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(By DishWasherAnon)
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>Ponies simply hate doing the dishes.
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>This has extended to the horse restaurant industry.
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>It's gotten so bad to the point of where instead of actually washing them in-house, it's all either disposable utensils & plates, or all of the dishes are sent out to be washed elsewhere to private companies.
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>Usually the places that are big enough to afford it do so, but a large majority of restaurants in Equestria lack the money to do it.
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>This is due to the "Mom & Pop" nature of establishments of areas outside of Canterlot.
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>Those who WANT to do the dishes, are few and far between, and there are even less so who excel at it.
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>Thus, dishwashing is seen as a job for those who are struggling and have no option.
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>In pony land, unless your business was big, you were forced to do the grueling task of handling dishes every night.
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>Pony dishwasher turnover is the worst out of all industries in Equestria.
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>You are Anon, and you're looking to get a job.
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>Back in homeworld, you've been working in restaurants since you could even remember.
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>God damned job markets forcing your college-aged ass to cook.
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>Unfortunately most places here in pony world just won't hire line cooks right off the bat, so your options are somewhat limited.
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>"Sorry, we already have enough cooks!"
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>Fucking ponies doubting your skills of deep frying and grilling shit.
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>This time, you're back to square one. You have to wash dishes.
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>You're not completely adverse to the idea, you've always been good at it.
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>But you shudder to imagine the lack of bluetooth speakers blasting obscure 80s synthpop to keep you company.
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>But a man must do what a man must do.
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>You found a somewhat busy establishment in Ponyville, called "Dinny's!"
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>As you approach the door, a sad, wet, and angry pony storms out, brushing by you in a huff.
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>"I'm never going to wash dishes again! This is poo poo!"
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>Looks like a job is now available.
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>You walk in with a grin, knowing that you guaranteed have a place to work.
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>You've been in this strange land for a little while now, and now it's time for you to engage in participating in society.
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>The place is currently in a lull between the lunch and dinner rushes, so the place isn't particularly busy at the moment.
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>You walk up to the counter, and encounter a mare running it.
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>"Hi! Welcome to Dinny's! Are you going to be dining in with us today?"
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"No, actually. Can I speak to a manager?"
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>The color drains from the mare's face.
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>The mare is clearly worried that she did something wrong.
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>"Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad pony?" she squeaks.
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>You laugh.
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"No, I'm looking for a job here."
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>The color quickly regains in the mare's face, as she lets out a massive sigh.
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>"Phew! Okay!"
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>She clops her two hooves together.
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>"Let me go get my manager!"
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>You appreciate that in this world, there are no such things as "online portals" because there's no internet, and meeting people face to face is a whole lot more straightforward.
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>The mare runs to the back, and a minute later the manager walks out.
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>"Hello! You must be the human in town, what's your name?"
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"Anonymous."
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>"Is it okay if I call you Anon?"
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"Sure."
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>The manager is a mare that's somewhat pink with a light blue mane & tail, and you notice some grey hairs mixed in there.
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>There's definitely a wrinkle or two on her face, and her little pony body is definitely in the stages of transitioning between normal mare and old hag mare.
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>"Oh, how rude of me! I haven't told you who I am. My name is Palette Dinny!"
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"Like the name of this place?"
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>"Yes sir! This restaurant has been in my family for quite some time now, and I'm the current owner."
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>You take a peek at her rump and see what appears to be a printed out schedule for a cutie mark.
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>Guess management runs in the family.
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"That's neat! So this place has some history in it. I've worked in family owned restaurants before."
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>"Oh, really?" Palette says.
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"Yeah. I've been everything from a busboy to a line cook."
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>"That's great to hear! Unfortunately we don't have any cook positions open at the moment..."
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"That's okay. I couldn't help but notice what I think was your dishwasher walking out. I'd like to wash your dishes for you."
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>Palette is shocked.
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>"Are you in a bad place at the moment? We would love to have you but we understand if it gets too tough for you... a lot of ponies can't handle it more than a few days."
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>Seriously? A few days? It can't be THAT bad, can it?
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"I've washed dishes for some busy places in my life, how bad could it be?"
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>"W-well, if you think you're up to it, Anon, you're more than welcome to work here! Would you come to my office so I can give you a proper interview?"
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"Alrighty then."
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>You and Palette go to her office, a small little room with a desk and a filing cabinet.
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>On the desk is what appears to be some accounting information, and an employee schedule.
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>There is a garbage bin in the corner with what appears to be multiple employee files in it.
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"So, uh, how many dishwashers have you had come through here?"
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>Palette scrunches her nose, and puts a hoof to her forehead and starts rubbing slowly.
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>"We, uh, have had about 30 come and go in the past six months."
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>Your eyes widen at this information.
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"You're kidding me, right? 30 in the past six MONTHS?"
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>"You see, Anon, you see, dishwashing is not for the faint of heart. Most ponies do it because they have to while they're holding out for a better job."
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>"We've actually got the lowest turnover rate in town, so we're doing pretty fine!"
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>The LOWEST?
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>IN TOWN?
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>Palette explains that working for a living is tough!
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>She interviews you, asks about your experience, and seems pretty happy to have you there.
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>"Anon, you seem to be qualified for a position as a chef in Canterlot! Why are you coming here to work for us?"
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>You're a college age fast casual cook.
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"The dishes beckon, and I am their reckoning."
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>Palette swallows.
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>"Would you be okay starting out as a part time dishwasher?"
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"How many hours would that bring me?"
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>"I don't know if you know this, but part time here in Equestria is a max of 8 hours a week, silly!"
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"Only 8 hours?"
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>Palette looks confused.
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>"What do you mean only?"
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"Part time where I'm from is a max of like, 30 or 35 hours depending on the location. Anything above that is full-time."
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>Palette somehow trips, and catches herself yet standing still.
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>"T-that is just crazy, Anon! You can't tell me that you came from a place where part time is TWICE what full time is here!"
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>Seeing ponies get exasperated brings you much joy.
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>You lean in.
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"Can I start full-time?"
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>One thing led to another and here you are in the dish pit.
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>You said you could start today and finish up whatever's left.
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>The pay isn't glamorous, but it is what you'd expect from such a job.
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>You're also surprised to learn that 15 hours is considered full-time work.
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>You agreed to 20 hours because money is good, and only washing dishes for 20 hours isn't bad at all.
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>You look at the dish pit to notice that there isn't a whole lot.
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>It's a standard 3 sink system, with soak, rinse, and sanitize.
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>The middle sink has the traditional sprayer used for knocking shit loose.
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>All in all, a good setup, and good for what you do.
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>Pony size stuff pisses you off however, and the sink is lower than what you're used to.
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>You ponder, and come to a quick solution.
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>You look around for a bit and find a milk crate.
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>You put the milk crate down in front of the sink.
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>That's right, motherfucker.
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>Sittin' and dishin' like no one else has done before.
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>You let your pony coworkers know to just throw the dishes in the wash sink.
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"I don't care if you think it's mean, throw 'em in there!"
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>Soon, the soak sink is full and it is time for you to begin your journey.
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>You grab the first dish in the left hand, a typical pony entree-sized dish.
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>Good for one human slice of cake.
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>Easy.
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>It begins.
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>4 hours later, and the business is closed.
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>Apparently restaurants close at eight.
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>You thank the heavenly gods above for putting you in a land where 24/7 restaurants isn't even a concept imagined by any living being.
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>It's also a nice thing being an average height human in teeny tiny pony land, because everything is within reach of you.
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>You rarely have to get up at all, you find.
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>You simply put the dishes on the rack as they're washed.
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>You don't even think you broke a sweat.
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>The dinner rush came and went, and you were never behind.
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>It's a Friday, for christ's sake!
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>There should have been more trouble than this, but no!
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>"Hey Anon! You're doing a great job so far!" Palette says.
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"This isn't bad at all! I don't know what you were talking about."
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>Palette giggles.
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>"Well, at the rate you do dishes, we should be able to be home by nine! Fantastic!"
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>The final bit of kitchenware and other ceramics are placed in your soak sink.
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>"This is the final bit! After this, we're all good to go!"
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>Palette starts rambling on about how nice it is to have such a fantastic worker under her command, or some shit nobody cares about.
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>It only took you 5 minutes to clear the sink and put everything on the drying racks.
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"I think that's it."
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>You interrupted Palette.
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>"-and I think you have a shot at being the first dishwasher to last for more than- hey! It's rude to interr- huh? You're done?"
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"Look at it yourself. Sinks are empty, and cleaned. Got all the particulate through the drain, all the dishes put up. I think we are good to go."
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>Palette is shocked. She looks at the clock on the wall, looks at you, then back to the clock.
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>"I, uh, w-wha? Huh? It's only 8:07!"
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>You turn to her.
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"By the way, when's payday?"
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>Day 3 of washing dishes in Equestria.
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>You're getting into the groove now.
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>You are supposed work 5 days a week, 4 hours a day.
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>And you're making a living wage!
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>And you get 2 whole days off!
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>2 DAYS OFF!
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>The ponies in this town have long since gotten used to having you around.
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>Some even are starting to respect you a little bit more now that you're contributing to society.
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>No more crashing at shelters and shit, you think you should be able to have a place to call your own soon enough.
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>Your coworkers are slightly afraid of you.
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>Who wouldn't be afraid of a being that is capable of doing menial dishwashing?
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>One of the server mares comes up to you, 2 hours into your 4 hour shift.
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>You don't know her name but she sure is kind of yellow.
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>"Hey Anon, how come you're able to stick your..."
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"Hand?"
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>"Yes! Right! Hand in the soapy water? It's too hot!"
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>You look at the soak sink.
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>"Whenever it's just been filled, I'm so scared to even put stuff in because sometimes it just makes a splash and then I get that super hot water on me!"
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>You raise your hand.
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"It's simple, really."
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>The soak sink is freshly filled up.
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"I just take my hand,"
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>You aim your hand at the sink.
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"And..."
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>You dive your hand in with a movement so quick, not even making a single splash. A perfect dive.
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>The yellow serverhorse flinches.
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>Your hand is submerged in the somewhat hot water.
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>The yellow serverhorse is now breathing quite heavily.
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>"Y-you don't even have any fur! H-how?"
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"I dunno, man. I'm built different."
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>The day continues.
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>...
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>And now the day is ending soon.
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>Yellow serverhorse brought some of the other staff along with her.
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>You now have a small group of ponies watching you as you're blazing through dishes like nopony has done before.
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>"I haven't seen anypony work that fast!"
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>"How is he able to do that?"
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>"...good thoughts, no bad thoughts, good pony... be a good pony..."
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>Yellow serverhorse speaks up to you.
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>"Hey Anon, show everypony what you showed me earlier!"
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>You lazily put your hand in the hot soapy water sink.
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>You get a few surprised gasps, and then some cheers.
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>"Wow! He sure is tough to be able to do that!"
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>"I'd hate to mess with him!"
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>"Hey Anon how'd you do that?"
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>Yellow serverhorse turns to her fellow horsey workers.
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>"See? He just tells me he's built different or something like that! It's amazing!"
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>This praise leaves you feeling content.
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>Another pony speaks up.
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>"So, Anon, when are you going to quit?"
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>You freeze.
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"What do you mean, quit?"
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>"W-well, we haven't had a dishwasher go at it like you have, so you must be feeling pretty burnt out, right?"
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"What do you mean? I haven't even got started."
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>You get a couple more gasps.
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>Exasperated ponies leave you much joy.
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>"You're not going to be leaving us?"
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"Not until someone starts paying me more to go wash their dishes, no."
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>You get a couple of cheers from that.
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>"Yay! We have a dishwasher that's good at his job!"
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>This is laughably easy.
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>You finish up for the day, and head off to wherever it is that you reside.
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>You figure this is the part of the story that talks about how you live when you're not currently working or interacting with technicolor horses.
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>You go to your hobo spot under a bridge.
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>Since coming here, you haven't had much opportunity to do much and you've made yourself a cozy little campsite under a bridge that goes over a small stream.
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>This bridge is located on the outskirts of the town that is called Ponyville.
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>It's big enough for you and a tent, plus a campfire for whatever flammable needs you may have.
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>You've been living like this for a couple of months now, and it's surprisingly comfy.
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>Since this is a land of magical horseshit, there's no such things as unpleasant nights.
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>You can't even remember a time where it rained at night here.
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>Must be something about how pegasi control the weather or some shit.
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>You strip, wash up in the stream of brilliantly clear water, and cosy on up in your tent for the night.
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>You wake up in the morning, an easy task set forth in this pony land.
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>Birds are singing, sun is shining, and brother,
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>You hurt people.
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>Not really, you haven't been able to perform your acts of moderate human violence in this world.
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>Mostly because you don't want to be put in prison, and end up brainwashed like the rest of them.
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>At least, that's what you think goes on.
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>You don't know much.
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>All you know is that ponies here are childish, and that your pubes are growing a considerable amount.
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>You make a mental note to find a sharp object of some kind so you can tame the jungle one of these days.
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>You splash water on your face from the nearby stream.
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>You also have to handle your clothing situation sooner or later.
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>The only things that came from your world were the clothes on your back.
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>Washing the same set of clothing gets tiring after a while.
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>It may be the morning, but with your work schedule you only go in right before the dinner rush starts.
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>Every time you enter the establishment you are greeted by the sight of dishes piled up haphazardly.
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>There are no morning dishwashers in that place.
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>That's probably because you're the only dishwasher.
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>You're just glad your hands haven't melted away from the constant submersion, but they're still there due to the short length of your shifts.
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>You figure that's enough sitting around on your ass, and you also figure it's time to head into town to get into some Anon debauchery.
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>You don your white t-shirt and jeans, buckle your belt, slip on your socks, and then put on your shoes.
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>It's go time.
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>The shitty morning part of the story is now over.
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>You are strolling at a leisurely pace.
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>Just as luck would have it, there is now a pony behind you.
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>"Move faster, please! You're interrupting my trotty time!" the pony cries out.
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>The path is wide enough for two living beings to walk side-by-side.
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"Can't you just pass me?"
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>"No! You have to get out of the way!" the pony says.
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>Judging from the tone and pitch of the voice, you assume that it is a mare.
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>This may be the same mare that's been harassing your ass every time you take this path.
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"Look, missy, there's more than enough space for the two of us here. Just pass, please."
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>"NO! I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW!"
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>Excuse you?
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>You stop and turn around.
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>Your towering height over the little pony becomes obvious as you notice your shadow completely covering the little shit.
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"You overtake on the left."
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>"I want to go faster!"
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"Then just pass me!"
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>"No! I want this side!"
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>Jesus Christ.
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>You scratch the back of your head.
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>This is always the deal with this one.
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>You wonder if this were Earth, this would be the asshole always tailgating you in the slow lane.
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>You figure the best option at this point is the simplest one.
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>You do a pose, arms reached out.
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"Boo!"
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>"T-that won't work on me this time! I know you're just a slowpoke who wants to ruin my morning routine!"
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"Screw off, then."
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>The mare starts babbling incoherently at this sign of aggression, clearly not used to such foul language.
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>You continue your jaunt as normal.
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>Fast forward to working time, you show up to Dinny's for your usual bout of washing the dishes.
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>You duck your head before walking in.
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>Pony doors aren't as big as human doors.
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>As you walk in through the front door, you are greeted by a couple of your coworkers.
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>There is a certain mare sitting at a table nearby...
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>Is that?
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>The ass-riding mare?
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>She notices you, and her expression sours.
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>Not your problem.
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>Wanting to avoid conflict, you head into the back to start working.
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>Washing dishes
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>Washing dishes
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>Washing dishes while on the clock, yeah!
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>You find yourself in your peaceful state of mind, the new dishes to be washed coming in, the clink and clank of the dishes...
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>There's a simple beauty about it.
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>Too bad you just ran out of dishes to wash.
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>It's a Monday now.
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>The restaurant simply isn't as busy as other days.
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>Days like these make you thankful you have a nice little milk crate to hunch down on.
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>Instead of wasting time and energy standing, you're chilling in front of the dish pit.
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>You miss restaurant-grade dishwashing machines from your old world.
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>Those were cool as hell.
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>Oh, would you look at that!
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>It's yellow serverhorse!
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300.
"How's it hanging, yellow serverhorse?"
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>Yellow serverhorse looks concerned.
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>"I have a name, Anon! My name is-"
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>You didn't hear her name as new dishes are tossed in your soak sink.
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>Some hot water splashed up, and just as it was about to splash yellow serverhorse a tiny bit, you raise your arm to block it.
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>The water harmlessly drips off your forearm.
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>Yellow serverhorse looks flushed.
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>"Wow, Anon! That was quick! Thank you!"
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308.
"Call it reflexes, I remember you telling me about not liking the hot water."
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>Yellow serverhorse is breathing a little heavier than usual.
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310.
>She forgets about telling you her name, and then goes back to the front to go about her duties.
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311.
>You hear Palette requesting you to grab something from the back and bring it up front.
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>You go and grab said thing, silverware, and put it where it's supposed to be.
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>Out the corner of your eye, you see that ass-riding mare is still at her table.
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>You notice that she has some dishes that are empty in front of her.
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>Time for some uncomfortable helpfulness.
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>You approach ass-riding mare with a smile on your face.
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"Hey, mind if I take these dishes off your hands... hooves for you?"
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>Ass-riding mare sits there, wide-eyed, looking at you.
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>Her cheeks are somewhat red.
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>"S-sure. Okay. Go ahead." she says.
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>You take the dishes, and go back.
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322.
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>The rest of the night passes by uneventfully.
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324.
>The final bout of dishes and kitchenware hits you right at closing time, and you knock that out quick.
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>Palette approaches you.
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>"You know, Anon, we haven't had a dishwasher as good as you before! I just wanted to give you my praise before you go!"
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>Aw, shit.
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>You're getting complimented.
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>You're a good worker.
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>Atta boy.
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>Spirits are officially raised now.
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"That means a lot, Palette! I'll see you tomorrow."
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>Palette smiles.
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>"Oh, right. Anon, I'm not here every day! There are going to be some days where you won't have me here. There is another manager that works here, and I'm sure you'll like him a lot!"
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335.
>Another manager you say?
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336.
"Another manager? Who is he?"
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>"Why, he's a pony that takes his job very seriously! A hard worker like you would love him!"
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>You've heard that line too many times before.
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>A manager that takes the job seriously.
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>You're positive something's going to happen despite your eagerness to wash dishes.
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341.
"By the way, when's payday?"
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342.
>"Tomorrow! We're closed tomorrow, but I'll be here in the morning handing everypony their pay. I assume you'll be coming by?"
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343.
"Yup."
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344.
>You decide to worry about this other manager later, and head back home to your troll bridge.
-
345.
>Everything is like you had it before.
-
346.
>Nobody's man enough to touch your stuff, let alone take anything.
-
347.
>Not like you have anything of value anyway.
-
348.
>As you drift off to sleep under that tent of yours, you ponder about how you're going to spend your money.
-
349.
-
350.
>The next day, you head straight to the restaurant.
-
351.
>Apparently, since Tuesdays and Wednesdays aren't the busiest in this part of town, the restaurant is closed.
-
352.
>Gives the poor souls some time to rest from their jobs.
-
353.
>You ponder how anyone in this land even keeps their job.
-
354.
>Probably communism or something.
-
355.
>You are now at the restaurant!
-
356.
>You walk right in through the front doors, or at least try to.
-
357.
>You bumped your head on the door frame.
-
358.
-
359.
>Ouch!
-
360.
>You can feel a slight bump in your forehead, but it's nothing too bad.
-
361.
>You've hit your head before.
-
362.
>However, this was unknown information to the ponies currently inside the building.
-
363.
>These ponies were your coworkers.
-
364.
>Right as you hit your head, everyone gasps.
-
365.
>"Anon! Are you okay?" yellow serverhorse yips as she runs close to your side.
-
366.
>You're rubbing the spot on your head.
-
367.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a bump. Gotta watch out for those doors."
-
368.
>Yellow serverhorse is on the verge of tears.
-
369.
>Everyone else is on the verge of tears.
-
370.
>Palette is on the verge of tears.
-
371.
>Palette speaks up.
-
372.
>"Oh, Celestia! Anon, you don't have to act tough, we've all had booboos before!"
-
373.
>Everyone in the room surrounds you, hugging your legs, talking of "Ouchies!" and variations of "Are you okay?"
-
374.
-
375.
>The next thing that happens leaves you really confused.
-
376.
>You're now trapped in a horde of ponies hugging you, saying it's going to be okay.
-
377.
>Everyone but you is crying.
-
378.
>Why...
-
379.
>Why is everyone crying?
-
380.
>"NOT ANON! NOT OUR POOR DISHPONY! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS PAIN!" you hear one of your coworkers shout.
-
381.
"G-guys, I'm, uh, fine."
-
382.
>A symphony of crying and wailing surrounds you.
-
383.
>"We feel your pain, Anon! Let it out! It's okay! Do you need a doctor?" yellow serverhorse says, huffing from the tears flowing down her face.
-
384.
>The only reason you hear her at all is because she practically shouted that at you.
-
385.
>You'd have to raise your voice to get heard over the crying.
-
386.
>What a strange sight!
-
387.
>Ponies cuddled up to your legs, crying because you got hurt, and you're stuck here because there's about 20 of them here.
-
388.
>The floor is a crying mass of technicolor.
-
389.
>You think of what your dad would say if he saw you in this predicament.
-
390.
>After a few minutes, ponies still sniffling, the group of miniature horses let go.
-
391.
>Palette, recovering slightly, makes an announcement.
-
392.
>"Alright, everypony. I'm so proud of you for showing your support to Anon. Let's give him his first pay!"
-
393.
-
394.
>Cheers fill the room, with somehow everyone forgetting that they were just crying moment prior.
-
395.
>What's the deal with groups in this world and cheering at everything?
-
396.
>You're standing there dumbfounded.
-
397.
>Palette hands you a pouch with a bunch of gold coins in it.
-
398.
>"Anon, you've earned this! Thank you for what you're doing for us!"
-
399.
>The crowd of ponies nod and "uh huh!" in agreement.
-
400.
"Uh... thanks. I'll be back to wash dishes for you when we're open."
-
401.
>Everyone is happy now.
-
402.
"Guess I better get going, then."
-
403.
>"Where are you going Anon? Don't you want to hang out with us for a little while? Payday's my favorite day because I get to talk to my coworkers and not worry about my duties!" yellow serverhorse says to you.
-
404.
"I'd love to, but I need to get home and count this out."
-
405.
>Palette speaks up.
-
406.
>"If you need anything Anon, just let us know! And be sure to stop by the doctor to get your booboo checked out!"
-
407.
>Heh, booboo.
-
408.
"I'll be sure to."
-
409.
>As you turn to walk out the door, there's a burning question in your mind that must be answered.
-
410.
"Oh, before I leave, Palette?"
-
411.
>Palette turns to you.
-
412.
>"Yes, Anon?"
-
413.
"When's payday?"
-
414.
-
415.
>You get home after confirming to your manager that you don't have memory loss from hitting your head.
-
416.
>You just keep forgetting when payday is.
-
417.
>And names.
-
418.
>You're not good with names.
-
419.
>You sit down in front of your tent, and start counting the coins.
-
420.
>Yup, these are golden bits, alright.
-
421.
>You're not sure how valuable they are compared to the superior currency (USD) but you assume they're close to a dollar from the times you've used them.
-
422.
>After counting, you find that you have earned 300 bits.
-
423.
>Not bad, for like, 4 days of work?
-
424.
>Wait a minute...
-
425.
>This appears to be the highest paid job.
-
426.
>You think you're making close to...
-
427.
>Fuck
-
428.
>300 divided by four...
-
429.
>That number divided by four...
-
430.
>ALMOST 19 BITS AN HOUR?
-
431.
>THAT'S LIKE, A GOOD JOB AND SHIT.
-
432.
>Can...
-
433.
>Can you afford a new home?
-
434.
>No more living in a tent under a bridge?
-
435.
-
436.
>Hell no!
-
437.
>Bridge life is the best life!
-
438.
>But, you do miss having a floor to walk on.
-
439.
>You also miss having a sink...
-
440.
>A washing machine...
-
441.
>Basic utilities...
-
442.
>Time to go find a place.
-
443.
>You might be able to rent a room somewhere, but you're not too keen on living with room mates.
-
444.
>You think you'll just have an easier time piling up your money for now.
-
445.
>You jerry-rig the pouch of money to your belt, tying it to your hip's belt loop.
-
446.
>First, before you even consider moving in somewhere, you're going to find some fucking luxury.
-
447.
>Luxury like a bar to drink in.
-
448.
>You know of one place...
-
449.
-
450.
>You travel a distance across town to a location.
-
451.
>You're pretty sure it's a saloon-type thing, you walk in and are greeted by the sight of a bar, stools, and a relatively empty room.
-
452.
>There's a couple of ponies here and there sitting in booths by the walls, and there isn't anyone at the bar itself.
-
453.
>Perfect.
-
454.
>You take a seat, and the bartender pony takes notice of you.
-
455.
>"Welcome to our bar! I haven't seen you around. What can I getcha?" the bartender asks.
-
456.
>You examine the bartender.
-
457.
>Male, grey coat, black mane, and an older gentleman.
-
458.
"What's the strongest stuff you got?"
-
459.
>"The strongest stuff? We do have some Sweet Apple Acres cider."
-
460.
"Cider? How strong is it?"
-
461.
>"A single mug is usually enough to get somepony a buzz, if you're up to that."
-
462.
>Might not be that bad.
-
463.
"Yeah, I'll have a mug."
-
464.
>"Comin' right up!"
-
465.
>You look away only for a second, to be startled by a mug being placed right in front of you.
-
466.
>This...
-
467.
>This is only like, 10 fluid ounces by your estimate.
-
468.
>Still, alcohol is alcohol, and you must scratch that itch.
-
469.
>You take a sip.
-
470.
>And are immediately disappointed.
-
471.
>You're not even sure this is alcohol.
-
472.
"Hey man, you sure something isn't off about this?"
-
473.
>The bartender looks at you funny, then chuckles.
-
474.
>"Why? Too strong for you sonny?"
-
475.
>You take another swig.
-
476.
"This isn't strong at all."
-
477.
>The bartender's face goes neutral, and then concerned.
-
478.
-
479.
>"Well, that can't be right. This is fresh from the barrel."
-
480.
>The bartender pours some out in a small glass from the barrel mounted behind him, and pours himself a little bit.
-
481.
>He drinks from the glass, and then looks at you.
-
482.
>"Son, I don't know what you're on about, but this is perfectly normal."
-
483.
>What?
-
484.
"You're telling me this has alcohol in it?"
-
485.
>His eyes widen.
-
486.
>"A-alcohol? What kind of place do you come from where they serve that cleaning stuff in a drink?"
-
487.
"When I said strong, I meant stuff that's supposed to get me silly."
-
488.
>"This does getcha silly! It's got the tang that gets ponies crazy about it!"
-
489.
"What?"
-
490.
>"The flavor is so strong that it gets folk worked up about it! Why would anypony ever drink that awful a-alcohol stuff?"
-
491.
>You down the entire glass.
-
492.
>Goddamn it.
-
493.
"I guess you wouldn't know. How much do I owe you?"
-
494.
-
495.
>Fucking horses and their lack of alcohol.
-
496.
>Of course they wouldn't have that stuff.
-
497.
>You had paid a pretty hefty price for such a drink, 9 bits for a glass that small?
-
498.
>The bartender told you some bullshit about how it's not cider season and the stuff is premium.
-
499.
>You stopped caring the second you sat in front of your ashy campfire spot.
-
500.
>Probably going to figure out how to make moonshine under this bridge.
-
501.
>You're sure if any fuzz show up you can give some bullshit about how you're making a strong cleaning agent for a friend.
-
502.
>Your thoughts are interrupted by someone calling out to you.
-
503.
>"Anon? Hey! Anon!"
-
504.
>You look up.
-
505.
>And the face looking down to you is none other than yellow serverhorse herself!
-
506.
"Hello, yellow serverhorse!"
-
507.
>"MY NAME IS NOT- uh, what are you doing under the bridge?"
-
508.
"Chillin'."
-
509.
>Yellow serverhorse runs down around the side of the bridge to get closer to you.
-
510.
>"Wow! Are you camping here?"
-
511.
"Yeah, don't have a house or apartment yet so I'm out here til' I get the money to get a place of my own."
-
512.
>"T-that's terrible Anon! You know, I have a spare room in my apartment you could crash in!"
-
513.
>She dares to ask you?
-
514.
>This wench dares to ask you to leave your troll bridge?
-
515.
>Your troll bridge that you didn't work that hard for?
-
516.
>Fair enough.
-
517.
"Hey, yellow serverhorse, I appreciate the offer, but why would you let some stranger into your home?"
-
518.
>"I know you're no stranger, Anon! I'd be happy to help somepony in need!"
-
519.
"Yeah, that may be true, but aren't you worried about... fishy business going on?"
-
520.
>Yellow serverhorse pauses.
-
521.
>She looks clearly puzzled.
-
522.
>This thought had clearly never occurred for her.
-
523.
>"What kind of fishy business?"
-
524.
>Oh boy.
-
525.
"You know... some random guy, coming in your home, taking stuff?"
-
526.
>"S-stealing? You wouldn't do that, Anon! That can lead to jail time!"
-
527.
"No, I'm saying I wouldn't steal from you, but I have only worked at Dinny's for like, a week tops probably? We hardly know eachother."
-
528.
>"But Anon! We're friends!"
-
529.
>Oh geez.
-
530.
-
531.
>One thing led to another, and you are now packing up what possessions you have (haphazardly) to head over to wherever yellow serverhorse lives.
-
532.
>You don't have too much stuff, the tent rolls up nice and you're able to carry most everything with both arms.
-
533.
>You feel like Paul Bunyan holding two trees in each arm.
-
534.
>How silly!
-
535.
>"Come on, Anon! My house is this way!"
-
536.
>You follow yellow serverhorse, possessions in tow, to her home on the other side of town.
-
537.
>"Hey, Anon, how are you able to carry all that stuff? We've been going for 10 minutes now and you don't look like you've broke a sweat!"
-
538.
"I told you before, yellow serverhorse, I'm built different from ponies."
-
539.
>"Who built you?"
-
540.
>Seriously?
-
541.
"I'm not a robot. I was born like a normal person."
-
542.
>"Really?"
-
543.
"Yeah."
-
544.
>You and yellow serverhorse are walking at a comfortable pace.
-
545.
>"Hey Anon, you're smart, right?"
-
546.
"As smart as your average Joe."
-
547.
>"Joe?"
-
548.
"Just a thing we say back home."
-
549.
>"Well, do you know WHERE babies come from?"
-
550.
>This question catches you off-guard.
-
551.
>You blow a small amount of air out of your nostrils.
-
552.
>That's silly.
-
553.
"You're telling me you don't know?"
-
554.
>"Yeah! As a filly, I kept getting told I'd know when I was older! Between me and the other servers, we've no clue! I thought you might know."
-
555.
>What?
-
556.
"Where did this come from all of a sudden? You're telling me that full grown adults working a job don't know where babies come from?"
-
557.
>"Well, yeah!"
-
558.
"You gotta be fucking with me, man. That's just funny."
-
559.
>"A-Anon! Watch your language! You don't want a police officer hearing you talk like that!"
-
560.
"Come on man, you can't be serious. Is this a joke?"
-
561.
>Yellow serverhorse stammers.
-
562.
>"N-no."
-
563.
>You can't believe what you just heard.
-
564.
>Ponies don't tend to lie, and when they do, they're certainly not good at it.
-
565.
"Earlier, when I said born, do you know what the word means?"
-
566.
>"Yeah! It means to... appear!"
-
567.
"In a sense, yeah."
-
568.
>The conversation was cut short.
-
569.
>Why?
-
570.
>You're now in front of yellow serverhorse's home.
-
571.
>By the looks of it, it's an apartment complex alright.
-
572.
>Multiple apartment buildings placed by each other, looking about pony-sized.
-
573.
>You hope the ceiling is high enough.
-
574.
>Establishments like restaurants have ceilings high enough for you to walk comfortably in, but you're unsure about pony dwellings themselves.
-
575.
>You're pretty sure this is your first time entering a pony's home.
-
576.
>"We can finish this talk when we head inside and get you situated!" yellow serverhorse says.
-
577.
>Luckily for you, you won't have to be carrying your stuff up any stairs as yellow serverhorse's apartment is on the bottom floor.
-
578.
>You head in, ducking your head under the door frame, to be pleasantly surprised.
-
579.
>The entire apartment is quite roomy!
-
580.
>And the ceiling is high enough for you to be comfortable!
-
581.
>...
-
582.
>This is suspiciously spacious.
-
583.
"Heh, this apartment is pretty big! My friend made a decent bit of money back home, and his wasn't this big!"
-
584.
>Yellow serverhorse blushes.
-
585.
>"T-that's real kind of you Anon. I know it's not the biggest but you don't have to flatter me like that. It's all I can afford!"
-
586.
-
587.
>The fuck does she mean by that this is all she can afford?
-
588.
>Does this mean that low income housing for ponies is the equivalent to VERY nice apartments from middle of nowhere U.S.?
-
589.
>You notice how nice the entrance is, a marble floor leading up to a carpeted living room with lots of space and a rather comfy looking couch.
-
590.
>Where there would normally be a TV back on homeworld, there is a magical fireplace of some sort on placed in the corner.
-
591.
>The kitchen and dining room are kind of merged, but the dining table shares an open space right by the living room.
-
592.
>You could have sworn that the building was smaller on the outside.
-
593.
>Must be pony magic fuckery.
-
594.
>It's like a whole-ass house in here!
-
595.
"Does this apartment span the whole ground level or something?"
-
596.
>"Well duh, Anon!" yellow serverhorse says, as if saying that it was extremely unusual for there to be multiple apartments on the same floor or something.
-
597.
>You find yourself quickly accepting of this fact.
-
598.
>Nice digs.
-
599.
"So, yellow serverhorse, how much does this place cost you?"
-
600.
>"T-thats rude Anon! You can't just ask somepony how much their home costs the second you come in! And my name is Lemon!"
-
601.
>...
-
602.
>Okay, maybe you were being a little rude, even by human standards.
-
603.
>Wait... Lemon?
-
604.
"I'm sorry, ye-Lemon, back where I'm from we don't have places as nice as this. From the way you were talking, it seemed like that this very nice place is low-income housing."
-
605.
"More importantly, is your name seriously just Lemon? No last name?"
-
606.
>Lemon is now blushing profusely.
-
607.
>"W-well, that's just my first name..."
-
608.
"What's your whole name?"
-
609.
>Lemon is now physically shivering, face becoming redder by the second.
-
610.
>"Lemon... i-in the..."
-
611.
>Your full attention is now on this little yellow horse.
-
612.
>This does not sit well with her.
-
613.
>She is now struggling to get words out.
-
614.
>She tries, and tries again, but nothing comes out.
-
615.
>You find yourself bewildered, and slightly amused by this.
-
616.
>"My. My name... is Lemon, in the.. Glass."
-
617.
-
618.
"Lemon Glass?"
-
619.
>"N-no. Lemon in the Glass."
-
620.
"Like... a title?"
-
621.
>"No, my full legal name is Lemon in the Glass."
-
622.
>You almost laughed, but the smile on your face managed to appear.
-
623.
"You're telling me your name is Lemon in the Glass? Even by pony standards that's just stretching it right there."
-
624.
>"P-please don't bully me. I had to go throughout the entirety of kindergarten with this name! I barely survived!"
-
625.
>Oh, you think this is just adorable.
-
626.
>Like naming a spaceship "It's Not a Bug, It's a Feature" or something like that.
-
627.
"Don't worry, I may be big and tough, but I'm no bully. I'll, uh, just call you Lemon."
-
628.
>Lemon in the Glass calms down.
-
629.
>"Thank you for being so nice to me, Anon. I get really nervous when ponies ask me my name! And then they just start asking questions about it and I just don't know what to do!"
-
630.
"Yeah, that sucks. I knew a guy with an unfortunate name too, but I don't think you'd understand the reference behind it."
-
631.
>Lemon seems content, and happy now.
-
632.
"So, like, your name is like putting a lemon in a glass of water or something?"
-
633.
>She starts getting red again, with an angry undertone this time.
-
634.
-
635.
>After calming Lemon down and assuring her you weren't just trying to get under her skin, she finally lets it go.
-
636.
>She gives you the tour of her home, and shows you her spare bedroom that she conveniently had.
-
637.
>Sure does feel nice to have a place to store your coins.
-
638.
>You ponder how pony taxes work if there's no fragments of bits.
-
639.
>It's a pretty nice little room, not too big, but with a bed that is just barely your size.
-
640.
>It's a little like a twin bed, but slightly more awkward.
-
641.
>You'll make it work.
-
642.
>Other than the bed, there's a nightstand, lamp, and drawer.
-
643.
>You put your things down.
-
644.
"Thanks again for letting me crash here, but I'm sure going to miss being a bridge troll."
-
645.
>Lemon's eyes widen.
-
646.
>"Y-you're a bridge troll?"
-
647.
"No, I'm not a monster. I'm just a regular human dude."
-
648.
>Lemon lets out a sigh of relief, and then looks at the clock.
-
649.
-
650.
>"Goodness! it's dinner time already!"
-
651.
>You sure do feel a little hungry.
-
652.
>"Since you're my guest, Anon, I'll be the one serving up dinner tonight!"
-
653.
"Aww, how nice of you. What's on the menu?"
-
654.
>"My specialty! Eggs and cereal!"
-
655.
"Sounds... delicious."
-
656.
>"And while we're enjoying dinner, you can tell me where babies come from!"
-
657.
>This ought to be good.
-
658.
-
659.
>You sit at the dinner table, and Lemon serves you a bowl of what looks like Lucky Charms and a plate of scrambled eggs on the side.
-
660.
>Honestly, it's not the worst meal you've had for dinner.
-
661.
>You remember having sleep for dinner once or twice when you were a kid.
-
662.
>Interesting choice by Lemon for this meal.
-
663.
>You guess it's quite refined by pony standards, but then again, you remember the restaurant and how there's actual ponies who can cook real food there.
-
664.
>You assume this is how everyone else gets by.
-
665.
"Thank you for the meal."
-
666.
>You and Lemon dig in, enjoying the nice ambiance of the magical fireplace nearby and her little pony gramophone playing antiquated music at a reasonable volume.
-
667.
>"So," Lemon swallows. "Where do babies come from?"
-
668.
>You figure the only way through is honesty, as your old man taught you.
-
669.
"Where do I start..."
-
670.
>Lemon's full attention is on you.
-
671.
>You can feel a slight bit of metaphorical pressure being pushed on to you.
-
672.
"I'm no biologist, but I'll give you my understanding of it. So, uh, basically, when a boy and a girl love eachother very much..."
-
673.
>Lemon's eyes widen.
-
674.
"Well, see, here's the thing, girls have vaginas."
-
675.
>"Ba-ginas?"
-
676.
"VA-ginas."
-
677.
>"VA-ginas."
-
678.
"Yeah, vaginas. They're located under your butthole."
-
679.
>Lemon snickers.
-
680.
>"Haha, you said butthole. I am so glad we are inside my home!"
-
681.
>Lemon refocuses.
-
682.
>"VA-gina. Is... that my special place?"
-
683.
>Good lord, this is difficult.
-
684.
>"I pee out of there! How does that work?"
-
685.
"Shit."
-
686.
>Lemon winces at the curse, but her attention is still there.
-
687.
"Well, it... doubles as something called a reproductive organ."
-
688.
>"Reproductive... organ?"
-
689.
"Right. Males have the counterpart to the vagina, called a penis."
-
690.
>Lemon furrows her brow.
-
691.
>"THAT'S the thing colts have?"
-
692.
>You nod.
-
693.
>"Do you have a penis?"
-
694.
"Yes."
-
695.
>"Does everypony have a penis?"
-
696.
"Only the guys do."
-
697.
>"Oh, ok."
-
698.
>Lemon looks contemplative.
-
699.
>"I don't see how this explains where babies come from."
-
700.
>You continue.
-
701.
"You see, the boy and girl both start to feel hot and flustered."
-
702.
>Lemon looks down, presumably at her own vagina.
-
703.
"The male's penis... heheh, expands and elongates."
-
704.
>Lemon looks somewhat disgusted.
-
705.
>"That's weird!"
-
706.
"And then he sticks it inside of the female's vagina."
-
707.
>Lemon lost a little color.
-
708.
>"H-how..."
-
709.
"Then he goes back and forth a little bit with it, in and out, until he reaches a thing called an orgasm."
-
710.
>Lemon is slightly mortified.
-
711.
>"O-orgasm?"
-
712.
"Imagine the best feeling you've ever had. Multiply that by a thousand or so."
-
713.
>Lemon is simultaneously losing color and blushing profusely.
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714.
>You think you can feel her heartbeat reverberate through her chair, through the floor, and now in your chair.
-
715.
"And when the guy orgasms, his penis squirts out a slimy liquid."
-
716.
>Lemon is having trouble coming to terms with reality.
-
717.
"And all that stuff goes inside the girl."
-
718.
>Lemon is shivering.
-
719.
>"H-how does..."
-
720.
"Then something happens inside the female, and from the liquid, there's these things called sperm cells."
-
721.
>"S-s-s-s-sperm c-cells?"
-
722.
"Yeah, little microscopic swimming things."
-
723.
>Lemon looks like she's on the verge of losing her shit.
-
724.
"There's millions of them inside the liquid."
-
725.
>Lemon faints.
-
726.
>Lemon falls out of her chair, and flops on the ground.
-
727.
>You're sure that may have hurt for her if she was awake enough to register the pain of thudding on the ground like that.
-
728.
>You're just sitting there, both surprised and not surprised at the fact that you just made a pony faint.
-
729.
>You look at the clock, seeing that it is indeed night time now.
-
730.
>Well, you figure that she was going to go to bed soon eventually.
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by Anonistrator
by Anonistrator
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by Anonistrator
by Anonistrator