Unexpected Guest


                                            >You take a bite out of your cupcake, dryly watching the party games taking place in your living room.

                                            >This was the fourth time this month Pinkie had insisted on your house being a venue for one of her parties.

                                            >It made sense in a way, your house was considerably larger than average on account of your stature.

                                            >With Pinkie being a weirdo and you being a grinch, this normally wasn't an arrangement you'd agree to.

                                            >Pinkie however, had recently proved that she was VERY adept at making it up to you.

                                            >That mare knew her way around her cakes.

                                            >You shudder, taking another nibble out of your confectionary.

                                            >The parties really weren't that bad once you got used to them.

                                            >Pinkie was the one who did all the decorating and cleaning, leaving you with the job of eating junk food and making sure no one threw up on your upholstery.

                                            >Not too bad a gig-

                                            >You finish off your cupcake and glance down at the yellow mare seated next to you.

                                            >-for the most part.

                                            >Ever the gracious host, Pinkie refused to let you "be a big meaniehead to anypony" during the parties.

                                            >Naturally, this led to your number one suitor taking full advantage of every party to spend as much time with you as she could.

                                            >What a crock! It was your house, and if you wanted to verbally or physically abuse any partygoer, you're fully within your rights to.

                                            >Castle doctrine and all that.

                                            >You keep your mind on Pinkie's impending apology and return your gaze to the room at large, deigning to ignore how close Fluttershy had positioned herself to you.

                                            >Grimacing, you watch the giggling ponies in the center of the room blindfold themselves and chase each other, bumping into your furniture.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >Your grimace deepens.

                                            >"H-hey Anon?" your arm receives a gentle tug from a plush hoof.

                                            >You sigh deeply, and turn to the source of the voice and all your woes.

                                            "I thought we were still playing the quiet game Fluttershy."

                                            >The yellow pony is all but leaning on you, staring at your face with hungry, longing eyes.

                                            >"Oh. T-then I guess you win." she nonchalantly murmurs.

                                            >You return Fluttershy's stare, waiting for her to get to the point.

                                            >"Hey Anon, I know a-another game we could play."

                                            "I'm not playing 'spin the bottle' with you."

                                            >"I w-was thinking of a d-different one."

                                            >Her eyes drop and she taps her hooves together sheepishly.

                                            >"We can g-go upstairs to your room and you lock the door and then we have fifteen minutes to k-kiss."

                                            >Her voice drops in volume while speaking, until the last word comes out as a whisper.

                                            "Butters. That's not how that game works."

                                            >"Oh. S-sorry."

                                            "No ponies allowed in my room either. Off. Limits."

                                            >You punctuate your last two points with taps on Fluttershy's snout.

                                            >Thankfully, Pinkie had been accommodating enough to help enforce your "off limits" rule to her parties.

                                            >It had only taken one cider-hopped pony rummaging through your underwear drawer to implement.

                                            >Pinkie still refuses to tell you who the perpetrator was.

                                            "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be getting some more snacks."

                                            >You stand up and stretch your legs, Fluttershy hurriedly mimicking you.

                                            >As you begin your trip to the snack table, a knock from your front door echoes over the din of the party.

                                            >Hm. Stragglers generally weren't too common for Pinkie parties.

                                            >You quickly U-turn your way to the foyer, ditching your little yellow shadow at the first opportunity.

                                            >Opening the door reveals a pony nearly double the size you were expecting.

                                            >Their pristine white coat is covered from neck to haunch in a garish Wonderbolts jersey.

                                            >Their multicolored, flowing, pastel mane is topped by a backwards-facing snapback, the strap of which is latched around their majestic horn.

                                            >And atop their royal nose perches a pair of too-large sunglasses.

                                            >It's very much Princess Celestia.

                                            >But what on Earth— er. whatever. is she wearing?

                                            "Princess?.."

                                            >The pony in front of you nervously glances back to her haunch, one of her hooves stretching the hem of her jersey to fully cover her sun-shaped cutie mark.

                                            >"W-who me? You must be mistaken. uh. homie. I'm just a regular party goer who is here to... 'mingle with a readily single purpose,' yes?"

                                            "You can't be serious."

                                            >She begins to shift in place, tapping her hoof against the ground anxiously.

                                            >"Perhaps you should fetch the master of festivities. I do believe I am on the list of participants. Bro?" she gives a weak smile and attempts to peer beyond you and into your house.

                                            "I don't think she was expecting the princ—"

                                            >Your confusion is cut short by a deafening shriek from inside the house that quickly closes on your position.

                                            >"—yyaaaaaaAAAAAYYYYYYYY!! YOU MADE IT! WE WERE GETTING SO WORRIED!"

                                            >Pinkie Pie streaks out from behind you to give a big hug to Celestia. Very clearly Celestia.

                                            >"Was Nonny being a meaniehead to you? He knows he isn't supposed to do that. Isn't-that-right." Pinkie gives your stomach three compelling jabs with her hooves.

                                            >"Nonny, this is our new friend Brolar Flare! She's brand new here so be reeeeaall nice to her, okay?"

                                            "P-Pinkie you.. you know that's Princess Celestia, right? You can see that, right?" you incredulously point at the multicolored mane and the half-covered cutie mark.

                                            >"Wow, always the jokester, huh Nonny? I thought we agreed you were going. to. be. nice. today." Pinkie's eyes ice over and her giant smile remains unmoving as she again punctuates her words with jabs into your stomach, the last of them winding you.

                                            >"Brolar Flare" gives a shaky chuckle at your outburst before turning to face you directly.

                                            >"All in good jest, my ah-me-go." She takes a step towards you. "Now if you'll excuse my haste, I have been greatly anticipating the 'mingling.' bro."

                                            >From behind her oversized sunglasses you can practically feel her violate you visually, her gaze travelling up and down your body.

                                            >Her lips part with a small pant, and you can see a shuffle in her jersey where you expect her wings are hidden.

                                            >You take a cautious step back into the house and point towards the living room.

                                            "W-well don't let me stop you Ms. Flare. haha."

                                            >Celestia pauses, your words seeming to shake her out of whatever she was in.

                                            >"Oh. Correct. Well then I suppose I shall see you later, alley gater." and with poise contrasting drastically with her garb, she gracefully follows your directions to the festivities.

                                            >The sensation of what feels like an iron vice tightening on your calf brings your attention towards the ground.

                                            >Pinkie Pie has locked your leg up in a full body hug, smiling her usual smile up at you.

                                            >"No more jokes, okay Anon? Or I'm going to make sure we have a LOT of fun later."

                                            "okayokayokayokay"

                                            >Wincing from the pain, you yelp your agreement until she releases her grasp.

                                            >With a wink and a giggle, Pinkie skips back off into the throes of the party.

                                            >Alright. Whatever.

                                            >Who cares if the God-Princess of all things was pretending to be a hip youth at your house.

                                            >It's time for another cupcake.

                                            >You grumble as you limp your way back towards your original destination, slamming the door behind you.


                                            >You're sitting back in your usual corner, arms cradling a veritable store's worth of baked goods.

                                            >Swallowing a perfectly-made cookie whole, you keep your glower trained on "Brolar Flare."

                                            >She's been acting innocently enough among the other partygoing ponies.

                                            >Every so often she'll shoot a glance over towards your seat, usually paired with a friendly smile or flick of her tail.

                                            >She was really digging into the cider though, you've lost count of how many cups she's been through.

                                            >And NO ONE seems to have noticed that it's Princess Celestia wearing a jersey and sunglasses.

                                            >"Anon?" Fluttershy timidly taps your arm again.

                                            >You start a little at the unexpected touch from the space you thought was unoccupied.

                                            "jjEEzum CRipes Fluttershy, how long have you been there for?"

                                            >"A-Anon why do you keep looking at Brolar Flare?" Fluttershy completely ignores your question.

                                            >"Is it because s-she's big? You k-know I can't h-help my height..."

                                            >Fluttershy's voice wavers just enough to let you know you're treading dangerous waters.

                                            "I. uh. keep looking at her because she's pretending to be someone else, Flutters. Nothing about height."

                                            >"B-but I can pretend t-too. D-do you want me to p-put on the Rainbow Dash hoodie?"

                                            >You keep your gaze focused on Celestia and shake your head, opting to chow another cookie.

                                            "I told you that was a one time thing. Now can you—"

                                            >"W-well what is it t-then? W-What does s-she have t-that I don't?" Fluttershy interjects, her voice choked with emotion.

                                            >A quick glance at her teary eyes confirms the waterworks are about to start.

                                            >From the corner of your vision, you see a pink pony freeze, her hackles raising and head slowly turning towards yours.

                                            >"Is i-it the h-horn? Do you only l-like u-unicorns?"

                                            >A tear runs down Fluttershy's cheek as her voice begins to reach a volume you're uncomfortable with.

                                            >You've got to get out of here, quick.

                                            "Hey Shy, uh I'm not hungry anymore. You can have my snacks!" you drop your armful of cookies and cakes in front of the sniveling pony.

                                            "I've got to take out the trash now, we can talk later okay?"

                                            >Without waiting for a response, you dart over to the nearest trash can and recover the half empty bag from it.

                                            >Beelining to your back door, you can feel Pinkie's eyes bore holes into your core.

                                            >You slip out and close the door quietly behind you, the cool night air offering brief respite.

                                            >Carelessly tying a knot into the trash bag, you chuck it next to your cans and slump to the ground.

                                            >The back porch and yard are thankfully absent of any ponies.

                                            >You figure you can get a solid two minutes of peace before having to go back in and deal with that mess.

                                            >Resting your head in your hands you breathe deeply, the serene atmosphere of your back porch a stark difference from the din of the party.

                                            >And then you hear your door click open.

                                            "Pinkie it wasn't m—" you start your excuse before registering that it isn't Pinkie Pie strutting out onto your porch.

                                            >The click of the door closing syncs with the sinking feeling in your stomach as you stare up at the white regal mare.

                                            >"Oh. Anonymous. It appears I've found you alone."

                                            >Celestia removes her sunglasses and tucks them into the collar of her jersey.

                                            >"You were most. *hic* Most skilled at seeing through my disguise. Such commendable perception."

                                            >She begins a slow trot over to your crouched position, stopping until she's mere inches away, towering over you.

                                            >The pony in front of you cuts an imposing figure, the anxiety she had on introducing herself seemingly absent.

                                            "W-what are you doing here Princess? What's with the uh. outfit?"

                                            >"I've already told you Anonymous. I'm here to *hic* mingle." she hiccups again, lowering her head until its level with yours.

                                            >The smell of cider is coming off of her in waves, filling your nostrils.

                                            >"Do you know what it's like being twice the *hic* size of your serfs Anonymous? Do you know how -frustrating- it can be?"

                                            >You're completely frozen, each of her words sending gusts of moist, heady breath across your face.

                                            >"Have you ever had an itch you cannot scratch Anonymous? I may be royalty, but I am still a mare."

                                            >Searching your face for a reaction, her eyes flash with a thousand-year hunger and you tense up reactively.

                                            >"It is a most provoking thing to be denied satisfaction. W— *hic* Wouldn't you agree?"

                                            >Without waiting for a response, Celestia abruptly closes the gap between the two of you, planting her muzzle sloppily onto your lips.

                                            >Your eyes widen in shock, and you attempt to recoil back.

                                            >One of Celestia's front hooves shoots out and wraps around the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.

                                            >Completely overwhelmed by the intoxicating scent of cider, you shut your eyes to the world.

                                            >With a strength you've never before encountered, the princess brutishly forces her nimble, dextrous tongue into your mouth.

                                            >Its snake-like anatomy is entirely alien to you, the closest you could place it to would be a giraffe's.

                                            >Her tongue is impossibly long, the white mare feeding you every inch of its slimy heft, much to your dismay.

                                            >She forcefully explores every corner of your mouth, her tongue coiling and undulating, spreading her taste and spit across your palate.

                                            >Then, without warning, her lithe organ shoots forward deep towards your throat.

                                            "HRHLK"

                                            >The royal tongue in your mouth unfurls into your esophagus, its glistening thickness blocking your primary method of breathing.

                                            >You panic, your eyes filling with tears as you gag around her tongue and attempt to squirm your way free of Celestia's unrelenting grasp.

                                            >She staunchly holds, her tongue not yet having finished its expedition, its tip tickling the halfway point to your stomach.

                                            >The wet muscle writhes in your throat, twisting and gyrating in a successful show of dominance.

                                            >Then, having reached as far as her length allows, Celestia slowly yields, drawing her tongue back out of your throat at a snail's pace, making sure you feel every inch.

                                            >Celestia releases your neck and leans back, breaking the kiss with a lewd squelch, thick strands of saliva spanning the gap between your faces.

                                            >You keel over onto your hands and knees, retching and gasping for air, your face covered in horse spit.

                                            >Panting with need, the princess stares down at your spasming form with half-lidded, voracious eyes and reaches a hoof to your chin.

                                            >She tilts your head to meet her stare, waiting for your hacking to die down before speaking her piece.

                                            >"Here is what will be taking place for the remainder of the night Anonymous." Celestia announces in a commanding, resounding tone.

                                            >"We are both going to go to your quarters, you are going to lay on the bed, and then I'm going to fucking break your pelvis."

                                            >The conviction in her voice stuns you briefly, your eyes widening.

                                            "..."

                                            "..n-no thank y-you?..."

                                            >Celestia's eyes narrow into a contemptuous glare, her face warped with a sneer of intent.

                                            >"I do not remember giving you any say in the matter, knave."

                                            >As she spits out the last word you realize this pony could mulch you in a million different ways, and that's without using magic.

                                            >Not to mention the authority to jail you for life.

                                            >Celestia replaces her sunglasses before addressing you again.

                                            >"Now make haste. I've waited a *hic* lifetime for this."

                                            "y-yes m-ma'am..."

                                            >Withering under her gaze, you feebly collect yourself and open the door, shuffling back into the party.

                                            >You march through the din with your shoulders slouched and head aimed firmly at the ground, the cheer of the revels around you juxtaposed with your upcoming task.

                                            >"Brolar Flare" walks alongside you happily, albeit in less than a straight line.

                                            >After what feels like an eternity, you reach the stairs and begin your ascent.

                                            >Halfway up, you and Celestia's steps are halted by a quiet voice from behind you.

                                            >"A-Anon?"

                                            >Fluttershy, her eyes red from crying, sits mournfully at the base of the stairs.

                                            >Pinkie Pie following close behind her, wraps an arm around Fluttershy and attempts to pull her away, staring daggers at you and Celestia.

                                            >"W-where are you g-going with.. h-her? I t-thought upstairs was off l-limits..."

                                            >Fluttershy's voice quivers, and even before you answer you can see tears forming in her eyes.

                                            "Me and Celes—. er. Brolar Flare and I are just going to go uh. read.. comic books. In my room. By ourselves."

                                            >"B-but.. b-b-but... w-why c-can't I read comics w-with you? W-why her?"

                                            >Teardrops begin to fall from Fluttershy's eyes in a drizzle, staining her coat as they travel.

                                            "er. uuh."

                                            >As you try to stammer a response, Celestia looks down inquisitively at you through her sunglasses and nudges your shoulder.

                                            >"Sex."

                                            >Three pairs of shocked eyes fix themselves on the princess.

                                            >"We are going to be having sex in your room. Not reading comic books."

                                            >Letting out a strained chuckle you sheepishly tug your collar and stare at the ground.

                                            "...must have forgot..."

                                            >The following painful silence is pierced by a strained sob from Fluttershy, who tucks her head into Pinkie Pie's welcoming torso.

                                            >Pinkie doesn't say a word to you, opting instead to give you the angriest frown she can muster while patting the top of Fluttershy's mane.

                                            >Celestia nudges you again.

                                            >"I -said- we will be having sex in your room. Now."

                                            >Defeated, you give Pinkie a hopeless shrug and turn around, shambling up the last of the steps.

                                            >Celestia delivers a swat to your behind with her flowing tail, following you up to the landing and into your room.

                                            >You can still hear Fluttershy's cries when you close the door shut.


                                            >You run a pink hoof through Fluttershy's equally pink mane, muttering words of comfort to her.

                                            >It's been twenty minutes since Anon closed his door, and the moans and yells from upstairs have yet to even pause.

                                            >The house has long been empty. Once the screaming started, all your guests very quickly remembered that they had to be somewhere or had left an oven on.

                                            >Just like your party, Fluttershy's crying has come to a close as well.

                                            >Drying her eyes on your fur, she retracts her head from the safety of your hug before speaking in a hoarse whisper to you.

                                            >"P-Pinkie, why is Anon s-so mean to me?"

                                            "It's not just you that he's been a meanie to. He ruined my party! That makes him a double meanie!"

                                            "Why, we should go up there and give him a piece of our minds! Unicorn floozie or not, he needs to apologize." you cross your hooves angrily.

                                            >"H-his bedroom door has a l-lock on it, we won't be able t-to get in w—"

                                            "Awwwww fiddlesticks..."

                                            >"um. Without t-this."

                                            >From underneath her wing, Fluttershy pulls out a brass key attached to a loop of string.

                                            >"I k-keep it safe for h-him. J-just in case."

                                            "Fluttershy, you clever bird!"

                                            >You rub your hooves together and grin maniacally at your partner in crime.

                                            "Now, let's plan a surprise party."