"Glum Glim" by Injunheart UNFINISHED


                                            Post number/s: 31597718; 31597723; 31597728; 31597737; 31597745; 31597755; 31597762; 31597819;

                                            Original author: Injunheart (goes with "<3" as his nametag)


                                            >You're in Equestria now.

                                            >If it seems too good to be true, well, it's because it is.

                                            >Because of some magical hoohah that you don't care to get into, you need to bind your life energy with that of one of the resident ponies.

                                            >Not just any pony, either.

                                            >Starlight Glimmer.

                                            >It had to be Starlight Glimmer.

                                            >You wished it had been Twilight, or hell, even Applejack.

                                            >But it wasn't meant to be.

                                            >Twilight had enough magical juice to keep you here, but her magical signature didn't mesh with yours.

                                            >Applejack's did, but she didn't have enough magic in her system to keep you on this plane.

                                            >Glimmer, on the other hand, was both powerful and resonated with you on a magical level.

                                            >No other pony could be found to take her place, so Glimmer was chosen.

                                            >Worst of all, the process that would eventually bind you to Equestria, and keep you here for good, involved marriage.

                                            >You see, marriage in Equestria was a special thing.

                                            >When you married, it really was forever.

                                            >There were no do overs.

                                            >This made Glimmer nervous, but in the short time that the two of you had gotten to know one another, she had apparently "taken a shine" to you.

                                            >You wish you could say the same.

                                            >Almost.

                                            >Everything that annoying purpink unicorn did pissed you off to no end.

                                            >The annoying way she walked and talked.

                                            >The disgusting way she ate.

                                            >And especially infuriating was that, when you learned her less than stellar history, all the ponies brushed off the near apocalyptic events as a simple "mistake".

                                            >They acted like it was no big deal.

                                            >But you saw through all of it.

                                            >Knowing what you do now, you know she's still harbors dark thoughts in that twisted mind.

                                            >There's no way a person could just turn around and shift their personality so radically, even with magic.

                                            >But there was no helping it.

                                            >So here you stand at the alter.

                                            >Princess Twilight herself presided over the wedding.

                                            >Glimmer stood in front of you, her eyes sparkling with happy tears.

                                            >Yeah, okay Glimmer.

                                            >Play it up for your friends' sake.

                                            >But you knew, deep down, that this was just to win additional brownie points with them, not out of any real care for you.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >Hmm? Oh yeah.

                                            "I, Anonymous, take you, Starlight Glimmer, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

                                            >And with that, the room exploded with cheerful ponies yelling their well wishes to you.

                                            >But the only thing you care about right now is if you're obligated to consummate the marriage with her.

                                            >The thought sends shivers down your spine.

                                            >You and Glimmer were taken back to the Castle of Friendship™ (lol, where else were you going to go? The two of you are poorfags).

                                            >Princess Twilight was gracious enough to let you two stay as long as you wanted.

                                            >Honestly, you wish you were married to her instead.

                                            >Goddamn this world for sticking you with worst pone.

                                            >You hear the purpink pest clear her throat.

                                            >You look around and realize that you were in your room already.

                                            >Zoning off again, hmm?

                                            >You gaze turns to Glimmer.

                                            >"Do you think that maybe we could, u-um"

                                            >Her cheeks take on a rosy hue.

                                            >pls god no

                                            >You hastily cut her off before she says what you think she's gonna say.

                                            "Hey, why's there only one bed?"

                                            >"W-what?"

                                            >You point at the single, oversized bed lying smack dab in the middle of the room.

                                            "That shit don't fly. You see uhhh..."

                                            >Shit, what was that show again?

                                            >The old one where the husband and wife slept in separate beds?

                                            >Dick and Jane? Yeah, that sounds about right.

                                            "..uh, human customs dictate that we have to sleep in separate beds."

                                            >Her face takes on a look of shock and sadness.

                                            >It always struck you how expressive these ponies' faces were.

                                            >If it were any other pony, you'd feel bad.

                                            >If.

                                            >When she makes protesting sounds, you cut her off again.

                                            "No, this isn't negotiable. You wouldn't want to be culturally insensitive, would you, Glimmy-poo? Especially not with the only representative of that culture in existence?"

                                            >She bites her lips, obviously not liking the terms you've presented her with.

                                            >Tough noogies, bitch.

                                            >But you weren't about to lose your horse virginity now.

                                            >Not to a basic bitch like her.

                                            >She mulls it over.

                                            >"Well, I was thinking that maybe, just for this first night we could, I don't know, share the bed. Just this once?"

                                            >She looks up at you with hope shining in her eyes.

                                            >Fuck out of here with that shit

                                            "Yeah, nah. You see, if we were to do that, the consequences would be dire. We have a saying. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon! And you wouldn't want that to happen, just ask Luna!"

                                            >She looks horrified at the implication.

                                            >Good, good.

                                            >Internally, you're rubbing your hands like the happiest of merchants.

                                            >You do love tricking such a gullible girl like Glim.

                                            >And for a moment you actually thought she was going to call your bluff.

                                            >She didn't even question how you'd be sent to the moon in the first place!

                                            >Probably thought it was some mysterious human magic, like that one time with Twilight.

                                            >Ponies are real Grade A, Premium suckeroonies to believe bullshit like that.

                                            >"O-okay..."

                                            >She sighs, a dejected look on her face.

                                            "Also, since we only have one bed right now, you're gonna have to sleep on the couch until we get another one."

                                            >She nods, not even bothering to respond this time.

                                            >Whatever, she'll get over it.

                                            >She's a big girl, and she needs to learn that you, unlike her "friends", aren't going to roll over for her.

                                            >The night of the wedding is quiet.

                                            >Just kidding.

                                            >Purpink is quietly sobbing on the couch.

                                            >It's driving you nuts, to be quite honest.

                                            >Guy can't get any sleep with that racket going on.

                                            >You look over to where she lays.

                                            >In the darkness, you can barely make out the small, lonely lump swaddled in blankets.

                                            "Yo. Yo Glimmer."

                                            >She jumps slightly at your call.

                                            >"Y-yeah?"

                                            "Keep it down, will ya? Trying to sleep here, and you're not helping that."

                                            >"..kay."

                                            >She sniffles a few more times, but eventually quiets down.

                                            >That's better.

                                            >With that settled, you lay your head back down to sleep.

                                            >You're soon out like a light.

                                            >You hear her sobs in your dreams.

                                            >The morning comes too soon.

                                            >You feel like shit.

                                            >Despite going to bed early the night before, you feel like haven't slept at all.

                                            >Goddamn nightmares about Glimmer.

                                            >Can't really remember what they were about, but you know she was involved.

                                            >Did she cast a spell on you in your sleep or something?

                                            >No, she couldn't have.

                                            >Well, she could have.

                                            >But she wouldn't.

                                            >Would she?

                                            >Maybe you should ask Twilight about that.

                                            >She would know more than you about that sort of stuff.

                                            >You trudge down the crystal stairs, ready for breakfast.

                                            >Upon reaching the kitchen, you spot your now permanent hanger-on.

                                            >She's dashing to and fro, focused on the multitude of ingredients that simmer, fry, and boil in pots and pans all over the place.

                                            >Seriously hope some of that is for you.

                                            >Your stomach agrees, because it growls obnoxiously when the smell of food finally hits you.

                                            >Glimmer hears it too, because she turns to look at you, a smile immediately plastering itself on her face.

                                            >absolutelydisgusting.jpg

                                            >"Hey Anon, you hungry? Breakfast is almost ready! I, uh, didn't know what you liked, so I made a little bit of everything!"

                                            >Not bad, Glimmer.

                                            >But you're not gonna fall for those tricks.

                                            >You aren't a dog, to suddenly start liking somebody just because they feed you.

                                            >You're too smart for that.

                                            >You're a certified genius, in fact.

                                            >The internet said so.

                                            >Within moments, the large table in the dining room is covered with a huge assortment of breakfast foods.

                                            >Feast fit for a king.

                                            >Hell, she even made bacon for you!

                                            >So much for being herbivores, amirite?

                                            >Glimmer begins to shovel food onto several plates for you.

                                            >Good girl.

                                            >You don't even know where to start, it all looks so delicious.

                                            >And you're so damn hungry right now.

                                            >That bacon looks fucken delicious, you'll start with that.

                                            >You grab a rasher of it, and bring it to your mouth.

                                            >You notice it has a peculiar texture and scent to it, but that ain't gonna stop you.

                                            >Not now.

                                            >You shove it all into your mouth.

                                            >You chew once.

                                            >You chew twice.

                                            >And a horrifying realization dawns upon you.

                                            >This isn't bacon.

                                            >This isn't bacon at all.

                                            >The dry, bitter taste of hay fills invades the sanctity of your tongue

                                            >You begin to gag as you attempt to evacuate the foul substance from your mouth.

                                            >You spit out onto your plate as Glimmer looks on in horror.

                                            >"Oh no! Anon, are you alright?"

                                            >Because man choking on what was supposed to be breakfast is "alright".

                                            >The mare rushes over to you, gently patting and rubbing your back.

                                            >What the hell is she thinking?

                                            >Acting all caring and shit, when she was the one who did this to you!

                                            >She's probably laughing internally right now, the smug little shit.

                                            >You shove Glimmer off, hacking and coughing out the last of the faux-bacon.

                                            "What the hell was that for, Glimmer?! You trying to poison me?!

                                            >"W-what? But I thought you said you liked bacon!"

                                            "I love bacon. That SHIT you brought me? That was made out of fucking hay!"

                                            >A frown etches itself on her small, purple pink face.

                                            >Yeah, that's right.

                                            >You know what you did, bitch.


                                            !!UNFINISHED!!


                                            (Archiver's note: The paste is present on pastebin - https://pastebin.com/VnULEtiz - but it's missing one post for whatever reason.)