Rarity's Flatulence Problem Fartity by UF

 

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Princess Celestia had been in the midst of one of her more mischievous mind-sets when the inspiration first struck her. A devious giggle drew a smirk across her face, and she immediately set herself off on a quest into the very depths of Canterlot itself. Her way was lit with dark plans, the most sinister of schemes egging her every hoofstep onwards. She travelled under the cloak of Luna’s darkness, though being the Princess of the day she could have just passed without the need of such caution. It was the due care she paid this mission that made the insidious intent behind it feel to her all the more naughty. And the adventure she delighted herself with on this particular night was to the publishing company of one of Canterlot’s most highly regarded magazines.

 

After all, how were the ponies to know that the advice of their beloved Canterlot Monthly had been supplanted by the wily words of a wonderful wise cracker? Its readers were known to guzzle down each written word like water, following each dietary instruction with virtually religious fervour. So, if she just so happened to suggest that they add a significant amount more cauliflower, broccoli and hard-boiled eggs to their diet, how would they know to differentiate between her words and Shimmering Splendour’s?

 

A wide grin broke the otherwise composed nature of her face. Oh, how this was going to be fun.

 

A few days later, the effects of her joke began to rear their ugly heads. At the time, the afternoon sun bathed Ponyville in an almost heavenly warmth. As the ponies trotted lazily back and forth, a multi-coloured blur soared over their heads, speeding in the direction of the village’s outskirts.

 

Performing a landing with about as much care as she was used to, Rainbow Dash skidded hastily to the ground. She flexed her wings and looked back to admire the parallel lines of upturned grass left in her wake. She caught Rarity’s gaze, who met it with an exasperated sigh and returned to arranging the picnic before them.

 

It was, as one would expect, a day out in the countryside to simply enjoy the weather as much as they possibly could. Twilight lay spread out on the grass, her head buried in a copy of “Fifty Shades of Neigh”. To her side, Fluttershy spoke tender words with a young bunny rabbit that had lost its parents. Applejack and Pinkie Pie distracted themselves by chasing each other in circles, their rowdiness clearly frustrating Rarity who in the midst of preparing lunch.

 

“Broccoli again?” Rainbow Dash sighed, glaring disdainfully at the bowls of vegetables spread out before them. She regarded it with all the warmth as she would a serial killer disguised as a miniature tree.

 

“Oh hush, it doesn’t have to be for you,” Rarity scowled in response. “If you must know, I brought them for myself. I’ve been ingesting them all week and if Shimmering Splendour believes their slimming capabilities to be uncontested, well then who are we to judge? Besides, Applejack has supplied the lunch for you five. You’ll see I’ve arranged the apples on this mat into a gorgeous pattern, accentuated by the orange segments spread out twelve per square foot, bordered by these chunks of pear which create a marvellous image of…”

 

“So it’s all done ready to eat then?” Applejack interrupted. The orange earth pony hurried over to Rainbow Dash’s side, who sighed in gratitude for her saviour. “Thank Celestia. I’m famished.”

 

Before Rarity could request they at least admire her ability to design the simplest lunches into a work of art, the feast was underway. With no pressing issues at hoof, the conversation simply drifted into each other at a leisurely pace, the six of them chatting amiably amongst themselves. When idle gossip became the topic, Rarity emerged as queen. It would have been the perfect occasion for her, were it not for one unpleasant detail.

 

As she sunk her teeth into her ninth chunk of broccoli, an ominous rumble shook the walls of her stomach. Not again, she thought to herself. It had been a humiliating occurrence recently, though every time it had emerged it had been within the confines of her boutique. Right now, there was something beginning to build up down below, something which Rarity feared would threaten to emerge if left unattended for too long.

 

Her belly rumbled once again, causing her friends to glance round in search of its origins. She was thankful that they had not yet suspected her and swiftly moved to press her hoof against her misbehaving stomach as though she could hit the snooze button of her own internal gas. “Ehehe, did anyone else hear that? she asked, laughing nervously.

 

“I thought I did. I was wondering if there was a bear that wanted to join us,” Fluttershy sighed. “I guess it was my imagination...Sorry.”

 

“Beg pardon Rarity, but are y’all feelin’ alright? Yer looking a li’l flustered is all,” Applejack questioned.

 

“Oh, thank you for your concern,” Rarity chuckled, levitating a handkerchief over to dab at her sweating forehead. “But it’s nothing. The temperature’s just getting my head is all.”

 

“You know, I don’t think all that broccoli is doing you any favours,” Twilight pointed out, eyeing the bowl sceptically. “From what I’ve heard from Princess Celestia, it’s kicking up a storm over there. Not really sure what she meant by that, but I bet it’s serious.”

 

“Nonsense!” Rarity practically yelled. “Shimmering Splendour is one of the finest beauticians in all of Equestria. She performs days of research before publishing an article, so I find it highly unlikely that she would just lie like that!” Rarity’s stomach rumbled again, as if supplying her statement with a contradictory full stop.

 

“Well, whatever works for you,” Twilight replied, casually levitating another segment of orange into her mouth. Her calm dismissal of the situation left Rarity feeling nervous. Had she heard her stomach then? Was she embarrassed for her friend and was now trying to ignore it for her sake? Was she-

 

A high pitched squeal interrupted her thoughts. Her face turned bright red and she tried to clench the muscles in her rump as tightly as possible. A sly fart had escaped without her permission, no doubt polluting the air as she dwelled on the situation. Yet still her stomach churned and she had a fear she wouldn’t be able to hold it in any longer. She could try to make her excuses to go and hide, but then her friends would know for sure what was going on.

 

Slowly, carefully, with absolute timed precision, she leaned to one side and lifted a single cushiony asscheek off of the grass. Her friends were still chatting amiably amongst each other and she had no intention of keeping them from that. Keeping her face tight, she applied the slightest hint of pressure to her stomach and let loose a gust of wind from her ass, escaping her sphincter with only the quietest of hisses.

 

“-What do you think, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked suddenly. Rarity bit back a squeal and slammed her rump back onto the ground, preventing the flow of any more foul expulsions for now. Her eyes darted back and forth amongst the confused faces regarding her. None of their expressions implied they had noticed her actions. That was good.  She was getting away with it.

 

Well, she thought she was. There was still the small matter of the smell. And dear Celestia, that smell was unbearably powerful. Like a battering ram, it slammed its way against her senses and refused to be ignored. Much to Rarity’s horror, she could see that some of her friends had already detected the foul aroma as it leaked through the air. Applejack was already leaning into an apple in her hoof to see if it had expired at any point. She knew she had to think fast so she reacted with the first solution that came from her mind to distract them from discovering her and prevent the ultimate humiliation.

 

“Rainbow Dash, please!” she cried with as much drama as she could muster. “If you simply must pass wind, at least have the manners to leave my presence before doing so!”

 

Nailed it.

 

Rainbow Dash raised her eyebrows in bewilderment. “Excuse me?” she asked. The other four raised their brows and glared at the cyan Pegasus. Rarity levitated a hefty chunk of broccoli to her face in order to conceal the wide grin that split her features. “Oh come on, you know that wouldn’t have been me. My farts smell so much sweeter than that.” Her audience simply shook their heads and sighed. Rarity’s heart leapt. They had fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

 

She could almost have relaxed at this point were it not for two matters. First of all, the odour still hung around her head and if she weren’t careful it would cling to her mane like an unsavoury ribbon. Celestia knew it had taken her three perfumed baths to remove the scent of her last few farting fits. Second of all was the issue that she was still not properly deflated. Not even half way.

 

So with a scrunched up face of concentrated effort, she dared to lean again and force another few puffs and poots of acrid air out of her stomach. The issue of the smell would have to come last. For now deflation was her highest priority. Her bloated stomach could no longer handle all that gas simmering away inside of her. She knew she could release it in two ways, by command or have it build up to the point where it would escape in an uncontrollable explosion of noise.

 

The obvious answer was to release it by command, as slyly as possible while her friend’s heads were turned. For the most part each fart slid out of her backside without complaint, only the slight and pleasurable vibration of her asshole existing as a sign of its departure.

 

But, she realised with a dawning horror, it wasn’t nearly fast enough. She still felt bloated and gassy, even with the continuous stream of air. She looked down at the chunks of broccoli in horror. Had she really eaten that many? There was an impossible amount of gas in her at the moment and it wasn’t exiting her body at nearly a rapid enough rate.

 

It had to be because of slow, tortured manner with which she was expelling the gas. The smell was overwhelming, clearly having intensified in its strength as her friends looked amongst themselves, trying to brave the storm. As far as Rarity could tell, they hadn’t seemed to have located the source yet, so she swiftly joined them in their nervous smiling and subtle nose pinching. It was about to get a whole lot worse, she thought apologetically.

 

She slid her hoof down to her belly once again and applied yet more pressure. It was only meant to squeeze a tiny bit more force into the expulsion. What happened next was beyond her control.

 

A loud “Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt” splintered the stilted conversation and all eyes fixed on Rarity. The unicorn sat aghast as her tail billowed behind her, all the pent up gas inside of her escaping in short, unbearably loud bursts. Her face burned behind her ivory coat as the odour lingered upwards to assault her senses with an intensity unlike any she’d experienced before.

 

Finally, the blasts reached a crescendo, a high pitched, wet squeal finishing her off. The silence that lay underneath was thick with shock and surprise. All five other ponies stared at their friend with open jaws, seemingly unaware yet of the foul stench that lay in wait for them.

 

“Oh my…” Rarity squeaked, unsure what could possibly be said at that point. “I…I feel a bit better.”

 

Another few moments of nothing. Just when Rarity was beginning to fear everyone had frozen in time, Rainbow Dash fell backwards, an uncontrollable fit of giggles exploding from her sides. Pinkie Pie also fell to the side, tears of laughter streaming from her eyes. Applejack fell next until finally all of her friends were roaring with laughter at Rarity’s outburst, inadvertently drinking in the stench. Rarity just blushed and kept her head low. She imagined she’d start being a little more careful when it came to taking Shimmering Splendour’s advice from now on.