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TiM take 1

By Drostapena
Created: 2021-02-28 04:25:50
Expiry: Never
not that cringe

  1. might continue it- wrote it in 2016, i thought itd be cringier.
  2.  
  3. >You are anonymous.
  4. >You have been yanked from your life of shit-posting and working, day in and day out… To a place that has technology comparative to the dark ages.
  5. >your in an age of pax romana, no real conflict for a thousand years- So there hasn't been any changes technologically for… well, a thousand years.
  6. >that’s mostly thanks to magic, allowing a 'deus ex machina' of sorts for necessity.
  7. >you need a house built?
  8. >we can magic that shit together in an afternoon.
  9. >you want to record your speech for the generations?
  10. >we can magic that shit together in an afternoon.
  11. >and so on and so fourth.
  12. >and this is where we meet you.
  13. >your sitting at a desk, in a large; imposing castle that- from what you heard… was magiked together in about 3 minutes.
  14. >at this rate, you understand how there is no issue to living… why change it?
  15. >but, that’s really an appeal to tradition, now isn't it?
  16. >they really don't think about how much better it could be.
  17. >and, now, here in your desk, you seem to be staving off the withdrawal coming from lack of shitposting.
  18. >aka, Boredom.
  19. >your favorite activity since you got here, was to draw.
  20. >and at this point, thinking about the technology of the era; you find yourself drawing large high rises, planes, cars, and all sorts of people.
  21. >people.
  22. >you really cant believe at this point in time, you sort of miss the feeling of driving on Interstate - 5 to your small workplace in the mission valley of sunny San Diego- Where you used to live beforehand.
  23. >and how on some days, you would buy a blizzard from your local dairy queen, let the soft top down at a stoplight. Take a turn, and be staring at a white salty beach leading to a large, infinite, blue ocean laying out its rough, beautiful texture before you… trailing down to an endless horizon meeting in the middle with a large, orange and yellow mixture of bubbling flame… oozing and mixing with the blue of the sky… sailing into the deep dark infinite that was space, with a backdrop of other celestial brethren; forming innumerable pieces of starry art.
  24. >and on nights like those. Your life was perfect.
  25. >it was perfect.
  26.  
  27. >"hey anon!"
  28. >In an act of self defense and surprise, you fly approxamently 35 miles off the ground.
  29. >You slightly gather yourself. saying hello to the pegasi on the way down from space, and say to the Princess; in no particularly calm way.
  30. "TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA"
  31. >that sends her aback. She blinks twice, and looks over what you are doing.
  32. >"oh… you've been to San Neighego."
  33. >that surprises the shit out of you.
  34. "n-no, I was just drawing my home back in the human world."
  35. >"really? Because… that’s San Neighego." she insists.
  36. >"and, well, that can't be the human world, can it? Unless humans possess some sort of magic. I suppose because, you can't build a cloud-streakier without /at least/ 400 uni's worth of magic" she continues.
  37. >"wait. do you have magic? Anon are there Wizards where you come from?"
  38. >well, you could pull of a wizard.
  39. >if this was the internet.
  40. >you think for a moment about the card tricks pulled on you.
  41. >no, Equestrian Magic is different, more like… electricity back home.
  42. You think for a moment more before you say- "in a way. I suppose- but it wasn't magic, it had a different name, and was completely disclosed. Instead of being a force we haven't discovered yet, it was a force we added onto"
  43. >you started picking up steam
  44. "we were able to look at a desert, and think; 'this… this is where the life's gonna be'."
  45. "we were able to look at blue clay, and see potential for silver. And that’s the key word, twilight- potential."
  46. "humans, have potential like no other… people were able to make large machines that could carry all of ponyville over 600 miles in one /hour/"
  47. "or make these 'cloud-streaking' 100 story buildings with no. problem. No magic. Just… well… potential, and a lot of engineering, of course."
  48.  
  49. >her next remark took you aback. As she was awestruck all before the last line.
  50. >"I can't really believe your story Anon, buildings with over a 100 levels? Flying machines bigger than Ponyville? And yet there's no magic in your world? Please."
  51. >that last statement destroyed your momentum.
  52. >she knew her mistake before she finished her sentence
  53. >"a-anon."
  54. >you got up. Turned around. And left before you could do anything out of anger.
  55. >if there was one pet peeve that could make you hurt someone, it's ignorance, having a closed mind.
  56. >the Ignorance of these people.
  57. >she doesn't even know what half of this stuff is and she just. Blew it off!
  58. >she's coming out here, trying her best to apologize.
  59. >calm down anon, there's no reason to being mad, or anything like that.
  60. >cuz then you'd be mad, and then what?
  61. >exactly. Calm yourself.
  62. >"anon, im, I know that i- I have my reservations."
  63. >you turn, your orthodox xen returning
  64. "its okay… but twilight. I need a moment"
  65. >she lets out a sigh of relief, before adding "you have your own experiences, anon. and I trust you. But I just don't follow you. Can you understand?"
  66. >that makes you feel a lot better about being blown off so quickly.
  67. >princess of friendship, everybody.
  68. "guess that’s why you're paid the big bucks, eh?" You weakly say.
  69.  
  70. >a couple of minutes later your on the second large step to the castle.
  71. >with twilight next to you.
  72. >your lost in thought. Thinking of a way to make a proof of concept for science.
  73. >she's just sitting there, giving you time to think about whatever.
  74. >what's a constant of nature? you ask yourself.
  75. >sunlight? Speed of sound? Density of matter? Gravity?
  76. "GRAVITY!"
  77. >you shout, bolting upright, as if you had discovered a new element.
  78. >twilight is obviously scared. But then her fright turns to humor.
  79. >"what's gravity, anon; some uh, magic humans got? eh?" she says between chuckles as you prance around like a fairy.
  80. >you slightly calm down, with the first real smile in a while on your face, breaking you out of the shitposting doldrums that was brought on by twilight in the first place.
  81. >you clear your thoughts, align them; and look at the quizzical princess in her eyes and say
  82. "I know how to prove me right"
  83. >on the way into the castle you inquire to twilight about the systems of measurement used in equestria
  84. >"well… there's the celestial and the lunal" she says
  85. "elaborate." you simply state, sitting down in pinkie pie's chair.
  86. >"okay… hold on…" she says, collecting her thoughts like you were, a moment ago.
  87.  
  88. >"SPIKE!" she screams, before adding "COULD YOU BRING THE MEASURMENT KIT PLEASE?"
  89. >in about 2 minutes you see spike coming down the steps from the castle's storage room, toting a box that’s clearly too large for him.
  90. >he approaches the table, and sets the box on the "gryohonstone" area of the map.
  91. >she looks in the box, and pulls out a ruler, about one inch wide and 12 inches long, and passes it too you.
  92. >"celestial foot" she says; passing you another one, this time a large foldable ruler, about the size of an empirical yard, but slightly larger.
  93. >"this is the lunar Leg" she says before adding, rather proudly. "the celestial system works in a strange way, 12 eyes per celestial foot, three per celestial leg, and 5280 celestial feet per mile." she blinks, smiles, and says "the lunar system works a bit more uniformly, 100 eyes per leg. 1000 legs per kiloleg, and so on."
  94. "how many lunar eyes per celestial eye?" you interject.
  95. >"two and a half." she clears.
  96. >then we have no problem with measurement.
  97. "okay. Now we need a weight of about 5 er…"
  98. >"celestial tears, lunar tears" she says.
  99. >thinking about how the metric system works, you conclude you need 5000 lunar tears.
  100. "5 eh, lunar kilotears. And 9.8 lunar kilolegs" you decide.
  101. >"okay. Hold on…" she says. "spike, can you get a mat. List going?" she adds on.
  102. >"uhh, yeah- yeah hold on twilight." he says, getting a clipboard and parchment.
  103.  
  104. >okay. Now, what next. A way to keep time.
  105. "now, twilight, what do you have in ways of keeping time. My world uses seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, decades, and so on."
  106. >"hmm, we have the same system in equestria" she says, amused slightly.
  107. >that clears up a lot. Thank god.
  108. "okay. We need a way to keep time accurately."
  109. >"one magical stopwatch, spike; get the good one for this experiment."
  110. >"alright." spike says, scribbling down on the clipboard.
  111. "now what…" you say to yourself.
  112. "Ah! I know-"
  113. >"what?"
  114. "the scientific method!"
  115. >"oh, that sounds cool!" spike says, like a real bimbo.
  116. >spike + bimbo = Amusing.
  117. >fucking mathematics, man.
  118. >okay, here we go.
  119. >you take a deep breath.
  120. "we need a problem, followed by a hypothesis. In essence; how long does it take for a 5 lunar kilotear apple to hit the ground from 9.8 Lunar Legs above? Well, I believe it will take under 1 second to reach the ground! And so on."
  121. >you have her attention.
  122.  
  123. "then procedure, results, data, conclusion."
  124. >you think for a moment.
  125. "you do it." you say slyly.
  126. >"What?" she exclaims.
  127. "this is how experiments are done back on my home planet." you resolve.
  128. >you smile.
  129. "not doing it would make you not a proper scientist, now wouldn't it?"
  130. >you got her in a corner.
  131. >"well, I see what you're going for with these materials… I see what I can do!" she chirps out.
  132. >you made her do it more so because you needed to get some coffee, and let someone else do the critical thinking for a while.
  133. >hey, at least they got coffee and ice-cream.
  134. >that sounds nice. So you take 50 bits in a bag and head out on the town. Maybe you could find something that needed improving, or something.
  135.  
  136. >you look around, coffee in one hand, icecream in the other.
  137. >this place is cozy, I'll give it that.
  138. >you look down, cobblestone underneath your feet… not a cloud in the sky.
  139. >cheap coffee and ice-cream.
  140. >it was almost like this place was created with the baseline of a Germanic 14th century village, but with the important comforts of earth.
  141. >after a while, you sit down on a bench and gawk at the looming air-city in the distance
  142. >you wonder how someone could walk on clouds
  143. >"magic."
  144. >well, I guess you have it there.
  145. >and, this ice-cream, done chilled to perfection. How does that work?
  146. >"magic."
  147. >and on the other hand, this coffee, done up hot, hwut about that.
  148. >"its /all/ magic nonny"
  149. >who's saying that
  150. >"me, obviously."
  151. "oh, pinkie, didn't see ya there."
  152. >you look to your left, and a lightbulb goes on in your head, or more so, a head is going on your head, as pinkie pie is sitting on the park bench next to you, laying her head on your shoulder… licking your ice-cream for you.
  153. >not like you were gonna eat that, or anything.
  154.  
  155. >"soooh" *lick* "how's the experiment" *lick* "with twilight going? *Bite*
  156. "oh not too bad…" you trail off, not really caring on how omnipotent pinkie is, but just going with it.
  157. >you were warned of her strange ability about 3 weeks ago, but her blatant disregard for safe space is comforting, its like she always wants to be your pillow. Which is really fucking cute.
  158. >"yeah." *bite* *Crunch* *swallow* "I'm always great, you know that nonny."
  159. >the fact that she's ending her statements with a period is strange. Its like, she's calm or something.
  160. >you look down at the cobblestone before you, and you notice that in-between the rocks is not concrete, but dirt.
  161. >dirt, to hold buildings together. Is all this enchanted dirt?
  162. >"yeah, the normal standard is about 3 uni's per cubic Celestial leg."
  163. >you realize how you are having a conversation mostly with your mind.
  164. >"yeah, I have that problem sometimes, I just… don't like waiting for someone to express themselves." she pauses "if that’s an issue, we can talk like normal ponyfolk…" she adds, coupled with bringing her head off of your shoulder. And looking around.
  165. >"whats concrete, nonny?"
  166. >well.
  167. "well…" you pause, getting an idea "its what I'm going to discover next…"
  168. >you'll have that skyscraper yet!
  169.  
  170. >you decide its time to go back to twilights, and when you get there your surprised by one of two things.
  171. >twilight, sitting in the exact same spot you left her.
  172. >and twilight, smiling, and I mean, like, unnaturally so.
  173. >she looks at you, and declares-
  174. >"nine, point, eight, Lunar Legs per second"
  175. >"I, I did the experiment, and I repeated it 4 times for good measure! I- I have a table, my data, its all here!"
  176. You think for a moment before saying "lets see the humans constant…"
  177. >you pull the small amount of paper out of your pants, the one you prepared beforehand; reading it out loud.
  178. "nine point eight meters per second; per second." you state.
  179. >she looks at you, and states "what's a meter?"
  180. You roll your eyes, and say "it’s the exact same amount of length as a lunar leg"
  181. >she explodes into celebration.
  182. >you now have a proof of concept. Finally some logos to go off of.
  183. "beautiful" you say "but that’s not all of it."
  184. >she sags down, sitting back into her chair.
  185. >"the, per second per second."
  186. >yeah, that
  187. "well, it means that there's acceleration. Per second, compounding 9.8 LULS per second, until terminal velocity"
  188. >she's looking at you, obviously impressed. But confused all to hell.
  189. "terminal velocity is- its when air resistance, the act of air upon a body, and gravity; the force mentioned here, equalize into one non changing speed."
  190. >she's very confused
  191. "well, anyway, that’s science, how does it feel to know how fast an apple falls from the tree? To know a new level of the world?"
  192. >She looks around, smiles and says "magical."
  193.  
  194. >end of level 1
  195.  
  196. >Fast forward one month.
  197. >the sciencey giblets have sort of "intergraded" themselves with twilights normal soup of magical experiments, and has started helping her understand the world.
  198. >she makes you proud; and you've begun teaching her the art of simple alchemical mathematics.
  199. >and after a month of showing her why humans commit seppaku, you could use a break.
  200. >but hey, at least you get to know what it feels like to be the smartest person in the castle.
  201. >you walk into the room, sporting a magnificent brown cardigan, and a beige jacket and black slacks.
  202. >hell yeah Dr. Anon in the house.
  203. >twilight is sitting on her chair, eager to get smart.
  204. >you sit down and prepare yourself for the day to come.
  205. >You scribble a couple of elements you remembered from high school on a piece of paper, with a large arrow pointing to the rest of the equation.
  206. "balance these." you announce coolly.
  207. >she starts scribbling on her board, and shows you.
  208. >"so basically, what your doing is making sure that the matter maintains its consistency throughout the change…"
  209. "and why is that? Twilight?"
  210. >she quickly answers "because matter can not be created or destroyed, only transferred into solid, liquid, gas, Bose Eisenstein conden- eh, condensate, plasma, and some sort of energy!"
  211. >wow, that’s really wordy, and impressive. Like, godamn.
  212. "and that is called.." you say, maintaining your superiority complex
  213. >"the law of conservation of matter!"
  214. "impressive." you say, watching her get excited over 10th grade shit
  215. >damn_it_feels_good_to_be_a_gangsta.webm
  216.  
  217. >two hours of boring subatomic teachings later…
  218.  
  219. >"can I show you that experiment I've been working on now?" she says, with a hint of annoyance.
  220. >eh?
  221. >she puts down her papers and quill, and half angrily says.
  222. >"we've been learning about protons and their different atomic reactions…"
  223. >she pauses.
  224. >"there are so many variables to making a stable isotope!" she huffs.
  225. >"and one after the other, subject after subject! For two whole months!"
  226. >"it's, just… a little overwhelming, sorry anon."
  227. >"I mean, I can only call off my responsibilities in the name of harmony for /so/ long.
  228. >you look around you for a moment, leaning in saying.
  229. "I've been waiting for you to say we need a brake."
  230. >that definitely surprises her.
  231. "sqrew the expirement, twilight… no… no, I think its time we change the world! I mean, if that’s alright for you…" you smirk out.
  232. >"ooooh, what do you have in mind?" she says, cocking her head to your left, and scrunching her lower eye lids in anticipation.
  233. You think for a moment, before asking "how much magic does it take to harden mud into rock?"
  234. >she ponders for a moment, before saying nonchalantly "about 4 uni's per square leg give or take"
  235. >what the hell is a uni?
  236. "what the hell is a uni" you say
  237. >"well… it’s the average amount of energy a unicorn possesses." she says.
  238. >"and, don't get me wrong, anon. all unicorns are different. There's a much more 'scientific' way of talking about it… but it’s /about/ the amount of unicorns that have to be present to do a spell to do something like that." she continues.
  239. .>"does that make any sense?"
  240. >you chuckle sensibly.
  241. "hey… that’s my line!" you bellow in-between chuckles.
  242.  
  243. >"well, is it okay that I use it?" she says, grinning.
  244. >she continues, saying "its very applicable." she retorts "I can teach things too, mister teacher!"
  245. >you calm down. And about a minute later twilight looks back at you.
  246. >she interjects "as you were saying."
  247. Being put back on track, you say "I can make self hardening mud, stuff that needs no magic at /all/"
  248. >she looks you in the eyes, and says "you funning me, anon?"
  249. You quickly respond, saying "all we need are three ingredients" while holding up three fingers.
  250. >"awesome." she says, with a crazy smile on her face.
  251. >welp
  252. "welp!" you say, while getting out of rarity's throne. "lets go change the world!
  253. >five minutes later.
  254. "okay, so…" you trail off. "you know a place where to get lots of rock… we need ground sand, ground lime, and clay. The- "
  255. >"oh, well… I eh, got you covered then…"
  256. "oh, really? There's a quarry near Ponyville? You more advanced then I thought!" you quip.
  257. >she responds, confused. "well, no… we farm our rocks. Pinkie's family owns a rock farm up north"
  258. >they farm rocks.
  259. >farm rocks.
  260. >rocks.
  261. >"yeah, its kinda strange" pinkie pie says nonchalantly, making you jump out of your cozy cardigan.
  262. >your sanity thuds on the floor in front of you; and you struggle to pick it up while pinkie talks to twilight about going to the rock farm.
  263. >still. A fucking rock FARM.
  264. >whatever. Ponies can build castles from friendship. Your argument is invalid.
  265.  
  266. >within a day, your on a regrettably cozy train heading towards 'The Pinks' old residents.
  267. >this gives you time to ponder your old life.
  268. >you should see about heading into san neighego, that'd probably be cool.
  269. >hey, and with any luck, that old 'chillout' spot could be parodied in some way; maybe you could show some of the mane six that sunset.
  270. >or maybe just twilight.
  271. >hot.
  272. >"hey. Its your libido too!" the shitposter on your left shoulder says to the white knight on the right shoulder.
  273. >heh heh, libido. What a meme. [s4s]-tan would be proud.
  274. >in a moment you nearly catch yourself falling asleep, half way in a trance.
  275. >you decide a little dreaming can't hurt, and allow yourself a nice, memeful sleep.
  276. >your asleep within half a blink, and you start to dream.
  277. >after a moment of shitting on your neighbors UFO, you gain lucidity.
  278. >pulling up your pants, and tracking you thoughts you find yourself transferring dreamscapes to a small island.
  279. >your alone, and on an island.
  280. >but your hearing voices.
  281. >voices, from somewhere.
  282. >nearby, you just can't place them.
  283. "yeah, I think the residence cascade scenario can only be probable to this timeline from Fr- 2456384.293 HZ. And to generate that kind of power, have the accuracy required, you'd need well… you'd have to be magic!
  284. > Fr- 2456384.293 HZ; hertz? Is this person talking frequency?
  285. >where is this voice coming from?
  286. >oh, it’s a little sea turtle.
  287. "hai2u little cute sea turtle"
  288. >"sup Brauh" he says, sounding like the turtles from 'finding nemo"
  289. "duuude"
  290. >"duude"
  291. "braugh"
  292. >"braugh"
  293. >you shitpost with this little turtle until sunrise, err I mean, when you wake up.
  294.  
  295. >7000 dream induced shitposts later.
  296. >"anon… anon…"
  297. >ANON!!
  298. >that last thought wasn't your thought, rather it sounded like your mind had stepped on ferret, and the noise that follows was beamed right to your head.
  299. >you feel very heavy breathing followed by a large, pink mass of hair, she's looking back at you, her face right in yours.
  300. >pinkie pie is sitting in your lap, her tail providing a nice crotch cushion between your parts and hers
  301. >which is nice, seeing as you really don't need to 'pop an iffie' right now.
  302. >your after sleep doldrums are interrupted by twilight forcibly taking your pink comforter off of you in a haze of purple
  303. "oh… uh, its Tuesday, right?"
  304. >twilight corrects you, saying that it’s the 10th of Celestia's Folly.
  305. >these ponies have a weird calendar, 4 days a week, 24 days a month, 17 months in a year…
  306. >still four seasons. The months are named after events that happened at the beginning of recorded history.
  307. >Celestia's Folly (About mid-july, starting on the solstice) Discord's Reckoning (named after when discord was imprisoned, the month after Celestia's folly, Unification, Summer Wrap-up, Winter Wrap-up, famine and so on and so fourth.
  308. >quite frankly, you keep to the Human Calendar.
  309. >"anon, I need you up. Royalty can only keep the train here for so long…" twilight says, anxiously.
  310. >you look up, to see twilight trotting in place on her hooves, looking ready to make an escape.
  311. "how long have you kept the train he-?" you say, indignantly.
  312. >"1 hour, 34 minutes, and about 30 seconds" she immediately replies.
  313. >WHAT!
  314. "HOLY- WHAT THE- YOU GOTTA BE-!" welp, that woke you up!
  315. >you dash to the front cabin, and jump out of the train, you're pretty sure you left little white lines in the air from the speed you went.
  316. >twilight and pinkie follow behind you a yeah later, twilight thanks the conductor, who's enjoying a lunch of oats and, well… something green.
  317.  
  318. >he gets up, tips his hat to the princess, say something like "et ego semper tecum. leige mea!" and heads into the train, it soon boots up, and is on its way.
  319. >you're left here on the dock where the train came dropped you off.
  320. >you start to make your way to the rock farm, where you start up a conversation.
  321. "so, how does one farm rocks? Are there rock plants, because the-"
  322. >"physics don’t match up, I know anon. they're not growing rocks-"
  323. >"There digging them!" pinkie, going to a nearby rock, her hair going flat for a moment.
  324. >she puts her hooves to the test, and hits it.
  325. >the rock splits in two, and a large slab of iron ore comes out.
  326. >"seeee?" she screeches out "but, theres really too much rail-rock and fire-rock around here to do anything."
  327. >you think for a moment while walking, letting the gears turn.
  328. "what do you use rail-rock and fire-rock for?" you inquire.
  329. >pinkie joins back on the road before she gets too far behind.
  330. >"well-" pinkie continues "rail-rock and fire rock are burned together to make the hard-shiny-rock-stuff we use to make the rails and wheels, also we make tools and bonders out of it.."
  331. >"we really have no more use than either." she concludes.
  332. >twilight steps in, saying "the farm would have been built near the road, but there was too much rail-rock, all of equestria needs regular stone, and this stuff doesn't function nearly as well as regular cobble-stone and hardmud.
  333. >you think about telling her about the real capabilities of both ore and coal, but you decide against it…
  334. >that comes later.
  335.  
  336. >"there's the pie residence!" twilight says all cheery-like.
  337. >"a couple of ponies meet you out a couple hundred feet, coming out of a large hole in the ground.
  338. >well, they /do/ have a quarry then.
  339. >you're having a hard time getting over the whole "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe" thing this universe has got going for them.
  340. >well, anyway, better represent the human race.
  341. "hello, fine sir, I am anon, nice to meet you."
  342. >"thine untroubled to meet thy acquaintance, does thee need any rock."
  343. >oh great, a white knight.
  344. "yes, and I believe you've met, pinkie-pie and twilight-" you say cheekiley
  345. >"yes, me and twilight have knowneth eachother for many a-moon!" he announces.
  346. >"as for pinkamena" he continues "she's knowneth me for all thine life!" he chuckles out.
  347. >holy crap this fucking guy…
  348. "anyway" you say- "we have a shopping list we've got to get on!"
  349. >"Ah! Thine intentions are a blessing on thine's sore ears! Follow thee to thine store-house!"
  350. >in a couple of minutes, you come to a large wooden barn, the doors painted a dismal grey.
  351. >he opens it, and you step in, a wave of dust hits you.
  352. >"here is thine assorted grounds, if ye need cobble, there's plenty in thine quarry!" he cheerily continues.
  353. >you look at the signs around, focusing on a couple of different grounds of different types.
  354. >you find the lime your looking for.
  355. "10 celestial pounds of lime, 10 celestial pounds of gravel, and 10 celestial pounds of ground clay please."
  356. >the white knight just stares at you blankly.
  357. >twilight steps in, saying "10 Suntears of Lime, small-cobble, and shape-dust, please!"
  358. >'fucking tomato, tom-ah-toe' you scream in your head.
  359. >you get the buckets, pay with a large ruby taken from the store room in the 'castle of friendship'
  360. >the white knight breaks into tears thanking the great generous twilight.
  361. >you would do the same.
  362.  
  363. >in a couple of minutes you say your goodbyes to the pies and walk away.
  364. >they had invited you and twilight in for dinner, but after hearing that the main course is literally something called "red granite casserole" you decide to bounce as fast as possible.
  365. >you really don’t feel like eating the stuff that came from the same barn as the mix you just bought.
  366. >it occurs to you that there is no real nutritional value in rocks, and it allows you to wonder about the way the pies stayed alive.
  367. >I dunno, magic probably.
  368. >your following twilight now, with pinkie pie being magic-ed along in the air with the rocks.
  369. >I dunno.
  370. >in a couple of minutes you were at the train station, waiting on the 7:00 arrival to the farm.
  371. >you check your mechanical watch.
  372. >6:37
  373. >you probably /just/ missed the train.
  374. >well. Time to converse like a sane human, instead of just zoning out like a college student after finals.
  375. "so…"
  376. >say something interesting.
  377. "how do the pies survive?"
  378. >good one.
  379. >twilight frowns, before thinking about it.
  380. >"we've always eaten rock based meals when we stayed at the farm" she says.
  381. >"so, maybe there's value to eating rocks?" she questions.
  382. "I wouldn’t want to eat rocks for dinner" you point out.
  383. >you look at pinkie pie.
  384. "no offence."
  385. >"naah, no proooblem" she says coolly "but now that I think about it, I probably have a worse diet than my sisters!' she chortles out.
  386.  
  387. >you three share a chuckle before sitting in silence for a moment.
  388. >you think about something to ask, but fall short of anything interesting…
  389. >you guess you rolled a one on speech. You should have chosen your skill points a little better.
  390. >OH! There's a good question to ask!
  391. "so, anything I could be able to science together when we get back to horsenton?" you smile out.
  392. >"oh," twilight says confused; "we're not going to horsenton… that’s near britleton; a full 300 celestial miles in /that/ direction" twilight says confused, pointing her hoof in a north-ish direction.
  393. >"you check your watch again, and it reads out to you 6:42" pinkie pie says.
  394. "damn."
  395. >"you think to yourself, wondering if that trains gonna come this month…" pinkie pie continues.
  396. "are you narrating me?"
  397. >"you say with a start, looking towards pinkie pie, expecting an answer" pinkie concludes.
  398. "can you stop?"
  399. >" 'Me? Stop?' pinkie pie states loudly, 'its what I do when I'm bored!' concluding her narration"
  400. >"its true!" twilight says "you can't imagine what the train rides to the crystal empire are like!"
  401. >"yeah, I narrate everything in the second person, down to the 'sip' of green tea from fluttershy" pinkie says.
  402. "well, if you can think people's thoughts before they think it, can you, like, make It seven?" you say jokingly.
  403. >"what are you talking about?" pinkie says; "it /is/ seven o-clock silly!"
  404. "no, no it isn't pinkie." you state, before checking your watch.
  405. >seven o-clock.
  406. >holy shit your friends with a time lord.
  407. >whatever.
  408. >you see the train closing speed in the distance, parking its front four cars on the dock.
  409. >you three get in, buckets and horses in tow, and head back to the castle.
  410.  
  411. >you are now standing outside the castle, its almost 12:00 in the morning.
  412. "hey, twilight?" you announce through the open doors. "can you come here?" you tack on.
  413. >"just a moment, anon!" she immediately responds "gotta get the book; for science!" she shouts like a superhero of science.
  414. >is that a thing??
  415. >marvel, get on that.
  416. You think for a moment, remembering what was happening.
  417. "can you bring the buckets?" you shout out.
  418. >"Yeah, way ahead of you, anon!"
  419. >well, that’s good.
  420. "well can you hurry up? I wanna go get my sh-tuff fixed over at rarity's after this!" you annoyingly say.
  421. >pinkie is siting next to you, eagerly awaiting on twilight.
  422. >"i guess its fine for her to act this way." pinkie says. Once again commenting on your thoughts as if it were an image board. "imagine an extra-dimensional being coming into your world and telling you that with five ingredients he can make a computer that works as well as your gamestation and runs without electricity."
  423. >pinkies right, you'd act the same as twilight.
  424. "yeah," you trail out. "I'd act the same."
  425. >twilight soon comes out of her castle with the buckets and spike levitated above her.
  426. >*pinkie chimes in; "she places her slave and your materials on the floor where you and pinkie is staring."
  427. "stop" you quickly say, while making stern eye contact with her.
  428. >she stops.
  429.  
  430. "okay!" you say, "lets continue with the invention!"
  431. >God-Damn your brown cardigan is fucking fancy today.
  432. >you wrap your arms behind your back, before turning towards the other two.
  433. "now; I will take these buckets, and mix them together" you pause. "pinkie open up, you’re the mixer.
  434. >you were surprised when pinkie opened her mouth.
  435. "no, pinkie, I was joking" you quickly, but coolly say.
  436. >you take off of your fucking masterpiece of a cardigan and undershirt and place it on the steps to the castle
  437. >you grab a shovel and dig a 6 inch depression in the ground, followed by a heft /scoop/ up and out.
  438. >in a while you've got a nice 24 X 24 X 6 impression in the dirt.
  439. >the ponies behind you just stare in awe at you working with your hands.
  440. >filthy Casuals.
  441. >you pour all of the contents into a large horse-trough and add water via a hose.
  442. >wonder what that’s made out of.
  443. >you can't use any magic, otherwise that make skepticism.
  444. >you learned that from mythbusters.
  445. >yeah, fucking mythbusters!
  446. >in a moment, you have some viable concrete mix.
  447. "and for my final trick!" you announce, "I will make a substance that hardens tough as a rock /without/ a single unicorn being needed!"
  448. >that got some cheers.
  449. >seems like this is kinda a big deal.
  450. >pinkie pie is off to the side, taking bets on if it will work.
  451. "and.." you trail out before lugging the 40 pounds of concrete into the hole you made.
  452. >you think for a moment.
  453. "we wait. This should be hard in a 'bout the time it takes for paint to dry. See you then!"
  454. >a couple of mutters, and the crowd dissipates.
  455. >FIVE HOURS LATER…
  456. >now to check on the concrete.
  457. "okay, moment of truth."
  458. >you take a step on the slab.
  459.  
  460. "its sturdy" you say. "well, I really thought I'd fail horribly, mostly because I've never made concrete before, but hey, home made concrete everybody!" you say with a shrug.
  461. >she looks at you, stunned, before trying to magic the hell out of the concrete.
  462. >it looks like she's struggling /real/ hard with the concrete.
  463. >great, now we have a problem. Well, science anybody?
  464. "okay, so, we have a problem. You can't levitate 40 pounds of concrete."
  465. >you think about the circumstances for a moment.
  466. "made up of the same materials that you carried a moment ago" you continue.
  467. >"so" twilight says.
  468. "it looks like we got some science to do!"
  469. >"alright!" twilight stampers out.
  470. END OF CHAPTER TWO
  471.  
  472. We set off our next notable moment 2 weeks from last chapter.
  473. >your sitting in you new workshop, full of molding and conceptualizing equipment made for you, from blueprints you made.
  474. >they work aight' you aren't a very good engineer, or scientist; but even the average humans back home know things that can revolutionize other places.
  475. >your explaining your thoughts to twilight now.
  476. "that’s the beauty of it, really; back home what was taught in school was considered 'useless knowledge' in real society, something that is only known for posterity, and to promote critical thinking-"
  477. >twilight tries to make a connection, saying "so- its like, uh, like knowing how and why and when the apple falls from the tree… that doesn't relate to the fact that /the/ apple is falling from the tree…" the lightly says, not sure in herself.
  478. "precisely!" you say, qualifying her statement.
  479. >you have these talks all the time, mostly while your working on something new.
  480. >now that you have all this swanky equipment for inventing, you can now start making shit.
  481. >your starting with something important and easy. Something all should have.
  482. >a ball bering.
  483. >your placing these small rounds of *ehem* 'rail rock' in around crevice and placing it inside a fixed wagon axle. You are almost done with one wheel.
  484. >things are quiet now, so you conclude that twilight has gone elsewhere.
  485. >she's pioneering a whole physics esque course on flying for pegasi.
  486. >vey impressive.
  487. >you place the wheel on the wagon axel and an hour later you've done the same with the other. And in a moment you lift a large wagon bed with a geared pulley system and successfully place the wagon on the wheels, and then you bolt them together with a metal ratchet and the lag nuts, you made both of those two days ago.
  488. >now time to call twilight in.
  489.  
  490. "TWILIGHT! COME HERE PLEASE!" you shout down the crystal hallway.
  491. >a blast of cold air rushes into your shop.
  492. >is your furnace really that hot?
  493. >huh, guess it is.
  494. >anyway; you see twilight trotting down the hall, looking like she broke something
  495. >"what? Whats wrong? What do you need?"
  496. "eh, oh- just your attention, that’s all" you say nonchalantly.
  497. >you pause, before opening the door expectantly.
  498. "step into my office…" you say.
  499. >"oh! Right!" she chirps, before walking into your shop.
  500. >"whew its hot in here-" she says before summoning a hand fan.
  501. >she's sweating now.
  502. >horses have sweat glands? Cool. Maybe you could make deodorant or something along the lines of that.
  503. "here, get under this cart" you point to the heavy set cart.
  504. >"i- uh- I'm certain I won't be able to pull that cart."
  505. >she points at the full steel cart, supported by a steel and wood set of wheels, the cart itself is loaded with ingots.
  506. >she's gotta know the abilities of ball berings though.
  507. "just; just try it, for a friend, please-" you say exasperated.
  508. >"*sigh* okay, anon- I will, but if I break my back it'll be you paying for the 20 unicorns having to combine themselves to fix it!" she says frustrated.
  509. >she gets under the cart, and you strap in for the show…
  510. >she throws her all into it, and she starts literally galloping across your shop.
  511. >it’s a big shop.
  512. >"woahoahoah!" she stampers out.
  513. >she's having a hard time stopping that much weight.
  514. >'needs friction based brakes' you add on the list of additions
  515. >after a bit of fucking around, she's able to stop the wagon with magic.
  516.  
  517. >in a moment you clear out your thoughts.
  518. "well, how is it?" you say, thrusting your arms out to your sides and walking forward looking towards the ceiling.
  519. >gotta be flashy, that’s paramount to this whole operation.
  520. >she looks stunned at what you did. She flashes out of the wagon and teleports in your face.
  521. >she excidedly spouts "DID YOU MAKE THIS 'ENGINE' YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS-"
  522. >you stop her.
  523. "nope. Is all in an invention called a 'Ball Bering," it rolls like a bunch of smaller wheels inside the larger wheels- slowing friction." you coolly say in your professor-anon voice.
  524. >she's stunned as you pick up the spheres on your table and show them to twilight.
  525. "see… That’s all you need to make a 6 colt job a 1 colt job." you smirk.
  526. >"can I tell applejack? I think she'd be happy that a cart that pulls this well exists now." she says.
  527. "well, I don't see why not. But she can't have one ye-"
  528. >"why?!" she interupts.
  529. "well, safety, twilight- you have to be concerned for the operators." you lean in.
  530. You continue " a job can't be done properly when everyone's in the hospital, now can it?"
  531. >"yeah, I guess your right. How are you going to do that?" she questions.
  532. "that’s easy! Just copy more human inventions!" you say with a chuckle.
  533. >"o-oh, okay; that’s reasonable." she pauses for a moment "Really; thanks anon… for. For all of this- I mean-" you cut her off.
  534. "woah, its fine. Its what humans do. Rely on each other's spoils to make their own- I mean. I would be /bored/ otherwise, and what fun is that? I mean, that would be the day when I become bored!" you say.
  535. >10 weeks ago you were bored as hell.
  536. >lets push that to the back of your mind.
  537. >you really don't want to make any brakes right now.
  538. >lets go for a walk. Maybe you can find that infamous "inventor colt" with the time glass cuitemark.
  539. >hey, maybe he's made some stupid shit like dehydrated water or flameless fireworks.
  540. >kek.
  541.  
  542. >10 minutes later.
  543. >you got an icecream cone and you think you didn't catch the pink on the way to this bench.
  544. >pinkie's good company and all. But you just want to chill.
  545. >and you've never been able to just 'chill' with others around.
  546. >like an introvert I suppose.
  547. >and god damn is this icecream magical.
  548. >you finish your ice cream and head out to a chill spot on a hill to drink what you assume is magically flavored enhanced water.
  549. "don’t ask me, I just work here" you say before going bottoms up on this little glass of water.
  550. >noice. Tastes a little like mountain dew and punch put together.
  551. "not Bad" you say.
  552. >in a moment you get up, and bring the *ahem* magical water back to sugarcube corner.
  553. >now, to find that stallion.
  554. >actually; I'm gonna go to see what pon3's on about.
  555.  
  556. (will insert sidestory here later)
  557.  
  558. >one afternoon later.
  559. >your in twilights castle drinking a large jug of magical water.
  560. >its silent, as twilight is sitting across from you writing her pegasus manual.
  561. >rainbow dash is next to her, and occasionally she will turn to rainbow dash and ask for her input on the problem.
  562. >"is this an issue?" she would say before giving the book to rainbow dash.
  563. >rainbow'd respond with either a "biiig issue, good thinking twilight!" or a "I've never had that issue before- probably not needed.
  564. >and you'd just sit there, enjoying your gogo juice.
  565. >great, more addicting magical substance.
  566. >it’s the great Dark Souls summer D of 2012 all over again.
  567. >irrational fear of great-clubs, is that a thing?
  568. >after a while they get done with their chapter and look up at you, trying to get your attention.
  569. >looks important, better check in with reality.
  570. "yeah?" you say quickly.
  571. >twilight concisely replies with "tell me about cars- why do they go so fast?"
  572. >one would banepost at something so easy.
  573. >but you are no faggot
  574. >…
  575. >okay your quite the faggot
  576. "that doesn't matter, what matters is our plan"
  577. >"what?" she quickly replies
  578. "just a little ritual back in the human world."
  579. >twilight leans in "do tell!" she continues "I love hearing about the human world!"
  580. "oh, its nothing" you say "if someone words their sentence a particular way, its normal for a certain culture to structure their reply in a particular way. Nothing important"
  581.  
  582. >"but, I love othe-" you cut twilight off.
  583. "its, really not that important, it's like an inside joke…" you say.
  584. >rainbow dash says something about an event with discourse, or maybe discord, and twilight shuts up.
  585. >twilight pauses before saying "anyway, about the cars…" she continues "because, if you can achieve such efficiency with little rail-balls what can a whole car of human invention be like?"
  586. "well, back home" you trail off; "well, I don't know much, well, there's a way that they make the engines run, they take a fuel of sorts, stuff it in a tube, light it, and theres a bit that comes down in the tube, and the fuel exploding-"
  587. >you notice the hand motions your making are following a pattern of finger into rounded hole created by the connection of your thumb and pointer finger- not really polite. Good thing rarity wasn't here.
  588. >that makes you pause.
  589. You continue, saying "and then that would propel the piston upward and then more fuel would be entered- and then that cycle repeats causing work to be produced"
  590. >rainbow'd ash looks astonished.
  591. >rainbow chirps out "and- so you, you- you use explosions to make your cars work"
  592. "hell yeah-"
  593. >now she's speechless, she's gone, lost in thought of explosive powered wagons.
  594. >twilight looks at you and says "well, what else are they powered by?"
  595. "y-you have the air intake, oil for lubrication, dot dot dot; oh, and there's electric powered cars" you say non-chalontly
  596. >she continues "really? Electricity? I thought it could only be used for appliances and such-"
  597. "well, no- electricity is simply put, used to do work- it makes lights, heats things; produces radiation, it does /A LOT/ of stuff back home, not just the blender or ice-cream maker."
  598. >"so its like magic?" she says.
  599. "basically, its magic with an explanation…" you say with a smirk.
  600. >"cool- so if we could generate electricity, we could have magic for the masses!" she says.
  601. "yea, I suppose, but there is a logical explanation, unlike the pony-scat you got going for you now."
  602. >she laughed a little, and looks at you and says.
  603. >"we're gonna science the 'shit' out of this."
  604.  
  605. [spoiler]>great, you've taught little cute ponies how to swear like matt daemon.[/spoiler]
  606.  
  607.  
  608. >be twilight for a change.
  609. "okay; Moondancer, hand me that clipboard, please."
  610. >Moondancer trots over to the board, and picks it with her mouth.
  611. >can't use magic- might send you back to square one on this research bit.
  612. >Moondancer walks over and tosses up into your waiting mouth.
  613. >at the moment your perched precariously on top of the research material in question.
  614. "Moondancer, could you go out of the room and change the frequency to setting six, we're getting a /slightly/ better signal from up here-"
  615. >Moondancer says "okay twilight!" and with that, she trots out of the room.
  616. >in a moment, you look at the readings, and notice that they've lightly spiked.
  617. "TURN IT 4 KILOMUNS UP PLEASE!"
  618. >"ONLY FOUR?" she shouts back.
  619. "YEAHT! THAT'L DO JUST FINE!" you quickly reply.
  620. >"OKAY!" she says while the meter changes again.
  621. "ANOTHER TWO KIL'S PLEASE!" you shout back.
  622. >"OKAY!" she says again.
  623. >your so close.
  624. "TRY POINT ZERO-TWO LESS!" you nervously shout back.
  625. >"I'LL TRY!" she shouts back.
  626. >almost there.
  627. "OKAY, NOW! TURN THE MAGIC OUTPUT TO 1000 UNI'S"
  628. >her response was immediate- "ONE THOUSAND! ARE YOU CRAZY! EVEN IF YOU COULD YOU'D NEED AN ALICORN TO PRO- OH. NEVERMIND!"
  629. >she comes into the room, looks up at you and says "you know I can't generate more than 234 uni's, and I've studied all my life on output."
  630. >"yeah, your right, I'd best come help." you say.
  631. >now your both in the power room, you focus your magic on the battery and combine to an est. 1021 uni's worth of magic.
  632. "okay- now, that will hold for a while, now to check the experiment."
  633. >you trot back into the room and look at the creation.
  634. >you look at the meters.
  635. >you look at the frequencies.
  636. >you look at /everything/
  637. >it works.
  638.  
  639. >be anon now.
  640. >your sitting on your regular spot on the hill looking at canterlot.
  641. >you've never been anywhere outside of ponyvillle.
  642. >it kinda looks like Minas Terith from Lord of The Rings.
  643. >holy shit that was a long time ago.
  644. >…
  645. >when did the return of the king come out? 2007?
  646. >…
  647. >yeah, probably.
  648. >…
  649. >this ice-cream's pretty good.
  650. >that’s what you say everyday.
  651. >but it really never gets worse, now does it?
  652. >yeah, you have a point there, anon.
  653. >welp. Its about time you return this glass to sugar-cube corner and head back to the castle.
  654. >the shop needs a mighty tidying.
  655. >how long ago was it that twilight decided to science the "shit" out of electricity?
  656. >well, it was Discord's Sealing then, and now it’s The Moons Return now…
  657. >say, about one and a half months human time.
  658. >she gets fluffy when she doesn't decide to cut her coat.
  659. >especially around the neck.
  660. >holy shit she's becoming a neckbeard.
  661. >you tip your invisible fedora towards the castle, and you get up, and walk towards sugarcube corner.
  662.  
  663. >your inside the shop now, waiting in line for a refill on your punch/mountain dew stuff.
  664. >you wonder if they sold that stuff by the barrel.
  665. >you get another cup full, gulp that down, place down the cup, finish your cone, place down five bits, and head home.
  666. >you get in the main throne room to see twilight and who you suppose is her sister siting at the throne-room table.
  667. You look twilight in the eyes and say "good morning twilight."
  668. >"anon. you have to see this" she says sternly.
  669. "what? You figure out electrons? Cool, we nee-"
  670. >"much more than that-" she interupts.
  671. "when was the last time you slept?" you say quickly
  672. >"36 hours, about-" she says before continuing "but that doesn't matter, what matters is this" she says before putting something on the table
  673. >a plastic bottle
  674. >plastic
  675. >bottle
  676. "where, where did you get that- DID YOU SYN-" you say before being cut off.
  677. >"no. but, we found her"
  678. "who- her" you say before pointing to the other pony
  679. >"no, /her/" she says with emphasis
  680. "FUCK STOP WITH THE PRONOUNS!" you shout, exasperated.
  681. >"we found earth." she says slyly.
  682. >that takes you aback. You actually stop right in your tracks, and sit down.
  683. "you what, mate?" you say quietly.
  684. >she continues "not just any earth, /your/ earth, your dimension, your frequency. We found it."
  685. >"y-you can go home now. We can send you back, there's a portal through that room that can send you back." she says heavy hearted.
  686. >"it- it will be open indefinitely, it should have connected to the mirrored surface where you came in.
  687. >the boardwalk.
  688. >its gonna deposit you right back at home.
  689. "its going to be really bad if I go back forever."
  690. >"what?" she says quickly.
  691. >welp. You've got some explaining to do.
  692.  
  693. "well, okay, lets put it this way, say- pinkie pie were to just /up/ and disappear at random, for say, four months; what would happen to her house, her things, her job?"
  694. >"well," she says, "its by law that if a pony is considered dead, but there is no body, her property is gathered up and sent to a warehouse up north were it is assigned a number for the span of one /full/ pony lifetime. And after that if she does not appear or a body that is identified, then the items are sold at auction- her job, well…" she pauses to think- "its really on the shoulders of the employer, but there is a one year job guarantee if, and only if, they've been working for five years." she stops before explaining "one may take her place, and pinkie can be no longer paid, but at any time if she wanted her job back as a baker, she can take it. Unless she has broken one of the Equestrian codes of conduct."
  695. >that’s a mouthful.
  696. "wow," you say "you ponies are a lot more considerate than humans" before adding "our businesses are all ran by a bunch of sheckel robbing jews."
  697. "oy vey" you add, looking at a confused twilight.
  698. >you analyze what you just said, and realize that you really didn't explain anything. And you start talking real fast.
  699. "well, back on earth- you, you, if you were to disappear, you know- gone, poof, humans will take what you left behind like vultures, your car, house, property- if your pronuounced dead, and you have no written will, it goes to the state, and they sell your- no, they sell their stuff to the highest bidder. With the exception of stuff you've paid in /advance/; like services and such.
  700. >you think for a moment.
  701. With a smirk, you say "I've got my storage locker with all my old engineering stuff… I've paid for it 8 months in advance."
  702. You continue, saying "and the gems you have here, they're /VERY/ valuable in my world, its called "earth" over there. So you know"
  703.  
  704. "so, what I'm thinking is this- I go back to my world, grab some information that I don't know, in the form of books, technology, obviously my computer and the like, and I come back" you concur.
  705. >"well, there's one issue, anon." twilight says.
  706. "what is that?" you say while pacing around the table.
  707. >twilight hesitates before saying "only organic or previously organic matter can make it through."
  708. >you think for a moment before speaking up.
  709. "that scientifically doesn't make sense, twilight, we're made up of the same things that you say can't go through, it doesn't make sense-"
  710. >twilight looks at you tiredly before saying "its magic, anon; the world doesn't have to explain 'shit'."
  711. >again with the technicolor swearing.
  712. "okay, well, then I better take off all my inorganics I have on me."
  713. >"plastics? I don't see anything you describe as /inorganic/… all the railrock tools you have are in your forge…" she says
  714. >you take off your things that wouldn't make it through the breach.
  715. >wallet, that's fake leather. Filled with plastic cards.
  716. >well, plastic and rubber's a byproduct of petrol manufacturing, which came from old trees from an eternity ago.
  717. >guess the plastic and rubber could stay, probably no metal.
  718. >next, your belt. has a metal belt buckle, no beans.
  719. >your old, long dead phone, self explanatory.
  720. >and finally, your conceal /k/arry.
  721. >you still have no idea why you're allowed to conceal carry in California.
  722. >or why you still carry it in equestria.
  723. >actually, no. you do have a reason, because manticores, hydras, and other scary ass mythical beings.
  724. >its probably so you can sleep at night.
  725. >gotta show twilight how to put a baseball sized hole in a watermelon some time.
  726. >that shit would be cas-
  727. >"anon" twilight interupts
  728. >TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA!
  729. "yeaht?" you reply back.
  730. >"me and moondancer got you a five celestial pound bag of rubies for bartering over in your universe."
  731.  
  732. "holy shit twilight that’s a lot of cash where I come from." you say, pointing at the bag of gems on the table.
  733. >"really? Because in equestria, they're more common than fire-rock." twilight says.
  734. "you mean coal, twilight." you say sarcastically.
  735. >"yeah, I guess. Its just what makes power for the trains."
  736. "yeah, I suppose. Anyway, I guess I'm properly dressed for going back to earth, I suppose." you say kinda heavy heartedly, pointing towards your nice brown cardigan you wear, mostly due to your shitposter's side.
  737. >"right this way, anon." twilight says… before adding "moondancer, you mind grabbing the gems and coming with?"
  738. >you walk down one of those "infinium" hallways that seem to last before and seem to generate an infinite amount of rooms.
  739. >"here's the room" moondancer says, opening her mouth for the first time.
  740. >"Ah!" twilight chirps out before gesturing to the room.
  741. "cool." you simply say, walking in to see a star-gate esque portal.
  742. >"see the explanation for this one is written in this journal" moondancer says while pointing to a book.
  743. "okay" you say again, picking up the bag of gems and walking towards the portal.
  744. >rubies are carbon, right? Guess were gonna find out.
  745. "hey twilight."
  746. >"yeah?" twilight says.
  747. "you like huey lewis and the news?" you say.
  748. >"wait, what?" twilight spouts out.
  749. >and with that, you head into the breach.
  750.  
  751. [spoiler]>TODAY WE ARE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE![/spoiler]
  752.  
  753. >so, this is what its like to travel through time and space?
  754. >meh, still better than flying.
  755. >*THUD!
  756. "oh… I'm glad they put that mirror backwards… facing a wall." you say with a sigh.
  757. >you pick up your rubies, which look like little Rupees, and head towards the road.
  758. >you stop, and turn to some wicked surfer- beach bro.
  759. "hey, bro, you got the time?" you say, he's selling sun-glasses and renting bikes on the boardwalk.
  760. >"oh, yeahbro, its-uh, its-, 3:26" he says back to you in a haze.
  761. "oh, so I got time, then" you say back.
  762. >"oh! Cool dude, what you got riding for you fam?" he says.
  763. >oh man, this guy's west coast fade is gnarly.
  764. >maybe he's got some wee- actually, no- that comes later.
  765. [spoiler]God damnit LP get your baneposting out of my green[/spoiler]
  766. "ah, I gotta get some textbooks and shit from my locker over in mission valley, see; they're locked after 9 PM" you say back.
  767. >"oh, that’s crampen, they should keep them open after nine, I mean, what if you've been fucking around all day?" he says.
  768. "I know, whatever, hey; can you call me a cab?" you say, egar to get along.
  769. >"oh, yeah, we're all good. I'll call right now, there's a street dow-" he says while you cut him off.
  770. "yeah, thanks dude, here, get yourself a new board" you say pulling out a small ruby and handing it too him.
  771. >he looks down, then smiles, gripping it in his hands, saying "yeah dude, no problem, anytime"
  772. >and with that, you're off on your adventure.
  773.  
  774. >fast forward fifteen minutes later.
  775. >stepping in the yellow Prius, you hand the driver a ruby and ask him to take you to the storage lockers in mission valley
  776. >thirty minutes later.
  777. >stepping out of the prius, you face the office ahead of you, you approach it, and walk in.
  778. >you walk over to the receptionist and get his attention.
  779. "hey, I'm anon, I should be in your system, but I lost my key, so I'm gonna need you to bust open my padlock and give me a new one." you say.
  780. >"oh, its no problem, you should have a spare here with us, let me get it for you, whats your number?" he says back.
  781. "number 0-7-1 locker and vehicle storage, what was it, 21?" you say back, engaging in regular conversation for the first time in a while.
  782. >"okay, let me get that going for you." he says, typing on his keyboard.
  783. >his face goes stern.
  784. >"you didn't pay your rent last month, it seems your future payment ended three days ago. But- since you had paid for it literally four months in advance I'll let it slide. Can you pay for it now?" he says.
  785. "oh, yeah, I mean, all I have is a bag of rubies, so- I mean, you are the boss here, right?" you say.
  786. >at the mentioning of rubies, he perks up.
  787. >"yes. Yes I am. Are you really going to pay with jewels?"
  788. "yeah, I suppose, see, I just got back from an excursion in south africa and struck it rich with these things. But sadly, I kinda left everything behind unpaid for four months. So here I am. Rich but starting over again." you pause and think for a moment; "hey, can I /buy/ my spots permanently? I mean, I could give you a solid hand-full of rubies and not even make a dent."
  789. >he ponders for a moment before saying "yeah, I can do that, I can't put an infinity symbol, but I can but an absurdly high amount of months in advance before you have to pay, say, eighteen million months or so."
  790. >he extends a hand, ready to get into the high life saying "ahem"
  791. "oh, yeah, here" you say, handing him a handful of rubies.
  792. >"if these are fake, I'm suing for fraud." he says seriously.
  793. >"anyway" he continues. "here's the spare to the locker, and the spare to the car you got out back" he says, handing you the keys
  794.  
  795. >feeling ready go finally git some supplies, and drive your car, you go out back, and grab the padlock, open it, and let the door fly open.
  796. >you look around, trying to find all your stolen textbooks.
  797. "I swear, I'm worse than a bank robber" you say, grabbing your high school chemistry and physics books, your algebra 1, 2, math 1, 2, 3, and calculus books.
  798. >then you move onto college, grabbing your engineering books, your electrician's manuals, and a couple of mislanious books.
  799. >and for shits and giggles, you grab your High School AP world and united states history books.
  800. >twilights gonna shit herself when she reads about what humans do to each-other.
  801. >packing all of those books in a box, you head over to your car.
  802. "I love the smell of 1980's in the afternoon." you say to yourself opening the door to your 1988 ford mustang fox body convertible.
  803. >setting the books in the trunk, you get in, let the roof down, and turn on the car.
  804. "its been, too long." you say, pulling out of the lot.
  805. >driving back to the main office, you get out, and walk in.
  806. "hey, you got some actual money? I'm gonna need it for gas and food." you say.
  807. >"oh, yeah, here, I've got 274 in the register, take it." he says, handing you the cash.
  808. "thanks, man, I look forward to the future." you say.
  809. >"yeah, me too." he says "have a good day, anon." he follows.
  810.  
  811. >and with that, you're on to your last stop.
  812. >dairy queen.
  813. >its been four months since you've had a blizzard, and you're ready to get one.
  814. >now, where's the nearest-
  815. >right, the mission valley mall.
  816. >which means, no drive through.
  817. >you're going to have to talk with more people.
  818. >are you willing? Yeah, you're willing.
  819. >fifteen minutes on I-5 later you're in the mall.
  820. "now, the food court, wait, no, is it next to macy's?" you say to yourself, amidst a sea of people looking for a come-up.
  821. >right, next to macy's, so, that a-way-
  822. >when you think that, you point in the direction of the food service, and your body follows.
  823. >in a moment you're standing in line in front of about 3 people and behind about two.
  824. >quiet day, overall.
  825. >and to think that over in equestria, waiting in line was more a comical thing to do, as people would see a pony getting something, and decide to come back later.
  826. >its very refreshing, and you are rewarded with a couple of consecutive normal chuckles thinking about the patience of ponies.
  827. >probably why they don’t invent anythi-.
  828. >oh your next.
  829.  
  830. "uh, yeah, I'd like a, hmm, you still got cake blizzards here?"
  831. >the girl behind the register chirps back "we most certainly do!"
  832. "yeah, I'd like one of those, large please."
  833. >after some tapping on the screen she looks back up at you.
  834. >"is that all for today?" she says.
  835. "uh, no, can I get uhm, a number- you know what, give me-"
  836. >flustered. You clear your mind and finally know what you want.
  837. With a sigh, you say "I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."
  838. >with a couple of moments of tapping on the touchscreen, she looks up.
  839. >"and the soda type?" she asks back.
  840. "a mountain dew, please." you say.
  841. >she looks down, pulls up a large soda cup, looks back, and says, "okay! that will be 54-35 please."
  842. >pulling out your wad of cash, you hand the woman 55 dollars, telling her to keep the change, telling her its to go, and you wait.
  843. >ten minutes later you have a large bag of food under-arm.
  844. >you are now walking through macy's to get to the nearest exit. And about 55 feet in you see something that catches your eye.
  845. >just the corner. And it makes your head go into impulsive meme mode.
  846. >there, standing not two feet away from you, is a gigantic stack of clearance [spoiler]fedoras[/spoiler] priced at six dollars a pop.
  847. >…
  848. >fifteen minutes later your in your car, large amount of food in the passenger's seat, and a pile of [spoiler]fedoras[/spoiler] in the back seat.
  849. >eating the number nine large, you put the key in ignition, and head to your final final destination.
  850.  
  851. >to where you missed the most.
  852. >the sunset cliffs national park.
  853. >they got a carpark that you can watch the sunset from that’s purely to die for.
  854. >half an hour later, your driving up, checking your time on your radio.
  855. >its 8:06
  856. >perfect.
  857. >turning the car off, you let down the soft top again and stare in awe at a beautiful sunset.
  858. >one that celestia has no bearings on.
  859. >one that stands unyielding to the universe at a constant, allowing a radiant beauty to bleed into this little speck of dust we call earth.
  860. >and even though this little speck, insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. Is significant in each and every man, woman, and childs' hearts.
  861. >this little speck, fueled by the infinity that is the sun, and even though the universe doesn't know it. Its made something amazing.
  862. >something worth while.
  863. >life. Its made things possible that no amount of magic, no amount of power or heat, or fusion can control.
  864. >for it, has made something that is even more uncontrollable than itself.
  865. >its made life.
  866. >and humans. Blinded by normality, cease to understand the potency, and power this loud-ass speck of dust can have.
  867. >even now, other things, created by the average sun. the average rock. The average elements. Have begun doing extraordinary things.
  868. >for it is averageness that is needed to make un-average feats, un-average.
  869. >its this thinking that makes you miss sunsets like this. The beauty in it comes from more the heart than the eye.
  870. >you, now, sitting in this car, eating ice-cream, looking at the vast empty-ness beyond this blue speck in the sky.
  871. >taking another swig of your mountain dew, and another scoop of your blizzard, you've realized something.
  872. [spoiler]what you meant to think was life is perfect in its own average way.[/spoiler]
  873. END OF CHAPTER THREE
  874.  
  875. >you've gotten the owner of the lockers from earlier to get a chauffer to take the Mustang back to the lot where you got it.
  876. >everything is nearly out of the car now, piled up near the surfer dude's mirror.
  877. >paying the chauffer or a cheeseburger. You pick up the large box of books, and throw it through the mirror.
  878. >nothing seems to have goofed up yet, and you pick up the box of hats, and throw it through as well.
  879. >you grab your last thing, a picture, one of the sunset from the park, and hop through the portal.
  880. >you're met with- well, nothing. Well, nothing of importance…
  881. >"you're standing on the map in the middle of the throne room, of all places- you think to yourself"
  882. >"oh, hey pinkie! How's it going? You say- eager to get in a conversation with the best pie member."
  883. "oh, hey pinkie! How's it- HEY- get out of my head, you told me you'd stop when you made me order /all/ the cakes"
  884. >"you forgot to add a signal phrase to that last statement, anon." pinkie says.
  885. >realizing you're mistake, you mentally add a signal phrase.
  886. >"also you're is you are, you don't 'realize you are mistake' anon… you really need an editor."
  887. >…
  888. >… she waits for a moment. And stares at you blankly.
  889. "oh, right!" you say.
  890. >you think 'pinkie states honestly' before watching pinkie's face go to relief. As if a-
  891. >"knot had released itself from her shoulder" pinkie says.
  892. >STOP!
  893. >"humph, fine- I'll stop." pinkie says, before sitting in Fluttershy's throne, ignoring her own.
  894. >you look down, picking up your possessions from the human world, and walk to your shop.
  895. >Pinkie doesn't follow you. Rather she appears in your shop- not surprising you.
  896. >you really expect it at this point.
  897. "hey pinkie" you say.
  898. >she says back "hey anon!"
  899. >she walks up to your furnace, and sits down, her back to the opening.
  900. >that's 8 thousand degrees Fahrenheit in there. I wonder how she's not shying away from the everlasting torment of hellfire that allows you to melt metal.
  901. >probably a hearty diet of rocks.
  902.  
  903. "hey, where's twilight, Anyway? Isn't she like, supposed to be science-ing me to find out if I- I don't know, forgot how to pee or something?"
  904. >"well." pinkie says "she's probably asleep, its-" she trails off, and turns to look directly into the furnace. As if the furnace was looking into her as well. Before announcing. "if it's four thirty two in Amsterdam, then It must be two thirty two here!"
  905. >Oh, okay…
  906. "so, then she's asleep then?" you say.
  907. >"yeah, probably." she says half heartedly.
  908. "hey, why aren't you asleep?" you say.
  909. >she thinks for a moment. Before saying "I don't really need sleep, I really only sleep when its socially important."
  910. "man, I wish I didn't need sleep." you say, before adding "that'd be awesome."
  911. >"careful what you say. Anon, you haven't not lived without sleep long enough to make a judgment whether sleep is a good thing or a bad thing." she says heavily.
  912. "do you always get heavy hearted at night?" you say.
  913. >"well, I blame luna, bringing out the stars every night, it makes me think about the universe. And all the matter I actually take up. I such a small fraction of the universe. It makes me feel unimportant- you get what I mean?"
  914. "well, yeah, I do- actually. Mostly think about that during sunsets." you say back to her.
  915. >"sunsets? Really? Because, when I see sunsets, I don't really think, I bask, I enjoy a sunset. I think when I look at the sky, at night, of course." she says.
  916. >well, I wonder.
  917. "hey, pinkie, one of these days how bout I take you and all our friends out to see how my city looks?" you say.
  918. >"been there don- actually, that sounds fun, at least with you and our friends there" she says.
  919. >yeah, you expected her to have seen humans before, after all, I think she's a fallen god.
  920. >of some sort.
  921.  
  922. >the next week.
  923. >scene is in throne room. It's just you and twilight. And a brown cardigan.
  924. "so, back in the beginning of my country's settlement, we had a revolution, instead of a settling of tribes, like here in equestria." you say, pointing to the picture of George Washington riding on a horse.
  925. >"so-" she says, pointing to the mount Washington's riding, saying "on earth, you used a, a devolved version of the pony as a transport?"
  926. "yeah, I guess we did… we still do, but we've found comfort in cars, now." you say, not even trying to lie to her.
  927. >"that's clever, anon." she says. "and even at the beginning of your countries creation, you we're more advanced than us?"
  928. >you chuckle.
  929. "in a way, technologically, but socially, equestria is much, much more advanced. But I guess that's what allows humans to advance." you say.
  930. >"that doesn't make sense." she says, "if your race is so poor at social interaction, how could you advance?"
  931. "well, I never said humans were /bad/ at socially interacting, its that… in our roots, we're predators. Well, omnivores. We're like a race of wolves." you say, trying to make sense.
  932. >you pause for a moment.
  933. "and when we're with wolves, or people; one's that we can relate too, say, by language, nationality, we cooperate. We cooperate really, really well."
  934. >thinking for the words to say, you continue.
  935. "and when we don't cooperate with another race, we cooperate with our race to make sure the other race is bent to our will." you look her in the eyes.
  936. >"and that's how war is so common on earth!" she says, having an epiphany.
  937. "and even then, when one will is forces to be bestowed on another, and the other fights back, we have more technological advances." you say.
  938. >you think of how you should conclude for a moment.
  939. "so in a way, our social degeneracy is what makes us so technologically advanced." you say, before adding "in our world we have a saying, 'necessity is the mother of invention'… here, equestrians don't have any necessity to make anything better, well, you do, but not technologically, equestrians use magic to fill the necessity, humans can't will something like a building together. Humans have- they have it much more difficult that equestrians, so; it's because of that, that's why humans are so advanced"
  940.  
  941. >she's stunned at your ability to monologue.
  942. >"I, uhh… woah, anon. that's- sheesh; can, can you come back later?" she says, looking up at you, fixing her fedora with her magic. "I think I need to write a letter to princess celestia."
  943. "yeah, sure. No- no problem" you say, putting down your book and walking out.
  944. >walking through ponyville, you notice a couple of small changes made by the ball bering you made.
  945. >a lot more ponies are pulling carts, mostly filled with heavy ammounts of stuff.
  946. >a lot of them have stickers on them, recognizing which city or settlment they came from
  947. >most of them are from elsewhere, using ponyville to get to canterlot. As a pitstop of sorts.
  948. >so, In a way, you've pioneered the new shipping industry.
  949. >some of these caravans are pulled by 6 ponies, with some impressive loads.
  950. "nice" you to yourself, heading towards sugarcube corner.
  951. >in a couple of moments, your ordering a vanilla ice cream cone and a glass of magic water.
  952. >this world will change after-all, maybe sooner than you hope.
  953. >actually, you thought that you would have a modern world a hundred years after you've died, you suppose.
  954. >maybe you'll be able to make a city in an afternoon if you are able to mix human ingenuity with pony magic.
  955. >that sounds magnificent.
  956. >you've still haven't gotten around to getting pinkie, twilight, and the rest out to show them San Diego.
  957. >that's probably going to happen.
  958. >soon, but for now- you need to teach twilight to-
  959. >Ah! Your order is ready!
  960. "thanks, pinkie; here's two bits." you say, fishing two bits from your pocket and putting them on the table.
  961. >"And with that, you head to your relaxation tree."
  962. >thanks pinkie, I wouldn't have guessed.
  963. >"no problem, anon, what do you think I'm here for?" she says.
  964.  
  965. >acting normal?
  966. >that last thought pinkie thought for you.
  967. >the little shit.
  968.  
  969. >a couple of hours later.
  970. >giving the glass back to sugarcube corner, you head back to the castle.
  971. >walking up the steps, you walk in.
  972. >twilight's in the main room, and sees you walk in.
  973. >she looks at you with tired eyes, as if she's been taking care of a child.
  974. >"ah! Anon! I have called the princess here, so- please… get in your nice clothes." she says like a mother talking to her son.
  975. >you've never met the princesses; you really don't know what to make of them.
  976. >and, with the exception of twilight running off to canterlot… you've never heard any mention of princess celestia.
  977. >"and don't wear plad, please. Darling."
  978. "oh, didn't see you there, rarity" you say, knowing the only horse to know what a 'darling' is, is the fashion horse.
  979. >"actually, I think I'm going to dress you, this time." she says, nudging you to your bedroom.
  980. >you're tired, so you're going to let the horses do as they please.
  981. >within ten minutes, you're dressed to meet royalty.
  982. >rarity places a nice fedora on your head, and rushes to groom twilight.
  983. >you're brain has devolved into carnial desires.
  984. >coffee
  985. >coffee
  986. >mmm, crryysstalls.
  987. >yess, coffee, coffee good.
  988. >why were you so tired? This is a strange occurrence seeing that you can keep up with pinkie.
  989.  
  990. >walking to the corner of the room, you look at the glass and metal coffee machine that's obviously magically powered.
  991. >just add water, and you get magically energized water.
  992. >terrific.
  993. >its still clear, but the magic tastes stunningly like coffee, so you call it coffee.
  994. >actually, the ponies in ponyville have started calling it coffee as well.
  995. >coffee is magical, after all.
  996. >downing three cups of coffee like its nobody's business, you straighten up, and head to the throne-room.
  997. >it seems that pinkie pie, rainbow dash, and… err, the- other earth pony have walked into the room.
  998. >soon enough, fluttershy comes walking through the castle door, smelling like soap.
  999. >you're ingnored, so you go and sit on a pile of books twilight has next to her throne.
  1000. >"okay girls, most of you know my new resident here- anonymous…" twilight says, leading the group like puppies.
  1001. >the one you don't know walks up to you to remind you that her name is applejack, and yours is Sugarcube.
  1002. >and with that, everyone sits down and waits for celestia.
  1003.  
  1004. >two hours later.
  1005. "my own city!?" you say, getting up from your book chair.
  1006. >you think for a moment.
  1007. "I can't just 'up' and build a city! Its, just, not possible!" you shout in indignance.
  1008. >celestia maintains a calm tone, saying "I know, I know more than all ponies how long it takes to build a city, but- I will provide you with all the resources needed. All th-"
  1009. You cut her off. "no-no-no, princess! It doesn't matter, this isn't a book! I can't /go/ and just /make/ a city! Its about time! Not about power!"
  1010. Looking at celestia, and scaring the other ponies in the room, you say- "I just wanted to show twilight that the human world is technologically powerful without magic. Not, not to make a city from the dirt."
  1011. >celestia looks at you, and says. "you're human, you're from a race that will look at a desert and think 'this is a good place to build a city,' our faithful student here wrote me that- wrote me, saying you were the one to say that."
  1012. >you think to yourself for a moment.
  1013. >you have one chance, one chance to make an impact on the world. One chance to live forever- metaphorically, one chance, to represent the human race.
  1014. >and, by turning something like this down you'd would have effectively squandered something like this.
  1015. >celestia had started monologue about the importance of you, but you didn't care, nor did you hear her.
  1016. >"*something something something importance, something something something regret.*"
  1017. >for some reason, politics seems really nice right about now.
  1018. >eh, more so making a small scale industrial revolution.
  1019. >looking defeated, you stare at celestia, and say, "where do I begin?"
  1020.  
  1021. >that rewarded hugs all around.
  1022. >…
  1023. >god damn you fucking horses stop with the cuddles…
  1024. >are they going to sleep now? Is it nap time?
  1025. >welp, sun is setting, better go to the forge and see-
  1026. >fuck, celestia's sleeping on your legs.
  1027. >is this how we do orgies in equestria?
  1028. >I don't like it. Not one bit.
  1029. >in a moment, you allow yourself to drift off into a caffeine crash induced sleep.
  1030. >you wake up to find yourself sprawled out on the floor of the crystal castle.
  1031. >you're covered in fluff of all sorts, with the exception of white.
  1032. >the pink got everywhere, its like pinkie sheds to mark her territory.
  1033. >but it does smell like pancakes. So you better go get some food.
  1034. >taking off your jacket and putting it on fluttershy's throne, you walk to where you remember is the kitchen.
  1035. >you must smell pretty nice, because twilight isn't scrunching her face at your B.O.
  1036. >she's got her head in a book; ' while magic-ing together some breakfast.
  1037. >like usual, you don't see any meat.
  1038. "hey, maybe I could make a ranch out in that city state Celestia promised me."
  1039. >"ranch?" twilight inquires. "whats a human ranch like?"
  1040. Waiting for that response, you answer "well- After breakfast, probably ruin your morning if I told you."
  1041. >you grab a plate full of pancakes, two eggs, and a piece of toast with peanut butter on it.
  1042. >you should tell twilight that eating eggs is really frowned upon where you come from.
  1043. "wouldn't work" you quietly say to yourself before sitting down on the table.
  1044. >"grab a throne, anon, I know the girls don't mind-" twilight says.
  1045. "naah." you say, looking at the map. "I like my breakfast with a side of manehatteon!"
  1046.  
  1047. >be anonymous
  1048. >be eating for what feels like days… silent, while twilight reading the 'electricians handbook, 14th edition.'
  1049. >you had tried going into a trade union right out of high school, you paid for your books, and realized you'd rather engineer the shit these guys are putting together.
  1050. >oh, and your engineering textbooks are on the pile, as well.
  1051. >she's going to die when she gets to my automotive books.
  1052. >and helicopters.
  1053. >"anon-" she says, snapping you out of your thoughts and rewarding a clever response
  1054. "TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA!"
  1055. >while saying that, you thrust what's left of your pancakes up into the air.
  1056. >that didn't matter, because you were startled high enough to grab at them.
  1057. >landing on the table, and crushing a mountain, you look at twilight, and collect yourself.
  1058. "What do you need?" you say, with cool enthusiasm.
  1059. >she looks at you in the eyes, and says. "what are you going to name the new city state? Anonopolis?"
  1060. "no." you say, "I've got much less an ego. I've got a name for it, but it's a surprise."
  1061. >"oooh!" she says. "I hope you're not lying, because we're going to settle it at the Canterlot Royal Summit!"
  1062. "the canter what-now?" you say, sounding a little like- err. The hat wearing pony.
  1063. >she looks at you, blinks twice, and decides to give a little exposition.
  1064. >"well, it’s a meeting of the highest level officials of equestria! We're going to recognize a land that is unused at the moment, and place it under martial law! Then… you name it, and you become a prince! Isn't this exciting?!"
  1065. >wait a minute
  1066. "IM GETTING FUCKING CORINATED TODAY!" you shout. "WAT."
  1067. >"yes. All sole leaders must become royalty. You will officially become a prince!"
  1068.  
  1069. >and with that, you run for your nice cardigan.
  1070. >three cups of coffee, two showers, one shaving, one suit.
  1071. >and with that. You run out, and join twilight in the main room.
  1072. "how late are we?" you say between breaths.
  1073. >…
  1074. >she closely looks at a crystal nearby, and looks back to you.
  1075. >"negative two hours. The carriage left canterlot a moment ago."
  1076. "how do you know that, twilight?" you say.
  1077. >she looks at you, and says "come here."
  1078. >you abide, and she points at the crystal, and says "you see that clock?"
  1079. >you look, and see the reflection of the crystal clock in the background.
  1080. "cheater." you simply say, before going off to tell pinkie.
  1081. >actually, she already knows; you'd bet your life she's about to-
  1082. >"cheater." pinkie simply says, suddenly next to you, with a tray of magic water on her back.
  1083. "you can get oddly predictable." you say, without looking at her.
  1084. "So! Twilight, when I become royalty- do other ponies bow in fear before me?" you say, looking towards twilight, rummaging through your books.
  1085. >she looks up, and simply says "if they have reason to fear you, otherwise its in respect."
  1086. >thinking of the possibilities, you sit down, and drink your magic water, sitting on pinkie pie.
  1087. >with your weight as her comfort, she soon slips into a nap.
  1088. >why does she sleep?
  1089. >whatever- you're outlawing sleep when you get your land.
  1090. >and liberals
  1091. >they're gonna become lab rats.
  1092. >you poke pinkie, asking for a little time push.
  1093. >suddenly, three royal pegasi guards, accompanied by princess cadence, walks through the door.
  1094. >yeah, you studied royalty names. What about it.
  1095. >actually you didn't, you shouldn't know who the pink one is.
  1096. >looking at pinkie, you jump the conclusion that she's programmed your brain in some way or another.
  1097. >getting a fill-up of water, you walk towards your carriage.
  1098.  
  1099. >the carriage ride was, scary to say the least.
  1100. >looking down, you see the rocks, and hills sprawled out below you.
  1101. >roaring beneath you, you felt like you were flying in this little, backless carriage.
  1102. >looking to your left, you see twilight sitting cooly, reading "twenty thousand leagues under the sea."
  1103. >you have no Idea how she got it, but its whatever.
  1104. >she looks up, and sees you looking at her, she looks at your face, then up to your hat.
  1105. >it flies off when they hit some minor turbulence, and she grabs it and magically puts it back onto your head. Forcing it down a bit, causing a little uncomfort.
  1106. >a lot of the ride was spend holding a death grip on the front of the carriage, and hoping that twilight can fly faster than you can fall.
  1107. >why didn't we teleport?
  1108. >why didn't we take the train?
  1109. >your not one to bash flying, but the FAA would tear this thing apart, and sell the scrap at a loss.
  1110. >any noises you try to make are drowned out by the wind.
  1111. >And like hell are you sitting down like twilight is.
  1112. >gonna need some wings before I do that shit.
  1113. >every little push of turbulence would make you squeal like a little pretty princess.
  1114. >not like anyone can hear you scream, or anything.
  1115. >is the air a little thin?
  1116. >is it kinda cold?
  1117. "ARE WE IN FUCKING SPACE!"
  1118. >nobody heard you.
  1119. >you weren’t in space, but god damn your considering it a possibility.
  1120. Your hat flies off again, only to be pulled back down onto your head.
  1121. >canterlot is in the distance.
  1122.  
  1123.  
  1124. ____
  1125. Looking at the city before you, you say "never been to the kremlin, this is going to be a cool experience!"
  1126. >twilight looks at you, and brushes off your statement as a queer attempt at levity.
  1127. >you interject some more comments about communism and mother Russia, but it falls like a Union of Soviets.
  1128. >kek
  1129. >twilight begins talking, you start listening after the third or fourth word.
  1130. >she's speaking in a comfy tone-
  1131. >"hours left, I think that we can visit Rarity's boutique and get you something royally done, Rarity should be here today."
  1132. >you look at her.
  1133. "can I get an admirals outfit?"
  1134.  
  1135. "you know, like Tzar Nicolas the third!"
  1136. >you start motioning in circles with your hand as to imply 'come on! You know this!'
  1137.  
  1138. >"oh! You mean in the world history book! Erm, have you been referencing soviet history this entire time?"
  1139. >the gears start turning in her head, and she pomfs your high school AP world history book into the air, flipping to a page with the last Tzar of Russia on it.
  1140.  
  1141. "or maybe go Lenin, start freeing the people and shit-"
  1142. >you point to the political figure, standing stoic on-top of a large cliff, in a suit.
  1143. "that man had so much class"
  1144. >actually.
  1145. "communists are the classiest, but the most classless beings on the planet."
  1146.  
  1147. >"neato!"
  1148. >as she says this, the book disappears. And she pomfs out a different book.
  1149. >On the front there was a leather binding, with stiches on them.
  1150. >engraved with a brand, on the front the name 'Starswirl's Journal' was present.
  1151. >from what you heard, he was like merlin.
  1152. >is merlin. Whatever.
  1153.  
  1154. ____
  1155. >in a moment, she pockets the book and starts heading off of the brass landing pad where you were and started heading towards the shopping district.
  1156. you follow, shouting out a "hey! Wait up!" on your way over.
  1157. >you follow for a while before getting to the market area
  1158. >it’s a bustling plaza with a fountain in the middle, ponies of all types selling things from vender booths.
  1159. >if you look closely, you can see someone going through a 'Pidgeon drop' con-scheme.
  1160. >glorious.
  1161.  
  1162. >"Rarity's boutique is down silk ave, over that direction, next to the bazaar over yonder"
  1163. >she points at a street, and you run down it.
  1164.  
  1165. >as you run by, you hear a couple of people talking politics.
  1166. >summits and coronations and such.
  1167. >new cities, all sorts of wonder!
  1168. >in a moment you see a shop that was obviously designed by Rarity.
  1169. >looking left you see twilight flying over the ponies, who are giving waves as she fly's by.
  1170. >you swear someone said 'NOTICE ME SENPAI!!'
  1171. >seriously, /a/ would shit their pants if they came here.
  1172. >this place has to be Waifu Central.
  1173. >your broken out of thought as the door opens, quickly but gently.
  1174. >with precision that can only be accompanied by rarity.
  1175.  
  1176. >"Anon! you're here just in time! I need to check your waist! Would you like a dress or suit!"
  1177. >Rarity goes on with questions.
  1178. >blah blah blah. You know what you want.
  1179.  
  1180. "Rararara!"
  1181. >that stops her.
  1182. >"oh, yes?"
  1183. "I want to look like this guy."
  1184. >you whip your left arm out, and twilight, at this point, has guessed your thoughts and magicked the World history book to page 346, and your finger lands right on Tzar Nicolas the III.
  1185.  
  1186. ____
  1187. >five minutes after you got measurements done- all it takes is for her to calm down about your physique and she gets at it.
  1188. >five minutes after that, the pants and shoes were mended.
  1189. >after twilight started helping, you looked ready for coronation.
  1190. >and an October civil war.
  1191. >yee
  1192.  
  1193. >after a spot of tea, it is concluded that you have one hour until the coronation, and should get on it.
  1194. >and in what seems like a moment, your chilling with the three princesses at a large table, you hair being groomed as you sip some ice water.
  1195. >first spot of actual water in a while.
  1196.  
  1197. >"so, sister, is the orchestral arrangement ready?"
  1198. >Celestia turns to Luna, and responds.
  1199. >"yes, little sister, Octavia should be here any moment."
  1200. >ooh! An orchestra! A fucking Ensemble to remember the occasion!
  1201. >wait, wait one fucking moment.
  1202.  
  1203. "oh, hey, on Earth, we have many names for leaders, may I be crowned Tzar instead of Prince?"
  1204. >you almost spatter that one out.
  1205. >celestia blinks, and turns her head.
  1206. >"it is no problem, anon- as long its just an alias- I mean."
  1207. "yeah- yeah it is, then- we're cool then?"
  1208. >Luna chirps out "very chilly!"
  1209. >and with that, you stand up, fix a couple of spots on your outfit, and head to the main throne room.
  1210. >you can hear the ponies from here.
  1211. >you can't believe that because of technology, you're becoming royalty.
  1212. ____
  1213. >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBptRVQ8qoE
  1214. >as they start playing, you are escorted down the carpet by a large following of ponies singing a capella style, adding an opera sound to the soundtrack.
  1215. >you're walking like you're graduating.
  1216. >the ponies are nearly fighting over a peek at the new Tzar of Equestria.
  1217. >this is so damn satisfying.
  1218.  
  1219. >the ensemble ends right as you hit the end of your walk.
  1220. "damn, that composer is great."
  1221. >celestia smiles a bit.
  1222.  
  1223. >Celesta starts
  1224. >"we are gathered here today to celebrate a momentous occasion! For a newcomer to this world has proven himself worthy of receiving royal status!"
  1225. >"He has more than proven the potential to become Equestria's first male royal!"
  1226. >luna speaks up
  1227. >"so- without further ado! We present to you- the new 'Tzar' of equestria! Anonymous!"
  1228. >the roar of the audience shoots your ego to royal levels.
  1229.  
  1230. >the commotion calms down, and the ceremony gets back on track.
  1231. >"please kneel, so we may finish the ceremony, please."
  1232. >you comply.
  1233. >you feel a crown be placed on your head, your human sword is drawn, and in one deft swing, cuts your head off.
  1234. [spoiler]I COULDN'T RESIST![/spoiler]
  1235. ___
  1236. >nothing happened, pinkie trolling you.
  1237. >your human sword is tapped on your shoulders instead of cutting your head off.
  1238. >it is then re-sheathed. And you stand up, more sure than before.
  1239. >you heard that the summit is actually after the coronation, instead of before.
  1240. >ohwell.jpeg
  1241.  
  1242. >you walk to the balcony, and look down at the thousands of ponies in the courtyard below.
  1243.  
  1244. "I am sure that this, my Coronation, is not the symbol of a power and a splendor that are gone but a declaration of our hopes for the future, and for the years I may, by God's Grace and Mercy, be given to reign and serve you as your Tzar."
  1245. >you think of another quote from queen Elizabeth you could steal.
  1246. >ah, good one, anon!
  1247. "The ceremonies you have seen today are ancient, and some of their origins are veiled in the mists of the past. But their spirit and their meaning shine through the ages never, perhaps, more brightly than now. I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust."
  1248. >that's the stuff, anon!
  1249. >you're getting such a good plot of land.
  1250.  
  1251. >through all the cheering, and whistling, and flowers, you stick your arms out to the side, smile, wave, turn around, and walk out.
  1252. >smooth like a laxative.
  1253.  
  1254. >the dinner was great, the meeting was great, but in its greatness it lost its memorability.
  1255. >basically, you forgot the reception like you drank too much.
  1256. >but, here you stand, looking at a large map- full of little provinces and lands that you're allowed for the taking.
  1257. Which one should you choose?
  1258. ___
  1259. >scanning the map for a bit, you notice a spot that has no name.
  1260. >it has outline, bordering both the south and north lunar ocean.
  1261. >there's no end on it, and it seems to be barely visible.
  1262. >on the inside, it is blank, it seems it was hastily drawn, and the ink to the east of the area is slightly smudged, as if a change was made.
  1263. >you put your finger on the spot.
  1264.  
  1265. >in a reserved, operational tone, you speak.
  1266. "what's that area… the one west of the… white tail wood."
  1267. >celestia looks at the spot.
  1268. >"that’s the undiscovered west, it has great place for shipping, but there simply hasn't been any effort to get any of that land."
  1269. >she pauses for a moment.
  1270. >"does that answer your question?"
  1271. "yes, yes it does. I'll take the undiscovered west."
  1272. >celestia looks at you, about to protest, before smiling.
  1273. >"you're quite the adventurous one, Tsar. I'll command the rail to be extended."
  1274. >a pony to her right stands at attention.
  1275. >it’s a stallion, with hair the color of copper, with white streaks in his mane.
  1276. >his coat is covered in coal stains, but it is no issue to see that his coat is a light orange, like the color of the beginning the of a sunset.
  1277. >he does the regular 'left hoofed salute to the both of you, and runs off.
  1278.  
  1279. >celestia turns to the audience, and you follow her motion, turning on a heel.
  1280. >in a royal, loud, magnificent voice, celestia speaks up.
  1281. >"TSAR ANON THE INVENTIVE HAS CHOSEN."
  1282. >there were muddles in the crowd, mostly of excitement.
  1283. >you smile.
  1284. >"HE HAS CHOSEN… THE UNDISCOVERED WEST!"
  1285. >Gasps all around, then a standing ovation.
  1286. >good shit, anon, that’s what I'ah tolkien about right there.
  1287. >you could get used to this.
  1288. ___
  1289. >soon enough, the summit was over, and all the royals there had better shit to do.
  1290. >now, you're sitting around a dinner table, not waiting for food, rather, you're waiting on the other three alicorns.
  1291. >and, here they are.
  1292. >they sit down, their regalia shifting slightly as they do this.
  1293.  
  1294. >celestia seems the only one interested in anything, luna looks ready to die.
  1295. >is she nocturnal?
  1296. >That'd be fucking cool for the bringer of the night to actual-
  1297. >"So… Tsar, what sh-"
  1298. "TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA!"
  1299. >that sets them aback a little.
  1300. >you hate it when ponies rip you from magnificent thoug-
  1301. >"what shall you name the undiscovered west? The borders are very large, enough to be a colony of equestria, not just a city state"
  1302. >damnit fucking thought killers
  1303. >fucking
  1304. "Cyka's"
  1305. >"ooh, strange name, very foreign anon!"
  1306. >luna said that in-between yawns.
  1307. >welp, you're stuck with Cyka something.
  1308. "Erm, it’s a shortening of the original name I had in mind!"
  1309. >yeah, nice save; you're going to get so much slit.
  1310. "I meant to say… Cyka, blah… uh… tovia!
  1311. >"Cykablyatovia!" luna says.
  1312. >with a chirp, celestia comments in that strange 'im totally not you mom that you want to commit incest with' vibe
  1313. >"I wouldn't have it any other way, Tsar, I'll have it transcripted and the news made!"
  1314. ___
  1315. A couple of days later
  1316.  
  1317. >its going to be a day or so before they can expand the rail the extra 55 miles.
  1318. >magic. Like, damn.
  1319. >but you are almost done with your schematics, though.
  1320. >if and only if you could actually bring metal through.
  1321. >god damn I hope this works properly.
  1322.  
  1323. >you push the neat little button on your table.
  1324. >it was put in via your concept and twilights magic.
  1325. >a magic battery to power a magnifier spell.
  1326. >you speak into a little hole you made.
  1327. "hey twilight, I need you to come add a little magic to my new invention please."
  1328.  
  1329. >its sits silent for a moment.
  1330. >"yeah, no problem anon, be right there."
  1331. >then POOF.
  1332. >she appears in the far right corner of the shop, albeit a little dizzy.
  1333.  
  1334. >"what did you need Tsar?"
  1335. "oh, I need this string to be made to this gage of size."
  1336. >as you say that, you point to the sheet, on it a bunch of measurements are shown.
  1337. >she looks, complies, and soon you finish your new meme.
  1338. >you run the strings, and you hold it up for her to see.
  1339.  
  1340. "this, is a human instrument."
  1341. >in a moment, you tune your guitar, and sit down.
  1342. "here's how you play it."
  1343. >now to think of a song, one that's sad...
  1344. >OH YES! Good idea, anon, very nice.
  1345. http://vocaroo.com/i/s0WBpcCE6iYy
  1346.  
  1347. >She's bobbing her head.
  1348. >You finish, and put the guitar down.
  1349. >"Human music! I like it!" she says.
  1350. >You sigh.
  1351. "Only if i could sing, I could actually show you the full song."
  1352. >She giggles, and you look back at her.
  1353. >"Mr. Creator, can build an instrument that sounds that beautiful, but you can't sing?"
  1354. "What?" you say, a little indignant.
  1355. >"I should help you sing, some time, all the ponies around here sing like it's no problem."
  1356. "Yeah, I've seen you bunch break out into song before."
  1357. >You say, moving your hand back and fourth to symbolize her friends.
  1358.  
  1359. "Anyway, there's one more thing to show you before I head off into my new country."
  1360. >she smiles, standing ready for your statement.
  1361. "Can you manufacture a magical artifact that measures radioactivity?"
  1362. >"Radioactive… as in radiation? Oh! Oh yes. Give me a moment. I may even may to make something electronic."
  1363.  
  1364. >Ever since you showed her science, she's sort of, moved away from magic.
  1365. >Forgetting more and more spells in exchange for knowing how to build engines and create explosives.
  1366. >I mean, her devotion shows no bounds.
  1367. >I mean, none at all.
  1368. >She needs to be a planner of sorts.
  1369. >Naw, she can't be part of cykablyatovia, she's a princess as is.
  1370. >More important shit than industry?
  1371. >I think knot.
  1372. "Its funny because it's a pun!" you say out loud to nobody in particular.
  1373. >Soon twilight returns.
  1374.  
  1375. Fast forward a few days.
  1376.  
  1377. >The railroad has indeed been extended to glorious Cykablyatovia.
  1378. >I wonder if cykablyat means anything in russain.
  1379.  
  1380. "Soon"
  1381. >You say to yourself, waiting on the 9:25 train to the motherland.
  1382. >The last couple of days were eventful.
  1383. >You sent out news of the new country via a googily eyed mare.
  1384. >It says in the title- "Garunteed acceptance to first 500 law abiding citizens with an equestrian ID"
  1385. >Along with it are a couple of lines down it basically outlines the bill of rights.
  1386. >And then you wrote "Clean slate, judged by actions after you become a citizen. All are needed."
  1387. >The mail mare who read that got to equal rights- and asked you where she can sign up.
  1388.  
  1389. >'Hell yeah! Ground zero!' you thought to yourself as she packed her bags.
  1390. >So here she is, sitting next to you, waiting for the-
  1391. >Oh, here it is.
  1392.  
  1393. "Here, lets sit up front."
  1394. >You say that to the mare as you board the train.
  1395. >Sitting down, you try firing up a friendly conversation.
  1396.  
  1397. "So, my names Anon and my middle name is Uh."
  1398. >Smooth.
  1399. >"S middle name of Uh? That’s pretty neat, never heard of someone with that name."
  1400. >She talks like she's slightly out of control of her voice, and she sounds like she came right out of new york.
  1401. >So, basically, a Yankee's fan
  1402. >"My name is Ditzy Doo, but most people coll me Doipy Hooves!"
  1403. "Derpy? That’s a pretty adorable name!"
  1404. >"Deah, most people call me that, but when they're reaaly liberal or retarded they call me muffins."
  1405. >She Crosses her hooves.
  1406. >"Fuckin' twats."
  1407. >Holy shit the mouth, its like she was human or something
  1408. ___
  1409. >"So! How's Cykablyatovia going to work? Constitutionally, I mean."
  1410. >You think to yourself.
  1411. "Well, was basically going to do this- make myself sole ruler for my lifetime then have a constitution take place in my death."
  1412. >"You trust yourself not to go mad with power?" she says, switching to using her left eye to look at you.
  1413. "Yeah, basically my thought is this- Cykablyatovia is going to be my brainchild, which means that I want to see the best of it."
  1414. >"Interesting, and, so- this constitution that’s going to be in place afterwards? Whats that going to be like?"
  1415. "Well, probably going just use this-"
  1416. >As you say that, you pull a small booklet from your jacket.
  1417. >You hold it in front of derpy, and she reads it.
  1418.  
  1419. >"Constitution of the united states of america."
  1420. "Yeah, worked to make a super-power, I bet I could get it going."
  1421. >"But you're tsar right? Shouldn't that make you want to use the Rus-"
  1422. >She stiffens up.
  1423. >"Uhh, nevermind."
  1424. >How does she? Eh, best leave well enough alone.
  1425. ___
  1426. >"Eh, it's not like you need a constitution until you have enough to rule."
  1427. >She pauses for a moment.
  1428. >"But it is good to have rules."
  1429.  
  1430. >A couple of hours go by, and Derpy Breaks the silence, saying-
  1431. >"Here's my thoughts, we have a couple of Celestian rules, like- don't murder, steal, stuff like that-"
  1432. "Basics, essentials for keeping the people in line."
  1433. >"And here's how we'll enforce them."
  1434. >She looks around.
  1435. >"We approve citizens to be law enforcement alongside their regular day to day routine, and we have /a lot/ of them."
  1436. "That's a decent idea, derpy; but in the long run, we would have a lot of corruption."
  1437. >"Then we'd have to have people apply for it, and then we'd have background checks. Basically make it like this-"
  1438. >She thinks for a moment.
  1439. >"One in three are certified to be law enforcement, they're given a weapon, like that-"
  1440. >She points to your handgun on your belt, since you became tsar you started brandishing your 9mm proudly, like a royal with her sword.
  1441. >"And a way to restrain people, like, a sedative."
  1442. "Then they're given a reward for taking these people in, provided they have reason and evidence. like an officer, then the justice system kicks in."
  1443. >"Exactly!"
  1444. "Well, that's fine and dandy, but, here's my thought, we do this, but we also have a police force- we can- we can have tiers of officers."
  1445. >"That might work"
  1446. >"Tier ones are the civilians and tier two are patrolmans, tier three special task force units, and so on."
  1447. "Well, we're looking at quite a big civilization here, I don't think ponies have a knack for crime as much as humans."
  1448. >"Yeah, your right, but its always good to have, because who knows what the future might be like."
  1449. "Yeah, but I don't want to be too draconian of a ruler."
  1450. >"Your right, that might border on fascism kind of control, if that gets out of hand."
  1451. >"Well, guns- as it says in your constitution, is a means to keep the government from getting out of control."
  1452. "Then, lot's of guns?"
  1453. >"Lots of weapons in general. but we can't manufacture any but our own military's guns."
  1454. "That's Fair."
  1455. ___
  1456. "Ay, we've got, what, thirty years to make this constitution?"
  1457. >"Yeah, you do, at least, I won't make a good politician."
  1458. "Yeah, you would, what was your offical job title back in-"
  1459. >"Postmaster general."
  1460. >Ah, a glorified male mare.
  1461. "Then, what’s your special talent? Blowing bubbles?"
  1462. >"I got it when I drowned another mare by accident."
  1463. >'TOP OF THE MORNIN'!
  1464. >"… Do you find that strange? Well, you should!"
  1465. >…
  1466. >"No need to hide your face" she says boldly, "I get that look awl the time."
  1467. >No wonder she was looking for a clean slate.
  1468. >"Yeah, I think I'll make it as an architect of sorts, in Cykablyatovia, I mean."
  1469. "Architect? You good with making plans? Becaus-"
  1470. >"No, I mean, an architect of /death/."
  1471. >TOP OF THE-
  1472. "Well, that got dark really fast."
  1473. >"Well, no, not death, more so, defense, I want to make sure everybody is safe."
  1474. "You mean, like, a military advisor? Or, eh, a commander in chief?"
  1475. >"No, I'll let the leader lead, like, a defense minister, national security advisor, general, those kinds of things."
  1476. >That’s a really strange career for someone like her.
  1477. >Oh well, this is Cykablyatovia afterall.
  1478. "Yeah, I'll give you a shot."
  1479.  
  1480. >"Really? That’s great, anon?! No- no crawling up the ranks or anything?!"
  1481. "What ranks?"
  1482. >"Yeah, your right."
  1483. _______-
  1484. A couple of hours later.
  1485.  
  1486. >The train station is packed with ponies. And a lot of other races, all with bags.
  1487. >Welp, seems they got your memo.
  1488. >"Seems they got your memo-"
  1489.  
  1490. >Stop being pinkie pie, please.
  1491. "Well, I guess we can start by facing the crowd."
  1492. >You grab your bags, put on your heavy crown, and get off the train.
  1493. >They start murmuring, and the train departs behind you, leaving the new Cykablyatovia behind you.
  1494.  
  1495. >Okay, something inspirational.
  1496. "I AM ANON! EXCUSE ME! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!"
  1497. >Nothing.
  1498. >You pull out your handgun, and point it up.
  1499. >Out of interest, people seem to calm down without you having to fire.
  1500. >Great, now you may just be feared.
  1501.  
  1502. "I am the new Tsar! Tsar anon the inventor! You have come here for equality? Is that right?"
  1503. >You hear a few murmurs of people translating what your saying to other ponies, whom probably don't know English.
  1504. "We'll all get to that! I'll lay the ground rules in a moment!"
  1505. >…
  1506. "But first! I need you all to get in line! I must catalog you all as the first citizens of Cykablyatovia!"
  1507. >In a moment, you have a line.
  1508. >You turn to Derpy.
  1509. "Derpy, get me my clipboard and graph paper."
  1510. >Soon, you have your paper, pen, and board.
  1511. "Please state your name, race, and nationality! That last one should only have a single answer, What is it!?"
  1512. >Unanimously, they answer.
  1513. >"CYKABLYATOVIAN!"
  1514. >"Your god-damned right." derpy huffs under her breath.
  1515. "As an abreviation!" you continue, "we're going to call ourselves Cykan's! that’s okay, right?"
  1516. >"YEAH!"
  1517. "well, alright then! Lets get this party started!"
  1518. >"Record player, Unicorn, Cykan."
  1519. "Next!"
  1520. >"Escape Artist, Pegasus, Cykan."
  1521. "Next!"
  1522. >"Pomma De Fleur, Pégase, Cykan"
  1523. "Next!"
  1524. >This goes on and on, cataloging the ponies by race, names- and appeared special talents.
  1525. >After about three hours you've got a good portion of ponies. 244 after recount- including Derpy.
  1526. >You reach into your dedicated book bag, and pull out a 'modern architecture' textbook you got off of a friend back on earth.
  1527. >Placing it down on the rail station platform, which was raised to the point It could be used as a table.
  1528. >But at the moment, you were on the tracks- which was not good.
  1529. >You look down the sheet, and start calling names.
  1530. >One name, you recognized.
  1531. >Copper Cog.
  1532. >The pony from the inauguration, the pony who set up the rail system.
  1533. You look at the crowd, all intently watching, and shout "Copper Cog!?"
  1534. >A couple of ponies are shuffled about as the orange-ish pony with brown, round hair comes forward.
  1535. >His hair is pulled into a large pompadour stuffed inside a conductors' hat, with a large messy and torn pony-tail on his right side.
  1536. >"Yes your Heiness!"
  1537. "You're on this list, what's up?"
  1538. >He smirks a bit and says "I thought you would need me, besides… I'd be more important building civilization than rail lines."
  1539. >Makes sense. But another thing.
  1540. "This rail station is extremely well built. Good job."
  1541. >"Thanks, Sir! I put extra care into it!"
  1542. "Good to know, now I guess you and-" you glance down onto your list, before saying "Straight-pipe, Steam Circuit, and Sturdy Structure- you're on house management."
  1543. >They trot over, eager to start up their new lives.
  1544.  
  1545. >You climb up onto the large wooden structure to make an announcement.
  1546. With a huff, you shout "Everyone gets their own home, but we're going to have to camp outside for a bit first, if everyone here- besides the managers… pitch in we'll be quick with living in our own homes!"
  1547. >A couple of mumbles, the translations going to the ponies whom don’t understand.
  1548. You tack on "If you have a niche in something related to housebuilding, say- Woodworking… Please work towards doing that. The heavy duty lifters, magic and not, go over there!" you point to a spot to the left. "All our craftsman please separate over there!" you point to another section.
  1549. >The ponies separate, with few remaining in the middle, whom don't pertain to either.
  1550. >You get down and look towards Copper, whom is mumbling about through your human textbook.
  1551. Getting his attention, you say "I've seperated most of them, heavy lifters on the left- and craftsman on the right. The others are in the middle."
  1552. >"Thank you, Sir."
  1553. "I'm going to go scouting for materials. Try to get this done as fast as possible. Please."
  1554. >"It's no problem, Sir!"
  1555. >"Oh!" he chirps back out. "A train is coming soon to take orders. They'll be taking supplies from Equestria to Cykablyatovia, anything particular?"
  1556. >You start jotting off a couple of quicker and easier substitutes to magic like concrete and ball Bering based carts.
  1557. >After a bit of teaching, you grab your new Geiger counter esque artifact and fuck off to the woods.
  1558.  
  1559. >The counter is pretty unimpressive, it's just a little red crystal that's supposed to first turn blue in the presence of strong radioactive material, then glow as the intensity grows.
  1560. >After a bit of scrounging, you found a little patch of /something/ radioactive, but nothing good.
  1561. >You find that, throughout the forest there are little patches of /something/, but once again, it doesn't glow, only turns purple. Which isn't enough to do anything.
  1562. >But, that makes you think that there is something bright, bright blue out here.
  1563. >Around a tree, through a bush, across a field you find some iron.
  1564. >Through a clearing, down a hill, by a lake you find what may be copper.
  1565. >To the left, some silver.
  1566. >Once it becomes sundown, you are about a mile out from your original field.
  1567. >The Train, you were told- will be coming with shipments of lime and gravel and clay tomorrow.
  1568. >You also inform copper that adding thatch to the substance will make it last an extreme amount of time.
  1569. >While you were gone, four houses were framed. Held back by the inability to use concrete, with all the supplies to finish the house off to the side, rock shingles and wood walls and round rock for floors.
  1570. >A small, maybe twenty foot wide road had been dug out and stretched down a quarter mile.
  1571. >They had done a lot. Much more than human's capability.
  1572. >Well, you think- humans could replicate their efficiency, but they would need proper power tools.
  1573. >But, here it is. Four house foundations slightly swaying in the wind.
  1574. >tents and sleeping bags and fires were created on the border of equestria, and the ponies sang lullabies of their home cities, and told legends and stories of the countries they came from, translated across the site.
  1575. >Most of these ponies had never seen each other before, but after a day of working, they must have bonded. Hell- maybe even a musical number broke out.
  1576. >You're not going to have too much trouble making this happen, you think.
  1577.  
  1578. >When you woke up in the morning, the ponies had already been cooking breakfast.
  1579. >Exciting smells of cumin and spice rang out as potatoes were shredded and beans were mashed and folded and crisped.
  1580. >Hay shouldered and sizzled as sautéed onions went into a stew somewhere.
  1581. >Oatmeal diffused through the air by the area the equestrians were.
  1582. >A gryphon offered you some bacon and eggs, which some of the ponies jeered at.
  1583. >You sat cross legged in your shorts as you ate down the savory breakfast.
  1584. >You wondered for a moment how long until your food went out. But then realize that the train wouldn't allow that.
  1585. >After a bit. You transcribe a bit of a map of the area, pointing to the 'fire rock' and the 'rail rock' around the area.
  1586. >Copper's name stayed the same, and you heard from celestia that 'fire rock' and 'rail rock' were only slang versions of their real names.
  1587. >Tomato toma-
  1588. >"ALRIGHT, AFTER BREAKFAST WE GET GOING ON NUMBER SIX- ANYBODY NEED RECAP ON THEIR POSITIONS?"
  1589. "TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YOU!"
  1590. >"You too, Sir!"
  1591. "Copper, you startled me. Mate."
  1592. >"Oh, my bad. Sorry sir."
  1593. >It's no issue.
  1594. >"Do you know when the train gets here?"
  1595. "Wasn't it your job at some point to know this kind of shit?"
  1596. >"Yeah."
  1597. >…
  1598. >Sigh.
  1599.  
  1600. >You had went off for more minerals. Soon you heard what sounded like the train bounding in with the concrete supplies.
  1601. >You've kept track of the minerals so far, listing up and down all the places your copper and iron supplies will go.
  1602. >It will be surprising for them when you tell them that you can use iron for more than tools and bindings and rail.
  1603. >Copper, too. Pretty sure you were told that copper was used for gears, but not much else.
  1604. >You've yet to find the radioactive material that you'd thought would be your trump card for making energy.
  1605. >There is a book on nuclear science somewhere in the mix. Magic could do the duty pretty well.
  1606. >After a bit of hopeless scouting, you head back to the camp to find. Surprisingly, five completed houses with doors and furniture.
  1607. >Copper told you that if the resources keep piling in, they'll have houses all the way to the coastline by the end of the month.
  1608. >He also said that he got a letter a bit ago asking if we would take in two more ponies.
  1609. >You said yes. And let copper know that you were heading back to ponyville for more collection of knowledge, and that you'd be back in a weeks time.
  1610. >He shows you a plan of the path of the housing development and a road system he was planning. You let him know that he should lay pluming from each house.
  1611. >He understands, and starts doing some corrections.
  1612. >For the most part the plan is solid, a wheel and spoke pattern with a keep and garden in the middle.
  1613. >You let him know to keep that particular area empty while you are away, for you will be designing it.
  1614. >He asks about electricity, and you give him the electricians manual.
  1615. >Derpy is helping lay foundation at the moment, you notice.
  1616. >By the time he gets to properly reading it, you head back on a train to ponyville.
  1617. >Hell, maybe you'll take twilight and pinkie to earth.
  1618.  
  1619. >After getting properly situated on the train, it lifts off and heads northeast towards what you understand to be canterlot, where you'll board a southbound train to Ponyville.
  1620. >It should be a couple hour wait. But you've got some schematics to make, so it shouldn't feel too long.
  1621. >Twilight offered to make a workshop on the train for when you were travelling, because she knows that if you weren't making something, you were sleeping.
  1622. >Atleast, that's how your travel normally went.
  1623. >And, as you guessed. Your time travelling felt very short lived as one train transfer later, you were about 20 minutes out from ponyville.
  1624. >It seems that your town is gaining more ponies, and it made the paper.
  1625. >'NEW EQUESTRIAN COLONY MAKES SPLASH IN LUNAR OCEAN'
  1626. >Neat.
  1627. >After you read all about your town, you get off the train and begin towards Twilight's castle.
  1628. >With a pocket of bits, as well.
  1629. >You would think you'd have a 'I don't have to pay for this. I'm royalty' card, but you think that only celestia and luna get those.
  1630. >Twilight's going to have to wait a few hundred years.
  1631.  
  1632. "Heeey! Twilight!"
  1633. >"Hello! Anon! how's the building going?"
  1634. "Four houses down, we think by Octo- I mean, the Leaves' Run, the houses will be done."
  1635. >Tomato tomato.
  1636. >"Neat! How many ponies so far?"
  1637. "Two hundred and twenty two, with two more on the way!"
  1638. >She gets really surprised, and sputters out "That's, that’s like twice the size of ponyville."
  1639. You jeer back "Oh, really?"
  1640. >"Yes, do you think you can handle yourself?"
  1641. "I've got until October to plan it out."
  1642. >"October?"
  1643. >Fuck.
  1644. "Tomato, tomato." you say, with no further explanation- "now, Pinkie!" you call out to the castle.
  1645. >"Eyep!" Pinkie rings out from directly behind you. You smile a bit.
  1646. >"Yes! I would love to go to earth with you! I'll pack my bags. I really want to try a Baconator when we get there."
  1647. >"And with that, she's gone." pinkie rings out from behind you.
  1648. >…
  1649. "Twilight, would you like to come along to earth with me?"
  1650. >"earth?"
  1651. "Through the portal."
  1652. >She thinks for a moment.
  1653. >"How long?"
  1654. "Like six hours.
  1655. >"When?"
  1656. "Tomorrow"
  1657. >She thinks for a moment, but you know that she will.
  1658. >With a smile, she says "I would love to go!"
  1659. "Of course you would. I'll be in my workshop."
  1660. >And with that, you fuck off.
  1661.  
  1662. >After a bit of trying to design a pony blade, you decide it's best to go to sleep.
  1663. >You note how comfy the bed is, how it smells like steel working and sweat.
  1664. >Exactly what Cykablyatovia is probably going to smell like.
  1665. >After your thoughts become more and more fragmented, you go to sleep.
  1666. >You don't dream about much, a lot of 'somethings' when describing it to Twilight over some oatmeal.
  1667. >The coffee rolls out a bit after, and pinkie appears from the chandelier dancing to an invisible chip tune.
  1668. >Probably her 'theme' honestly.
  1669. >You gobble down what's left of your oats, and wait along for Twilight.
  1670. >She finishes, and gulps down her coffee. Readying for the day.
  1671. >you pull up your leather pouch full of red gems, and place them on the table.
  1672. "I'm really craving some sweedish fish right now, there's this lovely place on the boardwalk in ocean beach where we can get the greatest bowl of ice cream, and then there's the wooden coaster-"
  1673. >You pause for a moment, due to knowing one thing.
  1674. "Hey, Pinkie"
  1675. >"Waay ahead of you, bucko! Dash will be here in a moment!"
  1676. >And then, dash came plodding up the front steps, with a smile.
  1677. >"I Cant wait to see your car!" Her smile grows a bit bigger "I heard… that it's named after a wild colt! Does it act like one?!"
  1678. "You'll see."
  1679. >You smile a bit while the three all gain their bearings, waiting to jump into the well unknown.
  1680. >Well, unknown is relative. Pinkie probably knows how many liters of displacement has on your mustang.
  1681. >She turns over, obviously recognizing the statement, and winking five times. Answering that indeed- she knows the size of your motor.
  1682.  
  1683. >That's neat, you conclude. And with that, you casually walk to the portal, take your jacket off, your harness and badges, your belt, and pocket the gems all before walking through the glass like you would a walkway into a office.
  1684. >after that, you were back on the boardwalk. Pinkie was already talking with Mike, the pot smoking surfer bro, she was trying to get directions to the nearest nuclear research facility.
  1685. >Soon enough, Twilight comes through the portal, and rainbow shortly afterwards.
  1686. >Twilight was in a white tank top, with plain blue tight jeans, a black bra, with straps showing, and darker sunglasses and a black fedora for good measure.
  1687. >Rainbow was in something nearly the same, but with a short sleeved shirt instead- she was very confused on the change, but both Twilight and Pinkie seemed fine and used to walking around.
  1688. >Rainbow was catching her bearing again before pinkie pie came over and started pointing out the new 'features' of rainbows body, poking at her B cups and earning a jolt from her then she started pointing out her hands and fingers, moving onto the legs and toes.
  1689. >To you, it looked like Pinkie was just molesting Rainbow, but after a while, It seems like Rainbow did indeed get the hang of moving like a Human, walking sharply and mechanically.
  1690. >Pinkie was in a bright blue skirt with stockings, a blue bra and a white Nirvana graphic tee, she also seems to have a smartphone poking up from her bra, and a frilly pink purse with cheap sunglasses and bubble gum in the mouth.
  1691. >You could hear jingling coming from the purse.
  1692. >You acknowledge Mike on the way by, he hands you your keys and states proudly that "The 'stang is out back, my broseph."
  1693. >Walking a few minutes, you get to your car, you unlock the drivers side door and unlatch the top, letting the electronics kick in and bring the rest of the soft top down.
  1694. >Rainbow and twilight op to sit in the back seat, and pinkie in the front.
  1695.  
  1696. >You shift into reverse, and pull out, pausing to tell the girls to put on their seatbelt, Pinkie then explained the seatbelt's function.
  1697. >The girls really did let out a bunch of impressed 'awes' from your cruising, with many questions coming from Twilight.
  1698. >"It goes how fast!?" she would say.
  1699. "like 135 on regular, maybe 150 on high power fuel."
  1700. >"135 what?" she would say.
  1701. "Miles traveled in one hour." You would simply say back.
  1702. >Then Twilight would udder some profanity mixed with light disbelief.
  1703. >You would smile.
  1704. >Today, is Sunday, at old del mar. You realize.
  1705. >Okay, so maybe showing Rainbow dash and Twilight the horse races at their first visit would be kind of cruel.
  1706. >But It's not like Pinkie couldn't call who would win.
  1707. >You pass a fish taco stand, and a dive bar, go down a back/side street, and onto downtown San Diego.
  1708. >They're both awestruck at the magnificent cars and planes flying overhead, pulling banners that say things like 'YOUR ADVERTISMENT HERE".
  1709. >They're both awestruck at the humans tapping at their phones, getting into cabs and riding off.
  1710. >To them, this is like Xanadu.
  1711. >Good shit.
  1712. >To Twilight, the drawing of the San Diegan skyline finally made sense contextually.
  1713. >The planes and the skyscrapers, which you said- were not magical at all.
  1714. "I mean, as long as you don't count chemistry as a form of alchemy."
  1715. >"Not particularly" Twilight said, "Most unicorn alchemy is just magic synthesis."
  1716. "Might use that to my advantage, to be honest."
  1717.  
  1718. >"Yeah, I could see the ridiculous applications…" Twilight says
  1719. "Really… anyway- ice cream or wait until lunch?"
  1720. >It was about nine o'clock at the time, and the interstates were clear.
  1721. >The boardwalk is like a noon thing, and you wonder how you could fill the three hours.
  1722. >"I'm not feeling it, anon- we should wait." Rainbow pleas.
  1723. >"I'm good at any point, honestly." Pinkie replies.
  1724. >"I'm indifferent. But I probably wouldn't enjoy it until it's really, really hot." Twilight clears.
  1725. "Well it's good to know we've got opinions all around."
  1726. >You think about stuff you could do on a Sunday in November.
  1727. >Holy shit.
  1728. "We're going to need to find a library real quick."
  1729. >You could feel Twilight brightening up.
  1730.  
  1731. >Right, uh. You think there's one down this street.
  1732. >Nope, that's the music shop.
  1733. >you look over your shoulder to see a three dollar theatre and another sandy bar.
  1734. >I wonder how Twily and dash are going to react to San Diego's tacos.
  1735. >God damn you've really wanted a fish taco off of that one place for the longest time.
  1736. >you know though, that if pinkie wanted a fish taco, she'd have a fish taco.
  1737. __
  1738. >across a side street, you head in-land a bit to the Gaslamp Quarter.
  1739. "What are we thinking, Pinkie- Park Blvd?"
  1740. >"Yeah.. It's got to be on park." Pinkie replies.
  1741. "Okay, then we're going 'this way'"
  1742. >You turn a sharpish right, causing the rear wheel tires to chirp a little.
  1743. >Twilight screams and Rainbow laughs while Pinkie rearranges her sunglasses.
  1744. >After a bit of braking, you pull over to 330 Park, San Diego's library.
  1745. >Tall windows coming up from concrete steps makes way for a path to allow people onto the first floor.
  1746. >Twilight starts nerding at Rainbow while, for once- pinkie looks a bit surprised at the architecture's hallmarks.
  1747. >"Nothing like this could ever exist in Equestria, Rainbow- look, it looks like the entire thing is made from glass."
  1748. >"Yeah, really- how often do you think they have to build it, without magic… I mean."
  1749. >you really don't remember when this building was constructed, but it looks only a few years old.
  1750. "Well, they didn't- they don't normally ever rebuild places because they break, even then- us humans have to destroy it ourselves." you state rather proudly
  1751. >You then proceed to walk up the steps with the girls, good to see that at least the /most/ retarded liberally overdesigned madhouses are enough to surprise even pinkie.
  1752. The tables in the middle only have a few college students sitting at it, and they're on laptops. They're pretty thin… too.
  1753. >A bright pink one is being used by some faggot with a fedora. Otherwise the guy looks like just some dude, in a dress shirt with rolled up sleeves along with black pants leading to some worn Adidas.
  1754.  
  1755. >You walk up to the librarian, whom has 'Barbara Ann' on her nameplate.
  1756. You cordially introduce yourself, explaining that "I'm anon, I need to use a computer."
  1757. >She simply replies "do you have a library card?"
  1758. >You fumble around in your pocket for your wallet, pulling out the laminated card.
  1759. "As a matter of fact-" you place it on the table. "I need to renew mine."
  1760. >She picks it up, and looks at the expiration date, does a bit of tapping and looks back at you.
  1761. >"eight fifty, please." she responds.
  1762. >You fumble around your wallet for a ten, which you hand to her.
  1763. "Keep the change." you say when she opens the bag of money.
  1764. >She nods and points you upstairs and to the right, where the computers are.
  1765. >You run over to the months old dells and boot it up.
  1766. >It starts with the 'windows 7 professional' screen before going into the basic desktop.
  1767. >With the other girls above you, oogling your working of the keyboard, you open up chrome and type in 'San Diego Chargers, Sunday Night Football-'
  1768. >You pause, before checking the date.
  1769. >You then continue, finishing off with 'Sunday, October 4th'
  1770. >A couple of things pop up, and you find that- yes. There is a football game with the… the Browns.
  1771. >Good to know that San Diego's got a chance.
  1772. >Now, to the walk.
  1773. >You close the pc down, and Twilight runs over to the other 'manga' section of the library.
  1774. >Rainbow runs over and tugs her collar, and the girls fall back in line.
  1775.  
  1776. >It's about ten thirty now. The games at 1:25, and your lunch destination so happens to be a sports bar with this whole 'surf city' thing going on. It overlooks the beach from two floors up and, if you land the good seats, you can be stunned at how beautiful the view is.
  1777. >You want the girls to see this.
  1778. >after that you grab about three gears and go screaming up the interstate ramp and down the i-5
  1779. >You pull off into mission valley and subsequently into your storage locker.
  1780. >You get another 500 dollars from the register and go off back towards the beach.
  1781. >By the time you get to mission beach it's noon, about right time for lunch.
  1782. >You pull into a Safeway parking lot and the four of you hitch a cabbie to the seaside.
  1783. >You get out and smell the salt, Pinkie smiling almost as hard as Rainbow.
  1784. >Twilight grabs a bit of the sand into her hand and pinches it between her fingers, prattling under her breath.
  1785. >But she returns after you signal her to 'come along'. Sand falling from her hands.
  1786. >You take a bit of a walk down the boardwalk, and turn off onto what is known as Belmont park.
  1787. >Belmont park wasn't too impressive, a few small 'kiddie rides' and a couple of tourist shops. But there were two things that really kept people coming back to this place.
  1788. >Well, three- but you have to really be here at near midnight for number three to apply.
  1789. >The four of you sit down on a nearby table.
  1790. >The Icecream shop and the Roller Coaster were the biggest attractions.
  1791. >Otherwise you walked the boardwalk or went to the beach.
  1792. >There were no 'surfing spots' in this particular area, that was reserved to pacific beach and a couple of spots north of where you were at.
  1793.  
  1794. >You turn to the girls, whom are fanning themselves on the table.
  1795. >"What now? Twilight says with a huff of inquiry.
  1796. >You simply mumble to yourself and play with your fingers before spouting-
  1797. "Okay. Coaster, then ice-cream."
  1798. >You point a finger at the large wooden structure, with perfect timing- as a railcar goes flying by at impressive speeds, the people on there screaming, one shouting 'KAMAKAZE MOTHERFU-'.
  1799. >They fly away before you could figure out what his second word was.
  1800. >"I wanna touch it" Rainbow says, clasping her hands together and a sparkle in her eye.
  1801. >Adversely, you audibly hear Sparkle cringe. And Pinkie just stares, admiring its intimidation factor.
  1802. >You look over to Twilight.
  1803. "You don't have anything to worry about. Humans are very advanced and test everything greatly before allowing it to be run."
  1804. >she turns back.
  1805. >"I don't know, anon. I don't think I want to risk that. It's wood. And without magic I- Wood has it's limits."
  1806. >You chuckle.
  1807. "This coaster has been running solid for 20 years, being run hundreds of times a day."
  1808. >"We're jinxing it. I know we are." she replies.
  1809. "Then knock on wood."
  1810. >"I don't think I'm going to like living in a tree after this."
  1811. >You nearly drag twilight over the ticket booth, you pay the 32 dollars required for all four of you to run once.
  1812. >Each step up the ramp into the initial entrance is baby steps due to Twilight's respect for gravity.
  1813. >You give the teenager four tickets whom with a smile show you to the carts.
  1814. Reassuring twilight, you get into the middle and argue that "You should sit with me, you'll have a bit more comfort."
  1815. You tack on "The back is the most intense, so if you want, you should sit there."
  1816. >"Awesome!" she says, lost in a bit of ecstasy.
  1817. >About five more people get on, the people check the restraints and you set off.
  1818.  
  1819. >It lurches forward Twilight putting both hands on the rails with such intensity that boulder would feel soft.
  1820. >It dives down into a tunnel, and Twilight screams- Rainbow and pinkie falling inaline with her. You cackle, having ridden it nearly ten times now… it's just fun instead of adrenaline.
  1821. >Then it goes through the steady climb, Twilight's hair already frazzled all to hell.
  1822. >It stops at the top, and nosedives down, creating a feeling of impending doom.
  1823. >The sound grinds on Twilights Eardrums and compounds with her screaming
  1824. >She couldn't get off, and you knew it.
  1825. >You just hope that she doesn't like, disown you as a friend when she gets off.
  1826. >The ride seems over before it even started, and you four get off in the slur of the moment.
  1827. >Twilight has to sit down on the exit steps, and Rainbow runs up to hug you.
  1828. >With a cheer, she says "Tsar that was AWESOM-"
  1829. >Pinkie peels her off from spouting her generic rainbow-isms.
  1830. >It was about 1PM now, and about 25 minutes from kickoff, fifteen minutes from the second story sports bar, and about 20 minutes from tacos.
  1831. >You scoop up Twilight, whom is still is having a hard time comprehending what just happened.
  1832. >You four walk down the steps, with Twilight still silent.
  1833.  
  1834. >By the time you four had made their way down the beach to the bar it was about 10 after.
  1835. >Twilight finally speaks, saying "Because I could not stop for death…"
  1836. You turn, saying "Eh?"
  1837. >"…He kindly stopped for me."
  1838. "Twilight, you're scaring me."
  1839. >"The Carriage held just but ourselves and Immortality."
  1840. "Okay. Moving on."
  1841. >Twilight spoke more after that, finally getting a grip on herself.
  1842. >You made it upstairs and, whaddayaknow, they don't ID at the door.
  1843. >You sit down, and order for the girls, calling over four servings of fish tacos.
  1844. >The Commentators behind you were commenting on Phillip Rivers and 'his offense' while you guys waited.
  1845. >Finally the plates come over and, finally a bit hungry- you dig in.
  1846. >The taco stops five inches from your face, you could smell the oils drilling into your lungs.
  1847. With a huff, you say "I'm Guy Fiueri…" you see a bit of saliva slip from your lip.
  1848. "And… And we're rolling out looking for America's greatest d-dinners, drive-ins, and d-dives."
  1849. >You take a bite, Pinkie goes ahead as well, but not before squirting some lime juice on top of the cabbage.
  1850. >The Legendary Taco Went to war with your taste buds, finally San Diego was Flavortown, USA.
  1851. >And this was the national Fish.
  1852. "Holy shit- that was intense."
  1853. >You place the taco down and turn to watch some football.
  1854.  
  1855. >By the first half you and rainbow had bet on opposite teams to win.
  1856. >The other girls were admiring the 'Orange Crush' that was brought to them.
  1857. >The chargers were up a touchdown, and by half time Rainbow seemed to know the very basics of what was happening.
  1858. >the Browns had gotten a field goal, and were trailing by four points.
  1859. >It begun to look grim for rainbow dash after the Chargers kicked a field goal of their own, making it 10-3.
  1860. >The girls had burned through the four or five orange sodas by the end game, and you paid the waiter, plus tip of course.
  1861. >What kind of human would you be if you didn't pay tip?
  1862. >You four casually get up and walk out the door, down the steps, back down the beach.
  1863. >The group piles into a cab, and you head back to the store where your car is.
  1864. >In a moment you were back on the I-5 heading for the storage locker.
  1865. >You chirp into the gate, push your combination, and pull up to your locker.
  1866. >Ponk fires up again.
  1867. >"I want more orange soda, anon! you think we can get some more?"
  1868. >You jolt back-
  1869. "That stuff has more calories in it than a cupcake, you know that right?"
  1870. >Pinkie looks back at you, with a look that says 'and how many of those do you fucking think I eat a day? Kiddo.'
  1871. "You're right. Fine, on the way to the village we'll stop off for more."
  1872. >It was five at the time, and traffic would make it about 7 before you got to seaport village, the place you were going to both eat dinner and watch the sunset.
  1873. >You grab a few more 'Advanced Nuclear Physics Journals V1, 2, and 3.' and a 'Nuclear Physics vol1.' with a few normal 'Advanced Engineering' textbooks.
  1874.  
  1875. >You marvel just as much as Twilight on 'why do you have all these books'.
  1876. >It was really a mixture of kleptomaniacs and 'working at the campus library' that did it for you.
  1877. >Twilight just thought you were a librarian for the longest time.
  1878. >it took her a while to ask 'does this dude look like he knows the Dewey Decimal System?'
  1879. >Of course you knew her answer to that question, but you digress.
  1880. >You throw the books in the trunk and head off.
  1881.  
  1882. >After a bit of crafty weaving, you dive up a frontage road and get back into gaslamp.
  1883. >You park just outside of the seaport village, after checking your watch, it was about 6:30
  1884. >And the girls were hungry again.
  1885. >Ben and Jerry's and orange soda for Pinkie (and the girls, too.)
  1886. >Whats for dinner around here? You think to yourself.
  1887. >There's a bar nearby here, they sell steaks.
  1888. >That's too obvious.
  1889. >Ooh, there's that one hotdog joint.
  1890. >That'll probably be good enough.
  1891. "Okay! /That way/ is some of the best ice cream in the city."
  1892. >You point another direction.
  1893. "And the our dinner is /that way/."
  1894. >"Ooh!" Pinkie says.
  1895. >You expect her to say more, but she closes her mouth after that.
  1896. >Your head goes from side to side, switching from ice cream to food, gaging which was further away.
  1897. Earning a shock from your friends, you bellow "To the left!" before stoutly going left.
  1898.  
  1899. >After a bout of steps you're at the door for Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.
  1900. >Pinkie, knowing the drill, steps up to the counter and orders the 'Chocolate Americone Dream'.
  1901. >Rainbow Dash Doesn't want any, and twilight goes for vanilla.
  1902. >Of all the flavors, Twilight…
  1903. >You step up.
  1904. "One… err- give me that chocolate one there…"
  1905. >You point to a particularly tantalizing one.
  1906. >He scoops some into a bowl and divvies the goodies out, and you pay with a twenty dollar bill.
  1907. >After another bout of walking, you're standing at the docks area.
  1908. >A great revelation blows through your mind as you realize that the fucking Aircraft Carrier dubbed the 'Ronald Ragan' is sitting right in view.
  1909. >And all the other ships.
  1910. >You start shaking with excitement.
  1911. >You get to explain the military to these neigh vanilla ponies.
  1912. >Hell, one of them is eating van-
  1913. >You just notices that you used neigh in your sentence to yourself.
  1914. Chuckling, you say "Pony Humor" under your breath.
  1915. >Pinkie chuckles too- before adding "Good one, Anon."
  1916. >Bringing yourself back to light, you sit the girls down on the docks, faced right in sight of the glorious warship
  1917. "That, girls." you point to the grey mass of steel-
  1918. >You pause. Getting the girls attention.
  1919. "Is a man made ship."
  1920. >The eyes widen.
  1921. >"What's it for? It's huge… unnecessarily so."
  1922. >You gulp.
  1923. "It's- its made for shipping, naturally. It ships and delivers."
  1924. >'Yeah, like death.' you think to yourself.
  1925. >Pinkie Gasps and her jaw goes agape.
  1926. >Shit.
  1927.  
  1928. >You shake your head.
  1929. >'Sorry' you think.
  1930. >Pinkie nods, the other girls don't notice this exchange, with exception of the gasp.
  1931. >At that moment, Twilight turned and said something like 'that's a bit of an overreaction'
  1932. >Or at least you think she said that, all you heard was 'Overreaction'
  1933. >You start explaining their questions afterwards like nothing happened-
  1934. >How do you ship it?
  1935. >How does it not sink?
  1936. >Especially in rough conditions?
  1937. >You ask plenty of questions, pinkie even asks a few, like 'how do they get through ice without fire magic?
  1938. >She probably expected you to say something like 'Flamethrowers', and was surprised when you got into ice breaking.
  1939. >You didn't particularly know the ice breaking ways, but you were pretty sure that it was all in the shape.
  1940. >After a quick watch check, you find that it was '8:00'
  1941. >And that meant a sunset.
  1942. >You get up off the docks, and grab a few hot dogs, bringing them back to a few hungry females.
  1943. >They chomp the substance down, but neither you or Pinkie were hungry, so you opted to eat tomorrow.
  1944.  
  1945. >The sun was near to touch the water, and you started up with the deep thoughts.
  1946. >Pinkie gets Twilights attention, and says something like 'watch this'.
  1947. >You start thinking out loud.
  1948. "The Sun disappears for us, but rises elsewhere."
  1949. >…
  1950. "That's neat. You can't have a sunset without a sunrise for someone else."
  1951. >…
  1952. "There… there will always be someone looking east for their sunrise."
  1953. "And- without fail… it rises."
  1954. "We are those people a lot of the times, aren't we?" You turn your head to Twilight.
  1955. >Twilight nods, a bit of onion falling from her dinner.
  1956. "Where does the Sunlight end, and the Starlight begin?"
  1957. >"Are they not the same thing?" Twilight says.
  1958. "Doesn't Daytimes' ending bring darkness? Or- is it a gate to millions of it's brothers?"
  1959. >"The sunlight…" Twilight says. "It hand's itself off to the stars, and the moon, to watch us."
  1960. >Twilight starts up, saying "There's always balance in light and dark, you can't have darkness without light for someone else."
  1961. >"Even Celestia had to raise the moon. Even she had to experience darkness."
  1962. "But Luna was different, was she not?"
  1963. >Rainbow Dash and Pinkie are kind of agape at the conversation right now.
  1964. >"Luna found light in the darkness, she found beauty in it, a true optimist to find the stars in the darkness."
  1965. >Rainbow speaks up- "Don't forget her being banished because of her living in such darkness. Though."
  1966. >Twilight turns to Rainbow, saying "Yes. But now she's sees the value and vibrancy of the night, she did a thousand years ago, too- she rebelled when nobody else saw it. It was frustrating to her."
  1967. >"You're right."
  1968. >You're just smiling at them, and they quickly shake their heads.
  1969. "Now you see why I enjoy my sunsets. Here-"you say warmly, through your smile-"Let's get back to Equestria."
  1970.  
  1971. >You grab the books and assorted vinyls out of your ford's trunk and place them into a few small plastic milk crates.
  1972. >You smile at the thought of finally finding Billy Joel's 'The Essential'.
  1973. >Which means more dad rock for the train rides.
  1974. >The girls get out, and start for the mirror, you tell them to "just go ahead and jump, I'll be there in a moment."
  1975. >Of course, you will- but there are a few things that always have to be taken care of before you leave.
  1976. >Setting the crates down by the mirror, you head towards the surfboard shop.
  1977. >The guy who's almost always there isn't, and so you go and park the car out back of the shop yourself instead.
  1978. >You place the keys in your normal place in the car, and head to the mirror.
  1979. >Then you grab the two crates and eye yourself for blemishes in the mirror.
  1980. >And, with a sigh- you step back through.
  1981. >The transfers are always a bit disorienting for you, but it's always been manageable.
  1982. >You didn't drop any of your crates by miracle.
  1983. >This causes you to smile, you're getting a bit better at this.
  1984. >The shot of remembrance hits your brain as flashes of you smashing Queen's 'A night at the opera' on the floor after a milk crate had plummeted.
  1985. >Speaking of milk crates, You should start re-using them- you note. Twilight's castle is getting it's own room dedicated to the milk crates you've bought in the human world and discarded in equestria.
  1986. With a sigh, you breath "Real Human of you, Anon."
  1987. >You start out the door, the ponies must have went elsewhere.
  1988.  
  1989. >By the bottom of the steps you notice that it was night-time.
  1990. "Cool to think that the daytime and night-time cycle is synced up."
  1991. >You realize, with a snap of your fingers, that the train station is closed.
  1992. >But the three shouldn't have gone far.
  1993. >You'll just sleep in your own bed tonight, it's whatever.
  1994. >It's not like twilight has a dearth of rooms in the castle.
  1995. >A smile comes to your face as you remember the nine library corridor you found about three weeks in.
  1996. >Fucking procedurally generated architecture is a bitch.
  1997. >The smile leaves and your face goes to neutral as you think of places that are 'open' at night.
  1998. >Thoughts along the lines of 'that place by the salon?' and 'that saloon by the place?' flicker through your head as you just decide to go back into the castle and make some coffee.
  1999.  
  2000. >After making it back inside the castle, you grab some of that clear caffeinated coffee you've grown accustom to drinking.
  2001. >Then you go into the workshop, start on making something- but you've got writer's block.
  2002. >You decide to just go to sleep.
  2003. >When you wake up, You throw on a silk robe and head downstairs.
  2004. >You chuckle when you remember that Rarity has the exact robe.
  2005. >Nobody expected you to point at Rarity's evening gown and say 'Three of these please.'
  2006. >Rarity herself just smiled and complemented your taste.
  2007. >Drat, you're in your head again. What were you doing?
  2008. >You realize that you're boiling some water on some magic heating pad of some sort.
  2009. >It's operated strangely, and Twilight told you the process.
  2010. You lightheartedly spout "Bring it aaarouund towwwn!" when making sure the water doesn't boil over.
  2011. >You pour some oats, cut some apples, and pour the water over all that.
  2012. >Then you put it down on the table and start going at it.
  2013. >You hear the regular thud of Twilight falling on her face, off the bed, and on the floor.
  2014. >She always does this. You don't know why.
  2015. >Might just be a horse thing. Humans are built properly, the legs bending opposite of a ponies'.
  2016. >Properly.
  2017. >That word rings a bit. Are you becoming an elitist?
  2018. >You were always an elitist.
  2019. >You make a slight gesture of agreement to the air, like the hydrogen was convincing you and not your brain.
  2020. >You hear the tap, tap, tapping of Twilight going down the steps.
  2021.  
  2022. >Then she gasps. And you hear the signature *POOF* of her teleporting.
  2023. >She's next to you now. You hear her whisper "Shit."
  2024. >Then She Poofs away, you went to grab at her to get an explanation, but she was already gone.
  2025. >Pinkie came back through the door in Twilight's absence.
  2026. >"Tsar! Nonny! We need to talk!"
  2027. >You look up, swallowing the last of your oats.
  2028. "Hmm?"
  2029. >"You were, uhh- We were… gone. For a while."
  2030. "How long is a while, ponk-"
  2031. >Twilight poofs back in the room in a panic, Rainbow Dash gets in too.
  2032. >Through breaths, Twilight spouts. "We need to talk."
  2033. "Way ahead of you there, Twiggle."
  2034. >You turn your head back to Pinkie.
  2035. "How long were we gone?"
  2036. >Pinkie turns her head to Twilight.
  2037. >Twilight gets the message, and breaths in.
  2038.  
  2039. >"Four months."
  2040. >"Four months and one week, for you" Twilight finishes.
  2041. "What?!"
  2042. >You breath in sharply and get up quickly.
  2043. >"Take your time." Twilight sarcastically says.
  2044. >You kick in.
  2045. >You've taken your time.
  2046. >You have a thought.
  2047. "Even worse being that we told nearly nobody when we left."
  2048. >"You're right- We were thought to have been kidnaped by you." Twilight tacks on.
  2049. "That’s been fixed up hopefully."
  2050. >A sharp pain crawls through your temple as you have a troubling thought.
  2051. "How's the colony?"
  2052. >"I've not an idea, we need to speak to celestia.
  2053. "Is anything wrong? What's wrong?"
  2054. >Your mind starts reeling at her next sentence.
  2055. >"It's- it's really bad, anon. We need to go see Celestia- she can tell you."
  2056. >You joust both your hands to your chest and out a little bit, making a 'hold it' gesture.
  2057. "Oh, no- no, Twilight. You tell me. Is the colony a failure? Did my people die?"
  2058. >"We have to see Celes-"
  2059. "I need to know, Twilight."
  2060. >"We don't-"
  2061. "To hell you don’t! You know exactly what's happening! Why can't you just tell me."
  2062. >"NONNY!"
  2063. >You jump and get in a stance of stability.
  2064. >You're taken aback a little bit. You've never heard Pinkies 'anger voice' before.
  2065. >"Take a look at the mare in the mirror, Anon. You're starting to make Twilight cry. She didn't do anything!"
  2066. >You had started to protest, but you know in your mind that you couldn't argue with Pinkie. That's just not the relationship between you two.
  2067. "Fine." You say. "let's get to Canterlot."

Pinkie grimmmie story

by Drostapena

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