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Moondancer and JockAnon By suppy

By Anonimoose
Created: 2021-03-16 22:57:47
Expiry: Never
eqg

  1. Presenting JockAnon and Moonie!
  2. ---Episode 1: Lewd Calculus---
  3. >Be Anon
  4. "Fuckin' hell..."
  5. >You're in University of Canterlot's Regent Library
  6. >Your girlfriend, to your right
  7. >A notebook in front of you
  8. >A calculus book, to your left
  9. "What the fuck ever happened to numbers, Moonie? It's like the motherfucking alphabet song is tearing into my ass right now."
  10. >Anon Anonson. Also known as #32 with the UC Thundercorns football team
  11. >Star quarterback, and sometimes-wrestler and intramural boxer
  12. >Now forced to learn "derivatives" or whatever bullshit this is
  13. >"Hmm..."
  14. >Moonie nibbles a pencil, grumbling over how best to dumb down this concept for you
  15. >You take another crack at the problem
  16. "So I get what a 'slope' is. It's a rate or some shit. But why do I have to drag this x around?"
  17. >You point to where Moonie has solved a similar problem at the top of your notes
  18. "So you've got an equation with some exponits-"
  19. >"EX-ponents"
  20. "Whatever. Exponents. And then its 'slope' is just some more x's and numbers?"
  21. >She glares at the paper for a moment
  22. >"Hmrm!"
  23. >Her cheerful grunt seems to indicate a breakthrough
  24. >"Look here. Say you have Y = X..."
  25. >She draws a little graph
  26. >"So, how much does y increase by when x is one versus when x is two?"
  27. >Oh shit, you know this!
  28. "One! It goes up by one. Right here."
  29. >You point to the line on the graph
  30. >"Derive it."
  31. "Uhh..."
  32. >Fuck, Anon
  33. >Alright...
  34. >So you gotta drag down the expronit
  35. >But it's invisible or some shit
  36. >So x turns into one
  37. "So x... becomes one..."
  38. >Moonie nods, her clammy hands rubbing a pen nervously
  39. >"Go on..."
  40. "I derive that... and that's the slope... and it increases..."
  41. >OH.
  42. >FUCK.
  43. >The angels' choir sings
  44. >A million doves take to the skies
  45. >Radiant beams of sunlight stream through the mosaic windows
  46. "Oh shit Moonie, I get derivatives now!"
  47. >"SHH!" a dozen or so angry voices scold from across the library
  48. >Fucking nerd-asses, all of them
  49. >You ignore them on account of the presence of your girl
  50. >Otherwise, you would mock them for valuing "education"
  51. >Your stubby girlfriend pumps her fist
  52. >"Alright, Anon!" she whispers hoarsely. "Now we can /sleep/."
  53. >She slumps back in her seat dramatically
  54. >Gathering your belongings, you stand up and push your seat in
  55. >Moondancer follows you out of the library, her bulbous star-pattern bookbag hanging off of her shoulders
  56. >The quad separates the library from most of the dorms
  57. >On paper, you're rooming it up with two other members of the football team
  58. >But in reality, you spend most of your time at the frat house or in Moonie's room
  59. >She got her hands on a single bedroom so nothing would distract her from studying
  60. >...
  61. >...heh
  62. >Fat lot of good that's been doing her since you two started dating
  63. >Right as you start on the central pathway down the quad, nestled between rows of blossoming cherry trees, you swoop down and nab your squat girlfriend's bookbag
  64. >"Anon!"
  65. >Her immediate response is to flail her arms in order to recover her 'stolen goods'
  66. >But she simply huffs when she sees that you've just taken the over-lade thing to ease her load
  67. >...which is now nothing, since you're carrying not just her bookbag, but her backpack as well
  68. >And your backpack and duffel bag, too
  69. >In all honesty, you hardly feel like you're carrying anything
  70. >"You can't carry /everything/..."
  71. "Watch me"
  72. >She pouts, but doesn't press the issue
  73. >Instead, she leans in and wraps her arm around your waist, and when you toss your arm over her shoulder, she nuzzles your armpit
  74. >You can feel her fuzzy ugly but mostly adorable sweater through your paper-thin white shirt
  75. >Sometimes people ask why you aren't dating a buxom cheerleader or some bombshell communications major
  76. >And you admit, at times, you've asked yourself the same question
  77. >But for all the answers you can muster, in the end it's just the reality that matters
  78. >For whatever reason, you love the fuck out of this cute little nerd
  79. >And for whatever reason, she loves your retarded ass back
  80. >A gentle breeze whisks some of the brilliant pink blossoms from their tenuous grip on the trees, scattering past you and Moonie over the footpath
  81. "Ahh..."
  82. >The spring air is crisp and delicious
  83. >Your eyes drift over to your girlfriend
  84. "So, Moonie... why spend so much time helping me with math?"
  85. >She looks at you like you've grown a second head
  86. >"Well, you're my boyfriend, right? Helping you succeed academically is something which romantic partners are wont to do, yes?"
  87. >Fuck, that's a lot of syllables
  88. "Y-yeah, OK, but really. Why?"
  89. >Please don't call the bluff
  90. >Please don't...
  91. >"My boyfriend HAS to get SOME calculus. Otherwise my fellow classmates in thaumatological fluid dynamics will make fun of me."
  92. "Hey, if anyone laughs at you, just give me the names. I'll beat their heads in."
  93. >Perhaps afraid that she has signed one or two death warrants, Moonie frantically shakes her head
  94. >"Nonono, Anon... I-I just mean, well... I can't go out with a TOTAL jock..."
  95. >You smirk
  96. "But I am one though, right? How am I going here, again?"
  97. >Your little nerd sighs
  98. >"Football scholarship contingent on a GPA that's only somewhat terrible..." she intones dejectedly
  99. "See? Total jock."
  100. >She pouts at you when you squeeze her closer
  101. >But she doesn't fight it
  102. "Alright Moonie. So, I have to get good at math, right?"
  103. >"If at all possible, given where you're starting from..."
  104. "OK, that's fair..."
  105. >You let those words hang for a moment imposingly
  106. >She catches a wry grin developing on your features, and the glint of panic in her eyes informs you that she knows you're going somewhere with this
  107. "I don't want my bros making fun of me either. So that means you have to lift with me."
  108. >"W-WHAT? A-ANON, I'M NOT F-FAT!"
  109. >Her arms automatically wrap around her stomach, trying to push in and conceal the pudge
  110. >Which, of course, totally isn't there, if you were to believe everything Moondancer said
  111. "Jesus Moonie, slow down. I'm saying you should lift with me, not be a cardio bunny..."
  112. >"Oh..."
  113. >A relieved breath fills the beat
  114. >"Wait... what does that mean?"
  115. "I'm glad you asked!"
  116. >You take on the tone of an excited schoolteacher
  117. "Lifting builds muscle, Moonie. It builds mass. Cardio is shit like running, and with dieting, that's where weight really comes from."
  118. >You slip your hand under her sweater and squeeze her love handles
  119. >She locks up, shivering when you lean down and nip her ear
  120. "Besides, I love having more of you to grab"
  121. >"A-Anon, that's lewd!"
  122. "...my chubby little geek"
  123. >"Don't be lewd!"
  124. >She frowns when all you do is guffaw in response
  125. >And sniff her uptied two-tone hair
  126. >Ahh, the sweet musk of sweaty nerd
  127. >How she turns you on in so many ways...
  128. "Says the screamer."
  129. >"Anon!"
  130. >Her cheeks take on a red tint, and she wriggles under your grasp
  131. "Who loves being cuffed to the bed."
  132. >"Stop~" she whines
  133. >You tighten your grip, refusing her escape
  134. "And /loves/ taking it up the butt in a schoolgirl outfit..."
  135. >"Anon, I'm not a lewd girl!"
  136. >She very nearly escapes your clutches, wiggling and kicking in an attempt to break free from your embrace
  137. >But you grab her tight, wrapping your arms over her belly and lifting her into the air with all your might
  138. >"I'm not a dirty girl~!" she protests, kicking the air to no effect
  139. >Her struggling is far more cute than bothersome
  140. "Oh, yes you are!"
  141. >You squeeze tighter and grab handfuls of her scrumptiously pudgy tummy
  142. "You're my dirty, kinky, sweaty little geek!"
  143. >Her resistance soon dies out, replaced by squeals of amusement when you rub your whiskery face all over the back of her neck
  144. >"P-put me down, Anon!"
  145. "Not gonna happen. I'm carrying you all the way up to your room tonight."
  146. >And, once again, she huffs as a token sign of resistance
  147. >Unable to admit just how much she loves the way you treat her
  148. >Eventually, you shift her to a bridal carry, and she throws her thin, lanky arms over your neck
  149. >"W-we're still gonna do butt stuff tonight, right Anon?"
  150. "Mhm."
  151. >You smile and kiss her forehead
  152. ---Episode 2: Perspective---
  153. >Be Moondancer
  154. >It's your bi-weekly study session for vector super-calculus with Twilight
  155. >So far, it's been a productive session
  156. >"Moondancer, I heard you're dating someone now. Good for you, huh?"
  157. >Twilight winks at you suggestively
  158. >I-is she somehow implying that you're lewd!?
  159. "Y-yeah... so what?"
  160. >"Well, it's just that I don't recall you ever having gone out with a guy before, that's all."
  161. "I guess not."
  162. >You shrug
  163. >"Who is it?"
  164. "N-nobody..."
  165. >"I head it's Anoooon~"
  166. >FUCK
  167. >She knows Anon is lewd! Now she thinks YOU'RE lewd!
  168. "No!"
  169. >Twilight frowns
  170. "Maybe... OK you're right it's Anon!"
  171. >Her assumptions confirmed, your friend and study partner claps and nearly leaps out of her seat with joy
  172. >"So..."
  173. >She rests her chin on her hands and wiggles her eyebrows
  174. >"What do you guys do together?"
  175. "MMMF!"
  176. >You seize up and whip your head side to side
  177. "Completely chaste things! N-nothing inappropriate!"
  178. >/Last Night/
  179. "OoooOOOoooh FUCK~"
  180. >Your body rocks back and forth, suspended in place by four ropes tying each limb to the bedposts
  181. >Anon is absolutely obliterating your vag
  182. >And you're loving every minute of it
  183. >"Fffhuh... Huh... This is what you get for being a naughty girl!"
  184. >He flips up your schoolgirl's skirt and slaps your ass
  185. >UNF
  186. "Hoooooly FUCK Anon! Smash my ass until I spit jizz~!"
  187. >/Today/
  188. >Be Anon
  189. >You're sitting in the locker room with your teammates
  190. >After a hard practice, you talk about a wide variety of things
  191. >Today, the subject is girls
  192. >"Chyeah Anon, I was fuckin' BLASTING her bareback bro."
  193. >"Heard you been smashin' it nightly on that sweaty egghead girl bruh, how is it?"
  194. "Sick, bro."
  195. >/Two Nights Ago/
  196. >You take a sip of hot cocoa before you lay down on the couch
  197. >You rest your head in Moonie's lap
  198. "What are you reading?"
  199. >"The Hobbit. Again."
  200. >Oh shit, is that the one in space?
  201. "Um..."
  202. >She looks down and starts rubbing your shoulder
  203. >How did she know it was sore!?
  204. >"Yes, Anon?"
  205. "Can you read it out loud?"
  206. >Her face lights up with excitement, and she goes at her new task with gusto
  207. >Frankly, you remember next to none of it
  208. >All you know is that you fell asleep like that, like, five minutes later
  209. >You woke up the next morning to find that she chose to sleep with you there on the couch that night
  210. >She tunneled under you in order to be the little spoon
  211. >...
  212. >you kinda wanted to be the little spoon
  213. ---Episode 3: Valentine's Day---
  214. >Be Valentine's Day
  215. >You are today
  216. >Be Anon
  217. >You stand outside of your girlfriend's apartment dorm room
  218. >And you've been pounding your fist on it for the last five minutes
  219. >Each time,
  220. "Hey sweet cheeks! I'm here to romance you and shit!"
  221. >And back,
  222. >"I'm studying thaumatological output charts and I can't have you distracting me!"
  223. "What the hell is a taumatorg?"
  224. >"It means magic you dolt!"
  225. "It's valentines da-hay-hay-hay!"
  226. >Fucking hell Moonie
  227. >You read all about how to be romantic online
  228. >And today was the day you were gonna seduce the hell out of her
  229. >And put it in her butt
  230. >Again
  231. >...
  232. >She's not going to let you in
  233. >Other people shoot you weird looks as they pass by
  234. >You shuffle in place and wave nervously while concealing the flowers under your jacket, doing all of the things you know of to not look like a school shooter
  235. >Slumping against the wall, you release a frustrated sigh
  236. >Can't she just drop her nerd shit for a day and let you love on her like the wild stallion you are?
  237. >You sift through your pockets for your phone, intent to wait her out by playing flappy herd
  238. >But your finger catches on a cool slice of metal
  239. >No... It can't be!
  240. >It is!
  241. >You crawl over to the door and stand up
  242. >Glee fills your face as Moonie's spare key unlocks the door
  243. >You waltz in confidently, flowers now in hand and a bag of goodies on your back
  244. >Moonie yells incomprehensibly at you with her back turned
  245. >You close the door
  246. >Don't want campus police coming by again
  247. >"Anondon'tdoitI'minthemiddleofsomething-"
  248. >A light kick swings her swivel chair around, bringing you face-to-face with your glaring and so loving lady
  249. >"DAMMIT ANON!"
  250. >The poor girl is almost shaking with frustration!
  251. >And she drops her "studying material"
  252. >...which is no book or treatise at all!
  253. >A nearly-finished black fuzzy sweater, identical to hers in all but size and heavy musk
  254. >It slides off of her needles and clumps on the floor
  255. "A sweater!?"
  256. >You pluck the thing from the ground and hold it up
  257. >It really is a perfect match
  258. >Just as prickly and thick as hers
  259. >She groans in frustration as you hold it to your face and rub it
  260. >"N-now the surprise is ruined!"
  261. >Anger turns to shame and sadness
  262. >Tears form in the corner of her eyes
  263. "Couldn't you just have told me you were working on your gift?"
  264. >"B-but then you would know! And you'd try to see it!"
  265. "Eh." you shrug
  266. "Probably not. I'd leave you to it since you were doing something special."
  267. >"R-really?"
  268. >You drop your things and swoop in on her lips
  269. >Tender, with a faint lime taste
  270. >Her red lips finally meet yours with encouragement, and every faint movement of sensitive skin whisks more of her embarrassment away
  271. "You really got me a sweater?"
  272. >"Y-yes. As a token of our togetherness. It is a f-fitting social-romantic gesture, am I correct?"
  273. >You pick the sweater back up and fold it
  274. >"I-Is it not to your pref-"
  275. "I fucking LOVE your sweater!"
  276. >Dropping your bag, you carefully pull the new garment over your head
  277. >"But it's not-"
  278. "I love it."
  279. >There's a hole in the armpit
  280. >Apparently it really wasn't complete
  281. >Fuck it, you've got nice pits, might as well show the world that you're not ashamed of them!
  282. >"Did you acquire commercial tokens of your love too?"
  283. >You whip out a thick bouquet of morning glories
  284. >Also known as moonflowers
  285. >You set these on her desk and grab her feet
  286. "Flowers. My jersey. Some chocolate from the African ocean."
  287. >Her bare feet are immaculately clean due to not being exposed to the outside world for days
  288. >Once you start threading your fingers between her toes and over her feet, she shudders
  289. "And I watched a few massage videos on a porn site."
  290. >"Anon... that's so sweet of you, I- WHAT!?"
  291. "It's like a regular massage though, right? Like, your feet can feel good, why not your tits or your ass and shit?"
  292. >"l-lewd..." she mewls, biting her lip
  293. >You continue in silence until a critical question comes to mind
  294. "Uh, since it's Valentine's Day, can I have some of your panties?"
  295. >"WAAH! Anon that's so lewd! Why would you ask that!?"
  296. >She brings her fists below her chin and squirms
  297. "Well I can't take your sweaty booty cheeks home with me! I have needs too!"
  298. ---Episode 4: Party---
  299. >Be Anon
  300. >Fat beats fill the air
  301. >It's paradise!
  302. >You just beat the Appleloosa A&M Rodeo Wranglers in a complete blowout game
  303. >Your performance was center-stage today as quarterback, and all the sweetest glory falls on your broad shoulders
  304. >The night's celebration was hastily planned, but how complicated can it get?
  305. >Music, babes, alcohol...
  306. >Party shit!
  307. >It's only been an hour since the party began, but your shirt is already off and you've had a few creative drinks
  308. >Creative meaning you have no fucking idea what went in them
  309. >But they were awesome, and you're feeling a buzz
  310. >Three girls cluster by a grand piano decorated with layers of half-full solo cups
  311. >Two cheerleaders studying "communications," or as you once so eloquently put it, "haha more like 'cum in your mouth' mications!"
  312. >And a textiles major
  313. >Fleur de Lis' sveltve physique curls seductively against the side of the piano
  314. >Her low top and tight pants catch the eyes of every man in the party
  315. >And more than a few women
  316. >Her friends meander in close proximity, casting suspicious glances around the whole room
  317. >"I'm taking that boy home tonight, girls."
  318. >Fleur clarifies just how that will happen by tugging her shirt just a further smidge down
  319. >A thin ring of black lace is exposed over her chest as her covering grows more and more scant
  320. >A few jaws hit the floor
  321. >"Well WE'VE tried Fleur. That little mosquito keeps smacking us with books whenever we get his attention!"
  322. >Their scornful glares turn to the least enthused member of the party
  323. >Moonie sits by the brick fireplace, her head sticking out of her sweater like a turtle
  324. >Just enough that she can read her latest tome
  325. >Every now and again, the pink and purple turret swivels around to keep tabs on its charge
  326. >Fleur's friends recoil in disgust
  327. >"She's so effing GROSS Fleur! And I think she smells."
  328. >"Where you have failed my dears, I'm just the kind of girl to blow him away."
  329. >The model slash student tosses her platinum pink locks behind her head
  330. >"Watch and learn."
  331. >She struts across the room with all the grace and poise of Aphrodite herself
  332. >Men stand drooling and incapable in her path, only pulled out of the way by the interference of furious girlfriends
  333. >Her journey comes to a stop in front of you
  334. >The teammate you've been having a conversation with goes slack-jawed, backing off in amazement when he sees just where Fleur is looking
  335. >She hands you a drink
  336. >A saccharine smile adorns her face, and her arms squeeze her buxom chest to new heights of allure
  337. >"Hey there Anon. You played /great/ today."
  338. >Oh shit. New drink
  339. "Damn straight gurrrl!"
  340. >You pound it down
  341. "Big gracias for that, amiga. It's been like... two minutes since I've had one."
  342. >What was her name again? Floaty? Flour?
  343. "Uh... Flower Dolores, right?"
  344. >"Fleur de Lis..."
  345. >She steps in, eyes raking over your chiseled chest
  346. >Bitches have been doing that ever since you got that dragon tattoo
  347. >And that snake tattoo. With the fire and dragons on it
  348. >"I... /love/ these designs. Are you a tattoo kind of guy?"
  349. >Moonie stews by the fireplace, frozen from action
  350. >The other girls had been nuisances
  351. >This one is a true threat
  352. >She is paralyzed with indecision
  353. >Hoping desperately for you to stay true
  354. "Tattoos are fuckin' bomb. So yeah, I guess you could say that. They look great on..."
  355. >You swing your arms up and flex
  356. >Your pride and joy biceps swell, inflating two tribal tattoos
  357. "THESE GUNS!"
  358. >Fleur giggles at your joking
  359. >Which you don't get, since you were being serious
  360. >Oh well
  361. >"I have a tattoo, Anon."
  362. "Where at my zigga?"
  363. >Fleur looks from side to side conspiratorially
  364. >She turns around
  365. >"Right on my tush."
  366. >What? On her BUTT?
  367. >That's RIDICULOUS!
  368. >...
  369. >Wait...
  370. >Her butt...
  371. >Not Moonie's butt?
  372. "Are you hitting on me? Don't think for a second-"
  373. >Time slows to a crawl
  374. >In slow-mo, you see Fleur's fingers tug on the hem of her pants
  375. >Just as a hardback copy of an astronomy book blasts her head
  376. >Fleur's face crumples in perfect replay cam detail
  377. >Moonie's form is flawless as she follows through with the attack
  378. >She stands proudly over the groaning hussy clutching a bloody jaw on the floor
  379. >Men swarm to her rescue as Moonie steps back to her alcove
  380. >But you stop her with a hand on the shoulder
  381. "Thanks for saving me from that seductress."
  382. >"Y-yeah."
  383. >Sadness is evident in her tone
  384. >She isn't even a LITTLE drunk!
  385. "You're not having fun, are you?"
  386. >"Don't be silly Anon. I am happy to help you celebrate your athletic accom- EEEEEK!"
  387. >Too much nerd talk, too little happy nerd
  388. >You sweep her off her feet and carry her right out the door
  389. >you'll get your shirt later
  390. "I want to celebrate with my G. Meaning geek. Not with girls who are after the D."
  391. >Your inebriated mind, chugging as it is, finds some issue with that reasoning
  392. "But like, it's fine that you want the D though. You're a G that wants the D. Which is definitely gucci with me."
  393. >"And you're leaving the party just for that?"
  394. >Truth be told it was a poppin' party
  395. >But it's hard to be poppin' when your girl isn't poppin'
  396. >Solution? Pop your girl!
  397. "Yeah. Shit party anyways. Let's order some beer and pop open a pizza and crop- stop- bopulate-"
  398. >"C-copulate. Why must every reconciling interaction of ours involve this?"
  399. >H-hey!
  400. "You sshtart it more than half the time, young lady."
  401. >You wag your finger in front of her face obnoxiously
  402. "If you're... buttmad... stop getting buttdevastated."
  403. "Butt.. fine! We'll jut do normal stuff. Even though I want to *hic* shelebrate... on those fat tits!"
  404. >...
  405. "Moonie?"
  406. >"Yes, Anon?"
  407. "You're way hotter than Fleur and her friendsh, you know."
  408. >Perplexion meets your unfocused stare
  409. >"N-no I'm not."
  410. "Sure they're tall and slender and busty and shit. But they're not cute and squishy."
  411. >You squeeze her through her sweater
  412. "But mosht important... they're not my smart little Moonie"
  413. >She chokes on your breath
  414. >"You're so drunk!"
  415. >That you were
  416. >Later that night, you wasted no time having your own celebration
  417. >You got straight to the hardcore snuggling before you passed out
  418. ---Episode 5: The Football Fusiliers---
  419. >Be Moondancer
  420. >Unfortunately, class is out for today
  421. >At least your thaumatological vector calculus class
  422. >Riveting stuff
  423. >Luckily, there's more calculus and fluid mechanics in two hours!
  424. >Anon said he would meet you by the bike rack with some lunch
  425. >For whatever reason, the football team has practice today. He texted you to let you know he'll be running a bit late
  426. >Just as you're about to dig into some study material for your next class, a handful of girls who call themselves your "classmates" waltz up to you, leaning on the wall and bike rack casually
  427. >At first, you disregard them
  428. >Maybe if you don't pay any attention to them they'll leave you alone
  429. >But Sour Sweet notices a droplet of sweat trek down your forehead
  430. >As seconds turn to a minute and they haven't done anything, you feel your skin heat up under your sweater
  431. >You try to look up from your book discreetly, but the ringleader of your torment catches your eyes and waves, smiling and greeting you with a voice saturated in sickly sweet venom
  432. >"Hey there, Moondancer!"
  433. >Her friends step out from the wall and rack, forming a semicircle around you
  434. >No way out
  435. "H-hey girls... what are you doing?"
  436. >"Nothing! Nothing at all dearie!"
  437. >Sour taps her chin and looks up as if she was thinking
  438. >"But then, what are you doing? Are you waiting for someone?"
  439. >Oh no...
  440. >This is what they're gonna harass you with today? Your boyfriend?
  441. "Nobody, Sour. Just leave me alone. Please?"
  442. >She erupts in bellowing laughter with the rest of the wolfpack
  443. >"Leave you alone? We just want to talk!"
  444. >"Affirmative," Sugarcoat adds, "I was curious in particular about your significant other."
  445. "My-"
  446. >"I'm surprised you would grab someone so unintelligent. Desperation perhaps?"
  447. >A few of the girls chuckle
  448. "That's not true!"
  449. >"If you're waiting up on him, don't count on him showing up anytime soon. Maps have words, you know." Indigo points her thumb behind her
  450. "He will! Soon..."
  451. >"Oh! So you /are/ waiting on Anon."
  452. >Sour's got you now
  453. "W-wait I-"
  454. >"What do you see in him? Is it just the meat? You really think someone that stupid wants anything more than a cheap fuck?"
  455. >Sugarcoat nods along
  456. >"They say /all/ of the football players end up sleeping around at /some/ point."
  457. >You clutch your book to your chest in desperation
  458. >Anon? He would never!
  459. "Stop it! You're just trying to-"
  460. >"Mess with you? Moondancer, you're going out with a braindead jock. The only thing he understands is sex. And maybe basic arithmetic, since he's a quarterback."
  461. >Sour Sweet butts back in
  462. >"Oh, don't be so mean, girls! I'm /sure/ he loves her for more than just her body! Well..."
  463. >She waves a hand to gesture to your entire body
  464. >"Just look at her. I don't see much to love."
  465. "I-I'm not fat! I'm just a little-"
  466. >"Come on, hit the treadmill Moon! It's not like..."
  467. >Indigo Zap's cruel voice fades away when you spot Anon in the distance outside of the circle
  468. >You lock eyes, and he scowls
  469. >Does... does he think you're hanging out with them?
  470. >He stomps away behind another building
  471. >There won't be any rescue today
  472. >The abuse just keeps coming
  473. >And coming, and coming
  474. >You don't know when, but you start to cry
  475. >Little sniffles, but soon you're bawling
  476. >These girls are ungodly brutal! Why would they say such things?
  477. "G-guys *hic* p-please-"
  478. >"Oh, shove it! You know what we're saying is- FUCK!"
  479. >What they're saying is fuck?
  480. >You look up
  481. >And you see a miracle
  482. >Indigo Zap rubs her head and turns around just in time for another football to smack her right in the skull
  483. >"Fucking hell!"
  484. >"Nice fuckin' shot brah!"
  485. >He... he's back!
  486. >Anon and...
  487. >Almost the entire team!
  488. >Like a disciplined rifle battalion, they let loose a barrage of highly accurate throws, pelting your bullies with once powerful throw after another
  489. >It only takes a few seconds for them to shatter under the withering fire, fleeing every which way
  490. >The team breaks off to collect the balls or follow them
  491. >Anon runs to you
  492. >"Moonie? Are you okay?"
  493. >His breathy baritone is like sweet medicine to your pain
  494. "Oh Anon!"
  495. >You throw yourself into his waiting arms where he swings lightly back and forth
  496. >"Shh... shh..."
  497. >A rough and calloused hand wipes a few tears from your cheeks
  498. >"Hey. Hey. Look at me."
  499. >You comply
  500. >"They won't bother you anymore, alright?"
  501. >There's no feeling of safety like that guarantee
  502. >His voice, unwavering and assured, backed by the loyalty and energy of his friends and teammates
  503. >You can't keep looking at him lest you wail again, this time out of relief and love
  504. >So you nuzzle your head into his chest
  505. >He kisses you on the forehead and leads you away from the bike racks toward the quad
  506. >Cherry blossoms still in bloom
  507. >His muscly arm draped gently around you, as careful as one might handle a glass doll
  508. >He remembered your favorite. Lettuce, avocado, tomato, and zucchini
  509. >He always said it was a weird sandwich
  510. >"This is some pussy-ass vegetarian shit just FYI" you remember him last
  511. >But he brought it for you whenever you asked
  512. >Just like he does today
  513. >Maybe he isn't a genius
  514. >His vocabulary isn't too expansive
  515. >But when you dig into the brown sack for your meal, you spot a note
  516. >Written so simply, in his spartan style
  517. >But with love all the same
  518. >"For my Moonie pie"
  519. ---Episode 6: Studying---
  520. >Be Moondancer
  521. >Tomorrow is your first math midterm out of a half-dozen
  522. >And you've been deep in your books almost daily for three months
  523. >Anon has to present a powerpoint on a famous inventor
  524. >Oh no, not for just one class
  525. >It's his /only/ exam
  526. >"Hey! It's not like this is easy for me. I've been arborly preparing my speech for like... a day now!" he countered when you nearly burst out laughing
  527. >And once you reminded him of the word "ardently," you realized how futile trying to enlighten him would be
  528. >He left your apartment two hours ago when you asked for some time to study
  529. >Even though you know your material forwards and backwards, it doesn't hurt to give it just another review!
  530. >Until...
  531. >KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
  532. >There's no doubt in your mind as to who it could be
  533. >"Moo-oo-nie! It's me!"
  534. >In the pause you are shocked not to hear the tumblers of your door lock announcing his entrance
  535. >Well, this is a first
  536. >You go back to the book
  537. >Maybe he'll realize you have important business to attend to and no time to goof off!
  538. >...
  539. >...
  540. >You clamber silently across the floor and check the peephole
  541. >Anon is leaning up against the wall, whistling a little tune to himself and holding a box under his arm
  542. >There really is no getting him to quit, is there?
  543. >You make as little of a show as possible unlocking the door and waving him in
  544. >"I promise I won't get in your way my dear. Just wanted to keep my Moonie pie..."
  545. >He cradles the box of chocolate marshmallow candy
  546. >Moon pies?
  547. >"Company!"
  548. >There's no way he just came here to make a pun... right?
  549. >Be Anon
  550. >You came here to make a pun
  551. >Ah, but Eau de Nerd wafts over your nostrils, and that succulent taste invites some less wholesome intentions
  552. >Oh, and the fact that she never wears a bra when she's in her room
  553. >You often find yourself wishing you had sweater x-ray vision
  554. >Alas...
  555. >You follow her inside, swearing on anything and everything that you won't directly pull her away from her work
  556. >And that's no lie! You have no intention of pulling her away from the books /herself/
  557. >But the poor girl studies too much, and stress is unhealthy and shit, right?
  558. >At first you stand in the corner
  559. >You grab a spare rolling chair and sit down, opening the box
  560. >The first moon pie is popped into your mouth, and oh how delicious it is
  561. >A tough outer shell with a gooey, sweet inside
  562. >It reminds you of someone you know
  563. >In fact, it reminds you so much so that it gives you an idea
  564. >You roll beside Moonie, feigning great interest in her work
  565. >"You said you wouldn't distract me. You know I have a midterm tomorrow."
  566. >She doesn't even look up from the book
  567. >The warning in her tone is evident, so you don't push it
  568. "I just want to see what you're working on. Besides, it's not like you don't know it already, right?"
  569. >"Hmph."
  570. >Tolerance. Not eager, but you can work with it.
  571. >You pop another moon pie into your mouth and offer the next. She waves it away in a huff.
  572. >So you take the pie meant for her and hold it up to your lips
  573. >And lick it
  574. >The taste is quite nice, so you lick it again
  575. >And figuring how lovely it is to see it a bit moist, you continue to lick it, slowly and passionately
  576. >Perhaps a bit curious as to why she doesn't hear chewing, she looks over at you
  577. >You cease licking
  578. "What?"
  579. >"Anon..."
  580. "I like moon pies. Go on, keep studying."
  581. >Next, you start sucking on it
  582. >Letting it slide past your lips, and giving it a little bit of tongue
  583. >She looks over once again, her train of thought disturbed and unfocused by the lingering moon pie affair on her mind
  584. >"Anon...?"
  585. "What can I say? I like Moonie pies" you counter defensively
  586. >You spot a faint blush grow on her cheeks
  587. "I mean moon pies. Easy to mix up."
  588. >"Yeah... right."
  589. >She tries to get back to studying, but ever ten seconds or so she's glancing back to see what you're doing
  590. >And you've moved on from sucking, now
  591. >You slowly bite down on a third of the pie, savoring the feeling of your teeth sinking into the squishy white core
  592. >You swallow the detached third and examine the now-exposed pie
  593. >"A-Anon?"
  594. >She's off her game; she tugs at her sweater, and the nervous tic she's normally so cognizant to suppress tells all
  595. "These moon pies are just... so soft and tender, you know?"
  596. >You prod the white core with the tips of two fingers
  597. "Once you get past the shell, it's almost like it's naked."
  598. >Moondancer sits perplexed and anxious at the edge of her seat, desperate to follow your trailing, distant voice to a conclusion
  599. >She hangs on every word of your slow and metered speech
  600. >You penetrate the white core with your fingers and rub up and down with all of the room available in the center of the shell
  601. "So sensitive..."
  602. >So entranced by your performance, she fails to notice your other hand slither up the inside of her sweater
  603. >"Aah~!" she squeaks in shock as your fingers capture and rub one of her oh-so-sensitive nips
  604. >And when you continue, she mewls softly and shifts in her seat, just so she can say she fought it
  605. >You lean in, your face mere inches from hers, staring into those bewildered purple orbs
  606. "But you can never get the full experience just by touch."
  607. >You bring the partially-eaten moon pie to your mouth
  608. >Moondancer takes a deep, hitched breath as you hand starts to creep down her body, tugging at the hem of her underwear
  609. >You slip your tongue into the ivory center of the pie, taking in the sweet sensation as you trace the letters of the alphabet in the movements of your appendage
  610. >And she sinks into her chair, tension melting out of her muscles when your left hand reaches its target and gets to its gentle work
  611. >She groans out between labored breaths
  612. >"Y-you're so lewd... I was ssstudying~"
  613. >You drop the pie and lean further forward, gingerly biting down on her earlobe to a sharp gasp
  614. >She quivers in her seat when your rich, bassy hum caresses her ear
  615. "I'm just really, really hungry for..."
  616. >You let her hang on that, and then whisper
  617. "...Moonie pie."
  618. >All at once, she bursts away from you, kicking her seat to the other end of the room
  619. >She shoots out of her chair and yanks her sweater over her head and throws it on the bed
  620. >One arm cradles her juicy naturals while the other points at a desk drawer
  621. >"I already know the material. Further studying is redundant. Protection is third drawer down.
  622. >You love moon pies
  623. ---Episode 7: Meet the Baronets, Part 1---
  624. >Be Moonie
  625. >And be incensed. Excited. Confused. And unused to such a thickly-attended "social" thing
  626. >"THERE HE GOES, CANTERLOT'S DUAL-THREAT QUARTERBACK SHOWING CLOUDSDALE POLYTECHNIC-"
  627. "Dual-threat! Dual-threat! Twilight, what does that mean? Is that him?"
  628. >"...JUST BARRELING THROUGH THE DEFENSE LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN, BY GOD CAN ANYTHING STOP HIM?"
  629. >"Um... dual-threat... let's see... let's see..."
  630. >Twilight thumbs through a mint rulebook for an informative reference.
  631. "He's running towards their rectangle. Is that the points rectangle?"
  632. >Other spectators hoot and pump their fists, crowding the stands even further with their passionate rumbling
  633. >"It means he's running to get the points!"
  634. >"I THINK THAT'S-... AND HE JUST SLIDES PAST! CANTERLOT'S SECRET WEAPON HAS A CLEAR RUN!"
  635. "GOOOO ANON! GO TO THE POINTS PLACE! HIT THE HOME RUN!"
  636. >Your shouts are mercilessly drowned in the expanse of hyped-up spectators. Both of your foam fingers wave back and forth as you spaz out in ignorantly ecstatic romantic support
  637. >There he goes! He crosses into the points rectangle!"
  638. >"THERE IT IS! CANTERLOT HAS IT ALL NOW! TOUCHDOOOOOOOWN!"
  639. >Your first instinct is to scream like the devil. Your second is to weave past the throng of people to get down there as soon as possible
  640. >Neither of those afford time to check on the dull buzz of a text alert coming from the phone in your pocket
  641. >"Space opened up on an earlier flight. We shall arrive tonight, dear."
  642. >"We've just landed dear. Is your battery empty?"
  643. >That's the line that goes unnoticed when you get to the party
  644. >"We got our rental car."
  645. >And that little buzz punctuates leaving out the back with a certain star player
  646. >"Your father and I are at the hotel. Please call us once you charge your phone. I know how studious you can be!"
  647. >"Hey Moonie-pie, your ass is vibrating."
  648. "Th-that's just b-because..." you struggle and strain with a reply as he kneads the booty like a world-champion baker, causing you to tremble and shake under a stairwell in the house of whatever fraternity is throwing the victory party
  649. "Guh~"
  650. >"Good morning, Moondancer. We will be arriving to pick you up for breakfast in a half-hour.""
  651. >"Moonie, your butt's buzzing again. I think it's your phone"
  652. >You check for the sole purpose of proving to Anon that "jiggle" and "buzz" or "vibrate" are not interchangeable words
  653. >Not that you would ever ascribe the word "jiggle" to your own features
  654. >That's what party girls with bad grades do!
  655. >Regardless of how sore you are, and whether or not that betrays your self-delusions, you reach into the back pocket of your sweatpants, pulled as far down your thighs as Anon had the patience to yank
  656. >Each text another nail hammered
  657. >Be Anon
  658. >Experience the soul-sucking emptiness of your loving lady NOT indulging Early Morning Cuddle Times™
  659. >Moonie rolls out of bed, landing on the floor with a dull thud
  660. >Clamoring to her feet, she waddles to her desk with her pants pulled tight down to her knees
  661. >The unenlightened soul would blame the bathroom
  662. >But you revel in your exclusive knowledge of just what caused even more butt devastation than bad tacos
  663. "Going somewhere love?"
  664. >"THISISADISASTERINEEDTOGETFRESHENEDUPBECAUSEOFFAMILYOHGOODNESSGRACIOUS"
  665. >Women
  666. >You slip your own boxers back on
  667. >And once you hear the water running, you dive into her drawers
  668. >She bolts back out with her pants up and teeth brushed right as you zip up your duffel bag, now one pair of used panties heavier
  669. "So is there like, an exam today or something babe?"
  670. >"MY PARENTS ARE COMING!"
  671. >In a dizzying display of hustle she arranges her nicest clothes on a desk, mulling over the options
  672. "That's... that's..." you stutter with wide eyes
  673. >She nods, pleased that you seem to understand the gravity of the situation.
  674. >"Yeah. That's-"
  675. "...What she said!"
  676. >She offers in return the purest and most distilled glare of frustration as you double over in uproarious laughter
  677. "Geez... did... did..." you wheeze
  678. >She groans and begins to disrobe
  679. "D-did you switch your funny bone..."
  680. >Tosses her sweatpants on your face
  681. "...With my bone!?
  682. >When you overcome the bursts of giggling and hiccups and pull away the sweatpants, she has, to your must utter disappointment, put on her nicest clothes
  683. >And you don't get why people think "nice" and "conservative" are the same
  684. >Like, isn't the best schoolgirl outfit the one with the TINY skirt?
  685. >"Listen Anon. I am /very/ sorry about this, but THEY make YOU a problem!"
  686. "What? Moi?" you croak as innocently as possible, slowly closing her underwear drawer behind you
  687. >"Twilight told her parents about you. And since they're in the same circles as MY parents, they know I have a boyfriend."
  688. "So their little girl is all grown up now. Big whoop."
  689. >You dig around the sheets for your shirt
  690. >"Well... about that," she pushes her fingers together
  691. >You pull your VP-69 shirt out of the pile of musky bedding
  692. >Ever since your dad got it for you at an airshow it's been a prized possession
  693. >"Maaaaaaybe Twilight stretched the truth about you a little."
  694. "And?"
  695. >"And maaaaaybe her mom might have embellished to mine."
  696. >She shoves her wallet in her pants and walks over to the door
  697. >"Well... um... maybemyparentsthinkyou'realawstudent! Let me try to take care of this! Uh... Twilight will call you!"
  698. >Moondancer right well tears the door off of its hinges on the way out, letting it slam behind her
  699. "Law student? Pfft."
  700. >You take your time collect your things and leave
  701. "Fuck the police."
  702. >And help yourself to one or two more pairs of undies
  703. >By the time you're down the stairs and on the way to frat row, your phone starts buzzing like mad
  704. >Five long texts from Twilight
  705. >Blah blah blah, panic panic panic
  706. >Ah, something useful!
  707. >"I just talked to Moondancer about this and I think it would be in all of your best interest to just pretend you're a law student while her parents are here."
  708. "What?" you whisper under your breath
  709. >You text back,
  710. "Why can't she just tell them I'm NOT a law student and that you lied?"
  711. >"I didn't lie! All I did was make you look good."
  712. "I already look good. What's wrong with me being an average joe?"
  713. >"No, Anon, you're just not really the kind of guy they would approve of."
  714. >You slap your forehead
  715. >Finally! All of the pieces are coming together
  716. "OH OK so Moonie's parents are chinese and don't want her to date a white guy?"
  717. >"Moondancer is caucasian."
  718. "But what if she's adopted?"
  719. >Twilight apparently just gives up and calls you
  720. "Yello."
  721. >"Anon. There's no way around this, but Moondancer's parents are paying for her to go here. They're some pretty upper-crust people and they think she's dating a... an intellectual."
  722. "Go on."
  723. >"If they think she's dating someone... err... not smart, they might threaten to stop giving her money!"
  724. "So we don't want her parents to think I'm stupid."
  725. >You rub your neck nervously
  726. >Why does this shit always bite you in the butt?
  727. >"...yes. Just get some nice clothes on and meet me at the library. They're gonna want to see you and we need to make a good impression."
  728. >Regents Library
  729. >Operation: Not to be a dumb fuck
  730. >"I meant something more along the lines of a polo, Anon."
  731. >On TV you saw all the people doing the draft picks wearing suits. Might as well try to look good like them, for them
  732. "Well, it's not bad, right?"
  733. >Much to the contrary. It fits your body well with enough room where room is needed, and falls in where the fabric should hold to your body
  734. >And most of all, it makes you look huge
  735. >Huger
  736. >"It can be worked with. Anyways, you know your backstory?"
  737. "Yeah, yeah, law student. Right. I know what that is."
  738. >What is she thinking? As if you didn't grow up learning law in the State of San Andreas
  739. >"Are you sure?"
  740. >You lean back in your chair, balancing on the two rear legs because that's what hard motherfuckers do
  741. >And lawyers. Lawyers sit in lots of chairs so they must be good at that type of thing
  742. "Listen: I have this shit on permanent lock. Next?"
  743. >"Do you know the names of her parents?"
  744. "Never talks about 'em" you shrug
  745. >"Seneschal is her father. Wuthering Lows is her mother. Both of them have peerage. Do you know what that means?"
  746. >Now that's a new word! Hmm, Moonie taught you how to do this
  747. >Root word
  748. "Her mom has a dick, or like...?"
  749. >"No, they're..." Twilight begins, in the same fashion as a special ed teacher might coax a chromosome hurricane
  750. "Do they both pee sitting down?"
  751. >"It means they're sort of like royalty. Just don't be a slob. Don't be stupid. Alright?"
  752. "Why do I have to deal with princes and shit? What you're saying right now is-"
  753. >"Calm down. This will be easy. You're great with people, right?"
  754. "Oh how the little piglets would grunt if they knew how the old hunk suffered!" you wail to the heavens
  755. >Loud shushes swarm your eardrums, nothing too unfamiliar
  756. >"Moondancer just texted me. They visited her room and now they want to meet you at Hoity's."
  757. >Fuck yeah, free bread!
  758. ---Episode 7: Meet the Baronets, Part 2---
  759. >Hoity's
  760. >You have been coached that it's like Olive Garden but somehow fancier
  761. >Mother always made you wear your polo when you went on your birthday
  762. >Hard to see how it can get fancier than that
  763. >But now, in possession of a randy-dandy suit, you march in to the nest of the upper crust
  764. >At first glance you are blown away
  765. >Bubble lights meander across the ceiling like streams of the softest light
  766. >Warm atmospheres enclose each table in its warm grip
  767. >Gentle piano notes are picked from a corner, vibrating low under the facades of dignified diners
  768. >You tug on your collar
  769. >It's a bit tight and the room is altogether a smidge too warm
  770. >A finger traces the path of a drop of sweat and sequesters it from your visage
  771. >Anon is not often left on the back foot
  772. >But here you are distant from your element as no other locale
  773. >The fineries and scents choke the air
  774. >It goes down perhaps less like a toxin, and more of a strong drug against which you lack the acquire taste or resistance
  775. >Your eyes in a single sweep catch Moondancer's unmistakable red and velveteen locks
  776. >She's no longer wearing the dressy shirt and skirt like before
  777. >She wears a piece you've never seen on her
  778. >Surely it's been picked by her parents. It is an all-black affair of a dress, which hugs her body and flows like the softest silken dunes from her shoulders to her shins
  779. >It is obvious that it isn't to her taste; she reclines in it uncomfortably. You can tell it showcases her somewhat extra weight too openly to her liking
  780. >Or perhaps, too, she is not yet immune to the air
  781. >She locks eyes with you and cocks her head, gesturing for you to come and for mother and father to behold
  782. "Here goes nothing."
  783. >Her parents double-take as you walk over
  784. >You pull out a seat for yourself and rake your gorgeous head of hair
  785. >You got the hairstyle from some war documentary you saw once
  786. >The one with the Nazis that invaded Pearl Harbor or something
  787. >The arms of your suit strain to withhold the awesome power of your wicked 'ceps when you pull out a seat and plop down
  788. >"Mother, father, I would like to introduce you to my romantic partner."
  789. >Her mother looks like almost as much of a fucking nerd as Moonie
  790. >Just a stuck-up nerd. Like a nerd that thinks they're really cool
  791. >She winks at her daughter
  792. >"Interesting..." she intones in a heavy Prench accent
  793. >Daddy is a wispy-ass looking toff motherfucker
  794. >Doesn't look like there's been any meat on those bones since Neighitnam
  795. >If they're ever gonna be your in-laws, you KNOW you have to get him to lift
  796. >It's just gross otherwise
  797. >He just straightens his tie and sneers, wobbling a thin silver line over his lip
  798. >"Mother, father, Anon. Anon, Baron Seneschal and Wuthering Lows."
  799. >...
  800. >Oh fuck, courtesy
  801. >You zip to your feet and bow
  802. "My lords."
  803. >Mother coughs and waves away your bow, instead offering a hand palm-down
  804. >You remember this from the movies
  805. >Some dude kisses the hand of a cute girl
  806. >But she's not a cute girl. She's royalty
  807. >You must be missing something here!
  808. >Aha! The royal handshake. Of course!
  809. >You place your hand palm-up beneath hers, offering a dainty handshake that's been flipped on its side
  810. "It is the highest honor, Lordess."
  811. >"Quite..."
  812. >Shaking Seneschal's hand is an easier task, but you don't notice Wuthering Lows wipe her hand on a napkin
  813. >You take your seat for real now
  814. >"A little lacking on protocol, are we?" father remarks dryly
  815. >"Father!" Moondancer scolds
  816. >She gulps when he turns his steely gaze on her, and she stutters to justify herself
  817. >"Well it's just that um... Anon spends so much of his time studying law that his courtesies are... rusty."
  818. "Exactly. I can spend whole days in the... law zone."
  819. >Time to start whipping out those fancy words that Twilight taught you!
  820. >"Well dear, I'm sure we know someone /else/ who at times struggles with /her/ protocol."
  821. >Mother nudges father and chuckles
  822. >After what feels like eons, Seneschal curls his lip as if to concede the point
  823. >"Perhaps so. It should seem fitting that our darling daughter would find a soul in similar plight."
  824. >"Quite so."
  825. >You shuffle nervously in your seat
  826. >It's go time
  827. "Quite indubitably my good man."
  828. >The two share side-eyes
  829. >Awestruck by your ability to be fancy
  830. "Alas and indeedly that we plight... much the same."
  831. >Moondancer stares at you not quite sure what she is witnessing
  832. >Perhaps you can surprise even her with your ability to adapt
  833. >"Yes... anyhow," mother keeps the ball rolling
  834. >Your display seems to have worked for now
  835. >"Anon, what field of law are you pursuing?"
  836. "I... uh..."
  837. >You go for a glass of water. More time to think
  838. "I want to be a lawyer for police suspects. But for the big crimes, you know?"
  839. >"Big crimes? Do you mean fraud? Tax evasion? Identity theft?"
  840. >You shrug
  841. "I guess it depends. How many stars do you get for those?"
  842. >"Excuse me... stars?"
  843. "Yeah, like..."
  844. >You rack your brain for examples
  845. "If you were to fly over Area 69, that would get you five stars. That's when the FBI comes after you. City cops aren't part of that anymore. So that's like... a big case."
  846. >"Surely you mean Area 51?" Father clarifies
  847. "Never heard of it."
  848. >Mother opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out
  849. >Guess she isn't a law nerd.
  850. "And it's not all big stuff, right?"
  851. >You start gesticulating with your arms
  852. "If you just blow something up that's one star, but if you keep at it, you can get all the way up to six stars."
  853. >You nod, satisfied with yourself
  854. "That's where I come in. I will lawyer for them and get rid of their wanted level."
  855. >"Perhaps... modern criminal law is not in the scope of our knowledge, dear."
  856. >Mother nods in agreement
  857. >"So what do you and Moondancer enjoy?"
  858. >Moonie breathes a sigh of relief and you slap your knee
  859. >Finally an easy one
  860. "Goodness gracious your honors, what /don't/ we enjoy?"
  861. >Your girlfriend appears to rest easier in her seat
  862. >You got this
  863. "We like missionary, cowgirl- HRNGH"
  864. >A nail drives mercilessly into your thigh and your girlfriend shoots you a venomous glare
  865. >"W-we... we do missionary work with... cowgirls. In Appleloosa. For poor girls who do not have families to feed them."
  866. >"Missionary?" mother looks to father. "I don't recall you being the religious type."
  867. >"We go along with it in order to do good things. Because that is what we do. Good, chaste things."
  868. >Father seems to finally appreciate something
  869. >"Yes... it's good that you're staying wholesome. Lots of girls lose their marbles in college."
  870. "Sometimes they lose- HRNGH"
  871. >Moonie interrupts what could've been a funny one
  872. >In immediate retrospect, you see how that kind of humor would be sinful in the eyes of the royals
  873. >The waiter comes by
  874. >The same breed of toff as Moonie's father
  875. >Maybe a little less haughty and prestigious
  876. >"Have the ladies and gentlemen decided?"
  877. >"Lemon verbena cured sea trout. And a bottle of the Fonseca. 1963."
  878. >"The Cote de porc please."
  879. >"R-roast pigeon." Moonie falters for a half-moment, struggling to find the price
  880. >Fancy places don't list prices, because royalty is allowed to haggle
  881. >Or was it that they charge the government directly?
  882. >"And for you, sir?"
  883. "The Saudi fowee grass my good man. Oh, and uh, breadsticks?"
  884. >He stares quizzically
  885. >"Breadsticks, sir?"
  886. "Y'know, the unlimited breadsticks? Yea big?"
  887. >You charade a small basket
  888. "I didn't see it and we didn't get one so I wasn't sure if... it..."
  889. >Murderous eyes bore at your head
  890. >You clap your hands quietly
  891. "Which is what I would say, if we were in a /dirty/ place like... /Olive Garden/. Blech."
  892. >The waiter just leaves
  893. >Moonie swoops in, trying to salvage the great big wreck that is you
  894. >"Aha. You and your... avant-garde sense of humor, darling."
  895. "Thanks dear."
  896. >Father coughs and stares only at Moondancer
  897. >once the wine arrives and is poured, all he does is peer at you through the glass between sips
  898. >Mother shifts in place and crosses her legs
  899. >"So, um... Moondancer dear, how did you come across such a strapping young man?"
  900. >She wiggles her head and winks at you
  901. >It reminds you of grandma blowing you a kiss
  902. >Minus how cute and familiar it is
  903. >In fact, you can hear her voice right now
  904. >"Oh Ah-NON dearie, you be sayfe at y'all's big school now, muffin."
  905. >This is not in the realm of cute
  906. >you just want grandma and breadsticks
  907. >Moondancer nudges you
  908. >Shit! Time to be fancy again!
  909. >What do fancy people like?
  910. "The water polo."
  911. >"In a philosophy class."
  912. >Your choral answers reflect an immediate lack of preparedness
  913. >But this, too, can be spun
  914. >"I... um... what Anon means is..." Moonie begins
  915. >Mother cocks an eyebrow in your direction
  916. >It's disgusting,
  917. >But maybe, just maybe, you can tap into how hot you are
  918. >Get mom on your side
  919. >You lean forward over your thick right arm, glancing both ways surreptitiously
  920. >Moonie says that word means sneaky
  921. "Well..." you begin, words dripping with a handsome college man's charm
  922. >Mother's brow arises once more
  923. "She didn't see me, but I was playing that... smashing water polo recreation with my... acquirances."
  924. >"Acquaintances" Moonie feeds you
  925. "My acquaintances. And I saw this smokin-... intellectually high temperature girl-folk playing the polo. But she only noticed /me/ in our philosophy class."
  926. >Mother stops you
  927. >"Moondancer dear, when did you learn to swim?"
  928. >Fuck
  929. >"Ah... mother... I just... wanted to try... water polo?"
  930. >"But you-"
  931. "But we /really/ met in the philosophy class. She's so cute when she's smart. Which is all the time. Because she's smart."
  932. >"How /romantic/. What happened when you met, dear?"
  933. >"W-well... we discussed the cave. The Allegory of the Cave"
  934. >You were in a cave once at a park. Time for the touchdown!
  935. "Oh yeah. So Moonie was being so smart, and so I wanted to get her attention, so I started talking about the cave-"
  936. >"Yes! And how esoteric his arguments were. I was romantically attracted to him instantaneously," Moonie gracefully cuts you off
  937. >Food arrives
  938. >Holy fuck
  939. >It looks like literal roast anus
  940. >You thought that the sauteed foie gras was some kind of weird salad
  941. >Not some fucking teriyaki meat monster
  942. >What ever happened to wings?
  943. >But everyone else appears delighted with their shit
  944. >Mother and father dig in like royals; slowly, and making dignified noises of approval every time they bite
  945. >Even Moonie doesn't look like she hates herself
  946. >So you just suck it up and slice the damn thing to pieces
  947. >One bite at a time
  948. >But it's so sweet...
  949. >The conversation has died down
  950. >things are almost going to plan
  951. >BZZT. BZZT. BZZT
  952. >You slip a hand into your pocket and look at your phone
  953. >someone from the football team
  954. >It's wings and nachos day after all
  955. >You let it slide and go back to your sweet meat catastrophe
  956. >BZZT. BZZT. BZZT
  957. >Father looks at you
  958. >"Is there someone attempting to reach you?"
  959. >You fumble around, trying to shut it off
  960. "Just the law zone. They need me to do the... law simulator today."
  961. >"Law... simulator?"
  962. "Yeah, it's like for planes, but like... uh..."
  963. >"Please, Anonymous, do take this call if it is so important."
  964. >Gulp
  965. "Nothing is more important than fine dining with my segregated other's parents!
  966. >Father lays down his fork. His chin angles up ever so slightly
  967. >Perhaps so he can look down on you
  968. >"Take the call, Anonymous. It will not offend."
  969. >BZZT. BZZT. BZZT.
  970. >No
  971. >Please, no...
  972. >"Take. The. Call."
  973. >"Seneschal!"
  974. >"Come now dear, this is important for him, right Anon?"
  975. "Yes... indee-diddly my lord."
  976. >You swipe to answer and gingerly lift the phone to your ear
  977. "Feliz navidad good sir. Law man Anonymous at your service."
  978. >"Felicitations. It's felicitations."
  979. >Moonie stares into her food like a Vietnam vet dragged back to Neigh Sanh
  980. >"YO MY MAN 'NON, THESE WAITRESSES ARE HOT AS FUCK, WHERE ARE YOU?"
  981. >You turn away, but your mate's cacophonous voice reaches everyone at your table with ease
  982. "Good sir, I must decline for I am engaged in a social engagement. I can help you with the law simulator later."
  983. >"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT'S HELLA BITCHES, HELLA WINGS, HELLA NACHOS AND OUR FUCKING QUARTERBACK IS PLAYING FANCY? YO WHERE YOU AT."
  984. "I believe you have the wrong number and I'll call you back"
  985. >"ANON YOU BETTER NOT-"
  986. >/click/
  987. >Four eyes stare in total disbelief
  988. >Two are looking away, humiliated
  989. >Moonie's face glows red
  990. >her father's with anger
  991. >"Anonymous. Where are you from?"
  992. "Uhh... Canterlot."
  993. >"What district?"
  994. >You suck in some air
  995. "Westside..."
  996. >Father allows his silverware to clang on his plate
  997. >"Your friend says you play football? What are you really studying, Anonymous?" he shoves a bony finger in your face
  998. "My name is Anon and I study law and I do not play sports" you drone, just as Twilight drilled you
  999. >"Liar!"
  1000. >He shifts the focus of his anger
  1001. >"Moondancer. You have lied to us once. Do not lie to us again. Who is this LOUT?"
  1002. >Other tables look on with concern
  1003. >"Anon is..."
  1004. >Your girlfriend stares at you with a falling face
  1005. >"...not a law student. He's a Communications major and he's our university's quarterback."
  1006. >Father shoots out of his seat, bringing mother with him by the arm
  1007. >"Moondancer! We are leaving this instant."
  1008. >"Father! Twilight lied to her parents and the stretched the truth and all I did was-"
  1009. >The razors of father's pupils gore Moonie's resistance
  1010. >"/Perhaps/ we will continue to fund your education, but /any/ future of yours in /this/ family is in serious doubt unless you fly home with us /today/. Consider your current semester DONE, and whatever relationship you /think/ you have with this imbecile bastard DONE."
  1011. >She protests, albeit stunned and ineffectively, and is dragged off before you even realize what is happening
  1012. >The waiter slinks over to you, sitting aghast and thoroughly shocked
  1013. >"We shall bill Seneschal. But we must ask that you leave this establishment."
  1014. >You don't need any more encouragement and you bolt straight out of the door
  1015. >You call back your pal, who you're still mad as fuck at
  1016. "I need a ride. Right now."
  1017. >"Yo what's this-"
  1018. >/Click/
  1019. >It takes eight minutes for Featherweight to show up with his dad's Camaro
  1020. >Eight minutes too long
  1021. >"What's the shit my ni-"
  1022. "Airport. Now."
  1023. >Featherweight thunders down the highway
  1024. >His dad's car flexes its mighty muscles, weaving between cars down Airport Boulevard
  1025. >"Where do need me to drop you off brah?"
  1026. >Fuck
  1027. >Airports have lab terminals or something
  1028. "I got this. Just get us there."
  1029. >You call up Twilight
  1030. >"Anon? How did things go with-"
  1031. "Moonie's parents are trying to take her back to the royal castle land or some shit. Do you know where she's going in the airport?"
  1032. >"Anon!? What the hell is going-"
  1033. "Twilight. Where. Is. She. Going."
  1034. >...
  1035. >"Did... did you call her?"
  1036. "Oh yeah, her dad will love that."
  1037. >"Hm... They'll let her talk to me. Hold on."
  1038. >Click
  1039. >You stretch your fingers and grind your teeth while Featherweight signals for the exit into the airport
  1040. >Enraged, terrified, and lonely bricks stack in your belly
  1041. >Pinpricks of cold sweat drape your forehead
  1042. >BZZZZT
  1043. >"Air Ixiom."
  1044. "Featherweight, Air Ixiom."
  1045. >"I got it here."
  1046. >He swerves into a rare empty space in the mass of cars loading and unloading
  1047. >"Good luck Anon" Twilight sighs
  1048. "Yeah, right..."
  1049. >You throw open the door and stumble out
  1050. >"Get our friend back."
  1051. >Click
  1052. >Your first attempt at passing through security ends with abrupt refusal
  1053. >No ticket, no entry to the terminal
  1054. >You lean over the Air Ixiom desk
  1055. "I need to, uh... escape, you know? I feel like I'm trapped. Where's a good place to fly?"
  1056. >"Sir, we have flights with space available later this evening to Roam-"
  1057. "Sold.
  1058. "Sir, it's-"
  1059. >You throw your wallet on the counter and give her your credit card
  1060. >"S-sir, a seat is $650-"
  1061. "Come on, I have a lover to catch!"
  1062. >Now $650 poorer, you slave through the security line
  1063. >A one-way ticket and no baggage catches you glances, but you don't have anything on you
  1064. >And you still look fancy as fuck
  1065. >And white. That helps
  1066. >You barrel through the terminal to the Air Ixiom gates
  1067. >Five or six of them
  1068. >You scan the crowd for any sign of your beloved
  1069. >"Air Ixiom Flight 701 to Canterlot, final call for boarding"
  1070. >Shit
  1071. >701... 701... there!
  1072. >701's gate, as you approach, swirls like a draining tub
  1073. >Passengers flow into the jetway one-by-one
  1074. >"F-father, you can't do this!"
  1075. >You whip around to the source of the tearful protest
  1076. >To you it is the sweetest song, a valiant siren calling you
  1077. >Moondancer clings to her father's arms, pleading her case through choked sobs
  1078. >Mother stands beside nervously, looking over at the service counter's frustrated attendant
  1079. >Money and status can only do so much to a timetable
  1080. >"Daughter I can and WILL pull you out of here! A little distance will help you think about your priorities!"
  1081. >"L-like *sniff* what?"
  1082. >He rolls his head and sighs
  1083. >"/Studying/, not foolish boys."
  1084. >"He is certainly n-not a fool!"
  1085. >You gallop to them at full speed, waving your arms
  1086. "Moonie! Moonie! M-Moonie's parents!"
  1087. >"Anon!" your girlfriend yells, reaching out past her father's sudden defensive arm
  1088. >"Security? Hello? Someone!?" Father rages
  1089. >Mother waves once, and wrings her hands
  1090. >Moonie pushes away from Seneschal and nearly leaps into your arms
  1091. >Her wet mess of a face soaks the shoulder of a borrowed suit
  1092. >All you can do is savor the feeling of her soft, her love, as long as you can
  1093. >She digs into your embrace like an ostrich; clearly her stamina for this fight is running low
  1094. >Choking sobs only distract father for a moment.
  1095. >"YOU GET AWAY FROM HER RIGHT THIS INSTANT! MOONDANCER, COME HE-"
  1096. "Sir." you state forcefully, holding out one arm and ushering Moonie behind you with the other
  1097. >For the millionth time today, you have no idea what you're doing or saying
  1098. >This is all above your ability
  1099. >"YOU GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF MY GIRL-"
  1100. >He jams a finger into your face, running into the outstretched arm now keeping him at bay
  1101. "Sir, just hear me-"
  1102. >"YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAUGHTER!" Seneschal bellows
  1103. >The surrounding transit din hushes to the scene unfolding
  1104. >You could hear a pin drop if not for the planes
  1105. >"YOU DO NOT DESERVE MOONDANCER."
  1106. >Moonie sobs
  1107. >Mother dabs nervous sweat
  1108. >Father huffs like an enraged bull
  1109. >You stand, shocked to silence
  1110. >"You are an idiot! You are a fool! I almost cannot believe what I witnessed at lunch today."
  1111. >The memory causes you to wince
  1112. >"You're a rotten liar! A man of no respect, or upbringing, class, intelligence, or perhaps quite ANYTHING of merit!"
  1113. >He points behind you
  1114. >"SHE has potential. YOU are DEAD. WEIGHT."
  1115. >He is content to twist the knife no further
  1116. >You sputter for something to say back at his big, smart face
  1117. >"Well? Anything to say for yourself before we leave?"
  1118. >You stare at the floor, cut down
  1119. >And then at Moonie, looking over fearfully
  1120. >That her time is come
  1121. >And that yours, together, is over
  1122. >Your Moonie Pie
  1123. "You're right, sir."
  1124. "I'm a dumbass. I play football to pay for college. I'm doing Communications because I can pass half my classes without even showing up."
  1125. >You tug the hem of your jacket
  1126. "I don't own any actually good looking clothes. All I have is being an athlete, and when I'm done I'm done. I might have however many years, but yeah. Moonie has her entire career."
  1127. "She has a lot ahead of her... and maybe I don't."
  1128. >The one you so desperately pray can remain your girlfriend slinks over
  1129. "Even if I succeed I won't be able to say I actually did anything for the world. She will."
  1130. >Her fingers mesh with yours
  1131. >Her mouth is agape at your words, even through her weeping
  1132. "She's so smart, sir. I know you /think/ she's smart, but let me tell you this: she taught me how to do calc one. Me. Doing calculus."
  1133. >Father snorts
  1134. "She studies all the time. I try to get her out of her room as much as I can. You know, go out and all that."
  1135. >You imagined at first a steely monologue face-to-face with Seneschal
  1136. >But your gaze drifts inevitably to Moondancer
  1137. >Her eyes catch yours
  1138. >Like they first did, and still do
  1139. "I don't get it why she gets shy at parties or other stuff with girls. They're pretty."
  1140. >Something you always wonder aloud about. This is the first time she doesn't look away
  1141. "But... she's... beautiful"
  1142. >This you say directly to her
  1143. >You're not talking to father anymore
  1144. "I love her. I love how cute she is in those huge sweaters. I love how excited she gets about classes and stuff. I love how she kinda sings when she reads out loud, and how frazzled her hair gets and how she doesn't let it bother her. I love how her glasses are just a little too big and keep sliding off her nose."
  1145. >You cup her cheek
  1146. "I love how patient she is. I love kissing her first in the morning, or when she hugs me real tight when I don't see her coming and she tries to lift me up."
  1147. >You swallow
  1148. "I..."
  1149. >Yours and Moonie's hands are white from your mutual grip
  1150. >And you look to her father
  1151. "I know that she loves me back. Hell if I know why, I-"
  1152. >Moonie quiets you by turning your face and occupying it with a wet, impassioned kiss
  1153. >She fills it with all that she has
  1154. >Sadness, anger, desperation, love, embarrassment, melancholy
  1155. >You have kissed before
  1156. >But today she gives you all she has
  1157. >Thrown into an all too brief downpour of raw emotion
  1158. >She remembers the setting and pulls away, slowly
  1159. >Dragging her fingers back across your cheek as sweetly delaying as can be
  1160. >How could you live without this?
  1161. >"You d-deserve *sniff* me. I don't know if I deserve y-you."
  1162. "Moonie-"
  1163. >She stops you with another slow kiss, this time retreating deep into the crook of your neck
  1164. >Her arms wrap tight around your chest
  1165. >Mother prances nervously over to father, whispering into his ear
  1166. >They argue in near-silence
  1167. >She keeps shaking her head yes
  1168. >Him, a no
  1169. "Lord Seneschal. Miss Lord Wuthering Lows."
  1170. >All you got.
  1171. "If you don't think I'm the man for her, then let me prove it."
  1172. >Father arches a brow. A first-time in progress
  1173. "I can't be in her study group and I can't explain anything for her, sure. But I can love her. Protect her. Provide. Absolutely anything, anything I can do, it's hers."
  1174. >Moonie stirs. She looks up at you, a world's worth of affection held behind purple eyes
  1175. >"I love you Anon..." she mumbles
  1176. "I love you too" you whisper back
  1177. >"Anonymous," father barks as mother wipes a tear from her eye
  1178. "Yes?"
  1179. >He stares
  1180. >Mother squeezes his shoulder encouragingly
  1181. >"Hmm. Moondancer?""
  1182. >"Father?"
  1183. >Seneschal grumbles
  1184. >"Do you /really/ love this man... /that/ much?"
  1185. >"With my whole heart."
  1186. >"Oh, honey..." mother coos
  1187. >Father throws his hands up in the air
  1188. >"Fine."
  1189. >You and Moondancer snap fully upright
  1190. >"Court with him if you must. We will continue to pay for your studies regardless."
  1191. "Sir..." you make sure you heard right
  1192. >"Yes! Yes, you all twisted my arm. Now get out of here, go home."
  1193. >"Are you leaving?" Moonie asks
  1194. >The service desk attendant grumbles
  1195. >"We shall leave you both-"
  1196. >"And return as soon as we can! The four of us can have a more proper meal."
  1197. >Moondancer embraces her parents and exchanges brief goodbyes
  1198. >They board just as the door closes on the jetway
  1199. >Featherweight takes the two of you back to Moondancer's apartment
  1200. >The two of you bubble with excitement the whole ride, holding back only to ensure that what just happened was no dream
  1201. >But when you step inside the apartment and lock the door behind you,
  1202. >It's real
  1203. >You strip off all the fancy-ass clothes
  1204. >uncomfortable as shit, and a bit soiled at that
  1205. >Now for a new kind of desperation
  1206. >Maybe not lust, but absolutely to be close
  1207. >You hear your girlfriend (thank god, still) sniffle
  1208. "Hey..."
  1209. >She wraps you in one of her surprise hugs
  1210. >"I *sniff* I almost l-lost *sniff* you!"
  1211. "Shh, we're all-"
  1212. >Tears well in your own eyes
  1213. >You really did come so close to losing it all...
  1214. >"Anon...?"
  1215. "Hm?"
  1216. >"Remove your *sniff* clothing."
  1217. >You separate and both strip down
  1218. >Moonie pulls you into bed, only to kiss and caress gently, bidding you wrap yourself up with her in the blankets
  1219. >And you don't need any further encouragement
  1220. >You enjoy your luxury
  1221. >Being together. Being so close.
  1222. >Trapped together in a warm cocoon of sheets and loose lankets
  1223. >And right now, there's no better feeling
  1224. >You don't make love that afternoon
  1225. >Only put each other to sleep with little kisses and sweet nothings
  1226. >A life you want to commit to.
  1227. ---Episode 8: To Be a Bad Neighbor---
  1228. >Be Bon Bon
  1229. >And say it three times fast
  1230. >Lyra's arms extend with a deep yawn over your shoulder on the bus
  1231. >The green-haired girl has struggled fiercely to stay awake on the ride to work today
  1232. "Lyra..."
  1233. >"I doe... I doe..."
  1234. >You peer at her with concern
  1235. "Look, you have bags under your eyes!"
  1236. >Lyra shrinks from the bright screen of your phone when you try to use the face camera to show off her exhausted state
  1237. "Why haven't you been getting any sleep?"
  1238. >"Y-you really want to know?"
  1239. "Come on, tell your bestest friend in the world."
  1240. >You walk a pair of fingers up her leg in a way which invokes suggestion counter to the former statement
  1241. >"It's the 'oise..." she yawns once more
  1242. "The noise? Is it construction?"
  1243. >Lyra shakes her head groggily
  1244. >"Nah. It's one of the rooms across from me."
  1245. "Who's making noise?"
  1246. >"I wish I knew. I thought it was coming from Moondancer's."
  1247. "Well... what noise is she making?"
  1248. >"Like... a pounding. Rhythmic pounding. Just a constant thump, thump thump."
  1249. "Oh my..." you cover your mouth with a hand
  1250. >"Yelling too. Moaning, yelling, screaming, the whole nine yards. It's ridiculous."
  1251. "Why can't it be coming from Moondancer's room?"
  1252. >"Psh," she waves away your suggestion. "I asked her once and she just came out in a onesie holding a textbook. I don't think she's been in the same /room/ as a guy."
  1253. >You nod, understanding the implication.
  1254. "Vinyl?"
  1255. >"Yeah. I'm gonna talk to her and Octy today after I'm done for today. I can't live like this!"
  1256. "Of course. Let's just hope they stop."
  1257. >...
  1258. >...
  1259. "Lyra?"
  1260. >"Hnnnnnk...." she snoozes from your shoulder
  1261. >Well, if things don't change, you'll take it up with Octy and Vinyl yourself!
  1262. ---Episode 9: Lunar Lift---
  1263. >Be Moonie
  1264. >and be frustrated, offended, and practically babied!
  1265. >UC is an academic institution first and foremost
  1266. >Your family expends a fortune in tuition to further your knowledge in the magical sciences!
  1267. >And here you sit before the academic advisory board...
  1268. >"Miss Moondancer, we understand your concerns. But we cannot set the policy, and the deans /have/ insisted on this requirement..."
  1269. >You roll your eyes and huff
  1270. >This kind of distraction will surely take away critical study time!
  1271. >A part of you believes this is just a bad joke, and that she truly won't confirm that...
  1272. >"Unfortunately, you just /have/ to take a fitness to fulfill a degree requirement here."
  1273. >A few of the more bookish types smile understandingly
  1274. >The others sit, stone-faced and already looking over the documents of their next student in need of help
  1275. "Very well."
  1276. ---
  1277. >Be Anon
  1278. >you stare dumbfounded at the pile of textbooks on your girlfriend's bed
  1279. >"I know your physical abilities far surpass mine. Once you help me lift this weight, it will demonstrate my advanced abilities to the instructor and thus convince her to grant me credit for the course. Correct?"
  1280. >Moonie points to the mountain of old and new material
  1281. >Easily twenty full course books
  1282. >"Is this not the point of weightlifting? I signed up to lift weight. And here it is."
  1283. "Uhh..."
  1284. >"Anon, I taught you algebra. Can you not do this for me, at least?"
  1285. "I just... I just don't think you understand."
  1286. >Moonie crosses her arms
  1287. >"Then you must teach me how to lift."
  1288. >Knots of students dissipate and crowd up against the walls
  1289. >Like the Red Sea, the masses split from the sheer force of your formation
  1290. >UC's football team in all of its glory
  1291. >Modern Spartans to the man
  1292. >Ready for war and stalwartly at your back
  1293. >Each member commands half of the passageway with their sheer size
  1294. >Twenty of Canterlot's best are on the march to the weight room, theirs for the day
  1295. >Twenty plus one
  1296. >Under your right arm, a jug of pre-workout and a worn duffel bag
  1297. >Under your left, Moonie clutches to your bicep, dwarfed and intimated by your entourage
  1298. >Everyone knows the plan already on arrival, and the cream of the crop fills the racks, machines, and benches
  1299. "I got the music, boys. Hold on."
  1300. >You set your things down next to the rack you've saved for you and Moonie
  1301. >"Ah... Anon..."
  1302. "Hm?"
  1303. >You measure out a generous helping of C4 and pound it down
  1304. >And a powerade chaser
  1305. >"Are... are you sure it's most efficient for me to learn around your team?"
  1306. >She rubs her arm, glancing around sheepishly
  1307. >Glancing down every couple of seconds at her bit of muffin top sitting on an old pair of high school gym shorts
  1308. >The sports top doesn't look new or well-used either
  1309. >You take her hands, trying to look sincere while you lick and smack at the C4 powder stuck to your mouth
  1310. "Shlisten. Shlifting is all about the hype. You're stronger when there's a bunch of big dudes lifting heavy shit, right?"
  1311. >"I... do not believe that theory stands-"
  1312. "Shush. Makes you stronger."
  1313. >You set up the squat rack for her height, straight bar weight
  1314. "So, this is where you squat. It gives you thighs and big badonk. Right?"
  1315. >You squish yourself down and pump out a few easy reps to demonstrate form
  1316. >"Now you try."
  1317. >It takes a few attempts, but Moonie more or less gets it down
  1318. >"I can feel my lower body exerting. The lifting is working!"
  1319. >You throw up a shaka
  1320. "Now let's put some weight and tunes on babe."
  1321. >This is it
  1322. >The ultimate pump
  1323. >She is about to be baptized in the hustle
  1324. > [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_wMQhD5aKk [Embed] ]
  1325. "Ninety-five. You'll feel some strain just starting out but you got it."
  1326. >You put a twenty-five on each side and stand behind her
  1327. "Drop it."
  1328. >She drops to thigh parallel, shaking the whole way
  1329. >"O-ouch!"
  1330. >She shivers on the rise
  1331. "Seven more, come on."
  1332. >The next rep is just as tough
  1333. >But she falls in line with the beat by the third
  1334. >Every two counts she drops, and comes up
  1335. >Both of your hands hover under her ass
  1336. >"Is this meant to support me?"
  1337. >You snort
  1338. "Uh, duh. It's spotting. So I can save you and stuff."
  1339. >You think she can pull of eight reps without a struggle
  1340. >She doesn't need it
  1341. >She racks the bar
  1342. "Nice butt. Nice effort. Take a minute and do it again."
  1343. >Moonie keels over and takes a deep breath
  1344. >"Sure... sure thing."
  1345. >You pat her on the back
  1346. "Nice work Moonie."
  1347. >Nerd-ass math symbols cover the water bottle she takes a deep drink from
  1348. >"This isn't music I normally listen to."
  1349. > [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ShkxTf5utw [Embed] ]
  1350. >Next track shuffles on
  1351. "Ready to quit?" you ask casually, warming up on her weight a few times before sticking two forty-fives on each side for the first set
  1352. >Moonie gawks at the speed and ease that you pound out those sick ass reps
  1353. >Being a fucking leg god you don't blame her
  1354. >"Of course not! Let me go again."
  1355. >Back to ninety-five
  1356. ---
  1357. >It's been four months
  1358. >You and Moonie toss your bags against the wall of her apartment
  1359. "195, not a bad PR!"
  1360. >She beams back at you, slipping off her shorts and going for her pants
  1361. >You're about to make some manner of small-talk when you hear a sharp RIIIIIIIIP
  1362. >Your girlfriend stares like a deer in headlights
  1363. >Her panicked waddle is too slow
  1364. >You maneuver behind her to behold the sight
  1365. >One massive rip
  1366. >Ground-zero on her ass
  1367. >She gapes in horror
  1368. >You fight back tears
  1369. "They should have sent a poet..."
  1370. ---Episode 10: ASTR 242---
  1371. >Be Anon
  1372. >After so many long-ass study sessions stressing over some bullshit numbers and letters,
  1373. >You finally pay the price
  1374. >Leg day. Leg day was today
  1375. >That makes it no easier to lug a giant telescope case up the side of Mount Canter
  1376. >Each step is one at a time
  1377. >One, two, one, two
  1378. >The burn is your friend
  1379. >The pain is your friend
  1380. >But tonight is special anyhow. You've got a little surprise tucked in a bag under the case
  1381. >Moonie struggles ahead, only just in the lead
  1382. >With each step she huffs and puffs, and every few minutes stops to catch her breath
  1383. >You wait for her at the top, rock and flat
  1384. >An old wood bench, thinned down by the elements, rocks freely and neglected
  1385. >its concrete base has broken free, and the ratty thing is easily pushed by the wind
  1386. >Mount Canter isn't the popular spot some out-of-towners make it to be
  1387. >Tonight, it's just you
  1388. >"Ok... Anon... we made... it."
  1389. >Moonie doesn't have much time to catch her breath
  1390. >You set the case down and she gets right to assembling the thing
  1391. >Not to say it's all her
  1392. >Some of the heavier parts give her struggle; those you take care of
  1393. >She gets to calibrating the thing once you're finished up assembling
  1394. >And you unpack your own surprise and hide it behind the bench
  1395. "I didn't think you'd spring for doing your ass assignment in a place like... on a hill."
  1396. >"AssTRONOMY, dear."
  1397. "Yeah, whatever."
  1398. >It doesn't make her blink anymore
  1399. "Is that where the word ass comes from, though?"
  1400. >She finishes pointing the scope somewhere in the sky
  1401. >"Astron is the Greek word for star-"
  1402. "Right, so they meant butts that are as big as the sun, right? An ass."
  1403. >Moonie scoffs and returns to her work
  1404. >The full moon is high in the sky at this hour. If it wasn't a friday, you'd be in bed already for the morning's team workout
  1405. >"The lights don't drown out the sky nearly as much up here. I'll have the best photos."
  1406. >"Senpai will notice me. Heh."
  1407. "Oh yeah, from your mangos, right?"
  1408. >Moonie does what can only be described as a full-facial "grump" in your direction
  1409. >"Manga."
  1410. "Hi, don't touch my mustache."
  1411. >Moonie sighs and puts herself to her work
  1412. >Tonight is cloudless, and fully glorious
  1413. >Jupiter twinkles high above like a great mount among sparkling island chains
  1414. >She takes dozens of photos of the Jovian moons
  1415. >Each time, relaying to you every last thing which makes those rocks more special than the other rocks
  1416. >"...but what if Europa ends up supporting a more complex ecosystem? Just think of what it means!"
  1417. "Space sockeye," you chuckle back
  1418. >"That doesn't amaze you? Really?"
  1419. >frizzy red and purple whip around with the same level of astonishment
  1420. "I guess... I just don't know enough about it to be that special."
  1421. >Moonie takes a beat and covers up her telescope
  1422. >"Honest?"
  1423. >She faces you with crossed arms
  1424. >And not enough tolerance to hide the cold
  1425. >Wordlessly, you step over and drape your varsity over her shoulders
  1426. >"It's only gonna get colder, Anon."
  1427. >You sport a half-smile
  1428. >You retort, cooly and softly
  1429. "I'd rather you be warm."
  1430. >As she often finds herself, she's caught between a scoff and a coo, half-bridges leading to blush and obvious diversion in most cases
  1431. >"Don't you ever think about stars? Or aliens? Or all the planets out there we could live on?"
  1432. >You shrug, and pull her closer so she can draw on your warmth
  1433. >She grumbles and wiggles and tucks her back against your chest so she can point out every little thing in the sky
  1434. "Way over my head." You try to play it as something below you
  1435. >It comes out honestly, wistfully
  1436. >"Oh dear, you're more intelligent than you give yourself credit!"
  1437. >Hah!
  1438. "Not too much."
  1439. >You just pull her closer and squeeze her shoulders
  1440. >...
  1441. >"What do you think about?"
  1442. "Uhh... football, your butt. Sometimes if I'm passing or not, but coach takes care of that for me."
  1443. >"Wrong, Anon. I'm referring to esoteric subjects. What's your worldview? You've always been tight-lipped and-"
  1444. "Football's important shit for me."
  1445. >You sound a bit more harsh than you intend to
  1446. >She holds her tongue for a moment while you worldlessly zip up the varsity on her
  1447. >"I... I know how important that sports are for you, given your financial-"
  1448. "That's not what I meant. I mean..." you huff
  1449. >She leans her head back so she can look at you
  1450. >"What do you mean? What are the /big/ things you think about?"
  1451. "Like I said, there aren't any."
  1452. >"Nothing about life on other planets? Where we come from? What we're supposed to be doing?"
  1453. >You shrug
  1454. "I guess I never had the time for it. School for me growing up was like finding out where space is, like all this astro economics stuff."
  1455. >"Even when I was a little girl I had my passions. Did nothing catch your interest?"
  1456. "Let me put it this way," you root around for the right words, "I didn't have any brain left to spare."
  1457. >She raises an eyebrow
  1458. "I remember, it must've been ten or twelve years ago... Everyone went to the lake one day."
  1459. >It was one of the most perfect summer afternoons in memory
  1460. >Even tonight on the top of some chilly mountain you could feel the perfect balance of toasty air and warm sunbeams
  1461. >As far as the eye could see, not a single cloud dotted the sky
  1462. "Mom kept me in to work on my summer homework. All my friends were done the first week. It took me all day to do the first multiplication tables."
  1463. >You sigh wistfully
  1464. "I was mad at her, at first. Then I got fuckin' pissed at myself for being so stupid I couldn't even go and run around half of that summer vacation. I couldn't give half a shit about space or sock crates. I couldn't even count."
  1465. >"Anon... I never thought..."
  1466. >It's your turn for perpelxion
  1467. "I'm pretty sure I told you I was a dumb kid, right? I mean before tonight."
  1468. >"Yes, but what it... /meant/, I never quite understood."
  1469. >She digs into the crook of your neck
  1470. >"Hobbies such as this have always been extensions of my passions in learning, not a prison to escape from."
  1471. >She rolls halfway on her side, leaning fully into your torso
  1472. >"Sorry I pressed it."
  1473. "Don't talk crazy. We good in the hood."
  1474. >"But it must make you self-conscious to be drilled at on this sort of thing!"
  1475. "What, you don't think I'm used to it by now?"
  1476. >You pull her tighter, and despite her squirming, trail some marks on her neck
  1477. >Always taking the chance to fuck with her
  1478. "I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I love you, and football. Which I both do."
  1479. >"You're being cheesy."
  1480. "Mwa"
  1481. >A breeze ushers Moonie closer
  1482. "I just enjoy the simple things. Right now? I'm good."
  1483. >Some pizza would be nice though
  1484. >Moonie's eyes drift back to the cosmos
  1485. "You look at space, you be smart. Think about smart shit. I'll just have your back, is all."
  1486. >"That's very sweet of you."
  1487. "No, I mean it."
  1488. >You cup her chin, gazing purposefully into her soulful eyes
  1489. "The world's not missing anything good out of me so long as it has you."
  1490. >You discreetly dig around in your pocket
  1491. "I want to- I mean it makes me..."
  1492. >Just as your fingers brush their target, the cavalry of fine words tumbles and crashes in your throat
  1493. >Their charge is blunted, humbled. It turns tail to wait for the right day right back down to your gut
  1494. >So it can continue to weigh there, just as the weight burns in the pocket of your jeans
  1495. >You take a deep breath and a sniff of musky, frazzled hair
  1496. >Moonie leans up and kisses you gently on the lips, brushing the fairie warmth of their touch on sensitive skin
  1497. >you take your out and return the favor
  1498. >You wrap her up and enjoy togetherness, savoring what you have in spite of clandestine defeat
  1499. >Not quite yet
  1500. >But soon
  1501. >And although you admittedly pay it little heed,
  1502. >The moon shines down with almost particular - and purposeful - benediction on its namesake
  1503. >A wink
  1504. ---Episode 11: Meet the Anonsons---
  1505. >Be Anon's truck
  1506. >You're a ratchety piece of shit
  1507. >Just having a football scholarship doesn't suddenly make one rich
  1508. >Your owner has still, for the most part, been stuck to bootstrapping his meager funds so far at UCanter
  1509. >You're also inexplicably more eloquent than Anon
  1510. >Who happens to be inside of you with his girlfriend
  1511. >Be Anon
  1512. >You pull out of the resident storage garage onto Whinneyfield, UCanter's supposedly "popping" throughfare
  1513. >Some stuck-up shits blocked all sorts of clubs from moving in, now all that's there is cheap pizza and fuckin' disgusting booze
  1514. >But hey, you do what you can
  1515. >Moonie jolts in her seat like she's on the epileptic chair every time you shift
  1516. "Babe, clunk and rev is badass. And I'm a badass. So I gotta do it."
  1517. >"This... cannot have a positive effect on the well-being of your vehicle."
  1518. "Fuck possums. If they get on my vehicle I'm just giving them to pops."
  1519. >Moonie shifts in her seat at the mention
  1520. >You glance over at her
  1521. "Nervous?"
  1522. >She gulps, clutching her bookbag even closer to her chest
  1523. >Fuckin' sweet
  1524. >"Y-yes, Anon! In much the same vein that my parents disapproved of you, I'm sure that a similar pattern-"
  1525. "Calm your veins. They'll think you're swell."
  1526. >You drag a hand from the gearstick to her lap
  1527. "And, since you're getting /swole/..."
  1528. >"Lewd!"
  1529. >Note to self: get a talking pen that says "LEWD"
  1530. "Come on. Your parents have like, extractations of your boyfriend or some shit. It's like... different."
  1531. >"And yours don't?"
  1532. >She eeps when you smack the dashboard and snort
  1533. "They like nice girls. You're a nice girl. Come on, they'll adore you, like..."
  1534. >You turn on the AC in case your performance heats things up
  1535. "You taught me words like... whomst'd'v'te"
  1536. >"Not a word."
  1537. "I think you'll be surprise by howm'st baller my words are."
  1538. >"And that means...?"
  1539. >You wiggle your eyebrows
  1540. "It's a secret. Secret serval."
  1541. >"Secret squirrel, not secret-... how do you know what a serval is?"
  1542. "Y'know, servals, like an internet serval."
  1543. >"That's a server."
  1544. "What does this have to do with restaurants?"
  1545. >Your girlfriend takes a sharp breath and sighs
  1546. >...
  1547. >"So what do you mean "howm'st baller" your words are gonna be?"
  1548. >Damn
  1549. >You figured doing something stupid would drag her off of that subject
  1550. >Works most of the time
  1551. >But she's clever
  1552. "Oh, I dunno... Just that Twilight's been helping me with some shit."
  1553. >She raises a thicc brow
  1554. >"And that is...?"
  1555. "...a secret.
  1556. >She crosses her arms
  1557. >No doubt she's impressed by raw fuckin' willpower
  1558. >Just five hours of open road ahead of you once you get on the interstate,
  1559. >All the way home
  1560. >A half-hour out from campus is when the city starts to end,
  1561. >And in another half-hour the suburbs die out into broad swathes of wood and farmland
  1562. >It's four more after that, silent but comfortable
  1563. >Your hand on the stick is held in Moonie's nearly the whole ride
  1564. >As you get closer and closer, she grips a little tighter
  1565. >You pull off of the interstate and go about five miles up a two-lane road into a little cluster of houses and shops
  1566. >It's a two stoplight sort of town, but it's only the nexus of your destination
  1567. >The end of your route is down a few dusty intersections and a long gravel path
  1568. >Winding through the road, it gets tighter and tighter as blooming trees pull closer and lean over your truck
  1569. >Sunlight flickers through the branches and flowers
  1570. >At the end of the drive is home
  1571. >A broad country house surrounded by low barns of varying size
  1572. >The front yard is nearly immaculate,
  1573. >And the visible back yard, all gravel, is spangled with old cars and farm equipment
  1574. >"A-Anon?"
  1575. >You look over to her with a smile
  1576. >Nothing like being home
  1577. >"I... I don't know about this."
  1578. >You set the truck in park and kick in the parking brake
  1579. >It rattles and gasps as you rip out the key. Moonie slides down in her seat, hiding her face behind an engorged bookbag
  1580. "Why?"
  1581. >She gulps, and her voice trembles and shivers in its reply
  1582. >"I-I just... y-you know I haven't ''dated'' anyone before. How... how am I supposed to even talk to your parents? How do I make them like me? I don't know anything about them, I'm probably ''nothing'' like them and they'll just wonder what in the world you're doing not dating some college athlete, and then the y-yelling and the-"
  1583. >You lean in and cut short her pessimist rant with a sloppy kiss. You lock tightly to her lips, cupping her cheeks and drawing her deeply into your arms
  1584. >She responds now as she does always, her soft and dough form losing its tension and melting into the firm scaffold you offer her
  1585. "Hush. My parents aren't like your parents. They don't give a shit about what you are so long as you good."
  1586. >She can't help but smile as she pulls away and nods slowly. Her hands poke out of her fuzzy sweater arms, and push open the passenger door
  1587. >You get out, not bothering to lock the truck out here. Moonie eagerly takes your hand as you lead her to the front door of the farmhouse, framed between a pair of lazy willows
  1588. >"And... I'm good?"
  1589. >You scoff in return. How such a genius can be such a dummy forever precludes your interovestigative brain
  1590. "How many times do I gotta say you're gonna knock it out of the park?"
  1591. >You bound up the rickety front porch with girl in tow. She nearly gets caught in the lattice minefield of rotted-out holes in the deck, which in your lifetime you have learned to navigate blind
  1592. >She pulls tight to your escorting arm as you rap on the door
  1593. "Ma! Pa! It's me!"
  1594. >At first, silence
  1595. >Then, the riot of a two-person stampede charging through the little abode
  1596. >The first parent to the door rips it open
  1597. >Mrs. Anonson, with her golden blonde hair piled into a mountain atop her head like some sort of country star and bright blue eyes overflowing with shock squeals and shouts
  1598. >She waves her hands in front of her face as her feet tippy-tap in place with unrestrained excitement
  1599. >"Oh... oh divine! Oh my dearie, Daddy! Daddy, it's your boy and his gal!"
  1600. >Ma crushes both you and Moonie in her burly embrace. It betrays the long years of fieldwork hidden beneath her nice clothes and pretty face
  1601. >You pull them both tight into your artillery-sized chest and drop your head into the mess of colorful hair
  1602. "I missed you so much, Ma..."
  1603. >She steps back
  1604. >"Well how do you think ''I'' feel? Oh..." she puts a hand over her heart
  1605. >"My little baby. Come on, give your momma a kiss."
  1606. >You obey the order of the Ma appointed over you and kiss her on the cheek. In reality it was a ruse, and she pulls in your face to pinch your cheeks and cover them in her own return fire of machine-gun mom kisses
  1607. "Oh, Ma, come on, stop it!"
  1608. >She chuckles and wipes a strand of her Dolly hair away
  1609. >"I earned that, you little fool!"
  1610. >All heads turn when Pa steps onto the porch
  1611. >His big, stereotypical cowboy hat sits on his head, and a faintly silvering Magnum PI sits like a cool block of iron on his lips
  1612. >His arms are crossed over his chest, right atop his sturdy barrel of a chest and farmer's gut, which over the years has been gaining ground on his belt
  1613. >Ever the stubborn bastard, he blinks away the faintest hint of mist in his eyes
  1614. >The old fool, Pa, with the same fool face
  1615. >He extends his weathered, calloused right hand
  1616. >"It's good to have you back, Anon."
  1617. "It's good to be back."
  1618. >You crush each others' hands like you always do
  1619. >He grunts and smiles. He can't out-handshake you anymore
  1620. >You smirk
  1621. >He laughs
  1622. >"Will you two dumb men quit your little macho game and acknowledge this gorgeous little thing our Nonny brought home?" Ma chastises
  1623. >She takes both of your girlfriend's hands, leaning in every inch that Moonie instinctively pulls back
  1624. >"Moondancer honey, we have heard just so ''much'' about you darling! And you are even cuter than the pictures. I don't know how my little boy convinced you to go to all the college dances, or whatever you folks do..."
  1625. >Pa laughs, and finishes his wife's sentence. "But by golly, are we glad he did. Come on in, you two. Dinner's on soon."
  1626. >Moondancer smiles at you, and the four of you all walk inside.
  1627. >Ma is already darting around every room in the house second-guessing her cleaning
  1628. >One of your friends told you she seemed “anal retentive” once but you smacked him upside the head for talking gross shit like that about your mom
  1629. >Home is just as cozy as you left it
  1630. >Just an old, wooden farmhouse type of deal
  1631. >The dining room is all set up at the other end of the “family room,” which is just a catch-all for the big space on the first floor with the tables and the TV
  1632. >your old cartoon CD’s and VHS tapes are still piled in a box right under the ancient CRT set
  1633. >it doesn’t get much use anymore except for reruns of Gunsmoke and Matlock
  1634. >It’s a bit chilly in the house. Moonie’s obviously feeling it and she pulls her scarf tight around her face
  1635. >but you can tell it’s just as much a habit of nervous retreat from two parents she’s terrified she won’t impress
  1636. >you wrap an army tightly around her waist, shooting an encouraging grin
  1637. >she “meeps” and tries to tuck deeper into the fuzzy scarf like a turtle
  1638. >Pa sticks his thumbs under his belt and looks over
  1639. >”What’ll ya have ta’ drink, Miss Moonie?”
  1640. >”U-uh… water?” she peeps
  1641. >she sounds like she thinks she’ll be beaten over asking for anything at all, like one of those prisoners in the soviet goulash
  1642. >Pa slaps his thigh so loud it makes Moonie pop out of her scarf like a jack in the box
  1643. >”Water it is!”
  1644. >he ambles over to the kitchen where Mrs. Anonson is making final preparations
  1645. >you lead Moonie over to the table
  1646. “Still nervous and shit?”
  1647. >”Well…” she pouts, slinking back into her scarf, “…yes.”
  1648. “Oh come on.”
  1649. >You peck her on the cheek
  1650. “They’re not like your folks. All it takes for them to like you is that I like you. And they’ve got plenty more reasons than that, to flute.”
  1651. >”To boot, Anon.”
  1652. “Shoes off in the house…” you mutter, mouth suddenly watering at the display on the table
  1653. >the whole table is covered from end to end with pulled pork, wings, cornbread, beans, mac n cheese, slaw, fried okra, greens, mashed taters, biscuits, and brisket
  1654. >the scent hits you like a wall of smoky, buttery joy
  1655. >It appears even Moonie can’t resist; her stomach rumbles and you can hear her take a deep sniff
  1656. >Ma storms in from the kitchen, waving her arms at the chairs and making quite the loud fuss
  1657. >”Now you sit! Both of you sit now, it’s been so gosh-darn long and you poor thangs have been on the road and it’s time to fill up, my baby darlings!”
  1658. >”Come on, git down there!” Pa brings up the rear with two glasses of water. He didn’t have to ask you, since you only drink that healthy clean shit
  1659. >gotta feed the body good, since soda clogs your armories
  1660. >Pa leads you in short prayer and the feasting begins in earnest
  1661. >”So Miss Moondancer, my douarlin’, I’ve heard so much ‘bout you from my little boy but I wanna hear it for myself now. What’s is it that you’re all studyin’?” Ma asks, taking a few conservative bites of pulled pork mixed with chopped up cornbread
  1662. >Moonie clears her throat to buy some time
  1663. >”Uh… w-well… I study the magical sciences, and um… I… yes. That.”
  1664. >Ma tilts her head and grins. Even though she’s heard it all before
  1665. >”No kiddin’, sugar? Why, that’s what I done and gone studied in school! I even got my master’s in the sciences ‘fore I settled down out here with Pa!”
  1666. >Moonie’s whole face lights up, and she leans in just a little bit, ignoring you as you pile beans and cornbread on her plate to speed up the serving process
  1667. >”W-where did you go to graduate school?”
  1668. >Ma giggles and strips another wing bare in one bite. “Why, same durn place you and my boy’s goin’! He may be good at throwin’ the ball but he’s a legacy, too!”
  1669. >”Y-you’ll have to tell me everything about getting into the graduate program!”
  1670. >Your mother scoffs and dismisses this notion with a wave
  1671. >”If’n you’re half as smart as my Anon over here says, I got nuthin’ to teach you, least of all since it’s been a good twenty years or so since I’d been!”
  1672. >Moonie looks on mystified, and you recognize the intent in her eyes. She’s got herself a new mentor whether Ma knows it or not
  1673. >Pa chuckles and slaps his knee
  1674. >”Now don’t look too shocked now that Ma here’s a bit of a genius! I bet that’s got you wonderin’ about my boy, but don’t worry, he gets his /brains/ from /me/!” and he puffs out his chest
  1675. >You, Ma, and Pa all laugh
  1676. >”I’m just kiddin’ though, dumber’n’a box a rocks I is, but Ma over here done made him a great deal smarter than /me/,” he winks
  1677. >Ma gets a fit of giggles and rubs Pa’s arm lovingly
  1678. >Ma really was a genius herself. Pa always told you growing up about how he was a right criminal for keeping such a smart gal around on a farm with him, but anytime Ma overheard him telling those stories, she’d rap him with a spoon and say she’d have it “no gosh-darn other darn way”
  1679. >”So how didja two lil’ lovebirds meet?” Pa asks
  1680. “Shwell…” you start, forcing a glob of mac and cheese down your throat, “I shwas in this math class, right?”
  1681. >”Calc’alus one, was it dear?” Ma asks
  1682. “Right. Second attempt on that hellscape. Moonie had to take it because her credits from high school didn’t carry over the right way or something like that, and so when I showed up on the first day, I look in…”
  1683. >You glance over at Moonie, whose cheeks flush red at the impending story you love to tell.
  1684. “I look in, and there’s this seat wide-open right next to the most /gorgeous/ woman I’ve ever seen, and so naturally I take it.”
  1685. >”And so what,” Pa smirks, “you was thinkin’ you’d just sit next to a pretty girl instead of passing your classes?”
  1686. >Even Moonie giggles
  1687. “Well that was the plan, until she turned out to be a giga-nerd genius. She said I “made a flockery of calculus” whenever she looked over at the problems I did in my notebook.”
  1688. >”A mockery, Anon.”
  1689. >Ma and Pa burst out laughing
  1690. >”Ah think… heh, I think she had the right idea son!”
  1691. >Moonie’s cheeks burn red. “W-well...”
  1692. >Ma and Pa fall silent and look over, eager to hear her side of the story
  1693. >”I… I didn’t really know how to talk to… guys, and well, his calculus /was/ bad, so I thought if I helped him he would talk to me…”
  1694. >Ma coos and laces her fingers with Pa’s hand. “Now that is the sweetest durn thing I ever heard!”
  1695. >Your girl mumbles from beneath her scarf as she retreats in nervousness
  1696. >”H-he’s really handsome… I just really wanted to t-talk to him.”
  1697. >You lean over, nearly tipping your chair in the process, and slap a big wet kiss on her cheek. Ma and Pa laugh at Moonie’s flustered reaction, but somehow it doesn’t shut her out or cause her to keep retreating
  1698. >And as dinner goes on, she starts to feel a little bit more comfortable. With Ma, talking about graduate studies, and with Pa telling her how good she’s been for you and how glad they both are that you found each other
  1699. >Even when the whole setting is devoured, the four of you sit there talking for a whole extra hour
  1700. >You can’t help but plaster a dumb smile on your face watching your girl be so gregarious with your folks
  1701. >You’d told her that your parents would love her, and what happened?
  1702. >Ma and Pa are fawning all over her and she looks like she’s never had to handle it before!
  1703. >Dinner winds down, and Ma and Pa take the dishes in. You help Pa clean up, as is your station in the Anonson household, while Ma and Moonie chat about the finer points (or “fahner” points as Ma says) of the high sciences at the table
  1704. >But it’s late, and things wind down. Ma and Pa excuse themselves to bed early, since it’s been a long day of preparation for them
  1705. >Tomorrow will be full of adventure on the schedule, no doubt
  1706. >You and Moonie are left alone at the bottom of the stairs. Up on the second floor are yours and your parents’ bedrooms and the guest room
  1707. >Covertly, you tap your pocket
  1708. “Hey. Wanna see something before we go to bed?”
  1709. >She nods. It’s your place, and she’s following your lead after all
  1710. >You take her by the hand out the front door and off the porch, around the back and past the patio into the fields
  1711. >Even in the dark, the twists and turns and holes and old fence posts in the fields are child’s play to navigate around. You could do it with both eyes closed walking backwards if you wanted
  1712. >All the while, your lovely nerdy girl is staring up at the cloudless night
  1713. >A night, perhaps, so picked for that quality
  1714. >All the stars and a glittering full moon spangle the sky from end to end,
  1715. >not a single polluting light for miles and miles around
  1716. >”I don’t think I’ve ever seen the sky this clear! Oh, all the observations I could be making! I should’ve brought my scope… and my camera! And the good camera!”
  1717. >You just laugh and continue leading her through the high grass
  1718. >You emerge in a clearing, set up in advance when you slipped out during the dishes with Ma and Pa’s help
  1719. >An old telescope and two hay bales for seating, gently lit by an oil lamp propped up against a log
  1720. >Moonie gasps, and her hands and too-long sweater sleeves clasp over her mouth
  1721. “I knew you’d love the view out here.”
  1722. >She takes a deep breath, and leans into you
  1723. >you return a fierce, loving kiss and accept her warm hug
  1724. >”Outstanding… what outstanding condition this is for its age!” she babbles, inspecting the scope from top to bottom
  1725. “I’m glad it’s held up,” you delay, steeling yourself and remembering all the right words
  1726. >In her inspection, she notices a neatly-folded piece of paper taped next to the eyepiece
  1727. >”Did you leave… this…”
  1728. >her words fade away as she reads the handwritten note
  1729. Take my hand and dance with me
  1730. Under the stars where we may be free
  1731. Let the moonlight shimmer over your beauty
  1732. With nobody else would I rather be
  1733. You fill the void that draws so near
  1734. And clear the air of all my fears
  1735. You do so fill me, to brim with joy
  1736. I pray your love is not some ploy
  1737. Among tomes and tatters your form does rest
  1738. Inside that hovel I do detest
  1739. It keeps you from me and from my arms
  1740. I do so wish to be graced with your charms
  1741. But lo, for you do stay inside
  1742. Away from me so I shall hide
  1743. Outside your sill till evening rest
  1744. And watch you lay once more to rest
  1745. Careful I shall ever be
  1746. To refrain from gaze of eyes that see
  1747. I must watch you through that shallow glass
  1748. Until the night has come to pass
  1749. And once day rises yet again
  1750. I shall escape back to my den
  1751. I find myself sitting then
  1752. Basking in memory of your visage once again
  1753. >Tears flood her eyes
  1754. >she runs back over to you and tries to crush you in yet another hug
  1755. >On any normal night you would counter-hug and see who could hug each other best,
  1756. >For now, you take a step back and take her hands in yours
  1757. “Hey, listen… I…”
  1758. >Suddenly all the right words are gone
  1759. >…
  1760. >…
  1761. >But you don’t need them
  1762. >In one fluid movement, you drop to one knee and slide the little box out of your pocket
  1763. >Moonie’s quick to realize the play, and her welling eyes soon burst with a loud sob as soon as you reveal the humble diamond ring inside the velvet case
  1764. “I love you, Moondancer,”
  1765. >She sobs and hiccups at the same time
  1766. “I-… I love you more than everything in the world, Moonie. I want to be with you forever.”
  1767. >She pulls her scarf down from her face and tires to stem her tears on the sleeves of her sweater
  1768. “Will you be my wife?”
  1769. >Through her face, strewn with tears and beet-red with emotion,
  1770. >she summons her deep inner will and wipes away some the watery streams
  1771. >In her eyes which you meet, are the loving reservoirs of infinite affection
  1772. >You have never felt so close, so loved, so wanted and so viscerally understood by anyone until this moment
  1773. >”Y-yes *hic* yes Anon! I love you! Yes yes yes!”
  1774. >As soon as you’re on your feet, she nearly knocks you right back down again as she leaps into your arms and machine-guns you with sloppy kisses
  1775. >Tears drawn from the corner of your own eyes as you gleefully return each and every one of them
  1776. >Between each kiss she chokes out a tearful “I love you”
  1777. >Returned in kind with your own “I love you’s,” stuck somewhere between ebullient laughter and the chokes and sobs of your own joy
  1778. >And so
  1779. >There, under an immaculate sky, the moon smiling down
  1780. >With all the benediction of heaven
  1781. >You and your Moondancer
  1782. >Now, and forever.
  1783. And once day rises yet again
  1784. I shall escape back to my den
  1785. I find myself sitting then
  1786. Basking in memory of your visage once again

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