April Ceremony

Another one-shot with a twist.

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>You wake to the sound of Twilight shouting and banging on your door.
>"Anon! Come on, what are you doing, you're gonna be late!"
>You groan loudly then mumble.
"Late f'what?"
>With a bright flash, Twilight suddenly appears next to your bed.
>Her face first shows worry, then surprise, then horror.
>"Oh my gosh, Anon! What are you doing!? Get up get up GET UP!"
>Confused and a little scared now, you scramble out of bed.
>Twilight's magic throws clothes on you like a magician's quick change performance, then throws your curtains wide open.
>Squinting in the abruptly sunny room, you find yourself wearing black slacks, a yellow dress shirt, a pink bow tie, and a black dress jacket before you can even ask what's going on.
>So now you do.
"Twilight, what the fuck is going on?"
>She turns and stares at you, mouth hung open in shock.
>"Are you kidding me? Are you still drunk from your party last night? Whatever, no time, you're late. Come ON!"
>Her magic lifts you and throws black socks and shiny black dress shoes on your feet.
>With some funky magic, she throws some cold water in your face but somehow doesn't get any of your clothes wet.
"What the? Twi--" you splutter.
>"You have to wake up, quick. Can't show up looking in a daze!"
>A floating stream of coffee suddenly flies down your throat.
>You try to gag at the unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling, but your whole esophagus is held open with magic... which is also an unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling.
>Then, with a blinding flash and a disorienting twist of your, well, everything, your room vanishes.

>You stand behind a wall in the middle of Ponyville, the gentle clamor of conversation audible from the other side.
>Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity stand in front of you, wearing regal gowns that match your suit.
>Twilight is angrily whispering to the others, "He was still asleep! I think he's hungover or maybe even still drunk from last night."
>Dash grins, "Yeah, it got pretty crazy, didn't it? Jeez man, how much did you drink, anyways? I lost count myself."
>Rarity's horn glows and you feel your clothes rustle lightly.
>"At least his suit looks reasonably presentable. Twilight, how long has he been awake?"
>"Ha! Like five minutes. I dressed him with magic, woke him rudely, and shoved some coffee down his throat."
"Having liquid floated down my throat feels weird as hell, by the way."
>Rarity giggles and murmurs, "I think it can feel nice sometimes."
>Whoa there, Rarity.
>Dash steps in front of you.
>"Okay Anon, give me some movement. I wanna make sure you're wide awake for this! Come on, jog in place or something."
"That damn teleportation woke me up plenty, Dash."
>Dash scowls, "You don't have a choice here Anon. Get moving or you're gonna get hurting."
>You reluctantly do a slow march.
>Dash zooms up until her face is only an inch from yours, speaking in a quiet, intense voice.
>"Anonymous, if you don't pick up your bucking feet like right now, by Celestia I will fly you to the nearest thundercloud, drop you through it, and make sure it shocks you on the way down!"
>She smacks your forehead with a hoof, "Move!"
>Groaning, you pick up the pace, hopping awkwardly from foot to foot.
>Your legs don't seem to want to obey you and move around stiffly.
>After a short moment, Dash smirks and says, "Alright, good enough. Need your blood flowing but can't have you getting sweaty in your suit."
>Rarity rolls her eyes, tilts her glowing horn, and rustles some of your clothes and hair back into place.
>"Really darling, I don't know what you were thinking, sleeping in on today of all days."
>Meanwhile, Twilight had been trotting around, talking to ponies that step around the wall, making adjustments to various things with her magic, and generally just doing a whole lot of bullshit that you've no idea what it means.
>Then you hear a clear bell ring and the clamor on the other side of the wall silences almost immediately.
>Twilight turns to you, "That's you're cue! Remember, just smile, stand still, and repeat after the Princess."
>...Princess?
>Another blinding flash and deep sense of disorientation and suddenly you're standing on a small white stage.
>You're standing under a wooden arch lined with pink and yellow flowers, a bit off to the side of center.
>Princess Celestia herself, in all her regal glory, stands near you in the middle of the arch and smiles warmly.
>Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow Dash are standing behind you.
>Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack stand across the stage in front of you.
>A dozen or two ponies are spread out in two organized squares in front of the stage.
>At the end stands Fluttershy in a masterwork dress that matches her coat and mane perfectly.
>Next to her is a pale green pony with a pink mane and tiny pink mustache.
>Music starts playing from somewhere and they both slowly walk toward you between the two groups of onlookers.
>Your brains still feels dull but realization slowly dawns on you.
>This is a fucking wedding!
>You try to shout but only gasp gently.
>You try to turn and run, but only take one small step backwards.
>To the audience, it would seem as if you are simply stunned by the beauty of your wife-to-be.
>Frozen in terror, awkwardness, or something more sinister, you can only gape at the approaching duo.
>They pause at the beginning of the stage.
>The green pony turns to Fluttershy, then to you, nods, and gently nudges Fluttershy up the steps to the stage.
>He then moves to a place in front of the audience next to a yellow pony with dark pink hair.
>You think to yourself, 'Those must be her parents...'
>Your head is feeling very foggy... you must be even more sleepy than you thought.
>Fluttershy steps up next to you and smiles shyly, then turns to the Princess. You do the same.
>Wait a second, is your vision going dark?
>Celestia speaks, "Fillies and Gentlecolts! We are gathered here to day to witness the union of Fluttershy and Anonymous!"
>The cheers of the crowd fade as your vision dims to black.

>When you come to, you're stumbling through Fluttershy's door as you lean heavily on her shoulder.
>"Oh, Anon! Are you okay now? You seemed to get a little woozy there!"
"I'm... fine."
>Wait, no you're not.
>What the hell are you doing here?
>You're still in your suit, she's still in her dress, and you're just calmly walking through her front door.
>You freeze in place, just inside her house.
>"...Anon? Is something wrong?"
"Fluttershy... what just happened?"
>Her ears droop, "You mean... you don't remember?"
"I... no, I guess the... the wooziness was a sign of something more. I can't seem to remember anything since this evening. There was a stage... Princess Celestia... What's going on?"
>She steps closer to you.
>"Anon... that was our wedding."
"Our... Huh?"
>She rears up and nuzzles your cheek.
>"We just got married, Anon. You came back here so we can consummate the wedding."
>Consummate...
>Your eyes go wide.
>No.
"What."
>Holy shit.
"Fluttershy, what the fuck"
>Is this really happening?
"I can't... Fluttershy, what?"
>Fluttershy coolly leads you to a nearby chair.
>"Don't worry, my love! I promise everything will be okay now that we're married I'll support you as long as I can, 'till death do us part. We're together forever!"
>Together forever.
>Married to Fluttershy.
>She finally trapped you.
>You don't know how she did it, but there it is.
>Fluttershy closes all the curtains and darkness envelopes you.
>Feeling numb, you don't even resist as Fluttershy fumbles with your pants.
>In the dim light, you see her shape climb on top of you.
>You scream.

>Still screaming, you bolt upright in your bed.
>Your bed, in your house... no yellow pony in sight.
>Though there is a large, multicolored... snake thing is in your room.
>You scream again.
"WHAT THE FUCK."
>"Ooh, Anon, that's was just beautiful! A truly genuine scream of horror and despair."
>He claps his paws together and somehow makes the sound of a large audience applauding.
>Wait, not his paws...
>One paw and one talon.
>You squint at him in the morning light filtering through your curtain.
>Grey head, brown body, an odd squiggly blue horn...
>"Oh, enough of the narration, the readers all know who I am... and really, 'snake thing?' My name is Discord, you've never met me, and I just gave you the most awful dream."
>You gawk at him, thoroughly confused.
>Discord tsks, "Gawk is such a silly word... and how are you even supposed to pronounce 'tsk' anyway?"
"...What?"
>"Quiet, I wasn't talking to you."
"But... no one else is here?"
>Discord laughs maniacally and floats up into the air.
>"Alright, I'll just go ahead and wrap this up since Maonyman is getting tired of writing this story."
>He snaps his fingers, your curtains fall to the ground, daylight streams in, and he vanishes in a puff of pink smoke.
>The smoke spells out two words:
[spoiler]APRIL FOOLS![/spoiler]