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April Ceremony

By Maonyman
Created: 29th October 2020 04:06:01 AM

  1. Another one-shot with a twist.
  2.  
  3. ___
  4.  
  5. >You wake to the sound of Twilight shouting and banging on your door.
  6. >"Anon! Come on, what are you doing, you're gonna be late!"
  7. >You groan loudly then mumble.
  8. "Late f'what?"
  9. >With a bright flash, Twilight suddenly appears next to your bed.
  10. >Her face first shows worry, then surprise, then horror.
  11. >"Oh my gosh, Anon! What are you doing!? Get up get up GET UP!"
  12. >Confused and a little scared now, you scramble out of bed.
  13. >Twilight's magic throws clothes on you like a magician's quick change performance, then throws your curtains wide open.
  14. >Squinting in the abruptly sunny room, you find yourself wearing black slacks, a yellow dress shirt, a pink bow tie, and a black dress jacket before you can even ask what's going on.
  15. >So now you do.
  16. "Twilight, what the fuck is going on?"
  17. >She turns and stares at you, mouth hung open in shock.
  18. >"Are you kidding me? Are you still drunk from your party last night? Whatever, no time, you're late. Come ON!"
  19. >Her magic lifts you and throws black socks and shiny black dress shoes on your feet.
  20. >With some funky magic, she throws some cold water in your face but somehow doesn't get any of your clothes wet.
  21. "What the? Twi--" you splutter.
  22. >"You have to wake up, quick. Can't show up looking in a daze!"
  23. >A floating stream of coffee suddenly flies down your throat.
  24. >You try to gag at the unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling, but your whole esophagus is held open with magic... which is also an unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling.
  25. >Then, with a blinding flash and a disorienting twist of your, well, everything, your room vanishes.
  26.  
  27. >You stand behind a wall in the middle of Ponyville, the gentle clamor of conversation audible from the other side.
  28. >Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity stand in front of you, wearing regal gowns that match your suit.
  29. >Twilight is angrily whispering to the others, "He was still asleep! I think he's hungover or maybe even still drunk from last night."
  30. >Dash grins, "Yeah, it got pretty crazy, didn't it? Jeez man, how much did you drink, anyways? I lost count myself."
  31. >Rarity's horn glows and you feel your clothes rustle lightly.
  32. >"At least his suit looks reasonably presentable. Twilight, how long has he been awake?"
  33. >"Ha! Like five minutes. I dressed him with magic, woke him rudely, and shoved some coffee down his throat."
  34. "Having liquid floated down my throat feels weird as hell, by the way."
  35. >Rarity giggles and murmurs, "I think it can feel nice sometimes."
  36. >Whoa there, Rarity.
  37. >Dash steps in front of you.
  38. >"Okay Anon, give me some movement. I wanna make sure you're wide awake for this! Come on, jog in place or something."
  39. "That damn teleportation woke me up plenty, Dash."
  40. >Dash scowls, "You don't have a choice here Anon. Get moving or you're gonna get hurting."
  41. >You reluctantly do a slow march.
  42. >Dash zooms up until her face is only an inch from yours, speaking in a quiet, intense voice.
  43. >"Anonymous, if you don't pick up your bucking feet like right now, by Celestia I will fly you to the nearest thundercloud, drop you through it, and make sure it shocks you on the way down!"
  44. >She smacks your forehead with a hoof, "Move!"
  45. >Groaning, you pick up the pace, hopping awkwardly from foot to foot.
  46. >Your legs don't seem to want to obey you and move around stiffly.
  47. >After a short moment, Dash smirks and says, "Alright, good enough. Need your blood flowing but can't have you getting sweaty in your suit."
  48. >Rarity rolls her eyes, tilts her glowing horn, and rustles some of your clothes and hair back into place.
  49. >"Really darling, I don't know what you were thinking, sleeping in on today of all days."
  50. >Meanwhile, Twilight had been trotting around, talking to ponies that step around the wall, making adjustments to various things with her magic, and generally just doing a whole lot of bullshit that you've no idea what it means.
  51. >Then you hear a clear bell ring and the clamor on the other side of the wall silences almost immediately.
  52. >Twilight turns to you, "That's you're cue! Remember, just smile, stand still, and repeat after the Princess."
  53. >...Princess?
  54. >Another blinding flash and deep sense of disorientation and suddenly you're standing on a small white stage.
  55. >You're standing under a wooden arch lined with pink and yellow flowers, a bit off to the side of center.
  56. >Princess Celestia herself, in all her regal glory, stands near you in the middle of the arch and smiles warmly.
  57. >Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow Dash are standing behind you.
  58. >Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack stand across the stage in front of you.
  59. >A dozen or two ponies are spread out in two organized squares in front of the stage.
  60. >At the end stands Fluttershy in a masterwork dress that matches her coat and mane perfectly.
  61. >Next to her is a pale green pony with a pink mane and tiny pink mustache.
  62. >Music starts playing from somewhere and they both slowly walk toward you between the two groups of onlookers.
  63. >Your brains still feels dull but realization slowly dawns on you.
  64. >This is a fucking wedding!
  65. >You try to shout but only gasp gently.
  66. >You try to turn and run, but only take one small step backwards.
  67. >To the audience, it would seem as if you are simply stunned by the beauty of your wife-to-be.
  68. >Frozen in terror, awkwardness, or something more sinister, you can only gape at the approaching duo.
  69. >They pause at the beginning of the stage.
  70. >The green pony turns to Fluttershy, then to you, nods, and gently nudges Fluttershy up the steps to the stage.
  71. >He then moves to a place in front of the audience next to a yellow pony with dark pink hair.
  72. >You think to yourself, 'Those must be her parents...'
  73. >Your head is feeling very foggy... you must be even more sleepy than you thought.
  74. >Fluttershy steps up next to you and smiles shyly, then turns to the Princess. You do the same.
  75. >Wait a second, is your vision going dark?
  76. >Celestia speaks, "Fillies and Gentlecolts! We are gathered here to day to witness the union of Fluttershy and Anonymous!"
  77. >The cheers of the crowd fade as your vision dims to black.
  78.  
  79. >When you come to, you're stumbling through Fluttershy's door as you lean heavily on her shoulder.
  80. >"Oh, Anon! Are you okay now? You seemed to get a little woozy there!"
  81. "I'm... fine."
  82. >Wait, no you're not.
  83. >What the hell are you doing here?
  84. >You're still in your suit, she's still in her dress, and you're just calmly walking through her front door.
  85. >You freeze in place, just inside her house.
  86. >"...Anon? Is something wrong?"
  87. "Fluttershy... what just happened?"
  88. >Her ears droop, "You mean... you don't remember?"
  89. "I... no, I guess the... the wooziness was a sign of something more. I can't seem to remember anything since this evening. There was a stage... Princess Celestia... What's going on?"
  90. >She steps closer to you.
  91. >"Anon... that was our wedding."
  92. "Our... Huh?"
  93. >She rears up and nuzzles your cheek.
  94. >"We just got married, Anon. You came back here so we can consummate the wedding."
  95. >Consummate...
  96. >Your eyes go wide.
  97. >No.
  98. "What."
  99. >Holy shit.
  100. "Fluttershy, what the fuck"
  101. >Is this really happening?
  102. "I can't... Fluttershy, what?"
  103. >Fluttershy coolly leads you to a nearby chair.
  104. >"Don't worry, my love! I promise everything will be okay now that we're married I'll support you as long as I can, 'till death do us part. We're together forever!"
  105. >Together forever.
  106. >Married to Fluttershy.
  107. >She finally trapped you.
  108. >You don't know how she did it, but there it is.
  109. >Fluttershy closes all the curtains and darkness envelopes you.
  110. >Feeling numb, you don't even resist as Fluttershy fumbles with your pants.
  111. >In the dim light, you see her shape climb on top of you.
  112. >You scream.
  113.  
  114. >Still screaming, you bolt upright in your bed.
  115. >Your bed, in your house... no yellow pony in sight.
  116. >Though there is a large, multicolored... snake thing is in your room.
  117. >You scream again.
  118. "WHAT THE FUCK."
  119. >"Ooh, Anon, that's was just beautiful! A truly genuine scream of horror and despair."
  120. >He claps his paws together and somehow makes the sound of a large audience applauding.
  121. >Wait, not his paws...
  122. >One paw and one talon.
  123. >You squint at him in the morning light filtering through your curtain.
  124. >Grey head, brown body, an odd squiggly blue horn...
  125. >"Oh, enough of the narration, the readers all know who I am... and really, 'snake thing?' My name is Discord, you've never met me, and I just gave you the most awful dream."
  126. >You gawk at him, thoroughly confused.
  127. >Discord tsks, "Gawk is such a silly word... and how are you even supposed to pronounce 'tsk' anyway?"
  128. "...What?"
  129. >"Quiet, I wasn't talking to you."
  130. "But... no one else is here?"
  131. >Discord laughs maniacally and floats up into the air.
  132. >"Alright, I'll just go ahead and wrap this up since Maonyman is getting tired of writing this story."
  133. >He snaps his fingers, your curtains fall to the ground, daylight streams in, and he vanishes in a puff of pink smoke.
  134. >The smoke spells out two words:
  135. [spoiler]APRIL FOOLS![/spoiler]
/FR/ safe fluttershy anon humor 4th wall short

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