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Hoofbutt

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-24 02:35:14
Expiry: Never
anoncelestiameme

  1. 1.
    > Be Anon, finally at that point in your relationship with Celestia where you can share intimate moments without feeling embarrassed
  2. 2.
    > Ppppffffffttt
  3. 3.
    > "Ugh, Anon, what did you eat?"
  4. 4.
    > You snuggle her long neck as she turns her head away
  5. 5.
    "Egg salad sandwiches, same as you. Smells like roses, right?"
  6. 6.
    > Celestia rolls her eyes
  7. 7.
    > "If they grew in volcanic soil, maybe. You're lucky you're cute."
  8. 8.
    > You kiss her on the cheek
  9. 9.
    "I sure am."
  10. 10.
    > She snorts, but doesn't pull away
  11. 11.
    > Her horn glows briefly, wafting the smell away, and she relaxes against you
  12. 12.
    > You relish her warmth, and the soft feel of her fur under your hand
  13. 13.
    > She stretches out across your lap, then relaxes
  14. 14.
    > Pffweeet
  15. 15.
    > You grin down at her
  16. 16.
    "You're lucky you're cute."
  17. 17.
    > She blushes
  18. 18.
    > But something about her retort strikes you as odd
  19. 19.
    "Where did that come from? Because it sure wasn't your royal rump."
  20. 20.
    > Celestia pouts
  21. 21.
    > "It could have been!"
  22. 22.
    > You shake your head
  23. 23.
    "I was watching. Not a jiggle. Not a slight cheek lift. Nothing."
  24. 24.
    > She buries her face into the couch cushion and mumbles something
  25. 25.
    "What was that, sunbum?"
  26. 26.
    > She lifts her head and sighs
  27. 27.
    > "That was my hoofbutt."
  28. 28.
    > You grab her head and look her dead in the eyes
  29. 29.
    > She's clearly embarrassed, but you don't see the telltale twinkle that usually leads to ponies being traumatized via phoenixes
  30. 30.
    "What, exactly, is a hoofbutt?"
  31. 31.
    > She sits up and brings her hind leg onto your lap
  32. 32.
    > "See? Behind the straturn medium, the two soft cheeks?"
  33. 33.
    > You hold her hoof and rub your thumbs across the rounded fleshy part
  34. 34.
    > Sure enough, you can spread the two cheeks apart to reveal a puckered sphincter
  35. 35.
    "This makes no goddamned sense."
  36. 36.
    > She shrugs a wing
  37. 37.
    > "I thought it was weird that your feet don't have them, but you don't really have the foot structure to protect them, so they probably atrophied in your species's development."
  38. 38.
    > You pinch the bridge of your nose
  39. 39.
    "That... Look, we have horses back home, and they sure as hell do not have hoofbutts."
  40. 40.
    > Celestia looks at you dubiously
  41. 41.
    > You grab a sheet of paper and draw a circle, an open bottomed triangle with the point in the middle of the circle
  42. 42.
    "See, this is roughly the structure of a earth horse's hoof. The frog of the hoof is inside the triangle, then there's the sole of the hoof, and the straturn medium around that."
  43. 43.
    > She raises an eyebrow
  44. 44.
    > "Are you sure you're not remembering that wrong?"
  45. 45.
    > You feel like you are on an episode of the Twilight Zone
  46. 46.
    > You are pretty damn sure
  47. 47.
    > Like, 99% sure
  48. 48.
    > At least 98% sure
  49. 49.
    > You look around, and feel a wave of relief wash over you
  50. 50.
    "Yeah, I'm sure. See, if I draw some stick figures on either side worshipping the frog of the hoof, then it looks just like the stargate address for Earth."
  51. 51.
    > Celestia looks up at the giant stone ring portal device in your living room
  52. 52.
    > "Huh. So that's what that was."
  53. 53.
    > You nod
  54. 54.
    "Back when you guys came over the first time, you inspired the cult of the meemaroh nohuves, and that shaped the iconography you guys set for our world."
  55. 55.
    > Celestia nods, but she's been distracted as you've been playing with her hoofbutt
  56. 56.
    > She takes a shuddering breath
  57. 57.
    > "Anon, would you be open to a bit of experimentation?"
  58. 58.
    > You raise your eyebrow at her
  59. 59.
    "You want me to stick it in your hoofbutt?"
  60. 60.
    > She nods with an eager smile
  61. 61.
    > You look down at her hind leg
  62. 62.
    "Will it even fit?"
  63. 63.
    > She snorts
  64. 64.
    > "Anon, look it up on clophub.crys, there are plenty of examples of hoofbuttplay."
  65. 65.
    > You shake your head
  66. 66.
    "I swear, you guys really are made out of marshmallow."
  67. 67.
    > Celestia smirks
  68. 68.
    > "You're lucky Twilight didn't hear you say that, or else you'd have to endure her lecture on sucrose-based biochemistry again."
  69. 69.
    > You huff
  70. 70.
    "I still say that's bullshit how your species is entirely composed of diabetes."
  71. 71.
    > "Jealous?"
  72. 72.
    "Always. So, should I get some lube or what?"
  73. 73.
    > Celestia floats the dispenser into your lap
  74. 74.
    > "Use plenty, the hoofbutt isn't really meant for insertion."
  75. 75.
    ---
  76. 76.
    > An hour later, the two of you are panting and shuddering in the afterglow
  77. 77.
    > You could get addicted to that tight little hole
  78. 78.
    "Wait, do you poop from there?"
  79. 79.
    > "No comment."

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