The Herding Game


                                            >Be Anonymous.

                                            >You sit down in your comfy sofa and pour yourself some freshly pressed cider.

                                            >One of the perks of working for the Apples is that you get early access to the good stuff.

                                            >Turns out that having ape ancestry that allows you to climb apple trees to reach places only a pegasus could, while still being able to carry your weight like an earth pony is pretty useful on a farm.

                                            >Add to that the fact that you've got fingers as nimble as a unicorn's telekinesis, and let's just say that they won't be getting rid of you any time soon.

                                            >A few well placed ear scritches definitely haven't hurt things either.

                                            >In fact, with the harvest complete, you landed a nice, fat bonus, which bought you a couple of nice things.

                                            >One of them being a brand new ThaumoVision set that you have currently plopped your ass in front of, and plan to waste the rest of the evening staring at.

                                            >You pick up your Patented Enchanted Norothaumic Unicorn Surrogate, or the battery powered remote control built for everyone who doesn't have a horn sticking out of their forehead.

                                            >You wave it, and the screen lights up, the end of an obnoxious jingle of a commercial blaring out of the speakers.

                                            >"...so always get your shopping done with Filthy Rich!"

                                            >God you hate that commercial.

                                            >The tune is way too catchy. In fact, you wouldn't be surprised if they put some magic in the music itself.

                                            >Ponies randomly breaking out into group song is pretty common around here, so you bet if someone could figure out why that happens exactly, they could create one memetic hazard of an earworm.

                                            >Anyhow, enough of that.

                                            >Ponies are coming on.


                                            >"Recorded in front of a live audience, and brought to you by the Equestrian Royal Thaumcasting Association iiiiiit's..."

                                            >"THE HERDING GAME!"

                                            >A distinctly 60s show tune starts playing, as the title screen fades away, and the cameras focus on an empty stage.

                                            >"Presented by the one, the only, the pony who knows everypony, PINKIEEEEEEEEEE PIE!"

                                            >Half a dozen party cannons can be heard going off, and from the waterfall of confetti covering the entrance from backstage emerges the pinkest pony to ever ponk, clad in a gaudy, banana-yellow checkered suit jacket with a ridiculously oversized bowtie.

                                            >With a pep in her step, she canters onto the stage, waving at the audience, sending kisses at the ponies in front of her, and making small talk with them.

                                            >As the music fades out, she takes a hoofheld microphone out of her hammerspace-mane, taps it for good measure, producing a short feedback whine, and bellows out.

                                            >"HI, EVERYPONY!"

                                            >The audience answers in unison.

                                            >"HI, PINKIE PIE!"

                                            >Everyone involved in the exchange looks strangely satisfied, as if they have just fulfilled some strange ritual they don't know the source of, but are still compelled to take part in.

                                            >Pinkie in the meantime, looks straight at the camera, and waves at it.

                                            >"Heya Nonny! Thanks for tuning in!"

                                            >She keeps waving.

                                            >You give a hesitant wave back at the TV, and she gives you a bright smile and focuses back on the audience.

                                            >You've long learned that when it comes to the pink one, it's best to stop asking questions and just play along.


                                            >"You all know how this show works, folks! But for those with recent head trauma, here's a quick reminder."

                                            >"Three prospective, two-mare herds will meet a single, eeeeeeeeeeeligible stallion!"

                                            >Pinkie raises her eyebrows suggestively, and the audience gives a prolonged "oooooooooooooooo" in mock astonishment.

                                            >"But! The stallion can't just choose who they like based on their looks. Him and the contestants are separated, and he must make a decision based solely on their voices, and the answers they give to his questions."

                                            >"The lucky pair that wins him over will then choose from one of these..."

                                            >Ponka pulls out three oversized envelopes with the word PRIZE printed on the back.

                                            >"...and get a chance to win our grand prize - an all expenses paid, week-long trip to shimmering, sparkling, splendiferous LAS PEGASUS!"

                                            >The audience lets out a synchronized gasp.

                                            >"As you know, every week we record from a different place somewhere in Equestria. This time, it's a rural town just outside of Canterlot - Ponyville. Don't let the small size fool you, it has a LOT of spirit!"

                                            >The camera does a quick pan from Pinkie's face to the side of the stage, where Pinkie's face pops out from the curtains and shouts "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!".

                                            >The camera pans back to a gigglesnorting Pinkie, and an audience roaring with laughter, completely ignoring the apparent bilocation of the host.

                                            >"Oh man, that always gets me." The pink pony says, wiping a tear from her eye.

                                            >"Anyhoo, let's get on with the show! It's time to meet our contestants!"

                                            >Part of the stage wall turns on a pivot, revealing three sets of two barstools, the figures on them covered by shadow.


                                            >"Herd number one has only met recently, but they're best friends already! Give a hoof to Twilight Sparkle and Rarity!"

                                            >A spotlight shines on the pair, revealing a white, immaculately groomed unicorn, and a lavender, visibly uncomfortable one.

                                            >"You might know Twilight as your local librarian, but did you know she's got friends in high places? Believe it or not, this pony is the personal student of Princess Celestia herself!"

                                            >Twilight winces as the audience focuses on her, and gives an awkward wave.

                                            >Pinkie pulls out a card from her mane and reads off of it.

                                            >"You can always find her with a good book, and her idea of a perfect date is a romantic walk on the beach followed by reading long into the night, cuddled up on a sofa."

                                            >Pinkie gives a sideways glance to the cameras and whispers conspiratorially.

                                            >"I bet she's got some particularly steamy literature saved just for that occasion. It's always the quiet ones, amirite?"

                                            >As the audience explodes in laughter, the poor unicorn covers her beet-red face with her hooves, and can be barely heard mumbling "Oh sweet Celestia, why did I agree to this?"

                                            >On the other hand, Rarity is cool as a cucumber, and puts her hoof on Twilight's wither.

                                            >"Relax, darling, that's just how this show is. Remember, it's all in good fun. We're here to have a good time."

                                            >She hesitates for a second, then whispers to herself.

                                            >"And to finally get you some Tartarus-damned practice talking to a stallion."

                                            >The purple pony doesn't seem particularly comforted.

                                            >Pinkie decides to continue the introductions.

                                            >"Her partner today is Rarity, Ponyville's most fabulous seamstress!"

                                            >"FASHIONISTA, darling!", Rarity corrects.

                                            >"Yeah, what she said. Don't let her colty looks fool you, Rara here's a true mare's mare. I bet she started making clothes just so she can take aaaaaaaall the measurements of her customers."

                                            >The white unicorn gasps in astonishment.

                                            >"Why, I never!"

                                            >"Well I sure would!", Pinkie cheerfully answers, eliciting another round of laughter from the audience.

                                            >Once they calm down, she faces them with a serious expression.

                                            >"Now, folks, I have something to confess to you. Rara and Twi here are some of my bestest friends. But don't worry, there will be no favoritism in tonight's show. And do you know why?"

                                            >"BECAUSE EVERYPONY IS MY BEST FRIEND!"

                                            >Pinkie yells, as she leaps into the air, and with a bang, the entire screen is nothing but confetti.

                                            >After a while the colorful blizzard finally reaches an end, and the host continues, as a couple of stagehands hurriedly sweep the paper strips away.


                                            >"Time for herd number two!" Pinkie points her hoof at the second set of chairs. "Lights!"

                                            >The spotlight hits two new figures.

                                            >A midnight-blue alicorn and a batpony mare that is currently trying to make herself as small as possible.

                                            >A silence falls over the studio. Slowly, confused murmurs start spreading throught the audience.

                                            >Meanwhile, Pinkie's jaw is doing its best impression of an anaconda swallowing an elephant.

                                            >One of the stagehands, done with sweeping confetti, walks over, puts a carriage jack under the host's chin, and starts cranking with a tired expression.

                                            >You feel a deep kinship with this pony. Kinship born out of seeing way too much pink-colored madness.

                                            >In the meantime, Twilight finally gathers her composure.

                                            >"P-princess Luna? What are you doing here, your majesty?"

                                            >"Ah, our sister's faithful student. What a joyful meeting this is indeed. We were told we need some... hooves on experience with the ways society has changed since our banishment. Therefore, we have decided to partake in one of those 'game shows' that have become so popular recently."

                                            >"But don't you know what kind of show this is?"

                                            >"We believe that it has something to do with the courting rituals of today. All the better, we have been told ours need some 'updating' as well. Apparently, simply smothering a colt with our tuft until he agrees to join us in our bedchambers has become 'unacceptable' and 'illegal' in the past 1000 years."

                                            >Twilight, still perplexed, turns to Pinkie.

                                            >"You knew about this?"

                                            >"Ah, let us answer that as well, Twilight Sparkle." Luna interjects. "Our place in this 'show' was to be occupied by another mare, but after some 'persuading' she graciously ceded it to us."

                                            >"Can she even do that?" someone in the audience asks.

                                            >All cameras focus on Pinkie, who just shrugs.

                                            >"She does kinda own the company."

                                            >A wave of murmurs passes through the audience again, but it dies down quickly, and most of the ponies decide to follow Pinkie's shrug-and-move-on attitude.

                                            >The host reaches into her mane, pulls out a stack of cue cards, shuffles through them a couple times, and finally throws them all away.

                                            >"Eh, I'll just wing it. You, bat-mare, what's-your-name-"

                                            >"...Crescent Glide."

                                            >"-how do you fit into this whole thing?"

                                            >The poor batpony, visibly sweating and nervously glancing from camera to camera, answers shakily.

                                            >"The Night Guard code prohibits leaving the Princess unattended while outside the castle, and..."

                                            >"Aaaaaand?" Pinkie eggs her on.

                                            >"...I drew the short straw." The guardsmare sighs, and slumps on her seat, as if finally surrendering to the reality of her situation.

                                            >A moment of silence is held for the unlucky mare.


                                            >"Right, let's move on, get this show back on track. Third herd, Lyra and Bon Bon, musician and confectioner."

                                            >The spotlight unceremoniously reveals the last pair of ponies.

                                            >"Now, moving on-"

                                            >"Hey! How come we get the rushed treatment? I waited a long time to be on this show!"

                                            >The harpist looks quite miffed. The candy mare, on the other hand, just sits there with a neutral expression.

                                            >"Come on, Bon Bon, say something! Tell them you're pissed off too!"

                                            >Bon Bon crosses her forelegs in front of her and gives Lyra a tired look.

                                            >"Yes Lyra. I am upset that we are being rushed through our introduction on the show you dragged me to so you can prove to everyone in town that you're 'totally not a dyke' and that you 'just can't find a stallion that Bon Bon would approve of, you know how she gets, all that sugar makes her a total bitch sometimes'."

                                            >A moment of uncomfortable silence passes, Lyra staring in confusion at the other half of her duo.

                                            >"Wait, Bon Bon, why are you making that face? That's your 'you're sleeping on the couch tonight' face."

                                            >"Lyra I swear to-"

                                            >Pinkie pops into existence behind the pair, draping her hooves over their withers and pulling them uncomfortably close to herself.

                                            >"Ladies, ladies, let's leave the talk about sleeping arrangements until after the show, all right?"

                                            >Lyra doesn't seem convinced.

                                            >"Hey, I still think we weren't given a fair shake. Everyone else got way more attention, and I'd just like to-"

                                            >With a sound like a deflating balloon, Pinkie's mane goes straight, as she turns her head towards Lyra, pulling her even closer, until she is staring directly into her eyes, mere milimeters away.

                                            >"Listen here you minty little shit, we are already behind schedule, and we ARE getting this show back on the road or so help me Celestia I will take this microphone and-"

                                            >The feed cuts out and is replaced with a still image of a comically cross-eyed grey pegasus tangled up in camera cable, with the caption "Technical difficulties, please stand by".

                                            >After a few seconds, the program is back on, the presenter's mane has puffed back up, and Lyra is quiet, still, and has the mother of all thousand-yard stares.

                                            >Finally, Luna breaks the silence.

                                            >"Let us just tell you, dear Pinkie Pie, our sister would most likely not help you with any of those actions. A matter of upholding the royal image, we're sure you understand."


                                            >"Let's FINALLY introduce our stallion! He's been waiting offstage in a soundproof booth so he has no idea who our contestants are, or what we've been talking about. And thank Celestia for that! Hahahaha!"

                                            >Pinkie laughs nervously, as a screen rises from under the floor, separating the six mares from the rest of the stage, and a part of the stage rotates. It reveals a single barstool, a pony with a honey-colored coat and a brown mane on it.

                                            >A wave of applause passes through the audience, along with a few wolf whistles.

                                            >The stallion blushes and waves shyly, as Pinkie saunters over from the mare part of the stage.

                                            >"Well, hello there, handsome. How are you feeling today?"

                                            >This seems to fluster him even more.

                                            >"I'm feeling fine, Miss Pie, if a bit starstruck."

                                            >He flutters his long, gently mascara'd eyelashes at her.

                                            >The stallions here went to such lengths to care about their appearance it put most women you knew back on Earth to shame.

                                            >Some even tried to push that kind of behaviour on you, but you would have none of it.

                                            >Papa Anon didn't raise no faggot.

                                            >You take a swig from your cider, let out a wall-shaking burp and scratch your balls.

                                            >No siree.

                                            >Wonder why no females here are interested in such a fine specimen of a male as yourself.

                                            >Must be the monkey thing, you shrug.

                                            >Back on the screen, Pinkie chuckles as she puts her hoof around the stallion.

                                            >"Oh please, call me Pinkie, Miss Pie was my mother. Now, why don't you introduce yourself to our fine audience? Tell us a little about yourself."

                                            >She points her microphone at him.

                                            >"Well, my name is Caramel. I live here in Ponyville, but i was born in Vanhoover. I mostly assist Mister Cake with his cooking classes, but I do a few odd-jobs around the town too, in the flower shop and such. Oh, and I help out at the local apple farm from time to time, just to stay in shape. Bucking does wonders for muscle tone, you know."

                                            >Caramel winks to the camera and pats himself on the flank, to a more then enthusiastic response from the audience.

                                            >Pinkie pulls on her collar and fans herself with her hoof.

                                            >"Oh my, did it get hot in here, or is it just you?"

                                            >More laughter and wolf-whistles ring out from the audience, and the pink host starts waving at them to settle down.

                                            >"Now, we've explained all the rules to you beforehoof, sweetheart, but if you have any questions, now's the time to ask them."

                                            >The stallion smiles and shakes his head.

                                            >"Great! Have you got your questions ready? Then fire away, the stage is yours!"


                                            >Caramel pulls out a bunch of cards from under his barstool, and shuffles through them, finally deciding on one.

                                            >"Herd number one: The weather outside is great, so we're having a picnic. Suddenly, you realize we've set up next to an anthill. The ants are everywhere! What do you do?"

                                            >Twilight perks right up on her barstool.

                                            >"Oh, I'd use Crystal Star's Soil Macrofauna Repositioner! It's a fascinating spell, very precise manipulation with amazing mana efficiency. The nodework on the temporary thaumic feedback channels in the control lattice is a work of art!"

                                            >She claps her hooves excitedly.

                                            >Everything is silent, before one of the ponies in the audience stands up, and inhales deeply.

                                            >"NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!"

                                            >Laughter erupts in the studio. Twilight blushes, and her ears flop down, while Rarity facehoofs audibly.

                                            >"Twilight, darling, we talked about this."

                                            >Caramel, on the other hand, just chuckles a bit.

                                            >"Very resourceful, but it went a bit over my head. How about your herdmate?"

                                            >Rarity puffs up her hair a bit with a hoof, and responds in a sultry voice.

                                            >"Why, darling, I'd sweep you up in my hooves and carry you far away from those foul pests. Then, I'd lay you down in the shade of a tree and we'd spend the next hour making VERY sure none of them got in your coat."

                                            >The audience ooohs and starts to clap, while Caramel blushes lightly.

                                            >"Dashing, if a bit forward. Maybe on the third date."

                                            >Twilight looks at Rarity in astonishment.

                                            >"Wait, that worked? But that's just... so..."

                                            >"Relax, darling. I told you. We're all here to have fun. Me, you, and Caramel too. Don't forget that."


                                            >"Alright, question for herd number two: We're at Sugarcube Corner, and we're all in the mood for something sweet. What do you order?"

                                            >Luna is the first to answer.

                                            >"A large banana split. With extra whipped cream."

                                            >She licks her lips.

                                            >The audience laughs, but Caramel doesn't exactly seem impressed.

                                            >"How... blunt. But I guess honesty is an element of harmony for a reason."

                                            >Luna looks a bit perplexed at the reaction.

                                            >"We do not see what about our dessert preferences was exceedingly honest. Is there something amiss?"

                                            >The batpony next to her scoots over, and whispers something in her princess' ear.

                                            >Luna nods, nods again, then her eyes widen.

                                            >"Oh! We see! An innuendo."

                                            >A mischevious smile spreads on her face.

                                            >"In that case we would have a VERY large banana split."

                                            >The audience roars with laughter.

                                            >"Rrrrrrright... How about your partner?"

                                            >The guardsmare sits up on her barstool and looks around nervously.

                                            >"Who, me?"

                                            >The stallion giggles.

                                            >"Yes you, silly. You can order anything you want. What do you get?"

                                            >"Uhhhh, I guess I'd get what I usually order. Double mango cake with mango cream, a small bowl of mango sherbet and a glass of chilled mango juice to drink."

                                            >"That's... oddly specific."

                                            >Caramel taps a hoof on his chin, lost in thought, then suddenly opens his eyes wider in realization.

                                            >"Wait, are you a batpony? I always wanted to meet one! Is it true what they say about the, you know..."

                                            >He lowers his voice conspiratorily.

                                            >"...wing membranes?"

                                            >Crescent freezes up, her face going bright pink, and she starts emitting a high pitched whine of embarrasment.

                                            >"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

                                            >The batmare starts lightly vibrating, as her pitch goes higher and higher.

                                            >For a second you think something's wrong with your TV, because you can't hear her anymore.

                                            >Then one of the stage lights explodes, showering the audience with shards of glass.

                                            >The technical difficulties screen is back, this time with the grey pegasus tangled up in movie tape, accompanied by the screams of panicked ponies and breaking glass in the background.


                                            >Eventually, after a long commercial break, the broadcast comes back, the last handymare dragging a bag full of glass shards backstage.

                                            >Everyone seems a bit ruffled, and Crescent Glide is back to trying to make herself as small as possible, but the show must go on, you suppose.

                                            >Caramel clears his throat, and shuffles through his cards.

                                            >"Herd number three: We're going out for a night on the town, and planning to visit a fancy restaurant - evening wear mandatory. What do you wear, and what would you like ME to wear?"

                                            >Lyra and Bon Bon look at each other.

                                            >"Well, there is that red number in your wardrobe that you wanted a chance to wear for a while now, right Bonnie?"

                                            >"Yeah, I'm surprised you remember. And you could put on that white airy dress that I bought you for your birthday, Ly. And we'd need a quick visit to the spa, I'm not doing your mane anymore. You can't sit still for five seconds! We went through three brushes last month."

                                            >Bon Bon says with a frown on her face. Then, as if remembering where she is, she quickly adds.

                                            >"Oh, and of course we'd have to meet up first with you, Caramel, to coordinate. Not clashing with your outfit is just as important. I guess something black and form-fitting would suit you just right."

                                            >The other contestants sit dumbfounded, until the silence is broken by Rarity scrunching hard, and whispering to Twilight.

                                            >"Sweet Celestia, and they dare call ME a dyke."

                                            >Caramel himself, on the other hand, seems delighted.

                                            >"How thoughtful! And you seem so in tune with each other, too. You two must be the best of friends!"

                                            >Lyra scrathes her head and laughs nervously.

                                            >"Yeah, that's us. Best friends! The bestest! Haha!"

                                            >Bon Bon gives her a long, disapproving look, but stays silent.

                                            >Everyone else just shakes their head in disbelief, astounded at either the innocence or obliviousness of this colt.


                                            >"All right, I have another question for you two, while we're at it. Pretend you're-"

                                            >BZZZZZZZZZZZZT

                                            >A loud buzzer sounds out, interrupting Caramel mid-question.

                                            >From absolutely nowhere, Pinkie appears right behind the stallion, a nervous grin on her face.

                                            >"Whoops, guess we ran out of time! Normally this show goes for at least another round of questions, but with all the technical difficulties, the producers are REALLY breathing on my neck to wrap it up."

                                            >A disappointed "awwwww" echoes out from the audience.

                                            >"Yeah, yeah, I know. Now, Caramel. You don't have much to work with here, so choosing the right herd for you will be a doozy. Are you gonna be ok?"

                                            >The stallion seems disappointed too, but after a while he nods his head and replies.

                                            >"Yes, I think I can choose."

                                            >"All right sweetheart. Go ahead when you're ready. DRUMROLL!"

                                            >A rising crescendo of drumbeats sounds from off-stage.

                                            >"I choose..."

                                            >"Herd number three!"

                                            >A cymbal puts a finish on the drumroll, confetti rains from above, and the show theme starts playing again as the audience applauds.

                                            >On the side of the contestants, Lyra looks extatic as she jumps off her stool and starts pumping her hooves in the air, while Bon Bon has a surprised, but actually pleased expression on her face.

                                            >The rest are understandably dissapointed, but approach the winning team for courtesy hoofbumps and short chit-chat.

                                            >Meanwhile, as the commotion dies down, Pinkie again approaches Caramel.

                                            >"All right, you've made your choice. Now, let's meet the contestants you didn't choose. Here's herd number one."

                                            >The losing pair approaches the host and stallion a bit awkwardly, but Caramel has a wide smile on his face as he meets them.

                                            >"Twilight, Rarity, I had a feeling it was you. Don't take it personally, I could only choose one of the three. Twilight, you're doing much better than when you came to Ponyville, and I'm sure you'll find a wonderful stallion in the future. Oh, and Rarity? Are we still on for fitting on tuesday?"

                                            >While Twilight just blushes and mumbles something under her muzzle, Rarity answers with a cool "But of course, darling", and the two walk off stage after being handed small consolation prizes by the stagehands.

                                            >A couple of murmurs pass through the crowd, but Pinkie just shrugs.

                                            >"What did I tell you folks? It's a small town."


                                            >Pinkie speaks into her microphone once more.

                                            >"All right, here's the other herd you didn't choose, herd number two."

                                            >This time, Princess Luna walks forward, with Crescent Glide trotting behind her to try and keep up with the alicorn's much longer stride.

                                            >When Caramel sees them, he gasps and bows before the diarch of the night.

                                            >"Princess Luna, I had no idea. I hope I have not offended you by not choosing your herd."

                                            >"Oh not at all, our dear subject. We realize our manners are still antiquated, and might not be appealing. Nevertheless, we had fun."

                                            >As the alicorn moves on, Caramel stops her guardian, and whispers in her ear.

                                            >"I see I was right about the batpony thing. I still want to know if I was right about the other one. Give me a call if you're in town, cutie."

                                            >Crescent goes bright red again, inhales deeply, and gets tackled by Pinkie befor she's able to make a sound, the momentum carrying the two backstage.

                                            >After mere seconds the batpony emerges again, dazed from the impact, her muzzle wrapped in duct tape.

                                            >The pink host comes back as well and stops right in front of Luna, carrying what seems to be a letter with a broken royal seal.

                                            >"Princess, before you leave, we have just received an urgent message from your sister. It reads, and I quote 'Luna. Castle. NOW!'"

                                            >The immortal's scrunch is actually audible.

                                            >Pinkie gives an extra wide, "Don't shoot the messenger" smile to the princess, but the midnight blue alicorn just walks offstage, her pace noticeably quicker, and scoops up the still woozy Crescent with one of her wings while passing by.

                                            >Once she's gone, the host breathes out a sigh of relief, and moves on.

                                            >"All right, let's finally meet our winners, herd number three!"

                                            >Applause rings out as Lyra and Bon Bon come out and approach.

                                            >The mint green victor is still pumped, swagger visible in every hoofstep, while her partner is less enthusiastic, but still seems happy.

                                            >Pinkie approaches Caramel, and lays a hoof across his withers, leaning in for a conspiratorial, theatrical whisper.


                                            >"Now, sweetheart, before I hoof you over to our lucky mares, I have one last question for you. Out of all the wonderful contestants we had here tonight, why did you chose these two?"

                                            >Caramel looks at the two mares, then a really smug smirk spreads across his muzzle.

                                            >"I'll let you in on a little secret, Pinkie. I'm reaaaaally lazy in bed, and with Lyra and Bon Bon here, I won't have to lift a hoof. Why, I'm pretty sure I won't even have to be in the same room."

                                            >The audience roars with laughter, Lyra whiplashes from joy to barely disguised fury, and Bon Bon just facehoofs.

                                            >Once the laughter dies down, Pinkie once again addresses the audience.

                                            >"Ha! Talk about a free ride! And talking about free rides, the time has come for our participants to choose their prize, and have a chance at winning that most desired trip to Las Pegasus!"

                                            >The three oversized envelopes are again pulled out from the inexplicable space inside Pinkie's mane, and she spreads them in front of Caramel, who rubs his hooves together as he ponders which one to choose.

                                            >Just as he's about to pick one, an incensed Lyra shoves him out of the way, and snatches the middle envelope out of Pinkie's grasp.

                                            >The audience gasps, Pinkie lets go of the envelopes and catches an out of balance Caramel, and Bon Bon, visibly angry, walks up to her partner.

                                            >"Lyra, what the buck are you doing?"

                                            >"I don't care if he's a stallion, if he's just using us for a free trip, I at least want to chose it myself."

                                            >She slaps the chosen envelope into Pinkie's hoof.

                                            >"Here, now open it up, read what's inside and let's get the buck out of here."

                                            >Pinkie, hovering somewhere between shock and incredulity, gently lets the stunned stallion back on his hooves, opens the envelope and pulls out the card. Her expression shifts immediately, and she snickers, trying not to laugh.

                                            >"Well, my dears, it might not be our grand prize, but I'm sure it's going to be just as exciting."

                                            >"You're going on an action packed trip to Detrot!"

                                            >Complete silence falls over the stage.

                                            >You could hear a pin drop.

                                            >Finally, someone moves.

                                            >Bon Bon slowly, calmly, walks up to her partner, reaches out, and holds her by her cheeks.

                                            >Then, her hooves move downwards, and she starts to half-shake, half-strangle the minty green unicorn.

                                            >"LYYYYYYYYYYYYRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

                                            >The audience erupts into a riot of laughter.

                                            >Caramel's eyes roll back into his head as he faints, and two stagehands immediately rush out from backstage with a stretcher.

                                            >Pinkie meanwhile is rolling on the floor, barely able to breathe from laughing.

                                            >Finally, mercifully, the chaos is interrupted by the third appearance of the techical difficulties screen, this time depicting the cross-eyed pegasus with a shocked expression on her face, caught in the act of eating muffins straight from the tray.

                                            >You wave the remote, and your ThaumoVision set shuts off.

                                            >Yeah, that's enough TV for today.