April Ceremony


                                            Another one-shot with a twist.


                                            ___


                                            >You wake to the sound of Twilight shouting and banging on your door.

                                            >"Anon! Come on, what are you doing, you're gonna be late!"

                                            >You groan loudly then mumble.

                                            "Late f'what?"

                                            >With a bright flash, Twilight suddenly appears next to your bed.

                                            >Her face first shows worry, then surprise, then horror.

                                            >"Oh my gosh, Anon! What are you doing!? Get up get up GET UP!"

                                            >Confused and a little scared now, you scramble out of bed.

                                            >Twilight's magic throws clothes on you like a magician's quick change performance, then throws your curtains wide open.

                                            >Squinting in the abruptly sunny room, you find yourself wearing black slacks, a yellow dress shirt, a pink bow tie, and a black dress jacket before you can even ask what's going on.

                                            >So now you do.

                                            "Twilight, what the fuck is going on?"

                                            >She turns and stares at you, mouth hung open in shock.

                                            >"Are you kidding me? Are you still drunk from your party last night? Whatever, no time, you're late. Come ON!"

                                            >Her magic lifts you and throws black socks and shiny black dress shoes on your feet.

                                            >With some funky magic, she throws some cold water in your face but somehow doesn't get any of your clothes wet.

                                            "What the? Twi--" you splutter.

                                            >"You have to wake up, quick. Can't show up looking in a daze!"

                                            >A floating stream of coffee suddenly flies down your throat.

                                            >You try to gag at the unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling, but your whole esophagus is held open with magic... which is also an unusual and deeply unpleasant feeling.

                                            >Then, with a blinding flash and a disorienting twist of your, well, everything, your room vanishes.


                                            >You stand behind a wall in the middle of Ponyville, the gentle clamor of conversation audible from the other side.

                                            >Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity stand in front of you, wearing regal gowns that match your suit.

                                            >Twilight is angrily whispering to the others, "He was still asleep! I think he's hungover or maybe even still drunk from last night."

                                            >Dash grins, "Yeah, it got pretty crazy, didn't it? Jeez man, how much did you drink, anyways? I lost count myself."

                                            >Rarity's horn glows and you feel your clothes rustle lightly.

                                            >"At least his suit looks reasonably presentable. Twilight, how long has he been awake?"

                                            >"Ha! Like five minutes. I dressed him with magic, woke him rudely, and shoved some coffee down his throat."

                                            "Having liquid floated down my throat feels weird as hell, by the way."

                                            >Rarity giggles and murmurs, "I think it can feel nice sometimes."

                                            >Whoa there, Rarity.

                                            >Dash steps in front of you.

                                            >"Okay Anon, give me some movement. I wanna make sure you're wide awake for this! Come on, jog in place or something."

                                            "That damn teleportation woke me up plenty, Dash."

                                            >Dash scowls, "You don't have a choice here Anon. Get moving or you're gonna get hurting."

                                            >You reluctantly do a slow march.

                                            >Dash zooms up until her face is only an inch from yours, speaking in a quiet, intense voice.

                                            >"Anonymous, if you don't pick up your bucking feet like right now, by Celestia I will fly you to the nearest thundercloud, drop you through it, and make sure it shocks you on the way down!"

                                            >She smacks your forehead with a hoof, "Move!"

                                            >Groaning, you pick up the pace, hopping awkwardly from foot to foot.

                                            >Your legs don't seem to want to obey you and move around stiffly.

                                            >After a short moment, Dash smirks and says, "Alright, good enough. Need your blood flowing but can't have you getting sweaty in your suit."

                                            >Rarity rolls her eyes, tilts her glowing horn, and rustles some of your clothes and hair back into place.

                                            >"Really darling, I don't know what you were thinking, sleeping in on today of all days."

                                            >Meanwhile, Twilight had been trotting around, talking to ponies that step around the wall, making adjustments to various things with her magic, and generally just doing a whole lot of bullshit that you've no idea what it means.

                                            >Then you hear a clear bell ring and the clamor on the other side of the wall silences almost immediately.

                                            >Twilight turns to you, "That's you're cue! Remember, just smile, stand still, and repeat after the Princess."

                                            >...Princess?

                                            >Another blinding flash and deep sense of disorientation and suddenly you're standing on a small white stage.

                                            >You're standing under a wooden arch lined with pink and yellow flowers, a bit off to the side of center.

                                            >Princess Celestia herself, in all her regal glory, stands near you in the middle of the arch and smiles warmly.

                                            >Twilight, Spike, and Rainbow Dash are standing behind you.

                                            >Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack stand across the stage in front of you.

                                            >A dozen or two ponies are spread out in two organized squares in front of the stage.

                                            >At the end stands Fluttershy in a masterwork dress that matches her coat and mane perfectly.

                                            >Next to her is a pale green pony with a pink mane and tiny pink mustache.

                                            >Music starts playing from somewhere and they both slowly walk toward you between the two groups of onlookers.

                                            >Your brains still feels dull but realization slowly dawns on you.

                                            >This is a fucking wedding!

                                            >You try to shout but only gasp gently.

                                            >You try to turn and run, but only take one small step backwards.

                                            >To the audience, it would seem as if you are simply stunned by the beauty of your wife-to-be.

                                            >Frozen in terror, awkwardness, or something more sinister, you can only gape at the approaching duo.

                                            >They pause at the beginning of the stage.

                                            >The green pony turns to Fluttershy, then to you, nods, and gently nudges Fluttershy up the steps to the stage.

                                            >He then moves to a place in front of the audience next to a yellow pony with dark pink hair.

                                            >You think to yourself, 'Those must be her parents...'

                                            >Your head is feeling very foggy... you must be even more sleepy than you thought.

                                            >Fluttershy steps up next to you and smiles shyly, then turns to the Princess. You do the same.

                                            >Wait a second, is your vision going dark?

                                            >Celestia speaks, "Fillies and Gentlecolts! We are gathered here to day to witness the union of Fluttershy and Anonymous!"

                                            >The cheers of the crowd fade as your vision dims to black.


                                            >When you come to, you're stumbling through Fluttershy's door as you lean heavily on her shoulder.

                                            >"Oh, Anon! Are you okay now? You seemed to get a little woozy there!"

                                            "I'm... fine."

                                            >Wait, no you're not.

                                            >What the hell are you doing here?

                                            >You're still in your suit, she's still in her dress, and you're just calmly walking through her front door.

                                            >You freeze in place, just inside her house.

                                            >"...Anon? Is something wrong?"

                                            "Fluttershy... what just happened?"

                                            >Her ears droop, "You mean... you don't remember?"

                                            "I... no, I guess the... the wooziness was a sign of something more. I can't seem to remember anything since this evening. There was a stage... Princess Celestia... What's going on?"

                                            >She steps closer to you.

                                            >"Anon... that was our wedding."

                                            "Our... Huh?"

                                            >She rears up and nuzzles your cheek.

                                            >"We just got married, Anon. You came back here so we can consummate the wedding."

                                            >Consummate...

                                            >Your eyes go wide.

                                            >No.

                                            "What."

                                            >Holy shit.

                                            "Fluttershy, what the fuck"

                                            >Is this really happening?

                                            "I can't... Fluttershy, what?"

                                            >Fluttershy coolly leads you to a nearby chair.

                                            >"Don't worry, my love! I promise everything will be okay now that we're married I'll support you as long as I can, 'till death do us part. We're together forever!"

                                            >Together forever.

                                            >Married to Fluttershy.

                                            >She finally trapped you.

                                            >You don't know how she did it, but there it is.

                                            >Fluttershy closes all the curtains and darkness envelopes you.

                                            >Feeling numb, you don't even resist as Fluttershy fumbles with your pants.

                                            >In the dim light, you see her shape climb on top of you.

                                            >You scream.


                                            >Still screaming, you bolt upright in your bed.

                                            >Your bed, in your house... no yellow pony in sight.

                                            >Though there is a large, multicolored... snake thing is in your room.

                                            >You scream again.

                                            "WHAT THE FUCK."

                                            >"Ooh, Anon, that's was just beautiful! A truly genuine scream of horror and despair."

                                            >He claps his paws together and somehow makes the sound of a large audience applauding.

                                            >Wait, not his paws...

                                            >One paw and one talon.

                                            >You squint at him in the morning light filtering through your curtain.

                                            >Grey head, brown body, an odd squiggly blue horn...

                                            >"Oh, enough of the narration, the readers all know who I am... and really, 'snake thing?' My name is Discord, you've never met me, and I just gave you the most awful dream."

                                            >You gawk at him, thoroughly confused.

                                            >Discord tsks, "Gawk is such a silly word... and how are you even supposed to pronounce 'tsk' anyway?"

                                            "...What?"

                                            >"Quiet, I wasn't talking to you."

                                            "But... no one else is here?"

                                            >Discord laughs maniacally and floats up into the air.

                                            >"Alright, I'll just go ahead and wrap this up since Maonyman is getting tired of writing this story."

                                            >He snaps his fingers, your curtains fall to the ground, daylight streams in, and he vanishes in a puff of pink smoke.

                                            >The smoke spells out two words:

                                            [spoiler]APRIL FOOLS![/spoiler]