Flickering Flame

 

A shadow cut through the room when none of the soldiers were looking its way. Star Ballad shuddered. One never got used to seeing the Princess travel in that form, no matter how many times she watched her do it. It was as if a dark and jagged blade tore a wound in the fabric of reality, a sense of wrongness personified and weaponized against the Moon's enemies. Nightmare Moon reappeared behind a column closest to the exit. All but one of the major pieces were now in place. Now she had to wait for the pawns to finish their examination and call for the rest of their squad and their Princess to follow. Especially for her. In the meanwhile, Star couldn't help but think about how she ended up in this sorry situation. It was better to do that than dwell on what was about to happen.

 

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It started as a secret mission deep inside enemy territory. Local lunar sympathizers discovered several tomes of pre-Equestrian spellcraft in their town's library. If those books ever got into Celestia's hooves, the scales of conflict would be tipped in her favor once again. Luna couldn't let that happen. She called for her aide, and the two immediately set off under the cover of night. Star Ballad was always ready – she even remembered to take a small box of zebra explosives with her, just in case. It was not the first time that the Princess of the Night used her powers to personally carry out tasks that would be impossible for anypony else.

 

As is usually the case with nigh-impossible missions, something was bound to go wrong sooner or later. When the two mares heard the flapping of many wings, it was already too late for them to escape unnoticed. A quick peek through the window revealed chariots carrying no less than two hundred Royal Guards converging on the library.

 

"Betrayal," whispered Nightmare Moon in a tone dripping with malice. "They couldn't have seen Us, no. They expected Us here."

 

"Yet they weren't fast enough, Your Majesty," said Star Ballad, trotting towards the entrance. "With your shadow to hide us, they will be forced to drop the pursuit before long."

 

"Look again, Star Ballad." Nightmare Moon gave her a look of pity and burst into humorless laughter. "Look, and see who has left her cushioned throne. Our throne, to be exact."

 

The mare did as her Princess commanded. In one of the chariots near the back, she saw a silhouette of a pony shining with a bright and sickeningly royal light. Star Ballad gritted her teeth. "What's your plan, then?"

 

Nightmare Moon smiled a particularly vicious and ugly smile. "Why, We thought you'd understand. We can't run; We'll fight."

 

"It will be as you wish, Your Majesty. Forgive me for doubting you; I didn't believe we could win," said Star Ballad blankly.

 

"Oh, but that is quite true – We won't win. That makes those light-addled fools think We'll surrender. They won't be prepared for a counterattack. And if We are lucky –" Nightmare Moon bared her fangs and looked into her aide's eyes "– Celestia herself will not forget this night soon."

 

Star Ballad didn't look away. She stood firm as the alicorn's piercing gaze bore deep into her soul, looking for signs of weakness or regret. She showed none.

 

Eventually, Nightmare Moon broke eye contact, visibly satisfied with what she saw. "May your blades be as sharp as your resolve, Star Ballad. Of all Our servants, you alone deserve the honor of fighting by Our side to the bitter end."

 

Star Ballad bowed her head low in thanks. She looked around the room for anything that could help their desperate defense. Her eyes stopped on the crate of explosives. An idea blossomed in her head. "Your Majesty, perhaps I could… You can…" she trailed off. What she was about to suggest was not something her Princess would want to hear. It was cowardly, entirely unbecoming of anypony gathered beneath the moonlit banner.

 

"What is it? Speak." Nightmare Moon raised a brow.

 

Unbecoming and cowardly, but also necessary. Star Ballad steeled herself and said, "I cannot allow your story to end here. You can escape. Hide behind that column, please. I'll draw the attention of the solars long enough to buy you the time you need to get away. The tyrant won't expect you to do that, either. By the time she notices that something is wrong, you'll be too far for her to find you."

 

Nightmare Moon grimaced, and the darkness in the room swirled, momentarily becoming that much more dreadful and encompassing. If somepony were to step inside, they'd be assaulted by hateful shadows capable of breaking a mind in seconds. But her anger wasn't directed at the batpony, who safely stood in the middle of the dark vortex. The mocking smile on Nightmare Moon's face quickly turned into a pained, venomous expression of hatred. "First she took what was rightfully Ours, and now she takes the only pony We can depend on. Celestia, you will pay for this, We promise," she hissed and stomped on the floor. Floorboards cracked under her hoof.

 

She summoned her tiara and plucked the large, dark gem from its core. She levitated it to the other mare. "As for you, Our brave little pony, I want you to have this."

 

Star Ballad shook her head. "Your Majesty, I must refuse! It's a part of what makes you who you are."

 

"You will take it." The distant simmering fury in Nightmare Moon's eyes was as black as the sky outside. "Our kingdom will be forever incomplete without your advice, just as Our tiara will never be what it was without that gem. You are the greatest among Our servants, and – if We met at a different time – you could've become even more than that. Goodnight, Star Ballad."

 

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Her ears perked up at the ruffling of the papers she scattered earlier. The pawns were in place now, too. She wondered if any of them joined the guard to protect their own princess after the war began. She knew she did, but she couldn't remember much from her life before meeting the Princess of the Night. Did she have a job? A family? Her cutie mark depicting a shooting star was hardly specific.

 

It didn't matter to her anymore. Princess Luna's presence as Nightmare Moon may have been overwhelming, slowly assimilating all of those who stayed close to her, but seeing Luna behind the Nightmare's mask made it all worth it. Even if she could go back to the day she pledged her fealty, she wouldn't do anything different. She knew the risks. Her life belonged to Luna now, and if she had to pay for her sovereign's safety, she would do it without regret. She threw the torch at the disguised crate in the corner just as the sunlit alicorn entered the room.

 

Star knew better than to look at the explosion, but she saw every dreadful detail reflected in Celestia's eyes. The room was coated in flame in a fraction of a second. The less disciplined solars began to scream. The force of the explosion hit everypony in the room – including the sun tyrant – with crushing force. In Celestia's eyes she could see her own body slam against the ceiling. Outside, the guards were desperately trying to restore some semblance of order. She barely heard them, her senses dulling with every second. Just before she lost consciousness, she saw a dark seam in reality escape through the door. She smiled.

 

When she opened her eyes next, everything was burning. Her legs and wings hurt too much to move, and if that wasn't enough, a heavy wooden beam pinned her to the floor. The flames crept closer, and the air was uncomfortably hot. The same beam that protected her from the worst of the explosion would now seal her fate. Unable to do anything else, she snorted at the irony of it all.

 

Then suddenly, something in the fire moved. An alicorn with a blazing coat and a mane of flame quickly made her way through the room and stopped before Star Ballad. Her horn began glowing—burning and the air crackled under the pressure of a charged destructive spell. Star Ballad felt very small. She closed her eyes again and bit her tongue. Better this than the fire, she thought.

 

Celestia released the spell. A stream of raw energy hit the target, instantly turning it into ash. Star opened her eyes, confused. She was still alive. Moreover, the wooden beam was gone. A blanket of warm light enveloped the mare and gently levitated her off the ground. The alicorn's magic was soothing to the touch; it promised her that everything would be alright. Star Ballad was too weak to oppose it, so she let herself be carried out of the burning library and into the temporary solar camp outside.

 

Celestia broke the silence first. "I don't believe we've met before. What's your name?" Her tone was calm and firm, but it lacked the prideful edge that the batpony expected to hear.

 

"Star… Star Ballad, the aide of Her Majesty," she said with some difficulty.

 

"Despite the circumstances, I'm pleased to make an acquaintance, Star Ballad. Ponies on this side of the border call me Princess Celestia, but I understand that your… ideological differences make the title uncomfortable. Simply call me Celestia, please."

 

"You can drop the act, 'Celestia'. I'm not telling you anything." Star Ballad wanted to spit but found that her throat was unbelievably parched. "If that's what you wanted, throw me into that fire and be done with it."

 

The Princess furrowed her brow and said, "Please, don't even say such things. Too many ponies suffered that terrible fate tonight. No, I won't ask you to betray Luna or her cause, however misguided it may be."

 

"Misguided?!" Star Ballad raised her voice. "I was responsible for that explosion, and I would do it again if that would help the Princess."

 

"I know," Celestia said solemnly. "I can see in your eyes that you believed it to be the right thing to do."

 

"Then why did you rescue me?" Star Ballad said in a confused, half-accusatory tone.

 

"As I said, too many ponies have paid for my mistakes."

 

Neither of them said anything else during the journey.

 

Princess Celestia carefully left Star Ballad on one of the beds in the field hospital. The batmare's dark armor and foreign insignia elicited many whispers, but the Princess paid them no mind. She addressed the head surgeon, "She's got second-degree burns, a moderately serious concussion, and possibly internal damage. Take good care of her, doctor. She's a strong mare; she'll recover quickly."

 

The doctor blinked several times. "But Princess, she's–"

 

"A wounded pony who needs medical help," Celestia interjected. "Isn't that what you're doing here?"

 

"Well, yes, but she…" he trailed off.

 

"She's the enemy!" blurted out one of the nurses. "I lost my brother to those wretched lunar monsters last month. I refuse to help heal one of their kind."

 

"I'm really sorry for your loss, but I don't see any monsters in this room, only ponies. Among them is a healer who refuses to heal one of my subjects and a fellow pony." The Princess's voice was firm as she looked at the faces of those who gathered when they heard the commotion. Most of them avoided her gaze, lowering their heads in shame. "Once again, I trust that I made myself clear."

 

One of the guards lying on a nearby bed wasn't convinced. "What if she tried to run away or attack the staff? It's a hospital, not a prison, Princess."

 

Celestia sighed. "I was hoping to discuss that detail in private, but I see we'll have to address it now." She turned her head to the batpony and said, "Star Ballad, do you swear to not escape, attack other ponies, or sabotage their efforts in any way until the war ends or I release you from this obligation?"

 

"Celestia, you saved my life. I won't betray my comrades, but I swear to act honorably."

 

The Princess nodded. "Then so it shall be."

 

"Seriously?" The soldier raised his voice. "You believe her? It's as the nurse said, she's the enemy!"

 

"Yes, I do believe her. I will vouch for her with my own honor if need be. If that's still not enough for you, Captain Shield, perhaps you should rethink your priorities," she scolded him. "Furthermore, never forget that there are no 'enemies' in this war. Only victims, on both sides."

 

Another soldier, this one with bandaged eyes and an ugly cut oozing liquid darkness across his snout, mockingly asked, "Even the Nightmare?"

 

Celestia's expression held firm, but her eyes betrayed an unimaginable well of sadness. "Especially her."

 

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Star Ballad smiled softly at her memories. It was far from the brightest part of her past, but she welcomed it all the same. Sometimes she wondered how her life would go if, more than five decades ago, she had ignored the call of the Princess and remained an astronomer. She wouldn't become entangled in that tragic conflict, and perhaps she would be able to go a week without waking up to the nightmares of fire and screaming.

 

– But then she would never meet Princess Luna. –

 

Either way, it was past midnight, and she wasn't planning to sleep tonight. Her study was filled with bookshelves. They held a copy of every nearly forgotten book she had reclaimed or otherwise restored during her long career as a royal archivist. She took some solace in having repaid a part of the debt she accrued on that fateful fiery night, even though she had to abandon the study of the stars to make time for her new responsibilities. Paths not taken were the least of her worries.

 

– One of the books was lying open on her desk next to the only lit candle in the room. Somepony had just written three lines of text on one of the margins. The wet ink glistened in the light. –

 

There were also debts she couldn't repay, no matter how badly she wanted to. Books can be replaced, ponies can't. After her dear Luna's ultimate defeat and banishment, some of the more fanatical soldiers refused to lay down arms and threatened to fight to the last bat. It was Star Ballad who managed to talk them into accepting Celestia's amnesty. She still wasn't sure whether they listened to her words or the deep purple gem she wore on her chest.

 

– To this day, the gemstone was her most prized possession. –

 

She walked onto the balcony. Much like her study, it lacked any superfluous decorations. It only hosted a simple couch and a telescope. She might not have been an astronomer per se anymore, but she spent most of her free time in the last half century working on a personal project. And now it was finally finished. She stretched out her wings. Those scars have completely healed decades ago.

 

– Not all scars did, however. Every clear night, the wound in her heart would reopen. –

 

After the war ended, she didn't talk with Celestia often. She wanted to resent her for what she did to the Princess – her Princess – but she couldn't bring herself to do that, not after she dared to look into Celestia's eyes. She would never fully acknowledge it before herself, but on that day she learned that there was another pony who missed Princess Luna as much as she did. Most of their rare conversations quickly drifted to that painful topic.

 

– How tempting it was to tear the page from the book and cast it into the candle's flame. No one could blame her for that. –

 

Fate has always played the cruelest of jokes. Now that she no longer had Princess Luna to follow, Star Ballad valued her honor above everything else. And yet, what she was about to do would directly conflict with the pledges of loyalty she had made in the past. It would be far easier to ignore the results of her work instead. But to the best of her knowledge, Luna only ever confided in two ponies, and they were the only ones who had a chance to see through Nightmare Moon's final plan. To everypony else, the slow astral drift would appear accidental up until the moment when it would be too late to prepare. Only the two mares who truly understood the Moon Princess and who loved her, each in her own way, would know better. Unfortunately for Star Ballad, Celestia wasn't a student of the stars.

 

– To whom did she swear fealty? Princess Luna or Nightmare Moon? She didn't want to remember the answer. –

 

She could no longer deny that she was growing old. Her movements were becoming slower, and her mind would often require a moment to recall her past adventures. She wouldn't be there for her Princess's return.

 

– But there was somepony who would be. –

 

It was treason. It was dishonorable. It went against everything she learned to value.

 

It was the only chance to make things right.

 

Star Ballad sighed. She had made her choice. "On the longest day of the thousandth year," she whispered, her eyes locked in quiet apology on the Moon and the Mare on its surface.

 

Back in her study, the ink has already dried up. She closed the book, attached a little note suggesting that it should be delivered directly to Celestia, and put the tome on top of the pile that somepony was supposed to take from her in the morning. Her story came to an end here, five decades later than she had anticipated. She would leave the city before long and live out the rest of her days in one of the provincial villages, far from anypony's attention. She could trust Celestia to not pursue her. Once again, her Princess's story would continue, and for Star Ballad, that meant everything.

 

She blew out the candle.