That Time Twilight Turned the Whole World Purple


                                            >"Tell me a bed time story about Princess Twilight, Anon!"

                                            "Well..."

                                            Once upon a time,

                                            Twilight Sparkle decided that she was the prettiest thing in all Equestria.

                                            >"That sounds more like Rarity than Princess Twilight.

                                            "There's a good reason for that, just let me get to the end."

                                            But Twilight was always a pony who believed in sharing.

                                            So she decided that everything should be as pretty as she was.

                                            After thinking all morning about how to make this come true, she decided to turn the whole world purple with a very, really, incredibly, quite powerful spell.

                                            So she went up to the top of her castle, and cast it.

                                            And it worked!

                                            In a flash, everything was purple.

                                            All the ponies, all the animals, all the plants, all the rocks and furniture and food and everything!

                                            But she went too far.

                                            *Everything* was purple.

                                            Water was purple. Air was purple. Light and darkness were purple.

                                            Nopony could tell what or where or who anything was!

                                            It was chaos!

                                            But Twilight didn't realize her mistake right away.

                                            She was so sure that everything was better this was that even though she could no longer find the way back into her own castle, she decided not to change a thing.

                                            Since she couldn't get back into her castle, Twilight decided to fly down to the ground and walk around town, to 'see' how much better Equestria was this way.

                                            But once she got down to the ground, all she heard were the voices of ponies panicking, everywhere around her!

                                            They were all over going, "Ahhhh!" "I can't see anything but purple!" "What happened?".

                                            >"Oh no!"

                                            "Oh yes. It was a big mess. And what do you think Princess Twilight did once she heard all the ponies shouting those things?"

                                            >"She realized how dumb she was being and switched the spell back?"

                                            "That's a good guess, but it's not what happened."

                                            Princess Twilight decided that everypony just needed time to get used to how amazing the world was now!

                                            So she stood right there and waited, thinking to herself about how smart and great she was, even as all the ponies in Ponyville ran all over, crashing into things, knocking things over, bumping into each other, bumping into her!

                                            And Twilight realized that everypony needed help adjusting to their new, more purple world.

                                            And she thought to herself, "Hey, I'm a great leader, so I'll just guide everypony through this by telling them what to do."

                                            And so she would hear Mr and Mrs Cake bumping into the side of their house and say, "Come now, you two know where the door is to your own home, don't you? It's two steps to the left of the loose cobblestone!"

                                            Or she'd hear Cranky Doodle Donkey knocking over a fruit stand and she'd say, "Cranky, you buy fruit from this market every day! You should know where all the stalls are!"

                                            And it went on like that until-

                                            >"Wow, Anon, it sounds like Princess Twilight was being a real bitch."

                                            "She was, but don't be too harsh on her; there was something magical happening! And don't tell your mom I let you say that word."

                                            >"Mmhmm!"

                                            So the day went on and on like that, until eventually, Twilight heard Rarity's voice.

                                            "Twilight!" she said, "Twilight! What's happened?! Everything is purple! Nopony can see anything! Oh, this is going to devastate the entire concept of fashion!"

                                            And Princess Twilight nodded - not that anyone could see it - and said, "Well, yes, since everything is so perfect and pretty now, the idea of trying to make things look better is obsolete!".

                                            And you can bet Rarity wasn't happy to hear that. She would have fainted, except she had a sneaking suspicion that something was wrong here.

                                            "'Perfect and pretty'?!" she yelled "Everything's turned purple, not perfect!"

                                            And Twilight laughed and said, "Yes, purple just like my beautiful coat! Isn't it great?"

                                            Rarity started to get an idea of what had happened. "Why, Twilight, you sound like I did when I was under the effect of that nasty Inspiration Manifestation spell! Did you do this?"

                                            >"I never liked that one."

                                            "Me neither, but it's a real story, so Rarity remembers it happening. Anyway,"

                                            Twilight said, "Of course I did! I cast a big beautiful spell on the whole world! And like everything I do, it's wonderful! It's stupendous! Isn't it?"

                                            Rarity gasped, and so did all the townsponies who had gathered around to eavesdrop on this conversation.

                                            "Twilight!" said Rarity, "This isn't like you! Something must be wrong! We'll figure out what's happened to you once you undo this spell and get Equestria back to normal."

                                            But Twilight was appalled and said, "Normal? This is *better* than normal! You must all be able to see that!"

                                            And a bunch of angry shouts came from the crowd. "'See that'? I can't see anything!" "I've fallen on my face nineteen times since this started!" "I was making lunch and almost burned myself on the stove since I couldn't see it!" All kinds of things like that, shouted in all kinds of wrong direction because nopony could tell who was facing where. Nopony was happy.

                                            So Twilight tried to defend what she had done, but the crowd wasn't having it - but Twilight wouldn't back down!

                                            >"Why is she being so stubborn?"

                                            "Just wait until the end."

                                            Ahem. So the argument grew and grew, eventually one voice pierced through alllll the shouting.

                                            "Hoooold yoooour hoooorses!" yelled Pinkie Pie. "I know what's going on here, and it's not Twilight's fault!"

                                            With lots of bumps and oofs and ows and sorrys excuse mes, and at least one walking right into Rarity's flank, Pinkie made her way over to Twilight.

                                            "I've seen this before!" she said, "This one time, my sister Maud tried to cover all of Equestria in powdered rock to make everything grey, just like *her* coat! It was a whole granite planet! And it wasn't her fault either!"

                                            "Maud did that?" asked Rarity, "Whatever was the cause?"

                                            "I'll explain everything to everypony in just a minute!" said Pinkie Pie "Just gotta find it..."

                                            And she put her hooves on Twilight feeling this way and that, and Twilight shouted, "Pinkie, what are you doing?" and Pinkie said, "An important medical procedure, Twilight! Just trust me! And tell me where your flank is?"

                                            >*giggle*

                                            "WHAT?!" yelled Twilight, shocked, but Pinkie found it just a second later, and started rooting around in Twilight's tail for a few moments, and then she went, "Aha! Gotcha!"

                                            Everypony wanted to know what she had got, but instead of explaining, Pinkie just asked if Rarity had a pair of scissors on her.

                                            And Rarity said, "Why of course, I have three sizes on me at all times in case I spot a loose thread, but why?"

                                            "Give 'em here!" said Pinkie, holding onto something in Twilight's tail.

                                            And Twilight and Rarity were nervous. "Pinkie, I'm not sure I could give you these scissors safely considering I can't see right now - and how in the world are you going to use them if *you* can't see?"

                                            But Pinkie said, "It's okay, I use scissors with my eyes closed all the time!"

                                            "Don't actually do that by the way, it's just a story. And Pinkie's kind of wacky like that."

                                            >"I know."

                                            "Okay."

                                            And so, trusting her friend, Rarity veeeeery caaaaaarefully passed her smallest pair of scissors over to Pinkie, guided by the sound of her voice.

                                            And one single snip later, Princess Twilight felt SO. EMBARRASSED.

                                            "I-I'm so sorry, everypony!" she said, "I don't know what came over me!"

                                            "I do!" said Pinkie. "It was this little guy! See?"

                                            But of course, nopony could see whatever Pinkie was talking about.

                                            But Twilight was so eager to make things right and put this behind her, that she was already charging a spell to undo the one she did before, and put Equestria back to normal.

                                            And there was a flash!

                                            And everypony was already relieved, because the flash was white, not purple!

                                            And when the flash cleared, the world as they knew it was restored! All the colors they missed so much, the bright sun, and all the shade from the trees and houses and everything else! Lots of hugs went around town as ponies were so happy to see the faces of their loved ones again!

                                            And in Pinkie's hooves, was a single hair from Twilight's tail. And attached to that hair was a small, red, shiny bug.

                                            "Pinkie, whatever are you holding?" asked Rarity.

                                            "Is that what was making me...act like that?" asked Twilight Sparkle.

                                            "Yep yep yep!" said Pinkie. "It's called a Self-Love Bug, and it bit you right on the butt, Twilight!"

                                            >"Have you ever gotten bit by one of those, Anon?"

                                            "Only when your mom's not around."

                                            >"What?"

                                            "Trust me, that'll be hilarious when you're older."

                                            So Twilight, realizing her butt did feel a little itchy, as if a bug bit it, said, "I've never heard of that before, Pinkie. What's a Self-Love Bug?"

                                            "It's a little bug that lives in ponies' tails!" said Pinkie Pie, "And it bites you and makes you think you're the coolest-oolest and the bestest-estest!"

                                            "Goodness!" said Rarity. "Where would Twilight have picked up such a thing?"

                                            "Oh, they're migrating right now." said Pinkie Pie, "So they'll be around all kinds of places!" and she looked into the crowd and said, "Everypony make sure to check your tails if you start feeling way too way past cool for school! It's probably one of these!"

                                            And across town, Applejack scratched her flank just a little tiny bit, and started to think about how amazing it would be if all of Equestria was nothing but apples. All apples, all the time.

                                            >"Oh no!"

                                            "Don't worry, she doesn't have magic like Twilight, so she doesn't do much harm before her friends pull the bug off her butt."

                                            >"Oh. Are Self-Love Bugs real, Anon?"

                                            "Nah, I made them up for the story. Did you like it?"

                                            >"Yeah!"

                                            "Are you ready to go to sleep?"

                                            >"Mmmm... yeah. Goodnight, Anon."

                                            "Goodnight."