Starlight Glimmer Show Variety Fun Time


                                            Post number/s: 32094491; 32095279; 32095310; 32116785; 32116819; 32117394; 32117405; 32117476; 32136124;

                                            Original author: Anon*


                                            The following is a transcript of the "Starlight Glimmer Radio Show Variety Fun Time" on the second Tuesday of March around 8PM-12AM

                                            What you are about to read is 100% real

                                            We couldn't make this up even if we tried.


                                            >Starlight: "It's blinking red now Spike"

                                            >"Did we anger it?"

                                            >Spike: "No, that means you're on the air"

                                            >Starlight: "...So ponies can-"

                                            >Spike: "Yup"

                                            >-Silence-

                                            >Starlight: -Whisper- "Oh jeez"

                                            >"H-hi everypony!"

                                            >"Welcome to the first edition of...uhhh"

                                            >-Whisper- Spike, what's this called again?

                                            >Spike: "The Starlight Glimmer Radio Show Variety Fun Time"

                                            >Starlight: "...Was that my idea or yours?"

                                            >Spike: "What do you think?"

                                            >Starlight: "I think we should have gone with a shorter title"

                                            >-Silence with small whap-

                                            >Spike: "...You're still live you know?

                                            >Starlight: -Silence-

                                            >"I knew that"

                                            >-Throat Clear-

                                            >"Anyway, welcome to the first edition of..."

                                            >"Uhh, our show!

                                            >"Where we, me and my co-host Spike the dragon, will be taking any and all calls from you, the listeners

                                            >"And...we'll...see where that takes us?

                                            >-Nervous Laughter from Starlight-

                                            >-Loud ringing noise-

                                            >"Ahhhhh!"

                                            >"We did anger it Spike, I told you!

                                            >Spike: "Relax Starlight, it's just the phoneline.

                                            >-Silence

                                            >Spike: " We have someone trying to call?"

                                            >Starlight: "Ooooh, our first caller!"

                                            >Starlight: "Put em on Put em on!"

                                            >-Beep Boop noises-

                                            >Spike: "Annnnnnnd, that should do it.

                                            >Starlight: "Hello caller!"

                                            >"You're on with Starlight and pals!"

                                            >Spike: "Not the official title"

                                            >-Heavy breathing-

                                            >Starlight: "Uhh, hello caller?"

                                            >"Did you have a questio-"

                                            >-Heavy breaths cut off by a dial tone-

                                            >Starlight: "...They must have not liked the name.

                                            >Spike: "Yeah, that's the big takeaway from this"

                                            >-Sigh-

                                            >"This is going to be a long night"

                                            Hour 1

                                            >Starlight: -Silence-

                                            >Spike: "What?"

                                            >Starlight: "Why isn't the blinker box yelling at us anymore?

                                            >Spike: "Because no one is calling in"

                                            >"And it wasn't yelling it was ringing."

                                            >-Sudden Ringing Noises-

                                            >Starlight: "Eeee!"

                                            >"It heard I was talking about it!"

                                            >-Hoof clops-

                                            >"Quick Spike, we don't want to keep it waiting!"

                                            >-Beep boop-

                                            >Spike: -Grumble-

                                            >-Beep Boop-

                                            >"You're on"

                                            >Starlight: "Goooooooood evening caller!"

                                            >"You're on with the Glims!

                                            Rarity: "Good evening darlings!"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh hey Rarity"

                                            >"How's it going?

                                            Rarity: "Never better dear!"

                                            "And little Spikey-Wikey don't think I forgot about you"

                                            -Blowing a kiss noise-

                                            >Spike: "Hehe, aww jeez"

                                            >Starlight: "So...did you have a question or did you just want to talk?

                                            Rarity: "Oh, well I just wanted to call in and congratulate you two on the new show!

                                            >Starlight: "New show?"

                                            Rarity: "...The one you're hosting right now dear

                                            >Spike: "The one you and I have been planning for weeks"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh, right"

                                            >"Heh-heh"

                                            >-Awkward Silence-

                                            Rarity: "Right...well anyway I also called because I wanted somepony to talk to about my day"

                                            "I had a tall order to handle at my boutique"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh?"

                                            >"Do tell"

                                            Rarity: "The Prime Minister of Caneighda needed a formal ensemble the very same day"

                                            "And it had to be held up to the upmost, highest standard I could ever imagine"

                                            >Starlight "And?"

                                            >"Did you win?"

                                            Rarity: "Of course I did, but..."

                                            >Starlight: "What?"

                                            Rarity: "He called up as soon as he saw the ensemble and said he absolutely adored everything...except the tie"

                                            >Starlight: "The tie?"

                                            Rarity: "I went above and beyond on that tie because it was the piece to bring everything together!"

                                            "But he would not stop nitpicking every little detail on it!"

                                            "He even called the hoofstitching shoddy!"

                                            "Can you believe that?!"

                                            >Starlight: "The nerve of some ponies"

                                            >Spike: -Snickering-

                                            >"So...what you're saying is"

                                            >"He was being a tie-rant?

                                            >-Silence-

                                            Rarity: "..."

                                            >-Dial tone-

                                            >Spike: -Sigh-

                                            >"I've been hanging around Pinkie too much"

                                            >Starlight: "Eh, I thought it was funny"

                                            >Spike: "Really?"

                                            >Starlight: "Yeah, I've never heard the sound of a pony's spirit breaking so clearly before"

                                            >"Thanks for that Spike"

                                            >Starlight: "So far we're off to a good start aren't we Spike?"

                                            >Spike: "...If you say so"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh c'mon, it's not like Rarity's going to be ashamed of you forever."

                                            >"Maybe a month at most"

                                            >"Two tops"

                                            >Spike: -Groans and small facepalm-

                                            >Starlight: "Look on the brightside"

                                            >"I bet you made Pinkie's night with that."

                                            >Spike: "You think so?"

                                            >Starlight: "Eh"

                                            >"Probably, you know how low her standards on comedy are"

                                            >"She still thinks whoopee cushions are funny"

                                            >"Can you believe that?"

                                            >"I can make fart sounds with my mouth, but you don't see other ponies laughing at me"

                                            >Spike: "Uhh-"

                                            >-Ringing noises-

                                            >Spike: "Hold that thought"

                                            >-Beep Boop noises-

                                            >Spike: "Annnnnnnd, work your magic Starlight"

                                            >Starlight: "Bim Bop Zim you're talking to the Glim!"

                                            >Spike: "...What?"

                                            >Starlight: "What?"

                                            >"I can't have a little fun with the magic box?"

                                            >Spike: "There's fun and there's whatever you just did"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh psssh, don't be such a stick in the mud Spike"

                                            >"I'll have you know I can be quite the entertainer"

                                            >Spike: "I'm pretty sure that's not what Twilight meant when she called you a showstopper"

                                            Male Caller #1: -Clearing throat noises

                                            >Starlight: "...Oh right"

                                            >"Heh-heh, sorry about that caller"

                                            >Male Caller #1: "No biggie"

                                            >Starlight: "Thanks, anyway what's on your mind?"

                                            >"Got a question for me or my...assistant Spike?"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Actually I do"

                                            >Starlight: "Oooh, how exciting"

                                            >-Fast clopping noises-

                                            >"Let's hear it!"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Is your refridgerator running?"

                                            >Starlight: "Hmmmmm."

                                            >"That's a good question caller"

                                            >"Spike, can you go check on th-

                                            >-Fast silence-

                                            >"...Well actually caller, I can safely say that our fridge is in fact running"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Well you better go catch it!

                                            >Starlight: "That's the plan!"

                                            >"Be back in a minute"

                                            >-Teleportation noise-

                                            >Spike: "..."

                                            Male Caller #1: "..."

                                            >Spike: "This kind of backfired on you huh?"

                                            Male Caller #1: "I did picture things turning out differently, yes"

                                            >Spike: "Don't we all?"

                                            >"...So, any big plans tonight?"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Not really"

                                            >Spike: "Right, of course"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Yourself?"

                                            >Spike: "You're looking at it, or rather listening to it"

                                            Male Caller #1: "Cool"

                                            >-Silence-

                                            Male Caller #1: "...You like clowns?"

                                            >-Teleportation noise-

                                            >Spike: -Whisper- "Oh thank god"

                                            >"Did you catch the fridge Starlight?"

                                            >Starlight -Panting- "Yes...yes I did"

                                            >"One moment"

                                            >-Trotting noises-

                                            >-Window opening noises-

                                            >"WHOOPEE CUSHIONS ARE STILL NOT FUNNY YOU PINK HEADACHE!"

                                            >Pinkie Pie: "I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP!"

                                            >Starlight: "AND I KNOW WHERE YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

                                            >-Forceful window shutting noise-

                                            >-Trotting back noises-

                                            >"Ah, much better"

                                            >"Now caller, did you have another-"

                                            >-Dial tone-

                                            >"...question."

                                            >Starlight: "Ugh"

                                            >-Facedesk noise-

                                            >"I can't believe I missed our first non-friend caller"

                                            >Spike: "Relax Starlight, we haven't even been here for an hour yet"

                                            >"We'll get another pony caller here in soon, just you wait"

                                            >-Ringing noises-

                                            >"See?"

                                            >"What'd I tell ya?

                                            >-Beep, boop noises-

                                            >"Annnnnnnd, you're o-

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Helllllllllllllo Cleveland!"

                                            >Spike: "...What?"

                                            >Starlight: "...Sunset?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "I've alwaysh wanted to ssaysh that"

                                            -Hiccup-

                                            >Starlight: "S-Sunset is that you?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Heyyyyyy, Starshlight"

                                            "Howsh my favorite purplesh unicorn?"

                                            -Hiccup-

                                            "Don't tell Twilight though or shshe'll get mad"

                                            -Drunken giggles-

                                            >Starlight: "How is this even possible?!"

                                            >"You're an entire dimension away!

                                            >Spike: "And she's drunk"

                                            >Starlight: "That too!"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Woah woahwoahwoah woahymcwoahwoah"

                                            -Hiccup-

                                            "To anshwer your firsht queshtion"

                                            >"Magic, duh"

                                            >Spike: -Facepalm noise-

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "And ash for your sshecond queshtion"

                                            "I sshwear to drunk I'm not Celeshtia, Sshtarlight"

                                            "Everypony, heh pony, they all know that shider ish non-alcohlshic...alcoholish"

                                            >Starlight: "Alcoholic, right"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Acshtually, hang on Starshswirl"

                                            >Starlight: "My name's not-"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Hey Applejack!

                                            "Thish shider doeshn't got no boozshe in it right?"

                                            -Slight thud noise-

                                            "...Oh shshe fell over"

                                            >Starlight: "...Is she alri-

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Oh, now Rarity fell on top of her"

                                            "Shsilly Rarity, you don't usshe your mouth to take off clothshe"

                                            >Spike: "...Starlight?"

                                            >Starlight: "Yeah Spike?"

                                            >Spike: "I'm very uncomfortable"

                                            >Starlight: "Me too"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "I'm pretty sshure thatsh not how you give sshomeone shcpr Rarity"

                                            >Starlight" "...Ooooookay, uhh Sunset did you happen to have a question for me or Spike by chance?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: -Silence-

                                            "Oh hey Starshlight, how are you doing?"

                                            >-Double face desk-

                                            >Starlight: "I'm doing just fin-

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Did you know shcpr involved a lot of tongue and butt touching?"

                                            -Sigh-

                                            >Starlight: "What's the matter Sunset?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Why doesh no one want to touch my butt?"

                                            >-Deathly quiet silence-

                                            "No onesh touched my butt in monthsh"

                                            "Do I have an ugly butt?"

                                            -Whimper noise-

                                            >Starlight: "N-Nono, don't cry Sunset"

                                            "I'm sure plenty of ponies think you have a cute...butt"

                                            "Isn't that right Spike?"

                                            >Spike: "Uhh, yeah what Starlight just said"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: -Sniffle-

                                            "Do you think I have a cute butt Starshlight?"

                                            >Starlight: "Ummmmm, uhhhhh....yes?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "...What do you like about it?"

                                            >Starlight: "...Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I like how it looks like...a butt?"

                                            "And...how it's...yellow?

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "You mean that?"

                                            >Starlight: "One...hundred...percent...hehe"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "Daww, thanks Strawslight I really needed that"

                                            >Starlight: "Any...time?"

                                            Sunset Shimmer: "I might jush have to take you up on that offer"

                                            -Eeep noise-

                                            "Sshpeaking of butt touching"

                                            "I gottsha go"

                                            "Talk to you later Sshtarshbeard"

                                            -Phone falling to the ground noise-

                                            -Giggling noise-

                                            "Now you're gonna find out why they call it a Shshimjob"

                                            Sci-Twi: "A-A-A what?"

                                            >Starlight: "SPIKE!"

                                            >Spike: "ImonitImonit"

                                            -Dive and crash noises-

                                            -Dial tone-

                                            >Starlight: "Phew, thank you Spike"

                                            >Spike: "No problem...butt liker"

                                            -Snicker noises-

                                            >Starlight: -Groans and face desks once again-

                                            >Spike: "What's the matter now butt liker?

                                            >Starlight: -Angry growl-

                                            >Spike: "Jeez, who spit in your cornflakes this morning?"

                                            >Starlight: "Spike, take this seriously."

                                            >"That's now the third call that doesn't count"

                                            >Spike: "Wait, doesn't count?"

                                            >Starlight: "Well yeah, I wasn't around for that fridge guy"

                                            >"And the first caller was just a weird mouth breather"

                                            >Spike: "...So let me guess."

                                            >"That call with Sunset didn't count?"

                                            >Starlight: "Nope!

                                            >Spike: "Can't wait to hear the reason why"

                                            >Starlight: "Sh-She...she was...drunk!"

                                            >Spike: "...And?"

                                            >Starlight: "Everypony knows drunk girls don't count Spike"

                                            >Spike:"..."

                                            >"I'm not surprised by what you said"

                                            >"Frankly, I'm more surprised by easy it flowed off your tongue"

                                            >Starlight: "Ponies do say I have a way with words"

                                            >"A silver tongue if you will"

                                            >Spike: "I'd hate to hear what a gold tongue sounds like then"

                                            >-Ring ring Noises-

                                            >"How about no matter how crazy or weird this caller gets it still counts?"

                                            >Starlight: "Oh fine"

                                            -Beep Boop noise-

                                            >Spike: "You know what to do"

                                            >Starlight: -Deep breath-

                                            >"Goooooooooooooo-

                                            Lyra Heartstrings: "Yeahyeahyeah, can we get to the question part now?"

                                            >Starlight: "Uhh, sure thing caller."

                                            >"Glad to see that enthusiasm."

                                            >-Clears throat-

                                            >"Do you have a question for me or Spik-

                                            Lyra Heartstrings: "Yes!"

                                            >Starlight: "...Well what's the question?"

                                            Lyra Heartstrings: "Oh right."

                                            "What's a Shimjob?"

                                            >-Silence-