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Let There Be Light: Sc.07

By E4-NG
Created: 2022-02-17 12:49:55
Updated: 2022-02-17 13:02:03
Expiry: Never
anonoc/rgre/ltbl

  1. 1.
    >Creatures surround you on all sides.
  2. 2.
    >Dragons, minotaurs, some sort of humanoid birds and cats, and half a dozen varieties of minuscule horse.
  3. 3.
    >All of them looking at you.
  4. 4.
    >A rumble in the distance.
  5. 5.
    >Thunder?
  6. 6.
    >Blue, cloudless skies, all around.
  7. 7.
    >And all around, the eyes of a hundred beings.
  8. 8.
    >Watching.
  9. 9.
    >Waiting.
  10. 10.
    >For what?
  11. 11.
    >Say something, Anon.
  12. 12.
    >Give them the gift of your tongue.
  13. 13.
    >Your paltry thirdhand ‘wisdom’.
  14. 14.
    >If you don’t speak, they’ll never be able to.
  15. 15.
    >You open your mouth.
  16. 16.
    >Only that distant rumble sounds.
  17. 17.
    >Why you?
  18. 18.
    >Why only you?
  19. 19.
    >Why are you all alone?
  20. 20.
    >Nothing near you but grass.
  21. 21.
    >’Noire?’ You try to croak.
  22. 22.
    >Again, only a distant thunder.
  23. 23.
    >Eyes only on you.
  24. 24.
    >They’d never looked at her.
  25. 25.
    >Not once, even though she was the one who made them.
  26. 26.
    >They only saw you, and then left.
  27. 27.
    >So here you’re pinned, and Noire’s gone.
  28. 28.
    >Almost like this isn’t you.
  29. 29.
    >Just their expectation of you.
  30. 30.
    >And what do they know about you?
  31. 31.
    >Even less than yourself, and you know nothing, not even your name.
  32. 32.
    >They had the briefest contact with you when life first sparked.
  33. 33.
    >You gave each a phrase and they departed.
  34. 34.
    >What would their image of you even be?
  35. 35.
    >Their expectation of her, of course, is totally absent.
  36. 36.
    >They’d never acknowledged her in the first place.
  37. 37.
    >Say something.
  38. 38.
    >Anything.
  39. 39.
    >Give them the barest hint of recognizance, that which they denied Noire.
  40. 40.
    >Let them enter the world on something other than the harsh reality you’d left.
  41. 41.
    >But what could you say to them that doesn’t drive a shard of that reality into them, like a knife into their soul?
  42. 42.
    >It’s all you know.
  43. 43.
    >Speak.
  44. 44.
    >Speak, demands the distant thunder.
  45. 45.
    >Some of them hear it now, heads turning.
  46. 46.
    >The storm will take them away from you.
  47. 47.
    >You wither under their stares but what would you be once they leave?
  48. 48.
    >Inflict your signature wound on them, so they’ll forever be scarred with the hard-won wisdom of your home, wrought by blood.
  49. 49.
    >Speak, damn you.
  50. 50.
    >Speak; damn them.
  51. 51.
    >It should be Noire here, under their baleful watch.
  52. 52.
    >Noire, the god, cosmos incarnate, perfection.
  53. 53.
    >Their true creator.
  54. 54.
    >The thunder is loud enough to discern as such clearly, now.
  55. 55.
    >A few creatures in the back peel off from the group, wandering into the woods, dark despite the daylight.
  56. 56.
    >You can’t tell if this hurts more than their stares.
  57. 57.
    >You gave them your shitty words, but they gave you meaning.
  58. 58.
    >They’re the only reason you’re here.
  59. 59.
    >Another rumble of thunder.
  60. 60.
    >More creatures breaking away.
  61. 61.
    >You’re not even fully surrounded, now; there’s a gap in front of you.
  62. 62.
    >A chance to escape.
  63. 63.
    >But you’re rooted in place.
  64. 64.
    >Fixed by the piercing eyes of those remaining.
  65. 65.
    >Eventually they’ll all leave.
  66. 66.
    >And you’ll be alone.
  67. 67.
    >No escape, then.
  68. 68.
    >You’ll simply cease being.
  69. 69.
    >A bolt of lighting flashes close enough to totally blind you.
  70. 70.
    >A world of nothing but light.
  71. 71.
     
  72. 72.
    * * *
  73. 73.
     
  74. 74.
    >BANG!
  75. 75.
    >The blast of thunder – from a strike close enough to shake the house – startles you awake, driving you upright on the couch you’d been napping on.
  76. 76.
    >Your motion startles Noire, also on the couch beside you, body facing you but watching the fireplace.
  77. 77.
    >She often sits here and meditates. Checking the rest of the world, she says.
  78. 78.
    >You hope you didn’t just screw something up.
  79. 79.
    >She looks over you, worry clear in her eyes, as the thunder fades and leaves only the crackling fire in the hearth on the north-facing wall, it’s smoky smell mingling with hers.
  80. 80.
    >”Are you alright?”
  81. 81.
    “Yeah, just-”
  82. 82.
    >You rub your face with your hands, then shake your head.
  83. 83.
    “Just a bad dream.”
  84. 84.
    >She considers you silently, long enough to draw your attention to her. “I would not know.”
  85. 85.
    “Do you sleep?”
  86. 86.
    >”I could, if I chose to.”
  87. 87.
    “Kinda hard to talk about dreams with someone who has not experienced them.”
  88. 88.
    >”Knowledge against experience,” she mumbles as she looks away. Then, returning her attention to you, “Tell me about yours. What troubles you?”
  89. 89.
    >Your turn to look away, with a wave of your hand.
  90. 90.
    “I don’t know. Some anxiety about what I’m doing here, I guess.”
  91. 91.
    >The details are already fading from your mind, it’s hard to fix them.
  92. 92.
    >One sticks with you though.
  93. 93.
    >You were, basically, alone.
  94. 94.
    >She wasn’t there.
  95. 95.
    “I was isolated, in a way. I was surrounded by, I can’t remember. Things. But I was alone, something about me was different than them in an important way and I couldn’t do anything.”
  96. 96.
    >You look over to her when she doesn’t respond.
  97. 97.
    “You, uh, you weren’t there. And that was one of the scariest parts.”
  98. 98.
    >Your fidgeting hands become a much more enticing target for your eyes.
  99. 99.
    “In a lot of ways, I’m only okay because you’re here, I think”
  100. 100.
    >The ensuing silence stretches long enough for thunder to intrude again, not as near as that which woke you.
  101. 101.
    >”Anon, may I-”
  102. 102.
    >You look back to her.
  103. 103.
    >”May I confide in you something?”
  104. 104.
    “Yeah, of course.”
  105. 105.
    >”You have asked before what I think of the limitations you requested I place on myself.”
  106. 106.
    “I don’t know how you’re handling it, honestly. If it’s a burden or not. I don-”
  107. 107.
    >”It’s hard!”
  108. 108.
    >Her interruption shocks you almost as bad as the thunder that brought you back here. It has as much force behind it.
  109. 109.
    >She looks almost as shocked as you felt.
  110. 110.
    >”Sorry.”
  111. 111.
    >Calm her down.
  112. 112.
    >You give her a weak smile, and extend a hand to stroke one of her shoulders.
  113. 113.
    >She flinches away from it, but doesn’t react further when you insist.
  114. 114.
    “I want to hear it.”
  115. 115.
    >”I also feel surrounded, yet alone. I am surrounded by myself.”
  116. 116.
    “What do you mean?”
  117. 117.
    >”This existence, as I am now, is not… me. Not all of me. I was not subject to time and space before you arrived. I emulated those limitations for your sake. Then I chained myself to them at your request.”
  118. 118.
    “And I thank you. But, uh, I don’t want you to suffer for me, Noire.”
  119. 119.
    >”It is not torture. But I am alienated, as you felt. I am alienated from myself.”
  120. 120.
    >She looks to the ceiling, as if trying to pierce through it and the sky to look into some cosmological mirror.
  121. 121.
    >”Here and now my greater self still exists, because that self is everywhere and everywhen. Everything I experience is also experienced by that greater self. But nothing comes from it to me. I am cut off from myself.”
  122. 122.
    >Your hand has stopped its gentle strokes as you can only stare at her.
  123. 123.
    “I had no idea.”
  124. 124.
    >You shake your head.
  125. 125.
    “I don’t want you to go through that just for me.”
  126. 126.
    >”Anon, it is not torture because I have you.”
  127. 127.
    >You freeze.
  128. 128.
    >Part of you wants to scoop her up with that hand touching her, right now.
  129. 129.
    >”You are more than my muse. You are my guide. You are comfortable with this mode of existence, it is all you know. Yet you live with confidence despite it. I must learn this quality, because I-”
  130. 130.
    >Confusion dominates her face. “Because-”
  131. 131.
    >Give in.
  132. 132.
    >You reach over with your other arm now, so you can gather her up with both and pull her towards you.
  133. 133.
    >She doesn’t resist, even as you haul her forelegs over your lap.
  134. 134.
    >In fact, with her size, it can only be as easy as you find it because she, in some minor way, helps you.
  135. 135.
    >Even still, she doesn’t meet your eyes.
  136. 136.
    >You wrap one arm around her back, and stroke the side of her neck with your other hand.
  137. 137.
    >Her mane drifts over your shoulder, carrying those smoky notes to you.
  138. 138.
    >Her halo, you can tell now, isn’t actually where you see it always behind her head from your perspective. It has a real position over her back, because it warms your arm where they intersect.
  139. 139.
    “Hey. I said you could confide in me. Anything.”
  140. 140.
    >”When we were first talking about free will, when you had me Forget…”
  141. 141.
    “Yeah?”
  142. 142.
    >”I mentioned that it was opaque to me. And that I leave this world when it becomes rooted enough, so it may direct itself without my interference.”
  143. 143.
    >She shakes her head.
  144. 144.
    >“That means it spreads. Eventually I cannot see large areas of this world. And eventually I cannot see anything at all.”
  145. 145.
    ”Because it takes over?”
  146. 146.
    >”How can I know? I am not an entity that should be confronted with such mystery. Yet there is this void, past which my awareness simply ends. I must learn now to face that. I need to learn how to be unafraid of the unknown.”
  147. 147.
    >She finally looks at you.
  148. 148.
    >”I need to be brave. Like you.”
  149. 149.
    >At that moment, in her eyes, you are witness to such innocent vulnerability that you realize you are not looking at a god at all.
  150. 150.
    >You are looking at fragile creature paralyzed by fear.
  151. 151.
    >Just as you were, in your dream.
  152. 152.
    >This reflection of yourself in alien eyes is too much for you to bear.
  153. 153.
    >You look up and pull her head to you, cupping her cheek, pressing hers into your collarbones.
  154. 154.
    >Your chin over her forehead, her horn against your temple.
  155. 155.
    >You’re immersed in her mane’s scent now, realizing its full complexity, the smell of warm wet grass and a roaring campfire through a crisp summer’s night breeze, surrounding you with enough power that for a brief moment you feel transported to some scene from your childhood.
  156. 156.
    >And you can feel her breathing, shallower and faster than it ought to be.
  157. 157.
    “I can’t teach you that. I don’t know how.”
  158. 158.
    >A hitch in her breath.
  159. 159.
    ”But if you need a guide, that I can do.”
  160. 160.
    >You can feel her smile as she sighs with relief.
  161. 161.
    >”Thank you.”
  162. 162.
    “You should rest. Take your mind off this world, for a time. You said you could sleep if you wanted. Let yourself.”
  163. 163.
    >”Now?”
  164. 164.
    “I’ll be right here with you.”
  165. 165.
    >She nods in your arms.
  166. 166.
    >”Maybe I will even dream.”
  167. 167.
    >You let the arm around her neck fall to her back.
  168. 168.
    >Slip it between her side and her wing.
  169. 169.
    >The dim waves of orange light that slide down her darker feathers had become bright and agitated, whirling chaotically across her primaries.
  170. 170.
    >You keep her head against you and gently stroke her side, watching them.
  171. 171.
    >First they calm, falling back into orderly waves rippling out from under her coverts.
  172. 172.
    >Then they dim, resuming their usual barely-perceptible glow.
  173. 173.
    >Then, finally, as with her breathing, they slow.
  174. 174.
    >She heaves one last sigh beneath your arms, then her breath falls into a slow and steady rhythm.
  175. 175.
    >”Maybe…”
  176. 176.
    >The quietest murmur.
  177. 177.
    >”…of you.”
  178. 178.
    >Her wings droop, one wedging itself between the cushions of the seat and the back of the couch, the other lowering to the floor and covering your leg.
  179. 179.
    >The warmth of her body is almost intoxicating.
  180. 180.
    >Loosening you.
  181. 181.
    >Something about this display makes you want to cry.
  182. 182.
    >You’d always seen her as a being of such magnificent power.
  183. 183.
    >While, this whole time, she was struggling with something you take for granted every moment of your life.
  184. 184.
    >Maybe that’s why you were sent here, by whatever you were wherever you were from.
  185. 185.
    >Not to be her muse.
  186. 186.
    >To be her guide.
  187. 187.
    >No, stop, you can’t let that impulse get the best of you.
  188. 188.
    >That’ll fuck with your breathing and you’ll wake her up, with her cheek against your heart like this.
  189. 189.
    >You peer through her wispy smoke-like mane to the fireplace, still snapping and popping away.
  190. 190.
    >Thunder sounds again, but far-off.
  191. 191.
    >A threat receding.
  192. 192.
    >Everything here is arranged according to your comfort.
  193. 193.
    >This house, this furniture, these meals, the fire.
  194. 194.
    >Now you know, this is the only place she can relax.
  195. 195.
    >Enveloped within your design.
  196. 196.
    >Laying by your side.
  197. 197.
    >The only way you know how to lead is by example.
  198. 198.
    >But all that requires is your presence.
  199. 199.
    >As long as you stay here, with her, until she can understand, perhaps that is your true purpose.
  200. 200.
    >She leaves this world, she goes back to being her greater self, she says.
  201. 201.
    >You are no god, you cannot follow her, even if you are still here by then. It might be centuries, millennia, from now.
  202. 202.
    >Not like she gave you a schedule.
  203. 203.
    >But if it took your entire life to show her how to let go of her fear of simply BEING.
  204. 204.
    >That’ll make all this worth it.
  205. 205.
    >Bring the nightmares, the baleful stares of the creatures you helped create.
  206. 206.
    >You give them a piece of yourself, but they’re not the ones who need it most.
  207. 207.
    >Of all the living creatures that now walk this world, only one truly illuminates your purpose.
  208. 208.
    >And tonight you proved her initial assessment of herself wrong.
  209. 209.
    >She called you the first living thing here.
  210. 210.
    >But this is the burden that all living share.
  211. 211.
    >She truly is alive.

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