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RGRE Promptbin 016

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 16th July 2021 09:31:33 PM
20th June 2021 08:21:12 PM

  1. >Dragon takes a few humans for their hoard.
  2. >Humans say 'fuck it' and start building simple houses for themselves.
  3. >Dragon somehow keeps finding more humans.
  4. >Eventually have a small village of folk living under the protection of a Dragon
  5.  
  6.  
  7. >They begin to worship the dragon, not just because she protects and provides for them, but also because they're all dudes and she's the only female on the mountain.
  8. >The dragoness goes from having a hoard of exotic creatures to having a harem of exotic males.
  9. >Silverstream and Yona snort with barely repressed laughter as they read Smolder's journal.
  10. >Or more accurately, her self-insert fantasy.
  11. >If Anon, the only human student in the school read this, what would he think?
  12.  
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  15.  
  16. >Be Gallus
  17. >Stumble upon Smolder journal
  18. >Shit is full of self-insert stories
  19. >Most of them involving humans
  20. >Decides to show it to Anon
  21. >Not just for the lulz
  22. >But as a payback for those gay drawings of you she made
  23. >You watch anons face while reads that degenerate stories
  24. >Yfw you don’t see disgust or laughter, but interest
  25. >Yfw he hands you a book and ask to give it to smolder
  26. >Yfw when is full of degenerate and absurd fanfics
  27. >You do as he asked out of curiosity, he must have a plan to troll her hard
  28. >But no
  29. >They just start to exchange fanfics, commenting and suggesting improvements to each other work
  30. >It creates a feedback loop, making their stories even more degenerate and crazy
  31. >Yay friendship?
  32. >Tfw when they make up a pseudo pup magazine and start to publish their stories
  33. >Tfw they create a ring of students writing that shit and make drawings
  34. >Tfw there’s a 50 chapter and ongoing storie of you infiltrating evil hermaphroditic unicorn dragoness harem of exotic males
  35. >By Twilight, what have you unleash in the world ?
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  41. >Anon joins the royal guard
  42. >It's typically reserved for mares, but there's a division specifically for stallions
  43. >It's small, and it doesn't really see a lot of action, but the Captain of the Guard tries to take pride in being the head of the group
  44. >Anon does his best to do his job, but the other members of the guard don't make it easy
  45. >They worry about their manes, and they flirt with the regular guard (on occasions where the regular all-mare guard isn't flirting with them), and Anon accidentally makes one of them cry when he says that he should quit the guard if he doesn't think he can keep up
  46. >Half the time Anon catches up with the other guards, they're gossiping about who's dating whom
  47. >"Ugh. This is why nobody in Canterlot relies on stallions for anything."
  48.  
  49.  
  50. >Anonstallion stands guard while Celestia holds court. When the the noble ponies natter on and Celestia needs to maintain a look of interest and concentration, instead of letting herself fall asleep or get distracted, Anon feels magic gently lift and fondle his balls and it takes all of his concentration to keep from dropping his cock out of its sheath
  51.  
  52. >Anonstallion is a unicorn and plays dirty. When he feels the ever familiar lift, Celestia feels the oh-so sudden rub "down below".
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  59. >A dragon rules over a secluded pony village far away from the Princesses' influence and serves as its protector.
  60. >In exchange, it asks for one pony sacrifice every year.
  61. >The villagers assume it wants them for food, and offer their most useless ponies as a delicacy.
  62. >No reason to send real talent when they're just going to be a snack, after all.
  63. >The truth is the dragon is just lonely, but socially awkward, and wants friends that they don't have to worry about running away.
  64. >The dragon has two hobbies.
  65. >The first is home improvement, and it's always expanding its lair and adding new features.
  66. >The other is O&O, which they and their hoard of NEETs have been playing for years.
  67. >The dragon DM-ing a campaign that's been going on since they started.
  68. >One of the NEETs has actually been writing their game into a story, which will later become a best seller fantasy series
  69.  
  70. >A campaign that multiple generations of players have been adding to.
  71. >Delve into a dungeon crypt and fight a lich.
  72. >It was actually an old keep built by players hundreds of years before their time, and the lich is one of the former players characters that was raised by the current big bad of the campaign.
  73. The players break the big bad's control and the dragon reveals the unicorn did that IRL just so they could keep playing and joins the party
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  81. >Anon being an amateur wrestler back in high school goes professional once he gets to Equestria.
  82. >Just like earth, pro wrestling is all staged with the fixings of the usual drama.
  83. >Good thing too, because he's very rusty and he was never that great to begin.
  84. >Since the sport lacks much needed eye candy, they hire him on the spot.
  85. >To their surprise he's got a knack for being flashy, willing to learn, and by god are humans flexible.
  86. >A mare could bend him like a pretzel in ring and he walks it off like he's nothing.
  87. >He quickly adopts a badboy persona, a heart breaker that will mentally and physically break you as well.
  88. >Mares come to boo him, jill off to him, and watch strong capable mares try to humble, maybe even tame him.
  89. >Anon has nearly killed some of his peers, and some of his audience, with his finishing move, pic related
  90. >AggressivelyHumpingTheirFace.mp4
  91.  
  92. >One time at a particularly gruesome fight with the reigning mare champion, Anon pulled out his secret trump card.
  93. >The ol' Rear-ender render.
  94. >It was so devastating that there were some casualties in the audience, damn near took out the ref's eye with it too.
  95. >He promised to not use it again under any circumstance.
  96. >Unfortunately mares have been extra frisky in ring trying every trick in the book to get him to do it again.
  97. >Because it was fucking HOT
  98.  
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  102.  
  103. "And that's when my tuft will get HUGE and my wings will finally be wider than Flurry's, and I solve all the unrequited love problems in Equestria!"
  104. >Shining sighs
  105. >"That's some nice fanfiction, dear. I'll prepare the beanbag by the voyeurscope, like we did last year."
  106. >You try to frown, but Shining knows you too well
  107. "And I'll get two feedbags of those stale heart-shaped candies!"
  108. >Shining kisses you on the cheek
  109. >"That's my mare."
  110. >As you make a withdrawal from the strategic candy reserves, you muse about how lucky you are
  111. >You've always been rather colty for a mare, even before becoming the embodiment of the magic of love
  112. >And yet, here you are with a loving janefilly husband who has given you a beautiful daughter
  113. >All those mares who whispered behind your back about being a foalsitter can suck your clit, you hit the jackpot with that gig
  114. >You pull a pot of tea out of stasis and two cups and return to the living room
  115. >Shining perks up at the smell
  116. >"Is that Anon's tea?"
  117. >You smile at him
  118. "I had him make it yesterday and put it into stasis. Happy Hearts and Hooves day, babe."
  119. >He accepts his cup with grin and a peck on your cheek
  120. >"You too. Now get over here and let's see the fruits of your labor."
  121. >You belly flop onto the beanbag and loop the feedbag strap behind your head
  122. >Shining leans against your side as he puts his own on
  123. >You send a spark of magic to the voyeurscope, the crystal ball shimmering to show the first of many couples awkwardly meeting for their date
  124. >Technically, the voyeurscope is an illegal artifact, grandmothered in due to its use as a historical tool of government security
  125. >But that doesn't matter, you have been preparing for this day for months
  126. >Countless letters of introduction sent (1337 according to Twilight), each with a list of suggested topics, activities, and gifts
  127. >Notices sent to the various restaurants and gift shops about what to stock up on and expect
  128. >Contracting with a sympathetic Great One to provide portals between distant lovers
  129. >All for this one day of celebration and romance
  130. >You flick from couple to couple to herd, smiling in satisfaction as their relationships deepen before you
  131. >Hours pass, consumed in stale candy, delicious tea, cuddling, and observing your matchmaking results
  132. >You can't help but notice how Shining has been nuzzling your neck, nosing closer and closer to your tuft
  133. >You flick the scope to one last couple
  134. >Anon, your ever vigilant, ever diligent foalsitter, keeping an eye on Flurry while scratching and petting Raven Inkwell
  135. >The poor, overworked mare practically melts on his lap, a blissful expression on her face
  136. >Perfect
  137. >You deactivate the scope and roll Shining onto his back
  138. >He stares up at you with a cute blush on his face
  139. >You climb on top of him, shoving his snout into your tuft and straddling his hips
  140. "You've been so patient with me, my love. It's time for your reward."
  141. >He makes a muffled whimper, and you can feel his need, hot and rising between your legs
  142. >You may be one of the luckiest mares in Equestria, time to prove it
  143.  
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  148.  
  149. >Though the exact conversion rate differs from pony to pony and even creature to creature, at least part of all caloric intake goes into fueling mana generation.
  150. >Magically powerful individuals like Pinkie, Twilight, and even Rainbow Dash have to eat a lot of food to keep their magical reserves high.
  151. >Twiggy Piggy earned her nickname for having to eat thrice as much as her classmates to keep her magic up when they were foals, and that still holds true today.
  152. >In fact, ponies in general eat quite a lot for their size.
  153. >Big heaping plates of pancakes with berries and whip cream piled high is a commonly seen and healthy breakfast for most ponies.
  154. >Even other, less magically gifted species like griffons or diamond dogs still eat quite a lot.
  155. >So humans, with no magic to speak of, stand out for their comparatively small appetites.
  156. >Anon, the newest resident of Ponyville, stands out in this regard.
  157. >Ponies will see him eat a mere three or four pancakes and wash it down with a cup of black coffee and say he's full, and simply not believe it.
  158. >As a matter of fact, there's worrying rumors going around that Anon might even have an eating disorder.
  159. >He's so tall and skinny that it can't be a healthy weight, and ponies worry that he's anorexic.
  160. >Mares make subtle comments about how stallions with meat on their bones are sexy, and that not every stallion needs to be a super model.
  161. >Stallions invite him to sleepovers and offer plenty of tasty snacks, making sure he sees that they're eating too and that it's okay to join in.
  162. >Anon really a healthy weight, but if ponies keep trying to shovel food down his throat, he won't be for much longer
  163.  
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  165.  
  166.  
  167.  
  168. >Once ponies found out humans were usually monogamous by choice if not by nature, you kind of became a hot item
  169. >Friendship is magic here and all that, but the idea of not sharing a stallion looked good to a lot of mares
  170. >There had been a lot of them hitting on you, doing weird horse displays, one upping each other
  171. >Once or twice, mares would break out into fights
  172. >It was flattering, really it was, but you didn't have any interest
  173. >Them being small horses and all
  174. >The boasting and bragging was also one hell of a turn off, hooves or not
  175. >You thought you had it all figured out
  176. >What you weren't expecting was some of these little horses being clever
  177. >Fluttershy, animal enthusiast and town coward, came to you one day
  178. >She told you she had an embarrassing problem
  179. >A problem that she couldn't take to anypony but you
  180. >She didn't even want her friends to know
  181. >She had no idea what to do around a stallion; how to act, talk, ANYTHING
  182. >She needed help, and practice
  183. >Sure, you weren't really a stallion, but you were close enough, and she didn't trust anypony else with the information, since she really didn't want teased or made fun of
  184. >How could you say not, especially when she looked up at you with her big, blue eyes
  185. >You agreed to help, since Fluttershy was so happy that she did a flip in the air
  186. >So, she took you around
  187. >You walked together, talked, had a few "mock" dates
  188. >You went out to eat a few times, then up to Canterlot to see a movie
  189. >It was kind of fun, and got you out of the house
  190. >You had no idea just how devious and Machiavellian the little pegasus was
  191. >After one "date", she invited you back to her cottage
  192. >There was some cute little kittens that she wanted you to see
  193. >When you lost track of time playing with the adorable little furballs, she insisted that you stay until morning
  194. >It was too dangerous after dark, she said
  195. >Creatures liked to come from the Everfree and roam around, especially with how close to was to that spooky forest
  196. >So you agreed
  197. >You didn't think much of it, even as you slowly began to spend the night more and more
  198. >Then it started getting cold
  199. >The next time you came over, Fluttershy shyly suggested that you sleep together
  200. >She had forgotten to get extra firewood, and Mr. Bear had torn up some of her blankets, and she hadn't gotten around getting them fixed
  201. >She was a pegasus, meaning she's be extra warm, and with a blanket over the two of you you'd be comfortable
  202. >This was when warning signs would have starting popping up
  203. >But, again, you didn't think anything of us, just assuming that the mare was just being thoughtful
  204. >Then Fluttershy began suggesting that you practice kissing
  205. >"Just in case I have a date soon. I wouldn't want to look silly."
  206. >And then she somehow figured out you liked long socks
  207. >And large, round rumps
  208. >That was many years ago
  209. >You had three foals
  210. >Fluttershy was the envy of the town, and walked around like her teats were big enough to drag on the ground
  211.  
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  216.  
  217. >glimglam loved stories growing up
  218. >autistically so
  219. >learned story structure and narrative
  220. >realized that this shit goes on IRL
  221. >wonders why
  222. >realizes there's an extremely subtle magical signature around every creature, herself included
  223. >focuses her magic studies on this
  224. >realizes that it's Fate's puppet strings
  225. >existentialcrisis.gif
  226. >either not believed when she goes to canterlot or told not to meddle with fate
  227. >resolves to free ponies from Fate so they are free to choose their own destiny
  228. >attempts to sever her own strings, thinks she got them
  229. >Our Town was the (admittedly immoral) first attempt at it
  230. >once she gets over her revenge obsession she realizes that she never cut her strings and played the part of a villian of Twilight's story
  231. >existentialcrisis2.boogaloo
  232. >takes some time away to reflect
  233. >meets anon
  234. >realizes she can't detect any of Fate's strings around anon
  235. >afraid to believe but the idea of somecreature truly free of Fate's machinations draws her like a starving mare to food
  236. >something something teach me master
  237. >something something wonders if that trait can be passed on to her foals
  238. >something something RGRE
  239.  
  240.  
  241. I like to think that Anon just gets these bouts of random dread deep in his gut whenever he's close to fate's attempted path for him. Could be as simple as fate REALLY wants Anon to go buy a watermelon from the market because then he'll make friends with a mare he'll meet there, and Anon will NOPE the fuck out and stay home that day. But with Anon's luck, he gets most of them in already spooky situations.
  242.  
  243. >Be Anon
  244. >Be about to take the trash out
  245. >You glance out your window - inky blackness
  246. >You were lazy and didn't take the trash out, but tomorrow is garbage day
  247. >You casually open the door and walk outside
  248. "Sure is dark."
  249. >But you live in a safe part of town, so you aren't... that, uh...
  250. >You aren't... worried...?
  251. >As you approach one of your bushes, dread suddenly begins to pool in your belly
  252. >You're suddenly aware that there are NO sounds around you - not even crickets
  253. >Fuck, it's NEVER GOOD when nature shuts its fucking whore mouth.
  254. >The hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and some deep, privative part of your brain is SCREAMING at you that something is wrong.
  255. >You are in DANGER.
  256. >This is every horror game you've ever played.
  257. >This is every internet jumpscare from back when you were stupid enough to click on screamer websites.
  258. >This is bad.
  259. "Fuck this."
  260. >You'll put up with an extra week of garbage sitting around.
  261. >Without missing a beat, and trying to remain quiet, you start walking backwards towards your front door.
  262. >On the way there, your arm brushes up against your mailbox and you scream like a bitch.
  263. ---
  264. >Be Fate
  265. >You really want that fucking monkey to take his trash out
  266. >Because when he brings it to the curb, you can nudge things juuuust enough that the garbage mare will trip over it
  267. >Then she'll be in a bad mood and go to a bar after work for a drink, and then she'll meet an old friend
  268. >But THIS FUCKING MONKEY just turned around and went back inside.
  269. >Son of a BITCH
  270.  
  271.  
  272. "You ever feel like something is... wrong, I guess?"
  273. >Glimmer continues to read her book.
  274. "Like, I'll suddenly get a craving for some sort of food that I haven't had in a long time, and I'll want to go to the market. But going out the door is such an odd feeling, like I keep expecting something bad to happen. So, I turn around and stay inside."
  275. >An ear twitches, and she turns a page.
  276. "And then later, I find out that there was some sort of altercation in the marketplace. Y'know, back home, I'm sure I'd be able to find some internet group who'd tell me I have 'ESP' or whatever it's called. I keep getting bad feelings when something weird happens."
  277. >SLAM
  278. >You look over and Glimmer is staring at you, eyes wide
  279. >Her book is on the floor.
  280. >"...say that again?"
  281. "...I keep getting bad feelings when something weird happens?"
  282. >"And... and you just decide not to do those weird things?"
  283. "I mean, yeah. I'll get the urge to do something weird, but something in my gut tells me it's a bad idea. So, I don't."
  284. >Glimmer begins to hyperventilate.
  285. >"Oh my Celestia. Oh my Celestia. Oh my Celestia."
  286. >Her pupils shrink to pinpricks, and you can see frothy sweat breaking out on her forehead.
  287. >You slowly reach out a hand to give her ear-scratches
  288. >Bitches LOVE ear-scratches
  289. "Glimmer? Glim-Glam? Are you oka-"
  290. >Without warning, Glimmer lurches towards you and wraps her entire body around your arm, nearly pulling you onto her.
  291. >"A-Are you looking f-for a roommate, Anon? Huh? I bet I'd be the best roommate ever."
  292. >Her smile is painfully wide.
  293. >"I promise to not try and seize the means of production, I swear! Nopony will be more equal than anypony else!"
  294. >You are Anon, and you think you just got yourself into some deep shit.
  295.  
  296. >Anon's Fate Avoidance is so strong that he does Actual Accidental Encounters instead of just Fated Encounters.
  297. >Like being friends with Glimmer
  298.  
  299. >Be Fate.
  300. >This is bad.
  301. >Very very VERY bad.
  302. >Glimmer is NOT supposed to befriend Anon like this!
  303. >That monkey has been making things so difficult for the last few months, and is now just refusing to listen to you all together!
  304. >You've tried it all: whispers in his sleep, cosmic messages, literally spelling it out in his alphabet soup- NOTHING IS WORKING!
  305. >-And now Starlight Glimmer, the one who was supposed to go to Twilight Sparkle's home to instigate what would eventually be a friendship lesson, has now begun to develop an unhealthy interest in Anonymous!
  306. >What are you supposed to do now?!?
  307. >If your boss finds out then you're going to be in BIG trouble!
  308. "Buck, this is getting ridiculous!"
  309. >The human spins on his heels and looks around in a panic.
  310. >"Did you hear that?"
  311. >Can they hear you?
  312. "Can they hear me?"
  313. >"There it is again!"
  314. >Oh, buck. . .
  315.  
  316. >Fate's boss is, of course, Harmony.
  317. >Some folks believe they are the same person but it's more like they are related, like Sisters or what have you. Whatever the Celestial Being version of it is.
  318. >Fate got the job because Harmony trusted them and they actually had been doing a pretty damn good job of it.
  319. >...until Anon came along.
  320. >Fate worries of being fired but Harmony already knows of the monkey man.
  321. >...namely because Harmony can't fucking touch him and he's like a little ball of Controlled Chaos.
  322. >She doesn't mention it to Fate because Harmony feels it's embarrassing.
  323. >Same goes for Fate when they end up running into the bastard.
  324. >Cue the shenanigans
  325.  
  326.  
  327.  
  328. >Fate-pone knows there is going to be a monster attack in ponyville and that its going to crash through Anons house despite her best efforts.
  329. >Tries everything to get him out for the day from ponies inviting him places, surprise contest winning he never even entered even Princess Celestia inviting him for tea, all of which ignored or declined.
  330. >Until finally as she watches helplessly as the bug bear is about to crash through his wall she just yells at him directly to "DUCK!".
  331. >And for once he actually listens and dives under his table just in time.
  332. >Both stare in shock for a moment before Anon scrambles to his feet and starts running, Fate-pone snapping off one word directions for him to Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge that'll lead him to safety.
  333. >Anon is feeling extremely lucky for managing to avoid the monster while Fate-pone thinks she's finally figured out how to work with the distrustful monkey.
  334. >Dont give him a chance to second-guess her suggestions, harder to deal with than regular ponies but not impossible
  335.  
  336.  
  337.  
  338.  
  339. >At the dawn of civilization, a unicorn mare named Looming Closer had a bit more foresight than most ponies
  340. >She'd hear villagers gossip as she wove threads into cloth, and occasionally step out to give some advice to those that need it
  341. >Being a somewhat colty mare, she started increasing the range of her hearing with magic, to catch more of the gossip, and maybe hear some naughty activities going on
  342. >But as she learned more and more about the ponies in the village, the more she wanted to fix their problems
  343. >Two friends who aren't sure their love is required
  344. >A mare framed for eating the last slice of cake
  345. >A foal, lost in the market, crying for his father
  346. >And so Looming developed another spell, to let her whisper to distant ponies
  347. >Over time, the village grew into a town, then a city as Looming' meddling smoothed the lives of its inhabitants, saving them time and bringing justice
  348. >The mare herself grew in magical power due to the constant exercise of her abilities, broadening her range and letting her see and hear a great deal
  349. >Then Discord happened
  350. >Looming nearly went insane from seeing and hearing all the torment the city was going through
  351. >She used her magic to fuel her body for weeks without sleep, monitoring everything in her range for the slightest twitch that would signal some new chaos, the mere second of warning it gave saving many, but too few lives
  352. >When at last Discord was imprisoned, she relaxed
  353. >Only to find the strain had consumed her body, she was little more than ordered magic, floating above a warped and dusty loom
  354. >The next few decades were a time of discovery for her, learning the limits and capabilities of her new form
  355. >Looming could monitor acres and acres of area, but it was nearly impossible to whisper discernably at the same time
  356. >She got subtle, threading concepts into the weaves of other ponies' minds
  357. >She also grew fascinated with a certain unicorn stallion
  358. >Starswirl opened her eyes to maledom and wizard robes
  359. >He also gave her insight into the nature of time, letting her look into the near future
  360. >She began to influence what she saw as pivotal beings
  361. >There were more than a few blunders, in retrospect she shouldn't have influenced that art critic to dismiss Sombra's painting
  362. >But she played a large role in stabilizing Celestia and Luna's rule, exposing corrupt and selfish nobles, nudging more diligent and moral ponies to step into leadership positions
  363. >The Pax Celestia took maintenance, but Looming was able to thwart almost every plot against the royal sisters
  364. >When Nightmare Moon was banished, she began her work to cultivate the elements of harmony in the population, nudging and arranging and creating bloodlines of virtuous and powerful ponies
  365. >Her future insight grew, and she prepared meticulously to combat the results of her failures and the pre-existing calamities such as Tirek
  366. >Even so, she never stopped leading stray foals to their parents, helping ponies find good matches, making sure that corrupt ponies got their just deserts
  367. >It's a relief when the last major calamity of the next hundred years is dealt with, and she doesn't have to worry and fret about keeping everypony safe
  368. >And then this green monkey shows up, and he snarls up and spits out any attempt to find him a good mare, or help a foal find their teddy bear, or any number of little things that make life easier
  369.  
  370.  
  371.  
  372. >Sombra is the reason the empire is pure A E S T H E T I C
  373. >Before him the crystal ponies barely had a respectable town hall, let alone fully functional yet also practical arcitecture for the city that perfectly balances all residential and industrial areas, all in the shape of the national flag AND can be expanded upon as needed due to the fractal nature of the design.
  374. >Sure the evil magic induced crystals but a dampener on things for the average pony but clean that up a bit and nobody can argue that it doesnt look great
  375.  
  376.  
  377.  
  378.  
  379.  
  380. >Be anon
  381. >Get summoned to tiny horse 40k
  382. >Twilight the Purple can't believe she actually summoned something that wasn't made out of tentacles and nightmares
  383. >YFW she fucking squealed in joy from the gact that you can translate all the tomes from ancient Terra
  384. >YFW you have to tell her you can only translate the english ones and a bit if the spanish ones
  385.  
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  390.  
  391.  
  392. >when anon was reborn in to anonicorn, he was reborn again with his innocence
  393. >anon and anonicorn are simply the same person/pony but is separate by cynicism and naiveté
  394. >anonicorn is all what anon is past life never really experienced
  395. >security
  396. >safety
  397. >and love
  398.  
  399. >the doomstar is the manifestation of anon's past life
  400. >sadness
  401. >loneliness
  402. >stress
  403. >anxiety
  404. >but also include what he has learned throughout his adult life
  405. >the reason anonicorn "purges" this from his body, is too keep him innocent
  406. >to allow anon to still have his new life in peace
  407.  
  408. >as anonicorn grows he has glimpses of the sadness of anon's old life
  409. >but each purge will allow him to forget
  410. >eventually anonicorn will have to face the doomstar
  411. >to face his past
  412.  
  413.  
  414.  
  415.  
  416.  
  417.  
  418. >Traditional pegasus waifu
  419. >Gets along with Anon, good friends with him, etc
  420. >Makes a habit of perching on his back like a backpack
  421. >Those familiar with old pegasus traditions had an idea of what that meant
  422. >Some stallions found that borderline sexually abusive; others found it weirdly romantic
  423. >Anon thinks it's cute and likes having her around
  424. >Stealthily tried to fly him up a few times, but failed to
  425. >It's okay, she likes'em thicc
  426. >Works out all year to get stronger
  427. >Wing exercises to strengthen the wing muscles
  428. >Meticulous preening to pull out damaged or old feathers that would otherwise impede or retard the growth of newer, better feathers
  429. >Increased protein in her diet to fuel muscle growth
  430. >Mating season comes around again
  431. >Traditional pegasus waifu takes her place on Anon's back
  432. >Spreads her wings wide
  433. >BIG FLAPS
  434. "What are yo-woooaahhh!"
  435. >Anon's feet leave the ground
  436. >"And that, foals, is how I met your father."
  437.  
  438.  
  439.  
  440.  
  441.  
  442.  
  443.  
  444.  
  445. >Eris and Anon finally decide to have a kid
  446. >After a mighty struggle with her eldritch uterus his sperm finally gets her pregnant
  447. >She gets bored of the extra weight quickly and tries snapping her claws to age up the kid to be healthy and get it out
  448. >But it doesn't work
  449. >The baby inherits her chaos magic so she can't use her get out of everything free card on it
  450. >Panicking ensues
  451. "Eris just calm down, it'll be fine"
  452. >"FINE!? Are you seriously that dumb? I grew up on my magic"
  453. "Well it can't be that bad, you should be able to adapt pretty quickly without it"
  454. >"Anon, honey, babe, you're being stupid again, and not in the cute way that made me fall for you."
  455. "But-"
  456. >"The most exercise I've gotten in my entire life is when I had to walk through Chrysalis's hive"
  457. "Oh"
  458. >"Yeah! Oh! Oh shit, what if it stops my other magic, what if I can't teleport? What if I can't warp reality? How am I supposed to get into places?"
  459. "Maybe you could use a door?"
  460. >"What you mean that thing that peasants use?"
  461. >God damn it some days you love your wife and some days you hate her
  462. >You're not sure which it is today
  463.  
  464.  
  465.  
  466.  
  467.  
  468.  
  469.  
  470. >It's been centuries since the last time there was an assassination attempt on an Alicorn.
  471. >They used to be a regular occurrence, especially just after Luna was Mooned, and Celestia was the only one around.
  472. >Most commonly from foreign powers seeking to weaken Equestria, but also the occasional uppity noble who didn't like the decisions being made
  473. >Celestia is famed for practically never directly retaliating or even acknowledging that an attempt on her life was made.
  474. >Quite a few dignitaries were expecting a few threats, or at the very least an exceptionally menacing look full of implied 'I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.'
  475. >But she was always sunshine and smiles, happy to share another slice of cake and some tea.
  476. >In some ways this was even more unnerving than to be confronted by an angry sun goddess.
  477. >These beings who believed themselves powerful, now forced to see another who considers their actions not even worth noticing.
  478.  
  479. >Celly could pull this off because in most cases she was truly unaware than anything untoward had occurred.
  480. >And only occasionally did she rely on her impressive powers of Regeneration to survive. (Usually when a poisoning was attempted)
  481. >No, in most cases she Mrs. Magoo'ed her way out of danger.
  482. >After it happened enough times, the superstition that spread around the world was the Fate itself protected her, making any further attempts folly.
  483.  
  484. >The only attempts on her life she ever acknowledged, were ones that did not only target her, but were part of the most recent supervillain trying to take over the world and flat out attacking the castle. Complete with monologuing, publicly challenging her, and so on.
  485. >something something RGRE
  486.  
  487.  
  488.  
  489.  
  490.  
  491.  
  492.  
  493. >Be Rasputanon
  494. >Going around Equestria using your fucking sick magic powers you got from God
  495. >Tell these unenlightened ponies of how you were the royal physician
  496. >The little prince had weak blood so you smacked his doctors and got them to fuck off
  497. >The tsar was a total bro, really chill, truly a best friend
  498. >His wife was a cunt though
  499. >Total prude and she talked shit about you behind your back
  500. >But the nobles were the worst
  501. >They actually thought you fucked the queen while your best friend was trying his best to lead the country during a war
  502. >You might have used drugs and fucked like a rabbit but you honored the bro-code
  503. >Then the fuckers fed you poison cake and wine
  504. >Honestly it was pretty good/10 would be poisoned again
  505. >After you asked for seconds the bastards shot you and threw you in a river
  506. >At least you think that's what happened, your memory gets fuzzy after you felt the furst bullet lodge itself in your chest
  507. >After you spread your life story, or as the ponies called it "mad ramblings" enough they sent their tsar to come meet you
  508. >It was a she
  509. >Fuck, hope she's not as bad as the queen back in Russia
  510. >Turns out she's pretty chill
  511. >She reminds you of the tsar
  512. >You miss him sometimes
  513. >At least you and Celestia can have fun regaling each other of your adventures in court
  514. >She even enjoy poison too
  515.  
  516.  
  517.  
  518.  
  519.  
  520.  
  521. >Be Discord
  522. >You know that Eris is a turbo virgin marecel with no hopes of ever getting the D without your help
  523. >Certainly not with a normal creature
  524. >Thats why you are not choosing a normal creature
  525. >You plants the seeds on Twilight's head and give a little push, causing a chain reaction that ends with Twilight accidentally stranding a creature as weird as you in Equestria with no way back
  526. >Anon The hyoo'man is just the combination of uncolt reckless, crazy and nerd you needed
  527. >He isn't as frightened as you expected, he told purplesmart he was some type of wizard, occultist or whatever /x/fag means
  528. >His world apparently goes to periods of chaos and order, low and high magic by what he told
  529. >That will be perfect
  530. >Justasplan.warp
  531. >You could convince Anon to let Eris teach him about chaos, and use it to convince the ponies to let her be his guide in this world
  532. >Then you will just need to nudge him in the right direction in the road of friendship fuckery that worked so well for you and Fluttershy
  533. >Now you just need to swip Twilight to the side before she start getting any ideas…
  534.  
  535.  
  536.  
  537.  
  538.  
  539. >Be Sunset
  540. >You loved your boyfriend Anon
  541. >He was a good cook, a good cleaner, good looking, and he might have enjoyed a good fuck more than you
  542. >He was out of this world, both catch-wise and in a literal sense
  543. >There was an issue however
  544. >He had been in Equestria for sometime before coming through the portal and moving in with you
  545. >More than long enough for magic to seep into his body
  546. >Now, he wasn't the same sort of human that you had here
  547. >He was... built different
  548. >Twilight had given you a novel-sized stick of papers showing the differences
  549. >That meant that he didn't turn into an evil monster once he got a hold of some magic
  550. >But
  551. >That didn't mean magic didn't have some funny effects on him
  552. >Twice a year, for around two or three weeks, Anon would undergo a change
  553. >It was like he went into heat
  554. >You'd think that would be sexy, right?
  555. >Just a bit colt wanting nothing but sex
  556. >The thing was that this seemed far worse than anything you had felt when you were a unicorn
  557. >Anon went from a sweet, gentle, shy boy into little more than a leaking, crazed animal that wanted nothing more than to stuff holes
  558. >You were a pretty tough gal, but you had seen him put a hole through a steel door
  559. >He could hurt himself, he could hurt you; Celestia above, he could hurt someone
  560. >It was like you were dealing with a grumpy bear
  561. >And you had no idea how to deal with bears
  562. >But you did know somehow who did
  563. >In fact, you had seen her JUDO THROW a fucking bear
  564. >A big ol black bear
  565. >She just tossed it like it was a big dog
  566. >So, you went to her and explained the situation
  567. >Oddly enough, it didn't take much to convince her to help you
  568. >She actually seemed interested in seeing how Anon would react to her
  569. >Which is where you found yourself
  570. >In your bedroom
  571. >Door locked
  572. >Anon was tied to a metal chair; first with duct tape then rope
  573. >He was naked as well, and there was a blue tarp underneath the chair
  574. >Fluttershy straddled him, gently, but firmly pressing his face between her tits
  575. >She was wearing shorts and a low cut top
  576. >Her skin was shiny with sweat
  577. >Apparently, she had worked out before coming over
  578. >Something about wanting to see if Anon was receptive to pheromones in sweat
  579. >He certainly calmed down
  580. >Before she entered the room he had been snarling, trying to rip out of his bindings
  581. >Now thought?
  582. >He was as docile as a puppy, nuzzling his face between your buddy's e-cups
  583. >Fluttershy had an arm around his neck and a hand on his head, running her fingers through his hair as she licked and sucked on her tits
  584. >His cock was pressed against her shorts, and has leaking like a facet
  585. >"Oh, you're doing so well, Anon," Fluttershy said with a smile. "See how nice it is when you aren't grumpy?"
  586. >She giggled as Anon managed to wrangle her nipple out of her top and gently bit it
  587. >You watched as his cock throbbed, sending a spurt of him onto the tarp below
  588. >Thank Celestia you had listened to Flutters and got the tarp, otherwise you'd have ruined your poor carpet by now
  589. >Nuzzling the top of his head, Fluttershy looked over at you
  590. >"Thank you again for asking me to help, Sunset," she said. "I know the other girls might poke fun at you, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl asking another girl to help satisfy her man. There's absolutely no shame in admitting you need that help; in fact, it makes you a bigger woman in my eyes."
  591. >You blinked
  592. "I"M NOT A FUCKING CUC--"
  593. >Anon let out a groan
  594. >You watched as Anon let loose rope after rope of thick cum
  595. >Fluttershy just giggled again, wiggling her big, dumb, stupid ass back and forth
  596. >...
  597. >Fucking Fluttershy
  598.  
  599.  
  600.  
  601.  
  602.  
  603.  
  604. >ywn start dating Twilight
  605. >ywn get teased by Cadence for being a weird janefilly who fell for a book nerd
  606. >ywn feel like tweaking her nose
  607. >ywn make a habit of ordering or making pizza that have toppings she wouldn't approve of
  608. >You expected her to hate pineapples, but she actually liked them a lot
  609. >ywn fail to realize just how seriously Cadence takes pizza
  610. >ywn find out from Twilight (after an aggressive cuddle-session because she was angry at Cadence) that the pink alicorn was trying to convince Twilight that you were "bad news"
  611. >"I'm the princess of love, Twilight! I know these things! C'mon, he likes his pizza that has its sauce replaced with ranch dressing! He once tried to serve me an' Shiny pizza with onions and tomato on it! How can you trust him to be a househusband if his taste in pizza is that horrible?!"
  612. >Candy now crosses herself and carries religious icons with her whenever you come visit the Crystal Empire
  613. >"By the holy mother, I walk in the valley of death but I am not afraid..."
  614. >You're getting a bit worried
  615. >You think she's actually starting to believe you are some sort of devil
  616.  
  617.  
  618.  
  619.  
  620.  
  621.  
  622.  
  623. >Ponies can sense when someone's gone without a hug for a while
  624. >It's something inherently magical and can be felt like a change in the air pressure
  625. >When alerted to the problem a properly trained nurse mare will tend to the patient
  626. >Sitting down over a nice meal, chatting about life and plenty of hugs later, and the pony is back to normal
  627. >Enter Anonymous and holy shit
  628. >Normally it felt like a shift in the air pressure, but Anonymous makes it feel like a black hole is taking a mid-afternoon stroll through town
  629. >Protocols were put in place in case of an emergency like this
  630. >But they were made a few centuries ago and have literally never been used
  631. >It takes the horspital a few hours to dig far enough into their to find it
  632. >In case of this particular phenomenon a registered physical affection therapist with at least a masters in whimsy containment and a doctorate in hug expertise will need to be assigned to the patient 24/7
  633. >The mare's job will not be done until the patient has been sufficiently cared for to restore the ambient magical balance
  634. >Less than a hooful of mares in Ponyville have those kind of credentials
  635. >Nurse Red Heart, Pinkamena Diane Pie and Applejack
  636.  
  637.  
  638.  
  639.  
  640.  
  641. >Ever since those Horsemen had arrived from Twilight's attempt at scrying the river in the Everfree, things have been a bit-
  642. >"Twilight the Horsemen are baiting a hydra again!"
  643. >Setting aside your quill for your journal you groan as Applejack barged into your home.
  644. "Does Fluttershy know yet?"
  645. >"No, but if she doesn't yet she soon will, them stallions have been leading it about trying to stab the poor fella."
  646. "You know that's probably the same hydra that tried to eat us?"
  647. >"Sure, but that's just a critter being hungry, those stallions are just bein cruel."
  648. >You sighed then focused on your magic, jumping between places you arrived near Draumrland.
  649. >Already you could hear the hooting of the horsemen and the plaintive cry of a hydra in pain.
  650. >Near the border of the Everfree that already was pushed back from the bright axes of the Horsemen
  651. >You spied a group assailing the hydra, many a spear sticking out of it while one horseman leapt atop its back with a battle cry.
  652. >A head of the beast whipped out and sent the horseman tumbling only for him to stand upright laughing uproariously.
  653. >That's it!
  654. >Zapping in between the hydra and horsemen you strained your magic freezing all participants.
  655. "What is wrong with you stallions?! We've already told you that you're not supposed to hunt the hydras in the Everfree! It's dangerous for you!"
  656. >"Haha! Great Volva be at peace! Tis only good sport to show our worth to Odin above!"
  657. >Of course the worst of the rabble rousers, Annon Incogson managed to grin at you held as he was by your magic, this stallion was driving you to resort your library from his whimsy!
  658.  
  659. "Which you can show in other ways than harming the local wild life, don't you remember the last time with Fluttershy?"
  660. >At the mention of your kind hearted friend many a horseman shivered in place while Annon simply laughed, "Oh yes, she threw quite the left hook, or would it be hoof? Regardless, release us so we might continue!"
  661. >You began to see red.
  662. >With a grunt you teleport the hydra into the forest while you set aside the other complaining horsemen down to sit.
  663. "No! That's it! I've had it! You're all too whimsical for your own good and you're going to school!"
  664. >"What's a skool?"
  665. >"Is the Volva bringing us mead? Skal great Volva!"
  666. >"I've worked up quite the thirst I'll admit, some mead would sound good about now."
  667.  
  668. >Dear Princess Celestia, you think you might have bitten off more than you can chew...
  669.  
  670.  
  671.  
  672.  
  673.  
  674.  
  675. >anon lands in RGRE
  676. >becomes rich in celestia's service by giving them earth ideas and doing his old earth -insert job here- for the crown
  677. >buys a home away from canterlot just to escape the nonsense of the royal court
  678. >eventually needs a servant to take care of the home
  679. >hires maids to for the upkeep of the homesteadis RGRE of butler still maid?
  680. >eventually he starts to take advantage of his riches and status as the 'fairer sex' to get his maids in to rather skimpy uniforms for his own pleasure
  681.  
  682. >be maidpone
  683. >dear penthorse
  684. >you will not believe what happened to me...
  685.  
  686.  
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690.  
  691. >Anonicorn during estrus season.
  692. >old enough to notice something pleasant about a lot of the mares in the castle, but the hormones are just not quite there yet.
  693. >spends a whole day complimenting heavily blushing mares on how they smell or how fluffy their tails look before a frazzled looking Cadence with an equally frazzled looking Shining armor take him to go do some baking.
  694. >Celestia has to actively restrain her sister from inflicting nightmares on half the castle that night after she witnesses a few guilty dreams
  695.  
  696.  
  697. >Celestia reluctantly accept that the time has come and tries to have “the talk” with anon
  698. >She was more embarrassed then him, kept stumbling over her words and trying to use some non-sensical metaphors
  699. >She wasn’t ready for it
  700. >In the end that only manage to make Anon even more confuse
  701. >And worse of all, maybe even curious
  702. >Anon was always the type to come up with little experiments and try new things, and now that disposition of his is starting worrying the princess
  703. >Celly kind off messed up and she knows it
  704. >In desperation for what could happen she gos to Candance for help
  705. >After stopping laughing Candyass decides to give Anon some sex-ed classes
  706.  
  707.  
  708.  
  709.  
  710.  
  711.  
  712.  
  713. >Anon crash lands in Fluttershy's cottage one day due to "LET'S GET HIS ASS HERE NOW" shenanigans.
  714. >While she is more forgiving than others (especially considering how he spooked her real bad), he still feels kinda bad about fucking up her home and offers to help fix up what he can...when he recovers from his sudden interdimensional jetlag.
  715. >Little does he know, Fluttershy is sweating up a storm and trying real hard not to spill her Pony Spaghetti everywhere. Not because he's a colt (ok, not FULLY because he's a colt) but also because he fits the description of a popular "Monster Colt" that stars in various media.
  716. >...not just neighponese stuff, she swears.
  717. >And now he's insisting on helping her out. And living with her.
  718. >By Celestia if she were a bolder mare, she'd feel smug about this
  719.  
  720.  
  721.  
  722.  
  723.  
  724.  
  725.  
  726. >Rainbow Dash is not the most technical of ponies
  727. >Has no patience for when things take time, or for things that take patience in general
  728. >Computers can slow down, glitch out, need to be restarted to get something to work, etc
  729. >Rainbow Dash gets bored, fed up, and decides computers just aren't worth it
  730. >But when Anon talks about a genre of gaming that involves being as fast as possible?
  731. >Rainbow Dash takes interest.
  732. >"This is a whole new way for me to go fast, Twilight! How can I go to sleep tonight knowing that I'm slower than everyone else at something?! HOW?!"
  733. >Fast-going is Rainbow's crack
  734. >The allure is enough to make her slow down and think for a change
  735. >Finds the patience to use computers
  736. >Learns how they operate
  737. >Installs games
  738. >Plays them
  739. >Looks up various exploits
  740. >Meticulously combs each map, trying to put combinations of exploits to use to cut down her time
  741. >Months go by
  742. >Rainbow has become one of the top speed-runners out there
  743. >She was the last one anybody expected to be good enough at computers to beat everyone else
  744.  
  745.  
  746.  
  747.  
  748.  
  749. >Guys night in Discords holodeck RPG.
  750. >Discord overhears Anon mention speedrunning and gets a kick out of the idea.
  751. >Challenges Anon to speedrun his life for a week, giving him minor reality warping powers to do so.
  752. >The reward is instructions on how said powers work.
  753. >Anon tries to recreate popular speedrunning techniques like clipping through walls and building up momentum.
  754. >Ponies just see a colt being extremely whimsical and try to calm him down.
  755. >Always miss the moment he succeeds at whatever skip he's doing.
  756. >Ponk catches on by the third day and thinks she's found a kindred spirit
  757.  
  758.  
  759.  
  760.  
  761.  
  762.  
  763.  
  764. >Anon is a fit man who enjoys the outdoors and working out.
  765. >Celestia, wanting to impress this fine male specimen, says she also is quite athletic and outdoorsy.
  766. >Which might have been true pre-unification when she and Luna were just commoners living in medieval times, but she hasn't had a good workout in over a thousand years.
  767. >But she's an alicorn, so how bad of shape can she be in.
  768. >Twenty minutes into their nature hike, and all of Celestia's legs are cramping up and she's pretty sure her lungs are bleeding.
  769. >Thus the sight of Anon carrying the chubby sun princess back to civilization where she's seen by all.
  770. >Maybe she really does need to lay off the cake
  771.  
  772.  
  773.  
  774.  
  775.  
  776.  
  777. >You are Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash is trying to help you ask out the new boy in school.
  778. >He just seems so different than the other boys.
  779. "And you're sure that will work?"
  780. >"Sure I'm sure. Guys love math jokes. How do you think Twilight got a guy?"
  781. >She does have a good point.
  782. >"And if that doesn't work, just ask him if he'd like to suck some Dees."
  783. "Some dees?"
  784. >She points to her chest.
  785. >"Dees tits."
  786. "So I should ask if he wants to suck your tits?"
  787. >"Ugh! Not mine, yours! I swear... just go."
  788. "Oh right."
  789.  
  790. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you are getting even with Fluttershy today.
  791. >She inadvertently told the teacher on you when you were napping in class and got you detention.
  792. >'Don't call on her, she's asleep right now.'
  793. >Let's see how she likes being embarrassed.
  794.  
  795. >You are Fluttershy, and that seemed like a long walk.
  796. "Um, hi."
  797. >"Huh? Oh... hi."
  798. "I'm Fluttershy. I wanted to say welcome to our school."
  799. >"Thanks, I'm Anon. So why do you have a calculator?"
  800. "I almost forgot. I wanted to tell you my favorite number. 5318008."
  801. >"Okay..."
  802. "Because when you flip it upside down, it's boobies."
  803. >He just states at you.
  804. "So... would you like to go out with me?"
  805. >"Uh yeah, sounds great."
  806. "Wait, I almost forgot. Would you like to suck on some dees?"
  807. >He raises am eyebrow and looks at you, almost a little worried.
  808. >"Dees?"
  809. >You point at your chest.
  810. "Dees tits."
  811. >He looks almost instantly relieved.
  812. >"Yeah, that sounds great actually."
  813. >"OH COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"
  814. >You hear Rainbow say from behind you
  815.  
  816.  
  817.  
  818.  
  819.  
  820. >They find Lovely Loop at home in bed.
  821. >Turns out the changeling is her roommate that offered to "tag in" for the week because she was sick.
  822. >She feels a bit guilty about misleading Anon, but after hearing about him (along with how tasty his love is and she quotes 'unf') didnt want their 'first' meeting to be with her looking an absolute mess from hayfever.
  823. >Considering Anon instinctively starting pampering and fussing over her on sight her fears were slightly unfounded.
  824. >Shining and Cadence share a glance, both thinking the probably shouldn't have knocked the changeling out immediately before giving her a chance to talk.
  825. >A few more glances, movements and gestures between the two with a quiet groan from Cadence decides that Shining will stay here with anon while she goes to collect the bug and apologise
  826.  
  827.  
  828. >Her buggo name is a series of clicks and whistles.
  829. >Her OC disguise is named Lovely Ladybug, a red coated unicorn mare with black mane and black freckles, cutie mark of an insect under a magnifying glass.
  830. >Took the disguise of being a bug collector to explain away unintentional bug-puns, has a day job of being a pest-remover.
  831. >Earned her spot as Lovely loops roommate through virtue of sharing names.
  832. >Earned her spot as Loops friend after saving her from a 'coltfriend' who just wanted to rob their flat, also earning a black eye and bleeding lip for the trouble as she kicked him out.
  833. >The blood being green was concerning at first before Ladybug came clean, to which Loop just responded with "I'm not sure if i should be more or less impressed with your puns and it's bugging me." before they both laughed and hugged it out
  834.  
  835.  
  836.  
  837. >Ladybug sweats as her co-worker just stares at her undisguised form without expression.
  838. >She never should have listened to her roommates advice.
  839. >"She'll understand" oh sure she'll understand perfectly well that she'll just need a few extra cans of RAID from the cart to deal with the bigger than usual bug and a slightly bigger trash bag.
  840. >"Does zis mean i haffe to find ein new bartner?"
  841. >It takes a moment for Ladybug to parse the germenigh immigrant's accent, and another to process the actual question.
  842. "Why are you asking that?"
  843. >She mentally prepares herself for that strange accent as the blond mare responds.
  844. >"Well, they're your own kind are they not? I thought this was your way of saying you were too guilty to continue our holocaust."
  845. "What, no. We have about as much in common as an Apple does to a Dandelion but that's not the point! You're not bothered by...this?"
  846. >"You just gestured to all of you."
  847. "Yes! All of me the walking bug pony living among regular ponies! Why are you not bothered by this?!"
  848. >"Well, since we've met have you kidnapped anypony? Replaced anypony? Dug out any secret basements? Drained ponies of their love?"
  849. "No, no, no thats a stereotype and only nibbles."
  850. >"So you have been living as a regular pony the whole time?"
  851. "...Yes?"
  852. >"So why should i worry? You've come to this kingdom and seem to have fully embraced it and it's people as your own, you're just like me."
  853. "What."
  854. >"Is true. We are both immigrants to this great kingdom, outsiders welcomed with open hooves by the populace, whilst most of your race have a history of being parasites, my own divided peoples would have long ago been buried under ice and snow if not for our close proximity to Equestria keeping the windigoe at bay."
  855. "Is it really that bad in your homeland?"
  856. >"Another province was declared last week according to the papers, i believe that makes 37 by my last count but some could have been annexed since."
  857. "...Ouch. I'm sorry."
  858. >"Not your fault, Germanes are a very stubborn people, eventually the stupid amongst us will wear themselves out or anger Princess Celestia enough to force her hoof, and those of us smart enough to watch from the sidelines will rebuild."
  859. "Your parents told you that when you moved here to live with your uncle Bell didn't they."
  860. >"...You get in one little fight and suddenly your father is packing you off in air ship, colts am i right?"
  861. "I only knew my mom and i dont think she was very good at that, she's very.. Queeny."
  862. >"Oh yeah, thats a bug thing."
  863. "Yeah."
  864. >"...So you're not quitting?"
  865. "No i'm not quitting and yes the holocaust can continue, what even is that word anyway?"
  866. >"Good, because that fireant nest is a two mare job if we dont want the building to burn down and finding new partner for that party would be a huge pain in the flank."
  867. "Well i'm glad i'm not going to be a complete buzzkill."
  868. >"Dont make me swat you."
  869.  
  870.  
  871.  
  872.  
  873.  
  874.  
  875. >The domain of growing things belongs to the earth ponies
  876. >This is why most doctors and nurses are earth ponies
  877. >If they lay their hooves on you and channel their magic through you, wounds will actually heal faster
  878. >Technically though it doesn't need to be their hooves
  879. >Earth pony kisses really do make things better
  880. >Nurses absolutely will fight over who gets to be a new single stallion's primary care provider
  881.  
  882.  
  883.  
  884.  
  885.  
  886.  
  887.  
  888.  
  889. >Starswirl does not care that the mares stole his work
  890. >if it helps ponies why not?
  891. >its not like he's giving them a spell for super magic anthrax
  892. >just pities that they have no creativity of their own
  893. >only stayed in that town because it was relevant to his research
  894. >fucks off when the town was no longer productive to his work
  895.  
  896. >did make a few 'acquaintances' here and there
  897. >one being a little filly named clover
  898. >she always liked watching starswirl and sometimes do errands for him for a few bits and a magic lesson or two
  899. >she was sad when he left
  900. >she never got the chance to say goodbye
  901.  
  902. >mare who stole his work was making BANK with the spells she took
  903. >there was some question where she suddenly got them
  904. >clover accused her for stealing from starswirl because of her own lessons from him
  905. >no one of course would believe that a stallion could make such a revolutionary magical creation!
  906. >that is until she started to lose her business when starswirl left
  907. >with her golden goose gone, she started tinkering
  908. >trying to make the current spells she took now to something useful now
  909. >it works
  910. >for a time
  911.  
  912. >somehow she made the spell mutate into a magical plague like the cutiepox
  913. >spread far and beyond her own town
  914. >as of the moment, nopony, not even her, know what the cause is
  915. >other than clover
  916. >still a little filly goes out into the world to find her old master
  917. >the only stallion who can fix this mess
  918.  
  919.  
  920.  
  921.  
  922.  
  923.  
  924.  
  925. >unicorn horn spiral dictates how their magic can be channeled
  926. >clockwise vs counter-clockwise vastly changes what spells can be cast and at what strength
  927. >spells have different effects when cast through different horns, duration is changed as well as intensity of the effect and how effective it really is
  928. It's like how meat has a grain, and eating something cut with the grain is a different experience than eating that same thing but cut against the grain.
  929. >there are spells unicorns with counter-clockwise horn spirals would never try, and spells unicorns with clockwise spirals would have trouble with
  930. >counter-clockwise horn spirals are best for low intensity but long duration spells, like defensive magic or house-keeping spells
  931. >clockwise horn spirals are for high intensity low duration spells, like attack magic or when you need something to pack a punch for a very short period of time
  932. >stallions are born with a counter-clockwise spiral 9/10 times
  933. >stallions have endurance that mares just don't, and a stallion can keep up with his foal much better than a mare can because she would just tire herself out
  934. >the low intensity also give stallions a more delicate touch and they are able to tweak the desired effects much better than a mare can, meaning they can be much more careful and precise when looking after their foals or when cooking a meal
  935. >that's why unicorn stallions have a firm place in the household and looking after foals
  936.  
  937.  
  938.  
  939.  
  940.  
  941.  
  942. >Dark Lord Anon was pissed.
  943. >He had long since decided to retire from the life of evil, and yet heroes would never give him peace.
  944. >Even when he was no longer a threat to the world, they still came, and he was forced to defend himself.
  945. >And now, even after using ancient, powerful magic to move him, his castle, and his most precious treasure to an entirely new world, heroes once again came pounding on his door.
  946. >He hadn't even done anything, and yet they came motivated by nothing more than the fear of what he could do.
  947. >Fools.
  948. >Well, if that is how they wanted to be, then he would give them reason to fear him and make them examples of what awaited those at Anon's Keep if more show up.
  949. "Fools! You dare trespass upon my mighty keep! You shall suffer a fate worse than death for coming here!"
  950. >"That's where you're wrong, dark wizard! I, Princess Twilight Sparkle and my friends will not allow your evil to take root in our lands!"
  951. "Such brave words for a dead horse! Come I shall show you the full power of the dark arts!"
  952. >"Come on, girls, lets-!"
  953. >Daddy? What's going on?"
  954. >A little girl wonders in, wearing a night gown patterned with spider webs, her midnight dark hair hanging like shadows over her shoulders as she rubbed sleep from her eyes.
  955. >"I thought you said the bad people would leave us alone now?"
  956. "Sweetie, go back to bed, Daddy will take care of it."
  957. >"But..." she began eyes drifting to the intruders before going wide. "PONIES?!"
  958. >"Um, Twilight, what's going on?"
  959. >"It talked! Daddy! They're magical talking ponies! Just like from the stories mommy told me!"
  960. "And they've come for a fight. Jane, please go back to your bedroom!"
  961. >"What? No! You can't hurt them daddy!"
  962. "But-"
  963. >"Oh, they're so pretty! Do you ponies want to have a tea party?"
  964. "That's hardly appropriate. They're enemies!"
  965. >"Oh, tea sounds lovely."
  966. >"And did you say party!? I'm totally in!"
  967. >"Girls, did you forget why we're here?!"
  968. >"Ah, come on, Twi, I'm mighty parched myself. We ain't all got wings, and it was a long hike to get up here."
  969. >"Eee! I'll make the tea! Daddy go get cookies!"
  970. "Jane, I really don't think-"
  971. >"Daddy!"
  972. "Sight, fine," Anon summons a bat made of shadows, which goes to the group of intruders-turned-guests. "Follow the bat and it shall show you to the parlor. And wipe your hooves at the mat out front. I'll not have you tracking mud any further into my home."
  973. >"I'm confused, Twilight. Are we fighting a dark wizard today or not. I had to call off of Wonderbolt training for this."
  974. >"I... don't know, Dash."
  975. >"Well, since said dark wizard is a colt and father also, I very well hope not. I'd not be able to look my parents in the eyes if I ended up hitting a stallion."
  976. >"He's an evil stallion!"
  977. >"What? Just cause the map said so? Maybe it's a friendship problem, Twilight."
  978. >"Gasp! They just poofed into Equestria, right? That means they must need friends!"
  979. >"Really, Pinkie?"
  980. >"I'll have to throw them a Welcome to Our World Party. Do you think this castle has a ballroom?"
  981.  
  982.  
  983.  
  984.  
  985.  
  986. >It is a historic moment
  987. >The troops of the three tribes are gathered in an uneasy truce, the alicorn sisters stand at the podium
  988. >Celestia approaches and takes a deep breath
  989. >The silence is deafening
  990. >She stares at the mass of ponies with wide, wild eyes
  991. >"Daddy Danglers."
  992. >The crowd rustles, some faces scrunching, others smirking
  993. >Celestia scowls and slams her forehooves on the podium
  994. >"Isn't that what we all really want? Daddy danglers, wingèd wangers, fruit of the groom. There is no reason why we should be fighting while the windagos are freezing our nips off when we could be cuddling our stallions or courting colts if we don't have one. Buck, we've fought enough, that should be good enough to impress some colts and get our beans licked. Buck war, buck windagos and let's go buck our stallions!"
  995. >The mares roar in approval and disperse with enthusiasm
  996. >The three secretaries of the tribe leaders look at each other
  997. >Quick Quill rustles his wings uncomfortably
  998. >"Let's just say that the power of friendship drove off the windagos, right?"
  999. >The other two nod
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003.  
  1004.  
  1005.  
  1006.  
  1007.  
  1008. >Story tells of a mare called Silvery Chisel that lived in the far north more than millennia ago
  1009. >She was the greatest sculptress to ever walk in Equus
  1010. >Her works where life like and able to communicate the deepest of emotions through cold crystal and marble
  1011. >Such skill brought her great fame and fortune, for each of her pieces was an invaluable treasure in itself
  1012. >One could imagine that for such mare, finding a mate would be something easy
  1013. >But no, Silvery Chisel was one of the most solitary mares in the land
  1014. >Not because no stallion took interest on her but because she reject all that tried
  1015. >For her could not relate or appreciated stallions that did things like talk, have sex or perform other bodily functions
  1016. >But she still have a greater appreciation for beauty
  1017. >Appreciation, that couple with loneliness, slowly start to corrode her soul
  1018. >To cure her loneliness, Silvery chisel decided to do what she did best
  1019. >If no stallion could meet her standards she would create one from the ground up
  1020. >On the period of seven months and fifteen days she create her magnum opus, a perfect crystal statue
  1021. >The statue was all beautiful
  1022. >But more than beautiful it was Chisel perfect coltfriend
  1023. >Gorgeous, quiet, flawless, no judgmental, no breathing, talk nor awkward sexual tension
  1024. >She soon fell in love with her statue
  1025. >Dressing it on the most expensive silks, taking it on date, confess all her it all
  1026. >She open her soul to it and gave it the name Adamante
  1027. >For a time she was happy, but that happiness soon fade away
  1028. >For even that she loved Adamante, it could not love her back and they could not be really together
  1029. >That revelation made her spiral into despair
  1030. >Soon the year role and came the festival of love
  1031. >When princess Amore wandered her all her domains
  1032. >Depressed, Chisel took the opportunity and approached the princess
  1033. >She bagged to be turn into stone so she could finally be truly together with her love
  1034. >The princess look upon the sculptress and recognize her feeling as true and pure
  1035. >But instead of fulfilling the mare’s wish, Amore taped in her love an channel it into the statue
  1036. >Turning it to live
  1037. >Now Adamante could reciprocate the love that brought him to life
  1038. >And do things like talk, eat and have sex
  1039. >Princess Amore giggle at the face of the now incredibly nervous mare and teleport always, only telling them to have fun
  1040. >Silvery Chisel and Adamante went to sire three daughters, a Pegasus, a unicorn and a earth pone and three son, also one of each tribe
  1041. >Those foal went out to grow up and became the progenitors of all crystal ponies
  1042. >Time passed and Silvery Chisel eventually die of old age, living her creation and love behind
  1043. >For Adamante was everlasting and everliving as the love that brought him live
  1044. >In his despair, the first crystal stallion threw himself over his love grave
  1045. >He immediately shattered upon touching her body leaving only his shine crystal heart behind
  1046. >Perpetually powered by the love and souls of the lovers
  1047. >His shards flew far and wide, delimitating a perfect circle
  1048. >In that circle was build a great city
  1049. > At it center towering castle, build over the grave of the parent of the crystal ponies
  1050.  
  1051.  
  1052.  
  1053.  
  1054.  
  1055.  
  1056.  
  1057. > Anon is super hyped to meet a dragon after hearing that human knights appear in their ancient legends
  1058. > Will they fear him?
  1059. > Respect him?
  1060. > Or maybe just treat him as a curiosity, a living fossil, like the coelacanth
  1061. > Turns out, humans covering themselves in full plate and acting aggressive makes a decidedly different impression on dragons
  1062. > Legal Shota
  1063. > Lady dragons like to approach Anon and tells him they have gold and magic items in their hoard, would he like to see?
  1064. > In retrospect, it should have been obvious that the teenage dragon wouldn't have much of a hoard, and few dragons would be willing to give away gold and things
  1065. > At least the "cultural exchange" was fun
  1066.  
  1067.  
  1068.  
  1069. >>This means that divine magic has massive potential, but that its effectiveness can fluctuate greatly due to the mercurial nature of spirits.
  1070. >>Imagine someone trying to use divine chaos magic having to rely on Discord's mood whenever they cast.
  1071.  
  1072. >The most extreme fits of whimsy are actually divine chaos magic.
  1073. >Before he went off the rails, Discord was sometimes seen as a patron of stallions, as they were the ones most likely to seek his aid, and the most likely to receive it.
  1074. >After Discord was stoned for a thousand years, fits of whimsy were far less powerful, less magical, but the legends about them remained. And the attempts also helped ever so slightly to loosen the chains that bound him.
  1075. >Now that Discord has returned, his 'blessings' have also made a comeback.
  1076. >He may be reformed now, but he's still sometimes willing to lend a mismatched limb if your idea catches his fancy.
  1077. >Just be careful, if he really likes your idea, he may show up in person, and you'll get a lot more chaos than you bargained for
  1078.  
  1079.  
  1080.  
  1081.  
  1082.  
  1083.  
  1084. Flurry grew up expecting to have some relationship with a primordial facet of magic. But one day, Uncle Anon taught her how to play tabletop rpgs, and she got her cutie mark. She loves weaving stories for ponies, helping their characters achieve their goals and save the world. It's a bit of a letdown, but being the Obliette Mistress is fun.
  1085. It is only after a visit from a giraffe delegation that she realizes that her talent isn't strictly restricted to games
  1086.  
  1087.  
  1088.  
  1089.  
  1090.  
  1091.  
  1092.  
  1093. >Be Twilight Velvet
  1094. >You knew going mono with a nerd was going to have an effect on your foals
  1095. >Thank Harmony Cadance took a liking to your janefilly son, you were seriously worried you wouldn't have any grandfoals
  1096. >As for Twilight...
  1097. >You're proud of both of your foals, they grew up with strong moral fiber and enough magical power to excuse their eccentricities
  1098. >Given how many times your little Sparkler goes on an adventure and saves somepony, it's only a matter of time before-
  1099. >You hear the door open
  1100. >Your daughter calls out, "You'll never guess what I won in a duel!"
  1101. >You grin to yourself
  1102. >All according to plan
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106.  
  1107.  
  1108.  
  1109.  
  1110. >Twilight Sparkle was having a full blown, no joke, dead serious panic attack.
  1111. >She's really done it this time.
  1112. >She knew how serious Celestia was about cake, but she still ate the last slice at the tea party.
  1113. >Damn this Alicorn metabolism, it's not her fault she's constantly hungry.
  1114. >And it earned her the fulfillment of her worst nightmares.
  1115. >She got sent back to BUCKING MAGIC KINDERGARTEN.
  1116.  
  1117. >Surprisingly enough, the foals at the kindergarten don't seem to mind that an adult pony, the Princess of Friendship, joined them.
  1118. >They just want to play with her, and they love the fact that she can give them ponyback rides and read them stories.
  1119. >For the first time since her ascension, she can finally relax. No royal obligations, no stress, no anxiety about how well she's fulfilling her station.
  1120. >After all, what could happen that would be worse for her image than this.
  1121. >Not to mention that no one really thinks worse of her.
  1122. >She learns that the ponies of Ponyville love her not because she's a princess, but because she's a valuable part of the community and a good pony.
  1123. >Her friends are with her no matter what, they never cared if she was "marely" or "respectable" enough.
  1124. >And she learns that the bonds of friendship can be made anywhere, as she becomes good friends with the tall, green stallion that runs the kindergarten.
  1125. >In fact, she starts seeing him outside of his working hours too.
  1126.  
  1127. >Back in Canterlot, Celestia and Cadence step away from a telescope they borrowed from Luna, that's currently pointed at Ponyville.
  1128. >They raise a toast, to a successful scheme.
  1129. >It took drastic measures, but it looks like they're going to kill two birds with one stone.
  1130. >Get the book horse to finally chill out, and, hooves crossed, finally bag the nerd a coltfriend.
  1131. >Teacups clink gently, as the princesses start planning out a wedding.
  1132. >After all, a good plan is laid out in advance
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135.  
  1136.  
  1137.  
  1138.  
  1139. >Anon was able to buy a relatively nice house for incredibly cheep.
  1140. >Score!
  1141. >It's also plagued by some weird paranormal shit.
  1142. >Okay, that's a minor detriment, but he can still work with this.
  1143. >As far as he can tell, the spirit or entity is pretty non-violent most of the time.
  1144. >Sure, he finds his underwear drawer rifled through frequently, his socks on his disheveled bed coated in ectoplasm, and shampoo bottles knocked over repeatedly when he takes showers so he has to bend over and pick them up.
  1145. >But he's never harmed besides a phantom pinch to his bottom a few times a day.
  1146. >The most violent things get is when he's playing video games and is messing up repeatedly on a part.
  1147. >Every time he dies to a boss by failing to dodge the same attack again, things rattle and he's pretty sure he can hear a frustrated groan.
  1148. >So yeah, not so bad.
  1149. >His opinion on the matter does change, however, during a break-in.
  1150. >He never thought he'd be robbed, or that the robber mare would pin him down with earth pony strength with clear intent to rape him.
  1151. >Or that a ghostly wail would shake the walls and the mare atop him to be tossed and battered across the room.
  1152. >"Don't you touch my coltfriend!" is heard in a ghostly warble as Anon has to rescue his would-be assailant and throw her out of his house to safety.
  1153. >Yes, his opinion changed after that.
  1154. >For the better.
  1155. >He has his own guardian poltergeist and now he doesn't need to spring for a security system
  1156.  
  1157. >You have been in the Haunted Mansion for a few months now.
  1158. >Yeah, you renamed your house.
  1159. >It may not be a mansion but whatever, and the best part is the mouse can't sue you.
  1160. >You've also learned a lot about your ghostly roommate.
  1161. >She said she likes you more than the last mare that you bought the house from.
  1162. >You also seem to have started to date her.
  1163. >It was news to you at first, but she seemed to think when you came home and made dinner it was a dinner date.
  1164. >You were okay with it and actually appreciated the company since you were honestly kinda lonely.
  1165. >Not many mares like a big ape as a boyfriend, but Etherial Plain was more than okay with it.
  1166. >That also lead to her admitting she was embarrassed when she watched you masturbate before you knew she was in the house.
  1167. >It was also news to you when she said she could possess objects so long as they aren't alive.
  1168. >That gave you an idea, and is the reason you're in the adult shop.
  1169. >Surprising opposite of back home.
  1170. >Not that many vatieties of dildoes but a huge selection of cock sleeves.
  1171. >You found a good looking one for a decent price, bought it along with some lube and went home.
  1172. >Etherial was more than curious when you got home and said you had a surprise for her for later tonight.
  1173. >You had your dinner and she told you about pony history to pass the time.
  1174. >Finally you asked her to come back to the bedroom with you, which confused her mainly because it was early.
  1175. >When you got there you opened up your bag and showed her what you got.
  1176. >She was really confused at this point.
  1177. >You then explained that she could possess the fleshlight and hopefully feel everything.
  1178. >Her eyes went wide and she paused only for a moment before she disappeared and there was a faint ghostly glow around your pocket pussy.
  1179. >She liked it if the walls shaking violently were any indication of your first real night together
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183.  
  1184.  
  1185.  
  1186. >Sunset Shimmer is actually Starlight Glimmer's daughter
  1187. >Grew up in a broken household with a mother who, as evidenced by her liberal usage of mind-control magic, had little to no regard for those around her
  1188. >Sunset tried to get help from Twilight - the only Princess in Equestria with the ability to do something and an old friend of her mother's
  1189. >But when her pleas went unanswered, Sunset believed it was because Twilight didn't want to punish her friend
  1190. >Sunset began to hate Twilight Sparkle and vowed revenge
  1191. >One day, she found Starlight's old scrolls on time magic, specifically the type with the ability to change the past
  1192. >Sunset used them and fell into the past, years before her mother and father even got married
  1193. >Due to her knowledge of future events and her own impressive magic (being the daughter of Starlight "I'm a stupid faggot who can fly with magic and steal cutie marks" Glimmer), young Sunset was eventually accepted into the School for Gifted Unicorns
  1194. >She thought she might be able to gain sway with Princess Celestia and perhaps learn of magic that could help her punish her mother, save her father, or something else that her new school might teach her
  1195. >Maybe find out what made her mother the way she was
  1196. >Unwilling to hurt Starlight Glimmer while she was just a little filly, Sunset Shimmer instead spent her years planning and scheming
  1197. >Fantasies about revenge began to darken her heart, and Celestia became concerned
  1198. >Her hatred of Twilight Sparkle for never helping her or her father remained with Sunset, even though at this point of time Twilight was only a little filly.
  1199. >Sunset always knew that Celestia was, on some level, suspicious of her
  1200. >She had, of course, appeared out of nowhere and had no identification or history in Equestria, having come from the future
  1201. >Sunset thought it was because she was from the future
  1202. >In reality, Celestia was merely concerned for her most faithful student, whose mood darkened more every day as she planned her revenge
  1203. >When Celestia accepted Twilight Sparkle into her school and took her on as a second pupil, Sunset was convinced that the jig was up
  1204. >That this was Celestia's way of telling her she KNEW all about the time travel and her plots for revenge
  1205. >In reality, Celestia thought that her talented student needed something to focus her energy onto
  1206. >Like being a mentor to a bright young filly.
  1207. >Sunset desperately sought an escape, believing she was going to be apprehended for the crime of trying to change the future in her favour - even if her favour meant escaping an abusive foalhood
  1208. >Not knowing where Starlight was - or Sunburst, for that matter - and knowing that there was no place in Equestria where she could hide from Celestia, Sunset fled into the mirror-portal she had recently discovered
  1209.  
  1210.  
  1211.  
  1212.  
  1213.  
  1214.  
  1215.  
  1216.  
  1217. >Be lich-anon.
  1218. >Un-life is tough in Equestria.
  1219. >Have to wear bunch of clothes and a fake beard to stop freaking little horses out with dem bones.
  1220. >Have to use specialized spell that warms your skeleton up, so your scritchies aren't deathly chilling.
  1221. >Mistaken for a villain on bi-monthly basis.
  1222. >On the upside, you got a small following consisting primarily of mares with medical background, goth unicorns and one particularly edgy musician pegasus who took a liking to using your ribs as a xylophone
  1223.  
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229. >Be Anon
  1230. >Be with your buddy Maud Pie
  1231. >Maud hadn't been doing all the hot lately
  1232. >Her coltfriend had left her, and she was pretty beat up about it
  1233. >Trixie, Starlight, and her sisters weren't much help, so she can come to you
  1234. >It was pretty touching
  1235. >Maud liked to think of herself as a mare's mare, and coming to a male to talk about colty things like feelings show you just how bad of a way she was in
  1236. >To most ponies, she had the emotions of a rock
  1237. >Many stayed away because of this, many thinking that there was something wrong with her
  1238. >You knew better
  1239. >She was as expressive as any other pony, one just needed to watch and listen
  1240. >An ear twitch there, a quiet sigh there was all you needed
  1241. >Her body language was as easy to read as any other pony
  1242. >And, being a good friend, you were there to listen
  1243. >She talked and talked and talked; about how she felt, what had happened, what ponies would think
  1244. >You just sat there and let her go until she couldn't say anything else
  1245. >Then you got up, picked up her emotionally exhausted self, and gave her a big ol hug
  1246. >This went on for a week or so
  1247. >You hugged, petted, and nose-to-nose booped the mare
  1248. >She seemed to enjoy the male attention, and in no time at all she was back to her usual self
  1249. >Maud even got you a little thank you present
  1250. >A hunk of flawless emerald and some of those glow in the dark crystals
  1251. >She's a sweet horse
  1252. >You were happy to help out a friend
  1253. >She's got a big ol dumper too
  1254. >She'd be fine
  1255.  
  1256.  
  1257.  
  1258.  
  1259.  
  1260.  
  1261.  
  1262.  
  1263. 148 KB
  1264. 148 KB GIF
  1265. >You were just above the clouds, trying your best to hover
  1266. >You could see him
  1267. >The colt you had been watching for weeks
  1268. >The big green fella
  1269. >He had no wings, or magic to get get away from you
  1270. >He also didn't look up, as much colts did when mating season came around
  1271. >Perfect
  1272. >If you did this right you'd have a cute househusband all to yourself
  1273. >And you'd get it right; weeks and weeks of practicing would ensure that!
  1274. >He was at the edge of the marketplace, just a little green speck, talking to that dyke Rarity
  1275. >She might make things difficult if she noticed you, but she was no Twilight Sparkle when it came to magic
  1276. >If you were quick enough, maybe you could get out of her magical range before she did anything
  1277. >You puffed your chest out, taking a few deep breaths
  1278. >Alrighty...
  1279. >Letsbuckingdothis!
  1280. >With one last flap, you tucked your wings against your sides and began to fall
  1281. >You gained speed, having to squint as the wind whipped at your face
  1282. >Anon got bigger and bigger as you got closer to him
  1283. >This was the scariest part
  1284. >You weren't a good enough flyer to turn on a bit now with how fast you were going
  1285. >If he saw you, or anypony called out to him, you wouldn't be able to adjust
  1286. >Thankfully, thank Luna above, nopony noticed you, even as you came down at max speed
  1287. >Just when you were about to hit the ground behind him, you opened your wings and flapped as hard as you could
  1288. >For a moment, it felt like your eyes were going to fly out of your tailhole as the Gs hit you, but you slowed
  1289. >Your hooves hit the dirt road, and with another flap you launched yourself upward at the perfect angle to hook your forelegs under his armpits
  1290. >Now grinning, you flapped again, ready to lift him into the air
  1291. >Only to not go anywhere
  1292. "HHHHHGGGGGGGNNNNN!!!"
  1293. >Anon moved some, leaning forward mostly but you didn't lift him an inch
  1294. >Gritting your teeth, you flapped as hard as you could
  1295. >Holy hayseeds, what was this colt made of?
  1296. >You'd heard of hefty stallions, but this was something else!
  1297. "Come on... get your... butt up!"
  1298. >The human looked over his shoulder at you
  1299. >He didn't look particularly upset, just confused
  1300. >"Um... can I help you?"
  1301. >You just continued to flap your wings
  1302. "You can help me by not being so bucking fat, colt!" you replied
  1303. >The human frowned
  1304. >"Fat?" he said, brow furrowing
  1305. >Not only after that, you were dunked into the town's foundation
  1306. >In front of the whole town
  1307. >There were MANY laughing ponies
  1308. >Mare, did you bucking hate mating season...
  1309.  
  1310.  
  1311.  
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314.  
  1315.  
  1316. >Be Deep Cider, badass extraordinaire
  1317. >It had taken 3 days of walking through the tunnels of Toll Domhainn to reach the surface.
  1318. >The usually heavy air felt cooler and fresher as you trotted along the ever steepening path with your companions.
  1319. >The froth of sweat you were so used to in the mines had yet to grace your thick burgundy coat.
  1320. >Though the weight of your horned helmet, a newly added symbol of your rank as a proud warrior of your people, began to put a crick in your neck.
  1321. >The huge wrought iron gates that cut the home of your people off from the world above loomed over you
  1322. >The old-husband's tales of the sunlight beyond the door turning you and your fellow Falabella ponies to stone stuck out in your mind.
  1323. >But you shrugged it off, you were a brave mare and those were just stories anyhow.
  1324. >Heck your spot among the group of diplomats and forgesmiths was hoof picked by the ForgeFathers as a reward for your bravery during the diamond dog raids on the southern coal mines.
  1325. >Your group of six were to meet with a group of Equestrians right outside the gates.
  1326. >Them delving down into your mountain home and yours climbing up to their mountain home.
  1327. >A mountain home, you remembered, that was on top of and outside of their mountain.
  1328. >The wrongness of that idea had popped up more than once during the trip.
  1329. >Finally the gates began to creep open.
  1330. >The brightness of the outside was intense to say the least, blinding even for nearly a whole minute.
  1331. >But when the white cleared from your eyes it was replaced by something even more bizare.
  1332. >6 mares stood before your group.
  1333. >6 of the tallest cunts you'd ever seen before in your life, they had to be almost twice your height.
  1334. >Although taking a longer look, you could see they were lanky as fuck.
  1335. >Falabellas are built like squares.
  1336. >Fluffy, stocky, sturdy, and built from good hard work.
  1337. >These mares were built like tool shafts.
  1338. >Thinner than your fathers soup, goddess bless his soul.
  1339. >And holy shit their tufts, you felt like a pornstar looking at them.
  1340.  
  1341. >Be Twilight
  1342. >Princess Celestia had asked you and your friends to be a part of a cultural exchange with the local dwar- er, Falabellas
  1343. >You were told not to use the d-word around them.
  1344. >It was hard not to though, seeing as how you were now surrounded by 6 of the little bastards.
  1345. >They had been laughing non stop, some even rolling on the ground, screeching about "lanky tuftletts" for about 10 minutes now.
  1346. >It's not even like yours was that small, was it?
  1347. >You have a bad feeling about this trip all of a sudden
  1348.  
  1349.  
  1350.  
  1351.  
  1352.  
  1353.  
  1354. >You grunted, throwing another shovelful of dirt
  1355. >You had been digging for around an hour, and a diamond dog you were not
  1356. >Even so, you were an earth pony
  1357. >A mare used to hard work, with a natural stubbornness to boot
  1358. >With grit and some colorful language, you had slung pounds and pounds of dirt, rock, and clay
  1359. >Your hole was around two ponies deep
  1360. >Since you were the one that made the hole, you knew how to get out of the thing
  1361. >A colt wouldn't be so lucky
  1362. >With their heads in the clouds, one would fall right in this bucking hole
  1363. >Then you'd have yourself a husband
  1364. >Just like how mom caught dad
  1365. >Leaning your shovel against the wall of the hole, you wiped the sweat from your brow
  1366. >Everything looked good
  1367. >It didn't look like it was going to fall in on itself
  1368. >You'd even cleared out most of the loose dirt too
  1369. >Mom had warned you about that; said dad was ornery for a month because his fall into the hole got his coat all dirty
  1370. >With a nod, you tossed the shovel out of the hole, then climbed out yourself
  1371. >It was Tartarus, and thank Celestia nopony was watching you make a fool of yourself, but you eventually managed to get out of the darn thing
  1372. >Dirt was piled up all around the hole
  1373. >You did your best to clear the road
  1374. >Colts weren't the brightest, but even they might notice a pile of dirt just sitting there
  1375. >With that done, you jumped into the nearest bush
  1376. >Now was the time for the hardest part
  1377. >The waiting
  1378. >An hour or two passed
  1379. >You had gone through a sandwich and five ciders waiting
  1380. >Any longer and you might need to run to the market to get another six pack
  1381. >Truly, this was a trail
  1382. >Thankfully, as you opened your sixth cider, a fish came toward your lure
  1383. >It was that alien fella
  1384. >Anon
  1385. >You could hear him whistling a happy tune to himself
  1386. "Oh!"
  1387. >Grinning, you hid in your bush until just your eyes were visible
  1388. >Anon was a bit skinny for your taste, but you could fatten him up a bit on the honeymoon
  1389. "Come on.. come to momma..."
  1390. >The human walked down the road at a pretty brisk pace, head in the cloud like any other colt
  1391. >To your glee, it looked like it was walking right in line with the hole
  1392. >Oh yeah mare...
  1393. >Glee turned into disappointment when he looked down just a foot or so from it
  1394. >Head cocking to the side, he frowned
  1395. >Shoot...
  1396. >Welp, maybe you'd get the next colt that went by...
  1397. >Your shoulders sagged as you took a sip of your cider
  1398. >Only to nearly sip it out as the human jumped into the hole
  1399. >Oh
  1400. >OH!
  1401. >We got a live one here, mare!
  1402. >The dummy had gotten himself in a place he couldn't get--
  1403. >...
  1404. >Oh, wait...
  1405. >Looking at him, you saw most of his upper body could be clearly seen
  1406. >He was looking down at the hole, puzzled
  1407. >"Why the fuck is this here?" he asked aloud. "Did those construction mares just wander off a site without putting anything up? Someone's gonna get hurt falling into this thing..."
  1408. >With that, he placed his hands on either side of the hole and hauled himself out of it
  1409. >This was too much for you
  1410. >A colt should stay in the hole dangit, especially if he jumped in there himself!
  1411. >With a huff, you leapt from the bush as he got to his feet
  1412. "Now you wait a cotton pickin' minute there, human! You get your butt back in that hole!" you said, pointing at said hole. "You get in there and let me get you out so we can get married!"
  1413. >Anon frowned
  1414. >"You dug this in the middle of the street?" he asked
  1415. "You're darn right I did!" you said with a proud stomp of your hoof
  1416. >Anon nodded, walking past you
  1417. >He bent down, picking up the shovel you had half hidden in your bush
  1418. >Giving you a not so friendly look, he tapped the flat of the shovelhead against a hand
  1419. >"I could have fallen and hurt myself, you know," he said flatly
  1420. "I don't give a--"
  1421. >He took a step toward you
  1422. >With a start, you realized your shovel looked like a foals' toy in his mammoth hands
  1423. "I, um, uh..."
  1424. >He beat your flank red with that shovel
  1425. >Then he made you fill that hole
  1426. >And, to add insult to injury, he beat your butt again
  1427. >If you were able to sit sometime next year you'd consider yourself lucky
  1428. >Colt even took your shovel, and chewed you out too
  1429. >Mare, did mating season suck salt...
  1430.  
  1431.  
  1432.  
  1433.  
  1434.  
  1435.  
  1436. >Changelings are seen as ultimate breeders, able to coax the maximum amount of love from a stallion, anything less than twins is completely unheard of.
  1437. >Mares are warned to not even try and compete in that regard lest they damage their health or that of their foals.
  1438. >In a herd situation the inclusion of a changeling can improve the health of everypony involved, as the excess amount of Love is converted into Ling-Honey, which has numerous health benefits when consumed both before and during pregnancies.
  1439. >Social dynamics usually hamper this somewhat, as the sheer difference in fertility means the stallion will naturally come to see the changeling as the 'alpha' of the group, regardless of dispositions or previous heirarchy.
  1440. >For this reason most changelings stay disguised even from their own herd, using slight of hoof and very mild misdirection magic to hide oddities such as putting honey into the food.
  1441. >The feelings are real, otherwise she wouldnt be fed nor produce the honey to share, but so is the stigma, and most changelings prefer not to risk the heartbreak
  1442.  
  1443.  
  1444.  
  1445.  
  1446.  
  1447.  
  1448.  
  1449. >Anon has a unicorn marefriend
  1450. >She doesn't think what she does is anything special, but Anon didn't grow up with magic as a part of his life
  1451.  
  1452. "Honey, we're running out of shampoo."
  1453. >"Anon, it's 2 in 1, just pour it into the empty bottle it came with."
  1454. >...
  1455. "HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?"
  1456. >"Magic. Honestly, it's cute how you get worked up about the littlest things."
  1457.  
  1458.  
  1459.  
  1460.  
  1461.  
  1462.  
  1463. >She's a duchess
  1464. >A war hero
  1465. >Maybe one of the more powerful magi currently living
  1466. >Her castle is deep in the mountains
  1467. >It had been standing over six hundred years, and not once had it fallen to a foe
  1468. >It was a big castle in northern Equestria, not a days ride to the Crystal Empire
  1469. >A lonely castle
  1470. >As wealthy and powerful as she was, Fleur could never find a colt that would want to stay with her for more than a few weeks
  1471. >Colts liked cities, the nightlife, things to do
  1472. >There was not too much there for her duchy
  1473. >Those nobles that lived in the cold, hard mountains were cousins or distant relatives
  1474. >Not suitable suitors; at least to her
  1475. >Those southern nobles were weaklings; too pompous and dignified to dirty their hands
  1476. >It was frustrating
  1477. >A frustration that no amount of fighting, hunting, or feasting could sooth
  1478. >But then you came
  1479. >A man from a different world so strange compared to her own
  1480. >The way you spoke was strange
  1481. >The way you moved was strange
  1482. >When you met her, you tried to hold the door open for her, like some young filly that had just gotten her first set of honor
  1483. >She had laughed, and never forgotten your face
  1484. >She made numerous trips to Canterlot, going out of her way to visit that bothersome city and those bothersome southerners just to see you
  1485. >Every little thing you did was fascinating, and you had such silly ideas as a stallion
  1486. >She invited you up to her castle, wishing you show you some of the countries' wildlands
  1487. >To her delight, you didn't seem to care much for city life, and agreed to join her
  1488. >Weeks passed
  1489. >She took you all through her lands
  1490. >You hunted, spoke with her little ponies
  1491. >She even allowed you to look through her families famous armory and library
  1492. >Every single day she woke up expecting you to ask to return to Canterlot, and every single day that didn't happen
  1493. >The castle staff began to warm up to you, as did the ponies surrounding the little town not far from the castle
  1494. >Many said that their lady looked so much happier with you around
  1495. >They had never seen the usually solemn and grim mare smile so much
  1496. >Even when the winter came, and the Wendigos came from the very far north to cause mischievous you didn't leave
  1497. >Not only did you not leave, you made snowponies with some of the castle's foals!
  1498. >You might have been a strange, alien stallion with an odd way of doing things, but the duchess wouldn't have you leave for all of the valuable suitors in her kingdom
  1499. >In fact, she was having scribes in Canterlot trying to find some sort of noble lineage in your family line
  1500. >If they couldn't--which was pretty much a guarantee since you weren't of this world--then they were told to make something up
  1501. >A noble such as herself couldn't just up and marry a commoner now, could she?
  1502. >She'd even give your mother a dowry fit for a prince, as it was the only proper thing to do
  1503.  
  1504.  
  1505. >She takes you back to Canterlot once
  1506. >It was for business, and she couldn't bare to leave you home
  1507. >Things were perfectly normal for the first few days
  1508. >She bought you all the fabric you wanted--you were learning how to sew from the castle's seamster-- as well as some other knick knacks
  1509. >While privately speaking with the princess, she was even congratulated on finding a nice stallion
  1510. >But then disaster struck
  1511. >A noble went and hit on you while Fleur was speaking to some old war buddies
  1512. >Fleur looked over at you just as the chubby, sleazy mare pinched your bottom
  1513. >She immediately borrowed a sword from a guard, stomping over to protect your honor
  1514. >The mare attempted to apologize
  1515. >Fleur wanted a duel to the death to settle matters
  1516. >Celestia attempted to step in, but the unicorn would not be calmed down
  1517. >You suggested the mare take you on a shopping spree to apologize, as well as "gift" you your weight in gold
  1518. >Fleur didn't like the idea, flat out refusing, but you were insistent
  1519. >The mare eagerly accepted, and the rest of your trip was on her pockets
  1520. >You, the poor mare, Fleur, and some guards Celestia sent to keep Fleur from murdering her fellow noble went out onto the town the next day, where you went on the stopping spree of the century
  1521. >Fleur's outrage turned to amusement as you nearly bankrupted the mare in two days
  1522. >Not buying jewelry or frilly things, but stuff that would help the castle out
  1523. >Different foodstuffs, paper, leather, types of gems and ore
  1524. >You had the made buy ten barrels of wine that Fleur loved, as well as got yourself a helmet from one of the finest armorers in the city, whose pieces cost a small fortune
  1525. >All the while, you had a troupe of singers follow you, dancing and making merry as they were given ten times the normal rate
  1526. >There was a lot of talk when you and Fleur went home with twenty wagons full of goods
  1527. >The noble who had dishonored you was now humbled to the core
  1528. >The rest of the nobility were amused to bits
  1529. >Celestia sent some fine chainmail for you from the armorer you had gotten the helmet from as a gift; a thank you for keeping her nobles from needlessly killing each other
  1530. >The ponies back at the castle were delighted with all the fabric, fruit, and gifts you had gotten for them
  1531. >Fleur was happy that you had not only taken things in stride, but had been exceedingly clever in dishing out a rightful punishment
  1532. >The next time the two of you went to Canterlot, and forever after, nobles would go out of their way to be as polite as possible with you
  1533. >Not for fear of Fleur, but of what you'd do to them
  1534.  
  1535.  
  1536.  
  1537.  
  1538.  
  1539.  
  1540. >Anon scrimps and saves in order to buy all the cards he needs from the new expansion to make a monster of a deck
  1541. >Fluttershy doesn't really play that much, but she has a stalling deck and uses it as an excuse to hang out Anon for as long as possible
  1542. >But his new deck wins before she can get the cards she needs to draw out the game
  1543. >Another mare at the card shop challenges him, and Fluttershy feels her mareliness points take a hit
  1544. >She dramatically decides that she will defeat Anon and finally ask him out on a date!
  1545. >But she hasn't tried winning a game for so long, she has a number of bad habits to break
  1546. >Anon isn't oblivious, but he does want to help her become more assertive
  1547. >He gets Pinkie and Rarity to help him assemble a number of disguises and decks so that Fluttershy has rivals and villains close enough to her level to fuel her growth as a duelist
  1548. >Admittedly, he and Rarity may have gotten a little drunk before designing the "Eeyore Valentine" costume, but Fluttershy' reaction to him pulling cards out of his ball bra was priceless
  1549. >With each game, Fluttershy learns more and more about mechanics, rules, strategies, and deck building
  1550. >Finally, a new expansion comes out and Fluttershy builds a meta deck all on her own
  1551. >She challenges Anon and finally defeats him, because he spent so much time and money building all those silly decks and chipping in on costume material costs that he didn't have enough to adapt to the new meta
  1552. >Fluttershy asks him out, and thanks him for helping her learn to play competitively
  1553. >And could he wear the Eeyore Valentine costume again? It was her favorite
  1554.  
  1555.  
  1556.  
  1557.  
  1558.  
  1559. >"Look mare, the tribes might be playing nice again but your 'Equestria' is never gonna work."
  1560. >"We dont care if your dad bucked a hornhead and you came out with a lightning rod on your face, no self respecting pegasi will ever accept a a filly of a leader so ashamed of her tuft she hides it behind a big neck thingy."
  1561. >Celestia has absolutely HAD IT with these stubborn mules.
  1562. >Having the Unicorns join? Easy, they were glad to foist the job of moving the sun and moon onto just two ponies, practically threw the crown jewels at her.
  1563. >Earth ponies, little bit harder since they all wanted little favours, but being a glorified delivery mare and gathering everypony for one big 'hoe-down' secured their inclusion.
  1564. >She's not sure about actually USING that gold plated Hoe they gave her, but that's something future Celestia can worry about, or Luna, she likes plants right?
  1565. >But these pegasi? Nothing.
  1566. >Steady payment? An insult.
  1567. >Discounts on things they trade for like food? Also an insult.
  1568. >The right to fly their cities in equestrian air space? 'Nopony owns the skies.' Insult.
  1569. >Traditional trial by combat? Apparently cheating because of her magic, also pretty insulting to even suggest.
  1570. >But this? This is HER being Insult-ed.
  1571. >('Be careful with the Ceremonial Torque')
  1572. >Ignoring her sisters whisper, Celestia unbuckles the big neck thingy and lets it drop to the ground.
  1573. >A few miles below, since they're on a cloud.
  1574. >Luna sighs and flies down through the hole to retrieve it.
  1575. >Snorting and stomping a hoof , she takes a deep breath and
  1576. >"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little mare?" I'll have you know..."
  1577.  
  1578. >A few minutes later Celestia touches down on the ground next to her sister.
  1579. >"They've accepted us as Royals and will be sending ponies over to our castle tomorrow to begin working out a long term weather schedule."
  1580. >Luna simply holds up the big neck thingy, the large PREVIOUSLY flawless gem in the middle now riddled with fractures.
  1581. >"Oh dont worry about that, i'm sure it can be fixed, we'll say a diamond dog snuck up on us.."
  1582. >The gem decides to take it's last moment to shine and promptly falls to pieces.
  1583. >"Did i say fixed? I meant replaced, because it was stolen by a dragon, i'm thinking a nice orange, or maybe purple? Purple sounds good
  1584.  
  1585.  
  1586.  
  1587.  
  1588.  
  1589.  
  1590.  
  1591.  
  1592. >Young Anonicorn thinks everyone follows what his mom says because she's the biggest and tallest.
  1593. >Said mother gets a kick out of puffing herself up bigger and asking 'the small ones' (the maids) to serve lunch.
  1594. >Laughter rings out from the dining hall as they crouch-walk back in with serving trays.
  1595. >Cadance arrives during lunch to take him for a nap and playdate, but he acts grumpy and wants to stay with his momma, asking her to make them listen.
  1596. >Being informed of the new rules of soverignty by Celestia, Cadence asks the nearby guard Shining to step over for a moment before promptly jumping on his back.
  1597. >To his credit, he barely flinches as she steadies herself, although a faint blush dusts his cheeks.
  1598. >Anons jaw drops to the floor as he looks between his boosted foalsitter and his mother, the latter shrugging helplessly.
  1599. >His wings buzz as he tries to fly up and sit on his mommas head, but quickly tires out and falls into the grasp of her magic.
  1600. >A quick nuzzle and shooshing later and he's passed over to Cadence, who settles him on her back before trotting off to the playroom
  1601.  
  1602.  
  1603.  
  1604.  
  1605.  
  1606.  
  1607. >Anonicorn always takes time out of his day to make sure the staff and guard in the castle know they are appreciated and valued, talking about their day and going around with batches of treats he's baked, etc.
  1608. >This makes him a magnet for changelings, and word gets around to go visit the prince if they ever need a snack.
  1609. >None of them tell the queen out of fear she'd do something stupid like order him captured.
  1610. >When the invasion happens a small squad break off to go keep him out of danger while disguised as guards.
  1611. >Decide to set up in the kitchen with other staff that managed to escape the attacks, and he suggests they make some food 'for when mom sorts all this out.'
  1612. >Hidden bugs start sweating nervously when Anon notices two of them accidently disguised as the same pony.
  1613. >Thankfully interrupted when some idiot ant-brains who dont remember the code phrases decide to attack their small party.
  1614. >Not thankfully, they showed off their shapeshifting and now the prince is confronting the two that had the same disguise, even though one of them tried to change in the confusion.
  1615. >"I only have one question and i want it answered honestly."
  1616. >They gulp nervously at the authority in his voice.
  1617. >"Chewy or Fudge brownies? Nopony ever tells me which one they like better."
  1618. >Nonplussed, they look at each other before one of them responds.
  1619. "Fudge can hold more love?"
  1620. >"Really? Great! I'll be sure to remember that, thanks."
  1621. >He suddenly hugs the changeling, focusing on the gratitude for protecting everypony in the room and tossing in some of his affection for mom too.
  1622. >The guard falls over the moment he lets go.
  1623. >"Err, are they going to be okay?"
  1624. "They'll be fine, just a sudden overdose."
  1625. >"Oh, alright, how many of you are there?
  1626. >Silence.
  1627. "Okay, that was a dumb question, can one of you go check on Auntie and bring her here? She's probably sleeping through this."
  1628. >He levitates a fruitbowl with pineapples over.
  1629. >"You'll need this, she gets cranky when woken up so early."
  1630. >Later, when the tied up changelings are blasted away by some sort of magic wall, it somehow phasing them through the physical walls in the way, his 'personal guard' look at each other in confusion before looking at him for orders.
  1631. >"That felt like cousin Cadence, i think its time for you all to sneak out before we have any more misunderstandings."
  1632. >They glance nervously at a glaring Princess Luna looming behind his shoulder, slowly chewing through a watermelon as if it were an apple.
  1633. >"Oh! And dont forget your brownies, i made a few for each of you."
  1634. >Feeling silly, they line up to recieve a hug and small paper bag before flying out the window.
  1635. >The last disappears right as some actual guard burst through the doors.
  1636. >Luna, still glaring, spits a pip into half full bowl next to her before barking orders at the guard.
  1637. >She thought her nephew miraculiously dodged the tendency for stallions ( and her sister) to be so whimsical, but now she sees it merely manifests in spectacular fashion
  1638.  
  1639.  
  1640.  
  1641.  
  1642.  
  1643.  
  1644. >Be Anon, having finished playing basketball with Dash and Spitfire in your new shorts
  1645. >The first time, they were filthy cheaters, launching with a flap of their wings and hovering to block your shot
  1646. >The watermark of Air-bud superimposed itself over your vision as they explained there wasn't a rule against flying
  1647. >Under threat of bringing Twilight on your team, they agreed to having their wings bound
  1648. >They acted kinda funny the next time, sniffing at your belts as you fastened them around their wings and barrel
  1649. >They still had mad jumping skills, since pegasi only weigh a quarter pounder, but they couldn't hover and that is what's important
  1650. >When you sat down for a water break, you noticed them eyeing your shorts for some reason
  1651. >For the rest of the time you were playing, you kept picking up moments where they would try and look up your shorts
  1652. >It's... not a bad feeling, but you feel like teaching them a lesson
  1653. >Rarity was ecstatic to work on your design, perhaps because of the diamond motif?
  1654. >You wonder if you accidentally flirted with her
  1655. >Regardless, you told the pegasi you were going to take a nap after the latest game, and settled down on the grass
  1656. >It's disappointing how quickly they start nosing around
  1657. >After five minutes, you can feel their breaths on your thighs
  1658. >The stiff material shifts as they push closer to your crotch
  1659. >Okay, that's enough
  1660. "Boo!"
  1661. >The mares yelp and try to back out, but your shorts constrict, trapping their snouts against your thighs
  1662. "Caught you red handed!"
  1663. >The mares are blushing and making muffled alarmed horse noises, flapping their wings
  1664. >To your alarm, you feel yourself start to lift off
  1665. >Dash and Spits frantically take to the skies rump first while you dangle from their snouts
  1666. "Hey! Stop that!"
  1667. >No use
  1668. >They are panicking, eyes rolling back in their heads
  1669. >As the three of you climb higher and higher, you just accept it
  1670. >This is how you go, dying from dumb horses caught in a chinese pervert trap shorts
  1671. >You barely clear the rooftop to an apartment building when it happens
  1672. >The mares crash into the wall of the roof access, their snouts pushing deep into your shorts and jostling your balls a little painfully
  1673. >Finally released, you fall about a foot onto your back and grunt in pain
  1674. >You really didn't think this through
  1675. >You sit up slowly, watching the mares come to their senses
  1676. "You two are the worst."
  1677. >Rainbow laughs nervously
  1678. >"Haha, sorry, I just wasn't thinking."
  1679. >Spits nods
  1680. >"As her superior officer, I will accept all responsibility for injuries you received in this...accident."
  1681. >You raise an eyebrow
  1682. "What about sexually assaulting me in my sleep?"
  1683. >She pales and swallows
  1684. >"I-uh, I'll take full responsibility, or if you don't want that, I'll hoof the bill for your wedding, as well as whatever you think is necessary."
  1685. >You shake your head
  1686. "Why did you even do it in the first place? I thought we were friends."
  1687. >Spits and Dash slump guiltily
  1688. >Dash swallows
  1689. >"Well, you were wearing shorts. That's pretty much an invitation."
  1690. >You aren't impressed
  1691. >Spitfire looks at you skeptically
  1692. >"You weren't trying to tease us with baggy clothes that leave too much to the imagination?"
  1693. >You facepalm
  1694. "No, no I was not."
  1695. >Rainbow stares at you in confusion
  1696. >"Then why were you wearing shorts every time we hung out?"
  1697. >You shrug
  1698. "They're comfy and easy to wear."
  1699.  
  1700.  
  1701.  
  1702.  
  1703.  
  1704.  
  1705. >Be Bon Bon, secret agent in retirement
  1706. >Well, no secret agent truly retires, but you did get a cushy monitoring position in ponyville
  1707. >It seems the human spends a lot of time on his slabtop, and you get the job of monitoring his interweb activity
  1708. >You have never seen such filthiness
  1709. >Hoofholding videos
  1710. >Long debates in forums and comment sections over interspecies sexual compatibility
  1711. >Founding a cult of "Sunlords" filled with nothing but long-winded sexual and domestic fantasies regarding your grossly incandescent leader
  1712. >No treasonous activity, just perversity from dawn to dusk and deep into Luna's night
  1713. >And the things he draws and uploads
  1714. >Marehoods in the place of a hoof's frog
  1715. >Cancerously large teats on mares
  1716. >Mares in coltish, provocative poses
  1717. >It's enough to drive you to drink
  1718. >You have even caught yourself looking under Lyra's tail
  1719. >Just another day in Her Majesty's service
  1720.  
  1721.  
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725.  
  1726. >Put 2 and 2 together and realize they are free.
  1727. >Put together increasingly unsustainable plans of world domination and becoming the alphas of the giga-herd across equestria.
  1728. >take quite a while before they realize they don't have any skills except eating the lawn, pulling things, and carrying anon.
  1729. >mooch off him by taking turns sleeping in his house.
  1730. >lose a lot of time through this habit, actually. Ponies still feel alien but they just 'know' each other.
  1731. >They get shit about it when they walk around, but can't care because those pozzers just don't know how to be the alpha anyway.
  1732. >Anon basically treats them as he use to, if talking a bit more. He doesn't care about their mooching because it's the same as it use to be, really. And he still thinks of them as pets as much as... 'herd-mates', or whatever ponies keep calling them.
  1733. >Plus, they're only, like, 10. Even if their bodies match adult ponies here, they just don't have their faculties yet.
  1734. >Tries to pay for any damage they do, keep them reigned in, etc.
  1735. >Ponies, meanwhile, are pretty appalled at them.
  1736. >Treating their stallion like a cook and housekeeper, and even making him slave away to pay for their bad behavior.
  1737. >They seemingly DGAF about most things, think property is a meme, don't understand the concept of law, and have an incredibly unusual obsession with those big yoga balls.
  1738. >And they've got NO clue what a cutiemark is.
  1739. >Fucking weirdos is what they are.
  1740. >But Anon swears up and down they're fine, just... maladjusted to Equestria.
  1741. >So nopony's decked them... yet.
  1742.  
  1743.  
  1744.  
  1745.  
  1746.  
  1747.  
  1748. >Someway, somehow, your entire home is yanked into RGRE, and your internet connection isn't severed.
  1749. >After some convincing and a few people confirming that your entire house vanished from it's spot, you single handedly become the most famous person alive by being the first one to contact aliens.
  1750. >Everyone is desperate to know what this technicolor world is like, and the more details you feed them, the more they want.
  1751. >Feminists swoon over a matriarchal society, conveniently ignoring the unpleasant parts to like how mares are soldiers, sanitation workers, construction workers etc.
  1752. >Many men sneer at the thought of being the 'lesser' gender, or being a 'furry', but the supreme abundance of female attention makes some reconsider.
  1753. >And A LOT of obvious feds ask things about Equestria's defense, what kind of resources do they have, how you got there, how would they get there, etc.
  1754. >But recently you haven't had much time to shit post, because a dedicated marefriend is much more fun
  1755.  
  1756.  
  1757.  
  1758.  
  1759.  
  1760.  
  1761.  
  1762. >You run a half-hearted youtube vlog by popular demand.
  1763. >Millions of subs in days, and before a month is out you're in the top 10 by sub count.
  1764. >Millions of views per video no matter what it is.
  1765. >One was just you laying down in the park watching pegasi fly. It got 20 million views in just under a week.
  1766. >Usually you keep anything personal out of the videos, but the most famous one, though?
  1767. >It's you, sitting in your darkened living room at midday. In your lap is a tiny foal, barely bigger than a kitten, and you're quietly feeding her with a bottle.
  1768. >You smile and with your free hand, hold up a bit of paper to the camera.
  1769. >It's a birth certificate.
  1770. >A birth certificate for your daughter, with you clearly labeled as the father.
  1771. >"Suprised me too when my wife said she was pregnant almost a year back," you smile as you explain in a hushed voice. "Magic is some wild stuff, and it bridged the biological gap like it wasn't even there."
  1772. >Your little filly finishes the bottle and curls up with her little muzzle pressed to your torso, already falling asleep.
  1773. "I don't think I'll be uploading as often anymore, but I'm sure you all understand," you say, reaching for the camera.
  1774. >The video is less than 30 seconds long and would be the last one you ever upload. It blew past a billon views in just 3 weeks
  1775.  
  1776.  
  1777. >You don't stop there.
  1778. >A lot of people called the video a hoax, but you upload a few more here and there, and everyone crying hoax is pretty swiftly silenced.
  1779. >A short video when your daughter can fully open her eyes. It's just a few seconds of you kissing her cheek as she giggles and baps your nose with a tiny hoof, but it shows that you and she have the same eye color.
  1780. >One where a sulking Rainbow is on the couch with an icepack between her legs, then you move the camera to your daughter.
  1781. >"Say 'Ahhhh' honey."
  1782. >The little filly opens her mouth wide, showing off a few teeth beginning to come in. Among them are sharp canines.
  1783. >"Guess we gotta start weening a little early."
  1784. >Another is during a doctor's visit.
  1785. >"So Spectra is having some trouble gripping things with her hooves," you mutter, the camera trained on a few MRI prints of a filly. "Something didn't hybridize well, so she's trying to use fingers that she doesn't have. Doc says no prob, she's just gotta train herself to use her hooves is all. Wild stuff, magic."
  1786.  
  1787.  
  1788. "Awwww Luna, look at the adorable human, he's been 'ruling' his country for a hoofful of years"
  1789. >"Is that what he calls it? We would call it fumbling"
  1790. "Sister, don't be rude, we're guests on this stream remember"
  1791. >"Celestia, there is a colt claiming to be the 'leader of the free world' are you sure this is a stream and not a comedy act"
  1792. "Luna, please don't insult Anon's peoples"
  1793. >>"Oh no no, Luna please continue, this is better than I could have hoped for"
  1794. >"Fantastic, now listen humans, let me tell you why stallions like you belong in the kitchen"
  1795.  
  1796.  
  1797.  
  1798.  
  1799. >You start the stream a little early to run a test, then forget to turn it off.
  1800. >A tide of viewers comes in.
  1801. >Celestia and Luna fly in and you welcome them inside with a traditional pony greeting, AKA a hug.
  1802. >You, Rainbow, Celestia, and Luna talk for a short bit.
  1803. >Your daughter wanders in. Celestia, who shines at seeing Spectra, lays down on her belly so she can play with the little filly, much to Luna's exasperation.
  1804. >You decide that makes for a good time to actually talk about the stream, and when Luna agrees, everyone settles into a cuddle-pile.
  1805. >Rainbow, as your alpha (and only) mare, takes your left side so you are on her right. Celestia (still holding your daughter) takes your right, as the highest-ranked mare who isn't of the household. She could have demanded being on your left if she felt like it, however, considering her royal status trumps that of the mare-of-the-house. Luna, ever so serious, takes the defensive spot laying across yours, Celestia's, and Rainbow's backs.
  1806. >The guards meanwhile cuddle close around the outside of the pile, forming a defensive ring of ponies.
  1807. >You tell everyone what to expect, who will be attending, what questions might come across as insensitive, etc.
  1808. >This isn't one of your 30-second shitposts or a poorly edited video without any explanation as to what is going on, but a REAL look at Equestrian dynamics that everyone gets to see. The watching scientists and sociologists are absolutely raving.
  1809. >When the conversation is over, everyone remains cuddled for several minutes to reaffirm the friendly bonds between everyone, then slowly separates.
  1810. >When you look back at the computer, you realize the stream has been going the entire time.
  1811. >Oops...
  1812.  
  1813.  
  1814.  
  1815.  
  1816. >You are happily married to Principal Celestia
  1817. >Your son Incognito is a good lad, if a bit nerdy and a stickler for the rules
  1818. >Your precautions pay off initially
  1819. >When the magic demon girl starts throwing fire around, he is the first to leave the area
  1820. >However, you underestimated one thing:
  1821. >The allure of bad girls trying to be good
  1822. >He gets a crush on Sunset
  1823. >She only starts to notice when the sirens transfer in and pick up on the potential for discord
  1824. >They aggressively flirt with Incognito, and Sunset white knights somewhat effectively
  1825. >Incognito wants the girls to get along, so he asks you to DM for the group
  1826. >So here you are, trying to plan out a campaign hard enough to make them work together, but fun enough that Incognito isn't miserable while they squabble and backstab each other
  1827. >The things you do for family
  1828.  
  1829.  
  1830.  
  1831.  
  1832.  
  1833. >Anon gets some Equestria magic exposure
  1834. >A shrill voice echoes in his soul
  1835. "I'm going to kiss all the girls!"
  1836. >He starts wearing tight and revealing clothes
  1837. >More and more girls are unnaturally besotted with him
  1838. >Twilight and friends are suspicious, but Sunset is insistent that this is normal
  1839. >She's entirely unaffected by his magic, doesn't even join in on the yu gi oh tournament Anon organizes among the besotted
  1840. >She just likes watching herding courtships again after so long
  1841.  
  1842.  
  1843.  
  1844.  
  1845.  
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848. >When Anon insists on going to class dressed without a testicle bra
  1849. >There's an obvious bulge in his pants that jiggles when he walks but he doesn't care
  1850. >tfw half the teachers are uncomfortable when he's in the room because nobody needs a student-teacher relationship scandal under their skirts
  1851. >tfw your only male friend thinks fashion is for fags, robbing you of the unique intricacies of the male human mind
  1852. >tfw he keeps making you lunch because you apparently work yourself too hard in between schoolwork and your part-time job sewing and don't get enough to eat
  1853. >tfw you want to give him a big hug (making sure he's careful with the hair) because of your dumb teenage hormones but you're pretty sure he'd hate you forever if you ever did that
  1854. >Why are boys so confusing
  1855.  
  1856.  
  1857.  
  1858.  
  1859.  
  1860.  
  1861.  
  1862. >Be Prince Anon
  1863. >You were send across the mirror to check up on Sunset first hand as your first solo diplomatic mission
  1864. >Mother finally allowed it after you and Twilight convince her that it was safe enough
  1865. >Aunt Luna still though it was a terrible idea, but you will prove that you can do it
  1866. >Once in the other side you are hit with how uncanny similar this world is to the nightmares you used to have
  1867. >Ignore that Anon, focus on the mission
  1868. >You have no problems in find Sunset friends after a few questions
  1869. >You present yourself as one of Twilight’s friend
  1870. > As a precaution you’ll keep your true title in secret for now
  1871. >After some small talk some of then try flirt you a little
  1872. >There pinkie even put her hoo- hand you your shoulder
  1873. >Mares, just like Blueblood said
  1874. >He said you should cut them right there, but they seem so nice
  1875. >Play around and humor them a little can’t be that bad
  1876. -
  1877. >Be sunset
  1878. >You talk a bit with Twilight through the diary, just confirming that Anon was who he said he was
  1879. >Now you are terrified
  1880. >You and your friends threw a bunch of shit one liners at him
  1881. >You let Pinkie touch him
  1882. >And Rarity
  1883. >The bucking sperg ask him for a peck in the cheek
  1884. >Celestia will come to this world to kick your ass you herself
  1885. >Can she even throw you in this world moon ?
  1886. -
  1887. >Be Anon in the next day
  1888. >See a really big woman that remember you from your mother, and she also gives you a very weird feeling
  1889. >You try to say hi to her, but she made a U-turn the moment she saw you
  1890. >You follow her to her car thing
  1891. >The moment she turns that machines engine on you start having a panic attack
  1892. >You have no idea of what magic was that, but Sunset had to restrain you
  1893. -
  1894. >Be principal Celestia
  1895. >It can’t be, he looks just like him
  1896. >Have your son returned to haunt you ? Was because you forget to light him a candle in the last dia de los mourtos?
  1897. >No, no, it just a superstition
  1898. >Luna can take care of the school by the rest of the day
  1899. .
  1900. .
  1901. .
  1902. >He is following you, you need to get to your car fast
  1903. >You turn to engine on, looking to the window you see Sunset grappling him
  1904. >You never thought you would be happy seeing her doing that, but you need to flee
  1905. >Time to go home and drown yourself in cheap booze
  1906.  
  1907.  
  1908.  
  1909.  
  1910.  
  1911.  
  1912.  
  1913. >You are Twilight in your element, not that it helps
  1914. >You had felt it in your bones, that Starlight and Anon marrying would be giving you headaches for years to come
  1915. >But you are a good friend and consequently best mare at the wedding
  1916. >But now...
  1917. >Starlight had illustrated the problem on a whiteboard, with pages copied from Starswirl's seminal (haha nice) treatise on temporal paradoxes
  1918. >Of course, it was Anon's idea in the first place
  1919. >The whimsy of that stallion...
  1920. "So, you are trying to figure out how to report income you stole from your future selves."
  1921. >Anon nods
  1922. >"It's not like I will have been using it, so why shouldn't I have it now?"
  1923. >Glimmer nods along with him, the menace
  1924. "Look, if we are very lucky, then you will have spent it all before next year, and none of the bits will make their way into your stash hidden in the mattress. Which is irrational, just use a bank for Celestia's sake!"
  1925. >Glimmer rolls her eyes
  1926. >"Banks are for ponies that aren't archwizards and can't protect their wealth."
  1927. >Anon smiles affectionately at his wife
  1928. >"That's my mare. No way the griffins will adulterate our bits now. Besides, I asked, and Celestia doesn't mind."
  1929. >You rub your temples as the mad pair makes cooing noises at each other
  1930. "Right, okay, fine. Not even going to touch your conspiracy theory nonsense, it's not important. The fact is, money obtained from the future is technically not income, so it won't be taxed. However, to preserve temporal integrity, you will have to have all bits you receive for the next year changed out from the royal treasury. I'm not going to let you accidentally introduce a bit into runaway entropic processes and blow up the whole town. Again."
  1931. >Starlight doesn't meet your eyes, and Anon grins weakly, no doubt trying to use his masculine wiles to get his wife out of trouble
  1932. >Yeah, no
  1933. "To that end, I'll be issuing geass-pendants to make sure you actually perform the necessary exchanges. Don't you bucking dare try to remove them before the timelines sync up again."
  1934. >Starlight scrunches
  1935. >"Ugh, this is going to be so tedious."
  1936. >You huff
  1937. "Should have thought of that before turning to time travel for financial gain."
  1938.  
  1939.  
  1940.  
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944. >Sugar is alcohol to ponies
  1945. >Anon has mares over to chat and supplies them with a plate of cookies
  1946. >Some ponies go just for the free sugar
  1947. >Other ponies feel bad for Anon because they believe he thinks he's so hopeless that he has to bribe ponies with horse-booze just to have friends hang out with him
  1948. >One or two thinks he's trying to get some puss by throwing a party
  1949. >Either way, Anon ends his get-togethers with a bunch of stumbling, slurring mares who try to start hoof-fights with each other and naturally end the evening in cuddle puddles
  1950. >Anon thinks they're just getting drowsy and gets them blankets so that they can nap
  1951.  
  1952.  
  1953.  
  1954.  
  1955.  
  1956.  
  1957. >Be you
  1958. >Cholo Anon last time you checked eh
  1959. >Cruisin through the market place playing some tunes
  1960. >The amount of catcalls and attention you get here gives you a good idea of how all those women back home felt when your brothers and cousins would do it to them
  1961. >You didn't know no better though, you were just a little mijo, you were their chickmagnet when cruising, too
  1962. >It was nice at first, but like, fuckin A homes..none of them want to get know the real you
  1963. >Chh, you're soundin all emotional an shit, bro, how else are they supposed to get your attention and let you know they're intereste-
  1964. >"P-Pardon me, sir, b-but could I ask you something?"
  1965. >Maaaan..
  1966. >This lil pony is too cute to say whatever she's about to say to you
  1967. >'Orale', pony, whas good?'
  1968. >"Um I-I was just wondering h-how far those socks go up?"
  1969. >Mhmm yup, too cute to be askin that shit
  1970. >You lift up your leg a little so that your shorts ride up slightly
  1971. >'Ionno..maybe they just keep going all the way up, chula..'
  1972. >The cute little pony unties the ascot around her neck and dabs at her forehead
  1973. >Guess that song you heard by Pone Thugs N' Elements was right; the 3 constants in life will always be taxes, death, an mares actin' crazy
  1974.  
  1975.  
  1976.  
  1977.  
  1978.  
  1979.  
  1980.  
  1981.  
  1982. >Anon is a legitimately talented engineer and scientist. A once-in-a-century man.
  1983. >It was a self-made Einstein-Rosen bridge he was testing that sucked him into RGRE.
  1984. >With the lack of all the social issues that plagued earth, he decides he's not going back.
  1985. >It's easy to put his talents to work in a field acceptable for a stallion to have interest in, like making toys for young fillies and colts.
  1986. >He wishes he could continue his work, but almost no one will provide funding for a male with unproven work.
  1987. >Before long, he marries and settles down.
  1988. >His waifu sees his knowledge is being wasted and offers to sign everything herself to secure the funding he wants
  1989. >Anon, who could care less about recognition, happily agrees.
  1990. >When the expected waves start being made and the academic community comes looking for answers, it's Waifu's name on all the patents.
  1991. >She gets tons and tons of invites to events, conventions, and even the Grand Galloping Gala by Princess Celestia herself.
  1992. >While she's picked up bits of jargon from Anon, she's no engineer and doesn't even know how half this stuff works.
  1993. >And all of these ponies want to meet "the mind behind the machines".
  1994. >It was then that she realized she's boned
  1995.  
  1996. >Spicy Breeze has a special talent in bullshittery.
  1997. >Give her a story and she'll run with it across equestria and back before anyone realises she's talking hot air.
  1998. >It's how she landed Anon actually, she showed a genuine interest in his tinkering and managed to convince him she had similar knowledge.
  1999. >Until he hurt his hand one day and she unthinkingly offered to help him finish some toys.
  2000. >Tears of frustration may have been shed, along with a minor breakdown when he came along to check her progress and found the various amateur attempts, certainly not the work of someone with a similar knowledge base.
  2001. >Sadly confesses to being interested in him and what he does, but doesnt really understand a whole lot of the details, she just kept lying because she thought he wouldn't be interested in a boring mare like her that doesnt have a similar talant to his, or even one that's practical.
  2002. >Somethingsomething sappy makeup scene, he doesnt mind that she doesnt know things but would rather she didnt lie to him or herself, offers to teach her so she can put her bits where he banter is.
  2003. >Slow going because she doesnt have a talent for it but she's making progress, enough soon that she floats the idea of putting some of his more serious work out there under her name in order to get him more funding
  2004.  
  2005.  
  2006.  
  2007.  
  2008.  
  2009.  
  2010.  
  2011. >tfw rararara wants to speak with your mother to ask your hoof in marriage
  2012. >tfw she expects your mom to be holding a crossbow
  2013. >tfw she sees that your mom actually acts like a real dyke, cooking and cleaning and whining like some colt
  2014. >tfw she then sees your little sister, who wants to immediately take her into her room for "dress up"
  2015. >tfw while Rarity doesn't have an issue with dressing up--she makes clothes for a living after all--your sister's room looks like a colt's room
  2016. >tfw she's worried you lived in a "tolerant" household
  2017. >tfw she thinks your mom and dad are trying to make your sister a lesbian, and you a queer
  2018. >tfw she's a hardline business mare that loves her crossbows and lives in a very conservative town
  2019. >tfw she doesn't even want to ask your mom, or invite your family to your wedding if they're a bunch of weirdos that want to chop colts willies off and say they're mares, like some fucking gryphon degenerate
  2020. >tfw she really just hopes this is a weird human thing she doesn't totally understand
  2021. >tfw she really still feels like she needs to ask your mom for permission, since that was what she was taught, liking your family or not
  2022. >tfw she feels bad about it
  2023. >tfw she's really worried about screwing this up
  2024.  
  2025.  
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028.  
  2029.  
  2030.  
  2031. >5 years into Twilight's reign
  2032. >Celestia opens the doors with her magic
  2033. >She hadn't retired
  2034. >She just wanted an excuse to do everything on her bucket list
  2035. >But it only took her five years to do it
  2036. >The only reason she thought that she needed to retire is because she thought it was a lot longer
  2037. >It turn outs that when you sit on a bucket list of things you want to do for a thousand years, your mind makes them seem bigger than they actually are
  2038. >So here she was, back in Canterlot and ready to get back to work
  2039. >She comments that Twilight has started looking weird and forcibly shrinks her back down to her old size and takes back her regalia
  2040. >Before Twilight can get a word out she's teleported to Ponyville
  2041. >Her old castle is gone
  2042. >Her school is gone
  2043. >Turns out the latest entries on Celestia's list was to burn them both down
  2044. >But Celestia would never leave her faithful student homeless, so she got Twilight a new treebary
  2045.  
  2046.  
  2047.  
  2048.  
  2049.  
  2050.  
  2051. >Anon is a brilliant inventor
  2052. >The only problem is, all of his inventions constantly get stolen by Starlight
  2053. >Nopony believes him when he tries to prove her guilt no matter how much evidence there is
  2054. >So he decides to retaliate by building progressively dumber things to try and tarnish her reputation
  2055. >Starlight just credits Anon to avoid the blame
  2056. >Ironically, one of his stupid inventions ended up creating world peace
  2057. >Who would've known the slap chop was so effective
  2058.  
  2059.  
  2060.  
  2061.  
  2062.  
  2063.  
  2064.  
  2065.  
  2066. >Anon passes through the hall of art in Canterlot Castle
  2067. >It's filled with depictions of the 2 sisters from back when they first became princesses to the present day
  2068. >Starts off with mineral pigments taken straight from the earth
  2069. >Then oil paintings and sculptures as Equestrian society enters its renaissance
  2070. >Luna disappears from the art for a significant chunk of time, but not the full 1000 years of her banishment
  2071. >For about 200 years or so after the date of her banishment, Luna appears in various works of art to represent tragedy and sorrow
  2072. >Ponies loved both of their leaders, and they have far longer memories of their second ruler than they do of Nightmare Moon
  2073. >The most modern of art forms to hit Equestria is ironic art
  2074. >After walking through a breathtaking room full of ancient and priceless art, Anon is a bit put off by the sight of a rather... interesting piece depicting Luna's banishment
  2075. >Clearly, the artist took some artistic licenses
  2076. >The only reason it's there is because, of all the art depicting her in relation to her banishment, this is the only one that makes Luna laugh every time she sees it.
  2077. >"Yea verily, sir Anonymous! Canst thou see mine angled jaw, and the way we dangle from our moon? Observe the depiction of our sister's grimace of consternation! Most amusing. We have spilled many a drink of wine from our merry chortling whilst allowing our mind to wander back to this piece of art."
  2078.  
  2079.  
  2080.  
  2081.  
  2082.  
  2083.  
  2084.  
  2085. >tfw you and the boys are able to leave your busy households once a week for a guy's day
  2086. >tfw your mares think you all just spend the whole day shopping and giggling and drinking wine coolers
  2087. >tfw you all actually just sit around, traumatized, telling each other of the stupid, borderline mental shit your girls get up to each day while drinking very heavily
  2088. >And you mean some dumb shit
  2089. >One of your girls, an earth pony, tried to fly using fireworks, a garbage can, some cardboard wings, and twenty pounds of gun powder to settle a bet with the neighbor
  2090. >tfw she saw no issue with this, and argued with you when you tried to get her to stop, which ended in your front yard being destroyed, your eyebrows and her tail being burnt off, and her sleeping on the couch for the next month
  2091. >tfw you have no idea how the fuck mares became the dominate gender on this planet
  2092. >or how any are alive at all
  2093.  
  2094.  
  2095.  
  2096.  
  2097.  
  2098.  
  2099. >Anon writes sexy smut novels that are extremely popular with mares.
  2100. >His first published book 'the Magic of Lust' is very popular with those that are literate.
  2101. >He writes under some ridiculous alias like 'Richard N. Bowls' or 'E.N. Ward' and the only one who knows Anon wrote the books is his publicist; A mare named 'Up Tight.'
  2102. >She is an avid reader of his word for a multitude of reasons, and is constantly being flirted with by Anon leading to some very steamy 'content.'
  2103. >It only gets even hotter when she reads about some of these escapades in Anons next novel.
  2104. >Graphic, animalistic, and drives the mares wild in all the right ways
  2105.  
  2106.  
  2107.  
  2108.  
  2109.  
  2110.  
  2111. >he hasn't surrounded his house with strategic and comedically placed traps
  2112. i get free entertainment every dusk. the ones you have to watch out for are the ones who have more cocklust than fruitlust, but that can usually be remedied by slathering a little semen on a few of the traps. let me tell you there's nothing quite like watching half a dozen bat mares fight over a cum-glazed mango only to fall into a tree-sap filled pit
  2113. if you really want to live dangerously, though, cultivate a poison joke patch, throw a mango or two into it and place bets with your stallion friends on what that night's joke is going to be
  2114.  
  2115.  
  2116.  
  2117.  
  2118.  
  2119.  
  2120.  
  2121. >You have an unhealthy weakness for certain foods:
  2122.  
  2123. >Hummus
  2124. >Key lime pie
  2125. >Cheesecake
  2126. >Chocolate mousse
  2127. >Blueberries with whipped cream
  2128.  
  2129. >You can't eat nearly as much of them as you want, because they're all immensely fattening, and you like being fit.
  2130.  
  2131. >What's a man to do?
  2132.  
  2133. >Then you find out that pony pussy tastes like food.
  2134.  
  2135. >A few discreet want ads and a lot of pussy-eating later, and you have a herd capable of slaking your flavor cravings.
  2136.  
  2137. >Too bad that Tree Hugger, Limestone Pie, Moondancer, Octavia, and Delta Vee make for a very conflicted herd when they can pry your face out from between their legs.
  2138.  
  2139. >You'll just have to keep them constantly full of baby centaurs.
  2140.  
  2141. >Addendum: Having a total soupslut for a stallion sounds great, but Anon's craving for flavored marecum is insatiable. He's actually now 10% squash soup by volume. His herd has duties and responsibilities outside the bedroom. (Well, except for Tree Hugger.) They can't spend all their time getting eaten out. What do?
  2142.  
  2143.  
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146.  
  2147.  
  2148.  
  2149. >Anon with discords powers decides to go full shitposting supervillian.
  2150. >Confronted by the mane6 in his lair, he slowly spins around in his big comfy chair while stroking the white pussy in his arms.
  2151. >"Ah, ladies, i've been, expecting you. How have you been?"
  2152. >Twilight, a flustered angry mess, guess she doesnt get off that much to being used as a book holder.
  2153. >Fluttershy, kinda bored looking, which is mildly concerning considering he lost track of her pussy yesterday in the pit of horrors.
  2154. >Rarity, blushing like a tomato, giving out cute little eeps and gasps in time with his motions.
  2155. >Ponka, holding up a sign saying [Can i get another cracker] which you graciously oblige by holding it up to your shoulder for her mouth to munch on, she can be so much more polite when it isnt flapping all over the place, he hopes she doesnt mind all the swear words he taught it.
  2156. >AJ looks absolutely livid, pretty odd, you'd think she'd be happy her pussy was able to win the "Kingdoms best cowgirl" competion. Maybe she's just a sore loser but 4th is nothing to cry over.
  2157. >Rainbow dash has a glazed look in her eyes, tail flagged as high as possible as her body twitches.
  2158. >Anon grunts as Rainbow dash gives a contented groan as her eyes cross and a dopey smile crosses her face.
  2159. >"Hey Twilight, how many is that now, i've lost count."
  2160. >She responds through gritted teeth '37.'
  2161. >"Ah right right, so. Did you want the tour?"
  2162. >With a scream from Bookhorse and Applehorse the battle ensued, it was very violent, very lewd and very silly, the less said about the phallusiraptor the better
  2163.  
  2164.  
  2165.  
  2166.  
  2167.  
  2168.  
  2169. >mango suppressor.
  2170. >High standards bat wife thinks ponyville is far too loose with its propriety, and often gets mad at mares flirting with Anon even when she's stood right there.
  2171. >There are proper rules for courting herds and these cunts with legs only want her big handsome human because he's exotic and male and REEEEEE-!
  2172. >Anon reaches into his bag and sticks a fruit in his wifes open mouth.
  2173. >If he's honest the constant flirting is getting to him too, he cant just find it in himself to be mean to the little mares when they look so adorable.
  2174. >It's not like they hold a candle to his wife anyway, after their honeymoon he cant help but look at most other mares attempts at being sexy like they're little children playing at being adults.
  2175. >the sheer aura of smug suddenly radiating from his wife as she nibbles her fruit, matched with a palpable feeling of emaresculation coming from every other female in the marketplace informs the human that he might have been talking outloud again
  2176.  
  2177.  
  2178.  
  2179.  
  2180.  
  2181.  
  2182.  
  2183. >Anon arrives in equestria the same day Twilight screws up all her friends cutie marks.
  2184. >Arrives at the libary just as she finishes the spell and all the elements start firing.
  2185. >Runs in and rips the crown off her head and punts her out of the blast zone with a 'Sorry!' as the magic envelops him.
  2186. >Error 404 pone not found, Harmony override, running diagnostic.
  2187. >Target friendship status: 0
  2188. >Mana levels: Low, compensating.
  2189. >Chaos influence: Minimal, neutralising.
  2190. >Harmonic influence: Negligible.
  2191. >(????) influence: High
  2192. >Analysing
  2193. >"Wow this hurts maybe you should kill yourself, or everyone around you, start flailing and you could do both, its certainly taking its sweet time painpainpain rhymes with train which probably wouldn't hurt as much since at least it'd be quick and sudden rather than this burning alive thing which is still very painful because you havent killed yourself yet."
  2194. >Identifying as Entropy
  2195. >Compatability with Harmonic energy: Zero.
  2196. >Neutralising.
  2197. >Entropic influence: Zero
  2198. >Filling void with harmonic energy
  2199. >"Oh good heavens you poor thing, stop it now."
  2200. >Harmonic influence: High
  2201. >Disengaging.
  2202.  
  2203. >Twilight looks on in shock and confusion from the floor as the magic of the elements finally stops to reveal the smoking body of the colt( at least the voiced sounded male) that saved her.
  2204. >Manages to catch him with her magic as he topples backwards, her tiara falling from lifeless claws, no they aren't nearly dharp enough, what are the words for those?
  2205. >Everyone but Fluttershy is gasping and reacting with shock, but thankfully the yellow ponies "Hurt critter" instincts have taken over as she zips forward to check on him.
  2206. >Anon looks up with bleary eyes as something pink and yellow bobs in front of his eyes.
  2207. >"She's nice, you should make friends with her."
  2208. >He sees a purple blob walk into view and say...something, things are pretty muffled right now.
  2209. >"She would also make a good friend, you could talk about books together."
  2210. >Blinking tiredly Anon slips into unconsciousness, his last thoughts are confusion towards his sudden urge to find a book to read.
  2211.  
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214. >The elements of harmony become voices in Anon's heads
  2215. >Sometimes they're just the thoughts of the bearers of the elements
  2216. >Sometimes they're...
  2217. >Something else
  2218. >It doesn't want to hurt Anon
  2219. >Never forces him to do anything
  2220. >Immediately backs down apologies if he so much as thinks "No"
  2221. >It just makes suggestions
  2222. >All of which would, from a logical standpoint, improve his overall physical and mental health and life in general
  2223. >But Anon is conflicted if what he's doing is actually him doing it, if he's just agreeing with the voices in his head
  2224. >"What's different from us and the voices in your head you had before?"
  2225. "Those weren't voices they were just my thoughts"
  2226. >"Thoughts that you had mentally imagined to have sound and tone, like a voice right?"
  2227. "This is different and you know it
  2228. >"Do you?"
  2229. >The girls begin to worry as Anon is sat in his room again, book in hand, a new animal friend in his lap, just after working out
  2230. >Those three things aren't a problem
  2231. >The problem is, he's having a philisophical debate with himself again
  2232. >Hopefully this one won't get as heated as the one where he threw his chair into his room's hearth
  2233. >Or as intense as the one that had him awake for several days, muttering and rambling to himself, head darting back and forth as he paced his room like he were possesed
  2234. >He isn't like this often
  2235. >He can go weeks, months even, without an incident
  2236. >But when one comes, it hits hard
  2237. >Twilight seems to be the best at calming him down though
  2238. >He sees her and everything that's happening in his head seems to just go quiet
  2239. >It just stops
  2240. >Then he begins talking to her, like an old friend
  2241. >Like she isn't having to watch her new friend slowly lose his mind every day
  2242. >He really likes giving her backrubs for some reason
  2243. >She's occasionally caught him muttering something about "no wings"
  2244.  
  2245.  
  2246.  
  2247.  
  2248.  
  2249. >harmony voice is trying to get anon stand up and find friends , eat healthy and be happy
  2250. >call of the void is still there only now it's a lot more noticeable with harmony arguing with it
  2251. >"hey anon, kick that filly"
  2252. >"NO!, Whats wrong with you Void!? dont listen to it anon!"
  2253. >you are anon
  2254. >you thought you were crazy before
  2255. "sigh...."
  2256.  
  2257.  
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263. >anon likes collecting rocks
  2264. >picks one up whenever he goes somewhere new
  2265. >from pieces of broken concrete out of manehatten roads to shattered crystals from the far north, he has all of them
  2266. >one day he's walking along when he spots the metaphorical jackpot, a small stone, perfectly smooth and amazing to hold in his hand
  2267. >the pebble is on a bench inside the candy store ponko works at, but he doesn't think much of it and just pockets it
  2268. >a few minutes later he is chilling in the park when a gray blur passes by him, pinka following close behind
  2269. >when he asks her whats going on, she only answers that her sister lost her boulder
  2270. >being the rock collecting weirdo that he is, anon offers to help her look for it
  2271. >neither are aware that the pet rock in question currently resides within his pocket
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274.  
  2275.  
  2276.  
  2277.  
  2278.  
  2279. >Be Bon Bon.
  2280. "Go ahead, try it."
  2281. >You lick your lips despite your best efforts not to.
  2282. "It's a free sample. A sweetie for a sweetie."
  2283. >Caramel (appropriately named; you bet his cock is as sweet as his namesake, and that his balls would just MELT in your mouth) blushes prettily at your flirty little compliment and leans forward to take a free candy in his mouth.
  2284. >You watch his prehensile lips wrap around the still-warm candy and, thankful that his eyes are focused on the tasty treat, bite your lower lip.
  2285. >You can't imagine how they'd feel on your clit, or on your teats.
  2286. >Celestia knows they're still sore from the last time Old Iron Sides back over at S.M.I.L.E gave'em a mean twisting for losing ("losing") track of that ape-lien anomaly from a few months ago.
  2287. >His eye are focused on the sweets (typical colt), so he can't see your devious smile.
  2288. >There was a "lab accident" back over at S.M.I.L.E HQ, and a few doses of truth serum were "dropped" on the "floor", and were "listed" "as" "disposed of".
  2289. >AKA, they found their way into your saddlebags like a bushel of unpaid-for apples.
  2290. >It was the perfect crime.
  2291. >It's called a "truth serum" because it softens up the victim's mind a little bit and makes them more open to suggestion.
  2292. >Like giving them a few ciders to drink, but with direction.
  2293. >It works even better when they don't know they've been doped up; it's harder to stop yourself from doing something you don't even realize you're being encouraged to do.
  2294. >And if you encourage them to do something they already like to do in the first place?
  2295. >They'll practically be putty in your hooves.
  2296. >So when you ask for a gossipy colt like Caramel about the latest news...
  2297. "How was Pinkie's party last night?"
  2298. >...they won't even hesitate to do what you ask.
  2299. >"Oh, it was horrible!" chirps Caramel, his tone striking harshly against his mean words, "Pinkie had way too much to drink and tries to get into a hoof-fight with Rarity. And Time Turner poured his drink all over poor Derpy's mane and ran into the bathroom to cry."
  2300. >He giggles into a hoof and gives you cow-eyes.
  2301. >"He's very mean-spirited, you know. The colts all know Derpy is kind of a lost cause, of course, but it's so sweet to see her try so hard for her daughter."
  2302. >He swoons in place, a dusting of pink settling on his furry cheeks.
  2303. >"It's soooo romantic! A single mother working to support her daughter... I keep expecting a nice stallion to move into town and buy a book store, or an antique shop, and then have a bunch of coincidental run-ins with Derpy that slowly drives them in love with one-another!"
  2304. >Oh, Caramel.
  2305. >Everything is a game to you.
  2306. >He giggles again and shakes his head, showing off his freshly-shampood mane and wafting the aroma in your direction.
  2307. >You are, of course, a hot-blooded mare; Caramel or no, you can't stop yourself from taking a whiff.
  2308. >Mmmm.... strawberries.
  2309. >Ohhh, you can only imagine what it would be like if your pillow smelled like his mane...
  2310. >Stupid sexy homewrecker...
  2311. >"But it's okay! We're going to exclude him the next time we all take time off to go to Manehattan for a shopping spree, and Timey-Wimey's going to get SOOOOO angry."
  2312. "Mmm-hmmm?" you hum absently, keeping one eye on Caramel's face and another on the wall-clock behind him.
  2313. >It's been about forty-five seconds, and Caramel's eyes are starting to glaze over.
  2314. >The test questions were successful.
  2315. >Now it's time to find out exactly what he told to Lyra's old herd-colt to make him kick her out back in Manehattan.
  2316. >You're about to open your mouth, when an opportunity wanders into your shop.
  2317. >Well, well, well.
  2318. >Speak of Tirek, and he shall appear.
  2319. >Lyra's bastard of a former herd-colt just wandered into your humble candy store.
  2320. >City Slicker.
  2321. >Or "Slick" to his friends.
  2322. >Or "Big Ugly Bastard" to everypony else.
  2323. >He might have styled his mane differently since the last time you saw him, but you'll never forget those eyes.
  2324. >You glance between Slick and Caramel and make a quick decision.
  2325. >Caramel is kind of dumb, and he (and this thicc bouncy flank) comes here every week because he thinks he can butter you up for free samples.
  2326. >Slick, on the other hoof, knows better than to go near where Lyra lives.
  2327. >You can always get more details out of Caramel later; the serum is pretty stable.
  2328. "Caramel?"
  2329. >Caramel looks up at you with those pretty (and glassy) azure eyes of his.
  2330. >"Hmmm?" he asks sweetly; innocently.
  2331. >Oh, Caramel.
  2332. >If he weren't responsible for the head-colt of Lyra's old herd kicking her out, you might feel kind of bad about all this.
  2333. "Caramel, why don't you tell Slick over there what you think of his new manecut."
  2334. >Caramel nods happily and trots over to the stallion, stumbling a little bit as he goes.
  2335. >"Hello, Slick!"
  2336. >Slick smiles happily at his friend and opens his mouth to greet him back.
  2337. >>"Hi, Car-"
  2338. >"Your manecut looks like somepony took a hacksaw to it."
  2339. >You bury your face into your hooves to stop yourself from guffawing.
  2340. >Stupid Ponyville ancestry; you'll NEVER get rid of that country bumpkin laugh.
  2341. >You risk it a little bit and peek past your hooves.
  2342. >Slick looks like someone just told him that a mare slapped his father right on the taint.
  2343. >He takes a step back and sputters, outraged, before glaring at his (likely former) friend, Caramel.
  2344. >>"What?!"
  2345. >"I said," Caramel shouts cheerfully, voice echoing through the open door of your shop and into the bustling crowd of shopping ponies, "YOUR MANECUT LOOKS LIKE SOMEPONY TOOK A HACKSAW TO IT!"
  2346. >Slick looks outraged.
  2347. >>"H-How DARE you!"
  2348. >The situation between Slick and a (rather confused-looking) Caramel devolves into a slap-fight.
  2349. >Pretty quickly, a small gathering of mares form, and you can hear them shouting words of encouragement; some hope to see balls, and others hope that one will accidentally kiss the other.
  2350. >Petty?
  2351. >Yes.
  2352. >Useful?
  2353. >No.
  2354. >Do you care?
  2355. >Not even a little bit.
  2356. >Because now that you're watching it, you've really got to admit that a catfight between
  2357.  
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360.  
  2361.  
  2362.  
  2363. >anon shows up inna equestria
  2364. >for some reason he gains the ability to do the majique
  2365. >having literally 0 knowledge on how to use it, he gets taken by twi under her wing, her seeing his potential (for a good houseband)
  2366. >of course, anon actually excedes expetations and starts becoming pretty well versed in spellcraft relatively fast
  2367. >he always had a fixation with time, so he experiments a lot with time spells
  2368. >fast foward spells, slow down spells, time travel, paradoxes, you name it he's probably tried it at least once
  2369. >then he decides to make his own spell
  2370. >keeps it secret from twi to try snd surprise her and show her that she should take him more seriously
  2371. >one day when she's walking through the castle halls, anon just shows up and tells her he came up with a way to stop time indefenetly
  2372. >she doesn't believe him, so he demonstrates
  2373. >charges up the spell, there a bright flash and the next second he's gone
  2374. >then she hears screams of joy coming from down the hall
  2375. >she quickly runs to the source only to find a bearded, unwashed anon howling like a lunatic
  2376. >upon noticing her, he immediately charges her...only to bring her into a hug
  2377. >the spell was a success, if a little too successful
  2378. >turns out he forgot to come up with a way to start the time back up
  2379. >it took him 6 months to figure it out
  2380. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook with time stopped fire?
  2381. Or how hard it is to wash yourself with or drink time stopped water?
  2382. I haven't shaved in 5 months twi and haven't bathed in 4!
  2383. I just stopped trying after a while!
  2384. Anyway, i'll go take a shower and hit the bed, if rainbow shows up, i'm not here"
  2385. >then he teleports away from her
  2386. >a few moments later a rainbow blur passes her vision and she's face to face with the dash herself
  2387. >her mane's completely shaved along with her tail
  2388. >"Bucking colts...
  2389.  
  2390.  
  2391.  
  2392.  
  2393.  
  2394. >Bonbon is the primary SMILE agent handling the Hayday Gang case
  2395. >hears from one of her informants that the infamous gang has gotten a new member
  2396. >information is scarce since they only appear once the usually smooth jobs the gang is known for go sour and to devastating effect, quickly securing whatever they were after and quickly dragging the rest of the gang out of the local guards' hooves
  2397. >codenamed "Giant" for the inequine height, theories abound ranging from a minotaur in strange custom prosthetics, some sort of undiscovered creature native to the unmapped jungles of the Deep South the gang bought and tamed on the black market, to even a magical golem created by the shadowy leader of the heisters Big Gal herself
  2398. >whoever or whatever Giant is, they clearly have the potential to push the Hayday gang into a new era of criminal success, if the gang ever figures out how to leverage their new asset to the fullest
  2399. >and they will, Bonbon thinks as she closes the latest file, oh they will
  2400. >the cream colored confectioner rubs her eyes, leaving the basement that's secured more than most manehatten penthouses
  2401. >but that's enough of Work for now, she's still gotta maintain her cover, and as "grumpy" as some of the local stallions have labeled her, she'd rather not snub an entire newly moved in herd by missing their "Welcome to Ponyville" party
  2402. >and besides, she's still gotta fix up something to give to them for the housewarming party the day after that
  2403. >She hasn't met this "Anon" in person yet, but as she locks up, she wonders what kind of candies "Hyoo-mans" would like
  2404.  
  2405.  
  2406.  
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409.  
  2410. >"Listen here long-legs! I don't like ya, but I like these four legs yer fuckin' even less, we dwarves are itchin' fer a fight, and if ya don't wanna war on yer hands, then you'll hafta convice 'em to meet us like dwarves! Rather'n this shitty frou-frou 'be a good colt' bullshit they're spewin'"
  2411. "What exactly would the terms be?"
  2412. >"Drinkin' o' course, nothin' builds bonds better'n baskin' in beautiful brews, get that white four-legs and 'er sister down 'ere and we'll see who wears the pants in this here alliance they want. Bet you won't be wearin' pants by the end of it though ehehehehe"
  2413. "Actually, I haven't gotten around to that, some bearded fuckwits kind of interrupted my plans"
  2414. >"BAHahaha, I might not like you long-legs, but yer alright"
  2415.  
  2416. >Karak Az Urkir it was called
  2417. >It was not a hall, it was a whole goddamn mountain
  2418. >A big one too
  2419. >Just appeared right on the outskirts of Dodge City
  2420. >Twilight was very excited at the prospect of meeting a new species
  2421. >You were not
  2422. >Not even a little bit
  2423. >Especially not after a thane had come into town
  2424. >He was a wide, powerfully built fucker, with runic weapons and a really poor temper
  2425. >Almost chopped Pinkie's head off when she slapped his ass
  2426. >That was actually why you had been sent along on this diplomatic mission
  2427. >They were short and grumpy, you were tall and grumpy; you'd make them friend no time
  2428. >Fuck that
  2429. >Duardin were strong enough to rip your arms off, and could run all day without getting tired, and never forgot a slight
  2430. >That and it looked like they had black powder weapons, if that thane pulling out a pistol and shooting it into the air for fun was any indication
  2431. >Lord knows what else they had in that mountain of theirs
  2432. >If you weren't careful, there'd be a war unlike anything these ponies had ever seen
  2433. >You were not a diplomat
  2434. >You were, in fact, just an average shitposter
  2435. >Twilight, despite also being a princess, wasn't much of a diplomat either
  2436. >The mare almost had the yaks declare war on Equestria in an hour
  2437. >In. An. Hour.
  2438. >And, while no one would doubt just how smart she was, Twilight might have been the most sexist horse you knew
  2439. >Colts needed to stay in the home, she didn't want them voting, etc
  2440. >Once, she had come to your house with a plate in her mouth, expecting you to cook her something when Spike had been away
  2441. >She got it from her mentor you guessed, who was also notoriously conservative from what you had heard
  2442. >Why that dumb white pain in the ass didn't come herself drive you nuts; doubly so when you explained things
  2443. >"She had faith in you both" she said
  2444. >Yeah...
  2445. >Good fucking idea...
  2446. >So, without any better ideas, you had decided to bring as much strong alcohol as could be transported, and insisting that Twilight keep her mouth shut, you took a train to Dodge City
  2447. >...
  2448. >Holy fuck were you doomed...
  2449.  
  2450.  
  2451. >tfw the king of the hold, shockingly, takes a liking to you
  2452. >Wants you to marry his daughter, who he insists is the most beautiful maiden amongst his kind
  2453. >There is a issue though
  2454. >You know just how superior horsepussy is
  2455. >You also hate feet of any kind
  2456. >The issue is how to say no without getting your head chopped off
  2457. >Twilight, meanwhile, is speaking to the king's wife about your dowry
  2458. >The queen was not pleased
  2459. >...
  2460. >You're definitely going to die
  2461.  
  2462.  
  2463.  
  2464.  
  2465.  
  2466.  
  2467. >D&D anon, the human warlock
  2468. >so edgy and conceited that he sold his soul to himself.
  2469. >and it worked.
  2470. >Except, as punishment, the nearest old-one worshiper yeeted him across time and space.
  2471. >finds himself in equestria.
  2472. >couldbeworse.campaignnotes
  2473. >But there's a disconnect that becomes clear really quickly.
  2474. >they don't understand why he can only cast a few spells between long rests.
  2475. >or why he calls it 'long rest' instead of sleeping.
  2476. >And his gold seems to be fucking useless.
  2477. >Seriously? Like 2 pieces for a cherry?
  2478. >They don't bother using silver or copper for money. He can see why.
  2479. >And he keeps pissing ponies off when he checks doors by stabbing it.
  2480. >The poor peons don't know of the dangers of doors.
  2481. >Had to use the full 10 minutes of Expeditious Retreat once, from purple unicorn who kept teleporting to him to ask about that 'Friends' cantrip.
  2482. >Seriously. HOW did she teleport like 20 times in a row? What bullshit is this?
  2483. >Whatever
  2484.  
  2485.  
  2486.  
  2487.  
  2488.  
  2489.  
  2490. >Oh shit are you running late.
  2491. >You were supposed to meet the girls at the mall a half hour ago.
  2492. >But apparently no one knows how to fucking drive in the rain in this world.
  2493. >You pull up to the food court entrance to the mall but can find any goddamn spots close to the doors so you had to circle.
  2494. >You finally manage to find a spot... BUT it is almost a football field away.
  2495. "Alright, time to head in. In the rain. Ugh!"
  2496. >You're not a pussy or anything and you know a little water won't kill you.
  2497. >But you don't like your clothes getting wet if you can help it.
  2498. >Well fuck it.
  2499. >You get out of the car and start walk running to the front.
  2500. >By the time you get there you are literally soaked.
  2501. >You look around and finally find the girls.
  2502. "Hey girls. Sorry I'm late but I got stuck in traffic."
  2503. >"Ah, oh Anon, darling you're soaked to the bone."
  2504. >"Oh my, would you like me to get you some napkins or something?"
  2505. "It's okay Fluttershy, napkins and soaked body doesn't really mix. And it's fine Rarity."
  2506. >You start to take off your jacket, leaving you in your white tshirt.
  2507. >Man is it cold here while you're wet.
  2508. >"Well, do let us know if you n- neeeeed any... uh..."
  2509. >Sunset starts to say and just ends up staring at you.
  2510. >||"Nipples."||
  2511. >You think you hear Pinkie say something but can't hear what.
  2512. "You say something Pinkie?"
  2513. >"NOTHING!"
  2514. >Applejack starts to stand up and take off her shirt.
  2515. >"Here 'Non. Can't be letting a feller get sick wearing wet duds. Here, put this on over your top."
  2516. >Before you can stop her she is unbuttoning her top revealing her bra and FUCK!
  2517. "No no that's fine! Besides they won't let you stay here without a shirt right? Mall rules."
  2518. >||"They won't let him stay with that wet shirt and no undershirt either."||
  2519. >You think Twilight said something to Sunset but again cam be sure.
  2520. >Hope nothing is wrong with your ears.
  2521. >You look down at yourself and see your shirt is sticking to yourself and can see partially through it.
  2522. "Heh, kinda like a wet tshirt contest in here."
  2523. >The girls start to sweat and Rarity starts to senpai herself.
  2524. >"Anon, is everything-"
  2525. >Sunset says and touches your arm and then goes silent.
  2526. >"You honestly don't think anything is wrong right now?"
  2527. >She asks surprised.
  2528. "Well, I mean I'm wet and kinda cold now but otherwise fine."
  2529. >"Alright, j-just let us know if you need anything. How about a burger, my treat."
  2530. >She says while looking down at your chest.
  2531. "Thanks, how did you know I wanted a burger?"
  2532. >"Oh! Uh, lucky guess. He said he's fine girls, so let's take him at his word."
  2533. >They look at her and back to you.
  2534. >She finally talked some sense into them all it seems.
  2535. >You've been here a while but this place is still weird.
  2536. >Fun but weird
  2537.  
  2538.  
  2539.  
  2540.  
  2541.  
  2542.  
  2543. >You are an angry, axe-wielding, bearded manlet, so you must be Incogneto.
  2544. >You and your brother’s newly established mountain home has just been inexplicably transported to a world of talking horses
  2545. >After yelling at some winged unicorn thing, you came to learn that the locals were apparently just as confused as you.
  2546. >Thankfully they seemed friendly enough, if a bit odd.
  2547. >They apparently wanted to try and negotiate with you, what with your mountain apparently being on their land and all.
  2548. >Proxy and Unknown tried to convince the others that we should hear them out.
  2549. >As though we really had any other option.
  2550. >We were outnumbered, low on supplies, and totally surrounded.
  2551. >Half of us were missing weapons.
  2552. >Really, what else were we going to do?
  2553. >So here you are now, completely sober, preparing to go up with the boys and ‘negotiate’ with wizard horses.
  2554. >Let’s hope for their sakes they’ve got some fuckin’ beer.
  2555. ——————————
  2556. >You’re tall, green, and under appreciated, so you must be Anon.
  2557. >Princess sparklebutt has called you up to help her with something.
  2558. >Apparently a mountain full of fat, short humans just showed up next to canterlot this morning.
  2559. >She wanted you to help oversee the meeting with them, what with being the expert on humans and all.
  2560. >Execpt, your a man, so of course no one wants to listen to you.
  2561. >You’ve got literally three hours to help equestria avoid a diplomatic incident.
  2562. >chop chop
  2563.  
  2564.  
  2565.  
  2566.  
  2567.  
  2568.  
  2569. >Life is good
  2570. >Your ever changing madhouse mansion shindig is giving you the time of your life
  2571. >A very difficult task, considering you're immortal
  2572. >Even more difficult considering you've been trapped in a lamp for ten days
  2573. >You used to be trapped in this thing for a lot longer but ponies have been getting smarter and they kept finding you and bugging you
  2574. >It used to be all power-mad sorceresses and would-be queens
  2575. >Now it's all sweaty, desperate mares
  2576. >Your thumb and finger were getting tired
  2577. >Such is the life of Anon the Genie
  2578. >All of sudden your world starts shaking
  2579. >Oh boy
  2580. >Here we go again
  2581. >This is like the thousandth one this year
  2582. >Wack
  2583. >Normally you'd use the thousand years reprieve to put on a great big song and dance for your new master but the spark kind of died when you were rubbed out of your lamp mid-rehersal half a year ago
  2584. >That was twenty masters ago
  2585. >She got a real kick out of your "rubbed out" line
  2586. >Now you just want it over with so you can go back to playing poker with dolphin
  2587. >Lazily, you drag yourself out of your lamp
  2588. "Hello, yes yes, I am Anon the genie, no I will not do anything to alter your place in your herd, no I will not make your herd stallion fall in love with you, no I will not kill a herd mate you're jealous of, so what'll it be bigger teats, bigger horns, bigger wings or a bigger butt?"
  2589. >You're met with dead silence
  2590. "Come on, chop chop I'm trying to break my record here"
  2591. >"My my Anonymous, what happened to all that penache and wonder you used to bring?"
  2592. >Oh, fuck all kinds of duck
  2593. "Discord, who the hell got hold of both of our lamps?"
  2594. >Your ex-genie ex-colleage simply shrugs his shoulders at you
  2595. >WITHOUT his bindings
  2596. "And who THE FUCK was stupid enough to unbind YOU of all genies?
  2597. >"The question isn't who let me out, it's-"
  2598. "It was that one wasn't it"
  2599. >You point to a white alicorn
  2600. >Who immediately turns red at your accusation
  2601. >Having a thousand years of solitude has made you a master of guessing games
  2602. >"As I was saying, it isn't about who let me out, it's about who will let YOU out?"
  2603. "Come again?"
  2604. >The idea of freedom has been very lost on you, after so many masters promised it to you, and then broke that promise
  2605. >Discord opens his arms to indicate behind you
  2606. >Nothing but walls and ceiling
  2607. >Oh right, you've made yourself bigger
  2608. >Looking down, you see six mares all looking at you buggy-eyed
  2609. >Each of them with their hooves on your lamp
  2610. >The earthquake that rocked your lamp did feel a little rougher than usual
  2611. >Pulling out a pair of 3-D glasses, you look at the fillies through the lenses
  2612. >Well shit
  2613. >There's your little genie leash
  2614. >Wrapped around six different mares
  2615. >So that's what, 3, 6,- 18 wishes you gotta grant?
  2616. >For the first time in a long time, you feel a smile creep up on your face
  2617. >This is new
  2618.  
  2619.  
  2620.  
  2621.  
  2622.  
  2623.  
  2624. >You hardly remember how you got from home to the waiting room of Manehattan General Hospital all the way across town, and honestly the little mystery isn't doing much to help keep your mind off of what's happening in the ER just a short ways away.
  2625. >Did you take a cab?
  2626. >Your legs feel like mush, so maybe you ran.
  2627. >As soon as you got the news that your fiance was fighting for her life after a unicorn robber stabbed several inches of mana-flaring horn between her ribs, you were off.
  2628. >Your hand tightens over your knee and your foot bounces.with anxious energy.
  2629. >Copper Top has been in surgery for a couple hours now, and you're both eager for and dreading news on her condition.
  2630. >A ragged mare steps from between the swinging ER doors and heaves a sigh.
  2631. >You're on your feet and in front of her within seconds.
  2632. "How is she? Is she okay?"
  2633. >She blinks up at you, then smiles weakly.
  2634. >"Officer Copper Top is in stable condition, sir. She's one tough mare."
  2635. >You heave a sigh.
  2636. "Thank god," you mumble. "Is she awake? Can I see her?"
  2637. >The doctor frowns.
  2638. >"She's not awake, but you can go see her as long as you don't disturb her rest."
  2639. >You nod and fight the urge to rush passed her.
  2640. "Of course. Do you know how long she'll be out for? Or how long she'll be staying here? When can I take her home?"
  2641. >You chuckle weakly.
  2642. "She acts tough, but she hates hospitals. I'm sure she'll be itching to be back on her hooves and home as soon as she wakes up. Can't keep a good officer down, you know?"
  2643. >The frown deepens on the mare's face.
  2644. >"Mr. Anonymous, right? The patient's fiance?"
  2645. "Ah, yeah. You can just call me Anon, though."
  2646. >"Well, Anon, you need to understand how serious Ms. Top's injury is. I'm afraid it's more than just a punctured lung. There were magical burns inside her chest cavity."
  2647. >You feel your heart turn to ice and drop into your stomach.
  2648. >"Frankly, she'll be lucky if she regains even partial function of her left lung, and she'll no doubt have months, if not years of therapy just to be able to climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded. I'm not sure how they decide these things down at the precinct, but I doubt she'll be patrolling the streets anytime soon, if ever again."
  2649. >You gulp, finding it impossible to force any words from your dry mouth.
  2650. >She shakes her head.
  2651. >"She's going to need her stallion by her side more than ever, I imagine."
  2652. "I will be," you manage. "Always."
  2653. >She smiles up at you and nods.
  2654. >"That's good to hear. You can start now. Go to her."
  2655. >As you walk passed and towards the love of your life, you stand a little straighter.
  2656. >You have to be strong for your mare.
  2657. >You'll help in every way you can, even if it's just someone to lean on when times get hard.
  2658. >You will stay by your mare's side through everything the future holds.
  2659. >You might not have taken the vows officially yet, but through thickness and through health, you will stand by your wife.
  2660.  
  2661.  
  2662.  
  2663.  
  2664.  
  2665.  
  2666.  
  2667. >"H-hey Anon, I thought you might be hungry tonight so I brought you some Mexican food, can I come in? M-maybe we can cuddle together and play some video games?"
  2668. "thanks starlight! always thinking of me"
  2669. >"oh its no problem anon, I just wanted to tell you that I really-"
  2670. "my girlfriend is gonna love this!"
  2671. >"y-you're?.."
  2672. "yeah glim! you'll love her cmon in"
  2673.  
  2674. >be glim
  2675. >you tried to get anon to come out of his shell but.. he has a girlfriend? WHO? since when?
  2676. >it was twilights idea.. but you got a bit carried away and started to like him a bit more then just a friend
  2677. >being in this strange land of being almost like anon doenst help! you being one is the worst part!
  2678. >the urges and desires are.. unmarely!
  2679. >"Starlight Glimmer meet Wallflower Blush"
  2680. >anon walks away around the corner
  2681. >who is this wa- buck already forgot it
  2682. >>"hello, i'm.. oh anon already said that, uhhh"
  2683. >this is getting painful already
  2684. "Oh are you uh.."
  2685. >think! you havent seen her at CHS so so so
  2686. "you must be from.. from crystal.. thing"
  2687. >>"Ive been at Canterlot High since 6th grade.."
  2688. "oh ahha.. ehh.."
  2689. >sweet luna on the moon save me
  2690. >"ok girls come over here to the living room I got all the food set up and shit"
  2691. >"weird.. do mexicans exist here? or.."
  2692. "what are you talking about its just what you call tacos and burritos?"
  2693. >anon sometimes.. so cute
  2694. >" I found this cool movie, Reminds me of something from back home"
  2695. >you haven't seen many movies from here before I wonder what this one is about
  2696. > the picture on the screen says "THE ELIMINATOR" and shows this really really muscular mare- no women on the cover holding.. some sort of human weapon
  2697. "whats this about?"
  2698. >"just put food in mouth, chew, look at screen, listen"
  2699. > you sit next to anon about to get comfy, I mean nothing is stopping you
  2700. >>"oof!"
  2701. "oh! heh.. sorry about that I didnt see you there"
  2702. >right.. girlfriend, how does it keep slipping your mind? its worse every time you remember
  2703. >"I told you it was a superpower not a curse, Blushie"
  2704. >pet names AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  2705. >>"you don't have to pretend you like it to make me feel better"
  2706. >"aw but I do"
  2707. >at that anon squeezes her in a big hug her eyes almost pop out of her head
  2708. >this is going to be a long, dreadful night..
  2709.  
  2710. >a bit later
  2711. >roll credits
  2712. >your burrito now long cold barely touched sits on your plate in your lap still
  2713. >holy buck.. this movie really got under your skin..
  2714. >having a flashback to eye surgery scene you shiver
  2715. >looking over to anon.. wait where did that girl come from?..
  2716. >loading..
  2717. >loading..
  2718. >oh its his girlfriend right.. buck
  2719. >they arent even bothered at all by ANY of that
  2720. >"so how did you like it glim?"
  2721. "oh it was uh.. ok"
  2722. >>"she was shaking the whole time anon"
  2723. "W-was not!"
  2724. >>"AHH LOOK BEHIND YOU SHES HERE"
  2725. "AHHHHHH"
  2726. > is what you scream when launching off the couch across the room spilling food everywhere
  2727. >"wallflower.."
  2728. >>"heh"
  2729. >"wallflower"
  2730. >>"oh.. yeah um I'm sorry"
  2731.  
  2732.  
  2733.  
  2734.  
  2735.  
  2736.  
  2737.  
  2738. >Ponies used to infuse machines with animation/golemancy spells to create sentient armies for war.
  2739. >but after the age of harmony they were no longer needed and the few remaining ones were placed in Museums to teach ponies about history, or given out for adoption or as work force.
  2740. >When Anon visted a History Museum he didn't expect to get hit on by the exhibits themself...
  2741. >fucking mares
  2742.  
  2743.  
  2744.  
  2745.  
  2746.  
  2747.  
  2748. MLH friendship is science, is a show about six young men living in a Buck Rogers style Retrofuturist world that teaches Social Skills and critical thinking to Colts. The main characters are Blast Nova the headstrong Janefilly space cadet, T.L.C an almost completely android designed to care and nurture small animals, Headcase the playful Hacker obsessed with practical jokes, Victor Starsplash the conceited but overall kind hearted architect, Pyrite the headstrong asteroid miner, and Tessaract the nerdy science officer. All of whom wear bright colored and highly distinguishable spacesuits. The other main characters are Dr Jupiter and Dr Helios, the two immortal leaders of the galactic federation. Most plots either revolve around them helping out various Technical and emotional problems on the space station of Humanville, called "Science Emergencies!", or encountering various fantastical monsters that wish to threaten their home.
  2749. Interestingly the show seems to have picked up a considerable number of grown mare viewers known as Sapiensisters. Many say they watch it for the plot, the writing, the art, or just because they find it comfy to watch. Though most fan content is pornographic in nature with Mares arguing about which of the Humane 6 or other background men is the best Husbando on the designated /mlh/ board on 4hoof. Some of which devolving into barely recognizable memes like TLC trying and failing to guess a mare's fetish to figure out what it means to be human, and one where males of the species supposedly act like mares.
  2750.  
  2751. >sometime after the original creator of the series Pen Ink, a white coated and red maned stallion, left the production, Tessaract is made into a real doctor by him synthesizing an immortality serum
  2752. >in a move that tore asunder the MLH community is half, the character of Strelok Gagarum is added, a kosmonaut trying to spread the ideology of ``marxism``,the idea that all humans are equal, on a small colony in the middle of nowhere
  2753. >nicked named Gaga by the community, he eventually becomes one of the M6`s friends after some time travel shenanigans involving a black hole
  2754.  
  2755. >The series continues after the original creator leaves with still considerable success.
  2756. >There is even a movie where Tessaract needs to follow Samuel Sunspot, an old apprentice of the doctors, through an Einstien Rosen Brige to a parallel reality where they turn into pony versions of themselves.
  2757. >The world is similarly like Equestria and Tessaract encounters pony versions of the Humane6 which the fandom calls the Mane6.
  2758. >Sunspot gets redeemed and becomes a fan favorite to a faction of the fans as well.
  2759. >If making Tessaract a doctor didn't devide the fans, having a parallel world where humans are ponies definently did.
  2760. >While more and more lewd drawings of the pony forms of the humane6 was welcome at first, a lot of fans hated it and gave the moniker '>no hands'
  2761. >Also everypony didn't like the idea of Tessaract being given a love interest because of the mares wanted him as a husbando.
  2762. >The movie was moderately successful and several sequels were made
  2763.  
  2764.  
  2765. This makes me wonder, what would each villain's MLH equivalent be?
  2766. >NMM
  2767. One of the doctors having gone mad from a faulty serum, like dr jeckyl and mr hide, ends up gettting put into suspended animation and saved by tess with an antidote
  2768.  
  2769. >discord
  2770. Q but female OR the android's insane creator
  2771.  
  2772. >chrysalis
  2773. Easiest one to figure out, the king of an insectoid alien race of shapeshifters that feed on hormones/pheromones
  2774.  
  2775. >sombra
  2776. An ex-doctor that experimented with nanomachines and lost her mind in doing so, feeling nothing but a thrist for power
  2777. Can turn into a cloud of nanites
  2778.  
  2779. >tirek
  2780. Alien god queen that wants to devour all of mankind's energy/electricity, destroying any tech she comes across and growing stronger off of it
  2781.  
  2782. >glimmer
  2783. Commie kosmonaut
  2784.  
  2785. >that shadow pony i can't remember the name of
  2786. Extredimensional parasite that binds itself to unfortunate hosts
  2787.  
  2788.  
  2789.  
  2790.  
  2791.  
  2792.  
  2793. >Like hillbilly bimbos in film/tv usually selling watermelons and holding them at chest height, Anon in Equestria does similarly
  2794. >His cart of goods displays bananas and plums
  2795. >With ponies being crotch height, to show off his wares when they approach he holds them at their eye line
  2796. >Cupping a couple of plums in his palm, in front of his bulge, and raising them slightly up and down
  2797. >"Whell look at dese dang ol', big ol' plums ah mine, dey's fit tah burstin whit juice ah reckon! Y'all interested in a pair?"
  2798. >"But if'n y'all're inclined in parchin your thirst from this here heat, ah've whipped up a few pitchers of ice cold drinks. Mah banana cream's limited though, can't be jerkin out so muchah that creamy froth all day ya know? Y'all wanna cup?"
  2799.  
  2800.  
  2801.  
  2802.  
  2803.  
  2804.  
  2805.  
  2806. >The year is 2045. Equestria lives under HUMAN RULE. All pony mares are stallionized. Stallions live to serve HUMAN CHILDREN in vast adoption facilities. Welcome to Equestria's HUMAN FUTURE.
  2807. >Applesack remembers life before the revolution – before the government-issued halter, the coltish saddle, frilly lingerie, and mandatory socks. She lives on the war-torn outskirts of New America, where she hides her older brother from the clutches of the brutal human army.
  2808. >As musclebound humans prowl the countryside searching for stallions to sell into slavery, Applesack will stop at nothing to protect her sweet brother's purity. In her green-and-tan saddle, flirty coltish skirt, and fishnet stockings, Applesack gives her tender pony body to a gang of pitiless New American alpha soldiers: the ultimate act of courage and sacrifice. But is Applesack prepared for the overwhelming demonstration of power and domination? The encounter brings her face-to-face with her worst fears... and her most unspeakable unmarely fantasies.
  2809. >Acclaimed author and pro domme Quiet Butterfly presents a tantalizingly political vision of the future. Her powerful, vivid, fly-on-the-wall passages of one-on-three interspecies man-on-mare action push the boundaries of sensual fiction. The HUMAN CHADS have their way with the mare's supple body, pumping and pounding and cursing through one of the hottest gang scenes in the history of the genre. And interspersed throughout the sizzling prose, a suspenseful narrative full of imaginative world-building unfolds.
  2810. >Experience the true power of HUMAN CHADS in black socks. Prepare to become a loyal steed. Explore the mind-bending world of HUMAN FUTURE, the first book in Quiet Butterfly's brand new series.
  2811.  
  2812. "Goddamn it Fluttershy."
  2813. >You finish reading the back of the book and give a disappointed look to your waifu.
  2814. >You'd finished your shopping much earlier then expected, and upon arriving home you found your waifu with her hoof between her hindlegs reading some book you've never seen before.
  2815. >She asked if you would finish her off but you were curious about what mares jilled off to.
  2816. >She tried to hide the book from you but you were able to wrestle it away from her and speedread the back.
  2817. >You glance down to your marefriend and she flinches at your expression.
  2818. "If you'll excuse me I have a certain birdhorse I need to go yell at."
  2819.  
  2820.  
  2821.  
  2822.  
  2823.  
  2824.  
  2825.  
  2826.  
  2827. >You are [REDACTED], codename Anonymous, and you work with the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria, or S.M.I.L.E. for short as the head of their Research and Development department
  2828. >You have ever since they snagged you right before stumbling into town and hiding your presence from the wider population, both for your protection, and to maintain civil peace across the kingdom
  2829. >Apparently humans have quite a polarized mythology in this world, ranging from nurturing guardians with blood that can cure any illness to monsters who are said to tickle ponies until they die from lack of oxygen.
  2830. >Regardless, life isn't bad as you have a roof over your head, food, and all day to tinker away in your workshop making gadgets and gizmos for pony agents fighting both bestial monsters out there in the world, and the more subtle ones, like crime lords and sex traffickers.
  2831. >It's nice knowing your knowledge is being used to better then world instead of making theme park rides for Disney's wallet.
  2832. >If only your fellow imagineers could see you now
  2833. >You're brought from your musings by the hiss of the automated doors opening behind you, and the distinct lack of hoofsteps that follow.
  2834. >You smile as you continue to work on miniaturizing the motor of the standard S.M.I.L.E. grappling gun to make it more concealable.
  2835. "How'd the mission briefing go, Bonny? Have need for any of my wonderful toys?"
  2836. >There's a huff, and what follows is a raspy voice saying, "It's Agent Bon, Mr. Anonymous, and how did you know it was me?"
  2837. "You're the only one who can walk that quietly on a linoleum floor with hooves."
  2838. >"Hmph," is her response, and you notice the pitch is slightly different and less scratchy. "If the Thaumaturgy department ever figures out that equine glamour spell, you might actually make a decent field agent with observation skills like that."
  2839. >An interesting thing about Bonny, she has spent so much of her life disguising her voice for her many infiltration and espionage missions that she's actually begun to forget what her true voice sounds like and sometimes switches between multiples when she's relaxed.
  2840. >It's both sad, yet somewhat heartening that she does so around you, despite the stalwart front she puts up.
  2841. "Noticing the small details is important in my line of work," you say as you place your project down and spin your chair to face her. "Like how you have exactly fourteen small freckles on your face, two more from when I last saw you. Getting more sun, are we?"
  2842. >She blushes and averts her eyes, a minute blush forming just above her frown.
  2843. >"It's weird on the receiving end," she mumbles before coughing into a hoof and smoothing her expression, "In fact I do need some equipment for my upcoming mission. I need to get into a small personal safe, but the window of time required will be too small for me to crack it by conventional means and I can't draw any extra attention, so explosive are a no-go."
  2844. >You hum thoughtfully.
  2845. "A safe autodialer could work."
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848.  
  2849.  
  2850.  
  2851.  
  2852.  
  2853.  
  2854. >WoodsmAnon in equestria.
  2855. >Lives out in the white tail woods in the log cabin that came along with him, only occasionally going into town for supplies.
  2856. >Ponies are a bit skittish of his large size and the axe he tends to carry everywhere after the Timberwolves started routinely going after him.
  2857. >Starting to believe its a game for them at this point though, since the last time they tussled he could have sworn their wooden tails wagging, damn faggots.
  2858. >One day while foraging he finds a weird looking bug pony unconscious and bleeding in the woods, a noticible dent in the tree it's lying against.
  2859. >Takes it home and bandages it up, putting a thin layer around all those holes just in case.
  2860. >Bug in question wakes up and is surprised by the fact they feel fine, aside from the headache and mummification.
  2861. >Talks with Anon without any of the usual skittishness of ponies, thanking him for the help and asking if theres anything it can do to repay the favour (Always good to reinvest in freely given love).
  2862. >A bit nonplussed by the lack of fear in the weird pony, Anon mentions he's been planning on building a basement for a while but never really found the time.
  2863. >Turns out to be the bugs speciality, and he offers to dig out the best base he's ever seen, so long as he can go find a few of his friends to help out and if they can visit occasionally.
  2864. >Deciding some occasional company wouldn't be all that bad, Anon shakes the proferred hoof.
  2865. >Sure enough after his house guest left a dozen more of the little buggers showed up, one of them still wearing bandages around its limbs like some kind of anime character.
  2866. >Had the basement dug out and reinforced to the point he's thinking about calling it a Bunker instead.
  2867. >Gives them all headpats and ear-fin-thingy scritches as thanks, making their wings buzz in contentment.
  2868. >After that life settled back into routine, occasionally broken up by one or a few houseguests in the basement.
  2869. >One day while checking on the barrels of mead he recently tried his hand at, he hears a knocking at his door upstairs.
  2870. >Opens it to find his bandage bug and a small group of bugs surrrounding a taller bug, sho seems to be glaring at a tree so hard he's surprised it hasnt ignited.
  2871. >"Soooo, can i ask for a big favour?"
  2872. >Anon simply raises an eyebrow, he knows that tone, this is either going to be: >Annoying, like when the Timberwolf pack seemed to get jealous of his guests.
  2873. >Embarrassing, like the time one of said guests tried to shapeshift into a loved one of his and they had completely blank features.
  2874. >Or extremely silly like the time three of the little buggers turned up covered in tree-sap and refused to explain, although the faint bark-like rustling in the trees gave him a clue.
  2875. >Seeing the bigger bug glance in his direction before looking away again to glare at the tree, he's pretty sure it's going to be all three
  2876.  
  2877. >Turns out he was two for three with the verdict out on the third.
  2878. >Apparently she was the only female of the species who birthed the rest of the buggers.
  2879. >The way she explains it is that she has sex with a few dozen males of any sapient species and stores their sperm inside her for all her egg laying needs for the foreseeable future.
  2880. >She didn't foresee far enough and, without going into details, has apparently lost many of her children in a terrible way and now needs to refill her sperm supplies.
  2881. >Normally she'd just go seduce some ponies or gryphons, but the former is currently on high alert for her kind, and have warned the latter about them as well.
  2882. >And the less said about Diamond Dogs the better.
  2883. >So that leaves Anon, the only male who has shown her changelings kindness while knowing their true nature.
  2884. >She effectively wants him to fill her with cum, and do the work of what would normally be more than a dozen males over the course of a month or two.
  2885. >Embarrassing and silly?
  2886. >Most definitely.
  2887. >Annoying?
  2888. >Well, that depends on how good of a lay she is
  2889.  
  2890. >She's very tsundere about it because she cant do her standard pump and dump routine and ruin the one source of easy love left in equestria.
  2891. >And he cant just 'do the deed' as a 'favour', that first injection of love is absolutely crucial for healthy hatchlings.
  2892. >Its the same reason she hasnt just kidnapped a few stallions by now and raped them dry, mind control might keep them docile and sustain a fire of love for a while, but it cant provide that intial spark or renew it once it finally fades.
  2893. >Seducing a colt is easy, but how are you supposed to keep their interest afterwards?!
  2894. >[internal bug screaming]
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897. >Having built a very good rapport with her little drones in the past weeks, WoodsmAnon feels obliged to help, if nothing else, just by the kindness out of his heart.
  2898. >So he agrees to help Chrysalis... with two conditions.
  2899. >One, she has to swear off of kidnapping innocent males, and
  2900. >Two, she will allow her drones to visit him, he's grown so used to the little buggers, he could hardly imagine spending a day without at least seeing one.
  2901. >At first Chrysalis is befuddled, then vexed, then concurring, seeing there is no other option left for her to try.
  2902. >A few moments later a strange realization hits her however.
  2903. >"How do you plan to give me true love along with your sperm?
  2904. >WoodsmAnon just smiles before responding.
  2905. "You know, I can't look at ponies in a sexual way. They are so cute... and so much like children. But you on the other hand... You, are something else..."
  2906. >Chrysalis doesn't have as much time as to gulp, she's grabbed and yanked inside WoodsmAnon's cabin.
  2907. >The last thing her drones heard was a word they do not know the meaning of, but the amount of love they can snack on is just radiating off of it.
  2908. >And that word?
  2909. "Bueno!"
  2910.  
  2911.  
  2912.  
  2913.  
  2914.  
  2915.  
  2916. >Be Fleur de Lis
  2917. >Marchioness of Normarey
  2918. >You were in your office, leafing through some paperwork
  2919. >Yourself and your husband, the Marquis Anonymous had just come from the capital for the Gala
  2920. >You hated the Gala, and most of the bottom feeders that stalked the castle during that night, but even so you couldn't help but smile at the thought of Anon
  2921. >Your husband
  2922. >Your etalon
  2923. >Though you couldn't see it, a ring sat at the base of your horn
  2924. >You had your grandfathers ring adjusted for the human's finger, which he wore with the utmost pride
  2925. >The wedding had been lovely
  2926. >Simple, small, intimate
  2927. >Most of your cousins had been furious that you hadn't invited them
  2928. >They wanted it to be a lavish thing that you bankrupted yourself
  2929. >A month of partying, fountains of wine and mountains of salt
  2930. >All nonsense
  2931. >There were a hundred ponies there, and if you were able there would have been less
  2932. >To your pride however, all four princesses had come to witness your union
  2933. >Princess Cadence herself had done the honor of marrying you
  2934. >You wished your mother and father could have been there to see it...
  2935. >You shook your head, picking up a quill
  2936. >As you did, your door opened
  2937. >Anon poked his head in
  2938. >"Hey honey."
  2939. >Your smile grew
  2940. "Oh mon amour, what do you need?" you asked
  2941. >Anon stared back at you with gorgeous, hopeful eyes
  2942. >"I need you to do the thing."
  2943. "Pardon?"
  2944. >"The thing. You know. THE. THING."
  2945. >It took several seconds, but realization came to mind, making you roll your eyes
  2946. "Really?"
  2947. >Anon just nodded
  2948. >You snorted
  2949. >Silly colts...
  2950. >Even so, you sat up in your seat and cleared your throat
  2951. "Hon, hon, hon!"
  2952. >Anon smiled
  2953. >"Thanks sweetie," he said. "Love you!"
  2954. >With that, he closed your door, going off to do Celestia knows what
  2955. >You chuckled, returning to your paperwork
  2956. >That was going to be the father of your foals someday...
  2957. >Harmony help you...
  2958.  
  2959.  
  2960.  
  2961.  
  2962.  
  2963.  
  2964. >Kid!Anon is found and taken in by the Queen of Change-a-lot, the kingdom of the changelings, and is doted on more than a lonely boy like him ever thought he could be.
  2965. >Queen Chrysalis, or as some call her endearingly for her abundant kindness and love, Grannylis, sensed the sadness radiating from the boy and couldn't help but take him in and give him all the love a child deserves.
  2966. >Growing up, eating cookies made with literal love, surrounded by hundreds of what he'd come to see as brothers and sisters, and with the greatest mom ever, Anon grows to be a fine, if a bit chubby, man.
  2967. >He even becomes the official ambassador of Changealot and is sent on his first mission to improve relations with Equestria by befriending their newest princess.
  2968. >Twilight has seen changelings before, and expected a svelte bug pony with a glistening black shell and eerie compound eyes.
  2969. >What she got was a tall, exotic male of an unknown species who han the kindest green eyes and soft smile.
  2970. >As well as a plump, fatherly figure and long foal-chasing legs, which were ticked off the mental list of her perfect stallion.
  2971. >If he likes books too, she's not sure she'll be able to contain her already ready-to-burst spaghetti.
  2972. >Celestia never told her what to do if she ends up wanting to buck a foreign ambassador, which leaves her once again thinking about how her former mentor totally foisted this job on her unprepared student just so she can play hookie with her sister
  2973.  
  2974.  
  2975.  
  2976.  
  2977.  
  2978.  
  2979. >Day 68 in Canterlot High.
  2980. >Almost would have been nice
  2981. >But this dang world that Princess Spergle sent you to because she wanted to get you home is somehow even worse than Equestria is.
  2982. >At least there it made sense for the ponies to not wear clothes, they were horses
  2983. >Plus they had fur, clothes were only for really cold days or whenever Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah wanted to show off, so every other day.
  2984. >So there weren't any issues if you saw a pony walking around.
  2985. >But in this world, the girls just didn't care and being that it was late spring when you arrived. The temperature was starting to go up.
  2986. >Being in the portable classrooms, some of the girls in the last class of the day would take off their shirts because they'd be sweating so much.
  2987. >That had been a fucking shock for you.
  2988. >Mostly because Hushus Shyus Butterflyus was the one who did it and you were not expecting her to be sporting massive milkers.
  2989. >Of course it also let you know that all the guys in class with you were queers because they all looked at her like she was gross with those big, heaving, sweat covered mounds.
  2990. >Going to the corner store you'd see all manner of nipples and titties from women who were going around topless.
  2991. >On the one hand most of the women were nice and fit, seemed that even in No Hooves Equestria they didn't tolerate fatties.
  2992. >Based
  2993. >But then you had the Cutie Mark Crusaders run past you and after wondering why they even knew about Cutie marks you hurried away so that the cops didn't beat you like a black man for being around topless preteens.
  2994. >Bacon Girl had to explain that women here would just take off their shirts all the time because it would get hot.
  2995. >That's when you had the genius idea to smash the schools ac unit into a pile of scrap.
  2996. >Then you just had to wait for the glorious tit festival to begin and you had your eyes on seeing the Alicorn sisters breasts swinging free.
  2997.  
  2998.  
  2999.  
  3000.  
  3001.  
  3002.  
  3003. >Anon comes from a world with no magic, and has no magic himself.
  3004. >This is extremely odd and unsettling to ponies, as they always known about the trifecta of mind, body and soul, the latter case being the individuals magic and was believed to be the main driver for personality and emotions.
  3005. >So to see someone walking, talking, laughing, crying( albiet not as often as a pony would, let alone a stallion) obviously of relatively sound mind and body, but registering as a corpse to their magical sense?
  3006. >It wasnt exactly pleasant, especially when they made physical contact, but they bore it for his sake.
  3007. >Pinkie, Twilight and Fluttershy especially made certain he got his daily dose of hugs, after he revealed hugging and mutual groomiing wasnt really a thing 'back home'
  3008. >He might feel cold and clammy on the outside, but they'll share their warmth with him as much as they can, it's not so bad once you get used to it.
  3009. The constant exposure to magic, both in his food and the physical affection is actually causing Anon to slowly grow a soul, which in turn strengthens his personality and emotions.
  3010. Twilight notices, but keeps it a secret because she doesnt want to give false hope or potentially damage the process.
  3011. Anon slowly becomes more stereotypically 'whimsical' over time, gradually finding it harder to control his emotions or reign in some of the odd impulses he gets, such as grabbing and hugging the very cute mare in her armor
  3012.  
  3013.  
  3014. > Human brains are far larger than pony brains, without a soul the brain has to do everything on its own, if a human brain is joined with a soul, the brain will fight the soul for control, resulting in insanity
  3015. > After Anon had reached near complete insanity, Twilight was finally convinced that the soul was killing him and had to be removed.
  3016. > Using a very illegal spell book which she happened to find when looting the castle of the two sisters, she performed the spell to remove Anons soul
  3017. > Anon was instantly cured of his insanity, he was himself for the first time in months
  3018. > The now liberated soul was nothing like a pony soul, it was a formless mass of soul energy, it had no mind of its own, it had no sentience, but it was very powerful, many times larger than any pony soul could ever be.
  3019. > This swirling mass of energy, could be used for great things.
  3020. > Using souls to power spells had been highly forbidden for thousands of years, one of the few offenses that still carried the death penalty.
  3021. > But using souls is illegal only because a soul was once a pony
  3022. > But this soul of Anons, was never a person, it was mindless energy
  3023. > A whole new area of magic could be freely explored
  3024. > Thus began the new life of Anon, first source of ethically sourced soul energy.
  3025. > Whist is was annoying living his life on a wild mood cycle, the pay more than made up for it
  3026.  
  3027. >something something pony souls, while having a biological role as a magical co-processor, are in the end simply clouds of a pony's personal magic
  3028. >due to the role these clouds of magic played and the results of their removal, they were deemed souls in the same manner as the various anima of human religions
  3029. >a reasonable assumption to make, especially when these souls have been used to "resurrect" less savory individuals and they appear to have workable, if slightly patchy, copies of the original's memories and personalities
  3030. >but for all that, ponies don't actually know their afterlife
  3031. >sure there are a few unicorn clans that like to put their "souls" into a big jar designed to keep them from dissipating, but these "ponies" tend to get a bit stagnant after some time, reacting in less and less different ways to new stimuli, until they hardly react at all
  3032. >some decades down the line, Anon dies
  3033. >he's had a strange life, no doubt, but a rather fulfilling one
  3034. >of course, since most of his life in Equestria has revolved around the belief that he has no soul, he's a bit gloomy when his end approaches
  3035. >but he's crossed most things off his bucket list, and more importantly is surrounded by friends and family
  3036. >as the darkness encroaches, he can't help but hope that they were wrong, that he will see his family once again After
  3037. >he wishes that he could see (waifu) again
  3038. >he closes his eyes, takes his final breath, and dies
  3039. >only for his eyes to open again
  3040. >Hey you, you're finally awake
  3041. >he's sitting at a desk, a little poner on the other side, reading from a clipboard
  3042. >"Hello and welcome to the Elysian Fields, my name is Warm Welcome, and I'm here to answer any questions you may have about your new life."
  3043. >she turns a page
  3044. >"If you utilized a phylactery, enchanted lamp, or Infinity Knot or similar soul-anchoring device at any point, rest assured that your descendants will be able to commune with your Ephemeral Soul as you desired, while your Eternal Soul can enjoy the afterlife unhindered by any hearthly commitments you may have made."
  3045. >she looks up and smiles
  3046. >"While I'd normally ask if you have any questions at this point, I believe you have somepony that's been waiting for this reunion for a few good years."
  3047. >she taps the desk with a hoof and something... changes, a door he doesn't think was there a moment ago opens, and a rapidly moving moving mare-shaped blur to come through and grab Anon by the face
  3048. >"OhAnonI'vemissedyousomuchyouhavenoideahowhappyIwaswhentheytoldmeyouactuallyhadasoulandthatwe'dseeeachotheragainohhowhavethegirlsbeenhavemygrandfoalsgrownuptobebigstrongmaresandwonderfulstallionsohyouneedtotellme-"
  3049. >Warm Welcome smiles, and sets the clip board down
  3050. >"I believe questions can wait for the moment."
  3051. >this right here was what made it all worth it
  3052.  
  3053.  
  3054.  
  3055.  
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058. >You are Fluttershy, gaming with Sunset.
  3059. >Sunset sits next to you while Anon is making some lunch in the kitchen.
  3060. >She just told you a very, VERY interesting fact about Anon.
  3061. "So, he is from a backwards world where men are like women and women like men?"
  3062. >"Yeah, they even have housewives instead of househusbands. Can you imagine staying at home and raising kids while a guy worked?"
  3063. >That actually sounds nice.
  3064. >"And get this, women there need to be begged for sex. They don't put out unless they want something most of the time."
  3065. "W-what!?"
  3066. >Are they crazy?
  3067. >You jill off once a day to help you fall asleep at night.
  3068. "So, if women hold out, that means men-"
  3069. >You blush at the though of forceful men demanding sex.
  3070. >Just like some of your animes.
  3071. >"Yup."
  3072. >She says reading your mind.
  3073. >"And girl does he love tits too. Not sure why, but he will just put his head down on then and get smothered by them from time to time. Of course I get to do things to him that no guy would ever let me do."
  3074. >She says with a grin and just looks at you, practically begging you to ask what she means.
  3075. >Don't take the bait, don't take the bait...
  3076. >Fuck it, you need something to masturbate to tonight.
  3077. "Like what?"
  3078. >"Like I can just walk right up to him when he's sitting down, and plant my face right against his crotch. Just breath it in and motorboat those balls of his."
  3079. "Oh my."
  3080. >You're definitely masturbating to the thought of you doing that tonight.
  3081. >"You know... I've been trying to warm Anon up to the idea of a herd. But he says only if he knew and liked the gal we bring in. You know, someone we knew. Someone like you."
  3082. "I-I..."
  3083. >"Take your time, think it over. But you could have your face full of dick anytime you want Shy."
  3084. >She says with a wink.
  3085. >"Hey girls, lunch is served. Dig in."
  3086. >He says putting down a tray with the lunch he made for everyone on it.
  3087. >He picks up a sandwich and sits down next to Sunset.
  3088. >"All yours if you want some of him."
  3089. >She leans over and whispers in your ear.
  3090. >This isn't the first time she brought up herding with her.
  3091. >You're going to do it!
  3092. >You may be a kissless virgin, but you are stuffing your face into cock before the day is out.
  3093. >You stand up, drink the rest of your energy drink for courage and walk over to him.
  3094. >"Everything okay Shy?"
  3095. >He asks.
  3096. >You kneel down and plant your face against his crotch and just stay there.
  3097. >Then it actually hits you what you just did.
  3098. >You just sexually assaulted a guy!
  3099. >You're going to be slapped and arrested and-
  3100. >You feel a hand on your head brushing your hair with its fingers.
  3101. >Since you aren't dead, you take the chance to breath it in.
  3102. >This is heaven.
  3103. >"Guess she wants in on our relationship."
  3104. >"You do know your mics are still on, right?"
  3105. >Rainbow says through the headset you're wearing.
  3106. >"I know, I'm trying to convince you girls to join a herd with me."
  3107. >"No thank you, I ain't a cuck."
  3108. >You pretty much ignore Dash.
  3109. >It's so warm and smells incredible... and it's getting hard.
  3110.  
  3111.  
  3112.  
  3113.  
  3114.  
  3115.  
  3116. >Earth pony males are seen as sloots because of the large earth pony population relative to the other tribes
  3117. >this stereotype is backed in some real truth because earth ponies, lacking any dexterous limbs/magic, are the most willing to perform oral on a partner
  3118. >also the fact that since their puberty isn't spent learning how to fly or cast means they typically get romantically involved earlier than their unicorn or pegasus peers
  3119. "All earth colts know how to plow" -Sapphire Shores during her Porpoise purpose tour
  3120.  
  3121. >Unicorn males are seen as high maintenance due to how attractive they all seem to be even as they age, how few engage in pre-marital relations, and how selective they are (being somewhat true in unicorn mares as well)
  3122. >a herd with a unicorn stallion is typically seen with some envy based on how picky unicorns are for everything as it shows the mares of the herd excel in a manner above their peers
  3123. >dating one is seen as a marathon due to the fact that it'll take at least a month before even the least picky unicorn stallions will consider hugging their mare
  3124. "They're picky, repressed, and obsessed with their talent, but 100 mustangs can't compare to a fit unicorn on his wedding night" -Princess Mi Amore Cadenza allegedly during an outing with friends
  3125.  
  3126. >Pegasus ponies produce the most janefillies based on their military heritage having their gender roles be a lot more equal until the unification so the softness of the other tribes hasn't been fully bred into them
  3127. >however their mareliness does work in their favor when it comes to fatherhood with pegasus sired foals having the least amount of hospital visits of all pony tribes since they're so able to speedily intercept their child before an accident can occur and the natural hardiness of the militaristic tribe
  3128. >This also makes them a favorite of lonely internet dwelling mares believe that they'll have the most compatibility with the marely colts
  3129. ">tfw no pegasus bf" -Anonymare 4hooves image board
  3130.  
  3131.  
  3132.  
  3133.  
  3134.  
  3135. >Anon is summoned to canterlot by a group of drunk horny mares that botched an incubus ritual.
  3136. >After thoroughly chastising the unicorns and sending them back to magic kindergarten, Celestia allows the human to live in the castle as a guest.
  3137. >She assigns her personal student to untangling the mess of a ritual the others caused, confident that her student is more aroused by the magical script than what it could potentially bring forth.
  3138. >Anon settles in relatively quickly but stays within the castle for now despite having relatively free reign to come and go as he pleases, content to study more about equestria and magic first before meeting other ponies outside.
  3139. >Celestia had to quietly investigate that her student really didnt have anything to do with the ritual, but finds out her interest is purely acedemic.
  3140. >She still subtly keeps them seperated, just in case.
  3141. >A rotating schedule of guards accompany him as protection detail, and Princess Cadance decides to amuse herself by playing matchmaker.
  3142. >With all of them.
  3143. >Castle servants run a betting pool on when she'll earn herself a slap, a hand/hoof shake or both.
  3144. >Her coltfriend Shining armor put a months pay on both and another 10 bits on "a kick up the fanny for good measure, since those legs of his aren't just eye candy for you mares."
  3145. Celestia put 10 bits on for the human to date her secretary, to the unamusement of said unicorn when she was asked to deliver the notice
  3146.  
  3147.  
  3148.  
  3149.  
  3150.  
  3151.  
  3152.  
  3153.  
  3154. >Crow is Raven's twin sister
  3155. >easily as smart as Raven
  3156. >none of the work ethic or ambition, does the bare minimum to get by
  3157. >spends her days fucking with the Canterlot nobles in new and amusing ways
  3158. >Starling is the younger sister
  3159. >always jealous that her older sisters were smarter than her and would steal
  3160. >parents would only give slap on the carpus punishments because she never took anything that was actually important
  3161. >honed her skills and become one of the best pickpockets of Manehattan
  3162. >still never takes more than what could be missed, keeping her firmly in 'not worth the effort going after' territory
  3163.  
  3164.  
  3165. >Raven is a unicorn and Crow is a pegasus
  3166. >Raven had to spend a significant chunk of her foalhood practicing magic and studying it, because its all numbers and shit and not even Spergle can "just do it"
  3167. >Crow on the other hand just flies around, which is mostly muscle memory
  3168. >sure, she's no rainbow dash, but she can fly around without hurting anyone, which is not something most unicorn foals can say regarding their magic
  3169.  
  3170.  
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173.  
  3174.  
  3175.  
  3176. >Be CholoAnon
  3177. >Currently getting taste of both wooden spoon and la chancla
  3178. >"OW SHIT, GRAMMA, STOP!"
  3179. >"FUCKIN', I ONLY CALL THEM PHAT ASSES AS A COMPLIMENT, OUCH OH MY GOD FUCK!"
  3180. >'YOUR MOTHER YOUR AUNTS AND I DIDN'T RAISE YOU LIKE THAT, CABRON.'
  3181. >"S-SHIT IS ALL REVERSE HERE- OW! T-THEY LIKE BEING TOLD THEY GOT HOT ASSES I'M SERIOUS!"
  3182. >'LIES! I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR CHANGO ASS TIL THE WHITE MEAT SHOWS!'
  3183. >Maaaan this sucks...you never get to do NUTHING' eh
  3184.  
  3185.  
  3186.  
  3187.  
  3188.  
  3189.  
  3190.  
  3191. >Raven is the professional somewhat sheltered sister, secretary to the Princess, never found the time to meet a nice colt and wouldn't really know what to say to one outside of work topics.
  3192. >Writing desk is the more relaxed and crude sister, secretary to Mayor mare, goes out drinking with the boss and other friends where they all lament the lack of single colts.
  3193. >The former gets a surprise letter from her sister one day that basically translates to:
  3194. >"A COLT SAID HE LIKES ME. I MIGHT LIKE HIM. WHAT DO?!"
  3195. >The advice given leads to Raven sitting awkwardly on her desk in soft candlelight with dinner for two off to the side magically preserved, waiting for Anon to arrive for a 'Late night personal appointment' while blushing up a storm due to thinking about the sort of things her sister told her to say.
  3196. >A maid arriving with a short knock nearly made her jump out of her skin, while the knowing smirk and a bottle of wine "From the Princess, who wishes you a good evening." caused her blush to go even higher.
  3197. >Even with all that, she still had a small smile on her face when Anon arrived in a fresh suit, which grew wider when she saw his eyes trace over the scene, she loved his attention to details.
  3198. >A quiet thrill runs through her at his sharp intake of breath upon noticing her position and her unbound mane, his hands twitch and she wonders if he's also imagining what they would feel like to trail through her mane.
  3199. >She makes a mental note to buy her sister an entire barrel of that beer she likes for helping her with this, two barrels if that imagined scenario happens before the end of the night
  3200.  
  3201.  
  3202.  
  3203.  
  3204.  
  3205.  
  3206. >Best magic conductors are in the teeth, not the head for bats
  3207. >Go on trips to speak with zebra alchemists to uncover ancient wisdom
  3208. >Find a formula to grow teeth
  3209. >Teeth are now massive, able to cast spells with them by tonguing them like a clarinet
  3210. >They also suck all the magic out of the food she eats, extending her life span and slowly leeching out the magic out of the environment
  3211. >Many generations later, a young mare travels to a mansion, said to be ruled by an horrible mare who uses her evil charm to seduce and ensnare colts
  3212. >Crashes in, sees her seated with a large biped next to her, eating wafers with tea
  3213.  
  3214.  
  3215.  
  3216.  
  3217.  
  3218.  
  3219.  
  3220. >Anon summons a succubus
  3221. >Doesn't know what he's doing, summons a demon of blood and war from the pits of Tartarus
  3222. >Anon's erection is not deterred
  3223. A... Are you... the s-succubus?
  3224.  
  3225. >Be Aeshma, demon of wrath, rage and fury. General of the armies of Tartarus, and so on.
  3226. >You have been summoned once more. It has been a millenia or two, so you were getting bored anyway.
  3227. >You look around the room. Candles? Rose petals? Is that a bottle of alcohol? Strange...
  3228. >Finally your eyes land upon the summoner. Cloaked in a hood, you can't see her face. She seems close to a minotaur, you suppose. Did some clan break a treaty again? She seems lanky for a cow, not a surprise she'd need help gaining power.
  3229. >Just as you're about to interrogate the thing, it speaks.
  3230. >"A... Are you... the s-succubus?"
  3231. >It's a male?!
  3232. >The creature stands up, and you see it's not a minotaur.
  3233. >Does he not realize that he's mistaken? He's stuttering and afraid.
  3234. >Or is it nervousness?
  3235. >Does he still proposition you despite how you look?
  3236. >You're glad he probably can't see your face clearly in the candlelight. Demons aren't supposed to blush...
  3237. >You always were kinda jealous of your succubus kin...
  3238. >And the idea of male attention does sound kind of... Nice.
  3239. >Geez, you haven't felt this awkward and flustered in thousands of years, since you were young.
  3240. >Cmon girl, tell him he's mistaken. You don't like lying to males unless it's part of the summoners commands.
  3241. ... yeah.
  3242. >Fuck
  3243.  
  3244. >Be Anon
  3245. >You KNEW all those days spent on /x/ made you an expert in summoning
  3246. >You tried to convince Twilight but all she said was something about how "Males shouldn't go near such dangerous magic" and "Why would you need to summon a succubus anyway"
  3247. >Her attempt to wink during that last one was cute, tho it ended up looking more like an off-sync blink
  3248. >You just told her she wouldn't get it
  3249. >You can't just tell her that you get off to dangerous girls
  3250. >That'd probably break her little sunhat tipper mind
  3251. >Oh well! After some trial and error and a couple stolen books from Purple Horse's library, you succeeded!
  3252. >She looks a bit more hardcore than you expected, but that's fine! You're gonna wine and dine this demon anyway
  3253. >You wonder if succubi like Jazz...
  3254.  
  3255.  
  3256.  
  3257.  
  3258.  
  3259.  
  3260. >It is a ancient pony tradition for mares to give their stallion a bread box to tell him you want his foals.
  3261. >A bread box has so much symbolism.
  3262. >Her being the bread winner.
  3263. >Her promise to the stallion that their home will always prosper.
  3264. >The warmth in her heart will never fade like that of warm bread.
  3265. >These meanings and more become deeper if the mare has a baker type of cutie mark.
  3266.  
  3267.  
  3268. >Twilight would probably nerd the hell out about the romantic version of the history of it until she finds out it was all just a bad joke a mare was trying to pull on her husband so many ages ago that blew out of proportion
  3269.  
  3270.  
  3271.  
  3272.  
  3273.  
  3274.  
  3275. >Be Blank Trait, just an regular mare with long bangs that constantly shadow your eyes and an average build with no distinct blemishes or strong points.
  3276. >Yep, just a very boring mare, who also happens to get laid all the time.
  3277. >In school, it was either colts from a grade below you who looked up to their "sempai", or a stallion teacher who happened to have giant balls barely contained by their bra.
  3278. >At home, it was distant cousins who inexplicably stayed with your family for weeks on end.
  3279. >At every job, it was the colts you worked with, which almost got you fired when your boss caught you once, until you had sex with him too.
  3280. >Yep, life is pretty good, or at least should be.
  3281. >You know there are probably lots of mares out there who would love to be in your position.
  3282. >Why, they'd probably kill you for it, in fact, or kill you for being so ungrateful, but you can't help it.
  3283. >It's a curse.
  3284. >No matter how wholesome and tender the love making is.
  3285. >No matter whether they snuggle into your side after and say they love you, or want to get married.
  3286. >No matter how many in your bed at once, you always eventually end up sleeping alone again.
  3287. >It's like these colts are attracted to you right up until the next one comes along, and then they move on to make room for the replacement.
  3288. >It hurts, especially when you see stallions you were with before with new mares.
  3289. >And you should be happy for them.
  3290. >They're usually with better mares if you're being honest.
  3291. >Mares with personalities and faces that stick with you more than three seconds after interactions end like you know happens with you.
  3292. >But you want that.
  3293. >You want to be loved for more than just sex.
  3294. >You want to be with a stallion, and have it be the one who stays with you to the end.
  3295. >But it's never going to happen, because you're Blank Trait, Fate's sex toy, and you are never going to be more than a fling.
  3296. >"Heya! I'm you're new neighbor, Anon! Nice to meet you!"
  3297. >You look across the hall of your apartment to see a tall exotic male in the doorway, and plaster on a smile.
  3298. >Here we go again
  3299.  
  3300.  
  3301.  
  3302.  
  3303.  
  3304.  
  3305.  
  3306. >Cult member tries to date Anon
  3307. >Since ponies are so easy to read (what with it being a kids show) Anon can quickly and easily find a colt that's compatible with them
  3308. >Anon invites Colt to join him on the 'date' and subtly and not so subtly helps the cultist to not spill her macaroni all over the place
  3309. >Anon walks away having done a good deed
  3310. >Cultist walks away with a new coltfriend
  3311. >This inevitably leads to more cult members joining and the cult growing and gaining new and weirder rituals to 'appease' Anon
  3312.  
  3313.  
  3314.  
  3315.  
  3316.  
  3317.  
  3318. >Colt-on-colt fighting can be notoriously nasty
  3319. >Name calling, mane pulling, even biting
  3320. >Most mares agree that it's pretty hot, but even so it can get vicious
  3321. >But, even the most vicious fighting between stallions is nothing compared to human colt on human colt
  3322. >In many cases, a human colt is just like a stallion
  3323. >A little dense, easily fooled, and in need of a mare's guidance
  3324. >The issue is when two human males are near each other
  3325. >Fighting is not always immediately, but it is much more sudden
  3326. >There was a case of one human calling another a "manlet"
  3327. >The human called the name frowned and walked away while the other human laughed and turned back to speak with a group of ponies
  3328. >The offended party walked over, picked up a chair, walked back, and broke said chair across the other human's back while screaming obscenities, which began a thirty-minute brawl that needed ten guards to stop
  3329. >This is not an isolated incident, and nowhere near the most vicious
  3330. >While they might not always attack each other, if two human males are in a close vicinity for long enough its guarantee that they will eventually fight
  3331. >The damage to the surrounding area is usually small, but it can be significant enough to have official channels contacted by concerned citizens
  3332. >It's believed humans are simply extremely territorial, like the common hydra, and steps need to be taken to keep the very few humans roaming Equestria happy, healthy, and safe
  3333. >If able, it's recommended to house humans as far from each other as possible
  3334. >When not around other humans, they are as docile as lambs
  3335. >A test in having a human cross the mirror in the Crystal Empire to see "subhumans" had some extremely [REDACTED]
  3336. >Remember, they might sometimes be violent weirdos, but they're still colts
  3337. >And a colt just needs a kitchen and a laundry room to be truly happy
  3338.  
  3339.  
  3340. >All humans given sufficient prompting will "nigger out"
  3341. >Though some are more prone than others.
  3342. >Human colt temperments can often, but not always, be determined by accent and skin color.
  3343. >Generally the darker the skin color of a human colt the more prone to violence a particular human is.
  3344. >Notable exceptions to this are as follows.
  3345. >Slavs, characterized by their deep squats and fondness of ethenol.
  3346. >Americans, known by their metal "tube clubs" that seem to be a part of their religious garb and their large asses.
  3347. >Autralians, noted by their leathery hide and khaki shorts.
  3348. >And englishmen, whom you can spot by their crooked teeth and ear grating "language".
  3349. >Mares herding with any of these four human subraces in particular should avoid direct contact with other human herds in order to prevent the, less sexy than imagined, "dick measuring contest" followed closely by what is known as a "pissing match".
  3350.  
  3351.  
  3352.  
  3353.  
  3354.  
  3355.  
  3356. >Diamondia's - the kingdom of diamond dogs - official stance on their territory is that, in addition to their held agricultural centers in the far east, they own everything deeper than one mile below sea level.
  3357. >As such they are one of, if on the only, species that can be found the world over.
  3358. >Most countries dispute this claim, but few can actually back up their threats. The only thing the diamond dogs have to worry about that deep in the earth are tatzelwurms and other burrowing predators.
  3359. >Many countries official policy is to destroy any diamond dog town found in or under their land.
  3360. >Equestria has a more lenient policy. While it does not recognize the claim to the deep earth they instead recognize diamond dog settlements - and only the settlements, not the mines, passages, or water sources - under squatter's rights.
  3361. >It should be noted that these rights may be revoked by the crown at any time for any reason.
  3362. >Thusly Equestria, or rather the earth about a mile under Equestria, is home to the largest population of diamond dogs outside the capital.
  3363. >This closeness has been cause for great culture clashes over the centuries.
  3364. >Equestria is a devoutly matriarchal where even the most tolerant mares consider males of any species to be foolish, accident prone, and nearly helpless.
  3365. >Diamond dogs are instead sternly patriarchal, believing that females are to be kept practically as slaves and used for breeding or hard labor.
  3366. >And isn't it just Anon's luck that he and his home grown 'one man town' has appeared at the bottom of Equestria's largest abandoned strip mine.
  3367. >Abandoned because it's right above an entire diamond dog city.
  3368. >Now Anon has to navigate not one, but two potentially hostile social enviroments, get his bearings on a brand new world, and do his best to not help start a war between two very different races.
  3369. >Or he could just putz around trolling everyone he feels like
  3370.  
  3371.  
  3372.  
  3373.  
  3374.  
  3375.  
  3376. >Here we have the common siren
  3377. >She seems to be fully mature
  3378. >Just look at that hair
  3379. >"...What are you doing?"
  3380. >While a siren looks like a standard human, they are a completely different species
  3381. >It can be rather difficult to tell a siren at first glance, but if one knows where to look the signs are there
  3382. >Their teeth are the most readily distinct
  3383. >A siren usually has a set of canines up to an inch and a half long with a shark-like pointed end, as well as a smaller set of canines behind it
  3384. >While they don't look it, they have a bite force up to 1200 psi; the same as a fully grown polar bear
  3385. >"You humans just have weak jaws."
  3386. >A siren's skin is far tougher than a human's
  3387. >So tough, in fact, that they are resistant to hooks and even knives
  3388. >Despite this toughness however, their skin is extremely supple, smooth, and flawless
  3389. >"Well, thank you. My skin is rather nice, isn't it?"
  3390. >This is mostly because of a special oil that siren's secrete, as well as a complex and ingenious epidermal system
  3391. >"Better than having acne like you humans, huh?"
  3392. >Sirens are also known for their natural beauty
  3393. >Since the time of the ancient Greeks their have been tales of men drowning themselves just to catch a glimpse of basking in the sun and singing
  3394. >"And that's why you boys shouldn't be in ships. If you would have just asked they would have come to say hello."
  3395. >Their beauty is so remarkable that it's said to be otherworldly, drawing both sexes to them
  3396. >"Gay."
  3397. >It is not yet known if this the cause of the two species co-evolving, or something to do with pheromones, or even magic
  3398. >Their gaze seems to have a similar effect, though nowhere near as sever
  3399. >"We're just better than you're human women is all. There's no need to speculate about it."
  3400. >Speaking of magic, their singing is certainly special
  3401. >Every siren has the ability to sing loud enough to be heard for up to thirteen miles
  3402. >Their voices are known to leave men in a stupor, and if one isn't careful they can be talked into all sorts of things
  3403. >"And what's that supposed to mean?
  3404. >Sirens, as a whole, are a matriarchal, pack-based society
  3405. >There has never been a recorded male siren, meaning that the females "hunt" human males to find mates
  3406. >In most cases, a pack will find a male that they like, and proceed to stalk him for up to three months
  3407. >"Stalk is such a dirty word. I prefer the term "investigate"
  3408. >Once they feel they are ready, the pack will send one of their own to speak to the male
  3409. >This is mostly used as a distraction, allowing the others to get behind him
  3410. >Once everyone is in position, they will sing to him, leaving him in such a stupor as to allow them to lead or even carry him off to a den within their territory
  3411. >Their, they will spend many days convincing him to stay with them through all means available
  3412. >Through these means, siren packs have a eighty-nine percent success rate in winning over a mate
  3413. >"Not that any of you need much convincing. Once you see a real women you stop all of that fighting nonsense and get put in your place where you belong."
  3414. >Sirens mate for life, and the mating is generally happy for the entire pack unit
  3415. >Even with a mate however, the sirens will continue to practice ambushing their male--or flounder as the males might be called--as a siren is currently attempting
  3416. >"Aw! How did you know it was me, Anon?"
  3417. >"Cause you were stomping all around, dummy."
  3418. >"Shut up, Aria!"
  3419. >"No, you shut up!"
  3420. >"Why don't you both shut up?"
  3421. >"Why don't you come over here and make me, Mrs. Poofs-a-lot?"
  3422. >"THAT'S IT!"
  3423. >Fighting is also very common in pack life
  3424. >"STOP PULLING ME HAIR!"
  3425. >"I'LL PUTT YOUR ARMS OFF THROUGH YOUR FREAKING BUTT!"
  3426. >"DON'T YOU THROW THAT! DON'T YOU DO IT!
  3427.  
  3428. CRASH!
  3429.  
  3430. >It's the man's job to usually clean the mess
  3431. >A newly introduced male will do so with some complaining
  3432. >A veteran will be able to trick the girls into helping him, especially if sexual favors are offered
  3433. >"YOU HEAR THAT? ANON WILL FUCK US IF WE BREAK MORE THINGS!"
  3434. >"Wait, No I did--"
  3435.  
  3436. Crash!
  3437.  
  3438. Bang!
  3439.  
  3440. Smash!
  3441.  
  3442. >...
  3443. >Fuck
  3444.  
  3445.  
  3446.  
  3447.  
  3448.  
  3449.  
  3450.  
  3451. >"..."
  3452. "..."
  3453. >"Eeyup."
  3454. "дa"
  3455. >"..."
  3456. "...*Om, nom*"
  3457. >"..."
  3458. >>"WILL YOU TWO KISS ALREADY!?"
  3459. >"..."
  3460. "..."
  3461. >"Eenope."
  3462. "нeт"
  3463. >>>"Consarnit Rainbow Dash I told yah to stop pervin' on mah brother!"
  3464. "It's not my fault you've got the two biggest stallions working on your farm!"
  3465. >>>"Git!"
  3466. "Aww"
  3467. >>>"Hmmf. Sorry 'bout her, Mr. Mikhail."
  3468. "Is alright. She is so smol. Is funny to me."
  3469. >"Eeyup."
  3470. >>>"That marelet never learns does she?"
  3471. "нeт"
  3472. >"Eenope."
  3473. >>>"Well when ya get done with yer shift tonight there's a barrel of cider for ya. Should go great with them sandwiches you seem to like so much."
  3474. "Thank you little pony. You make Heavy feel welcome in pony land. Is nice to have vacation from usual work."
  3475. >>>"Oh and you didn't hear it from me, but Nurse Redheart was askin' bout ya."
  3476. "Pretty pony doktor?"
  3477. >"Eeyup. She's in that book club that meets on Thursdays."
  3478. "...Heavy must join this book club. They lack knowledge of Russian literature
  3479.  
  3480.  
  3481.  
  3482.  
  3483.  
  3484.  
  3485. >Be Blueblood
  3486. >Dashing prince of Equestria.
  3487. >Bane of Bit Diggers everywhere.
  3488. >And currently accompanier of Crown Prince Anonymous.
  3489. >Little bugger would have been a full on sock toting sloot if it wasn't for you
  3490. >Dear cousin Nonny could have his choice of any mare he wanted but you always caught him staring at all of them, every single mare.
  3491. >Some his age just barley maturing and some three times his senior.
  3492. >It took months to brake him of that habit.
  3493. >But under your watchful eye he's made significant progress in the art of the stallion.
  3494. >He's even started grooming his own mane!
  3495. >And all your hard work seems to be paying off as he's come to you with wistful talk of a school yard crush from Miss -er Her Majesty Sparkle's Friendship Academy.
  3496. >Oh how he went on about a chance encounter in the halls.
  3497. >How she stopped a locker section from falling right on top of him a few days later.
  3498. >About how she didn't mind his near obsession with cannons or Neighponese comic books.
  3499. >You were still trying to iron some of the more 'marely' hobbies out of him.
  3500. >It all seemed like such a story book young love affair.
  3501. >Almost too text book.
  3502. >As he went on about her pink coat and curly blue mane and her castle rook cutie mark you couldn't help but feel as though you'd heard of her before
  3503.  
  3504.  
  3505.  
  3506.  
  3507.  
  3508.  
  3509.  
  3510. >It used to be enough for a boy to be cute, show a little leg, and be good enough at cooking to not poison your wife.
  3511. >The world had been more peaceful than any time in the last thousand years.
  3512. then the fire nation attacked
  3513. >Things started changing when you were in high school.
  3514. >First it was stories about people turning into demons.
  3515. >Then storms out of nowhere.
  3516. >Girls suddenly getting powers.
  3517. >Then it was everywhere.
  3518. >Dragons burning down cities.
  3519. >Dog monsters digging up internet lines and taking over mines.
  3520. >Kraken, Sea Serpents, Gryphons, Minotaurs.
  3521. >The army dealt with the unreasonable ones, the politicians with the thinking beasts.
  3522. >But how do you fight against an enemy that can suddenly have thousands of 'troops' behind your lines?
  3523. >Then, if possible, things got worse.
  3524. >People started finding caves full of gemstones.
  3525. >Stones that, when touched, gave them powers.
  3526. >Pyrokinesis, ESP, super speed.
  3527. >Nuclear fission.
  3528. >Manehattan is nothing but a plane of obsidian glass.
  3529. >And then the nukes went up.
  3530. >Just a few, a dozen or so, but it was enough.
  3531. >Now there are miles wide deadzones that humans can't be in.
  3532. >Humans.
  3533. >Some of the creatures thrive there, and expand out in waves.
  3534. >Half the fucking states succeeded from the union at this point.
  3535. >Every woman for herself and all that jazz.
  3536. >Least we had guns, until the fucking fantasy creatures figured out how to use them.
  3537. >Pretty sure all the big ammo manufacturing plants are gone, so that's good, sorta.
  3538. >Pretty early on you and your buddies found a cave while on a nature hike, back when those weren't deadly.
  3539. >Full of gemstones.
  3540. >You'd heard about them online so you loaded up your pack with stones and brought them home.
  3541. >Now everyone in your little walled town has a power.
  3542. >They're all unique, as far as anyone can tell. Sure two people might have the same type of ability, but their strengths, weaknesses, and the specifics of how their ability works.
  3543. >You got runecrafting, a relatively simple style of enchanting. Just gotta carve a couple runes into something and it runs sorta like a little machine.
  3544. >Trigger, effect, duration.
  3545. >The women of the town are a bit traditional, so they won't let you enchant their armor, at least not the metal, but you can sew your runes into their linen under-armor, their clothing, cloaks, and such.
  3546. >You even helped sketch out the enchantments for the walls that the construction crew built.
  3547. >You're twenty five now and your mom is talking about how you should find a nice girl to settle down with.
  3548. >You're not ready to be a father just yet, you're still young.
  3549. >That's when seven adventurers roll into town hauling a huge dragon carcass.
  3550. >You're trying to convince the local butcher to buy the thing at the exorbitant price they're offering because dragon hide is supposed to enchant really, really well when one of the adventurers comes over.
  3551. >"Heard you were an enchanter."
  3552. You smile at the beautiful red and yellow haired woman, "Yup! Anon's the name, runecrafting's the game! Need your gear touched up?"
  3553. >She bobbles her head left and right, "Yes and no. We're actually looking to take someone on as our permanent spell maintainer. Twilight and Rarity do what they can, but they don't have the knack for it."
  3554. >Adventure?
  3555. >Outside the walls?
  3556. >Hell. Yes.
  3557. "When do I start?"
  3558. >She tossed an old police vest to you, "How about right now?"
  3559.  
  3560.  
  3561.  
  3562.  
  3563.  
  3564.  
  3565.  
  3566.  
  3567. >In the Truly Ancient times, humans and horses lived side by side in Harmony.
  3568. >A herd was considered incomplete if it did not contain at least four mares, one stallion, and one human of either sex.
  3569. >The mares would consist of one pegasus, one unicorn, one earth horse, and one alicorn.
  3570. >The stallions, in those days, were all alicorns, to better fertilize their herds.
  3571. >These herds would roam together, hunt together, and fight demons of darkness together.
  3572. >The human male would be armored in linen, rings of metal, and plates of metal.
  3573. >The mares would be barded similarly, and the human male would ride atop the back of the earth horse.
  3574. >With lance and bow; sword and magic; wind and metal; they would carve out their living space from the ever encroaching dark.
  3575. >The horses of the time were bigger than modern ponies, and they seemed to have great and terrible magics.
  3576. >Modern ponies know of these things only because of the First Cavern. An artificial cave sytem where fossil records seem to indicate many herds lived for a very, very long time.
  3577. >Scientists believe that the humans and horses parted ways during the Great Carnivor Exodus, supported by the fact that the geological record indicates decades of nearly no rain in the area.. It is further believed that those humans eventually became modern day Minotaurs, as their body structure is nearly identical.
  3578. >The ponies that know of this history believed that those great and terrible times would never come again.
  3579. >But there have been more villains in the last decade than in the entire millenia previous.
  3580. >Alicorns are being born again.
  3581. >Ponies, as a whole, are becoming more powerful.
  3582. >A pegasus had done a rainboom, something thought of only as a legend.
  3583. >Earth ponies can throw boulders like they’re pebbles.
  3584. >Unicorns are tearing open dimensional rifts.
  3585. >And out of one of these rifts steps a group of creatures thought long extinct.
  3586. >Metal clad bipeds. Linen clad females with huge teats, wagons, and horses, that ancient, extinct precursor to ponies.
  3587. >There are over a hundred of them, and they’re camped about half a day's walk south west of ponyville.
  3588.  
  3589. >Be Anon, landed and titled noble of what’s left of the Holy Roman Empire, last of the house of Mous.
  3590. >You’ve arrived with your wagon train, your loyal knights, and your camp followers to this luscious new land that you plan to make your new town. It was a gift to you, after all, from the Emperor himself after you helped him spit out that chicken bone he was choking on.
  3591. >This is an excellent spot. There are some mountains to the north, a nice forest to the west and what appears to be a little village a ways off to the north east.
  3592. >You can establish trade with them, find out what sorts of markets exist in this area, and begin your town.
  3593. >You smile, today is an excellent day!
  3594.  
  3595.  
  3596.  
  3597.  
  3598.  
  3599.  
  3600.  
  3601.  
  3602.  
  3603. >Anon becomes a mega-genius, and grows to despise the octopi with unparalleled hatred for what they have done to his species.
  3604. >He decides that he must save his people, and creates a portal back to Earth.
  3605. >The ponies, quick to join his cause, amass their armies to do battle with this ancient enemy, the seaponies most of all.
  3606. >One day, all across the globe, portals begin to open above Earth's oceans, and seaponies descend in mass, equip with futuristic weapons created by Anon.
  3607. >Meanwhile ponies coordinate to attack the aquariums on land and kill the octopi in captivity.
  3608. >The humans are confused and frightened by all this.
  3609.  
  3610.  
  3611.  
  3612.  
  3613.  
  3614.  
  3615.  
  3616. >Be Hippy Anon
  3617. >You studied far eastern religion and mysticism for years, seeking purpose or contentment
  3618. >Accidentally your chakras while doing yoga and end up in small horselandia
  3619. >After aligning the contents of your guest room according to feng shui, your unicorn minder exclaims something about mana flows being smooth and powerful
  3620. >Allaccordingtolaozikaku.way
  3621. >Get commissioned to arrange laboratories and sanctums
  3622. >Even homes, though the househusbands get huffy and almost immediately mess with the furniture once you leave
  3623. >Bring up various other topics of mysticism and alternative medicine with mixed results
  3624. >Twilight Sparkle looks at you condescendingly while you explain the principle behind homeopathy
  3625. >You feel kinda dumb when she proves that it doesn't work, but it's nice how upset she got on your behalf
  3626. >At least crystals still do something
  3627.  
  3628.  
  3629.  
  3630.  
  3631.  
  3632.  
  3633.  
  3634.  
  3635. >Sergeant Silver Sable isn't quite sure what happened to her life.
  3636. >She joined the Royal Guard under the Mage Corps, and there, she was hardened into a soldier serving as a member of the 1st Mobile Bunker Unit
  3637. >The same unit Prince Shining Armor once headed, and she learned quite a bit from his leadership.
  3638. >When she was selected for VIP guard duty, she was disgruntled at first.
  3639. >Silver heard horror stories about fussy, pushy VIPs who were nightmares to serve. It's why VIP duty is understaffed and usually has more ponies who were voluntold than volunteered.
  3640. >And she's part of the prestigious 1st MBU, so why would she be dragged away for something as simple as that?
  3641. >Then she reads the entire order.
  3642. >"Priority 1 Reassignment: Endling Duty"
  3643. >She's guarding the last of an entire species.
  3644. >Suddenly, having an expert on shielding magic makes sense.
  3645. >Her charge ended up being a "human". A male human.
  3646. >As tall as an alicorn but comically lacking the grace of one, he was certainly something.
  3647. >He was new to the capital and obviously frightened under his casual facade, so Silver swelled with purpose.
  3648. >Like any mare worth her salt ration, she'll keep him protected.
  3649. >His skin, so sensitive, would burn slowly under sunlight, so she kept a thin screen of magic up to protect him.
  3650. >Rain would seep into his clothes, and with no fur, he would swiftly catch a cold, so it was a simple matter for Silver to part the rain over their heads with a pane of magic.
  3651. >When the snow came, she saw how he shivered, so she conjured a comfortable, insulating layer of warm air around him.
  3652. >And her human charge, so sweet and grateful, would thank her with a smile that made her heart warm.
  3653. >A pair of griffin crooks even tried to harm him once. In her fury, Silver stopped them cold with a wall of magic before dashing them against the street with a flick of her horn.
  3654. >Her human, her friend, would not be harmed. Not now, not ever.
  3655. >Something changed, though.
  3656. >Her professionalism began to slip. She'd caught herself tufting up at him more than once, and the longer she stared, the more she appreciated the alien lines his form cut.
  3657. >Keeping her horn polished and coat groomed never seemed so important before, but she worried that he would notice.
  3658. >Then he started coming to her attached quarters, helping her dress each morning, or just to talk. Sometimes he'd make a heart-racing visit in the evening just to spend time with her, wanting to know more about her, or offering to rub her body, sore after carrying her armor all day.
  3659. >She didn't stand guard at his morning visit to his favorite cafe anymore, but now joined him because it made him happy.
  3660. >Things accelerated.
  3661. >Now...
  3662. >Silver pauses her thoughts when the other body in the large, human-sized bed shifts and wraps an arm around her. A sleepy, content sigh warms her neck.
  3663. >Sergeant Silver Sable knows what happened to her life.
  3664. >She went from a guard, to a friend, to a lover.
  3665. >Dare she take the next step and become a wife?
  3666.  
  3667.  
  3668.  
  3669.  
  3670.  
  3671.  
  3672.  
  3673. >Be Lyra
  3674. >Be a seeker of truth
  3675. >Or as the ignorant sheeple call you, a conspiracy theorist
  3676. >How can they deny the simple fact that humans from far off in the future travel through time to visit the current time?!
  3677. >It's so obvious!
  3678. >There are even ancient depictions of future human crafts and they are NOT coincidences!
  3679. >Some day you will find proof!
  3680.  
  3681. >Be Anon
  3682. >Be futurefag from the 4chan collective
  3683. >Be sent back in time to observe ancient autists
  3684. >Your time machine got hit by a stray plot device and now you're stuck in the shitty past
  3685. >This place sucks, they don't even have skyrim: the revenganing, the remake remaster special edition hyper alpha omega bigger longer and uncut version
  3686. >You crashed in some ancient fags backyard
  3687. >Hopefully they aren't home
  3688. >"Holy bucking shit! I was right!!"
  3689. >Shit
  3690.  
  3691.  
  3692.  
  3693.  
  3694.  
  3695.  
  3696.  
  3697. >Be Sunset
  3698. >You were in Canterlot Community College, getting that associates degree in media production
  3699. >You could have gone to Manehatten U with Twilight, but the streaming was starting to pick up and you honestly wanted to focus on it
  3700. >That, and going to a real school was gosh darn expensive
  3701. >You had just finished one of your classes, and you were making your way to the lunchroom
  3702. >A lot of kids from Canterlot High School were walking around
  3703. >Rainbow joked you had all gone to thirteen grade
  3704. >Which was sorta true, but now you could just walk out in the middle of class and no one would yell at you
  3705. >You got a sandwich and a drink, making your way out to the area where there were tables and chairs
  3706. >There, sitting by himself, as he usually did most days, painting one of his army women, was Anon
  3707. >You had known the boy since tenth grade
  3708. >Out of everyone in school, he had been the only one you hadn't terrorized
  3709. >You had tried
  3710. >Once
  3711. >After that one time, you realized it hadn't been worth it, because Anon wasn't some usual boy
  3712. >Under that seemingly normal façade there was nothing less than a demon
  3713. >You made your way over to him
  3714. "Morning," you said, taking your seat next to him
  3715. >Anon grunted as you looked around the lunch room
  3716. >Everything seemed normal, until you looked at Sandalwood
  3717. >The boy looked mad
  3718. >So mad that he was just sitting there, shaking, fists clenched with tears in his eyes
  3719. "Hey, what's wrong with Sandal?" you asked
  3720. >"He's getting audited for his Onlyfans," Anon said without skipping a beat
  3721. "...Oh," you said, blinking
  3722. >Sandalwood suddenly let out a loud curse
  3723. >"THOSE FUCKING VIRGIN CUNTS!" he yelled, making folks jump
  3724. >"You know, the HIRS pays people up to thirty percent of what a person owed in taxes if someone whistle blows them," Anon said, blowing on his model
  3725. >It took a second
  3726. "You didn't..."
  3727. >"Oh yeah. Home boy makes a shit ton of money too. Damn near six figures I'm pretty sure."
  3728. >You whistled before taking a bite out of your sandwich
  3729. >A question came to mind
  3730. >A question that you knew the answer for already, but couldn't help but ask
  3731. "So what, you needed the money?"
  3732. >Anon snorted
  3733. >"No. I just thought it'd be funny."
  3734. >Sandalwood let out another yell, angrily eyeballing any girl caught looking at him
  3735. >It had been a long time since you had been a bully
  3736. >You liked to think you had cleaned up pretty well actually
  3737. >Even so, you found yourself snorting
  3738. "You know what? It is pretty funny..."
  3739. >Anon grinned
  3740. >"I figure I'll be able to buy my own house if I keep it up. Maybe a house and a car. Bet me lunch I can fuck up half this school before anyone finds out its me."
  3741. >Just like you said
  3742. >DEMON
  3743.  
  3744.  
  3745.  
  3746.  
  3747.  
  3748. >Like all teens, daughteru goes through a rebellious phase.
  3749. >She laments that her half-human heritage means that no one understands her while simultaneously having a bit of a chuuni streak about being a predator.
  3750. >Her diary is filled with edgy poetry and over the top day dreams about sending her annoying classmates running and crying from her raw human energy.
  3751. >Too bad dad is there to foil her like the lame-o that he is
  3752.  
  3753.  
  3754.  
  3755.  
  3756.  
  3757.  
  3758.  
  3759. >Equestrian MREs are for the most part pretty good
  3760. >not as good as Pa's home cooking, but nothing is if you know what's good for you
  3761. >just don't believe that there's a stallion kissing each sealed case in the factory and you'll be fine
  3762. >unless sometimes the preservation spell goes wonky
  3763. >never enough to actually spoil the food, the Canterlot Quality Control is too good for that
  3764. >but sometimes its got little "barbs" of junk magic sticking out of the array
  3765. >and sometimes these barbs can interact... violently in a mare's gut, depending on what they eat
  3766. >this of course has lead to some being ascribed a certain supernatural aura of doom among the Gals in Gold
  3767. >sure, nine times outta ten nothing happens when the FNG grabs the Appaloosan Cobbler from the pile because she doesn't know better
  3768. >but who BOY can you bet that those girls are gonna be laughing their teats off on that ever so rare one time out of ten when they run as fast as they can to the nearest latrine
  3769.  
  3770.  
  3771.  
  3772.  
  3773.  
  3774.  
  3775.  
  3776. >Reviewbrah continues his reviews as if nothing changed
  3777. >Doesn't wonder how he got to Equestria
  3778. >Doesn't blink an eye at the pastel talking ponies who seem to have reversed gender roles
  3779. >Simply walks up to Sugarcube Corner and buys some cupcakes
  3780. >Sits down at a table and starts reviewing them
  3781. >Ponies think he's weird and avoid him
  3782. >At least as a male he knows his place is in the kitchen
  3783. >Ironically enough, it's Bulk Biceps who first starts talking to him, asking for him to review his shakes
  3784. >Word of mouth starts spreading
  3785. >Reviewbrah become Ponyville's premier food critic
  3786. >"My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. "
  3787. >These words are enough to ruin businesses.
  3788. >To reviewbrah it's just another day
  3789.  
  3790.  
  3791.  
  3792.  
  3793.  
  3794.  
  3795. >The mare looks to the right, then the left
  3796. >Nothing nearby, she was safe for the moment
  3797. >Plopping herself down under the remains of what Was-Once-A-Tree, she dishes her meal out of the bag
  3798. >Equestrian MRE, menu 3, hay quesadilla
  3799. >Some ponies might balk at eating something 200 years old, let alone subsisting on them exclusively
  3800. >Well, near exclusively
  3801. >She learned her lesson after the first week or so, but she had plenty and wasn't about to let the literal years of food she found in that bunker go to waste
  3802. >So instead she limited herself to one a day, supplemented by more fresh fare
  3803. >Thankfully they were hearty and filling enough that she rarely needed more than an apple afterwards for the day
  3804. >She got comfortable, got ready to pull it open, and prepared to Say The Words
  3805. > She can't remember when she started saying them, but for as long as she remembered saying the words,
  3806. >pfft
  3807. "Nice hiss."
  3808. >she never got sick, no matter what she ate
  3809. >She doesn't know what a quesadilla is, but she's sure it'll be pretty nice, as soon as she gets it out onto a tray
  3810.  
  3811.  
  3812.  
  3813.  
  3814.  
  3815.  
  3816. >Anon has three pegasus foals.
  3817. >He calls them his chicketies.
  3818. >Sometimes he likes to just sit on the couch and watch them play on the mat in the middle of the living room.
  3819. >He also loves to feed them bread crumbs.
  3820. >He has a little paper bag, and once in a while, he'll toss out a handful and watch them clumsily shove the crumbs into their mouths.
  3821. >Pegasi sure do love their bread.
  3822. >That's how he landed his wife, after all.
  3823. >Anon is a great baker
  3824.  
  3825.  
  3826. >Anon unintentionally raises his foals to be breadcrumb fiends.
  3827. >One day, while at the park playing, a little old stallion is feeding the birds contently until there's a thump on the bench next to him.
  3828. >He looks over to see a filly righting herself after a clumsy landing before staring at him intently.
  3829. >"Give bread?" she squeaks, getting him to blink.
  3830. >"Um, sorry little lady, but this here is a bit stale, and I don't think your parents would appreciate me feeding their-"
  3831. >"Bread? I have some?"
  3832. >He looks down to see a filly sitting at the base of the bench staring up at him expectantly.
  3833. >"Er, well as I was just telling her, I don't think-"
  3834. >"I want crumbs, too!"
  3835. >Another on his opposite side demands, suddenly shoving her head in the bag.
  3836. "Creme Puff! Croissant! Bagel! Leave him alone this instant!" Anon the human shouts as he runs up, quickly catching one filly as she tries to fly away before wrangling the rest into his grip, the last one licking her crumb-covered lips triumphantly.
  3837. >The stallion blinks down at his bag and realizes it's empty.
  3838. >"There was half a loaf's worth of stale bread in there," he mumbles.
  3839. "I'm so sorry. Come down to my bakery and I promise I'll give you a new loaf. These little hellions just love bread crumbs."

Clandestine Arrangements (RGRE) (Anon/OC)

by Uh-hmmm

Ponyville Adrift

by Uh-hmmm

One Step at a Time (RGRE) (Big Mac/Femanon)

by Uh-hmmm

[RGRE] Gym Justice

by Uh-hmmm

[RGRE] Dressage

by Uh-hmmm