FOEGYG 2


                                            "Okay, heaving with their full weight into the thick, moldy door, Phendrana the Erudite manages to open it with a dull scraping noise. The flickering torchlight illuminates the space beyond, a rectangular stone room with aging-"

                                            >"A-are there any monsters in the room?"

                                            "If you'll let me finish Fluttershy, I'll-"

                                            >"Are any of the monsters hot? I want to roll to seduce the hottest looking monster!"

                                            "Dash, for the last time, you can't roll to seduce monsters. You can't even seduce most monsters to begin with, the closest thing would be the reaction roll but-"

                                            >Paying no attention to anything you've said, Rainbow Dash picks up and throws one of your twenty sided dice, sending it skittering across the table.

                                            >"Hey! Be careful, you almost knocked over Phendrana! It took me forever to paint the design on her cloak..."

                                            >Twilight reaches across the table to steady the figurine representing her hero, rotating it back to its original position.

                                            >"Ha, a twelve! That's enough to seduce right? It should be, I'm the hottest human ever and no dumb monster could resist my human charms."

                                            >Fluttershy recoils back into her chair, shivering slightly.

                                            >"S-so there are monsters?"

                                            "No on all accounts. I know you guys have never played before, but it's bad etiquette to interrupt the Dungeon Master."

                                            >"Oh... S-sorry Anon..."

                                            >"Fine, jeez! Just describe the monsters already."

                                            >You shoot your cerulean companion a withering stare before continuing with your narration.

                                            "Alright, opening the heavy dungeon door reveals a rectangular stone room with no furnishings save some tattered tapestries that litter the walls. In the middle of the room, two humans stand in front of a treasure chest, their backs to you. They're wearing leather armor and-"

                                            >"Treasure? I rush in and kill them! What do I roll for that?"

                                            >"Dash, let's have a little more tact with our approach. We don't even know that they're evil yet."

                                            >"M-maybe we should just... turn around..."

                                            >"Anon? What do I roll, I'm killing them."

                                            "If uh. If you guys are going to be starting combat with them, I'll need you all to declare actions and then you'll roll one of them six-sided dice. Did you want the full room description?"

                                            >"If you wouldn't mind Anon, I'd like to hear what the whole room looks like before we just go charging-"

                                            >"OKAYIMATTACKINGIROLLEDASIXISTHATGOOD"

                                            >"I thought it needed to flip more than once to count as a roll..."

                                            "You know what? The two humans unsheathe their swords and advance towards you Dash-"

                                            >"Bigboobicus."

                                            "I'm not calling your character that."

                                            >"That's her name! Bigboobicus the Really Sexy."

                                            "Yeah. And they attack you for... eight damage."

                                            >"WHAT! No way! I've only got four points left, that means I'm-"

                                            "Dead. You're dead Dash. And dead characters don't talk, you can make a new one if you want to join in again."

                                            >"This game blows."

                                            >"Anon, can I cast sleep on them? You kind of acted out of initiative order there, Fluttershy and I didn't get to declare our actions."

                                            "Yeah at this point you can just go for it."

                                            >"Perfect. Phendrana the Erudite takes a deep breath, centering herself. She thinks back to all those years ago when she was first taught the sleep spell by her first professor, Celedes the Wise, the headmistress for the Ravenlocke Academy in Icedale. It took Phendrana weeks of rigorous studying and research before finally being eligible for instruction in-"

                                            "They both failed their saves."

                                            >"O-oh. Good. Phendrana the Erudite makes a grand flourish with her cloak, the magic twinkling of starlight from her custom insignia casting a glamour over the two humans, their eyelids quickly growing heavy as-"

                                            "They both failed their saves."

                                            >Twilight frowns, narrowing her eyes at her miniature before answering in a much quieter voice.

                                            >"Hmm. Good."

                                            >She remains silent, lowering her gaze to the battlegrid laid across the table.

                                            >"Uhm, Anon... those two humans are asleep?"

                                            "Yes Fluttershy, they'll remain asleep until they take damage, or until the spell ends."

                                            >Fluttershy nervously glances between the two other ponies sat at your table, the purple one fuming and the blue one currently digging into your snacks with wild abandon.

                                            >"D-do these humans look like you?"

                                            "I mean I guess? They both have my physiology if that's what you're asking. I know you haven't seen more than one human before but we can be a bit different between each other. Did you mean like facial features, height, frame?"

                                            >"No... that's fine. Rett the Sly will d-draw her dagger and slit the one on the left's throat while he's sleeping."

                                            "Woah, nice thinking. You handily dispatch of the sleeping human with ease. Now what?"

                                            >Fluttershy stares unblinking into your eyes, a small smile creeping to her face.

                                            >"I... I guess that was easy... Rett the Sly will now take off the one on the right's clothes."

                                            "Smart stuff Fluttershy, his armor should be enough to make you guys a buck or two. It takes some time to doff his pads, but you manage it without waking him from his magical slumber. You can add leather armor to your inventory if you want."

                                            >"Okay... S-so he's naked now right."

                                            "Well, not really. He had some cloth rags on underneath the armor, but that won't be worth much of anything."

                                            >"I'd like to take them."

                                            "Uh, alright then. You take the rags."

                                            >"Rett the Sly will now t-take off her clothes."

                                            "Shy."

                                            >A rosy blush has made its way to Fluttershy's cheeks, her smile widening.

                                            >"Rett the Sly is going to lay on top of the human, p-putting her dagger to his throat. Then she's g-going to slap him until he wakes up. When he wakes up she says "Get hard piggy or you'll end up like your friend here," and s-she digs the dagger point a little into his neck, to show she means business, and then she reaches down to his crotch-"

                                            "Alright, I think we can call it here."

                                            >Rainbow Dash looks up from the chip bowl she's snout-deep in, cheese dust covering the entirety of her muzzle.

                                            >"Finally! This nerd game sucked Anon, I can't believe you talked me into playing it."

                                            >Fluttershy trembles and whines, her hoof suspiciously reaching beneath the table.

                                            >"Anon... pleease can we keep going...?"

                                            >Twilight just fixes you with an icy, contemptible stare.

                                            "I really don't know what I expected."