- > Be Anon, finally at that point in your relationship with Celestia where you can share intimate moments without feeling embarrassed
- > Ppppffffffttt
- > "Ugh, Anon, what did you eat?"
- > You snuggle her long neck as she turns her head away
- "Egg salad sandwiches, same as you. Smells like roses, right?"
- > Celestia rolls her eyes
- > "If they grew in volcanic soil, maybe. You're lucky you're cute."
- > You kiss her on the cheek
- "I sure am."
- > She snorts, but doesn't pull away
- > Her horn glows briefly, wafting the smell away, and she relaxes against you
- > You relish her warmth, and the soft feel of her fur under your hand
- > She stretches out across your lap, then relaxes
- > Pffweeet
- > You grin down at her
- "You're lucky you're cute."
- > She blushes
- > But something about her retort strikes you as odd
- "Where did that come from? Because it sure wasn't your royal rump."
- > Celestia pouts
- > "It could have been!"
- > You shake your head
- "I was watching. Not a jiggle. Not a slight cheek lift. Nothing."
- > She buries her face into the couch cushion and mumbles something
- "What was that, sunbum?"
- > She lifts her head and sighs
- > "That was my hoofbutt."
- > You grab her head and look her dead in the eyes
- > She's clearly embarrassed, but you don't see the telltale twinkle that usually leads to ponies being traumatized via phoenixes
- "What, exactly, is a hoofbutt?"
- > She sits up and brings her hind leg onto your lap
- > "See? Behind the straturn medium, the two soft cheeks?"
- > You hold her hoof and rub your thumbs across the rounded fleshy part
- > Sure enough, you can spread the two cheeks apart to reveal a puckered sphincter
- "This makes no goddamned sense."
- > She shrugs a wing
- > "I thought it was weird that your feet don't have them, but you don't really have the foot structure to protect them, so they probably atrophied in your species's development."
- > You pinch the bridge of your nose
- "That... Look, we have horses back home, and they sure as hell do not have hoofbutts."
- > Celestia looks at you dubiously
- > You grab a sheet of paper and draw a circle, an open bottomed triangle with the point in the middle of the circle
- "See, this is roughly the structure of a earth horse's hoof. The frog of the hoof is inside the triangle, then there's the sole of the hoof, and the straturn medium around that."
- > She raises an eyebrow
- > "Are you sure you're not remembering that wrong?"
- > You feel like you are on an episode of the Twilight Zone
- > You are pretty damn sure
- > Like, 99% sure
- > At least 98% sure
- > You look around, and feel a wave of relief wash over you
- "Yeah, I'm sure. See, if I draw some stick figures on either side worshipping the frog of the hoof, then it looks just like the stargate address for Earth."
- > Celestia looks up at the giant stone ring portal device in your living room
- > "Huh. So that's what that was."
- > You nod
- "Back when you guys came over the first time, you inspired the cult of the meemaroh nohuves, and that shaped the iconography you guys set for our world."
- > Celestia nods, but she's been distracted as you've been playing with her hoofbutt
- > She takes a shuddering breath
- > "Anon, would you be open to a bit of experimentation?"
- > You raise your eyebrow at her
- "You want me to stick it in your hoofbutt?"
- > She nods with an eager smile
- > You look down at her hind leg
- "Will it even fit?"
- > She snorts
- > "Anon, look it up on clophub.crys, there are plenty of examples of hoofbuttplay."
- > You shake your head
- "I swear, you guys really are made out of marshmallow."
- > Celestia smirks
- > "You're lucky Twilight didn't hear you say that, or else you'd have to endure her lecture on sucrose-based biochemistry again."
- > You huff
- "I still say that's bullshit how your species is entirely composed of diabetes."
- > "Jealous?"
- "Always. So, should I get some lube or what?"
- > Celestia floats the dispenser into your lap
- > "Use plenty, the hoofbutt isn't really meant for insertion."
- ---
- > An hour later, the two of you are panting and shuddering in the afterglow
- > You could get addicted to that tight little hole
- "Wait, do you poop from there?"
- > "No comment."
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