Hoofbutt


                                            > Be Anon, finally at that point in your relationship with Celestia where you can share intimate moments without feeling embarrassed

                                            > Ppppffffffttt

                                            > "Ugh, Anon, what did you eat?"

                                            > You snuggle her long neck as she turns her head away

                                            "Egg salad sandwiches, same as you. Smells like roses, right?"

                                            > Celestia rolls her eyes

                                            > "If they grew in volcanic soil, maybe. You're lucky you're cute."

                                            > You kiss her on the cheek

                                            "I sure am."

                                            > She snorts, but doesn't pull away

                                            > Her horn glows briefly, wafting the smell away, and she relaxes against you

                                            > You relish her warmth, and the soft feel of her fur under your hand

                                            > She stretches out across your lap, then relaxes

                                            > Pffweeet

                                            > You grin down at her

                                            "You're lucky you're cute."

                                            > She blushes

                                            > But something about her retort strikes you as odd

                                            "Where did that come from? Because it sure wasn't your royal rump."

                                            > Celestia pouts

                                            > "It could have been!"

                                            > You shake your head

                                            "I was watching. Not a jiggle. Not a slight cheek lift. Nothing."

                                            > She buries her face into the couch cushion and mumbles something

                                            "What was that, sunbum?"

                                            > She lifts her head and sighs

                                            > "That was my hoofbutt."

                                            > You grab her head and look her dead in the eyes

                                            > She's clearly embarrassed, but you don't see the telltale twinkle that usually leads to ponies being traumatized via phoenixes

                                            "What, exactly, is a hoofbutt?"

                                            > She sits up and brings her hind leg onto your lap

                                            > "See? Behind the straturn medium, the two soft cheeks?"

                                            > You hold her hoof and rub your thumbs across the rounded fleshy part

                                            > Sure enough, you can spread the two cheeks apart to reveal a puckered sphincter

                                            "This makes no goddamned sense."

                                            > She shrugs a wing

                                            > "I thought it was weird that your feet don't have them, but you don't really have the foot structure to protect them, so they probably atrophied in your species's development."

                                            > You pinch the bridge of your nose

                                            "That... Look, we have horses back home, and they sure as hell do not have hoofbutts."

                                            > Celestia looks at you dubiously

                                            > You grab a sheet of paper and draw a circle, an open bottomed triangle with the point in the middle of the circle

                                            "See, this is roughly the structure of a earth horse's hoof. The frog of the hoof is inside the triangle, then there's the sole of the hoof, and the straturn medium around that."

                                            > She raises an eyebrow

                                            > "Are you sure you're not remembering that wrong?"

                                            > You feel like you are on an episode of the Twilight Zone

                                            > You are pretty damn sure

                                            > Like, 99% sure

                                            > At least 98% sure

                                            > You look around, and feel a wave of relief wash over you

                                            "Yeah, I'm sure. See, if I draw some stick figures on either side worshipping the frog of the hoof, then it looks just like the stargate address for Earth."

                                            > Celestia looks up at the giant stone ring portal device in your living room

                                            > "Huh. So that's what that was."

                                            > You nod

                                            "Back when you guys came over the first time, you inspired the cult of the meemaroh nohuves, and that shaped the iconography you guys set for our world."

                                            > Celestia nods, but she's been distracted as you've been playing with her hoofbutt

                                            > She takes a shuddering breath

                                            > "Anon, would you be open to a bit of experimentation?"

                                            > You raise your eyebrow at her

                                            "You want me to stick it in your hoofbutt?"

                                            > She nods with an eager smile

                                            > You look down at her hind leg

                                            "Will it even fit?"

                                            > She snorts

                                            > "Anon, look it up on clophub.crys, there are plenty of examples of hoofbuttplay."

                                            > You shake your head

                                            "I swear, you guys really are made out of marshmallow."

                                            > Celestia smirks

                                            > "You're lucky Twilight didn't hear you say that, or else you'd have to endure her lecture on sucrose-based biochemistry again."

                                            > You huff

                                            "I still say that's bullshit how your species is entirely composed of diabetes."

                                            > "Jealous?"

                                            "Always. So, should I get some lube or what?"

                                            > Celestia floats the dispenser into your lap

                                            > "Use plenty, the hoofbutt isn't really meant for insertion."

                                            ---

                                            > An hour later, the two of you are panting and shuddering in the afterglow

                                            > You could get addicted to that tight little hole

                                            "Wait, do you poop from there?"

                                            > "No comment."