Drowning Lessons - Ep. 3: Bulimic...


                                            >Your abdomen caves in upon itself, forcing up its contents so violently that your eyes feel like they will pop out.

                                            >The only thing that comes out of your mouth after the horrid retching sound is a weak stream of water.

                                            >You spit into the toilet and wipe your mouth with the back of your hoof.

                                            >Pulling the cup from the counter above you, you gulp more cool water down your burning throat.

                                            >It has been several minutes of this- gulping down water, then jamming a hoof down your throat to force it back up.

                                            >Morning sunlight streams through the bathroom window upon your sickly ritual.

                                            >It must be around nine.

                                            >Already, you can feel the satisfying effectiveness of your purging.

                                            >A catharsis.

                                            >A rush of endorphins.

                                            >Disgust.

                                            >As you peer into the toilet bowl, sweat dripping down your mane and tears in your eyes; the feeling of Trixie Lulamoon's hoof on the back of your head comes back to you.


                                            *Journal entry 12 - I have been purging for two years now. I'm not so disgusted by my body when I look in the mirror at myself after a proper upheaval of my stomach contents. I need to lose weight. So far this month, I have only lost four pounds. When will the mirror make me happy? When can I stop?*


                                            >There's a knock on the door.

                                            >"Miss Eri? Is everything alright?"

                                            >You didn't think Coco would wake up this early.

                                            >She looked so deeply asleep when you left the living room and came to her bathroom.

                                            "I'm f-fine. Just feeling a little... Sick."

                                            >That's enough cleansing today.

                                            >You get yourself off the floor and flush the toilet.

                                            >Going to the door, you open it and find Coco standing there, looking worried.

                                            >"Oh goodness, you look dreadful... You're skin and bones, Eri!"

                                            >She puts a hoof to your head, "I'll get you some tea and a warm breakfast."

                                            >You brush away her hoof and walk past her.

                                            "No thank you. I'll be just fine. It's just, I don't... I don't feel very receptive today."


                                            *Journal entry 13 - Trixie and I met when we were in middle school. The only reason she talked to me was because we had to do a project together for science class. Before, I remember being a happier pony. I was shy and soft-spoken. Most days, I would even smile. I knew Trixie was a transfer student and didn't have many friends. Her manner was a little gruff, but she wasn't aggressive toward me. It was more like the relationship between an adult and a child. We didn't get to know much about each other all the way through making our project, only speaking when needed.Then it all changed one day. Trixie changed. Her gruff demeanor turned rancid. Knowing best to just keep my distance, I worked harder to complete our project. She became venomous and snapped at me frequently. It was not a big deal though, our project was just about complete. We wouldn't have to speak to each other again. I took the project back home to do the final touch ups. When I awoke the next morning, I found out that my mother had thrown our project out. I remember the dread that filled me. The anger. My mother apologized, but told me that I really did have a problem of leaving my messes out around the house and that she couldn't tell the difference. It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone to school that day. I should have just stayed home, safe in bed. Instead, I went and had to tell Trixie to her face that the project we had worked on for two weeks was destroyed. A whole 3D model of the Dragoon Constellation wiped out overnight. Trixie didn't say a word to me. Not a single emotion came to her face. It was horrible not knowing what was going through her mind. I had to explain- alone- to the teacher what had happened. He didn't believe me. We both failed. That was the day drowning lessons started. Trixie was positively demonic, holding my head in a filthy toilet bowl. It was the day that I began cleansing my disgusting body. It was the day I became an empty husk. I had been a shallow shell all along- but Trixie Lulamoon helped me realize it that day with her piercing words. Made me realize that I was worthless and ultimately ugly. That it was my fault.*


                                            ~~~


                                            >In Coco Pommel's garden, birds flit about, singing their songs and eating the seed from feeders.

                                            >The garden is really a patio with a small table, surrounded by a pond containing koi fish.

                                            >You have to walk over a small wooden bridge to get to the circular patio and the whole sanctuary is closed off to the outside world by thick fruit trees and walls of ivy.

                                            >As you sit and write in your journal under the morning sun, Coco trots out with a tray holding tea cups and a tea pot on her back.

                                            >"The fresh air seems to be doing wonders for you, Miss Eri. And this is some of my favorite evergreen pine tea. It always makes me feel ever so wonderous!"

                                            >Her chipper voice is a bit grating on the ears.

                                            >You hate tea.

                                            >But for Coco's sake, you let her pour you a some into a fancy porcelain cup.

                                            >"I'm making us some fluffy pancakes right now that we can eat right out here on the veranda."

                                            >With that, she goes back into the house and you fish your cigarettes out of your black saddle bag.

                                            >As usual, the cigarette is stale, but welcomed.

                                            >The tea sits in the sun, already forgotten while you go back to writing.


                                            *Journal entry 14 - It was the summer before we started high school that Trixie made a friend in Vinyl Scratch, I believe. Trixie is definitely the leader in my torment. She is violent and in a constant state of anger. Vinyl (a pony interested in electronic music and usually wearing headphones) doesn't seem to take as much interest in 'playing' with me, and just seems to do it to humor Trixie. I have always felt that, had she never met Trixie... Vinyl might even one day have waved to me in the hall, or said hello during art class. Flitter didn't come into the picture until late in the first year of high school. Like Trixie, Flitter was a transfer student. I am scared of the things that Trixie does to me physically. I am terrified of what Flitter does to me mentally. Flitter is originally from Cloudsdale, where her single father is a Flight Point in their renowned search and rescue unit. She is also the prettiest mare of the group of friends. It is known around school that Flitter has crushed many young stallions under her hooves. And perhaps a few teachers. She is not as pretty as Coco Pommel in my opinion, but still far prettier than I will ever be. Flitter loves to verbally belittle me and will do subtle things publicly to humiliate me in front of others. Last month, she made me eat laxatives before school and...I hate Flitter. I want her to die. I have often thought of killing her. I am not a violent pony, but I have thought more than once of stabbing Flitter in her face, over and over until she di-*


                                            >"Eri, are you hungry?"

                                            >You look up and quickly cover your journal.

                                            >Coco sets a plate of fluffy looking pancakes down on the table.

                                            "Not really. I'm fine, thank you."

                                            >She sits down on the opposite side of the table with a concerned look, "I'm worried about you, Eri. Won't you eat just a bit? For me?"

                                            >You frown at the pancakes.

                                            >They do look good.

                                            >And your stomach is churning from the lack of food and copious amounts of vomiting.

                                            >With a sigh, you pick up a fork and knife from the plate and begin cutting a pancake.

                                            >"Please be honest with how they taste, I don't really cook much..." Coco watches you put a bit of syrupy pancake into your mouth.

                                            "It's good. Great. Thanks..."


                                            ~~~


                                            >School is over.

                                            >Students must be happily headed home or to do something fun with their friends.

                                            >Trixie and her friends must be irritated that their bucking-bag didn't show her miserable face today.

                                            >Or they might have not even noticed at all.

                                            >You sit in the dark of Coco Pommel's living room.

                                            >Coco had talked for so long until she fell into a peacful sleep.

                                            >You find yourself a little jealous that she still looks cute, even while asleep and drooling on herself a bit.

                                            >Maybe it's time to go home.

                                            >There's a knock on the front door.

                                            >Your body tenses and your heart beat quickens.

                                            >It can't be Trixie and the others, can it?

                                            >Do they know where Coco lives?

                                            >No, It's probably somepony from the school faculty, curious as to why Coco was absent today.

                                            >Whoever it is knocks again.

                                            >What do you do?

                                            >Coco wakes up, looking around curiously, "What is that?"

                                            "Someone is at the door! Someone is knocking on the door, what do we do?!"

                                            >She gets up and fixes her mane, "It's okay, Eri. I'll get it. You just wait here."

                                            >The knock comes again and Coco trots out of the room, "Coming! One second, please!"

                                            >You duck your head closer to the couch, trying to remain hidden.

                                            >The sound of Coco opening the door reaches you.

                                            >Her voice sounds surprised, "Oh! Hello! Whatever brings you here?"

                                            >Your ears perk up high at the sound of a deep voice.

                                            >"Mrs. Gelda wanted me to deliver some homework because you weren't in class today. Are you alright?"

                                            >That voice is familiar.

                                            >Coco speaks loudly, "How kind of you, Anonymous! Thank you ever so much!"

                                            >You peer around the corner to where Coco and Anon are speaking.

                                            >The human's eyes dart up and lock onto you.

                                            >That electric feeling of the predator gaze strikes you again and you freeze.

                                            >He's staring you down.

                                            >Those sharp teeth are ready to sink into your flesh.

                                            >Though fear for your physical safety courses through you, you can't move.

                                            >You're so nervous.

                                            "So wet..."

                                            >"Eri! How are you?"

                                            >Anonymous smiles and now you can see those pointed teeth.

                                            "I'm fbmlmeb..."

                                            >He tilts his head in confusion.

                                            >Coco comes in to save you, "Anonymous, would you like to come inside and have some tea?"

                                            >That's not saving you, that's making it worse!

                                            >She's inviting the predator into the house!

                                            >He shrugs, "Sure. Thanks."

                                            >Anon follows Coco inside.

                                            >Once he takes a step into the house, you turn and run.

                                            >As fast as your legs will carry you, you run through the house.

                                            >Looking back, you see that he has not followed his natural bloodthirsty instincts and taken chase.

                                            >Maybe he stalks his prey and strikes when they least expect it?

                                            >The fear of that thought only arouses you more and makes your nostrils flare.

                                            >Once in the garden, you stop and look around, panting and out of breath.

                                            >Where is he?

                                            >When is he going to pin you down and have his way with you?

                                            >This is the perfect place to strike.

                                            >The perfect place to lose your vir-

                                            >"Eri? Everything alright?"

                                            >Coco walks out of the back door and into the garden, with Anon following close behind.

                                            >You turn your head from side to side, keeping an eye on Anon as your tail lifts and your hooves stomp anxiously.

                                            "Yes. Sorry. Um, hello Anonfmblm..."

                                            >He chuckles and looks down at Coco, "She's pretty funny. I didn't know you two were friends."

                                            >Coco giggles and twirls a bit of her mane, "We've known each other for a while. We're the best of friends!"

                                            >No no nonononono NO.

                                            >Your nostrils flare in anger.

                                            >YOU are Anon's prey, not Coco.

                                            >She could have her turn after Anon was finished with you...

                                            >Before you can interrupt, Coco speaks again, "Anonymous, why don't you have a seat with Eri over at the table while I prepare us some tea?"

                                            >He looks over at the table you are standing by.

                                            >The voice in your head is now cheering Coco's praise.

                                            >"Thank you," Anon walks toward you while Coco winks at you, then trots inside.

                                            >He's coming straight at you.

                                            >"Hey Eri, you look different."

                                            >Once he's about two paces away from you, he stops and raises his hand.

                                            >You buck your back legs out and roll over onto your back, bleating like a filly.

                                            >Your legs lock up in the air like one of those silly goats and you squeeze your eyes shut, exposing as much of your belly as you can while whiping your tail up between your legs submissively.

                                            "Bite me! Bite me! Eat my flesh and get it over with! Bite my neck!"

                                            >The only sound is that of your heart beating in your ears.

                                            >You crack open an eye and peer up at Anonymous.

                                            >He stands looking dumbfounded with his hand over the chair in front of him.

                                            >"Are you..." A smile slowly spreads over his face, "Eri, are you frightened of me?"

                                            >You want to crawl in a hole and die.

                                            >Your cheeks flush and you roll over, turning your back on him.

                                            "N-No... Forget about what just happened, please?"

                                            >He sits down at the table and laughs a little, "You know, I don't eat meat anymore."

                                            >You turn your head and gaze at him curously.

                                            "Really?"

                                            >He nods, "Yeah. There's not really any meat to eat in a town full of ponies. I've gotten used to a vegetarian diet. Well, had to."

                                            >You tentatively sit down opposite him and brush your mane out of your eyes.

                                            "Isn't it hard? Don't you need meat?"

                                            >You gaze down at your belly.

                                            "Don't you ever... Crave it?"

                                            >He chuckles and waves a hand, "Man, I could go for a burger some days, but I take a special powder mix to get all the nutrients I need. And not eating any processed crap has really helped me stay in shape."

                                            >A silence comes between the two of you.

                                            >What now?

                                            >Not once have you been alone with a boy.

                                            >And you have never held a conversation with one close to your age.

                                            >Your stomach is doing flips.

                                            >"I like what you did with your mane. It looks really unique," he smiles and says casually.

                                            >Your hoof goes to your bangs and brushes them aside again.

                                            >His teeth are really straight and white.

                                            >And those two on the sides...

                                            "Th-Thank you. Coco cut it for me..."

                                            >As if she heard her name, Coco pokes her head out of the house, "I'm ever so sorry this is taking so long, but I decided to make us some snacks as well!"

                                            >She gives you an encouraging smile, then disappears back inside.

                                            >Anonymous plays with the zipper of his hoodie, "So, tell me more about yourself, Miss Eri. I have to admit, you seem pretty interesting."

                                            >You open your mouth to speak, then stop, gaping like a fish.

                                            >Idiot.

                                            "Erm, Well, I-"


                                            *Journal entry 15 - I am the most miserable pony in all of Equestria. I hate my life. I hate the way I make peace with a knife. I hate the way I sound when I cry. I hate myself and I want to die. I love you. I don't even know you- And I know that I am deeply, truly, insanely, sickeningly in love with you. I want you to force yourself upon me and make me feel like a dirty slut. I want you to spit in my mane and call me garbage while you mix up my guts. I want you to bite me- sink your pointed teeth into my jugular and make me bleed. I want you to drink my blood and make a mess inside of me with your seed. I am so gross. I'm so desperate and morose. I'm so lonely... I need you to save me from this nightmare I call home... Please... PLEASE! Hold me close to you and never let me go!*


                                            >A peele of thunder rips through the sky in the distance.

                                            >Both of you look up.

                                            >A storm is rolling in now fast.

                                            >"We should get inside quick," Anon gets up.

                                            >You nod and follow him inside.

                                            >Coco Pommel comes out from the kitchen wearing a frilly apron, "My goodness, that thunder startled me ever so much!"

                                            >Anon rubs his head, "A storms rollin' in. I better get home quickly."

                                            >The sound of rain pounding the roof and windows fills the house.

                                            >Another boom of thunder makes you and Coco jump.

                                            >Anon looks out of a window, "Actually... Uh, would it be okay if I hang out until this lets up a bit?"

                                            >Coco smiles, "Of course! Come, come! Let's all head into the living area and eat the snacks I've prepared. Anonymous, have you ever had evergreen pine tea?"

                                            >The two of them walk into the living room, leaving you staring out the window at the violent storm wreaking havoc outside.

                                            >"Miss Eri?"

                                            >You turn and see the two of them looking at you.

                                            >Coco tilts her head and winks, "I am sure Anonymous would be ever so entertained by your company."

                                            >You look at him and he smiles.

                                            "Ihavetogotothebathroom!"

                                            >Like a deer, you almost bounce in a panicked rush to the bathroom and lock yourself inside.

                                            >Breathing heavily, you stare into the mirror.

                                            "No..."

                                            >You can't face him.

                                            >Not looking this horrible.

                                            >You throw the toilet seat up and jam a hoof down your throat.

                                            >This is what you have to do before you can face Anonymous.

                                            >The sound of the storm screaming through the sky outside is overtaken by the sounds of you making yourself prettier.


                                            https://youtu.be/J2TlwEBDWN4