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Mongolanon

By nullposter
Created: 2021-03-02 01:57:04
Expiry: Never
shitpostcomedy/aie/lyra heartstrings

  1. Author is unknown, not mine.
  2. Saved for posterity.
  3. >You are Anon the Mongolian horseman larper from 24rd century Mongolia.
  4. >You are strong!
  5. >You flex in the mirror of your flat.
  6. >You are intelligent!
  7. >You gaze at your tasteful traditional Funko Pop collection of ancient Mongolian artifacts and art.
  8. >You are beautiful!
  9. >Your wide waistline was imposing to all enemies who approached you!
  10. >You appreciate your supremely good taste in outfit. The garb of your ancestors, the garb of a true warrior of Tengri!
  11. >It's wasn't a phase dads!
  12. >You were getting very good at being bored inside your flat.
  13. >You could only sack china, the world, and space, so many times on the PS102 universe simulator.
  14. >Life was getting very boring.
  15. >The pleasures of the city-tower were also dumb and stupid.
  16. >Socializing? The people of the tower knew nothing of the old and superior Mongolian culture!
  17. >Walking? Exercise was hard and he wanted to Horse around! Not use a stupid hover-board. Horses were the patrician choice.
  18. >Dumb tower government not allowing horses into the halls.
  19. >Working? That was just lame.
  20. >The twenty hour work week standard was just crushing, stupid wagecucks.
  21. >Cleanliness or some shit.
  22. >Dumb faggot dads not letting him get horse.
  23. >Dumb police not letting him outside with a free horse to range across the polluted sun-burnt steppes.
  24. >Something about horses being an endangered species or some stupid shit like that.
  25. >Something had to change.
  26. >It was time to act.
  27. >You would discover the life of your ancestors, in person, if it was the last thing you did.
  28. >That stupid ass social worker from Russia saying he cared and stupid bullshit like that like bringing some actual fruit.
  29. >He lured you in with the fruit and compliments on your patrician taste in clothing and about how other people in the tower wouldn't mind.
  30. >Of course they wouldn't mind! The reason everyone looked at you when you exited your flat was because they awe-struck.
  31. >Sweatpants and Shirts couldn't compare to traditional warrior clothing!
  32. >After complimenting you he told you that you should get a job.
  33. >No faggot foreigner tells Anon to get a job!
  34. >You yelled at him for 15 minutes straight for being a faggot and then kicked him out of your flat.
  35. >You still haven't eaten the fruit.
  36. >You winded down by playing some World Simulator.
  37. >A realization came to you after sacking Russia as revenge.
  38. >Igor was going to report to the tower government some of the very nasty words you said.
  39. >Your sugar rations for the nutrient paste!
  40. >They were gonna take away your PS102!
  41. >Your speakers suddenly blared.
  42. >"Citizen, Anon, report to the disputes section at the top of the tower for reevaluation or face fines."
  43. >Fuck that shit.
  44. >Your going to the bottom of the tower.
  45. >After navigating the over-complicated halls you reach your destination.
  46. >Customs.
  47. >The person manning it looked tired, no doubt due to the overwhelming hours.
  48. "Brother Citizen of Glorious peoples Mongolian tower! I require exit!"
  49. >"Can't do that. Do you have your paperwork with you?"
  50. "You see, I have an Uber picking me up very shortly outside! I can see how tired you are and all and if you could just let me through this could all get sorted out later! I even have some real fruit for you!"
  51. >You hand him the fruit Igor gave you.
  52. >He looked it over blankly before nodding.
  53. >"Yeah, sure, go on through friend."
  54. >Fucking heat. He didn't even bring his cooling jacket like last time."
  55. >Hovering on your hover-board across the steppe was boring.
  56. >It was just empty.
  57. >Last time you escaped the authoritarian confines of the tower it was also boring, so you just went back.
  58. >There weren't even any horses out here.
  59. >Just UV rays that hurt your skin if you weren't garbed like you were.
  60. >You would have thanked Igor for your escape if escape wasn't so boring.
  61. >Maybe you should go back and chill in your flat and apologize.
  62. >As you ruminated on what to do while moving forward with a blank expression, something happened.
  63. >You spotted something in the distance.
  64. >Something...
  65. >Purple.
  66. >But more importantly.
  67. >Horse shaped.
  68. >It was a small blur but you know your horse shapes.
  69. >It was becoming smaller every instant you moved at your slow hovering pace.
  70. >You adjusted your hover-board to go as fast it could.
  71. >You sped across the plains with as much speed as lumbering civilization destroying blob like in the fantasy cartoons.
  72. >Tower be damned.
  73. >Igor be damned.
  74. >Dads be damned.
  75. >Smoking and laboring hover-board be damned.
  76. >You were going to catch that purple horse.
  77. "HORSE! DO NOT RUN FROM ME! INSTEAD, COME TO ME! I WISH TO RIDE YOU!" you yelled with the strength of a whole army.
  78. >In the distance the purple blur ran away at an even faster pace.
  79. >Fuck.
  80. >Your Tesla(TM) hover-board was running out of energy now to.
  81. >If you kept going you wouldn't have enough charge to get back.
  82. >...
  83. >Fucking horses on PS102 didn't run away from you.
  84. >This was the worse consumer experience you have ever had with a horse.
  85. >But this was a real horse!
  86. >You were going to catch that shit even if it meant you had to die.
  87. >Or more likely just wait a day to be rescued and scolded by the tower-government.
  88. >The purple horse didn't seem to mind the stinky ashy air that was burning your lungs.
  89. >So you, a strong and brave Mongolian warrior wouldn't either.
  90. >And there it went.
  91. >It outran you.
  92. >FUCK.
  93. >...
  94. >YES!
  95. >Horses didn't know that intelligent and scholarly Mongolian warriors could track them based on the imprints on the ground!
  96. >You followed the tracks for thirty minutes until your hover-board suddenly lost track.
  97. >A little exercise was needed for such a good prize.
  98. >You walked for five minutes more until the tracks...
  99. >Suddenly ended.
  100. >How the fuck can tracks suddenly end that doesn't make sense.
  101. >You try to see if they continue anywhere else, as if a horse could hide its tracks.
  102. >But it didn't.
  103. >The hoof-prints ended at this spot particularly in a circle shaped print on the ground.
  104. >How did that get there?
  105. >It just wasn't fair.
  106. >You just standing there like a joke in a circle carved in the ground after doing so much.
  107. >After you traveled so far from the comforting confines of the tower.
  108. >After you gave Igor's fruit away.
  109. >After you destroyed your prized hover-board.
  110. >After you worked up a huge sweat actually walking around.
  111. >The horse just disappears.
  112. >It wasn't fair.
  113. >You cry, your tears moistening the long since unmoistened ground, flowing into the edges of the circle-hoof-whatever-print.
  114. >You found something that was unfindable, you found your dream, and now its lost again.
  115. >You let yourself fall limp to the ground and you scream with the pain of a thousand mid-life crises.
  116. >Suddenly, something in the corner of your vision started glowing.
  117. >Great, tower police were gonna pick you up and tell you that you can't go on adventures on the dead steppe to find a purple horse.
  118. >Wait a second.
  119. >It was coming from below you.
  120. >Your tears had flowed into the circular print in the ground and were now glowing.
  121. >There was also now a small green hole in the center of the circle.
  122. >Did a wizard from an alternate dimension make a portal that a horse accidently went through like in one of those American animes?
  123. >You did the only rational thing you could and touched it magical hole in the ground.
  124. >Suddenly everything went white.
  125. >You are Twilight Spergle.
  126. >After creating a portal to another dimension you have settled on never entering another, ever.
  127. >The magical atmosphere was functionally dead making spells like teleportation impossible and very basic spells very difficult.
  128. >The actual atmosphere wasn't in much better of a condition.
  129. >You saw a winged metal thing flying through the slightly smokey air and began following the oddity.
  130. >As you were following it's trail you saw it.
  131. >It was a very interesting, very fascinating overdressed and levitating bipedal creature!
  132. >You decided to observe it from a distance and take notes on it as carefully as you could.
  133. >It was easy to spy on it considering it just looked down at the ground most of the time as it was hovering.
  134. >After doing an immensely difficult basic scrying spell it seemed to be levitating somehow without magic.
  135. >It even had some very interesting digits at the end of it's hands it kept rubbing against each other.
  136. >After twenty seven minutes of observing it just moving forward and looking around every once in a while you decided it was time to head home.
  137. >As you were rushing back to the portal to escape this hellish world you heard it.
  138. >Somehow the creature spoke had spoke Equestrian.
  139. >What it said was horrifying!
  140. >It called you a 'Whorse', and wished to 'Ride' you.
  141. >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  142. >After running back as fast as you could you activated the portal back to Equestria.
  143. >It felt excellent to actually feel ambient magic around you as well as to calm down over potentially being raped by a strange creature.
  144. >You also decide to destroy the portal to the hell.
  145. >After a three minutes and twenty two seconds of spellcraft all traces of the portal are gone forever.
  146. >That is, until a small hole reappeared at the location of the portal ten minutes later.
  147. >Looking into it, you saw five familiar digits peeking through the hole.
  148. >This shouldn't be possible!
  149. >Was this the rapist creature?
  150. >How did the creature open the portal again?
  151. >It would have required very powerful magic, either ancient magic or alicorn magic, and there was barely enough magic for anything on the other side!
  152. >Don't panic Twilight!
  153. >The creature that tried to rape you couldn't be like a super powerful alicorn creature or something that was hunting you down across space time!
  154. >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
  155. >You see a pair of somethings grabbing the edges of the small portal and ripping it open... they were on your side of the portal.
  156. >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
  157. >You run out of your bedroom and magically reinforce the door out of it with all the reinforcing spells you know.
  158.  
  159. >You are Anon the Mongolian Warrior!
  160. >Everything is still white.
  161. >You suddenly feel a sense of space after not feeling anything at all.
  162. >You also see Genghis Khan himself in front of you.
  163. >Yep, this must be an end of life dream.
  164. >"Anon."
  165. >You bow as is Mongolian custom to the great khan, who is most probably a figment of your imagination.
  166. "My Ancestor! Are you a figment of my imagination or have you come to help me?"
  167. >"Stay still Anon," he says in a very authoritative voice.
  168. >You decided to comply with the figment.
  169. >He steps in front of you in a dignified manner and rips and grabs hold around where your hand is, and then rips open a hole in the white void. Through it you see what looks like a flat wall of crystals.
  170. >"Anon you huge fucking faggot you disappoint me and your whole fucking race since the foundation of time you fat ignorant piece of shit. Get outta here. And if you try to come back I will personally kick your ass somewhere worse. "
  171. >He shoves you through the hole.
  172. "What the fuck?!"
  173. >You are Anonmongolian.
  174. >Turns out that you weren?t dying and you were potentially kicked out of your dimension by either your subconscious.
  175. >It couldn?t be Genghis Khan, your idol, that hates you!
  176. >Just that your manifested subconscious that hates you!
  177. >Yeah!
  178. >You are on your back staring up at a crystally domed ceiling and you feel something hard and flat on your back.
  179. >Turns out that the crystal wall was actually a crystal floor.
  180. >You get up and dust yourself off
  181. >Looking around maybe this is the house of the Wizard who lost his purple horse.
  182. >You should tell him you lost his horse, you have committed very grave crime against him.
  183. >You try to exit but the door is locked tight.
  184. >You imagined you heard a sound outside it but that was silly
  185. >You look through the cabinets and find some oddly shaped fancy clothing and a fancy small saddle.
  186. >You presume it's a lady wizard with how lady-like all the clothes and the riding saddle looked.
  187. >If this sorceress rode small horses in her house she was the best wizard.
  188. >You had to find this lady wizard, she was possibly the best horse loving bro you never had.
  189. >You try to exit again but the door still seems locked.
  190. "Hello? Anyone like a possible lady wizard out there?"
  191. >There was no response.
  192. >You decide to lay down on the bed and find that it?s really comfy, more comfy than even your bed.
  193. >Lady wizard had good taste in beds.
  194. >You fall into a light sleep.
  195. >You are Starlight Glimmer
  196. >You are walking down the halls of the Castle of Friendship to ask Twilight for some advice about your duties at the school.
  197. >That being that you don?t really do anything at all.
  198. >You didn?t find Twilight at any of her usual spots but found her at the door to her bedroom sweating an amount you didn?t know a pony could sweat.
  199. >?Twilight what?s goi-??
  200. >She magically shuts your mouth and moves you right next to her.
  201. >?Starlight! There?s a powerful rapist alicorn monster in my bedroom that tracked me across spacetime and I need to get the elements! Keep it in there no matter what!?
  202. >?Twilight are you sure??
  203. >?Keep your voice down!?
  204. >She teleports away.
  205. >You hear a voice from inside the room
  206. ?Hello! I heard someone speaking out there. Are you the wizard who teleported me here??
  207. >Hmmm. How do you approach this situation...
  208. >?Yes! I am!?
  209. ?Oh great! Im sorry and I hope you?re not angry because I lost your horse on the other side the portal.?
  210. >?What did this ?Whorse? look like stranger??
  211. ?Well it was purple. I couldn?t really see anything much closer than that.?
  212. >?Well how did you lose my whorse??
  213. ?Well I was just taking a stroll and then I saw a purple horse and I really wanted to ride it!?
  214. >?Why did you want to ride my whorse?!?
  215. >You were enjoying every moment of calling Twilight a whorse.
  216. ?I'm sorry! I thought you would also be a huge horse lover considering the saddle in your cabinet.?
  217. >?Where were you going to ride my horse??
  218. ?Oh everywhere! After getting some protection for both me and it we could ride to all sorts of places and countries!?
  219. >?What stamina! You would really ride her everywhere??
  220. ?Of course! I am filled with the vitality of my ancestors!
  221. >You didn?t know Twilight had a saddle of all things in her cabinet.
  222. >How kinky!
  223. >What could possibly be so attractive about Twilight to the stallion?
  224. >Maybe that meant you had a chance with him!
  225. >?Now about the saddle in the cabinet, what does it look like??
  226. ?Well it?s kinda small and lady looking, any saddle is a good saddle I guess. You must be like my soul-friend if you ride horses around your house. That's my dream!?
  227. >?I don?t ride whorses! I mean I uh like it the other way around! Being ridden I mean!?
  228. >Erotic hint landing in 3, 2 1...
  229. ?Oh uh um. I um- Uh- Maybe- Pardon? I?m not sure I understand wizard-lady.?
  230. >?What?! Am I not enough of a whorse for you??
  231. ?Uh, I'm pretty sure you aren?t a horse.?
  232. >You didn?t have much experience with stallions but this was the most frustrating one you ever met.
  233. >The stallion hadn?t even seen you and you still weren?t good enough for him?
  234. >Did your voice sound that much like a stallion?s that he thought you were one?
  235. >Was that why he wanted to ride whorses with you?
  236. >The stallion just wasn?t making sense at all!
  237. >Despite Twilight?s instructions you had to see the stallion for yourself.
  238. >Obviously he wasn?t a rapist alicorn creature from another dimension!
  239. >He wasn?t forward enough to be a rapist!
  240. >?Listen Mr.?...?
  241. ?It?s Anon?
  242. >?Alright, be a good little stallion and be silent while I concentrate on unlocking this door.?
  243.  
  244. >You are Anonmongolian again.
  245. >The way Wizard-Lady pronounced the words Horse and Ride both seemed very odd.
  246. >The whole being ridden thing she said, and calling you a stallion...
  247. >You were very confused, and somewhat scared.
  248. >The powerful wizard-lady couldn?t be some sort of evil-wizard-horse-fetish-dominatrix could she?
  249. >Oh my.
  250. >You had to get out of here now
  251. >Maybe the window...
  252. >Turns out the window was locked and the lock was to high for you to reach.
  253. >You couldn't see out of the window because of the light shining into it.
  254. >"How are you doing in there? I almost have the door open."
  255. >FUCK.
  256. "I'm fine? What are you g-g-gonna do when you get in here?"
  257. >You hope she couldn't sense the fear in your voice.
  258. >"Anything you want! Do you also have a history of enslaving entire villages? We can be best friends!"
  259. >FUCK.
  260. >This psycho-bitch is some sort of evil-magical-chinese chairman.
  261. >THINK ANON THINK.
  262. >Game time Anon.
  263. >You gotta survive this shit.
  264. >You see a telescope.
  265. >You unfasten the tube from the tripod in only a few seconds, and wielding it like an axe swing it at the bottom of the window, shattering the glass very loudly.
  266. >"What are you DOING IN THERE?! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET OUT?! WHY?"
  267. >FUCK.
  268. >She was going to send you to a magical chinese concentration camp or some bullshit.
  269. "I REFUSE!" you yell at the door.
  270. >You are Anonmongolian!
  271. >You wouldn't stand for chinese tricks!
  272. >You will channel the great inner power of your ancestors into surviving!
  273. >You begin to hoist yourself out of the window, holding onto the frame.
  274. >You were very thankful the window frame was hard crystal and not something that would bend under your weight.
  275. >You immediately noticed the fact that you were forty or so feet above the ground.
  276. >FUCK.
  277. >So maybe climbing out wasn't an option-
  278. >You hear a door slam open from inside the room.
  279. >FUCK.
  280. >YOU ARE FUCKED.
  281. >You hear movement below you.
  282. >"GIRLS! UP THERE! THE MONSTER IS HANGING FROM THE WINDOW!"
  283. >Almost directly below you are six small colorful horses wearing six pieces of jewelry.
  284. >Hey there's that purple horse you thought you lost.
  285. >"YOU'RE TRYING TO CLIMB OUT OF THE WINDOW? DO YOU KNOW HOW HIGH UP THAT IS? YOU BROKE TWILIGHT'S PRIZED TELESCOPE SHE USES AT TWILIGHT?"
  286. >"STARLIGHT YOU LET IT BREAK MY TELESCOPE? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP IT LOCKED IN THERE LIKE I SAID!"
  287. >"SHUTUP! IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE WINGS AND I DON'T HUSSY?!"
  288. >"STARLIGHT WHAT THE BUCK?!"
  289. >The horses were talking...
  290. >The purple horses were talking...
  291. >You breathe the clean air, take a gander at the shining sun and majestically blue skies.
  292. >You observe the talking horses.
  293. >BY TENGRI THIS IS NO HELL.
  294. >Yep!
  295. >THIS IS SOME SORT OF PERSONAL HORSEY PARADISE.
  296. >Interrupting your thoughts of joy, wonder, and appreciation of the universe , was a cyan blur that knocks your hands loose from their death-grasp of the frame.
  297. >FUCK.
  298. >...
  299. >You haven't fallen yet?
  300. >You see a light purple glow through your closed eyes.
  301. >WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
  302. >Was this divine intervention for your good deeds?!
  303. >You open your eyes and see a light purple horse with oversized eyes staring at you intently, with a light purplish glow around it's horn.
  304. >...
  305. >A HORN?
  306. >Huh. That's awesome as shit!
  307. >"STARLIGHT LET GO!" you hear from below you.
  308. >"IT'S TO HIGH!"
  309. >"IT'S A MAGICAL MONSTER FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION STARLIGHT! THE FALL WON'T KILL IT!"
  310. >"I WON'T LET GO OF HIM TWILIGHT! YOU JUST WANT HIM FOR YOURSELF!"
  311. >A dark purple light beam hits the lighter purple horse in the face, causing her to immediately fall limp.
  312. >FUCK YOU'RE FALLING.
  313.  
  314. >FUCK.
  315. >FUCKING FUCK.
  316. >YOUR SPINE HURTS.
  317. >IS THAT A BONE JUTTING OUT OF YOUR FUCKING LEG?
  318. >WHY IS HALF OF YOUR VISION RED?
  319. >THE PAIN.
  320. >EVERYTHING HURTS.
  321. >"THE ELEMENTS GIRLS! QUICK!"
  322. >Before you can interpret what's actually around you a blinding rainbow of color floods all over you.
  323. >IT HURTS EVEN MORE.
  324. >WHAT THE FUCK.
  325. >HOW COULD SOMETHING HURT THIS MUCH?
  326. >You black out.
  327. >Be Twilight Sparkle.
  328. >You see something buttery yellow directly in front of you.
  329. >It was Fluttershy!
  330. >She yelled at you with such force that it forced you out of shock.
  331. >Maybe you overestimated the capabilities of the creature in the fear of moment?
  332. >Another lesson to always use cold-hard-logic to solve problems!
  333. >...
  334. >You should probably apologize to it when it wakes up.
  335. >It probably was just confused!
  336. >...
  337. >Why the buck would it try to get out of the window?!
  338. >Why the buck did it have to do something so bucking stupid?!
  339. >At least the elements didn't seem to have any effect on it...
  340. >Proving that in fact that it wasn't evil.
  341. >...
  342. >Fluttershy was still glaring at you.
  343. >She glared at you the glare of glares.
  344. >The Stare.
  345. >"You are GOING to take care of that poor, innocent, creature Twilight! We made a mistake here!"
  346. >You simply nod in compliance.
  347. >How much violent intent and terror could be communicated with just a glance...
  348. >That's why you wrapped the creature in nineteen stasis spells, many of which were around internal organs.
  349. >You also couldn't apologize to it-
  350. >-to him if he were dead.
  351. >You didn't understand enough of it's biology to dare a healing spell, so you used stasis spells instead.
  352. >On the topic of healing...
  353. >Somepony was going to have to figure out how to fix that lower digestive tract.
  354. >Parts of it were just gone.
  355. >With a closer look at the creature, it was very similar to Tirek.
  356. >And the world it came from was like a copy to the one where Tirek drained all the magic from Equestria.
  357. >Maybe there was some sort of connection?
  358. >Interrupting your thoughts Fluttershy gestured to Rainbow Dash.
  359. >The two pegasi lifted the creature on their backs and rushed in the direction of the hospital flying closely together.
  360. >Was Fluttershy flying faster than usual or Dash slower?
  361. >You and the others all followed them.
  362. >You would have flown but you appreciated the company of your other friends.
  363. >Somehow, somepony, had to make this right.
  364. >You and your friends were all gathered in the waiting room of the Ponyville Hospital.
  365. >The creature was in a closed room surrounded by a dozen nurse ponies and Fluttershy, who was a hidden prodigy of animal biology.
  366. >It made a lot of sense considering her experience with animals.
  367. >Nopony was good for conversation at the moment.
  368. >There wasn't much to hang around for, knowing that the creature was being cared for.
  369. >You teleported back to the Castle of Friendship after everyone but Fluttershy left.
  370. >You quickly undid the sleeping spell you casted on Starlight.
  371. >"Twilight! What did you do?!"
  372. >"You were right, turns out that it wasn't as dangerous as I thought. I?m so sorry for-"
  373. >"Where is it?! You didn't kill it, did you?"
  374. >"It's at the hospital and-"
  375. >And she was gone.
  376. >Maybe you should have taken the time to talk to it like Starlight had.
  377. >A bright light blinded you for a moment while you were looking through the shattered lens of your twilight-time telescope.
  378. >A sphere of strange grey magic floated at the former location of the portal.
  379. >It suddenly burst into a harsher light.
  380. >You felt a powerful surge of strange magic somewhere over the Everfree forest.
  381. >You tried to pinpoint it's location, but you were interrupted by another magical surge near the first one that felt like the wild magic of the Everfree itself.
  382. >What was going on?
  383. >?Spike!?
  384. >He quickly rushed in with quill and paper in hand.
  385. >?Twilight! What?s going on? The room is a mess!?
  386. >"Spike, I need to send a letter to the Princess. You'll understand while you write the letter!"
  387. >?Okay..."
  388. >"Dear Princess Celestia
  389. It all started a week ago with Starswirl. Using his findings about magical contamination at the Centaur lands, I created and used a portal to another universe. First what happened was?
  390. ?lastly, I request you visit Ponyville to help investigate any unforeseen effects of the spell and how to send the creature home.
  391.  
  392. Your faithful student,Twilight Sparkle?
  393.  
  394. >You are Mongolianon.
  395. >You had the weirdest and most vivid dream?
  396. >You went to a magical talking horse land and without even realizing it you?
  397. >Fell out of a window and died.
  398. >Huh.
  399. >This wasn?t your apartment.
  400. >It was some sort of old hospital looking place full of empty beds, and what you were laying on was two smaller beds pushed together.
  401. >You look out of the window and see blue skies and green grass.
  402. >That coupled with the fact that almost every part of your body mildly hurt and several parts of it were in casts...
  403. >Meant that it wasn?t a dream!
  404. >Fuck what now.
  405. >Hmmm?
  406. >You would talk to the talking horses!
  407. >What did talking horses even talk about?
  408. >Just go with your gut Anon!
  409. >And then you would frolic in the sunshine!
  410. >You were disappointed that your prized clothes were gone, but you still had your hat and you were feeling to wholesome in this paradise-land.
  411. >In their place was a hospital gown, which was actually pretty comfy for a piece of cloth hanging from your neck.
  412. >Now to exit the building and find the talking horses.
  413. >You could navigate through the hospital to the official exit and potentially meet some horses that way?
  414. >But that was boring.
  415. >You?ve made a habit of climbing out of windows and you wouldn?t be stopped now.
  416. >You open the window and climb out of it slowly, taking care not to hurt yourself.
  417. >You decide to head in the direction of the most noticeable landmark as well as where you probably got injured, the shining crystal structure.
  418. >To get to it you would have to cross what seemed to be a whole town, hopefully talking to many horses.
  419. >You have a very odd feeling of being watched...
  420.  
  421. >Be Starlight Glimmer.
  422. >You walk into an empty hospital room.
  423. >..........
  424. >He ran away from you, AGAIN.
  425. >Through the window, AGAIN.
  426. >THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHECKING ON HIM EVERYDAY?
  427. >You should tell Twilight that he escaped.
  428.  
  429. >Be Mongolianon.
  430. >The feeling of being watched leaves as you enter the town itself.
  431. >Many of the horses seem to have horns and wings, all of them have some sort of flank-branding.
  432. >You approach one and introduce yourself.
  433. ?Hello! My name is Anon-?
  434. >And it disappeared into a building.
  435. >You were pretty sure you heard the door locking to.
  436. >The process repeats a few times, each time some surrounding horses leave until the street is completely empty.
  437. >This was pretty lame.
  438. >There were some horses in the distance in some sort of marketplace.
  439. >And a stand.
  440. >A fruit stand.
  441. >Full of fresh juicy apples.
  442. >Your vision focuses and you walk with pure determination to the fruit stand, completely ignoring your surroundings.
  443. >You bump into something and trip
  444. >You get up and see that what bumped into you is a horned mint horse.
  445. >It was staring at you, intently.
  446. >You were staring at it, intently.
  447. >This continued for a minute.
  448. >It was staring at you the same way you were staring at it.
  449. >Creepy...
  450. >?I knew it! Humans are real!?
  451. ?Uhhhh??
  452. >?Oh my gosh I?m not crazy! This is amazing!?
  453. ?Huh??
  454. >?Are you real??
  455. >She touches her muzzle to you.
  456. >"You're real!"
  457. ?Uh-huh.?
  458. >?Are those h-h-h-h-hands?!?
  459. ?Uh-huh.?
  460. >She was staring intensely at your hands.
  461. >You were talking to a talking horse!
  462. >Come on Anon!
  463. >You can channel something smarter to say with your brilliant mind!
  464. >Something witty! Something to the point!
  465. ?I WISH TO RIDE YOU.?
  466. >?Really?? she says as she looks back up to your face.
  467. >Say something else Anon!
  468. >You can do it! Something elegant that expresses your inner feelings!
  469. ?I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE VERY CUTE.?
  470. >Her face turns a shade of red before looking back up at you.
  471. >?I?ve imagined this exact fantasy! I love you to!?
  472. >Say something else!
  473. ?THIS IS ALSO MY FANTASY, MINT HORSE!?
  474. >?You should come to my house! It?s close! Please??
  475. ?OKAY! CAN I RIDE YOU TO YOUR HOUSE??
  476. >Her face immediately goes extremely red, before she looked nervously down the direction you came.
  477. >?Not now! At my house! Just follow me okay? Quickly! ?
  478. >You do as she says and follow.
  479. >Nothing bad could potentially come of this!
  480. >You are Mongolianon.
  481. >While following the mint mare, a heart-wrenching realization hits you.
  482. >You might not know that much about horses.
  483. >Or people.
  484. >Or women...
  485. >Much less female-people-horses.
  486. >It would have been much easier to just find a regular horse and ride off into the sunset.
  487. >However, the best wasn?t always easy, and these horses were much better than the actual ones you never saw.
  488. >They were very cute!
  489. >And colorful!
  490. >And expressive!
  491. >You wondered why her eyes flicked with worry looking at that purple horse flying around where you just left.
  492. >Were purple horses bad omens?
  493. >Eventually she stopped at a building.
  494. >?So Mr??
  495. >This must be her house.
  496. >?Do you have a name Mr. Human??
  497. ?Huh? Yeah, it?s Anonymous, the intelligent and handsome. That?s actually my official title where I?m from.?
  498. >?Oh, well, I?m so excited to finally meet a human! Do all humans have titles??
  499. ?Nope, most don?t. I?m a really big deal back where I?m from.?
  500. >?Really?! That?s amazing! Maybe you can help me look over some ancient human artifacts then!?
  501. >The door still wasn't open yet.
  502. >You decide to wait for her to open it, however horses open doors without hands.
  503. >?Um, could you open the door with your h-h-hands Anon the intelligent and handsome??
  504. >?Uh, okay??
  505. >As you open the door you hear a moan from the mare. Was she sick?
  506. ?Are you alright??
  507. >?Yes! I?m just so excited about all the fun we?re going to have Mr. Anon!?
  508. ?What do you mean??
  509. >?Well I?ve always known that humans exist and then you just show up and profess your love to me!?
  510. ?I did that??
  511. >?Yep! Now make yourself welcome and everything, after you.?
  512. >You walk in and let yourself recline on a couch.
  513. >The couch and the house were comfy.
  514. >A moment later the horse climbs onto the couch and snuggles into your side in a particularly human like posture.
  515. >Dawwww.
  516. >You hug the mint horse.
  517. >Life is pretty good.
  518. >You are Lyra.
  519. >The rumors about a creature from another dimension were true, it bumped into you, and turned out to be the mythical creature of your dreams, a human.
  520. >No one believed you before, but now they had no choice but to believe you!
  521. "So, you horses have names then I assume?"
  522. >"Yes, I'm so happy you asked, my name is Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings!"
  523. >He brought his eyes to your flank and-
  524. "Is your name at all related to your butt-brand?"
  525. >Butt-Brand? Maybe he meant cutie-marks, did humans not have cutie-marks?
  526. >Also you were disappointed he wasn't looking at your flanks.
  527. >"It's a cutie-mark, everypony gets them at a certain age and they signify a ponies purpose, mine is music for example, more specifically the lyre."
  528. "Man I wish I had a destiny-signifying butt-mark."
  529. >He just sits there, next to you, cuddling you, his fingers moving once in a while through your coat.
  530. >You felt something wet against the couch.
  531. "How do you even know about humans?"
  532. >"Yay, that's my favorite subject! I've always had an inkling that you people existed but when I discovered a reference to humans in a very old book at Canterlot I've just been obsessed with you mythical beasts ever since!"
  533. "Do you mind telling me why you're obsessed with humans by any chance?"
  534. >"Something just feels right about Humans! Like your species is something-
  535. "Something important but missing that you have had a longing for your whole life?"
  536. >EEEEEE~
  537. >He knew your feelings!
  538. >"Exactly! How did you know?"
  539. "An intellectual such as I never reveals such secrets, my counterpart from another world!"
  540. >"Do you feel the same way about ponies?"
  541. >He didn't respond to that.
  542. >It made perfect sense, he was your counterpart from another dimension, it was destiny that you would both immediately fall in love and engage in copious amounts of lovemaking!
  543. >He moved closer, embracing you in a display of passion!
  544. "I don't think it's right to ride you."
  545. >WHY NOT?!
  546. >"WHY NOT?!"
  547. "It doesn't seem morally correct, you horses are like people or some shit, not just horses, also I'm afraid you're to small."
  548. >"It's so correct, in-fact, that I think you should 'ride' me RIGHT NOW, I'm big enough for anything you want!"
  549. "Alright if you want it I guess it's alright."
  550. >You quickly climb off the couch and position yourself directly in front of the intelligent and handsome beast.
  551. >You were flicking your tail wildly, hopefully exposing your marehood for the human!
  552. >You go Lyra! You knew how to put the moves on stallions!
  553.  
  554. >You are Anon.
  555. >You were pretty sure you just saw some sort of gross, pulsating, organ under the mares tail.
  556. >Huh.
  557. >You get up and observe a wet surface on the couch next to you.
  558. >That was odd.
  559. >How did they do this in your favorite cartoons again?
  560. >They went to the side of the horse or something and-
  561. >She was too small for that.
  562. >You plop yourself directly on top of her.
  563. >"YES! Make me your whorse you human stud~!"
  564. >Maybe these horses just genetically wanted to be ridden or something.
  565. >Thankfully her back or spine or whatever wasn't breaking under your pressure.
  566. >You just sit there, for tens of seconds, on top of her.
  567. >You kick your legs against her and she moves forward a bit.
  568. >She turns her head to look at you.
  569. >"Um, what are you doing Anon?"
  570. "Riding you."
  571. >"You didn't mean anything else by riding?"
  572. "Nope."
  573. >...
  574. "Maybe you wanna try walking around a bit?"
  575. >"Alright?"
  576. >She walks around the room for a minute.
  577. >Man riding a horse was actually pretty cool.
  578. >"So are you going to rut me wildly or not?"
  579. "What?"
  580. >"I thought we were going to have sex!"
  581. >PANIC MODE.
  582. >Think Anon, you can bullshit yourself out of this situation somehow...
  583. >Yes! You could just lie and say you were a faggot.
  584. "You see horse, I just wish to be friends and also am a homosexual! I also will be leaving soon, as in now, goodbye."
  585. >"No! Wait, don't go!"
  586. >"No! Wait, don't go!" she says as you head for the door.
  587. >You would rather risk the potential encounter of the bad omen that was the purple horse than stay here.
  588. >Just as you are about to exit she speaks.
  589. >"I beg you! Let's calm down and discuss everything over tea, please!"
  590. >Did she say tea?
  591. >As in the exotic drink you haven't had for years because of the outrageous price the vendors charged for it?
  592. "Oh most gracious and honorable host, I would be delighted to partake of this drink-offering."
  593. >"Excellent..." she says as she slowly claps her hooves together.
  594. >...
  595. >Shes just staring at you, not getting tea.
  596. "So are you going to get this drink or should I go?"
  597. >"Oh! Sorry, the tea, I'll go get it, right now."
  598. >She quickly disappears into another room.
  599. >In a minute or two she returns with two cups of levitating tea, and carefully sets them in front of you.
  600. >"Enjoy the tea Anon, I made it special, just for you."

Assigned Mare: Coco Pommel

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