day with renewed vigor to corrupt him
  2073. >It never goes anywhere
  2074. >They start to wonder if he'll ever buckle
  2075. >Eventually he invites them to stay and share some of the food he cooked
  2076. >Despite being amorphous masses of evil magic energy they agree
  2077. >Nothing beats a home-cooked meal after all
  2078. >As time goes on the entities stop visiting Anon to corrupt him, but instead to read his books, eat food and talk about Earth, Equestria and everything inbetween
  2079. >Eventually they stop visiting all together
  2080. >Because they've moved in
  2081. >The four princesses are baffled at the sight they see in Ponyville one day
  2082. >Anon, walking out in the open
  2083. >Surrounding by three distinctly mare-shaped entities that radiate pure dark magic
  2084. >Mission failed successfully?
  2085.  
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089.  
  2090.  
  2091. >ywn be hired as assistant to Celestia's assistant Inkwell to help take care of the literal mountain sized load of paperwork that needs to be handled
  2092. >ywn wear the tightest, most form-fitting clothing
  2093. >ywn wave it off as a cultural thing so ponies can't stop you
  2094. >ywn take every opportunity to stretch in as many provocative ways as possible
  2095. >ywn make sure either Celestia or Inkwell are present while doing this
  2096. >ywn secretly take yoga so you can do even more provocative stretches
  2097. >ywn be propositioned stealithy by both Celestia and Inkwell
  2098. >ywn pretend to be airheaded like all stallions are and not pick up the hints
  2099. >ywn continue to push them to the point that they both drag you to a private area to finally release their pent-up tension on your more than willing form
  2100. >ywn walk around Canterlot Castle the next day with a limp and a smile
  2101. >ywn begin your daily stretches right next to Celestia while she eats breakfast
  2102. >ywn wink at her during your stretches
  2103. >ywn be dragged away as Celestia quickly tells the guards to cancel Day Court
  2104.  
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107.  
  2108.  
  2109.  
  2110. >Twilight is over the moon that she has a coltfriend.
  2111. >Anon is everything she could ever want.
  2112. >He's kind, considerate, always helping in the library, gives the best reading snuggles, and is very interested in her.
  2113. >Why, whenever she comes home, he wants to know everything she did, who she talked to, and if she still loves him as much as he loves her.
  2114. >That amount being described as, "I love you so much that if you ever leave me, I'll kill us both."
  2115. >He's so funny with his wacky quirks, and she always answers, "And if you leave me, I'll chain you to the radiator so you can never get away."
  2116. >Others think it's a little strange, but they don't get that that's just how Twilight and Anon talk to each other, and they are obviously just joking.
  2117. >One day, Rainbow even asks if she isn't afraid Anon is going to kill her.
  2118. >"What? Of course not! And really, Rainbow, how would he even do that? I'm a powerful unicorn and he doesn't have magic."
  2119. >"Poison your dinner," suggests Fluttershy, who then wilts under Twilight's gaze.
  2120. >"Anon is not going to kill me," she says with finality and a sniff. "Now if you excuse me, girls, I need to get back home."
  2121. >"What? But Twi, ya'll just showed up!"
  2122. >"Yes, but Anon gets worried if I spend too much time away. You know how stallions are."
  2123. >"So we can't hangout for more than a few minutes a day, now?"
  2124. >"Well, I could always bring Anon along."
  2125. >The girls side eye each other nervously, and Twilight huffs.
  2126. >Her friends can be so silly sometimes.
  2127. >As she approaches the library, she runs into Time Turner, who was on his way to drop off a book.
  2128. >He gives it to her and the two chat for a few minutes before she goes inside.
  2129. >Anon is by the door when she enters.
  2130. "Why were you talking to that stallion?" he asks darkly.
  2131. >"Oh, he wanted to return a book and he was telling me how much he liked it."
  2132. "I really want to believe that," Anon says, face suddenly brightening. "So I will! Now come on! I just finished dinner! Burgers and fries!"
  2133. >"I love you."
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138.  
  2139.  
  2140. >Be a flower pone
  2141. > Love flowers
  2142. > As a kid you loved flowers AND machines
  2143. > But you had a life changing experience with flowers and got your cutie mark.
  2144. > But now there's tons of flower ponies in town, and you just can't compete with them.
  2145. > No where near has a lack of florists either.
  2146. > Eventually you have to give up on being your own boss and become an assistant to one of the other florist ponies
  2147.  
  2148. > But then one day you meet ANON.
  2149. > He's weird but occasionally you'll end up hanging out with him through shared friends.
  2150. > Learn that he's not really talented at all, he just learned through experience.
  2151. > Think about your childhood, and how you also liked machines as a kid.
  2152. > Decide to spend more of your free time in the library.
  2153. > At first Twilight is ecstatic that someone wants to learn new things
  2154. > But she gets concerned when you quit your florist assistant job.
  2155. > Gets more concerned when you end up doing repair odd jobs.
  2156. > She eventually gives you a talk that you shouldn't be ashamed, completely misreading the problem.
  2157. > Continues to assume there must be a problem, because if you still love flowers, why change?
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163.  
  2164. >Nega/Opposite World.
  2165. >Cadence and Shiny's marriage here is not out of Pure Love but for Pure Convenience.
  2166. >As in, if the hateful little pink shit wanted support, she had to marry a certain noble family's son to GET that support.
  2167. >The son (Shiny), in turn, gets to be nagged at less for his lack of conviction in anything and in turn gets to be pampered and get fat off of sweets.
  2168. >Or so he thought.
  2169. >That's not the important thing here though.
  2170. >What came of this Loveless Marriage was a rather distasteful and obligatory consummation that was equally as loveless.
  2171. >Just proof to further cement her support of the Sparkle Household and getting knocked up for her trouble was just icing on the cake.
  2172. >In turn, her little spawn practically gets raised by maids with brief visits from her parents.
  2173. >Cadence has a Kingdom to rule after all, taking it from that catty colt Sombra took far too much time and she didn't want to waste a single second in getting the people in line.
  2174. >And so, Flurry is left feeling rather unloved...until the day that a weird monkey man POOFED in one day.
  2175. >He took a single look around, took stock of what was going on and promptly cunt punted her mother off of a balcony.
  2176. >Suffice it to say, New Dad was weird but he was pretty damn cool
  2177.  
  2178.  
  2179.  
  2180.  
  2181.  
  2182.  
  2183. >Guardmare hasnt been held like this since she was a tiny foal, back when she still lived with dad.
  2184. >Realises this is the first non-violent contact she's had with another living thing in years.
  2185. >She's been so wrapped up in training to be The Best™, to live up to Captain Armors example that she's even been isolated from her squad.
  2186. >The only thing keeping her stable despite the lack of physical contact with others must have been the iron discipline and training that became the unhealthy obsession.
  2187. >A sudden moment of clarity has her realise that she must have been right on the cusp of a breaking point regardless of that, for a simple hug to effect her so much.
  2188. >A silent tear falls from her eyes as she basks in the warmth of the strange colts embrace, only now realising how cold her heart had grown
  2189.  
  2190.  
  2191.  
  2192.  
  2193.  
  2194.  
  2195. >The general concept of men covering up their bodies exists in RGREqG, but it's not because pecs and nips are taboo in the same way breasts are
  2196. >Traditionally masculine traits would be muscles, and any guy with decent morals tries to cover up a little bit
  2197. >A modest swim outfit for a guy looks a little bit like the old-timey striped swimwear you see from the previous century or so
  2198. >He'll have swim trunks, of course, but also a tight vest with sleeves that go down to the elbows
  2199. >But Anon says "balls to it".
  2200. >It's not just swimwear that Anon apparently skimps on
  2201. >Wears t-shirts that show off his biceps
  2202. >Frequently stretches, allowing his shirt to ride up his stomach just a little bit and tease his female friends with a burgeoning 6-pack
  2203. >If it's too hot one summer day, he just goes shirtless entirely, much to his female friend's delight
  2204.  
  2205.  
  2206.  
  2207.  
  2208.  
  2209.  
  2210. >Anon giving Sunset a peptalk to go through the fucking portal already, the girl more than a little nervous with the guy more than a little hype for ALIEN MAGIC WORLD
  2211. >Hold hands as they go through and promptly fall over on the other side since they're now holding hooves
  2212. >Bit of a tangled ball of limbs in a dark but relatively spacious storage space as they both struggle to get upright, one being slightly quicker due to remembered instincts.
  2213. >Takes a moment to remember 1) That she is a unicorn and 2) She can light things up.
  2214. >Looks at her boyfriend of around a year and wonders if she tripped and bashed her head while walking through the portal.
  2215. >Said b-coltfriend has finally stood up and is carefully examining a wing as he flexes it back and forth.
  2216. >"Huh, looks like you guessed right on Pegasus so a deals a deal, although i still dont know how i'm going to make you a sandwich with these stubby things."
  2217. >The unicorn just continues to stare, her eyes flicking from his face to his sides.
  2218. >"What's the matter, do i have something on my face?"
  2219. >Sunset makes an odd choking noise as the door to the storeroom opens, bathing the room in light for the somewhat stunned royal guard.
  2220. >It's not everyday you check on some weird noises and discover the former Celestial student in a closet with an Alicorn.
  2221. >"Okay seriously this is freaking me out more than the hooves are, do i have neon pink hair or something?!"
  2222. >The sight of him trying to pull his mane down in front of his eyes is too much for Sunset, the combined stress of coming home, her coltfriend meeting her parents, apologising to the princess, HER COLTFRIEND BEING AN ALICORN and being discovered seconds after arriving and NOW he decides to act like a stereotypical colt?
  2223. >The royal guard is somehow even more confused as the other unicorn in the room starts laughing hysterically, makes the tactical decision that this is above her pay grade and fires off a quick spell to the Captain
  2224.  
  2225.  
  2226.  
  2227.  
  2228.  
  2229.  
  2230. >Flurry and Twilight are the only available alicorns that are not his mom or aunt.
  2231. >Flurry always enjoys when he visits.
  2232. >Prince Anon is closest to Twilight in age and he has started to chase after her romantically.
  2233. >Flurry is not blind and is more than a little jealous.
  2234. >She waits until she has her favorite aunt alone and says she isn't giving up on Anon and she wont be loosing to her.
  2235. >Twilight being an autistic spurg, has not noticed Anon is interested in her at all.
  2236. >Meanwhile the remaining royal family is making bets on who will win the Anon-Bowl and try to help their favorite win from the shadows
  2237.  
  2238.  
  2239.  
  2240.  
  2241.  
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244. >Be ageless warrior god of Equestrian wastelands (empty part of the living room)
  2245. >Encourage neophytes to compete for your favor
  2246. >in_the_future_there_is_only_war.exe
  2247. >From atop a pile of feathers from ripped pillows you render judgement
  2248. >"Mediocre"
  2249. >The neophytes are displeased
  2250. >Their soft weapons rise again
  2251. >This time against you
  2252. >Smile, knowing they have learned an important lesson.
  2253. >Take an entire couch cushion as your armament.
  2254. >There can only be one supreme ruler of the wastes.
  2255. >Young eyes are less certain, but no one backs down.
  2256. >Good. They are brave. But your power is beyond courage.
  2257.  
  2258. >After dinner, you enjoy not one, but two pudding cups.
  2259. >The kids vow to win next time.
  2260. >War. War never changes
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263.  
  2264.  
  2265.  
  2266.  
  2267.  
  2268. "Mrs. and Mr. Flurry's parents, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just say it simple. I... want to plow your daughter like a Minesota street in winter."
  2269. >Shining spits out his coffee, Flurry chokes on her breakfast sausage, and Cadence just gasps and smiles wide.
  2270. >"Anon!"
  2271. "What? It's the truth. I want to bend you over and use those massive wings as handles to pound myself against you like I'm patching asphalt. Why's your mom making that high-pitch eeeing sound?"
  2272. >"We're going to be grandparents!"
  2273. >"Mom!"
  2274. >"Honey! They're too young!"
  2275. "Yeah, I mean, we at least have to get married first, which I figure will be right after we graduate high school."
  2276. >"Anon, please stop before my mom has a stroke."
  2277. >"We need to celebrate! Shiny contact Pizza Pone and place an order for all of it!"
  2278. >"All of what?"
  2279. >"The pizza!"
  2280. "I think I'm going to like being part of your family, babe."

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm