"A game of O&O" by Kirko Bangz (Never Finished)


                                            !! UNFINISHED WORK !!


                                            Post number/s: 31116549; 31116660; 31116915; 31117051; 31122317; 31122503; 31122655; 31122975;

                                            Original author: Kirko Bangz !!vDqlTTX0sU3


                                            >Character sheet? Check.

                                            >Snacks? Check.

                                            >And last but not least-

                                            "The head Equip!"

                                            >You place your customized, one-of-a-kind full face chain mail helmet on your head, and pose in a full-body mirror, nodding at your alpha appearance in satisfaction.

                                            >It's Wednesday, and Twilight is in Canterlot for the night, so that means- You guessed it nigga.

                                            >Ogres and Oubliettes campaign!

                                            >Now, what campaign would be complete without Anonymous, the Wench laying, Goblin slaying, Magic flaying Paladin? None. That's what you faggot peasant.

                                            >Taking off your helmet, because Ponies are idiots, and frankly you don't want to be rainbow-bombed to all hell. AGAIN. You head to the Castle to meet Other players, Spike and Big Mac. Discord had to skip out.

                                            >Something about "giving a buttery mare his chaotic D". Thank god that's not your waifu. Don't know how you could ever recover from such a thing.

                                            >Locking up your house, and hugging the bags of Cheetos, and helmet to your chest, you hurry to towards the castle,eager to get started with an eventful evening of murdering demons, and bedding a bevy of mares desiring the seed of a heroic sexual Tyrannosaurus such as you.

                                            >In no time at all, you make it to the crystal castle, and beat down the doors.

                                            >Spike answers with his wizard hat already on.

                                            >"Were you followed?"

                                            "You know my helm renders me invisible."

                                            >"Then enter fair knight! The party awaits their fearsome compatriot!"

                                            >No shame at all.

                                            >You enter, and follow Spike to the Library where you'll be playing, as the gate shuts behind you.

                                            "I have to say, I've been needing this all week. I'm ready for some action, and adventure!"

                                            >He laughs, as you both enter the library. Big Mac sits at the table clad in his Skyrim Helmet armed with a smile.

                                            "Hoy warrior! Are you prepared to conquer evil?"

                                            >"Eeeeeeyup!"

                                            >You grin hard, and pick out a chair, and drop in, but..something seems wrong.

                                            >Spike begins to set up, while Big Mac looks over his stats.

                                            >Are they seriously this disgusting?

                                            "Spike. Bro. What the fuck man?"

                                            >He looks up at you questioningly.

                                            >"What's wrong?"

                                            >You point to a pink pile of shit in the chair next to you.

                                            "You're just gonna leave this mound of dookie here, and act like it's not here?"

                                            >He crosses his arms, and frowns.

                                            >Big Mac scowls.

                                            "What?"

                                            >The stare at you in silence.

                                            "WHAT?! It's legit gross!"

                                            >The pink shit pile slumps.

                                            >"Anonymous,don't be a jerk! That's not poo. It's Starlight Glimmer!"

                                            >Oh right. You remember now. Twilight did take in a sentient turd. The same turd, that haunted all the fun times you had on the /mlp/ board back on Earth.

                                            >The same pile of booty mud, that was shitposted over and over and over in the various threads. Glimmerposters, Abuse posters, Sweetie Posters- AGH!

                                            >Her very presence sickens you.

                                            >"H-hello to you too Anonymous."

                                            "Don't talk to me Poochie."

                                            >"P-Poochie?"

                                            >You return Spike and Big Mac's glare.

                                            "I am not okay with this. AT ALL."

                                            >Spike sighs.

                                            >"I know, that's why I didn't tell you she was joining us! It's not that big of a deal right?"

                                            "This--this--THING, represents everything I hate about my past life! You think I'm going to sit here and try to get into a game of Ogres and Oubliettes with IT in the room? She goes or I go!"

                                            >Big Mac throws his hooves into the air.

                                            >"ARRRGH!"

                                            >Spike slaps the table.

                                            >"Anon! Come on dude! don't be like this!"

                                            >The poop pile sniffles.

                                            "Spike, this is supposed to be OUR thing. OUR night. No girls remember? I'd rather you let Pinkie and Rainbow play with us over this asshole!"

                                            >Each insult breaks the living crap mound shrink lower and lower.

                                            >Spike pinches the bridge of his nose and Big Mac rolls his eyes.

                                            >Without a word, you gather your things up and prepare to leave.

                                            >"Anon wait!"

                                            >Spike rushes over to you with a pleading expression.

                                            >"Dude, c'mon. it IS our night! Just Starlight will be part of it this go."

                                            >" Look dude, she doesn't have a ton of friends, and the ones she does have are super busy, and she's lonely. It's just this one night."

                                            >You roll your eyes.

                                            "So you're a goddamn poochienigger now? A shitposting Masturbooper?"

                                            >"I have no idea what those words mean, but I'm begging you Anonymous! IT's just this ONE time! Please!"

                                            "..."

                                            >"I'll make those cookies you like~"

                                            >Aw shit. Not the chocolate Macadamias!

                                            "...Three dozen."

                                            >"Deal."

                                            >With a heavy sigh, you go back to your seat, much to Spike's delight, and pull out your character sheet, looking it over.

                                            >You can feel Poochie glancing at you briefly every so often.

                                            >I want off this planet.jpg

                                            >"S-so Anonymous, what's your class?"

                                            >You give her an expression similar to the dad from that old Daffy Duck cartoon.

                                            >She flinches, and looks down at her own sheet.

                                            >You agreed to stay. Doesn't mean you have to converse with this mary sue of a character.

                                            >Little whore. Forcing herself into your face and shit. Fucking Hasbro and her Hasdrone fans-

                                            >All of them! Cancer!

                                            >Spike rubs his eyes, and shakes his head a few times quickly as if to say "Fuck it, I'll take it,"

                                            >"Alright, are we ready to begin?"

                                            >"Eeeyup."

                                            "Make it so!"

                                            >"All set here!"

                                            >Pink poop levitates her sheet to Spike.

                                            >Probably picked out something lame, like a Bard. Or a Red Mage!

                                            Let it be known that i do not agree with any of this story's anon's shit opinion.


                                            >Spike looks the sheet over, and nods with a smile.

                                            >"An Alchemist! A respectable class!"

                                            "Pfft."

                                            >Mac and Spike shoot you a look.

                                            >"So let's begin!"

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            >You wake up in a forest with three others.

                                            >It's cold, and you can't figure out how you got here. All you can remember is your name, and your skills.

                                            >As you rise to your feet, you check your body for any injuries.

                                            "Well at least nothing is broken."

                                            >One of three approaches you, claws extended.

                                            >"Hoy stranger. What is your name? You may refer to me as Garbunkle the All-Powerful!"

                                            "Hm. I am BiggusDickus the Paladin."

                                            >You shake his clawed hand.

                                            >"Sir McBiggun."

                                            >The Skyrim horse has made his way over as well.

                                            >And that's all the people here. No one else of value.

                                            >"Pleasure to meet you Garbunkle, and Sir McBiggun! I am Lightshine the Alchemist!"

                                            >Absolutely no one of value left to mention. AT ALL.

                                            >"Ho BiggusDickus! A pleasure to meet thee as well."

                                            >Lightshine bows in your direction.

                                            >You draw your flail and bury it in Lightshit's skull without warning, killing her instantly.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            >"Anon!"

                                            >Spike glares at you again.

                                            >You put your hands up.

                                            "Okay, okay. I'll stop."

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            >Lightshine bows in your direction.

                                            >You trust her as far as you can throw her, and if her fat body is any indication, then it's not very far.

                                            "Humph."

                                            >You turn away from the peasant Juice-maker.

                                            >Before you can all gather yourselves, a booming voice rings out.

                                            >"Bwahahahah! Foolish adventurers! Welcome to your oblivion! This is the Forest Dungeon, "Doom Bramble"! You cannot escape until you defeat my loyal guardian!"

                                            "Who are you fiend? Show yourself!"

                                            >"Not yet Paladin. You are not worthy to face me yet! Prove your courage and Might by passing my trials!"

                                            >Sir McBiggun stands at the ready in case of an ambush.

                                            >"But to make things interesting, why don't you keep my Undead minions company?!"

                                            >Reanimated Zombie ponies slowly rise from the ground groaning,clawing at the earth, and decaying.

                                            "Comrades! To me! My Holy Wall will protect us!"

                                            >You raise your Shield as Garbunkle and Sir McBiggun get behind you.

                                            >Lightshine is getting surrounded by the undead Ponies, as she tries to get through your erected wall.

                                            >"Uhh..ahh...BiggusDickus? I think you forgot me...!"

                                            "Garbunkle! Ready a fire spell! The Undead are naturally weak to Fire and Holy magic!"

                                            >"BiggusDickus! They're getting closer!"

                                            >Garbunkle raises his staff, a firery aura being omitted from the center.

                                            >One Zombie takes a swipe at Lightshine.

                                            >"BiggusDickus, help...!"

                                            >They soon begin swarming around her.

                                            >"Sir Paladin, aren't you going to allow your ALLY to enter the barrier?"

                                            >Garbunkle elbows you in your calf.

                                            "Hey someone has to live to tell the story. Her honorable sacrifice shall not go unforgotten."

                                            >Garbunkle frowns again, and dispels your barrier.

                                            "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"

                                            >Garbunkle smiles smugly.

                                            >"We are comrades. we shall go out fighting together!"

                                            >"Eeeyup!"

                                            >He and McBiggun charge to the aid of Lightshine, battling the zombies to the best of their ability, which is complete manure concocted from the buttocks of a three-headed devil horn.

                                            >As the fight drags on, the Zombies begin to fall, one by one to more acceptable numbers, you of course doing a bulk of the heavy lifting in this situation.

                                            >This is what paladins were made for after all.

                                            >"Friends! we are victorious!"

                                            >Lightshit and McBiggun raise their weapons in victory and let out a howl.

                                            >Poopshit's is more or a little whimper because she's a bitch.

                                            >"Great battle everyone. we're one step closer to defeating this mysterious master of evil! We should press on, to reach the Guardian."

                                            >Garbunkle and McBiggun nod in agreement.

                                            >Lightshit smiles at you as if expecting your response.

                                            "Let's just get this over with. I detest all Alchemists in all their forms."

                                            >Loogieshill's ears droop.

                                            >Carbunkle runs a clawed hand down his face, and looks to McBiggun who just shrugs.

                                            >The three of you and one waste of life proceed through the forest, keeping your senses sharp, like a finely honed blade.

                                            "How long have we been walking? We're not lost are we?"

                                            >Carbunkle scratches his chin in thought.

                                            >"I know not, but I am getting quite hungry. Luckily, there all sorts of edible herbs, and plants around for us to use as sustenance!"

                                            >"Eeyup!"

                                            >You look around, spotting an orange mushroom patch.

                                            "Look there! Mushrooms are an excellent source of food, and I think these are safe to eat!"

                                            >Lemonparty tilts her head.

                                            >"Great Paladin...? I think I've seen that type of Fungi before, and I don't think it's safe to consu-"

                                            "Are you talking to me? Why is the smoothie-mixer talking to me? Carbunkle, control your Troll summon."

                                            >Carbunkle growls at your unnecessary hostility.

                                            "I'm an experienced user of Holy of Magic, and seasoned warrior. I'm resistant to most poisons. Now make yourself useful and back up into a Goblin's blade."

                                            >You pick one of the mushrooms and shove it into your mouth.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            >Spike takes out a Die and rolls it.

                                            "What are you doing?"

                                            >"Rolling to decide the outcome."

                                            "Okay...but why?"

                                            >He grins.

                                            >"Because despite your resistance, we still don't know the how Toxic these Mushrooms really are."

                                            "WHAT?! That's crap!"

                                            >Gluemer giggles, getting one of your best death glares possible.

                                            >The dice clacks and crinkles, before going silent.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            "Grrgh!"

                                            >You grab your throat, and stiffen up like a board, collapsing to the ground.

                                            >Carbunkle shakes his head clicking his teeth.

                                            >"Looks like they weren't safe to eat after all."

                                            >"Eeyup."

                                            >They all gather around your frozen body, looking down at you.

                                            >"So what type of mushrooms are they Lightshine?"

                                            >She looks at the wizard, then down to you with an evil smile.

                                            >"Well, I use these to make paralyzing potions all the time. They're known as Grumpy-Guss Para-Para toadstools. Quite fatal within a matter of minutes."

                                            >You grit your teeth and grumble at her face.

                                            >"Hm. Interesting! Is there a cure?"

                                            >She puts a hoof to her chin.

                                            >"Of course. I happen to have a Panacea right here, but I will require something in exchange..."

                                            >You cock an eye.

                                            "....What is it."

                                            >She giggles again.

                                            >"Well first off, I want the brave, and courageous paladin to say something nice to me. Right now. And to refer to me by my name and ONLY my name!"

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            "WHAT!"

                                            >Spike is laughing his ass off.

                                            >"Those are the conditions dude. Take em or leave em!"

                                            "This isn't fair! There has to be some rule against this!"

                                            >"She's perfectly within the rules dude."

                                            >No fucking way! She's full of shit!"

                                            >To add insult to injury, she looks up at the ceiling humming innocently.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            "N-no way. I refuse!"

                                            >She shrugs.

                                            >"I did what I could. I suppose we'll have to loot his body once he passes."

                                            >McBiggun and Carbunkle nod in agreement.

                                            >"Yup. It's a shame, but at least his equipment won't go to waste!"

                                            >She narrows her eyes at you and smiles.

                                            >"That HELMET will look pretty good on me."

                                            >Not even in her wildest dreams will her disgusting dome touch this helmet.

                                            "Okay...I-I'll do it..."

                                            >They all look at you with big eyes.

                                            >"What was that?"

                                            >"I couldn't quite hear you."

                                            >You grind your teeth.

                                            "I'll do it."

                                            >Lump of shi-

                                            >FML.

                                            >LIGHTSHINE trots over to you putting her ear close to your mouth.

                                            >"Go ahead. I'm ready."

                                            >You bite your lip so hard, it bleeds.

                                            "I th-think you're p-pretty."

                                            >You cough up blood.

                                            >"Hm? You're whispering. Speak louder please."

                                            >She will die by your hand someday.

                                            "I THINK YOU'RE A PRETTY PONY."

                                            >Carbunkle covers his mouth in playful shock.

                                            >"Oh my gosh! Do we have a possible romance blooming here between party members?!"

                                            >"Oh Paladin~ Your confession is much appreciated, but we're in the middle of a quest! I can't go out with you right now!"

                                            >PLEASEDIEPLEASEDIEPLEASEDIEPLEASEDIE.

                                            >Lightshine brandishes a potion and pours the contents into your mouth cradling you in her forelegs.

                                            >The fact that she's touching you is making your blood boil. Why didn't you choose to be your berserker?

                                            >The feeling comes back into your limbs, as you clench your hands into a fist a few times.

                                            >Lightshine looks at you chuckling with a hoof to her mouth.

                                            "Laugh all you want cur. I didn't mean a word of it."

                                            >"Oh sure. You could have said "nice mane" or nice eyes, but you called me pretty~"

                                            "Yeah! PRETTY UGLY."

                                            >You're looking straight Tsundere right now.

                                            >"Look Sir McBiggun! The paladin is blushing!"

                                            >"Eeyup."

                                            "I will murder all of you in your sleep."

                                            >"Well that's hardly worthy of a Holy Knight. Right McBiggun?"

                                            >"Eeyup."

                                            >You stomp past them, continuing on through the forest, cheeks on fire.

                                            >The sounds of laughter follow behind you, echoing throughout the forest.

                                            >This kills the Paladin.

                                            >Many swear words, and hours pass before you all arrive at a set of Ivory doors covered in vines.

                                            "I think this is the exit! We're finally at the end!"

                                            >You can finally leave this forest, and forget about all the horrible things that happened here.

                                            >You look back over your shoulder at Lightshine, who winks at you.

                                            "UGH."

                                            >She will pay for this insult.

                                            >"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Well done Warriors! It seems you passed my Forest trail, and even managed to find love within the heinous confines of my sinister dungeon--"

                                            >"Stop it Evil overlord~ You're embarrassing me~!"

                                            >She looks away blushing.

                                            >This isn't fun anymore.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            "I swear to god, if you make one more shitty joke about me and this Pink Turd, I will quit right now!"

                                            >"Alright, geez. Chill out. We're just joshing you."

                                            >Dookiehorse is still smiling at you.

                                            >"It was still a nice compliment Anon--"

                                            "I will snap your fucking neck if you keep talking to me."

                                            >Her eyes widen in fear.

                                            >Maybe that was a little much.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                            >"Moving on, you must now face my Guardian if you hope to proceed. Prepare yourselves for battle!"

                                            >Ohohohoho yes! You've been waiting for this.

                                            >On cue, a giant Ape like creature drops from the sky, red eyes gleaming in the darkness.

                                            >It releases a bone-shattering roar, sending you and your party flying back.

                                            " A worthy opponent at last! Carbunkle! Bombard it with Fire Spells! McBiggun! with me!"

                                            >They both nod, and commence attacking the Ape monster.

                                            >Lightshine looks through her inventory like the useless piece of garbage she is.

                                            >First chance you get, she's getting a Flail right up the tail hole.

                                            >McBiggun is slashing away at the legs of the monkey, while balls of fire fly into its face.